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fanaticalthings · 2 days

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While I do find it funny that henchmen in Gotham probably warn each other about the Red Hood because he's a bat who will actually kill you. I think it would be better if Jason was actually seen as some sort of savior or idol to like 90% of the goons scattered around Gotham. Doesn't matter who they work for, they all know Jason, former crime-lord that took over majority of Gotham's underground in one night.

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Jason, years after the events of UTRH, now fighting crime alongside the batfam, except every goon he runs into immediately recognizes him, stops fighting, and starts begging.

the first time it happens, Jason assumes they're begging for their lives only to hear them begging for him to return to the crime lord business so they can work for him and not Gotham's current money-stingy, abusive rogues (Black Mask lol)

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Jason showing up to patrol as backup for Dick in an overrun warehouse full of Two-Face's henchmen and as Jason's about to interfere, one of the men stops dead in their tracks and stares really hard at Jason until:

Goon: Oh my God, boss, is that you?

Jason, pulling out his guns, about to shoot:

Goon: Mr. Hood, sir???

Jason, halfway about to pull the trigger: Wait a min–Jeremy? Oh wow, it's been ages! How's the wife?

Goon (Jeremy): Oh my God it IS you, holy shit where have you BEEN? Me and the guys miss you, man!

Dick, with a knife at his throat: What is happening right now

Jason: Ahh, well, crime-lording just wasn't fitting in on the daily schedule. Tryna turn over a new leaf and all that

Goon (Jeremy): Aw, that's disappointing. We really liked working for you, right guys?

[Chorus of enthusiastic "YEAHS" from the rest of the henchmen (even the one holding Dick at knifepoint)]

Goon (Jeremy): Well, anyways, I can't beat you up knowing you're my old boss! You gave us the best health benefits! We'll just let you take the evidence and leave.

Jason: Aw, thanks guys :)

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And that's why 95% percent of Jason's missions in Gotham end in success. Not because he's willing to kill people or because rogues are terrified of him, but because 90% of the rogues' henchmen once worked for Jason and fuckin love him lol.

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crybabycunt · 2 days

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Kate: I have no fears.

Clint: What if one day you woke up and Yelena was taller than you?

Kate: I have one fear.

#bishova #bishlova #yelena belova #kate bishop #hawkeye #black widow #funny #crack #incorrect quotes #incorrect marvel quotes #marvel incorrect quotes #bishova incorrect quotes #bishlova incorrect quotes #yelena belova incorrect quotes #kate bishop incorrect quotes

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allycot · 2 days

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1 - Kuai Liang, about Hanzo

2 - Bi-Han

#crack #mk1 #mortal kombat #mk sub zero #mk scorpion #kuai liang #hanzo hasashi #bi han #subscorp #kuaizo

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your-safe-castle · 8 hours

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✰smau: "I accidentally sent a nude to..." prank

✰characters: Zayne, Rafayel, Xavier, Caleb, Thomas, Jeremiah

✰tags: humour, crack, fluff, suggestive, nsfw

- Zayne

- Rafayel

- Xavier

- Caleb

- Thomas

- Jeremiah

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vildo · 2 days

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Reblog to give the person you reblogged this from a fat tribble

#star trek #star trek tos #james t kirk #captain kirk #spock #mr spock #star trek: tos #st tos #star trek the original series #tos #the original series #the trouble with tribbles #tribbles #tumblr trash #shitpost #text post #text #crack

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woppsvt · 1 day

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Nsfw fake texts w/ svt’s hyung line

title : when they discover the nude you took

genre : fake texts, crack, smut, fluff

tw : sex talk, mention of fainting, description of body, curse, angst, mention of weight

I’ll try to post more often 🤗 XOXO 💋

#svt #seventeen texts #seventeen #svt texts #kpop #smut #fake texts #fluff #crack #blogging #jeonghan #hyung line #svt hyungline #writers on tumblr #svt carat

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babygirl-diaz · 14 hours

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I need a Polyfire crack fic in which Buck and Tommy get into a dick comparison competition:

Buck: They don't call me firehose for nothing Tommy: No one calls you that and that doesn't mean shit Eddie: Fellas, quit fighting. I have a way to tell which one of you has the bigger dick Buck: How? Eddie: Put it inside me and I'll be able to tell Tommy: You just want us to fuck you, don't you? Eddie: Yes, yes I do

#eddie diaz #evan buckley #tommy kinard #polyfire #bucktommyeddie #buddietommy #911 abc #incorrect quotes #incorrect 911 quotes #crack

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insert-uncreative-user · 2 days

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What if instead of the Subway Twins, we got the Sidewalk Friends from Gamefreak. Instead of batting on trains, we walk to our destination and battle them there ⋆

#shitpost #pokemon #pokemonblackandwhite #pokemon bw #submas #subway boss kudari #subway boss emmet #subway boss ingo #subway boss nobori #subway bosses #crack #crack post

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cilil · 2 days

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Melkor: (flirts) Women:

#melkor's zero rizz speedrun #melkor #morgoth #crack #silm crack #shitpost #silmarillion #silm memes #yes i'm back with this again

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calebtsm · 3 days

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I don’t know the artist because a friend send me this pic but it reminds me of the “I’m In my mums car vroom vroom” meme

#meme #poppy playtime #smiling critters #catnap #dogday #funny #shitpost #random #crack post #crack

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lurafita · 23 hours

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Neat and Yikes

Magnus: "I could kiss you right now!"

Alec, voice squeaking: "Neat."

[Later in the institute]

Alec: "Neat! I said "neat"! I'm not a teenager from the 50s, I can do better than "neat"!"

Jace: "Don't sweat it. Remember what I said the first time Simon told me he loved me?"

Alec: "Didn't you say "yikes"?"

Jace, eyes haunted: "I said "yikes.""

#magnus bane #alec lightwood #malec #shadowhunters tv #malec headcanons #crack #jace herondale #simon lewis #jimon

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serensational · 3 days

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i couldnt help myself

#911 abc #lgbtq #evan buckley #911 #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buck buckley #hen wilson #henrietta wilson #taylor kelly #tommy kinard #buck x eddie #bucktommy #tevan #kinley #papa louie #crack

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crybabycunt · 2 days

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Kate: It's okay! Everything is going according to plan!

Yelena: I am never letting you be in charge of planning, ever again.

#bishova #bishlova #yelena belova #kate bishop #hawkeye #black widow #funny #crack #incorrect quotes #incorrect marvel quotes #marvel incorrect quotes #bishova incorrect quotes #bishlova incorrect quotes #yelena belova incorrect quotes #kate bishop incorrect quotes

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iamnmbr3 · 3 days

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Voldemort: I am going to kill you Harry Potter.

Harry: k

Voldemort: Aren't you scared?

Harry: idk. it's not my favorite thing ngl. but some version of you does this pretty much every year. im mostly just resigned at this point.

#humor #crack #Harry Potter #incorrect harry potter quotes #Voldemort #random musings #harry potter crack

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tachiharastanacc · 15 hours

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I like to think Fukuchi kinda is Tachi’s dad on paper. And like, somewhat in practice. But definitely on paper.

Because it looks a lot worse for the government if they admit that they just found a kid and threatened him with the death penalty.

Plus it gets rid of unnecessary extra paperwork and hoops to jump through.

This does, of course, lead to Tachihara doing everything in his power to hide it from the mafia so it doesn’t arouse suspicion.

And it doesn’t, until they have to go through the health system legally and Higuchi catches a glimpse of his emergency contact. Of course, her first thought isn’t that her honorary lil bro is a traitor, it’s that he’s embarrassed bc his dad is super famous and cool.

She wants to reassure him that it’s ok and he doesn’t have to be ashamed of his weird but also super cool war hero/movie star/bestselling author father, but then realizes that maybe they don’t talk because he doesn’t know Tachi is in the mafia. Or worse, it’s something that he dislikes considering his affiliation.

She ends up ranting to Akutagawa while he’s trying to do paperwork and not really listening.

This then leads to Akutagawa giving him a card that says “sorry your dad hates you” but like in nicer words.

And Tachihara is super confused bc like his parents do hate him, but how the fuck does the mafia know that??

Anyway, Akutagawa feels l a bit of something, maybe guilt, maybe remorse, maybe even a bit of satisfaction, when he finds out it’s Fukuchi behind it all. Because yes, it’ll be a lot for Tachihara to handle, but also, Aku is a little bit glad that someone who (allegedly) disrespects one of his not-friends is actually in the wrong and he gets to beat him up.

Just a bit.

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd tachihara #tachihara michizou #bsd fukuchi #fukuchi ouchi #bsd higuchi #higuchi ichiyo #bsd akutagawa #akutagawa ryuunosuke #crack #idk felt silly #fun lil idea

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incorrectbatfam · 2 months

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Bruce is constantly asking the kids what they like to eat so he can freeze dry their favorites into oblivion as apocalypse rations

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