#NOT TO MENTION THE OCCASIONAL SADNESS OR JEALOUSY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cyberp-1-nk · 1 year

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HOMESICK S/O + OBEY ME BROTHERS.

☆ Masterlist / Requests ?

SYNOPSIS. How they'd react to you feeling homesick, and assuming that you're going to leave them behind forever.

PAIRINGS. Lucifer x Reader, Mammon x Reader, Leviathan x Reader, Satan x Reader, Asmodeus x Reader, Beelzebub x Reader, and Belphegor x Reader.

GENRE + WARNINGS. This is angst, but with a comforting/fluffy end.

WORD COUNT. 3,066

TAGS. @xpixie

LUCIFER !

☆ He's not stupid. He knows that you miss your home— he hears the way you talk to your human-world friends on the phone.

Lucifer had solely just been passing by your room— he hadn't intended to invade your privacy, but curiosity gnawed at him. You never really spoke about the human world, and to hear another human talking to you had piqued his interest. Listening intently to your conversation with your old friends. He had been curious about what was happening in the human-world lately, and he thought eavesdropping on your calls might give him some insight.

As he listened in, he heard your friend excitedly recounting their latest adventures. They had gone to a concert, tried a new restaurant, and hung out at the park. It sounded like they were having the time of their lives. Occasionally, he heard more of your friends interrupt each other, all equally excited to speak to you again. It's clear you were loved in the human-world as well— a pang of jealousy throbbed in his chest.

But then your voice came through the phone, and Lucifer could hear the sadness and longing in it. "It sounds fun," you said quietly. "I wish I could be there with you guys." Lucifer felt a pang of sympathy for you. He knew what it was like to feel homesick and lonely— when he had first arrived in the devildom after the celestial war, he had missed the celestial-realm deeply. He wondered if there was anything he could do to help you feel better.

He listened a little longer as your friends tried to cheer you up. They promised to take lots of pictures and send you updates, and they told you how much they missed you too. Lucifer could hear the genuine affection in their voices, and he felt a flicker of hope that maybe you would start to feel better soon. As he glanced at your face— he noticed how little beads of tears started to prick at your eyes. You quickly cleared your throat, and wiped your tears.

☆ He won't mention this to you unless he needs to. He'll silently try to bring more of the human world to you— he'll do some research on human-customs, holidays, and even your personal culture. You'll notice he starts to ask more questions about the human world, your favorite things about it. You'll eventually notice this, and reassure him that he doesn't need to put in all this effort to make you stay— you love your home, but you love him more.

MAMMON !

☆ Mammon is an idiot, but he's an observant idiot— only when it comes to you though. He notices the way your expression changes whenever you reminisce about your family, or how much fun you've had with your friends.

You leaned against Mammon's shoulder, your voice laced with bitter-sweet nostalgia as you spoke about your memories of your friends back in the human world— something you rarely did. "We used to do everything together," You said with a smile tugging at your lips. "Parties, road trips, late-night hangouts. It was so much fun." Mammon listened intently, a small smile creeping onto his face as he watched you reminisce. He loved seeing you happy and carefree, even if just for a moment.

But as you continued to talk, Mammon noticed a shift in your tone. Your voice grew incredibly quieter, and Mammon could see the tears starting to prick at the corners of your eyes. He put his arm around you, pulling you close. "I miss them so much," You said, your voice breaking. "I miss everything about being back there. The smells, the sounds, the people. It's just not the same here."

Mammon's heart ached for you as he watched you struggle with homesickness— he wordlessly adored you, he didn't want to let go, but he also didn't want you to be so sad. He knew that you loved the devildom and all the adventures you had together, but he also knew that a part of you would always long for your old life. "It's okay to miss them, ya know," Mammon said softly, tracing circles on your back. "You don't have to pretend that you don't."

You nodded, a tear rolling down your cheek. "I know," you said quietly. "It's just hard. I feel like I don't belong here sometimes, like I'm trapped in a world that's not really mine."

Mammon hugged you tighter, offering you a small smile— a hue of blush overlapping his face. "Ya know we all love having you here, right?" he said. "We wouldn't be the same without you."

☆ He loves you so much— and doesn't want to let you go back to the human-world, and it's extremely hard for him to come to terms with the fact that there is a chance you might leave him behind. He knows he won't be ready for something like that. When you pull him close, and reassure him that you're here to stay. Please, you're gonna make him sob.

LEVIATHAN !

☆ Jealousy starts to eat at him when he notices how often you start to call your old friends. He starts to distance himself once he assumes you're going to leave him for good. He loves you, and can't bring himself to let you go.

Leviathan had been noticing a pattern in your saddened behavior lately. You had been spending more and more time on calls with your friends from the human world, laughing and joking with them. He could hear the longing in your voice every time you said you missed them. Leviathan couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. He had grown so used to having you all to himself that the thought of you leaving him behind was unbearable.

One day, when you were finishing up a call with your friends, Leviathan couldn't contain his feelings any longer. He looked at you with a sadness in his eyes that you had rarely seen— it worried you. "Why do you spend so much time on calls with your human friends? Don't you know that I'm here, waiting for you?"

You were taken aback by Leviathan's sudden outburst. You had never seen him like this before— usually he'd only lash out in jealousy towards his brothers, he'd never seemed to mind your friends. You tried to explain that you missed your old life, but that didn't mean you were going to leave everyone behind. "Leviathan, I'm not going anywhere. I made a promise to you, remember? I'm here to stay."

But Leviathan wasn't convinced. "You shouldn't have made me fall for you if you were just going to leave me behind," he said, his voice cracking with emotion. "I thought you were different, but I guess I was wrong."

You could see the hurt in Leviathan's eyes, and you knew you had to do something to comfort him. You took his hand and looked into his eyes. "Levi, I'm not going anywhere. I promise. But I can't just forget about my old life. I need to stay in touch with my friends."

Leviathan looked at you, his eyes softening. He knew you were right. He knew he was being irrational, but he couldn't stand the thought of you leaving. "I understand," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I just don't want to lose you."

You pulled Leviathan into a warm embrace. "You won't lose me," you said. "I'm here for you, always." Leviathan buried his face in your shoulder, feeling comforted by your words.

☆ He knew that even though you missed your old life, you were committed to your relationship. And that was all that mattered. He was just happy you were here to stay.

SATAN !

☆ He brought some famous books from the human world, and started questioning you about them. It led to you talking about how you were gifted some of these books at some point in your life, which ultimately led to you reminiscing about your family. He let you ramble since you probably needed to get it off your chest.

Satan had recently returned from a trip to the human world, and he had brought back a few books that he thought you might be interested in. As you sat together in your room, he pulled out the books and asked you about them. Your face lit up as you recognized the titles. "Oh, I remember these! My family bought them for me when I was younger," you said, flipping through the pages. "I used to read them all the time."

Satan watched as your eyes glimmered with fond memories, but as you continued talking, he could see tears starting to well up in your eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked, gently wiping away your tears.

"It's just...I miss my family," You said, your voice cracking with emotion. "These books remind me of them, and how much they cared about me. I wish I could see them again." Satan didn't say anything, but he listened carefully as you talked about your family, and the memories you had with them. He could see how much they meant to you, and he felt a pang of sadness knowing how much you missed them.

After a moment of silence, Satan spoke up. "If you want to leave and reunite with your family, I'll let you go," he said, his voice soft. "I know how much they mean to you, and I don't want to keep you here if you're not happy."

You looked at Satan, surprised by his words. You knew how much he cared for you, and how much he had sacrificed for you. "I...I don't know what to say," You said, your voice barely above a whisper.

Satan took your hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm not going to force you to stay here if you're not happy," he said. "But if you decide to leave, just remember that I'll always be here for you. No matter what. Even if you don't return, I'll always be watching over you."

☆ In that moment, you felt grateful for Satan's kindness and understanding. He seemed saddened at the mention of letting you go, and the sour expression that twisted at his face— but you simply laughed, and pressed a gentle kiss against his lips. You reassured him that you're not going anywhere.

ASMODEUS !

☆ When noticing how sad you seem, he tries to remind you of all the great things that are in the devildom— aka, him. Why would you wanna be anywhere else when you have someone as perfect as him always by your side?

Asmodeus had noticed that you seemed more down than usual lately. You spent a lot of time looking at old pictures from your home in the human world, and he could tell that you missed it deeply. He didn't want you to be sad, so he decided to try and cheer you up. While you were scrolling through your phone, Asmodeus noticed that you were looking at pictures of your old house. He could see the sadness in your eyes, and he knew he had to do something to make you feel better.

Without a word, he gently pushed your phone aside and took your hands in his. "Why would you ever wanna leave when you have me?" he said, looking deep into your eyes.

You were taken aback by his words. You had never thought of it that way before. "I...I don't know, Asmo," you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

Asmodeus smiled and took your face in his soft hands— tracing his delicate thumbs alongside your face. "There are so many great things in devildom. And I'm one of them," he said, his voice full of confidence. "Why would you wanna be anywhere else when you have someone as perfect as me always by your side?"

You couldn't help but laugh at Asmodeus's words. He was always so confident and sure of himself, and it was infectious. You looked at him, really looked at him, and realized that he was right. Asmo was one of the greatest things in your life, and you were lucky to have him. "You're right, Asmo," you said, leaning in to kiss him. "I do have you, and that's all I need."

☆ Asmo grinned and pulled you close, wrapping his arms around you. He knew that he couldn't replace your old life, but he was happy to remind you of all the good things you had in the devildom. He was happy to be there for you whenever you needed him.

BEELZEBUB !

☆ When he notices that you seem homesick, he can't bring himself to come to terms with it. He wants to be selfish and keep you all to himself, but he knows it isn't right. He can't keep you here if you aren't happy. He unknowingly distances himself from you, and seems to be eating more than usual.

Beelzebub had always been close to you— ever since you had made that pact with him. He enjoyed spending time with you, sharing meals and laughs, and he had come to think of you as someone he loved dearly. But something had changed recently, and he couldn't quite put his finger on it. You seemed more homesick than usual, and every time you spoke about the human world, your eyes took on a faraway look that made him worry.

You had noticed that something was off with Beelzebub lately. He had been avoiding you, not showing up to meals or events you had planned together. You decided to confront him about it, and found him in the kitchen, scoffing down large amounts of food as his back was turned against you.

"Beel, can we talk?" You asked, your voice gentle but firm— your eyes narrowed slightly as you questioned him. It was very unlike him to just— avoid you without saying anything. Usually, he was very straightforward with you. Beel turned around slowly, and your heart sank at the sight of his red, puffy eyes. "What's wrong, Beel? Are you okay?" You asked, stepping closer to him.

Beelzebub hesitated for a moment, then spoke softly. "I'm sorry for avoiding you. I just...didn't want to burden you with my problems."

Your gaze softened, and you reached out to touch his arm. "Beel, you can always talk to me. You don't have to go through things alone."

Beelzebub nodded, his eyes downcast. "It's just...I don't want you to leave. I know how much you miss home, and I can't bear the thought of you leaving us."

Your heart swelled with warmth at Beelzebub's confession. "Beel, I'm not leaving. I may miss home sometimes, but the Devildom has become my home too. And you guys...you're like family to me."

Beelzebub's eyes widened, and he looked up at you with a mix of surprise and gratitude. "Really? You mean that?"

"Of course I do," You said, smiling. "I don't know what I'd do without you guys. And I especially don't know what I'd do without you— I love you, a little more than the others. Don't tell anyone that though." He was caught completely off guard as you walked up closer to him and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him in with a soft, but tight grip. He lightly flinched when you put your hand on the back of his head, but his muscles relaxed when he felt yout soft hands run through his hair. You smiled when you could hear his heartbeat, and it was beating fast.

☆ He knows you're here to stay— even if he gets worried sometimes.

BELPHEGOR !

☆ He probably gets really upset. He doesn't want you to leave, he doesn't even want you to have thoughts of leaving forever.

Belphegor had always been a laid-back demon, preferring to spend his days napping and lounging around. But lately, he has become more attentive to you. He had noticed how homesick you seemed, and he couldn't bear the thought of you leaving them behind— he already lost Lilith, he can't lose you too.

So whenever you were on the phone with your friends from the human world, Belphegor would cuddle up to you, nuzzling his head against your shoulder and purring contentedly. And whenever you tried to look at pictures on your old phone— the one you had bought in the human world, he would immediately sprawl out on your lap, his weight making it impossible for you to move.

At first, you found it amusing. Belphie was always so lazy, it was funny to see him so determined to distract you. But as time went on, you started to feel frustrated. You missed your friends and family from the human world, and you wanted to talk to them without any interruptions. One day, you had finally had enough. "Belphie, can you please get off me? I'm trying to talk to my friend," you said, trying to push him off your lap.

But Belphegor was fast asleep, his breathing deep and even. You sighed in exasperation, but something about the way he looked so peaceful made you hesitate. You looked at him for a moment longer, then spoke softly. "Belphegor, why do you keep doing this? Why won't you let me talk to my friends?"

Belphegor stirred slightly, then opened his eyes and looked up at her. "I don't want you to leave. I like having you here."

Your heart swelled with warmth at Belphegor's words. "I'm not leaving, Belphie. I promise. But I need to talk to my friends sometimes. It doesn't mean I love you guys any less."

Belphegor blinked slowly, then yawned and stretched his limbs. "I know. I'm sorry. I just...don't want you to be sad."

You reached out to stroke his head gently. "I appreciate that, Belphegor. But it's okay to be sad sometimes. And it's okay to talk about it."

Belphegor gazed up at you with sleepy eyes, and you felt a surge of affection for him. Despite his laziness and his quirks, he cared about you in his own way. You leaned down and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead.

☆ He eventually learns that you aren't going to leave, and it reassures him— he loves you, and just doesn't want you to go.

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merci-bitch · 1 year

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Charlize’s characters being jealous?

Hi!!

Well, what can I say. 😺

Warning(s): NSFW mentions, mentions of death, jealousy, semi public, PDA, possessiveness

Also, not my gifs! Credit goes to whoever made them ! <3

Lady Lesso

- Yikes

- Girl is possessive

- If you do it on purpose.

- I’ll come to your funeral.

- She will go feral. I mean crazy

- Lesso isn’t bitching around

- Don’t fuck with her

- Again, if you decide to play wicked and do it on purpose, she will kick your arse. ;)

- She will show you, who you belong to.

- She won’t play nice

- Lesso doesn’t play nice with bratty little girls 👀

- She will not let you walk properly for weeks

- She will make it her own personal mission.

- If it wasn’t on purpose that certain person suddenly goes missing.

- She doesn’t know what you’re talking about.

- She will still take you to bed, make sure you know who you belong to.

- Girl ain’t sharing one bit of you.

Andy

- To be fair

- I’ve seen people say she doesn’t get jealous

- Course she does

- She’s just lived so long it doesn’t effect her as much as perhaps Lesso

- She will be a little, perhaps colder in her behaviour

- She will pull you closer to herself

- Perhaps wrap her arm around you

- She trusts you, and trusts you won’t do anything to hurt her

- Cause she can’t handle another heartbreak

- She might be a little feisty. But not too much because she trusts you with her heart

Elaine Markinson

- She’s similar to Lesso

- Only she will backfire it

- If she notices that you’re doing it on purpose

- She will make you jealous

- Elaine doesn’t take shit

- She takes what she wants

- When she wants

- Daddy’s blue ribbon girl

- If you wanna act like a brat?

- Go ahead. See how fun it is

- Cause if you’re doing it purpose, she will give you your punishment in a whole other way

- Cold shoulder

- Call you a slut perhaps 🤷🏼‍♀️

- If you’re not doing it on purpose, she’ll be all handsy.

- Make you sit in her lap

- Whisper filth in your ear

- Her hands on your thighs and hips, occasionally giving a squeeze

- She would, without doubt, make out with you in front of anyone who’s a much as tries to steal you from her

- Telling them to fuck off as she openly asks you if she should take you home for a good fuck

Charlotte Field

- Now she does get jealous.

- Charlotte was used to you getting jealous from when she used to chat with the Canadian prime minister

- She loved the thrill of it

- Sex was amazing - quote from Ms. Field.

- But when it’s her?

- She gets pouty.

- Perhaps a little insecure

- Even though girl loads of confidence

- She’s always scared of losing you because of her job

- She doesn’t always have those 5 minutes to be affectionate

- Margret will always spoil your plan

- If you intend to do it on purpose, she will know

- She will try to backfire it , sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t

- She doesn’t like to jealous

- Doesn’t like to be teased

- Girl is desperate

- She’s bossy af

- Loves when you’re jealous though

- Loves to tease you about it

- Cause she knows you will flip on her

- Sex was amazing - Ms. Field.

Clea Strange

- Well

- Is it possible?

- I think, if you’re trying to do it on purpose, she’ll find it amusing

- I don’t think Clea is the jealous type like that

- I don’t really think she will act out on it

- Perhaps she’d still give you a little reminder

- If you’re in a relationship with both Clea and Stephen, S will get jealous

- Again, I don’t think Clea is the jealous type

Mavis Gary

- Be prepared to die

- Ask Marri

- No but she will go crazy

- She’s already in such a bad place mentally that she wouldn’t be able to handle it

- And it’s so sad

- Because she’s a teasing type

- She just doesn’t have the energy for it

- She will feel broken by it

- But if she’s in a better state mentally, and knows you’re only doing it to get a rise in her

- Boy are you in for a night

- I think she would go crazy

- On you

- In you

- She will threaten you

- Tease you

- Leave you on edge

- Too bad you got yourself in this position in the first place 🤷🏼‍♀️

Lorraine Broughton

- Honestly, if we’re thinking outside the box and adding her American self

- I think she would be like Clea

- Find it amusing

- She will still get jealous, perhaps a more quiet jealous until you’re alone

- If she trusts you, knows you, loves you

- I think she would find it rather amusing , knowing she could leave you weak with just a simple touch

- She will be all smug about it before she takes you home

- Absolutely rails you

- Perhaps in your more normal way, just more teasing

- She doesn’t need to tell you who you belong to

- She will make you voice it

- Aftercare is bomb, cuddles

Cipher

- Tough cookie

- Well

- Do I have to explain?

- She’s got big dick energy

- Either beg for forgiveness or prepare to DIE

- Girl ain’t having it

- Choose your death

1. Choked to death

2. Shot in the head

3. Begging on your knees before her

- If it wasn’t your fault

- She would jsut kill the person

- Honestly

- She doesn’t give a shit 😭

- But if you need a reminder ?

- Well.

- GOOD LUCK PAHAHAH

Ravenna

- Eh

- Don’t

- Don’t even try to make the Queen jealous

- If it’s before the second movie, she will threaten to take your beauty for herself

- Seeing the dear fear in your eyes

- She loves it

- Gets her going

- That knowing smirk on her lips

- She just have to raise her eyebrow at you

- Daring you to continue

- It’ll leave you a mess for days

- Second movie

- Love is illegal because sis girl is trying to be special

- It’ll be more fun

- Cause you can get away with it more

- It pisses Ravenna off because she can’t go take you now and then

- In secret she’ll have you wish you could beg for mercy

- Freya asking why you seem sick or injured

- Ravenna sitting in the back, biting down her own grin

#ask #lady lesso x reader #charlotte field x reader #andromache of scythia x reader #clea strange x reader #lorriane broughton x reader #queen ravenna x reader #cipher x reader #elaine markinson x reader #mavis gary x reader

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globalrebrand · 2 years

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When They Get Drunk

Twst Dorm Leaders!

Warnings: Slight not sfw in Leona's and Malleus' parts. (Isn't there always?) Mentions of drinking.

Riddle:

Has a low tolerance and rarely drinks under normal circumstances.

Gets so flushed and sweaty when he drinks, one or two glasses and he starts stumbling over his words.

He starts saying exactly whats on his mind without disguising it behind floral language. It's rarely nice things however.

Mean drunk 😕

Leona:

Gets cuddly and sleepy. It's like corralling a toddler who wants to go bed, he gets more ornery the longer he has to be awake.

A little horny, but if you start anything he falls asleep in the middle.

As he gets older Leona become a big fan of the occasional nightcap.

Overall a chill if not slightly horny drunk.

Azul:

A sad whiny drunk. Throws tantrums when specifically you, aren't giving him enough attention.

Begs you not to leave him.

Clings to your side and can't hide his jealousy.

Cries a little.

Kalim:

A chatty drunk, very prone to oversharing.

Overshares about his relationship with you, jamil etc.

Don't let him have tequila he'll be up all night.

Dances on tables and spends his money even more recklessly.

Vil:

The life of the party? He becomes less encumbered and more open and flirty. He's such a fun drunk but he seldom drinks because its so bad for your skin/aging.

An absolute tease and super arrogant about it.

"Aren't I so handsome, I know you can't resist me~" He's not wrong but no one asked him to say that.

Drunk Vil just wants to dance, take him somewhere he can dance please.

Idia:

Another sad drunk.

Loses what limited filter he has and starts offending people left and right.

Regrets his life choices, throws himself a pity party.

Complains that he wants to go home, but everyone wanted him to leave anyway.

Malleus:

Tolerance of a stone, the only way to tell Malleus is even remotely drunk is that he gets shameless about his horniness.

Yes, that's his hand on your ass, right where everyone can see.

No he won't remove it.

Take him somewhere private before he does something even more embarassing.

#riddle rosehearts #twst riddle #leona kingscholar #twst leona #azul ashengrotto #twst azul #kalim al asim #twst kalim #vil schoenheit #twst vil #idia shroud #twst idia #malleus draconia #twst malleus #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst imagines

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tinietaehyun · 3 months

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Forsaken [IX]

[Sorcerer!Taehyun x Royal!Reader] [Series] [Chapter Nine]

Pairing: Sorcerer!Taehyun x Royal!Reader [Ft. Prince!Beomgyu]

Genres: Fantasy, romance, enemies to lovers, supernatural, action, royal!au.

Contains: Profanity, mentions of poison, manipulation, gaslighting, suggestive themes, dialogue-heavy.

Links: Forsaken Masterlist || Masterlist

Summary: Wrapping up Taehyun’s past, you gain a whole new perspective about your travelling companion. Everything makes sense now! A deep sense of sadness fills you, he had been betrayed by his closest friend, exiled with his father by the very court that betrayed you for your brother.

You were both bound by fate, by betrayal. Forsaken by the places you once sought comfort in. When you peer into his eyes, you find a new source of comfort, as does he.

You had each other.

Shock spreads through your facial features as nausea floods you. Taehyun’s words fly into you one by one as though blades were being thrown into you consecutively. Your bottom lip trembles as your wide eyes regard his calm demeanor.

How was he so calmly reiterating this tale to you as if it were someone else’s story? Then again, it had been years since the events occurred. He probably had a lot of time to reflect and move past it during his isolation in the Woods of Mors.

Your gaze scans over his side profile as a long sigh escapes his pretty lips; his blonde locks cascade over his forehead casting a shadow over his eyes. This ethereal figure had gone through such a tough time, completely and utterly betrayed by his best friend all due to the pitiful concept of jealousy.

All though from what Taehyun described of Yeonjun’s father (which was safe to say, rather appalling), you had initially felt both empathy and sympathy. However, now that you had just heard what Yeonjun’s father did and how Yeonjun so carelessly went with it, your feelings were conflicted.

You had seen Yeonjun around here and there around the palace throughout your years growing up. You knew him and Sehun were friends, and that he was the son of the Royal Sorcerer before he shortly took over the position a year and a half ago after his father’s retirement. You had interacted with him occasionally.

You always knew how charming and charismatic; you often heard the palace maids fawn over him. Even you could admit back then, he was indeed a magnetic fellow with a heavenly looks.

Taehyun resumes, “That night. It’s something I can never forget. All the faces in the crowd looking at my father in horror, then back at me. As if we’d committed the worst atrocity, when-“

“When you didn’t do anything at all,” you finish frowning.

He nods continuing, “Afterwards, everything went by in a blur. I was much younger, I…I didn't fully process what was happening at the time. It was just so chaotic. I remember my father getting dragged away by the guards, and then me getting escorted away.”

“I was just so taken aback by Yeonjun’s actions. I didn’t think- l knew he was jealous; but I didn’t think he’d go that far to get back at me. To see my father’s downfall, my downfall.”

Taehyun peers at the sleek marble floor and closes his eyes as memories flash across his mind, “I didn’t think he could toss me aside so easily.”

You murmur, “Maybe it got too much for him. Something must have snapped within him.” Taehyun nods, running a hand through his hair, “Mhm, I believe so. I just wish he had opened up at the time. He just saw any opportunity to talk it out as a threat or weakness. I don’t know, I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand his mind.”

Hurt emanates from your heart and his; you’d both been betrayed.

“What…happened next?” You tentatively enquire. He resumes, “I suppose, my father spent the next few nights in prison getting questioned along with a few other suspects.” He shakily sighs, “Then, I don’t know how, probably that bastard of a father and his silver tongue manage to narrow it down to my father and even managed to drag me into it for apparently being an accomplice.”

You scoff, “You? But you were a child?” Taehyun snorts bitterly, “Yeah, I suppose that didn’t matter. You know why? Because I’d grow up, and possibly beat his precious son. So why not get rid of two birds with one stone, hm? Not like anyone will look after me willingly.” You remain silent as he painfully rasps out his words. Oh, you never knew how much agony Taehyun held behind his high walls of vanity and bluntness.

“I-I remember the looks on the faces of the damn Royal Court. Disgust, as if we had truly fallen from grace. They always liked Yeonjun’s father more because he frequently kissed their asses-“

You flinch at his phrasing and he muses, “Allow me to rephrase, I mean he would suck up to them.” You chuckle, “No worries, I figured.”

He becomes serious once more, “We were presented like prey to the court, ready to get picked apart by the members of the court. Yeonjun’s father spoke on and on about various points, not even allowing my father a chance to defend himself, even speaking over him!” Taehyun snaps lowly; you notice his fists clenching shakily.

Cautiously, you reach over and place a soft hand atop his left hand. His pauses for a moment; his head snapping to face you in surprise. Your eyes lock onto each other for a second before he averts his gaze, “I knew the moment we stepped into the room, no matter how much my honest father pleaded and cried, objected to any points, it was pointless. The court was biased from the start.”

Disgust fills you; the same court who did nothing to stop your brother from taking over your throne. A bunch of greedy spineless cowards with no philosophy or morals of their own. “It was a facade,” Taehyun scoffs, “Yeonjun’s father was cunning, the way he shed false tears on behalf of the ill King and Queen.”

Your mother and father; your beloved parents. You knew if they were alive and healthy at the time, they would not stand for this injustice. Well; maybe that’s what you’d like to believe at least.

You murmur confused, “How did the Royal Court believe his intentions so easily? I’m sure Yeonjun’s father would have acted pretty well, but surely he couldn’t convince everyone in the hall, no?”

Taehyun shifts facing you as he explains, “The King and Queen were poisoned by Nightshade, a highly toxic plant which causes terrible symptoms leading to eventual death.” You process his words carefully, “Mhm, you said at the time, there was no cure.”

“Right, but my father, with much care and research, found the cure. It was in his spellbook.”The same spellbook which you surmise must now be in Yeonjun’s hands, handed down to him by his despicable father. You hum deep in thought, “The cure…”

“Yeonjun’s father presented the antidote to the court a few days before the final verdict. Just on the cusp of when your parents were about to die.” Your eyes widen as you put the pieces together. Thus, he solidified his so-called innocent intentions by providing a cure! The noble court would eat that up in a heartbeat! Damn him!

“You understand what that means, right? He claimed my father’s antidote as his own and even gained extraordinary praise for saving the Kihg and Queen’s lives.” He seethes. You murmur, “So after a lot of back and forth, they found your father guilty.”

“Such fucking bullshit still- fuck,” he snaps. You squeeze his hand and he squeezes it back, “Sorry, it just gets me so worked up.” You pitifully smile, “I mean, how could it not? I’m furious just hearing this.”

“Yes, so to end it off, my father was thrown in prison. I got thrown in there with him a day later being called an accomplice to the matter or some shit like that.”

“Yeonjun did nothing to stop it?” You ask frowning. Taehyun’s gaze darkens as his jaw tightens, “No that fucking bastard just watched; kept watching, kept his mouth shut, just keeping a proud glint in his eyes and a fucking smirk on his mouth.”

How twisted…

Taehyun releases a long shaky sigh before removing his hand from under yours. You both remain quiet reflecting upon your talk. You now knew why Taehyun despised the Royal Court, nobles in general, why he is so unsure about returning to the palace, why he asked about the spellbook in the Sorcerer’s Tower. You now understood why he was so closed off towards you initially. It made sense now, everything did.

A sinking feeling permeates your heart. Yeonjun was still back at the palace; you surely hope he wouldn’t do anything; it had been years - it should be fine, no?

“Yeonjun is Royal Sorcerer presently,” you murmur. A bitter laugh escapes his lips, “Of course he is, it was fate after all.” He continues, “I assume he’s still best friends with Sehun?”

You nod awkwardly and Taehyun mutters, “Must be nice for him to be a royal lapdog.”

A moment of silence passes between you two. You had managed to grasp a full picture of your traveling companion who you had grown oddly fond of.

Taehyun sourly hums, “I find this amusing. I haven’t opened up in this manner for years. What’s funnier is that I am pouring out my pathetic memories, to you, a royal. The heir to the throne in fact. Or, well supposed to be.”

To be honest, you’re not sure what to say. A pang of guilt surges through you. You wish that the Royal Court were not so adamant in blaming his father, that more thorough investigation had been done into the matter. But you suppose, bygones were bygones.

“I’m sorry,” you awkwardly squeak out. His peers at you for a moment before his harsh gaze softens, “Why’re you apologising? You weren’t even adopted into the palace yet?”

“I…I just feel sad. I feel terrible that this happened. That you were wronged like this, Taehyun,” you murmur earnestly.

His eyes glimmer and he leans back once more against the endboard of the bed, moving a cushion aside and scooting closer to you. “Don’t apologise, you had nothing to do with it. Anyway, you heard my dreary tale out, so thanks for that, sweetheart.”

“It’s not dreary,” you huff. Taehyun muses, “Oh? So it interested you?”

“Yes- I- well not in the gossip sort of manner- respectfully I mean-“ you stammer and he chuckles, “Relax, no need to go treading on eggshells around me. It’s been years, I’m not as sensitive as I was back then.” Taehyun had found your cautious nature rather adorable.

He rolls his shoulders back, “In fact, it feels pretty good to let it all out again.” You felt glad he thought that way. “I’m glad to hear it, Taehyun,” you utter with a genuine smile. His eyes flicker for a moment, slightly taken aback with the sincerity of your tone.

Taehyun’s eyes widen for a second as he swiftly turns away. “Taehyun?” You ask confused. He abruptly clears his throat, “Mm, I’m fine.” Why did he turn away? “It’s fine, really,” he peers over briefly and your eyes catch a glimpse of the soft reddish-pink hue that illuminates his cheeks. Was he…blushing?

“Taehyun are you-“

“No, don’t say anything. I’m just infuriated with the memories,” he scoffs firmly. Well, you weren’t going to push him further, especially after today.

He mutters, crossing his arms, “You’re fascinating, you know that?”

“Why?” You question with a raised brow. Taehyun answers, “Moments like this…when you’re either emotionally vulnerable, or when you’re listening to me. It’s…you’re not a pest for once.” Here you thought you were going to get a magnanimous compliment, but no.

You smack a cushion into his arm and he grunts; “What? It’s true. Usually, you’re rather annoying, unbearably irritating at times. Yet moments like this, you actually seem to show high awareness and…and-“

You deadpan, raising the cushion readying to land another hit, “…and?”

“I find myself…seeing you in a rather endearing light. You’re cute. The way you dance around your words, tentatively listen.” You stiffen; your arm still holding up the cushion as your lips part in shock. Did he just call you cute? No way.

Taehyun’s gaze flickers over your frozen features and his lips form a coy smile as he leans forward wanting to ease the dampened mood, “Oh? Are you speechless for once?” He found your reaction to be rather amusing, your pretty lips always had some sort of witty remark at the ready.

“I was beginning to get worried these past few days, you weren’t hitting me with your usual remarks, it was very out of character,” he muses. You glare, “It’s funny to tease me, is it?” He tilts his head, “Mm, do you even need to ask, sweetheart?” You huff finally throwing the cushion down, “You ruined the sentimental moment.”

“Don’t lie, you’ve been curious this whole time,” he smugly hums. You scoff, “No; why would I have cared about an arrogant stuck-up sorcerer like you?” He sighs, “Oh how you wound me, princess. Oh wait, I should be saying, ex-prin-“

You go to hit him and he grabs your wrist raising it up abruptly and you stumble forward as he staggers back putting weight onto his left elbow, partially sitting up with you hovering over him.

You couldn’t quite get over how intimate this position was. Taehyun seems to be just as flustered as you as he momentarily peers up wide-eyed at you. His gaze flickers down to your parted lips as both of your breaths tumble out.

“You’re rather the violent one, when you have a cushion in your hand, huh?” Taehyun breathlessly muses, still not releasing your hand. You murmur back, “Give me a sword and I’ll show you violent.”

Taehyun’s lips form a smirk and he hums, “Oh? Do you even know how to wield a sword, sweetheart?” Truthfully, you only knew the basics of holding a sword thanks to Hueningkai, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Hm?” He awaits your response. Your lips form a mischievous smile, “If I do? What are you going to do? Make me disappear?”

Taehyun’s eyes meet yours before flickering to your lips once more and back up; your heart palpitates increasingly. His body heat seeps through your gown as he shifts his left cramped leg around you.

A fiery sensation fills you at the proximity; something that neither of you wanted to part from. There was something oddly thrilling, maybe it was just the overwhelming emotions at the moment making you two act so uncouth (particularly for someone like yourself) but at this moment, you didn’t care.

“Make you disappear?” He playfully hums, “That’s the coward’s way out.”

“And you’re not a coward?” You muse. Taehyun rolls his eyes, “Not when I can easily overpower you, no need for magic at all. In fact, I find it unfair. Your poor mana-less existence.” You scoff, “Save your pity, sorcerer. As if you could overpower me. You rely on your magic far too much for that.”

He meets your gaze for a moment; you spot a speck of hesitation in his irises before your lips release a shriek as he grabs your other arm and swings his leg over pushing you down onto the mess of cushions which dig into your back. You find yourself to be abruptly on your back with Taehyun straddling you, legs either side of your hips.

Heat courses through you as sheer embarrassment floods your features. You weren’t quite expecting things to go this route - then again, you did verbally provoke him.

Taehyun notices your stiffened demeanor and leans down with a coy smirk, “Oh? Weren’t expecting that, were we? Where’s the magic in this, then?”

The way your hair fans out haphazardly behind your head and your part lips tremble as your uneven breaths come out make Taehyun’s body course with heat. So unintentionally attractive, you were. He liked the view, not that he’d admit it. No, he loved the view of you underneath him writhing, with a flustered expression trying your best to hold your composure.

You glare up at him as you scoff going to wrestle your way out of this horrendously intimate position; this was not befitting of your status! Taehyun leans down closer, grasping your wrists beside your head, “Hm? Or did you provoke me on purpose?”

“How vulgar,” you scoff up at him. Something about his breathless face peering down at you with a cocky smirk, an intense gaze; it shifts something within you. “Vulgar? We aren’t doing anything, sweetheart. I’m merely proving a point. Anyway, you’re not putting up much of a fight.”

You scoff bashful, “It’s futile, I’ll only injure myself. So, I command you to get off me. You’ve done more than prove your point, you imbecile.”

His smirk morphs into an amused grin as he leans closer, “Oh? Accepting defeat, and here I thought you’d throw me off yourself.” You peer at his lips feeling your own lower lip tremble; your heart races in your chest. He was so close!

“…you’re so irritating, Taehyun,” you scoff. He maintains your eye contact as he muses, “Mm, am I? You’ve put up with me for this long.”

You huff, “Unfortunately.”

“How you continue to wound me, atop my past scars, sweetheart,” he sighs, getting off of you finally. A small hint of disappointment flashes across your mind; no, no! Keep focused!

You notice him dragging his hand across his face as though keeping himself composed. Did he feel just as hot as you did?

He clears his throat trying to keep his composure, “Anyway, sit up. Or did that break your delicate little spine?” You glare unimpressed, “Shut up.” Taehyun snickers, “Mm anyway, I think lunch will be ready soon.”

You nod as an awkward silence settles in the room. You realise how long you’ve been alone with Taehyun in this chamber for. Goodness, what would the maids here think! Your cheeks become warm and you shake your head.

You look over back at Taehyun who seems to be deep in thought. Damn his pretty face. Even when he contemplates, he’s gorgeous.

His eyes flicker back to yours noticing your stare and he hums sarcastically, “Done?” Rolling your eyes, you speak; “Of course you’d like it, you vain sorcerer.”

Taehyun muses with coy gaze, “Careful what you start with that gaze of yours, sweetheart. Could make any man crumble to his knees.” Your face flushes immediately at his words. When was he this flirtatious? No, he was merely teasing you!

You clear your throat, “A-Anyway, before all this, you said you had some sort of stupid plan to escape from here, right?”

He grins, “Stupid? Oh, I guess you don’t want to hear my stupid plan then? Go marry that prissy prince then. He’s all yours.”

You grimace before whining, “No! Fine, your amazing plan. Tell me, now.” He stands up, grandly stretching his arms, “After lunch, my mouth hurts from talking so much.”

You groan, “What a nuisance.”

“Sorry for being hungry, I guess,” he mutters. You stand up beside him; your joints stiff from sitting for so long, “Fine. I guess, I’m rather hungry too.”

Taehyun and you both eat lunch in a comfortable silence; for once it’s odd. You’re not bickering with each other. The glances you both exchange are frequent yet subtle. You both sensed a change in your dynamic.

Afterwards, you walk together as you whine, “Come on! So tell me!” You grasp his arm with a pleading expression and he smirks, “I know a way to get us out of here. The palace is surrounded by guards. We need to get back to my place, yes?” You nod intently listening.

“Teleportation,” he utters seriously. You deadpan, “You cannot be serious, surely. Is that even possible?”

Taehyun scoffs, “Perhaps not for the likes of you. I, on the other hand, can make it work. It takes an enormous amount of mana. My father made several notes about it and taught me. It’s possible with a huge mana circle- you know what, I won’t bore you with the technical details. I need a few more resources to pull it off.”

You blink with your jaw agape; was he going to truly attempt such a foolish thing? Taehyun glares, “Why are you looking at me like that? You don’t think it’ll work do you?”

“Will you be able to teleport the both of us?” You ask slightly intrigued. Taehyun’s expression darkens, “…I think. I just need to double the resources needed to teleport one person. But…I don’t think I’ll be quite okay, afterwards.”

“Because of the amount of mana you need to use?” You ask with a frown. He’d be willing to risk himself for you? He nods, “Teleporting one person with a physical mana circle is already insane, but two. I need a huge fucking mana circle, and twice the amount of mana.”

You bite your lip nervously, you didn’t know about the success probability of this. He takes your hand squeezing it reassuringly, “Don't worry about the consequences, the most important thing is that we both get out of here.”

Your heart races peering at his hand on yours. “You’re willing to risk hurting yourself?” You ask. His eyes glimmer and his lips part momentarily before he scoffs, “I…I won’t hurt myself that badly. At most I’ll be exhausted.” You glare up at him. He was lying.

Taehyun’s lips form a smirk leaning down placing a gentle hand atop your head, “Just, trust me sweetheart. Can you do that for me?”

Your eyes widen and you stammer moving out from under his hand flustered. You hear him snickering behind you as you scoff, “Fine whatever. Just don’t get the both of us imprisoned or killed.”

Taehyun muses, “No guarantees,” he walks past your appalled demeanor and you grab his arm again and he peers back at you with a relaxed expression; his eyes sparkle with amusement. “Where are you going?” You question.

Taehyun hums, “To visit Soobin.” Soobin? Oh yes, the sorcerer here. Of course!

“My, my, I didn’t know you two were so close,” a familiar husky voice resounds in the hallway. You peer over and see the princely figure approaching carrying a grand bouquet of assorted flowers.

Taehyun removes his arm from your grasp abruptly and he gives you a serious command, “Keep him distracted. Away from Soobin.”

“Wait-“ Before you could ask anything about his ominous statement, Taehyun rushes off.

Slowly, you turn to face Beomgyu who’s mischievous gaze meets yours. “Oh, he’s off in a rush? Why’s that?”

Think fast, think fast.

“We had an argument. I don’t think he’s quite keen on handling me, or especially you,” you murmur. His gaze sharpens and his lips morph into a sly smile, “And why’s that?”

“Because…” you begin, “I told him about our conversation. I…he didn’t agree with my position.” Beomgyu’s expression darkens, “You told him?”

“I-I’m sorry, I just felt so overwhelmed. He asked, and I broke down,” you stammer. Beomgyu’s jaw tightens, “So how does this relate to your pitiful argument?”

“I…I suggested that…” Keep him distracted, Taehyun said. “I suggested, I accept your idea of marriage,” you shakily murmur.

There, you’d make him think you had no choice but to marry him. That you’d fallen out with Taehyun because of your decision, that should draw suspicion off him for a while. Of course, you’d still act all reluctant and harsh with Beomgyu, after all you didn’t want him to find you suspicious either.

Beomgyu lets out a large guffaw, “Oh? Goodness, is that so? How convenient, I brought these flowers then.”

His gaze is malevolent and he steps forward grasping your hand, “What’s made you give up so quickly? I just find it rather convenient, no? Here I thought you’d put up a bit more of a fight. I was even considering getting a prison cell ready for you.”

You grimace, “How quaint.” Beomgyu muses circling his thumb on the back of your hand, “I know I’m generous. I just thought you’d need a little bit of a nudge in the right direction.”

You scoff removing your hand and his eyes twinkle, “I…I thought about it. I can’t do much alone, Taehyun, as powerful a sorcerer he may be, he’s an exiled criminal. I doubt the court would listen to testimony from me, after associating with him.”

“Huh, how…curious indeed,” Beomgyu places the bouquet into your arms and you peer down disgustedly, making him chuckle, “Well, I can see your genuine distaste for me. How unfortunate, but we’ll change that soon enough.”

“I…I also think he has bad intentions. He dislikes royalty a lot. He’s really persistent in coming with me to the palace. I don’t get why,” you add on. You really hope he wouldn’t see through your facade. Beomgyu’s brows raise, “Oh? And here I thought you trusted this stranger?”

“Initially yes, because I was so desperate. But more and more, when we argue, he just says some things that irk me, make me uneasy. I have a bad feeling if I present him to the royal court. They banished him after all? What if he’s just using me to get revenge?”

Beomgyu’s eyes twinkle with utter twisted delight making you shudder. He was happy, sinfully joyous.

“Hm, seems fate has left you with no choice then, hm?” Beomgyu condescendingly remarks. You remain silent, peering away. Beomgyu relishes in your silence and he suddenly cups your jaw turning your head to face him. Your eyes widen in surprise, “H-Huh?”

“I’m your only way out, guaranteed way to your throne,” he leans in with a twisted smile. You couldn’t believe that charming prince from before was so ruthless, cunning. He saw you as a mere pawn.

“Oh no need to look so down, you’ve made an excellent choice,” he rubs his thumb across your jaw. “I’ll make sure your justice gets served, princess, don’t you worry, your pretty head.”

You scoff going to shove his hand off and he firmly grasps your jaw and you whimper, “After all, both our nations will prosper. It’s a win-win. You may resent me, but one day, you’ll be falling to my feet to thank me.”

You pry his hand off and snap, “Have some decency.” Beomgyu’s lips form a coy smile, “Oh? Was I rather rough? I suppose your delicate skin would get rather bruised, no? My apologies. I just got a little excited at the prospect of our marriage.”

You roll your eyes; you had to keep his mind off Taehyun. If Taehyun was willing to risk his life, so were you.

Beomgyu’s gaze locks onto yours observing your timidity, “Oh, and in any unlikely case that you decide to change your mind, allow me to stress there’s no way to escape. Everyone here obeys my orders. The dungeons will become your new place of stay. I have vast array of Lunian punishments.”

You glare, “I understand, okay?” He muses, “Just reiterating for you, y/n. Don’t want you playing any needless games behind my back.”

A shiver runs through you, at his dark tone and you scoff, “I’m not stupid, Beomgyu.”

He moves a strand of your hair away from your face and gives you a once more pleasant smile, “I know you aren’t. That uneases me. So let’s be honest with each other from here on out, understood?”

You challenge his dark gaze and you murmur, “Fine, I have nothing to hide. You’ve ripped every semblance of hope I had left.” A breathless laugh escapes his snarky lips, “Good to hear, rely on me, princess. Trust me.”

“Don’t be foolish, I’ll go along with this, but trust?” You icily slam into him and he merely smirks in response.

“Huh, to think someone like you can prick me with such cold words, it excites me. I’ll resolve to change that,” Beomgyu hums nonchalantly; his fingers drag along your cheek, his thumb circling your upper cheek.

“We’ll see,” you murmur. Beomgyu brushes past you with a coy hum into your ear, “See, we shall.” He walks past you, leaving you in a mixture of anxiety and unease.

You really hope Taehyun’s recklessness would pay off. It had to.

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violetlunette · 4 months

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Whats your headcanons for malleus and Female silver’s relationship? (platonic i mean but ship if you have any ideas too, lol) Would stuff change since silver is a girl?

I mentioned most of my headcanons for Silver here.

For the most part, not much would change for Malleus. However, the few things that would change would have a significant impact.

One is that Malleus would feel a bit more melancholy as, thanks to Silver’s developed body, he couldn’t ignore the fact she was growing up. Often, he would feel sad that Silver is growing up so fast and dreads the day she may leave him to get married.

Malleus worries about Silver more than he does about male Silver. Not because she’s weaker or lacks faith in her, but because girls tend to attract more unwanted attention than boys. He frequently frets that she may accidentally place herself in a dangerous situation due to her naivety. Therefore, he tries to watch over her from a distance.

Thirdly, Malleus would be careful to keep a professional distance from her in public so that gossip about them being a couple wouldn’t start.

This, mixed with Malleus’ somber attitude at times, often makes Silver feel that Malleus doesn’t care for her as he used to, which makes her lonely in his presence, as he used to dote on her. Of course, this is all just a misunderstanding, as Malleus still adores her as much as ever.

Due to the miscommunication, Silver second-guesses herself and even wonders if Malleus wants her as a guard or if he only allows her the role due to Lilia. This leads to her being a bit nervous around him.

Silver also used to deal with bullying from Malleus’ (and Lilia’s) fangirls in her first years due to their jealousy. Thankfully, Lilia quickly stopped that. (Don’t mess with his girl.) Malleus also gets animosity from Silver’s admirers (not that they’d do anything, as they’re not suicidal).

Aside from this, they’d be the same as Canon.

Some cute headcanons are:

*Malleus taught Silver to dance the waltz (and then Sebek when he got jealous) as Lilia was too spazztic.

**They recalled this memory as they danced together during the GM event.

*When Malleus first noted how "developed" Silver was, his eyes grew three times their size. He stared at her in shock (not lust) till Lilia knocked him out of it by “accidentally” kicking him in the shin. After that, Malleus had trouble understanding how Silver could go from a little girl to a woman in such a short time. (Remember, humans develop faster than fae.)

*Malleus used to let Silver braid his hair and such when it was long. She was a bit sad when Lilia cut it as she couldn’t style it anymore.

**Silver liked his long hair and let hers grow partly because it reminded her of it.

***Malleus will occasionally braid it for her.

*When Silver was alone for the first time, he came to check on her and put a barrier around the house so no one could get in. However, it worked too well, as Lilia couldn’t enter either when he returned from his trip.

*When Uterus demands his sacrifice for the month, Malleus will use healing magic to help her with the cramps.

I never thought of the two in a romance, so I don’t have any headcanons right now.

Anyway, I hope this is enough for now! Thank you so much for the ask. I’m glad female Silver is getting attention.

#mine #twst #twisted wonderland #twst silver #silver twst #silver twisted wonderland #silver vanrouge #lilia vanrouge #malleus draconia #twst malleus #twisted wonderland malleus #twst diasomnia #female silver #girl silver #female twst silver #rule 63 #gender swap #genderbend

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mauveflowers · 2 years

Text

In a way it’s very sad AND endearing that Sung Hyunjae is so hung up on Han Yoojin. In part because his existence is so worn out that he doesn’t derive enjoyment from normal things, and also because just genuinely likes hanging out with Han Yoojin. Pre-regression and post-regression Sung Hyunjae has met with Han Yoojin and very quickly decided he would start bothering him nonstop.

He has the same kind of obsession with Song Taewon but Song Taewon is entirely too strait-laced to indulge Sung Hyunjae in the seemingly mundane or even petty things. And it’s because Han Yoojin WILL indulge in those aspects that makes Sung Hyunjae’s dynamic with him compelling.

With Song Taewon there isn’t any risk, they’re both accomplished S-rank hunters; Song Taewon’s skills specialize in neutralizing aggressive S-ranks even. He has the durability to match and can engage in violent bouts with Sung Hyunjae which, as a natural born S-rank, Sung Hyunjae rightfully enjoys. He even causes trouble for Song Taewon on purpose many times, much to Song’s aggrievement. But it’s only one type of enjoyment.

Han Yoojin has none of that yet he openly toys with Sung Hyunjae just as much as the latter does to him. It’s what draws Sung Hyunjae to Han Yoojin. No doubt there has never been a hunter, much less an F-rank hunter, that has ever fiddled with him this much. It borderlines disrespectful at times, likely because Han Yoojin can’t hold back his momentary jealousy and other internalized issues, but Sung Hyunjae allows it. Ultimately him allowing an inferior hunter to play with him like this is also a specific kind of novelty which he derives enjoyment from.

And so it’s this tightrope-like dynamic that is compelling in its own right, but also so very interesting to watch unfold. There are boundaries, but those boundaries are often blurred. The one or other not realizing they were even there until it’s been crossed, and the inevitable tension that ensues.

From time to time Han Yoojin’s teasings will go too far and Sung Hyunjae will show his displeasure. It’s not overt in form but he makes it evident to the point Han Yoojin can grasp its extent. Enough that Han Yoojin knows he’s made a misstep but unable to pull back. Sung Hyunjae can’t express those frustrations physically though because Han Yoojin wouldn’t be able to withstand it. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t show it on occasion and Han Yoojin has to placate him in naturally submissive ways. S-rank hunters are likened to predators throughout the novel, natural born S-ranks even more so. As an F-rank Han Yoojin can’t afford to push back and has to acquiesce to his mood, assuage his inflated ego. Sung Hyunjae also derives enjoyment from his rank-appropriate mannerisms as much as his rank-violating ones.

On the other end Han Yoojin is very protective of his younger brother and won’t hesitate to rip apart Sung Hyunjae if he genuinely threatens him. Sung Hyunjae knows it’s unlikely he’ll be able to do anything to him physically but there is a certain unpredictable element to Han Yoojin, one surprise after another, that likely has him the slightest bit on edge. That maybe Han Yoojin would be able to sink his fangs into him if he really tried. Sung Hyunjae also derives enjoyment from that possibility as well, indulging into the sadistic tendencies he occasionally acts upon.

However he doesn’t want Yoojin to hate him. He evens mentions it to Song Taewon that he wishes he could do everything he wants to do to Han Yoojin, the good and the bad, but there is only a single one of him and so he can’t risk having Han Yoojin hate him. But he does express those desires briefly, to which Song Taewon ends up being the unfortunate recipient of in transmigrated ways. Sung Hyunjae also enjoys Song Taewon’s reactions and hypocritical nature as an answer to his own Song-Taewon-curated type of teasing.

So it’s both sad that Sung Hyunjae is forced to feel so spent, the countless years wrapped around him subconsciously much like the chains he wields, but also endearing: he can still feel those moments of enjoyment, they just need to be divvied out in obscure ways. And that only adds to what makes his relationships and interactions with the various characters, specifically Han Yoojin, so interesting.

#tsctir #sctir #s classes that i raised #s class spoilers #shj #sung hyunjae #hyj #han yoojin #stw #song taewon #thank you geunseo for creating well rounded characters #the character development in this novel is so good #and it’s so great SHJ got the spotlight he did #initially reading I ultimately wrote him off as interesting but unlikely to be a major character in the novel #it's just too common for the OP smug businessman characters to be pushed to the wayside #but then geunseo was like do you like bitter petulant old men????#and proceeded to insert SHJ in every situation that would allow it #thank you geunseo I love you for the food #s class analysis

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ghostlyforxst · 1 year

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GENDER: Gender Neutral Reader

WARNING: Yandere Tendencies, Not Proffed, and slight! mentions of nsfw

CHARACTER: Keigo Tamaki

Affection — how do they show their love and affection?

Keigo conveys his love through physical touch and gift giving. He loves to spoil you and see your expressions when given the gift, and then he'll execute his affection—smothering you in his wings as he snuggles with you. Though you could be screaming and writhing, he cares nonetheless.

Blood — how messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Keigo is pretty possessive of his darling, coinciding with his overprotectiveness and hint of paranoia. You got yourself a person who is willing to strangle another person with his feathers if they ever cause harm to you or his relationship with you.

Cruelty — how would they treat their darling once abducted?

Keigo will be more lenient towards you, his protectiveness diminishes fairly now that you're in his grasp. He does not have to worry if a villain is going to snatch you away from him, or if you are in any trouble at that. Besides that, he is more affectionate and touchy with you.

Darling — aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Keigo will be touchy, maybe not sexually but affectionately, when you do not consent—though it could progress sexually sometimes. He'll also force you to give him affection, 'training' you to do so. Not only that, he'll take your basic rights like seeing your friends or being independent and having a job.

Exposed — how vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

He has his guard up, he is aware that you'll say and behave harshly, and takes it with a grain of salt—he is emotionally prepared.

To bare his insecurities or a sensitive topic to you is a no, maybe if he is feeling a certain way but he tends to clam up and keep it to himself—he doesn't need you using against him.

Fight — how would they feel if their darling fought back?

To say he'll be upset, upset in an angry and sad way. Keigo is sad that you won't accept him as your lover, but he is also angry at you for behaving the way you do.

Game — is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Sometimes, sometimes he likes to hunt you down like the predator he is and sometimes he wants to have a relaxed day with you. But his love is not a game, he'll never play with you about how he feels.

Hell — what would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Keigo's demeanor is usually easygoing, but It was one of those times he had exposed a touchy matter to you and You had gotten stick up your ass and decided to use that matter against him—to emotionally hurt him. But that backfired and gotten you pinned to the floor as he nicked you with his feathers until he got bored.

Ideals — what kind of future do they have in mind for their darling?

Keigo is determined to earn your true love, where your love is not forced. He also intends to wed you and have a few chicks later on in life, grow old and die.

Jealousy — do they get jealous? How do they handle it?

Keigo does get jealous. Externally he is unbothered, but you know internally he is seething. Occasionally you'll see his wings puff out angrily as he tries to make himself bigger, and his pupils contract. But anyways, the person is strangled by his bare hands. He'll then go to you, coddle you and/or have rough-jealous sex with you.

Kisses — how do they act around or with their darling?

The man is all on you as a lover; nuzzling against, cooing at, and chatting with you. He is doting until you misbehave.

Before he seeked out friendship, he kept his distance to observe you; your likes and dislikes, your hobbies, and who your friends were.

Friend wise, he was touchy but not as much after he kidnapped you. He yearned for quality time with you, even if he showed up at your work to buy or ask a simple question.

Love letters — how would they go about approaching their darling?

Keigo approaches you after stalking you for about a week, wanting to be friends. And it proceed from there.

Mask — are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Not drastically, but he is more himself around you than the public. Not only that, his love is drastically different from the love for his fans. He is a helicopter boyfriend, overprotective and needful. Though he keeps his carefree and jovial personality with the public and you.

Naughty — how would they punish their darling?

Depending on how badly you behaved; minor punishments are cum denial or ass spanking. Major punishments are him cutting you with his feathers or depriving you from food and socialization.

Oppression — how many rights would they take away from their darling?

Majority of them; you're not allowed outside unless you're supervised by him, you're not allowed around others unless you're with him, you do not have a job since he can easily support the both of you, and etc…

Patience — how patient are they with their darling?

He is considerably patient with you, though at times he can be forceful.

Quite — if their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

If you successfully escape him, the bird man's personality dulls and becomes merciless towards his enemies. Though his search for you never ends, desperately, he'll continue it until he dies or finds you.

Keigo's heart is torn if you die, becoming depressed, and he'll quickly disappear from society and possibly die from the heartache.

Regret — would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling?

Keigo doesn't feel guilty, he believes you'll learn that his home is yours as well. He had everything prepared; prepared his home to your standards, executing his plan carefully so no one considered him to be the one who kidnapped you. All he needed was for you to adjust to the new living arrangements.

Stigma — what brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Keigo is naturally a charmer, luring people to him with his carefree and jovial behavior, but you were indifferent towards him—it piqued his curiosity.

That led him to stalking you, then befriending you, and lastly abducting you.

Tears — how do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He hates it, it annoys him. Why couldn't you see that he loves you? Couldn't you see he wouldn't hurt you intentionally?

Unique — would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Not really different, he eliminates the ones who desire you and he kidnaps you, but he is a possessive and overprotective type of yandere—I think that is what makes him a bit different.

Vice — what weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

You could possibly emotionally manipulate him, persuade him into believing you love him and escape him. Or, take advantage of his time at work if you can. He's a pretty busy man and if you can get past his locks, avoid him on the streets then you probably could.

Wit’s end — would they ever hurt their darling?

Yes, as a punishment, you needed to be taught a lesson Y/N.

"I love you, but that was mean of you."

"Lemme kiss your boo-boos, baby bird."

Xoanon — how much would they revere or worship their darling?

A great deal of his time is with you and if not, he is out at work. He tails behind you, loving you, and willing to give you anything.

Yearn — how long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

For about a month or more, within that time he attempts to be friends with you and within that time you triggered him to abduct you.

Zenith — would they ever break their darling?

Not intentionally, and if he does, he tries his damn hardest to bring life back into you.

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mdzsfan · 5 months

Text

Unspoken Bonds Part 4

GIF by yuuriiviktor on Tumblr

Ever since the tender moment they shared with the bunnies, something had shifted in Lan Wangji. A subtle change in his demeanor became evident whenever y/n was around. His ears would turn a faint shade of red, and a bashful blush would grace his usually composed face. It was a transformation that didn't go unnoticed, especially by Wei Wuxian, who took great delight in teasing him about it.

The teasing would evoke a glare from Lan Wangji, a silent response that spoke volumes about his discomfort with having his emotions on display. Yet, amidst the playful banter and the occasional embarrassment, there was a warmth that had settled in the air. A warmth that mirrored the feelings that had taken root within his heart.

Sitting together over a cup of tea, y/n broached the topic of Wei Wuxian. Her words were gentle, an attempt to bridge the gap between Lan Wangji and his friend. "You know, a-xian is not really that bad," she remarked, her gaze sincere.

A flicker of tension crossed Lan Wangji's expression, his unease evident. "No nicknames, only me," he responded, his possessiveness peeking through as he asserted his claim on her.

Y/n nodded, understanding the unspoken message behind his words. "Okay," she acquiesced, her hand reaching out to pat his arm reassuringly. "But I think once you get to know Master Wei better, you'll definitely like him better."

The mention of Wei Wuxian seemed to set off a wave of jealousy within Lan Wangji, his emotions evident in the subtle change in his demeanor. He was not one to easily share his feelings, and the idea of y/n being close to someone else seemed to awaken a protective instinct within him.

"No more talking about him," Lan Wangji's tone held a note of finality, his eyes fixed on her with an intensity that was hard to ignore. "Focus on me."

Y/n couldn't help but smile, touched by his possessiveness. His vulnerability, though often hidden beneath layers of stoicism, was a reminder of the depth of his feelings.

As the conversation shifted, y/n shared a glimpse of her past. Her words were filled with nostalgia as she recounted the festivals and the lanterns of Caiyi town. The image of children with their parents, the vibrant colors, and the laughter seemed to come alive in her words.

"But it doesn't matter now, since that's the past," y/n concluded, her voice carrying a mixture of acceptance and a tinge of sadness.

Lan Wangji's gaze never wavered from her, his expression unreadable as he absorbed her words.

With the passage of time, as Lan Wangji continued to learn more about y/n's past and the experiences she had missed out on, a desire to create new memories seemed to take root within him. He recognized the significance of those missed opportunities, and he was determined to offer her moments of joy that she had long yearned for.

As the next Yuan Xiao festival in Caiyi town approached, Lan Wangji quietly made arrangements. He knew that this festival held special meaning for her, and he wanted to ensure that her experience would be a memorable one.

When the day arrived, there was an air of anticipation that hung around them. Y/n, guided by Lan Wangji's intentions, found herself blindfolded with a cloth. The mystery of their destination added to the sense of adventure that was building within her.

As they journeyed to Caiyi town, y/n's heart raced with a mixture of curiosity and excitement. The blindfold was a barrier that heightened her senses, allowing her to focus on the sounds and scents around her. The world seemed to become a symphony of sensations, each one a clue to the surprise that awaited her.

The journey was filled with a quiet intimacy. Their shared presence, the steady rhythm of their footsteps, and the promise of the festival ahead seemed to draw them closer. Y/n's trust in Lan Wangji was unwavering, a testament to the connection they had forged over time.

Finally, they arrived at their destination, the vibrant heart of Caiyi town. The air was filled with the aroma of delicacies, the sound of laughter, and the sight of colorful lanterns illuminating the night sky. The festival was in full swing, a celebration of light and joy that had a timeless quality.

Lan Wangji's hand remained a constant presence, guiding her through the bustling crowds. The blindfold remained in place, a veil that separated her from the visual spectacle before her.

As the blindfold was gently lifted away by Lan Wangji's hands, y/n's eyes blinked in surprise and wonder. Before her stood a scene of enchantment, the town adorned with intricate decorations, lanterns casting a warm and inviting glow, and a palpable atmosphere of celebration. The sight that greeted her was even more breathtaking than she had imagined, a visual feast that seemed to reflect the emotions that had grown between them.

"You remembered!" Her exclamation carried a joyous disbelief, a testament to the thought and care that Lan Wangji had put into this moment. Her heart swelled with gratitude and happiness, emotions that were reflected in the embrace she enveloped him in.

"Hmm," his response was a simple affirmation, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he allowed himself to bask in her delight. His efforts had been rewarded, and the sight of her happiness was a treasure that he held close.

Together, they wandered through the festivities. The vibrant colors, the laughter that echoed in the air, and the shared moments of wonder seemed to wash away any remnants of the past. It was as if the festival had the power to create new memories, to overwrite the moments that had been missed, and to replace them with the beauty of the present.

Their fingers intertwined as they sampled tangyuan, the sweetness of the delicacies a reflection of the shared sweetness between them. Each bite seemed to carry with it the promise of their growing connection, a connection that had transcended barriers and had led them to this moment of shared joy.

And then came the lanterns. A symbol of hope, wishes, and the beauty of release. As they lit their lantern together, their hands working in harmony, there was a sense of unity that enveloped them. The lantern's glow cast gentle shadows on their faces, a testament to the light they had found in each other.

The lantern lifted off the ground, its ascent accompanied by a whispered prayer, a silent wish that seemed to encapsulate their shared hopes for the future.

As Y/N gazed upon the enchanting sight of countless lanterns ascending into the velvety night sky, her heart swelled with a mixture of awe and wonder. Each lantern seemed to carry not just the flickering flame within, but also the hopes, dreams, and aspirations of those who released them. The dark canvas of the heavens was being painted with a myriad of shimmering lights, a celestial ballet orchestrated by human hands.

Lan Wangji's fingers delicately tilted her chin upward, his touch igniting a cascade of shivers down her spine. The cool night air seemed to hold its breath, as if the very cosmos were holding witness to this intimate exchange. And then, in a move that felt both inevitable and surprising, his lips met hers in a kiss that held multitudes.

The kiss was a paradox, a collision of love and urgency, of tenderness and longing. It was as though Lan Wangji was pouring into this kiss all the emotions that his reserved nature had kept hidden, a torrent of feeling that threatened to breach the walls he had so carefully built around his heart. Y/N could taste the bittersweet intensity, a flavor that left her both satiated and craving more.

The lanterns continued their ascent, oblivious to the intricacies of human emotions unfolding below. In their rising light, Y/N felt the weight of Lan Wangji's unspoken words, the depth of his affections that transcended mere vocabulary. It was a moment suspended between the earthly realm and the infinite expanse above, a moment that held the promise of a future woven with shared dreams and whispered promises.

As their lips finally parted, Y/N found herself lost in Lan Wangji's gaze. A gaze that held understanding, vulnerability, and a silent vow to stand beside her through the tapestry of life's uncertainties. The lanterns had begun to fade into the distance, their ethereal glow merging with the stars that adorned the night sky.

The whisper of her gratitude hung in the air, as delicate and profound as the lanterns that graced the firmament. "Thank you, A-Zhan," her voice was a soft murmur, a secret shared between their hearts, "for making this the happiest day in my life." And then, with a tenderness that matched the emotion imbued within her words, she leaned in, placing a gentle kiss upon his cheek. It was a kiss that held within it a world of unspoken affection, a promise of more to come.

In response, Lan Wangji's fingers found solace in her hair, his touch a feather-light caress that communicated a silent agreement, an acknowledgment of the depth of his feelings. He lowered his lips to her forehead, a gesture that was both protective and tender, an unspoken pledge to guard her heart as fiercely as he did his own.

They stood there, wrapped in each other's embrace, their souls entwined as they watched the lanterns dance their way heavenward. The delicate paper vessels seemed to carry not just the dreams of those who set them free, but the aspirations of the two hearts that beat in unison. Each lantern's ascent mirrored their own rise, their journey towards a shared future that held the promise of infinite possibilities.

As the night progressed, nature's orchestra played on. But amidst the symphony of lanterns and stars, a softer melody emerged, a rumbling that couldn't be attributed to the celestial realm. Y/N's stomach, seemingly awakened by the emotional whirlwind of the evening, let out a quiet growl. Lan Wangji's lips curved into an amused smile, a rare and endearing sight.

Chuckling softly, he shifted his gaze from the luminous sky to her. "Seems like someone is hungry," he remarked, his voice a soothing melody that blended seamlessly with the night. His hand found hers, their fingers intertwining naturally.

Guiding her with a gentle tug, Lan Wangji led Y/N toward a quaint restaurant that lay nestled nearby. Its warm lights spilled onto the cobblestone path, inviting them into a haven of flavors and aromas. The ambiance was cozy, a stark contrast to the expansive night sky they had been immersed in just moments before.

In the cozy embrace of the restaurant, Y/N and Lan Wangji found themselves seated across from one another, a table laden with steaming dishes and the promise of culinary delights. The transition from the celestial dance of lanterns to the intimate sanctuary of this eatery was seamless, a continuation of the evening's journey that now delved into the realm of earthly pleasures.

As Y/N deftly poured the fragrant tea, each nodded their heads in understanding. The tendrils of steam rose, like fleeting spirits ascending from the porcelain vessels, carrying with them the essence of warmth and camaraderie. The anticipation of the meal danced in the air, a tantalizing prelude to the flavors that awaited their palates.

With a graceful synchronicity, the food arrived, a symphony of colors and aromas that beckoned to be savored. Each dish exuded a vibrancy that contrasted the serene simplicity of the Cloud Recesses, as if the very essence of this restaurant was to awaken the senses. The plates were laden with spices and seasonings that set the air aquiver with their tantalizing scent, a fragrant invitation to embark on a culinary adventure unlike any other.

However, as Y/N took her first cautious bite, a fiery explosion of flavors engulfed her palate. The heat was intense, far more potent than anything she had encountered within the tranquil confines of Cloud Recesses. The foreign spiciness set her mouth ablaze, igniting a fit of coughing that seized her unexpectedly. She reached for her tea, her hand trembling as she brought the cup to her lips, desperate for relief.

Yet, the tea that met her tongue bore no resemblance to the soothing brews she had grown accustomed to. It was bitter, a stark contrast to the comfort of a warm embrace. The bitterness lingered, like a reminder that the journey of discovery was not always paved with sweetness alone.

Lan Wangji observed her with a mixture of concern and amusement, his gaze a steady anchor amidst the storm of flavors assaulting her senses. With a gentle touch, he reached for his own cup of tea and held it out to her, a silent offering of solace and camaraderie. It was a gesture that spoke volumes, an unspoken assurance that they were in this together, navigating the uncharted territories of taste as they had navigated the uncharted territories of the heart.

Amidst her coughing and the jolt of unexpected flavors, Y/N managed a rueful smile, a smile that carried within it the recognition of the absurdity of the moment. She sipped from Lan Wangji's cup, the bitterness of the tea blending with the warmth of their connection.

As Y/N and Lan Wangji emerged from the restaurant, the afterglow of their shared meal lingered like a comforting shroud around them. The scents of the culinary journey they had embarked upon still lingered, mingling with the night air as if to ensure that every step they took was accompanied by a reminder of the flavors and laughter that had graced their evening.

Y/N's eyes were fixed on Lan Wangji, an enchanting mixture of admiration and playfulness dancing within their depths. The moonlight painted him with a silvery glow, casting an ethereal aura around his figure. With a soft chuckle, she let her thoughts slip into words, her voice a gentle breeze that carried the weight of her musings.

"Wangji," she began, a playful cadence in her voice, "how do you manage to be the most handsome man?" Her words held a note of wonder, as if she were genuinely perplexed by the charisma he effortlessly exuded. Her gaze remained locked on him, a warm smile playing at the corners of her lips.

Lan Wangji's lips curved in a half-smile, a hint of amusement twinkling in his eyes. His humility and quiet confidence were like twin currents beneath his exterior, a magnetic pull that seemed to draw people to him without him even realizing it. He met her gaze with a softness that spoke of shared moments and a connection that transcended mere words.

The corner of her lips twitched upward as she continued, her voice now laced with mock protest, "It's not fair that you attract all the girls." Her words were delivered with a playful tone, revealing the camaraderie that often characterized their interactions. She teased him affectionately, her words a gentle reminder that his allure was undeniable.

Lan Wangji's laughter, though rare, was a sound that held a certain charm, as if it were the embodiment of the unguarded moments he allowed himself to experience. His fingers found hers, intertwining as if they were part of the same story that had been unfolding throughout the evening. His gaze held a warmth that matched the night's gentle embrace, a warmth that enveloped her and made her feel cherished.

And then, as if to amplify the shared laughter and camaraderie, Y/N leaned in with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "Guess what I'm thinking," she declared, her words carrying a playful weight as she leaned into the alcohol's pleasant haze.

"How you want to stay here forever?" Lan Wangji's words carried a touch of amusement, a reflection of the shared enchantment that had woven itself into the fabric of their evening. The serenity of the night seemed to amplify his sentiment, making the moment feel as if it were suspended in time.

Y/N's gaze flickered to him, a playful grin tugging at the corners of her lips. "Hmmm," she mused, her voice holding a note of thoughtful contemplation, "Close. But I was actually thinking how incredibly lucky I am to have you." Her words were an echo of the feelings that had been swelling within her heart, a sentiment that she had carried through the twists and turns of their journey.

A gentle chuckle escaped Lan Wangji's lips, his laughter a gentle melody that harmonized with the night. Her candidness was a treasure he cherished, a glimpse into the inner workings of her heart that left him both humbled and grateful. He met her gaze, the affection in his eyes a silent affirmation of the emotions that coursed between them.

The softness of their exchange was punctuated by Y/N's curiosity, her words carrying the weight of her inquiry. "You feel the same way, right?" she asked, her tone a mixture of curiosity and vulnerability. Her cuteness was endearing, an aspect of her personality that never failed to elicit a smile from him.

Lan Wangji's laughter danced in the air once again, a sound that held a warmth that mirrored the adoration he felt for her. "Hmm," he replied, his voice a gentle caress that enveloped her like a protective embrace. And then, as if to seal his words with a gesture, he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss upon her head. It was a gesture that held the weight of unspoken promises, a promise to stand by her side through all the moments life would unfold.

As they continued their walk, Y/N's condition began to betray the effects of the evening's indulgences. The laughter and emotions seemed to have spun her into a state of intoxication that left her feeling blissfully unaware of her surroundings. Sensing her condition, Lan Wangji's protective instincts kicked in, guiding him to a decision that would ensure her comfort and safety.

With a tender touch, he gently led her to a nearby inn. The inn's warm lights spilled onto the pavement, a welcoming beacon that promised respite from the outside world.

Stepping into the embrace of the room, the transition from the outside world to this private haven was a shift in atmosphere. The air was filled with a gentle serenity, a haven that promised respite and the continuation of their shared journey through the night.

As Lan Wangji approached Y/N, his fingers moved deftly to untangle the intricate folds of her hanfu. His touch was a delicate dance, a symphony of care that mirrored the connection they shared. The moon's soft glow filtered through the curtains, casting a silvery sheen over their surroundings.

With a hint of a smile, Y/N's gaze met his, her eyes shimmering with affection. "Wangji, you know," she began, her voice a soft whisper that carried the weight of unspoken thoughts. Her words held a sense of familiarity, as if she were about to share a secret that was meant for his ears alone.

Lan Wangji's touch paused for a moment, his gaze fixed on hers as he awaited her revelation. There was a depth to his attention, a curiosity that held the promise of understanding and connection.

"You should smile more," her voice was a cascade of giggles, a melody that danced through the room like a gentle breeze, "instead of being the grumpy man you always are." Her words held a playfully teasing lilt, a sentiment that was conveyed with a tender mirth. Her eyes sparkled with mischief, a reflection of the carefree state that the night had ushered in.

A soft chuckle escaped Lan Wangji's lips, his amusement a glint in his eyes as he met her playful gaze. Her candidness was both endearing and refreshing, an aspect of her personality that never failed to elicit a response from him.

"Is that so?" he replied, his tone a blend of wry humor and genuine curiosity. His fingers resumed their delicate task, his touch carrying a warmth that mirrored the night's gentle embrace. "Perhaps I shall consider your suggestion," he added, his voice a melodic cadence that danced with the rhythm of their shared moment.

Her laughter echoed in the room, a sound that seemed to fill the space with joy and light. "It does," she affirmed with a bright grin, her words carrying a certainty that could only come from someone who had glimpsed beyond his reserved exterior. "It suits you more. A smile like yours can light up the night."

The corners of Lan Wangji's lips curved into a genuine smile, a rare and precious sight that seemed to illuminate the room with its warmth. Her words had touched a chord within him, a chord that resonated with the truth that had been hidden beneath the surface all along.

As the night's enchantment finally succumbed to the pull of slumber, Y/N found herself drifting into a peaceful sleep on the bed. The room seemed to embrace her, cocooning her in a realm of dreams and quietude. Lan Wangji's gaze lingered on her as she settled, his emotions a tumultuous sea that he navigated with care

With a tender touch, he pressed a kiss upon her temple, a gesture that held a multitude of feelings. Relief washed over him as he realized that she was peacefully asleep, her rest a balm to his own tumultuous thoughts. The unspoken currents of desire and restraint had coursed through him, but in her slumber, he found solace, the knowledge that he could safeguard her heart even when his own was in turmoil.

As he nestled beside her, sleep claimed him as well, their breaths falling into a rhythm that echoed the harmony of their connection.

Y/N was awakened by a throbbing headache that seemed to have taken a residence in her temples. She groaned softly, her hand instinctively moving to cradle her head as if to contain the pain.

But amidst the haze of discomfort, her awareness was soon greeted by the gentle sensation of kisses upon her skin. Her eyes fluttered open, her gaze meeting Lan Wangji's as he pressed kisses upon her lips and temple. The sweetness of his gestures chased away the remnants of her headache, leaving only a warm ache in her heart.

Before she could even formulate her thoughts, she found herself being lifted onto his lap, her confusion melting into a mixture of surprise and affection. His closeness enveloped her, his arms a protective embrace that seemed to banish any lingering discomfort.

"Lan Wangji," she began, her voice a blend of curiosity and vulnerability, "why did you kiss me?" Her words flowed like a gentle stream, carrying with them the unspoken queries that had taken root in her thoughts. Her fingers trailed over her lips, as if she could still feel the echo of his kisses upon them.

His hold tightened around her as she nestled her face into his neck, the comfort of his presence soothing the uncertainties that had plagued her thoughts. Her questions tumbled forth, each word a fragile thread that wove a tapestry of her feelings.

"Why are you holding me like this? Why do you want to be with me, when I have no family and I'm just a maid?" Her voice held a mixture of confusion and yearning, a yearning to understand the depths of his affections and the reasons that had led him to this point.

Lan Wangji's gaze held a tenderness that seemed to pierce through the layers of doubt and insecurity that shrouded her. His fingers threaded through her hair, his touch an anchor that held her close. With a gentle grace, he tilted her chin upward, his eyes locking onto hers as he offered a soft smile.

"I never saw you as just a maid from the very first day," he confessed, his words carrying a weight that resonated deep within her heart. "I will never treat you like one, because you are mine. My wife, my soulmate, and my everything." His voice held a quiet intensity, a fervor that underscored the truth of his words.

And then, as if to seal his declaration, he pressed another kiss upon her lips, a kiss that held the promise of a future woven with shared dreams, overcoming obstacles, and the unbreakable bond that had been forged between them. In that moment, amidst the soft morning light, Y/N felt the weight of his love, a love that transcended societal boundaries and embraced the depths of their souls.

#mdzs x reader #mdzs #mdzs oneshots #the untamed #mo dao zu shi reader insert #cql #the untamed x reader #mo dao zu shi x reader #the untamed oneshots #the untamed reader insert #lan wangji x female reader #lan wangji x reader #lan zhan x female reader #lan zhan x reader #lan zhan #lan wangji

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animeyanderelover · 1 year

Note

May I please request Yandere Envy general hcs? A part of me feels like someone beat me to the Elric brothers, ngl.

Envy is actually one of my faves from the 2009 anime. I guess I'll go with they/them pronouns for Envy.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, delusion, jealousy, blackmail, manipulation, sabotage, isolation, violence, clinginess, abduction, death

Yandere Envy Hc's

🦎Envy as a Homunculus is quite arrogant and very possessive over their darling, to top it all also a rather sadistic and gleeful person. They've openly shown themselves as someone delighted when causing humans to fight and kill each other and have also a tendency to underestimate humans so Envy sees and often treats you like you're beneath them. Especially if their darling happens to be someone who is a normal person with no Alchemy will they view their s/o as helpless, little, weak. Behind all that foul-mouthed and arrogant behavior is secretly someone who envies humans but honestly, the Homunculus would rather keep it a secret that they feel quite jealous a lot of time, attempts to hide it behind this sadistic and mocking behavior. Honstly, I see them having a lot of troubles to adjust to and accept the fact that they've fallen in love with the very species they look down on and envy at the same time which leads to this kick of possessiveness and need to establish a level of submission by degrading their s/o out of a deep-rooted fear that you won't appreciate and respect them.

🦎Considering their ability to change their appearance, Envy will definitely make use of that ability in a rather ruthless manner. They've had their fair share of experience to transform into someone else and then simply manipulate everything else to their own will and the will of their father. Humans are so dumb and naive after all, they easily believe everything. Having them obsessing so unnaturally over you as they do, it's no wonder that they're driven to isolate you and make everyone else turn their back to you. They could be impersonating someone you see as a close friend and push you away from them or even take on your form and ruin and destroy the relationship with a lot of people. Partially Envy just wants to see you suffer a bit since occasionally they feel agitated by the fact that they fell in love with such a weak human. A hidden motive that drives them too is the thought that once you have no one left, you have absolutely no choice but to accept them.

🦎Jealousy makes Envy snap in more than one case and it is with guarantee the one ugly emotion that drives them the most. They can gloat about all the suffering they caused all they want, it's a fact that Envy envies humans for the relationships they're able to form with others. They've never really experienced genuine love and affection from anyone and frankly spoken, it drives them mad when they see how others get to experience your trust and your love. What makes this even more complicated is that Envy hates to admit it or you even mentioning it since they don't want to be pitied or seen as weak which results in them hiding their sadness and hurt feelings once again behind this mocking, mean facade which you will have to endure in the end. That strained attempt to hide their raging emotions is quite delicate though since it's easy to push Envy over the edge since they're desperate deep down and once their little composure is shattered, they have a raging meltdown.

🦎They've been shown to be one of the cruelest Homunculi and has no remorse to kill and slaughter humans at all. The obsession of theirs cranks this twisted and gleeful will to bathe in the misery of humans even more. Everyone who receives even an ounce of your affection and love, pretty much everyone who isn't them is automatically perceived as a rival, as an annoying itch that Envy wishes to get rid of once and for all. Jealousy truly can take one very far and that is especially true for them. They hate, despite and loathe everyone else who you'd rather pay attention to than them, believes that if they just remove everyone from the picture, you have only them left. This jealousy comes with an insecurity though that remains stuck in their heart and pains them silently, something they end up resenting you for as they don't want to be perceived as weak. This results in them blaming you for every life they take in a sadistic and toying way, push all the fault and blame back to you.

🦎Their untamed and unlimited jealousy and burning envy is bound to push them at one point to their limit. Humans are their worst enemy as there's this almost paranoid anxiety that you will continue to ignore them and despise them as long as you're surrounded by your own weak kind. Total isolation with no one besides them around is a possibility that Envy will most likely take advantage of at one point although they're not really interested in taking overly much care of you. What Envy rather desires deep down in their heart is to be taken care of by you. They want attention, they want to be loved, they want to be doted on and want to be given affection, feel entitled to it in a way.

🦎At the same time I feel like they'd be very pessimistic and sceptical the moment their s/o starts treating them more lovingly and affectionate. You could lie and only play after all so they'll be overly warily around you initially even if this is exactly what they wanted. They're afraid to be hurt and only earn a broken heart if you're really bluffing so their darling needs patience to slowly get through Envy. It takes a few weeks until the Homunculus would slowly start to believe that their darling is genuine and that's about the moment where Envy grows overly clingy and attached in order to absorb every sweet word kiss their darling can give them. The arrogant and teasing side of them obviously stays but they're less sharp and rude now and are a lot more nicer to their s/o.

#yandere fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood #yandere fma: brotherhood #yandere fullmetal alchemist #yandere fma #yandere envy

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magicshopaholic · 1 year

Text

The Reason (Taehyung x OC)

Summary: After a moment of unexpected nostalgia, Taehyung and Dilara have a talk.

Pairing: Taehyung x OC

Genre: Angst, minor smut

Word count: 15.3 K

Rating: 18+ for language and brief smut

Warnings: crass language (I mean it), mentions of infidelity and blowjobs, jealousy, kissing, nipple play, fingering, sex, masturbation, minor physical altercations

A/N: It hurt to write this one. Begins a little over a week after Melbourne in the present day and contains mentions of Namjoon and Kaya. The soundtrack to this fic is one of my all-time favourites 🖤

For my disclaimer regarding the other idol who plays a role in this fic, please read the sidenote in Melbourne.

Tagging: @bbl32 @quarter-life-crisis2 @meirkive @dreaming-with-happiness, @kflixnet (drop a message if you want to be added)

Listen to: “the reason” by hoobastank

taehyung masterlist | main masterlist

It doesn’t escape Dilara’s notice that one by one, all the members are getting back on her good side. It happens so gradually and so circumstantially that she doesn’t think much of it, not until they’re back in Italy a week later, this time in Imola, and she realises she’s not dreading seeing them as much as she was after the summer break in Belgium.

Even with Taehyung, it’s not dread she feels anymore. After the initial horror, awkwardness and forced avoidance, after seeing that absolving himself seemed to be his top priority, all the sadness and pain somewhere transformed into anger and borderline disgust. Being around him isn’t exactly difficult anymore, not the way it was before. Now, she’s just determined not to give him what he wants: a chance to apologise.

It's not easy. He's still he and she’s still she, and their history doesn't disappear just because she’s decided to torture him. There are still moments where it feels as though she might break down at any moment, demanding an explanation from him in a haze of tears.

Where the rest of the members are concerned, Dilara is still wary. Jimin is still far too loyal to Jungkook and Taehyung, the only two members she’s still consciously avoiding, to interact with her beyond pretty smiles and the occasional greeting when he catches her alone. Yoongi was never one to actively approach her anyway, choosing to talk to her only if the situation presented itself. Seokjin still seems to feel rather guilty and keeps a respectful distance, only ever asking her, for some reason, if she’s eaten.

Namjoon is the one person Dilara honestly wishes would be less guarded around her. After the shower incident in Austria, she’d awkwardly given him an actual travel size bottle of her cocoa butter conditioner as a thank you. He'd blushed and initially refused, but eventually taken it with a bashful and dimpled smile. She doesn’t know if it's the leader in him or if, like Seokjin, he's still feeling guilty, but either way, his absence is one that genuinely feels like a loss.

That leaves Hoseok, the only person in the entire house that speaks to her completely normally, calling out her name, asking her questions, offering her food and even offering to train with her when she offhandedly mentions how much aerobic training Lexie usually did with her. It's a beautiful offer and she’s almost considering accepting it when Jungkook enters the room and conspicuously loses his smile, looking from her to Hoseok before muttering something and stepping out of the room.

It's a different kind of awkwardness with Jungkook. For one, he's the only member younger than Dilara which makes the subtle power distance that exists with the others disappear. His guilt also feels different; his hesitation in meeting her gaze, his hurry in Austria to make sure that she knew the one detail she wanted the most… all combined with the fact that they silently work out together almost every day without a single word passing between them proves it. He didn't just help his friend dump his girlfriend; he also betrayed a friend on the way - and he knows it.

On Wednesday in Imola, after a hot and tiring day consisting of way too much PR with Netflix and unnecessary paddock drama, Dilara arrives at the house. The sun has set by now but the air isn't any cooler. Even in a tank top and sweatpants with her hair tied up, the heat is palpable. All she wants is to strip, get into the shower and stay there, possibly drown herself while she’s at it.

But when she nears the house, Dilara spots the group through the window in the living room. She can’t hear them from this distance but it looks like karaoke, with Namjoon and Taehyung holding mics while Jimin and Hoseok laugh and do a ridiculous routine in sync, all four of them facing the same direction. If she enters now, she’s guaranteed to ruin the mood. It's exhausting, being this Grinch-like figure, especially after the news Max gave her today.

Somehow, amidst all the relationship drama and racing incidents, Max Verstappen has managed to find a loophole and worm his way out of this PR shitstorm they have with BTS. Apparently his contract has a clause, allowing him to cut down on PR and endorsements if he's in the running for world champion.

It's foolproof, especially since Max is very much in contention for the title. But, selfishly, it means he's gone from here, choosing instead to live out of the luxury motorhomes most of the drivers usually use around Europe. As much as she tries to resist the urge, she ices him out enough to make it known to him just how much she resents him for leaving her alone in this house.

For the icing on the cake, Christian and Helmut give her a stern lecture on "taking one for the team", partly about this stupid PR nonsense and partly because they want to switch out her power unit for this race, which can only mean an insane grid penalty.

"You're a Red Bull driver," said Helmut, thick Austrian accent sounding more severe than ever. "If you can't make it through the field from P12, you have no business being here." He'd brushed her off after that, followed by Christian who'd simply shook his head at her. Now, standing outside the house, Dilara finds she has no desire to go inside and be the odd one out once again, darting through their taller figures and shutting herself inside her room for the rest of the weekend.

Suddenly overwhelmed by how fucked up everything is, Dilara rams her fist into the punching bag hanging outside. Her knuckles sting and for a fraction of a moment, she forgets about everything else. She punches it again, and again, and again, before she takes off her stupid backpack and swings it, hitting the stupid sack with it. Every punch is punctuated with a grunt or a scream of annoyance, each more satisfying than the last. Finally, she chucks her bag down and kicks the sack, once, twice, and collapses on the ground, facing the sky and not moving, trying to catch her breath.

She sees stars. Not in her head, but actual, real stars in the sky. It's too peaceful a sight for her mood at the moment so she shuts her eyes, wondering briefly if she can just sleep here and not wake up.

A soft sound does that for her, though. It's right next to her head, like something being dropped. She opens her eyes to see Jungkook looking down at her, wearing a t-shirt and shorts which are predictably all black, hair messier than ever and his expression a mixture of concern and hesitation. He doesn't say anything, so she turns her head to see what he dropped on the ground.

When she notices the boxing gloves, she scoffs quietly and looks back up at him again. He has another pair in his hands, his long fingers fiddling with the strings in what she imagines is nervousness. His offer is clear, even if he isn't saying anything. Dilara considers it, replaying an array of phone calls and how Jungkook had ignored each of them, until she’d finally tricked Jimin into answering her.

From the way his gaze falls momentarily, huge doe eyes meeting hers, she can tell he’s thinking the same thing. After another moment of considering it, she sits up and grabs the gloves, silently getting to her feet and following him to stand in front of the punching bag. They put on the gloves and he demonstrates a few moves to her, showing her how to stand, how to move her arm, how to use her back, where to concentrate her strength.

"No, try turning from here," he corrects after a while, coming up behind her and tapping her side before holding her shoulders and turning her. "Use your back. The force should come from here so that your arm doesn't get too tired," he explains, showing her how to do it and delivering a strong punch to the bag.

"Right," mutters Dilara, nodding and brushing her sweaty bangs off her forehead. She tries the move, and all the other moves he's shown her. It works for the most part; the strength and the adrenaline keeps her mind from going towards the suckfest that was today, especially when Jungkook brings out the pads and she tries to keep up with him.

"Don't go easy on me, Jeon," she warns him breathlessly, before throwing a surprise punch that he just catches.

Jungkook cracks a smile and for a moment, her stomach does a backflip at the world famous smile she hasn’t seen in weeks. "Not at all, Komyshan," he replies, tossing his own sweaty hair out of his eyes. "I know it’s not easy being the second strongest person in this house."

Dilara scoffs, not stopping. “Excuse me?”

“You know what I mean,” he mutters, eyes locked on her fists as he moves the pads in quick succession. “It’s a compliment. Oh, come on - you call that a punch?”

She doesn’t reply, partly unable to speak and partly unsure of what will come out of her mouth if she opens it. Instead she punches faster, her bangs falling in her eyes, her breath now coming in ragged bursts.

“Yeah, that’s better. Faster, faster - use your shoulders to - oh, fuck!” Jungkook’s hands, pads and all, fly up to his face, his eyes screwing shut as he covers his nose.

Dilara’s hands instantly fall to her sides, her jaw dropping. “Holy shit. Are you okay?”

He mumbles something incoherent before nodding and holding up one pad again. “I’m okay. Come on, keep going,” he instructs, his head tilted up with the other pad still covering his nose. “Come on,” he urges, waving his free hand, looking like some kind of demented windmill.

She looks at him incredulously. “Are you insane? I may have broken your nose.”

Despite the awkward angle of his head, he gives her a look. “You’re not that strong.”

“Shut up. You need to ice your face or something, Jungkook. We can do this some other -”

“No, come on, I hate leaving workouts midway.”

“We’re not going to keep boxing now.”

Jungkook groans, gingerly letting go of his face. “Why not?” he whines.

“Because I don’t want to get sued, you idiot,” snaps Dilara, knocking his hand away as he tries to stop her and moving closer to study his face. It looks alright from where she is, and she feels an unexpected bit of relief when he tries to move his nose and winces only a bit. “Can we just… I don’t know. Do something with less physical contact? Before someone thinks I did this on purpose?” she mutters.

Thankfully, he doesn’t respond to the last statement, only rolling his eyes and heading back into the gym. He returns with a shotput ball, easily four or five kilos, and they start tossing it back and forth, each catch working her arms, her back, her glutes and her quads. Finally, when they’re done and Dilara can't possibly move another muscle, she sighs and bends down, resting her hands against her knees.

"You're good," he comments after returning the gloves to their original place, running a hand through his jet black hair.

"Of course I am," she pants, straightening up. "Do you know how much strength we need to resist the G-force through every turn?" She frowns and tilts her head. “How’s your face?”

"Fine. The pain’s almost gone.”

“If you say so.”

“I’m telling you, it’s not that bad.” He smirks. “You’re not that strong,” he repeats.

She gives him a look. “Next time, catch me when I’m actually working out and not after a shitty day in the paddock, little boy,” she informs him. “We’ll see who’s the second strongest.”

“Deal.” Jungkook flashes her a toothy grin, and this time she can see relief in it as well. It reminds her instantly of why he might be feeling relieved and once again, the air is awkward.

“Anyway,” she begins after a moment, picking up her bag from where she’d abandoned it. “Thanks, for, uh…” She gestures to the workout gear.

Jungkook nods, eyes wide and anxious as he watches her leave. Just as she’s climbing the porch, he speaks again. “Dilara,” he calls. When she turns, he visibly hesitates. His expression reminds her of Jimin’s when he’d apologised, but a moment later he changes tacks.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t box without gloves.”

“Got it. Go ice your face.”

—

Tae [01:34] Jungkook

Jungkook [01:35] Yeah

Taehyung [01:35] Are you awake?

Jungkook [01:35] No, I’m sleep texting

Jimin [01:36] What’s happening

Jungkook [01:36] Why are you texting from the other room

Taehyung [01:36] Because Yoongi hyung is asleep in my room

Jimin [01:37] Yeah Hobi hyung is asleep in mine

Jungkook [01:37] So? Jin hyung is asleep in mine And how did we all end up in different rooms??

Taehyung [01:38] Unimportant I think Dilara is in the living room so we have to text

Jungkook [01:39] You’re avoiding her now?

Taehyung [01:40] No She’s avoiding me And if I have to watch her leave a room because of me again I think I might kill myself

Jimin [01:41] Since when do you call her Dilara?

Taehyung [01:41] Since she asked me to

Jungkook [01:41] Ouch

Jimin [01:41] She did?

Taehyung [01:42] Yeah, when she hurt her ankle So she was a bit preoccupied to realise she was ripping my heart out

Jungkook [01:43] Damn hyung

Taehyung [01:44] Forget it Are you two friends now?

Jungkook [01:44] I have no idea honestly But I’m leaning towards no

Taehyung [01:45] You were boxing with her

Jungkook [01:45] I was just helping her out

Jimin [01:45] Wait whaaat? Seriously?

Taehyung [01:46] Yeah, before dinner

Jungkook [01:47] That’s it though She was having a bad day and taking it out on the punching bag But she would’ve hurt herself the way she was doing it With bare fists

Taehyung [01:49] Why did she have a bad day?

Jungkook [01:49] I didn’t ask

Taehyung [01:49] Why not?

Jungkook [01:50] She hates me hyung

Taehyung [01:50] Apparently not

Jungkook [01:51] She’s still mad at me though The hyungs apologised to her which is why she’s sort of talking to them

Jimin [01:52] I apologised too

Taehyung [01:52] You did?

Jungkook [01:53] Wait what?

Jimin [01:53] In Austria

Jungkook [01:53] 😱

Taehyung [01:54] Why am I only hearing about this now?

Jungkook [01:54] What did you say?

Jimin [01:55] That I was sorry I was the one that lied to her face Well, on the phone And I hate it when people are mad at me

Taehyung [01:57] What did she say?

Jimin [01:57] Nothing really I don’t think she was really prepared for it But she still seemed mad

Taehyung [01:58] At you?

Jimin [01:59] Not me so much

Taehyung [02:00] So... me What else did she say?

Jimin [02:00] Nothing

Taehyung [02:00] Really?

Jungkook [02:01] Jimin hyung

Jimin [02:02] She thought Taehyung sent me But I told her he didn’t

Jimin [02:03] I told her you still love her

Taehyung [02:04] You did?

Jungkook [02:04] Hyung 😬😬😬

Jimin [02:04] It’s true isn’t it?

Taehyung [02:05] What did she say to that?

Jimin [02:05] I don’t remember

Taehyung [02:05] Liar

Jimin [02:06] She didn’t believe me

Jimin [02:07] Taehyung She was angry and confused It doesn’t mean anything

Jungkook [02:10] Taehyung hyung?

Taehyung [02:12] So you don’t know why she had a bad day today?

Jungkook [02:12] Um no I didn’t want to make it worse by asking her

Taehyung [02:13] But she might need to talk

Jungkook [02:13] Not with me

Taehyung [02:14] Who else is here? You two were friends Although it seems like she and Jimin are too

Jimin [02:15] Taehyung It’s not like that And I don’t even know if she’s forgiven me

Jungkook [02:16] She has other friends hyung Her trainer Lexie?

Taehyung [02:17] She’s not here Have you seen her around? One of her parents is sick so she’s back home in America

Jungkook [02:18] How do you know

Taehyung [02:18] She told Namjoon hyung Apparently she’s telling everyone everything Except me And yes, I know it’s my fault

Jungkook [02:20] What about Max Verstappen?

Taehyung [02:21] He’s her competition, she would never talk to him And anyway, his solution is probably just to get her drunk

Jimin [02:22] Taehyung I think you should try talking to her again

Taehyung [02:23] That’s the worst idea

Jungkook [02:24] I think Jimin hyung is right You’re so worried about her She’ll know you still care It might even be a good thing

Taehyung [02:26] How could I fuck up this much? How could I do it? How did I put her in this position? Fuck fuck fuck

Jimin [02:29] Taehyung, don’t She’ll forgive you eventually Even if it takes time

Taehyung [02:30] What if she doesn’t?

Jungkook [02:30] She will hyung A few weeks ago she wouldn’t even look at any of us Now she’s talking and all

Taehyung [02:31] Will you box with her again?

Jungkook [02:31] If she wants to

Taehyung [02:31] She won’t ask Did it seem like she felt better afterwards?

Jungkook [02:32] Yeah She smiled and said thanks

Jimin [02:32] She smiled?

Jungkook [02:32] Like a tired smile

Taehyung [02:33] I don’t even remember what her smile looks like

Jimin [02:33] Taehyung…

Jungkook [02:33] Wait

Jungkook [02:34] [picture]

Jungkook [02:34] It’s a nice smile

Jimin [02:34] Jungkook!!!!

Jungkook [02:35] What?

Taehyung [02:36] I can’t do this Goodnight

—

Pain. It's pain, but a good pain. It's a stretch, like muscles that haven't been used in a while, like a stinging on the brink of turning sensual. She tightens her fingers and feels her nails sink into skin, followed by a hiss, partly of pain but mostly of pleasure.

She’s wet. So wet. Her thighs feel sticky and the soft, almost silent sound of fingers against her clit are barely audible over the sighs and moans. The stretch is worse this time but she’s filled up, so filled up…

"Taehyung..."

He pauses only long enough to toss his long hair out of his eyes, before looking down at her with such lust in his gaze that she wonders for a moment if he’s even aware of what he’s doing to her.

"Say it again." His voice is deep as he commands her softly. His hips move faster now, and every thrust is a whole new sensation of having her walls wrapped tightly around him.

"Say - say what?" She knows what. She can say it - she wants to say it. But she wants him to ask again.

Swiftly, in one movement, he picks up her left leg and throws it over his shoulder before lowering himself onto her. The stretch in her hips feels so good, so wonderfully colliding with how he's fucking her in this new angle, that she lets out a whimper.

"You know what. Say it. Tell me who's fucking you so good." In contrast to his lewd demands, his voice is soft, like deep velvet, his lips brushing her earlobe and his warm breath on her neck.

A particularly deep thrust makes her moan, her fingers threading through his thick hair and clutching at it. "Fuck, don't stop…"

He doesn't, but he moves his head lower and takes her hard, slightly sore right nipple into his mouth. His tongue swirls around it, lips brushing it, kissing it… everything apart from what he knows she really wants.

She pulls his hair slightly, urging him. When she feels his hair brush her breast, she looks down to see him gazing up at her, big eyes challenging. She sighs and drops her head back on the pillow. "God… Tae, please," she begs, admitting defeat. She just wants the sweet finish.

She hears his satisfied hum at her voice before he lowers his head again and sucks on her nipple. She moans louder as he increases his rhythm, straightening up a bit to support himself better. His hands reach up to knead at her breasts before he lowers one of them to between her legs, long fingers finding her clit again.

"Fuck, you're -" He grunts, breaking off to momentarily close his eyes, and she knows he's close, too. "You're so beautiful, Lara, fuck…"

His fingers move faster now and she knows she’s seconds away. "Tae, I'm - "

He nods, long hair falling into his eyes. "Cum all over my cock, baby… fuck, I want to see you cum…" He squeezes her nipple with his fingers and she lets out one last -

"Min Yoongi!"

Like the sound of a gunshot, Kim Seokjin's voice wakes her up with a jerk. She sits up suddenly, wondering for a moment if something’s wrong. Her breathing slows down when she registers silhouettes through the curtain on her window, recognising Seokjin, Yoongi and Jungkook, running around with what looks like a basketball in the backyard.

Sighing in relief and annoyance, she realises her legs are still trembling. With a throbbing in her core, she recalls the dream, shutting her eyes when she remembers who the subject was… and what he was doing to her. The thought alone sends another wave of heat through her and she involuntarily squeezes her thighs together.

Dilara checks her phone for the time and sighs. She doesn't need to be at the paddock for another hour and a half - or, rather, they don't. Today is another day of rigorous PR, both with F1 and BTS. They are to accompany her to the paddock, where this time, they will take turns driving fast cars. Thankfully, all she has are a few interviews and a couple of quiz-type things, mainly with Max, so as far as she’s concerned, he's the only person she needs to really interact with.

The tingling still hasn't gone away… she closes her eyes and, before she knows it, she’s lain back down on the bed. Just for a moment, she tells herself, snaking her hand down into her underwear, cursing softly when she feels how wet she still is. She hasn’t got properly laid in ages; he may have started her off, but there's nothing that says he needs to be there while she finishes, right?

But that resolve goes to shit fairly quickly, especially when the moment she closes her eyes, a familiar, beautiful face comes into view, jaw clenched, eyes heavily-lidded under his bangs, lean and golden torso within reach…

Dilara finishes in under a minute, biting back a moan and feeling only partly spent. The other part feels a bit glum, if she’s being honest, not to mention disgusted that after everything, he can still make her climax faster than ever. When she thinks about what his reaction would be if he knew, all traces of her orgasm disappear and she hurries out of bed, needing to shower this whole sex dream away.

It doesn’t get better after that. When she reaches the paddock, trying to brush off Max who comes at her with an apologetic hug for abandoning her with the group, but eventually giving in, she discovers that while she’s brought BTS, he’s brought Kelly Piquet. It takes a chorus of aahs from the bunch of the boys behind her to realise that not only has she arrived in a blur of shiny hair and red lipstick, but Penelope Kvyat has made her first appearance in this half of the season as well.

Predictably, all through filming the PR gimmick, Jimin, Jungkook, Namjoon, and Taehyung most of all, are obsessed with her. Penelope is an adorable, lively child and the undivided attention she’s getting from the boys just makes her more so. Kelly is beyond thrilled, too, showing off her daughter and beaming with heartwarming pride, especially when any of the boys does something to make her giggle and laugh.

Dilara tries her hardest not to pay attention. She’s not particularly drawn to kids and neither, ironically, is Max himself. P is sweet, though, so Dilara can’t help but engage with her a bit when she first arrives, especially since she recognises her and runs towards her, squealing “Dilala!” before hugging her legs with her tiny arms. Even though Dilara prefers dogs doing it, she kneels and hugs P back, asking her exactly two questions she always asks kids before relying on the more kid-friendly people to take over.

Even after the PR shoot, the boys hang around, playing silly games with P, dancing with her and just making her laugh. Towards the end it’s just Jimin and Taehyung, both of whom look at her with such wonder and affection that Dilara is half-tempted to film it and release it on Twitter, watching the carnage around the world as she stands back and watches.

It’s the first time that Dilara has been around Taehyung for this long since Spa without him trying to approach her. He already seems so in love with Penelope, his boxy grin permanently etched on his face as he plays hopscotch with her. Nearby, Kelly looks on fondly as her daughter runs around.

She’s never seen him around kids, but now that she is… it doesn’t surprise her at all. Dilara watches him while she waits for the reporters to set up their cameras for her and Max’s interview, a strange ache in her chest. She can’t fully put her finger on it; it’s not love, or any kind of sadness. It’s almost nostalgic, as though if the smallest domino hadn’t caused a landslide of events, this exact moment would see a world of difference. She searches, half-heartedly, for the anger in her but it’s just too tiring.

Eventually, she gives up on hating him for a few minutes, watching with a tightness in her throat how happy he sounds when he laughs, his gigantic smile when P reaches up to fiddle with his fringe, how tall and limber he looks when he picks her up and spins her around.

“You know, you can still talk to him.”

Dilara snaps her head around and almost pulls a muscle. Next to her, Yoongi casually sits down on the pavement and stretches his legs out, giving her a brief and unreadable look.

“I don’t -”

“You were smiling.”

“No, I wasn’t,” she says immediately, suddenly realising he’s right and hoping no one else noticed. “And it doesn’t matter. Talking’s not going to change anything.”

Yoongi shrugs. “Maybe. Or maybe you’ll feel better. You know he’ll keep trying, anyway.”

She does know. He’s stubborn, so he’ll keep trying. He doesn’t want to feel like a bad person, so he’ll keep apologizing. He gets jealous, which explains the flash of blond she’d seen in the kitchen window when she and Jungkook were boxing together. He loves kids, so he’ll indulge them all day long.

“He hasn’t changed,” she murmurs, realising too late that she’s said it out loud.

“People don’t change in a few months,” says Yoongi. “Even people who’ve done the stupidest things,” he adds in a mutter, his eyes on Taehyung.

It’s not exactly what Dilara means, but she doesn’t voice it. It’s a dull, slightly painful realisation for her, because acknowledging her feelings doesn’t make them any less over. If anything, she’s looking forward to hearing him out even less now, now that she’s actually let herself think about him for more than thirty seconds without cursing him or crying.

At that moment, another familiar figure comes up behind them.

“Dude,” says Max, taking a seat on her other side, “are you just going to keep staring at your ex until your uterus explodes? Because it’s getting really obvious.”

Dilara chokes, ignoring Yoongi’s roll of the eyes; she doesn’t think he particularly takes to Max’s brand of frat boy commentary. “What are you - I wasn’t looking at -” Her stuttering only makes things worse and when Taehyung suddenly glances in their direction, his face softening when his eyes meet hers momentarily, she feels her heart skip a disproportionate beat. “Don’t be an idiot, Verstappen,” she mutters, standing up and dusting herself off before tugging at his t-shirt. “Come on, the interview’s starting.”

It's impossible to stop thinking about it, though. Even when they get back, the image of a carefree, happy, almost childlike Taehyung haunts her. It stays with her all day and before she knows it, Dilara’s heading to the lounge in the evening where she knows all the guys are.

Standing outside, she takes a deep breath, wondering if she’s really about to do this. She forces herself to think about how he looked earlier today with P, happy and laughing, so similar to how he’d looked in a field of puppies once upon a time. Before she can change her mind, she knocks.

It takes a few moments; the door opens to reveal Jungkook, eyes wide in surprise. Behind him, the others are frozen, barring Namjoon and Yoongi, the former shaking his head and the latter sparing her a glance before going back to his phone. Giving Jungkook a nod of acknowledgement and a polite hint of a smile, she looks straight at Taehyung in his white CELINE t-shirt, standing behind the sofa.

“Can I talk to you?” Dilara is careful to reveal nothing in her question or her tone. Judging by his frown and momentary hesitation, she’s succeeded.

“Yeah,” he says finally, as though pulling himself out of a trance. She nods and turns around to leave, glancing back when she reaches the front door to see him right behind her, pulling on a black jumper.

They head out to the backyard - or she heads out and he follows her, trailing a couple of steps behind. Dilara stops where the path to the gym begins and leans against the railing. He leans on the one opposite her, a good ten feet between them. Now that she’s finally in front of him, her words seem to fail her. She has to remind herself that right now, she has the power in this dynamic.

“So… why did you want to come outside?” he asks after a moment. He sounds doubtful, and she realises she hasn’t said anything yet.

Dilara shrugs, not knowing where to look. “Too many ears in there. And out here for that matter,” she adds. When he frowns, she raises her eyebrows and tilts her chin towards the house. He turns and they see three or four faces hurriedly disappear from the window.

She half-chuckles while Taehyung curses under his breath, slowly turning back to her. “How are you?” he asks. The question is innocent enough, but his tone burns with curiosity and - she isn’t sure - concern.

“Same old,” she answers. Before he can use this excuse to chit-chat, she exhales. “You said you wanted to explain.” She nods. “So… explain.”

All traces of his smile fade and he swallows, clearly knowing that this is where they were headed all along. For a few moments, he says nothing, just looking at the ground as he presumably gathers his thoughts. Then, he looks up, looking nervous but determined.

"Dilara, I -" He breaks off, sounding rather like he hasn't thought of what to say beyond these two words. She’s in no hurry, though. For once, she feels calm.

"First of all, I'm… God, I'm so sorry, Dilara, I'm so -"

"Stop," she interrupts, shaking her head. "Just… stop. This isn't… I don't want to hear you apologise." Dilara looks up to see his devastated face looking confused. "You said you wanted to explain. I assumed you meant… how it happened."

For a moment, it seems like he's going to argue. But then he licks his lips and nods, and she braces herself for the worst.

"I… we -" He huffs in frustration, and she knows it's because he's unable to think in English in a situation like this. "It was - it was a bad few months, Dilara. We were being overworked to death and you and I couldn't - we weren't… we didn't get time. Ever."

She says nothing. She knows what he's talking about but the last thing she wants to do right now is agree with him and give him an out he doesn't deserve.

"I know that doesn't make it okay. I know that." He shakes his head and runs his hand through his messy blond hair. "And I didn't - I wasn't… I had no intention of cheating on you, Dilara. I didn't want anyone else, ever. It was just… it was so busy and I was so angry that I couldn't talk to you and I missed you and it was just -" He breaks off, pressing the heels of his palms to his forehead. "I started feeling so far away from you and I hated it, I hated thinking we were going to be one of those couples that just - just drifted apart and fell out of love or -"

"So this was better?" Dilara can't help it. It almost sounds like an excuse and she’s not about to accept one.

"No, that's not what I meant, Dilara… come on, you know it was hard. And I was trying everything I could but it wasn’t enough and I didn't know what else to do and then… and then…"

The tone of his voice tells her what's coming. She swallows and pulls her hoodie tighter around herself, suddenly wondering if she’s ready to hear this.

Taehyung sighs shakily. "Jennie and I -" He breaks off abruptly and Dilara realises she’s automatically looked away at the mention of the name. "She - we've known each other for a while. Not well, of course, but… we've met at award shows and stuff and - and we were at a party and we were all drinking and…" His voice cracks and it looks like he's about to cry. "It was - it meant nothing. Not a thing. I promise you -"

"What happened?" she interrupts. When he frowns, she stands her ground. "What happened with her? What did you do?"

She can see it dawn on his face, what she’s asking. "I - are you serious?" he asks in horror.

"Yeah. I want to know." I want this to be as hard for you as it is for me, Kim Taehyung.

“I - that’s not a good idea.”

“I don’t care. I want to know.” Dilara holds his gaze. “You kissed her. Did you use tongue? Did you take off her top? Suck her tits?” She’s being brutal and extremely crass, but it’s the only way she’s going to make it through this confrontation without breaking.

Taehyung looks tortured. “Dilara, don’t…”

“Fine. I’ll go first. You know I went out with Jaden, right? Do you want to know what I did with him? Well, he actually did suck my tits when we went back to his room, but before that he kissed me in -”

She gets interrupted when Taehyung swears loudly, eyes blazing and looking livid. “I don’t want to fucking know!”

“Then tell me.”

"Dilara…" He warns through gritted teeth and she knows she’s lit a fuse. Good. Get angry. Bring it, Kim. When she doesn't respond, he squeezes his eyes shut and sighs before opening them, glaring at her as though telling her she’s asked for it.

"You really want to know? We - we made out, okay? She kissed me and I - I wanted to push her away but… I kissed her back and my hands, uh… went up her -” He breaks off, wincing, but Dilara doesn’t say anything. “... and I… and then she started unbuttoning my jeans and then she got on her knees and sucked me off until - no, Dilara, I’m sorry, please don't cry, baby…"

The tone of his voice changes instantly and she can hear the guilt washing over him. She feels him gently pull her by the shoulder to face him but she flinches out of his grasp again.

"Don't touch me!" she snaps hoarsely, sniffing and stepping back. "I’m just… God, I fucking - hate you!” she shouts suddenly, pushing him back by the shoulders. “I hate you so, so much!” she sobs, continuing to push him backwards, hating how he takes it in silence before his hands come up to hold her wrists, his strength overpowering hers for once.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, baby…”

Dilara can’t hear him. Physically, his voice sounds like she’s underwater because all she can do is picture it, picture the tall and beautiful idol - she can’t recall her face for the life of her, but imagines her tall and slender - getting down on her knees, adjusting a flowy dress, looking up at him with sexy eyes as she unbuckles his belt and pulls down his trousers… Dilara barely registers Taehyung bringing her into his chest, murmuring wrecked, desperate apologies in her hair, languages blurring into each other.

She can’t stop; it’s like a movie rolling in her head. Did Jennie palm him through his underwear first? She pictures him straining against black material, head tilted back as he lets out a throaty groan, a glass of whiskey in one hand. Dilara imagines her pulling his underwear down, taking him in her mouth, his large, angry length, bobbing her head, his fingers tangling in her hair… she lets out another shaky sob before she realises what she’s doing and with a strength she rarely uses outside her car, she pushes him away.

Taehyung stumbles backwards, taken off guard. Ignoring the shocked expression and how the tip of his nose is already reddening, Dilara angrily wipes whatever tears have escaped down her face. “Go on,” she snarls. When he sniffles, she stomps her foot. “Goddamnit, Kim! She sucked you off - what happened after? Did you fuck her? And you may as well tell me the truth because believe me, this can’t get any worse.”

He swallows. "I didn’t. I - I swear,” he says immediately, and Dilara believes him. When she raises her eyebrow at him expectantly, he shrugs. “Well, I - I mean, that was it," he says lamely, shrugging and stepping away. "I realised what I was doing and - and I just got the hell out of there. I felt so terrible, Dilara, you have no idea."

“Did you cum?” she asks quietly, looking at his feet. The silence is so long and deafening that the answer is obvious. She closes her eyes as her heart sinks.

“It meant nothing,” he whispers dismally. “I don’t even remember it. It didn’t mean a thing, Dilara.”

"Meant enough to date her after,” she mutters, unable to get the image out of her mind of him finishing in someone else’s mouth, eyes closed, a frown on his forehead, mouth open in ecstasy, emitting a low and raspy grunt that always echoed in the room...

"It wasn't like that… Dilara, I didn't know how to face you after that. I was so ashamed - I felt like such an asshole." Taehyung pauses, as though expecting her to agree with him. When she says nothing, he continues, bottom lip trembling now. "I couldn't believe what I'd done and I just needed - I just needed some time to figure out how to tell you and I…" He looks up at her and shakes his head, looking completely devastated. "I'm so sorry, Lara, I should've -"

"Jesus, stop apologising!" Dilara turns away from him, more angry than sad right now. "What the hell was I supposed to do while you were figuring it out? That didn’t matter to you?”

"I handled it horribly, I know. I knew I was going to hurt you and I -" He sighs, running a hand through his hair again. "I know I did anyway. But I swear, Dilara, I was going to tell you. I was going to tell you and do whatever it took to fix it. I didn't want to end it… I didn't want to lose you."

But you have. She doesn't need to say it - he knows. It lingers, unspoken, between them.

"But I guess I took too long…" His gaze falls and she hears him sniffle. "Jennie came to our studio and everything and we talked about it and we decided nothing more was going to happen, that we weren't… but then the article came out and I knew I was fucked. The moment I saw it I told Big Hit to put out a statement and I called you but I could never get through and then I got your package and -"

"And then you started dating her," she finishes for him, not finding it necessary to tell him that his tokenistic phone call means nothing to her, that blocking him achieved more than just rejecting his calls.

"I…" Taehyung rubs the back of his neck, looking uneasy. "It wasn't like that. It wasn't… a relationship. Like a real one. We just - I mean, it was already public and I - I didn't want everything to have been for nothing."

Dilara stares at him. "You - what? Are you kidding me?"

"No, I just mean that -"

"What the hell do you mean by everything?" she exclaims, dropping her hands to her sides. "Nothing happened to you - you're the one who -"

"I know and I hate what I did, but I never wanted us to be over, Lara -”

“I told you to stop calling me that!” she shouts, wanting to throw something. From the corner of her eye, she sees figures at the window again but she can’t be bothered about that right now. “You thought dating her was going to - what? Make the whole thing worth it?”

“Of course not - how can you say that? I fucked up, but I - I want to make it up to you, I - I know this couldn’t have been easy for -”

“Make it up to me?” she repeats, cutting him off again. “How? With your Starbucks coffee runs and pity trips to the medic? Save it, alright? I don’t want you to make it up to -”

“That’s not what I mean, Dilara! Come on, you - you won’t even let me apologise!” Taehyung cries, and this time the tremble in his voice is unmistakable. He’s frustrated and crying and, she realises right then, that she’s crying too. He walks up to her and tries to hold her face. “Dilara, I’m so sorry -”

“I don’t want your apologies,” she snarls quietly, pushing him away again. “It doesn’t matter anymore. Don’t you get it? Not after what you did.”

To her surprise, he nods and takes a step back. “I know,” he admits, sounding crestfallen. “I know what I did was unforgivable and - and cowardly and…” He meets her gaze, eyes glistening. “Lara, I love -”

“Fuck you.”

He breaks off abruptly and she feels his hand grab her wrist, stopping her where she’s walking away already.

“This was a mistake,” she spits, yanking her hand out of his. “Just… leave me alone.” Ignoring his shout of frustration, Dilara runs back inside, furiously wiping away her tears at the realisation that no matter what, nothing is going to change for her when it comes to Kim Taehyung.

---

The next morning, on the first day of Free Practice in Imola, Dilara is out of the house before anyone else has even woken up. She reaches the paddock at seven a.m in workout gear and goes for a run around the track; even in the empty circuit, she feels far more at home here than back at the house she’s actually living in.

Dilara blasts the music in her earphones to the highest volume, wanting to give herself no opportunity to think because she knows exactly where her mind will go if given the chance. She’d already spent an hour last night crying into her pillow before finally falling asleep - without dinner. When she’d woken suddenly to a notification from Lexie in another time zone, she’d sneaked out to the kitchen and scarfed down a bowl of cereal with cold milk, reflecting forlornly about how much of a disaster the previous evening was.

One round of the track is as much as she can manage without exhausting herself too much. She reaches the Red Bull garage, satisfyingly sweaty, and takes off my earphones as she heads to the water cooler for a drink before her shower.

“Hey, stranger.”

She whips around, startled, and her stomach flips uncomfortably. “Jaden… hey.”

Jaden gives her a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Did I scare you?” he asks, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Dilara shakes her head, suddenly conscious of what a mess she must look like. "I just didn't expect anyone else to be here this early."

"We're tweaking the power unit on Max's car," he explains, rocking back on his heels. "We need to get started early if we plan to get it done by FP."

She nods, realising a second later that she has no response. It's not that it's awkward, per se; one date is too less of a history to warrant anything other than cordial friendliness, especially when she’d broken things off with him so long ago. Right after the Korean GP, to be precise. She’d run into him in the paddock right after receiving the horrific news of Red Bull’s latest PR plan, and she’d decided to just nip this thing in the bud before it got too complicated.

Jaden had displayed more surprise than Dilara thought warranted. Since she couldn't tell him about the ex-boyfriend drama, she’d had to rely on simply sticking to the date and the fact that it wouldn't reflect well on either party if it got out that a driver and mechanic were a thing. He’d tried to argue, citing that they’d sneak around if they had to, that he'd help her through it.

She hadn’t thought much of the offer, especially since she’d succeeded in hiding her relationship with a BTS member from the whole world, but eventually Jaden relented. She could tell he was disappointed even if he did try to hide it, attempting to remind her that should she change her mind, he was right here.

Now, being alone with him for the first time since then, Dilara genuinely can't remember if she was ever really attracted to him at all. She’d snogged him… but then again, she’d been in a very vulnerable state of mind, with a lot of her thoughts occupied by a different man.

"No gym at the hotel?" He gestures to her physical appearance and she realises she hasn’t replied to his previous statement.

"Oh, um…" Nothing good can come of telling him the truth. "Yeah, no, there's just something about running on the track, you know? Almost like a mini track walk," she adds, confident in her fib.

"Huh," he nods, but she can tell he isn't really listening. "So… how have you been?"

"Same old," she answers safely, feeling a rush of deja vu. "Not a lot going on for a twenty-two race calendar."

"No boyfriend?" He asks teasingly, but she can sense the curiosity behind the question.

"That would be a no," she tells him, now shuffling away. “Look, I need to go and - and shower,” she says quickly, gesturing to herself and pointing vaguely in the direction of the changing rooms. “I’ll see you around.”

Dilara leaves before he can say anything else, but he finds her again later, less than an hour before FP 1. It’s a bit weird this time, though; he’s not mean in any way, but the friendliness seems much more staged.

She’s warming up in the back, earphones in with one eye on the screen and barely paying attention to the commentators debating today’s session, when she looks up and sees him at the doorway. She frowns, still in a plank position.

“Oh. Hey.” When he doesn’t say anything, she prods hesitantly. “Did you need something?”

Jaden shrugs. He’s dressed in his fireproof suit, just like her, with the overalls unzipped and hanging around his waist. “I was hoping to…” He trails off and sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Sorry, I’m not… sure, really.”

Dilara swallows, resting her knees on the ground and standing up. “What’s up, Jaden?” she asks cautiously.

He licks his lips, apparently considering his words. He still looks like Kai from EXO; she’d thought that when she’d first met him at the fashion show in London and she still can’t shake the comparison from her mind.

“I wanted to know if… if you’d maybe want to go out again… with me.”

“Um… Jaden, we - we talked about this,” she reminds him, the anxiety already making her heart race uncomfortably. “It’s just not a good time and it’s - it’s not a good idea. So, I’m sorry, but… no.”

Jaden shifts on his feet, a frown creasing his forehead. “I hear you. But,” he begins, and her heart sinks, “those reasons… I just don’t know what they mean. I mean, did I, you know… did I do something that wasn’t -”

“Jaden,” she interrupts, now feeling really hassled. “It’s nothing to do with you, alright? I’m just not dating.”

“It’s just kind of confusing,” he continues after a moment. “Walking around the garage. Being a mechanic and seeing the driver every day, not knowing what’s going on inside her head.”

Dilara wants to frown incredulously but she holds herself back. “Good thing you’re on Max’s pit crew,” she points out finally.

Jaden gives a hollow chuckle and takes a step forward. “I just want to know -”

At that moment, the door behind her opens.

“Dilara, can I -” Taehyung stops when he sees she’s not alone and from the slight shuttering of his eyes and hardened jaw, she can tell he recognises Jaden. Standing in the doorway in just tan trousers and a black t-shirt, Taehyung looks absolutely breathtaking. He recovers in a second, slipping his hands casually into the pockets of his slacks and face going blank, smooth and impassive as always. “Can I have a word? It’s about PR.”

He’s lying. She’d know it even if she wasn’t sure they have no PR right now. Kim Taehyung’s a good actor, but she knows what the slightly upward tilt of his chin means, or the normally big eyes that are suddenly half-lidded. But right now, Dilara doesn’t care if he is. They may be as estranged as ever, but right now she’d choose being around him over Jaden.

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Dilara turns back to Jaden, registering just before doing so that Taehyung didn’t even seem surprised at her agreement. “I need to, um…”

“Right, of course.” Nodding and looking slightly annoyed, Jaden backs up and goes out the door he came from, closing it behind him.

She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, only to turn back and see Taehyung standing three feet away from her. “Jesus, you know, I just - I don’t have time for this right now. I have free practice in a bit,” she informs him hurriedly, starting to walk towards the coffee machine, but he stops her.

“Wait, what?” He looks confused. “You just said okay.”

Dilara scoffs. “Please, I just did that so I could get away from him,” she mutters, picking up a paper cup from the stack.

“Why?” Taehyung’s tone is sharp this time and, if she’s not mistaken, laced with concern. “What did he do?”

She finally looks up at him, eyes widening. “How is that any of your business?”

“Okay, fine, it’s not,” he agrees quickly, coming to stand next to her. “I just want to talk about last night, okay? Can we - “

“No, absolutely not.”

“Dilara, please, I just -”

“No. Just stop, okay? Look, you have to -”

A third person enters the room just then in the form of Max Verstappen, who nonchalantly moves to her other side to use the coffee machine. Dilara turns her attention back to Taehyung.

“You have to stop this. You have to stop talking to me like we’re together because we’re not. So can you -” She breaks off when his gaze darts to Max and he bites his lip before looking back at her, shaking his head a little.

Dilara scoffs in disbelief. “What, are you afraid Max is going to hear? Do you really think he gives a fuck? Hey, Max,” she says loudly, turning to him. “Do you care that I was stupid enough to date a world famous popstar who got his cock sucked by another girl and then ghosted me till I got the message?”

Next to her, Max’s eyes flit up above her head to Taehyung momentarily. “No,” he says dryly, sounding like he genuinely means it, before reaching for the milk.

She turns back to Taehyung. “See?”

“Dilara…”

“No, stop. Stop seeking me out, stop giving me those eyes,” she says firmly. “Just stop talking to me. We’re done.”

Taehyung simply sighs as she picks up her coffee and moves around him to leave. Just before the door closes behind her, she hears Max mutter, “Race weekend is tough on everyone, mate.”

Thankfully, the most stubborn man Dilara has ever known actually listens to her this time and doesn’t approach her again the rest of the day. FP 1 goes about as well as she can hope, but the heat is something she knows is affecting all the drivers a fair bit. Dilara heads outside during a few minutes of rare breeze, sitting in the shade with a bottle of cold water.

She’s there for less than a minute when she sees a different Kim approaching her, expression one of chaotic calm. Dressed in a checked shirt over a white t-shirt, sneakers and a baseball cap, Kim Namjoon looks like he’s ready to go on a hike at a moment’s notice.

Even though they’re in a part of the paddock that isn’t accessible to the public, Dilara spots a couple of girls in Aston Martin uniforms point and break into furious whispers before running away. From Namjoon’s embarrassed chuckle, she knows he’s seen them, too.

“Does it ever get tiring?” she asks wryly, shifting slightly to make room for him as he sits next to her. “Knowing that wherever you go, there’s a thousand girls who’d like to show you a good time?”

“Nah, I kind of just ignore it now,” he answers, voice deep and comforting. “I have a girlfriend. Kind of eclipses the thousands of girls,” he says sincerely.

Dilara nods, the semi-romantic deep, deep down inside her knowing what he means. “It would break their hearts if they knew.”

“Guess it’s a good thing they don’t.” He shrugs. “It’s not worth the hassle.”

“Are you here to defend your friend to me?” she asks him, trying not to sound too wary and keeping her eyes trained on a grassy patch on the ground.

Namjoon bites his lip and looks at the ground, long hair covering his face. “No. I want to apologise,” he says after a moment. He waits for a few seconds, as though waiting for her to process the words. “I know I didn’t directly do anything to you. But I didn’t… not do anything either. And I’m sorry, Dilara.”

No, you didn’t. But she doesn’t feel like saying it out loud. Having him admit it… it feels different, unlike how Jimin’s apology felt. Jimin had guilt - plain, simple, heartbreaking guilt. Namjoon sounds disappointed, a soul-crushing image when she thinks about it.

“I’ve known Taehyung for over a decade, you know,” he says, looking up. “And we’ve had our share of disagreements and problems and stuff, but I’ve never been this disappointed in him before,” he confesses, surprisingly echoing her thoughts.

"You and me both," she murmurs after a moment. "But thanks."

"And also…" Namjoon clears his throat. "I hope you know that you can always… you know. Talk to us. Or me, at least. I kind of get the feeling that you think we're all on his side."

Dilara frowns. "Aren't you?" Isn’t that why this whole disaster happened?

"No," he clarifies immediately. "I mean, we're his - we're his friends, his brothers, his family, but… that doesn't mean we give him a pass for everything. What happened with you two…" He sighs, looking truly troubled. "I know we - the rest of us - played a part. But we're not choosing sides."

Dilara doesn't realise until this moment just how much she needed someone to say this, for someone to acknowledge that Taehyung fucked up and that she has questions - at least a hundred. But something holds her back.

As though picking up on it, Namjoon tilts his head to catch her eye. "You can trust me."

The paddock is emptier in this area than a usual Friday. She wonders briefly if it's because Namjoon is with her, or if everyone has flocked to where the rest of BTS is.

"You know, at first I didn't believe it," she begins, voice low and playing with the rings on her fingers. "I thought maybe he lost his phone or maybe he was angry with me or - or maybe he was hurt. Anything but this. I thought he loved me too much to do this.” She can’t keep the irony out of her voice. She swallows, her throat hurting when she relives that horrible week in March. “But Jimin is a bad liar, and I knew that if he had you guys lying for him, I didn’t stand a chance.”

“And then I saw the article and…” She sighs, remembering how everything had suddenly felt so empty. “And it proved everything I said to him when I told him we shouldn’t be in a relationship.”

Namjoon raises his eyebrows. “You anticipated this a year ago?” he asks, and she can tell he’s trying not to sound too sceptical.

“Maybe not the part where he ghosted me,” she allows, shrugging. “But Jennie? Sure I did,” she admits, feeling humiliated even saying it out loud. “I’m not blind, you know. They look perfect together.” She’s quiet for a moment, not trusting herself to speak anymore. “And it’s not even that. They’re both idols, they’re Korean, she’s… tall…” She trails off, finding it far too depressing to talk about. “It just makes so much more sense.”

Namjoon is chewing on his lip. “You know, I meant it when I said that I’m not here to defend Taehyung, but…” He gives her an apologetic look when she rolls her eyes. “You can’t possibly think it’s that simple,” he says, barely masking his incredulity.

Dilara doesn't like his tone. “Why not? What has he done to make me think otherwise? And besides," she continues when Namjoon simply sighs, "it's not even about her. Do you know how stupid I felt when I saw that article? That I was waiting for an explanation, getting worried about him, while he was too busy screwing k-pop’s ‘it girl’ to drop me a text to tell me he was done with me?" She shakes her head. "And… yeah, I know that's not exactly how it happened. He told me… something. Doesn't change the fact that I can’t stop picturing it, though," she mutters, rubbing at her eyes.

Nearly a minute passes, but Namjoon says nothing.

Dilara raises her eyebrows. "Seriously? You're really not going to help him out?"

He chuckles, a little nervously. "I think this is something he needs to fix himself," he says wisely. "That being said… I do think you should know that he wasn't quite as cavalier as you think," he adds. "I promise I'm not defending him. And I won't tell you if you don't want to know." He pauses, as though waiting for her to confirm.

Her resolve ends in about five seconds. "You're an evil man, Kim Namjoon. Alright, out with it."

Namjoon laughs. "Well, we were there, but… we didn't really know what was going on. We knew something was wrong and we found out about Jennie because we walked in on a fight between Taehyung and Seokjin. He'd actually caught them at the party, apparently…"

Dilara recalls Seokjin's face when he’d made her a sandwich, how his guilt had been plastered all over his face. At the time, she’d thought it was guilt by association. But he knew… he knew the whole time.

"... and he'd confessed to Jimin as well - did you know it was the first time in years that we'd ever seen them fight like that?" Namjoon shakes his head, as though trying to get rid of a bad memory. "But… apart from that, we had no idea. Honestly, until you started calling us, we didn't even know he was avoiding you. We thought he was being Taehyung, keeping things to himself, dealing with it in private… we kind of didn't feel like it was any of our business." He sighs. "And then the article broke."

She chuckles without humor. "That damned article."

"Yeah. Of course, it exaggerated everything - they actually weren't dating at the time. The pictures looked bad, I know, but she was speaking to YG and we made Big Hit put out a statement and everything and we kind of thought that was it." He shrugs apologetically. "We thought he'd finally call you, you'd be angry, he'd apologise and somehow you two would be okay." There's a frustration in his voice. "He would never do something so stupid to risk losing you like that.” He gives her an apologetic look. “But then your package came."

Dilara’s heart skips a beat; she’d almost forgotten about that. "So he got it, huh?" she asks quietly, remembering the ring he's still wearing on his index finger, the one that had hung around her neck for over a year.

"Oh, he got it." Namjoon bites his lip, as though suddenly wondering how much to tell her. "It arrived in our dorm and when he opened it and pulled out… I think it was a t-shirt? He didn't say anything. He just picked up the box and went into his room and didn't come out again for the rest of the night, not until we had to leave for the airport the next day. He was…" He shudders. "He was a wreck. I don't think he spoke to us for nearly two days. Then Jungkook tried to call you but when it didn't go through, we realised you'd blocked us. And Taehyung, presumably, which explained how he was acting. And, no, we couldn't even blame you," he finishes quietly.

Dilara doesn't know what to think. Her chest feels tight; she doesn't know if it's the thought of Taehyung in pain or that everything she thought she knew may just have been different. "So… what are you saying? All this happened because he was too late? I should forgive him because he was going through a hard time, too?"

Namjoon frowns. "Of course not. He still fucked up. Massively. And forgiving him is your decision. It's not my place to tell you what to do."

She’s quiet. She can tell he isn't lying about being disappointed. He sounds like he is, the slight edge in his voice, his determination that Taehyung deserves whatever she’s throwing at him.

"Do you miss Kaya?" Dilara asks him after a moment.

He frowns curiously, clearly not expecting it. "All the time," he answers. "Why?"

She shrugs. "Is it worth it? The distance and the secrecy and all that?" When he simply tilts his head slightly, she sighs. "Sorry, I know it's none of my business. Just thought a different perspective could help."

Namjoon nods slowly. "Well, then, yes. It's totally worth it. It's hard, for sure, being apart for so long, missing birthdays and stuff…" He trails off, and she’s worried for a moment that she’s ruined the mood - if that's even possible at this point. He exhales and shakes his head. "But… man, she keeps me sane. I’d probably have a breakdown once a month if she wasn’t there. Right now, even the worst day ever can't be that bad if I can still call her at the end of it." An automatic smile spreads across his face as he looks at his lap. "And she’s doing her Ph.D. Sometimes she feels way out of my league."

Dilara nods slowly. "Well, now I'm waiting for BTS's next hit, Ph.D.," she says wryly. When he chuckles self-consciously, she waves her hand in apology. "Sorry. She sounds great."

"She is," he agrees, nodding. "That's the part that's worth it. When you find someone like that, you really do anything you can to make sure you hold on to it, even if it means taking extra flights or staying up to video chat and stuff." He pauses, swallowing. “Seriously, I mean anything.”

Ah. Namjoon’s disdain for Taehyung’s actions is clear now, understandable even. For a man in a long distance relationship with what sounds like his the one, watching his friend screw up a similar situation while he himself is working so hard to maintain it has to be frustrating. Dilara wonders if that means he's equating her with Kaya, but she’s too afraid of the answer.

"Are you ever afraid it'll stop working?" she asks quietly. "And… feel free to tell me it's none of my business."

Namjoon considers it for a moment, and his face darkens as though battling with a memory. "I'm not… afraid of it. I'm worried, if that makes sense. I think it'll always work for me; my job would mean a long distance relationship no matter where my girlfriend lived, even if it was Korea. It's a drawback of the entire role, with BTS, producing, touring. But it's not her life," he admits, and I think he sounds sad. "She lives a normal life, with normal friends and a normal job and if she ever decides that she needs a boyfriend she can see more than once every couple of months…" He shrugs, but it seems tired. "I can't stop her. I'd want that for her, if it's something that she wanted. If it made her happy."

"Sounds… rare," says Dilara honestly, finding it hard to meet his eyes. She can feel him watching her and she thinks he knows what's on her mind.

"You know, Taehyung didn't really talk to us about this at all so I don't - I can't really pretend to know what he was thinking. But I do know what he was like during that time. With you versus without you," he clarifies. "With you… he was happy. Like, really, annoyingly happy. Without you… God, it was like living with the grinch. A mean, petty, heartbroken… and very handsome Grinch," he allows grudgingly. "He was moody, would barely talk to us, picked fights for no reason until Hobi finally had enough and threw a banana at him."

Dilara snorts at the image and Namjoon’s face breaks out into an exasperated smile as he shakes his head, as though reliving how he had to manage that fight.

"It was pretty funny, if you ignore why Taehyung was being so irritating," he concedes. "In any case, he improved a bit after that. Still kept to himself and was a bit sharp if the topic ever came too close to you… but he at least started trying again."

"Bet Jennie helped with that," she mutters.

"Dilara, it wasn't…"

"No, you know what?" Dilara pauses, wondering how to phrase this without sounding too pathetic. "You're not the first person to tell me that he didn't just forget me out of the blue. Jimin tried, but I told him I'd leave if he started talking about him. I think Jungkook wanted to say something but I accidentally… punched him in the face," she mutters, wincing slightly at the memory, and Namjoon snorts.

"It's just hard to believe, you know? Especially because I know he started dating her right after. And don't bother telling me Big Hit denied it, Namjoon. I know some fans don't give you guys your privacy but that was literally the only way I found out anything."

Namjoon shrugs. "I'm not denying it. They did date - technically. But - okay, you know what?" He changes tacks abruptly. "I don't know what happened in their relationship, I don't think it's right for me to talk about it."

She stares at him. "You're kidding me, right?" When he doesn't answer, she shifts to face him. "Namjoon, you just told me the story of how one of your members threw fruit at my ex-boyfriend and this is where you choose to draw the line?"

He raises an eyebrow. "You're sure you want to know? Because I don't know much either, to be honest," he declares, holding up his hands. "He didn't talk about her too much and we didn't really pry after a point."

That doesn't sound too good. But Dilara is weak. "Yes, I'm sure. Please, please tell me about the gorgeous, skinny pop star who was important enough to get him to throw away a year's worth of history."

Namjoon winces. “Not a great start.”

“Okay, fine. I won’t say anything.”

“Well, in short," he begins, “I think both of them were just dating on paper, for the most part. Maybe they intended to do it genuinely but at least Taehyung I know wasn’t in the mental state to move on.” He pauses. “It never seemed like Jennie was following up too much either.”

Dilara frowns, confused. “So… what? You’re saying it was staged?”

“No, I don’t think so. I think…” Namjoon’s eyebrows scrunch and he looks like he’s choosing his words carefully. “I think he just wanted something to come out of the shitstorm that happened with you. Like he didn't want all of that to have been for nothing. I guess it would've been harder for him to deal with, that he lost you over one incident, as opposed to losing you over something that turned into a relationship.”

So… Taehyung wasn't lying. He'd sort of said the same thing but not nearly as eloquently, and she’d had no patience for anything he was saying in any case.

“Didn't really work out, though,” he adds, unaware of her begrudging revelations. “One fine day he just told us at breakfast that he and Jennie were over and immediately changed the topic. A couple of weeks before the fashion show actually."

That fashion show. The day she’d spotted Jungkook and Jimin at the airport, and later seen them be received as the guests of honour at her work event, like some sick joke.

"Is that why he's trying so hard all of a sudden?" she asks after a moment. "Because it’s pretty fucked up that he cheated on me, broke up with me, dated the other girl, spent months without a word and it's only when I'm actually in front of him that he even tries to talk to me? What about those three months before the fashion show? What about all that time after the fashion show? Is he just after me to apologise because we're in the same house and he's bored or something?"

Namjoon gives her a look. "You know he tried to call you before, too," he reminds her in a tone that suggests sheI shouldn't forget. "But you'd blocked him - and you were completely within your right to do that," he adds hastily when she opens her mouth, murderous. "He was too late. It was his fault.”

She raises her eyebrows. “But…?”

He sighs. “I think he assumed that you'd moved on. When you sent him back all his stuff, including gifts, and then blocked him, it looked like you'd, you know, cleanly cut him out of your life," he explains, slicing his hand through the air. "You did a fantastic job ignoring us in London and then again in Yeongam, so most of us really did think you didn't care anymore."

"Good," she snaps savagely. "That was the point."

He nods, a little humbly, and Dilara immediately feels a bit guilty. "But then when we started this PR thing, it became pretty clear that you did care. He was devastated about your break-up, of course, but seeing you so broken up about it changed everything."

It's a lot to digest. "So what does he want now?" Dilara asks finally, feeling tired. "Does he just want to get it off his chest, feel like a good person again? What is it?" She’s baiting him. She wants him to confirm that Jimin's theory is wrong.

Namjoon does no such thing, however. He frowns at her in a manner that suggests he knows exactly what she’s doing and that he isn't going to spoon feed her the answer. "What do you think he wants?" When she simply huffs and rolls her eyes, he chuckles. "Come on, Dilara, I think it's fairly obvious what he wants, don't you think? How he feels? What he's trying to do to prove it? You're a smart girl," he says patiently, like she’s a schoolgirl.

"God, you must be one hell of a leader," she mutters, annoyed.

Namjoon laughs and stretches, dimples popping on his cheeks. "That's why Kaya keeps me sane, because I'm not her leader."

“Would’ve been cool to meet her.”

“I think you’d get along. You have a lot of things in common.”

“Yeah? Like our conditioner?”

“Well, that. And, yeah, she didn't think we'd work out at first either," he allows, shrugging.

"Yes, well, at least in your case you proved her wrong."

"So far," he agrees. "But that's what I mean, anyway. When you find someone like that, you do everything in your power to not mess it up. Or you grovel and grovel until she forgives you. It really takes a special kind of person to be able to date someone in BTS, you know? With this job and the fame," he says innocently.

Dilara stares at him. "What a sweet and incredibly manipulative thing to say."

He laughs. "So dramatic. Sometimes you and Taehyung make so much sense together."

She chokes. "Don't try to sweet talk me into forgiving him,” she warns, ignoring his grin. "And, anyway… I told him to leave me alone." A thought occurs to her. "He's stubborn, though. Do you think he really will?"

Namjoon looks thoughtful, then shrugs. "Like you said, he's stubborn. And if he sets his mind to something, he usually does whatever he needs to to get it." He looks down at her, but she doesn’t respond, sensing that he isn't done. "But at this point, I don't think there's anything in the world you could ask him for that he wouldn't give to you. Even if it kills him."

—

One fallout of Dilara’s conversation with Namjoon is an unexpected one: a slow, unexpected concern for Taehyung’s feelings. Most of what Namjoon said she could believe; all the moodiness and snapping, something she’d witnessed many times herself. The fact that it had apparently hurt him so much… she thinks she can believe it, but somehow it doesn't help the anger any.

But it's not really anger anymore, though. She wants it to be; it was far easier when it was just pure, unadulterated fury at his actions and disregard for her feelings, something she’d partly unleashed in Monza. But now there are different emotions creeping up, ones she had tried so hard to suppress for months, each of them reminding her that even though their relationship is over, they aren't.

Dilara replays their conversation - or their fight or whatever it was - over and over in her head. She’s barely able to concentrate on the actual words, though, each time stopping to relive how his hands had felt around her wrists, how the familiar scent of lotion had felt like summer, how his voice sounded when he accidentally called her Lara… and how helpless he looked when she’d cut off his apology. Even now, thinking back, she doesn’t know why she did that, why she stopped him from apologising. She just knows she doesn’t want him to.

The next race is at the Nurburgring in Germany, a cold and foggy track where everyone is in multiple layers and the only talk is around how the drivers are expected to ever warm up their tyres on this frigid track, let alone race. Dilara is on her way back from a rather pointless drivers' briefing with Max, Lando, George and Mick, all of them bundled in team gear. She’s the only one who looks like a potato, though, in her opinion, while the boys, all lean and tall, look like Burberry models.

She and Max lose the other three when they reach the Red Bull garage, entering the screening room to immediately be engulfed by the scent of chocolate. She’s confused for about a second before a cup with steam rising from it is thrust into her hand and she yelps when she feels how hot it is.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry!" The blonde intern, Hannah, immediately withdraws the cup from Dilara’s hand. "Sorry, sorry… it's hot chocolate! And guess whose idea it was!"

She sounds far too excited about hot chocolate; Dilara catches Max's eye who gives her a confused frown and she can almost hear him go what the fuck. She suppresses a snort, even though it’s not much of a guess, though. Hannah Kumpen had joined the hospitality team at the beginning of the year, and while her initial claim to fame had been her insistence to be positive, no matter the fuck up, the fashion show in London had brought forth another aspect of her personality that she seemed to want to suppress, but Dilara could recognise from a mile away: fangirl.

Dilara watches as Hannah skips over to where other Red Bull-clad people are standing, all clutching steaming mugs, along with the tall figures of BTS themselves. The first thing she spots is Jimin with a hat on his head, looking so much like a freezing cherub that she involuntarily smiles. The next thing she notices is the member next to him, her one and only ex-boyfriend, with the blonde intern standing much too close to him.

She feels a stab of anger at the sight, although she can't immediately pinpoint why. She doesn’t know if it's because Hannah is pretty, or if Dilara wants everyone to hate Taehyung as much as she does, or if it's just because he's her ex, or if the words that she's saying right now basically credit him with the idea of hot chocolate for everyone.

"... and he just decided, just like that," she gushes, clearly trying to keep her admiration under control but failing. "And then he wouldn't take no for an answer, even when Christian offered to at least split it! It was so generous," she declares, looking up at him like he's hung the moon before looking directly at Dilara."You would know, though, Dilara," she says knowingly, making her heart stop for a moment and she spots Taehyung do a double-take as well, "I'm sure that's why he's your favourite, isn't he?"

"I - I don't think I've ever said that," she stutters, but Hannah apparently isn’t looking for confirmation.

"No, I know you haven't," she says teasingly, still annoyingly chirpy. "But it was really generous.”

There’s a moment of silence where her eyes dart from Dilara and Max, both of whom looked mystified, to Taehyung whose head is bent low, to the rest of the group, who look like they’re on the verge of bursting a blood vessel as they try not to guffaw.

When no one responds, Taehyung exhales silently and looks up, apparently relieved his ordeal is over. Then -

“He rescues animals, too,” chimes Hannah, looking rather proud of this fact, as though he’s the child she raised to have such wonderful values. “He has a dog with health problems,” she says to no one. “His name is Yeontan.”

Dilara doesn’t know which to focus on: the exaggeration, because as far as she knows, Kim Taehyung has only ever adopted one rescue animal, or resisting the urge to throttle this girl and snarl that she fucking knows who Yeontan is. However, John, one of the mechanics who’s standing next to them with a mug of his own, glances up briefly at that.

“Oh, you adopted a rescue, that’s fantastic. I have a couple myself,” he adds. “One’s a terrier and the other -”

“Oh, Taehyung’s is a shitzu,” she says immediately, and even John looks a bit miffed at being cut off. “He's always featuring in lives and pictures and stuff. I think it takes a really good person to adopt a dog with health problems, don't you think? Pets are a huge responsibility and with an idol’s job… I mean, it's admirable…"

Dilara looks up at Taehyung, a little disbelieving that he hasn't told her to get a grip yet. He does look pretty mortified; he'd started off with mild bashfulness when they’d walked in, but now looks like he's rather regretting the hot chocolate entirely.

He gives Dilara an apologetic look when she meets his eyes for a moment, as though reassuring her that he knows she knows who Yeontan is, that he'd tell Hannah the truth if he could. It's actually hilarious, but she’s far too annoyed at how Hannah is now holding his arm casually, as though she hasn’t even realised. Next to him, Jungkook, Hoseok and Seokjin are red in the face from the cold - or from trying not to laugh. Jimin has disappeared behind Hoseok entirely, shoulders shaking with what is clearly laughter.

Even Max looks unbelievably amused, and Dilara notices Taehyung catch his eye and shake his head slightly in embarrassment. Thankfully, Christian joins them then and Hannah tones it down a bit with the personal information, to everyone’s relief.

"Oi, why don't you two have drinks?" Christian asks, raising his own mug, and Hannah seems to suddenly realise and immediately calls for two mugs when Max and Dilara shake their heads.

"It's a race weekend," she explains, mostly for Taehyung’s benefit, for no matter what their situation is, it actually was a nice thing for him to do.

To her surprise, his eyes light up at her comment and he opens his mouth to say something, but Hannah beats him to it.

"Oh, don't worry! Tae actually got you guys low sugar ones!"

While Dilara internally fumes at her nerve to call him Tae, right on cue, two mugs appear before them. She looks at Max, who shrugs and reaches enthusiastically for one of them.

"Works for me," is all he says, sighing when he takes a sip. Dilara takes that as her cue to accept as well, a not altogether unpleasant squirm in her stomach when she realises that Taehyung remembered that she prefers not to have sugar on a race weekend.

"Isn’t he wonderful?” Hannah repeats for what seems like the hundredth time.

Next to them, Christian nods in assent, studying his drink. "Stellar bloke," he agrees absently, raising his mug slightly. Max agrees, too, but the dry amusement is more than evident.

"Yes, Taehyung's the best," says Yoongi, straight-faced.

"He's just great," agrees Namjoon, while the others only silently shake their heads. Dilara sees Taehyung give them a murderous look, just before multiple pairs of eyes turn to her and she feels a terrible sense of foreboding.

There's an expectant silence in the air, and it takes her a moment to realise it's because everyone is expecting her to say it next. How Taehyung’s a good person, so generous and so thoughtful… she looks away from him, suddenly unable to say anything. Once three, five, ten seconds pass, Dilara knows the group at least have picked up on her hesitation. She’s deliberately not looking at Taehyung, but even in her slight peripheral vision, she sees his face crumple and she knows her lack of response is breaking his heart.

Next to her, Max nudges her quietly. She looks up to see Christian frowning at her and she knows she’s lost. "Yeah, of course he is,"she agrees finally, unable to stop a note of irony from creeping into her voice.

Dilara doesn’t say another word until everyone starts leaving the room. Predictably, Taehyung stays back. She knows what she did, how uncalled for it was, but she has no way of making him realise just how hard it is being around him - especially when she knows he hasn't changed, when his lapse in judgement becomes more and more apparent as a lapse, when she can see him doing and saying things that remind her of why she fell in love with him at all.

She feels him standing behind her, close enough that if she stretches her hand backwards, she’d be able to touch the soft beige coat he's wearing. Her heart drops when he says her name.

"Dilara…"

It still sounds like a song coming from his mouth, a sad but treasured song. He’s just wonderful. She wanted to scream when Hannah said it, wanted to demand that if she really thought so, what about all the shit he did to her? How did it matter that he bought everyone hot chocolate, that he had a special needs dog who meant the world to him, or that he was wonderful with kids when he still loved Dilara and hurt her anyway?

“Dilara, I know I -”

“No, they were right,” she interrupts, stepping away and not meeting his eyes. “You’re just awesome. And you’re wonderful and - and you’re perfect. Everyone thinks so,” she adds icily, swallowing when her eyes start to sting. “They can’t all be wrong. Guess I must have done something really awful for you to do what you did to me.” She finally looks up at him, scoffing slightly when he immediately shakes his head.

“You know you didn’t,” says Taehyung, voice low. He takes a step forward and she immediately steps back. “This was all me.”

He’s probably right, so when Dilara is in the library of the house later that evening, looking for a book Namjoon had recommended after their heart to heart in Austria, and she sees Taehyung enter from the corner of her eye, she doesn’t walk away. She shivers, but she doesn’t know if it’s because of the cold breeze through the open window or him coming up to stand behind her again, keeping his distance but still feeling so, so close.

She thinks she knows why he’s here. She hears him take a deep breath, completely steady.

“I’m sorry, Dilara.” His voice is heavy with regret, and her knees almost give away. “I’m so, so sorry. For everything. What I did… I wouldn’t blame you if you never forgave me or never talked to me again. I didn’t mean to hurt you and I know that means nothing because I did anyway but… I’m so sorry.”

She can’t tell if he’s crying yet. His voice gives nothing away; he sounds oddly exhausted, but she knows what that’s like. It’s the only thing keeping her from sobbing, from snarling at him and stopping him from apologising again.

“I ruined it. The best thing that ever happened to me. Because you were, you know?” He sniffs, and she has to grit her teeth from making a sound. “You are. But that’s not… I’m not going to talk about that now. This is… I owe you an apology. And I’m sorry. More than you’ll ever know.”

Dilara can feel him behind her again. He’s so close and for a moment she wants to stop being strong and stop hating him and stop being angry with him. She’d almost done that when they’d fought in Austria, except then the explanation had been too raw and too fresh, and all her focus had been on the hurt and betrayal.

Now… now it’s just him. It’s the warmth of his body inches behind hers, heat radiating off of it even in the freezing cold, his deep voice like velvet, and his words coursing through her veins, bringing up all the emotion she’d felt months ago when she’d seen him in Yeongam and broken down in front of Lexie.

“What did I do?” The words are out of her mouth before she even realises. “I thought…” I thought you loved me. But she stops herself just in time. “What did I do that was so bad that you chose to - to leave me behind like that?”

Taehyung sighs, a guttural sound, and she knows he’s hanging his head; his hair brushes her shoulder. He’s so close; she can practically feel his breath on her neck. She pictures, for a moment, what it would be like to turn around and kiss him, feel those lips on hers again, lips she genuinely thought would be the last ones she would ever feel. Her eyes flutter shut momentarily; irrespective of how she feels, her body clearly reacts to him the way it always has.

“Nothing. If I’d known you still -” He breaks off, taking a deep breath. “I was too late. If I’d known you still cared, I would’ve flown anywhere in the world to explain everything to you. I was too late,” he repeats, almost to himself. His bangs brush her neck ever so slightly as he takes a step back, and she feels the cold breeze on her skin again.

“Trust me, Dilara,” he says softly, and she wants to sob at how her name sounds on his tongue, reverential and intimate all at once. “You can’t possibly hate me for hurting you as much as I hate myself.”

Dilara sighs. She doesn’t know that she will ever be able to explain to him the real reason she wasn’t letting him apologise. Harbouring the anger, watching his frustration as she avoided him, the grim satisfaction that he was now the one being ignored; they helped - until they didn’t.

She doesn’t know that she will ever be able to put into words just how her chest is loosening up, now that the weight of the anger is shedding, but also how her heart feels heavier than ever because now that the anger is gone, she’s finally forced to acknowledge what’s underneath all that… what’s still underneath all that.

Dilara exhales and slowly turns around, the book in her hand. Taehyung's standing closer than she’d expected and she has to tilt her head up to look him in the eye. She’d always loved how tall he was, but she shakes the thoughts away. His blond hair is tousled and she has to resist the urge to brush it off his forehead.

"That's the problem, though," she tells him, catching herself before she says his name, "I don't hate you." With one last look at his slight frown, she brushes past him and leaves the library.

—

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