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#batman headcanon
dceuheadcanons · 18 hours
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Eye colour headcanons for the main four Batboys but specifically in the format of that one meme
Pre Lazarus Pit shenanigans:
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Post Lazarus Pit:
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(They are in age order, oldest to youngest)
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morgangalaxy43 · 2 days
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I have this idea where all of Bruce’s adopted kids all have hyphenated last names with a Wayne at the end but they don’t really admit it to anyone
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strawberrylet · 1 year
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idea: batman and the robins never acknowledge that there have been different robins. like they all act that there's only been one and that they're the same person basically.
Justice League who's used to teen dick not kid jason: who is this child?
Batman: what do you mean, it's robin.
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Batman and Tim walking through the watchtower:
Justice League who remembers robin literally dying: ...*side eye*...
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Flash: batman… who is this?
Batman: robin. you’ve met before. several times.
Flash: no, i met a black haired boy. this is a blonde girl!
Batman: her name is robin
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Superman: it's time for you to explain. where are you getting all these children?
Batman: i have no idea what you're talking about.
Superman *pointing to damian*: who is this kid?!
Damian: i'm robin. i'm offended you would even ask that? don't you remember *proceeds to recite a story dick told him of his robin days*
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sleepy-cone · 10 months
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Bruce still does the tooth fairy thing for the kids.
The bats are constantly losing and having to replace their teeth. Because you don't get hit, kicked, and thrown on your face almost every other night and keep all your teeth.
So imagine early on when Duke first stays at the manor. He comes in saying how he was thrown into a car and lost a tooth on patrol.
They tell him to put it under his pillow for the tooth fairy. He laughs it off like , "OkaY, the tOotH fAirY."
The next morning at breakfast
Dick: "How much did you get?"
Duke: "Get what?"
Dick: "From the tooth fairy?"
Duke: "Oh, haha, right."
Steph: "?...Wait...Bruce?!"
Jason: "Why didn't he get anything??"
Bruce: "Don't ask me. The tooth fairy probably couldn't find it."
Duke: "You're not joking? You were serious about leaving my tooth?"
Tim: "Yeah, B always leaves money."
Bruce: "Untrue. The tooth fairy leaves money to children who lose a tooth. Not me."
Jason: "Yeah, whatever, anyway, make sure you let him or Alfred know when you lose a tooth and leave it out when you go to bed.
Bruce: "Alfred and I have no say in the tooth fairy's actions."
Tim: "We've caught him on camera, but he insists to deny."
Bruce: "Or perhaps you caught a clever disguse made to trick you?"
Dick: "... Just leave it out tonight, Duke."
Duke: "Okay, I guess I'll leave it out then?"
Bruce: "Somewhere the tooth fairy can find it easily, Is what I assume they would want."
Steph: "Smooth."
Damian *walking in*: "Father, thank you for the extra cash. This will go to the new treats I wanted to try for Batcow."
Bruce: "It wasn't me, thank the tooth fairy."
Damian: "... Yes, the tooth fairy. Thank you tooth fairy."
Bruce: "I think the tooth fairy appreciates that, Damian."
Everyone: *sigh*
(Cass is there the whole time casually eating because only Bruce knows that she sometimes will sneak in the rooms first to wait for him.)
Cass when Bruce finds her in the darkness of her sibling's rooms: "😃"
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therandomfandomme · 4 months
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Batman having a recording of a heartbeat softly play in his suit so that Superman thinks he has two hearts to throw him off his scent because he's paranoid, but then one day it breaks and Superman freaks out, because "Batman where did your other heartbeat go?!!?!" and Bruce panics and says: "I split into two," like he's some sort of cryptid and everyone goes ???, luckily he has Robin to introduce them to. It's not until much later when they all reveal their identities that they learn that it's not true and all the bats and birds that are running around were not parts that ripped free from Batman. Though not before the whole family has had a whole lot of fun creating nonsense rumors just to fuck with people.
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vodrae · 6 months
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Damian Wayne : *Watching national geographic. Global warming hurts animals.*
"Mhhh."
*Runs to Tim's room*
"Luthor said you won't find a clean and sustainable power source in your life."
*Slams doors. Leaves.*
Timothy Jackson Drake : "THAT BITCH." *Angry tools noises coming from the garage for 5 minutes* "Take that bald motherfucker !"
Stephanie : "It's been 5 years and I'm still not sure if i'm scared or impressed by you all."
Damian : "Penguins won't fall anymore."
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rad-batson · 6 months
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*Bruce and 9yo Dick playing chess*
Dick: Okay, I'm gonna take your pointy, sad-faced guy for my horsey guy.
Bruce: Stop, stop. *pointing to Bishop* What is this piece called?
Dick: I call him Dwight.
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nightwolf14292 · 4 days
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Bruce acts so emo all the time that I just can't help but enjoy the idea(/headcanon, I guess) of him secretly just being an old man dad- Like all of the villains go 'Omg it's Batman we're gonna get beat up' and Commissioner Gordon randomly thinks to himself while working late 'I bet Batman is doing super smart stuff like looking at case files or serving justice rn' but it turns out Bruce is just in the Batcave, very seriously talking to the Bat-Computer about the definition of slang like "Okay 'Puter, define 'Yeet' for me.."
Or he's up at 3AM scrolling through Tim's Tumblr blog looking for ways to connect with his child, but instead becomes mildly concerned when he sees Tim posted a pic five minutes ago of himself at Waffle House (He thought he was in his bedroom-?) with the caption 'Lmao just had a mental breakdown ✌'
Bruce: "So, Damian.. Have you 'rizzed up' any 'level ten gyatts' recently?"
Damian: "Father wtf"
Of course all of the Bat-Kids know this, and try to subtly introduce him to different memes because he always looks so proud of himself when he properly uses slang, he's like 'Heck yeah my kids are gonna think I'm cool'
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thief-of-eggs · 1 year
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Headcannon that when Alfred finally caves and allows the Wayne family to get a roomba, the bat brothers just go nuts over it:
Damian names it, and gets disgruntled when people simply refer to it as “the roomba”. Like, no, that is Cerberus? Get it right please
Tim tampers with it on more then one occasion. Hooks up some motion activated speaker/microphone mechanism complete with a voice modulator so that he can speak to whoever it passes. Steph is convinced for a whole WEEK that the roomba is sentient
Jason puts a few knives sticking out from it at some point. The whole family can hear Bruce’s screams when it enters his study.
And Dick just turns the damn thing off every time he sees it. He thinks it’s the worst purchase of all their collective lives
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violent138 · 2 months
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The Batcave is the one place Bruce can truly unwind and drop the whole 'unbreakable' act he has going to assess his injuries, patch up the Batmobile, repair his suit, test out prototypes, and fail. That's why he's so annoyed when the kids bring strangers into it.
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angelltheninth · 7 months
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Hi I have a request. I like the idea of big, strong men being totally weak because the 🐱 is so good, so can we please have some writings of Bruce and Clark whining and moaning cuz their s/o is riding them expertly to the point that they can’t even remember their own name if they tried
Bruce was a bit more of a challenge for this one but I always like a challenge.
Pairing: Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent x Fem!Reader
Tags: nsfw, smut, cock riding, edging, overstimulation, whimpering, restrains, orgasm delay
A/N: Subby Clark is easy to write, subby Bruce not so much.
BRUCE
He will only whimper if you make sure he has no other way of taking control over the situation. The man has to be restrained to the bed, handcuffs around his wrists and be edged for hours on end, the tip of his cock so fucking wet with cum you can barely even see it among the white beads if it.
Eventually you will let him come but he needs to beg for it, set his stupid pride aside for once and admit when he's been beaten, when he's at someone else's mercy. Bruce's cock twitches with need whenever you pull out and on that latest one you hear it, a whimper from his lips, a sign that he's admitted defeat and is allowed to come.
CLARK
Will whimper very easily for such a big, tough man. Literally the strongest person on the planet and he can't win against the way you use your pussy on his cock. Might as well be his new Kryptonite at this point because he's on his knees as soon as he knows he can eat you out.
He is a very loud man when it comes to expressing his pleasure, you had to get soundproof walls because of it. He always whimpers when you edge him, even at the mention of the act his cock is already hard and ready to go. Thanks to his stamina he can last for a very long time but his cum shots always end up being a lot to take.
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I think it is extremely funny how New Jersey, the state Gotham is located in, is the only state where it's illegal to pump your own gas.
Apparently it's "Because of the fire hazards directly associated with dispensing fuel[...]"
Any Gothamite would be shaking their head at this.
They are used to attacks on Gotham by rogues on a daily basis. Just living in that city puts them at risk for dying in a gruesome way. Fear toxin, Joker Gas, getting frozen in ice, you name it.
But they aren't trusted to pump their own gas?
And the poor gas station attendants.
I bet they judge the supervillains based on how they treat service workers.
You stand at the gas station and Red Hood rolls up?
Yeah, they know him. He's nice. Yeah, they know how he opperates, so what? He bitched with Freya about her ex when they'd just broken up. He gave Alex a good tip when he'd mentioned how he had to work on his birthday.
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morgangalaxy43 · 17 hours
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Bruce: Are you sure that you guys handle yourself on this mission while I’m gone?
Dick: We’ll be totally fine, right guys?
Jason: Yeah we can handle it
Stephanie, Duke, Cassandra and Damian all nod in agreement
Bruce leaves with hesitation: Okay, Dick and Barbara in charge
Later
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Bruce then ground them all for a week and then tell them that they are not allowed to go on missions alone ever again
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multifanritz · 1 year
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the batkids getting kidnapped must be such a hassle for bruce cuz he has to play 20 questions just to figure out which kid it is.
"The short one? So not Dick or Jay. Damian is home right now, so not him. That leaves 4. Black hair? Not Stephanie, okay. Looks bored? Honestly, that doesn't narrow things down at all. A girl? Oh, okay it's Cassandra. Alright, tell her to not take too long, dinner is in 30 minutes."
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nerdpoe · 6 months
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Headcanon that Damian can make absolute Masterpiece works of art in terms of cake art. Tim...Tim fucking cannot. But Tim is the better baker.
It drives Damian up a fucking wall.
Damian makes a cute little cake that looks like a hedgehog?
Tim makes an...eldritch monstrosity with spikes and jagged approximations of fangs.
But Tim's always tastes better.
Damian cannot for the life of him figure out how the fuck he's doing it! He follows the recipe, he does everything right!
Tim, meanwhile, isn't too keen on all that icing art shit; but he understands chemistry well enough to know how to make a kickass cake with a few alterations from the original recipe.
Damian...Damian doesn't necessarily need to know that he's altering the recipes they use.
It's funny watching him get pissed off.
inspired by this.
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spectr3inl0ve · 2 months
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bruce wayne and his controversially young gf but jason jokingly calls bruce 'cradle robber' and unknowingly makes him upset!!! bruce and reader uncomfortably laugh it off while babs scolds jason!! like poor brucie genuinely is enamoured by reader but is filled w sm guilt over the age gap and jason isn't helping :((
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