in the honor of my marvel obsession creeping back to me + my family being in disneyland and exploring avengers campus, have some ✨avengers incorrect quotes✨ as things my friends and family have said
a shit ton of these were conversations between @cissyenthusiast010155 and i lmao
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peter: indulge in my child-like whimsy. buy me a web slinger
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steve: is that an igloo over there??
peter: …it’s a hippie house?
tony: did you hear about the hippie states wife?
steve: why on earth is there a hippie house in the cars theme park?!
tony: babe. did you hear about the hippie states wi-
peter: what’s the hippie state?
tony: the hippie states wife is mississippi!
steve: what on earth are you talking abou-
tony: like,,, mrs. hippie?? mississippi?
steve: …
peter: …
tony: …
tony: i thought it was funny
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tony: “i can do this all day”? that’s what she said
steve: SHHHHHH!!!
natasha: ooh, you’ve finally been shushed
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loki: a kid ran in front of me and my reaction was “broken child!”
steve: wHAT?!
loki: i didn’t say it out loud!!!
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scott: please sir, you don’t understand, if i don’t get my 20 dollar sunglasses back, my children will die
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peggy: i support neil patrick harris being gay
natasha: peg, you’re a lesbian
peggy: yes, but i am an ally to his gayness
natasha: you are gay
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peter: they should let me stay up late. because. if they don’t it would be…
ned: transphobic?
peter: YES
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bucky: i smelled grass! and now i want some!
steve: you want to eat grass?!
bucky: absolutely
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peter: and they were LAB PARTNERS
harley: oh my gawd they were lab partners
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tony: i want shawarma
steve: i want to go to sleep
tony: it’s only 4 pm
steve: and?
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steve: oh, this boba pearl is stuck in the ice…
bucky: just like captain america!
tony: aaaah, good one
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mj: “what kind of girl do you want” a red one
peter: …
peter: are we talking about cars????
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thor: i don’t understand the scientific physics
bruce: the what
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peter: please bring back the cheese man
tony: that could really mean any of us
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*at their first meet up in a while*
natasha: yknow, i’m just now being reminded of the fact that i hate half the people here
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bucky: i hate will ferrell
sam: how can anyone hate will ferrell?!
bucky: well, i liked him in barbie
sam: and he was funny in the lego movie!
bucky: true, he was awesome in that
sam: oh, he was also megamind!
bucky: yes! i loved him with that
sam: you don’t actually hate will ferrell, do you?
bucky: …
sam: you just hate elf
bucky: …i just hate elf
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steve: “rogers: the musical” can only be described as feeling like bad fanfiction
tony: isn’t it amazing
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*playing heads up, prompt “avengers: civil war”*
peter: when! when the divorce!
scott: ant man’s first fight!
natasha: when everyone decided they didn’t like each other anymore!
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harley: oh, c3p0 and r2d2 are a gay couple!
peter: duh??? did you just realize that???
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Bruce: I’ve finally done it. I think this may be one of my best inventions yet.
Clark: Awesome! It’s a..a..umm is that a lollipop?
Bruce: It’s not just a lollipop; it’s THE lollipop, Clark. This is the lollipop that never ends, no many how many times you lick it. It’s a regenerating lollipop, the ultimate snack for superhumans with bottomless pits for stomachs.
Clark: Wow!
Bruce: Hands off! That’s not for you. I made them especially for Jon and Kon.
Clark: What? No! What about me?
Bruce: Okay, this S-shaped, apple-flavored one is for you.
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(at a party at Tony and Steve's)
Peter:...Uh, I'm seeing someone.
Tony: Oh?
Wade: Oh?
Bruce(who's known about Peter and Wade for a while and couldn't tell Tony): Ohh...
Tony: So, who's the mystery person?
Peter: Well, uh, he's a superhero.
Tony: A real superhero?
Peter (sarcastic): No, a Time Square superhero....He's handsome, and he's sweet, and know you'd like him...if you just got to know him [he puts his arm around Wade]
Tony(who's been busy fixing a drink): Well that's wonderful. . . I -
(Tony stops when he sees Peter and Wade with their arms around each other)
Peter:...Dad, it's OK.
Wade: It is, Tony...I mean, Mr. Stark....I mean, Iron Man.
Tony: STEVE! Could you come in here for a moment?...NOW!
Steve(enters holding a baseball bat he'd been looking for): - Found it!
Bruce: - I'LL TAKE THAT, STEVE! [grabs the bat and leaves quickly]
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As Red Hood violently gets his hands out of Supergirl's grip without showing any efforts, Kara airy oxygeny hydrogeny beathy breathing breathes deeply profound deep.
- What ? The former Robin growls to her.
Kara's cheeks become scarellety bloody reddy red as she looks gently lovely fondly at the man before.
- ARE YOU SURE I'M THE MOST INDICATED FOR THAT ??
Scream Red Hood as he pumps gallons after gallons of venom in his veins to perform is best tug of war feat.
- Yes ! It's always a tie with Kon and Cassie ! PULL NOW !
- YES MA'AM ! He fearly scaredly shyly growls.
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Steve: Sorry, Tony. Anything you can can do, I can do better.
Tony: I can do anything better than you.
Steve: No, you can't!
Tony: Yes, I can!
Steve: No, you can't.
Tony(singing): Yes, I can. Yes, I can!
Natasha: - ENOUGH! Can't we have one meal without you two getting into an angry singing contest?! Why is everything a competition?!
Peter(not looking up from his phone): Yeah, you guys should just f*** and get it over with.
(the Avengers STARE at Peter, and after a moment he finally notices)
Peter(shrugs):...Clearly, they have repressed sexual feelings for each other that they're channeling into hostility.
Bruce(smirking): How's that Psych 101 class going?
Peter: It's only day three, but I understand how the whole world works now.
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