#If your gonna take out a batkid | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

begaycommittreason · 2 months

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out of context things heard in wayne manor:

bruce: i understand, but pretending you cooked jerry the turkey is not a proportionate response to damian calling you a peasant again

————————

jason: look there’s a right way and a wrong way to make food. there’s also the bruce way, which is the wrong way except faster and worse

duke: *frantically scribbling notes*

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tim: do you think our relationship was kinda like incest now?

steph, horrified: never open your mouth in my presence again timothy

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dick: so then he’s like—guys. guys are you seriously signing about me in front of my face. i learned it too—hey i do NOT have a butt chin take that back—

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damian: i don’t understand, why does he wear such a ridiculous hat? is it like that margaret poppins woman grayson showed me?

tim, who watched the live action cat in the hat too much as a kid and is about to violently infodump: well you see-

dick: oh god it’s too late

jason: yeah the brats on his own for this one i’m not fucking dealing with that again

————————

bruce: are you lying?

tim: always. anyway, like i was saying—

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steph: hey what’s up with you and all the redheads

dick: …i’m not discussing this with you

steph, starting to chase him: gingervitus is a serious affliction! you cant run from this

dick, sprinting away: yes the fuck i can

————————

duke: so is anyone gonna talk about the elephant in the room…

dick:

dick: look i was feeling sentimental and zitka jr. really isn’t any trouble

damian: she is magnificent

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tim: so i dropped out and

duke: wait we can drop out of high school??!!?

bruce: NO.

duke: please bruce ap biology is beating my ass right now

jason: nah tim just got to drop cause bruce was dead and he’s a loser. the real problem is what you’re reading in ap lit right now, because i have thoughts on that curriculum—

duke: i’m not even gonna use half that material in the real world

tim: actually most of our villains have PhDs so their plans are based on pretty real science

duke: not helping timothy

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cass, signing: why are brothers on the ceiling?

jason: tims in timeout from working on his caseload

cass, still confused: yes but why taped to the ceiling

duke: listen if you know a better way of restraining his psycho ass then i’m all ears

cass: and damian?

jason: oh he saw this as free range target practice so he had to go up there too

cass: they are plotting revenge up there

duke: think of it as brotherly bonding

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damian: it’s not my fault he got in the way

bruce: you threw an eclair at lex luthor

damian: i was aiming for drake

tim: bruce we can’t take him anywhere

dick, holding back laughter: timmy you paid four separate people to come to the gala solely to ask lex if they could use his head to see if they had something in their teeth

tim: you have no proof that was me

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duke: look steph, it’s not that we don’t want to help with this

jason: i don’t want to help

duke: it’s more that i don’t think we can physically fit that many people in a shopping cart, and your whole plan kind of hinges on that

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alfred: i’m not mad, just disappointed in you.

every batkid, near tears: sorry alfred

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jason: HE HAD DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY AS THE FUCKING WHAT—

bruce: listen—

tim, mouth full and brain empty: the ambassador to iran. crazy right?

dick: tim please

#batfam #dc #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #duke thomas #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #damian wayne #batfamily #batman

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incorrectbatfam · 3 months

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How do you think the Batkids would react to Bruce pulling the classic 'calls every name before the kid he meant to yell at/for?'

Bruce: Cass?

Duke: *keeps using his phone*

Bruce: *waves his hand in front*

Bruce: Cass, I told you to pick up your laundry an hour ago.

Duke, confused: ???

———————

Steph: Here's the Croc file.

Bruce: Thanks, Carrie.

Steph: Still not my name but better than Jason.

———————

Bruce: Tim, your classmate is calling.

Damian: *scoffs*

Damian, going downstairs: *scoffs*

Damian, taking the phone: *scoffs*

[later]

Damian, venting: And then he called me by Drake's name! I have never felt more hurt and insulted by a family member in my life.

Steph: There, there. It's gonna be alright.

Duke: We're here for you. You're not alone and we'll get through this together.

———————

Bruce: Barbara, can you put this away please?

Bruce: *hands Cass a batarang*

Cass: ...

———————

Bruce: I emailed you the witness report.

Barbara: No you didn't.

Bruce: Yes, I did. Try refreshing your page.

Barbara: I don't see anything.

Bruce: Check your spambox.

Barbara: Still nothing.

Bruce: Damnit, we must have been intercepted by the Court of Owls. I had my suspicions they were tracking me this past month but now there's proof.

Harper: *clears her throat and holds up her phone*

Barbara: *glares at Bruce*

———————

Bruce: Thanks for collecting the evidence, Damian.

Harper: Okay, you're not even remotely close.

———————

Bruce: Don't forget to take the meat out the freezer, Steph.

Jason: That's it! I'm becoming a villain and it's all gonna be your fault!

Bruce: Huh?

Jason: You clearly can't even be bothered to remember me after I died! It's like the Big Bad Bat has better things to think of instead of all the friggin' kids he keeps adopting. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna do many crimes and then watch Titanic while eating a jar of pickles.

Jason: *storms out the room*

Jason: And scene.

———————

Bruce: Duke?

Cullen, the only one in the room: *sighs*

———————

Bruce: Dick, I need you to stay back at the harbor and look out for any stragglers.

Carrie, imitating Dick: Sure thing! I'll just cancel all my fancy dinner plans, drive all the way from Bludhaven, and pick up a shift I had requested to have off weeks ago. Anything for my amazing and precious batdad.

Bruce: Message received.

———————

Tim: Night, Dad.

Bruce: Goodnight, Cullen.

Tim, to himself: You matched the butts. You donned the mask. You chose this.

———————

Bruce: Hey, Jaylad—

Dick: ExCUSE ME?!?

Bruce: Sorry, Dick. Can you—

Dick: Sorry's not good enough anymore. Time to square up, old man.

Bruce: Here we go again.

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burritowitch · 1 year

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Okay so i hate that the batkids are rich purely because they dont have those classic siblings experiences. So here is me putting them in those horrible situations.

*the batkids are in a hotel room with only one bathroom*

Jason: DICKHEAD get the fuck out or im gonna piss in your suitcase!

Dick, over the sound of water: I'm taking a SHOWER

Tim: AND? Hurry it up assman, I gotta brush my teeth!

Damian: I hope you all eat shit and die. I've been waiting longer than all of you.

Meanwhile, in the girls room:

Steph, barging into the bathroom: i gotta take my makeup off and brush my teeth. Deal with it.

Babs, in the bathtub: i dont even know why i try to lock the door at this point.

Cass, slipping in to use the sink: making instant mac n cheese. None for you guys.

Steph: bitch.

Cass: whore :)

#batkids #tim drake #stephanie brown #jason todd #batfam #cassandra cain #damian wayne #dick grayson #barbara gordon #both of these have happened to me #also my sis always flushes the toilet while im in the shower to remove any hopes of water pressure i had #cause shes a bitch

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bruciemilf · 1 month

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ope don't mind me i'm just gonna-- *sets this down next to your constantine post*

The batkids have all fallen in line like Thomas is their superior officer and they've all basically decided Dick is getting thrown on the pyre (because cop) when Jason slowly raises his hand like he's back in school.

Jason, who lives for chaos, putting on the Sad Orphan Eyes that Dick taught all of them how to do, saying "Abuelo, you know I died? The clown who killed me is still alive."

All the other kids jump in with "oh he's right nonno" etc etc "don't worry bambini your nonno will take care of it" etc etc

(and while Thomas and Martha aren't exactly thrilled Jason is a crime lord, he's so much better at it than fucking Carmine. So the boy is ambitious! There are worse things to be. Thomas then slips Jason a fiver when Bruce isn't looking like grandparents do)

((also also the kids calling martha and thomas grandma/grandpa in whatever other language they grew up speaking))

just thinking that thomas highkey loves being a grandparent. absolutely considers it a promotion. softest pushover of a man but also the scary dog privilege for all of his grandchildren

NONNO THATS SO ADORABLE IM GONNA CRY— ok. But you know what? Pepa and Felix from Encanto dynamic between Martha, Thomas and Alfred.

Alfred trying to tell their grandkids about the epic love story between them, and Thomas keeps on interjecting with wildly inaccurate information (he wants Damian to find him as cool as possible)

Martha, with moscow in her voice, “You’re telling the story or is he?”

“I’m sorry amore go on ^^”

Bruce gags in the background like the world’s firstborn hypocrite.

But also, southern Thomas Wayne,,, wears the fringe styled boots with gemstones on them and sparkly jacket and talks like a honey pie, but has a glare that can silence a whole table if needed be.

He’s extremely sad about Destiny’s Child breaking up, (Dick had to deliver the news, which was a whole other experience) but BEYONCÉ HAS A COUNTRY ALBUM YOU SAY?? Sign him the FUCK up.

Bruce, under his breath: no one listens to country,,,

Thomas: oh shut i. You know, your mama and I made YOU on the dinner table with Love is a Butterfly playing in the background—-

Jason: rapidly spits his food out

#dc #dc comics #text #bruce wayne #thomas wayne #alfred pennyworth #pennywaynes #batkids #jason todd #dick grayson #batfamily #text post #batman

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dudethatsmyundeaduncle · 1 month

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The thing I love about a Reverse Robins AU, but I never get to really see fleshed out, is that Dick Grayson's Robin changes everything about being Batman's sidekick.

Like you can make up ur choice of bird or bat themed sidekick to ride along with batman during their tenure at his side and that's cool but the title is Batman&Robin. Like they are thee dynamic duo.

So what I'm saying is, in a reverse robins AU no matter whose sidekick is the first and what name they take inevitably the best team up is Gonna end up being 40+ yrold Bruce Wayne and 8 yrold Dick Grayson.

Like the drama there y'all!? Not just in sibling rivalry, because I'm sure they were all good sidekicks in their own right, but Dick and Bruce together are just different.

Dick as Robin comes out of the corner with a steel chair leaving everyone stunned because he's the best of them. It's not even a competition. If he's not the first then everything from the way he moves, the way he quips, the way he fights, makes him the last.

I can't imagine getting a new little sibling who is just suddenly like a fuckin prodigy out of nowhere. And like yeah obviously he's gonna make mistakes and get into fights with Bruce and constantly be learning.

But can u imagine those older Batkids getting to stand back and watch in awe as Batman&Robin is born. As this little kid who lost everything, home to no place but a circus cart and with nothing but the clothes on his back, creates a legend in Gotham. A legend the city holds their fuckin breath to see born because Robin is magic.

Just...like can u imagine how devestating and amazing that would be as a previous batman sidekick? He's not even a replacement for you because he's so different he's, dare anyone say, better.

This kids in a league all his own and he's your little kid brother Dick Grayson and that's terrifying.

#i just have thoughts #YALL DONT WANNA TALK TO ME ABOUT REVERSE ROBIN AU OK CUZ IVE HAD THOUGHTS SINCE DAY 1 #DC #Batman #Batfam #Dick Grayson #Bruce Wayne #batkids #reverse robins

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daydreamerwonderkid · 10 months

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I see your vampire!Bruce Wayne AU and I raise you this:

Normal human Bruce Wayne raising his horde of vampire/dhamphir children, but because Bruce is Bruce no suspects any of the Batkids are, well ... bat kids.

Even the Batkids are confused at first when they first meet Bruce. Batman shows up and they're like:

"Oh, shit it's Batman! The very scary, very territorial Vampire Lord who's completely taken over Gotham and has managed to strike fear into the heart of all the most notorious vampire leaders! And he wants to adopt me into his coven? Sounds sketchy, but aight."

Only for them to wake up the next day and realize that not only is Batman in fact NOT a vampire, but he's also the most pitiful and pathetic human they've ever laid their eyes on and there's no fucking way they can leave him now.

Humans are already super fragile and easy to kill as is. And their new guardian is risking his life every night masquerading as an all powerful Vampire Lord!!!!

It's honestly a miracle that Bruce hasn't been killed yet and there's no way they're going to let their clueless human guardian wander off by himself. Especially after they realize he keeps forgetting that humans aren't supposed to be awake for 72 hours straight and his skin is paler than the giant hoards of case file documents he tries to sift through while barely touching his own food.

This poor idiot human is so committed to pretending to be a vampire that he's actually convinced himself he has night vision and spends more time hanging out in a literal Batcave than he does in his own fucking house!

Meanwhile, Bruce is thoroughly convinced he's got a complete handle on the whole raising vampire/dhampir children thing. After all, it's not like he's had to change much about his own personal life to that of a parent taking care of a horde of supernatural children.

He already spends more time awake at night anyway and while the kids don't mind human food absolutely love Alfred's cooking, it's not difficult to get a hold of any blood when they actually need to feed on something more substantial. Considering he's the biggest contributor to Gotham's blood donation centers, it's not like anyone's gonna tell him no.

Bruce also read somewhere that while vampires in the modern age don't actually need to hunt humans to feed anymore (considering the above mentioned donation centers), their hunting instincts haven't gone away, either. So while he was initially against the idea of letting his kids getting involved in his vigilante lifestyle, it was probably a good thing in the end that they had an alternative outlet for their growing vampiric urges. Like Alfred, he would have preferred it if they had gotten into competitive sports or something similar instead, but all his children had proven themselves to be just as stubborn as he is so he made do with what he could.

Especially considering the fact that a parenting article he read mentioned how extremely sensitive young vampires/dhampirs are towards the well-being of those who make up their coven. Dick, ALONE, had proved how absolutely futile his attempts to separate his night time and day time activities truly were. Apparently, it was detrimental to young vampires to be separated from their parents/guardians for too long. Better he trained them and supervised them himself versus having to re-experience Dick, Tim and Cass stalking him like the supernatural predators they were while doing his nightly patrols.

And if any of his children leaned a bit more into their feral nature whenever Bruce happened to get hurt on patrol, that was just kids' instincts reacting to the head of their coven being threatened. It's taken years of training, grounding and long late night discussions to convince his children to try holding back their supernatural strength and bloody acts of retribution. He still finds himself lecturing them from time to time even if he's fully aware they're all humoring him.

He still has the small collection of baby fangs that Dick had somehow roped all his younger siblings into contributing to over the years. For the life of him, he can't begin to fathom why anyone would want to collect teeth or why his children are so adamant that he holds onto theirs. But ever since he jokingly mentioned the Tooth Fairy to a horrified and offended younger Dick when his first set of baby fangs finally started coming in, it seems his children are determined to make sure no one can even attempt to think about exchanging their fangs for mere quarters.

And for the record (and despite what his children and friends keep on insisting), he never set out to actually pretend to be a "Vampire Lord." He just honestly thought designing his costume around one of his deepest fears would be a good way for him to use that fear against the criminals of Gotham.

He also won't admit that he completely forgot about the obvious association people make between bats and vampires.

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wondersinwaynemanor · 4 months

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either Dick's siblings are merely teasing him, or they are telling the truth. and that destroys Dick Grayson. or wherein the rest of the batkids call out Dick's features and behavior that indicate he's aging.

Dick tiptoes, while slowly getting the mug from the cupboard.

Jason: You're getting slow, Dickiebird. Should I call your speedster boyfriend to help you in getting that?

Dick, huffs: What are you talking about, Little Wing???? I'm just not tall enough to get it. Not everyone has your growth spurt.

Jason, grabs the mug with ease and hands it to his older brother: Nah, you're just slow now.

Dick tries to recall the case he and Tim were working on last month as they sit in front of the batcomputer.

Tim: You okay, Dick?

Dick, massaging his temples: I'm trying, Timmy. I really cannot remember the coordinates. I'll let Babs help me with that.

Tim: Maybe you should go lay down, Dick. You're getting memory loss.

Dick: I - What is that supposed to mean? I'm just out of my game tonight, okay????

Tim, snorts: Not the first time this is happening though.

Dick, leans down to read the contents of the cereal box: Hmmm.. Are the words too small, Dami, or it's just me?

Damian, gets the box from his older brother and reads for him: Only minimal sugar, Richard, you're good. But it seems as if you need prescription glasses.

Dick: My vision is perfectly fine, okay??? It's just Mirror Master's mirror reflected right to my eyes. Helped Wally last night.

Damian: I really hope that's the case, Richard.

Dick is sitting with Cass and Steph on the floor in Cass' room at the Manor.

Cass, stops braiding Dick's hair: Big Brother has gray hairs.

Dick, shocked like a deer in headlights as he touches his hair: What???? Are you serious, Cass?? Where??

Steph: Hey, you're gonna ruin your nails, Dick! They're still wet - Oh, no. Is that a fine line on your forehead?

Dick, turns red at this point: FINE LINE??? That's not possible!! I'm using the face mask you recommended to me last week - You're telling me it's not working- I can't have a fine line!!!

Cass and Steph giggle as they watch Dick pace around and leave to go to the bathroom.

Dick closes his eyes and breathes.

Duke: Are you okay, Dick? Want to take a few-

Dick, opens his eyes and smiles at his younger brother : No, no I'm okay. Let's go again-

Duke: No, you can teach me the move tomorrow, or when you feel better. You've been really tired lately.

Dick: It's just a headache, nothing too serious.

Duke: Yes, but it's different when it's fatigue. And it's one of the symptoms of-

Dick: Uh, uh. Don't say it, don't say it- I'm not getting old, okay??? Why are you guys saying that lately???

Duke, squeezes his older brother's arm: Aging is a natural thing, Dick.

One night-

Dick, enters Bruce's study: B, I need to go with you to that spa in Greece. I need a break. I'm getting old!!!

Bruce, nods his head slowly: Sure, Chum.

Bruce, eyes his eldest: Oh.

Dick: What?

Bruce: Is that a wrinkle-

Dick: Coming from you, old man!!

Bruce chuckles as Dick leaves the study, talking to himself.

Dick cries dramatically to Wally that night.

#dramatic dick grayson #big brother dick grayson #batfamily incorrect quotes #incorrect batfamily quotes #dc incorrect quotes #incorrect dc quotes #batfamily #batkids #batman #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #duke thomas #bruce wayne #dc universe #a little birdflash

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mysterycitrus · 5 months

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Hey!! Love your art and your meta posts. I was wondering about your thoughts on something because I don't think I've ever really read about much of it in canon (might be missing something though), but do the batkids have their own Brucie Wayne-esque personas? I figure they'd be expected to act a certain way, like they've been taking in by a party loving play boy, they're gonna be a at least somewhat spoilt social butterflies right? I just can't stop thinking about the kids hitting like teenhood and having to adopt and put on that kind of act because it would be a little suspicious if nothing about Brucie rubbed off on them. Maybe they steal Bruce's cars or crash a gala, something staged just for the tabloids like that. Idk, I just find the idea of (most of) the kids not being raised anything like that and having to act up in the name of keeping their identities safe really interesting because I don't think they'd find it fun, I think it would actually gross them out to throw around money and act like brats.

lovely anon this is SUCH a fun question and i shall answer it in parts. the first is this — what is the purpose of the bruce wayne persona?

bruce created a specific public image of himself for several reasons — to deflect any suspicion that he’s batman, to justify his frequent disappearances from the public eye, and to be consistently underestimated by people he was in opposition with (gothams corrupt elite, the gcpd, etc). the popular interpretation of this is that he’s like a kardashian, but to be honest id say he’s a lot more like a donatella versace— relatively reclusive but who occasionally pops up doing the weirdest shit ever. he posts on dick’s insta like bruce WAYNE ❤️

wrt his kids, no, i don’t think many of them have that sort of glamorised persona. part of it is that the “gala” trope in fandom just…… doesn’t really exist in the comics? like bruce will take vicki vale to an event, or go to a luthercorp thing to gather intel, but the idea of everyone hitting up an event at the gotham four seasons is not a common story beat. and even then, again, the performance has a purpose outside of just being a distraction.

in particular, u have to consider how his kids are different from bruce. jason and dick were both lower class, if not actively below the poverty line and acting spoiled won’t win them any favours. cass straight up isn’t interested in that kind of performance. damian is honest to a fault. duke has his own family that he’s proud of. when u consider that damian and cass and duke and dick also aren’t white, u have to think about how acting like a glitzy idiot would help them in the same way it would bruce. short answer — it very much wouldnt. many people will think less of them regardless. it would be dehumanising, and because none of them have that same degree of disconnection from the standard person that bruce has, how would them being seen as spoiled idiots help them?

dick has always lived with civilian neighbours, had civilian jobs, and fostered civilian relationships. him being a cop was bad, but he takes a lot of pride in being someone who’s like… dependable. a good neighbour. jason is legally dead, but he wouldn’t have wanted to be seen as the dumb poor kid either. cass would probably play with peoples expectations of her, but not like an established persona that she has to take on. duke is, again, very attached to his family and where he grew up, and is very aware of assumptions people might make about that. damian would rather kill himself than pretend to be an idiot. tim, again, is a strong maybe, but i also don’t think he’d give a shit. he really values keeping himself as tim drake intact, away from robin. he wants to keep being himself.

i just think most of them would stay out of the public eye. remember — bruce isn’t active online. there is still massive control over released information about him, especially with babs. i think they would purposely make themselves boring and unassuming.

the short answer is that none of them, truly, possess bruce’s raw commitment to the bit.

#bruce Wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #Cassandra cain #duke Thomas #batman #damian wayne #nightwing #dc comics #red hood #robin #the ask and the answer

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frownyalfred · 2 months

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Narratively speaking, when should the batkids be able to beat Batman single-handedly? Sure, Cass can do it already and Dick is seen as above or on Batman's level but what are your thoughts on this? It's always hard to do this stupid power level stuff because the character you want to win is obviously gonna win, but you still have to show that Batman is this super ubermensch martial artist who always has a plan and whose goal is to make his kids surpass him but then how do you do that? When can you say, "yeah Batman's cool and all but [enter batkid's name] would totally wipe the floor with the old man if they were to fight 1v1"? This is extremely exaggerated but you get what I mean, right?

I'm genuinely fascinated by this question and I thought I could just ask you.

Thanks!😀

Yeah, it’s all biased like you pointed out since we all want our special blorbo to be the most special blorbo, even in situations where the logic gets pretty thin.

The thing with Bruce is, in his prime, he’s a god-tier fighter for multiple reasons. He’s got insane training under his belt, he’s at or above peak physical human conditioning, he’s trained to think strategically about combat, he’s fast for his size (despite his size), and he’s BIG.

The last one is so important. He’s anywhere from 6’ to 6’4, 190 to 240 lbs of muscle, etc. He’s not losing to most people in a fair fight! And he’s definitely not losing to someone much shorter and lighter than him when it comes to sheer power.

What’s interesting about the comics is that they largely argue that Bruce losing these 1v1s comes down to skill and experience. Cass trained for years to be a weapon, and her advanced training is what supposedly tips the scales in her favor. Same thing with Damian. Bruce makes the argument that enough training can create conditions for his Robins to surpass him, like you mentioned.

But is that actually a fair determinator of a fight? Can most if not all advantages Bruce might have in a fight with a woman half his size be overcome by volume or rigor of training?

It’s the comics, so the answer changes depending on what’s intriguing and fun. We can oscillate between Bruce being the ultimate overpowered fighter who can’t ever lose and Bruce getting his ass handed to him by his kids because it all comes down to power ranking, which is SO subjective.

Should the Batkids be able to beat him? In my opinion, not when he’s in his prime and it’s a fair fight. That isn’t me saying that they can’t win 1v1 through skill, misdirection, getting lucky, etc.

That’s not me trying to shit on female fighters either. Dick carrying 30-40 lbs less muscle than Bruce puts him at a disadvantage too. Jason being the same weight but not as fast/nimble puts him at a disadvantage to Bruce. Damian being a child fighting an adult will ALWAYS result in an unbalanced fight.

If you’ve ever squared up with a heavier, larger, more skilled opponent — especially if you’re a woman and they’re a man — one of the first things you have to learn is that, when it comes to pure strength, you cannot hope to win. It is an inherent advantage, and why we have weight classes for fighting.

Your goal is to figure out a way to get around that advantage. To be smarter, or faster. We teach women about throws and the benefits of having a lower center of gravity. We teach kids the benefits of being flexible or smaller in certain holds. Things like that.

But comics aren’t real life. The better question is, have we overpowered Bruce in a way that makes taking him down a peg or two somewhat difficult or implausible? How can we better show his flaws and complexity as a character when the stakes get set too high?

#that’s a long way of saying #yes it’s a tricky subject #hopefully this isn’t a terrible take #bruce wayne #batman #dc #asks #anon #batfamily

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nox140497 · 5 months

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The Waynes

Authors Note: So this is my first male reader insert..... and it's pretty bad....... so if you don't like it, don't read this one.

Summery: Dick and the others are slightly ooc (maybe not though) in this one. Ok, Dick's vvveeeerrryyyy ooc..... sorry... not sorry.

Warning : uhhh, language cause Jason's in this one.

Also, really long, sorry

Info: I mean you could be female but I'm gonna be using he/his/him if you guys want I'll do the female one of this too, let me know if you guys want that.

Background: You are m/n Queen son of Oliver Queen and Nyssa (spelling of that please?)Al Ghul. You, like your dad, 'brother' and 'cousin', are an archer however you have other powers too.

Control of all ellements including shadow and light.

Shapeshifting like Beastboy, you're not green though, all your animals are black.

Your favourite form is a large wolf that people believe is a dog when in civvies.

You are also half demon... thanks alot Ras...

You also have super speed like Barry who is your Godfather.

Your Suit is similar to Dick's though it is just black.

Nobody knows the batboys' secret IDs yet except for m/n in this one. Also Dick and m/n have been dating for 4 years and m/n is very protective of not just Dick but of all the batkids. The team doesn't know this though 'cause they don't show it as Nightwung and Ghost (if you have a better hero name for him please let me know cause i'm thinking he's going to pop up in alot of my other oneshots, pehaps another book, and I can't come up with anything better than that so please help), though they are close.

Dick Grayson is a clingy, cuddly teddy bear. .

They will sometimes flirt with one another.

Bruce trusts him with the birds 'cause he's technically Damians causin and part demon.

He is the only 'meta' allowed in Gotham.

Also the boys all listen to him and like to cuddle when they seek comfort or warmth. (He runs hotter than a normal human and can adjust his body temperature)

Also Dick has an accent that he hides as Nightwing and m/n absolutely adores it, Dick has no idea why.

Ages:

Batgirl:19

Nightwing:18

Red Hood: 16

Red Robin/Robin: 14

Robin: 10

Ghost: 19

Kidflash: 20

Artimis: 20

Miss Martian: 20

Supperboy: 21

Aqualad: 22

Beast boy: 15

Lagoonboy: 16

Wondergril: 14

Bumblebee: 21

Zatana: 21

Masterlist

Prompt List

-------------------------

Nightwin's P.O.V.

It's a normal day at the cave. We were all doing our own thing when the Zeta beam lit up.

'Recognized Batman 01'

Everybody groaned as the big bad bat entered and ordered us to the mission room.

I groaned softly as I looked at the screen and saw a family photo of us on it. I could hear 'Red' Robin do the same slightly behind me and m/n snickering softly beside me. I nudge m/n in the ribs rather harshly and hear him grunt softly in response and I smirk.

"Team, as you probably know, this is the Wayne family. Recently, the oldest, Richard Grayson-Wayne, has been receiving death threats..."

Out of the corner of my eye I see m/n get a dark look on his face as he glares darkly at the wall behind Bats. I also see a slight green glow behind the lenses of his mask. How others don't notice it is beyond me but whatever.

"and Bruce Wayne has asked for our help in protecting his kids." Bats finishes.

"So what? We have to babysit a bunch of rich brats?" Lagoonboy growls in question. Batman and m/n twitch slightly.

"Yes." Batman says blandly. "And Nightwing, Robin, and Ghost will not be joining you." He finishes, and all three of us do a doubble take mostly 'cause Ghost wasn't going on the mission.

"Excuse me?" M/N growled, stiffening beside me the glow behind his lenses intensifying slightly. I descreatly take his hand and squeeze before letting go.

"You have a more important mission." Bats said. M/n raised a questioning eyebrow. Bats just gives him a look, and he relaxes beside me and nods once. The glow of his eyes lessened but not disappearing.

"What, why do they get to sit this one out?" Wally whines childishly

"Because Nightwing and Robin are comming with me to try and find the source of the threats and as I said Ghost has a more important mission to attend to" Batman growled making the others take a step back. Wally just pouted. I heard m/n snort in amusement at his godbrother (godcousin?).

With that, batman walked back to the zeta tubes, and the three of us followed him out and to the batcave.

Recognized Batman 01

Recognized Nightwing B01

Recognized Ghost B02

Recognized Robin B12

"So what is this ever so important mission that I am supposed to have B?" M/n asked curriously, tilting his head slightly to the left as we all removed our masks.

"You're going to make sure that my boys don't kill each other before whoever this is gets the chance, as well as making sure that they don't kill the team." Bruce said as he sat down at the Batcomputer. M/n nodded, and mock saluted before turning to me and Tim with a smile.

I smiled back as we headed to the changing rooms and then upstairs. Tim slipped upstairs and into his room as we headed into the kitchen for a small snack ( he is a speedster after all) and then headed to the living room and calapsed onto one of the coutches, to cuddle and whatch tv until dinner.

At some point, I must have dozed off because the next thing I know, I'm being lightly shaken by my boyfriend.

"Dinner time, Dickiebird." He said softly, gently brushing hair out of my face.

I hum softly as I start getting up and stretch slightly. I hear a soft chuckle from beside me, and I blush lightly, looking over at the dark-haired boy.

"What?" I ask with my accent shining through earning a soft smile and a kiss from my boyfriend. He loves my accent. I don't know why.

"Nothing, my love. You're just cute when you wake up, that's all." He says in a soft voice, causing me to blush more. I hear another soft chuckle before I am pulled up along with him. That's one of the things that I love about him, despite almost being as tall (cough taller cough) and almost as muscular as Bruce he's always so soft and gentle with my brothers and I. Unless absolutely neccessery like when breaking up a fight and even then he never uses his full strength.

"Comon before Jay eats all the food." He says in an amused tone, and I chuckle slightly, following him into the dining room and the chaos that is a normal dinner at Wayne mannor.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

M/N P.O.V.

I woke up the next morning with my beautiful Bluebird cuddled up to me still blissfully asleep. I noticed a while ago that he sleeps better when he's with me, so I come over as much as I can. I mean, I do have my own place in Gothem and have been thinking about asking him to move in with me.

Buuuttt.......

He is only barely 18, and I really don't want DaddyBats breathing down my neck. Thank you very much.

Anyway I do need to go get some clothes and stuff at home but I'm so comfortable and I really do not want to get up and besides Dick's finally getting some sleep and I know if I move he will most likely wake up.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Still M/N P.O.V.

It's about an hour later that Dick starts to stir in my arms.

I smile and lightly run my fingers through his hair. He moans softly and snuggles closer to me.

"Good morning, my love." I say softly into his hair.

"Morning." He mumbles back.

"We should probably get up and go to breakfast before Alfred sends one of your brothers to get us." I say gently, rubbing his back.

"Mmhhnmmm." He hums back. I chuckle slightly and nuzzle his hair again before starting to move to get up.

"Mmmmm." He whined in protest, clinging to me like a koala and trying to keep me in bed with him. I chuckle again and run my fingers through his hair again.

"Com'on Dickie you need to get up and eat, and I need to go to my apartment to get my stuff." I say in a soft voice.

"Nnnoooo." He whines.

"Yyyeeesss." I say in the same tone. He lets go of me and crosses his arms with a pout, and I smile before pecking his lips.

He sighs dramatically and grabs my hand before following me out of bed and then downstairs to breakfast, where all the others already are. Bruce smiles at us from over his newspaper as everybody else just looks up at us. I smile back and thank Alfred as he places coffee and breakfast in front of Dick and I.

"The team will be here in about an hour, and then I will be leaving and leaving you boys in m/n's hands. Please behave and don't kill anyone." Bruce says once he puts the newspaper down.

"They know better than to try B. Don't worry, we'll be fine." I chuckle softly while being glared at by 3 sets of eyes. I turn to the three younger boys and raise an eyebrow at their glares. They flinch and turn back to their food. I spot an amused smile on Dick, Bruce, and even Alfred's faces.

After breakfast I peck Dick's lips and leave the manor to go and collect my things from home.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

By the time I return to the manor and slip in the front door unnoticed, I notice that the team is already here seeing as I can hear the chatter comming from the lounge room. I slip over to the door of the room after placing my things at the foot of the stairs to take up later and lean against the doorframe whatching silently. I notice a set of teal eyes as well as a set of steel blue eyes (Jason and Tim who are facing the door) flick up to see who was in the doorway. I also saw the other two birds stiffen a bit before relaxing when their brothers did nothing but return to watching the team.

Most of the team looks somewhat annoyed at having to be here, or maybe it's just Jason or Damian annoying them who knows. I smirk, waiting for someone other than the birds to notice me.

They do not.

I stand there for 10 minutes before clearing my throat and taking satisfaction in whatching them jump. I know the boys noticed me the minute I walked into the doorframe, and probably when I walked in the front door, but the rest definitely did not. They really do need more training.

The team stares or glares at me as Dick jumps up and practically throws himself into my arms.

"Some protection you lot are. If I wanted to kill you all, I could have." I snarled as I held Dick to my chest, and he snuggled into my neck.

"Ghost, what the hell are you doing here? Batman is gonna kill you when he finds out you aren't on that important mission he sent you on." Artimis growled through the now established mind link. I meerly raise an eybrow and scoop Dick up, making him squeak, and carry him inside and sit on the couch with Dick in my lap and the other 3 boys get up to curl up either beside me leaning on my shoulder (Tim and Dami) or sitting on the floor leaning on my legs (Jason).

"You can talk to me outside the link they know my secret identity." I sighed as I ran my fingers through Jays hair.

"THEY WHAT!!' The team exclaims. I feel Jason and Tim flinch a bit, and I run my hands through their hair to calm them down slightly. I meerly glare at the team.

"I've known them since Dick was adopted, so what? 10 years? 11? And as you can see, we're really close, so yes, they know my identity." I say slightly annoyed.

"11." Dick murmers softly, still snuggling into my chest, eyes closed. I smile softly and kiss his hair.

The team just sits and stares at me.

"Does Nightwing know your new plaything is a rich brat?" Wally asks through the link again.

"Yes." I drawl cooly. Sneering and glaring at the fact that he just called my boyfriend a brat and implying that he is meerly a plaything, an object.

Only I get to call him a brat.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Still M/N P.O.V.

It's been a week, and I want to stab something. Peferably someone on the team. They are infuriating. They won't leave the boys alone. It's getting on their nerves as well as mine, and worse, Zatana won't stop flirtting with Dick. Because of their frustration, I've had to break up more fights than I normally have to, and Dick's become even more clingy, not that I mind that, though. We have resorted to hiding in the cave, and I have considered taking them to my place instead, but that would result in DaddyBats breathing down my neck, and again, I don't want that. It doesn't help that they can't go out on patrol to let out their anger either.

I really hope Bruce finds this guy soon.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

M/N P.O.V

Ok so I swear to God if B doesn't hurry the hell up and get his ass back here soon I'm gonna cut a bitch or I'm gonna let Jason or Damian kill them. I can see that Dick is close to thinking the same thing. And THAT'S saying something because he's probably the most sensible of us. So if they continue this they're doomed.

We've taken to hiding in the Batcave more often because otherwise there's gonna be blood and alot of it, and it helps seeing as we can try and get a lead on the guy threatening my bird.

--------------------------------------------

The team being so invasive has messed with the boys' sleeping schedule, not that they had a very good one to begin with (Read, don't have one at all). They've all become more clingy because they're tired and while I don't mind the boys being clingy the snotty and down right rude comments from the team over the mind link are starting to get to me, to the point where if Dick isn't with me at all times I fear I might go Demon on them and nobody wants that. I know I won't hurt the boys if that happens, but still not something I want to happen.

Currently, the boys and I were cuddling on the couch while the team sat around the living room chatting over the mind link. I wasn't paying them much mind instead focusing on my own mind conversation with the birds, something the team didn't know I could do. Then again, the team doesn't know my full power . Not even my 'cousin' knows. Anyway, I wasn't really paying attention to the teams conversation until a comment caught my attention, and I tensed under Dick who was again in my lap.

"I don't see what n/n sees in that brat. I mean look at him I bet he can't do anything without n/n holding his hand. I mean he can do sooo much better than these rich fakers, the kid probably doesn't even love him and is using him, I mean look who raised the kid, Bruce Wayne is a playboy and his brats probably take after their father." My 'cousin' said through the link obviously forgetting that though I was not participating in the conversation I was still connected to the mind link and could infact hear them.

Dick looked at me when I tensed and noticed that my eyes were starting to glow green. He quickly shifted in his spot and wrapped both arms and legs around me to try and calm me down. Once I was calm enough I turned to the team and gave them a glare so powerful all of them shrank away from it.

"You have no idea what you're talking about. Maybe instead of judging them based on what the danm press says about them, do the intelligent thing and get to know them first." I snarled coldly through the link, and they all flinched. I got up with Dick still being a koala bear on my waist and walked out closely, followed by the other three birds.

#batbros #batboys #batfam #batman #nightwing #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #red robin #damian wayne #robin #alfred pennyworth #young justice

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radiosummons · 11 months

Text

I was gonna make a shit post about Jason stealing the Batmobile to do donuts in front of Wayne Manor, but the more I thought about it the more I feel like stealing the Batmobile for the sheer thrill of, you know, taking the Batmobile for a late night joyride, with the extra bonus of pissing Bruce off--'cause let's be honest, the guy may be doing his best, but his best doesn't always means he ends up being the best father lol--is just a rite of passage for the Batkids at this point.

I feel like Dick and Jason argue a lot about who started it, too. Dick keeps insisting it was obviously him being as he's the oldest/the first Robin so therefore, out of anyone, he had the earliest opportunity to steal the Batmobile from under Bruce's nose.

Jason points out the very obvious fact that Bruce literally adopted him after he caught Jason hijacking the Batmobile of all its tires. If any of them were the first to hotwire the Batmobile, it definitely had to be him.

If I had to bet actual real world dollars on it, though, I'd have to say it was Steph. No particular reason. I just think she'd be the first. No hesitation and absolutely no fucking remorse. The second she laid her eyes on the Batmobile, she just knew how she was going to spend her Friday night.

Feel free to add your two cents, though lol

#batman #batfam #batfamily #jason todd #red hood #the red hood #dick grayson #nightwing #stephanie brown #spoiler dc #batman shit post #i can still see jason #doing donuts in my mind #it has to have happened at least once #right?#bruce wayne #has so many fucking kids #to potentially steal his car #it's kind of hilarious

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cyb-by-lang · 10 months

Note

I kinda already commented and it felt weird to do it again? So I thought I’d ask here instead:

I just saw a post on tumblr that Batman did try to kill Joker and Superman stopped him??? And it was because Joker was somehow linked with Iran, and couldn’t be killed cuz it would start a war. And other Batkids also tried to kill Joker???

I’ve honestly always thought Batman didn’t kill Joker cuz he’s too popular a villain so it was just sort of waved off because of ‘Batman rules’ and publication reasons.

Is Batman almost killing Joker included in your fic? I have very little knowledge of the comics and hearing about newer versions overwriting previous stories makes me even more confused.

Congrats to you for having unlocked a secret level of rambling through deciding to send an ask rather than a comment. This would totally have ended up on AO3 below your comment. :p

And it is going below the cut because it's long as hell.

The scenario you've heard about was from the original run of A Death in the Family, which is the story arc where Jason was killed back in the 80s. In the aftermath of Bruce finding Jason dead (and Jason's birth mother dying shortly thereafter), he hunts for the Joker after realizing that the warehouse explosion didn't, in fact, kill the clown. Somehow (racism!) the Joker ends up being appointed as the Iranian ambassador to the UN. This was later retconned to the fictional country of Qurac, because even DC realized that was a step too far. In the scene after that fun little reveal, Superman is on hand to try and keep shenanigans to a minimum, the Joker predictably tries to gas the entire UN assembly chamber anyway, and then flees via helicopter. Batman, who has been trailing along this entire time in a rage, pursues.

He's planning to kill the clown. Superman, for reasons related to "we don't whack ambassadors and start wars," has been holding him back for the arc thus far. Helicopter pursuit turns into a helicopter fight, during which the Joker's henchman fires a spray of bullets that kills the pilot while everyone is on board and having a bad time. Batman exits the aircraft alive, intact, and furious, and doesn't give a single shit if the Joker died when the chopper hit the sea.

And then a month later the fucking clown comes back again like nothing happened. Only the entire setting has undergone a serious tone shift since Jason's death, which means you're gonna see a lot heavier, dramatic stories that have more significant body counts. Batman cannot get over the death of his son, because no, and eventually Tim Drake pops up in the middle of that death spiral with a hypothesis: "Batman needs a Robin."

He's not wrong.

He also doesn't go about it super gracefully, including an attempt to convince Dick to come back to the Robin mantle that goes nowhere, but eventually he convinces the Dark Knight to take on a third Robin. Unlike Dick and Jason, Tim is locked the fuck down for training and not allowed out in the field willy-nilly. And when he does go out, he is ferociously competent.

Incidentally, this is because the writers/editors realized that after the child murder storyline they'd just done, Batman had to have one hell of a reason to ever take on another kid sidekick. And they needed to try and drag the Robin role's popularity back up, since killing a kid sidekick was also a symptom of DC's tanking sales at the time; the whole thing was ultimately a publicity stunt. It was a bad idea and now we just live with it.

So Tim is, broadly, never portrayed as incompetent in any aspect aside from maybe high school socializing. I don't think he gets kidnapped even a tenth of the number of times Dick did during his decades-long career as Robin. Certainly never falls for a honey trap plot or anything like that.

But yeah, the meta reason why the Joker never dies is because he's an iconic villain who drives plots. But unless you step out of the main continuity, he's also never just been a "no-frills funny" villain since.

ANYWAY.

As far as the rest of the Batfam taking a swing at the Joker, there's one incident that I can recall off the top of my head.

Dick Grayson, currently Nightwing, wasn't especially close to Jason while he was alive. During Jason's original run, they had a cordial (if brief) relationship, but they basically didn't get any storylines together, so it's hard to really tell how strongly they bonded. After Jason died, Dick began experiencing...I wanna call them chronic night terrors. The idea is that a boy in a Robin costume is falling, and falling, and Dick can never save the kid.

I'm sure it has nothing whatsoever to do with his dead brother, no sir.

So, some time later, the Joker gets told he has terminal cancer by a psychiatrist who assumes that if the clown was convinced he was going to die, he might try reforming or something. A terminal turnaround. Lots of people do that, right?

He assumed wrong.

The Joker goes on an utter tear, doing all sorts of escalating villainy that starts with gassing everyone he can get his hands on, including other Arkham inmates. Somewhere amid this rampage, Robin III goes missing and the Joker cheerfully tells Nightwing that yeah, he killed the kid. And he has the gall to bring up Jason in the middle of all the gloating. By name. (The Joker knows Jason's name due to some nonsense involving Crane and Fear Toxin hallucinations and Batman in a prior story arc.)

And Dick

fucking

SNAPS.

Pummels the Joker right there on the floor. Barehanded. No sticks, no pausing, just beats him to death.

Two seconds later, a very alive (if hurt) Tim manages to get there and go "oh god what happened." Because Dick is not doing well! He has a crisis about killing a dude, no matter how terrible. He never thought he'd go that far.

Batman swoops in and resuscitates the clown. In the time between Jason's death and The Joker's Last Laugh, he has apparently decided that it's more important to keep Dick from suffering a breakdown than it is to kill the clown. DC editorial was gonna keep him alive either way, but whatever.

And now for the third part of my ramble.

As for Under the Red Hood, Jason's death is seriously streamlined for the film. In this version of events, none of the UN chicanery happens. Ra's al Ghul hires the clown for a distraction job while trying to crash the world economy (again) and whoops, the clown killed Batman's son. Crowbar, bomb, whatever. Before Jason's body can be buried, the League of Assassins steals it, hucks Jason into the Lazarus Pit, and now he's alive again!

Except, given how he died and how long he spent dead and how that interacts with the magic, he wakes up as a berserk ball of rage and pain, kills two of Ra's al Ghul's guards with his bare hands, escapes, falls into a river, and disappears.

...So much for making that whole thing up to Batman. The League of Assassins just quietly lets Bruce bury a latex dummy and doesn't ever bring it up.

Cut to Gotham, years later, when Red Hood is tearing up the place and Batman goes "Ra's al Ghul, what the fuck" and the whole story comes spilling out.

In A Ninja's Guide to Gotham, Jason's dropped hints in his narration that he was actually with the League of Assassins for a while, even before going 'round the world training with assassins and stuff. The Lazarus Pit just got him back to full functionality. So, you can assume it leans more on the comics' "spontaneous resurrection" scenario.

If Bruce ever tried to kill the Joker while Jason was dead, Jason doesn't know about it. And because we haven't been in Bruce's head, there's no indication either way.

(Bruce makes mention of how easy it would be kill the Joker in the film, but that he could never come back from doing so. It is not specified if he made the attempt or just thought about it a lot.)

I've been holding back on Jason's and Bruce's accounts of events because they're both owed a moment of dramatic catharsis (and shouting). You can generally rest assured that it'll be more likely to be a mix of events than a pure account of any one take on what happened in the warehouse that day.

Thanks for setting off an exposition bomb~

#a ninja's guide to gotham #jason todd #bruce wayne #batman #dick grayson #tim drake #asks #anonymous #comics are weird #so weird that there's not really a simple answer for a lot of things #tl;dr: none of the POV characters so far know the truth

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incorrectbatfam · 6 months

Note

I wish Retail Stephanie very good luck this Black Friday

Thanks, she's gonna need it for:

Retail Steph: Part 8

[clothing store, 12 AM]

Steph: *opens the doors*

Steph: *immediately gets trampled*

Steph, face down on the floor: Don't forget to check out our winter selection.

———————

[call center, 2 AM]

Steph: Wayne Enterprises account support, this is Stephanie speaking.

Steph: Mhm.

Steph: I see where you're coming from. But, like the name suggests, Cyber Monday is not until Monday.

———————

[coffee shop, 7 AM]

Steph: Here's your drink, have a nice day.

Steph: *ducks behind the counter*

Steph: And here is mine.

———————

[furniture store, 10 AM]

Steph: For the last time, I can't tell you if this washing machine will fit if you don't know how wide your laundry door is.

———————

[drive-thru, 12 PM]

Steph: Sorry, this Batburger location is not participating in the Thanksgiving Robin nuggets deal, but I can still take $5 off your meal.

Steph: What do you mean that's not good enough? The original deal was only $3.

———————

[grocery store, 3 PM]

Steph: Stocking up on Christmas cookies, eh?

*silence*

Steph: Not a talker. Okay.

Steph: *silently scans for the next ten minutes*

———————

[restaurant, 7 PM]

Steph: Careful, these plates are hot.

Steph: And I mean REALLY hot.

Steph: Someone put me out of my misery.

———————

[at home, 11 PM]

Duke: Hey Barbara, why am I on night patrol?

Barbara: Steph's excused.

Duke: How come?

Steph, rocking in the corner: I'm not crazy. You're crazy. Every single customer in this world has gone insane. I'm the only normal one left. Ha!

Cass: Shh, they can't hurt you.

Tim: I'll get some more hot chocolate.

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roxineedstosleep · 1 year

Note

since bruharvey seems to be rising again (I've been a fan since 2014) id like to see a drabble with sugar baby/trophy husband bruce pls. preferably with baby batkids who adore harvey, just like bruce, and hate when he has to leave for work. even if harveys like, who's gonna spoil you little brats if I don't go

Harvey knows he shouldn't, not really. But he had actually managed to get through all his accumulated telework time and was obliged to go to his office for at least three weeks at a time… face-to-face.

It's not that he hated working from home, in fact, if he can feel pretentious, he likes working from there.

He loves having to just wear his coats and shirt, because he can wear his pyjama bottoms and be comfortable there for the hours he works.

He finishes as early as possible and then spends time with his husband and all their beautiful children.

But the pandemic is definitely over now, and he himself can't deny that going back to the office gives a different touch to his work. Not to mention that there are meetings that are better handled in person. Even more so if his gorgeous husband refuses to attend his own company's meetings and it's up to him to ask the Wayne Corp representative what to do and what not to do.

But Harvey is getting sidetracked.

What was important now was the following.

Harvey is an adult, an adult with his own money… and traditionally speaking (within 50's thinking, of course) he is the man of the house.

And as such, he shouldn't have to hide in order to leave for work and be on time, right? Right? Right?

…. Well, he doesn't.

Harvey now finds himself in a terribly incriminating position. He's about to leave the mansion, he only has to take 5 more steps if he wants to get to his office in time and in 30 minutes he can get on with the work he needs to do.

The impediment?

Well, it depends a bit on everyone in the mansion.

If his husband, first of all, doesn't want to monopolise him like an octopus. When he has to take advantage of the fact that his husband is still half asleep, he manages to escape by giving him cuddles and kisses all over his face. After that, he has to make sure that his husband is nice and warm between the sheets.

Then along comes his first child, Dick. Who won't hesitate to hang on to him like a little monkey, trying to show him how he does the pirouettes and jumps all over the furniture in the place, and then call Jason. Jumping like a kangaroo on his little brother's cot bed.

Jason, who is not really a morning child, would be crying inconsolably because Dick would throw himself on him in his cot-bed. (That's when he takes advantage of the fact that Bruce isn't a morning person either and makes his second son into a teddy bear so they can both fall asleep together).

Now that Jason and Bruce are out of the waking zone, he takes advantage of the fact that Dick is still a little jealous of his younger brother and, by the way, casually mentions that Bruce still has his other arm free. Which will quickly make his eldest son go and want to hog his sleeping father.

One husband, and two sons away.

He must take care of his other 2 children.

Tim, his little Timbo. With him it's a bit curious, the infant wakes up almost at the same time as him and only goes to sleep when he is back home. Basically, screwing up his sleep schedule. So, what Harvey has to do every day is simply leave the mansion in his pyjamas, because when Tim notices from his cot that he's still wearing pyjamas, it gives him the feeling that he's just hanging around the mansion before he goes back to Bruce in his bedroom.

Does it work? Most of the time, he just thanks the newspaper service endlessly, who seem to read his need and call to tell him that "there was a delivery failure". Nothing crazy.

"Dad's just going to pick up the paper Timbers, why don't you see if Damian isn't bothered by your big brother? You know how upset he gets if he's woken up before breakfast."

And now… for Harvey's biggest challenge… his only missing son.

Damian. The barely one-year-old baby.

Damian, to his and his husband's misfortune… was like Coraline's evil kitten.

He used to show up whenever and wherever you least expected him to. It doesn't matter if he has the monitor on, or if they put a little balloon on his custom-made onesies, when you least expect it Damian will be there crawling around or demanding (not asking for) total devotion.

He loves all his children equally, but Damian seems to have quickly outgrown the Baba Bruce stage and is now terribly obsessed with being pampered and cared for exclusively by him.

And therein lies the detail. Damian is learning to walk in a running manner. And that has made him unstoppable. So now he finds himself in that awkward situation.

Before, when he got past Tim, Harvey could run up the driveway and go to work. Now? No way.

Because along comes Tim, now awake for good, carrying an annoyed Damian… both of them looking at him with their big baby eyes, waiting to see if he's really going to walk out the door.

It is in a difficult situation. If Damian starts crying, Tim will cry out of sympathy. Which will make Jason wake up and cry because they won't let him sleep.

Which will allow Dick to wake up trying to calm his other brother down, but knowing him that will lead to Bruce waking up and making all his kids and his husband also notice he's going to work.

His briefcase from the office is already on the trolley, his suit and freshly pressed tie are there too. Everything was ready.

"Baba"

Oh Fuck.

"Baba, bed, baba bed."

"Oh habibi, you know you should be in your cot, it's not time for breakfast" he still has time, he woke up extremely early today, and the office is not due for another hour. He can get Damian to sleep and get Tim to join him.

"Baba No!" and Damina's crying was what caused the chaos.

Tim quickly began to cry and demand to be held too. And though he tried, even daring to give them that terrible binky he was so insistent on taking away, he had already wasted too much time.

His husband, his beautiful husband, was now coming into his sight. Bruce was clearly upset holding a sobbing Jason, and another clearly upset Richard.

"Where do you think you're going?" she hears Bruce ask, "I thought you were staying all day."

"I got a call and something happened at the office, I need to check it out."

"Going in your pyjamas? How urgent is it?"

"Yes, it is."

"But daddy always goes out in his pajamas daddy" says Tim... and well, if Harvey survives this moment, he might consider cutting Tim out of his will... or not buying him anything on his next trip to Disney. The point is that Tim has really left him in his grave.

He knows he'll regret it if he doesn't get out in time. But, if he wins at least 4 cases today, maybe, maybe Bruce and the kids will forgive him for what he's about to do. He'll make it up to them later.

"Honey, I adore you with all my being, but I really must get to the office" and before Bruce can even say anything, he quickly leaves Damian and Tim in his arms and runs the few steps he has to the front door. He starts the car like a fiend and gets to his office as soon as possible.

Bruce threatened to divorce him for leaving him and the kids? Yep.

Did he calm down when I tried to explain to him that spoiling them meant having to go to work a couple of days at the office? Not at all, he even threatened him and the whole office to be bought out by Wayne Corp.

Did he calm down when he promised them a compensatory family day at Disney Paris when he finishes his days in the office? Maybe a little.

Did he definitely calm down when he told them they could have a romantic dinner at that new restaurant in the historic city centre? Yep. That's when he did calm down.

Although, Harvey couldn't say no when his husband and kids showed up at noon, demanding to spend their lunch with him.

#bruharvey #bruce wayne #Damian Wayne #dick grayson #Jason Todd #Tim Drake #harvey dent #bruce x harvey #Batfam fluff

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bruciemilf · 9 months

Text

I will say, it is so fun thinking about the Waynes and their relationship with food. But specifically Bruce.

We get such little light shed on the Waynes before the Big Terrible happened. Like. How were Wayne dinners like?

Were they terribly posh and quiet with small moments of fun thrown in? Was Alfred scolding Thomas for telling a star eyed Bruce unnecessarily gory details from a surgery?

Did Martha help Bruce break into the cookie jar? Was there a lovely, playful gossip about Bruce's loud classmates and his adorable crush on Gray Ghost?

Because I like that! But I'd also like it to be a complete juxtaposition.

I want Bruce to talk about his family, to his children, with a smile that could melt the sun. I want him to tell them about the noise.

How the Wayne manor was permanently flooded with a noise and boister that could rival a packed 5 star kitchen.

How Thomas always cooked with a dry cigarette in his mouth, arguing with uncle Jacob about forks of all things.

Why were they smudged, why were they placed randomly and not organised with militaristic precision, while Martha watched with the fondest annoyance.

How Thomas would cuss filthy in Italian only when Bruce was around and only Oz could understand him, long before he was the Penguin, long before Bruce was Batman.

"It's about culture. Not that you'd understand, Jakey."

And uncle Jacob never entertained his father for long. He'd throw a dirty look, his obsidian eyes sharp as a switchblade, and mutter a 'bitch' in Russian, while Alfred sat there judging them both.

The Waynes were chaos with heartbeats. And Bruce's favorite event at these diners? The food fights. It's always uncle Philip who started them.

"Wow, Jay eating steak. Never thought I'd see this day."

" It's venison."

" Vinison?" Thomas would finally take a break from his unlit cigarette, holding Bruce in his lap like a king would a prized cat.

A collective sigh rang among the table. They knew what was coming. " What are you, fuckin' crazy? That's fuckin' cannoli, dipshit."

"With vinison."

"Jacob."

" Tom."

"Martha."

" Honey."

" You come into my house, not knowing what a goddam cannoli is? Fuck are you gonna tell me next, you don't put garlic in your Carbonara? I mean."

" Garlic is disgusting."

And Thomas would cover Bruce's ears like that's the most offensive thing uncle Jacob could utter at Thomas Wayne's table. And Uncle Oz agreed. Their favorite pastime was ganging up on Martha's oldest brother.

And it starts off as something minuscule and petty and mutates in something loud and ugly and breathtaking.

Bruce would watch with an open mouth in Alfred's lap, as his father's neck popped with veins, and uncle Jacobs pale complexion would blush something angry as the skin of his throat thinned from yelling.

"FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, YOUR PRESIDENT IS A VODKA DRINKING, BALDING, COMMIE PIECE OF SHIT."

"YOU'RE AMERICAN. "

" I CANT HELP THAT, I WAS BORN LIKE THAT!"

And it wasn't a true Saturday dinner unless Thomas didn't leap across the table, running over all the food to smash whatever dish into Jacobs face.

But truly, the best part, was watching them go from fight dogs to eating outside in time-out. As different as his father and uncle were, they could always find agreement on one topic:

Defying Martha Wayne was painfully stupid.

They'd share a cigarette and eat in silence, which was as friendly as they'd ever get. But he loved it. Bruce loved Saturday dinner.

And when the batkids start the fighting tradition on Saturdays, Bruce thinks they do, too.

#bruce wayne #battinson #the batman #thomas wayne #martha wayne #oswald cobblepot #alfred pennyworth #jacob kane #its abt thomas embracing his trashy italian american heritage by being absolutely annoying #dc comics #dc #batfamily #the waynes #text #text post

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