begaycommittreason
adhd menace
welcome, victims of my hyperfixations. (mostly batfam but im on a pjo kick rn)
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if i had a nickel for every time an all american, buff, blonde, reformed playboy in a tv series with a pseudo father figure named bobby, complicated sibling relationship, and horrific parental issues, got baby trapped by his brunette best friend that fans ship him with, and had one character in the ship confirmed queer only to not end up with the other half of the ship, i would have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird it happened twice right
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bruce: we have a new member of the family joining us
jason: did you steal it?
tim: new or used?
bruce: it?? used??
steph: please no more boys bruce i can’t take it
dick: it better be fucking human this time. or a the very least a mammal
bruce: i…no selina agreed to marry me. wait—
jason: hah you wish loser
bruce: no hang on let’s go back
damian: i shall inform my mother of this development
bruce: WAIT
duke: well i was originally happy for you but now im not so sure
#i will never let ppl forget bruce made a fucking starfish robin#they all think selina’s out of his league#batfam#dc#batman
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i’m imagining all of them existing inside dick’s head like the emotions in inside out
Discowing but apply it to other genres
Technowing
Jazzwing
Punkwing
Baroquewing
Vaporwavewing
Gregorianchantwing
Soundcloudrapperwing
Surprisinglyprogressivecountrywing
CopyrightedNintendosoundtrackwing
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out of context things heard in wayne manor:
bruce: i understand, but pretending you cooked jerry the turkey is not a proportionate response to damian calling you a peasant again
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jason: look there’s a right way and a wrong way to make food. there’s also the bruce way, which is the wrong way except faster and worse
duke: *frantically scribbling notes*
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tim: do you think our relationship was kinda like incest now?
steph, horrified: never open your mouth in my presence again timothy
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dick: so then he’s like—guys. guys are you seriously signing about me in front of my face. i learned it too—hey i do NOT have a butt chin take that back—
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damian: i don’t understand, why does he wear such a ridiculous hat? is it like that margaret poppins woman grayson showed me?
tim, who watched the live action cat in the hat too much as a kid and is about to violently infodump: well you see-
dick: oh god it’s too late
jason: yeah the brats on his own for this one i’m not fucking dealing with that again
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bruce: are you lying?
tim: always. anyway, like i was saying—
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steph: hey what’s up with you and all the redheads
dick: …i’m not discussing this with you
steph, starting to chase him: gingervitus is a serious affliction! you cant run from this
dick, sprinting away: yes the fuck i can
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duke: so is anyone gonna talk about the elephant in the room…
dick:
dick: look i was feeling sentimental and zitka jr. really isn’t any trouble
damian: she is magnificent
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tim: so i dropped out and
duke: wait we can drop out of high school??!!?
bruce: NO.
duke: please bruce ap biology is beating my ass right now
jason: nah tim just got to drop cause bruce was dead and he’s a loser. the real problem is what you’re reading in ap lit right now, because i have thoughts on that curriculum—
duke: i’m not even gonna use half that material in the real world
tim: actually most of our villains have PhDs so their plans are based on pretty real science
duke: not helping timothy
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cass, signing: why are brothers on the ceiling?
jason: tims in timeout from working on his caseload
cass, still confused: yes but why taped to the ceiling
duke: listen if you know a better way of restraining his psycho ass then i’m all ears
cass: and damian?
jason: oh he saw this as free range target practice so he had to go up there too
cass: they are plotting revenge up there
duke: think of it as brotherly bonding
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damian: it’s not my fault he got in the way
bruce: you threw an eclair at lex luthor
damian: i was aiming for drake
tim: bruce we can’t take him anywhere
dick, holding back laughter: timmy you paid four separate people to come to the gala solely to ask lex if they could use his head to see if they had something in their teeth
tim: you have no proof that was me
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duke: look steph, it’s not that we don’t want to help with this
jason: i don’t want to help
duke: it’s more that i don’t think we can physically fit that many people in a shopping cart, and your whole plan kind of hinges on that
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alfred: i’m not mad, just disappointed in you.
every batkid, near tears: sorry alfred
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jason: HE HAD DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY AS THE FUCKING WHAT—
bruce: listen—
tim, mouth full and brain empty: the ambassador to iran. crazy right?
dick: tim please
#batfam#dc#bruce wayne#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#duke thomas#cassandra cain#stephanie brown#damian wayne#batfamily#batman
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officer: are these your children sir?
damian, forcefully raided a petco to liberate the animals: hello father
jason, released said animals on unsuspecting tourists for fun: sup old man
bruce: …nope
officer: oh, then them?
steph duke and cass, covered in equal parts confetti, dirt, and blood, waving:
bruce: oh no, im not touching that one with a ten foot pole
officer: …so it has to be one of them?
alfred, got into an altercation with someone at home goods over the last crockpot: i have no regrets master bruce
tim, hacked the cia to put himself higher than jason on their wanted list and accidentally implicated himself in an unrelated crime: i’m more disappointed in myself, really
bruce: …i’ve never met these people before
assorted incarcerated batkids: *various outraged clamor*
officer: then who are you here to collect?
bruce, pointing to a different cell, sighing: that one’s mine
clark, was pulled over for following all the gotham road laws (incredibly suspicious behavior): hi bruce!!!
#dick bailed them out later#after taking pictures of them behind bars#batfamily#batfam#batman#bruce wayne#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#duke thomas#cassandra cain#stephanie brown#clark kent#alfred pennyworth
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jason todd 🤝 dean winchester
being angry, repressed, misunderstood, gun toting criminals with complicated brotherly relationships that dug themselves out of their own graves, with mothers who abandoned and betrayed them and fathers who raised them to be child soldiers
and are also both jensen ackles somehow
#is this too niche#is this me outing myself as someone who’s seen the entirety of spn#jason todd#dean winchester#supernatural#batman#dc#spn#batfam
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requirements to be adopted by batman
Prexisting Trauma!
a child (optional)
orphan (optional, but preferred)
human (optional)
truly heinous coping mechanisms
dark hair (other colors available only for those who have another family)
honestly doesn’t like batman all that much
slightly skewed morals (more a resulting effect of said adoption)
generally massively fucked up and devastatingly alone!!
i think that’s it, he’s rlly just snatching kids up off the street idk what his standards are
#batfam#i probably missed some#i think gothamites have a running checklist#batman#bruce wayne’s adoption addiction#dc
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percy immediately dropping his sword, stumbling back, and apologizing like a panicked little kid after he cut luke only to be attacked with his guard down because of his fatal flaw oh im going to be violently ill
#also luke echoing percy’s introduction in the voiceover im sick#percy jackson#luke castellan#pjo episode 8#pjo tv spoilers#pjo tv show#percy jackson tv series#percy jackson and the olympians
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watching percy try to call his father sir only to have poseidon call bullshit immediately, after having spent the entire show actively refusing to be respectful to any deity shape or form is so funny to me like no poseidon, obedience does not come naturally to your son
he made a personal enemy out of both gods of war and read the literal king of olympus to filth on his daddy issues causing all three of them to individually try and kill him, all on his first quest like come on now 😭
#i honestly think more of his defiance came from sally#percy jackson#pjo tv show#percy jackson tv series#pjo episode 8
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only percy “professional little shit” jackson would actively call kronos, the lord of time and his main ancient evil antagonist, grandpa
that is my disrespectful and violently out of pocket king right there!!
#he’s nothing if not consistent#i know all the high and mighty immortals are sick of his ass#pjo tv show#percy jackson#percy jackson tv series#pjo episode 8
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watching all of the absolutely unhinged theories coming out from non book readers is my favorite pastime
like WHAT 😭😭😭
#and if i said they have a point with the last one…#percy jackson tv show#pjo tv show#pjo tv series#percy jackson and the olympians
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the way that sally and poseidon didn’t look at each other even once that whole entire scene oh im gonna throw up
#they’re sick for that#sally jackson#pjo poseidon#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo episode 7#pjo tv show
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there were two wolves fighting inside percy jackson this episode
the city kid: nah just cut the line, i’m in a rush and only suckers wait
the polite young man his mother raised: apologize and say excuse me to every person you shove past
#percy jackson is a new yorker#percy jackson#pjo tv show#percy jackson tv series#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo episode 7
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“i seldom cahoot” is the funniest possible fucking thing they could have had hades, the god of the dead, say in response to being falsely accused of treasonous collusion by a 24 year old covered in dog drool and a blonde tween with anger issues
#percy jackson#grover underwood#pjo tv show#pjo episode 7#pjo tv spoilers#hades#percy jackson and the olympians#percy jackson tv series
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i don’t give a shit about the snyder cut, the only thing i want from dc movies now is golden age superman’s absolute menacery back
he was snacking on lead pipes and slurping molten steel for shits and giggles like what the actual fuck was he on 😭
i’ve come with receipts tell me that’s not the best intimidation tactic you’ve ever seen. if i stuck a gun in someone’s mouth and the mf just bit it off and swallowed it you’d have to institutionalize me
like just imagine superman flying through the air and instead of dodging bullets he starts chomping his way through like pac man that’s insane behavior
#he’s every child’s hero and every dentist’s worst nightmare#LET SUPERMAN EAT ALL HIS VILLAIN’S WEAPONS COWARDS#dc#superman#clark kent#golden age#dc comics
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steph, holding a newspaper from the red robin 2009 run: tam’s engaged to a gay man.
dick: as a gay man i’m horrified. as a brother of tim’s, horrified
steph: as an ex and victim of tim and his atrocious capacity for relationships, i’m horrified.
dick: as a lover of elegant weddings however, i’m a little excited
steph: but overall, horrified
#i think the timtam engagement plot line was so silly#red robin 2009#batfam#stephanie brown#dick grayson#tim drake#dc#dc textpost#textpost
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“to be so close to someone you love knowing neither of you has any choice but to keep hurting each other?”
annabeth and her dad each resenting each other because frederick never actually wanted or did anything to create annabeth, and annabeth never did anything to warrant her fathers indifference and exclusion except exist
percy constantly feeling like a bad son because he kept getting kicked out of schools and causing his mother unnecessary stress alongside the guilt he must feel that his existence required her to marry gabe
hermes knowing that he would only cause further pain for may and luke by inserting himself into their lives but loving them so much that he couldn’t bear to stay away from them jesus christ
i can’t be normal about this show istg
#percy jackson and the olympians#percy jackson tv show#pjo tv spoilers#annabeth chase#pjo tv show#percy jackson#hermes#pjo episode 6
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