So, my childhood hero was a librarian at the library in our town.
The library was probably about a mile from our house, so I’d ride bike there in the summer and spend a few hours reading or looking for books (I was 13 ish for context.) I had pretty severe social anxiety.
So, I’m in the library by myself, and I just can’t find anything to read. I think to ask the librarian, but my brain is telling me “you’d be bothering them” and things like that. I debate this in by head for probably a good ten minutes before I decide to go through with it. It takes me a good ten minutes to walk twenty feet to the front desk.
She’s sitting there, writing on a paper. I stand and wait till she’s done, then say “excuse me” because my parents were very insistent on manners.
She says something along the lines of, “What can I help you with?”
I ask if they have a list of book suggestions or if she has any book suggestions for me.
I’m not exaggerating when I say her face lit up.
She hurries out of her chair and leads me all through the young adult section, giving me some awesome suggestions and asking me about what types of books I like, etc. We spend a good twenty minutes on this. She was really excited about giving me books to read, which made me a lot less self-conscious.
Eventually, she recruits her other librarian friends to also help me find books (there weren’t many people there, they were going to be closing soon) so I’m parading around the library with my librarian entourage, getting book suggestions and having the time of my life.
This librarian helped me more than she realized just by being genuinely excited to help me out. It made me more confident in social situations in the future, and today, I can truthfully say that I can manage socializing pretty well. Her book suggestions were spot on and excellent.
Also, she was talking about this book and described it “like a really well written fan fiction,” and that’s how I got introduced to fan fiction.
Thank you, librarian from the library. And people, never be afraid to ask your librarian for book suggestions.
I hate parties.
Under The Table - Fiona Apple / Fake Happy - Paramore / Here - Alessia Cara / We Don’t Have To Dance - Andy Black (Andy Biersack) / Alain Delon alone amongst others / Alone, Angel On Fire - Halsey / Me, Myself & I - G Eazy, Bebe Rexha / Closer - The Chainsmokers, Halsey
me: *is jokingly mean to my friend*
friend: *jokingly pretends to be hurt*
me (autistic, moral ocd):
Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.
It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.
Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.
It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.
This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.
friendly reminder that you're allowed to need people, in fact everyone needs people. needing the company of others does not make you weak. spending time with other people is how we learn and grow.
so i have a question to nd people, do some of you also got this urge to "behave correctly" all the time, like you created this whole personality to please adults but then had your moments were you just got a lil bit excited, perhaps looked kinda crazy, talking too much, moving too much, laughing too much and doing things you don't normally do but actually you do but in your mind, like you look "normal" on the outside but your mind was always super messy full of ideas and stuff happening but tried your best at hiding and now everything's kinda falling(?? so now you have identity crisis or something???
I'm jealous of those who can function like a normal human being. They don’t have anxiety holding them back from everything, they don’t struggle to get out of bed or have to put on an act that everything is fine when its not. They don’t struggle to hold friendships and relationships... they don’t feel sad for no fucking reason everyday. Those that can hold jobs and work towards their dreams, the ones who have self esteem and see the beauty in themselves. Those that know what its like to feel safe and secure, not insecure and fearful of it all.
I will never understand the fascination that some adults have with pushing the boundaries of shy children.
When children have social anxiety, trying to force them to talk to you isn't helping. Scaring them won't make them "less shy". Most likely, they just aren't comfortable enough around you to behave any differently- and that's okay.
Those people that push boundaries then wonder why the child is still "shy" around them and fail to consider that maybe it's because they know that every time you see them that you will push their boundaries.
I dealt with this so much as a kid with undiagnosed autism and it's so sickening to see people do the same to other children.