Promises you must make to yourself (and keep) when it's time to detach with love
I will stop trying to control anyone but myself.
I will set boundaries with this person, and I will not rescind those boundaries.
I will make those boundaries clear.
I will not give in to temper tantrums, threats, tears, bargaining, guilt trips, or other manipulative tactics. Instead, I will walk away.
I will stop doing things for them that they are capable of doing for themselves, and should be doing for themselves.
I will stop "loaning" them money I know I'm never going to get back.
I will let them be responsible for their own lives, and their own choices, and I will take responsibility for mine.
If it's necessary, I will remove myself and any children and/or pets from the household, and I will get us to safety.
I will prioritize my safety and well-being, and the safety and well-being of any children or pets.
I will not cover and lie for this person anymore.
I will no longer defend or make excuses for their unacceptable behavior.
I will prioritize my needs over their wants.
I will know that I am doing this because I love them and care about them, and I will absolve myself of guilt.
I will cultivate a support system of my own.
I will absolve myself of responsibility for their happiness, their life choices, their behavior, their words, and their responsibilities.
I will regulate my emotions when they try to dysregulate me. I will not lose my cool, no matter how much they agitate me.
If I cannot deescalate them, I will walk away.
I will absolve myself of responsibility for their feelings. I will let them be mad. Or sad. Or whatever else.
I will not bail them out of legal trouble.
I will not bail them out of any other kind of trouble or crisis.
I will no longer give this person second, third, fourth, fifth, hundredth chances they don't deserve.
I will accept that the situation is what it is, and I will stop trying to minimize or deny how bad it is.
I will accept that I cannot change or control them, and I will stop trying to do so.
I will find a sense of meaning, identity, and purpose outside of my relationship with them, or feeling "needed" or "wanted" by them, or anyone else.
I will let them face the consequences of their behavior, and I will absolve myself of responsibility for those consequences.
I will know and understand that I have done my best, and I cannot help someone who won't help themselves.
I will know that, no matter how much they may protest otherwise, I am not being selfish.
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A friend once told me that when they are struggling with getting laundry done, she pretends it is her sworn duty to smuggle the young prince out of the castle to safety, disguised in a laundry hamper.
Now, when I am struggling with hygiene, I pretend I am part of a village with an annual festival, and I get one day a year to spend luxuriously at a bathhouse in preparation.
What my friend imparted on me was the skill of turning mundane tasks into fantastical adventures to make them more compelling and bearable.
So next time you need to go on a mental health walk, maybe consider doing reconnaissance for a secret underground organisation.
Next time cooking is too much of a chore, consider you ability to turn space station rations into a feast to the delight of your crewmates.
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something my therapist told me that personally has been rather helpful is that coping skills are not to make us feel better. they are to create space between u and ur feelings. they r to help u cope and do what u need to do. they are not meant to resolve ur negative feelings. if they do, that's a bonus. but if they don't, that's ok. learning that honestly helped so much. i'm such a perfectionist that i can't even cope if it's not gonna be perfect and this like took a weight off my shoulders. if i use a coping skill and don't feel better, that's ok. i am simply trying to distance myself from my emotion. i felt like i wasn't coping correctly before i learned this. like maybe i was doing something wrong or there was just something wrong with me.
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friendly reminders:
you don't have to be productive every day
you are worthy even if all you did today was get out of bed
there are people out there who care about you
your existence makes a difference
if something bothers you, then it bothers you. no one has the right to tell you otherwise
you are allowed to take up space
there is no 'right way' to grieve
you cannot put a time limit on emotions
your likes and interests are valid and they matter
it's okay to take your time in doing things. not everyone can do everything at the same pace
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•nighttime smallness•
⭐️💤🌙
- cuddling with stuffies
- can barely keep your eyes open
- tiniest stretches !
- little mumbles and "mmhs" throughout the night <3
- lullabies playing to soothe your wild mind
- listening to the outside noises, and maybe you're a little bit scared of them (don't worry! the outside noise won't hurt you, dear <3)
- falling asleep and waking up once or twice in the night, just to fall back asleep immediately
- waking up in the morning with sheet marks on your skin, because you just slept so well <3
good night, little one!
sleep tight ^_^
NO NSFW INTERACTION AT ALL
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