Fuck, man. Neurodivergent love. I’m never going to get over it. Depression love says “I will do my best to stay for you.” DID/OSDD love says “Every face of this brain is endeared to you.” Autism love says “I will do anything to reach you, to give you the understanding I never got.” BPD love says “You are a vital organ of mine, and I am one of yours.” Bipolar love says “Wherever I may go, I will come back to you.” Post-traumatic love says “I will always show you gentleness in this reckless world.” ADHD love says “I will try for you, no matter the obstacle.” Anxiety love says “You are my safe space and I am yours.” ASPD love says “I choose to, on purpose, for you.” OCD love says “I will stand guard for you.” Neurodivergent love. Neurodivergent love. Different brains in love, oh my G-d. These colors are uncountable and they are my religion.
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time with complex trauma is like. i need to do everything all at once and if i don't i'm a failure, even if there's nothing to do. three months ago feels like yesterday but i can hardly remember yesterday anyway. i'm running out of time. for what? i don't know. i need everything to slow down but my life is so stagnant. i can't go to sleep because the day can't end, but i need the day to end or i'll go insane. i'm constantly worrying about the future but it feels like i have no future. i'm running out of time. for what? i don't know. time has no meaning but every second is the end of the world.
or is this just me?
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Things that make me murderous: Snaters who are like “why didn’t Snape just grow up and get over it”, as if c-ptsd from a lifetime of abuse at home and school doesn’t cause damage to the mind and can’t just disappear the minute you turn 18.
Untreated, unhealed childhood c-ptsd in adults is a nightmare. It is hellishly hard to function in society emotional stunting and anger issues are common. And it’s made so much worse by continuously being around triggers of your trauma.
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hey PTSD havers, my arch nemesis (the trailers for The Nun) are back!!! For some reason this movie series has trailers with MASSIVE SOUND SPIKES at the very end of their pre-skip cycle (so you CAN'T skip the jumpscare/loud sound spike unless you physically mute your TV/unplug your headphones/realize it's happening so you can manually mute).
reblog to save a fellow PTSD-haver from having a fucking panic attack at 9AM whilst watching youtube
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may all of the things that lack gentleness and kindness fall away; i don't want the sharp edges of cruelty to shape life around me. i don't need tough and rough. i want people that know the tenderness of our bruises and choose not to weaponize hurt disguised as "tough love."
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People are allowed to hurt others.
Clickbait phrasing aside, I think it is an important thing in life to acknowledge that people - including you - are allowed to hurt people, especially if you are a survivor of trauma. It's one of the things I have to verbally restate to my fiance who relatively recently got hit with the trauma bus after repressing it for a while, but you ARE allowed to hurt people.
Of course, intentionally hurting someone is a dick move.
Of course, unintentionally hurting someone is a sucky situation for them and not a cool and fun thing
Of course, hurting someone is not the ideal but even then
You are allowed to hurt people. It is not this horrible moral failing or evil behavior or completely reprehensible thing to hurt someone. Intentionally or not, if you hurt someone, it is not something that makes you unredeemable or tainted or unlovable or a horrible person.
It is part of human nature - part of life - to every now and again make poor decisions - intentionally or not - that end up affecting another person poorly. May that person be a stranger or a close friend or what not, its just part of life experiences to run into these situations and it is OK to hurt others.
You don't need to be punished. You don't need to grovel. It's not the end of a relationship in any inherent means.
And while it is okay to hurt people, whats the MOST important thing is that when you realize you've hurt someone is to acknowledge it and - if its someone important to you - do what you can to apologize and try not to repeat the mistakes made
But everyone hurts people every now and again.
Expecting yourself and the people in your life to live their entire life without ever getting a speck of dirt on their hands (for those that struggle with analogies, "live their entire life without ever hurting anyone") is something that just won't work out in the long run.
Hurting someone is a singular action that does not have to define your life moving forward.
What does matter is how you handle and respond to it.
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Shop , Patreon , Books and Cards , Mailing List
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After seeing this Mental Health Pain Scale a while ago, I realized that it doesn't really work well for people whose mental wellness changes frequently (ex: people with BPD or C-PTSD, addicts), and very extremely. So, I made some tweaks for myself, and hopefully it can help others:
Here's a version with a table :)
Emotional Distress Scale
0 - I feel great! This is the best I’ve felt in a long time!
1 - I’m feeling really good! There’s no distress to address.
2 - I’m feeling good. If I start feeling bothered, I can be easily distracted or cheered up.
3 - I’m okay, but there are some things bothering me. I can easily cope with them, though.
4 - I could be better. There are a few things distressing me right now. It’s not exactly easy to deal with, but I still have the skills to get through it.
5 - I’m not okay. It’s getting harder to do the things I want to do, but I can do them. My coping skills aren’t working as well anymore, but enough of them work to get me through the day. I need some support.
6 - I’m feeling bad, and it’s very hard to do the things I need or want to do. Most of my coping skills aren’t effective right now, and it’s taking a lot of energy to stay stable. I need help.
7 - I’m feeling awful. It’s hard to focus on anything but my emotions, and/or I’m avoiding things that distress me. I can’t do much but try to take care of myself, which is already hard in itself. I’m running low on, or have run out of, effective coping skills. I need a lot of help right now.
8 - I’m feeling awful, and I can’t escape it anymore. How I feel is affecting every part of my day, and I’m reaching the point where I can’t function. It’s hard to sleep, eat, socialize, etc. I need help before I can’t handle anything.
9 - This is approaching the worst I could feel. I can’t function anymore. My emotions have totally consumed me. I may be a danger to myself or others, or I may be neglecting myself. I need urgent help.
10 - This is the worst I’ve felt ever/since [last time]. I can’t care for myself at all. My emotions are so intense, I’m at imminent risk of dangerously acting on them. I need crisis support immediately.
11 - I have acted on my emotions and hurt myself or someone else. Everything else in my life is impossible to comprehend. I need medical care and/or crisis support immediately.
Note that this doesn't really work well if your positive states end up being unhealthy (ex: mania, idealization, etc.), so it's geared towards negative emotions. This is also meant to be about how you feel NOW. The other scale works best for viewing your overall state.
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Self-compassion includes falling apart and being a gross mess.
And not feeling guilty or embarrassed about it at all.
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Oh my god, now both the Kiryu twins have votes on my Kinktober fanart poll for round 3.
As a Kiryu twins supremacist, this gets me overjoyed. Not only were both so unique and complex in their own ways, but they are the best looking male characters in the series if you ask me which is always a glorious bonus.
Hot privilige wins and being tormented since birth these twins each developped their personal flavor of troubled badboy with a good heart that doesn't goes to the absolute toxic levels of Kaname Kuran. How he was the second love interest still is beyond me, but it is nowhere near the crime of Vampire Knight Memories Volume 8, when apparantly that mayor had Ichiru cloned, and in the very volume they introduce him, he is killed off! Like, what the fuck?! And all Zero does is having a sad little moment before moving on after killing his twin for the 2nd time?! Once again, the way Zero's trauma is handled is awfully poor.
I usually don't like diagonising characters but in Zero's case as someone with C-PTSD (technically I was diagnosed with PTSD but they had no seperate diagnostic test for C-PTSD):
I can say for certain that Zero at least has regular PTSD and the way it is handled makes me want to cry out of frustration. It's so terrible, and such a missed story opportunity. Because as it currently stands, all it served was for Kaname Kuran to have a way to resurrect Yuki, by cloning.
Fuck this shit, Matsuri Hino, this is a crime to all Kiryu stans and Marichiru shippers! I hate you for doing this to me.
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