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dc-and-damirae · 2 days
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damian: todd your phone is ancient, i cannot even run a program as simple as roblox on this
jason: be lucky i even have a phone
damian [mumbling] : you geriatric old geezer, a flip phone in 2024, ridiculous
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dc-and-damirae · 2 days
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Dick Grayson
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dc-and-damirae · 2 days
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okay i know that everyone has tim get hit with deaging powers in fics or headcanons, but i would like to see one where a tiny ittybitty damian pops up from his discarded robin costume on the floor and the family has to deal with a baby demon child.
tim in his red robin suit holding up a one year old damian wrapped in his robin cape: uh, i don’t really like babies very much, we need to get you to agent a
damian imprinting on the first vaguely parental shaped figure he sees:…ummi?
tim getting that mama bear sense of ‘lifting a car for your baby’ maternal love: i will kill everyone and then myself if you were to ever get hurt habibi
and i think it’ll just be hilarious to see damian’s interactions with everyone else because they’ve never had to deal with him so vulnerable and vaguely friend shaped.
dick on the verge of tears: he screamed when he saw me and ran to tim, to tim, then tim glared at me and told me to never touch his baby again - HIS BABY JASON
jason: you poor thing??
and an awkward bruce, who’s never actually dealt with babies despite being a father of (vaguely) nine kids, trying to interact with this chubby little toddler.
bruce: hello chum
damian throwing a knife at him giving the biggest cutest belly laugh when bruce catches it:
tim smooshing his chubby baby cheeks: isn’t he such a cutie patootie ?
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dc-and-damirae · 2 days
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HC that the average life expectancy in Gotham is actually four years higher than the national average because they collectively just keep refusing to die
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dc-and-damirae · 4 days
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Bruce: Gotham is totally safe.
Clark: I'm pretty sure our car had wheels when we parked here earlier.
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dc-and-damirae · 4 days
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me reblogging my own posts because they're so relatable to me
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dc-and-damirae · 4 days
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I like to think that Damian isn’t trusted to have his own phone so he constantly steal his older brothers phones
Tim: I’m starting to run out of phone storage
Bruce:then delete the apps you don’t use
Tim:I can’t
Bruce: why
Tim:baby bats got mad at me when I delate a few of his apps games so he switched my coffee supply with decaf coffee
Bruce: oh how that go
Tim:I slept for 12 hours straight
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Jason working on his motorcycle in the batcave he went to check his phone
Jason: god dammit not again Damian give it back
Damian is chilling in the vents playing among us
Jason: Damian where the hell are you
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Dick is the only that doesn’t mind Damian bowers his phone however he does mind when Damian just hangs up incoming calls
Damian face timing Jon: ugh hold on this guy keeps calling again it’s annoying
Dick sighing: you can’t hang up my incoming call
Damian: they should know there being rude I’m face timing Kent
Dick looks over who’s calling and panic : shit shit shit give me the phone give me my phone
Dick take the phone away from Damian
Damian: hey I was using it
Dick: how many times you hang up on the caller
Damian still reaching for the phone: I stop counting after the 10th call
Dick: you hang up on my boss 10 times!
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After a few more times Bruce bought Damian an iPad but its age restricted so Damian still sometimes steals his big brothers phone
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dc-and-damirae · 4 days
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jason: what’s your darkest secret?
tim: i wrote the most kudos’d superbat fanfic on ao3
damian: i was his beta reader
jason: first you steal my costume, now you steal my spot as most kudos’d fic?!
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dc-and-damirae · 4 days
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What if Damian and Tim love each other and even like? It's just more of a situation "Manipulating others is easier ". Maybe an example will help;
Damian: Father, May I go to Zoo today?
Bruce:No Damian, you're grounded.
Tim:Oh, that's bad. I could go with you to take photos of otter, but if you are not going I think I will stay too. What's a zoo without company. Maybe I will go with Kon next week.
Bruce *Super happy in a moment of thinking his youngest kids getting along*: If you two agree not to kill each other, Damian can go
Tim and Damian:*Knowing looks*
Or situation like;
Tim who has abandoned issues and is having fear of people leaving him: Dick is mad at me. Can you stab me so he will be in his mother hen mode Instead?
Damian who would like to have 5 minutes of peace from Grayson: Say no more
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dc-and-damirae · 4 days
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*at a cafe*
Dick: What would you like?
Damian: Black coffee
Waiter: Sugar or-
Damian: No sugar
Waiter: Are you sure?
Damian: Yes
*later*
Damian, after 1 sip: Richard
Dick: Yeah?
Damian: I'm experiencing regret
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dc-and-damirae · 4 days
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Tim shows up in Lex Luthors office one day with a very expensive looking chessboard.
Lex is baffled because how the fuck did this kid get passed his security?
Tim smiles and Alex shivers cause he recognizes a Drake smile when he see’s it (as does all high society), and realizes that this kid wants something from him.
“Im going to propose to Kon El in a few weeks.” Tim explains, setting the chess set on Luthors desk without permission. “I don’t want or need your permission, but what I want and need is for you to leave Kon out of whatever weird divorce argument you and Supes regularly have. So I’m here to make a proposition.”
The pieces are set and Tim’s pulled up a chair. “2 out of 3. If I win, you leave Kon alone. No using him for schemes, no targeting to harm, no emotional manipulation or threats. If you so much as breathe wrongly in his direction I will not hesitate to dismantle this sad little empire you’ve built around yourself.”
“And if I win?”
“You know that hulking piece of kryptonite my late parents found on one of their last digs?” Of course he did. Luthor had been trying to buy Drake industries for the last year with no success when he found out about it’s existence. “If you win I’ll sign ownership over to you legally.” 
“Are you not concerned about what I’d use it for?”
“Not particularly. I’m not planning on losing.”
“So much arrogance. Fine I accept your wager.”
Despite his own confidence, when Tim smiled at him with that trademark drake smile that channeled everything he’d feared about the late Janet drake, Lex couldn’t help but feel like he’d just walked into a trap.
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dc-and-damirae · 4 days
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jason: i'm too drunk to drive
dick: you were the one to get me drunk, so i can't drive
tim: man i am high as a kite right now, i don't think I'm fit to drive unless it's to the wendy's drive-thru, its the only route i know by heart
jason, dick, and tim looking over to 12 year old damian:
damian: i shall be your designated driver just this once
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dc-and-damirae · 4 days
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he's well-adjusted now
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dc-and-damirae · 4 days
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cass: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool.
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dc-and-damirae · 4 days
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i had no idea everyone was gonna lose their shit over baby bat!damian going ham on a banana omg…here he is in better quality
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dc-and-damirae · 4 days
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raven: So Damian and I are dating… donna: I think you dropped something. raven: What? donna: Your standards. damian: Ok, I’m not gonna lie. That was funny. I’ll allow it.
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dc-and-damirae · 5 days
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i don't think they should kiss, tbh. i think they should elope and not tell anyone but barbara for like 10 years and no one realises till tim is painting steph's nails and it clicks in his head that the ring she's started wearing for the past ten years, that he assumed she just really liked, is actually a wedding ring.
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