Batfam Quote #5
Red Robin: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.
Oracle: I would say infinitesimally.
Spoiler: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words.
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KG Beast had the worst time of his life after he shot Nightwing.
First he got beat up by Batman and abandoned in the snow
Then Nightwing himself beat him up (and told him a pun)
THEN The Batgirls lured him to their turf ON PURPOSE to beat him up
Damian nearly kills him
He gets beat up by a guy at the speed of light
and that's not even counting Kory's reaction!
Entire hired killer career OVER bc he shot one man
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dick: justice league crushes, go. mine is superman
jason: wonder woman
duke: wonder woman as well
steph: zatanna
tim: lois lane
dick: she’s not—
tim: lois lane
*bruce walks in*
bruce: what are you guys talking about?
duke: our jla crushes
bruce: oh🤨? don’t mind me…
*everyone mentally calculating how best to annoy bruce*
damian: green arrow
dick: i rescind my earlier statement. green arrow
jason: me as well. green arrow
steph: yeah, green arrow
duke: agreed. green arrow
tim: green arrow, 100%
cass: *signing* green arrow
cullen: tim green arrow
bruce: *crying* cass you don’t even LIKE men
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You use your telepathy to read my mind. It is just a black screen with an image of Robin bouncing around like the logo when you pause a dvd. Which Robin it is changes every week
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Store Worker: Would a “Dick” please come to the front desk?
Dick, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker, pointing to Batkids: I believe they belong to you?
Batkids , simultaneously: We got lost.
Dick: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me—
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I've seen people say "What if Dick thinks Bruce is a vampire instead of Batman" but no one asks the most important question.
What if Dick assumes Bruce is just Batman and, years later, through some shenanigans of sort it is revealed he is also a vampire
Bruce is confused about why all of his kids are freaking out.
Bruce: I literally don't go outside unless it's night or very overcast?
Dick: I assumed you were a white man who hadn't discovered sunscreen.
Bruce: I don't sleep?
Barbara: You're a workaholic
Bruce: I literally don't eat or drink.
Jason: idk, neither does Tim
Bruce: I regularly drink packs of blood???
Tim: We thought you liked Kool-Aid Jammers like a normal person
Bruce: I strictly wear black and capes?
Steph: You listen to MCR, I thought you were emo
Bruce: You call Damian demon brat?? Surely, a callback to the fact I, his father, am a creature of darkness and hell?
Damian, also a vampire: Were you not calling me a slur due to my demonic nature?
Alfred, amused
(Duke, who accidentally burned him with his light, and Cass, who is Cass, knew already)
Edit: Fic for this here
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steph: Sooooo do you have a crush on anybody???
tim: The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety
tim: oh, and bernard, maybe kon not sure how I feel about that one
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