#alfred pennyworth
yuriinadress · 2 days ago
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yeyq · 2 days ago
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incorrectbatfam · a day ago
Okay, but what about pranks the rest of the Bat Fam would play on Lex Luthor? Because you know that Bruce did something to him out of sptie.
Kate: convinced the workers to gender-swap clothes
Alfred: got his butler a new job
Selina: changed his bank account password
Bruce: bought LexCorp
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mas-que-loucura-menina · a day ago
They kept starbite as the artist for wfa season 2
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greenapplebling · 2 days ago
Jason: *makes a face* Shit, that's too spicy...
Jason, turning to Alfred: Can I have more?
Bruce: I thought you said it was too spicy
Jason: *shrugs* Yeah, but it was good
Tim: You don't get it, B. He likes the pain
Roy, who was reluctantly invited to dinner: *chokes on his drink*
Bruce, turning to Tim: Why. Why did you have to say that
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commxnderwolffe · 22 hours ago
Incorrect Batfam Quotes #2
Dick: you gotta stop with this jaywalking
Jason: miss me with that gay shit
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dracaelus · 2 days ago
Alfred always calling him "Master Bruce" so that when he uses just the first name Bruce knows things are about to get serious // Bruce always calling him "Alfred" to get catch him off guard when he uses "Father"
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transgender-bruce-wayne · 2 days ago
Alfred has had the most insane career path I think about it weekly. Like imagine you're the son of a butler to some established American family, and everyone just expects you'll grow up to take his place, but you're like, "Fuck that! Give my whole life away? For some boring household service? No, dad, that's YOUR dream!" and you move back to England and join the military and become a secret service agent and go on spy missions like 007, and then you get sick of being a literal superspy and decide you want to be an actor instead so easy as that your undercover experience gets you onto the stages of West fucking End just that easy huh. And then you're called back to America, because your dad is dying, and you're like, "Ok, I'll come. I'll grieve. I'll help out. I'll take care of him. And then I'm going back to my life," except then you meet Thomas' son, and he's this lonely little bookworm who looks like what might come out if you took two of your dearest friends and stuck them in a blender, and he's immediately attaches himself to you and won't stop asking you questions. And THEN your friends/employers die after you didn't drive them home from the movies, and they leave this traumatized little boy behind with no one but him, and you're like, "I'm never leaving you again. You hear me? I'm never leaving you alone again." And you realize, shit, you've become your father. You've totally become everything you said you wouldn't. You've given up your life of freedom and excitement for one dedicated wholly to the service of someone else in boring household work. Except it's Bruce. And you're Alfred. And because he's him, and you're you, and you RAISED him, he grows up to be the goddamn Batman. And that's your career path. Very different from the expected job description.
alfred has every single right to lecture bruce when hes being stupid because alfred has lived both as citizen and as a man with a more "daring" career path, which means he knows what it's like to be on both sides of the experience that bruce puts himself through as batman. but at the same time alfred was fucking edgy ass hell going into the secret service so he also has no right at all to lecture bruce
oh, to be a british ex-secret service agent, ex-actor, current-butler working for a mentally ill rich boy in new jersey that fights criminals with a bat-aesthetic.
do you think alfred ever realized how unique his career path was, or do you think he just considered it normal compared to bruce's nightly endeavors?
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90sbatman · a day ago
alfred accidentally letting bruce rent bambi from blockbuster 🤝 bruce accidentally letting dick watch the lion king on a streaming service
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br-uwu-cewayne · 5 hours ago
"I just don't understand your version of the Martha x Thomas x Alfred love triangle"
Well first of all it's not a triangle situation it's a "yes we have this HUGE manor but strangely enough there's only one bed available for all three of us huh go figure" situation so jot that down and second of all so basically the vibes are like [@bruciemilf 's Shady Vigilante Power Couple Waynes post] + "ex-wetwork agent who's always been deeply devoted to (and is now official hired security of) his long-time friend and initially unsure and suspicious of the new girlfriend" Alfred, but SPECIFICALLY like
the Thomas + Alfred vibe is perfectly drift compatible 306k slowburn WIP Knight And Day (Cameron Diaz's character and Tom Cruise's Character respectively)
and the Martha + Thomas vibe is perfectly drift compatible 25k completed work Mr. And Mrs. Smith (respectively)
but the Alfred + Martha vibe is oops we crashed the jaeger but accidentally won the battle because of that anyway deeply antagonistic begruding-allies-to-besties instant bonding over Thomas being in danger and having to rescue him but hating how each other operates until finally realizing there's benefits to each other's style and learning from each other with newfound respect 10k speedrun Hitman's Bodyguard (Ryan Reynold's very professional but deeply sarcastic character and Samuel L Jackson's balls-to-the-wall shitstarter character respectively)
I have not seen the Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard yet, but given the intense Power OT3 vibes of the first movie i DO highly expect it to actually be the perfect interpretation of how all three of them interact.
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Attack on the Batcave by Ardian Syaf
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batlightning · a day ago
Dyslexic Batfam be like
Stephanie: Is used spelt "U E S D" or "E U S B"?
Cass *Deep in thought*: The first one, looks right.
Stephanie*Typing up her case report*: True true
Damian: Joker's goon has the nail-gun. I mean the frail-gun. The-The-The gun of what the train rides on-Rails! The rail-gun.
Alfred *Looks over Jason's shoulder and eyes the book he's reading*: Ohh, I did not know you're interested in Greek mythology, young Master.
Jason: It's so cool! Zeus is kinds a douchebag, Posidiiiion a deadbag father, Hepititous is super ugly, and Aphroditiiota is a literal beauty queen.
Tim *Looking at his map*: We need to go left at the next junction.
Tim *Stops walking and looks at the two paths*: Uhhhh
Dick *Makes L shapes with he's hands*: I forgot how L looks
Bruce *Mentally uses his dominant hand, overcorrects and points right*: Left is that way.
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rivalriotrenegade · a day ago
Werewolf Demon Jason Todd x Reader pt 1
Jason was angry. The night had been rough and he had lost himself once again. Controlling this new form was hard. Incredibly so. He had been so blinded by rage that he hadn’t even noticed himself slipping. It wasn’t until the red haze of blood lust had lifted that he even realized what he had become. 
“Shit!” He thought. 
His mate was going to be so disappointed in him. God, he hated this new power. There was a time when Jason would have done anything to gain this kind of strength. A power so raw and uncontrollable. There was a time when he wouldn’t have wanted to learn how to control it. A time when he would have embraced it and let it consume him from the inside out. But now he had them. 
His sweet little mate. The love of his life. The reason he wanted to be human. This new ability only seemed to make that goal seem even more unobtainable. How was he supposed to be good enough for them when he couldn’t even keep the monster inside of him at bay? Jason had been so caught up in his self-deprecating thoughts that he hadn’t even noticed his feet carrying him home. 
As Jason walked inside through the door made specially for him, he could hear the tv he left on already talking about the vicious attack near Gales Brook avenue. Didn’t those guys have anything better to do than rubbing his fucking mistakes in his face? Fuck. Bruce was going to be so pissed. He was definitely going to get an ear full from him. Hell he’d probably have to listen to one of his long winded lectures… Again. The thought of Bruce made his blood begin to boil and once again that red haze started to creep in.
“Deep breaths Jason. Deep breaths.” He reminded himself. 
Unfortunately that didn’t last long as his wing caught on the edge of the table sending the vase full of flowers his mate had gotten him crashing to the ground. Just like that the urge to sink his fangs into something came back full force. He reared up only for his horns to scrape against the top of the ceiling. He hated this form! He felt so clumsy in it. But as if that wasn’t bad enough the monotone voice of the news reporter just seemed to sink into his ears and rattle around in his skull. He needed them to shut up. Why wouldn’t they just shut up!? 
Before he knew it the tv was flying across the room. The couch was next, the fabric torn to shreds. He barely heard the door open over the sounds of his own carnage. 
“Jason, is that you?” A soft angelic voice called out to him. Jason froze, his body tensed up even more. What were they doing here? They weren’t supposed to be here! He didn’t want them to see him like this. Not to mention he wasn’t in the right state of mind. He needed them to leave. 
“Jason, what’s wrong?” They asked, walking closer to him, hand stretched up towards his muzzle. In a panic he snarled and snapped at them, his giant bat-like wings flaring up in defense. They drew back in shock. The momentary ‘fear’ in their eyes only caused him to spiral deeper. No. No! He didn’t mean it! Don’t look at him like that! Jason staggered back, nearly tripping as his wings flapped in distress. “Woah, woah! Jason calm down.” His mate pleaded. 
Jason's chest heaves up and down. He feels like a cornered animal. Before he even knows what he’s doing he lunges, teeth snapping around their neck, but his fangs don’t even come close to drawing blood. He just holds them there unsure of what to do next. Carefully they bring their hands up, gently running them through his fur. “Your alright love.” They whisper. “Everything’s okay. You’re going to be alright.” Slowly Jason melts into their touch. His jaw unlatches from their neck and his body crumples to the floor. 
Jason feels like crying. What was he thinking? He could have hurt them! The only good thing in his life. How could they even stand to be in the same room as him let alone love him? But it’s almost as if they could read his mind, because before he can react they have his large furry head in their hands. “I’m okay Jay, see? You didn’t hurt me. You know I still love you.” 
Slowly Jason reaches out, before quickly drawing his hand back. “Jason, love. You're not going to hurt me.” With a bit of coaxing Jason gingerly moves them so they’re sat on his lap. His massive paws hold them close to his furry chest and his snout rests in the crook of their neck. He inhales deeply, trying to use their scent to help calm himself down. His large bat-like wings circle protectively around them. Gently he begins to lap at their neck, a wordless apology. They just sit there in silence for a while as his mate plays with his fur. Slowly they get up taking his large paw into their comically small hand. “Come on love, let’s go to bed.”
Carefully his mate leads him to the bedroom. Jason takes his time to curl up around them. His wing spread out like a blanket over their small form, wrapping around them and tucking them even closer to him. A soft purr rumbles in his chest as his mate whispers sweet words of comfort. As he drifted off to sleep he knew he still had a lot to learn about this new ability and it was going to be a lot of work to learn to control it. But he also knew that as long as he had them by his side he could overcome anything. 
Please interact with me. Leave a comment. Send in an ask. I really like hearing from you guys. It makes me happy :)  
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baambastic · 16 hours ago
I’ve never seen a more menacing image in my life
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theshowisdone · 2 days ago
fine FINE i'll say it so you dont have to.
alfred is hot.
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seigesolitaire · a day ago
batfam headcannons ft. cannon vibes #1?
alfred still buys all of bruce’s clothes
batman doesn’t know what size shoes he wears, despite the fact that his current shoe size has been the same for decades
dick grayson’s type is specifically ‘red heads with muscle’
stephanie brown would get a mullet, unironically (& it probably looks amazing)
dick would be supportive of steph’s mullet game (everyone is horrified)
various batfam members have tried to black mail dick into not going by ‘dick’ anymore
brucie has to pretend to be extremely freaky levels of terrified of bats (animal) and bats (the batfam) when someone has gotten to close to his secret identity by going on the craziest drunken rant gotham has ever seen
damian wayne gave bruce the silent treatment over this (while dying of second hand dad embarrassment)
duke thomas uses his powers to create a disco ball/party light effect on his room whenever he’s gaming out to playlists and has a hood amount of time that makes it worth doing
several batkids want there own disco balls now, well, until alfred bribed this away with cookies
speaking of, alfred checks to make sure he has sufficient amounts of cookie ingredients for the occasional batkid bribe and/or cheer up weekly
tim drake, bruce and damian aren’t allowed in the kitchen because they are perfectionists to a terrifying scale in the kitchen
tim drake probs found out about how unhygienic phones, tablets, laptops, etc. can become after loosing his spleen and cleans his constantly (screen wipes in the pockets of everything)
the other batfam members never clean there’s
they all have very cracked screens as well (except for cassandra cain, no one knows how she’s achieved this)
all of the batfam wear some kind of makeup, they all go through insane amounts of concealer, power and eyeliner
the entire batfam are constantly making typos while texting
okay, that’s it, hope u like these. should i come up with more? lemme know!
+ a link to another of my headcannons!
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huggywuggyscumslut · 7 hours ago
Yassafied Red hood
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