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#it’s my au and i get to project onto my character how i like
idiot-mushroom · 1 year
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hey have you ever had that moment of when your youngest sibling does a prank on an adult in your house and that adult says horrible things to your baby sibling telling them that they’re an abuser so you step in and tell the adult to quit it only for them to gaslight you into thinking that your a disrespectful brat the next day so you stop talking until someone makes you talk about your feelings in which that person goes to tell the shitty adult to stop being mean only for the shitty adult to say that they’re conspiring against them and that they’re the victim?
me neither bc that would be so super specific and weird and-
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cluescorner · 2 months
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Randomized Robins AU - Ages + Worst Trait Exercise:
Steph (25):
Says her worst trait is her murderous rages (she is exaggerating for dramatic/comedic effect, she’s killed 3 people tops and for very good reason)
Thinks her worst trait is her spitefulness (one of the few traits she definitely got from her father + one that prevents her from fixing her relationships and living her best possible life. She’ll refuse to interact with someone she dearly loves after an argument (happens significantly less after Tim’s death) or will say things she knows are hurtful just for the sake of having the last word. This trait will worsen in some ways as the list of people who have wronged her and those she loves grows, but will also ease up as she matures and realizes the harm it’s doing to her relationships with those she loves most.)
Her worst trait really is her spitefulness
Cass (26)
Says her worst trait is her self-righteousness (she believes that her goals are righteous and, as a result, she is righteous. Cass becomes very defensive whenever someone questions the mission and often does not second-guess herself. This is a trait she only develops later in life as she grows closer to Bruce/learns to understand herself more/starts to love herself more. But she knows she isn’t perfect and when somebody she trusts criticizes something she is doing she is willing to listen. She just usually isn’t the one to START the introspection.) 
Thinks her worst trait is her self-righteousness. 
Her worst trait actually is her obsessiveness (she gets it from Bruce and, while not as bad as him, she will easily become preoccupied with her night-life and the mission if someone isn’t there to pull her back. She will do this to the point of self-destruction and it hurts her relationships with the people she loves, especially Steph.)
Tim (24)
Says his worst trait is his spitefulness (he actively rejects the idea of mending his relationships with the older members of the family and this causes him to also lack good relationships with the younger ones)
Thinks his worst trait is his obsessiveness (similar to Cass, if he gets fixated on a task or idea he will neglect everything else in his life in order to dedicate more time to it. Unlike Cass, he will almost never be dragged away from it unless Pierrot snatches control of the body and forces them to take care of themself.)
His worst trait actually is how manipulative he is (the KING of guilt-tripping and using people’s emotions against them. He’ll do whatever he needs to do to get what he wants, he’s not above crocodile tears. And he will do it to whoever he needs (or wants) to with little care for how his actions impact others.)
Pierrot (Insists: “Age doesn’t apply to me! And even if it did, I'd probably be the oldest. Or the youngest! I’d never be a middle child, though.” Mental assessments by the Bats have put him around 21, with a margin of error of 3 years. Pierrot has called this “blatant character assassination by my eternal rival!”)
Says his worst trait is that he is an irredeemable psychopath without any regard for the wellbeing of others (this is a lie and everyone who's important to him understands this). 
Thinks his worst trait is his parasitic nature (he literally would not exist had Tim not suffered the way he did. Plus he is a living reminder of one of the worst things that happened to many of his loved ones. He is a parasite injected into a functional person's body and contributes to his continued suffering. This is also a largely incorrect judgement of himself, caused by his actual worst trait.)
His worst trait actually is his limited sense of self (he doesn’t really know who he is outside of ‘inheritor to the legacy of the Joker (a man he despises yet also views as a father)’ and ‘chip in Tim’s brain that became sentient’. He slowly develops an identity over the course of his life and relationships with other people, but he lacks the foundations of identity that most people have. Pierrot will often almost become a caricature of himself and what others perceive him to be because it's the only person he knows how to be. This causes wild swings in how he behaves and relates to others, sometimes to the detriment of himself and others.)
Dick (17) 
Says his worst trait is his clinginess (he is a very extraverted person who likes to be around others, which mixed with his fear of abandonment after his parents died means that if he goes a few days without seeing/talking to a friend he will get very anxious.)
Thinks his worst trait is his anger issues (he gets ticked off very easily and will explode on people. He’s kind at his core and is usually very nice, but he has a temper that can escalate significantly. Spoiler (and later Twist) help him channel this anger into something positive.)
His worst trait actually is his anger issues.
Barbara (18)
Says her worst trait is her disability (internalized ableism, she thinks of herself as less valuable than the other Bats because she cannot be out there in the capes like they can. She will grow out of this as she matures and as she learns how invaluable her support for the team is.)  
Thinks her worst trait is her disability 
Her worst trait actually is her overly-independent nature (In an attempt to overcompensate for everything she can no longer do, she has resolved to do literally everything that she possibly can without any help from others. This results in many instances where she either takes on too much and winds up not being able to fully realize any of her tasks or where she makes her life and the lives of others significantly harder by refusing help when offered/not asking for it when she needs it.)
Damian (16)
Says his worst trait is his perfectionism (he is overly critical of both himself and others, taking any flaw or problem and amplifying it to an absurd degree. This is due in part to his life with the LoA (where even a brief misstep could lead to death), in part to how others treated him initially as Spoiler (any flaw was fixated on and used as a reason to either mistrust him or portray him as unworthy of the mantle), and in part due to the fact that he is Bruce’s son (the only person with worse perfectionism problems than Damian). Gradually, Damian has improved in this regard but it’s still a massive barrier to both his own happiness and his relationships with others.)
Thinks his worst trait is his perfectionism 
His worst trait actually is his perfectionism
Duke (16)
Says his worst trait is his definitely-real secret evil side (says this as a ‘my dad is a villain so who knows??’ joke)
Thinks his worst trait is his impulsivity in his words (Sometimes he will crack a joke or say a remark without thinking it through, leading to a LOT of hurt feelings and drama. He’ll say something without thinking it through and wind up seeming insensitive. This isn’t done because of malice, rather because Duke is someone who’s quick to act and speak. But while the mantle of Insight and his awakening powers have helped him with his actions, they do not always help with his loose tongue. As such, Duke gains an unfair reputation in the media as an instigator and will accidentally cause family drama through what he says.)
His worst trait actually is his impulsivity in his words
Jason (14)
Says his worst trait is his bad manners (he grew up on the streets and has no idea how rich-people society works, which he’s pretty insecure about considering he’s now the youngest kid of Bruce freaking Wayne). 
Thinks his worst trait is his reactiveness (Jason never got the privilege of planning ahead for various events in his life, so he instead needed to rely on being swift and harsh in how he could react to situations. It’s saved his life on multiple occasions and helps significantly in his role as Spoiler, but it can also lead to extreme overreactions (accidentally causing kidnapping scare after Jason ran away following a fight with Dick) and a struggle to plan things out ahead of time. As he grows more secure in his place in the family and in life, this trait will lessen but never fully dissipate.)
His worst trait actually is his reactiveness
#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#tim drake#dick grayson#barbara gordon#damian wayne#duke thomas#jason todd#batfamily#randomizedrobinsau#I'm debating whether I should tag this with the Joker Junior tag and those related to it for Pierrot#because like...it's not quite that. but it's also very close to that and is the direct result of that.#but Pierrot would fucking HATE to be tagged as that and sees it as an insult to his identity...which he already has problems with#so I don't think I'm gonna#anyways lmao I am totally projecting my younger self onto Barbara. How could I not? She's literally the reason I view my disability#the way that I do and she actively improved my mental health just by existing and saying some of the shit she did when I was in the#stages of accepting my own disability. So yeah I am projecting a lot onto her because I love her and see myself in her.#I'm mostly basing these characterizations on my favorite versions of them (ie Red Robin 2009 Tim and Birds of Prey Barbara).#so I'm taking the traits I like/think fit in this AU and discarding what I think either is bad or doesn't fit or if I just don't like it.#Damian's 'murder gremlin who is a meanie on purpose because he is a meanie' is entirely unappealing to me and also does not fit this AU#I prefer him when he's portrayed as a sympathetic kid (who is still an asshole) and not a demon child. So that's what I'm using.#same with Talia's 'abusive mother who is totally on-board with all of her father's bullshit and will kill someone for no reason' version#I have read enough comics to know what I like/what is most important and what I don't like/what is#BLATANT CHARACTER ASSASSINATION GRANT MORRISON YOU FUCK YOU SET TALIA BACK SO FUCKING FAR#I also decided to outline their WORST traits because I already know what I like about these characters/their best traits.#most people do. But what was a greater challenge was finding what would make their lives and those of others worse.#what would I hate about this person if I knew them IRL? What would I first suggest they get therapy for? What hurts them and why?#I found these questions really interesting in the context of this AU where some people are forced into completely different roles#the says/thinks/is was inspired by trying to answer that question for myself. I say my worst trait is my impulsiveness but when#I asked others in my life they answered 'oh so you said your weird thing where you don't ask for help right?'
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svtskneecaps · 1 year
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HOW THE FUCK DID I HIT 69 PAGES FOR THIS FIC IT'S BEEN LIKE THREE WEEKS
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oddinary4bts · 4 months
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When the End Comes | epilogue (jjk)
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☆summary: when the weather seems to work against you and Jungkook for your wedding day, you decide to change plans last minute. In any other situation, it would have made you freak out - but how can you freak out, when you're getting married to the love of your life?
☆pairing: photographer!Jungkook x lawyer!female reader
☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there is mature content in every chapter)
☆genre: marriage!au, fluff, smut
☆warnings: cursing, mentions of pregnancy, alcohol, mentions of Jungkook's injury, mentions of breakups, Jungkook's scars, explicit content: wedding night sex, nipple play, a tie around OC's neck, jerking off, oral sex (male and female receiving), mouth fucking, fingering, dirty talking, squirting, ball fondling, shower sex, unprotected sex (they're married give them a break haha)
☆word count: 12.1k
☆series masterpost
☆a/n: Finally finished the epilogue for you guys! I hope you love it just as much as I loved writing it :') it's going to be hard to say goodbye to this couple, but I hope you love their ending <3 Thank you to @moonleeai for beta-ing this, you are the best <3 and thank you to @jessikahathaway for supporting me with this project, you are amazinnng
☆Read The Forgotten Spaces here, the prequel to When the End Comes! It does not need to be read to understand When the End Comes, but I think it still should be read first to have a better understanding of the characters in general!
☆☆☆☆☆
My heart is going onto you So be the heart that I'm choosing, heart that I'm choosing Someday, I'll fall into you That's where I'll be now when the end comes
When the End Comes, Andrew Belle
☆☆☆☆☆
Friday, July 6th
The rising sun turns your bedroom into liquid gold, slowly dragging you out of sleep. You bask in the gentle warmth, instinctively turning around to cuddle closer to Jungkook.
In his sleep, Jungkook wraps an arm around you, pulling you ever so closer until your head is pressed to his chest. His heartbeat sings in your ear and you listen to the melody, wishing it would make you fall back asleep.
Alas, your thoughts trot to tomorrow, and like a kid on Christmas morning, too excited to fall back asleep, sleep evades you. So you just enjoy Jungkook’s proximity, sighing softly as he brushes a kiss on the top of your head.
You smile against him, kissing the skin of his chest against which your face is pressed. Jungkook shifts a little bit, his breathing growing slightly uneven, the only indication that he’s waking up as well.
“Morning,” he whispers, voice gruff with sleep.
“Morning,” you echo, and you try to pull back to take a look at his face, but he holds you tighter.
You chuckle, and you snake an arm around his waist, gently caressing the skin of his back. The moment is peaceful, serene, the kind of moments you never want to step away from. They have been frequent, since you moved in with him in Seoul. Life with him has been perfect, like it was at the very beginning of your relationship. Now, no long distance can ever create a wedge between the two of you - every decision you make together, for the both of you.
You’ve been falling in love with him more every day.
“Let’s stay here until tomorrow,” Jungkook whispers, his hold on you momentarily tightening. 
You peck his chest again. “I wish we could.”
He whines, a sound that vibrates in his ribcage, and this time you laugh. “Please?”
“You don’t want to get married anymore?” you ask, faking offense as you try to push away from him again.
He doesn’t let you go, though you fight against him for a little longer this time around.
“On the contrary,” he replies. “I kind of wish we’d get married faster.”
It’s a struggle, but you manage to raise your head to look at him. From this angle, all you can see is his sharp jawline and the mole on his neck.
“Why?”
“Because I love you?”
His words make your heart race in your chest, like they always do. Because no amount of declaration of love will ever be enough to stop the uprising of butterflies, to slow down the organ that beats for him. 
That has been beating for him since a July night eight years ago. Still, when you were apart, it kept on beating for him, and you know that it will keep on beating for him until you draw your very last breath, at the end of the long road still ahead of the two of you.
“I love you too,” you whisper back.
“I know.”
A comfortable silence settles around the two of you again, and you believe you might be able to fall back asleep after all. Unfortunately for you, Bam heard the two of you, and his wagging tail bangs against the dresser as the dog walks over to Jungkook’s side of the bed, propping his front paws on the mattress so that he can reach for Jungkook.
Jungkook shrieks, sitting up, and you burst out laughing, rolling on your back as he lets go of you. 
“He licked me,” Jungkook complains, his familiar pout on display.
You sit up, pressing a gentle kiss on his soft lips. “Maybe I should lick you too.”
His pout melts into a devilish smirk. “I’ve got ideas of where you could lick, mmh.”
You laugh as he tackles you, pushing you back down on the bed. Bam takes that as a cue to jump on the bed, and the next five minutes are spent in giggles and laughs and shrieks, a tangled mess of your own little family. When you all finally calm down, Jungkook slips out of bed with the dog in tow so that he can feed him, and you enjoy a few more minutes of peace before you follow them.
When you walk into the kitchen, Jungkook is busying himself with plating the soy eggs you’ve been eating for breakfast, and he offers you a grin over his shoulder. You think the grin would be enough to make you fly, and you smile in return as you walk over to him, loosely wrapping your arms around his dainty waist. 
“Hungry?” he asks.
“Mmh.”
He laughs, gently patting your arm. “You’ll get your food soon enough, fear not.”
You hum again, pressing a kiss on his soft skin. His muscles flex as he moves, and you let go of him, heading to the table. Bam trots to you, and you pet the dog as Jungkook finishes with breakfast, carrying it to you. He sits next to you, pecking your cheek as he puts down a plate in front of you.
“Thank you,” you say, immediately diving into the food. It makes Jungkook laugh, even as he follows suit. 
As you eat, Jungkook grabs his phone from his pocket, scrolling on Instagram. You look at the screen as he does so, resting your head on his shoulder when you’re done with the eggs. It’s something you also often do - looking at memes and the likes together, spending time in silence, together. 
“I hope the forecast has changed for tomorrow,” Jungkook says through a yawn as he switches to the weather app.
It hasn’t. The forecast still announces a rainstorm, and you hide your face in his neck as you groan.
“What are we supposed to do?” you ask. “We can’t have everyone sit in the rain.”
“The reception hall said we can be there early,” Jungkook reminds you. “We can just have the ceremony there instead.”
You pout, not replying. Because you had planned to have the ceremony outside - you’d even wanted to have it happen at night, under a blanket of stars. But it wasn’t possible, so you’d settled for a ceremony outside in a field. Unlike traditional Korean weddings, you’d also decided to have a reception after, so Jungkook has a point.
But you really don’t feel like getting married indoors.
“We should just cancel everything,” you whine. “Let’s wait until we can have our perfect wedding.”
Jungkook leans his head on top of yours. “It’s sunny today.” His voice holds mischief, and you sit back to look at him. His eyes twinkle like stars in the night sky, and for a moment, you just want to get lost in his gaze.
Until an idea sparks in your mind.
“Can we move everything to today?” you ask.
He purses his lips. “Jimin, Bridget and Heather are landing today,” he reminds you. “I thought you wanted to introduce Jimin and Somi.”
Somi. A friend you met during your spinning classes. She’s been a gift here in Korea, helping you adjust in ways that Jungkook couldn’t. More than that, Somi is a hopeless romantic, and something about the way she carries herself makes you think that Jimin would like her. 
Maybe she’s what Jimin needs to finally move on from Scottie.
“Right,” you let out. “Fuck.”
Jungkook shrugs. “We could get married and then still have the reception tomorrow.”
Your gaze widens. “You think your dad would accept?”
Indeed, Jungkook’s father is your officiant, since your own father wouldn’t have any legal right to marry you in South Korea. It was still an easy decision though - Jungkook’s family has been treating you like you’ve always been a part of them ever since you’ve met them, all those years ago.
“Definitely,” Jungkook affirms. “I can call him right now.”
“What about the witnesses?” you ask.
“Ask your dad to come, and my mother or my brother can sign for me.”
It seems so simple. You do feel a little guilty thinking about all of your friends who came all the way here to see you get married, but then again, you think they would understand.
They all know that you and Jungkook have always been a little more on the secretive side, even when you were young and dumb college students. So you don’t think any of them would hold it against you…
“Jungkook…”
“Yes?”
“Should we really?”
Even as you ask the question, you already know you want to. Because declaring your love in a room full of people feels like a lot of pressure, even though all of them are already aware of that same love. But to you, it feels impersonal, and you’d rather just do it alone with Jungkook and a few key people.
Maybe it’s the reason why the forecast has been battling against you. Like a sign that you aren’t supposed to get married in that field anyway.
“Do you want to?” Jungkook asks, tilting his head to the side as his features grow serious. 
You nod once. “I think it’s a good idea…” you trail off, wetting your lips. “Especially considering the rain.”
“And then I’d get to call you wife today,” he says, smiling softly.
“And I’d get to call you husband.”
His smile slowly widens. “Then let’s do it.”
“What about everyone else though? What do we say?”
Jungkook flicks your nose, winking at you. “They don’t need to know.”
“And the hairstylist and makeup artist?” 
“You can still get glammed up for the reception.”
“And Mingyu?”
“I’ll tell him to come today.”
You hold his big doe eyes for a moment, pursing your lips. Your heart syncs with his, warmth filling your soul. It feels like that July night sky, like his lips on yours and a reunion after months apart. Time stretches, and for a moment, you see all of your life in front of you, and all the love and the happiness and joy that it will hold. 
Eyes slowly lining with silver, you finally say, “Let’s do it.”
*****
The field is lined with wildflowers, swimming in the breeze. Their fragrance floats in the air, and bees flutter from flower to flower, collecting the pollen. Fat clouds roll in the sky above, plump and white, and the sun shines, endlessly.
The arch where you were supposed to get married tomorrow is already there, a beautiful contraption of entwined vines. White and lilac balloons were supposed to be added to it, but the lack of them doesn’t deter you.
Not when the man you love is waiting for you, right under it. Eyes shining with unshed tears, as your hand tightens on your father’s arm.
“Let’s do it,” your father whispers for just you to hear.
You swallow around the lump in your throat. “What if it’s the wrong thing to do?”
You can’t help the anxiety. It isn’t even what you truly feel - just the anxiety of an important moment in your life, coming sooner than expected. Your question makes your father laugh.
“I’ve never seen a man loving a woman as much as the kid loves you,” he reassures you. “Put him out of his misery.”
You snort, though it sounds more like a sob, as a tear rolls on your cheek. “I love him so much, too.”
Your father pats your hand, and then starts walking you towards where Jungkook is waiting for you, his mother and brother next to him, his father behind him. All of them look at you with tears in their eyes, and you fight the next wave that threatens to spill on your cheeks. 
Louis, Isabelle, Jungkook’s brother’s wife and their kids are standing on each side of the makeshift aisle, as the chairs weren’t delivered yet. Still, they also look at you. For a moment, you picture your friends - Jiho, Hobi, Somi, Heather, Bridget, Jo, Taehyung, Kiko, Yoongi, Jin, Valeria, Jimin, Lance and Chaeyeong… You picture all of them sharing this moment of love with you. You do feel bad for them - especially for Jiho and Heather, who were supposed to be your bridesmaids - but then again, you’ll see them tonight.
For your pretend bachelorette. 
Everyone present right now promised to keep this instant secret, at least until the reception tomorrow. Just so that you can tell your friends yourself when the moment comes.
You take a step forward, and then another, the distance between you and Jungkook slowly diminishing until you’re standing right in front of him, close enough to see the scar on his left cheek and the mole under his bottom lip. You see everything and nothing at once, your tears blinding you until you blink them away.
Jungkook is not faring any better. Two tears are rolling down his right cheek, and he wipes them with the back of his hand, chuckling softly.
He looks beautiful in his tuxedo, the form tight to his body. He looks massive, strong, yet so delicate in the way his features soften as he looks at you. As he melts like ice in the sun, like you do as well. You melt like that winter of the months away from him never existed, like you never broke up for those terrible months. The memory of them left a scar on your heart, but as you look at him right now, you think the scar is disappearing, like maybe it really never existed.
You look down at yourself, at the white dress on your body. It’s tight to your frame, but the fabric is stretchy enough for it to remain comfortable. Its off-the-shoulder style is perfect for the warm temperature, and the lace that decorates it is beautiful, yet simple.
Jungkook takes you in, whispering, “You’re beautiful,”, as his father starts reciting the usual wedding speech. As much as you want to focus, to paint this moment in your memory, to be able to relive it again and again, it flashes before you until you finally reach the vows.
Jungkook scrapes his throat, then lets out a small, pained sob as new tears roll down his cheeks. You cry in time with him, laughing through it all, as you wipe the tears on his face.
“Okay,” he says, taking a deep breath to calm down. “Wow. I…” he trails off, chuckling again, and his hands close around yours in the space between you. “I never believed we’d finally reach this day,” Jungkook finally says. “For years, I’ve known that you were the one. Hell, I knew the first day I saw you.” He chuckles, and you swallow around the lump in your throat. “I think that’s why you got on my nerves so much.” You swat his arm, laughing, and he winks at you. “I think then I was just scared, because I knew just how much I was going to love you someday, and it first scared me. But when I finally got to be with you, I realized there is nothing to be scared about when it comes to my love for you.” He pauses, blinking a few times. “Except when you get mad at me. That’s scary.”
Soft laughter surrounds you, that of the closest people in your life right now. Mingyu snaps pictures, and your brain zeroes in on the sound for a few seconds until Jungkook speaks again.
“And then I lost you.” You shut your eyes, the pain of the few months away awakening inside of you. “I hated myself for those few months, but even then, I think I knew it was always going to be us two. Whether in this life or another, I knew I’d find you again.” His voice, heavy with emotion, wavers on the last words, and it takes him a moment of breathing in and out before he’s able to continue. “I will forever be thankful that I found you again in this life. That I’ll get to spend every day of my life with you.”
The wind is gentle on your features, almost as gentle as Jungkook’s touch is. Your hands tighten on his fingers for a few seconds, to give him the strength to finish.
“That we’ll get to share the dance of our lives, until death does us part,” he finishes. “I love you, Y/n.”
That last bit was barely over a whisper, yet it clangs through you, vibrates in your soul beautifully. You laugh softly, whispering, “I love you too, Jungkook. So, so much.”
He laughs too, and then you both blink away tears, right as you take a few deep breaths, trying to get ready for your own vows.
You’ve prepared them a while ago. As a matter of fact, the days following his proposal you’d known what you were going to say. You’d almost suggested getting married right then and there, though you don’t regret anything.
Because today feels right. It feels right in ways you can’t comprehend, like it’s time for an entirely new cataclysm, but one that creates.
One that creates a life instead of destroying. That creates a world for just you and him, something you’ll share until the very end.
“Jungkook,” you start. “I’ve loved you more than I’ve ever loved anything in my life. Even when I didn’t know what love was, you were there in my heart, slowly making the place yours. When we danced under the stars eight years ago, I knew we would make it to this day. That we’d get married, that we’d always be partners. And I want us to be partners. I want us to make every important decision together, to love and hold each other. To dance under a thousand different night skies, to grow old and grumpy together. Every day, I will love you. I will look into your eyes and know that they were made for me.”
You pause, wiping tears on your cheeks. “I also want to thank you. Thank you for being patient with me, for welcoming me back into your life after those months last year. Thank you for still loving me, for still wanting me even though I broke your heart. And thank you, all those years ago, for being there for me, even though we were at an awkward place in life. The help you granted me when I got kicked out kept me going, and I really, really thank you for it. I just hope I can repay you properly through the years.”
“You already have,” Jungkook chokes out. 
You want to wrap him in your arms, but you resist, instead holding his gaze with all the love in your heart. You think your souls are merging, though you reckon you’ve been one for far longer than this moment already.
You’ve been one since you first chose to love him, and he you.
“You can exchange the rings,” Jungkook’s father says, and he sounds just as choked on emotion as the two of you.
So you do, Jungkook gently pushing the ring on your finger. It’s pretty, delicate, similar to the engagement ring he’d gotten you. Though the wedding ring sports emeralds instead, shaped like leaves. It’s fairy-like, and you smile at its simple beauty before putting Jungkook’s ring on his finger. 
He raises his hand to look at the ring, smiling brightly. As his father proclaims to kiss the bride, Jungkook’s hand shifts towards you, before gently grabbing your chin. He tilts your head back, and your eyes dip to his mouth as he wets his lips.
“I love you so fucking much, baby,” he says, and then he’s crashing his mouth on yours, ravishing a passionate kiss on your lips. 
You wrap your arms around his neck as he dips you, unable to stop the smile that grows on your lips despite the intensity of the kiss. Jungkook is smiling too, and he straightens you as he pulls away before pecking your lips once more.
“I love you so fucking much too.”
*****
Lying to your friends has been feeling like a game you can play too well. Or maybe it’s only because you’re still reeling from getting married, though you have yet to call Jungkook your husband. You’re waiting until tomorrow, maybe to save something for your wedding night.
It’s hard to tell why you both refrained. Maybe you just really want something special for the wedding night, for the moment you’ll finally be embracing in your marital bed, limbs entwined until one can’t tell where you end and where he begins.
Your blood heats up at the thought. Earlier, when you were forced to part ways, you’d almost decided to stay. To stay and fuck him right then and there, to consummate this union between you and him. From the way he’d kissed you, driving his knee between your legs, you know he wanted it too.
But time ran out, and Jiho knocked on your door, stealing you away.
You shake your head, trying to clear your mind so that you can focus on your friends. On the dinner going on around you, with too much alcohol for it to be safe. When you told your friends that the ceremony was supposedly moved inside and later in the day, they’d decided that drinking more was the way to go.
So maybe you shake your head to clear your mind from the alcohol as you dive into the food. It’s delicious, and you eat and laugh and smile with your friends, loving how Somi fits right in despite the language barrier. Both Jiho and Chaeyeoung also speak Korean, so it’s been helping for sure, Somi chatting happily with them.
You sit back in your chair, looking over your group of friends. Heather, with her arm on the chair behind Bridget, smiling broadly at something Bridget is saying. Jiho, fast in a conversation with Somi and Chaeyeoung about a group Jungkook was photographing last week. Jo and Kiko, subtly trying to pour shots for the both of them, the latter’s cheeks already flushed red. Valeria watching them, eyes crinkled with happiness.
You love them so freaking much.
You wonder if Jungkook is sitting through a similar dinner with the rest of the friend group. You wonder if he, too, is thinking of you, imagining the moment you’ll finally be reunited. Imagining the moment you’ll be able to put the ring back on your finger so that everyone will know you’re his and he’s yours.
“Hey, are you planning to give some of that to the rest of us?” you ask Jo and Kiko, and Jo startles, spilling alcohol over the rim of her shot glass.
“Oh,” Jo lets out. “You guys want some?”
“Aren’t we partying tonight?” you remind her.
Jo smirks wickedly. “We sure are.”
And so she pours shots for everyone. You clink the glasses together, not caring for the spilled alcohol, and knock it back. The burn down your throat is devilish, and you know that tonight might just be the time of your life, in different ways than tomorrow night will be.
You notice Valeria looking at her still full shot glass before putting it down on the table. She finds you looking, and she shrugs her shoulders.
“Wait,” you let out, and everyone turns to look at you. “Are you…?”
Valeria chuckles, eyes filling with tears. “Yeah, I am.”
Everybody screams and shrieks in happiness, congratulating her. She beams under the attention, and you find yourself blinking back tears for her and Jin. They’d been trying for kids for a few years now, but they’d been unlucky so far. So you’re really happy for them, and you get up to hug your friend tight.
“I didn’t mean to steal your shine,” she whispers.
“Don’t worry about it,” you reassure her as you pull away. “I’m just happy for you.”
She smiles, nodding her head. “Thank you.”
You pat her shoulder, walking back to your seat so that the other girls can hug and congratulate her. Questions about how far along she is and if she wants a girl or a boy are exchanged, and you watch the scene unfold with a teary-eyed smile on your lips.
Jiho, sitting next to you, leans closer to you. “What about you?” she asks.
You cock an eyebrow. “What?”
“You and Jungkook are planning to have any kids?”
The question makes your heart race. Years ago, you would have said no. Even last year, when you’d reconnected, you hadn’t been sure if kids were in your future. But the more time you spend with Jungkook, loving him, the more you realize that maybe it’s a future that would feel right for the both of you.
Because if there’s someone you would want to raise a kid with, it would have to be Jungkook.
“I’m not sure,” you truthfully reply. “Maybe one day?”
Jiho smiles, knowing what you mean. She’s been your closest friend all your life after all, and she already knows the ways of your brain. “You would be brilliant parents,” she tells you, her eyes shining with tears.
“I don’t know about that, but I would definitely do my best.”
She laughs, rolling her eyes. “The way you parent Lisa and Charles for me and Hobi sometimes tells me you’d be the best parents.”
“Stop,” you say, echoing her laugh as you shake your head. “We’ll see.”
“We sure will.”
After that, the conversation returns to a shared one around the table, one you gladly participate in. It’s not too long before you decide to hit the streets, heading to the club Somi chose for the evening. It’s one where you went twice with her before, though tonight you have access to the VIP section.
And so you drink and dance with your friends, careless, as if you’re back to your college days. As if none of you are adults with responsibilities, as if you can just live with no consequences. It feels liberating, yet you find yourself in a quiet corner in the early hours of the morning, seeking the man that you love.
[1:27 am] You: miss u
You’re not quite surprised when Jungkook replies almost right away.
[1:28 am] baby <3: miss u too [1:28 am] baby <3: how’s the party
You smile, heart warming up with your love for him.
[1:28 am] You: it’d be better with u here [1:29 am] baby <3: soon
And though it might just be a text sent in the early hours of the morning, you know that it’s a promise. A promise that you will soon be together again, never to be separated.
Saturday, July 7th 
Jungkook looks out the window of the car, heartbeat racing like it’s seeking to win a Formula 1 Grand Prix. He doubts he’ll win - it rather feels like he’s about to go into cardiac arrest.
He doesn’t know why he’s so anxious. Hell, you’re already married, and he just can’t wait to see you again. Though it might be the fact that he’s been lying to everyone, and he hates lying.
He reckons Jimin is onto him. The moment they hugged for the first time, Jimin narrowed his gaze, tilting his head to the side as if to say ‘Something’s changed about you’. Jungkook wanted to admit everything, to reveal that you are already married, but he held on strong.
He’s excited to get to the reception hall and to say the truth. Mostly, he’s excited to have you close again, and he knows he’ll never be without you again. Especially considering how much of a mess he is after just a single day.
He’s yet to call you wife. He’s been trying to figure out a way to do it, something for just the two of you. Because it’s always been about the two of you anyway - ever since the very first day, ever since that dance under the night sky. Eight years ago to the day, Jungkook fell so deep in love, and every day he’s been falling more. And he knows he’ll keep on falling - it’s the most beautiful thing in life. His love for you, yes, but the act of it being shared by your pure heart.
You’ll have so much fun together.
Taehyung parks the car in the parking lot of the reception hall, shooting a look at Jungkook over his shoulder. Jungkook offers him a tight-lipped smile, and Taehyung nods once. 
“Ready?” he asks.
“Definitely,” Jungkook says, smile softening.
Taehyung nods again, before turning back around to turn off the wipers and then the engine. The sound of the rain on the roof of the car is deafening, yet Jungkook thinks it’s a beautiful melody. 
It allowed him to marry you yesterday after all.
Lance gets out of the car, carrying an umbrella around so that Jungkook won’t get wet. He wants to say it’s useless - you saw him already - but he refrains, instead thanking his friend as he gets out of the car, safe from the storm. 
The car with Namjoon, Jin, Hobi, Yoongi and Mingyu arrives behind them, and they all quickly make their way inside, shaking off the water. The families are already here, and Jungkook watches as everyone mingles, bright smiles on their lips. Bridget and Heather come to see him, and he smiles widely as the couple stops in front of him.
“Excited?” Bridget asks.
His smile turns into a smirk. “More than ever. Especially for tonight.”
Heather rolls her eyes as Bridget wiggles her eyebrows, and then Jungkook’s father jogs to him, grabbing his arm.
“It’s time,” the older man says.
Jungkook feels a lump forming in his throat, as if it isn’t already done. As if you aren’t already united by the vows of marriage, until death does you apart. Yet, he still nods goodbye to his friends, and then follows his father to the little dais where the DJ will be playing later tonight. 
People turn to look at him curiously, probably expecting him to go out of the room for the wedding processional. Instead, Jungkook grabs a mic, scraping his throat before bringing it closer to his mouth.
“Hey everyone,” he greets the crowd, and silence slowly falls on the room. “Thank you for coming today. It means a lot to me and Y/n, more than you can imagine.”
And then you walk out of the room where you were hiding with Jiho, Heather and Somi, and people gasp at the sight of you.
“The only thing is,” Jungkook continues, and he offers you his hand to hold. The moment your fingers touch he feels rejuvenated, like maybe he was just born this instant. And you look fabulous - did you get more beautiful in the day apart? “The only thing is,” Jungkook restarts. “We already got married.”
Wide gazes and shocked gasps now fill the room, and Jungkook hands you the mic, even as Jiho takes a step towards you, as if to stop you.
“We’d always dreamed to get married outside,” you say, and you motion to the rain splattering on the window panes. “Unfortunately, the weather was working against us. So we got married yesterday, with only our close family present.”
You meet Jungkook’s gaze, offering him a teary-eyed smile. He’s surprised to see the tears in your gaze, as if not expecting them, but they quickly make his gaze wet as well, and he chuckles softly, his heart feeling like he’s been embraced by all the love in the universe.
The world slows around you. Jungkook feels like he’s falling through the years, through the past, through every hurdle that stood in your path. All of them were worth it. So fucking worth it - he wouldn’t be standing next to you right now without them.
Your smile softens, if that is even possible. Eyes so full of love he thinks he’ll combust, like a firework exploding in colours and beauty. Because you’ve always brought out the best of him.
“So we did want to apologize to all of you who traveled all the way from the States,” you continue, and you look away from Jungkook.
He steps closer to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder to press you against him. You easily melt in his touch, leaning your head on him.
“But we also wanted to thank you for coming, and we hope that tonight’s party is going to still be worth it.”
On that note, Jungkook gets the rings in his pocket, as you give the mic to a stunned Jiho. You face him again, and like yesterday, Jungkook gently puts your ring on your finger. It’s delicate, beautiful - everything that you are as well. His is simpler, yet still just as elegant, and its weight is a comfortable reminder of your love the second it’s on his finger.
Looking in your eyes, Jungkook wonders if he deserves your love. It’s a weird question to ask himself in the moment, and he knows he does. Or at least he’ll always work to make sure he deserves it, and he’ll offer you everything in his heart and soul. Because you’re the love of his life - he knew from the moment he met you.
“I love you,” you whisper.
Jungkook gently grabs your cheeks, the crowd slowly fading away. It’s like you’re alone in the universe, just you and him. In a world that is just yours - maybe that forgotten space where you’d first met. It’s a world of simple love, eternal. And in that world, Jungkook gently leans in, pressing his lips on yours, kissing you like he has all the time in the universe.
And he does. He does now.
Cheering brings him back to reality, and Jungkook pulls away, laughing along with you as you grab his hand, facing your friends and family. They are cheering and clapping, bright smiles welcoming you back to reality. You bow to them in tandem, and then Jungkook leads you down the dais so that you can receive the congratulations from everyone.
And though it might be a little exhausting, Jungkook knows that all of his burdens will now be shared with you. So with a heart lighter than the wind, Jungkook follows you around the room, and he follows you to your shared future.
*****
The reception has been fun. The food was perfect, the cake just as tasty, and to be surrounded with the people you love has been a dream. A beautiful dream - one you’ll forever spend with the love of your life.
Jungkook leads you to the dancefloor for the first dance. A dance for just the two of you, shared with your friends and family. The first of so many other dances, yet it’s hardly the first. You stop in front of him, and he puts one hand on your waist, the other gently closing around your fingers. You put your free hand on his shoulder, squeezing softly. 
Before you even start dancing, Jungkook whispers, “Do you want to dance with me?” and your eyes fill with tears as a sob racks through you.
“Yes,” you whisper back. “Always.”
He smiles, a tear rolling on his cheek, and then the music starts. It’s a soft song, a gentle love song, by an artist you both came to love through the years. It’s one you’ve danced to a thousand times before, yet today it feels different. It feels like that July night eight years ago - the cataclysm of you and him, relived.
So you dance with him, eyes lost in the shine of his gaze, in the pure love it holds. You dance and dance, remembering the years. Remembering finding him again after his accident. Remembering the hate you’d arbored for him, that had always been love disguised. Remembering falling in love, yet pushing him away. Remembering Laura, and the day Jungkook had chosen you over her. Remembering Chicago, the dance crew, the parties you spent too busy getting lost in each other to partake in the reveling.
You remember everything - moving into your new apartment, him later moving in with you. Loving each other - the day Lisa was born, and Jungkook had held her with so many stars in his eyes you believed he’d turn into a galaxy. You remember the cottage, the camping trips, the long distance. The dreaded long distance - who would have thought it was leading you to this moment in time? You remember Harrison, remember falling back into Jungkook’s arms - the hotel balcony on Taehyung and Jo’s wedding. You remember everything, all at once - the day he proposed.
And the day he married you. The most important day of your life, forever.
As the dance slowly comes to an end, Jungkook kisses you again. Telling you that he, too, remembers everything. That it was all supposed to happen the way that it did, if only to lead you to the right place for you. On the other side of the world, together.
Always together.
After that first dance, everyone joins you on the dancefloor. Love in their hearts, your friends and family dance. Laughter and smiles and teary eyes reign on the world tonight, and you take it all in. Take all the love in, and redirect it to Jungkook. 
So you kiss him, right there on the dance floor. You kiss him deeply, wrapping your arms around his neck to keep him close. And he kisses you back, his arms snaking around your waist. You wonder if he can hear the wild beats of your heart - is his heart beating just as wildly?
You know it is. Because the love between you and him will forever be shared - it’s the kind people write poems about. And you feel like a poet tonight, like you’re experiencing the most beautiful moment of your life. Something you’ll always look back on with fondness and love and nostalgia. 
When you’ll be old and grey and death will take you in its hold, you know today will be the movie in your mind, the moment you’ll relive before you go.
But for now, you need to experience it. To party with your friends, to enjoy this moment where you and Jungkook are celebrated. So you do. Even as Jiho scolds you for not telling her, even as your father makes a speech that ends up making everyone cry. You think you’re on top of a mountain, breathing in the fresh air, making you feel younger than you’ve ever been. New, untainted by the horrors of the world.
It’s just you and Jungkook tonight, and love. Love and love and love, as he leads you outside to get fresh air after the first hour of partying. If his leg is hurting him, he doesn’t let it show. Instead he leads you away from the light of the building, walking around the ponds left from the rain earlier.
It relented. It relented to let you see the moon and the stars, though clouds drift above, hiding most of the blanket of constellations that means so much to the two of you.
“How are you feeling?” Jungkook asks as he pulls your back flush to his chest, and you both tilt your heads back to look up to the night sky.
“Infinite,” you reply. “I feel like I love you even more than before.”
He kisses the top of your head. “So do I. Forever.”
“Forever,” you echo.
Because the end won’t ever come for you and him. Even in death, you know your soul will dance with his.
“Dance with me,” you tell him.
It’s a remix of your usual question, yet the answer doesn’t change. Jungkook turns you around, yet keeps you close to him, swaying you to the soft night breeze. He leans his forehead against yours, and you breathe in the same air as you dance gently, slowly.
“We’re married,” Jungkook murmurs.
“We are.”
“I love you so much,” he adds, his voice trembling with emotion.
Yours isn’t much better as you reply, “I love you so much too.”
*****
Jimin walks outside, needing fresh air. He stops in his tracks when he notices you and Jungkook, dancing the night away. He smiles - if only he’d be able to find love like that one day.
Though his heart aches, never fully healed from what happened with Scottie, Jimin is happy for the two of you. Happy that, through the hurdles, you and Jungkook made it.
You give him hope, more than he’d dare admit. 
He looks at you for a few more seconds, before turning around to walk back inside. He startles at the sight of the pretty girl behind him, and he stops right before he was to run into her.
Somi. Right. The friend you told him about. And though Jimin is usually charming, flirty, all he can do when he looks down at the girl is shyly smile, cheeks burning.
“They’re adorable,” she says in Korean, looking behind him.
Jimin glances at you once more. “They really are. I can only hope to find love like that someday.”
He meets Somi’s gaze again, scolding himself for saying such a vulnerable thing to a stranger. Yet, her eyes twinkle with understanding, and she motions to the side.
“Do you want to walk with me?”
Jimin feels his throat go dry, yet he nods. “Sure.”
“It’s just…” she trails off. “I think we’re the only single people here,” she explains, as if she needed to. 
Or as if he didn’t sound so sure.
“Even if we weren’t, I’d still walk with you,” Jimin says, voice low, finding some of his old charming self back.
It works. Damn it it works, and Somi takes it in stride, a gentle smile moving on her red-tinted lips. “Good. Because you’re the only one I’d want to walk with.”
He laughs, a clear laugh he hasn’t laughed in years. And then they walk with easy conversation, and Somi reveals more of her past. More of how she became friends with you, how she always wanted to meet everyone. To meet Jimin, she adds, a shy smile on her lips.
They walk to a small river, though the current is rushing from the rainstorm earlier. Yet the night takes the edge off the rush, making it seem like the most idyllic scene Jimin could have conjured up.
Or maybe that’s Somi and her soft smiles. Her big eyes shining brightly whenever she meets his gaze. He feels like he never truly breathed before this moment - like the night air is the most refreshing, rejuvenating. 
It helps that the conversation is so easy. That Somi doesn’t know about Scottie, unlike the friend group. Unlike everyone, who’s always treated Jimin differently after the breakup. Somi doesn’t - she teases him, smiles with him, and when they walk back to the reception hall when Jimin notices her shivering, even though he’s given her his jacket, she dances with him.
Jimin feels new, raw. He laughs with her, smiles with her, and butterflies slowly come to life in his stomach. His heart feels warmer than it’s felt in years - Somi is healing him. Damn him, she’s healing him in ways he doesn’t comprehend, and he barely knows her yet.
But when the end of the night comes, and he presses a gentle kiss on her lips that she immediately reciprocates, Jimin knows he’ll spend the rest of his life trying to get to know her better.
So he lets Scottie go, and welcomes Somi in.
*****
“After you,” Jungkook says, opening the door of the hotel room you’ve rented for tonight.
Bam is being babysat with your father for the night, which you think is a relief. You’ll definitely be too busy to take care of a dog tonight.
You walk into the room, taking in the flower petals and the candles that were lit by the hotel staff before your return. The atmosphere is light, romantic - a dream come true after all the years of you and him. You spin on yourself, your wedding dress fluttering around you.
Jungkook has closed the door behind him, and he’s leaning against it, watching you twirl with a smile on his lips. When you stop to look at him, his smile slowly turns into a smirk, and he tilts his head to the side.
“I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long,” he murmurs with a husky voice. 
He slowly takes off his tie, and you patiently survey him, warmth spreading through you. Once the tie is off, Jungkook steps towards you, putting it around your neck. 
He tugs on it, and you stumble forward in his embrace. He was ready to catch you - he crashes his mouth on yours, and you immediately kiss him back, fire blazing in your soul. Jungkook backs you towards the bed, sucking on your lower lip. 
“Kook,” you breathe against his soft pink lips, and then he pushes you on the bed.
He towers over you, slowly shrugging off his blazer. He throws it towards the couch in one corner, and the flames of the candles flicker from the rush of air. Next is his dress shirt - he slowly unbuttons it, revealing more of his perfect, honey skin as he goes down. 
You watch him, hungrily. Follow every movement of his fingers, imagining how they will soon feel on you. And when he’s done unbuttoning his shirt, you open it for him, caressing his abs with the tip of your fingers. Goosebumps trail in the wake of your fingers, and Jungkook sucks in a breath as you graze his scar.
The soft, flickering light of the candles lessen the harsh edges of the scar that disappears in his pants. You follow down the line until you reach the band of his pants, and then you lean forward to press a soft kiss on the spot.
“So beautiful,” you praise. “My husband.”
He grabs your face, forcing you to look up as he bends down to kiss you. It’s a gentle kiss, yet it quickly turns languid, his tongue pushing into your mouth. You meet it with your own, drinking him in, getting drunk on his taste. His thumbs gently caress your cheeks, lovingly, never-ending.
Because love will never end between you and him. 
Your hands find his dainty waist, his skin warm against your palms. He shudders as you move up his flanks, and then you pull him down, moving back on the bed. Your lips never disconnect - like two adjacent puzzle pieces that have finally been joined. So Jungkook lies on top of you, the lapels of his dress shirt tickling your arms. You try to take it off him, but it’s unsuccessful. Until he kneels to help, and soon, your eyes fall to his perked brown nipples. 
You pinch them playfully as Jungkook just watches you with his gaze full of swirling emotions, love on the surface of it all. You swim in his gaze, getting lost in him.
“I’m your husband,” he breathes.
You nod, eyes filling with unsuspected tears. “You are.”
“I’m so fucking lucky.” 
And then he’s bending down again, stealing a searing kiss on your lips. You moan in his mouth, and he swallows it like he always does, with a grunt of his own. You run your hands on his back, up to his hair, and you tug at the soft strands on the back of his head. 
He groans a little louder this time and then pulls away from the kiss. His gaze is dark, with desire and passion and love and everything that makes him the person that you want and will spend the rest of your life with. 
“How do I get you out of this dress?” he asks as one of his hands runs up and down your arm. 
You sigh. “I’m pretty sure I’d have to be standing.”
He pouts, yet he gets up, gently grabbing your small hands in his large ones so that he can help you up. Once you’re standing, he pecks your nose once, turning you around when he’s done. He brushes your hair over one shoulder before bending down to kiss the skin on the side of your neck.
“It’s a shame that I have to take it off,” he breathes right in your ear, and you shiver. “But I want to see all of you while I’m making you mine tonight.”
“I’m already yours,” you reply, breath hitching in your throat as he sucks on your skin.
“Oh, I know.” He kisses your neck again and then pulls away.
It takes him a few seconds to figure out how to get you out of your dress, but he soon finds the zipper. He slowly pulls it down, and you feel his gaze burning on every inch of skin revealed. When he’s done unzipping, Jungkook pushes the dress off down your arms, and it slowly falls to the floor, pooling around your ankles.
“You weren’t wearing any underwear?” Jungkook asks, sounding out of breath.
You step out of the dress, turning to look at him innocently. “I wasn’t. Should I have?”
You can tell it takes everything in him not to jump on you. Instead, he pulls you by his tie again - you forgot it was around your neck. When you step closer to him, he lets it go, and it falls between your breasts. You look down at yourself right as Jungkook pinches your nipples, and they perk under his fingers.
“So, so beautiful,” he praises again, and he bends down to suck on one of your nipples. 
Your eyes flutter shut, and you let out a breathy sound as he cups your other breast, palming it softly. You lose your hands in his hair again, tugging gently to bring his mouth back to yours. You suck on his tongue the moment he pushes it in your mouth, and Jungkook grunts, especially as one of your hands falls in the space between you, palming his dick through his pants.
He’s already hard, sitting heavy in your hand, and you moan as he rests his forehead against yours.
“Shit, baby,” he breathes out. “I’m so horny. I feel like I won’t last long.”
With a devilish smirk, you drop to your knees. “It’s okay,” you reassure him. “We can fuck all night long.”
You bite at his dick through the fabric, and he curses under his breath. Yet he doesn’t do anything, just watches you as you work on his belt. When it comes undone, you unbutton his pants, holding his half-lidded gaze. 
“So you want me to come in your mouth first, mmh?” he asks. “You want to swallow every last drop?”
You unzip the pants, pushing it down his legs. “You’d like that?”
“Baby, I’d love it.”
You look down at his dick, straining against his boxers. You peck his length, before smiling up at him. “I love you.”
And then you push his boxers down as well, immediately taking the tip of his cock in your mouth.
“I love-” he moans, “you too.”
You suck on his tip before pulling away so that you can jerk him off. “So fuck my mouth, Kook. Come down my throat.”
His chest rapidly goes up and down from his quick breaths, and Jungkook nods. “Alright. Open up your throat for me, baby.”
You do, mouth falling open as you push your tongue out. You let go of his dick so that he can hold it instead, and he taps it twice on your tongue, a string of saliva connecting his slit to your mouth. It’s hot, sinful, yet all you focus on are his pretty eyes as they narrow, almost as if he’s in pain, or maybe angry. His brows are bunched together, and you know he’s about to ruin you.
You want him to ruin you. You want him to ruin you every single day of the rest of your life.
Getting tired of teasing, Jungkook pushes his dick in your mouth. You take him in, relaxing your throat as he pushes as far back as you can take him. You keep the gag reflex in, and Jungkook sighs as he slowly pulls out, pushing in once more just a second later. He lets go of his dick to hold your cheeks instead, thumbs swiping on your skin again.
“You tap my leg if it gets too much, yeah?” he asks.
You moan around him, offering him a thumbs-up. It makes him snort, and he pulls out of your mouth as you start laughing, too.
“I really fucking love you, wow,” he says. “The love of my life.”
You’d get sentimental if he didn’t push his dick in your mouth again. Instead, you moan softly, and Jungkook grunts in approval.
And then he unleashes himself. You hold on to his powerful thighs, appreciating the way his muscles shift under his skin, the way the jagged edges of his scar tickle your palm. Jungkook is a grunting and cursing mess over you, though praises of love for you are the most common. You moan for him, relaxing your throat, doing all you can to keep the gag reflex in. Jungkook wipes the tears that slip on your cheeks, always trusting you to stop him if it’s too much.
But it’s not too much. Ever. You want him to ruin you so bad you’ll never be able to say anything other than his name. And he seems like he wants it, too, as he keeps snapping his hips forward in quick, harsh thrusts. His dick is infinitely hard in your mouth, and you swallow around it, though it triggers your gag reflex.
Jungkook pulls out of your mouth, though he immediately starts jerking off. You recognize the signs that he’s about to come, and you quickly wrap your lips around his tip. He throws his head back, and his dick starts twitching, his warm cum spilling on your tongue.
The taste makes you go feral. Makes you take as much of him in as you can, and cum overflows on your chin. But you don’t care - you’re truly feral for him, forever.
Jungkook finishes unloading his load directly in your throat, and he’s shaking by the time you finally pull away, swallowing his cum. The heady taste and scent doesn’t make you gag, and you lick your lips clean as he looks down at you, chest flushed red.
“Fuck,” he curses, and then he chuckles, a smile growing on his lips. “I’m the luckiest guy alive.”
You laugh as you get up, wiping your chin. “And I’m the luckiest girl.”
“You sure are,” he says, eyes fondly looking down at you. They quickly darken again, and he motions to the bed. “Now let me return the favour to my beautiful love.”
You feel like rolling your eyes at his cheesiness, yet you only then realize that he hasn’t called you wife once. Somehow, it makes you anxious, yet you’re too drunk on the taste of him to be able to interpret anything. You only obey him, lying on your back. Jungkook kneels next to the bed, and he gently caresses your thighs before pulling you closer. 
He bends down, breathing in the scent of you. “I think,” he starts, and then he pauses to push his tongue inside of you once. “We’ll fuck like animals tonight.”
“Plea-” you start, though the moment he sucks on your clit, it breaks into a moan. “Jungkook…”
He doesn’t reply. He immediately busies himself with lapping you up, with drinking you in. He moans against you, appreciatively, and you lose a hand in his hair again. He’s long dishevelled by now - there’s something terribly hot about it. Because this man is yours - your husband. From now until death does you apart.
He flicks your clit, and you moan out his name the instant he slides a finger inside of you. He curls it, searching for the sweetest spot inside of you, and your eyes roll to the back of your head when he starts rubbing on it.
“Kook,” you moan. “Fuck.”
“Tell me how good I’m making you feel,” he says, sitting back on his heels just long enough to push another finger inside of you. Scissor motions press against the tightening muscles of your pussy, and you rock your hips towards his face. He tuts. “A little impatient, are we?”
You groan in frustration as he blows on your clit, the sensitive organ flush with blood, hard, just waiting for the next swipe of his tongue so that you can explode. But Jungkook denies it - he kisses the inside of your thighs, tracing hickeys on your soft skin. Then he kisses your pelvis, ghosting on your clit. He licks your lips, red with your arousal. He teases and teases, and you whine.
“Please,” you beg, teary-eyed. “I’m so close.”
He gives in immediately. An expert motion on your clit sends you flying over the edge, and your thighs close around his face as you climax hard. Your voice breaks in a moan, and he just keeps on fingering you. You grind against his face, milking your orgasm from yourself, instinctively. He lets you do it, delighting in your taste, in your juice on his chin.
It takes you so long to come down from the high that you don’t realize he’s not fingering you anymore. That he moved - he disappeared from between your legs. Instead, Jungkook lies on the bed next to you, tracing circles around your navel.
You turn your head, looking at him through your blown-wide pupils. He’s fuzzy, beautiful.
And most of all, he’s your husband.
“Wow,” you let out, and you chuckle as he smiles devilishly. 
“I know,” he replies. “You squirted at the same time.”
You don’t have it in you to be embarrassed, though you doubt there’s anything to be embarrassed about it. Instead, you only repeat, “Wow,” and he laughs with his bunny smile, eyes crinkling at the corners.
Your husband. This man is your husband now.
“I think you’re right,” you whisper, turning to face him.
He loses the smile, instead looking at you with an inquisitive look on his features, eyebrows raised in question. “About what?”
“We’re going to fuck like animals tonight.”
He bursts out laughing, high and clear, the most beautiful human you’ve ever seen in your life. You join him, and when the laughter subsides, and he rolls over you to kiss you again, you welcome him in, wrapping your arms around his neck to hold him close. He’s over you, caging you, protecting you from the big bad world and from the months last year where you’d broken apart from each other.
You’ll never be separated again.
“We should take a shower,” Jungkook suggests as he pulls away from the kiss to rest his forehead against yours once more, just content with breathing shared air. “I won’t be quite ready to go again for a few minutes.”
You whine, playfully pinching his side, which earns you a shriek from him as he rolls away from you. “You’re boring, Jeon.”
He looks at you, wide smile a little frozen, and then he tears up again. “You haven’t called me that since the beginning,” he reminisces. 
“The beginning?” you echo.
He nods. “You know how infuriating it was to see you again for the first time after the accident?”
The mention of his accident makes your eyes drift towards his scars. They’re beautiful on his honey skin, and you mindlessly reach between you to massage the one on his knee.
“You called me Jeon, and you were so pissed to see me,” he remembers, sighing in nostalgia. An emotion you know far too well and that you’re way too happy to dive in with him. “And when you were flirting with Jimin, I could feel my heart sink so deep.”
“Gosh, poor Jimin,” you let out.
Though you both saw him with Somi. You saw the exchanged kiss - the hesitancy, the surprise, and the bright eyes as they’d left separately, yet promised to reach out on the morrow. You’re happy for Jimin and Somi - they both deserve the whole wide world. And though it might be too early to tell, you still cheer for them.
If only because it might bring one of your dearest friends here, and God knows how much you love your friends.
“You think he and Somi will figure shit out?” Jungkook asks, propping his head on his hand. 
He looks pretty like that, candlelight still casting a play of shadow and light on his features. Unable to resist, you reach between you, gently tracing the shape of his face.
“I think both of them deserve happiness,” you answer. “If they can find it in each other, I will be very happy for them.”
Jungkook’s face slowly breaks into the softest smile, and then he leans forward to peck your lips once more. “Though I love Jimin, let’s not dwell on this too long. I still want to fuck you stupid.”
You laugh as he playfully pinches your side before getting up. You look at him from where you’re still lying on the bed - his extended hand offers a promise of forever, and it’s a forever you now know to be your future, your truth.
You smile, wind catching in the sails of your heart, and you grab his hands to allow him to help you up. You use the momentum to press your lips on the pillowy softness of his swollen mouth, and Jungkook is quick to kiss you back, to offer you all of his love on a silver platter.
And he doesn’t stop there. Jungkook keeps on kissing you as he leads you to the bathroom. He turns the shower on, only breaking away long enough to adjust the water temperature. He keeps celebrating his love for you in the form of his mouth dancing with yours, and you let him guide you under the warm, soothing water of the shower.
You break away to breathe then, holding each other. Him, with his arms wrapped around your middle. You, leaning back on his chest as you gently trace idle figures on his forearms - love between you is as endless as the water cycle in the bathroom - fog condensing on the mirror, only to go back to its liquid form as it rolls down the glass before evaporating again.
You and Jeon Jungkook are never-ending.
“I love you,” Jungkook breathes when he pulls away to rest his cheek on the top of your head. He gently rocks you from side to side. “I’m so grateful to be married to you.”
“You’re my favourite husband,” you tease, but also test the waters, seeing if he’ll call you wife then.
He doesn’t. Instead, he replies, “I hope you don’t have too many husbands, that’d be upsetting.”
You turn in his arms, the water now spraying your back. “Just you, Kook. There’s always just been you.”
He caves in, brushing his mouth on yours again in the most intimate caress. “What would I do without you?”
You don’t know about him, but you’d wither. You’d wither and fade into darkness, or maybe you’d freeze like the first layer of the ground when the cold hits. You’d stop existing, you’d stop evolving, because he’s the theory of your evolution. He’s your character arc, the reason why you were put on this Earth years ago.
“I want all of you,” you breathe against his lips, and he deepens the kiss, pushing his tongue into your mouth.
You welcome it in, hands getting lost in his now wet hair. His own hands hold your hips firmly, pressing you on his slowly growing erection. Before it goes out of control, you pull away, grabbing a bar of soap to wash him.
He almost purrs under your hands as they trace every line and curve of him. Eyes shut, a small smile on his lips that turns into a pout whenever you let go of him. He’s incredibly adorable - the very reason why your heart skips beat nowadays. 
Why your heart ever skipped beats to begin with.
“Let me wash you too,” he murmurs when you’re done, though you haven’t touched his dick yet. 
It now stands proud and tall, pointing towards you, leaking precum as you rub the bar of soap in your hands to get some foam. He watches you as you put the soap down, and you wink up at him.
“I’m not done yet.”
This time he shudders when you grab the base of his dick, gently jerking him off once so that you can clean his shaft. You then move to his balls, and you massage them with the most gentle touch you can muster up, not wanting to trigger his arousal right now.
No, you just want him to enjoy the act of being thoroughly cleaned up, to be taken care of in every way he deserves.
“Fuck, baby,” he whispers, and you don’t resist when he pulls you in a kiss. When he switches place with you so that he can wash away the soap from his body, you watch the residue of foam going down the drain, awaiting your turn.
Jungkook’s large hands are infinitely soft, infinitely pure - like he’s never done anything wrong in his life. Looking up at those big doe eyes you love more than the universe itself, you know Jungkook has, in truth, never done any wrong. How could he when he’s the purest soul you’ve ever come across?
He hums as he cleans you, the song you danced to earlier. Your song, you reckon, and you join in, the lyrics floating in the air surrounding you. Though you’ve never been the singer that he is, Jungkook still cleans you, thoroughly, gently, and when he’s done he puts you under the cascade of water, and you let it wash the soap away.
“You’re a fucking angel,” Jungkook whispers, and your eyes flutter open to meet his gaze. Not remembering when they closed, you let them adjust to the light, but Jungkook is quick to crash his mouth against yours, ravishing a soul-ending kiss on your lips.
When he turns you away from the water, your back to him as his own back is now showered with wet warmth, you immediately bend down. Your arousal hasn’t lessened since the actions that transpired in the bed, and Jungkook runs a finger through your folds once.
“You’re already so wet,” he praises. “My good fucking girl.”
“Like animals, right?”
He doesn’t offer a verbal answer - he answers in the physical, brushing his tip on your folds. It’s quite larger than the tip of his finger, and you shudder as your eyes shut as you brace your hands on the ceramic of the wall. The broad tip brushes past your lips before Jungkook pulls out, resting his dick between your ass cheeks.
“Like animals,” he agrees. “Like that first time I fucked you. In the living room of the cottage.” He pushes all the way in then, and you moan loudly, rocking forward. He grabs your hips, fingers digging in the supple flesh. “I wish someone would have found us there. Would have seen just how fucking hot you are when I’m fucking you.”
And then he’s pounding into you, so hard your cheek ends up pressed against the wall as you cry out your pleasure. Even through the haze that grows in your mind, you think about his leg - you know it doesn’t hurt like at the beginning, but whenever he fucks you like that, you’re afraid he’ll hurt himself.
But he doesn’t let you voice your concern. He’s quick to bend forward until he’s able to wrap your throat in your favourite necklace, tattooed fingers cutting the blood circulation to your brain until you grow so dizzy you struggle to stand.
He lets go of your neck then, but he’s still not done jackhammering his hips into yours. He’s a moaning and grunting mess, and the sinful melody of your name and the curses that tumble from his lips slowly guide you towards a new orgasm. 
Slowly, yet when he pinches your nipple, hard enough to hurt, your climax hits at the speed of light, and your legs give out under you. You’re lucky he’s holding you up, though you shake through every powerful wave, his name the only thing you know.
You don’t think you need to know anything else anyway. There’s just him - there’s always just going to be him.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he curses as your walls clench around his dick again and again, though the muscle grows weaker. When your orgasm leaves you empty and spent, Jungkook pulls you up so that he can wrap his arms around you again, and he litters soft kisses on the back of your shoulder and on your neck. “Let’s go back to the bed,” he whispers. “I’m not done with you at all.”
You whine as he pulls out of you, leaving you far too empty for your liking. He steps out of the shower, grabbing a towel that he holds open for you. You follow him out, and he wraps it around you, pressing a kiss to your forehead before he turns around to grab a towel for himself. You quickly dry yourself, and then Jungkook puts the towels on the hooks behind the door.
“Thank you,” you whisper, and he offers you a lovesick smile.
“Of course,” he says. 
He grabs your hand, pulling you back to the bedroom. The candles still flicker like dozens of little ghosts, and though you’ve disturbed some of the rose petals already, they still await you. Uncaring about them, Jungkook brings you back to the bed, and he helps you lay down before joining you, lying next to you. His hand rests flat on your stomach, and you share a timeless look of pure love and adoration.
An eternity with him… When did you get so lucky?
Jungkook must have seen the yearning in your gaze because he climbs back on top of you, his weight a comforting reminder of everything he is to you. Still hard, his dick lays on your pelvis, and you look down at yourselves long enough to watch him align himself with your entrance.
“Look at me,” he asks before he pushes in.
Like a moth to the flame, you’re unable to resist the dive in his eyes that follows. So you dive deep, one hand on his cheek and the other on his waist. And when he pushes all the way in, you whisper your love for him. He stills deep inside of you, and presses one kiss to the side of your face.
“You’re mine,” he breathes, voice heavy with emotion. “My wife.”
The words clang through you repeatedly. Like Echo is screaming them back to you, making sure they are carved into your bones and etched into your soul. You think they have been before, but hearing him say it makes it real, seals the deal until your souls truly unite to be just one. Until your love for him expands, growing bigger than the universe, encompassing everything that once was you and everything that will now be you, plural.
“My husband,” you whisper back.
“I love you.”
He slowly pulls out, and then he softly pushes back in as he rests his forehead against yours. There is so much love between you and him that you feel like you’re drowning in the bliss of him, like you’ll forever be changed by this moment in time.
In truth, you know he’s already forever changed you. And as he makes love to you slowly, languidly, sensually, kissing you long enough to remind you that you made it, that you fucking made it through all the hurdles, you know that you forever changed him, too.
And isn’t that beautiful? The power that one’s soul can have over another’s soul? The stars agree - they’ve always known about you and Jeon Jungkook. Happy, they shine in constellations for the two of you, slowly making place amongst their ranks. Because the astral bodies know one day they’ll welcome you in the night sky you love so deeply - two new stars, once stardust and now burning, for the eternity that is yours.
But first, you have a very long road ahead of you. And though life might take one of you before the other, your commitment to one another is endless - even if one of you shines up above before the other, you’ll always be with each other.
So when you’re finally spent after a night of love making, of promises and forevers whispered into one another’s ear, you listen to his heartbeat. You listen to it, your favourite melody, even before you knew its existence. It’s beautiful, simple - strong and steadfast. Mostly, it is yours.
Before you fall asleep, you offer him one last promise -
“I will always love you, Jeon Jungkook.” 
☆☆☆☆☆
The End. I am crying rereading this, I can't believe I started this fic as a sequel to @daechwitatamic's What Was Hidden fic and now I'm 223.9k words later into a story that will forever hold a special place in my heart. What did you guys think of it? Was the end fitting for our favourite couple?
All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2024. Do not copy, repost or translate
Taglist (strike-through means dumblr isn't letting me tag you):
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sehunniepotwrites · 5 months
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WITH YOU | MK.L | THREE
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SYNOPSIS. There are many things Mark Lee wants to do with you. He wants to walk you home. He wants to dive into the deep blue sea with you. He wants to go on a drive with you at his side. But mostly, this crazy, head over heels in love boy just wants to make it with you.
PAIRING. mark lee x fem!reader
GENRE. college!au, friends-to-lovers!au, tooth-rotting fluff, humor WARNINGS. profanity, sulky!mark because he failed his exam and lost a game, mention of (non-alcoholic) drinks, mentions of creeper guy that doesn't get a damn hint
WORD COUNT. 1.2k+
DISCLAIMER. This is work of fiction. I do not own the people/characters or concepts I have written about. You cannot translate or copy my work. © sehunniepotwrites, 2023
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I. WALK YOU HOME | II. DIVE INTO YOU | III. DRIVE | IV. MAKE IT WITH YOU
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Mark Lee having a bad day was a rare commodity. The athlete was seldom seen with his brown eyes aimed to the floor and a frown stitched onto his face. No, he was usually spotted with a bright sparkle in his irises, a grin that was way too wide for his small and handsome face, his hockey gear tucked in under his arm, and most importantly, you. 
Maybe that was the stark difference between Mark’s drastic moods. You weren’t present at the home game that just finished. On top of it being midterms week, an ultimate stressor on its own, you skipped out on today’s game in favor of finishing a midterm project with a partner that may or may not have been putting some moves on you. Hearing that news after basically bombing his Biology exam that was worth twenty perfect of his grade just added onto his sullen behavior. Instead of focusing on the game, Mark’s mind was void of the strategized plays and off the ice, floating all the way down to the campus library–where you were.
Mark really shouldn’t be upset. He should’ve been proud that you put your grades first instead of a game. After all, you weren’t a student athlete; this game shouldn’t mean a thing to you.  But it was his game. You were his lucky charm. You always have been and you always will be. 
Sure, others showed up to the games with his number painted onto their cheeks in their university colors and poster boards that displayed his name but they weren’t you. You weren’t the one in the crowd with the pretty, mismatched ribbons in their hair or screaming his name as he scored a goal. You weren’t there, drowning in his away game jersey like you usually were. You were drowning in school work with a guy that would not leave you alone. 
“It’s fine,” you said. “I just have to stick it out until the end of the week and it’ll be okay. I notified my professor and we’re meeting up in their office so I’m not left alone with the guy.”
“Yeah but–”
“Go and score a goal for me,” you hushed Mark, pressing a manicured finger to his lips when he tried to push back. “Promise?”
Mark’s frown grew. “But–”
“Ah,” you replied, adding more pressure to his lips. Raising your free hand, you brought your pinky towards him. “Promise?”
Mark sighed in defeat, linking his pinky with yours. He shook your intertwined hands. “Promise.”
Knowing you won, you grinned. “That’s my Marky. Now, go! I’ll see you tomorrow! You’ll be fine without me.”
But he wasn’t. 
And it’s sad how reliant on you Mark became. Before you, he could fully function on his own. Now? Mark was seen with you more often than not. You were like an extension of him, something he couldn’t live without. His teammates and friends noticed it; Haechan wouldn’t let Mark go a day without teasing him on the ice. Johnny, who wasn’t on the team, often made a lot of noise during games to let Mark know exactly where the two of you sat. And Jaehyun, bless his soul, always explained the technicalities of the sport so you understood each and every play-by-play in order to cheer Mark on.
He wasn’t fine before, during, or after the game and all he could think about was you. Nothing else mattered but you. 
To top off this horrible day, they lost the game. There were definitely other factors that contributed to the loss but the most defining one was that Mark’s head wasn’t in it. He tried taking your mind off of you but quickly deemed it impossible. Even after he showered, lugged his sorry ass out of the hockey arena and into his car, his mind was still glued to the thought of you. Driving aimlessly around campus didn’t help and before he knew it, Mark’s hands fiddled with his dashboard screen until your number was dialed.
Two rings later and he heard your voice. “Hey,” you greeted, voice booming from the speakers. Your voice was soft unlike the other times you answered the phone–a lot gentler, like he needed to be approached with caution.
“Hi,” Mark mustered out before going silent again. All the two of you could hear were the sounds on the road.
“What’s going on?” you asked with that same soothing voice. 
You knew what happened. You weren’t there to witness the losing game but word travels fast. Johnny and Jaehyun called you shortly after the game, relaying an abbreviated version of the game while escaping the disappointed crowd. They made it known that Mark was off his game the entire time. Your friends made a light joke, saying it was because you weren’t there, and pointing out how he seemed different whenever you were in attendance. You brushed off their teasing but assured them you would check on your best friend. 
But despite knowing, you wanted the news to come from Mark. If he didn’t want to talk about it, that was okay with you too. You could practically hear him shrugging as he replied, “Dunno, I just wanted to see you.”
Noticing that Mark was so close to shutting down completely, you answered, “Well, I’m always down to see you. Care for a drive, Marky?”
He caught the sound of rustling from your ride and figured you were rushing to get ready before he arrived. The arena was a mere seven minute drive from your housing complex, not giving you much time to get yourself together at all. Prior to him calling, you were most likely nestled up under your comforter, adorning your favorite pair of sweats and oversized hoodie to keep you warm. Mark wanted to say that you didn’t have to change, but knowing his best friend, you’d probably ignore whatever he said. 
“Yeah, that’s exactly what I need.”
“I’ll see you in a few then,” you said with finality before hanging up the phone.
A few minutes later, Mark pulled up to your complex, only to find you already downstairs. You didn’t come empty handed, the drink tumbler he always used when he was over at your place in one hand and your tumbler in the other. He reached over the console to open the passenger door for you and you immediately slid in, handing him his cup. 
“Hey you,” you smiled at him before pressing a short kiss to his cheek. Whereas he caught you off guard the last time you went to the beach, his soft lips grazing against your cheek, it was your turn to surprise him. The action shocked him so much, he almost dropped the steaming drink in hand.
“H-hey,” Mark stuttered a bit pathetically, swiftly turning his attention to his tumbler. Bringing it up to his lips, he tasted his favorite comfort drink–hot cocoa with whip cream and marshmallows. The temperature was a bit too hot, the liquid burning his tongue after having a lick of melted whip cream, but he didn’t dare complain. He took another sip of it before putting it down and shifting the gear to drive. 
The drive itself wasn’t necessary to Mark, he already felt a bit better in your presence as you buckled your seatbelt. 
It’s you—you’re what he needed. You’re what he wanted. And you’re the one person that would always bring a smile to his face. It didn’t feel right to admit it to you now, not when he was just sulking in all of his sorrows. Maybe another time or place. But for now, Mark was content with you in his passenger seat and his hands on the wheel, ready to go anywhere as long as you were at his side.
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AUTHOR’S NOTE. hi, it's been a while, hasn't it? i'm slowly writing again, starting with finishing all the drafts that have been sitting in my docs for a hot second! my writing style's change a bit so don't mind the stylistic changes (if you even notice it). i apologize it's short but i didn't have much planned for this one. it's just marky sitting in his thoughts.
TAGLIST. @johtenrecs @bat-shark-repellant  @bebsky @donutswithjaminthemiddle @suhnnyskhies @baekhyuns-lipchain @emmybyeakitty  @sokkigarden @iwishiwasthemoontonight @stvrrynight @ppangjae @luvenshiti @ferxanda @jenosuh​ @mxrcayong-main @lebrookestore​ @the-universe-in-you-jjh @planetkiimchi @hannie-dul-set @kdyism @lovesuhng
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© sehunniepotwrites, 2023
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vasito-de-leche · 3 months
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;R1999 - Self-Aware AU
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Headcanons about an Alternate Universe in which everyone knows they're living inside a videogame. However, Vertin is the only one aware of the entity inhabiting her own mind, the real conductor - the "Player".
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this is one of my favorite AUs to slap on whatever media I'm into so here we are <3 not sure if anyone's done this already, but PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE link me if you've seen any other ppl write for this AU! this one and any actor AUs are my absolute fave
this is just a word vomit introduction for fun, to get the basic ideas out of my head, so I can start writing for characters individually!
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Okay, okay! First of all, some context for the AU before I go deranged overexplaining my HCs!
Aside from the "Storm", there is something else that haunts the people of this world: the fact that their lives are nothing but a simulacrum, part of a game.
The requirements to obtain this "self-awareness" is unknown. Those within the Foundation believe it's related to their respective "roles", that only the main and relevant characters are given the chance to fully open their eyes to the truth. Those within Manus Vindictae claim that one must be strong enough to break through the fog of complacency and their assigned scripts, to have their full potential unleashed and obtain true liberation. Either way, similar to the "Storm", this is a well-kept secret for a very good reason - everyone wants to have the upperhand.
There is one outlier to this whole system. Vertin is not only aware of the truth of this world, but also of her duty as the eyes and hands of the "Player". She must experience it all for their sake. Or rather, whatever she experiences will be the story that the Player will see.
This applies to her suitcase, the place where the Player's influence increases tenfold, bending everything and everyone to their will through her own body and voice. The longer one stays within her suitcase - or within her general vicinity - the easier it is for them to become self-aware.
How does one become "self-aware" and what does it entail?
The requirements and the catalyst for a character to become self-aware are still a mystery. But that's mostly because I specifically wanted to keep them as vague as possible, to allow some flexibility for NPCs and other characters outside of Vertin's suitcase.
The whole process of gaining sentience or self-awareness is mostly described as waking up from a nightmare, or a very, very realistic dream. It's like a switch, something that happens in a second without any warnings whatsoever.
I like to think that most of the people who wake up are easy to spot, because it's a jarring experience and panicking is the most normal reaction - but that they're often taken care of by the Foundation or recruited by Manus Vindictae.
The levels of awareness also depend heavily on each individual - some only know that nothing is truly real, that everything they've done up until that point was just a carefully scripted lie, the most basic realization. Others can understand the rules that govern this game and use them to their advantage, either through observation and study or just inherently.
Overall, the experience of being sentient varies as well, with some describing a disconnect from their body, while others feel exactly the opposite. Again, keeping it pretty vague so that people can fill in with their own ideas!
I'll talk about Vertin's case in detail when we get to her specific bullet point, but the same way the Player is able to experience the "story" through her eyes, she's able to see the same things they do - this includes the UI, the menus and everything you can interact with in-game.
Vertin as a character and a vessel for the Player.
The most common thing I've seen in self-aware AUs in my years of fandom is to turn the player stand-in (the main character that serves for the player to experience the story through and/or project onto, depending on the genre of the game) into an obstacle, one that keeps the characters from truly interacting with the Player, capital P.
The second most common thing I've seen is to simply ignore the existence of this player stand-in and replace it with the Player themself, either through isekai methods or thanks to the customization the game allows, etc etc.
When it comes to Vertin in this AU, I know I want her to retain her role as the center of everything, instead of being sidelined by the Player. She's THE Timekeeper, after all.
There's still some details I'm trying to iron out, like whether she's always been self-aware or if she became self-aware at some point during her childhood at the St. Pavlov Foundation. But I like to think that her relationship to the Player is a parallel to her immunity to the "Storm" - neither of these two things are inherently good nor bad. Surviving the "Storm" is helpful, sure, but it's painful for her. Having an entity like the "Player" haunting her is scary, sure, but it can be an advantage. It's a matter of how she utilizes the assets she was given, since her adaptability and determination are big aspects of her character. Vertin makes up for her mediocre arcane skills with unconventional plans and strategies.
But this isn't to say that Vertin isn't affected by the presence of the Player. Ironically, she's the one person whose freedom is limited. During battles, her skills and Tuning are available to you, they can also prove to be vital to win a fight, but in the end you're still the one calling the shots and choosing when her friends get to attack. You're the one choosing the layout of the Wilderness. You're the one picking which one of her friends deserves to become stronger.
In the last bullet point I mentioned that some characters can understand the rules of the game - Vertin is the most extreme case, as she can see the same UI as you do. She learns the way you like to fight your battles, your own strategies, she can see this and more.
Overall it's a very complex dynamic. It's not as easy as saying that she likes or dislikes you, that she considers you a friend or foe. You're part of her, you influence each other in many aspects and are stuck together for reasons she can't even fathom. While you may be able to read her thoughts most of the time, she becomes invisible once you enter the suitcase - the main menu of the game. Sure, the character you selected to greet you every day is actually talking to her, not you, but she's out of your view and therefore, out of our range. That's when Vertin wonders the sort of person that you are, if you care about her friends as much as she does. Are you playing just to be entertained? Are you invested in these events? Will you be there for her until the end of her story?
Another detail I like to think about is that Vertin is the only one who knows your name. Because at the very beginning, you were asked to input a name and she was there.
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[screenshot was taken from this video, since it's the first one I could find that showed this specific part of the game lol]
Well, "your name" not quite right - she knows that whatever you wrote there is the name linked to your account, at least. And that's the name she knows you as.
Those who take residence in Vertin's suitcase or spend prolonged amounts of time with her, growing closer to her and all, end up becoming self-aware. This is a direct side-effect of your presence.
I like to think that characters who reach the 100% Bond can begin to sense the Player, to see the world in a similar way as Vertin does. Maybe even feel their presence EXACTLY like Vertin does whenever there's a battle. There is someone else on the other side of this screen, the fourth wall, who watches over them.
To some, it's hard to differentiate Vertin from the Player, as they just go hand in hand - but Sonetto, for example, has the easiest time telling the two apart.
On the subject of freedom and acting out of script.
The Foundation, Manus Vindictae, Laplace... It doesn't matter if they're self-aware and acting outside of what their script dictates, because they're missing one key ingredient: you. No one else but Vertin and her group knows about your existence, after all.
They don't know that the only story that matters is the one that Vertin is part of. The one that the Player gets to see and read and experience. And because the game gives you a very limited view into the lives of these characters, you don't know what neither Arcana nor Constantine do behind the scenes. You and Vertin don't see that, therefore, it never truly mattered.
Those most likely to start "acting out" are the troublemakers within Vertin's suitcase. Characters who are too curious for their own good, who are more susceptible to supernatural entities, who are just too impulsive - they would start to test the limits and see how far they can go, how much they can interact with the Player. Can the game be broken should they end up shattering the fourth wall? Is there a way for the Player to communicate with them? What will happen to Vertin?
I like to think that Vertin probably supports this, as she's rather curious herself, prone to questioning everything. She would also like to learn more about the Player, to truly tear into the game and see the full extent of your influence and her freedom.
Sometimes, Regulus and X will change their usual voicelines, just enough to be noticeable if one pays enough attention. Characters like Sotheby or Leilani might slip up and address the Player, rather than Vertin. Lilya, Pavia, Bkornblume have new animations and different expressions, ones you've never seen before - they stare ahead, as if searching for something, and then smirk or hum to themselves, deep in thought, like they realized something you're not privy of.
Sometimes, if you leave them as your selected assistant on the main menu, you can catch them muttering to themselves - idle quotes you never heard enough, about the outside world. Diggers does this the most, it's almost embarassing how easy it is to catch him talking nonsense, followed by Sonetto. If you leave Medicine Pocket alone for too long, you might come back to a screen covered in weird scratch marks.
On the subject of these characters being curious about the outside world and all, I think that a good chunk of them are generally content with the way things are?
We have to remember that in-universe, they're arcanists displaced from their respective eras. Their best chance at surviving is siding with Vertin, and if Vertin is content with the way things are, then there's no point in trying to disrupt what they have right now. They're curious enough to prod, but only as far as Vertin allows it.
And I think that's it for the word vomit!
There are some details I didn't know where to fit in, like the possibility of the fourth wall slowly dissipating the more time the Player invests in the game, leading to some characters being able to directly hear you if you talk while playing and whatnot. Or what would happen should someone outside of Vertin's suitcase figure out the existence of the Player, let alone interact with you in some way.
Or the concept of death being meaningless, unless it was pre-established by the game itself.
In Borderlands, there's this game mechanic where you can just be revived over and over and pay a percentage of your money as a fee, even though the canon that's established is that you play through the whole story without dying a SINGLE time - because the revival mechanics aren't canon. There's the divide between story and gameplay. That's pretty much the standard. But what about the deaths in battles in R1999? The amount of times I died to 1.3's UTTU's Flash Gathering is insane. How do self-aware characters feel about this, now that they know that they're bound to die over and over and be brought back because you have to do your Pneuma Analysis or reach the final stage of Limbo?
But that's pretty much it for now, I think I got most thoughts out of my system! Thank you for reading!
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number1mingyustan · 1 year
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Habit (part i.) —k.sy
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fuckboy!hoshi x fem!reader
Genre: fwb au, college au, fuckboy au, angst, smut
Warnings: kissing, cursing, mutliple orgasms, oral (f.), fingering (f.), protected sex, he's kind of an asshole but at the same time not ??
Summary: You're in desperate need of getting laid, whether you want to admit it or not. And it just so happens that the fuckboy from your Economics class comes knocking at your door.
Word Count: 3.1k
part ii. part iii. part iv.
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(a/n: bittersweet made me realize i’m more of a mini series girl, so here’s a lil treat for you all)
“Soonyoung,” you frown with a sigh as you look through the peephole on your door.
The overly enthusiastic boy stands in front of your dorm with a brown paper bag in hand and a cup holder.
You crack the door open, peeking your head through. “What do you want?”
“I know you’re still mad at me, but I brought you food,” he smiles.
You close the door in his face.
“Please Y/n! I said I was sorry, just let me in. I’ll beg if I have to, but I’m going to drop these drinks if you don’t let me in right now!” his voice is muffled by the door.
“You can’t win my forgiveness with food Soonyoung!” you shout from the other side of the door.
“I got your favorite! Strawberry milkshake with extra whip and waffle fries! Please Shorty!”
Ugh you hate that he knows you so well. And as much as you want to prove him wrong, you’re hungry as hell.
You cave, opening the door for the boy. He rushes in, nearly dropping everything in his hands before placing it onto your desk.
He turns around, facing you with the brightest smile on his face. “Thank you for letting me inside.”
“Mhm,” you reach over him, grabbing your fries out the bag. “I’m still mad at you though.”
“Please Y/n, I’ve apologized like a billion times,” he pleads with you.
Last week Soonyoung ditched you to get laid. The two of you had an Econ project to work on and he didn’t show up on day you were meant to work on it. You texted him a billion times and didn’t get a response and ultimately ended up finishing the project alone.
He texted you later that night apologizing profusely because he was in Akari's dorm and forgot about your plans.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t completely out of character for him either.
You first met Soonyoung at a party. Your roommate, Nai started dating his roommate Seokmin. The mutuals brought you together one Friday night on campus. And although you usually didn’t befriend guys like him, the two of you worked great together.
You’d seen him around campus, including Economics class , but before the party you’d never interacted with him. The day after the party he changed seats to sit next to you.
You could admit he was attractive, yes, but that was really it. Soonyoung had… a bit of a reputation that preceded him.
He wasn’t big on relationships and he slept around a bit. He could commit to a friends with benefits, but that was really his limit. He partied a lot, which was how he met so many girls and had the chance to hook up with them. He did one night stands, but he also maintained his flings, like Leina and Akari. He maintained his grades well too, however his fuckboy tendencies still preceded him, especially in situations like this.
“I told you food wasn’t going to buy my forgiveness,” You dip one of your fries in your milkshake and take a bite as you plop down on your bed.
He frowns. “Please, I’ll never do it again,”
“Damn right you won’t,” you take another bite.
Truthfully, you’re not actually mad about it anymore. It was a stupid thing for him to do, but it’s been a week already and you’re not big on holding grudges. However, it is fun to mess with him.
“I give up,” he throws his hands up in defeat. “As soon as Nai came over, I knew you’d be here alone and figured I could win over your forgiveness. But you’re so stubborn I’m not even gonna bother anymore.”
“If you get on your knees and beg I’ll consider it,” you smirk.
“Are you being deadass?” he asks.
You giggle. “No, I‘ve been gotten over it. Thanks for the free food by the way.”
Soonyoung is silent for a moment.
“Seriously?!”
You nod, taking a sip of your milkshake.
“God Shorty, you’re so uptight I genuinely thought you were still mad at me,” he plops down on your bed next to you and takes a sip of his milkshake.
“I am not uptight,” you defend.
“Yes you are,” he takes one of your fries despite having his own. “You need to get laid or something.”
“Excuse me?”
He takes another sip. “What? Don’t act like I’m wrong. I know you’re under some sort of dry spell, it shows.”
“I am not under a dry spell,” you frown.
“Yes you are,” he laughs. “If you weren’t, you’d be more like me.”
“Bold of you to assume I want to be like you. You sleep around so much, I have no idea what diseases you’re carrying,”
“Hey! Have you know, I practice safe sex and maintain my 3.8. Don’t hate because you can’t get laid,” the blonde boy smirks.
“I can get laid!” You defend.
“I’m sure you can, you’re a pretty girl. You just like… don’t,” he takes another sip.
“That’s only because every time I’ve ever slept this someone it sucked” you scoff.
Soonyoung stops mid sip and slowly deadpans into your direction. “Are you serious?”
“Ugh!” you cover your face in embarrassment. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, it’s so embarrassing!”
He pulls your hands off your face. “Stop being so dramatic. I might be able to actually help.I’m kind of an expert in the area.”
You sigh. “Fine. I’ve only ever slept with 3 guys and the experience got worse between each guy. It was just like… I don’t know. I think I’m the problem.”
“I’m sure you’re not the problem,” he buts in.
“I think I am,” you frown.
“What, did you like… bite it or something?”
“No! God no! Nothing like that. It’s just like, none of them have ever gotten me there,” you admit.
“Like they’ve never made you finish?” he asks.
You nod.
“Then the problem definitely isn’t you, you’re just sleeping with guys that have no clue what they’re doing,” he shrugs.
“Yeah well I thought that the first time and then it happened twice again and ended up worse than before. Figured it had to be me,” you explain.
“No Shorty, they just suck. It’s really not that hard to get a girl to finish,” he shrugs.
“That’s easy for you to say,” you roll your eyes. “You’ve slept with half the girls on campus.”
“Okay first of all I haven’t slept with that many girls,” he defends. “And second of all, all those girls I did sleep with left satisfied.”
“I’m sure they did Soonyoung, but that doesn’t help me in any way,” you point out.
“Yeah, but I could help you out you know,” he offers.
Is he saying what you think he’s saying right now?
“You mean like…. sleep with me?” you ask.
He shrugs. “Only if you’re okay with it. No pressure.”
“Won’t that be weird?” you ask.
“It’s only weird if you make it weird,” he shrugs again. “I’m not asking you on a date Shorty.”
You frown. “Yeah I know that.”
“It would just be like a no feelings no rules thing, just me helping you out,” he takes a sip of his milkshake. “Can be a one time thing we both forget about if you really want.”
“I guess,” you think. “Okay,”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
What? Are you actually agreeing to this right now? You know he knows what he’s doing and that he’s safe about it, but it’s the emotional aspect you’re not taking into consideration right now. Soonyoung is still one of your good friends and this changes everything… right?
He says it’s only weird if you make it weird, but it’s easy for him to say that. He’s done this before, and he’s good at it. The sex with no strings that is.
You trust Soonyoung and you know he would never hurt you. He’s doing this to help you, and it’s really a win–win no matter how you look at it.
He smiles. “Come here.”
He pulls you onto his lap with great care. His thumb strokes your cheek for a minute assuringly before he closes the small gap between your faces.
The kiss starts slow and gentle. Quick pecks turning into a longing kiss that grows more intense with each passing second. His other hand lay on your waist, thumb rubbing small circles on your side as he continues to deepen the kiss.
You kiss him back with the same energy he provides you with. Hands wander across each other’s bodies, touching clothes and skin.
He moves, pinning your body down on the bed under his. He hovers over you, lips trialing down your onto your neck. He’s careful enough not to leave marks, simply pulling down the strap of your tank top. One of his hands sneaks up your back, unhooking your strapless bra and tossing it on the floor somewhere.
"Tell me if you want to stop," he says between kisses. "Or if you don't like anything, at all."
"Okay," you breathe out as you allow your eyes to fall shut. You submit your body to him, putting your trust entirely into his hands. Your body relaxes and sinks into the mattress. He removes his lips from your skin, stopping to grab a pillow and adjust your body to ensure your comfort.
He crawls down your body, fingers playing with the strings of your pyjama pants before pulling them off and tossing them onto the floor. You're left in your tank top (that's really only halfway on) and your underwear. He kisses your inner thighs gently before hooking his fingers into your panties and sliding them off.
"You're so pretty, Shorty," he mumbles, more so to himself.
His gentle demeanor is gone almost immediately. His lips immediately attach themselves to your clit, licking and sucking on your extremely sensitive bud. You let out a hiss and arch your back at the sudden contact.
Soonyoung's never been one of those guys against going down on a girl, but holy shit. He's eating you out like it's his last meal on earth. His lips and his tongue are everywhere, spreading warmth along your most sensitive areas.
He concentrates mostly on your clit, stimulating the sensitive bud to the max. You find it hard to keep still, constantly squirming as he devours you.
He's monaing in pleasure as your taste coats his tongue. He groans when you tug at his blonde hair, only causing vibrations to rumble through your body.
He's slurping and sucking, thoroughly devouring you like his life depends on it. It's only been a few minutes and Soonyoung fears he's addicted to you already. You taste sweeter than he could've ever imagined and the sounds you're making are driving him fucking crazy. He loves that you're vocal too, it's only serving as encouragement for him. You've never made this much noise in bed and the fact that he has you squirming and moaning like this only makes him want to devour you more.
Just when you think it can't get better, he slips his fingers inside of you. One at a time he pushes his digits in, pumping them in unison to bring you more pleasure. He's moaning with you enjoying this just as much as you do, if not more. His hips are rutting into your bed sheets, cock hard and leaking with excitement for what's to come.
You're grinding against his face and fingers, each flick of his tongue and thrust of his fingers pushing you closer and closer to the edge. The familiar feeling is buliding in your lower abdomen, however this time you actually feel the coil snap.
It comes so quickly you don't even have time to warn him that you're cumming. Your body shudders and convulses as you ride out your orgasm on his face and cry out his name. He doesn't stop even once you've come down, he's completely smitten and pussydrunk. You have to pry him off of you as your body grows sensitive from the overstimulation.
When he finally pulls away, his face is dripping and his eyes only half lidded. It looks at though he's been placed under some daze.
"Holy shit Soonyoung," you breathe out.
You're panting, chest rising and falling as you try to fully recover from the incredible orgasm he just gave you and the second one you nearly experienced.
"Was that okay?" he asks.
"More than okay," you lick your lips.
You pull his head down so he's hovering over you. "Want you to fuck me Soonyoung," you whsiper.
"You sure you can take me?" he asks. He breath fans against your lips. Smells like chocolate from the milkshake he was sipping on earlier.
You nod. "I can take anything you give me."
He swears his cock just got harder. He didn't think it was possible, but you're turning him on like crazy right now. Who knew you could be like this? The two of you quickly scramble out of all your clothes before you find yourself underneath him again.
There's a gold chain dangling from his neck as he hovers over you. He's got another shiny gold package in his hand that he got from his pants.
"You just keep those on you at all times?" you ask.
"Kinda," he shrugs. "Never know when you're gonna need them."
"Hmm, guess it's not such a bad thing," You lick your lips. "I was about to let you fuck me raw."
His breath gets caught in his throat. "Shorty are you serious?"
You peck his lips. "You know I don't keep any on me, and if you didn't bring it we'd just have to do without it."
He nearly tosses the condom away but you grab his wrist and giggle. "Maybe next time."
"Oh, so there's gonna be a next time?" he asks, voice laced with amusement.
"Can't decide that until after you fuck me," you smirk.
He feels his cock twitch under the sheets. He wastes no time ripping open the package, rolling the latex onto his length aligning himself with your entrance. He slides the tip along your slit a few times before he pushes the head of his cock in. Slowly, he pushes more of his length into you.
This feels so... intimate. Even though you've been in this position before, you never felt this close to any of the other guys. They all sort of just stuck it in and went at it for a few minutes before they finished. They didn't really bother to make sure you were okay, filling you up inch by in the way Soonyoung is. He wants to make sure you feel him.
"C'mon Shorty, you told me you could take it," he coos.
Your eyes are screwed shut as you try to loosen up for him but fuck, he's big. It's been a while since you've done this and he's fucking huge. Nonetheless he takes his time with you, ensuring that you're comfortable as he fills you up.
Once he's all the way in, he stops to ask if you're okay. You assure him at you are and give him permission to move. You can tell he's holding back. His thrusts are shallow and slow.
You've already started to adjust to his size and you encourage him to go faster. It's like a switch in him turns on again because his hips rapidly pick up in pace. He draws his cock out of you, slamming back in and making you curse and moan his name.
"You're so tight Shorty," he groans.
Shit, this feels so good. He fills you up so perfectly. You love feeling the stretch of his cock, his length pounding into you at the perfect pace. His tip pushes against your walls and his thumb soon finds your clit. The stimulation from both is so good and you know you're gonna cum again soon.
You're sure it's something about the dancer in him. The way he fucks you so well. You feel so good around him, he doesn't ever want to stop fucking you. So tight, so warm, so wet, all for him. You're driving him crazy.
He can feel himself nearing the edge too. His veins are popping out of his arm as he holds himself up, gold chain dangling in your face. You can't see it though, your eyes are still screwed shut with your lips parted as he fills you with inexplicable pleasure.
You look so sexy to him. You're both dripping in sweat and he finds himself becoming more vocal as the two of you approach your highs. He's cursing over his breath, nearly catches himself whimpering at how good you feel. You're throbbing around his length, letting him know that you're just as close as he is.
Thankfully so, he didn't want to end the night without you cumming around his cock. His thumb continues to circle your clit quickly and it only takes a few moments before he's driving you into another state of euphoria. His hips grow erratic as his orgasm hits him, full force. He doesn't stop, fucking both of you through your orgasms as his cock twitches inside of your throbbing pussy.
He fills the condom and pulls out before collapsing on top of you. His body weight is crushing you and he's panting into your collarbone.
"Soonyoung! Get off of me!" you push his slick body off of you.
He rolls next to you on the bed, landing on his back with a soft thud. "My bad," he chuckles. "I swear I died for a second."
"Was it really that good?" you muse with a smirk.
He presses his palm to your face plafully. "Be quiet Shorty, you know that was the best lay of your life."
He's got you there. There's no denying that he absolutely just changed the trajectory of your sex life and rocked your shit.
He smirks, sitting up on the bed. "That's what I thought."
He rolls of the bed and slips his boxers back on before disposing of the used latex.
"C'mon," he reaches his arm out to you. "You need to get up. Gotta pee and shower."
You groan into the pillow. "No."
He lets out a breathy laugh. "C'mon Shorty, you need to."
You groan again, but he pulls you out of bed. Luckily you only share a bathroom with Nai and none of the other girls on your floor. He helps you to the bathroom and assures everything is okay with you before venturing back into your actual room.
Once you're all cleaned up, you walk back into your room with just a towel on, only to see Soonyoung pulling his shirt over his head. He's leaving.
“You’re not spending the night?” you ask, cocking your head to the side.
“Can’t,” he says as he adjusts his pants. “I’ll see you later though yeah?”
You nod. He grabs the rest of his things silently and leaves with a soft close of the door. His exit leaves an odd feeling brewing in your body. What the hell just happened?
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this is part 1 of 4!!
© number1mingyustan - Do not repost without permission.
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idiot-mushroom · 1 year
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fuck parents who don’t respect boundaries, all my homies hate parents that don’t respect boundaries
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uglypastels · 10 months
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Not Wholly Evil |IX| pirate!Eddie au [NSFW]
a/n we are getting so close to the endddd oh my god i am so excited and sad at the same time because i don't want this story to end as much as some of you, but I also cannot wait to share my next lil projects with you 🥰 thank you for all the support on the last chapter!
this chapter will include explicit scenes. Minors DO NOT Interact. 18+. if you have read the previous chapters but do/should not wish to consume this content, please read:
Chapter 9 (safe for work version)
Series Masterlist
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word count: 13k
"semi dark fic" - READ the warnings:. (gun/sword)violence. blood. mention of severe wounds. minor character death. allusions to suicide. kidnapping. imprisonment. alcohol. open and deep sea. near-death experiences in water. men are pigs: mentions of non-con, but it does not actually occur. [in-dream] non-consensual behaviour. malnourishment and weight loss. paranoia. mention of poisoning. abuse. manhandling. lying. small wounds inflicted by fire. blackmail. binds and knifes. SMUT 18+ ONLY, MDNI - p in v sex. oral (f receiving). no condom (this isn't the 18th century. wrap it before you tap it). choking. thigh riding. jealous!eddie.
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Chapter 9: Paragon
“Perhaps the wolf wasn't quite so dangerous as he pretended. Unfortunately, there was only one way to find out for sure——give him a little rope and see if he hung himself… And pray that he didn't tie her up with it instead.”
― Sabrina Jeffries, Dance of Seduction
He looked like he saw a ghost. And maybe he had. You didn’t feel like yourself, so who was to say if you were still alive? You had comprehended how you carried yourself back to the Hellfire. Standing in his room felt like you were looking down at yourself. Aware of everything around you but understanding none of it.
‘I thought you had left.’ He stepped into the room, leaving the door wide open. As he walked, you noticed he was clearing the way for you, allowing you to leave if you wanted to. His eyes were intently focused on yours and threaded lightly. Like any wrong move would cause you to disappear.
‘I wanted to,’ you admitted. You still wanted to. Your thoughts had screamed through the night for an escape. Yet, something tied you down to this ship and made you return.
‘Then why didn’t you?’ He came closer, and so did you. That string pulled at your ribs again, pulling you two closer. You had tried long enough to fight it to no avail. Whatever you thought you wanted did not compare to your subconscious need to be next to him. 
‘I don’t know.’ Deep down, you knew the reason, but the time was not there yet to admit it. In your mind, you still despised everything about him, this ship, the crew, and, therefore, yourself for needing his touch as much as you did at this moment. It was weak to give in to him like you did.
The candle’s light fell upon him at angles that brought something new out in him or maybe revealed what had always been there. The signs of the wear and tear of a life at sea. He wasn’t hiding it any more, letting all that pain be visible, and he looked beautiful. You held back from reaching out and tracing the thin scar against his brow or the flawed line of his nose that must have been broken once. The longer you looked at him, the more you realised that you could look at him in this way forever. 
And that scared you. 
Munson walked past you to his desk, occupying himself with whatever he could reach. It would have been good for you to have something to focus on instead of him, but you stood in the middle of the room with nothing but him to clutch onto. Neither of you spoke, stuck in an awkward limbo, tiptoeing around one another to see who would be the first to step over that line. The line that had kept you, your heart, safe until now. You could impossibly predict what was to happen if it was crossed.
The ship creaked as the tide softly bounced off it. For the rest, it was uncharacteristically quiet on board.
‘Is the rest coming as well? Will we be departing soon?’ It was ridiculous to change the topic in this manner, but you simply did not know what else to say, and this barrier between you and him was dreadful. You could sense it in the middle, waiting for that catalyst to burst. And you wanted it to. Just how?
‘No, I doubt they realised I’ve gone.’ He finally turned back to face you, leaning against the desk, arms crossed, eyes on the ground. If he could just look at you—would that make things easier or that much harder?
‘Why did you? Leave the tavern, I mean.’ With your heart pounding in your throat, tightening your breath, you stepped toward him. 
‘I noticed you were gone. Then I heard you had gone to the harbour with some man and I thought…. I grew worried.’
‘Why?’ You could not imagine him caring for you to go out, away from his crew and his festivities, to look for you. 
‘I know what you’re thinking, and at first, yes, I was thinking about the money,’ he admitted, which took you aback. You took a step closer. ‘But then I—when I realised, or thought, that I had actually lost you, I thought about how I would never see you again, and I realised—’ his words faded as you took your final step towards, letting your chest press against his. He finally let his eyes meet yours. 
‘Realised what?’ Considering your proximity and seclusion, you hadn’t meant to whisper, but it felt right. 
‘That I was scared’ His breath was shaky as his eyes took all of you in. ‘Of loosing you.’
‘I was scared too.’ And maybe that is what kept you from leaving. The idea that if you would go, there was a possibility that you would never see him again, and it was enough to hollow out your entire being with dread. It felt wrong. But that gnawing in your chest stayed there the whole night, even when you had returned to the Hellfire, and it only left once you felt his fingers intertwine with yours. A flutter of a touch at the fingertips.
‘And? Are you still scared?’ He matched your hushed tone with his response. The question was simple on its surface, but only the facade for an obliterating iceberg was the truth. 
‘No.’ Standing in front of him, feeling his breath on you, the warmth that radiated off him, his gentle touch on your skin, seeing the smile hiding in his features, you saw nothing to be scared of anymore. There was nothing to fear anymore. The voice in you that had screamed for help all those days was silenced for a final time when you leaned in to kiss him.
His lips were chapped, cheeks rough with scars and the light shadowy scruff of a beard. His touch was featherlight, as if he was scared to pursue it as if you were to break underneath him. It starkly contrasted the force he had pulled you in with hours before. The intensity had been dizzying, and yet this was what genuinely shut your mind down entirely. But you could tell that he was not there yet wholly. Something kept him guarded. 
You pulled away, but your lips still shared the same breath. When you opened your eyes, you were met with his and how they were shaking with uncertainty as he took all of you in. 
‘Is there something you’re still afraid of?’ you asked.
‘Many things,’ his hand found its place on your waist, ‘but mostly of myself,’ and gently pushed you away. ‘And what I will do to you. I have made so many mistakes, mistakes that hurt you, already in that I will have to live it for my eternity, but I do not know what I will do if I make one again.’ 
There was silence as you took in his words. You understood them, possibly more than anyone could, for they were yours. As your lips met, you thought if what you were doing would lead to your doom, if it would all end in a disaster, but could something that felt so right be so devastating?
He had let his eyes fall to the ground. You reclaimed the one step he had made you take, closing the gap between you once more and letting your hand guide him to look up at you.
‘Do you think that kiss was a mistake?’ Your heart beat faster than it ever had as you waited for an answer, but his lips remained shut, so you continued. ‘If so, do not play with my heartstrings, but tell me, and I will leave. I will return to my cell, and you can lock me up and never see me again until you bring me back home.’ It would only be a couple of days, and it would hurt to mend this extremely fragile piece of you that you had just opened, but like all wounds do, it would heal eventually.
‘Answer me, captain.’ You kept your voice as steady as possible, regaining the confidence you had built up since you got onto the ship. ‘Was that a mistake?’
‘No.’ And with that one final word, you both leaned in for a kiss. Your hand was still on his cheek, his holding you tightly, but you still felt that urge to pull yourself closer to him. As you felt the press of his chest fully against yours, he actually pulled his lips away from yours. He hesitated but finally spoke against the corner of your mouth. ‘But… call me Eddie. Please.’ 
You couldn’t help but smile into your next kiss. Just like that, all that weight of the world fell off both your shoulders, down into the depths of the ocean, never to be seen again. You didn’t hold back with this newfound freedom when you pushed him up against the desk. The furniture shuffled with a creak over the floor, and you could hear some things topple over at the impact. Still, neither of you cared, too occupied with one another. He could just about manage to extend his hand and begin to push all the loose items off the desk to make space for himself. The papers flew around you, and all the measurement equipment clattered onto the crowd. 
As the kiss intensified, Eddie shrugged and smoothly sat up on the desk, pulling you in with him. As he slowly let himself fall back, you followed, attached by the lips, hands, and hearts, until you practically lay on top, arms keeping you up from falling entirely onto him. Well, one hand, as the other found him and laced your fingers together once more. He had tried to make more space around you, pushing objects aside, when he cursed loudly.
You startled away and saw the clench in his jaw as he took a deep breath. He must have read your panic-stricken face as he showed you his hand. ‘It’s alright,’ his voice was calm, humour peaking through it. ‘I might have just put my hand right into the flame.’ And indeed, the side of his hand was glowing red. 
Hearing this did not put your mind at rest as you tried to grab his hand and inspect the damage more deeply, but he pulled it away from you, instead taking your fingers in his and kissing your knuckles. 
‘Don’t worry, my darling,’ he smiled while kissing your hand, ‘Can barely feel it.’
He had just made direct contact with fire; you doubted it would be alright, but then again, you had seen all the scars on his body. This would just be another small blister among the list of many. But you blinked the thought away. Tried your best to not think about the pain he had endured. You doubted he wanted you to feel pity for him and what had once happened to him. 
The look in his eyes was adamant. He needed you to let it go, so all you could do was sigh.
‘You’ve gone mad.’ 
Eddie chuckled at your comment as he let his lips travel over your wrist, over the length of your arm. ‘As mad as any other sane man.’ His kisses moved over the material of your shirt. The lack of contact that was so clearly there shot sparks of anticipation through you, but he took his time taking you all in until his lips reached your collar. He had practically strained his neck to reach you from his position. Some of you wanted to back away to see how far he would follow you, but your weaker portion gave into his touch and melted over it. 
He had just kissed your neck, sparking a fire through you on the spot, when a noise boomed over the silent ship, bursting you out of the solitary moment of bliss. In an instant, Eddie held you by the hips as he gently pushed you off him and got himself back on the ground. There was an alarm in his features, and so, when he looked at you and told you to “Stay here”, for once, you listened.
He closed the door behind him as he left to see what the noise was, and when minutes later, he had not returned, but there had also not been any more ruckus or signs of danger; you calmed down. Unsure of what to do now, you lay down on the bed. In the past few days, the bed had gotten more comfortable as you got used to it, but it still felt strange. You lay down on your side, facing the wall. The patterns in the wooden planks almost seemed to move in the shadowy light and, unfortunately for you, brought you into a trance of clarity and thoughts.
What were you doing? How could you have let all this happen? Kissing the man that had caused the death of so many people that you had deemed friends. How could you betray their souls by… by falling for him? You had lost control of all your feelings and emotions. 
It was a trick of the sea. You had simply been captured on this ship for so long that you did not know what was wrong or right. How else could you explain the yearning feeling that still circulated through you? Why else did you wish he was still here with you, touching you?
With all these thoughts occupying your mind, you must have missed Eddie walking back into the room, mumbling something about how it had been a few of his crew that stumbled back up to the ship. Too busy with your own mind, you did not hear him calling your name softly, assuming you had fallen asleep and telling you good night. You did not hear how deflated the last words came from his mouth. You only caught the sound of the door closing behind him. 
And soon you managed to turn all these thoughts off and fall asleep. Except then, they came back even stronger and in the form of dreams. You found yourself back on the Red Tail. The hawk flapped its wings on the flag in the wind and every man’s uniform. The sun shone brightly in its last few minutes before hiding behind the horizon. It was a strange illusion as you stared down at the ship and the two figures that stood out looking at the sparkling sea. You watched yourself talking to Admiral Carver.
‘I would have imagined you to have grown tired of the water by now,’ he laughed.
‘I won’t say I will be happy to return home, but I can’t ever see myself becoming tired of this view. It is beautiful.’ You leaned forward onto the balustrade and breathed in the salty air. ‘Besides, you have done this for much longer than I have, and you’re here too, so it can’t be that bad.’ It seemed it was only your first expedition while he had crossed the world several times. If anyone was to grow tired of it, you thought it would be him. 
‘Perhaps you’re right,’ he had his arms behind his back, ‘but everything is more bearable when there is something back home to look forward to.’ 
‘I suppose so.’ You would not exactly know what he meant. Of course, you could not wait to see your father again, and your friends, but nothing at home gave you the sense that it genuinely anchored you there or drew your heart in for your return. ‘I am sure you miss your family very much.’
‘Yes, of course,’ He took a step closer to you, ‘but I will miss these moments.’
‘Oh,’ you were startled by his proximity, unsure how to respond. Politely, you smiled and tried to keep the conversation going, ‘I’ve enjoyed them too, uhmm-’, but you were suddenly thrown off-guard when you felt his hands on you. Before he had the chance to do anything, you were quick to push him off. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Taking our last chance before it’s too late.’ He leaned in again, and you stepped back. 
‘What about your–’
‘She does not need to know.’ The sea was a free playing field for most men, so what happened out there was not up to the women at home to know. You had seen adultery but never thought the admiral would participate in such activities. He had been drinking; maybe he wasn’t thinking straight. Before he would make any more mistakes, you attempted to walk away, but he caught you by the arm, putting all his strength into the hold.
‘Admiral, you’re hurting me.’ You tried to pull your arm back, and this is where things began to change. Where the dream made itself apparent. Carver’s handsome features turned into vicious angles as he spoke. 
‘So you’ll kiss Munson, but not me?’ 
‘What- what are you–’ you tried to get away, but it was as if he grew in size. And there were flashes. These flashes of light. Like lightning, there was no thunder, rain, or light. It blinded you, and you tried to regain your sight by blinking, but each time you did so, he seemed to change right in front of you. 
There was him like you knew him, but the next second he turned into this nightmarish version of himself, but there were moments when he wasn’t himself at all. You’d blink, and suddenly you saw Captain Munson. Still in that uniform, however, you would try to make sense of it all. Still, before you could, he would disappear again, and you would be looking into Carver’s blank eyes, and you’d see the blood dripping from his mouth as he spat out his words.
‘Don’t trust him.’
‘What?’ You had tears in your eyes, and your wrist burned from his touch. There was another flash of light. Eddie stood before you again, just as you knew him. 
‘Do not trust him.’
Don’t trust who? Who were you meant to trust, then? The questions rang through you as you woke up, head throbbing with pain, limbs sore and dehydrated. If you did not know any better, you would have blamed the rum you consumed the night before on everything, making you imagine all that had happened. Still, the sensation that Eddie had left on your whole body felt too real to be just a drunken dream or nightmare.
He was not in the cabin when you awoke, but you could hear him outside, yelling commands out. When you looked outside the window, you could tell by how the waves moved that you had departed the Saint Claire harbour and were on your way again.
You sat up in bed but remained still afterwards, uncertain what to do next. Some part of you wanted to go outside and see Eddie, talk to him about whatever it was that had happened that night. Still, a bigger side of you doubted you could ever look him in the eye again. Seeing your reflection from the glass doors of a cabinet in the room, of yourself in his bed, made you feel bad enough. So, staying in the room for the rest of the day was not an option either. You were already at the door, hand on the handle, when it opened, nearly crashing into you. 
‘Sorry,’ his apology was muffled. 
‘I was just on my way out,’ you muttered in the same awkward tone and walked past him. 
‘Wait,’ Eddie reached for you, and the memory of your dream of Carver made you retract away from him, regretting it as soon as you did. Eddie wasn’t him, but you treated him the same because of something your exhausted mind had decided to conjure up. Eddie kept his distance. ‘Can we talk?’
‘Later,’ you pleaded. This was not the right time. You could tell that it would not end well if you stayed there. 
But when would it be right? When would the stars align correctly for you to speak? It certainly wasn’t the next two days, as you kept walking in circles around eachother. You avoided him like the plague, and it was unlikely that he had not noticed yet. 
You kept yourself occupied with anyone else but him, really. Talking to Robin, Steve, and anyone else who seemed to require company as much as you. Almost as much, at least. It shocked you as well as them how smoothly the conversations went. While only a little was exchanged, neither side being too keen on sharing too much of their past, somehow, you still managed to fill hours with polite pleasantries. Some even showed you how to work around the ship, probably more than happy to give you some of their workload now. You didn’t mind. It was alright if it stopped you from overthinking everything that had happened in the past weeks. But it was still hard to do when you felt Eddie’s eyes on you. He’d watch you work the sails or anything else from afar, but when you’d try and catch him, he’d be suddenly occupied with something and walk away. 
The biggest surprise, however, came one evening when everyone had gathered for their final meal of the day. You had gotten your portion and were ready to return to the cabin when Robin pointed to the seat between her and Steve. You wanted to politely decline, feeling like you did not strictly belong in this dynamic—the crew’s meals felt more sacred, a moment for them to spend together, but they all saw your argument coming and shut it down. 
‘Never thought I’d say this,’ Wheeler, one of the lankier crewmates, said at some point, ‘but I might actually miss you.’ There was a cloud of agreeable laughter to which you belonged. It was funny, but what scared you was that you would miss them too when that eventual day of your return home would come. 
And it was coming.
Something about the air around you began to feel more familiar each day. And when you talked to Robin, you could sense that she knew how much time there was left. But each time you asked, she avoided answering straightforwardly. 
‘Not sure. But you know how seatravels are, you can never be sure… I mean, we should have been there days ago and yet,’ she laughed nervously, tying knots in a piece of old rope that someone had cut off once. 
‘I suppose you’re right.’ You had your own piece of rope and were toying with the frayed ends, pulling them apart mindlessly. You could hear Eddie talking to someone somewhere around, and you did your best not to look up. It had been days, but your tension still felt raw and strange. You wanted to simultaneously run into his arms and run away from him as far as possible, and you could not figure out which urge was the right one to follow.
‘It probably won’t take much longer, don’t worry.’ Robin said, her shoulder slumping as she untied another knot to remake it.
‘I’m not worried,’ you admitted. 
‘No, and you don’t need to be,’ Robin panicked, not wanting to give you the wrong impression of what she had intended to say, ‘but I’m sure you’ll be glad to be home.’ To this, you had no response because, very much like in your last days on your old ship, you had been eagerly awaiting your return home but did not feel like you were actually happy to go back. On top of that, you actually had the sense that you would miss this crew. By leaving, you would be leaving something behind, and you had never felt that before.
But it still did not feel right. Like a kink in your neck that you were trying to stretch out until it disappeared.
‘Can I ask you something?’ you said cautiously. 
Robin glanced up from her rope. ‘You always scare me when you say that.’ 
‘I hadn’t noticed I did it often.’ 
‘You’re quite inquisitive. It’s commendable, but dangerous.’
‘Should I be scared?’ You blinked. 
‘Not here, but in other parts of the world they’re not too keen on it, so just beware.’ She had tied a knot she couldn’t loosen anymore. ‘But what was your question?’ 
You took a deep breath. ‘Why did you target the Red Tail? And I know it was targeted, since the captain was aware what ship you were attacking.’ There was that other puzzle piece that was missing in your brain. How would he know if you were supposed to be on that ship or not? 
Robin froze and dropped her rope. You watched it fall to the ground and her reaching to pick it up clumsily. Once she did, she fumbled around even more with it. ‘I’m probably not the best person to ask this; I joined the crew late, I don’t know everything that’s going on around—’ she was getting distracted, losing the point of your question, or so you thought, ‘I had only heard things, but you have to know that people around here, we trust each other and that trust is earned. We might cheat once in a while in a game of cards or dice, but some things you just can’t lie about.
‘So, I didn’t need much convincing from the captain when he said that those— that those were bad men.’
‘He told you that my crew were bad men?’ 
‘They needed to be punished.’ Robin shrugged, but not in the way that made you think she thought indifferent. More so that, there was nothing she could do about it. It was a brief apology to you, not for what they had done, but as if she was sorry for being the bearer of the news. 
‘Punished for what?’ you asked, but Robin shook her head. Right, she wouldn’t be able to know, and you didn’t blame her. Was there anyone around willing to share more of the specifics of this situation? You felt like you had the right to explain what had brought you to their ship, but it would go past some lines of comfort for the men. Could you dare ask Eddie? 
But to ignore him for days just to come up with these questions could not be appreciated; then again, he owed you at least this after being the sole reason for your presence on this ship in the first place. He had caused all this mess. He could at least help you clean it up. 
You finished your conversation with Robin slowly, without any urgency to actually put it to an end. It must have been confusing to Robin, who saw how you tried to tie your sentences up to walk away, just to disentangle them just as she had been doing with her rope and keep pulling it back. Ultimately, she stopped it all and excused herself from the argument she needed back on her lookout post. She walked away, giving you this look that made it clear to you that she knew what you were planning to do and how apprehensive you were to do it. And whatever for? You had fought, punched, slapped and kissed Eddie in the past days without hesitation; why could you not just talk to him now?
Because that would actually mean something to you. It would unblur all the lines that connected you into a clear pattern, and you would have to live with those results, and you just were not ready for that yet. 
You took deep breaths as you walked up to the captain’s quarters. The door creaked as it slid open but was met with a resistant force as you collided with Eddie. He grunted lightly at the impact, and you began to apologise. 
‘Sorry,’ you mumbled, not expecting him to be so close suddenly. You had hoped to catch him at his desk, where the furniture could keep some kind of barrier between you. Still, now he stood mere inches away, towering over you and the heat of his body radiating onto yours. 
‘I was just on my way out.’ He scratched his beard casually, but his eyes said enough about how similarly he felt about your sudden appearance.
‘I hoped we could talk,’ you blurted out, and Eddie blinked.
‘Talk? Now?’ To this, you only nodded shyly. It had been too long. You had made him wait for days, which was simply too long. Why would he want to listen to what you had to say now? Eddie was ready to brush past you, but you were quicker, catching his arm and pulling eachother closer until your lips met in a chaste kiss. The suddenness stunned him, but for a blink of an eye before his muscles melted into position around you. It only confirmed your worst thoughts, how perfectly the two of you fit together, how your bodies simply locked into place with one another. The heat that grew between you could not only be felt by you. It was too strong for that. As much as you did not want to admit it, there was something there that you did not want to lose.
‘I’m sorry, ‘you said breathlessly, ‘for everything I’ve done in the past few days.’
‘You have done nothing to apologise for.’ He sighed.
‘Exactly,’ you jumped back at how loud you sounded. Still, his pull on your waist kept you close, ‘I have done nothing, while I should have stayed here with you, and we should have talked of, of whatever it is that stands between us, but—but I was scared. I thought I hadn’t been, but I was, and that, in turn, scared me even more, so I thought I needed time to think—’ 
‘And did you?’ He looked down at you inquisitively like he was observing a strange, yet highly fascinating, phenomenon in front of him. Something that he should not be enjoying as much as he was. The unwanted smirk appeared on his lips no matter how hard he tried to hide it. It made you aware of just how much you had tried to say in what short of an amount of time.
‘Yes,’ you said with a slow breath to help you calm down. At this, Eddie simply reacted with a gesture telling you to go on, to tell him what kind of discovery you had made. Would it be anything that could help your conundrum? Clear things up in your heads and maybe even hearts? You could not be sure, but it was a start if you just let those parts of you speak freely.
You took one more deep breath. ‘That night you asked me if I was scared, and I said “no”, but…’ you pushed past the shake of your voice. ‘But I realise now that that wasn’t the truth.’ As you announced this, the hand on your waist tightened its grip before leaving your body entirely. The immediate lack of contact made you regret your choice of words. Maybe you should have prepared what to say, but letting it come out unrehearsed and unplanned felt like the right thing to do. It would not cut out any of the emotions you felt. What you wanted him to know that you thought, so you stammered out your following words.
‘There is so much that I am scared of. It scares me how and how much I have changed in the past few days, and I am scared that I do not mind it. It scares me how much I enjoy being here and how much I want to be… with you.’ Your last words faded as you had not expected to hear yourself say them out loud. Eddie, who you had watched as he walked around the room in slow paces as he listened, must not have expected them, too, for he stopped to stare at you, dumbfounded.
‘Why?’ was the only thing he said in response. 
‘Because…’ you let out an exasperated sigh, walking up to him. You had somehow managed to find yourselves at his throne, ‘because this is not who I am supposed to be. I shouldn’t be. You are you; I am me, and nothing here is right.’ Yet the puzzle had never fit tighter together than it did now. But at the same time… ‘As much as I want to spend my days with you, I cannot stop thinking about all the chaos you have caused in my life. Whether on purpose or not…There is blood on your hands, Eddie.’ there were tears in your eyes. Eddie looked down at his hands as if you had meant it literally. They were pale and had a shake to them, but he quickly put them down to his sides.
‘And yet you’re still here.’ He said it with a distance, more to himself than anyone else, narrating the events as if putting it all into words could make it make more sense somehow, and maybe to him, it did. However, you were still utterly clueless and running in the dark.
‘I am.’ You nodded your head lightly. ‘And I wish I could explain why. To you and to myself, but I simply do not know.’
‘Let me pose you these two questions then,’ he spoke sternly, and you got the unexpected feeling that this would be a test you had to ace. ‘Are you still scared of me? Do you regret anything that happened between us?
‘Answer yes to either of my questions,’ he held two fingers up, ‘and I will make all of this very easy for you and disappear. You will never have to see me again but be honest.’ Looking into his eyes the way you were, it was difficult to lie, or it would have been if you had any intention of doing so. The word came easier to you than anything else had in your life, but you still needed to know some things before sealing your fate.
‘Before I answer, I need to know your business with the admiral.’
Eddie scoffed, looking out the window, ‘I could not care less about the admiral.’ Something in him tensed up despite his attempt to make his reply come out casually. Everything besides his eyes, which flickered with so many emotions simultaneously, you could not distinguish between them soon enough.
‘But the attack on my ship was deliberate, was it not?’ You did not need this to become another one of your rows and spoke as carefully as you could manage. If one of you began to raise your voice or fill your words with anger, it would take over the other, exploding fatally in the middle, and that is not what you wanted.
‘What do you remember from that day?’ He looked at you, head cocked to the side as he studied your face. He saw you blink slowly, trying to understand what he was implying.
‘I remember everything.’ How could you not? It was one of the most terrifying days of your life. ‘I remember being on the deck and seeing your dark sails and how I hid under that desk as the canons went off–’ 
‘Whose canons?’ He stared at you blankly, and you mirrored him perfectly. 
‘What?’
‘What canons did you hear go off? Who shot first?’ He did not say anything else, just stood still as you tried to reply with confidence that you lost as soon as you gave your answer some thought.
Everything had happened so quickly, and it was so loud. All you had tried was to block it out. But you heard the bangs. They came from all sides, but the first one... the first one was the closest.
Eddie must have seen the recognition on your face. ‘I know that those people were your friends. And I am sorry that that is how things-’
‘But you said I was not meant to be on board. You knew what ship it was.’ You cut him off at the memory. ‘You would have attacked either way, wouldn’t you?’
‘It is not that simple.’ He shook his head.
‘Isn’t it?’ 
‘No, and I wish I could explain, but I fear that whatever I tell you will only make you see the worst in me and them.’ 
‘You could at least try.’ You reached for his hand, and a bit of you leapt in relief when you saw he did not pull away. ‘I want to understand, Eddie. You do not know how horrible it is to live in this realm of uncertainty and oblivion.’
‘Would you rather live with the horrors of the truth?’ He asked genuinely, with the pain that exactly this truth had caused him in his eyes.
‘Is that not a choice I deserve to make by myself?’ You once again found yourself up against him. Funny how it always came back to this and how you would not have wanted it any other way.
‘You’ve said it yourself; I’ve hurt you enough times. I can not risk doing it again. I will not let myself do that.’ He brushed a strand of hair from your face, brushing his fingers over your cheek. ‘Now, will you please answer my questions?’
‘No,’ and with that, you answered both. Whatever tugged at you from the inside to feel such anxiety had nothing to do with Eddie.
On the contrary, you felt a sense of calm whenever you saw him. And you had wanted, really wanted, to regret those kisses, but you still dreamt of them at night, and it was all with a magical wonder that you wished to experience once more. Despite everything in your life that had led to this that would have told you to turn around and run away, you stayed firmly in your place in front of him with no intention of ever running away again.
Eddie leaned in, and you anticipated a kiss that never came as he spoke against the corner of your mouth, sending shivers down your spine. ‘I need you to say it, darling.’
‘I’m not scared of you, Eddie.’ The tremble in your voice had nothing to do with fear but all with the way he held you. His hand had moved down your cheek onto your neck, fingers wrapped around your throat, thumb caressing your jaw. His eyes pierced through you. ‘And I do not regret anything.’
You knew Eddie had seen all the far corners of the world. You must have come across the grandest of riches. Yet standing in front of him, you could not help but think how seeing Captain Eddie Munson beam his most genuine smile was the rarest and most beautiful treasure of them all. It was infectious; you could not help but smile at it. 
He let himself come close again, but just as your lips were about to touch, he spoke instead. Right against you, the hot air of his breath pricked at your skin with his light laugh. ‘Before all of this, had you ever imagined yourself here with me?’
As much as you had wished it was not true, ‘I did, actually.’ Your mind flashed to your dreams, the ones you had once thought were conjured up to plague you, but now you realised it was just your heart screaming out your deepest desires.
Like a reward, Eddie kissed your cheek for your reply. ‘Really? The princess had thought of me, a filthy pirate?’
‘I’m not a princess.’ You rolled your eyes playfully.
‘Out of all the things to dispute, you argue my words of affection?’ He chuckled, and you could feel the vibrations deep within his chest. 
‘There was nothing else to correct.’ You wanted to laugh but instead froze at the sensation of Eddie lightly putting pressure on your throat as he was still kissing pieces of your face. Just like that, everything in the past minutes disappeared from your mind. When he pulled away, you saw the mischievous glint in his eyes that once used to bring out fear of the worst in you.
‘Glad to know you haven’t changed too much, darling.’ With his hand around you, he gave you little choice but to look up at him. There was a moment in which both of you took everything of the other in. You tried to soak in all his features from this small distance, for some reason feeling the need to remember them all. Meanwhile, he read your face for any signs of reluctance, which he found none of. ‘You enjoyed that, didn’t you, princess?’ 
A question which brought a lot of enjoyment out of him.
Still taken aback by his actions, you stood there with your lips slightly parted, bewildered, so all you did was nod. And again, your response was rewarded with another kiss, finally letting you meet his lips while tightening his hold on you.  The weak sound that came out of your mouth at the feeling was an instinct. You had never heard yourself make such a sound, and he must have known it somehow as his grin grew wider against you. 
The kiss grew in strength by the fleeting second as you both lost control over your bodies, just letting them speak for themselves. It was messy and heated. The pent-up tension that had been sitting between you was finally finding its release. Eddie’s hands roamed over your body, almost in a hunger-like manner, devouring you with his touch alone. Maybe this hunger felt too real when Eddie’s teeth grazed over your neck, sending an unknown spark through your body at the sensation.
You held onto him tightly, one hand on his shoulder as the other rooted itself in his dark locks—which made you soon realise that the tiniest of motions of you caused a reaction in him as well, in the form of a low hiss as you pulled the hairs on the back of his neck. It had been an accident, as you tried to keep yourself up when the pleasure he brought you made you feel light as a feather.
Eddie hummed at your response as his hands continued their wandering path across your body. The pressure of his palms, combined with the slow and tantalising pace at which he moved, drove you to press your body eagerly against him, which, in turn, only spurred him on to continue down this track of your curves. His movements got rougher as he kept going.
With your urge to keep your bodies close, you quickly caught on Eddie walking backwards. You followed him mindlessly until he found his throne seat and pulled you along with him, right on top of his lap. At this proximity, you could feel all of him underneath you.
‘Tell me,’ he kissed you briefly between words, ‘have you ever been with a man before?’
‘Yes,’ you dared to reply with the truth. Anywhere else, it would have been considered a great shame, a sin of the highest degree, but with Eddie, somehow, you felt like he had wanted that to be your answer. You tried to focus on his face, that smile he shot up at you and the short answer you gave him, instead of how his hands roamed over your thighs. Even with the fabric of your trousers in between, his effect on you was immense. He must have felt how you tensed up when he reached your core. 
‘Did anyone ever touch you like this?’ 
‘Uhm, no, not in this way.’ You struggled with the words as he let his fingers press over your most sensitive parts, everywhere all at once. You could barely keep track of it. Another moan escaped you as his hand moved over your breast. Even with the fabric keeping your modesty intact, he had still found a way for his fingers to move smoothly across your nipples. The feeling lulled you into comfort, brewing the heat inside your chest. And so, you gasped as, with one aggressive pull, Eddie ripped the material of your shirt in two, revealing you to him entirely. Your eyes were wide in shock as his darkened with want.
‘Not scared of me yet, are you, princess?’ His hand was on your ribs, waiting for permission to touch your bare skin. 
‘No,’ your voice sounded like a hushed, airy whisper. Eddie smiled but still hesitated with his subsequent actions. As the shirt sleeve fell off your shoulder, he kissed you again. Except this time, his lips met your breast. The arch in your back, the tug of your hips towards him, was an almost mechanised reaction to it. And with it came the friction of his thigh against you. 
‘Eddie.’ His name sounded shaky coming from you as you could barely inhale a steady breath, too occupied with him.
‘That’s right, princess.’ He groaned as his lips remained on your skin, kissing the valley of your chest. With each kiss, your want for him grew, but your movements over his thigh barely covered the needed friction. You dug your nails into his shoulders, making him groan out in pained pleasure. He cursed before taking you by the hips. ‘Stand up.’
You did as he asked, something that did not go unnoticed by either of you. Eddie chuckled as he looked up at you, chin on your stomach, lips nearly pressing against it, so close you could feel the vibrations of his voice. 
‘So you can be good for me.’
A snide remark was already forming on the tip of your tongue, but Eddie was quicker. Smoothly, he pulled down your trousers and let them pool at your ankles. You stood in front of him in only your torn-up shirt. His large eyes were on you up until the moment his face made contact with your core, and at that moment, everything went black. You could just about make out that you held him close to you, pulling at his hair; as for the rest, the world was turning upside down and around at a speed that made everything seem like a sea full of stars. Your moans filled the room as his tongue licked through your slit. 
You assumed that with how he held you with one hand, his fingers would leave marks for days, but the other was much lower. You could hear the sound of a belt unbuckling. He was clearly struggling to work around his clothes with only one hand, especially with most of him already preoccupied with you and your pleasure. Never before had you seen such kind of ferocity in a man. Not when he pulled himself closer to you and practically fell to his knees from the throne. You surely would have fallen back if it had not been for him and the desk that hit your legs and now acted as an extra grip. It was especially needed when Eddie pulled your leg over his shoulder, gaining even more access to you. 
The desk kept sliding back with the force at which he held you in your place, grazing the floor, but it was all blocked out by your moans. They were filled with curses and the repetition of his name as your vision blurred with ecstasy and your body tightened with need. There was no possible way that the rest could not hear you through the thin walls of the cabin, but you could not care less about them. At this moment, they simply did not exist. 
‘You taste absolutely divine.’ Eddie spoke while kissing your inner thigh, making your legs even weaker. You noticed his lips glistening, never looking more kissable than ever before. 
He had run your mind through a mill; words were hard to come by. All you could muster out was a weak hum as you let your hand brush through his hair. At that, he nuzzled himself between your legs again, this time much gentler, and took his time kissing every inch of skin he had access to, giving you the time to catch your breath while still keeping you on that high edge.
‘I—I never…’ you still struggled to form a sentence.
‘Hmm,’ he kissed your stomach, ‘I know.’ And he slowly rose to his feet, catching your face in one more passionate kiss. You had gotten so used to how he tasted—rum, tobacco, sea air— that your flavour threw you off for a moment, but soon enough, you were sinking into him just as before. And again, you could hear the struggling twinkle of a locked belt buckle. 
‘Would you be a doll,’ he said with his amusement running down your cheek, ‘and help a poor man out.’
You reached for his trousers, undoing the belt and unbuttoning them so they could drop down his thighs. You had felt it before, how aroused he had grown, but seeing it made you take a step back. 
‘Nothing to be afraid of, darling.’ He grinned, placing a hand on your cheek. The other made itself comfortable between your legs, toying with your wetness. 
‘I know.’ You looked into his eyes. The warmth of them had burned up into a dark and hungry desire. Putting a light pressure onto his shoulders, you pushed him back down into the chair. Eddie practically bounced in the seat, taking you all in as much as you took the moment to look at him. Your flicker of confidence in the moment when you thought you knew what you were doing fizzled, but he must have read that off of you, as the next second he was the one pulling you down. 
‘Was this how you expected it to be,’ he murmured against your ear, ‘when you thought about us.’ 
‘No,’ you admitted. It was nothing like you had imagined. All your dreams had been of what you had thought he was; careless, dangerous, feeding off your fear. There had been none of this passion that you felt now. None of the heat, the tenderness or the feeling.
‘Anything you’d still like to change,’ he kissed the soft spot of skin behind your ear that made you shiver. 
‘No,’ you gasped. You could feel him against you, just waiting for the moment to enter you. The two of you were dancing around it, letting other make that next move, the plunge off the cliff, with no return. You shuffled over his thighs. One more kiss would seal the final deal when you moved your hips up and he adjusted himself infront of you.
The moan you let out at the feeling of him inside you, of him stretching your walls and filling you whole, was impossible to miss. Ships from miles away could probably tell what was going on, but again, they were not a part of your universe in this moment. Just you. You concentrated at the pace he was making you keep up with. The roll of your hips against the grind of his. Each thrust went deeper and harder making Eddie more aggressive in the most blissful of ways. There was nothing else to think about, because why would you when this felt so good? Reality went lost on you, until you felt his fingers dig into your side, a pain rushing through you. 
Both of you froze.
‘What’s wrong?’ Eddie immediately looked to where he had held you, pulling the remaining pieces of your shirt up to reveal the scar. The rough skin was a stark contrast to the rest of you. He met your eyes again. ‘Does it still hurt?’
‘It’s just sensitive.’ You wanted to push his hand away, cover the mark up again so neither of you had to be reminded of it. It had been a stupid mistake, that much you knew, and it was not as if you could change the past, so why let it pester you? But Eddie was not the kind to give up easily. He pushed the shirt material back up, keeping your hand away from him, to inspect the damage he had caused. 
‘I’ve done a lot in my life that I will forever regret,’ he kissed your shoulder as his thumb traced over the scarred line, ‘but this will probably haunt me the longest.’ His words and touch, combined with how you sat in his lap, still full of him, got you lost for words. Because, of course, you had hoped that this was his sentiment, you understood and appreciated his words, but what else was there to say? The only thing you could think of replying, which felt silly to do seeing your current position, was ask for some clarification.
‘What happened? I would have thought you had more control over your sword than that.’ You aired the conversation with a bit of laughter, but it only spurred him on to thrust deeper into you.
 ‘I had thought so too,’ he kept moving his hips forcefully, ‘I had hoped so,’ he kissed you sloppily, ‘but I lost it all when I saw you with him.’
‘Who?’ you asked. Maybe under different circumstances, you could have thought more clearly to realise what he was speaking of, but that did not seem possible. 
‘Harrington,’ the name came out of him with a bitter taste. Apparently, the feelings from that day had not disappeared as far as he had thought, but now he could let these frustrations out in a less hazardous manner. It still took a toll on you, but there was no pain to speak of. Just pure pleasure. 
Still, the mention of the crew member had surprised you. ‘Why– why would you—’
‘The way he held you, smiled at you, don’t you think I had wanted to do that? From the moment I saw you—but all I did was drive you away. It was just another reminder of my failure and before I knew it I—’ he stopped himself, still unable to properly speak of what happened. You kissed the bridge of his nose. 
‘For what it’s worth,’ you tugged at the words to come out cohesively, ‘I never thought of him as—’
‘It does not even matter what you think of him,’ he laughed, more so at himself, ‘You could fall for and by happy with any man on this earth and I could make my peace with it. I just don’t want to be the reason for your suffering.’
‘I think—’ a moan burst through your thought with another deep thrust, ‘I think you have managed to pay back any of your wrongdoings.’
‘Oh, darling, I haven’t even started to repay my debts.’ And so, Eddie kissed your neck, over and over, and with those kisses moved down to your brest. Your head rolled back with a soft whine at the attention he gave you, if not with his mouth, than the hand that kneaded your flesh and played with your nipples. 
As he kept going, and as your hips met his and the pleasure burst through you, you could feel everything coming to a close. The tightness in your body swelled while your control over it strayed. There was no possible way you could hold on for much longer and from the looks of it, Eddie had no plans on making you wait. He bucked his hips into you harder and harder, almost impossibly for you to keep it all in. You could explode with this pleasure and that is exactly what he wanted.
‘Mmm c’mon, princess. Feel so good around me,’ he hummed, ‘could anyone make you feel this good?’ 
‘Just you,’ you moaned out, holding tightly on to him as you felt the tension build up in you. 
‘That’s right,’ he had a smug smile across his face that you wished you could wipe off, and you would if you did not need him to keep doing whatever it was he did. Were his fingers back between your legs? Rubbing tight circles, sparking up your sensitivity. ‘Just me.’
‘Just you, Eddie,’ his named squeaked out from between your teeth when he reached the deepest part of you.
‘I’ll never get enough of you saying my name.’ 
‘Eddie,’ you repeated it in in a haze with his final thrusts that finally brought you over the edge. Stars fell over you in pleasure as Eddie slowed down his movements, letting you come down from the high. He held you tightly in his arms as you let your head fall on his shoulder until you fell into a comfortable silence. There was only the rush of the waves and your tired breaths that filled your ears.
Once your heart settled back to a steady pace, you knew it wasn’t safe. As good as this moment felt, it wouldn’t last. Whatever this was, there was no possibility in which it would outlive this voyage. Then, once it was over, it would hurt. That much you knew. Possibly more than anything had hurt before, and you would just have to be on the lookout for that end until then to let yourself become at peace with it. There wasn’t another choice, as this idea always stayed with you in the back of your head from that moment on. When you fell asleep in Eddie’s arms that night, you thought how many more days you got to wake to in such bliss as you did the next morning.
You could not tell if Eddie had these troubles, you could not tell, for he went through his following days much like before. The only difference was that his free minutes were now occupied with you.
It had not been your intention to make it so obvious to the crew, but there was also so little you could hide from them. Nothing could escape the dozens of interested eyes, so why hide your affection towards their captain? He certainly was not making any attempts. Any chance he got, he found himself at your side, holding you, kissing you, then behind closed doors, do all the other unspeakable things to you that made the others turn green of envy. 
Your mornings and afternoons were much the same as they had been before the night of the storm and the Hellfire’s arrival at Saint Claire, as you still spent it in each other's company. The difference was now that instead of being separated by the large oak desk, Eddie would often pull you into his lap to sit in the throne, if not making himself comfortable with you on the bed. The nights began with kisses and limbs tangled with eachother and merged into a joined slumber. Unfortunately, as happy as your days felt, it would not stop the nightmares from coming, but each time you would awake in a cold sweat or with shaking hands, he would be right there to coax you back to peace. What surprised you, however, was that you would do the same to him. 
Somehow, the thought of the notorious captain waking up screaming in the middle of the night, chest heaving, eyes wide with fear, had never occurred to you. You had never imagined him reaching for your thigh to ground himself as his reality spiralled in the dark.
‘Shh,’ you held him tightly, ‘it’s okay.’ 
Neither of you asked what the dreams were about, knowing you could do nothing about them. You could just help the other through it. And then, each time, the dreams that followed were much sweeter. 
Then you’d wake up in each other’s arms long before the rest of the world seemed to. Those few blissful moments where nothing could disturb you and the time you could spend in that bed was endless. 
Except it very much was not. And you realised it exactly through what you thought would be your escape. 
It was a sunny morning. The golden sunrays illuminated the cabin as you reached for Eddie, just to find the side of the bed to be empty. Only his impression in the covers, the faint temperature his body had radiated onto them, was still there. It could not have been long since he had gotten up, and indeed, you caught him standing at the window—leaning against it, more like. His trousers were loose on his hips, and his shirt was still on the ground around you. 
Grabbing that shirt and throwing it over your naked body, you walked over to him, and he looked in your direction as soon as he heard your footsteps. The smile in his eyes was genuine but weak. As soon as you were close enough, he pulled you into an embrace, twirling you around so your back would hit his chest and you could look out at the sea. With how the sunrays sparkled across the waves, it all felt like a dream, too good to be true, but you did not know yet that the dream was at the end of its tether.
‘I really am sorry,’ he mumbled, having his face already nuzzled in the crook of your neck, kissing the spot where it met your shoulder.
‘What for?’ Apologies had become a frequent appearance in his vocabulary, showing up in almost every conversation, if not sentence.
‘You know.’ Yes, you did know. For everything. He held a moment of silence, enjoying your presence in his arms for a little longer, before speaking again. ‘I just keep thinking about how everything between us happened, and if it had not been for me, we could have had more.’
‘I’m just as guilty.’ You had been stubborn, aggressive, and just as blind to your feelings. 
‘Highly doubtful statement.’ He laughed, and his breath tickled the hairs on your neck.
‘I don’t think so.’ You shrugged in his hold.
‘Still just as stubborn, aren’t you, princess.’ He squeezed you tighter. 
‘Is that not one of my most desirable attributes?’ You spun yourself around in his hold and quickly wrapped your arms around him. Doing so, hearing his tone and joy in his  voice, you had expected to see him smiling, but he looked just as sombre as when you had walked up to him. ‘What’s wrong?’ Your hand mindlessly began to trace over the scars on his chest, knowing it brought comfort to both you and him by now.
Eddie shook his head, holding back a laugh. ‘You know…’ he kissed your forehead,  ‘when I woke up, I saw you lying there, with the sun shining on your face, and you looked so peaceful, I had honesty considered just locking you away and keeping you forever, but I am a man of my word, am I not?’
‘I…don’t understand.’ You tried to see the meaning behind his words in his eyes, but there was nothing, and it only got harder to figure out when he held his forehead against yours, keeping you close. You still tried to make sense of what he said when you saw it. There, in the far back corner of your eye. So far, it could have been a play of light, and yet it was more real than anything. So undeniably real it crushed everything around you without question. 
From the angle the ship stood at, that was as much as you could envision through the windows, and thus you ran out of the room. As much as you did not want to leave Eddie behind, knowing it could be one of the last moments the two of you had, you ran out onto the deck to meet the silhouette of mountains against the rising sun. The longer you looked at it, the clearer the details became. The ridges of the mountains, the forests, the watch towers and houses. The uniformed ships that stood in the harbour.  
You knew this day was coming, you had been waiting for it, and yet, now that it was right there in front of you, you wished to be as far from it as possible. In what must have been shock, you took a couple of steps back just to collide with something—someone. You turned around to see Eddie and his soft but sad smile.
‘Welcome home,’ he announced.
Home, sweet home.
Your head turned between him and the land in the too-near distance, waiting for one of them to disappear, maybe even both. Why was this so difficult for your mind to comprehend? Why were the first words to come from your mouth, ‘Can we turn back?’ 
‘As much as I would want to,’ he sighed, ‘I’m sure they’ve noticed us by now.’ They must have. The watchers in those towers had the eyes of hawks, one of the reasons why your town was named after the bird.
‘So, what do we do?’ This is not how someone who is to be returning to their family after months spent with criminals was meant to respond. Everything about this was so wrong.
‘Go put your dress on.’ Eddie cocked his head back to the cabin. ‘I doubt they will appreciate you wearing this, as much as I adore it on you.’ That is when you realised you stood out on the main deck wearing only his shirt. ‘I’ll meet you in a few minutes.’ And with that, he gave you that look he had given you all those times before when you had been too headstrong in your own actions. Please, listen to me. It will be alright.
You walked back, feeling like you were floating, but not anywhere near the same way that you had the previous few days. It did not feel like you were weightless, on a cloud, free of worry or from the world. You were drifting. Far out into the abyss with nothing to hold on to. In this same state, you walked over to the wardrobe, where you had hung your dress, removed the item of clothing you had on and put on the old and tethered garment. It had once fit you like a glove, but you were far from the person it was measured for.
Just as you finished putting it on, the door opened, and Eddie walked in. 
You didn’t want to look at him. Not because of anger, you had, after all, no reason to be angry at him at that moment, but because you were sure that if you looked into those brown irises again, you would break down. He must have had the same idea as you as he walked past you, only grabbing the nearest shirt off the rack, and making a headway to the desk.
‘What are you going to do now?’ After all, that had been what pulled you two together, the money your father would offer for your return. That is what kept you on this ship safe for as long as it did… although, in retrospect, you doubted that Eddie would have ever done anything to you. Maybe he had always intended to bring you home before even speaking to you. Perhaps the money made no difference. But funnily enough, you wanted him to get it. Something in you, a deep instinct, told you that it was what he deserved.
‘Write a random note,’ he said, and you could see he was doing his best not to laugh. ‘Then we’ll send the note out, hope it reaches your dearest, and we’ll make the exchange.’ His words were quick and emotionless, but you noted the hint of novice apprehension in his plan.
‘You’ve never done this before, have you?’ you asked as you made your way up to the chair across from him.
‘Try not to sound too disappointed over my lack of experience in selling beautiful maidens back to their prosperous fathers.’
‘Not at all,’ you shook your head, grabbing the piece of parchment and quill from him. ‘But let me. It will be proof of life, and besides, your handwriting is unrecognisable. He won’t be able to read any of it.’ 
Eddie stared at you blankly as you began writing. 
Dear father, 
But what were you to write? The ink dripped off the quill as you pondered on the words. For a message that was quite clear, it was hard to actually phrase it and write it out. By the time you had signed your name at the bottom of the page, the Hellfire had almost reached the coast. You read it through once more: 
Dear Father, 
I know it has been a long time since you last heard from me. The Red Tail is no more; I was the only survivor, to my knowledge, saved by a crew of rogue sailors. They have kept me locked away but are willing to free me for the price of 5.000 pounds. Please meet me at noon at the Star Port for the exchange.
Love, 
Your daughter, 
You had decided against the mention of piracy or anything specific about the ship’s sinking, knowing that it would only drive your father away from pain the ransom. Eddie had been unable to keep still while you wrote your drafts but now stood behind you, hands on the backrest of your chair, reading the note along with you, over your shoulder.
‘Who would have thought, my darling extorting her own father.’
‘I am doing no such thing!’ You looked up at him, ‘I am simply… aiding you in extorting my father.’ when it came to this, you had little sympathy for your father. He had plenty of money to spare and often spent it on ridiculous causes. A faux rescue of his only daughter could surely fit in between those other purchases.
There was a knock on the door, which Eddie welcomed, and Harrington walked in. 
‘Got any mail for me to deliver, cap?’ it had been unanimously agreed that Harrington was the most inconspicuous of the whole crew and would be able to walk through the city unbothered to deliver the message. 
You had just been in the middle of folding the parchment. The last thing left was to let the wax melt to keep the corners together. With the seal done, you handed Steve the letter. He smiled at you with thanks, but his face hid an expression of loss, almost. A farewell. But before he left, you clutched him in an embrace, almost knocking Steve over.
When the door closed behind him, it was only a matter of waiting. After your fifth round of pacing through the room, Eddie walked up in front of you, blocking your already quite well-outlined route. He had met you right in the middle. 
‘I would prefer if you did not spend our last moments together walking holes into my carpet.’ 
‘You do not have a carpet,’ you quipped. 
‘Must you be so difficult now?’ He laughed that laugh you cherished so much before he placed his hands on your cheeks and kissed you the way you adored even more. The sun was almost at its peak, and so was your heart, and you had no idea what to do when it would finally fall. Either way, you would find out in a few minutes.
‘Do you think—’ 
‘Highly doubtful,’ Eddie said somberly before you could even finish your thought. ‘You had said it yourself, darling; you are you, I am me. This is not meant to work.’ But what if it could, you wanted to shout, shocking yourself for the millionth time on board this ship.
‘Well, then it had been an honour being your captive, captain.’ You said with a deep breath to keep your composure up.
‘Oh, don’t look so sad just yet, princess, the real fun is only about to begin.’ At this statement, you blinked slowly. ‘Or did you think you were done aiding me?’
‘What else do you need me to do?’ 
‘Since you mentioned it, I think we need to make you look the part of my sweet captive. Make your father believe we really had kept you all good and locked up, hmm?’ He grinned. ‘I really did not do a good job at this, did I? Got you all spoiled up here.’
‘It was much appreciated.’ You giggled, incapable of keeping a straight face when Eddie got like this. Looking back, you could barely imagine the cold and dark exterior that he had once posed in front of you since he had been an entirely different person underneath that. Then again, so were you. ‘So, what did you have in mind?’
‘A lot,’ he licked his lips, ‘but I don’t think we have the time for that. We’ll probably have to do with tying you up like a pretty gift—just your hands, of course,’ he quickly added as he saw your eyes widen. ‘And I’ll be sure to not make it too tight.
‘Alright,’ you nodded. After all, you trusted him. You watched him look through the room for something to wrap around your hands. In the end, he found a piece of rope hanging among the many items on his wall. It was a bit too long for even the intricate, but relatively weak, knot he tied over your wrists—enough to give the impression of captivity, but in reality, barely grazed your wrists. He made sure to check. 
And then it was time. You walked out of the cabin for the final time. The room in which you had spent so many tumultuous days and nights. A silly part of you wanted to actually run down the ladder into the lower deck to see the holding cell one last time. For what reason, you could not fathom. 
Eddie guided you with a hand on your back, down the gangplank, which wobbled with every step you took. You tried to keep your breathing under control, but then again, if this had been a real threat to your life, you would probably feel similarly. The walk down the harbour was the longest of your life. There just came no end to it, and you could not, frustratingly enough, make your mind up if you wanted that or not. After all, each step closer to the port was one step further away from him… and when had you become so dependent on him? Weeks ago, you had thought up visions of killing him in his sleep; now, you could not think of life without him. 
Your thoughts were still fighting for some kind of cohesion when you saw him walk down the street. Accompanied by his usual entourage of guards. Two of them carried a large trunk between them, which must have been filled with gold or other treasures to meet the demand.
‘Papa!’ You screamed out; an incautious urge to run towards him propelled you forward, just to be pulled back by Eddie. You glanced his way, and your breath hitched at what you saw. In the short amount of time that might have felt like an eternity that it took you to walk down the harbour, he had turned into what you could only describe as his old self. The same version of him that you had seen when you were “welcomed’ aboard the Hellfire. The Eddie that terrorised your nightmares. His eyes were pointed like daggers at your father. 
He, in turn, stood aback at the sight of who had been holding you. Most of the men around him did, in fact. It caused a bit of a stir, the murmur of his name travelled in disbelief, but Eddie was the first to speak up in full volume.
‘Governor. I see we meet again.’
‘Munson.’ Your father always had the skill to look unimpressed at the sight of any man, always seeming to be above them, and even now, he did a good job hiding any other emotion, but you could see the crack of fear breaking him on the edges. It was, however, quickly replaced as he spoke in his usual tone of business.
‘Munson. What are you doing here?’
‘Why, returning your precious jewel, of course.’ He grinned, pulling you closer to him. Some of the guards leapt forward but were stopped by your father and Eddie, who reached for the knife at his side. All eyes were on you and him as he let the blade slowly track over your arm. ‘Don’t wanna do that, gents. It will only cost us more trouble.’ 
‘You got the gold, Munson, now let her go!’ There were still several feet between the two sides of the deal. Eddie looked around theatrically. 
‘Do I?’ He cocked his head in his own direction. The two men in charge of the trunk hauled it over to you. You had no idea how Eddie was meant to carry it back to the ship. As they brought the gold over, your father spoke again. 
‘Is she well? Unharmed?’ 
You nodded, but Eddie nudged you with the hilt of his knife, his lips against your ear, ‘C’mon, darling, the man’s asked you a question.’
‘I am fine, father.’ You spoke. By that point, the men reached you and, with a final kiss to your temple, Eddie let you go. You were immediately pulled out of his reach by the guards. They must have thought they were holding you up as your legs objected to moving. You were unable to look away from him. All up until you felt your face pressed against your father’s jacket. 
‘There, there, it is alright,’ he hushed, and it took you a moment to realise why. You were crying. And if only he, or anyone else, understood that it was for all the opposite reasons. No fear or relief was escaping you through those tears. It was a loss as you saw Eddie standing there, bowing down at the end of his performance, blowing you a kiss goodbye.
It was the panic when you saw the rest of the people in the harbour. All of their eyes on you. On him. None of them were simple bystanders or civilians. 
Your dream had been crumbling into ruin all these days, but this was the final blow. All of it came down, all at once, and it started with your father’s call.
‘Guards!’, and suddenly the tenfold of guards appeared out of all possible directions. They had him surrounded, weapons at the ready. Eddie had nowhere to run. Your father spoke clearly, cutting the silence with the blade of his words. ‘Munson, I arrest you on charges of murder and high treason!’ 
Chapter 10
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thank you so much for reading!! if you want more of where this came from, check out my masterlist.
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trevuorzegras · 3 months
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━╋ NEW RELEASES
⏜ˑ 🐇 actress au part four 𓋜 ⋆ ࣪
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౨ৎ . . all works for this series will be under the #his greatest mistake au tag. for any random thoughts, or asks it will be under the #cassidy morgan au tag!
fem actress!reader x quinn hughes.
mentions of fem actress!reader x jacob elordi
faceclaim: beabadoobee
find the series masterlist, here!
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cas_morgan
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cas_morgan: so so so excited to finally let you guys in on what i’ve been working on! ‘spinning out’ is now streaming on netflix! everyone go show your support, and love please 🫶🏼.
words cannot describe how incredibly honored, and grateful i am to have had this opportunity. i loved being able to bring this character to life. this experience is something i’ll forever cherish, thank you everyone!
tagged: netflix, spinningoutnetflix, evanroderick
liked by trevorzegras, jackhughes, and other
user1: OH MY GOD
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trevorzegras: superstar at it AGAIN
↳ cas_morgan: my #1 supporter 🩷
user3: since when do you know how to skate?
↳ user4: she’s been skating since she was a kid
↳ user3: really? user4
↳ user5: yes! she has a video all about it on her youtube channel (: user3
user6: i need a season two asap
user7: who got you those roses?? 🤔🤔
↳ cas_morgan: 🤫
↳ markestapa: it was me don’t let her fool you
↳ cas_morgan: you are DISGUSTING markestapa
user8: whyd evan and cas be cute irl tho…
↳ cas_morgan: guys this man is 28 PLEASE
↳ user9: age ain’t nothin but a numba… cas_morgan
↳ evanroderick: Absolutely not! user9
evanroderick: Been such a wonderful experience working with you, Cassidy! Thank you for teaching me the ways of skating even if i fell on my ass most of the time. I’ll forever cherish the memories that were made, and i hope to keep a close friendship!
↳ cas_morgan: very like wise! i love working with you, ev! you did a great job, regardless of how many times you busted your ass. i hope to stay close as well, keep in touch, don’t be a stranger! 🫶🏼
user10: i felt so bad for kat throughout the series ):
↳ user11: no literally, my baby deserved better 😭
spinningoutnetflix: our very own kat baker and justin davis! we loved having you bring our kat to life!
jackhughes: the amount of SEXY SCENES I NEED BLEACH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
↳ cas_morgan: there’s like one get a GRIP ROWDY
lhughes_06: watched it like 82672 times
↳ cas_morgan: it came out two days ago, luke.
↳ lhughes_06: don’t underestimate me cas_morgan
user12: i love cassidy’s friendship w jack and luke so much omg ☹️
↳ user13: it’s so cute, they’re like her annoying brothers 😭
user14: anastasia allen core
↳ user15: now she just needs her hockey bf
rutgermcgroarty: would’ve been better with a hockey boy as the love interest 🤷
↳ cas_morgan: not everything is about hockey rut
↳ rutgermcgroarty: could be! cas_morgan
user17: okay but rut’s onto something, would’ve been cute with a hockey player
↳ user18: it’s a basic trope. hockey player x figure skater is BASIC say!! it!! with!! me!!
liked by cas_morgan
user19: oh no she liked the comment about figure skater and hockey trope being basic there goes our chance of getting her with a hockey player
↳ user20: she’s an actress not a figure skater, there’s still a chance trust
liked by cas_morgan
user21: she is NOT slick
↳ user22: she’s so real 😭😭
_quinnhughes: congratulations, cassidy!
↳ cas_morgan: thank you quinn!
edwards.75: you did good 🗣️🗣️
↳ cas_morgan: thanks eth 🔥
user23: she’s so pretty fuck
user24: can’t wait to see more future projects!
user25: you are so talented cassidy
trevorzegras
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trevorzegras: don’t let cas fool you, she’s having an absolute blast w the hockey boys 🗣️💯🔥
tagged: cas_morgan, lhughes_06, jackhughes, jamie.drysdale, _alexturcotte, edwards.75, markestapa, rutgermcgroarty, luca.fantilli
liked by _quinnhughes, nhl, and others
cas_morgan: don’t lie to them, i hate you, and everyone here (besides luke, jamie, and mark)
↳ trevorzegras: what the hell Cassidy.
↳ lhughes_06: YUP 🗣️
↳ markestapa: it’s an honor 😭😭😭😭😭
↳ edwards.75: ??
↳ jackhughes: do i just not exist?..
↳ cas_morgan: no you do and that’s the problem rowdy jackhughes
↳ jamie.drysdale: awe cas loves me
↳ cas_morgan: always 🫶🏼 jamie.drysdale
user26: LMFAOO THAT WHOLE THREAD IS SO FUNNY
user27: are you guys excited for hockey season again
↳ trevorzegras: yes i get to drag cas to more games!
↳ cas_morgan: yeah that’s absolutely not fucking happening, good try tho! trevorzegras
user28: so glad cas has people who care about her surrounding her 🫶🏼
↳ user29: real, im glad she’s happier!
user30: Cassidy only has followers cause of the hockey players she sleeps around with
↳ markestapa: cassidy has more followers than all of us 😭 she acts, and we play hockey, let’s not.
user31: mark #1 cassidy defender
↳ user32: that’s dom’s roll, mark can get #2
↳ user33: who’s dom? user32
↳ user32: dominic fike! user33
rutgermcgroarty: don’t let cas fool you, she reads most of the time, and barely talks to us
↳ cas_morgan: don’t be a hater rut
jamie.drysdale: im cassidy’s favorite by the way
↳ markestapa: no its definitely me but okay
↳ trevorzegras: ACTUALLY 🤓 markestapa
lhughes_06: funny you guys are fighting over favorite when it’s literally me 🤣🤣🤣
↳ jackhughes: you’re real funny luke. ever tried being a comedian i’m laughing so hard 😐
user34: none of y’all are the favorite btw
liked by cas_morgan
sorry about slow updates, trying my best! just please be patient, and i promise to try and upload as much as i possibly can! 🫶🏼
taglist | @wnderify @bunbunbl0gs @alwaysclassyeagle @bunting58 @callsignwidow @crazycat-ladys-blog
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bonny-kookoo · 5 months
Text
Jungkook
𝐒𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 | Part 23
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You're just so frustrating.
Tags/Warnings: Game Designer!Jungkook, Non Idol AU, established relationship, fluff
Length: 1k Words
There is no taglist for this fic.
Callob with @euphoricfilter !
-> Masterlist
♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥
Fuck this.
Jungkook refuses to believe that that was how he proposed to you- he won’t aknowledge it, eating his breakfast cereal with a pout on his face.
„Jungkook, come on.“ You laugh, sitting across from him. „I told you it was perfect-„ you say, though he shakes his head, beginning to talk before he can properly swallow- which makes him choke, and you laugh as he coughs up the stray bits of food that entered the wrong tube.
„I don’t care, it sucked.“ He denies, tears on the edges of his eyes as he drinks some water.
„I mean I did suck you-„ you start, causing him to send a glare your way, but you just sigh. „Jungkook come on. It doesn’t matter to me how you asked me- the fact that you did makes me happy already!“ you tell him, before you tap his bowl. „Now eat your cereal or it’ll get soggy.“
He does- but that still doesn’t lift his mood at all.
He doesn’t really have time to figure out another masterplan like last time, since he’ll have to get back to work soon to not make anybody mad enough to slap some god awful project onto his table to be done before the new year- but maybe he can still come up with something memorable. There’s still some money in the bank, and he’s soon to get his december bonus for the holidays, so maybe a fancy date? Now that he thinks about it, you never went to one together. He doesn’t even really own a suit.
He should get one. And you a pretty dress. But not one that’s too expensive, because he’ll surely break it later back home.
Searching online for a fitting suit and dress for you both during his break, he doesn’t even notice you entering the room- quietly, thinking he might still be working, to put a plate of warm food down for his late lunch, and only now does he notice he’s been working for hours on end again without a proper break. And before he can even thank you properly, you’ve exited his office room again, door clicking into the hinge, as he looks on his plate.
Dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets, and ketchup squirted down in the shape of a heart.
That's it. That's the last straw.
He exits his office with his plate in hand, setting it down on the coffee table next to yours as you were just about to turn on the TV, looking at him all surprised. “Everything ok-“
“You’re doing it again!” He complains, standing there like some upset Sims character, pouting and brows all frowned.
“I’m.. what?” You ask, confused. “..but you love dinosaurs when you’re upset-“
“I do!” He whines out, and you’re halfway expecting him to stomp his leg like a rabbit any second now, as he stands there with his hands clenched to fists. “I really do, and I also love it when you put my ketchup in a little heart there.” He says.
“…okay?” You chuckle, unsure. What’s he getting at?
He sits down next to you, and begins to eat, quietly. You’re not sure what’s wrong with him, but he’s sometimes like this, sometimes he doesn’t make a lot of sense. Or maybe he does, and he just can’t properly explain it well.
“You do-“ he starts, taking a sip of some water to wash down his food, as he shakes his head at his plate. “-You always do so many things for me.” He rants, almost angrily. “like now. You always know how to pick me up when I’m down, or you just-“ he picks one of the dinosaurs up to dip its tail into the ketchup, “-or you just do stuff like this randomly, and it’s the sweetest shit ever!” He exclaims, glaring at his food. “ridiculous.!” He shakes his head again, biting the tail off.
“Yeah cause, I love you?” You giggle, not quite sure what he’s getting at, still.
“Bu’ I ‘ove u ‘oo!” He responds agitated with a whine, before he almost chokes on his unswallowed bite, making you push the glass of water closer that he eagerly takes to help push down his food so he can talk properly. “I love you too, but you’re so good at it, it’s unfair!” He complains, making you laugh.
“How can someone be good at loving someone else?” You snort, pushing his shoulder when he looks at you with his brows wiggling suggestively.
“No but, in all honesty.” He says, sighing as he stares at the last dinosaur waiting to be eaten. “You’re so good at like.. Doing stuff for me. Everything you do is always so special.” He mumbles.
“...so you feel bad now because your proposal wasn’t special enough?” You wonder, and he shrugs, defeated, and nods. “Jungkook, you do know that the way you proposed is literally.. The most uniquely Jungkook-thing you could’ve done? Everyone goes on fancy vacations to propose!” You tell him, and he only hesitantly moves his face to look at you, back arched as he sits with no tension in his body. “Jungkookie, baby, it really doesn’t matter to me.” You press, hand on his thigh-
And it’s then that he notices, and jumps up to run into the bedroom, roaming in one of the drawers for something. “What is it now?” You laugh, as he stubbornly tugs at your hand before he stops.
“Wait which hand goes the ring on again?” He wonders to himself. “And which finger..?” He says, making you giggle, before you tell him where it goes. And the moment it’s on, he stares at it for a good while, just.. Letting it happen.
He’s really doing this. He’s going to marry you.
“We’re gonna have to kind of.. Talk about how we wanna marry.” You say, pulling him from his thoughts.
“Can’t we marry here at home? With bowser?” He wonders, and you laugh at him, pulling him closer to hold his cheeks as you kiss him.
“Like I said.” You giggle, lovestruck. “It really doesn’t matter to me, as long as I’m marrying you.”
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heartrender6 · 1 year
Text
most of the kuwei hate in this fandom is absolutely racially motivated and most of it is probably subconscious but i NEED to talk about this.
and not because i think people r thinking "i hate kuwei!! he's asian and i hate asians!!" tbh most anti asian racism on the internet goes way deeper than that.
basically, what i believe to be the most prominent type of racism against asians, especially on the internet, is stereotyping. specifically "uwu-ification." the east asian entertainment industry likes to paint asian people as cute, submissive and sweet because it markets disturbingly well to american audiences, and whether people mean to or not, they internalize it and it affects the way they think of asian people as a whole. This mostly happens to east and southeast asian women, but definitely a lot with men too, especially in more recent years with the whole yaoi culture thing (i fucking hated typing that) becoming more popular. simply put, it's fetishization.
so how does this relate to kuwei? well, when kuwei is introduced to us, and im not gonna dance around it— he is pretty stereotypically asian. he's shy, innocent, small, good at math/science and— you guessed it— no speaka engrish. leigh bardugo lays the perfect trap for fandom white girl weeaboos to gush over this guy. once i came across a modern au where kuwei's whole northern chinese-mongolian ass is a "shy japanese transfer student." i really wish i was making this up.
but then we find out that kuwei is actually a conniving little shit who is really quite terrible at science and spends all day making shitty drawings of his crush instead of doing math or wtv. The turning point where we are told this is the jesper kiss. This is the point where we find out kuwei is not the yaoi uwu baby we thought he was. and how does fuckin 2/3 of the fandom react?? hate. instant hate. If you search "i hate kuwei" on twitter there are tweets both defending and attacking him, but there is significantly more of the latter.
most of them claim to hate him for kissing jesper but like... jesper kissed him. He doesn't say anything because, in his own words, "we're all probably going to die anyway." does no one see how tragic that is?? he let his first (probably) kiss be taken by someone who he knew didn't even like him because he thought it would be the only one he'd ever get.
and yet the only thing people see is that he "got in the way" of wesper and he's evil. throughout the series kuwei is given no agency, and that's the point of his character. everyone on the planet treats him as a weapon or a bargaining chip. he gets tossed around like a rag doll and to white (or otherwise not asian) audiences, that makes him the perfect picture of a little asian cutie i almost vomited typing that holy shit. but the moments where he takes something for himself— insisting on going to ravka, kissing jesper back— that's what makes people hate him. and don't even get me started on the way people project their hatred onto the other crows, especially wylan. yall will act like wylan loathes kuwei with all his being. he doesn't!! wylan is not a hateful person and he always defends kuwei!! but nooo, kuwei sucks and he deserves it for daring to be a person instead of an idea.
and hey?? guess what?? kuwei was NEVER in the way of wesper. there was no love triangle. narratively speaking, there was never any threat that kuwei would end up with jesper instead of wylan. never ever. the kiss was literally only put there to create drama for wylan and jesper. we never even hear how kuwei feels about it. stop using that as an excuse to hate on kuwei when we can all see it's because you're subconsciously mad at an asian person not being nice.
also disliking kuwei does not automatically make you racist, im just saying a lot of hatred towards kuwei is rooted in racism.
tagging my fellow aapi moots (that i know of) because i wanna hear yalls thoughts on this! @hauntedacousticversiontv @dramaqueentruther
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dotster001 · 2 years
Note
hihi! just in here to say that i love your twisted earth au very much, its such an interesting concept and i love the way you write the characters?!!?!/ and to request some twisted earth hcs with rollo, chenya, and neige!
Twisted Earth Part Six
Summary: non NRCx gn!reader. You are the game. They are real.
A/N: full disclosure, I'm on the English server and have worked really hard to avoid masquerade spoilers. So Rollo's part is based on the snippets I've seen. After I play the event, if I think my assessment is off, I'll redo his part. Also, initially I was going to have Neige be a VA of your best friend, but an anon gave me an idea to have him as a villain. Special thanks to you boo!
Parts: One Two Three Four Five
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He is a little like Floyd in that he's always searching for fun. Unlike Floyd, instead of crashing, he just continues to up the silliness stakes. His friends downloaded the game on his phone as an attempt to keep him out of trouble for a while.
And it worked! Kind of!  When he's not sneaking onto NRC campus, or going to his own classes, he's got his eyes trained on his phone. It's the first time a lot of his peers have ever seen him sit still.
He decided you would be the most fun to prank, and the most likely to enable his behavior. Whether this is true or not, if you were real, he'd be dragging you along for the ride. I wish you luck man. If you think you hear breathing or giggling behind you, but can't see anyone, trust your instincts. He wants to see you jump.
He didn't start playing until later so he only has one or two of your cards. He is incredibly jealous of his classmates who have the cards he wants, and may or may not make it very difficult for them to play during event periods so that they don't get any farther ahead of him.
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He's been acting ever since he was a child. But he's never gotten a chance to let loose! With this project, it wouldn't be outright clear that Neige was in it at all, so he got to be an antagonistic millionaire's son  in the second book. And he had so much fun! Plus, now he's friends with all these voice actors, who really want to allow him the chance to let loose as the villain. He's so excited for his new opportunities!
He plays because it reminds him of working with his voice actor friends. Because the cast was so large though, he didn't have a chance to work with everyone.  You and your immediate friend group were not an arc he got to see come together. He thinks that's why he was drawn to you. You were a route that was completely new to him. The novelty, and just how precious of a character you seem to be, keeps his attention, no matter how long he plays.
If you were real, he would wrap you in a blankie and tell you all the ways he loved you until you loved yourself, and could never doubt in yourself. He really really really wants to kiss the tip of your nose. (He can't explain it. It's just an urge he has) 
He has all of your cards but one. It's just the bonus of playing since its release. He's missing an event card where you are dressed in a Halloween costume. He really wanted it too, but it's alright! He can just ask to see the script, that way he doesn't miss the story.
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A world without magic? Magicless humans? He is wondering if the Devs got a little glimpse of heaven when they were making this game.
You. You are so perfect. You could be his pure human, who will help him fix this world. After he helped you see the light of course.
(I am so sorry. My image of him is kind of like a psycho)
He plays after a long hard day of being surrounded by flawed mages (himself included). It just eases his spirit a little bit. Not all is wrong with the world.
He doesn't really bother collecting cards. He has what he has and he's alright with it. He gets what he needs from you from the main story, and his late night shower thoughts.
Side note, he does not like other people's fan theories about you. Only his are correct, and he'll fight people on it until they get annoyed and give up.
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thefourchimes · 26 days
Text
okay, just gonna say this now before i start this post: i have absolutely no problems with alternate universes, go ham with them, go wild, you can have fun, etcetc, they're called alternate universes for a reason, after all
however. HOWEVER.
i have a problem when people say something should have happened in canon, when canon itself disproves or goes against whatever these people want
the reason why im bringing this up?
the whole thing with how some people keep saying mirabel should have [insert the usual things people say here, hate, slap, punch, left, get revenge, etc, take your pick, there's unfortunately a lot to choose from] the family. in the canon movie.
again, i have no problem with alternate universes and seeing them in fanfics or whatever, you do you, could be interesting to see even
but when you start saying this should have happened in canon, its just. no. no.
god, it just frustrates me so much whenever i see these posts and comments, the ones that said she should have gone evil or villain or hate the family and all that stuff
because mirabel herself loves her family. she literally said it outright in the movie!!! its not in her personality and character to just go against them and hate them and want revenge. there will be hurt and hesitance and some resentment after everything she'd gone through, yes, but outright hate to the point where she'll hurt them?? absolutely not.
not with her character, her love and empathy and understanding, the traits we see her show in the movie.
like my friend once said: mirabel "he loved this family. i love this family. we all love this family" would NEVER hurt her family
say it louder for the people at the back!!
and thats not all i want to rant about tbh...the real kicker on this one?
whenever this statement is added on top of it all: "if i were mirabel—"
well, news flash people who keep saying these things, mirabel isnt you. mirabel is her own character who has her own experiences and her own feelings. maybe you'll be able to relate to her, especially with similar experiences, but that doesn't mean you can just copy and paste your own feelings onto her and say this is what she should have done in canon because thats what i would have done!!
we all project onto our favorite characters in various ways, which is completely fine, go at it and definitely not surprising for a story about family issues, but when you start to project so much that you throw away the character's actual personality and characterization in favor of said projection? yeah...no.
thats not mirabel madrigal anymore, that's a completely new character...or dare i say, a self-insert for some people... 💀:////
yeah, im just so frustrated with this AAAAAAA 😭
but anyway yes.
thats it, really. again, AUs are absolutely fine but if someone starts yapping about how canon should have [insert whatever those people keep saying here] instead while disregarding actual canon and proper characters and personalities, im going to become violent
anywho...thats my thoughts on this, went on a bit of a tangent but
yeah
anyway bye—
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ahhhwomen · 10 months
Text
Plan Set in Motion
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Trigger Happy AU
Part 4
Pairing: Dark!Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader
A/N: Now things will finally start being put into action, heed the warnings people… Like seriously, I can’t believe I wrote this. This shit is deeply disturbing. (Also please tell me how yall feel about Natasha in this one. ≖‿≖ ) Sorry about the late update, life be wild  ಥ‿ಥ
Disclaimer: English is not my first language. All mistakes are my own.
AU Warnings: Kidnapping, murder, Mommy kink, smut, pet play, death (not main characters), framed murder, violence, drugging, angst, obsession, dub-con/rape-con | Minors DNI 18+
Warnings Part 4: Allusions to heavy pet play, kidnapping, Mommy kink, pure violence, drugging, angst, framed murder, deeply obsessive behavior, a lot of blood, death
Summary: Officer Wanda has waited long enough, it's time for you to be hers. Even if that means getting rid of a few people on the way…
Word Count: 3323
Jessica never came home.
You had been a ball of stress when you woke the next day, after the coach incident. There had been no reply to any of the texts you sent her the day before. You even called her useless boyfriend in the morning, but still, nothing.
Jessica had always been a wild one. She was always trying to drag you into something, whether it be, parties, hangouts, or bizarre new activities. She had lured you into going bungee jumping with her once. She had complained about how no one wanted to try her new thing and how she was sick of going on road trips alone since this thing of hers was 3 hours away. You knew it was a trap, but nonetheless, after a week of complaints, you went with her.
She still makes fun of how she had to drag you out of her car when you saw what she had been insinuating.
One never really knew what she was up to. Yet, you had this feeling deep in your gut that told you to find her.
So that’s what you would do.
When you collided with someone, you had been running out the door, one foot barely in your shoe. Officer Maximoff was paying her visit. You can’t believe it was just this morning, it feels like ages ago, as you lay in the back of her car. Numb.
“Woah there, where are you going pretty girl?” Wanda smirked down at you.
The interview.
In your panicked frenzy, you had completely forgotten. You almost stumbled over yourself as you tried to string a sentence together while pushing past her. Too much was happening, and her arrival had not helped your messy state of mind. “I'm sorry Officer I have to reschedule,” she frowned, “I have to find my friend. So, if you can excuse me I just have to-“ You were almost past her when she repositioned herself in front of you, standing still as steel.
Her hands took hold of your shoulders, squeezing firmly, grounding you. “Calm down,” she fixed you with a stern but comforting look “What was that about your friend?” At the time you didn’t catch onto the malice in her tone as she dragged the word out, ‘friend’.
You know better now.
////
Wanda had been scolded by her commanding officer when she packed up to go interrogate you, especially since she was going without her ‘partner’. They both knew there was no reason to, but Wanda wasn’t going to let some mild annoyance stop her. Not when she was so close to getting what she wanted.
Plus, Jessica`s whining was starting to piss her off, big time.
“I'm just being thorough Romanoff,” Natasha looked unimpressed. They had been good friends since college. When they realized they were complete opposites in all sense but one.
Wanda had been quiet and preserved, while Natasha was the star student and outgoing. Their shared interests came to light when they had been paired up for a project in science.
They were in the middle of discussing two different methods of accomplishing their end goal when Wanda pulled out her notebook to scribble something down. However, it wasn’t until Natasha let out a gasp of surprise that she looked down. She had opened her sketchbook, a book that was filled with drawings from her perverted mind. This time she had opened the page where a woman was withering on the floor with a boot pressing into her chest and a collar around her neck.
Wanda tried to explain in a flurry, but Natasha had stopped her and shared that she had similar interests and that it was nothing to be ashamed of. They had fooled around a little after that, but quickly realized they both wanted submission from their other half and stayed good friends instead.
As they grew older, they both became more corrupt and would often discuss how they wanted to have someone so completely that they couldn’t function without them. To own them no matter the price. It was by chance that they ended up at the same station, but that wasn’t going to stop Wanda from taking advantage of it.
Wanda ran her hands down her jacket as Natasha made her opinion heard with just a simple scrunch of her eyebrows. “Don’t scrutinize me Tash, your just jealous you couldn’t claim her first.” The other redhead sat down on the edge of Wanda's desk. “Please, I haven’t even met the girl, I'm just wondering what could be so special about her to make you do something stupid.” Wanda fixed her with a glance. She knew the other woman found her obsessiveness to be rash, but she didn’t appreciate her tone, and she made it known.
Natasha raised her hands and leaned more into the desk. She may not completely agree with her friend, but she knew better than to anger her. “Fine, but if it doesn’t go according to plan, don’t come crying to me about it.”
Wanda grinned while producing her best puppy dog eyes.
The other woman huffed and pinched her pointer and thumb together between her eyebrows. This was going to give her a headache later, she could feel it. “What do you need?”
/////
You had been driven around for hours, Wanda had insisted she drive, but still nothing. You had looked everywhere, but there was no sign of her. The sun was already on the way down when Wanda said she should stop somewhere to get some food.
You were left in the car to ponder as she went in to order for the both of you.
The nice officer sure was a touchy woman. Throughout the entire day of driving and questioning people, she couldn’t seem to keep her hands off you. Whether it be resting her hand on your thigh while driving or holding you around your waist as you questioned people close to Jessica. You felt a bit guilty for how good it felt. Your friend was missing and yet all your horny brain could think about was how right the officer's touch felt.
You became aware of her presence again when the car door slammed shut.
You looked over, curious as to what she got, she already had her hand outstretched to you. Handing you an order of chicken nuggets from the kid's menu, she began happily eating her salad.
You blushed and let out a quiet “thank you” as she remained unaware of your embarrassment, well that answers why she was so unashamedly touchy. You were nothing but a grown child to this woman.
You grumble a little to yourself as you started eating.
While chewing on your food you look at the woman beside you. You had gathered close to no information about Jessica, but you had learned quite a bit about Wanda today. You figured it was her way of keeping you from spiraling. For every area and person failing to answer your questions, Wanda would talk a little about herself.
It started with you asking her why she was helping you, to that she had just laughed, saying how it was quite literally her job. Then she talked a little about how her work was mostly boring anyways and that she was almost a bit grateful for having something to do. You should probably have been offended by that, your friend was missing and this officer thought it was nothing but a silly mystery game to solve, but you couldn’t help feeling a little better with this information. At least you weren’t boring her.
She then talked about how annoying her work partner was. How “just because we are both single doesn’t mean I want anything to do with him outside of work”. Apparently, he had been trying to get with her since he started a few months prior. You could feel annoyance crawl inside of you, what an asshole.
She mentioned how her twin brother also went missing for a few days when they were younger. Turns out he thought he could live like Tarzan but returned 2 days after leaving because he got hungry. You laughed a little at that. That’s how you learned she was from Sokovia, you would have never guessed given the lack of accent.
She was comforting to be around.
You yawned.
Wanda glanced over at you as you started getting dizzy. Why were you so fatigued all of a sudden? Wanda leaned over to your side, taking away your food and fastening your seatbelt, you tried to get words out, but your mind was jumbled.
What- why wefvj ajsfklroelh….
////////
You wake up slowly. It feels like the world is spinning as you take in your surroundings. You were in your apartment, but it looks nothing like how it should. You have always been a bit of an obsessive cleaner and as much as a dust particle out of place could make you more than a little grumpy, so you can wholeheartedly say it’s never been like this before. Your coach was flipped upside down again, your living room was filled with beer bottles that were mostly empty and there was trash in every corner of the room.
Not only that but you feel really bad, with a headache stronger than anything you have had before and your jaw strangely sore, you become even more confused. When the grogginess begins to fade and sounds are more clear you become alarmed by a muffled voice in front of you.
Jessica.
She’s tied up to a chair, opposite of you, and has a ball gag in her mouth.
What the hell? You try to move around but a voice stops you. “There you go, baby girl.” You whip your head to the side in surprise. Officer Wanda Maximoff is standing to the left of you with a baseball bat in her hands. A baseball bat that you recognize. You had bought it as soon as you moved out, your father had always made sure that you knew how to protect yourself and advised you on getting something for your apartment. It had been left unused underneath your bed as a precaution.
What is happening?
Your mind is still messed up from whatever she must have given you, but you try to speak. “Gulrgh” only for you to gurgle instead. Suddenly the soreness in your jaw makes more sense, and as the rasp of what could only be rope, digs into your wrist and midsection you realized just how dire this situation is.
Wanda chuckles as you struggle against your bounds.
She goes to reach for your chin, but you flinch away. A resounding smack echoes in your tiny apartment. Your ears ring as you right your head up again. Wanda forcibly grabs your face. “I'm sorry honey, but Mommy doesn’t like it when you flinch away from her.” Her tone is condescending as she keeps eye contact with you. A wicked look in her eyes.
“Now,” she turns back and forth between you and Jessica, “I understand this must be very confusing for the both of you so let me clear some things up.”
“You see, ever since I was little I have had this need. It’s a need to protect those lesser than me. It started off as protecting other kids from bullies, but as time went on and I became older, that wasn’t enough.” She sighs as she begins petting your hair, now completely ignoring Jessica as she cries behind her.
“People weren’t worth it, they were ungrateful and always expected more. Until I meet you.” She is speaking directly to you now. You squirm in confusion as you look up at her. What is she talking about? You meet this woman yesterday.
Wanda smiles a sad smile as she sees your uncertainty.
“You were just so helpless and innocent the day I saw you in that coffee shop.” Your eyes widen. What?
“I know you don’t remember baby, don’t worry though Mommy will explain it all later. But first,” the redhead turns around to the other girl
“Mommy needs to take out the trash.”
“For if there is one thing Mommy has never exapted its sluts touching what’s hers.”
You try to scream as Wanda raises the bat high in the air. Jessica goes pale as a ghost while she stares at you. Wanda brings the bat down onto Jessica's thighs. A sickening crunch can be heard as your roommate shrieks behind her gag and her eyes close tightly. Wanda, now happy that she can't run, releases Jessica from the chair letting her drop to the floor.
Wanda raised the bat again, this time bringing it down onto the girl's arms and side. More crunching can be heard.
You try your best to scream for help, but nothing but loud chocks and spit can be heard. You sob as you watch Wanda go ballistic on your only friend.
It's only when Wanda sees the tears you are shedding for this girl that she snaps. If you ask her exactly what she did, she won't be able to say, but anger so primal lights up within her that she can’t control herself any longer.
Wanda makes it her only task in life to break every single fucking bone in this whore’s body.
It's only when blood begins to scatter onto every surface known to mankind that Wanda takes a breather. After a few more swings of the bat, and a good number of choked sobs from Jessica, of course.
You try to tell what she is doing as she stands more fully and walks over to you.
Blood splatter adored your face.
“Oh, my pretty girl,” Wanda says as she wipes a tear away from your bruised cheek with her bloodied hand. “You are so beautiful, even more so when you cry. Come on baby, beg me, beg me to stop.”
You gurgled on your spit around the gag, desperately trying to form words. “Mmm” Wanda moans in a breathy tone, you look delectable when you are helpless.
She brings the bat down on the girl again. And again. And again. And again.
Bones breaking like sticks under her rath makes her feel even better, god she should have done this ages ago. Your pathetic sobs and hiccups in the background is the cherry on top. After a while the bat isn’t enough, she needs to feel her prey in her own two hands. Jessica is long dead, but that doesn’t matter. She wants to cut her to pieces. To trash her body, ruin it, ruin you.
As you try to loosen the rope digging into your wrists, the redhead takes an empty beer bottle from the table. Smashing it into the ground, pieces fly in all directions, you can feel something lodge into your leg. You grind your teeth against the rubber of the gag and sob even harder, but Wanda doesn’t notice. She's holding the broken bottle in her left hand now, while her right, holds up the smashed head of your roommate. Wanda kneels down, towering over the deceased body, she begins carving into Jessica's pale skin.
You want to hurl.
Wanda takes her time, carving a pretty picture into the once face of your friend, she makes sure to sit in such a way that you get a clear view of her doings. If it wasn’t for her instructions to Natasha, she could do this forever. Nonetheless, they will be here soon. Which means Wanda needs to wrap things up.
There is just one more thing.
When Wanda stands up you press yourself as far into your chair as you can. You don’t know who this woman is, but you now know what she can do. And you are petrified. The older woman moves slowly. Like she is trying not to spook a scared animal. You want to kick and scream, even as you sit there frozen, the fucking impudence of this woman. Looking at you like you are the crazy one while her body is covered in the flesh and fluids of your friend.
The stench of the scarlet liquid becomes even more pungent as Wanda leans over you to grab the kitchen knife that lies behind you on your counter. You want to slap yourself for not seeing it sooner. As she inches away from you, she stops halfway. Her knee makes contact with your crotch as she decides to slide against you while dragging the knife slowly down your chest.
Some things can't be helped. When you look at her like that, she has to. You look so perfectly scared, so submissive under her. As she trails the edge of the blade down your stomach, she debates whether or not to take a detour from her plan, but the time on the microwave in your kitchen quickly silences her mind. If she wanted to get you out before they get here, she needs to act quickly.
You let out a relieved sigh around the gag as she gets off of you.
She knows it's overkill, but even after getting you for herself the entire day, the image of the filthy girl's ungrateful hands around your waist has edged itself into Wanda's mind. She doesn’t want her sour feelings toward yesterday's garbage to taint her future with you. With a new vigor to her movement, the redhead paints the ceiling red as she brings the knife down a few rounds.
You sit there in complete silence as you watch Wanda's madness take its true, and hopefully, final form. Your eyebrows feel like they will hit your hairline as silent tears drop faster. Jessica's hands now detached, Wanda drops the knife and stands.
Even as she gets closer you don’t move an inch. Your eyes are stuck on the pile of blood and body parts. What has she done? Who is this woman? Why you? Why don’t you hate her for what she has done to Jessica?
Wanda pities you as she sees the questions that will never be answered swirl around in that small head of yours. She wants to let you be for a little, but no time like the present.
As sirens ring outside your apartment building and heavy boots run up the staircase Wanda cuts you loose. She takes action into her own hands as you seem to have gone inanimate. Gathering you up in her strong arms she makes sure to leave by the fire escape. It’s a bit tricky to get you both through your small bedroom window, but she manages.
She was expecting a fight as she blindfolds you and lays you in the back of her car, but you remain unresponsive. As she closes the door she can see a nasty gash with a piece of glass sticking out on your leg. She cringes a bit while driving home, she definitely overdid it. She vows to herself that she will make up for it after she settles you into your new home.  
Everything will be fine now honey, Mommy is bringing you home.
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kafus · 1 month
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SO... do you headcannon anyone in horizons as autistic?
OH BOY DO I
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so dot is the most obvious choice. there is no universe in which she is not autistic to me. this is one of my strongest dot headcanons actually and one of the main reasons i enjoy her as a character. there are so many reasons for this i could go on endlessly but i'll just list a few big ones here
her extreme passion for her interests at a disregard for almost everything else & her ability to self teach those topics (not to mention her interests have to do with computing)
her difficulties with food overlap a lot with food sensitivities autistic people often have, also her latching onto donuts as a sort of samefood after finally trying them once
the tendency to wear loose, comfortable clothes and more recently she has complained while wearing tighter clothes (the orange academy school uniform) so it's not just that she prefers loose fabric, she also is put off by the alternative. girl your sensory problems
irritable outbursts when struggling to articulate herself/make herself understood
her connection with kanuchan (tinkatink) felt really neurodivergent to me. she wasn't offput by her behavior, even after stealing her prop mic, and was immediately able to understand her when no one else could or was willing to. not sure how to articulate this one right now but i hope you see what i mean
her tendency to sit cross legged and lean over herself reminds me a lot of my personal autistic tendency to need a pressure/weighted feeling while i sit or have body parts touching
social exhaustion, the need to be alone sometimes even when she cares
the list genuinely goes on i have to stop myself LOL
as for other characters,
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so for liko i'm more loose about the headcanon, it's definitely more of me projecting than her being overtly autistic in canon but i still think it lines up if u wanna view her that way. i'm autistic and i personally relate to liko a lot becauseee
she is giving hyperempathy autism to me. the way she is overly empathetic and compassionate to her own detriment and yet still has to have her hand held through articulating & dealing with that or putting the logical parts of empathy together
the way she absolutely fucking Explodes with excitement sometimes
the way in which she relates to cats, and her whole thing about having a hard time getting other people to understand her. these two things go hand in hand
there's something neurodivergent about her trying to connect with sprigatito by studying her and writing notes about her behavior lol
while this is kind of just on the account of her being an anime character and a protagonist at that, liko's facial expressions and body language can be pretty exaggerated sometimes which reminds me of my own body language, i'm cartoonishly animated in real life often LOL
so like basically dot is so obviously autistic to me it's like breathing but for liko it's kind of a hc i apply to her for projection purposes & fun but i think it's reasonable
and lastly so i'm not just talking about solely liko and dot for the millionth time,
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ORIO!! honestly we don't even know that much about orio but the one episode where she was helping pokeball lady i forget the name of fix her machine. the really narrow attention to detail/seeing the smaller parts instead of the bigger picture. also her expertise in engineering contrasted with her struggling with tasks outside of that (like when she was trying to sew holes in the brave asagi and for the life of her could not do it so she called murdock for help lol)
and actually one more - while i don't necessarily headcanon amethio as autistic, i think it's a fun headcanon/au idea to not only give him a redemption arc but an autism unmasking arc at the same time. representation for all my repressed autistics out there. in my mind
thanks for asking i'm so autistic about horizons so of course i headcanon them with autism too JOISJOIFD
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