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furiousgoldfish · 1 month

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which one of these did you believe was normal throughout your childhood:

Parents telling you that you're a financial burden to them

Parents insisting you need to work if you want to live in their house

Parents threatening to kick you out if you don't do as they say

Parents threatening death to you

Parents convincing you that you would die without them

Parents expecting you to know information you've never been taught or shown

Parents convincing you that you're unlovable

Parents telling you that any harm done to you is deserved

Parents not caring if you're sick/injured and shaming you for it

Parents expecting you to not have needs

Parents telling you that you're 'crazy' when you remember something traumatic they did to you

Parents acting like you're not a part of the family whenever is convenient

Being told to keep silent to 'keep the family together'

'What happens in my house stay in my house'

Parents inflicting physical abuse, marks and injuries on you

Parents having the right to do whatever they please to their kid

Parents insisting they must be automatically forgiven for everything

Parents telling you that you're the abusive one if you disobey

Parents throwing rage tantrums and screaming hateful atrocities at you in the 'heat of the moment' then later pretending thats normal and forgivable

Parents being allowed to act immature while children are not

Parents simply 'not noticing' when you have emotional/mental issues

Being suicidal and nobody caring or paying attention to it

Struggling with eating disorders/mental illnesses/disability and only being shamed and blamed for it

Parents insisting that their right to hurt you is above law and reason and that you are the only one who can be punished

Idea that 'everyone has it this hard' and 'you're the only one who is being this badly affected by otherwise normal treatment of children

Being told that it would only be worse for you somewhere else and you're lucky that you're only having 'only that amount of abuse'

Parents comparing their parenting to worse examples and wanting gratitude that they're 'not as bad'

Parents telling you that you'll never amount to anything and undermining everything you've done in life continually

Parents acting like your experience and perspective don't matter, or insisting you don't have the right to one in the first place.

(none of these are normal. this is brainwashing)

#child abuse #abusive parents #toxic parents #traumatic childhood #trauma recovery #healing from abuse #abused child #traumatized child #cptsd #ptsd

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awhkacey · 14 days

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𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐩 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞

𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐚 𝐩𝐩𝐥 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐢 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬’𝐬 “𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲“ 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐳𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐢 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐩 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩:)

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐨 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝟑𝟎 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐞𝐭 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨.

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞:

❤︎︎ 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐦. 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭. 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐩 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬, 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐞𝐭𝐜

❤︎︎ 𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐨𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐭, 𝐣𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐬𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚, 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐲𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐢𝐱𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 ’𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞’ 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐢𝐭

❤︎︎ 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐦 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐢 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝/𝐨𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞. 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩, 𝐠𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐝, 𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐚𝐰𝐟𝐮𝐥

❤︎︎ 𝐀𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧!! 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐭, 𝐜𝐫𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐰 𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐦 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦, 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐚𝐰 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧<𝟑𝟑𝟑

❤︎︎ 𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭!!! 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 ’𝐢 𝐚𝐦 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬’ 𝐨𝐫 ’𝐢 𝐚𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰’ 𝐞𝐭𝐜 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐫/𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐬

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬, 𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐣𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐲

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐩 𝐮𝐩 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐝𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲!! 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐞 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲?

𝐈 𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐳𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬, 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞...

’𝐢𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠’

’𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠’

’𝐢 𝐚𝐦 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐬’

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 @𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐠𝐚𝐥

𝐁𝐮𝐭𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲?

𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮!! 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬!!💗🫶

#healing from trauma #healing from abuse #law of assumption #manifestation #affirmations #neville goddard #self concept #manifest #living in the end #law of abundance #law of assumption challenge #lawofattraction #law of attraction #affirmyourself #affirmation #affirmdaily #love myself #i am loved

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it-wasnt-your-fault · 8 months

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It wasn’t your fault

It wasn’t your fault they treated you that way, it wasn’t your fault you accepted that treatment for so long, it wasn’t your fault you were taught abuse and neglect were what love is all about, it wasn’t your fault you thought it was all you deserved, it wasn’t your fault you fell for their fake charming character, it wasn’t your fault that you just wanted to be loved.

it wasn’t your fault

#healingjourney #narcissistic abuse #healing from abuse #healing from trauma #childhood #childhood trauma #tw abuse #emotional abuse #abuse survivor #narcissistic trauma #narcissistic ex

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healingchildhoodtrauma · 6 months

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#inner child healing #reparenting #healing from abuse #childhood trauma #dysfunctional family #narcissist parent

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daughterofanarcissistwoman · 1 month

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#inner child healing #reparenting #narcissistic abuse #emotional abuse #healing from abuse #psychological abuse #self love #boundaries #childhood trauma #narcissist mother #energy vampires #drama #toxic person #control freaks #emotional safety #emotional intelligence

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thefluoritebpd · 7 months

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The biggest BPD shock (also ASPD & psychosis) I've experienced was probably when I walked away from a 1,5-year-long friendship in which I constantly had fights, arguments, triggers and splits going off, threats thrown around, and at the time I walked away, I had another friendship formed with a different system. And suddenly, I was barely splitting, like once a month, maybe? When I did, I was met with affection and love, I was way more stable, could communicate better, didn't question every single second whether these people loved me or not, psychosis wasn't going off nearly as much as it used to, and my anger issues seemed to just disappear, leaving me questioning whether I had them in the first place.

And eventually, I found out that people with BPD are a mirror of their loved ones, and was like: "Wait, hold up- I WAS NOT THE PROBLEM THE ENTIRE TIME?!?!?!"

@the-soup-system

-host

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lefluoritesys · 7 months

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We do not know who needs to hear this, but if you were ever abused, you are going to subconsciously attract and get in relationships with your abuser's personality type. It's not something you are to be blamed for, ever, but it is something that you can change, and it is something that is going to happen until you realize they abused you and learn to set boundaries in your relationship. One can't happen without the other.

Our brain is unintentionally drawn to things it's familiar with, and abusers have a radar that goes off whenever they feel a potential victim around. They are quite literally sniffing potential victims out, and by talking to you or just simply looking at you, they may realize you are "easy to manipulate and/or use." And most of the time, unless the pattern is broken, we fall for that.

Now, nobody wants to get hurt. But unless you set boundaries and realize what is abusive and what isn't, you might not even realize you are being hurt. It seems ridiculous that our brain would "willingly" fall for abusers' tricks over and over again, but it doesn't do that out of the desire to hurt you, it just doesn't know any different. You may realize somebody hurt you, and it would still leave a sense of familiarity because you wouldn't know what it's like to not be hurt. (TW for verbal & physical abuse) If your partner, say, hit you and yelled at you in a previous relationship, but in the next one your new partner only seems to yell at you, it's (brain) just going to take it as "it's not that bad because at least I'm not being hit this time." (TW over) Which is why it sometimes takes such a long time for you to find healthy relationships. Yes, healthy relationships may help you with recovery, but some of us don't get healthy relationships for one reason or another.

It is not your fault. But it is in your hands most of the time to change it. It is always in your hands to change something about your life and yourself, no matter what the circumstances are. No matter how scared you are and how right you are to be scared. I know it's easy to say than do, but we never mentioned it would be easy; no, it would hurt like hell. It's going to burn, and you're going to crumble under the pressure, you're going to cry for hours, wonder what's the point in going on anymore. But it's always, always better to have a few months or years of being hurt rather than a life of misery, fear, and patterns that never seem to end.

-persecutor & anger holder, physical persecutor

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unwelcome-ozian · 9 months

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#trauma recovery #healing from abuse

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toxicparentrants · 5 months

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Growth and healing can hurt but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong or bad.

#toxic parents #child abuse #mental health #emotional abuse #mental abuse #trauma #mental illness #abuse survivor #actuallyabused #healing #healing from abuse #healing from trauma #hurt #healing journey #growth

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yannaryartside · 2 days

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ANALYSIS OF THE PORTRAYAL OF DEPRESSION THROUGH MICHAEL BEARZATTO

Why does this character mean so much to me as someone who was once suicidal

tw underneath: talks about self-arming/self-deprecating thoughts and substance abuse, particularly the last section that also will repeat the tw.

Disclaimer: This is about how I think Michael is one of the most helpful portrayals of depression I have seen and how I think it would have helped me, even though he died. The show is about healing from losing someone in this tragic way, but for me and my friends, the part that explores this character also means a lot.

A little about the importance of depiction of suicide and depression in media. You can skip this if it came from the character analysis; this is just to illustrate the characters that helped when I was going through it. See you at part 1.

When I was in my late teens, I entered a dark period in my life, with insomnia, depression, and memory lapses. It was primarily due to the emotional dread and trauma I got from having a narcissistic parent, being an autistic girl (not diagnosed back then), and the impending quarter-life crisis. I had no support group or emotional intelligence to deal with it all; I only got into therapy years before it all passed. That was until I met the girls that are, to this day, my two best friends, probably the only family I have ever known: V and E. V was going through a hardcore case of harassment in her school, and E had been neglected by her mother her whole life, only to definitely being abandoned by her recently at the time. We didn't know it by the time we met, but we would all hit the suicidal stages in our struggles with depression, even after we became friends.

We met in a Christian youth group we didn't want to be in. But in this space, we formed a friendship that will become our refuge from the world, our support, and the place to share our common interest in becoming writers. In the end, more than in the church we were attending, we found the courage to fight our demons in the pieces of fiction we were consuming. Because we could relate to those characters and their struggles. They seemed real to us. When I introduced them to the Bear last year, we discussed the things that the show got right when talking about Mickey.

Part 1: The portrayal of his loneliness

The inciting incident of the show is Michaeel's death. Still, there is a lot of discussion on how he was isolating himself long before that, and you could say the story of Carmy that we know today officially begins the day Michael cast him out of the restaurant. Which makes you think about why he did that.

Things that Michael was afraid of, that made him isolate himself:

For Carmy to see him act recklessly: now, we know Carmy saw Michael's explosive behavior before ("Fishes" and multiple family/staff anecdotes), but maybe he was starting to be afraid of not controlling his reactions or being aware of them. Was he having memory lapses? Was he afraid of losing his temper and hurting Carmy? The drugs could have dragged him to the point of not even recognizing himself.

Was Michael afraid of not being able to carry on the dream they had as kids? Was he buying on the idea that he was a failure and would never amount to anything good?

In addition to the previous reasons, I think Carmy's admiration was what he was the most afraid to lose. Most people have speculated that Carmy and Michael have an age difference of 10-12 years, and their father abandoned them, so Michael was the closest thing Carmy ever had to a father. This is one of the reasons Carmy idolized Miachel so much. Michael cannot even give Carmy a concrete answer in 'Fishes' about the restaurant's future and has emotional breakdowns afterward at the thought of disappointing him. It is even implied (by Richies look when Michael wraps himself in the blanket), that after that conversation, Michael may have consumed drugs. His behavior also becomes more erratic after this moment, losing track of stories he has told before and erupting in violence at the dinner table.

Part 2: The portrayal of hiding

The reason Carmy never found out about Michael's drug problem is a result of the actions of both brothers. I can only speak of this thinking of my own family and the families of my friends who were depressed/suicidal like me.

Michael was already doing everything he could to hide his depression, but I think Carmy was afraid of seeing the signs. Understandably so. People already mentioned that Michael was using, but Carmy never believed them. He was not thinking of Michael as his brother but as his parent. Because Michael was the only "parent" he could emotionally rely on. We can all have clouded vision by fear. Particularly if we are struggling and deeply emotionally wounded. There is no mention of someone else doing anything about it. Even his best friend, Richie, never confronted Michael about his addiction. Michael was the pillar of emotional security to everyone around him. They may even be afraid that confronting him will make things worse. God, after seeing "Fishes," I kinda understood why Michael didn't bring up anything to that environment; not only was everyone fucked up in their own way, but as Carmy said it "When you don't know what are you feeling, asking somebody else how they are feeling seems insane." I wonder how much Michael cared about his own feelings. That is something messed up to say, but is also true.

Part 3: The portrayal of Michael's responsibility.

Thoughts on the "what could have you done" scene. tw of suicidal thoughts particularly apply here.

I love that , when Richie said

"I wish I had done more," Carmy instantly replies 'What could you have done?"

It is essential to talk about suicide prevention while also understanding that nobody has control over your life or your life except yourself. A whole team of supporting, emotionally intelligent people may not have been enough to save Michael. The family is the environment when other genetic factors built it up, but nobody else pulled the trigger.

It is not like people cared more about their happiness than Michael's life; that is never the case. They all wanted to see, but no one is responsible for Mickey's death except himself. The thoughts of "what could I have done" to help him will just prolong a guilt that has no solution. When I was suicidal, I wouldn't have blamed anybody. There were people involved in my unhappiness, even aggressors, but I was the one who would have given up. Even Carmy tried to blame people for Michael’s death, Nat even blamed the restaurant.

I knew it was my responsibility to seek help or not. Finding ways to help my friends was difficult even if I knew them well and their situations. It is difficult to talk about, even if you want help. When my mom found out, years after the worst of it had passed, she would swear that she didn't see signs, but that is such a complicated topic. In the end, my friends and I just kept going. We all want to be the heroes of our own stories, but depending on the stories we tell ourselves, we may end our own chance to fight for ourselves.

Saying "they were afraid to see," is not the same as assigning blame, and I am sure the show will come to a point of having this conversation. It is probable that people tried to help Mickey or that he sought help himself at some point; it is very difficult to actually comprehend suicidal thoughts, more so if the person struggling with them is someone you love. Most of the people surrounding Mickey never would have imagined that he would die the way he did. Probably because that is the way Michael wanted it, even if he also wanted help, even if he dreamed about someone noticing. Because I dreamed of people noticing.

Part 4: The importance of a mirror

In the end, maybe he was more afraid of being found (ashamed, lost) than how much he wanted to be found (saved). He may have thought that all of his desperation/demons were more powerful than him. I once thought similarly, so I can relate to it. Adding the element of addiction makes it all more difficult. The show is about people dealing with the lost of Mickey, but this character made me revise a part of myself that I once wanted to keep in the past, afraid of looking at that darkness, which will prevent me from healing from it, even if the desperate thoughts that once made me suicidal are lone gone. Moreover I think Storer has chosen to show us so much flashbacks of Michael so we also can see the elements that broke him, in the context of knowing his tragic ending.

We get to know of much he meant to people, how much he shaped Carmy for better or worse. I was particularly touched by the fact that even when Nat found love in Pete and Carmy found purpose in cooking, Michael was likely never able to find fulfillment, or worse, if he ever found things that made him happy, he left them behind to keep the restaurant out of family responsibility, he may have thought that was the only thing valuable about himself.

We don’t know what things pushed him to the edge, but we know, as people that value the lives of our loved ones, that those things were based on lies, the lies he had learned about himself. The show made an effort of showing us those lies, the “you are not worth anything” and “you have no future” statements, the implied abuse, the addiction, the beliefs that all those lies could overpower him. We can see the good person that was hidden under that pile shit. The love he felt, the dreams he had. We get to imagine the future he could have.

We know, has people that have dreams of their own, that can feel love for this fictional character and can relate to him in some way, or just out of simple empathy, we wanted him to live too.

That is the most helpful way to depict suicide/depression, at least is the type of portrayal that has helped me the most. Don’t paint over it with thoughts and prayers, let me see it, in someone else struggling with it, I can see clues of the lies I once believed too, let me put myself in the shoes of this person that may be as broken as I am, and because I see the good and value in him, I can start to see the value and good of myself that my depression was forcing me to ignore.

I don’t know how a person that is currently going through depression will think of Mickey, but I think it at least will validate the things that break us in the context of what came to break him. Even if he died, because we wanted him to live, it may give us courage to fight our own demos.

About the future of Carmy.

There is abuse, addiction, emotional neglect, and many other things that caused the trauma they all carry in different ways, but since Carmy is probably gonna struggle with depression, self-deprecating, and even suicidal thoughts next season, I wonder if the characters are gonna reflect more on the ways they can support him, instead of latching to their damaging ways of thinking, that have hurt them all. This show is about healing, so I am happy to think Carmy will find solace in his support system.

Edit: I edited this post, changing actually the whole approach, because I wanted to choose my words carefully, maybe provide other writers on why characters like this are important. Thank you for reading.

#i don't talk about this topic much on the internet so i will tag this as responsibly as i can please let me know if i am missing something #healing from abuse #michael #michael berzatto #the bear #carmy berzatto #the bear fx #the bear meta #carmen berzatto #carmy the bear #richie #richie jerimovich #I really do not want this on the self harm tag on tumbrl I hate it so much so I am just happy with the people of this fandom reading it #healing from depression

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furiousgoldfish · 8 months

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When you grow up having the worst possible things happening to you around every corner, you can't just keep living your life without expecting the worst.

This isn't even paranoia, it's learning by experience. You can't just start expecting nice and safe and kind things to be put in your way, if they never were, it would not be backed up by any real-life experience you had. It would feel like you're dreaming if you suddenly expect your life to change completely and contain different events from anything you've experienced before. We don't work like that. We learn from experience. We can only predict what's ahead by looking at what's behind us, our collective experience on earth is the only pointer we have to what else we can expect to happen.

If you often told that your expectations are twisted, or that you're just looking for the worst in people, or assuming everyone has bad intentions, that's not something you should be blamed for. After suffering abuse and mistreatment, you have to be on the lookout for these things to prevent the worst and to save your life. You cannot afford to get trapped in abuse again, you have to look at every person and ask yourself, what is the worst they're capable of. What would they do if they had the complete power over me. And you have to work with that, make sure it doesn't get to it, as much as it's in your power to do so.

Abuse victims have to go above and beyond to keep themselves safe, because we get targeted. It's not something we want to do, or something we do to make our own lives difficult. We don't enjoy it. We want to be safe. We want to let our guard down. We want to relax and believe we're surrounded by people who wouldn't harm us. But, if we're wrong, the consequences can be disastrous. And getting abused by someone we trusted was safe for us, that is not something we can survive endless times in life.

#learning from experience #abuse recovery #healing from abuse #trauma recovery #vigilance being misdiagnosed as paranoia #assuming bad attentions to keep ourselves safe #i made this mistake too many times recently #and now i'm in the worst mess psychologically then i was years ago :(#i was supposed to be getting better from trauma #instead i'm devastated on a whole new level #i didn't realize how vulnerable i could be as an adult #i lost the faith in myself after being betrayed like this

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kaddyssammlung · 3 months

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Unintentional Homophobia

My (future) employee and I were talking a little last week.

We were just talking in general and how you can't really plan anything. My brother and I are taking over my parent's business. I've been working there since 2008 and in 2022 my brother also joined.

She told me all kinds of scenarios that she has already played through in her head about what could happen when we finally do that.

One of which was “so....if I were you I would just go out and look for some guy and sleep with him then get pregnant. Then you would have a child. Don't you want one? You are already 36.”

She knows I'm gay.

She even has adult gay friends. A lesbian couple that she spends a lot of time with. I gather from that she kind of understands what being gay means.

I don't really think she thought about what she said there.

That hurt me in a very strange way.

I don't feel like I made a decision when it comes to this.

TW for the rest; trauma and CSA

The relationship that I had with my ex-boyfriend was when my BPD was at its peak. I was so desperate and I really thought I was going to die if he leaves me.

Of course it was not right to stay with him. From what I know today I would say that we were both abusive.

My body was wiser then my mind and kept screaming “no”. I could really sleep with him. Most of the times I was not physically able to, if you know what I mean. Can you imagine what pain that caused me in a certain area?! It's stored trauma from when I was a child that led to this. How could I not see this than?! I really am not attracted to guys. I never have been. I had two girlfriends and some random sex with women but even that was a long time ago. I still don't feel capable of sleeping with someone.

Idk what else to say.

That's what I had in my mind when she said that. For a second I felt like screaming exactly this in her face. But that does not help either.

This whole topic...well....idk...for now I guess that's it. This makes me feel weird. Oh wait...today is a day where I feel something. Hmmm that's good then. I feel pain. Yes I am that weird. I'm not dissociated. What? That's rare. Okay....

To anyone who read all of this: Thank you :)

#mental health #healing from trauma #healing from abuse #tw mental illness #tw sa mention #lesbian pride #totally a lesbian #homophobia

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