madcat-world · 5 hours
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Forgiveness - Tomislav Jagnjic
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momentsbeforemass · 3 days
(by request, my reflection from Sunday’s Advent Penance Service)
What is sin?
When we think about sin, usually the first ideas that come to mind are things like the Ten Commandments, the seven deadly sins (lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride), and other obvious examples.
The thing is, sin isn’t limited to those great scarlet sins of commission.
Because sin isn’t about any specific list of “thou shalt nots.” What sin is really about is the effect that it has on us. What sin does.
What sin does is separate you and me from the One who loves us best. Sin gets between us and God. That is what makes something a sin.
The Ten Commandments, pride, envy, all those things? Those are the universal problems that plague every single one of us.
The thing to know is that sin doesn’t stop with lists and “thou shalt nots.”
The truth about sin is much more subtle, and much more dangerous.
Because anything that can do the job for us, anything that is capable of getting between us and God? That is a sin, for us.
That’s why anger can be a sin. Because it can get between us and God.
That’s why resentment can be a sin. Because it can get between us and God.
That’s why fear can be a sin. Because it can get between us and God.
That’s why bitterness can be a sin. Because it can get between us and God.
That is how you and I have to look at it.
Because anything that is capable of separating you from God? That, for you, is a sin.
That’s true, no matter how small or harmless it may look. It’s also true, even if it’s not sin for someone else.
For me? There’s a reason why I don’t gamble.
For most of us, gambling is innocent entertainment. Good for you. Enjoy.
But for me? It wouldn’t take long for gambling to get out of hand, for it to come between me and God. That’s why gambling is a sin for me. So I avoid it.
That is the truth of sin. 
Because anything that is capable of separating you from God? That, for you, is a sin.
If you’re honest, you know what those things are for you. So does God.
God knows everything about you, including how those things that separate you from Him mess with you. How they leave you feeling stuck or anxious. How they leave you fearful or angry. How they leave you empty.
And that is what this Penance Service is about. Not because God wants to beat you up about your sins.
But because that’s not how God wants you to live. God did not make you to live feeling stuck or anxious, fearful or angry. God did not make you to live empty.
God made you to live joyfully, overflowing in His love and abundance.
The first step to getting there? Let go of the things that are coming between you and God. Let go of your sins.
Push them away from you. By name, hand them over to the God who loves you.
Around this church are priests who are in persona Christi, waiting to hear your confessions. Holy instruments of God’s grace and mercy waiting to be poured out just for you.
Not to blame or shame, but to absolve you and to rejoice with you. Because that is the secret of Reconciliation. One of the greatest joys on this side of eternity is the feeling in your heart after a good confession.
Take this moment to let go of all of the things that are coming between you and God. Hand over all of your sins. Hold nothing back.
Because the God who loves you too much to let anything come between you and Him, delights in mercy and is waiting with open arms to forgive you.
Sunday’s Readings
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flanaganfilm · 18 days
Good day Mr Flanagan. please what does "the rest is confetti" mean to you and in the context it was used in hill house??
Okay, here we go. Buckle up for a long read.
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To answer this, I've got to explain a little bit about what was happening and where I was when I sat down to write episode 10 of The Haunting of Hill House.
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Hill House was not a fun shoot. The picture above is from very early in production, when I was still chubby and happy.
It was my first foray into television. I was absolutely terrified that I'd mess it up. So I'd opted to direct all of the episodes myself, figuring that - if nothing else - I'd have no one else to blame if it went south.
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It was the most grueling professional experience of my career. The shoot was by no means a smooth one, every day was an uphill battle from a budgetary perspective, and between the three giant production entities involved with the production, I spent a lot of time fighting over the creative and logistical elements of the series.
I began losing weight. I was smoking two packs of cigarettes a day.
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By the end of the shoot, I had dropped almost 40 lbs.
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I was very depressed. Every day was a battle, and for the first time in my career, I wasn't excited to go to work in the morning. We were fighting for basic resources, fighting for the show we wanted, and even fighting amongst ourselves by the end. It was grueling.
We hadn't written all of the scripts when we started production. I believe we had finished through episode 7, but the rest of the scripts had to be finished while we were already shooting.
We'd mapped everything out in the writers room, and I had great support on the other episodes, but I was writing the finale solo. I'd thought I'd be able to juggle it with everything else. I quickly fell behind.
I finally got to the script about halfway through production. I'd work on it between takes at the monitor, and then get home to our tiny rental house in Atlanta, where Kate was waiting with our baby son. (One of the rare bright spots of this shoot came when Kate found out she was pregnant about halfway through production. We even named our daughter Theodora, in honor of her origins.)
I'd typically fall down from exhaustion when I got home, but I had to push through it and work on the script. My weekends were spent shotlisting and prepping for upcoming episodes. We didn't have enough time to stay ahead of prep, so every available day was used for that... I went three months without a single day off at one point.
I'd sit up late staring at the script. I was in a dark, dark place. Overwhelmed, exhausted, and feeling like I lived in an eternal present. Each day bled into the next and it didn't feel like there was an end in sight. That feeling of unreality was heightened because we kept returning to the same sets, same locations, and even the same scenes throughout the 100 shooting-day production. Stepping back into the exact room we had shot in days or weeks or even months ago made the whole thing feel absolutely surreal. Making movies is always an non-linear experience, but this one felt particularly so... it was like the days of our lives were happening to us all out of order.
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I remember feeling something like despair creeping into my daily experience on the show. And I remember dwelling on that when I got into the scene work of episode 10.
As I worked through the draft, I recall that despair coloring a lot of what was on the page. My filter was breaking down. There's a monologue at the beginning of the episode where Steven's wife Leigh (played by my dear friend Samantha Sloyan) spews out a torrent of eviscerating insults about Steve's value as a writer. That is just me vomiting onto myself. She was voicing all of my deepest insecurities about myself at the time, and of what I was doing with this series.
She says "Is anything real before you write it, Steve? The things you write about, they're real. Those people are real, their feelings are real, their pain is real - but not to you, is it. Not until you chew it up, digest it, and shit it out onto a piece of paper and even then, it's a pale imitation at best."
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This was the mindset I was in for a lot of the shoot. The writing became a reflection of a lot of that turmoil, and I knew who I was referring to in that monologue - I was talking about my family. I was talking about how much of their lives I'd used as building material for this show. I was talking about the fact that I'd lost two loved ones to suicide, and seen what it had done to my mother in particular. And I knew I was using - possibly even exploiting - those people for this series.
There's a lot of despair in this episode. The Red Room, as we conceived it, was a place that would feed upon those emotions. Grief, sadness, loss... those were the real ghosts of our series, and where our characters find themselves at the start of the finale. They're being slowly digested - eaten alive - by those feelings.
So finally, it came time to write Nell's final scene with her siblings. I knew from the outline we'd constructed in the writers room what this was supposed to accomplish - she was supposed to be their salvation. She was supposed to take all of these feelings that we'd been wrestling with and finally provide catharsis... finally say something that would free everyone.
I remember sitting with a blinking cursor for a long time. The Crain siblings had just turned and seen Nellie standing by the door, and suddenly were able to hear her speak. But what should she say? What would I say? What would I want someone to say to me?
What she ultimately says lays bare a lot of what I was thinking about when it comes to grief. It exists outside of linear time, much as I felt I existed at the time. That sense of eternal present, that sense of a nonlinear eternity of moments and memories - it all came out in her speech to her brothers and sisters.
I remember feeling, looking at my insane present and looking back at my past, how strangely overwhelmed I was by memories. That I wasn't experiencing time in a straight line, and hadn't been for a while - for the better part of a year, I'd felt more like I was standing in a whirlwind of moments. "Our moments fall around us like..." Nell said, and I recall sitting back and trying to find the words.
"Rain," for certain, but there was something too uniform about that. The moments of life as I experienced them weren't that orderly, they weren't that small. They didn't fall the same way. Some sailed by, fast and unremarkable, while others lingered in front of me, twisting and stretching. So it was a good word, but not the right word. I left it on the page though.
"Snow" was my next attempt. Better, in that I imagined the snow blowing in the wind, swirling and dancing and feeling more organic. More chaotic. More like life. But for some reason, the word that stuck with me, the word I felt Nell Crain would connect with was...
And that was because I was thinking not of Victoria Pedretti at this point, but of Violet McGraw.
Violet played Young Nell, and I wondered what she might have said if she experienced time this way. As an adult, Nell was despairing. Nell was overwhelmed. But as a child... there was an innocence to the word. There was a joy to the word.
I imagined moments falling around her, this little girl with the big smile and the wide eyes. Her moments would be colorful. They would be of different shapes and sizes, some falling fast and some falling slow, flipping and turning and dancing in the air, independent of the others. Sparkling, whirling, doing lazy summersaults as they sauntered down to Earth.
I thought of myself, and of the members of my family. I thought of those we'd lost. I realized what I hoped for them, and for us all, in the end... was to look upon that mosaic of experience, that avalanche of days and minutes and moments... and to smile with some of the joy we had as children.
And this, I thought, was something that gave me hope. This gave me a glimpse of some kind of salvation for them. This was also how I hoped my life might seem if I was a ghost - a cascade of color and light and shape and movement, something I could dance in.
So Nell smiled and said... "or confetti."
It stuck with me. The rest of her monologue gets heavy again, and gets to the real point of the show - the point of the whole series, if I'm honest - and that's forgiveness.
I figured the only thing that would let the Crain children out of the Red Room was to be forgiven. I thought of the losses in my own family, and I thought of what I wished for my mother and for my aunts and uncles and cousins and I tried to pour that into her final words.
"I loved you completely, and you loved me the same," she said, "that's all." And this was the point I wanted the most to make. That at the end of our life, if we can say this about each other, the rest doesn't matter. The rest is that rainstorm, or that blizzard, that fell around this one central truth, and maybe built itself in piles around it, to the point we lost sight of it along the way.
And I thought again of that little girl, and almost as an afterthought, wrote "The rest is confetti."
I liked the way it sounded, but I was insecure about the line. I almost took it out, in fact. I remember asking Kate to read the scene and talking about that last line with her. "Is it too cute?" I wondered. She was on the fence. "Depends on how it's acted," she said, and I figured she was right. We could always take it out if it didn't work. The scene could end with "I loved you completely, and you loved me the same. That's all."
Why not shoot it and see what happened.
I turned in the script, we published it quickly so that we could start breaking it down and prepping it. And the next morning I was back on set. I'd deal with episode 10 when it came down the pipe again, sometime in the coming months. We had a lot of shooting to get through before I had to worry about it.
I recall Netflix asking me to cut a lot of that monologue, and I remember them also having questions about the "confetti" line. I pointed out that it didn't cost us any extra to shoot it all, it was only words, and fought to keep the script intact.
Ultimately, they insisted I make a series of cuts on the page. I begrudgingly agreed, but left Nell's speech alone. I made superficial cuts around it, throughout the draft, and even considered changing the font size to fool them into thinking it had gotten shorter (I ultimately was told I wouldn't fool anyone and not to risk starting a war). But Nellie's final goodbye stayed intact.
It must be said - Victoria Pedretti SLAUGHTERED this scene.
By the time we got around to filming it, things had never been worse for the production. There was almost nothing left for a lot of us. Tensions were sky-high, resources had been exhausted completely, and we were all ready to give up.
Filming in the mold-ridden Red Room was depressing, morose, and led to a lot of arguments and unpleasantness. The room itself just felt gross, always, and we were in there for days at a time. The last thing we had to shoot in there was Nellie's goodbye.
Victoria came to set having to push through pages of monologue, and she did so with captivating bravado. I recall being teary-eyed at the monitor watching her work. And when we finally made it to the last line, I watched her deliver it with... a smile. A sincere, innocent, longing, joyful smile. A smile informed by the sadness, grief, and loss of her own situation, of her own life... but a smile that finds forgiveness and grace after all. Pedretti knew how to say the line, and how that word would work.
And as she said it, I knew it would stay in the show.
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Over the years, that sentence has become something of a tagline for The Haunting of Hill House. I'm always a bit mystified and touched when I see people approach me with the line on T-shirts, or even tattooed on their bodies.
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I started signing it with autographs back in 2020 after enough fans asked me to. Now it's my go-to when I sign anything related to Hill House.
The line, for me, represents a lot of things.
It's about the insane, chaotic, non-linear experience of making that show. It's about trying to find and hold onto joy, even in the grips of despair.
It's about the way the moments of our lives aren't linear, not really, and how we may be unable to understand them as we exist in their flurry. It's about finding hope, innocence and forgiveness in the final reckoning.
And it's about how, outside of our love for each other, the rest is just... well, it's fleeting. It's colorful. It's overwhelming. It's blinding. It's dancing. And, if we look at it right, it's beautiful. But it's also light. It's tinsel. It flits and dances and falls and fades, it's as light as air.
The rest is the stuff that falls around us, and flits away into nothing.
It's the love that stays.
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yenshu · 10 months
i apologise if i ever was a toxic person in your life. i’m learning and maturing more everyday, correcting my wrongs and i’m slowly but surely becoming a better version of myself.
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tomorrowmydear · 1 year
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Mothers & Fathers
@heavensghost | Jasmine R., “Untitled” | Berthe Morisot, “The Cradle” | @honeytuesday | Unknown | Alain de Botton | Léon Lucien Goupil, “Motherhood” | Chen Chen, “Poplar Street” | Ella Wilson, “Take Care: Mothers, Daughters, and Inheriting Self-Hatred” | @maiabaia | Kazuya Akimoto, “Mother and a Child in the Mirror” | Li-Young Lee, “Folding a Five-Cornered Star so the Corners Meet” | Aaron Smith, “Primer” | Catherine Lacey, “Cut” | futngina | Jules David, “Vice and Virtue: Misery” | Rupi Kaur, “The Sun and Her Flowers”
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melangedmess · 1 year
i hate when people say, "you need to forgive to heal/move on". no I do not. that motherfucker doesn't deserve my forgiveness + you can't forgive someone who's not sorry. they were supposed to protect me but instead they permanently damaged me. they do not deserve my forgiveness.
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conscious-love · 1 year
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alex_elle ~ Instagram
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haleyincarnate · 2 months
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Quote by Lia Candelario
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ca-createart · 2 months
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memoryslandscape · 8 months
Imagine all the flowers we've trampled are growing in paradise, ready to forgive us.
C. T. Salazar, from “Palinode, or Lullaby with Light and Dark,” Headless John the Baptist Hitchhiking (Acre Books, 2022)
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feral-ballad · 9 months
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Kaveh Akbar, from Pilgrim Bell: Poems; “Pilgrim Bell”
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youseeingthis · 8 hours
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signum-crucis · 5 months
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'In a church inside the Monastery of Santa Ana and San Jose in Cordoba, Spain, there is an ancient cross. It is the image of the Cross of Forgiveness that shows Jesus crucified with His right arm stripped off the Cross and down. They tell that one day a sinner went to confess to the priest under this cross. As usual, when a sinner was guilty of a serious sin, this priest acted very strictly. Not long later, this person fell back and after confessing their sins, the priest threatened: ''This is the last time I'll forgive you.'' Many months passed and that sinner went to kneel down at the priest's feet under the cross and asked for forgiveness again. But on this occasion, the priest was clear and said, ''Don't play with God, please. I can't allow you to keep sinning" But strangely, when the priest rejected the sinner, a noise from the cross was suddenly heard. The right hand of Jesus dropped; moved by that man's repentance, the following words were heard: ''I am the one who shed the blood on this person, not you.'' Since then, the right hand of Jesus remains in that position, for it continually invites man to ask and receive forgiveness.'
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furiousgoldfish · 18 days
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akindplace · 3 months
I can forgive myself for things I did while I was growing up. I am not the same person anymore, and I also understand that being a teenager is not easy for anyone, especially when dealing with so many traumatic things happening all at once, while I also tried to do more than I could ever do because of a lack of resources, of a support system and because of the pressure to be perfect and to carry every burden alone.
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