Snowy Memories Part II

After ignoring Sawyer's warning about his memories the Universe will remind him what is on the table.

AN: I am so happy with this piece I really hope you all give it a chance. LINK TO PART I

Content Warning: Star Wars OC, Begging, Beating, Implied Past Child Abuse, Blood, Choking, Emotional Abuse, Claustrophobia, Death, Gaslighting, Hypothermia, Manipulation, Hallucinations, Mentions of Drugs, Murder, PTSD/trauma, Mentions Physical Torture, Psychological Torture, Violence, Face Wounds, Anxiety, Panic Attack, Self Hate, Self Destructive Behavior, Environmental Whump, Greif, Angst, Pain

Sawyer stumbles back quite a lot being taken out of her feeling anothers emotions like that. Fear, pain, sadness. It isn’t a moment before the officer is scrambling to get up in a panic. He’s clutching at his side in pain and is looking around trying to figure out what is going on. He breathes out a long breath that hangs in the cold air. Sawyer is trying to catch her breath, fighting back the urge to throw up. He reaches down to his side surprised to find his side arm there and thinks for a moment but as he looks over Sawyer he thinks better of it. He’s still reeling from reliving every painful memory but he lays back down staring at the rocky ceiling of the ice cave. Both their breathing eventually evens out. A simple question leaves Ash’s mouth, “Why?” 

“Why? Everything that I saw should be why enough.”  Ash grit his teeth, “My life is not some show for you to watch and comment on.”  “You’re lucky you still have a life right now.”  He sits up garing, “You had no right!”  “Oh yeah you're one to talk, imp dog.” Ash stands at that clutching his side. Sawyer stands to meet him even if he is a full head and a bit taller than her. His fingers twitch but he doesn’t move for the pistol on his side. He moves walking past the fire towards the exit but Sawyer stands between him and leaving.  “Stand aside.”  “No, you should lay back down. You have no idea what you're getting into out there.” He glances around, “If you had searched my ship enough you would have found some adverse environment gear along with a fire starter.” Sawyer grits her teeth.  “Why are you acting like this? The Empire has done nothing but use and abuse your good will. why are you still loyal to them?!”  “I don’t have to answer that Rebel Scum.” Strangely his words lack venom.  “Is it what Korry would want you to do?”  Ash’s composer breaks away into shock for a moment before anger bubbles up from deep inside of him. “You didn’t know him. You don’t get to use him like that! Now get out of my way!”  “You don’t have to go back.”  “No, you don’t get it.” Ash glowers. “I’m not stupid your rebels would not hesitate to try and get information out of me or use me as a barenging chip. Even if I did genuinely want to join and help.”  “That isn’t true.”  “What is it about you Jedi types who forget that we are at war? Both sides here. The rebels will use what they can to get the upper hand, who cares if it’s at the cost of one Imp commander.”  “But- I could protect you.” “Maybe if I believed that I would consider it but I don’t think your power goes that far.”  

The two stand and glare at each other for a long time in silence before Sawyer steps to the side.  “Thank you.” Ash smirks at winning the verbal argument but it’s not kept long turning to a tired bitter frown.  “This is going to be the last time I’m gonna let you go. If we cross paths and you’re still bent on the path of staying with the empire I will not hesitate.” Ash narrows his eyes at her.  “I’m even less convinced now.”   “Well then go out and freeze to death, go on.” Ash huffs brushing past her. He knows he can bear the ice and snow, the more time he spends with the jedi the closer he would be to treason or capture. 

He grimaces as the cold hits his face. Quickly realizing the danger he could be in if he walked with his face uncovered, he slips off the top of his uniform, glad that he found it important to dress with an under thermal near an ice planet. Luckily the recent snow hasn’t been so heavy that he can’t see the tracks of him being dragged from his ship. The perfect form of navigation, noting that also a way to track back to the cave. 

By the time he reached his downed ship he was freezing. His fingers rigid and numb even when protected by his heavy gloves, For an older woman he had no idea how Sawyer was capable of dragging him through the snow. He gets to the thermal gear first. Thermal cloak, heated gloves, and some heating pads. As he slowly regains feeling in his fingers he looks at the comms system. It’s barely damaged, it doesn’t work but it just looks like it needs a power source. He knew well enough how to rig up one to an external battery in a couple of minutes, it took him twice as long though the cold slowed his movements. He’s in a ball when he gets the comms back up and running, trying to return warmth to his hands.  “This is Ash Hawthorn Commander 7285 does anyone read?”  “Commander Hawthorn, you have been read.”  “Do you have location data? Ship down. No point of reference.” He pulls out a data pad from under the command controls, glad to see it in working order but not surprised.   “Commander sending data location.” A map of the area springs to life. 

“Extraction requested.”  “Extraction at the current location is impossible. There is an Imperial mine due north of your location. Should have limited resources. Wait for extraction there.”  “Copy. Proceeding to location will give an update when at location.”  “Read.” 

He hates the idea of having to head back into the cold but he will freeze here. The cave is closer. He knows the cave is closer. No rescue mission means that unless he can get to an extraction point on his own he’s expected to die out here. Ash gets up looking around the crash for whatever supplies he would need. Water, an energy ration, and more thermal pads to keep warm. He could leave, this could be his escape from the empire. He could go back to Sawyer and defect to the rebels. It was too dangerous though, he thought about all of the risks. A trial that ends with execution, tortured for information, sold for info or anything back to the empire. That last one was worse depending on how it turned out. He could be outed to the empire as a traitor, that alone was a death sentence. Being outed as a force sensitive though, it could end in just death like he had seen a handful of times or possibly worse sometimes he knew that force sensitives would disappear and either never come back or come back as strange dark assassins or inquisitors. No he couldn’t go with Sawyer. He didn’t even know if she had a way off this planet. So, he eats a square of his energy ration to help his body stay warm as he sets off in the direction of this old imperial mine. He could only hope that he makes it there before nightfall. If this place was frozen over during the day he would hate to know what night would bring for him. 

Mine was a strong word; it looked more like an ancient frozen over temple. The data pad told him he was in the right location though. Massive doors that looked more meant for giants than humans. He slowly approaches feeling anxiety run through his spine. This great sense of unease makes the hair on his neck stand up. He stares breathlessly up at the massive doors and he doesn’t even know how to feel. There is a relief of finally finding a place to get out of the cold and in hopes of finding his comrades. There was something deeper though something that turned his stomach in awe at the pure size and scope of the temple. Something drawing him in like this place was once familiar. He shakes off the feeling and quickly looks around. There is a large crack in one of the doors just big enough for him to squeeze through. 

After clambering through a crack far too claustrophobic for comfort, the inside was just as frozen as the outside but large cliffs, blufts, and drops were accented by glimmering crystal and ice. His brow furrowed at the thought of what the Empire could even be mining here. He wondered if he was even in the right place, there wasn’t a hint of imperial presence here. Either way with night outside about to fall he was more willing to take his chances in this strange temple then with the frigid outdoors. He hoped deeper in would be warmer or at least there would be some place of stone that would be spared the wet snow and ice. 

Heading deeper and deeper makes an anxious feeling come over him like he can see shadows out of the corner of his eye wherever he looks that retreat when he tries to focus on them. Along with that he can’t help but feel eyes on him, judging him.  It’s the same sinking feeling he gets when he crosses paths with an Inquisitor. “Ash.” The man jumps as he hears the whisper quickly looking around for the origin. He can’t see anyone though, the cavern is silent. He carefully puts his hand on his blaster continuing further in. “Ash.” Another voice, a different one this time. He feels like he can tell where it’s coming from but even more now he thinks he needs to sit down and rest. He ignores the voice pressing on. The cave system was starting to wear on him. He turns as he feels a presence behind him there is nothing there when he turns around and so he quickly turns back only to have an overwhelming feeling of being lost. Suddenly the passage he was in opens into several and he didn’t remember there being so many options before he turned around. Ash places a hand on the wall, he closes his eyes taking deep breaths. They were ice caves, nothing more, he can not be letting so much get to his head. His vision snaps to one of the tunnels when off in the distance a voice calls out, “Ash Help!” His breathing pauses for a moment as he listens intently. He knew that voice, the sweetly deep voice of Korry. It’s not his voice, it can’t be his voice, but it sounds so close.  He doubles his resolve, “Who is there!?” He demands taking a couple of forceful steps down the tunnel that he heard the voice coming from. He tries to listen but all that can be heard is the distant sound of wind and metal hitting stone…. Metal hitting stone that was the first he had heard that. Maybe he wasn’t as lost as he thought. A mining operation could be here. He turns away from the voice he heard earlier trying to suss out where the mining sounds were coming from. He closes his eyes slowly taking steps turning in place trying to get the best idea of the sound. When he opens them a face bloody and mutilated is in front of his. He gives a shout of surprise, stumbling back the pure shock knocking him off his feet. He moves away from the figure but stops clutching at the snow on either side of him when he realizes what he’s seeing. It’s Korry, he’s in his flight uniform sans helmet. The left hand side of his face is freshly burned and bloody. That eye has a white blindness to it. Skin hangs off his bone like an animal ripped into him and his hair was patchy missing chunks.  Korry smiles, it’s his bright hopeful smile, with his state though it’s  horrifying. Ash tries to control his breathing, control his heart rate but he doesn’t know what to do. What he’s seeing can’t be real. “Ash!��  “Korry?” He slides back further which turns Korry’s face to one of a confused frown.  “What’s wrong?” Ash stares in disbelief, his stomach turns into knots and it’s taking every ounce of willpower to not throw up. Korry frowns more, “Oh…I thought this is how you wanted me.”  “What?” The officer looks at him bewildered.  “You gave the order that did this.”  “No I-” Ash moves further back using the momentum to get to his feet. He had to be Hallucinating, there must be something in the air causing this.  “No?” Korry’s brows furrow. “It was an order. I made sure you gave it twice... Why did you do this Ash? We could have left, I asked you to leave.” Ash doesn’t have an answer, this wasn’t happening, this wasn’t real. He turns and starts running, not caring where he was going; he just needed to get away. 

His nightmare wasn’t over yet though as he was running he found himself sliding to a halt as another figure stood in his way. A Sathari the burn of a blaster bolt straight through her head. An image that has forever been burned into him. “Kari,” Breathlessly as a reflex before he takes a step back looking over her. 

She’s more reserved than Kari. Tears are already rolling down her face, “Ash why did you have to kill me?” 

“There wasn’t another option,” The answer is reflexive before he covers his mouth. 

“There were other options, all of them just meant leaving the Empire.” He shakes his head and turns away; he can't hear this. “Or were you just scared of what I could turn into?” He snaps his head back to look behind him. Kari had changed; she was no longer the cheery bright bird he knew her as, nore the image of her corpse that was seared into his memory. She was dressed from head to claw in black and red with clear markings of the inquisitors. A pointed mask to accommodate her beak. Ash’s eyes widened and he stumbled away from her as a flick of her wrist revealed a red lightsaber. He rushes forward into a full run. The thoughts from the rational part of his brain were lost. This felt so real he just had to get away. 

He stumbles through the snow, his muscles screaming in pain especially since he had very little rest from the crash he was just in. Even worse is the longer time ticked on the longer it had been since his last actual sleep. He doesn’t even know if he’s being chased but he doesn’t want to look back. The thought of Kari as an inquisitor was a harrowing one. Kari was so kind and full of life. There was no doubt that would have been her fate if he hadn't… the thought is lost as he slides down a slope turning and pressing his back into a side opening just to catch his breath. Cold air rakes his insides as he catches his breath. It didn’t even feel like he was taking in air, just drowning in pure ice. He coughs and sputters when he regains his senses he hears an echoing voice Korry’s again. “Were you scared of what I could become?”  “Please just stop!” He looks around and out of the shadows steps Korry again. This time he was older, just the slightest hint of stubble, dressed in the full orange uniform of the rebel pilots.  “What are you scared of Ash?” He turns away shaking his head.  “You’re not real, this isn’t real.”  “You’ve been running away from the end, but which end do you want?” Korry steps to the side of the passage welcoming Ash further as it seems the passage lightens. He hesitantly steps forward before remembering what potentially is behind him. He walks forward finding himself faced with three bodies covered in cloth. He checks behind him and the Rebel Korry is still there stepping between him and where he had just come from.  He  doesn’t want to check but he feels compelled, kneeling next to the first one on the left hand side. He turns his head in disgust as soon as he pulls the cloth back. It was himself wearing white flowing clothing. His arms crossed over his chest. He takes a look again covering his mouth. This double had gone gray at the temples. Older maybe by well hopefully twenty years. Though Ash was distinctly aware of the fact he had already started to dye his hair at the roots. He turned over the medal with the rebel symbol embossed on it. For Superior service was etched into the back and Ash scowled in disgust pulling the sheet crassly back over the corpse. He glanced back for just a moment at the figment of Korry. The man was watching with interest but those big expressive eyes didn’t hide any of the hurt that was there. This wasn’t the real Korry, there was no reason to feel bad, for his heart to sink to think he caused that. He did however step to the next one. It was him nearly as he was now fully in uniform. A myriad of blaster bolts and vibro ax wounds littered his body and tore up his uniform. Blood pooled from some of the wounds like they were still fresh. He was sprawled, like he had been left. No distinguishments, just an Imperial Officer left by both sides. Not worth the trouble to give a proper burial too. He dreaded what the last corpse would offer him. He moves kneeling. He debates for just a moment before he pulls back the cover. He’s much older, his hair gone completely gray. He reaches out and touches the rank plaque that denotes him as a Grand Admiral; the numerous metals below it turn his stomach. Distinguished medal of Imperial Honor, the Medal of Valor, and the Emperor's Fist. He doesn’t know why he feels sick looking over this. It should be what he wants, every major honor, the highest rank. He moves the sheet back over himself, turning his head away. He looks too much like his father. The thoughts of how many lives were ruined to obtain those medals and that rank. 

He places one hand firmly on the ground with the intention of getting up before his world is turned again. He feels a hand against his throat and he’s pushed back into the wall. He hisses hand moving down to his blaster before he’s faced with the reality of his father. “You wouldn’t.”  Ash growls, “Try me.”  “Why didn’t you tell anyone what you were? Think about how the empire could have used that!” A moment of fear flickers over Ash’s face the idea of his father knowing about his powers was terrifying. He knew his father was far away though that it was this stupid ice temple causing these visions.  “No.” Is simply what Ash says and his father disappears turning into a cold mist. Ash is left alone, left to breathe. The bodies were gone. Korry was gone. He can tell now that this tunnel was a dead end. He turns and slowly makes his way back the way he came.  He feels exhausted but spending time resting in this cold would bring certain death. He could only hope that this was over. However he had throught to soon cause as it crossed his mind he heard the distinct hum of a Lightsaber activating. He quickly turned, and he came face to face with himself. No longer was he in the gray-green officer uniform. He was now in an armored black uniform accented with red. A red lightsaber violently pulses and horror comes across Ash’s face as he realizes that the hilt to the lightsaber was Kari’s. Ash wants to run knowing this can only end badly for himself.  The dark eyes of his counterpart watch him, “I forgot how much of a traitor you are, traitor and coward.”  “I’m not either of those things.”  “Really? Hiding such a useful tool from the empire. Not groveling, begging to let them use it. Not to mention hiding this,” He turns over Kari’s corrupted lightsaber in his hand.  Ash matches his counterparts steps forward with steps back, “I’m loyal to the empire.”  “You waste your wealth on the poor who turn to the rebels, who turn out to be traitors.”  “Do you even hear yourself?”  “I do, anything less then full devotion to the empire is traitorism.”  “Stop, you aren’t real, you aren’t me.”  “Oh but I am. I’m you if you turned over yourself fully to the empire. If you’re anything but me you deserve everything that happens to you like the traitor you are.” Ash took the hint and he turns, running. He knows though that if this is an inquisitor he needs to be smart not fast. He keeps his vision forward as he resolves to make a sharp turn down a tunnel using the ice and momentum to help him around the corner before continuing. He needs something to break the gap between him and his other counterpart. He turns his head to check before finding them right behind and gaining. He keeps his eyes forward heading down another sharp turn and then slinking his way down another immediately after to put some potential wrong directions between him and himself. It doesn’t work though as he can hear gaining footsteps. He is finally faced with hopefully a way out. A small patch of deep looking water that seems to run under into a tunnel. He can only hope that there is an opening at the other end. He quickly breaks another one of the thermal packs in his pocket before he jumps into the water. 

The initial shock of cold makes him freeze up but he takes a moment to regain his composure and not breathe in like his body wants to. He makes his way through the narrow underwater tunnel in front of him and it is just his luck that it’s short and before long his head is above water. He takes in a deep breath before he makes his way over to the frozen edge and pulls himself out of the freezing water. He knows it’s a bad idea to stand immediately but he quickly realizes that it doesn’t matter. This was a dead end. There was no way out but back. Everything that he just went through him hits him in that moment like a brick. He pulls his knees up to his chest and sets his forehead on them. Slow long breaths is what he uses to try and focus to try and not break down. It’s no use as tears start to fall from his eyes and he lets out a ragged sob. It wasn’t real, it couldn’t be, it was so fantastical, but it felt so real. It was some kind of cruel joke at his expense. He didn’t know why it happened either, something must have laced the air here, some sort of hallucigen but it was such a vivid hallucination. He rubs over his face taking in a deep breath. He needed to get it together and find a way out of here. Eventually, he blinks his eyes free of tears and is surprised to find something glinting and glowing under the snow at his feet. He quickly brushes the snow away, his hand hitting a strange gem. He pulled it closer to himself, the gem pulsed with an unknown energy and it glowed a soft blue color with just the slightest hint of purple. He’s not sure what to do with it but like Kari’s saber he felt like it was important. Even more so, it felt like the gem was a piece of him. He runs a hand through his hair knowing that no matter where he came out from this he wasn’t going to be in an easy position. 

He stands taking in his surroundings. He notices that there does look to be a crack in one of the walls that he could probably make his way through. He glances back down at the crystal in his hand. Kyber crystal, he knew the name and its use in making weapons but he just wasn’t sure of any more of the specifics. He shakes his head and pulls off the top of his uniform from around his face. He carefully turns the outer jacket partly inside out finding the hidden pocket deceptively sown into the inner lining. It was against regulation but many officers had made such modifications with the excuse of being able to hide things if caught by the rebels. He carefully placed the Kyber crystal inside. It is now hidden away along with Kari’s lightsaber. He takes a deep breath thinking about going back to Sawyer. Maybe there was enough that he could make it but a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that told him it wasn’t true. 

He mulls over the idea as he carefully replaces his uniform making doubly sure that the hidden items could not easily be detected. Eventually, he makes the choice. Sawyer was still too dangerous. Knowing her trust of him though meant that at any point jumping off from the Empire would be acceptable. Sawyer was right, and he knew it. They had been using him but his station gave him heightened freedoms. If he left now all of his efforts would be towards the Rebel’s war. While they took in refugees depending on any particular commander the lives of civilians were rarely counted for. Staying with the Empire ment being able to subvert from the inside and having a better idea of where he stood. 

With that he takes his resolve to venture back out into the ice caves.

i. grief

does it ever just burn inside you?

a hot, molten ache that threatens to spill…

that violent hatred, that burning rage,

it’s as if your chest will crack open,

a volcano begging to erupt.

the people around you run as that lava spews,

they will never understand that pain that burns.

they will never feel that ache that’s always boiling.

this grief is overwhelming.

i feel like it will never end.

i will just burn and burn and burn until nothing is left but ash on the wind….

The Tetris PTSD story is going around again so now I have to update y'all, it's been debunked, pop sci has lied to us again

www.madinamerica.com/2021/10/tetr...

I talk to many people who say things like "oh I have trauma but I don't have PTSD", but then when I talk to them a little more I realize that they most likely do, they just can't recognize it as such due to how lacking PTSD awareness is, even beyond the whole "it's not just a veteran's disorder" thing.

The main reason they think they don't have PTSD usually has to do with flashbacks and nightmares, either they have one but not the other or have neither. But here's the thing, those are only two symptoms out of the 23-odd recognized symptoms. Flashbacks and nightmares are two of the five symptoms under Criterion B (Intrusion), which you only need one of for a diagnosis. The other three symptoms are unwanted upsetting memories, emotional distress after being reminded of trauma and physical reactivity after being reminded of trauma (i.e. shaking, sweating, heart racing, feeling sick, nauseous or faint, etc). Therefore you can have both flashbacks and nightmares, one but not the other, or neither and still have PTSD.

In fact, a lot of the reasons people give me for why they don't think they have PTSD are literally a part of the diagnostic criteria.

"Oh, I can barely remember most parts of my trauma anyway." Criterion D (Negative Alterations in Cognition and Mood) includes inability to recall key features of the trauma.

"Oh but I don't get upset about my trauma that often because I avoid thinking of it or being around things that remind me of it most of the time." Criterion C (Avoidance) includes avoiding trauma-related thoughts or feelings and avoiding trauma-related external reminders, and you literally cannot get diagnosed if you don't have at least one of those two symptoms.

"Oh I just have trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep, but I don't have nightmares." Criterion E (Alterations in Arousal and Reactivity) includes difficulting sleeping outside of nightmares.

"But I didn't have many/any trauma symptoms until a long time after the trauma happened." There's literally an entire specification for that.

Really it just shows how despite being one of the most well-known mental illnesses, people really don't know much about PTSD. If you have trauma, I ask you to at least look at the criteria before you decide you don't have PTSD. Hell, even if you don't have trauma, look at the criteria anyway because there are so many symptoms in there that just are not talked about.

PTSD awareness is not just about flashbacks and nightmares.

shoutout to people who don't have a "before" the trauma.

shoutout to people who don't have any sweet or nostalgic childhood memories. to people who don't remember enough of their childhood to know what the before was like. to people who lost their innocence before they ever learned the word for it. to people whose pasts were too painful to keep around in any form. to people who only knew trauma, and don't have an idea of what life would be like without it. to people who can't long for "the better days" because there weren't any.

you deserve a good future. i hope it's there for you soon.

To anyone who was suicidal at age 14 or younger, here’s your permission to grieve. Here’s your permission to not joke about it or just flat out ignore it. Here’s your permission to acknowledge that lost child who felt way more pain than any child should ever feel. You’re allowed to cry for that child, whether you healed or are still suffering the same thoughts. Finally allow yourself to grieve for that child filled with undeserved hurt.

you're not a monster. you're you. you're flawed, yes, but you're also incredibly alive. just human. real. capable of great things, capable of change and growth, too. don't define yourself by the inner critic lashing out at you. you're not your worst moments.

Born to love cursed to be unlovable

You’ve got to forgive yourself for being traumatized and needing to learn how to function again. 

Recovery isn’t always nightmares and depression, it’s forgetting to eat, being scared of what others might see as completely normal things, it’s getting random panic attacks, not knowing how to take care of yourself, not knowing how to live like an adult, even if you’re twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, of feeling like you’re failing to function in a world where everyone seems to have their shit together. 

If you need help, ask for it. Go to forums and ask for advice. Take advantage of community resources. Buy pre-sliced veggies and fruits, eat instant meals if you can’t cook for yourself today. Hire someone. Ask a neighbor for a favor. Buy any item you think might make life easier, even if you feel like you aren’t ‘disabled’ enough to have it. 

Some of the depression posts (ie open your windows, take a shower, go outside, call a friend) are really helpful but they’re not always enough. I’ve found advice for spoonies, people with chronic pain or other disabilities have the best tips because they know what it’s like to be bedridden, out of energy, stuck in a brain fog. 

You may never return back to the energy you had when you were younger and you might always need to use crutches to help you through life. It’s the same with medication. 

Trauma is a real thing that happens to you, it physically alters your brain and it’s alright to have lasting scars. 

You’re not broken, your life is not over and you can still be happy. 

It’s not your fault.

Jason and Bruce are out late one night in Gotham as civilians. They get cornered by a mugger and Jason nearly pisses himself, he’s so amused. He teases the would-be mugger about their hand placement, even tries to goad the mugger into a fight because he’s Red Hood. He can disarm anyone in seconds. It doesn’t matter if you have a gun — he has two.

He’s Red Hood, and he has the literal Bat of Gotham standing behind him like a wall of muscle. They’re as close to invincible as humans get, in this town. And that kind of confidence scares off their would-be mugger.

But then Jason turns around, a smile stretching across his face, and Bruce is white. Bone white and so so quiet, eyes wide and trained on where the mugger had been standing.

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

give love to people with traumatic brain injury, acquired brain injury, stroke, neurological condition, worsening mental health, trauma, PTSD and all other brain based conditions that make you feel conflicted about your identity. About whether or not you’re the ‘same person’ you were before your injury or illness. People constant evolve and change but can be more difficult when changes more sudden, pronounced, and noticed by others. I hope you are doing well and are able to find some peace, support and love.

I WASN’T A BAD DOG

I WAS A SCARED DOG

By @hel7l7