dick: When will the clown sightings happen again, that was fun
jason: Look in the mirror and they can start today
Damian: Dear Santa,
Damian: I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty.
Damian: And it was worth it, judgemental bastard.
Damian: Do not call me baby brother.
Tim: If I'm not the baby brother anymore is because of you so shut up.
Jason, to Dick: You never called me baby brother...
Dick: I didn't even want you to be alive, Jay.
When DC finally gives Red Hood a hood
Don't like his hair tho.
(From DC vs. Vampires : Crypt Edition)
*the batfam at jason's funeral*
tim: do you guys think i can just get a minute with him alone?
everyone: of course *leaves*
tim: look asshat we both know you're not actually dead.
jason: shut the hell up drake and let me have my moment i think bruce might cry this time!
Bruce, whenever Jason did something he didn't like: Don't be so rude, son
(Robin) Jason: DOn't bE SO RudE, SOn
(Red Hood) Jason, half-jokingly and half serious: Don't be so rude, son
Tim:... Excuse you??
Bruce: *does even the smallest of fuck ups*
Tim, now knowing the origin of the phrase and full mockingly: Don't be so rude, son
Bruce, realizing this is his own fault: *sigh*
Jason: why aren’t you going to college??
Tim: what does it matter to you? Dick flunked out and you never went.
Jason: the fuck I didn’t. I have my bachelors in literature.
Bruce: you do?!? You do 🥺?
Bruce: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?
Jason: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.
Damian: I personally was created in a tube.
Tim: I just straight up spawned lol.
Talia: hello lover
Bruce: you’re back
Talia: miss me already? Shame.
Talia: I’m just here to drop something off.
Talia: *steps aside* this is Damian. Your son.
Damian, with his sword: …
Talia: say hello, Damian
Damian: hello Damian
[in the batcave]
Bruce: [checking off names on a clipboard like a middle-school class trip chaperone] …Jason, Kate, and Duke. That’s everyone. [checks the list again] where’s Tim? It’s unusual for him to be late.
Everyone: [looks around in confusion]
Bruce: [sighs] someone call him
Babs: already calling
[tense silence as the phone rings]
Tim: [on speaker phone] yeah?
Bruce: [immediately] we have a meeting scheduled. Where are you?
Dick: [leans forward towards the phone] are you ok?
Tim: [on speaker phone] shit. Look, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it
Bruce: [tiredly] why not?
Tim: [on speakerphone] uhm… it’s kind of hard to explain
Kate: [smirking] are you on a date?
—in another part of town-
Tim: [glancing to his left where Bernard is watching an abandoned storefront through binoculars, waiting for Batman to emerge from the hideout Bernard concluded must be on this street from an algorithm he made up]
Tim: I’m not really sure
Batbros: *playing the Ouija*
Tim: Are there any dead people with us?
Ouija board: YES
Dick: It's not funny, Jason!
Jason: But there is a dead guy with you.
Tim, high as fuck after getting his wisdom teeth out: *squinting at Barbara* is that… Wonder Woman??
Barbara: *pats his hand gently*
Tim: *sobs* oh my god you’re my favorite Avenger
jason, pointing at tim: this guy gets zero bitches bro has negative rizz!!
steph: jason i've literally made out with more girls than you could dream of, and i think tim's cute so shut it
jason: yeah? well i've made out with more guys!!! wait.
*through the family group chat*
Bruce: If anyone needs me I'm at the park with my babies
Dick: ok! Is Tim having fun?
Tim: he said "babies" and you immediately assume that includes me??
Dick: so? Are you??
Tim:... Yeah, ig
Tim: Wished Damian would stop asking to go on the heart attack ride tho if I have to get on that thing a 15th time I'm gonna throw up
Damian: Put on your big brother pants, Drake