Tumpik
#ptsd
madpunks · 2 days
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it's okay if you get confused easily. it's okay if you forget things easily. it's okay if you lose track during conversation easily. it's okay if you have to ask for clarification often. it's okay if you struggle to parse information or sensory unit. you're not "playing dumb" or "doing it on purpose". it's okay to be disabled, some people just refuse to be accommodating.
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whataboutthefish · 1 day
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I’m having whumpy a/b/o Steddie thoughts. Eddie lives, Steve has ptsd
I’m thinking about Omega Steve. After the Russian’s he so lonely and touch starved, he’s forgotten how to look after himself; he's just surviving day to day, week to week. He’s always been good at pretending everything's alright. He's fairly sure no one has noticed, and even if they did he has no idea how to be vulnerable in front of someone else.
After everything that’s happened all he’s been through and he can’t keep it together. The others, they have a nightmare or two but Steve is falling apart. He can’t understand what's wrong with him, why him?
He threw away his nest one night when the world wouldn’t stop screaming and all he could smell was his fear everywhere, it had seeped into the fabric until no amount of washing could rid it.
Since then he sleeps on a threadbare sheet, in his childhood bed a throw blanket wrapped around his shoulders. it hurts to be comfortable, it hurts to be alone.
And then it happens again. And when Steve finally gets back home he never wants to be touched again, it’s all he can do not to tear at his skin at the thought of those vines wrapping around him cutting off his air. He finds himself waking gasping, screaming, tearing at his neck night after night, drenched in sweat.
His cycle had already stopped, but now Steve begins to notice his scent deadening, he’s losing weight, the softness over his hips and stomach melted away.
When Alpha Eddie finally gets out of hospital he checks up on Steve, and the act, and the mask he puts on, doesn't work on Eddie. He’s not obvious about it, about seeing straight through Steve, he’s thankful for that. But he’s not letting Steve ride on his bullshit. He’s persistent and his huge brown eyes see past it all.
This isn’t one of those stories when an alpha walks in and fixes everything overnight. 
Steve’s never met an Alpha like Eddie, he doesn’t scent like the ones he’s known, he’s softer around the edges, he doesn’t barge through the world, he moves with it. He’s gentle and caring and deeply protective. He isn’t shy with his touches, which he gives as freely as his friendship.
And that’s all it is between them at first, a friendship, a small quiet space that Steve starts to crave. Eddie’s company is easy in a way that Steve’s never known. It's not long before his mask completely drops, it’s the night Eddie knocks on his door. He’d never been to Steve’s house, but Steve hadn’t picked up the phone in too many days, and Eddie was persistent.
Steve looks tired and unkempt, nothing like he usually does, Steve doesn’t have it in him to smile and tell Eddie to leave, that he’s fine he’s just been tired is all. Instead he shrugs and holds the door open letting Eddie inside.
The first thing that strikes Eddie as odd is how cold the house seems, the second is the complete lack of any scent. Eddie’s been fairly sure Steve was using scent blockers but now he’s not sure about anything. 
“How long?” Eddie asks, the words out his mouth before he can stop. Steve knows what he’s talking about, can see the utter shock in Eddie’s face, the way he looks stricken and pale as all the pieces slot into place for the Alpha. Steve can hardly talk, his throat feels like it’s closing over and he just can’t do it anymore, he has nothing left. 
His knees buckle and Eddie is there catching him in his arms and holding him as he falls apart. He doesn’t know how long it’s been since he fell into the alpha’s arms, his throat feels raw from screaming and his eyes feel puffy. His hands are cramping where they grip Eddie’s shirt and it’s dark outside. 
Eddie doesn’t say anything, gives Steve the room to find his voice, if he wants to. He just helps guide the omega to his room. Except then Eddie sees how Steve’s been living and sees the mattress on the floor with a couple of bits of fabric for comfort he can’t help crying. 
“Let me take you home,” Eddie can’t let Steve stay here a moment more, and Steve didn’t realise how much he didn’t want to be here anymore, he didn’t want to be alone anymore.
Eddie takes him back to his trailer, Steve is surprised when it smells like family. He didn’t realise Wayne is an omega, the way his scent hugs Eddies as close as a mother and childs does. It makes him whine with need. Eddie knows, he gathers Steve into his arms and takes him to his room.
“You have a nest?” Steve is shocked, he can’t move, afraid to mess it up, spoil it with his fear and sweat and emptiness. But Eddie is purring and wrapping Steve in comfort and protection as he gently guides him into the nest of fabrics. He falls asleep wrapped in Eddie’s arms. 
He still wakes screaming, scratching his nails across Eddie’s arms, cutting him, making him bleed as he sees the vines and the snow and the horror. But Eddie doesn’t leave. He lets go, he gives Steve space but he stays and starts to sing, his voice cutting through the screaming in his ears until he finds himself in Eddie's nest, alive and safe. 
Steve doesn’t leave, at first he waits for Eddie to take him home, and then he waits to see if he will tell him to leave. And then he doesn’t think about it. He lives with Eddie in his home with his uncle and it’s the first time he’s felt like he belongs somewhere. Not for who he was or what he did none of that mattered at the munsons home. They wanted him there and that was it.
Steve’s scent returns slowly, his body relaxing for the first time in so long. He has more good nights than bad now and when he gets lost in the past unable to see, Eddie knows just what to do to guide him home. 
They kiss for the first time after Steve joins Eddie at DnD with the kids and the hellfire club. Steve has been falling for Eddie for months now, but seeing him up there leading the campagne it broke one of Steve’s last barriers. One moment Eddie was laughing reenacting one of his favourite moments of the night as he went to open the trailer door and then Steve’s pulling him around and walking Eddies back up against the door, his hand fisted in the alphas shirt as he pushing up onto his toes closes his eyes and kisses the alpha.
They take everything slow, kisses and more intimate scenting, then touches moving, exploring and threatening to tease. Steve starts to get slick again, he;s gained back the beautiful omega softness now and when they eventually moved below their clothes Eddie becomes instantly obsessed with it. 
The first time Eddie sucks a bruise into the skin of Steve’s thighs, they both freeze, Eddie didn’t ask and Steve flinched. They hold each other's gaze until Steve let his head drop back and he moans. After that Steve’s thighs and soft tummy are constantly covered in love bites. 
When Eddie is the one to bring up Steve’s cycle, Steve sighs in relief. Eddie knows its hard for Steve to open important conversations, they didn’t know when but he would go into heat, and the doctor (because Eddie insisted) warns it may be much more intense having been gone for so long. 
They make love one night before Steve’s, it’s gentle and sweet and everything Steve could have dreamed of. Eddie knows how to touch him, where he craves it and where to stay away from. It breaks that final barrier, the biggest one in Steve and he finally believes he deserved this.
When Steve’s heat hits, Wayne goes away for the week leaving them the trailer and their privacy. Steve’s never felt like this before, in a nest that scents of home with someone who loves him with everything and who he loves back. They both know things will change now, even in the frenzy of heat they know this is more than just pheromones, their bond is solidifying and they may not cement it with a bite this time but they will within the year.
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snorlax-and-co · 1 day
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I am not less capable than someone just because they appear or claim to be in better shape than me
I am not more or less dysfunctional than another person, we all struggle and excel in different ways
I am not wrong for pointing out that dysfunction looks different for everyone, and that it can manifest in both big and obvious ways, and incredibly small ways
I am not lesser for proudly embracing my disorder, and learning to live a happy and successful life with it
I am a fucking powerhouse for surviving what I have, and I'm going to live my best life, happy and fulfilled, and still disordered to the very end
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penis-peeper · 3 days
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Being severely physically disabled is inherently traumatising. I don't know a single person as sick as me that doesn't have some flavor of PTSD
being forced to rely completely physically on my abusers or literally die from my disabilities is something so many ablebodied nds just don’t comprehend but love to talk down to me about. it’s so much fucking worse than just being financially dependent on an abuser
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justlgbtthings · 9 months
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idk if it’s the mental illness but sharing literally any information feels like oversharing. i’ll be like “i skipped breakfast this morning” and immediately im like “i might as well have told them where i buried the money”
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futureless · 6 months
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i be in my own head fighting for my life
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bipolarmango · 4 months
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Wild things I have learnt in therapy:
When a child cries, parents are supposed to comfort them, not punish them
Parents are, in fact, supposed to want to spend time with their children
Children too have a right to privacy, meaning parents are not allowed to read their diaries etc and then punish them for the thoughts they found about
Children are allowed to be upset and cry
Children don't have to earn the love and attention from their parents by performing various things
Children are not supposed to be scared of going home and/or their parents
Children are not supposed to be physically abused and even a little bit of hitting is actually physical abuse
Parents are not supposed to expect that children are mentally as mature as other adults
Children are not supposed to be told that they're an accident, a burden, or something the parents regret
Children are not supposed to be scared and ashamed of themselves or feel like failures because of their parents
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bunfart90 · 9 months
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chronic-lesbianism · 3 months
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you are not a bad person because of your memory loss. you are not less intelligent because of your memory loss. you are not less caring because of your memory loss.
memory loss isn’t your fault and you don’t deserve to feel ashamed.
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psychiatricwarfare · 1 month
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crazy how every mentally ill/disabled person i know, knows more about psychology than most psychologists i know
absolutely wild how every physically disabled person i know, knows more about them than almost every professional i know
its almost like they should listen to us or something
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30knight · 2 years
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A comic about the spectrum of responses to stress - we talk alot about the more extreme ends of this and trauma, but the more subtle and every day responses can be harder to spot. if we can understand our own and other’s responses better, problems Are easier to confront and blaming is less likely to happen :) hope it’s helpful!!
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traumatizeddfox · 2 months
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I WASN’T A BAD DOG
I WAS A SCARED DOG
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borderlineangel222 · 2 months
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it’s unfair how i have the responsibility to heal myself when i didn’t cause my wound in the first place
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everythinglgbtqia · 3 months
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No one ever talks about how hard it is to trust yourself if you’ve been through trauma or are mentally ill. Not trusting others is a common assumption but what about not trusting your own mind. Not knowing which thoughts to believe. Not trusting that you will be able to go somewhere and not have a panic attack or ptsd episode or be triggered in general. Not trusting your actions because they’ve always been critiqued etc. Not trusting yourself is a new kind of hell that no one should have to experience.
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intersexfairy · 3 months
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hey uh. don't listen to the people who say the bullying won't matter once you get out of school. because shit. it will.
bullying is peer abuse. it's traumatizing. and while getting out of the environment helps, the hurt doesn't go away. all the things ingrained in you don't go away. just because your bullies might not be in your life doesn't mean the awful things they did to you don't matter. they are still very significant people in your life.
please don't brush it off. please treat yourself with kindness and fight for the support and safety you deserve. you are not the person your bullies thought you were. you never were. you deserve to be happy and confident, and minimizing what happened won't lead to that.
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