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#dv recovery
desultory-suggestions · 5 months
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You are not defined by what happened to you
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whumpberry-cookie · 1 year
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(W:) "I bled through my clothes and sheets you freshly washed. I'm so sorry..."
(C:) "Oh, just put them in the washing mashine. Did you patch up your wounds or need some help with that?"
(W:) ".....aren't you angry?"
(C:) "I don't- exactly unders- You want me to get mad at you for bleeding?"
(W:) "Not that I want it. But that's not a normal reaction"
(C:) "I'm kinda scared to ask what in your understanding is a normal reaction"
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narcsurvivor · 3 months
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@ starparkdesigns on insta
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iamgodsoopsie · 4 months
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Astarion Headcanons (that you probably won't like) Pt. 2:
Part 1 link
Part 3 link
More Astarion headcanons! (that are mostly me projecting but with an Astarion flavored twist.)
BG3 does an excellent job at depicting SA trauma and the beginning of the healing process/journey. Many of the headcanons I've seen floating around (intentionally or unintentionally) gloss over the uglier side of healing from (prolonged) trauma. I'm not judging anyone for magically healing him, he's fictional after all, but I'd like to make some more ...realistic... headcanons.
Disclaimer: Everyone's healing process looks different, but they tend share commonalities. These headcanons are based on my own experiences. Not everyone who is healing from their trauma will experience what I have or have experienced it like I have.
[Please don't message me with explicit details about your trauma. I am at the point in my healing journey where I can share my experiences, and commiserate with other's similar experiences, but I am unable to support others in a more personal manner at this time. I wish you the best of luck in your healing process/ journey.]
Spoiler warning
Mental illness, SA, & DV Trigger Warnings: I cannot stress these enough this post is much more descriptive and potentially triggering than part one was.
These headcanons are based on an Astarion who is still a spawn and romantically involved with a Tav who honestly loves him and isn't abusive or manipulative. Also Cazador is dead and Astarion got to stab him. They also assume that he himself does not turn into Cazador 2.0 or Wish.com Cazador.
I hope you're ready for abrupt mood swings.
--- One minute he's codependent and can't make a decision on his own because he's overwhelmed, the next he's hyper-independent and will take offense at any suggestion you make.
----- Astarion is aware that staying in either of the two extremes is unhealthy and would eventually lead him to acting like Cazador.
^ This ties into point two: You need walk the fine line between patient and understanding while he processes "200 years of Shit. PURE SHIT!". And at the same time you need to be firm in your own boundaries with how you allow him to treat you.
--- He's gone 200 years without autonomy and has no memory of what life was like before Cazador turned him. He has no frame of reference other than romance novels and watching couples interact with each other from afar.
-----TBH the best thing for him is to stay in regular contact with Halsin. The man has the same flavor as trauma as Astarion while also having strong boundaries and open honest/ healthy communication in his relationships. He can unjudgementally help Astarion navigate the pitfalls of his healing journey through first hand experience.
Plus Ultra Catholic levels of guilt.
--- Guilt for what he did while he was a spawn. Guilt for how he started his relationship with you (even after you've told him you forgive him multiple times). Guilt for how he lashes out at the one person who has shown him unconditional love (you). Guilt because he feels like he's dragging you down into his darkness and tainting you. Guilt because he fears he's pulling you down to bring himself up. Guilt for feeling guilty because it doesn't absolve him of his sins and makes healing harder.
Self-esteem issues
--- He was SA'd for 200 years, he was forced into prostitution, he was tortured in every conceivable way, he was made to do reprehensible things and learned to find "joy" in them because he would've lost all of himself and his humanity otherwise.
------ His inner saboteur (who sounds like Cazador and himself simultaneously- adding to his self hate) tells him that he is disgusting, wrong, filthy, a burden, unlovable, undeserving of happiness, a monster.
------- Like everything else these thoughts will become less frequent and easier for him to handle as time goes on. All you can do is love him while he self-flagellates and hates himself. One day he'll see himself as you see him.
^ Tying into all the points above, especially the one right before this one. You're going to feel useless. Most of the time all you can do is demonstrate your love for him and sit there with him while he is bombarded with years of repressed feelings forcing their way out.
--- In the beginning your attempts to help him will frequently seem to have the opposite of their intended effect.
----- It's important that you be honest with him about how you're doing mentally. It does him no favors if you set yourself on fire to keep him warm.
------- You'll be angry on his behalf and can't exact revenge.
--------- That being said you are helping him so much more than you think you are. I cannot express in words how much just being there while Astarion slogs through the painful process of healing will help him.
^ ALL of these will get less intense and easier to deal with in time. He will heal and move on from his horrid past. But, it will involve a lot of trial and error. He will have periods of exponential growth followed by a hard backslide in progress. But he will get there.
I wouldn't say that loving Astarion is hard, but it does involve conscious effort on both his and your parts.
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smoking-witch · 8 days
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Them: how r u
Me: my world is a living hell from which death will be the only release
Them:
Me: I'm fine how r u
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cringyguuurl · 1 month
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I love my bf so much I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self what it's like to be loved and taken care of like this
I want her to know we're not too much, we're loveable and deserve gentleness.
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unhingedfemmecontent · 4 months
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domestic violence is one of the most dangerous situations or all time.
if you left i'm proud of you.
if you are staying right now i'm proud of you.
if you are planning your escape i'm proud of you.
if you told even one person what was/ is going on i'm proud of you.
no matter what situation you are in i'm proud of you and i see you.
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dayeongi · 1 year
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The older I grow, the more intensely I say "Jesus fucking christ that was some really messed up shit I've survived through" and it's both as horrifying as it is something to be proud of
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tryingreallyh4rd · 4 months
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Info:
- 20 y/o (2003).
- Gender-fluid, they/them.
- Recovering from disordered eating, depression, post traumatic stress, anxiety, etc.
- Looking for support from other people in recovery.
- Posts that say “Entry (x)”above them are posts from my diary (some may be edited for contextual purposes).
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ilostlarina · 1 year
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apps that i find helpful and i hope you can as well<3
todo list: i add my daily tasks here and use it as a widget on my phone
love: although i am single, i like this app as it sends me positive affirmations throughout the day. you can link it with your partner or even a friend and send each other sweet notes.
structured: i use this app for reminders to do my daily tasks. i will post an example of today’s schedule so that you can get an idea of what the app looks like.
dbt coach: this app has lots of dbt skills for beginners as well as those familiar with dbt. i also utilize my dbt workbook alongside this app. you can also track your moods, write in your diary, etc.
headhelp: anonymously post in groups, communicate with others dealing with things similar to you. you choose a cute character and that is who you are identified as - anything you post is completely anonymous.
libby: libby is an app you can use to read/listen to audiobooks. it is completely free - all you need is a library card which is very easy to get!
brighter bite: an ed recovery app. log meals, feelings, etc. as soon as you open the app, you’re blessed with a cute doodle guy who asks how you are feeling and you go from there.
sticky widgets: i use this app’s widget to keep my current dbt skill on my home screen.
cuty pet: get a cute little pet on your home screen. you can give your pet milk, play with them, etc.
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hopeaftertrauma · 3 months
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narcsurvivor · 2 months
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Experiencing Peace for the First Time in Long
And it is a treasure
It's so good to have a shower in peace, without anyone lurking and perving on me.
It's so good to have my meals in peace, choosing what goes into my body and in which amounts.
It's so good to sleep at night knowing that I won't be touched when I don't want to (even though the nightmares still wake me up at night).
It's so good to be able to sit with my self for a minute longer each time, in peace, without immediately wanting to crawl out of my skin (though the moment comes eventually).
It's so good to experience moments of peace....
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smoking-witch · 3 days
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I am compelled to make content and slow to leave corporate social media, so lucky you Mr. Mullenweg, I'm gonna grind for your hell app just a lil bit longer while I figure my fediverse shit out
smokingwitch.com
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cringyguuurl · 2 months
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Rediscovering my sexuality after being numb to it for MONTHS is making me so emotional.Slowly but surely learning how to feel pleasure without using it as self harm or a coping mechanism makes me feel so powerful
They didn't break me, one day I'll be fully healed and they won't have an ounce of control over my body, mind or sex life.
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new beginnings
dear diary, 8 years since my last entry. i was 17, he was 21. automatic red flag but “when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses all the red flags just look like flags..” - bojack horseman (sorry i had to .-.) he broke up with me 6 months ago. i said in my last entry maybe its me or maybe its him, well it takes two to tango and i can admit it was a mentally and physically abusive relationship. caused the both of us more trauma than we’ve realized, or possibly he realized it and decided it was finally over because i was too busy drinking myself numb, breaking down, then self destructing, blaming it on the fact that he hurt me more than i can explain but still i could not bring myself to leave. he was my poison and my antidote for a long time. im trying to let go, i want to kill you off in my mind like you’ve done to me.. but i can’t. i’ll always love you, ill always miss your voice, and your laugh, making you dinner, rolling over to hold you bc you wished i did it more. maybe that’s what true love is.. loving someone when you have a hundred reasons not to. im sorry i mirrored your demons, im sorry i put you through what you did to me bc i wanted to show you how bad it hurt, im sorry i didn’t take my own advice and walk away. i was weak, i lost myself, but thank you for letting me go so i can find myself. i like to think in another universe we weren’t each-others lesson - but a beautiful perfect blessing. 
23 days sober
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