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letters-from-dekarios · 17 days

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aftermath

summary: you, your boyfriend, and your companions just saved the entire world from being turned into giant squid people. now, you have to go back to normal. how do you even do that?

or: you have anxiety over the future and gale comforts you.

word count: 2.3k

tags: sad angst/fluff, gale x gn!reader, tara is also there for a minute <3

As night fell over the city, a calm hush washed over you. This should have been a normal night, circled around the campfire with three of your close companions. You should be mentally preparing for the day to come, what trials you will encounter, and what people you’ll help. But tonight.. tonight was different. With the threat of a mindflayer infection gone, settling into a cozy bed with your boyfriend, Gale, almost felt.. wrong?

Wrong? Why would it be wrong? You’d been dreaming of having this moment together for ages now, and now you’re finally living it! The moonlight danced over your face as you turned to get comfortable, pushing the anxiety away from you with force. But as soon as you tried to close your eyes again, it came washing right back over you.

You turned onto your back once more, staring up at the ceiling with a sigh. You finally had a good, steady home after all those months fighting for it, and yet— you wanted nothing more than the comfort of having a purpose that was more than simply existing in this life.

Part of you wondered if that would ever wear off- perhaps you’d go scaring Gale half to death by seeking out a new adventure and new threats to conquer. The other part of you just wanted to get some damn sleep. And, well, also wondered when you’d settle back into “normal” life again. Could you even grasp that concept long enough to imagine it? After all, you weren’t exactly the ‘normal’ type.

Mindflayer specimens aside, you had changed as a person over the last few months. You were no longer the same as when you were abducted, no longer a simple baldurian trying to get by. You were a hero, known across all of Baldur’s gate— and further— for your acts. Normal didn’t really… exist for you, anymore.

Almost sensing your unease, Tara found her way into the bedroom. You hated to say it, but you found yourself seeing Gale’s comparison more and more every day. It’s a compliment! You almost had to remind yourself of that.

“Mister Dekarios won’t be pleased if he sees you awake,” Tara called from her ledge by the window. You turned to face her, a small smile greeting her presence.

“Mister Dekarios won’t be pleased if he sees those pigeon feathers in your fur, either.” You bantered with the Tressym. Tara had taken a liking to you, and you were rather glad for that.

With a small noise akin to a ‘tisk’, and a nudge to Gale, Tara was off back into the night. If only it were that easy.

It would take Gale a moment to wake, you knew that, so you stood and headed towards the window. Looking out over the city, mostly silent save for the occasional drunkard or merchant, your mind began to wander. Would you be here, now, with the one man you loved most, if it hadn’t been for those mindflayers? Would you ever have even crossed paths? You couldn’t answer that, and you didn’t want to, either.

A breeze slipped through the window, pushing your hair away from your face. You wrapped your arms around yourself, bracing for whatever would come next. What would come next?

Gale finally began to stir, a groan leaving him as he awoke in the dead of night. You pitied the wizard now and then, it was like he could never get enough sleep. Though… was it the age or the tadpoles that did it? You had no idea.

“Love..?” He called out, reaching to his side for you only to find you not there.

“Over here.” You replied, turning your head towards him so he could see you.

He made his way out of the bed, stretching out before stepping towards you. His hand found its way to your lower back, comforting the unspoken worries he could see on your face.

“What’s on your mind?” He asked a familiar question you were always unsure about answering. You might’ve responded ‘a flesh-eating tadpole’ before, but now that joke was obsolete.

“Come on, now, you’ve got something on that pretty little mind of yours— and it isn’t a tadpole this time.” Or, perhaps, Gale would make the joke for you.

“How do you do it?” You asked, turning your face back out to the city.

“Do what?”

“Go back to normal? I mean.. just a few weeks ago we didn’t know if we’d live or die and now.. now we’re supposed to cuddle together without the looming threats over our heads? How do you do it?” Desperation for an answer that would satisfy you lingered in your eyes as you looked up at him. How could he even begin to answer that?

“Darling…” Gale sighed, reaching up to cup your face with one hand. The other, still on your back, ran in a gentle, soothing circle.

“As much as it pains me to say it, there really is no… ‘normal.’ For god’s sake, we had devils chasing our tails and giant squid people trying to take over the world! Normal isn’t achievable for anyone nowadays.” He laughed softly, and though you knew in some part of you that he was right, it wasn’t the answer you wanted.

You pulled your face from his hand, looking back out through the window with your brows furrowed. You could hardly be mad at him for his sensible response, but you wanted more out of his answer.

Yes, logically, there was and never had been a ‘normal’. But it was the concept of normalcy that eased your mind at night. Knowing your daily routine would flow like usual, the baker would always have a fresh loaf for you in exchange for the three potions you prepped the night before (which you’d made in advance with the items you gathered that day on your way to check on your shop. Because of course, you had a shop!), that the librarian would have your books already set aside for you, and the blacksmith would have finished your newly commissioned dagger. Normal wasn’t even the right word for it anymore, it was the routine that kept you going.

“I understand that, Gale.” You replied, unusually cold to be speaking with him. Okay, maybe you were a little mad at him for his response. You knew he meant well, but, still.

“Ouch.” He frowned slightly, lowering his hands from you as he leaned against the frame of the window, his eyes trailing to watch the lights dancing in each home. “What troubles your heart, my love? Be honest with me, not angry.”

“Sorry..” You mumbled as you saw how you hurt him. You took a breath, ran a hand through your hair, and sighed out once more. “It’s just,” you stepped away from the window, gesturing as you tried to put your thoughts together, “before everything, the tadpoles and the mindflayers and the threat of constant death and before everything, I, you, we had lives, right? We both had family or friends we took care of, or a routine we’d settled into after years of careful planning, we had regulars or were regulars, we owned ourselves and our actions for who they were in their entirety, right?”

Gale nodded, allowing you to continue in your rambles. He had to admit he found it quite adorable the faces you made while deep in thought, though he wouldn’t say that aloud right now.

“Why is it so different now? It haunts me knowing I’m just.. supposed to find that all over again. Do that all over again. Everything has changed and yet nothing at all and I’m just supposed to figure it out? Like that? Why can’t things go back to the way they were, and why does it hurt so much knowing it will never be the same?” You asked, your voice cracking towards the end as piles of pain, guilt and fear washed over you.

“Oh, sweetheart..” Gale’s voice grounded you. His soft inflection of a pet name you adored brought you back to him, his arms open as you collapsed into him.

“I’m just so tired… and I can’t even find it in me to rest like this..” You added, allowing him to wrap his strong arms around you. You practically melted into him, despite still being so tense from your emotions.

“I didn’t know how troubled this was making you, my love.” He placed a gentle kiss on the top of your head, holding you tight in his arms. “How long have you been feeling like this, darling?” He asked, pulling back slightly to look down at your face.

You sniffled softly, tears slowly forming in your eyes and falling down your cheeks. You had kept it in for so long that the feeling of not feeling normal had, well, become normal. Letting it out was like dropping three smoke powder barrels down after carrying them from the goblin camp to Ethel’s teahouse because who knew when you might need them.

“A while..”

Gale sighed at your response, pulling back to sit down on the ledge of the window. He pulled you towards him and stood you between his legs, looking up at you with eyes full of worry and love. He took your hands in his own, rubbing his thumbs along your knuckles. “Y/n…” he started, grabbing your attention.

“You’re never going to get that back or find it again if you don’t communicate with me how you’re feeling. I’ve read thousands of books by all the wisest men in the world and yet I still can’t read your mind,” He paused, pursing his lips, “Well, I can, technically speaking. I choose not to. But that’s beside the point here.” He shook his head slightly at his diversion to the subject at hand.

“The point is, my love, I can’t help you, or us, gain or retain any sense of a normal routine if aren’t talking to me about it. It’s not easy by any means, and I don’t blame you for having your reservations about trying to find that again. Neither one of us is the same as how we started before all of this, too. You know that, yes?”

You nodded your head, using that as your response instead of verbally replying. Tears continued to roll down your cheeks as he spoke and you began to realize the true size of this issue.

“Instead of trying to go backward in time, can we agree to move forward together? Tell me, my love, what do you want for us?” He asked, reaching a hand up to your face and wiping a few tears away.

“I don’t… I want..” You had to think about it for a moment— what did you want with him? You never thought you’d get this far, especially since he was supposed to, you know, explode into a giant magical ball of energy (or however he explained it, you never understood that whole thing). And now here you were with him, all threats in your life gone and with the possibility to start anew, not over.

“I want us… I want... I want you. I want to start a life together with you.” You finally replied, sniffling and leaning into his touch.

The moonlight danced across the tears on your face, causing them to glisten and sparkle. Despite the high emotions, Gale couldn’t help in thinking about how pretty you looked at that moment.

“Then let’s start a life together.” He replied instantaneously, nodding his head in agreement with you. He dropped his hand from your cheek to your chin, lowering your head to look at him. “Let’s start a life together and have a million little children and a million Tressyms and—“

You cut him off with your laughter, shaking your head as he went on. Your soft laughs died into giggles and you found yourself leaning down to him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“What? I’m being serious!” He gasped at your audacity to laugh at the idea of a million miniature Gale’s running around creating Tressyms. His gasp quickly shifted into his signature low chuckle, his arms slipping around your waist while he tugged you into his lap.

“A million children, Gale?” You asked, laughing still as you looked back at him, shaking your head.

“Oh, you’re right. A million and one. Just in case.” He joked, leaning in to rub his nose against yours.

“That’s better..” you giggled, leaning into him as your anxieties washed away. Every day you were more and more thankful that you had him by your side.

“Y/n…” He said softly, looking into your eyes.

“Mhm?” You hummed, running a hand through his hair. Your eyes were focused on his for a moment, then his lips, then his eyes again.

“Promise me you’ll be more open as we go through this together, my love.” His face was serious, and you were forced to focus on him entirely and not the overwhelming desire to kiss him right there.

“I promise.”

“Good.” His serious expression shifted to that trademark grin as he leaned into you, brushing his lips against yours before finally pressing them together. You, of course, returned the kiss with as much gentleness as he had put into it.

It wasn’t long until you were back in bed with him, a weight taken off your shoulders. You were still anxious, of course, but for a different reason this time. Not because you had to figure out how to parent a million children— but because you had a whole future ahead of you with someone who truly, unconditionally loved you and would always be there for you.

You finally drifted off to sleep, comfortably nestled in the arms of your lover. You found yourself dreaming of the life you’d have, no longer pressured by fitting into a mold that stopped fitting you long ago. It was time to create your own mold to grow into, and you knew Gale would be right by your side to help you do that.

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