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#dick grayson
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Batfamily Powerpoint Night!
(mandatory team building)
Links to the full slideshows, updated as I post them!
Part 1: Bruce’s Full Slideshow:
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Part 2: Dick’s Full Slideshow:
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Tim:
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Jason (they forced him to be there so he’s making it everyone’s problem):
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Cass:
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Stephanie:
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Damian:
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Duke:
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Barbara:
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Alfred (unexpected addition, mostly about Tim):
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arunneronthird · 2 days
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ur blatant favoritism is showing dude
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incorrectbatfam · 2 days
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Now batfam as LEGAL life hacks
Dick: Regardless of your gender or sexuality, set your dating profile preferences to everyone. The more likes you get, the higher up the algorithm you'll be boosted
Jason: You can hit anyone as hard as you want if you glue a dead wasp to your hand
Tim: Don't like doing dishes? Grab some clean ones, run them under water, put them on the drying rack, and tell your family to do "the rest"
Damian: Start a raccoon removal business by releasing raccoons around someone's property before offering your services
Duke: If you want to see a movie in theaters without financially supporting it, get a ticket to a different movie showing at the same time
Cullen: Buy the cheapest ticket to a concert and once you're in, check Ticketmaster to see which seats haven't sold and move to the best one
Stephanie: No one will notice if you stop by a hotel in the morning for their free continental breakfast
Cassandra: Before snooping through someone's belongings, take a picture so you can put everything back the way it was
Barbara: Have a common name? There are probably people on LinkedIn who have a better CV than you. Their references are now yours
Harper: Selling a car? Take pictures of it in a nice neighborhood to make it seem classy and well-maintained
Carrie: If you miss an online sale by a few hours, use a VPN to switch to a timezone where it's still going on
Kate: End an unwanted phone call by turning on airplane mode—the other person will see it as the call dropped rather than you hanging up
Alfred: If someone's unexpectedly at the door and you're not sure if you need a weapon, a freshly boiled kettle is both the most threatening and inviting thing you can have in your hand
Selina: If you see someone shoplifting: no the fuck you didn't
Bruce: The number of living grandparents you have resets to 4 every time you get a new job
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elentarimirai · 3 days
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I only want a Robin in Battinson verse so Bruce can get a "you're not my dad" remark from Robin. So he can finally understand firsthand what Alfred went through with him lmao.
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oifaaa · 1 day
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Personally wouldn't mind Dick being rich I just think the whole he inherited it all from Alfred is stupid when the most logical reason for how Dick suddenly came into a lot of wealth should be that he started an onlyfans
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sreppub · 2 days
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dickie’s hair journey
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harmleikurdraws · 20 hours
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: 3
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batposts · 2 days
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Something I wanna see included more in fanon is Robin!Tim just grabbing his bag and going to Dick’s apartment in Bludhaven whenever Bruce is being annoying. Blud is the perfect distance where Tim can still make the commute to school with only a minor annoyance, but is away from Gotham and all its toxicity (Bruce).
Bruce is sulking because he was left at the altar again and is being snappy and dismissive? Guess Robin’s patrolling with Nightwing for the next few days.
Bruce was the slightest bit rude to him? Tim's off to Bludhaven for the weekend.
Bruce pulled some sort of sick trick/test like he does in canon? Tim's sure Dick would love to hear about this, and it's not like anyone that will do anything about it will notice.
He's just using ANY excuse to go visit his big brother, and he knows Dick won't turn him away if he says Bruce is being an ass. Dick knows Tim has to be lying to him at least some of the time, but he likes seeing his little brother too much to complain.
Is it canon? Not as far as I know, but c’mon. They're brothers. Tim adores him, Dick loves the kid. It's canon in my heart.
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kasonkodd · 2 days
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bruce literally gets the happiest when all his kids are home
he loves it when the kids take time outta their busy busy schedules to come over for dinner or family game nights. he gets so excited when ALL his kids can come over.
when one of them cancels he gets SO SAD. like?? all my kids??? not here??? WOE IS ME!!!
Dick’ll be like, “Hey Bruce, got called in tonight so I wont make it. next week though! ill be there for sure!” and bruce is all NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOO MY ELDEST!!! BETRAYED ME!!! THIS IS HORRIBLE and the rest of the kids are at the table like O_o.
jason canceled to have a night in with roy and bruce sulked so hard the rest of the kids thought he was gonna turn into a puddle.
TIM EVEN CANCELED ONCE he wanted to have dinner with Kon. his friends mama always makes such yummy dinners and one night they were having fried chicken, he didnt wanna miss out so he told Bruce he was skipping dinner and would be back for monopoly. bruce was so depressed. he didnt speak the entire dinner
damian got a cold once and couldnt attend family night. bruce was so upset but also mad worried about his tiniest bird. he turns into such a hover parent when any of his kids are sick but this was bad. he almost had everyone eat in damians bedroom. alfred had to literally stop him.
selina will always try to assure him that there is always next time and he makes a scene about WHAT IF THERE IS NO NEXT TIME and selina sighs, pats his shoulder then leaves to go drink wine in the next room over.
but ooooh the nights when he has his babies all under the same roof. his heart is so happy. he loves listening to their banter, their bickers, their genuine conversations. the room always feels so full and so bright. he finds so much happiness when his birdies are home safe right in front of him.
ya my bruce wayne is a sweetheart who loves his kids. what of it.
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nerdpoe · 2 days
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Of Kindness and Empathy 4
First, Second, Third, AO3
Bruce was, unexpectedly, having a great time.
The doctors had informed him that Tim would recover just fine, that by miracle of all miracles it was only a scattering of first and second degree burns and a mild concussion. He could leave him with Damian and Dick, then, and go seek out Daniel.
Daniel, unknowingly, had actually made his day a bit better.
The teen hero he had come to talk to had managed to get himself and his friends trapped in an elevator with glass walls. 
Once he had realized what had been happening, he’d gone up to the fifth floor via stairs for the sole sake of sipping on a mimosa and watching the theatrics. Sue him, his kids hadn’t messed up this bad in a very long time and it was a sort of cathartic schadenfreude to see.
Daniel Fenton, who was kneeling next to the intercom and frantically gesturing with his hands, had not noticed him.
Tucker Foley, the kid on the ground surrounded by chicken bones and pieces of meat, was hiding under a torn skirt.
Samantha Manson, who had torn off the portion of her dress below the knees and given it to Tucker Foley, had noticed him, was slowly signing at him some of the most vitriolic insults he had ever seen. 
When he’d signed back, she had taken that as permission to speed up her signing to a more fluent level. The insults hadn’t stopped for fifteen minutes, and she never repeated herself.
Which was, honestly, pretty impressive.
He both wanted her to meet Cass and dreaded it.
Watching teens being teens helped ease some of the weight from Bruce’s shoulders. Daniel did not appear to be in a dire situation, no matter his personal feelings on being trapped in an elevator he could not phase through, and he looked healthy.
Jason and Duke had joked that he would be adopting another one, but so far it did not look like he needed to pull Daniel away from any sort of situation.
The technician crews were on their way already.
All Bruce had to do was enjoy the show.
~~~~~
Tim felt like his brain was melting through his ears, for more reasons than the concussion.
“So you trusted an unknown with my secret identity?” He hissed, clutching the blanket in a white knuckled grip.
“Well according to Bruce, he trusted us with his first,” Dick defended quietly, keeping an eye on the door in case any nurses walked in.
Damian didn’t even bother with a response. He had told Dick that if he said it, Tim would react like this, whatever that meant, and then went back to researching something on the tablet Bruce had left behind.
Tim had been fine with being rescued by an unknown meta. Really, he had. He had also been planning on setting up good relations with said meta for future rescue operations, since apparently said meta could teleport. And had density shifting which he could project on others. And invisibility. And super strength, and flight, and super speed. 
In all honesty a treasure like this meta was a fantastic find, and Tim had been very eager to include the new guy on any rescue missions they would need him on.
That had been before his dear siblings had told him that they did not, in fact, receive him from the meta and transport him themselves.
The meta, Phantom, had been the one to take him directly to the hospital after they had changed him into civilian attire in front of him.
Which.
First off a stranger knew who he really was.
Second, a stranger now knew who he really was.
“Again Tim, we also know who he is,” Dick tried to reassure him again, “In fact Bruce just left to go meet with him and get more information on the anti-”
“Richard.”
Dick froze and quietly placed a hand over his own mouth.
Tim narrowed his eyes.
“The anti…what?”
“No,” Damian said shortly, not looking up from his tablet, “you are to rest, not gain a new obsession.”
Tim turned his attention to the easier target.
Dick very deliberately was not looking at him.
“Dick.”
The hand shifted, but did not remove itself from its owner’s mouth.
“...Please?”
The hand twitched and it appeared that deliberately avoiding Tim’s gaze was getting harder.
Good.
“From one brother to another?”
Damian sighed and stood up, walking out of the room. Presumably to report that Dick had lost the battle of wills and was about to tell Tim something that would lead to a new ‘obsession’.
Which it would not.
Tim was mature. 
Tim would not fall into a rabbit hole because it was mildly interesting.
“There’s a government body dedicated to the genocide of Interdimensional beings and legal laws that got passed mandating the report of these beings to government entities so that they can be captured and tortured,” Dick finally spilled through his hand in one breath.
Tim froze.
“I’m sorry, there’s a what?”
Tim needed his computer.
~~~~~
Constantine had not been expecting a call from Gotham.
He really, really had not been expecting a call from one of Batman’s hoard.
“Run that by me again, mate,” he said as calmly as he could, the hand holding the cigarette shaking violently, “Because I could have sworn you just said the American government was trying to start an interdimensional war with the Infinite Realms.”
Red Robin repeated himself.
The wording had not changed at all.
“Okay. Okay. That’s fine. It’s great, it’s fine, this is fine. Great.” 
The cigarette was on the ground now and the shaking hand that had been holding it was rubbing at his face.
“And the powers of the ‘meta’ that saved you?”
With every power listed, John felt another piece of his soul fucking die.
That was a Spirit. A ghost. A right proper one from the Realm of the Dead, or the Infinite Realms. 
No offense to Deadman, but there was a very big fat fucking difference between a Spirit of the Infinite Realms and a ghost who had never been allowed to set foot in said realms.
“Okay. Is the uh…’meta’ open to talking?”
Red Robin gave him an affirmative, and even went so far as to state that the Spirit was currently talking with Batman.
John perked up,
That was…actually pretty good news! He almost never got that type of news anymore!
“Have Batman ask if the King of the Infinite Realms is open for talks, and get Aquaman and Wonder Woman ready for diplomacy if the answer is yes. Here’s hoping he isn’t as much of a rampaging psychotic Warlord as the books make him out to be.”
The line went silent.
“Ah, mate? You there?”
“What?!”
Red Robin’s scandalized shriek could be heard clear across the room. John checked to make sure the phone hadn’t accidentally been placed on speaker.
It hadn’t.
“Yeah mate, the Infinite Realms are where these ‘Ecto-beings’ come from,”John explained as patiently as he could. Which was not at all. “They have a hierarchy based on strength, and a whole royal court too. Some gods as well, now that I think about it. Demons won’t even touch the place, all that constant fighting means constantly shifting territories, so they wouldn’t be able to settle down and build a nice, big lair. Spirits just take the lair with them, so they don’t really give two fucks.”
Oh no, he’s made the little Robin hyperventilate.
“Yeah so if we could set up political talks to avoid a war with a race that is built for it, that would be great.”
He was going to find the scientists that Red Robin was talking about and strangle them with his own hands.
~~~~~
Bruce’s phone went off.
As his hand was reaching for his pocket to grab it, it went off again.
And again.
And again.
Good feelings gone, he held up a hand to pause Samantha’s insult tirade and looked at his messages.
Tim: 
Bruce we need to ask Daniel if 
we can talk to the King of the 
Infinite Realms
Tim: 
Bruce this is really important
Tim: 
Daniel’s entire race is built for war 
they are very dangerous without 
even being threatened
Tim: 
I think that’s why the government 
wants them but Constantine says that 
we’re probably about to start an 
interdimensional war
Tim: 
I’ve already contacted Aquaman 
and Wonder Woman for 
diplomatic talks they're on standby
Bruce took a deep breath in through his nose. Held it. Let it out slowly.
Then he looked up at the technicians prying the doors apart on the elevator.
Their apparent only hope to avoid war was ‘helping’ the technicians and desperately trying to make it look like he wasn’t much help at all. Daniel was single handedly pulling apart the doors of the elevator, and acting like the technicians were doing all the work.
A great moral boost for them, to be sure.
Samantha’s parents were waiting on the other side, and looked like they were out for blood.
Bruce hadn’t wanted to get involved, had resigned himself to just going to Daniel and Tucker’s hotel room as Batman and handing the phone back.
But this was beyond urgent if true.
They had been antagonizing a very dangerous race for one to two years, and to correct this mistake time was of the essence.
His eyes met Samantha’s, who had actually paused in her insults at his request, and she glared back at him imperiously.
With unnaturally purple eyes that reflected the fluorescent lights of the elevator back at him.
For a very small moment, a fraction of a second, it felt like he was being stared down by a predator.
Then it was gone.
The elevator doors had been forced open, and she had deigned him not worth her attention.
Bruce:
It isn’t just Daniel. I’ll see 
what I can do.
He put on his best Brucie smile and hurried to the elevator, just in time to catch the Manson’s hissing at their daughter about befriending ‘disappointments’ and how they were a ‘bad influence’.
Their daughter who was probably a citizen of these Infinite Realms.
Their daughter who was probably already a terrifying person to fight, and was friends with a confirmed, actual denizen of said Realms.
‘Daniel’s entire race is built for war’ Tim had said.
“Hello there,” he introduced himself, successfully distracting them from scolding their daughter, “Bruce Wayne, but my friends call me Brucie. I’m afraid I’m at fault for making them rush down to meet me, I know how it is, but I wanted to talk with Mr. Fenton here about his parents' inventions!”
Bruce very much did not know how it was, and was barely aware of whatever bullshit was coming out of his mouth, but he really needed to stop these kids from being carted away by a pair of very angry, very human parents.
Whatever he had said had been the wrong thing to say, if Tucker’s head snapping towards him with an unnatural speed and snapping vertebrate said anything.
Too late to go back, though.
“Oh, Mr. Wayne, Why I-”
“Please, Call me Brucie! How about instead of just talking to Mr. Fenton, I also take his two friends here with us down to the 24/7 breakfast bar and get their two cents?”
Samantha’s parents stuttered, clearly not expecting The Bruce Wayne to want to talk to their daughter. A bit rude, but he would use it if he could.
“Of course Brucie!” Mr. Manson interrupted his wife, shoving a hand into Bruce’s face, “Let’s talk business while the little tykes run off to get ready! In clothing more befitting a man of your stature, of course!”
And with one sentence Mr. Manson had just dismissed all of the teens present as children without any real opinion.
Bruce was starting to understand Samantha a bit more. Constant dismissal like this from an authority figure would have driven anyone to anger.
Luckily, he wasn’t stuck in an unfruitful conversation with the man for long; the kids had finished changing relatively quickly and rushed back. Hushed tones came from them as they argued quietly among themselves.
Bruce caught a few phrases; “-can’t trust him-” and “-against us too-”, only to be quieted by Daniel’s soft murmur of “-not everyone is bad, let’s give him a chance, it-”
And a tension Bruce hadn’t realized was being held in his shoulders loosened.
At least Daniel, if no other entity, was willing to talk. Things hadn’t been irrevocably damaged between their races.
There was hope.
“Well thank you so much for this talk, Mr. Manson, but it looks like it’s time for me to take these kids down to-”
“Of course, of course! In fact, we should be thanking you!” Mr. Manson interrupted him, laughing heartily as he patted his daughter’s shoulder. She had apparently been forced into a very unappealing pink dress, and looked like she was going to rip off her father’s hand.
Literally.
Bruce couldn’t even remember what he’d said as he herded the kids away from the man who hadn’t even asked where a veritable stranger was taking his daughter, which he would be looking into later, and down to the gift shop, not the restaurant.
Daniel looked around, confused. Tucker and Samantha just glared at Bruce with full on distrust.
“You don’t need suits or evening gowns for the breakfast bar,” Bruce quietly explained, dropping the Brucie persona, “There’s clothes over there and dressing rooms over there. My treat.”
Finally, Samantha eased up on the distrust, giving a quick nod of approval before grabbing Tucker and Daniel’s hands and dragging them with her to the clothes.
He sat down and started continuing research on Phantom, Amity, and the Anti-Ecto Acts,  anticipating a half hour wait. Bruce was pleasantly surprised when Tucker tapped on his shoulder fifteen minutes later, dressed in something that looked much more comfortable.
“We’re rung up at the counter, Mr. Wayne,” he explained, not as hostile as before but still a bit distant.
Bruce glanced at Samantha and Daniel as he stood up and went to pay. They were both dressed in clothes that far better fit their personalities, what little he knew of them.
Good.
It was key to make sure all parties were comfortable and ready to talk if he wanted the talks to go well. Having them in clothes they hated in a place where it was going to be blindingly clear they did not have to dress like that would only make things harder.
The merch they chose also would say what heroes they valued, another small glimpse into their personalities.
More useful information to store away.
Foley was more drawn towards Signal merch, Manson to Poison Ivy, and Fenton to Nightwing.
He could work with this.
No.
He would make this work.
Earth would not fall into war with another dimension because of one country’s mistakes.
~~~~~
Danny was so, so happy to be wearing a hoodie again. It wasn’t his NASA hoodie, but it was close enough.
Nightwing understood his need for puns.
Mr. Wayne, on the other hand, looked like he was about to vibrate out of his skin with nerves.
At a distance he probably looked fine, but Danny had already seen him in…a very bad mental place, and could sort of tell if the man was stressed now that he had seen him at his worst.
Sam and Tucker stuck close by him, finally willing to give Mr. Wayne a chance after the man had gotten them some normal clothes, making the seating at the table very off balance. Three teens on one side, one Multi-Billionaire on the other.
After the server had left with their orders, the man had leaned on the table, ready to begin.
“My deepest apologies for what those laws have done to you and yours,” Mr. Wayne started, eyes serious and unwavering, “Rest assured we are taking steps to get those laws abolished. This will not happen again.”
Sam eased up a little, nodding.
Danny let out a nervous chuckle and rubbed at the back of his neck, not wanting to make it a big deal but understanding that it undeniably was.
“We would also like to ensure that the King of Infinite Realms is willing to overlook this slight,” the man continued, his knuckles going white with tension as the man very clearly focused on only grabbing his other hand and none of the breakable tableware, “Do you know how we can get in contact with him, and if so would you be willing to introduce us?”
Danny froze, unsure of how to proceed.
The King was currently asleep, and unable to wake up or he absolutely would start a fight. Not for any real reason, of course. Just because it was Pariah Dark, and if there was a chance to fight he’d take it.
Maybe Clockwork?
Nah, he wanted to speak with the King, not a maybe-god.
Tucker, bless him, stepped up to the plate.
“So Mr. Wayne, sir, I’m really sorry but we can’t do that and you don’t want us to try.”
“Yeah, Pariah Dark doesn’t give two shits about laws like that, he just wants to conquer anything that moves,” Sam added in.
Danny could see that Mr. Wayne was not taking that news well.
“What they mean is that Pariah Dark is currently asleep,” he butted in before Mr. Wayne could get the wrong idea, “And he has been for a very long time. To see him and talk to him would mean waking him up, but there’s a reason we had him locked in an eternal slumber. Guy’s a real jerk, ya know?”
Some of the tension eased from Mr. Wayne's shoulders. Danny counted that as a win.
The small interrupted that the food being delivered provided enough time for the man to pull himself together.
Sam and Tucker still hadn’t been told who Mr. Wayne was, and probably just assumed he was a concerned citizen.
Danny was not going to out the man. He was not.
Then Danny’s phone slid across the table to him.
“I put my number in there as well as Tim’s,” Mr. Wayne started, nodding towards it, “He may want to speak with you. If you have any trouble or need any assistance, don’t hesitate to ask.”
Danny nodded, pocketing the phone and awkwardly deciding if it was an appropriate time to dig in.
Tucker answered it for him by shoving a forkfull of egg into Danny’s mouth.
Tucker then ran interference by asking a million questions about Wayne Industries, and when he ran out of questions Sam took over a grilled the man on how someone so seemingly incompetent managed to run a company that large.
Danny gave a small smile and shrugged in apology, but was forced back to eating by his friends.
He could have sworn he saw Mr. Wayne smile back. Just a little.
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nelkcats · 2 days
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I was thinking in a situation with Dick finding out about the "Red Hood - Danny - Jason" thing and he is a big brother, he is going to mock Jason about that for sure, like
While being Nightwing he will ask Red Hood about Jason when Danny is near, and watch him disapprovingly every time he makes a move with Danny
Jason finds it strange that he ask him about himself in third person, and when he discovers Dick's game he will strangle him but it will be too late.
Danny now considers Nightwing his ally in "returning Red Hood to his senses before hurting Jay feelings"
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the-swift-tricker · 20 hours
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breaking down the members of the batfam:
bruce wayne (emotionally repressed autistic dad/tired but loving/"i'd die for you. ask me to die for you.")
alfred pennyworth (beloved grandfather and backbone of the house/"cool you were in the circus too alfie?" "a different type of circus master richard"/the most flexible on the whole no killing rule thing)
dick grayson (embarrassing "stay silly" older brother/eldest child/self-titled "bruce's little angel")
barbara gordon (adopted bruce more than he adopted her/this family would not survive without her it support/only one who knows how to work the router)
jason todd (the try hard wanna be cool accidentally cool but not in the way he meant brother)
tim drake (gifted child syndrome overachiever middle-child-and-mentally-ill-about-it bisexual nerd)
damian wayne (asshole baby man with a heart of absolute gold and a closet full of swords/tiny and feral/why does he have so many swords??)
stephanie brown (the goldilocks of the family/showed up one day and refused to leave/heartbreaker/know-nothing know-it-all, "get your feet of the furniture, stephanie")
cassandra cain (the darling daughter/autistic queen/"cuddled nicely" and "bit my ass" rolled into one/don't look directly at her too long or you'll fall in love)
duke thomas ("finally someone normal around here"/"oh no he's just as bad"/the day shift/probably does way too many light related puns)
selina kyle ("hot milfs in your area"/bruce's lover on the down low that literally everyone knows about/enamored by his autistic swagger/not married to bruce but would take the kids in the event of divorce)
kate kane (fucking rad lesbian wine aunt/kicker of ass, spoiler of nephews and nieces)
harper row ("alfred where did this punk child come from?"/"SHE'S GOTTA GUN"/best music taste out of any of them/once turned a lawn mower into a drag car/it was awesome)
lucius fox (other grandpa/ twead wearing dad/"bruce you need to pay your taxes"/"bruce getting shot point blank in the back is not advisable"/"bruce the hague tends to frown on child soldiers")
lucas fox (conceivably he should be smarter than getting mixed up in all this/still got mixed up in all this/"don't you think batwings a little too...on the nose?" "says the guy that calls himself batman")
helena bertinelli (cranky cousin that is beloved by a few and feared by all/"why doesn't her boyfriend have a face?"/"SHE'S GOTTA CROSSBOW!")
harley quinn (bisexual vodka aunt that's really just bruce's friend from college/has invited herself over for every hanukkah ever since finding out bruce is jewish too)
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elizabethemerald · 2 days
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Summoning the Cat: Part 2
Danny and Selina reunite in the Batcave, despite Bruce’s wishes to the contrary. A very anxious Jazz accompanies him.  
Despite Jason and Dick insisting that Danny was safe in the Batplane with them, Selina still couldn’t force herself to relax. She paced the cave for a few more hours while they flew back across the country to Gotham. When Alfred came down into the cave to prep the medical bay she joined him, more for something to do with her hands than because she actually knew all that much about medicine. To her endless annoyance Bruce followed her around as if she was suddenly going to go off and start killing people. No wonder Jason couldn’t stand to be near the Big Bad Bat anymore. 
Tim and Damian had both come back down to the cave at some point to check in before they left for Wayne Industries and school respectively. Cass and Steph were again sleeping together on the couch in the bat cave. Except rather than cutely cuddled together, Stephanie was fully sprawled across the couch, face down and drooling into the fabric. Cassandra was sleeping on top of her girlfriend like one of Selina’s cats. It really was too bad Bruce found her first, she would have made an excellent cat burglar under Selina’s tutelage. 
The distant roar of a jet engine once again startled the two girls awake. Steph tried to flail Cass off who just ended up perched on the back of the couch, again looking uncannily like a cat while Steph ended up in an undignified puddle on the ground. The Batplane slowly taxied into the cave before it came to rest, the metal groaning and popping as it settled.
Selina waited impatiently for the ramp to descend, eager for her first glimpse of her son again. Finally she could see him, tiredly leaning on the red headed girl who must be his adopted sister. They had a shared blanket wrapped around both of their shoulders and would have stumbled down the ramp had Jason, still in his Red Hood helmet not steadied them. 
She took a step to run forward to embrace her son, but hesitated. She didn’t give a shit about Bruce’s overabundance of caution. What held her back was the look of fear on the girl’s face. She was pale and had deep dark circles under her eyes, and her hair was starting to grow wild and frizzy as if she hadn’t been taking proper care of it and had been running her fingers through for the past several hours. More than anything she looked like she was on the edge of a panic attack. She kept glancing around, her eyes tracking Bruce and the girls. Stopping on Selina before quickly glancing away. Trying to find the exit of the cave and cataloging weapons and threats. 
Instead of dashing forward like she wanted, she took a simple step forward, drawing both of the kids’ eyes to her. She gave them both a wide smile, and opened up her arms and posture a little. She did everything she could to make herself see like she wasn’t a threat, that the children were welcome. 
“Hello again Danny.” Selina gave her son a warm look before turning to the girl. “And you must be his sister. My name is Selina Kyle. I believe I’m Danny’s birth mother.” 
Danny gave her a tired smile in return, obviously despite sleeping on the plane he still had a lot of sleep he needed to catch up on. He pulled away from his sister’s lingering hand and after a moment of hesitation stepped into Selina’s welcoming embrace. He held her gently at first, like he wasn’t certain he should or that he was afraid she would disappear, then he gave her a proper squeeze, and she tried to hug him back with just as much strength. He leaned back from her to look at her face, seemingly examining her just as she had done to him, trying to find the similarities between the two of them. 
“H-hi, Mrs. Kyle. I feel- I can feel you. That we have a connection. I can feel that we’re family.” He seemed to be puzzling out what he was thinking as he was speaking, and Selina realized it was all probably just as new for him as it was for her. Then he seemed to shake himself and gestured back toward his sister. “This is my sister, Jazz! She’s the one who's taken care of me up to this point.” 
Selina turned to Jazz and gave her the same warm smile she had given her son. She opened her arms to allow the girl to choose whether she wanted a hug or not. Even more hesitantly than before, Jazz stepped into the hug. Selina could feel the girl flinch in her arms, so she kept her hug gentle, and allowed her to pull back when she seemed to have enough, though Selina kept her arms on the girl’s shoulders. 
“Thank you so much for taking care of my son for so long. Thank you for keeping him safe until I could find him again.” Selina said softly, her words only for Jazz. Despite her soft tone the girl still flinched slightly, but managed to plaster on a pleasant looking smile. 
“Of course Mrs. Kyle. I’m just glad that Danny is happy and safe. That’s all that’s important to me.” 
“Please you two, both of you can call me Selina. And either way I’m not married.” She turned to shoot a coy look at Bruce, but instead sneered when she saw his stern, disapproving look. Honestly, what was he expecting to accomplish with a look like that? It wasn’t like he constantly disapproved of her every action or anything. The looks lost their impact long ago. 
“Catwoman.” Bruce growled, taking her look as permission to approach. He was still wearing his silly little cowl. “Perhaps, to confirm your parentage, we can perform a blood test to see if you and the boy match?” 
Selina was about to make another dismissive comment about his paranoia, when both of the kids reacted. Danny flinched back violently while Jazz stepped fully in front of her brother. Both of them looked like they were on the edge of fleeing for their lives. Certainly Batman growling and stalking closer were scary, but their reactions were far more than she had expected. She mentally played the conversation back and she realized what the problem was. The blood test. Plasmius had said Danny’s parents had experimented on him. She would not allow Bruce to make the children’s first experience in Gotham to be him throwing their trauma back in their face. She immediately steps in between Jazz and Bruce, facing the Bat. 
“Get out of the way Catwoman.” Bruce growled, reaching beneath his cape for some piece of equipment from his belt. “You’re behaving irrationally. They are controlling you.” 
She could hear the kids behind her breathing faster and faster. They were moments away from either a panic attack or sprinting out of the cave. She didn’t want to try and find two ghostly kids in Gotham if they did run, especially not with the Bat also searching for them. Bruce takes another step into her space, his arm is moving to bring up whatever bat themed weapon he’s about to use against her to try and subdue her and her children and she reacts on instinct. 
The first slap across his face, while surprising, didn't do much more than sting. The following knee to the ribs she gave him was enough to force him back a step. Before she could follow up another fist came from the sidelines and knocked Bruce straight to the ground. Red Hood stood over the bat glaring down at him. 
“Stay down old man.” Hood’s heavily modulated voice echoed around the cave. “You’re scaring the kids.” 
Selina stepped back to comfort the two kids who still looked like they were a moment away from pulling a disappearing act. Jazz was still protectively standing in front of Danny who looked like he had started dissociating. Steph and Cass were both glaring at Bruce and Dick had pulled his escrima. Jason’s chest was rising and falling quickly as he tried to control his anger before he tried to kill Bruce. And the man himself looked up from the floor at all of them. 
“Don’t ever threaten my kids again.” Selina snarled at Bruce and began to usher the children away. 
“I’ll drive you and the kids to your penthouse, Selina.” Jason said, finally overcoming his anger enough to speak, though his posture was still tense as he led them out of the cave. 
It felt like only a few seconds had passed before Selina was unlocking the front door of her penthouse condominium to let the kids in. Jason left them at the front door saying he needed to blow off some steam, by which he probably meant blow something up. Jazz alternated between trying to protectively shelter her brother and anxiously worrying her hands. Danny had finally come back to himself a little and was looking around the rooms with an awed look on his face. 
Selina was only half way into her tour when there was a knock at her front door. Jazz again tensed, but Selina knew that if the Bat wanted to come for her he wouldn’t come by the front door. And sure enough at the door was Cass, Steph and Dick, all now in the civies. Cass had Selina’s catsuit and the icy armor Danny had made for her in her hands. Steph had a couple of bags of groceries containing what looked like an entire snack aisle and Dick had several sodas and a small cake. 
“We wanted to throw a small welcome party!” Steph said with a smile while her girlfriend leaned over her shoulder. Cass also had a small smile on her face as she looked curiously at the kids. 
“Sorry about Bruce. I’ve had my share of fights with him. Either he’ll come around eventually or Alfred will order him not to engage with any of you.” Dick explained as Selina welcomed them into her home. “And Steph is right! Welcome home Alan- I mean Danny!” 
Selina smiled at the mischievous trio. She was certain that Damian, Barbara and Timothy would be by later to welcome the new family members. And Jason once he was done blowing up warehouses belonging to Black Mask or Penguin. Even Jazz and Danny seemed to relax and look happier at the welcome wagon that had just rolled up. It was good to have her kids home. 
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incorrectbatfam · 2 days
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what about batfam as useless lifehacks?
Dick: Magnify your phone's screen by sticking it in a glass of water
Jason: You can sneak a candy bar in the magazine of a handgun
Tim: Stick an egg in your morning coffee for a hard-boiled breakfast on the go
Damian: If you need to hang a poster but don't have any thumbtacks, use a knife
Duke: In the event your phone's flashlight doesn't work, take a picture of the sun and use that in the dark
Cullen: Put earplugs in your nose to make it harder to breathe
Stephanie: Keep cake moist by eating it all in one sitting
Cassandra: Double your car's speed by switching from MPH to kilometers
Barbara: Garlic naturally protects against viruses, so stick a piece in your USB port and never worry about your computer again
Harper: Instead of installing a smoke alarm, hang a bag of popcorn from the ceiling. When you hear popping, grab your popcorn and get the hell out
Carrie: Release ants in your toaster to get rid of the crumbs at the bottom
Kate: If you wanna increase your chances of winning the lottery, buy more tickets
Alfred: Instead of heating up a single pot of water every time you make tea, meal prep by boiling a bunch at the beginning of the week and freezing them in easy grab-n-go bags
Selina: Fill your arms with kittens so people can't ask you for help
Bruce: Sign all of your blank checks now to save time in the future
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yesiknowimshort · 2 days
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look at my boy tim. he’s pissed as hell because nightwing and flash’s tiddies are blocking his panel.
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bruciemilf · 17 hours
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We've got de-aged Batfamily in various constellations, including Bruce temporarily becoming a child or his children becoming children and he just melts for them.
What I'd like to see more of is. Bruce becoming a baby. Or a toddler. A little one who at best do very little to take care of himself. It's always a huge thing already for his family when he comes a child, but at least he can eat on his own walk, etc. But a Baby?!
Imagine the shenanigans. The sadness. The joy. The hilarity.
Tiny Bruce is on the loose and he's going to give his children their first grey hairs and make Alfred's hair even whiter.
The first time Alfred holds baby Bruce is the first time the kids see them cry.
It's a reunion, more than anything, more than everything.
Baby Bruce isn't just a smaller, happier, careless and bare of burden version of adult Bruce. Baby Bruce is a memory with red cheeks and eyes blue enough to freeze winter.
It's not something you say out loud, thought; They can't physically, verbally, loudly explain how this trip to the past affects them, but especially their grandfather.
" He still has the crown birthmark on his shoulder," the one Jason angrily shot when he was a still a breathing ghost, more Red Hood than that little bandit Bruce plucked carefully from Crime Alley.
Mostly, they're too scared to say it, because this is temporary; Bruce won't stay a giggling lump of pink, squishy cheeks, and gummy smiles with no need for teeth yet.
He'll grow up and so will the scars, the nightmares, the regrets clinging onto him like a deathly plague, just like it has with all of them; but there's a soft breath of pride streaming through them when they remember a precious detail:
Bruce will grow up to cry, and break, and die, but most importantly, Bruce will grow up to survive, just like all of them.
Until then. Until then, Dick will read him Dumbo books and sarcastically jest how that's a much more appropriate activity for a toddler instead of throwing and dodging punches.
Baby Bruce has that unimpressed eyebrow quirk in youth still.
Tim will gently stroke his back as the clock marks the time for an ungodly hour, and pretend not to see tiny hands pushing his coffee mug away.
Jason can still read all the books Bruce won't and say there's no better time to educate the youth, and he won't admit that he laughed when Bruce interrupted him with a babble at every word.
" This is why we don't hang out anymore."
" Buubah. Bah bah bah. Meow."
" Said it better than I ever could, father dearest."
Bruce holds him and Jason allows it, and Bruce's baby mind probably can't tell relieved tears from sad tears. But a tiny, kind hand on his heart tells Jason maybe he's the one who doesn't understand.
Alfred will comment on an old baby blanket Bruce had, a white thread falling over fluffy baby blue in a spider web design, and Damian will bring it silently from his room, safely tucked under his pillow.
A sunset blush falls over his features, " Silence is your only option."
Zatanna offers to turn Bruce back in the same day. They ask for one more week. " We all deserve the break."
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