don't shame yourself or other headmates for feeling emotions or reacting to things

take accountability if you(&) hurt someone of course, but we just saw someone shaming/belittling an alter having a panic attack

beyond worried at the number of people we see doing this

emotions are allowed, no matter who told you they're not.

polyfrag culture is when your friend infodumps to us about a character and then we split them.

sighhhhh low split tolerance will be the death of me

- <{🌻🪼}>

.

A big part of integration is realizing that life outside of imagination is safe.

When we were kids we had little to no safety. My mom was so depressed she emotionally neglected me. I was bullied and groomed at school. I was sex trafficked when outside of the house. There really was no safety…except for in the mind.

I have, in the past, identified with what many would call an “IRL”. I didn’t know that was the term so I thankfully never got into that community, but I pretty much was one. I was Sans, I was my OCs, I was Frisk. I still do that. It helped me escape the horrors reality brought.

But as much as it helped me survive it also hurt my life. I couldn’t make any decisions outside of cued ones for a long time because I was so out of it I would drift through life, just walking laps around school and sitting in the hallways. Or not going to school at all since I was so stuck in my head I wouldn’t be able to leave my house.

I would also never take my harm or abuse seriously because I genuinely believed it was a character’s backstory. I’m not being emotionally abused by this person but (character) is. It got to the point I would have imaginary family and friends with imaginary conflicts completely independent from my actual life.

It’s been hard for me to recognize this as a problem as I’ve gotten so comfortable not being fully lucid. However when it became known to me that I had a dissociative issue, I slowly started to realize this amount of dullness in my life wasn’t okay.

I’m now acknowledging my derealization and using it to recognize when I’m dealing with stress or trauma, whether it’s already happened or not. Confronting my problems as a real person has not been easy, but in doing so we’ve begun what we’ve wanted since realizing our dissociation is a disorder: integration.

I can’t tell you how distressing yet heavenly integration is at the same time, and that’s not what this post is about anyways. This post exists because I hope by sharing this somebody will realize that it’s not only possible to be dissociated in this way but also possible to fight it. Because you can. You can heal.

Sorry if this was a bit all over the place. Hope this helped.

What it feels like when one of the trauma holders experiences peace for the first time

realizing youre Real is .weird,,

like you can exist for Years??? never noticing??? never thinking about Yourself. assuming you are the host, or assuming you are another alter.

it is WEIRD to sit there with your morning coffee, having a conversation, and just suddenly the stars align . and you realize how different you are from "you" . you realize you werent "you", you were actually YOU the whole time.

I KNOW THIS DOESNT MAKE SENSE BUT I HOPE SOMEONE GETS IT

Shout out to systems who cant get diagnosed. Shout out to systems who split easily. Shout out to systems with high introject counts. Shout out to complex systems. Shout out to systems with mostly littles. Shout out to systems with small alter counts. Shout out to systems who dont want to get diagnosed cause they dont want it on their record. Shout out to systems with nonhuman alters. Shout out to systems

some alters hold trauma/memories that they didn’t exist to experience / didn’t front during.

some alters have amnesia for moments they were there for.

like that’s really common. you have a dissociative disorder. you aren’t faking if you remember something you didn’t front for and you aren’t faking if you forgot something that you yourself literally did. our brains are trying to protect us. sometimes it does a good job with the amnesia thing and often times it doesn’t. there’s no real way to make amnesia convenient. like a lot of systems only get amnesia from switches, but a lot of us forget the day prior even if no switch occurred.

and although this post is about amnesiac systems, you’re valid if you don’t have amnesia either, or not very much. everyone is different. every system is different.

bruh i hate when you’re blurry and you feel like your identity is right on the tip of your tongue and you just can’t figure it out but you’re so close it’s like edging for DID

I LOVE YOU SYSTEMS

YES YOU TOO

Even if you were told that you are gross

Even with alters with PrObLeMaTiC Source (don't care, you aren't your fucking source!!!)

Even if your persecutors and protectors act like pieces of shit (they are trying and are fucking up. A lot of times. But they're trying!!)

Even if your littles are sexual protectors (VALID) (YOU DON'T CHOOSE ALTER ROLES)

Even if you can't heal right now

Even if you are happy that you are system

Even if you ARE NOT happy about being system

Even if you have NO CLUE what tf was your trauma

Even if you have your trauma 360° full HD scarred into your brain

If you want to know your trauma and if you don't

If your system is full of abuse (don't say you are bad person, you aren't, your brain tries to COPE)

Even if your trauma was "not enoth", even if it was "too much"

Even if you don't love yourself

Especially if you don't love yourself

I am here for you

sorry babe for switching out last night, the bitches in my head were throwing a smear campaign against you and trying to burn me at the stake. do you still love me

systems with niche and/or "cringe" introjects raise your hands

WHAT IS POLYFRAGMENTATION

a common misconception i see in the community is that polyfragmentation refers to having a high alter count, and id like to talk about what it actually means polyfragmentation is characterized by a complex system structure, complex splitting patterns, a large number of fragments, a lack of non-dissociative coping mechanisms, and often trauma that began at an early age and impacted all areas of life COMPLEX SYSTEM STRUCTURE - often involving layers, subsystems, or other divisions within the system that keep alters separate in groups COMPLEX SPLITTING PATTERNS - this involves splitting in groups, splitting multiple alters to hold different parts of the same trauma, etc LARGE FRAGMENT COUNT - polyfragmented systems will have a high fragment count, fragments are alters who lack a full sense of identity LACK OF NON-DISSOCIATIVE COPING MECHANISMS - where splitting would typically be a last resort for most systems, polyfragmented systems can be pushed to the point of splitting much easier, even from daily life stressors EARLY LIFE TRAUMA - according to richard p kluft, polyfragmented DID is often caused by longstanding severe abuse beginning early in life - grey

Lately the DID been feelin more OVERT than COVERT

if you've ever purposefully tried to deny your system/"turn it off" and it still keeps happening, your system can't be fake.

you can't subconsciously fake something while fighting against it.

Advice for newer discovered systems:

A hard truth you might not want to hear: but sometimes you need to put finding things out about the system on the back burner. Sometimes you will need to just push it to the side and come back to it later. This is something I've seen other systems also express before as well.

Think you have a new alter, but you have an important school assignment to do? The alter can wait. Unless they decide to make their presence everyone's business, just leave it be and go looking for them after you do the assignment

Think you have a subsystem, but have life to be doing? You can come back to that topic when you have free time. It isn't that important at the moment

Worried because you haven't heard from an alter for awhile? Don't drop everything to try and get them to front. Just go about your day and they'll come back when they're needed

Think you're splitting? Just take some pain meds for the headache if you need and go about your day. You can figure out who split when you have more time.

Basically, don't drop everything because you want to find out about something. Don't obsess over it to the point you can't function in daily life or get stressed over it. These things will be learned when it is time. Stop trying to check all these imaginary boxes immediately.

Seriously, we've known about the system for about 4 years and we still don't know shit about how things work half the time. And we only take a look into things when we have a chance to. Our job and life are a bit more important than figuring out who the hell might be in this newly revealed layer and stuff like that. We know the time will come to learn. It just isn't right now