for me i think the scariest part of sh recovery is watching my scars fade and the fact that the evidence of my suffering being gone by the summer is a terrifying thought.
but i know that i have to learn to rewire my brain into seeing my lack of scars as proof of my triumph against sh if i want to recover. i’m just scared that people will take my lack of scars as evidence that nothing’s wrong with me.
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remembering that normal people don't even think about cvtting themselves and that I defy the sane survival instinct of all creatures
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I know somethings wrong with me when i get happy and decide that i need to cut
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“i’m just girlblogging”
the girl blogging in question:
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Suicide is such a comforting thought. Nothing matters when I’m dead.
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Yesterday i lost my 5 month streak of being clean from sh, i don't know if i ever stop cvtting myself. Every time i think i ended it for good, the urge to feel pain comes back and i restart
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what I say: “it is what it is”
what I mean: “I have cried about this for hours and have probably self harmed and contemplated suicide over this.
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do i masturbate or self harm? these are life’s greatest questions.
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you ever just want to cut even if you don't really have a reason just because you miss the feeling of the cuts or am i losing it
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that feminine urge to buy the cutest novelty box cutter so i can carve hearts in my thighs like i did when i was a teenager just to feel something
(i think i am manic)
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