Climbing Out (Chapter 1)
A/N: Yes we are starting a new series. Suck it up. I know there is a series I haven’t finished but I think the message in this one is more personal and important to me. I still take requests. Always.
(For general warnings and summary + Author’s note about the series look at my Climbing Out Masterlist here)
Please note this starts in books 2 of the ACOTAR series and there will be spoilers
Climbing Out Masterlist
I felt dead inside as I stared at myself in the mirror. The bruises on my back were so prominent. Then there was pounding and I was suddenly there where the pain wouldn’t stop, my father, Amarantha, cackling, as pain lashed through my body, as a knife was driven through my-
I woke in a panic as I sat up in the sheets. There was fire dancing around my room as shadows screamed. “Calm down,” I commanded, the shadows, the flames. They slipped into quiet at my tone of voice. The screams turned to whispers, the embers turning to nothing. Sweat beaded down my brow as I glanced out he window. It was dawn, time to practice fighting with Lucien.
Unlike Feyre, Tamlin was not as overbearing towards me, especially since I was not exactly who he loved. I twirled light around my hand as I shaped it into a ball, as images from my mind was projected into the hand before me, as it was turned to the faces of my sisters. My family, at least by blood. The oldest sister who couldn’t care enough to check when she spotted the bruises on my face, my back. The middle child who was everyone’s favourite, who couldn’t spare a glance to let me know I wasn’t alone every time I tried to confide in her. And the my final sister…
Feyre had things to do. She kept the family alive, she tried, yes. I can’t deny that they all tried. In their own, flawed way, even my father. Every time he beat me I still couldn’t bring myself to hate him. Even when he could not care less when we were starving. Resentment, yes. But hate?
A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts.
“Y/N? We have to train, can I come in?” Lucien. The voice belonged to Lucien. The ball of light in my hand vanished as I said yes. My fingers snapped and I was in training leathers, but as I stared into the mirror across the room. I knew that hollow look like the back of my own hand. Felt it.
Lucien paused as he noticed my hands slack on the bed, my hunched back, the look on my face. Sympathy flickered in his eyes as he reached out to me, exposing his hands to me. I still flinched away, still had that flash of fear in my mind. Weak. I couldn’t even handle someone approaching me without reacting. I was weak. The words resonated in my ears as I scooted away from Lucien slightly, an apology already making it’s way out of my mouth.
“Don’t be sorry,” His throat bobbed as he swallowed, “I know with everything it can be hard,” He remained where he was. “We can skip training today, do you want breakfast?” I considered. Breakfast? I could, but I ate too much yesterday. I shook my head and looked at the door and then to him. He nodded and left my room, closing the door on the way out.
He hates me. The thought hit me like a train. No he didn’t. Lucien was nice, he respected my boundaries, he knows why, he understands. He thinks your a burden, you are too needy, he is just being nice. I hung my head at the sickeningly intrusive thoughts, my hands going to clutch my ears at the loud, loud voices. My breathing sped up as I curled into a ball and backed away from the edge of the bed. My back met the wall and tears slid down my eyes. Why couldn’t I keep it in today?
I wiped my eyes as my mind battled to keep the voices away, to keep the emotions in, to let them bottled up, they could eat me alive for all I cared.
Feyre needed me, I needed to support her, even if I was dying inside. Have been for a while. I breathed out a sigh as I snapped my fingers and I was wearing a simple, sweet dress. The dress that presented the young girl I was, at least until the incidents.
Going down the stairs, Tamlin was there with Feyre. If I remembered right, tomorrow would have been their wedding but my sister was bursting with excitement like I would expect. I flashed them both a small smile as I asked for permission to roam the grounds with Lucien after I was done entertaining myself. Tamlin said yes, as expected and Feyre looked annoyed, it was unfair, that I got to roam around with no sentries and just Lucien who was my friend, it wasn’t far that she was drowning in protection.
The day passed just as quickly as any other, my anxiety was kept at bay so there wasn’t any emotional vulnerability except when I was playing music in the Art Studio that used to be for Feyre. I had begun to use it to play the violin on my own instead of staying in my room to do so.
The following day was, well, chaotic was one word. Entertaining was another. Maybe it was because the distress on Feyre’s face was so clear as I stood by the alter. Maybe because Rhysand showed up grinning like a fox, calling in the bargain, and my foolish sister, begging to stay even though deep down she wanted to end this god forsaken wedding.
I was swept away with her, thankfully, I sure as hell did not wan to deal with the aftermath of all this.
I have to admit, watching Feyre throw shoes at Rhysand was far more entertaining then it would have been to see her speak vows. But as I spotted that glint in his eyes when he expressed his distaste for her dress, not that he was wrong about the fact it looked absolutely disgusting, I realised why he came. Why he swept her away, something in me clicked. I didn’t have enough time to say anything before Feyre stormed to her room, disregarding my presence entirely. Rhysand turned to face me.
“And what powers did you receive?” He eyes me wearily. I decided that I was bored so showing him would have been so much more fun then telling him. Without warning, my powers whipped for him, cold ice combined with searing flame, dark night combined with the brilliance of day. He barely had enough time to shield but my light tore through it anyways then my powers vanished just before they could reach him, sucking into me as I called it back.
“I got most of the Seven Courts, the only one I didn’t get was The Spring Court, I think it had to do with preferences. I don’t particularly like Tamlin,” I drawled as I lounged on an arm chair near by, my fingers snapping for my gown that I had selected to change into a cotton shirt paired with comfortable leather pants. “So you got picky with your powers?” He teased and I rolled my eyes. “I knew I was dead, I was hoping for it, I didn’t want to come back. When I saw the lights in the darkness I knew what was happening and they had distinct colours, I accidentally broke a piece off of the Spring Court, so I don’t have its powers,” I picked at my nails.
That’s when i felt something sift through my mind. I hissed as I shoved it out and slammed down a wall of everything i had combined and mixed into a powerful shield. “Don’t look into my head you asshole,” I seethed at him, but there was fear at the back o my head, he could have been there for just minutes, but it was enough to see what happened. The look on his face was not reassuring.
“You were-,” “Yes i was,” I cut him off, not wanting to speak about it, “My father had a certain way of expressing how he felt, it was my fault for never having anything to do,” I brushed off, but the crack of my voice and the tears in my eyes gave me away.
“What a prick,” A female voice sounded as a blonde haired fae stepped into the light. I snorted, indeed. Rhysand glanced at the female and then to me before sighing. “Y/N, this is Morrigan, my cousin. Mor, this is Y/N,” Morrigan smiled at me. “Please call me Mor,” She said, her voice was like night yet not, the voice of the Princess of Nightmares. “I will if you call me Y/N/N,” I grinned. Her answering smirk was like a wolf’s and I swore that I heard Rhysand send a prayer to the cauldron.
tag list: @moonfawnx @bankerfrog @younxii @starlit-terror @hideing @flightlesslittlebirdie @menagerofmischief @famousbasementpainter @owllover123 @bookworm-nerd6 @gigisssz @bethany-bee0128 @cityofidek @aetherl0l
A/N: Who wants to kill someone? Just me? Got it. Love you guys. (BTW I have been working on this for four days) <3
Climbing Out Masterlist
Apple and Darling deal with the aftermath of Apple's birthday party.
Sequel to my previous three Ever After High fics. this time, they're pretty required reading lol
The party ended fairly quickly after Snow White confronted Apple. Whispers of what exactly went down spread through the guests like the plague.
“I heard Apple snuck out last night with a boy!”
“I heard she kissed a girl~”
“Darling Charming’s been awfully close to her lately…”
“Daring Charming has a new girlfriend, and I bet Apple did something for revenge!”
“I bet Apple is finally becoming a Rebel– took her long enough”
Whispers Apple and Darling couldn’t hear– they had gone into one of the several cleaning supply closets– though they could barely fit due to it being made for the dwarves. Apple had finished her crying and now just leaned her head on her girlfriend’s shoulders, her eyes still puffy and red. Darling stroked her hair in a soothing rhythm, like her mom used to do (back when her mom actually cared for her).
“Can we stay here forever?” Apple croaked softly. Darling kissed the top of her head.
“I wish we could… but you and I both know your mom is going to send the dwarves after me or you and we’ll be–”
“Yeah…” Apple nuzzled her head.
Darling smelled like lilac and cherry perfume. It reminded Apple of the open fields by Darling’s castle– just rows and rows of gorgeous flowers.
She played there a lot as a kid– taking turns letting each of the Charming’s rescue her. Dexter never really was all that into it, but Daring and Darling took it very seriously. Daring was probably the best prince, while Darling was the best dragon– she always defended and kept Apple close as she fought her brother, and when she kicked him down to the ground, she’d take her hand and scream that Daring “wasn’t going to get her this time!” and the girls would giggle and run away and then hide low in the fields, sharing secrets and looking at bugs, while Daring yelled demanding they come out of hiding…
Apple missed those times…
Darling kissed the top of her head again.
If Apple closed her eyes and focused, she could feel like she was there instead of in a small closet, knees to her chest in a room full of cleaning supplies that reeked of apple and bleach.
She could fall asleep on Darling’s shoulder. She could sleep in the comfort and peace she gave to her.
A knock on the closet–
A pounding, more like. Darling opened the door to see some very unhappy dwarves.
“Boss told us we need to clean.”
“R-right, of course,” Apple sniffled and rubbed her eyes, probably getting mascara everywhere– if it wasn’t already.
Darling carefully got out of the short closet, lending her hand to help her girlfriend get up too. The dwarves paid them little mind, getting out what they needed and heading right on their way to clean everything up. Apple stood silently, hands clasped tightly as she watched, her brain now too tired to form thought.
A hand touching hers snapped her out of the trance, as Darling broke her grasp and held one of them instead.
“What are you thinking about?” She asked, her brilliant blue eyes sparkling, despite them also being puffy and red.
Apple stroked Darling’s hand with her thumb.
“I don’t know… if she even wants me here…”
Darling squeezed tighter.
“I-i don’t even know if I want to be here,” she admitted too, tears still somehow falling down her face (and here she thought she had run out long ago).
“I’d invite you to my place– but I’m probably expecting hell too,” Darling’s voice quivered a little– as it always did when Darling didn’t want to admit she was scared.
“It’s okay, Darling. You don’t have to save me–”
“I do, Apple. That’s— that’s the issue,” Darling suddenly let go of her hand, now crossing her arms.
She didn’t speak for a while, and for a moment the only sound was the hustle and bustle of the dwarves, and the pounding of Apple’s heart.
“I shouldn’t have endangered you like that Apple– I-i should’ve known better than to get you that stupid necklace– I should’ve–”
“Darling, no! It’s a beautiful, beautiful necklace– I absolutely adored it! M-mother just–”
“I put you in danger, Apple. Knights and Warriors and True Loves aren’t supposed to do that,” Darling looked away.
“D-darling, please– don’t do this,” She grabbed her arm. Darling turned back.
“I-i didn’t mean it like– I’m sorry, Apple,” Darling touched her cheek. Apple released a heavy breath.
“J-just… remember what you said– ‘What we have is very, very real, a-and she can’t take it away from us’, right?” Apple pressed her forehead against Darling’s. Darling kissed her softly.
“You’re one hell of an inspirational speaker– you know that?” She smiled a little.
Apple snorted. “Oh please– that was the lamest speech ever.”
“And that’s what makes it one of your best,” Darling kissed her again, and this time Apple kissed her right back.
Silence filled the air again.
“Darling… I don’t want you to go.”
“I don’t want to leave you either…”
“But my family is waiting for me and your mother is waiting for you so for now, this has to be goodbye” Are the words Darling didn’t say, but Apple heard clear as day.
A goodbye for now…
“I love you,” Apple whispered. Darling smiled a little, before giving her a big hug.
“I love you too, Apple. Take care.”
Neither girl let go of each other for a very, very, very long time– until a door creaked open behind them.
“U-um, Darling? Mom and Dad a-are getting kind of impatient– they’re kind of mad about how late it is…” It was Dexter.
“Of course,” Darling faked a smile that could rival Apple’s. Darling took Apple’s hand and kissed it.
“Till we meet again, my lady,” She curtseyed.
“Till we meet again, my knight,” Apple did the same, and watched as she walked away.
She looked back just as the door closed.
Apple went to what was hopefully still her room.
The carriage had an atmosphere so tense you could cut it with a knife. Darling’s mother’s face was stone cold. She stared straight ahead at the window that showed the coachman, while her father typed business reports on his laptop– as he usually was these days. Darling was sitting between her brothers (shorter legs and all). Dexter was on her right, sweating like a pig and debating whether or not to start a conversation, while Daring was staring at his mirror phone– which was turned off. He probably would’ve been texting or scrolling one of his many, many social medias, but… he was probably thinking about what everyone was thinking.
Darling was dating Apple White, and while it wasn’t evident to everyone quite yet, her family knew, and the rest of the world would piece it together in a couple of hours– especially with characters like Blondie, Kitty and Duchess at the party.
Dexter never did decide to break the silence, as they eventually reached their castle.
As they entered their home, they knew they were not going to bed, as their mother made a sharp turn for the dining hall, and the Charming Siblings all got the same sense they were supposed to follow.
Their mother sat at the head, their father to her right.
The kids sat at the opposite end, with Darling at the head, Daring on her left, Dexter on her right.
Silence for a good, long while.
“Darling dearest, would you care to explain what happened tonight?” Her mother said, gritting her teeth with a large smile.
“W-well, see, it was–”
“You didn’t ask us about giving a separate gift. You didn’t even tell us about a separate gift! Care to explain that?!” Her father interrupted.
“That’s… true– but–”
“When have you ever been this rebellious! It doesn’t make sense– you used to be a very good little girl, and then you became a homosexual and now–”
“Oh this again? I thought we solved this when I was born! Or do you just love rehashing old arguments,” Darling stood, pushing her chair back with a loud scrape against the marble floor.
“She makes a point, mom,” Dexter muttered.
“Oh you just hush,” She huffed. “And sit down, Darling– you’re making an even bigger fool of yourself.”
Darling sat, not because she wanted to listen to her mother, but so it could be over sooner rather than later.
“Darling, you have no right to speak to me, or your mother that way,” Her father spoke up. “And don’t even think about mumbling about it either.
Shit– he read her mind. She sat back in her chair and crossed her arms silently.
“Darling I… I just don’t understand you. You’re such a pretty girl, and you just… Why do you go and ruin things? Why did you steal Daring’s girlfriend? Why are you ruining our family image?
Darling dug her nails into her skin.
“Darling didn’t steal anyone! Apple is her own woman,” Daring defended his ex true-love.
Queen Charming huffed. “You know, I expected more from you, Daring. You’ve been getting… feminine lately… Oh heavens– you aren’t–? Are you?!” A look of panic filled their mother’s eyes.
“Woah, woah, I’m– not,” the pause informed Darling of something new. “It’s just well– we tested it and it turns out I’m not Apple’s true love– I might be Rosabella’s, though,” he finally told his parents.
“Tested it out, how?” Their father asked, raising an eyebrow.
“During the Dragon Games, the Evil Queen poisoned Apple and Daring kissed her but it did nothing. Then Darling kissed her and then… she woke up,” Dexter explained for them.
Darling’s parents stared at her for a long, long time.
Moments like these made her wish she was a son like they wanted– maybe then she’d actually be brave enough to say all this herself. But no, here she was, practically cowering, makeup smeared all over her face, her arms yearning for Apple.
“That true, Daring?” Their father asked.
“That true, Darling?” He then asked her.
She nodded too.
“Snow isn’t very happy about this,” their mother remarked.
“Like I don’t know that,” Darling rolled her eyes.
“Young lady, get your act together or so help me–” Their father had to take a deep breath, before giving his usual ‘ever so charming’ smile.
“What we mean is that you should have told Snow White instead of making it a whole public ordeal,” He said.
“Oh please– it’s not like she would’ve taken it any better,” Darling didn’t stop biting back.
“Darling Genevieve Charming! I command you to stop talking to your father like that this instant!” Her mother used her full name.
She was in a whole world of trouble now.
“Do we need to send you to the Academy again?!” She went on to threaten.
“No!” Darling immediately begged. “Please– anything but that awful place.”
Her mother smirked with perfect teeth.
“Well, that’s quite the sudden improvement now, isn’t it?” She folded her hands on the table.
Darling hated how easily her mother could get to her.
“You know, it’s not Snow or Daring or Darling’s fault things ended up this way– Destiny is Destiny,” Dexter spoke up again.
“We’re well aware of that, Dexter. It’s just– unprecedented and highly unusual. Perhaps we should consult the Story Book of Legends for answers,” Their father turned to his wife. She pondered it.
“We’ve already talked to Principal Grimm– it’s all official with the book and stuff,” Darling said.
“Yes! I can confirm– I was there,” Daring pitched in his support. Darling appreciated it– he wasn’t usually very good at this.
“Well then,” Their mother still wasn’t pleased– as she obviously wouldn’t be. Her pristine manicure drummed against the table as she stared at Darling, deep in thought. Darling wanted nothing more than to crawl out of her own skin and go far, far away from here.
Maybe Wonderland… everything was safe in Wonderland…
“You boys are dismissed. I’d like to have a one-on-one with dearest Darling,” She said, her eyes still laser focused on her.
Great. Just… Great.
She could sense her brother’s hesitating– for a second she thought perhaps they’d even refuse.
Alas, one look from their father and they obeyed.
She couldn’t blame them– Daring’s biggest fear was disappointing father, and Dexter already knew he was a disappointment enough to him.
Darling didn’t know where she stood, though she had a pretty good idea when it came to her mother.
“Darling, you know your father and I only want what’s best for the kingdom and Ever After, right?” She said.
“Yes, mother,” Darling stayed polite.
“See, if you two were to get together, then there’d be no heir to the throne of Ever After after Apple died, and that simply isn’t good enough for the kingdom.”
“Are you sure there isn’t magic that could solve that problem?” Darling bit back, careful with her tone though.
“Darling, you’re getting off topic.”
Not careful enough.
“What I also mean to say is that you two being together– well, it would cause a lot of chaos in Ever After– and after everything with the Evil Queen– well– We don’t need more Destiny Breakers going mad.”
“That’s not at all comparable–”
“Darling– just… listen to me,” Her mother rubbed her forehead. “Apple is already under a lot of stress because she appears more like Rose Red than Snow White, and gets plenty of ridicule from her people for that already. Does she really need more stress added to her destiny?”
“Just… think about it, Darling. The White’s are good friends to us– I’d hate to see them be hurt further because of you,” She stood.
Darling was rendered speechless. She folded her arms once more. She heard her mother sigh.
“I do wish you’d be more agreeable… would’ve made our lives much easier…”
She left after that.
Darling didn’t move for a while, sitting in her chair, fuming. Her nails dug into her skin so hard a part of her wondered if she’d draw blood but she was too angry to think about that for long. Her eyes started to burn– her nostrils flaring.
It wasn’t fair! None of this was fair! She didn’t ask for this! She didn’t ask for this life!
She didn’t ask to be born a disappointment! She didn’t ask to be the unexpected twin!
She didn’t ask for this stupid life with her stupid parents with her stupid destiny! She just wanted to be with Apple– no politics, no wars, no arguments, no parents, no nothing.
Just she and her watching the sunset in the lilac fields… hand in hand…
She didn’t ask for this.
She didn’t ask for any of this.
She didn’t know when she started crying, but when she did, she started to weep, rocking back and forth in her chair as she held her head in her hands.
She didn’t ask for this.
Apple’s room was just as she had left it.
Pristine, with one pillow being slightly crooked. Other than that, everything was perfect.
She liked leaving the pillows like that– it was the one thing her mother wouldn’t notice whenever she checked in on her. It was her little act of rebellion.
Though she had moved on to a larger act now and– god…
What was going to become of her?
Her mother’s words– she could barely remember them exactly, but she remembered the cruelty. She remembered her grabbing her face–
“There are hundreds of street orphans far more worthy of your destiny. Do not forget this.”
Apple was screwed…
But she was in her room…
It was untouched…
She half expected her mother to come bursting in– to give her another scolding of a lifetime.
There was only silence.
No birds, no dwarves…
She didn’t know if that was better yet.
She sat on her bed and waited for her mother, fidgeting with her new dress.
The sleeves and collar were wet with tears. Her head throbbed from dehydration, but she didn’t dare ask for water– or go by herself to fetch it.
She hadn’t gone near that well since she was young.
Predictability– foresight– she had planned out her life ever since she had fallen in. She had known what she wanted and she was going to get it.
Now she had no idea what was going to happen…
It was like she was six years old, several feet underground, crying for help and not knowing if anything would come– if she was doomed to sink even further, further, further down and never see the light of day again.
Apple hated that feeling.
And here she was.
She continued to sit, but nothing changed.
Her dress started to itch at her.
She still sat there.
She decided to change into a nightgown and let her hair down. She also decided to remove what little was left of her makeup at this point.
She still sat on her bed and waited for her mother.
Apple wondered if she was waiting for Apple to fall asleep and then wake her up as some part of a twisted punishment.
She sat awake.
She went to her phone– she pondered calling Darling, but she was probably also dealing with a ton of shit right now…
And Apple didn’t want to look at the billions of texts and mentions she was getting.
She layed down and stared at the canopy of her bed.
White lace with red trim. If she untied it, it would encase her entire bed and it’d look just like a scene from the Storybook of Legends– though not Snow Whites– no, she had the whole glass coffin deal. It was Briar who got silk and satin with a lace canopy.
Sometimes Apple wished she had Briar’s story instead.
At least society could actually change in one hundred years…
Maybe she could sleep… She was exhausted from all the crying and stress. She hugged her apple-scented pillows tightly, curling into a ball around it.
Just as she predicted though, there was a knock at the door the moment she closed her eyes. Apple immediately sat up and waited for her mother to let herself in (she never really did wait for that “come in” anyway).
Her mother was also dressed in a nightgown and robe, though she still had her makeup on. Her hair as black as the night flowed beyond her waist in perfect black ringlets that had once filled Apple with jealousy. She held a mirror-pad tightly, her knuckles somehow even whiter than the rest of her.
Apple kept her eyes down.
“You’re going to apologize to the people for causing the party to end earlier than expected tomorrow morning. You’re also going to publicly announce your relationship with Daring Charming, sealing it with a kiss for all of Ever After. After that, you will go to your room where you still stay for the rest of summer break, and if you learn to get your act together after that, I might let you attend when the next trimester starts up. Do I make myself clear, Apple?”
“Wh… you… you can’t just– I love–”
“You know nothing of love, Apple White. You are sixteen. Get your act together or so help me god I will send you to the far, far reaches of this realm where someone else will fix it for you,” Snow White scowled.
Apple couldn’t think– her mind was spinning with emotions and exhaustion– She wanted to scream, she wanted to throw something, she wanted to pull her hair out and jump out a window– she wanted to sit there and collapse, she wanted to sleep for one hundred years, she wanted to drown in that well, she wanted to kiss Darling, she wanted to hug Darling, she wanted to be far, far away from this hell.
“I love Darling Charming. She broke the spell, not Daring. No matter what you do, it will always be destiny,” she eventually spat.
Snow White sighed, turning off her mirror pad and rubbing her forehead.
“From the moment you were born, you’ve been nothing but a PR disaster. Blonde hair, less than perfectly pale skin… and now you have to go and add this. Really, Apple… Do you think adding this to your roster will help at all when you become queen? IF you even become queen,” She looked her in the eye.
Apple was in the well. She knew what awaited her if she gave in… perhaps there was a comfort in that. In death. In the darkness. Sinking deeper, and deeper, and deeper.
IF she even became queen…
Apple knew her mother couldn’t have another child of her own– maybe she'd adopt a street orphan like she had threatened before. Maybe that would be the better option–
No… she didn’t want to be sent off to any reform academy– her friends were in Ever After. She needed to be there- she needed them.
“You have to answer, my Apple Dumpling,” Snow went to her and lifted her chin.
Apple wanted to bite her mother’s fingers so hard they bled.
“Mummy loves you, you know that, right?” She smiled perfectly at her.
Apple wanted to hurt her. She wanted to hurt her real, real bad.
“Of course,” She smiled back.
The queen lowered her hand. “So you’re agreeing to it?”
Apple’s chest ached as she forced out a “Yes. I’ll kiss Daring and renounce my behavior.”
Her mother kissed her forehead.
“That’s my girl,” She patted her head before leaving the room. Apple went to get up– to see if her mother truly left and went down the hall, but the lock clicked.
There never was a choice.
When had there ever been a goddamned choice in her goddamned life?!
Apple banged against the door with her fists. She shook it violently, pulling at the brass handles with all her might, but nothing made it budge. She threw the nearest book against the door- nothing. Soon, she just started throwing everything– sweeping her desk– crashing vases to the ground, getting water and mud and glass everywhere– she tore down her canopy, the sound of it tearing immensely satisfying. She went to her closet and threw her dresses all over the ground– pulling some of them apart. She dug through her shoes and tossed them all out too. And then she went to her mirror– she went to her mirror with the fire of a thousand suns, her mother’s favorite pair of her heels in hand, and she broke mirror, after mirror, after mirror, after mirror.
Bad luck, bad luck, bad luck.
Apple already had bad luck– it couldn’t get worse.
She was already miserable– being forced to live a life she had dreamt of since she was a little girl!
Oh how fast things change… oh how different Apple was now…
She needed to go back to Ever After… she needed to apologize to everyone– to say that their destinies were bullshit–
God– if she had listened to them earlier this all could have been avoided…
She could even be with Darling right now, maybe…
She looked in the cracked mirrors. A broken, puffy eyed creature similar but not exact to Apple look back at her.
She had freed the Evil Queen like this.
Apple fell to her knees for the second time that night.
This time, there was no Darling or knight in shining white armor to comfort her.
Dismantling the Lies of Abusive Parents Masterlist
Giving you food and clothing is the bare minimum
You don’t owe gratitude for food and clothes you needed as a child
You had the right for basic resources
Parents shaming you for costing money is ironic and stupid
What it means when they say ‘This is MY house’
My house = my rules is blackmail
Children don't owe absolute obedience for being fed and sheltered
You are allowed to refuse any touch, not only violence
If they ‘don’t know they’re hurting you’, why do they ignore or punish you when you protest?
Hitting children is irrational and doesn’t work
You cannot ‘provoke’ your parents to abuse you if they’re not abusive
Why do parents actually hit, manipulate and traumatize children
Care, nurture and affection do not make you weak
They’re lying when they say it ‘wasn’t that bad’‘
You wouldn’t have grown up spoiled if not for abuse
You got too affected by it’ is a lie
Your parents are not ‘just too emotionally immature’ to understand abuse
‘You’re not living in the real world!’ is nonsense
You’re not worthless, a burden, ungrateful, or stupid, and your parents know that.
Constant undermining of your accomplishments is abuse
Not being allowed to talk about the past is symptom of abuse
Parents who want you to be happy vs look happy
You are not abusive for resisting abuse
When they claim ‘they didn’t mean it’, it’s still abuse
Your parents are responsible for their own actions regardless of how badly they try to shift blame on you
Blind Obedience is not required in a healthy upbringing
Disgust is a weapon abusive parents use on their kids
If they say they love you, but walk all over your feelings, they don’t
Parents don’t have the right to enter your room to scream at you
Parents insisting for you to be ‘tough’ are doing it to hide the trauma
Even if a kid acts like ‘they can take it’, it’s still abuse
Pretending abuse is discipline will leave children permanently scarred
It’s inhumane to control and shame children’s reactions to abuse
Why don’t you already know this? vs Teaching you necessary skills
Acting like they’ll change is escape sabotage
Parents are responsible for protecting children from harm
References to how healthy parenting looks like
Not being allowed to be angry with your parents is psychological abuse
If parents want you to act way you did when you were little, they’re dangerous
Threats about how hard your life will be later on, are bad for you
Lack of continuity and ever-changing rules will cause anxiety
Forced obedience will lead you to abusive relationships
Parents acting like you’re a ‘bad' is a shame tactic to control you
There’s healthy and abusive ways to give children chores
Revisioning the past and insisting you remember it wrong is gaslighting
If your parents make you suicidal, they’re abusive
Parents threatening ‘they could be worse’ is abuse
Always assuming the worst intentions for your actions is wrong
Keeping children hostage in abuse is torture
If this hits home, also read Recognizing Abuse Masterlist
What abusers believe.
If you've ever had to deal with an abusive person in your life - like an abusive parent or partner - you've probably wondered what made them treat you that way. If you understand why abuse is happening, the thinking goes, you might be able to figure out how to make it stop.
So why do abusers do what they do? Do they have anger issues? Drinking problems? Past trauma? Personality disorders? Do they just need to get in touch with their feelings and learn how to communicate better?
Abusive behaviours come from abusive beliefs. Abusers - whether consciously or unconsciously - hold specific beliefs about relationships that drive their behaviour and allow them to justify the horrible things they do. Even if your abuser has never put their beliefs into words, you'll probably recognize a lot of these abusive beliefs:
You are responsible for my emotions. It is never my responsibility to reflect on my emotional reactions or learn better coping skills - it's your responsibility to stop doing things that make me angry or upset.
I must act on my emotions. If I am angry, I am going to lash out. You have no right to criticize me for that, and it's not my responsibility to learn to manage my emotions - you have to stop making me lash out at you. Asking me not to act on my emotions is controlling and wrong.
You will always be responsible for my emotions. Even if the relationship ends, you will continue to be responsible for my emotions, and I will expect you to continue to prioritize my feelings.
If I have feelings about something, it's my business. If something you do or think causes an emotional reaction in me, then I have a right to get involved or tell you what to do. My feelings must be the priority. You don’t have the right to tell me that it’s none of my business.
You must judge me on my intentions, not my actions. If I didn't mean to hurt you or scare you, then you don't have the right to be hurt or scared. No one has the right to try to hold me accountable unless I meant to hurt someone.
I get to decide what your intentions were. If you hurt me, you meant to hurt me. If you make me jealous, you meant to make me jealous. Nothing you do is ever accidental or unintended - everything you do is intentional and malicious, even if it was a response to something I did.
My feelings are genuine; your feelings are manipulation. If I'm upset, my feelings are real and important. If you are upset, you have an ulterior motive - you're just trying to be manipulative and get attention or sympathy for yourself.
You have freedoms because I allow you to. Every freedom you have in your life - like wearing what you want - it's because I generously allow it. I expect you to be grateful to me for that. I have the right to take those freedoms away whenever I want, and I expect you to obey.
If you set boundaries with me, you are mistreating me. If you really loved me, you wouldn't set boundaries with me. You are doing this to intentionally hurt me, which means I don't have to respect those boundaries.
You holding me accountable for hurting you is worse than me hurting you. My pain at being called out is worse than your pain at being mistreated. If I feel bad about something I did, I have already been punished enough. You trying to discuss the issue or hold me accountable is just your way of abusing me.
If I apologized for something, you have to forgive me. If the relationship has ended, you have to reconcile with me. You don't get to ask for more time apart or more discussion of the issue - once I've apologized, the matter is closed for good.
The relationship is not over until I say it is over. So long as I want a relationship with you, you must have a relationship with me. Your feelings are irrelevant. Even if we have broken up, you must remain available to me so we can get back together in the future. Not wanting a relationship with me means you are mistreating me or being immature.
I am the authority in this relationship. I am smarter and more perceptive than you. I know what is best for both of us. My version of events is always the correct one. I have superior judgement, taste and opinions. If you question me or disagree with me after I've given you the correct answer, you are disrespecting and mistreating me, or you are simply immature and incapable of knowing what’s good for you.
I have the right to control you. It is my absolute right to decide what you do and who you associate with. You have no right to disobey me. I am owed obedience and control; if you don’t give me those things, you are wronging me and cheating me out of the relationship I deserve.
If you resist my control, I am allowed to do whatever I think is necessary to get it back. Once you’ve resisted me, I am justified in whatever I do to regain control of you. I am not responsible for my actions when you resist my control; you forced me to do it, and it’s your own fault.
I should be your main focus. Everything else in your life comes secondary to me. When you make decisions, my feelings should be your first consideration. You are expected to make sacrifices for me and put me at the center of your life; I am not obligated to do the same for you.
If I spend money on you or do something for you, you are in debt to me. You spending money on me or doing things for me does not erase your debt to me, and I am never in debt to you. You are indebted to me for as long as I decide. I may decide that your belongings and earnings also belong to me, since I allow you to have them. I may also decide at any time that you owe me for gifts I gave you, even if they were meant to be gifts.
I am not abusive, and you are not allowed to tell me otherwise. I know what abuse is, and real abusers are significantly worse than me. If our relationship has ever had any good times or positive moments, it can’t possibly be abusive. If you accuse me of being abusive, you are the one abusing me, or you have been led astray by bad influences.
Relationships should be effortless (for me). I am owed a relationship that is peaceful and requires no real effort from me. It is your job to make sure we have that kind of relationship. If there is any tension or conflict in the relationship, it is your fault, and you are depriving me of the relationship I deserve to have.
Abusers and victims alike often buy into the narrative that abuse is rooted in anger issues - after all, abusers are frequently angry, and anger is an issue that can be treated. But this narrative just isn’t true. Abusers aren’t abusive because they are angry. Abusers are angry because they are abusive.
A non-abusive partner is not someone who has learned how to control their rage whenever you spend time with your friends or get home 15 minutes late from work. A non-abusive partner just doesn’t feel any rage in those situations. An abuser’s rage is firmly rooted in their beliefs about relationships - they feel entitled to a relationship that meets their impossible expectations, and when they inevitably don’t get it, they bubble over with fury. Whether they know it or not, they have firmly entrenched beliefs about how relationships should be, and those beliefs are at the heart of their abuse.
Can abusers stop believing these things? Maybe. If they can acknowledge that they have these beliefs, accept that these beliefs are dangerous and unreasonable and let go of these beliefs, maybe it’s possible for them to no longer be abusive in the future. Maybe. But it’s not your job to hang around and find out. If you’re in an abusive relationship of any kind, you deserve better. There are many people in this world who don’t hold abusive views of relationships, and you deserve to find happiness with them.