You’ve got to forgive yourself for being traumatized and needing to learn how to function again. 

Recovery isn’t always nightmares and depression, it’s forgetting to eat, being scared of what others might see as completely normal things, it’s getting random panic attacks, not knowing how to take care of yourself, not knowing how to live like an adult, even if you’re twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, of feeling like you’re failing to function in a world where everyone seems to have their shit together. 

If you need help, ask for it. Go to forums and ask for advice. Take advantage of community resources. Buy pre-sliced veggies and fruits, eat instant meals if you can’t cook for yourself today. Hire someone. Ask a neighbor for a favor. Buy any item you think might make life easier, even if you feel like you aren’t ‘disabled’ enough to have it. 

Some of the depression posts (ie open your windows, take a shower, go outside, call a friend) are really helpful but they’re not always enough. I’ve found advice for spoonies, people with chronic pain or other disabilities have the best tips because they know what it’s like to be bedridden, out of energy, stuck in a brain fog. 

You may never return back to the energy you had when you were younger and you might always need to use crutches to help you through life. It’s the same with medication. 

Trauma is a real thing that happens to you, it physically alters your brain and it’s alright to have lasting scars. 

You’re not broken, your life is not over and you can still be happy. 

It’s not your fault.

i think many writers (myself included) get stuck in the “free time must be writing time otherwise it’s wasted” mindset. but how often do you sit down to write, stare at the screen, and call it a day? or claim you’re writing while you’re actually just screwing around doing other things? we forget that a fundamental element of writing is simply reading. you can’t improve your craft if you refuse—willingly or not—to witness what others are doing. instead of bashing ourselves for not being productive or inspired, we should be enjoying great novels, poetry, essay collections, memoirs, and the like. a “good” writer doesn’t have to be writing all the time or even most of the time; a “good” writer should recognize the limits to their creativity and find joy in that which inspired them to write in the first place: reading.

It is kinda funny seeing people talk about Seungmin lately because he definitely has gotten more bold and confident for sure. He's also just getting opportunities to be perceived as an individual on his own as well for the first time in a while but it's still jarring to see people be like Aw he was always such a quiet goodie two shoes little nerd and it's like...... he was the one to leave and seek out his own vocal coach and blatantly talk about it, which of course lead to I.N and Lee Know also doing the same, he was the one to go on bubble and tell off sasaengs who used to camp outside their old dorm for invading members privacy but also because it effected other residents and staff at the complex, something that i'm certain upper management wouldnt have been happy about, and he wasn't curt or nice about it either. like he's never actually been a wallflower, he's always had a pretty strong backbone and seems to stick to his principals, its not really new.

I never properly said how they met so...

I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE!

i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

tbh it's still crazy 2 see progressive (ie western slash european & american i guess? yanno wat i mean. places wher we r nawt radicalised & illegalised into it oblivion) audiences have such (understandably) high standards 4 queer media or even queer representation as a whole & won't take less than. like i understand it's cause ya can expect better so ya will, in sum cases ya can even demand better. but it's simply nawt an option 4 many of us.

like idk perhaps a bit too harsh of me 2 say but regardless of the political atmosphere there's still a difference between livin' in a place where ya still have rights, have pride & can walk into a store etc & find queer literature & rep & even merch, have resources 2 support yrself & find yr community. & a place where as much as wavin' a pride flag or even havin' a pride pin, OR G-D FORBID holdin' yer partner's hand WILL get ya arrested & jailed. an' yr lucky if ya don' get assaulted or killed be4 dat can happen 🫥

I saw everyone else drawing a full moon & wanted to join!

Lotd have mer y ADC looks so good with her new selfie. And she’s posting flowers as usual 🥹

And wearing a white shirt. I'll say this, you can't accuse the girl of not staying consistently on brand 🥴

I will say also, she's never escaping the Victoria Pedretti doppleganger allegations any time soon (although I guess it'd be the other way around since she's older. Whatever) Anyway they neeeeeeed to play sisters at some point cuz what the actual fuck are we doing here like what is the point of all this if that never happens

How does one get assigned as sam coded / dean coded ? Do I need a doctors note ? A psych evaluation perhaps ?

me: *comes up with an idea for a long, plot-centric AU that would stretch my storytelling abilities, be a fun exploration of character and worldbuilding, and involve a lot of opportunity for whump, and makes me excited and energized to write and think about*

me: *immediately starts to panic because I don’t have the whole thing perfectly worked out and half-written less than a week into coming up with the idea*

i’ve got so many unfinished fics in my drive and maybe even one published one where someone calls stede strong and brave for maintaining his softness even when life pushes back.

recently i feel like stede made a choice ed and izzy have both made in the past that they’ve always wished they never did, and stede could have been spared from. at the very least i think it hurt ed to see the version of himself he hates in stede. he probably thinks stede wanted to become that man for reasons other than stede has been bullied his entire life for being inadequate and told a man a bit like blackbeard is a real man.

call me crazy or whatever but i actually think a major thing that should be communicated between ed and stede is something on stede’s end. his trauma and his feelings and his issues. as it stands now, i don’t think ed understands what’s going on with stede. i don’t think he understands the person stede really wants to be. i don’t think he understands stede’s own issues of self-doubt and stede’s insecurities. hell i don’t think ed even has that much of a grasp of how unpopular and disliked stede has always been his entire life. and i think maybe if stede explained himself better, ed would understand more of what was going on. that he wouldn’t be seeing stede as manifesting something he wants to escape from, he would see stede as someone he needs to help escape with him.

I was gonan make a post apologizing for lack of regular art but I feel like jts already clear im sporadic and in and out of it bc chronic pain and circumstances. So for now I'm gonna hibernate, get my health steady again, deal with money issues, and art will happen when it happens.

Finished the conversation between Zuko, Bee, and Shot, which means it is finally time for the fun part: Jet and Zuko interactions.

My f/o's love me as I age and change and grow. They love who I am now, and they will love who I become. As time passes, and I become more solid in my identity and comfortable with being myself, they will only grow more and more proud of me and excited to know the pieces of me they couldn't access before. As the years stretch on, even with time apart, they will always love me.

okay I've reached the new kisses on my run and I can say that they are everything I ever wanted and more