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#bruce Wayne
bruciemilf · 2 days
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As a reward for helping with a problem, John Constantine wants to give Bruce a chance to talk to his parents. “I can only do one at a time, thought, so, who’s first?”
Bruce sweats, “That won’t be necessary.”
The batkids watch like ??? they’ve seen Bruce in every state a man could succumb and raise, but they’ve never seen him scared. Alfred calmly steps forward, “Please do.”
“No. Don’t.”
John “I don’t want peace, I want trouble, always” Constantine smells some opportunity for chaos and grabs it.
The result of that is the very angry spirit of Thomas Wayne fixing Bruce with the glare of the year, “You dropped oUT OF MED SCHOOL?!” The entire mansion seems to tremble.
Bruce yelps like a scolded cat and runs around the dining table, “I was busy with BATMAN—“
“ Che cazzo è un Batman, — Get back here! You were there a year, — Che cazzo fai, CHE CAZZO FAI?! Pack your bags, you’re going back.”
To the batkids’ absolute horror Bruce starts to cry, face watery and bright, and they finally understand what Alfred meant by tantrums. “Non voglio tornare indietro, papà!”
“Non mi interessa, cazzo, — wait till your mother hears about this, Harley graduated with HONORS. What exemple are you giving to my grandkids? Don’t — Don’t run, GET BACK HERE!”
Tim sweats in high school dropout, Dick sweats in cop, Jason sweats in drug lord, Damian sweats in art kid, and Stephanie just sweats in general.
“Should, uh… Should we help?”
“Are you kidding? I haven’t seen Jason this happy since the Queen died.”
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fernacular · 7 hours
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Despite what you may have heard Bruce Wayne is not, in fact, a furry.
He is, however, very opinionated.
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batman-katflap · 2 days
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Bruce's PR team doing their best to mitigate gay rumours after Bruce was spotted kissing a 'mysterious man' at a gala (it was Clark.)
Only for Bruce to retweet a Superman thirst trap the next day, adding 'I'd suck his dick so hard he'd forget where Metropolis even was.'
The public and press quickly forget about the mystery man and instead jump whole heartedly onto the 'Bruce Wayne wants to suck Superman's dick' train.
Bruce's PR team are weeping into their morning coffees the next day whilst Bruce just grins because the gay thing wasn't what bothered him about the situation, it was that Clark's privacy was at risk and as far as he's concerned, the issue is now solved.
Sure, Superman now has to deal with random civilians asking him if he's seen the tweet, but, you win some you lose some.
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incorrectbatfam · 23 hours
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How small must the world be for both Bruce and Tim to witness John and Mary Grayson's deaths
Or for 10-year-old Duke to crack the Riddler's puzzle before Batman swoops in and saves the day, long before his powers came into play
Or for Sheila Haywood to leave her son only to end up assisting his killer a decade and a half later
Not to mention the popular fanon concept of Jason knowing baby Damian in the League of Assassins
Now imagine how many other invisible strings could've tied them together
Like what if Tim and Jason went to the same school when Jason was Robin but all they shared was the occasional bump and "excuse me" in the busy halls
Or what if Babs was a tutor and helped an elementary-aged Steph finally understand her homework only for the Browns to cancel after a couple sessions because they couldn't afford it
What if the first person to buy Cass a hot meal was Kate on one of her travels
What if Alfred witnessed young Selina shoplifting groceries but chose to turn a blind eye
What if Jason lived on the same streets as the Row siblings and gave little Harper tips on how to use tools and defend her brother
What if Steph and Duke shared the same school bus, only he sat in the front while she was toward the back
What if the first person to teach Tim how to tie his shoes was Bruce at a gala because Jack and Janet were busy talking to someone important
What if Bette did a DNA test for fun and found a connection in Nanda Parbat but just assumed the results was faulty because she knew her whole family, right?
What if 8-year-old Dick, the day before his parents died, stayed at a cheap hotel near Crime Alley and found 4-year-old Jason wandering alone and said, "I'll be your big brother for tonight"
What if the universe knew they were made for each other and wouldn't rest until they realized it too
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ditzybat · 3 days
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non-gotham locals think the most prolific bat-villain is the joker, or scarecrow, even the riddler — or any of their assorted highly dangerous deluded rogues.
but a real gothamite knows how big a pain in the ass condiment king is, in fact, urban legend says that the bat kids have formed a pact to not tell batman if condiment king just happens to turn up… at the bottom of gotham harbor.
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mindflayer-inc · 2 days
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Batman AU
Batman tells Gordon that he doesn't kill. Thinking that it's a legality issue, Gordon deputizes Batman and gives him a gun and badge. Batman of course doesn't use the gun and just figures Gordon is stressed.
After Joker kills a Robin, Gordon starts to deputize the Batfam members.
Gordon: Next time you see that clown. Take. The. Shot. Rookie.
Robin (Tim, tiny ass 14 year old holding a 45 magnum): Umm... Yes sir?
Batman (plus all the Rogues, minions, and citizens of Gotham when Robin shows up with a 45 Magnum):
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evaningotham · 2 days
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i need the batfam fandom to give damian the same energy we give tom hollands peter parker in fics like
i want Field Trip to Wayne Enterprises fics
fics where damian gets phone calls from his famous siblings in class
fics where damian has to deal with the other kids watching thirst traps of his older siblings
fics where he’s getting bullies and one of them shows up in full vigilante attire to scare the middle school bully
just
damian al ghul wayne fanfic that centers around his school life and protective family
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catmanbowser · 2 days
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Look at my art boy. This was for the superbat zine last year hehe (was busy with college, so i didnt get a chance to post it TT)
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kikipancakes · 3 days
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No robins allowed!!
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batfamgalore · 2 days
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*Dick witnesses a house get robbed and Bruce wants in on the case so Dick takes him to show him the house*
Bruce: All right, which one?
Dick: That one.
Bruce: Yeah? Well that’s a stupid house to rob.
Dick: Does anyone live up to your standards? Maybe we can get a hold of the burglar’s number. You can call. Tell him how disappointed you are.
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literarymerritt · 2 days
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Watch out, kids! No treats here! 🏚️🦇🎃
Art Tumblr | Twitter
[ do NOT repost or use without permission ]
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theerurishipper · 3 days
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The thing I'm wondering about is why it's Batman who always gets the blame for what is more or less standard fare across the DCU. "Batman indoctrinates children into his war, the Robins are child soldiers!" But where is this energy for Wally West or Roy Harper or anyone else? Why doesn't anyone call Barry or Clark or Ollie out for indoctrinating children? And in the same vein, Batman gets consistently torn apart for not killing the Joker, when I don't really see any other hero get this? No one is writing hit pieces on Superman for not killing Luthor, but somehow saying Batman is a coward and in the wrong for not wanting to compromise on his principles is a significantly popular opinion? Like, there are legitimate reasons to criticize Bruce as a character (his controlling nature, his tendency to be cold and distant and push people away, etc.), but why is it always the wrong arguments (that have already been explained and explored in depth in canon) that always get the most traction? And why is it always Batman?
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bbbbbbbbatman · 3 days
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Bruce, ending a JL meeting: Superman and I will discuss this further
Hal, teasing: lol, are you two going to fuck
Bruce, deadpan: yeah we are, what about it
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satoshy12 · 3 days
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She is her Dad's daughter
Bruce. "Cass isn't like me!" The rest of the bat family looked behind Bruce as Cass walked in with in her arms the Phantom Thief that she hunted. She turned to them and waved and walked away. Jason:"Whatever helps you sleep at night, old man." 
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Danny said to himself as he was kidnapped by a hero, "Why is this my life? All I wanted was fun. But she is cute!" Danny didn't really fight back.
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violent138 · 2 days
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Time-warped or travel scenario where Bruce gets launched back into a younger version of himself with all the memories and the first thing he does is goes and gets Dick Grayson right after his parents' death, then pick up Jason, arrange about a million playmates to get Tim out of his house, and once he has those kids happy and taken care of, he goes off to find Cass, helps Steph with her dad, and leaves a very pointed voice-mail for Talia.
Alfred thinks he's more mentally ill than usual for knowing exactly which orphans and as he pointedly reminds Bruce, "children whose parents are still very much alive" he's trying to steal and adopt.
Bruce heatedly replies that they're his kids and that he's going to do everything right this time, rendering Alfred absolutely speechless until Bruce asks if Alfred would be able to make dinner for his new brood of kids.
"Try and remember who you're speaking to Master Bruce, I've thrown dinner parties with less notice"
"Great because I have a list of allergies and some notes on favourite foods."
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24hrsoda · 1 day
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Cass is like his weird little shadow (and unfortunately too big to cling to him anymore like Damian does)
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