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yannaryartside · 6 days

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ANALYSIS OF THE PORTRAYAL OF DEPRESSION THROUGH MICHAEL BEARZATTO

Why does this character mean so much to me as someone who was once suicidal

tw underneath: talks about self-arming/self-deprecating thoughts and substance abuse, particularly the last section that also will repeat the tw.

Disclaimer: This is about how I think Michael is one of the most helpful portrayals of depression I have seen and how I think it would have helped me, even though he died. The show is about healing from losing someone in this tragic way, but for me and my friends, the part that explores this character also means a lot.

A little about the importance of depiction of suicide and depression in media. You can skip this if it came from the character analysis; this is just to illustrate the characters that helped when I was going through it. See you at part 1.

When I was in my late teens, I entered a dark period in my life, with insomnia, depression, and memory lapses. It was primarily due to the emotional dread and trauma I got from having a narcissistic parent, being an autistic girl (not diagnosed back then), and the impending quarter-life crisis. I had no support group or emotional intelligence to deal with it all; I only got into therapy years before it all passed. That was until I met the girls that are, to this day, my two best friends, probably the only family I have ever known: V and E. V was going through a hardcore case of harassment in her school, and E had been neglected by her mother her whole life, only to definitely being abandoned by her recently at the time. We didn't know it by the time we met, but we would all hit the suicidal stages in our struggles with depression, even after we became friends.

We met in a Christian youth group we didn't want to be in. But in this space, we formed a friendship that will become our refuge from the world, our support, and the place to share our common interest in becoming writers. In the end, more than in the church we were attending, we found the courage to fight our demons in the pieces of fiction we were consuming. Because we could relate to those characters and their struggles. They seemed real to us. When I introduced them to the Bear last year, we discussed the things that the show got right when talking about Mickey.

Part 1: The portrayal of his loneliness

The inciting incident of the show is Michaeel's death. Still, there is a lot of discussion on how he was isolating himself long before that, and you could say the story of Carmy that we know today officially begins the day Michael cast him out of the restaurant. Which makes you think about why he did that.

Things that Michael was afraid of, that made him isolate himself:

For Carmy to see him act recklessly: now, we know Carmy saw Michael's explosive behavior before ("Fishes" and multiple family/staff anecdotes), but maybe he was starting to be afraid of not controlling his reactions or being aware of them. Was he having memory lapses? Was he afraid of losing his temper and hurting Carmy? The drugs could have dragged him to the point of not even recognizing himself.

Was Michael afraid of not being able to carry on the dream they had as kids? Was he buying on the idea that he was a failure and would never amount to anything good?

In addition to the previous reasons, I think Carmy's admiration was what he was the most afraid to lose. Most people have speculated that Carmy and Michael have an age difference of 10-12 years, and their father abandoned them, so Michael was the closest thing Carmy ever had to a father. This is one of the reasons Carmy idolized Miachel so much. Michael cannot even give Carmy a concrete answer in 'Fishes' about the restaurant's future and has emotional breakdowns afterward at the thought of disappointing him. It is even implied (by Richies look when Michael wraps himself in the blanket), that after that conversation, Michael may have consumed drugs. His behavior also becomes more erratic after this moment, losing track of stories he has told before and erupting in violence at the dinner table.

Part 2: The portrayal of hiding

Disclaimer: I can only speak of this thinking of my own family and the families of my friends who were depressed/suicidal like me.

Michael was already doing everything he could to hide his addiction, but I think Carmy was afraid of seeing the signs. Understandably so. People already mentioned that Michael was using, but Carmy never believed them. He was not thinking of Michael as his brother but as his parent. Because Michael was the only "parent" he could emotionally rely on. We can all have clouded vision by fear. Particularly if we are struggling and deeply emotionally wounded. There is no mention of someone else doing anything about it. Even his best friend, Richie, never confronted Michael about his addiction. Michael was the pillar of emotional security to everyone around him. They may even be afraid that confronting him will make things worse. God, after seeing "Fishes," I kinda understood why Michael didn't bring up anything to that environment; not only was everyone fucked up in their own way, but as Carmy said it "When you don't know what are you feeling, asking somebody else how they are feeling seems insane." I wonder how much Michael cared about his own feelings. That is something messed up to say, but is also true.

Part 3: The portrayal of Michael's responsibility.

Thoughts on the "what could have you done" scene. tw of suicidal thoughts particularly apply here.

I love that , when Richie said

"I wish I had done more," Carmy instantly replies 'What could you have done?"

It is essential to talk about suicide prevention while also understanding that nobody has control over your life or your life except yourself. A whole team of supporting, emotionally intelligent people may not have been enough to save Michael. The family is the environment when other genetic factors built it up, but nobody else pulled the trigger.

It is not like people cared more about their happiness than Michael's life; that is never the case. They all wanted to see, but no one is responsible for Mickey's death except himself. The thoughts of "what could I have done" to help him will just prolong a guilt that has no solution. When I was suicidal, I wouldn't have blamed anybody. There were people involved in my unhappiness, even aggressors, but I was the one who would have given up. Even Carmy tried to blame people for Michael’s death, Nat even blamed the restaurant.

I knew it was my responsibility to seek help or not. Finding ways to help my friends was difficult even if I knew them well and their situations. It is difficult to talk about, even if you want help. When my mom found out, years after the worst of it had passed, she would swear that she didn't see signs, but that is such a complicated topic. In the end, my friends and I just kept going. We all want to be the heroes of our own stories, but depending on the stories we tell ourselves, we may end our own chance to fight for ourselves.

Saying "they were afraid to see," is not the same as assigning blame, and I am sure the show will come to a point of having this conversation. It is probable that people tried to help Mickey or that he sought help himself at some point; it is very difficult to actually comprehend suicidal thoughts, more so if the person struggling with them is someone you love. Most of the people surrounding Mickey never would have imagined that he would die the way he did. Probably because that is the way Michael wanted it, even if he also wanted help, even if he dreamed about someone noticing. Because I dreamed of people noticing.

Part 4: The importance of a mirror

In the end, maybe he was more afraid of being found (ashamed, lost) than how much he wanted to be found (saved). He may have thought that all of his desperation/demons were more powerful than him. I once thought similarly, so I can relate to it. Adding the element of addiction makes it all more difficult. The show is about people dealing with the lost of Mickey, but this character made me revise a part of myself that I once wanted to keep in the past, afraid of looking at that darkness, which will prevent me from healing from it, even if the desperate thoughts that once made me suicidal are lone gone. Moreover I think Storer has chosen to show us so much flashbacks of Michael so we also can see the elements that broke him, in the context of knowing his tragic ending.

We get to know of much he meant to people, how much he shaped Carmy for better or worse. I was particularly touched by the fact that even when Nat found love in Pete and Carmy found purpose in cooking, Michael was likely never able to find fulfillment, or worse, if he ever found things that made him happy, he left them behind to keep the restaurant out of family responsibility, he may have thought that was the only thing valuable about himself.

We don’t know what things pushed him to the edge, but we know, as people that value the lives of our loved ones, that those things were based on lies, the lies he had learned about himself. The show made an effort of showing us those lies, the “you are not worth anything” and “you have no future” statements, the implied abuse, the addiction, the beliefs that all those lies could overpower him. We can see the good person that was hidden under that pile shit. The love he felt, the dreams he had. We get to imagine the future he could have.

We know, has people that have dreams of their own, that can feel love for this fictional character and can relate to him in some way, or just out of simple empathy, we wanted him to live too.

That is the most helpful way to depict suicide/depression, at least is the type of portrayal that has helped me the most. Don’t paint over it with thoughts and prayers, let me see it, in someone else struggling with it, I can see clues of the lies I once believed too, let me put myself in the shoes of this person that may be as broken as I am, and because I see the good and value in him, I can start to see the value and good of myself that my depression was forcing me to ignore.

I don’t know how a person that is currently going through depression will think of Mickey, but I think it at least will validate the things that break us in the context of what came to break him. Even if he died, because we wanted him to live, it may give us courage to fight our own demos.

About the future of Carmy.

There is abuse, addiction, emotional neglect, and many other things that caused the trauma they all carry in different ways, but since Carmy is probably gonna struggle with depression, self-deprecating, and even suicidal thoughts next season, I wonder if the characters are gonna reflect more on the ways they can support him, instead of latching to their damaging ways of thinking, that have hurt them all. This show is about healing, so I am happy to think Carmy will find solace in his support system.

Edit: I edited this post, changing actually the whole approach, because I wanted to choose my words carefully, maybe provide other writers on why characters like this are important. Thank you for reading.

#i don't talk about this topic much on the internet so i will tag this as responsibly as i can please let me know if i am missing something #healing from abuse #michael #michael berzatto #the bear #carmy berzatto #the bear fx #the bear meta #carmen berzatto #carmy the bear #richie #richie jerimovich #I really do not want this on the self harm tag on tumbrl I hate it so much so I am just happy with the people of this fandom reading it #healing from depression

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yannaryartside · 6 days

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The wildest part about this is that in s1, Carmy said,

"fixing the restaurant was trying to fix what happened with his brother."

But now, he realizes he is not doing it because of that anymore, or that at least, without Sydney's help he would have give up on creating the restaurant he dreamed of having with his brother.

YOU KNOW HOW HUGE THAT IS?

THE BEAR 2.09 | "Omelette"

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yannaryartside · 7 days

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SYD DEREVES AN ACTUAL MENTOR

One of the funniest excuses Sydcarmy deniers use to say the relationship will not make sense is because Carmy is supposed to be a "mentor" for Syd. The reason why I think that is funny is because Carmy has not been her mentor for a whole second in the series. I speak about this as someone who had art mentors and teachers:

A mentor is supposed to be able to see the raw talent in their students and guide them to polish it and discover their artistic voices. The key to the whole situation is the word "guide." They are an external observer, providing clues, instruction, and evaluation but not pushing their voices so the students will become like them instead of following their own artistic impulses

Now, if I am honest, I don't think Carmy has been a mentor for a single character in the show. Maybe he recognized Tina and Richie's potential by sending them to places where they could learn new skills based on their previously displayed talents. But the only one actually supporting Marcus in his journey is Sydney, it is not like Carmy ever stopped to ask Marcus if he had any doubts about the fancy pastries he was making. Sending Marcus to Coppenage was Sydney's idea, which makes me wonder if he ever thought Marcus was ready for an experience like that or if he just approved it because he trusted Sydney's judgment. Besides recipe overview and leader of the kitchen flow, Carmy is not a teacher, and certainly not someone who has invested time in guiding people through individual creative processes.

Carmy has acted more as a counselor/motivator. He comforted Marcus on his mistakes. He has encouraged Sydney on her menu ideas (s2 only, we will talk about that later). He showed his belief in Tina's talent by gifting her the knife.

But he has not been a mentor, in the sense that Sydney's artistic voice is forever silenced by his lack of interest in deep collaboration or exploration of Sydney's unique talents. She provided a couple of recipes of her own creation, with some of his suggestions. But all of it has more the tone of a partnership than an actual mentorship. They were supposed to have equal weight on the menu before Carmy called it quits; he even let her suggest ingredients and finishes. He values her opinion. He is not trying to teach her things, if anything, he hired Sydney with a solid idea of her talents and used them to put keep his shaky shop afloat.

In season 1, she had to put all of her energy into guiding a staff that Carmy had previously failed to dominate, and it is not like it was easy, but she managed to put everyone on the same page. When it was time for her to show her skills in providing a simple and efficient menu idea, Carmy made a whole effort to introduce a complicated plate to the staff. It is almost like he is competing with her, but again, we will talk about that later. Needless to say, nothing in s1 was mentorship at all in my opinion. She managed with all the skills she already had. Even Carmy mentioned that managing the staff was something she had previously done but didn't like to do, and Carmy never provided them with support or advice, is almost laughable. The story repeats itself in 2 when he ignores how much she needs her presence at the restaurant; he was supposed to be a leader, and he wasn't.

Probably the thing that Carmy has taught Sydney the most is how much he believes in her, wich helps her to belief in hersef, even if his behavior rarely provides her with support for her to flourish as an artist. In 2, she picked up Carmy's work like crazy, which is not a space to create; she was merely surviving and going through a real creativity crisis.

All of this to say is that I really hope she gets the opportunity to shine in another place, even for just a bit, and maybe get another mentor, someone who recognizes her knowledge of chemistry and encourages her to explore her voice, a resolution to her creative block in s2. This is not something bad or something to think Carmy failed Syd; artists and mentors can be a rare match, and maybe because Carmy never wanted a student, he wanted a friend/partner, and ironically, he is not very good at that dynamic either. God, when defining their relationship, Syd is the first to say "partnership," I don't think she expects him to "molde" her or mentor her. Equal creative weight.

They have introduced other chefs that I think could be the mentor Syd actually needs. I am partial to Olivia Coleman's character because I think they have a lot in common. But these other two will be cool, too. Or any other chef they could introduce.

To finish here, I will say the only type of "teaching" I will like Carmy to give Sydney, will be of this nature:

Anyhow, thank you for reading. Nor credited gifs in order: @chefkids, @songkangsbottomteethcirca2020

#I will also like Syd to date Luca.#Just let me be #Sydney Adamu Character study #sydcarmy #sydney adamu #the bear #the bear fx #carmy berzatto #carmy x sydney #carmy the bear #the bear meta #carmen berzatto #sydney x carmy #the bear hulu

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yannaryartside · 25 days

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Man I am so messy because impulse hookups are not one of my favorite tropes, specially if the two people end up in different places about it. I kinda like sex scenes with no regret undertones in the middle of the act.

That being said I WANT THIS TO BE TRUE SO BAD

I think one of the writers said she liked the idea of them hooking up. There is something pretty about their attraction growing so strong they can’t contain it. Again, I am messy

there's a tweet that says a leaked script had something about Syd visiting Carmy in Arizona -- what's the deal with that? I can't post the link but if you search twitter for "carmy az" you'll see it.

This? Doesn't seem super legit to me. Also don't know how he would even find the time to go to Arizona

#sydcarmy #carmen berzatto #sydney adamu #carmy berzatto #the bear fx #carmy the bear #the bear meta #the bear #sydney x carmy #carmy x sydney #the bear possible spoiler

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yannaryartside · 1 month

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Controversial Post

Carmy used Claire.

An opinion I have yet to come across in the discourse regarding the dreaded Carmy/Claire pairing is the following--Carmy was fully content never calling/making Claire his girlfriend. Because he never had to do anything to get her to like him. She provided pussy, car rides, an ear to bounce ideas off of, no resistance or intellect, and no effort he had to put in.

Allow me to elaborate.

From their first interaction at the market to the moment in the walk-in, Claire has been a nuisance in his life. She consistently disregarded his boundaries in the following ways:

Ignoring the fact that he struggled to remember her name; there's also no mention of her last name to this day.

Misreading their initial conversation at said market and not reading his body language for what it was: a lack of interest in her. If a woman has to ask a man for his number and he doesn't ask for hers, he isn't interested in pursuing things further. Argue amongst yourselves about that.

Numbergate. In the real world, this would be extremely concerning. Skirting around someone's clear sign they don't like you by giving you a fake number is a huge red flag. It screams desperation and a lack of self-respect. Who chases a man that purposely obstructs their advances then goes to his good friend to extract information? Shame on Fak as well for giving out Carm's private information to a woman he hasn't mentioned in five years. wtf Fak.

When she does call him, she badgers him to get a clear answer as to why he gave her a fake number, instead of taking the hint when she realized it was fake. Once again not taking his hesitance while dictating the numbers to her as a sign he doesn't want her.

"Speaking of dead brothers, do you wanna go to a party?" wtf even was this. By Claire's own admission, she and Carmy never talked in their youth. She essentially hung around his family but never interacted with him so why is she so obsessed with him? I will never understand this. Her tasteless attempt at breaking the ice regarding Mikey's death is so heavy-handed and odd.

Freezergate. Even before she found out he was stuck in the walk-in, what was Claire's urgency to get to back-of-house? Why would she think it would ever be appropriate to just walk back there? Sugar's husband, Pete, has never done that in the show so what makes Claire think she's special enough to do so? I always wonder what might have happened had Sydney been back there when Claire crossed that boundary.

Now the juicy part. Unpacking Carmy's disinterest.

Ever notice that Carmy only ever asked her surface-level questions about her life? He never asked about her interests outside of work, her family, her passions, her last name, or anything else. The entire relationship is on Carmy's terms/timeline. Nothing we've seen on-screen indicates he's been to her apartment or hung out with her friends (aside from that one juvenile ass party in 2x05). Every time they have sex, it's at his place. The overwhelming majority of their conversations center around his needs/grievances about the restaurant. He never buys her flowers or gifts (cooking dinner one single time doesn't count), never has deep conversations with her about her, nor did he call her his girlfriend until Sydney, of all people, pressured him to do so. The subsequent conversation with Fak, "is Claire my girlfriend? What's a girlfriend?" is bullshit. Carmen has been around couples his whole life. He knows what a girlfriend is. He knows what a wife is. He's a 30+ year old man who surely had romantic interests before and after Claire. He just didn't want her to be his girlfriend until he felt immense pressure from his circle to make her that.

How do I know this? In 24 hours, Carmy went from "I love her a lot" (and this is only after Fak straight up asks him if he loves her) to "I like her". In the course of one day, he went from love to like. That says it all. Not to mention this is after the mother of all panic attacks where his hidden feelings for Syd bubble to the surface. A lot of people forget that Carmy is a man and because of this, he does what men tend to do. Whether he was conscious of it or not, he took advantage of a desperate girl like Claire because she threw herself at him with abandon. She willingly put herself in a position to be used by a man she barely knew, then cried to Richie when things didn't go her way. Their 'relationship' went the way it was always going to go because I'd argue she was never truly his girlfriend. Claire was a stopgap between the restaurant and Carmy running away from his problems.

#my god I even will have to reread this in order to fully grasp all the truth that you said #seriously this was a very eye opening piece #thank you op #I sometimes think we not only fall in love with the person but with the dynamic/things they provide for our lives #the same way people love having affairs #or not reciprocating relationships #I even wonder if the show will ever explore this side of the problem #I totally agree that Carmy was okay with leaving Claire on the dark about the nature of their relationship #now the only excuse one could make for the lack of labels is that even if he knows what a girlfriend is he probably knows what cassual #he probably also knows that casual or friends with benefits is #but that is kinda worse if Claire actually felt like Varmy’s gf #because that means that Carmy never defined their relationship #because he really didn’t care what it was as long as he got the satisfaction to his needs #maybe he even lied to himself thinking he was just following her lead #he never took her on dates or formally presented her to the family #there are many was in wich he seemed not satisfied with their relationship and didn’t say anything either #I think he is lucky that he broke up with her on opening day because there was already a lot of emotional cheating happening that day #wich is just the cherry on this cake #we need to talk more about how toxic this relationship was #also will like to add that Claire didn’t get to know Carmy really we’ll either #like the cases you pointed out it seems like she was more attracted to the idea of being his object of affection and comfort #so much to unpack #claire bear #carmy bear #Sydney the bear #the bear meta #sydcarmy #the bear fx

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yannaryartside · 1 month

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I am extremely nervous about the fight that is to come, mostly because Carmy’s mental health is probably gonna go downhill this season, after what happen with Claire, he even said he didn’t need to feel/provide any amusement or enjoyment.

I think is likely that he will go to a point that is gonna be a third strike for Syd. He has left the restaurant to her for two seasons now (“you are everything else, in s1, and dropped the ball completely on s2) she doesn’t want to be alone, but so far she has never felt alone with him still in the room, and that can happen now, if he decides to isolate himself emotionally. It could be heartbreaking for both of them. She may decide that the better thing for her is to leave, because she doesn’t feel he is letting her help, she won’t feel like the partner that he needs, and he will not be the partner that she wants.

Anyway, there is hope. Btw, the “then breakdown, then chill and fall deeper into each other” was so fucking poetic, I will tell you to chill, but I don’t want you too.

In defense of the "I am sorry" sign

images by @drrav3nb

Been thinking about how I think their relationship got closed not despite the sign but because of it.

The "I'm sorry sign" is introduced by Carmy as a method of de-escalation of conflict in the middle of service, something that will allow the people involved to talk about the issues later. The issues are hurt feelings, unclear expectations, miscommunications, and other stuff that can happen when everybody is anxious and trying to go through service by the skin of their teeth. In the season finale, we actually see them use it in this context, but most of the season we feel they used it for things that they actually should be talking about, not just leaving for later.

The "later" part never comes. Across season 2, they used the sign to avoid discussing things they felt scared/guilty about. But, being fair, neither Carmy nor Sydney were ready to discuss what was coming between them. Carmy has depression, anxiety, and abandonment issues that he cannot even process, on top of a relationship that doesn't make him feel completely good, even if he doesn't know why because everything is so great. Sydney is jealous; we don't know if she has processed her feelings for Carmy yet. But she also was counting on him to guide her through this process, and she feels that if she fails, it will be on her, not his lack of leadership, or, yk, that she has never done anything remotely as difficult before. She is drowning in fear, and she wants some sort of support.

STOP Syd and Carmy were explosive/confrontative in expressing their frustration; Sydney is mostly implosive; she deals with her frustration in private, and it takes a lot to make her explode as the others do. She primarily deals with Carmy with bitter questions and sarcastic treatment (she is better than me), and Carmy responds with exasperated attempts to explain himself; he gets defensive the way we know he is used to defending herself in his family (fishes).

But the 'sorry sign' is actually something that they use to stop the escalation of their (personal) conflict. I think the moment they use it in "Bolognese" is a perfect example. They both use the "I am tired" explanation, which is kinda true, but they are not going to the "core" of the issue. But, if anything, they knew they were hurting each other by raising their voices and assigning blame, and they decided they didn't want to hurt each other in any way.

They applied the sorry sign to move to harmony, even with shaky bases. Is a noble intent. It is kind of amazing that by the end of this conversation the conflict is kind of left behind, and they can laught at stupid jokes again. They can be each other again, they can be what they are with each other, even if the pain/hurt is somewhat still there. After all, they are bussines partners only.

What I want to say, is that they could have easily antagonized each other this season and decided not too. I know it doesn't seem as much, but many couples struggle with this; they can take a "are you vs. me" attitude. Carmy and Sydney pause and decide to recognize the other's point of view and needs, and they set up expectations for the future. Mainly, Sydney is clear about the behaviors she will not tolerate, and Carmy expresses his intentions of not disappointing her and how important she and their relationship is to him. Idk if I am explaining it well; I like the fact that they prioritize their partnership, even if they don't know the true nature of it yet. Carmy has a lot of fault on this because, again, it feels like she is covering for him in many ways, but still, the intent is noble; there is love behind it.

#carmy x sydney #sydcarmy #sydney adamu #the bear fx #the bear #carmy berzatto #carmy the bear #sydney x carmy

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yannaryartside · 1 month

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In defense of the "I am sorry" sign

images by @drrav3nb

Been thinking about how I think their relationship got closed not despite the sign but because of it.

#I just think that in this part of their relasionship #they were kind mature and healthy #at least they were not intentionally hurting each other #sydney adamu #the bear #the bear fx #carmy berzatto #sydney x carmy #carmy the bear #carmen berzatto #the bear meta #carmy x sydney #sydcarmy

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