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hintofelation99 · 3 years

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Sick day headcannons!!!!!!!

Hell yeah, I do have a post on this already (linked here) but sick day headcanons are some of my favs so let’s do some more! (Just btw there will be some repeats but that just means I rlly like that headcanon)

Dick

Dick: Oh no, god no!

Wally: What’s wrong?!

Dick: I’m dying!

Wally, suspicious: Okay…

Dick: Please Wally this is serious, I need help!

Wally, deciding to take Dick seriously: Okay, what’s wrong? What do you need?

Dick: Just a coffin. Made of maple- no oak! And roses, preferably white, oh or blue! With baby’s breath. And-

Wally: Dick, what’s wrong?!

Dick: I burnt the roof of my mouth.

Wally leaves.

A good rule of thumb for Dick is the more dramatic he is the less serious the situation. The less dramatic he is the more serious the situation.

He will go into work with a cold and complain the entire day.

If he has something serious that’s contagious he’ll call in sick but just say it’s a slight stomach bug.

If it’s not contagious he will act like everything is completely fine.

One time he did this after getting an injury on patrol and ended up passing out and spending that night and the next day in the ICU.

He has become a bit more responsible over the years, mainly bc he thinks it’s adorable how sweet and cuddly Damian gets.

His favorite sick day activity is eating junk food and watching rom coms under a fuzzy blanket .

Babs

Dick: Please go to bed!

Babs: I am, I am, just one more line of code.

Dick: You’ve said that for the last three hours!

Babs tries to relax when sick but she has trouble actually taking a step back to rest.

Most of the time she’ll take a nightquil then get distracted by something and ends up falling asleep in front of her screen.

Usually Cass or Steph will come over and take care of her.

Steph always makes the best comfort food. And usually Cass will tuck Babs into bed.

Babs loves dozing on the couch to the sound of Cass and Steph laughing in the kitchen as they make her soup.

If Cass and Steph can’t come over she loves talking to them over discord while eating take out. Usually she and Cass just listen to Steph babble or she watches on of them stream something.

She also usually ends up falling asleep.

Jason

Bruce: Are you sick?

Jason: I’m legally dead.

Bruce: That doesn’t-

Jason: So,legally, no. I am not sick.

Jason will forever and always argue that he can’t get sick since he already died.

When he was little he was rarely able to get extra rest when he was sick. Because when he was really little he wanted to go to school to avoid Willis. After Catherine died he was too busy just trying to survive to focus on being healthy.

But when Catherine was alive and Willis was away Jason would stay home from school, and if Catherine was sober she would read to him and sing lullabies. This only happened like twice but Jason cherishes those memories of Catherine.

As a kid if he was ever sent home for being sick he’d get in huge trouble with Willis.

After being adopted the first time he was sent home with a fever he begged Alfred not to tell Bruce and hid in his closet until he stopped crying being sad. Alfred sat by the closet door with soup, a grilled cheese, and tea, reading The Princess Bride aloud until Jason came out. It took two hours.

Jason’s favorite sick day activity is drinking tea and rereading The Princess Bride (with the movie playing quietly in the background) while wearing his Wonder Woman hoodie.

Cass

Steph: Cass why are you patrolling while sick?!

Cass shrugs.

Steph, with a sigh: You’re allowed to take a sick day, okay?

Cass looks unsure but nods.

Steph: C’mon, let’s get you a bath and fuzzy blankets.

Cass forgets that she’s not just a weapon/tool. She forgets that she’s allowed to rest when sick.

Because of this she will keep going no matter what and tends to view ‘taking a sick day’ as a failure.

Steph, Tim, and Babs have been working on this with her. She’s improved a lot now that Tim lost his spleen and gets sick easily.

Now usually Steph cooks for her while Babs lays with her.

Cass isn’t against taking medicine but she never feels like the situation is severe enough to require medication. So someone in the fam has to convince her to take her meds.

She becomes extremely cuddly when sick and will cling to anyone near her.

Her favorite sick day activity is watching old horror movies with Steph or Babs.

Steph

Steph: I’m fine.

Steph: I’m- I have a fever of 104, I should rest.

Stephs mom is a doctor, so she’s used to being told “it’s just a cold, you’re fine”.

Usually she keeps going until she can’t then sleeps for like three days.

But it’s less out of stubbornness and more out of habit. So if someone tells her to rest she’s immediately like “okay!” and takes the sick day.

Babs always calls or comes over to check on her every day that she’s sick.

Cass has been learning how to cook and loves making Steph food when she’s sick.

Tim used to come over but now he always calls.

Stephs favorite sick day activity is sleeping with an ice pack or heating pad, depending on the sickness, with a giant cup of ginger ale and Cass curled up beside her.

Tim

Jason: Tim, are you sick?

Tim, tiredly staring at case files: No I-

Tim is interrupted by a violent coughing fit.

Tim: Oh, I guess I am?

Growing up Tim loved getting sick because it meant the house keeper would come over and take care of him and he might even get a hug.

But she stopped coming over when Tim was ten, his parents thought he was old enough to handle being sick on his own.

Sick days in the manor were a shock to him because he was rarely alone, there was always one family member by his side.

Now that he’s immunocompromised he’s always surrounded by people, he pretends to get annoyed with it but really he loves how much they care.

Dick always sings Romani lullabies and runs his fingers through Tim’s hair. Jason, Duke, and Steph will cook for him. Damian stay by his side and bring him tea. Babs will play video games with him. And Cass does a bit of everything, at least everything other than sing to him.

The family also takes Tim getting sick very seriously so if they here one cough he’s immediately being interrogated and getting his temperature checked.

Tim’s favorite sick day activity is laying under a weighted blanket with a cup of tea and playing video games with Babs, Steph, Duke, and Cass.

Duke

Dick, knocking on Duke’s door: Hey bud, why are you still in bed? I thought we were training together?

Duke: Sorry, I forgot to cancel. I’m sick and don’t think I can handle training today.

Dick: You’re sick?!

Duke: Yeah, but don’t worry I’ve been disinfecting and cleaning so no one else should get sick.

Dick: I’m not worried about getting sick, I’m worried about you!

Duke: …oh, okay.

Growing up sick days were spent at home either resting alone or with one of his parents.

He had to do some fending for himself (like cleaning and making food when his parents weren’t home with him) but nothing extreme or unexpected. So, overall he had pretty normal sick days.

After he parents went missing he was so focused on getting them back and saving them that he never stopped to rest when sick.

Now as a member of the Wayne family his sick days are always spent with someone by his side, at least they are if he tells the family he’s sick.

He’s gotten in trouble several times for not telling Alfred/the family that’s he’s sick. Not because he puts Tim at risk, he like all the family is very cautious about that, but because everyone worries about him and wants to help take care of him.

After several lectures from Alfred he’s finally getting better about telling the family when he’s sick.

His favorite sick day activity is reading Jason’s copy of The Princess Bride while having a bowl of Alfred’s chicken noodle soup.

Damian

Jason: Are you sick?

Damian: N-

Damian sneezes like a kitten.

Damian: No.

Cass, smiling: Sick baby brother, cute sneeze.

Damian tries to be offended but ends up having a sneezing fit.

Steph: That’s so adorable!!

Damian has the most adorable sneezes. He literally sounds like a kitten and the entire family and hero community finds it adorable. Damian hates it.

He used to try and pretend he wasn’t sick and just work through it.

Then he sneezes in front of Harley and Ivy and they cooed over him for an hour.

Now he grumpily secluded himself in his room when sick.

Usually the family will check on him and find that Jon flew over and they’re cuddling on his bed watching cartoons.

When Damian’s sick he really craves spicy food. Like everything he eats he’ll add hot sauce or pepper to. His food is so spicy that only Cass can handle it, like it makes ghost peppers look like child’s play.

His favorite sick day activity is drinking masala chai under one of Tim’s fuzzy blankets while wearing Dick’s old hoodies and surrounding himself with various soft things he stole from his siblings. This is preferably done while eating spicy tomato or lentil soup and watching cartoons with Jon.

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elareine · 3 years

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JayTim Fic Masterlist

(Last Updated: February 7, 2021)

Works in Progress

Secret Witness (34k, ao3) CSI except with ghosts.

A Hope Like You (17k, ao3) A/b/o with single dad Jason and identity porn.

Silver and shadow and vision of things not seen (8k, ao3) WW2 and post-WW2 urban fantasy noir.

Completed

rosy cheeks (i want to kiss) (8k, ao3) A decade’s worth of pining.

Myosotis (9k, ao3) Ancient Greek break-ups and battlefield reunions.

Be brave that we may shine (2k, ao3) Series: And Earth is but a star, that once had shone Space stowaway Tim.

In the Shadows of Gotham (1k, ao3 I tumblr) Buzzfeed Unsolved AU.

Revenant (1k, ao3 I tumblr) Sad ghost headcanon.

Turn yourself toward home (4k, ao3) Retired pirate seeks retired navy officer.

The space between us (8k, ao3) Mr. & Mrs. Smith in space.

Hold me (like you held on to life) (6k, ao3) Vampire sex to spite the parents.

If I know you (4k, ao3) Annoyed witch cares for sleeping prince.

Lifelong learning (5k, ao3) College, but it’s not an AU.

safe with me (14k, ao3) Figuring out intimacy, with a dash of d/s.

Ornamental (2k, ao3) Christmas party butt plug fun.

Far away (1k, ao3 I tumblr) + So close (1k, ao3 I tumblr) Tim’s in space and then he’s not.

Like no other pain (2k, ao3) Soulmates, but Tim makes it angsty.

If I had a type (then baby it would be you) (1k, ao3 I tumblr) One-night stand with surprise bondmark.

The Sacredness of Tears (13k, ao3) Tim gets the ability to travel through time, but somehow that’s not the main story.

The Reluctant Brides (13k, ao3) Genderbent regency. Bonus Tumblr Drabble One and Two

Adamare (9k, ao3 I tumblr: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) Harry Potter AU.

What demons they carry (5k, ao3 I tumblr: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14) Outsider POV of demon!Tim.

Shelter (19k, ao3) Royalty arranged marriage.

glaukopis, promachos, atrytone (4k, ao3 I tumblr: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) A god and his reincarnated lover.

Not the hurricane (2k, ao3 I tumblr) Soft handjobs.

Night falling softly and without mercy (4k, ao3 I tumblr) When you want to marry your bodyguard but are pretty sure he means to kill you.

Reasons to be jealous (4k, ao3 I tumblr) Unfounded jealousy crack. Side DickDami.

Just a fool for you (6k, ao3 I tumblr) The Regency Daemon Thing. (Part two of ‘foolish, perhabs’)

A fool’s game (1k, ao3 I tumblr) Outsider POV of The Regency Daemon Thing. (Part one of ‘foolish, perhabs’)

A fool to believe (2k, ao3 I tumblr) Epistolary companion to The Regency Daemon Thing. (Part three of ‘foolish, perhabs’)

Blood will tell (9k, ao3) October Daye AU.

So easy to begin (4k, ao3) Dealin’ with fear toxin and trauma, a/b/o-style.

Somebody ring the alarm (2k, ao3) Strangers flirting while undercover.

To love and to honour (6k, ao3) Five anniversaries and a wedding.

A question of trust (3k, ao3) Jason hides an injury.

The Wedding Job (3k, ao3) Leverage-style heist.

One day the slipper fits (2k, ao3) The perils of not-dating.

Tumblr Ficlets

I’m also gradually posting these to ao3.

Everyone wants the Costco cookies

Tim starts talking to an alien

A first kiss in the moonlight

The frog and the stablehand

College Rivals and Soulmates + Part Two

A regency fic in which the marriage arranges itself

Tim is sick at the office

Two actresses at a premiere, holding hands + Prequel: Two actresses pining

Lending an ear (also with RoyDick) + Bruce and Olli get involved

Soulmarks and lies

“You don’t wanna get involved with me”

Touch-starved Talon Tim

Omega/omega forbidden love

2 a.m. at the flower shop

A visit from the future

I thought fairies are bigger

Are you crying? (Break-up)

Sleepless night better spent in other ways

Too many rumors

Leaving + Following

Tough city, full of tough guys

Terrible at breaking up

Carrying your photograph

Bruce finds out

Distraction at breakfast

Trying to figure you out

Jason wearing glasses

‘Can’t let you go’ kiss + the next morning

Tea with Alfred

A first date

An old married couple, temporarily far apart

“Most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen”

Post-apocalypse decisions (“It’s always been you”)

Awkward flirting

A soulmark that says “Please don’t leave me”

Stop pulling heroic shit without me

Married for the aliens

Unexpected cuddles

Cuddles on a rainy day

Cyborg AU

Hades and Persephone AU

Regency misunderstandings

Crying

Accents and ‘fighting’

Surprise Baby Acquisition

“It’s you I love, not her.”

Letting them warm their cold hands under your shirt

Helping brush their hair after a shower

“I can’t sleep, can I stay here?”

“Who hurt you?” (Jason edition)

“Is this okay?”

“Who hurt you?” (Tim edition)

Strangers at a gala

A black ribbon (Vampire AU)

De-aged cuddles

#jaytim #elareine writes #masterpost

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wannabe-fic-writer · 3 years

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All Over Again - Chapter 13

Summary: What was lost can be found.

Warning: 18+ Smut, Language, Violence.

Final Chapter!!

Ch. 12

* * * * * *

There’s a brilliant smile on your face as the aerial view of New York breaks through the clouds. The multitude of skyscrapers in the city with lights on casts a glow on your face that takes Lena’s breath away.

She’s so utterly in love with you and while she’s seen you happy, this light in your eyes at being back in New York is brighter than ever.

-Ladies and gentlemen, we have just been cleared to land at the JFK airport. Please make sure one last time that your seatbelt is securely fastened. The flight attendants are currently passing around the cabin to make a final compliance check and pick up any remaining cups and glasses. Thank you.-

After having grabbed yours and Lena’s carry ons, you walk off the airplane with her. Going through the airport to baggage claim and then leaving out to the awaiting car.

Over the past couple months, with how busy you’ve been with prep meetings for the meeting with the UN, the actual UN meeting, the DEO, and spending time with Lena, you’d only been able to come back to New York three times.

The first time was for a mission with only a few members of the team. The second time was for the UN meeting so you hadn’t been able to see your friends and family. And now your third time. For Bruce’s and Natasha’s wedding.

Your limited visits is why, the second you RSVP’d, Natasha asked that you and Lena stay at the compound for your visit as opposed to a hotel.

You weren’t sure about asking Lena to but you missed your family so you asked. And lucky you, she said yes.

With a bright smile on your face, you lean forward to the driver and tell him the address.

You scoot closer to Lena, adjusting so that your arm is around her shoulders,“ is it weird that I’m a little nervous?”

It’s a bit of a rhetorical question but Lena answers it anyway.

“Not really. You’ve been gone a while, it makes sense to worry if things have changed or how they’ll react to seeing you again.” Her thumb runs over the back of your hand in a comforting way,“ especially with our reason for being back.”

Admittedly, you weren’t expecting Bruce and Natasha to get married so soon. Well it’s been months but with them having dated for all those years, part of you thought they’d stay engaged for a while.

Either way, you’re incredibly happy for both of them. Especially Natasha.

You and the redhead had spoken occasionally over your time in NC and while she mentioned Bruce, almost as much as you mentioned Lena, most of your conversations were just about each other: your mental well beings, random thoughts, and at times the memories you share.

Even though it’d mainly been phone calls, you could tell how happy she is. That alone made you smile.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ve just missed them you know, it almost feels like it’s been forever.” You sigh, looking out at the wide expanse of greenery, which is how you know you’re close to your destination.

Lena smiles softly at you, then leans over to kiss your cheek,“ I’m sure they’ve missed you just as much.”

Shortly after that, the driver pulls to a stop at the gate and you already know you have to unlock it.

“Hope this still works,” you mumble to yourself as you approach the lock pad. Placing your hand on the print scanner you say,“ Artemis.” When it doesn’t move forward to the retinal scan you get worried, then you nearly panic when it rejects the authorization.

With a frown you stand up straight, thinking of what to do next. Just before the thought to call someone hits you, you remember who’s in control of the compounds security system.

Rolling your eyes, you place your palm on the scanner and say,“ traitor,” which prompts the retinal scan.

You shouldn’t have expected anything less.

“Alright, let’s go.” You say, leaning into the car and grabbing your bag.

Lena’s eyebrows raise at your words in confusion.

Noting that, you tell her,“ this place doesn't have top of the line security cause we let just anyone in you know.” Your eyes flicker to the back of the driver's seat.“ It’s like ten steps to the door, come on.”

With slight reluctance, Lena follows suit. Before she can even reach for her bag, you grab it. You wait for the gate to close then turn. Lena’s eyes follow you while you carry the bags up the pavement, fingers gripping the handles of the bags as you bite your lip.

“Y/n,” she places her hand on your arm, both of you stopping a couple feet before the entrance,“ relax. Everything’s going to be fine.”

You take a deep breath and nod,“ you’re right. I have noth-”

“Y/n!”

At the sound of her voice, you turn to the building.

She runs out, a huge grin on her face, auburn tresses flying behind her as she nears you. Dropping the bags you catch her just as her body collides with yours. Her natural scent of rose and vanilla surrounds you as you bury your face in her neck.

“God I’ve missed you,” you sigh.

When you pull away, Wanda cups your face in her hands, teary green eyes taking you in with a smile on her face,“ I missed you too.”

Your best friend hugs you one more time, a little shorter than the last one, before pulling away and moving to Lena.

“Hi.” They both say through short laughs as they hug.

Picking the bags back up, Wanda excitedly drags you and Lena into the compound. The second you’re inside, you set the bags down in the hallway, and head into the common room.

As expected everyone is in there. What is unexpected, is seeing all of them setting up decorations: golden letters spelling out ‘Congratulations’, gold and silver ceiling swirls, gold and silver balloons, etc.

“Well I certainly wasn’t expecting a welcome back party.”

Everyone freezes at the sound of your voice, almost everyone. Just like Wanda had, Natasha speeds over to wrap you in a hug.

You chuckle and hug her back with a brief squeeze that she returns. And when you pull away you smile at her,“ missed me huh?” You ask teasingly.

“Maybe a little.” She shrugs, with a smile as sweet as yours.

“What’s all this?” A nod of your head towards everyone and everything.

Natasha, after a brief but polite greeting to Lena, answers you.“ Bruce and I decided, instead of bachelor and bachelorette parties, we’d just do a big movie night. Tony wouldn’t let us get away without a party.”

“Damn right I wouldn’t.” Said billionaire’s voice joins the conversation and you turn around to see him, as well as Pepper and Morgan.

“Morgan!” You exclaim, a little more excitement in your voice than had been with anyone else. You rarely saw the girl when you lived in New York, moving meant not seeing her at all. The smaller girl’s face lights up at the sight of you and she runs over, throwing herself into your arms.

“Y/n! Where’ve you been? Mommy said you moved away.”

Nodding, you smile apologetically at her,“ yeah I did. But I’m back for a few days and I promise I’m gonna visit more.”

“You better.” Both Natasha and Wanda say at the same time.

You chuckle softly, eyebrows raised at them in a playful challenge, before you stand up and turn to Tony and Pepper. The woman smiles warmly and opens her arms for a hug that you instantly accept.

“It’s so good to see you.” She says once having pulled away and you return the words.

Leaning over a little, you catch Tony’s gaze over Pepper’s shoulder.

“Sup T.” You head nod, feigning scared.

A brow is raised at you and you step around Pepper. Your hands slap and he pulls you into a one armed hug, telling you that if you don’t start visiting more he’s going to bring you back for good.

With a laugh and a promise to come back more often, you all head over to the couches.

E/c eyes scan the appearance of everyone,“ oh this is a pajama movie night?” Your eyebrows raise,“ cause if so I got the couch.”

“How do you know the bride-to-be doesn’t want the couch?” Natasha challenges, with a quirked brow.

You frown,“ you don’t need a couch, you’ve got Jolly Green.” A finger is pointed to her fiance.

Said man nods, digging his spoon into a tub of ice cream,“ she’s got a point. And I’m very comfy.”

His words pull a laugh from everyone. Your best friend being the first to speak.

“If Y/n’s got the couch I got Y/n.” Her smile slipping after a moment as she looks at the brunette by your side,“ oh wait, nevermind.”

A little sigh falls from your lips that Lena catches. You excuse yourself and Lena, once again grabbing your bags and then directing her through the compound to the room that was and seems to still be yours.

Laying the bags on the bed, you unzip yours in search of your pajamas. You grab them and turn to Lena as you start to change.

“Hey, would you mind if me and Wan shared the couch?” You ask, adding,“ it’s cool if you do, you know I love sleeping with you.” A teasing tone is laced through your honest words.

Your girlfriend shakes her head with a soft laugh,“ I don’t mind. Really you haven’t seen each other in weeks. Besides I’ll probably sneak back here anyway, you know I’m not one for sleeping on the floor.”

“Yes I’m well aware.” Then stepping closer to her, your hands find her hips,“ you’re the best by the way. I love you.”

“I try,” she mumbles right before your lips meet in a short sweet kiss. Pulling away she says,“ I love you too.”

From there the two of you leave out your room and head back to the common room. Everyone seems to be waiting on you, snacks and drinks spread on the table, blankets and pillows spread and piled across the floor.

Squeezing Lena’s hand, you kiss her cheek, not noticing that mostly everyone had looked at you upon entry, until they all started making kissy noises to tease you.

You roll your eyes, flipping them off, and kissing Lena once again just cause. With a blush on her cheeks, she walks ahead of you and gets situated on the floor in front of the couch beside Sam who smirked and gave her a head nod.

Knowing that smirk all too well, you smack the side of his head while stepping over him and he returns the good natured action with a light punch to your thigh.

With a chuckle, you plop down on the couch, kicking your feet up and then looking to Wanda. Opening your arms, you smile and ask,“ cuddle?”

An excited little sound leaves her lips as she hops up and hastens over to you. Falling into your open arms, she cuddles closer to you on your lap, pulling her incredibly soft red blanket over both of you.

Admittedly, even though she had been calming your nerves, Lena is also nervous about spending time with the people. This isn’t some stranger filled investment dinner or a Christmas party. This is their comfort zone, no one around for them to put their walls up with.

She finds, as the night progresses, that her worry was unnecessary. As the team let’s their guard down she finds that they’re just as awkward, goofy, and well, normal as any other human.

You all tease each other, childishly throwing popcorn and making food combinations that no one would think of, and just showing love to each other in your own way.

By the time everyone starts to wind down, Lena is convinced that this is indeed a family.

Lena had indeed snuck away in the middle of the night, but not without leaving a little kiss on your forehead.

While you all are still asleep, the guys sneak away. Natasha and Bruce may not be doing things completely traditionally but they decided to stick to not seeing each other the day of until the ceremony.

In the morning, everyone’s focused on getting ready and assisting Natasha in whatever way possible. Tony has breakfast brought to the compound, a large spread set up in the kitchen that you all dig into, filling glasses with champagne and orange juice.

A pleasant surprise comes to everyone when Pepper declines the alcohol with an avoiding gaze. It didn’t take much to get the woman to admit to being pregnant again and when she does, it brings even brighter smiles to your faces and congratulations sound from all of you. She apologized to Natasha about partly stealing her day but the redhead was far too happy for her friend and herself.

Things seem to move pretty quickly from there, you all break off to get ready, Wanda and Pepper finishing first so they can help Natasha.

It’s as you’re hanging in the kitchen, sipping more champagne with Lena, complimenting her and Morgan who both look beautiful, that Wanda rushes in.

Her cheeks are slightly flushed and she makes eye contact with you and sighs,“ could you um-” she points behind her and you nod.

Setting the glass down, you follow after her,“ what’s wrong?”

“Natasha’s getting a little-” she can’t find the word,“ we’re trying to calm her down but she isn't exactly listening.”

You simply nod, rounding the corner to see Pepper speaking to Natasha from outside the door. She looks up as she hears you approaching and her shoulders drop.

Giving her a small smile, you step to the door and rap your knuckles against the door.

“Pepper I already said I don’t want to talk.” Natasha’s muffled voice says.

“What if Pepper isn’t the one that wants to talk.” You reply.

It’s quiet, then the knob twists, and the door opens a smidge. Green eyes peek through the crack, trailing over your form, before she disappears. A hesitant look is shared between the three of you before you slip inside.

Looking around the room, your eyes land on the ex-assassin who stands beside a window, looking out silently. You can’t control the hitch of your breath as you take her in. She looks incredible in her wedding dress, an opinion you decide to share.

“You look amazing Tash.” You say, taking small steps towards her.

Her fingers wring as she looks up at you,“ you look great too Y/n.”

With a sigh, you pull a chair over and sit down, pulling your leg up to rest your ankle over your knee,“ talk to me Tash, what’s wrong?”

She swallows thickly,“ I am terrified.” She admits after looking into your sincerely worried eyes.“ I never, ever, thought I would be doing this. And then there was you and I thought that would be it and now with Bruce and it’s all so new and I wasn’t made for this.”

The meaning behind her words hits you hard,“ hey, no, don’t go down that path.” Now standing, you take her hands in yours,“ you are human Natasha. You were made to love and be loved, to have happiness just like everyone else. What they forced you to believe you are is so far from who you truly are. I saw it when we were together and I see it with you and Bruce. You have a big beautiful heart Tash, your tough as nails but compassionate and understanding. You’ve been through so much and it’s made you the incredible woman you are right now.”

Her eyes start to pool with tears as she listens. Taking a deep breath in and out.

“Have faith in yourself, believe that you deserve all the good that’s about to come to you.” Squeezing her hands, you pull her into a hug.

She rests her head against your chest. Hearing your heartbeat calms her as does taking in your words.“ Thank you,” she whispers,“ for loving me and supporting me even when things weren’t always the best between us.”

Pulling away slightly, you look down into her eyes and smile,“ I told you you wouldn’t lose me Nat and I meant that. I’m always gonna be there for you.”

And it’s true. You and Natasha had hurt each other unintentionally over and over again and forgave each other over and over again. But there was and will always be love between you. Something neither of you would run away from or disregard.

Your honest words and comfort gives Natasha every bit of the courage and push she needs to move forward.

It carries her to the doors of the compound and down the aisle on Nick Fury’s arm. But it’s Bruce’s affirmation of love through his vows that continues to encourage her.

When they seal their union with a kiss you’re smiling and clapping alongside everyone else who came to support the two.

Through the ceremony into the reception you love seeing how happy Natasha is. A beautiful smile stays plastered on her face.

Leaning against the bar, you signal for the tender to get a refill on your scotch and Lena’s Merlot.

“I hear you’re the reason Nat walked down the aisle today.”

Bruce’s deep voice grabs your attention and you look to your side at the freshly shaven, normal sized, man in his tux.

“First off, congratulations Mr. Banner,” you clap a hand onto his shoulder,“ second of all you are the reason she walked down that aisle. She was just nervous and I lended some encouraging words but her love for you man, that’s why she said ‘I do’.”

A soft chuckle leaves his lips and he nods, looking down at the bartop,“ yeah you’re right. Even though she said ‘I do’ I still can’t believe she’s mine ya know.”

You laugh as well, accepting the drinks and turning to look at Lena. You’d done so without thought, when it came to being lucky with love she’s the first thing that comes to mind.

No, the two of you aren’t getting married any time soon, but every time she tells you she loves you, or kisses you, or even looks at you with adoration, you can’t believe she’s yours.

“I know exactly what you mean buddy.” Your gaze shifts and you nudge his arm with your elbow, nodding to the woman standing in the middle of the dance floor.“ Think your wife wants a dance.” You look over and tell him.

He turns around, gaze passing yours to look to the dance floor,“ yeah from you.”

Your eyebrows raise and you look back to Natasha who smiles and points to you.

“Oh, we’ll talk later.” Bruce nods to you before you walk away. Making a quick detour, you drop Lena’s wine off, kiss her cheek, sip your drink, and jog over to Natasha.

Over exaggeratedly, you wave your hand and bow, waiting for her to slip her hand into yours with a loud laugh. Pulling her into your embrace you both sway to the song that plays.

The conversation between you two can’t be heard over the music and you’re glad. She thanks you for everything and an affirmation of platonic love is exchanged between you. Laughter flowing as you joke around afterwards.

About three songs in, Bruce approaches, asking for a dance and you gladly step away. Turning to find Lena.

The curl of your finger beckons her over to the dance floor and she smiles while approaching. Her arms wrap around your neck and yours around her waist.

It’s a silent dance, kisses exchanged in between gazes full of love and admiration.

But in a room full of your chaotically loveable family, you know it won’t last.

Being the best friend that she is, Wanda appears damn near out of nowhere. From beside you, she wraps her arms around both yourself and Lena and sways along to the music with you.

Your girlfriend and best friend laugh out loud, eyes crinkling as the musical sounds fill the air around you. All the while you can’t help but stare, an adoringly cute smile on your face.

Admittedly you never thought you’d make it to this point. Had you been asked almost a year ago if this sort of big, bold, beautiful happiness was achievable, you would’ve said no or given the longest explanation as to why it wasn’t.

Right now though, with both women that you’d give your life for in your arms and your family and friends around you, you can’t imagine where you'd be without it.

Without Lena.

You aren’t sure if she knows how greatly she’s changed your outlook on things. It’s not like you told her, but if you could, you don’t know how you would say it.

Lena came into your life and made you smile again. She’s shown you a trust that you don’t think you’ve ever experienced. The green eyed woman gave you every reason to crawl from that dark space you’d been in to see the light on the other side.

While you would never discredit all that Natasha had taught you about love and partnership, because it was indeed a life changing story between you and the ex-assassin, this is entirely different.

Honestly, you’d forgotten this kind of love and Lena retaught it to you. It’s your gorgeous and brilliant love with her that reaffirmed for you what love is. With Lena you’ve been given what you thought you lost. And it’s because of that that you have no problem falling in love with her all over again everyday.

* * * * * *

Taglist: @username23345 @depressed-bi-bitch @fayhar @trikruismybitch @marvel-wlw @aznblossom @chicken-wang09 @bitchtits15 @coxmicbabygirl @blackluthxr @starlingelliot @vxidnik

#lena luthor #lena luthor x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #dcu #dcu x reader #mcu #mcu x reader #All Over Again #reader insert

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r3volutionary-queen · 4 years

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It’s very late and I should be sleeping but here I am lying in my bed wide awake casting the MCU as the Princess Bride and imagining a whole damn crack!fic.

Here are your players:

Steve as Wesley, good ole farm boy with an unexpected lawless side and a whole lotta sass.

Tony as Inigo Montoya, brilliant with a good heart but obsessed with finding his father’s killer (the man with the metal arm) and is rather fond of drinking.

Bruce as Fezzik, gentle giant who legit is the only reason why Tony is still a functioning human being.

Bucky as Count Rugen, a bad guy with a metal arm who killed Tony’s parents, beats the crap out of Steve (and somehow of course I’d find a way to bring him to the good side because I’m the author and I do what I want).

Loki as Humperdinck, melodramatic as fuck and just wants to be king (priorities, people).

Darcy as Princess Buttercup, not nearly as stoic or helpless but is terrified of giant rats and definitely has perfect breasts.

Thor as Miracle Max, betrayed by Loki and now a hermit who dreams of exacting his revenge and a really good MLT.

Jane as Miracle Max’s Wife, tiny and batshit crazy and likes to chase Thor around while calling him on his bullshit (firm believer in true love).

Clint as the sick kid, isn’t too sure about kissing scenes at first but very okay with them by the end.

Natasha as the Grandpa, voice of reason and secretly an old man.

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ali-kitkat · 4 years

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What’s a Sham? Our Childhood - Childhood Friends AU

It had been years since he’d seen Marinette, the last time had been after they sparred before Slade’s attack. He’d been angry at her after that because Sabine, her mother, had helped Slade in his attack, he understood after siding with his father that Marinette hadn’t taken part in the attack. She had only wanted to get out from her mother’s thumb, and she used the chaos to escape with the miracle box, at least that’s what he hoped. He was disappointed when he realized that he may never see her again, but there she stood small and unassuming as always. The look she wore was one of disbelief, she was just as shocked to see him here as he was her.

He approached her as she waved off two blondes, a boy with green eyes and a girl with icy blues who glared at him as they passed him. They had stopped moving, just standing in front of each other. She had raised her hand to cup his cheek, and he couldn’t stop himself from leaning into her hand. His arms had slipped around her waist pulling her close to him, he could feel her grab fistfuls of his shirt.

“Damian.” She whispered in disbelief, her voice cracking on the last syllable. He couldn’t fault her; he knew if he spoke his voice would’ve cracked as well. “I thought you would still be with Talia.”

“After Slade’s attack she dropped me off to live with my father and I did some growing, surprisingly some of your words stuck with me: I’m a means to an end.” He replied, his voice soft as he tightened his hold on her. She sank into his embrace. “I thought I’d never see you again. That you might’ve been killed in the attack or Sabine or Talia might’ve gotten to you.”

A silence had taken over between them, they stayed in each other’s arms until someone cleared their throat; alerting them to their presence. Marinette had ripped herself from his arms, putting herself on the defense. Bracing himself, he started to turn around, dread settled in his gut. He only knew four people who were arrogant enough to speak to him in public. There in front of him was Drake, the worst of his brother’s in his honest opinion.

“Damian, care to introduce me to your friend?” Drake teased, raising an eyebrow in question. It took everything to control himself not to wipe the floor with his face.

“If you must know Drake, she’s an old friend.” He replied tersely, barely holding in a groan.

“Still as charismatic as ever Dove. Not going to introduce me, I thought we were past this Dames?” She teased from behind him. “You can’t keep me all to yourself.”

This time he did let out a groan of annoyance as Marinette started to laugh and confusion started to settle in on Drake. Looking up he sees the rest of his family turn the corner and braces himself for the onslaught of questions.

“Father.” He greeted as the rest started to look a little concerned at Drake’s frozen expression. “This is my friend —"

“Marinette and it’s lovely to finally meet Damian’s dad.” Marinette said smiling, cutting him off while holding out a hand to his father.

“It’s nice to meet you too Marinette. Damian has never mentioned any friends visiting.” Bruce spoke, accepting her hand. His family knew that he didn’t do friends, so one appearing in Wayne Enterprises was worrisome to say the least. He could see the uneasiness in the way each of them carried themselves, he knew all their tells and each of them were very telling at the moment.

“It wasn’t planned, my class is here for a trip and seeing Damian was an unexpected surprise, a pleasant one though.” She answered, cocking an eyebrow in his direction. “That reminds me Dami, are you going to introduce me to the rest of them? I wasn’t kidding when I said I thought you were over your jealousy.”

“I’m not jealous.” He mumbled, eliciting a laugh from her and surprised looks from his family. “This is my family habibti. You’ve met my father, Bruce Wayne; these are my older brothers, the one I called Drake is Timothy Drake the second youngest. Right above me in age. The one with the white streak in his hair is second eldest, Jason Todd.”

Her eyes widened at the name drop and it had taken him a minute before he realized why, she knew of Talia’s pet project with Jason and she had visited him once with him before she decided she couldn’t bear to see the man in pain. “Lastly is the eldest Richard Grayson, who prefers to go by Dick. Though we don’t quite understand why he would use a name that doubles as an insult and an innuendo.”

She laughed at his expense, the sighs he let out always entertained her.

“Well it’s lovely to meet you all as well. Even if he is a stick in the mud.” She charmed, jerking her thumb in his direction.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” She asked, a look of confusion spread across her face before she masked her emotions.

“That thing where you use the fake smile and the charm. Sabine isn’t here to tell you to do that, and neither are any other Leaguers.” He answered grabbing her hand in his. His family had tensed up at his mention of the League, it wasn’t meant to reassure any of them but Marinette. He wanted her to know she could talk about the League to him, that he wasn’t angry at her. “They know about the Shadows, it’s alright to speak about what happened if you want to.”

“Goddamn it Dove. I hate when you do that. Always breaking down my walls like that, never could hide anything from you. Stupid fiancé.” She muttered, gripping his hand tightly before using her other to wipe tears off her face and letting out a wet, weak laugh.

He could hear inhales of breath from each member of his family in front of him. She turned to stare at him before looking at his family. Connecting the dots, the shocked looks they were sharing with each other and his avoidance of her gaze she stormed off.

“So,” Grayson started, staring at him in mild amusement and horror. “Do you want to explain to us who she is or is the assumption of your fiancé just a good blanket term. We know why she stormed off; you didn’t tell us about her, and she’s pissed.”

“Not particularly but if I don’t, she may kill me. She’s certainly capable of it. The woman you met is my betrothed Marinette Cheng, though honestly I’m not certain if she still is.” He groaned, dropping his face into his hands, there was a high possibility of Marinette maiming him. “I never mentioned her because I was unsure if she survived Slade’s attack. Sabine Cheng, Marinette’s mother, bartered her way into Ra’s good graces. Using her daughter and what I think was called the miracle box. She wanted to be at the top and she offered her daughter as a bride and the box as a dowry gift.”

He scanned the looks they were all wearing, Todd was staring off in the direction Marinette stormed off in looking confused. Drake and Grayson were sharing amused looks and his father was visibly shocked.

“Ra’s accepted Sabine’s offer of joining the two of us, Talia was against it obviously. We spent four years training together and learning about each other. I guess she got tired of waiting and helped Slade in his attack, which as you know scattered members of the League. Marinette vanished during the fight; I wasn’t sure if she played a part in it at first but after time passed and Talia hadn’t mentioned her, I assumed she was either dead or in hiding. I honestly thought Sabine might’ve found her and killed her. That since I wasn’t part of the League that she might’ve killed her out of spite or something.” He spat.

“So how do you know she’s not here on behalf of her mother? That she’s not here to use you?” Drake asked.

“I don’t think I would help the woman who was going to sell me like cattle Drake.” Marinette snapped, staring at Drake, startling him. They hadn’t realized she returned to the group.

“After we were told to kill each other, we sparred. Marinette had lost and she confided in me that she realized that she didn’t mean anything to Sabine. That she knew her mother, and I use that term loosely, only viewed her as a means to an end.”

“You only won that fight because I didn’t know how to cope with the fact that I was supposed to kill the boy I had grown to love.” Marinette said. “That is the only reason you won that night and you know it, but yes after he won, I collapsed on the ground and I told him that Sabine never loved me. That I was a means to an end for her.”

He stared at her, she loved him.

*~*~*~*

This is my take on the Childhood Friends AU where Marinette and Damian grew up in the League of Assassins/Shadows together My take on it is a little more on the Evil!Sabine side.

#maribat #ml/dc crossover #ml x dc #mlb x dc #dc x mlb #daminette #damian x marinette #marinette x damian #maridami #damimari #ali-kitkat's writing #my writing #childhood friends au #evil!sabine au #daminette december

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ao3feed-lokiangst · 3 years

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Corpse Bride (Thorki)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2KVg47b

by EricaVictorious

Thor and Loki's families have arranged their marriage. Though they like each other, Thor is nervous about the ceremony because he has fallen for Loki. After ruining the rehearsal for there wedding Thor runs off into the forest, while he's in a forest practicing his lines for the wedding, he finally perfected them and puts a ring on a tree branch only it becomes a hand that drags him to the land of the dead. It belongs to Danielle, a Corpse Bride who was murdered after trying to elope with her love and wants to marry Thor. Thor must get back to the Land Of The Living before Loki marries the villainous, Grandmaster.

Words: 306, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Corpse Bride (2005)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Categories: F/M

Characters: Loki (Marvel), Thor (Marvel), Original Female Character(s), Hela (Marvel), Odin (Marvel), Frigga | Freyja (Marvel), Farbauti (Marvel), Laufey (Marvel), Heimdall (Marvel), En Dwi Gast | Grandmaster, Bruce Banner (Marvel), Natasha Romanov (Marvel)

Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel), Thor/Original Female Character(s), Thor & Original Female Character(s), En Dwi Gast | Grandmaster/Loki

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Inspired by Corpse Bride (2005), Female Loki (Marvel), Female Loki is Victoria, Thor is Victor, Arranged Marriage, My OC will be The Corpse Bride/Emily, Grandmaster is Barkis Bitten, Bruce is The Maggot, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, Unexpected marriage, angst with happy ending, Thorki Ending, Mature Stuff May Happen Don't Know Yet, Natasha is the Black Widow, Murder, Improper burial

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2KVg47b

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #loki #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #marvel cinematic universe #angst

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superbataddicted · 5 years

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Writer's Month 2019

Day 26 Prompt: Wedding (Warning: AU and Canon Divergent. Bruce & Clark as kids.)

Fandom: Superbat, Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne, Superman/Batman

Writer: batzmaru65

“Why me!” five-year-old Bruce pouted, “It’s not as if I’m the only five-year-old alive. There’re millions out there and Aunt Lois can just choose any of them!”

Giving a final tug to the bowtie that Bruce had untied yet again, Martha looked at her precocious son and sighed, questioning for the umpteenth time the wisdom of Lois’s choice. Yes, she knew Lois loved Bruce a lot despite the crazy antics his IQ of 210 could come up with but...

“Now, behave!” Martha warned and kissed him loudly on his forehead, knowing how much her son hated it. To Bruce, it was childish and beneath someone of his maturity.

“Eeww!” Bruce protested as he rubbed his forearm furiously across his forehead, eyes darting all over to check if anyone had seen his mother’s terrible attempt at showing affection. Unfortunately, someone had - a boy standing not far away, wearing thick ugly spectacles. Bruce blushed and stuck his tongue out at him.

&QUOT;Bruce!” his mother admonished in exasperation before she turned to the other boy’s mother, apologising profusely

“I’m so sorry. He’s just in a bad mood ‘cause he had to be the flower boy.”

“Nah, it’s okay,” the other boy’s mother waved her hand dismissively, a warm smile on her face.

“Mine’s a headache too. He’s clumsy and dorky and I dunno why Lois wants him to be the ring bearer. ‘M so afraid he’ll fall flat on his face later.”

Bruce’s mother nodded her head in sympathy, though her fear was slightly different. She was more worried that her son would throw the petals at the seated guests rather than sprinkle them on the red carpet.

“Hi, I’m Martha Wayne and you’re...”

“Oh my goodness, what a coincidence! I’m Martha too. Martha Kent from Smallville. Nice to meet you.”

Pleasantly surprised by the unexpected discovery, the two women began chatting, delighted to find out that they were actually distant relatives sharing a common great grandfather. They were soon engrossed in their conversation and Bruce took the opportunity to sidle up to the boy who was still gawking at him.

Pointing a finger at the boy’s face, he hissed, “if you dare tell anyone...”

“Yay! You’re not a girl!”

“Huh?” Bruce blinked, thrown off course by the sudden statement.

“Was afraid you’ll be a girl,” the boy gushed, a silly grin on his face, “Girls frighten me and I’m glad you’re not one.”

Bruce stared at the boy then at his own attire then back at the boy again, dread filling his heart. That was why he did not want to be the flower boy! It’s a girl’s job and now the nightmare’s going to start all over again. And to think that he had worked so hard, changing the way he speak, the way he walk so that he would never be mistaken for a girl again.

Tears of frustration welled up in Bruce’s eyes and the boy panicked.

“No, no, please don’t cry! I’m sorry. But you’re so pretty standing there and I thought...”

Bruce grabbed the boy’s suit and shouted.

“I’m not a girl!”

“Bruce!” “Clark!”

Two flustered mothers called out at the same time just as the bride swept into the anteroom, elegant and graceful and eyes widening at the sight.

“Oh dear!”

Despite the long train and gown, the bride managed to gather the two boys into a warm hug.

“What’s wrong?” Lois looked in consternation at the two of them whom she had watched over since they were young. She thought that maybe if the two single child could meet, they could become friends. However, her plan did not seem to have turned out well.

Clark smiled sadly while Bruce stared reproachfully at his aunt.

“Is that why. Because I look like a girl!”

Knowing what Bruce was referring to, Lois shook her head, face solemn.

“No, it’s because you’re special to me and I want you to be part of my special day. And anyway, does it really matter how you look?”

Looking up at Mrs Kent in askance, Lois received a nod in response to her unvoiced question.

“Clark, do you mind removing your spectacles?”

A slight hesitation as Clark turned to his Ma before he did as was told. Bruce sucked in a breath as he was greeted by the bluest pair of eyes he had ever seen, bluer than sapphire and brighter than a clear blue sky. You couldn’t call it handsome. You could only call it...

“...pretty,” Bruce uttered in astonishment and Clark turned red, shuffling his feet awkwardly.

“You’re pretty too,” Clark blurted out and Bruce bristled for a moment before he deflated, realising that he had no right to be angry after having used the same word on Clark.

Both Lois and the two Marthas hid their amusement behind their hands while Clark hurriedly put his spectacles back on.

“Don’t...” Bruce gasped before he bit his lip in embarrassment. He had wanted to look at that amazing pair of eyes for a while more.

“Well, that’s settled then,” Lois picked herself up and was swamped by a horde of frantic bridesmaids rushing to tidy her up as the wedding march began to play.

“Ready boys?” Lois asked as she took the bouquet from one of the bridesmaid.

There were two little nods.

“Good! On with the wedding then.”

Years later when the two were all grown up.

Bruce burst onto the rooftop and slammed the door shut, locking out the security that had been hot on his heels. He sprinted across the rooftop, darting in between and over obstacles, all the while checking his watch. Just then a blur shot down from the sky, aimed directly at him and Bruce grinned, eyes sparkling behind the black mask that he wore to hide his identity. The blur grabbed him and shot back into the sky just as the security guards burst through the door.

“Package picked and enroute for delivery,” Bruce spoke into his communicator.

“Roger that,’ a reply buzzed into the communicator, accompanied by whoops and cheers and another voice yelling, “Way to go, alien.”

Bruce tapped the communicator, switching it off before grinning at his saviour, “Thanks, pretty eyes.”

“That’ll be a charge of $10 000,” Clark grumbled as he sped through the atmosphere, Bruce cradled in his arms.

Bruce laughed, clinging onto Clark with ease and familiarity.

“Come on, we’re friends, aren’t we?”

Clark rolled his eyes, heaving out a long-suffering sigh.

“That’s one of my greatest regret - meeting you.”

“Blame it on Aunt Lois and her wedding then.”

(This is an AU where Bruce is more like a modern-day Robin Hood, stealing from the mob and the Mafia and the criminal rich to donate to charities. Clark still has his powers and Lois is distantly-related to them.

The person on the communicator is actually Dick, and the shouting one is Damien, and the cheers are the rest of the Batfamily. Here, I'm inspired by all the Ocean. Eleven and Ocean Twelve movies, and instead of a Batfam, they are part of a team.

And Bruce was one of those cute children who don't look like their gender at a young age. He looks like a girl and got teased a lot for it, hence his reaction in the story.

Sorry if it came out a little weird. I just wanted Clark to say Bruce is pretty.)

#writersmonth #writersmonth2019 #superbat #clark kent x bruce wayne #superman x batman #clark x bruce #batman x superman #Day 26 Prompt: Wedding #wm: Day 26

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maddie-grove · 4 years

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Bi-Monthly Reading Round-Up (November/December)

Playlist

“Fallin’ for You” by Sheila Nicholls (The Perilous Gard)

“Come on Over to My Place” by the Drifters (A Gentleman Never Keeps Score)

“Bobby Jean” by Bruce Springsteen (Eleanor and Park)

“Seasons in the Sun” by Terry Jacks (One Perfect Rose)

“A Sailor’s Prayer” by Ann Price and Marilyn Maltzer (Broken Wing)

“Winter Lady” by Leonard Cohen (When a Duchess Says I Do)

“Dance Music” by the Mountain Goats (What Hearts)*

“Sweet Talkin’ Guy” by the Chiffons (Jean and Johnny)

“Know Your Onion!” by the Shins (Lost at Sea)

“The Snake and the Bookworm” by Cliff Richard (Tempting the Bride)

“Everybody Loves Me but You” by Brenda Lee (Someone to Remember)

*I also seriously considered both “I’ll Meet You Halfway” by the Partridge Family and “Sports Analogies” from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. It’s a complex book!

Best of the Bi-Month

The Perilous Gard by Elizabeth Marie Pope (1974): In the late 1550s, grave, awkward Kate Sutton is banished to a remote castle in the east of England. She’s greeted by superstitious locals, shady servants, an often-absent lord, and the lord’s guilt-ridden (and hot) younger brother. Bored and irritated by all the drama, Kate questions the circumstances of the tragedy that haunts the family. I didn’t have high expectations for this book, which I bought primarily for the gorgeous Richard Cuffari illustrations, but I was blown away. Pope creates a sublimely uncanny setting in a surprising way, and Kate is a wonderful protagonist: principled, rational, and compassionate beneath her no-nonsense exterior.

Worst of the Bi-Month

Someone to Remember by Mary Balogh (2019): In her youth, Lady Matilda Westcott rejected Charles Sawyer’s proposal at the urging of her parents, who thought him too wild. Now she’s fifty-six, loved by her extended family but stuck caring for an unappreciative elderly mother. The marriage of her niece and Charles’s estranged illegitimate son brings them together again, but she never expects anything to come of it...like a total fool. This is a cute novella with compelling family dynamics. I also appreciated the solidly middle-aged protagonists, although Balogh presents them a little too timidly, like a mom trying to get a picky eight-year-old to try asparagus.

Rest of the Bi-Month

A Gentleman Never Keeps Score by Cat Sebastian (2018): Once-popular Hartley Sedgwick is languishing in the huge townhouse his godfather left him, shunned by nearly everyone for his sexuality. Then Sam Fox, a black pugilist-turned-tavern-keeper, tries to sneak into the house to find a nude portrait of an embarrassed friend. Moved by Sam’s decency, Hartley offers his assistance in finding the portrait. As I explained in my post about my favorite Regency romance novels, I adore this book for the way Hartley and Sam’s love story is mirrored and enhanced by portrayals of many other kinds of love, between brothers and friends and parents and children and neighbors and also one very homely dog.

Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell (2012): Park, a geeky half-Korean teenager in 1986, keeps his head down and barley avoids outright ostracism in his poor, mostly white Omaha neighborhood. Eleanor, the weird white girl who shares his bus seat, is tormented at school and at home. They have no interest in being friends, but they slowly bond and fall in love over music and comics. What I liked most about this bittersweet YA novel was the ways in which the protagonists improved each other’s lives. With Park and his loving family, Eleanor gets to let down her defenses, while Eleanor’s boldness inspires Park to embrace his differences. I do wish that Park’s side of things had been developed more, however.

One Perfect Rose by Mary Jo Putney (1997): Upon learning that he’s terminally ill, Stephen, the Duke of Ashburton, freaks out and goes on an incognito tour of the English countryside without telling his family. He ends up joining an acting troupe run by the boisterous Fitzgerald family and falling in love with their adopted daughter/stage manager, Rosalind, despite the many reasons they have no future together. (Or do they?) This is a good, old-fashioned weepy romance that’s elevated by Putney’s serious attention to the theme of reconciling with one’s mortality. There’s also some extremely late-1990s New-Age-ish stuff going on, which sometimes felt a little silly but was still charming.

Broken Wing by Judith James (2008): When unconventional countess Sarah finds her long-lost little brother at a Parisian brothel, she’s overjoyed, appalled, and relieved that he was protected by sex worker Gabriel St. Croix. Grateful, she offers Gabriel a reward and insists he come to live with her and her family. This is another tear-jerking, charmingly dated romance; I felt like a teenager again, reading top-shelf angsty fanfiction. It’s best in the slow-burn first half, during which Gabriel must adjust to a massive reversal of fortune after a lifetime of trauma. The more action-packed second half makes great use of the unusual late 1790s/early 1800s setting, but it does feel hurried.

When a Duchess Says I Do by Grace Burrowes (2019): Widowed Matilda Wakefield, the Duchess of Bosendorf, has been on the run since getting mixed up in her diplomat dad’s clandestine activities. An encounter with scholarly Duncan Wentworth lands her a live-in secretarial position at his rural estate. They connect with each other, but how can love grow when they’re the object of multiple sinister plots? While this entry in the Wentworth series is not as incandescently lovely as My One and Only Duke, I’m still a sucker for spooky country houses, responsible-household-management plots, and sad early-middle-aged heroes. Burrowes is also an excellent writer, and I’m glad that I discovered her.

What Hearts by Bruce Brooks (1992): Sensitive Asa excels at school but struggles at home, thanks to his mother’s severe mental illness and his stepfather Dave’s emotional abuse. Divided into four novella-like sections, the novel follows Asa from his parents’ divorce in first grade to his first love in seventh. I liked parts of this weird, sober book when I read it as a kid, and I felt the same this time. It’s got brilliant moments, most involving Asa and Dave’s relationship, but there’s a lot of telling-not-showing in between. Brooks also can’t seem to decide on the time period; it’s probably supposed to be set 1965-1971, but it always feels like 1963, and you can only blame so much of that on the North Carolina setting.

Jean and Johnny by Beverly Cleary (1959): Short, bespectacled, and working-class, fifteen-year-old Jean feels invisible at her high school until handsome upperclassman Johnny Chessler starts paying attention to her. She’s thrilled, but her parents and sister warn against chasing him. I didn’t like this book much in middle school, but I revisited it because it occurred to me that Jean was a lesbian. Having reread it, I know I was wrong on two counts: Jean is unfortunately not a lesbian (she clearly thinks Johnny’s hot), and the book’s not that depressing. Jean’s no sad sack who’s doomed to a life of grimly chaste square dancing; she’s a legit snack who becomes increasingly self-assured and assertive.

Lost at Sea by Bryan Lee O’Malley (2003): Raleigh, a Canadian eighteen-year-old, hitches a ride back home from California with some classmates she hardly knows after a meeting with her long-distance boyfriend ends in heartbreak. Lonely and a little disconnected from reality--she maintains the belief that her mom somehow sold her soul, which now resides in a stray cat--Raleigh slowly makes friends with her travelling companions and finds some piece of mind. Although nothing much happens in this short graphic novel, it’s one of the most authentically just-graduated-high-school stories I’ve ever read. I could relate to those feelings of fear and disappointment even in the face of exciting new possibilities.

Tempting the Bride by Sherry Thomas (2012): David Hillsborough, Lord Hastings, has desired Helena Fitzhugh, first-wave feminist and successful fiction editor, since they were kids together, but he’s always hidden behind insulting remarks. When Helena’s affair with a married man ends in scandal, though, she unhappily accepts David’s offer of marriage in order to cover it up. Then she gets hit by a carriage and loses every memory she formed after her mid-teens, which happens to be when she met David. Thomas always has an engaging style and deals with even outlandish plots in a sophisticated way, and her take on the 13 Going on 30 plot is enjoyable. However, it is rushed at the end.

#theme of the bi-month: oh no he's hot #books #reading

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theroseandthebeast · 5 years

Text

Yuletide 2018, Batch 2

15 Recs for Castlevania, Clue, Crimson Peak, DCU + Justice League, Dead Poets Society, Die Hard, Dirk Gently’s Wholistic Detective Agency, Dragonriders of Pern, Judge Dredd, The Princess Bride

A better night’s sleep, Castlevania

"Does it really feel right to you, being here without him?"

Trevor didn't have to ask who she meant. "I doubt he'd really want to be here when he has all of the Belmont Hold and all of his father's castle to sulk around in."

"He's all alone," Sypha said. "I can't stop thinking of how lonely he must be."

"He's probably just about to settle in for a nice decade-long nap," Trevor said, but his heart wasn't in it. "You're going to say... we need to go back," he said, as Sypha matched his last five words perfectly.

Miss Scarlet Rolls the Dice First, Clue

"The 1950s were good for business. The war in Korea had segued nicely into a cold war, which was her preferred kind."

Ms. Scarlet, after.

‘til Death, Crimson Peak

Years after the events at Crimson Peak, Edith returns. Closure is not always a simple thing, for the living or the dead.

Don’t Let Me Get Away, Crimson Peak

"I love you," Thomas whispered, gathering her up into his arms. She was limp like a rag doll, and he cradled her in his arms, rocking her slightly. "I love you," he repeated over and over, a mantra that he probably hoped would protect her from Lucille. "I can't let you go, I can't let you get away. I'll do what I must to keep you safe."

God help her, Edith was willing to do the same.

Ghosts of the Past, Crimson Peak

"Thomas," Edith said, kindly but firm, "believe me, I understand feeling...reverence for one's departed." She felt a pang of loss, which she suppressed for the moment. "But I am the mistress of this house now. The sooner your sister realizes that, the better for us all."

Thomas smiled sadly. "You're right, of course, my dear."

Edith Cushing Sharpe is no one's fool. Young she might be, and newly orphaned, but her observational skills and her imagination were in no way impaired. Or, Edith figures shit out.

Society Pages, Justice League

Bruce watched Barry snatch hors d'oeuvres from three passing trays and immediately stuff them into his mouth, then try a sip of the champagne offered to him by an over-attentive waiter, sneeze, and hand back the half-empty flute. "At least you had the sense to put him in the McQueen," he said, resigned, and made his way over to rescue him before the society matrons could smell blood in the water.

i do not care for the winter sun, DCU

M disappears from Apollo’s life so quickly, he can’t help but wonder how long he’s been planning it.

close your mouth (open up your heart), Justice League

Post-JL, Clark isn't sure what to make of Bruce Wayne, or that he's ever going to be able to figure it out. But maybe all he needs is a little help.

Or: five times Clark had conversations with other people about Bruce, plus the time he managed to actually talk to Bruce.

Petrichor, Dead Poets Society

On the night of the play at Henley Hall, after Puck turned back into Neil Perry, Todd Anderson felt an odd sense of foreboding as the car rolled away...and made a choice.

From the Wreckage, Die Hard

It's five in the afternoon on a Tuesday when Matt shows up at John's doorstep, backpack flung over his shoulder and a duffle bag in his hand.

Arrested Development, Dirk Gently

At night he would give himself pep talks, telling himself that tomorrow for sure he would just ask Dirk out, and every day he would continue not to do that, because: they worked together, and it could (would) get weird if things didn't work out, and they were friends, and Todd couldn't bring himself to ruin that, literally could not make the words come out.

He was, possibly, the most pathetic person on the planet.

Unexpected, Dragonriders of Pern

A Hatching is always a momentous occasion, one that changes forever the lives of the participants. And sometimes, of all Pern.

Trial and Error, Judge Dredd

The Hall of Justice believe sex will enhance Anderson's abilities. The judge the choose to test this with her is a strange choice to say the least.

Radioactive, Judge Dredd

She goes through ten partners her first year.

5 Songs Sung on the Slaked Vengeance, The Princess Bride

Through the years, Fezzik and Inigo carry a variety of passengers on their ship, the Slaked Vengeance.

#yuletide #yuletide 2018 #castlevania #clue #crimson peak #dcu #justice league #dead poets society #die hard #dragonriders of pern #dirk gently #judge dredd #the princess bride

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tilltheendwilliwrite · 6 years

Text

Rise Up

Chapter Twenty Eight

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader | Word Count: 4414 Warnings: language

Song: I Choose You by Sara Bareilles

Steve stood in Bucky’s shower and ignored the laughter coming from behind the partially open bathroom door. Seeing as how he couldn’t use his own suite to prepare, what with (Y/N) there, he’d commandeered Buckys. Of course, this had drawn every one of the guys to his suite as well, ending up with a revolving door of people.

Thor had returned with Odin and Heimdall. T’Challa had taken to the two new Asgardians with ease, drawing them in with his charm and quiet charisma. Sam, Clint, Scott, and Tony had broken out the good liquor. Vision had been taking in everything in his way, interjecting in conversation if and when he felt like it. Bruce stuck with him, grateful for his calm, while Bucky leaned against the sink, poking at the pile of clothing Loki had provided.

The God of Mischief had gone to retrieve the sword Steve had left behind in his room but had decreed that he would return soon and Steve had best be dressed.

“You even know how to put this stuff on?” Bucky asked.

Steve glanced his way through the frosted shower glass. “I’m sure I can figure it out.” It hadn’t looked as intricate as Loki or Thor’s attire after all.

“She's gonna love the leather pants,” Bucky chuckled.

“Least we’ll be even.” Steve grinned and turned off the water. “Towel?”

Bucky threw one over the door Steve was quick to wrap around his waist. He swung the door open and stepped through to find Bucky smirking at him.

“What’s that look for, jerk?”

Bucky’s grin grew to fill his face. “Punk ass, little shit. You’re gettin’ married.”

Steve chuckled, his heart clenched and took up a swift beat, and he grinned at his image in the slightly foggy mirror. “Yeah. I am.”

“Never did I ever think… for either of us…” Bucky shook his head as his voice grew choked.

“Me either, but it’s (Y/N). She’s… everything.” The smile on his face was goofy as hell, but Steve couldn’t help it. He was happy. Really happy. Stupidly happy. Even if his wedding wasn’t quite what he’d once thought it would be.

“Hey?” Bucky nudged his arm when Steve ran his hand down his clean-shaven face. “You alright?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s just… not what I expected.” Steve shrugged and grabbed his shorts off the pile of clothes, drawing them up his damp legs beneath the towel before removing it to rub over his head. Once most of the water was out of his hair, he dragged the towel down his chest, down over the heartbeat which drummed in time with his own, and frowned at the look on Bucky’s face. “What?”

“What?” Bucky smirked all the wider.

“What’s that dumbass look for?”

Bucky shrugged. “Nothing.”

Steve dried his arms and furrowed his brow, giving his friend the Captain’s glare as Natasha called it. “What are you hiding?”

“Nothing!”

But he snickered, causing Steve to turn fully toward him and cross his arms, towel hanging from his clenched fist. “Liar. What do you know?”

He burst out laughing and waved a hand Steve’s direction. ‘Pal, that hard ass look of yours is way more effective when you have clothes on!”

Steve rolled his eyes and ran the towel down his legs. “Jerk. C’mon! It’s my damn wedding, and I haven’t a clue what the hell is going on.”

“You poutin’, Stevie?” Bucky teased. “I haven’t seen that face since nineteen forty.”

“Maybe,” he grumbled, rolling his eyes and taking the pants from Bucky when he handed them over.

The black leather was soft, felt like warm butter in his hands, and went up his legs with only a little sticking to his damp flesh. They were fitted but not to the point of being a second skin. Hooks and leather lacings saw the front closed. A wide band of thicker leather carved with runes acted as a belt and closed with an intricately worked buckle in silver and gold.

Bucky tossed him the long sleeved tunic, a dark blue with a wide collar of black leather laced together like lattice and a cord of braided black woven in gentle waves along the edges and around golden cabochons. Even the cuffs of the sleeves were patterned with wide bands of black leather lattice. Small gold studs appeared to hold the leather in place, and when Steve drew the fabric over his head, it settled loosely on his body.

“Damn.” Bucky shook his head.

“What?” Steve asked, smoothing down the sleeves.

Bucky handed over a belt at least three inches wide and packed with squares of beaten gold. Wolfheads in what appeared to be blackened silver sat in the center of each square, matching perfectly the heads on the ring he slipped back onto his forearm.

“You look…” His friend's blue-grey eyes were wide and filled with what appeared to be… envy.

“Is it weird?” Steve turned toward the mirror and startled. “Holy…”

“Shit, right?” Bucky grinned and punched him in the shoulder. “Damn, Stevie! You look like some badass Viking!”

“He looks like a man of Asgard,” Loki stated, appearing in the doorway. “Boots.”

He held out the knee-high creations, black again, but they had bands of deep burgundy leather which repeatedly crossed from ankle to knee.

“Different,” Steve muttered. “Socks?”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Uncessassary.”

Steve eyed the sword in his opposite hand. It was (Y/N)’s. “That’s not mine.”

“How observant of you,” Loki quipped.

Steve only arched a brow. “I thought we were past this?”

A deep breath passed Loki’s lips, but he nodded slowly. “The time simply grows near. I am… anxious.”

“Why?” Bucky asked.

“Because the last three times Sváfa wed her sjelevenn, she died within weeks of their nuptials.” Loki held up his hand before they could say anything in response. “This is… different. I am aware of that fact. You, Captain, are far more powerful than any of your previous incarnations. She, too, is more than she was. I cannot help but think this time, things will be different.” He turned on his heel and walked out, calling, “Come along, Captain. We are not finished with you yet.”

Steve looked at Bucky, dressed in slacks and a dress shirt. Both gave a half shrug and followed Loki out into the room where everyone was waiting. A round of good-natured catcalling and whistling came from those gathered. Steve grinned and held up his hands in surrender.

“Looking good, Cap!” Sam chuckled. “Like something off the History channel.”

“Laugh it up, Wilson.” Steve tried not to blush.

“Loki,” Odin murmured, getting to his feet with a frown. “What game are you playing?”

“No game, father. Only truth.” Loki turned and threw his hand out at Steve.

Magic swelled and rippled, raced over his chest and back, leaving behind weight and pressure when the armour settled heavily on his body. Steve gave a small grunt when it all fell into place, his shoulders and hips taking the brunt of it, and looked down at his arms. “Holy hell.”

No one spoke. Everyone stood and stared in awe. Thick burgundy leather unlike anything he’d ever seen covered his forearms, shoulders, chest, and back. When he moved his head to see the deeply carved pauldrons on his shoulders, Steve felt something soft and warm tickle the back of his neck. Fur, it seemed, though, for what purpose, ornamental or functional, he didn’t know. He brought his hands to the chest piece and drew his fingers down the front, feeling the groves and following the lines which led into the wolf made rampant on the front.

“Wow,” Steve and Bucky breathed at the same time.

“Loki!” Odin snapped, turning on his son. “How dare you!”

Steve frowned and looked at Thor who appeared as shocked as Odin and Heimdall. “What?”

Odin grabbed Loki by the collar. “Remove it at once!”

“That would be unwise,” Loki said, holding up his hands in the face of his father’s anger. “As he is Hurgid’s true heir, it is the Captain’s right to wear his armour.”

Odin’s face paled, his eye widened, then, suddenly, he was standing before Steve in armour which glowed with the light reflecting off the gold of it. “Not possible. He is of Midgard. He has never been to Asgard!”

Steve shook his head. “Freyja took me. I’ve only been back a half hour at most.”

“Freyja?” he whispered, stepping back.

“I’ve been in the tomb. I used Randulfr to defeat Heðinn. I know what happened to start us down this path.” Steve slowly unbuckled the guard on his left arm and drew the ring from beneath his sleeve. “Helgi, he gave this to me.”

“Sváfa, she has Randulfr?” Odin asked, in a voice grown soft with sudden age.

“Father, if you drop into an Odin sleep here, I will kick your ass back to Asgard!” Thor threatened.

Odin shook himself gently. “No. No, Thor. I am fine. Simply surprised. This is unexpected, but perhaps it should not have been. The Norns have been busy with you, Captain. Hurgid was… my friend.”

“An honour, I’m sure.” Steve nodded.

“And now the famed heir happens to be a man I call a friend!” Thor walked over and pounded Steve between the shoulder blades. “Could the day be any more fortuitous?”

Surprisingly, Steve felt only half the strength of the blow against his back and wondered just what magic the leather was laced with to diffuse Thor’s power so effectively.

“So, you go into your nuptials armoured and armed?” T’Challa asked, breaking the silence as Odin continued to stare at Steve.

Loki tilted his head. “Asgardian males show their strength, their power, and their place to their bride. It is our way. As the exchange of swords is our way.”

“Dress to impress, huh?” Scott called, lifting his glass. “Looking good, Cap! Smokin’ hot. (Y/N)’s gonna swallow her tongue.”

That caused Clint and Tony to laugh, and the good-natured ribbing began again.

Steve ignored them to focus on Loki. “I think you and I better go over this ceremony. We don’t exactly exchange swords where I’m from.”

Loki threw him a wicked smirk. “That would depend on which life we were speaking of, Captain. Come along. I will explain on the way.”

Steve cast one last glance at Odin who appeared lost in thought. Perhaps he was lost in memories, ones of days long past when another had worn the armour he currently carried on his back. The weight of it suddenly seemed heavier.

***

The noise was intense in your room. All the women had gathered together to laugh and ask you questions about what to expect and traditions unique to Asgard. They’d made you blush at least a dozen times, break out in laughter double that many, and tear up once or twice.

Nakia and Shuri had gushed over your ring. Okoye had grunted, but a smile had twitched her lips right before she’d asked when she could have a go at the Valkyrie Queen? Apparently, Tony had been rather thorough in sending out the video of you kicking the ljå’s ass.

Hope Van Dyne had arrived with Scott and was helping Laura wrangle the Barton brood. Wanda was touching up your makeup, Natasha had stolen some of Tony’s best champagne, Peter had tagged along with Shuri and was doing an awful lot of blushing being the only male in the vicinity.

But it was Pepper’s arrival which threw everyone into a tizzy, for walking in behind her, was Sharon.

You hadn’t seen her since the Hounds kidnaped you and stood slowly to your feet to greet Pepper. “I didn’t think you were coming?”

“I didn’t think I could make it, what with the time difference and how quickly this came about, but you know Tony. He sent a suit.”

She rolled her eyes and made you chuckle. “I’m sure the Chinese were thoroughly impressed.”

“They did take quite a few photos,” Pepper sighed. “Especially as I made the mistake of arguing with an empty suit for all of five minutes before Tony just disassembled and reassembled it around me.” She squeezed your hands. “Though I am glad I’m not missing this. Tony’s been sending me updates on all things Valkyrie while I’ve been travelling.”

“Good.” You glanced toward Sharon standing awkwardly in the doorway.

“I hope you don’t mind. I was on my way here with information for one of the others teams and, well…” She twisted her hands together, her uncertainty clear.

The insecurities you’d suffered when she’d first arrived tried to rear their ugly head, but Steve was your sjelevenn. Whatever he’d had with Sharon in the past didn’t matter. The two of you together, that was the future.

You stepped around Pepper and walked toward Sharon, her body growing tighter with each step until you held out your hands. “Be at ease and be welcome. I’m sure Steve will be happy to have you here. He told me about you and Eric.”

“Oh, good,” she breathed in relief and smiled.

Sweet. That’s what came to mind when you looked at Sharon. Sweet and wholesome. She would have been a good match for a man like Steve at any other point in time, but Steve was yours. The other half of your soul. There was nothing for you to fear in regards to the woman standing before you.

“I’m… a little surprised though,” Sharon continued, eyeing your outfit. “I never would have guessed he’d go for a themed wedding.”

You burst out laughing, followed swiftly by Wanda and Natasha. “Oh, man. You have no idea!”

It took twenty minutes before Sharon finally stopped saying, “You’ve got to be shitting me,” and believe the rest of them.

“So you’re an actual queen?” She stared at you with wide eyes.

“Yup.” You nodded. “But that’s okay. Steve’s a king now, so you know. It evened out.”

“What!” she shrieked.

It took another ten minutes to hash out the rest. And once you had, Sharon simply took the bottle of champagne from Nat and drank straight from it.

“You guys need to start sharing your intel,” she gasped, pressing the bottle to her cheek.

“We share what we need to.” Nat’s voice was hard, and you reached for her hand.

Natasha was one who could hold a grudge for a very long time, and Sharon had been the catalyst which had made you run what felt like a lifetime ago. Add in how Sharon was now the liaison between Shield and the CIA, and people had become a lot more closed mouth around her.

“It’s okay, Nat. This isn’t information we’ll be able to keep quiet. Not anymore. Ross knows, so it’s only a matter of time before everyone does.”

“Is that why the rush to get married? So Ross and the media don’t find out?” Sharon asked.

You shook your head. “Asgard calls. My people need me. Today is an advantageous day to wed according to Odin, so today is it.”

“I’m not even going to ask,” Sharon murmured. “Congratulations to you both. I’m going to go find Steve and wish him the same.” She patted your knee and stood, wobbled slightly when the alcohol kicked in and walked away looking a little shell-shocked.

“I never liked her,” Natasha muttered. “Too perky and perfect.”

You snorted a laugh. “It’s fine, Nat.”

The redhead turned your way. Her face read as hard lines and angles. “It wasn’t fine once.”

Arching a brow, you lifted your chin. “I’m not insecure of my place in Steve’s heart anymore. Her being here doesn’t bother me.”

A smirk twitched her lips. “Good. For a second there I thought you were going to throw down when she sneered at your dress.”

“It wasn’t a sneer,” you huffed.

“It wasn’t, ooh how pretty, either,” Natasha snickered.

You ran your hands down the front of your gown. It was simple, plain, nothing overly fancy. The tunic style had a ‘v’ neckline which showed off the pendant Steve had given you, highlighted by a wide collar embroidered in threads of silver and gold. The long sleeves had bands of braiding around your bicep, while silk brushed the back of your hand from the big flowing cuffs. Made of white wool, it was warm, and you were grateful for the small mercy of getting married in late fall when it was already cooler, to begin with. You wore no belt, no other finery but the ring on your one hand and the gauntlet on your other, and your hair which streamed long and loose down your back like a silk curtain.

Soon you would wear the bridal crown, but not just yet.

“Explain to me why this dress?” Pepper asked, her fingers tracing your sleeve.

“Tradition. A bride goes from her father’s home to her husband’s unadorned but for the bridal crown. It is meant to show purity, and the innocence which you bring to your union.” Natasha snorted, and you smacked her shoulder. “It's metaphorical, dumbass!”

“Oh, good. Or that dress is completely the wrong colour.”

Peter snickered from his place in the corner, and you threw a glare his way. “Watch it, puppy. I’m a lot faster than I used to be.”

“Lips zipped. Promise,” Peter nodded frantically.

“As the Queen of the Valkyrie, nothing I have but myself belongs to Steven. I go to him with nothing but my name and my heart. Therefore, I step out from the mantle of Queen to become his wife. He will never be King of the Valkyrjur. It isn’t done. None of what power I wield is his to command. So I will stand before him as only a woman. A woman who, without her crown, has nothing.”

“What about him?” Peter asked, dropping to the floor.

“Steve,” you smiled. “Let’s just say… the men of Asgard have something to prove and leave it at that.”

When Loki appeared in the doorway, your heart fluttered in anticipation. “It’s time?”

“That it is, darling.” He smiled at the rest of the women, all dressed to the nines but frowned at Peter. “What are you wearing?”

“What?” the boy asked, slinking in on himself. “It was last minute!” And he was still in his everyday school clothes.

“One would think Stark would take better care of his pet,” Loki huffed and flicked his wrist.

“Hey! I’m not a pet-”

You could smell his magic sizzle through the air, then Peter gasped, and you couldn’t help but giggle when the magic faded. He was dressed in a similar style to Loki and Thor. A tunic with a wide belt over tight breeks and high boots.

Loki chuckled. “There. Now you appear to belong in an Asgardian wedding.”

“Holy… holy shit!”

“Peter! Language,” Pepper scolded, motioning toward Laura’s kids.

“Sorry!” he squeaked, dragging his hands down the front of the tunic. “This is just… so cool!”

“Well, proper attire is required if you are to fulfill your duties.”

He gaped at Loki before sputtering, “Me? What duties?”

“The handfasting cord,” you said. “It is the job for the youngest of Steve’s family.”

Peter flushed, the colour burning high in his face at being called family. “But… Shuri is younger.”

You smiled at him and shook your head. “I should have said the male closest to being labelled a man. This is a great honour and responsibility if you’re up to it?”

He stood straighter and nodded. “I am.”

“Good.” You held out your hand for him, leaned in, and kissed his cheek when he took it. “Go with Loki. He’ll give you instructions.”

Peter’s entire face was red, but he grinned broadly and headed for the door where Loki was leaning. The boy glanced at him, and you could read Peter’s nervousness when it came to being around the once villainous God of Mischief.

“Oppfør deg, ugagn.” You warned Loki to behave himself.

“Du ødelegger all min moro, lillesøster,” he pouted.

“I don’t ruin all your fun,” you teased.

“Just most of it,” he quipped, smirking as he dropped his hand on Peter's shoulder and led the boy out the door. “Come along, ladies. Barton will be here to collect (Y/N) any moment.”

“Clint is going to carry the sword?” you asked in surprise.

“He is the closest to kin you have in this world besides myself and Thor. I thought he would suffice.”

“More than suffice,” you agreed, “as long as Laura doesn’t mind me stealing her husband for a few minutes?”

“As long as you promise to give him back,” she laughed, herding the kids before her out the door.

“Lillesøster,” Loki said, standing in the hallway, looking back at you alone in the suite you shared with Steve, your soon to be husband. “I will see you before the fire. May the Norns bless you this day.”

“Loki,” you whispered, tears burning your eyes. “I love you.”

“Such sentiment,” he crooned. “Jeg elsker deg, også.”

You waved him away, well aware he would never admit to his own sentiment in a language other people could understand. Alone now, your nerves bubbled to the surface. A bride’s nerves. A woman’s nerves.

A host of what if’s ran through your head. What if he hated how you looked when arrived? Sharon’s words, though harmless and meant without malice, had niggled their way into your brain and burrowed deep. A little sigh escaped your lips.

You were being foolish. After all, you still had your own surprise planned for Steve. One Bucky had approved, the girls had agreed would blow his mind, and Loki was willing to assist you with.

Even if the ceremony wasn’t exactly what he expected, you were pretty sure he’d enjoy the reception. And, knowing Loki as well as you did, you could only imagine the chaos he’d caused and what attire he’d put Steve in.

You couldn’t wait to see what he looked like. Just the thought sent a rush of heat south.

“Brat?”

You turned to see Clint in the doorway. “Feathers.”

“Loki said something about you needing someone to pack a sword?” He stepped through the door and whistled. “Wow. Not what I was expecting but damn. You clean up nice.”

“Yeah?” you asked, running your hands over your waist, careful of the talons on your right hand. “I know it’s all about the dress and the hair and I… I don’t…”

“Hey.” His strides carried him forward until he could take your hands with his. “You look drop dead gorgeous. Steve is going to swallow his tongue, though… you may have your own moment when you see the getup Loki put him in. Wowza!”

“That good, huh?” you giggled, excitement beginning to replace your nerves.

“He looks like he stepped off some ship from the tenth century except for the fact it’s all a lot more… Asgardian looking. Less rough. More regal.” He held your hands out away from your body and whistled a second time. “But you, brat? You look like a bride fit to stand at his side.”

“Stop. Now you’re just stroking my ego,” you teased and pointed at the silver circlet sitting on the coffee table. “Help me with that?”

Clint picked it up and gave it a spin between his palms. “Pretty fancy. Figured you’d be wearing your crown there, majesty.”

You rolled your eyes and poked him in his suit covered ribs. “Can’t. Technically I go to Steve with nothing but my name. My queendom is not his, will never be his, and I am but a lowly pauper without it.”

“Not quite. You've got all of us. And you’re an Avenger. That’s something.” He lifted the bridal crown and placed it down over your brow and hair, centring the large stone on your forehead. Then, he dug in his pocket. “You have all the bases covered except one. Something old.” He touched the sleeve of your dress. “Something new.” The ring which rested on your left hand. “Something borrowed.” Clint brushed his finger down the stone in the center of your forehead before booping you on the nose. “But what about blue?”

He held out a soft fabric item, and you nearly blushed. “Is that a garter?”

“Yup!” he snickered at what was likely the look on your face. “It was Laura’s. We figured you might not have one with the short notice rush, and seeing as how we’ve been married happily for some years, one could theorize it’s good luck.”

“Theorize? You’ve been hanging out with Bruce again, haven’t you?” you asked, giggling as you took it from him. “Thanks, Clint. To both of you. It’s just what I needed.”

You sat to pull your dress up, and he turned around. “Now you’re a gentleman? Dude, you’ve seen me in yoga shorts and a sports bra!”

“It’s different now!” he barked.

“Why? Cause I’m getting married?”

“Well, yeah. And to Cap.”

“So you don’t want to be on the receiving end of a Cap scowl when he finds out you ogled my thigh?”

“You are a brat!” he huffed, but there was a grin in his voice. “And I’m happily married. The only thighs I ogle are Laura’s.”

“And Bucky’s,” you snickered.

“That was one time, and I was really drunk!” he whined. “Are you ever going to let that go?”

“Nope!” you laughed, getting up to hug him from the back, arms tight around his waist. “I love you, Clint.”

“Aww, now why’d you have to go and say that?” he asked as the scent of wet salt assaulted your nose.

“Because it’s true.” You let go so he could turn and smiled when he cupped your face.

“You’re like an annoying little sister, you know that right?” he grumbled and pressed a kiss to your cheek.

“I know. That’s why you get to carry Steve’s sword.”

“Huh?” He gaped at you like a confused puppy, making you giggle.

“I’ll explain on the way. Come on, bro!” You leaned in for one more hug before releasing him to take the first steps toward the man who’d been your husband many times before and who you hoped would be many more times in the future.

Fates willing.

Next Chapter

#rise up #Steve Rogers #steve x reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #captain america #captain america fanfiction #captain america x reader #Avengers #The Avengers #avengers au #avengers fanfiction #valkyrie

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brokehorrorfan · 6 years

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Best New Horror Movies on Netflix: Winter 2018

There's an overwhelming amount of horror movies to sift through on Netflix, so I've decided to take out some of the legwork by compiling a list of the season’s best new genre titles available on Netflix’s instant streaming service.

Please feel free to leave a comment with any I may have missed and share your thoughts on any of the films you watch. You can also peruse past installments of Best New Horror Moves on Netflix for more suggestions.

1. Gerald's Game

IT was undoubtedly the most entertaining Stephen King adaptation in recent memory, but Gerald's Game may be the most tense. The novel - which revolves around a middle-aged married couple's attempt to spice up their love life - was seemingly un-filmable, but director Mike Flanagan (Oculus, Ouija: Origin of Evil) takes a creative yet logical approach to successfully translate the story from the page to the screen. The direction is stylish, despite largely involving only two actors in a single bedroom. Carla Gugino (Watchmen) and Bruce Greenwood (Star Trek) star, both delivering brilliant performances, with Henry Thomas (E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial) and Carel Struycken (The Addams Family) in chilling supporting roles. Its left-field epilogue won't work for some, but the film remains a suspenseful, dead-filled experience that includes perhaps the most cringe-inducing sequence of the year.

2. 1922

1922 is an adaptation of a little-known Stephen King novella, published in his 2010 collection, Full Dark, No Stars. Like much of King's work, it doesn't shy away from the supernatural, yet it's firmly grounded in reality. The always-reliable Thomas Jane delivers a transformative performance in his third King film (following Dreamcatcher and The Mist). He stars as Wilfred James, a conflicted man who confesses to murdering his wife (Molly Parker. Deadwood) with the aid of his son (Dylan Schmid, Once Upon a Time) in 1922. Akin to Edgar Allan Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart," Wilfred's unbearable guilt manifests itself. Cinematographer Ben Richardson (The Fault in Our Stars) utilizes a lot of natural light, while Faith No More's Mike Patton composes an atonal score. Writer-director Zak Hilditch (whose previous film, These Final Hours, is also worth seeking out) delivers a brooding, character-driven slow burner.

3. Raw

Raw made waves on the festival circuit when it caused multiple viewers to faint. It is indeed a uniquely repulsive film in more ways than one might expect - depicting everything from animal dissecting to bikini waxing to eye licking in graphic detail - but it's much more than a mindless gorefest. The French film is a compelling, darkly humorous coming-of-age story... with cannibalism. The plot revolves around Justine (Garance Marillier), a young vegetarian, as she enters her first semester at veterinary school. She receives the full college experience: hazing, coed living, experimentation, partying, flesh eating. Marillier's fearless performance is matched by a strong vision from writer-director Julia Ducournau.

4. Super Dark Times

From the first act of Super Dark Times, you might expect it to be a coming-of-age genre tale in the vein of Stranger Things and IT, but by the end you will find a film that shares more in common with River's Edge and Stand By Me. It's set in the '90s, complete with scrambled "adult" channels, but it doesn't beat the viewer over the head with nostalgia. Owen Campbell (The Americans) and Charlie Tahan (Ozark) star as best friends with a secret that drives a wedge between them. Co-writers Ben Collins and Luke Piotrowski (Siren) capture the adolescent banter better than most films, while director Kevin Phillips makes an impressive feature debut. Living up to its title, Super Dark Times is a dark, tense experience.

5. Cult of Chucky

Child’s Play is a rare horror franchise that has maintained its original continuity, thanks to having Don Mancini - who has written every installment and directed the latter three - as the driving creative force. Cult of Chucky, the seventh entry in the series, brings together the franchise’s three distinct story lines - Nica (Fiona Dourif) from Curse of Chucky, Andy Barclay (Alex Vincent) from Child’s Play 1-3, and Tiffany (Jennifer Tilly) from Bride/Seed of Chucky. Taking cues from A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warrior, the film takes place in a mental institution, where Nica bonds with the members of her therapy group. When they start dying one by one, Nica struggles to convince anyone that a possessed doll named Chucky (voiced, as always, by Brad Dourif) is responsible. Mancini’s well-paced script is fearless in its exploration of delightfully weird ideas, in addition to balancing the more serious tone with lighthearted fun. The result is as close as you can get to pleasing fans of all eras of Chucky. Read my full review of the film here.

6. The Bar

The Bar is the latest effort from reliable Spanish filmmaker Álex de la Iglesia (The Oxford Murders). It finds a group of strangers trapped in a seedy bar in downtown Madrid. Anyone that tries to leave is killed by an unseen assailant, with their bodies disappearing - blood and all - when no one is looking. Reminiscent of an episode of The Twilight Zone, suspicion grows and intrigue builds as the group must come together to solve the mystery. Iglesia does a fine job establishing an ensemble of quirky characters in a short time and then maintaining that momentum throughout the duration. He also injects his signature dark humor into the plot, helping to further set it apart from other contained thrillers.

7. Creep 2

2014's Creep (which is also streaming on Netflix and should be viewed first) was perhaps the last good, original found footage movie, made on a shoestring budget with copious improvisation. Star/co-writer Mark Duplass (Safety Not Guaranteed), whose eerie performance as an idiosyncratic murderer anchored Creep, and director/co-writer Patrick Brice return for Creep 2, which slightly expands the mythology without sacrificing the intimacy that made the first film so effective. Duplass' character now goes by Aaron, assuming not only the name of Brice's character from the first Creep but also his interest in filmmaking. Sara (Desiree Akhavan) responds to Aaron's Craigslist ad looking for a videographer, and it’s not long after their meeting that he admits to being a serial killer. But Aaron is going through a bit of a midlife crisis, so he employs Sara to film a documentary about him. Much like the first Creep, not a whole lot happens before the climax, but Duplass' eccentric character and vulnerable performance keep you watching with bated breath.

8. Killing Ground

Killing Ground is an unapologetic Australian thriller in the vein of Eden Lake, Wolf Creek, Deliverance, and The Hills Have Eyes. In other words, it's an intense punch in the gut. In the film, a couple's romantic camping trip is interrupted by unhinged locals against whom they must fight for survival. The familiar set-up is elevated by intriguing flashbacks to events a few days prior to the main story, the context of which adds even more weight to the harrowing situation. Although not the most original story ever told, Killing Ground is an effective, realistic debut for writer-director Damien Power.

9. Veronica

Verónica is a Spanish-language psychological thriller from Mexico. Co-directors Carlos Algara and Alejandro Martinez-Beltran opted to shoot the film in black and white with gorgeous, precise cinematography, bringing to mind the recent The Eyes of My Mother. A psychologist (Arcelia Ramírez) is offered a substantial sum of money to take on the evasive yet intelligent Veronica de la Serna (Olga Segura) as a patient. It's a simple set-up, consisting of little more than dialogue between the two characters, but the intriguing therapy sessions slowly reveal Veronica's deep-seated issues. The plot takes an unexpected, exciting turn for the final act, but it ultimately leads to a twist that is trite and, frankly, unnecessary. But don't let that deter you; the rest of the film is positively riveting.

10. Red Christmas

Red Christmas is a holiday horror film that - despite hailing from Australia - captures the typical Christmas season quite well, complete with the family drama it often entails. It also addresses the topical subject of reproductive rights, employs both a genre legend (E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial's Dee Wallace, in one of her strongest performances in years) and an actor with Down syndrome (Gerard O'dwyer), and tells a decent horror story in the process. Similar to You're Next, the film features a killer interrupting a strained family gathering, blending home invasion and slasher influences. It won’t replace any of the classics, but Red Christmas is a fine addition to the Christmas horror pantheon. Read my full review of the film here.

11. Don't Kill It

Don't Kill It is a fun amalgam of horror, action, comedy, and western from director Mike Mendez (Big Ass Spider). A rash of homicides - in which each killer murders the previous killer - lead FBI agent Evelyn Pierce (Kristina Klebe, Halloween) back to the podunk Mississippi town she once called home in order to investigate the case. She reluctantly teams with Jebediah Woodley (Dolph Lundgren, Rocky IV), a self-described demon hunter, to stop the body-hopping demon on the loose. There are a couple of big, bloody set pieces that make the abundance of exposition worthwhile. Clocking in at a lean 83 minutes, the film plays like a more charming and entertaining version of a Syfy original movie.

Bonus: Dark

Comparisons between Dark and Stranger Things are inevitable - both Netflix original series concern a mystery of a missing child in a small town in which supernatural elements are at play - but Dark approaches the material in am much more subtle, subversive manner. In addition to Stranger Things' coming-of-age through a genre lens, the German show has the mind-bending rhetoric of Donnie Darko and the mystique of Twin Peaks, with a touch of Back to the Future for good measure. There may be a few too many characters for its own good, but the story - in which a disappearance in the present is somehow tied to similar events that occurred in 1986 - is undeniably well told and well shot. I'm already eager to binge a second season.

Bonus: Mindhunter

Mindhunter is an original series from executive producer David Fincher (Gone Girl, Seven), who also directs several episodes, with Joe Penhall (The Road) serving as showrunner. Based on the true crime book Mind Hunter: Inside the FBI’s Elite Serial Crime Unit, it follows FBI agents Holden Ford (Jonathan Groff. Glee) and Bill Tench (Holt McCallany, Alien 3) as they conduct interviews with convicted murderers in the late '70s for their groundbreaking work in behavioral science. After an attention-grabbing opening scene, the show takes a couple of episodes to gain momentum, but it's virtually impossible to look away after that. There's an abundance of heady dialogue, in typical Fincher fashion, though it's never short of enthralling.

#netflix #gerald's game #creep 2 #super dark times #cult of chucky #mindhunter #1922 #best of netflix #article #list

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bluboothalassophile · 6 years

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Could you do a fic where Raven and Jason are deciding who to invite to there wedding and they get an unexpected guests or guests

Hello,

I don’t know if this turned out how you want, but I had fun writing it and I hope you enjoy it! =)

Families of the Bride & Groom…

“Okay, so you have the Bats, I got Harley & Ivy,” Ravensaid.

“We’ll keep them separate,” Jason suggested.

“Mmm, which of us is getting Constantine?” Raven askedlooking up from the guest list. She and Jason had sorted out the guest list oftheir wedding weeks ago. Somethings were obvious, like the Bats were Jason’s family,Roy his best man; she had Harley, Ivy, Victor, and her family.

Others were a bit more challenging, like Constantine. Constantinewas like Jason’s uncle, and he was like her dad. No, Constantine wasn’t givingher away; that honor went to Victor Stone. Still, Jason and she had friends insimilar circles.

“You get him, he’s your dad,” Jason said.

“Are you sure, I mean, I know how much he means to you,”Raven pointed out.

“Yeah, I get Chas though,” Jason decided. “Zed already toldme; way before I even met you, how my wedding would be divided,” he shrugged.

“She didn’t leave you a master list, did she?” Raven asked.

“No, because I laughed at the mere thought of gettinghitched. When I asked who would be dumb enough to marry me, she threw hersketch pad at my head. She also told me I wasn’t marrying an idiot,” hegrumbled.

She smirked. “Zed at least knew I wasn’t an idiot.”

“Are you kidding little bird, pretty sure she saw you comingleagues away before we even crossed paths,” Jason chuckled looking wistful. “Soyeah, I was never getting Constantine, I get Chas.”

“Alright, maybe he and Vic can sort out who’s giving meaway,” Raven decided.

“Good luck,” he snorted.

She groaned as her head rested on the table. At theinsistence of her aunt, her uncle, and her grandfather, this wedding had turnedinto a circus event. A big Catholic wedding (Of course this was after Damian hadspilled the beans on her and Jason’s original wedding plans. So now they werehaving a family wedding at Uncle Jack’s insistence it was going to be a CatholicCeremony, else it’d be Jewish, at Alan’s insistence; Raven had found the middleground by just saying, Catholic wedding, Jewish party), Lucifer was paying, andhe had even selected the church. Yes, God was invited to this wedding, thoughRaven was praying he didn’t show.

“So, I have; Alice, Jack, Alan, Mary-Beth, Billy, Jessica,Mazikeen, Lucifer, Gabriel, Amenadiel, Azrael, Timmy, Teether, Melvin, Harley,Ivy, Constantine, and Vic; think God shall smite us or come to the wedding?”Raven said looking up from the papers.

“If he shows I’m punching him.”

She snorted, “Luci will probably pay money to see that.”

“You got them, I got Alfred, B, Cat, Dick, Mar'i, Jake, Tim,Steph, Cass, Babs, Duke, Damian, Terry, Helena, Roy, Lian, Chas, Artemis, Bizarro,Kyle, Donna,” he started.

“No, you can’t have Donna,” Raven said looking at her list. “Donna’smy maid of honor, you know, because…” she shrugged.

“Ah, right,” he nodded.

“You want Linda?”

“No, Linda’s with Lucifer, you have Linda,” he said.

“Hm… how about Garfield?”

“No.”

“He’s coming to the wedding.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s my friend.”

“He’s an ex!”

“Jason, two words: Rose Wilson!”

“So not even close to the same thing,” he muttered.

“You invited Rose, she invited Joe, and if you can have RoseI’d like Gar there.”

“Fine you can have Garfield,” he sighed.

“And Garth.”

“Why don’t we just invite the entire hero and villain community,shut off this list debate?” Jason suggested.

“No!”

“This was so much easier before we had to have a wedding!” Jasongroaned.

Raven sighed in agreement. Because their plan was simple,they would take a few family and friends to the courthouse, get married, thenhave the party with friends and family. Apparently though, that wasn’t allowedwith Damian Wayne; nope, the little Arabian Prince had gone overboard andannounced that this union would be proper with all the family there. No one inthe Bats had seen Damian so insistent on that point; honestly, he was the lastperson anyone expected to care about this matter.

Their door was thrown open which had Raven and Jason lookingup as Damian walked in, he was looking mighty haughty about something. Whichhad her eyes narrowing.

“I see you are going over the reservations for the guests,”he deduced.

“I hate this, what was wrong with our wedding plans!?” Ravendemanded sharply.

“Too simplistic, and this is a long awaited union.” The teensnapped with an authority he didn’t have.

“What Wait!?” Jason and she shouted. It wasn’t like theywere Bruce and Selina who had danced around each other for decades! And she andJason hadn’t been ducking each other, they were just friends first. The datingthing was a fluke that had accidentally worked out to this point. But the demonspawn (not her) had decided they needed a wedding; a big wedding since Jason proposed.

“You two imbeciles had avoid this for years,” Damian snapped.

Raven glared at him.

“Now, I came to request that I be allowed a plus one,” hestated.

“And who are you inviting!?’ Jason sputtered.

“A date.”

“Who!?”

“You will have to see, but as father said I was too young Icouldn’t have a plus one, so I have come to ask that you adjust the plans.” Damianlooked a bit bashful then.

Jason groaned as his head fell back. “Fine, fuck, fine!”

No shenanigans at this wedding Damian,” Raven warned.

“I would never!” he sputtered. Raven rolled her eyes.

“So, this plus one, add it to your side of the aisle Jay,”Raven decided.

“Why couldn’t you just take the Bats? They like you more,”he grumbled.

“You want Lucifer?”

“I’ll take the Bats.”

“I thought as much,” she sighed.

“You two have not finished the guest list?” Damian scowled.

“We’re at the divide and conquer phase of this,” Jason countered.

“Tt, should have finished this weeks ago,” he chided.

“You are welcome to sort this out for us!” Raven snapped.

He actually balked before hurrying out of the apartment.

“So, I got the demon spawn’s plus one, do you have God onyour side or not?”

“Yeah, I’ll take God if He shows. And damn that sounds weird.”

“The Supers, why are we inviting the Supers?”

“The same reasons the Flash and Arrows are coming,” Raven answereddryly.

“Fuck this was easier when it was just you and me to thecourthouse.”

#bluboothalassophile #fanfic #one-shot #jason todd #raven #damian wayne #jayrae #raex #redrae

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diyunho · 7 years

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The Joker x Reader - “Getting Married”

Getting married with The Joker would include:

– He is nervous as hell, but wouldn’t admit even if it kills him. Sometimes at night, J has second thoughts but then he looks at you sleeping and takes a deep breath, thinking: “Shit, I guess I’m doing this.”

– You have fights about the color of your wedding dress: The Joker wants to see you in white, but you would prefer purple, one of his favorite colors. You break up and call off the weeding for about…4 hours, before starting to speak to each other again because now you have to fight about the color of his tuxedo. You want him to wear the classic black and J wants to wear green.

You call off the wedding again for about…5 hours before bumping into each other in the living room. He growls and you pout, telling him to come to bed because it’s late. J follows you to the bedroom muttering and complaining until he falls asleep.

–But you can’t doze off. You are so anxious about the upcoming event that you have second thoughts. But then you watch him dream and scoot over, forgetting you are mad at him. You snuggle to his chest and he squeezes you tight in his arms, kissing your forehead. I guess J wasn’t really asleep, he was just waiting to see if you would make the move before he does.

– The King of Gotham buys you all these little wedding gifts he hides all over the place for you to find. When you discover something you don’t remember you had before, he doesn’t admit to it since he doesn’t want you to think he cares too much:

“Of course you had that diamond necklace, I saw you wear it on our last date.”

“Are you kidding me? That dress has been in there for ages.”

“Ummm, those earrings have been in your jewelry box for at least 5 years.” (But, you know… you’ve been together for 2 years…)

“Come on, now, those stilettos have been in that box for at least a year.”

“Seriously, you don’t remember this car?!”

–So smooth, you smile to yourself, aware of what your future husband is doing but pretend not to have a clue and play along. It’s more fun this way.

– J wants to invite Batsy to the weeding. You believe it’s a great idea so tonight you blew up Gotham Bank and sprayed a nice graffiti on the only wall still standing: “ Come to the wedding” with the Batsy logo under. “P.S. No people were hurt in the making of this wedding invitation. You’re welcome.” Of course he saw it but there is no address, no date, no nothing. “Lunatics,” Bruce Wayne thinks, “how am I supposed to know what’s going on if there’s no info?!”

– You are afraid he will get bored with you after getting married. What if it doesn’t work and it all goes down in flames? What are you going to do without your green haired nightmare? The Joker notices you are stressed out and it only makes him even more nervous: I mean, what if he doesn’t work out and you get bored with him afterwards? What if ends up badly and you leave him? What is he going to do without his pain in the ass?

– One day, J finds you crying your eyes out on the balcony and you finally tell him why. Well, thank God because he didn’t want to bring that up, but what a relief to find out you share the same concern.

“Of course I’m going to divorce you in a couple of years: you’ll be too old for my standards,” he teases, spanking your butt.

“You’re already too old for my standards but I plan to stay married,” you whimper, blowing your nose in a tissue so loud it makes him cringe.

“Ewww, that’s it, the weeding is off!” and instead of laughing at his joke you bawl harder because the whole thing has been an emotional roller-coaster so far. “Ugghhh,” he rolls his eyes and lifts you in his arms, while you rub your eyes, upset. “Hug me,” and you don’t react. The threat follows: “Your arms better go around my neck really, really tight in the next 3 seconds or the ceremony is off for reals!”

– You don’t remember being so fast in obeying.

“I guess we’re still on,” your fiancée huffs and the teary smile gives him such an unexpected feeling of bliss. J wants to say something sweet for once but ends up mumbling a few words you don’t understand.

“What was that?” you ask, not sure if he really said anything.

“Mind your own business, woman!” but he doesn’t look mad and it makes you happy.

– Conflict arises when the subject of kids is brought up again: The Joker wants 3 and you want none. Huge fight and J leaves, slamming the door and yelling a bunch of stuff that makes you hate him for 30 minutes before you have a change of heart and text him:

“I am willing to compromise for 2.”

– He actually makes you sign a treaty stipulating your little truce. J types the text and prints it, bringing over the piece of paper.

“I agree to let my husband knock me up at least twice,” you read out loud, ready to sign. “Baby, I don’t like that ‘at least’ in there’ –it’s misleading,” you complain but The Clown Prince of Crime won’t have any of this crap.

“Just flippin’ scribble your name on the bottom of the page and stop whining!”

You take a deep breath and sign: “Y/N.”

“Wrong name, Pumpkin,” The Joker points out. “It should be Mrs. J since we are basically married !”

You giggle and cross a line on top of “Y/N”, correcting the mistake.

“Sucker!” J smirks, yanking the page away and folding it as soon as you are done. “Now I can have as many kids as I want. You’re so easy to trick, Princess,” and the paper gets carefully placed in his seif and locked away.

You sulk, aware you stepped right into this one.

– The Joker wants to have the most opulent, luxurious and lavish wedding ever in the history of mankind. You want a more private ceremony, not necessarily less posh, but 1000 guests seem too much for your taste. You want…950 guests and would love to get rid of that extra 50 people, but J is threatening with no sex until after the wedding if you don’t agree to his list.

– You panic. How are you supposed to survive with no sex with The Joker for so long???!! It’s one week away, a whole eternity for Heaven’s sake! So you say yes.

“Sucker!” he maliciously laughs. “Can’t stay away from Daddy, hm?”

“The wedding is off!” you have a comeback at his sassiness, yet J has some sane logic for once:

“Then there will be no sex, obviously.”

“OK, the wedding is on!” you shout, irritated and rush out of the living room, defeated and pissed.

– You never had a first date so you will have one tonight before the wedding. Things between the two of you just kind of happened and you are the one that wants to fix that. J was totally against it but he gave in, renting your favorite restaurant for the night.

– You just started the evening and barely had an appetizer when he already had enough of romance:

“Come on, Doll, get naked, I wanna have you here on the table.”

“What?! On our first date?!” you reply, blushing a bit.

“Don’t make me wait!” J growls and you are disappointed; that’s why you never had a first proper date, he’s so impatient.

“I don’t sleep with anybody at a first date!” you conclude and he’s lost.

“Huh?”

“Let’s enjoy our early evening and then we can go home and sleep. Tomorrow is a big day,” you try to convince him. “You know you can’t see the bride before the wedding anyway, so tonight it’s perfect for us to have a first date and have the tradition taken care of too.”

He just stares at you, grinding his teeth.

“This is bullshit; take your dress off!”

“No! “ you fight back and he slams his fist on the table, getting up to leave, enraged at your nonsense.

“Where are you going?”

“To find somebody else for the night since I am being refused on my apparent first date!” and he storms out, abandoning his bride- to- be at the restaurant.

– You called Frost and he brought you back to the Penthouse. You are nervous to see if he’s home after all he said. Of course he’s home, locked inside one of the bedrooms upstairs. Not that you thought J would cheat, but…you never know.

You are still furious though and debate if you should show up for the wedding tomorrow. You have no clue he is thinking the same.

– You linger in front of his door, debating and turn around to leave when The Joker suddenly opens the door:

“What do you want?” he snaps.

“Nothing…” you scratch your shoulder and stare at each other.

“Then why are you here?”

You lift your shoulders up, not answering.

“It’s bad luck to see the bride before the weeding so disappear!” he mocks, slowly closing the door. You are fast to sneak in before he does it, not that he tries to stop you.

“If you don’t want to see the bride then close your eyes,” you flutter your long eyelashes, biting on your lip.

“That’s stupid,” he whispers but closes his eyes and heads towards the bed. You silently follow and get under the sheets, making sure to say:

“But we can’t have sex, it’s the tradition.”

“Pfft, you already hurt my pride tonight and I don’t forgive that. EVER,” and slides towards you, groping your butt in the process.

Needless to say that was the best sex you had all week.

– His heart stopps when he sees how beautiful you look in the white dress. Yes, you decided on what he wanted.

–Your heart stops when you see him wear the black tuxedo, a very handsome devil. Yes, he decided on what you wanted.

– The Joker almost shoots the priest because things aren’t moving too fast. He’s not a patient man. You calm him down and the ceremony continues without any further death threats.

– The big letdown for the special occasion is the fact that Batsy didn’t show up. You invited him, right?! Both of you are bummed about it; maybe he was busy or something…Oh, but maybe he will like to be the Godfather of your first child or occasionally babysit…And then again maybe not since he ditched the groom and bride on such an important day. The fact that he didn’t have an address or date has nothing to do with it.

– But he would have probably used the opportunity to bring the SWAT team over and catch you so…a blessing in disguise Gotham’s Vigilante didn’t show up.

– Unexpectedly, for the wedding night, J decides to be romantic.

“Allright, Mrs. J, this is special,” he winks, kissing you roughly and you just can’t wait to take your dress off. ‘”We will use our weeding night as a first date and we won’t have sex, just like you wanted. Surprise!” he grins, soooo proud of his romantic skills.

Your jaw drops to the ground.

“What?!”

“This is my remarkable wedding gift to you: can’t say I am insensitive to your needs,” he dramatically gestures, full of himself.

“And NOW you want to do this??!!”

“No better time.”

“That’s… that’s… preposterous !!!!! There is no way I’m not getting laid on my wedding night!!!” you scream and start yanking at his clothes, eager to get him out of the dammed tuxedo.

“Jeez, Mrs. J, calm down. You’re so desperate it’s embarrassing. I am doing this for you; we’ll just talk,” he yawns and crushes on the bed, stretching on top of the purple sheets.

“Fine, fine, whatever,” you utter, distressed, admitting in your mind you actually asked for this…last night. You collapse by him, glaring at the ceiling, frustrated.

“On the other hand…” J gets on his elbow, “we can maybe postpone this for another time.”

“Really?” you get on your elbow too, full of hope.

“Sucker, I totally got you!!!!” he chuckles when you crawl on top of him, kissing him in frenzy.

“You’re such a jerk!”

– Needless to say it was the best sex you had all month.