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#dc humor
anothertimdrakestan · 2 years
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tim: i'm not depressed i'm just built different
jason: assembled alternatively.
dick: crafted unconventionally.
steph: constructed uniquely.
duke: compiled unusually.
damian: you all need professional help.
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giogio1998 · 1 year
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Merry Christmas you lovely bunch of nerds 🎄❤️
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This is the justice league international’s Christmas card.
Thank you all so much for all the likes and comments this year, hope everyone has a lovely holiday with their families ❤️❤️
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galaxymagitech · 2 months
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Jason (Age 12): I’m not gonna die from inhaling cigarette smoke, quit worrying, B.
Jason (Age 15): *dies from smoke inhalation*
Jason (Age 19): Well, it wasn’t the cigarettes.
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collectivefandomstuff · 3 months
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[on patrol]
Red Robin: [sitting on a rooftop, drinking hot cocoa]
Red Hood: [lands next to him and sits down, pulling out a sandwich]
Red Robin: [holds out a thermos] want some cocoa?
Red Hood: [takes the thermos] yeah, thanks. [offers his sandwich] Want a bite? I baked the bread
Red Robin: hell yes
Red Hood: quiet night tonight
Red Robin: [humms in agreement]
Red Robin and Red Hood: [watches the skyline in silence]
[Nightwing, covered in a slimy substance, flies past them through the air as though he’s been catapulted from a great distance]
Red Hood:
Red Robin:
Red Hood: do you think he saw us?
Red Robin: I don’t think so
Red Hood:
Red Robin:
Red Hood: we can’t all be fighting Ivy, there wouldn’t be anyone left to fight the other criminals
Red Robin: that’s a sound argument. Say while we were helping him someone robbed the mayor, then where would we be?
Red Hood: he definitely came from over by the library, that’s way outside both our routes
Red Robin: so we agree that we wouldn’t be doing our job if we left our post to help with whatever that goop was
Red Hood: definitely
Red Robin: the mayor will thank us
Red Hood:
Red Robin: [sips his cocoa]
Red Hood: cards on the table- I already robbed the mayor earlier tonight
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delicatedarknight · 4 months
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Tim: so why should we select you?
Guy A: I'm rich and handsome
Dick: Bruce is literally a billionaire. are you saying you are more rich than him?
Jason: and handsome? Don't make me laugh you look worse than our family dog.
Guy A: ex-xcuse me??
Damian: you are excused. Now get out
Tim: and what about you?
Guy b: I can protect him
Damian: protect?? dad??
Dick: [scoffs] It's like saying you can protect Batman.
Guy b: but he ain't Batman though
Jason: bitch he might be
Damian: where did you even find these people Tim?
Jason: seriously? imagine saying u can protect Batman
Dick: nah bruh imagine flexing money and looks on Bruce
Tim: ok guys this is the last candidate for the day
Tim: so what makes you special?
Clark: I can cook for him
Jason:[snorts] What if you can cook for him? How can it help our Bruce?
Clark: I'm sorry I'm not as rich as him but I can cook, clean, and care for him
Dick: have you brought anything to claim your statement.
Clark:[places the pie] I brought this Kansas special apple pie-
Damian:[already on his second slice] ae-ets gsoo ghuuud
Jason, Tim, and Dick fighting for the last piece
Clark: uh..soo
Damian:[clears his throat] You are selected.
Dick: Definitely
Jason: prepare your vows
Tim: btw who recommended you? Because you have a really ordinary background
Clark: oh it was Bruce
[collective HUH from batkids]
Clark: [snickering] It was to get approved by you guys
[collective even louder HA]
Clark: [laughing] That's because we are already dating
[collectively yelling WHAT]
Clark: [changing into Superman] hate to leave like this on our first meet but Metropolis needs me
[collective screaming]
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shyjusticewarrior · 24 days
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Template made by @kdd-works
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ahfrickenfrick · 1 month
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duke: *delirious after his first serious concussion + pain meds* what would the riddler be called if he played a string instrument
tim: uh, probably like music master or something like th-
duke: fiddler
tim: what?
duke: *grabs tims shoulders and shakes him* the fiddler
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browsethestacks · 25 days
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Batman: Cape And Cowl
Art by Kerry Callen
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sentient-stove · 3 months
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Lady Gotham and Phantom are friends- Lady Gotham and Phantom are coworkers/friendly to a degree with each other- Lady Gotham sees Phantom as her child adjacent blah blah blah
Consider the funnier option:
*Lady Gotham and Danny fucking hate each other.*
Danny takes two steps into the city and he can feel the city physically vibrating she wants him gone so badly. Unfortunately for her, Danny is a teenager that fought god (pariah dark) once and on a principle doesn’t listen to authority.
Just give me two city-spirits having the absolute worst beef with each other for no reason whatsoever.
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bet-on-me-13 · 5 months
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All Ancients are Halfa's
So! The reason everyone in the Realms believes that Danny is a super old Ancient and not a Ghost Baby is because all the Halfa's that exist currently are Ancients.
The Reason? For a Halfa to be born, they must have died as a God.
Pandora is a Halfa. She was the Goddess of the Amazon's before she was killed by Ares.
Frostbite is a Halfa. He was the God of a Yeti Tribe, before their kind died to Climate Change.
Dorathea and Aragon are Halfa's. They were both Draconic Gods who ruled over a small Country before dying to a roaming band of Magical Adventurerers.
Undergrowth is a Halfa. He was a Druidic Plant God killed after bis forest was destroyed by a Fire.
Even Clockwork is a Halfa. He used to be known as the God Kronos.
But that leads to the question of, How Danny is a Halfa? He was just a normal Human when he died, not Divine in any way, or so he thought. So how did he become a Halfa?
Well, maybe he should start looking into who his Birth Parents were...
...
Read the Tags for more of this!
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ghost-in-the-corner · 8 months
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I was looking at some old TikToks and thought I'd share one that never not makes me absolutely cackle
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galaxymagitech · 2 months
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Jason: Hey, Alfie! Which of us was the least crazy as a kid?
Bruce: Let’s face it. None of us were easy children. I dropped out of college and then dropped off the grid. Dick was a menace—
Jason: Nah, Dick’s the Golden Boy.
Bruce: He wanted to single-handedly hunt down a powerful criminal and thought the entire manor was a trapeze.
Dick: Well, Jason was like the perfect kid.
Bruce: He ran away, died, and started murdering people.
Jason: Fair. But the Replacement’s your perfect little soldier, isn’t he?
Bruce: He stalked me, he says incredibly concerning things with no idea how concerning he sounds, he started YOUNG JUSTICE, I—
Damian: Batgirl III is boring. Surely she was easy to deal with?
Bruce: Are you kidding me? She got pregnant and started a gang war!
Steph: Guilty as charged. But Duke’s the normal one, so—
Bruce: You started a gang war? Duke started a gang!
Damian: I’m the perfect heir.
Bruce: You’re an assassin who is currently attempting to turn my house into a zoo. And you keep trying to murder Tim.
Jason: Eh, we’ve all been there. Except Cass. Cass hasn’t tried to murder anyone.
Bruce: Cass tried to fight Lady Shiva to the death, despite refusing to kill. Cass is not well-adjusted either.
Cass: Barbara is good.
Bruce: No, she keeps hacking the Batcomputer. And she’s dating my son. Honestly I have no idea how I’m still sane.
Alfred: I’m afraid your sanity is very much in question, Master Bruce.
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hoodielord · 1 month
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Spoiler talking about cujo: be lucky Robin didn't see him, he'd have a cow.
Black bat signing : he already has one.
Spoiler:
Spoiler: You know that not what I meant.
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delicatedarknight · 3 months
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Bruce: what makes you good for my son?
Kon: what is there that I lack? I'm perfect for your son
Jason: I would say he lacks common sense
Dick[sighing]: describe why you love Tim?
Kon: he is a huge coffee addict, the Robin costume looks ugly but I guess those are the things that make him look hella attractive not to mention he has a great as-
Bruce, Damian, Jason & Dick [ready with their weapons on Kon's neck]: be careful how you finish that sentence
Kon[flying out of the window]: HE GOT A GREAT ASS
[An hour later]
Metropolis reporter: today's breaking news Batman and the Robins are chasing after Superboy while throwing profanities. Oh wait we see Red Hood let's ask him about the situation
Reporter: Red Hood what brings you all to the metropolis today?
Red Hood: oh it's just a family outing to promote tourism to Gotham not like we are trying to make Superboy disappear from the face of the earth and bury him somewhere. Now now where did our Superboy kid run off to now?
Reporter:
[In Kent house hold]
Kon: Dad...you know I love you soo much right?
Clark[sighing]: what did you do this time?
Kon: Dad you gotta protect me they are coming for me
Clark: they who?
Kon: the bat fa-
[Window breaking and batfam entering]
Kon[already using Clark as human shield]: they are here dad
Bruce: Clark stay out of this
Clark[confused]: what did he do for the whole bat family to chase after him
Damian: ask him yourself
Clark: so what did you do?
Kon[shyly grinning]: I complimented Tim's ass..
Clark: I mean I see where you are coming from..I mean Bruce also has a great ass..but that's not the point now.
Dick: guess it's time to end the whole Superman bloodline
Jason: deviation in the plan now it's both dad-son duo
Clark: Can I say something before I die?
Bruce[with kryptonite]: you may speak
Clark: Bruce I always wanted to tell you something, you look really beautiful, and last Thursday, you looked amazing in those black undies.
[Collective batfam screaming and fighting] 
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qweenofurheart · 7 months
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prettiest robin. argue with the wall
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