my therapist: Batman with comically large thighs wearing goggles cant hurt you, he's not real
Batman with comically large thighs wearing goggles:
Duke Thomas’s introduction to the batfam, except he’s totally chill with every crazy aspect of the family and doesn’t even blink when someone jumps out of a third story window.
He only freaks out when one of the kids hands him an exhaustive list of Bruce’s exes.
Jason to Bruce: Yeah, well Mom would have killed the Joker for me!
Bruce: Jaylad, I can't-
Bruce: Who is 'Mom'.
Jason: Talia, duh.
Dick: Yeah, Bruce, duh.
Damian: I was not made aware of this development.
Tim: You think she'd still kill him if she's asked nicely, Jay?
*Later that day*
Duke: The Joker was killed in his Arkham cell, apparently. No evidence left of the killer, but it wasn't a quick death.
Dick, looking Tim dead in the eyes: Oh wow, I wonder how that happened?
Tim: A mystery, truly.
Duke: Not that I'm complaining, right, I'm as happy about his death as the rest of you. But would Bruce be okay with this?
Jason, from across the Manor: WHICH ONE OF YOU EVIL FUCKS TOLD TALIA THAT I WANTED TO COME BACK TO NANDA PARBAT OVER THE SUMMER???
Damian, pouring his cereal: Maybe you should VISIT MOTHER MORE OFTEN, YOU HEATHEN.
Dick: We care very little about what Bruce is okay with here.
Duke: I'm starting to get that, yeah.
Bruce's relationship with his male Rogues vs his female Rogues is. So interesting to me.
Because you have his Rogues like the Joker, who he has actual conflicts with—Bane, Scarecrow, Penguin, Two-Face, Black Mask. All the men have honest beef with him. Death traps, elaborate evil schemes, bombs (oh my God the BOMBS), murder attempts.
But the women? They're friends with him. All his female Rogues see him as an awkward annoyance at worst (Ivy), and boyfriend material at best (Selina). Harley's square in the middle as "weird little brother." They toe the line of chaotic and lean so dangerously close to vigilante so often that Bruce just. Lets them be. Gives perfunctory attempts to catch them, but most times it ends with them just talking.
I'm 95% sure they know he's Bruce Wayne but don't say anything out of courtesy.
Batman strikes fear in the hearts of men and only men, and I think that's honestly iconic of him
GOD YESSSSSS LIKE - It'd be redundant to add something to this; Like painting over Mona Lisa but I'll do my best because this is actually one of my favourite topics.
I feel like I could word this a lot better, but I just feel like men dehumanise eachother to a concerning amount. Not Bruce, - if anything, he's on some saint shit by trying to rehabilitate these guys. But it's more of a " I can fix him" dynamic that you just won't see with the sirens
It's like - I don't have evidence of this, it's more of a " call it like I see it" headcanon, but Bruce? Most definetly was bullied by guys before.
I can't really go into details, but Bruce has " guy who could hang with the girls and girls only in high school" energy.
It's kinda telling that he has a relatively positive relationship with women and inspires a sense of safety with them that I've seen no other male hero achieve, but he ALWAYS has beef with men. Truly an awkward women's ally icon
More so? I can honestly see Bruce and the sirens as that non-toxic middle aged friend group that went through hell and back together and their paths always merge into eachother
Like? Give me Bruce trying to stop them from a heist. He's tired and Selina can see it, eyes sharp, designed to see detail. " Wait. Have you been crying?"
Harley drops her hammer with a gasp. " Oh my God, have you?"
Bruce's arms drop limp at his side and he takes a very deep breath. " I fought with Harvey last night and he brought up my parents. "
" He didn't."
" Are you kidding me? Oh, he's SUCH an asshole," Pamela somehow always has a wine bottle ready and Selina's in charge to bring the glasses, because at least one of them will need to rant about male rogues. " Tell us everything, hon."
" It's just, - GOD, is it too much to ask? One thing, - one goddam thing I ask of him in two decades, don't bring up my dead parents when I punch you in the face! But no. "
" Let's key his car."
" I'm going to his parent's grave to steal their jewlery and I'll wear them next time we fight. "
" Oh my God, could you imagine what face he'd make?"
" Which one?"
The Bats are a family of detectives, hence why they do not tell each other anything. They just full expect each other to find out or somehow know, which they do. The problem is, not everyone is a Bat and that leads to funny misunderstandings and totally preventable shenanigans like Red Hood being arrested by the JL.
RH: Hey, not cool. You totally just blew my undercover operative.
JL: Excuse me??
NW: Yo, what gives man? He worked on that for three months. Also, why is my baby brother locked up?
RR, hacking the Watchtower: Ay yo, RH, what are you doing in space? Agent A is upset you missed book club.
JL: What is happening?
B: Hey, Robin wants to spar with y’all . Wait, is that Red Hood? Why have you locked up my son?
R: Tt, Hood, why haven’t you escaped yet? Those handcuffs shouldn’t be capable of restraining for more than thirty seconds.
RH: Honestly, I just wanted some answers and space is pretty cool
JL: ????? SON???? Red Hood, the crime lord, who is somehow Nightwing’s baby brother is your son???
B: Yes....? Did you not know? Also, he’s not a crime lord anymore. He just controls the Narrows. It’s not the same thing.
RH: Ya, I’m a reformed crime lord. Everyone knows that.
RR: Uhuh, that’s common knowledge. Everyone knows the birds are Batman’s kids.