meeting robin
the justice league is happy that batman is socializing, but they're worried that he doesn't seem to notice when robin is switched out every few years
warnings and tags: miscommunication but it's funny, alien invasion, mentioned violence
“Batman,” Clark said slowly, “why do you have a second heartbeat?”
Instead of responding, Batman grunted.
“A second heartbeat?” Barry questioned, zipping over. “How would that even work?”
Another grunt from Batman.
“Batman?”
“I don’t.”
“But I can hear a second heartbeat coming from you.” Clark said, confused.
“It’s not mine.”
Barry choked. “Huh? Who is it then?”
“Robin’s.”
Clark frowned. “Who’s Robin?”
Batman grunted again, and Barry groaned.
“Come on, man!”
Then, Batman’s cape, which hid his entire body, shifted. Clark heard a small giggle. A child popped out, beaming.
“I’m Robin!” he exclaimed, clearly excited to be there. Barry was startled and jumped back a bit.
“What the f-” he stopped short when Batman glared at him. “Fudge?”
“Batman, what is…who is this?” Clark asked.
“This is Robin.” Batman said, like it explained anything.
“We got that. Why is he here?”
Robin bounced. “I’m gonna help!” he said, and Clark caught an accent he couldn’t quite place.
“Help?”
This got him a nod. “Yeah. B said I was ready to meet the Justice League!”
“Who’s B?”
Robin squinted at Barry’s question. Then pointed up at Batman. “B.”
“Batman, where’s Robin?” Diana asked, surprised the young vigilante wasn’t with Batman.
“He’s busy. Couldn’t come.” Batman said, and Diana got the sense that there was something that Batman wasn’t saying to her, but she decided to leave it be.
“I see. Is he alright?”
“Fine. Work.” Batman seemed to be giving short answers again, something he’d stopped doing after Robin had shown up.
“Well, tell him we all missed him, please.”
Batman grunted.
“Batman, what happened to Robin?” Barry questioned, staring at the small boy that had replaced the teen they’d watched grow up. This one seemed shy, half hidden behind Batman.
“Nothing.”
“Well something had to have happened, Robin was a lot taller last time we saw him.” Clark said, also watching the boy. “That’s not the same person.”
“No.” Batman said in an almost growl.
“Huh?” Barry said, confused.
“That’s not the Robin we know. That’s someone else.” Clark said.
“We’re ready to start.” Diana said from behind Batman and Robin, the latter of which startled by her.
Clark heard a quiet ‘woah’ from the boy and smiled. He must be a fan of Wonder Woman.
The Justice League and Robin shuffled into the meeting room, Robin sitting in a chair very close to Batman.
For the entire meeting, he sat quietly, mostly watching Diana with obvious wonder across his face.
Afterwards, Diana approached him, kneeling down to his level.
“Hello. My name is Diana.”
“H-hi.”
“How long have you been Robin?” she asked gently.
“Uh,” he looked up at Batman, who nodded encouragingly to the small boy. “A few months.”
“And are you enjoying it?”
Robin nodded. “Yeah. It’s fun and we get ta help people.'' This boy had an accent as well, though it was quite different from the first Robin’s.
“That’s wonderful.” Diana said. “We’re excited to work with you, Robin.” the kid beamed, looking like he was having the best day of his life.
“Batman, what the fuck?” Barry exclaimed, ignoring the various looks he got at the curse. “Why did Robin get smaller again?”
“Because I’m a different person.” Robin said.
“But he just replaced the first one like, two years ago!”
“Four, actually.”
“Batman? Could you explain, please?” Diana asked.
They got a grunt in response.
Clark sighed. “Batman, please, can you explain this?”
Robin scoffed. “Are you stupid?”
“Robin.” Batman’s tone had a warning in it.
“There’s nothing to explain.”
A grunt.
“Batman, Robin is a girl.” Hal said, confused and done with the entire thing.
“Is that a problem, fuckface?” The entire League took a step back, surprised by this Robin’s language.
“No, of course not. I’m just surprised, that’s all.” Hal said, trying to recover.
Robin huffed before turning back to Batman.
“Language, Robin.” was Batman’s response.
“Oh, come on, I coulda said a whole lot worse.” Her accent reminded Clark of the second Robin’s accent, though more pronounced.
“Tell that to Agent A.”
Robin gasped. “You wouldn’t!”
Batman grunted, though this sounded like one of his amused grunts.
“Fiiine.” She turned to Hal. “I'm sorry for calling you a fuckface.” that got a sigh from Batman.
She turned back to Batman. “Happy?”
Batman grunted again, and while Robin seemed content, Clark and the rest of the league had no idea what it meant.
“Oh my god, this one has a sword!” Hal screeched, running into the meeting room.
“Who does?” Diana asked, standing.
“Robin! Batman got a new one and he has a sword! He tried to stab me!”
“If I had tried to stab you, you would have been stabbed.” a small voice said from the doorway.
Everyone looked over to find Robin, scowling and glaring at all of them.
“He looks just like Batman.” Barry whispered, and Clark agreed. The boy in front of them had an uncanny similarity to Batman.
“Of course I look like him, I’m his son.” Robin snapped, and there were various gasps around the room.
“His son?” Barry’s pitch was high enough that Clark winced.
“Yes.”
“Robin.” Batman appeared behind Robin, frowning at the small boy and looking more annoyed then concerned. “Please don’t stab them. They are our allies, not our enemies.”
Robin looked annoyed, glaring at the Justice League. “Fine.”
“Go sit.” Batman said, nudging the boy towards a chair.
Clark looked up when the computer whirred to life.
“Recognized, Nightwing, B-0-1. Recognized, Red Robin, B-0-3. Recognized, Spoiler, B-0-4. Recognized, Robin, B-0-5.”
Clark stood and walked over to the zeta tube, staring at the four people that stepped out.
“Hey, Supes!”
“Who are you?” he asked, confused.
“We’re-” the one in black and blue started, but was interrupted by the one in red.
“We’re looking for Batman. It’s an emergency.” he stated, matter of fact. “Where is he?”
Clark hesitated. He didn’t know these people or how they got into the tower to begin with, but he wasn’t keen on taking them to Batman.
He didn’t have time to make a decision before the zeta tube started again.
“Recognized, Red Hood, B-0-2.”
He knew that Red Hood was a crime lord, how was the computer recognizing him?
“Where’s B?” Hood asked as soon as he was through.
“We’re still working on that.”
Hood groaned. “What part of ‘emergency’ did you not understand?”
The person dressed in purple scoffed. “We just got here and Superman is in the way. You wanna fight Superman?”
Hood looked over at Clark. “Hi.”
“Hi. What’s going on?”
“We need Batman. Got a bit of an emergency.”
Clark frowned and looked down at Robin. “Robin, what is going on? Who are these people?”
Robin scoffed. “Hood and Red Robin both informed you of what is going on, Superman. I didn’t know you were that dense.”
At least he knew the name of one of the new ones.
“Alright. Just, stay here, okay?”
“Fine.” Robin snapped, looking annoyed.
Clark went over to the chair he’d been in and hit the intercom. “Batman, you’re needed by the zeta tubes.”
A few minutes later, Batman appeared. When he saw the assortment of vigilantes, he sighed loudly.
“What happened?” he asked, sounding tired.
“We are being attacked by aliens.” the one in purple said.
Clark frowned and Batman shook his head.
“So you came up here to tell me instead of using the coms? Why?”
“Well, the com lines are down.” Hood said. “So yes, we came up here.”
“B, we really need to go take care of the aliens. Can we go?” the one in black and blue asked.
“Yes. Go, I’ll be down in a minute.” Batman said, still just sounding mildly inconvenienced instead of like someone who was just informed of an alien invasion.
As soon as they were all gone, Clark rounded on Batman. “What the hell? Who are they?”
Batman grunted. “Notify the rest of the League, then get down there.” he walked away, and left through the zeta tube.
Clark sighed and did as Batman had asked.
“Will you explain this now?” Clark asked, waving at the group of vigilantes that all said they worked with Batman, despite the League only knowing about Robin.
Batman just grunted and Clark was about to lose it, but then Batman said, “Robin.”
Clark stopped. “Huh?”
“Nightwing was the first Robin, Hood the second, Red Robin the third, and Spoiler the fourth. Orphan was never Robin, but she was Batgirl. Signal is new and has only ever been Signal.
“What the fuck?” Barry exclaimed. “I thought they all died!”
Hood raised his hand. “I did die.”
Batman sighed at that.
“Did he really?” Clark asked.
“Yes. But he’s fine now.”
“Am I?”
Batman groaned.
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Have you seen the tiktok going around that's a guy talking to his kids like "The more you sass me, the more I'm gonna flirt with your mother!" That but it's Bruce threatening to leave his comms on deliberately when he's around Selina if the baby bats don't start behaving themselves on patrol.
Bruce: The more you sass me, the more I'm gonna flirt with your parents.
Dick: Jokes on you, I'm an orphan.
Bruce: Alright then.
Bruce: *flirts with Commissioner Gordon*
Bruce: *flirts with Barry*
Bruce: *goes to space*
Bruce: *flirts with Luand'r*
Dick: STOP THOSE ARE MY IN-LAWS!
———————
Cass: *blinks*
Bruce: That's it. I've had it with your attitude.
Bruce: *goes out with Lady Shiva*
———————
Bruce: *walks in with a bouquet of flowers*
Luke: Uh... what's all this for?
Bruce: Remember the other week when you called my prototype strobe light batarang stupid?
Luke: ...Because it is?
Bruce: Well, guess what?
Bruce: *gives the flowers to Lucius*
———————
Jason: And what if I don't? What are you gonna do, let me die again?
Bruce: No.
Bruce: *opens Grindr*
Jason: You wouldn't.
Bruce: Oh yes I would.
Bruce: *slides into Ollie's DMs*
———————
Tim: It's a good thing I never introduced you to Bernard's family.
Bruce: I could always look them up in the phone book.
Tim: What year are you living in?
Bruce: I'm just kidding. I'll be back in an hour. Hold down the fort for me, m'kay buddy?
Tim: Yeah, sure.
[an hour later]
Bruce: *walks in holding hands with Lex Luthor and Max Mercury*
Tim: What the...?
Bruce: I still know your best friends' parents.
Lex: This is what you handcuffed me for?
Bruce: Shush, I'm making a point.
———————
Bruce: We go in on my signal.
Steph: This is my dad we're talking about. I'm not gonna sit around and risk him getting away.
Steph: *swings onto the scene*
Bruce: *follows her*
Steph: Stop right there, Cluemaster—BATMAN WHAT THE FUCK?!?
Bruce: *sweeps Arthur off his feet*
———————
Bruce: *lecturing Damian*
Damian: Tt.
Bruce: One second.
Bruce: *pulls out his phone*
Bruce: Hey Talia, I was wondering if you had dinner plans tonight?....Yes, Damian is misbehaving again.....7:30? Perfect!
———————
Duke: You've never met my friends' or girlfriend's parents and Jokerized people can't consent, so...
Bruce: *turns on the computer*
Bruce: *emails the immortal entity Gnomon*
Bruce: *gets a reply*
Bruce: Alfred, fetch my tux.
———————
The voice in Bruce's head: *says mean things*
Bruce: Oh yeah? Well how do you like THIS?
Bruce: *proposes to Selina*
———————
Holly: *flips him off*
Bruce: *proposes to Selina*
Selina: Again? That's the second time today.
———————
Julia: You're nothing a bloody angst-addled egotistical baby twat!
Bruce: *looks at her*
Bruce: *looks at Alfred*
Bruce: This isn't gonna work.
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Batfam + co headcanons
- Jason dyes his hair black, but can’t seem to dye back the white streak
- His eyes use to be more brown, but after his dip in the Lazarus pit, they are a dark green
- The Al Ghul’s are similar in that aspect - Ra’s and Talia both have naturally brown eyes and Damian’s blue, but they’re now a vibrant green, reflecting the amount of time they’ve spent in the pit
- Ra’s eyes are the most unsettling, they’re the exact color of the pit water
- Damian has an accent
- Dick does too, but it’s much harder to pinpoint because of how much he’s traveled
- Damian calls Bruce ‘Baba’, but only after he disappeared. Before that it was just ‘Father’
- Tim is supposed to wear glasses, but he tends to forget them and his contacts so his mask is built to compensate. However, he is forever squinting during board meetings at Wayne Enterprises
- Jason and Bruce have the same thinking face but nobody would willingly call it out
- Alfred could definitely kill any of the rogue gallery, but he doesn’t out of respect of Bruce’s values
- Initially, Bruce would get annoyed when Tim would bring YJ into the batcave/manor, but he’s slowly begun to expect it
- He did get tired of finding Bart in his good chair though, so now he has a special one beside it (everyone knows it’s for Bart, but Bruce would rather be caught dead than admit that)
- Duke gets along really well with Bart and Wally, and Bruce feels a headache forming every time they’re together
- Cass is Wally’s favorite out of Dick’s siblings. More often than not, he talks way too fast for her to catch more than a few words, but she’s such an attentive listener that he forgets
- Stephanie and Jason aren’t allowed to be in a room together without supervision because they kept getting into fistfights (she antagonizes him as a hobby)
- When Damian needs time to think, he goes down to the barn to sit with Batcow because nobody ever checks for him there. They always assume he’s off training
- Duke brings out Damian’s childish nature in the best ways, and they’re almost as close as Damian is with Dick
- They pester each other a lot, but then fall asleep watching movies together (true brothers fr)
- The entirety of the batfam refuses to watch superhero movies because they’re “inaccurate”
- Jason and Diana have a genuine bond, and it only grows stronger when he comes back, even if she does get disappointed with his actions. She’s like the mom he never had
- Clark always says he doesn’t have favorites out of the younger generation, but it’s secretly Tim. He appreciates all that he does for Kon (Dick is still his favorite Robin tho)
- Alfred doesn’t make certain recipes anymore because they were something he used to make with Jason, and it upsets him to make them without his assistant
- Tim cannot for the life of him match his clothes, like Adam Sandler type of style
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