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hypexion · 2 years

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There was no Chloé Bourgeois Redemption Arc

It’s time to for me to write about the so-called “Redemption Arc“ for Chloé Bourgeois, of Miraculous Ladybug infamy. Many people claim that such a thing existed. These people are wrong. While Miraculous Ladybug may provide the illusion of such an arc, that’s all it is - an illusion. And like all illusions, it falls apart once you touch it.

There’s also some questionable takes in regards to exactly how responsible Marinette is meant to be for Chloé’s “redemption”, which need to be tackled since they help feed into the illusion. And also because I find them deeply offensive. To me, personally.

A neccesary preface here is that I’m not saying Chloé is incapable of redemption. What I am saying, however, is that during seasons two and three of Miraculous Ladybug, the redemption arc people claim existed clearly did not.

Redemption 101

In the most basic sense, a redemption arc is a type of character arc where a bad character decides to stop being bad and start being good. Along the way, it’s generally accepted that they need to atone for their bad actions, and perhaps do something to reverse the damage such actions have caused. A critical component required for this to work is that the character both understands that their actions are harmful, and so decides to act in a better way.

Probably the most famous redemption arc in western animation is Zuko’s, from Avatar: The Last Airbender. Zuko begins the show as an antagonist, directly attempting to capture Aang, the Avatar and Last Airbender. Doing so will allow the Fire Nation to win the war, and also complete their genocide of the Air Nomad people. However, Zuko realises that supporting the Fire Nation’s bid for world domination is harmful to others, and himself. By the end of the series, he has rejected the worldview of his father, grandfather and great grandfather, and indeed helps Aang defeat the Firelord. Along the way, Zuko find a way to help not just Aang, but also Katara and Sokka, who are also victims of Fire Nation Imperialism. Zuko earns redemption not through the decision to be good, but by performing good, and in many cases, reparative actions.

Honestly, from this basic definition, I think it’s pretty obvious that Chloé hadn’t even started the first step of a redemption arc by the time she betrays Ladybug in Miracle Queen. She never accepts her actions are wrong, makes no attempt to change them without an ulterior motive, and generally continues to do bad things for bad reasons. But in spite of this, the claims of this mythical redemption arc don’t just exist, they are considered generally accepted. Why? It’s complicated, yet simple.

Chloé Who?

On a basic level, Chloé Bourgeois is fairly generic character - the “mean girl“ school bully, who torments the protagonist, Marinette Dupain-Cheng. In keeping with Miraculous’ superhero genre, Chloé admires Ladybug, Marinette’s superhero alter-ego. How ironic! Generally, Chloé acts as a minor, civilian-level antagonist to Marinette, who gets in the way, while being clearly much less of a deal than Hawk Moth. However, due to the mechanics of akumatization, Chloé’s actions often spiral into larger, supervillain-shaped consequences. Because while she may fit into the bully archetype, there is one thing that makes her somewhat atypical: a reach that extends far beyond the school setting.

André Bourgeois is his daughter’s primary enabler. As a rich person and Mayor of Paris, he has a significant amount of influence. Influence he makes freely available to Chloé for basically any purpose. No grudge is too petty, no problem too small when it comes to indulging her whims, and no bridge is too big burn. Nobody who theoretically has the authority to say no to Chloé actually can, because her father is implicitly approving her every action. It’s hardly a shock that Chloé is consistently terrible when she faces no consequences for her actions.

But there’s one last piece in the Chloé puzzle - Audrey Bourgeois. Chloé really wants her mother’s approval, but her mother lives in another country. Audrey is also a terrible person, a character who is literally defined by her vileness. She has Chloé’s attitude, and André’s level of influence, and like her daughter, immediately throws a tantrum when she can’t get her way. The attention Audrey gives towards her daughters is primarily negative, and that’s when she actually pays attention to them. Thus, Audrey provides Chloé with a Tragic Backstory, and some much needed Sympathy Points. This, of course, forms the foundation of the Redemption Illusion.

The thing about Chloé’s relationship (or lack thereof) with her mother is while it explains her behavior, it doesn’t excuse it. The harm she inflicts is no less because of it, and many of her actions cannot be ignored due to it. I think there’s a pretty obviously piece of bad logic here. Many characters who undergo redemption arcs are often sympathetic villains. Chloé is a sympathetic villain. But that doesn’t mean that Despair Bear, the episode that introduces this sympathetic side is the start of, nor the foundation of a redemption arc. If anything, Despair Bear shows the primary reason why Chloé isn’t on the path to redemption - her attempts to be “nice“ are motivated entirely to maintain her friendship with Adrien, and once she has what she wants, she immediately reverts to her normal behaviour. This theme of apparently good acts being done for selfish reasons will be repeated later.

Marinette: Victim, Not Victimizer

An important part of the Redemption Illusion is how it ultimately revolves around not just Chloé, but Marinette. Chloé is nothing but negative towards Marinette, but at the same time admires Ladybug... who is Marinette. This isn’t Alya style “wow look how cool and heroic she is“ style admiration, however. No, Chloé, in a sense, wants to be Ladybug. First by pretending to be her, and later via the Bee Miraculous, which would seem to put her on the same level as Ladybug. But since Ladybug is Marinette, this can only lead to conflict.

While Chloé has perpetrated many on-screen acts that are selfish, obnoxious and downright cruel, something that manages to slip under the radar is her pre-Origins treatment of Marinette. Sabine’s comment about how long Marinette and Chloé have been in the same class indicates that the latter has been bullying the former for at least three years. This has evidently damaged Marinette’s self-confidence, since even after being Ladybug in part one of Origins, she still thinks she can’t do it, and tries to give it up. She also doesn’t dispute Alya’s rather hasty assessment of Chloé as evil, and immediately assumes that Adrian is a bad person because he’s friends with Chloé.

Marinette’s relationship with Chloé is already poisoned at the start of the show. And it’s entirely Chloé’s fault. She didn’t have to bully Marinette. Being cruel to Marinette wouldn’t earn Chloé her mother’s approval. All it achieves is making Chloé feel better, by making Marinette suffer. Three years of bullying isn’t something you can ignore. It’s not something Marinette can simply “get over”, even as Ladybug. She probably hates Chloé, and every drop of enmity is earned. But how can I know this all from the limited picture painted by Origins, and the glimpses into Marinette’s pre-Ladybug life? I don’t. This isn’t something I needed to find from the text or subtext of the show. So then, how do I know?

I know because I lived it. When I was Marinette’s age, I was bullied. A lot. It hurt. But what people don’t want to acknowledge is that being a victim of bullying doesn’t just make you sad. It’s deeper than that. It made me angry. At the perpetrators, and the staff who let it happen, no matter how many times it was brought to their attention. It’s took me years to realise just how much it affected me, how my aggressive behaviour in certain online spaces might be connected to it. In Marinette, I see a part of myself. So when I see people claim that Marinette is somehow to blame for Chloé’s actions, that “Marinette should have given Chloé a chance“, it makes me a little angry. If someone told me I should be responsible for making my bullies better people, I’d tell them to fuck off.

Attempting to shift the responsibility for repairing Chloé’s bad behaviour on to Marinette is simply victim blaming with extra steps. Yes, Marinette is Ladybug, hero of Paris. But Marinette is also Marinette, a long-term victim of Chloé, and someone who Chloé continues to try to abuse, even if the efficacy is no longer there. It’s also not really fair to Chloé, either, when you think about it. Marinette is positioned to think the worst of Chloé, meaning she’s likely to see any regression on Chloé’s part as proof that the whole endevour is pointless. For Chloé to escape her toxic behaviour, she needs help from someone she hasn’t caused significant damage to.

And as with the rest of the Redemption Illusion, you have to ignore a lot of the text to make the idea that Marinette is somehow to blame seem reasonable. Marinette shows more compassion to Chloé than Chloé does to anyone in her entirety. It simply doesn’t help, because Chloé doesn’t want Ladybug to be nice to her, she wants Ladybug to accept her as an equal. And when that isn’t given, Chloé isn’t above trying to take it, with disasterous results.

Bad Bee-haviour

A key point in Zuko’s redemption arc is when he joins Team Avatar. This is when he truly abandons the ideals of Fire Nation Imperialism, and chooses to work directly against them. It’s not the end, but a midpoint. And it’s not a reward - it’s a duty, a commitment to help Aang defeat Ozai. I think it’s worth noting that Zuko actually gets weaker due to this, as he can no longer draw on his negative emotions to firebend. Only by helping Aang discover the pre-imperialism version of Firebending does he regain the ability himself. Rejecting the negative brings Zuko so far, but to be complete he must embrace a positive alternative.

Chloé’s transformation into Queen Bee is her anti-Zuko moment. She doesn’t work to attain it - the Bee Miraculous is literally dropped into her path. It gives her power, yes, which she immediately abuses. Queen Bee doesn’t exist to do good, like the other four heroes at the time. No, Queen Bee exists to exalt Chloé. Becoming a hero doesn’t move her to toward redemption. If anything, it moves her away from it.

It all comes back to Chloé’s first act as Queen Bee. In an attempt to prove that she’s “exceptional“, she transforms and tries to find a problem to solve. But when she can’t find one, she chooses to create one. By paralysing a train conductor, which ends up creating a problem she can’t solve. If it weren’t for Ladybug and Chat Noir’s timely intervention, a lot of people would have been injured, or even killed. All because Chloé wanted to seem like a “hero”. It’s an act so callous that it should have marked the end of her career as Queen Bee. It’s instant, irrevocable proof that she can’t be trusted with a Miraculous, because she nearly murdered a bunch of people with it.

But even if you ignore the train incident, being Queen Bee clearly doesn’t make Chloé better. In both Stormy Weather 2 and Miracular, her cruelty is what triggers an akumatization. In Animaestro, she forms a truce with Marinette entirely for the purpose of harassing Kagami. These are not the actions of someone trying to be a better person. Indeed, they look very much like the actions of a person who doesn’t think they need to change, and is thus continuing as usual.

Yet in spite of the lack of actual progress, Queen Bee is perhaps the keystone of the Redemption Illusion. She wants to be a hero. So it is assumed that if she wants to be a hero, she must be good. I suppose this line of argument sounds convincing, if you only consider it on the surface level. The problem is that it falls apart when you actually examine Chloé’s actual behaviour after becoming Queen Bee. Which is mostly the same as her behaviour before, except sometimes she tries leveraging being Queen Bee for status or bullying. This is because her motivation for being a hero isn’t heroic - it’s selfish.

Malicious Queen

Of course, the Redemption Illusion eventually collided with reality in the form of Miracle Queen. When Hawk Moth offers her the Bee Miraculous, Chloé doesn’t hesitate to take it, and is then willingly akumatized. While I do think this could have had a little more setup, it’s an action that’s entirely in-character for Chloé. She’s selfish, she’s cruel, and she’s unwilling to change. But Ladybug couldn’t be bullied or blackmailed via Chloé’s normal methods. So when Hawk Moth offers her a way around Ladybug’s No, of course she takes it. She accepts akumatization because she believes that the best way to prove her superiority to Ladybug is by harming her. The same way she harmed many other characters up to this point. (Including Marinette, who is Ladybug.)

Some people attempt, in the usual poor manner, to deflect Chloé’s responsibility for her actions onto Ladybug. Gotta keep that victim blame train going, I guess. The logic is that because Ladybug chose Kagami to help fight Heart Hunter for selfish reasons, Chloé is magically absolved of her guilt. I can’t disagree that picking Kagami in order to break up her date with Adrien was a bad thing, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s not that bad. The fact of the matter is that Ladybug probably wasn’t going to bring back Queen Bee, no matter the situation. It’s not her job to make Chloé a better person, and it’s not her responsibility to stop Chloé from making bad decisions.

Marinette made a dodgy decision because of a teenage crush and suffered massively disproportionate consequences. Chloé decided to help a terrorist because she felt entitled to the Bee Miraculous, and could still go back to her incredibly privileged life afterwards. It’s Marinette who had to live with the consequences of both their actions, becoming Guardian far earlier than she should have. A consequence that only occured because Chloé decided to help Hawk Moth. Once again, Marinette is not the problem; Chloé is the problem.

Ultimately, Miracle Queen is entirely in-character for Chloé, because Chloé has never been a good person. The Redemption Illusion persists, however, because people seem to have blended her few sympathetic traits with her occational (and temporary) good actions to create a version of Chloé who doesn’t exist within the show. Along with one last act, that really isn’t as heroic as it might seem on the surface.

The One Where She Isn’t Akumatized

In Miracular, Hawk Moth tries to akumatize Chloé and fails. Up to that point, akumatization had been presented as 100% effective, with no attempts to resist being successful. This is occationally used to suggest that Chloé is becoming good, which ignores basically all information the show provides about akumatization.

Throughout Miraculous Ladybug, succumbing to akumatization is never considered to be an immoral act. Indeed, the reasons for akumatization vary, from completely unjustified selfish reasons, to justified selfish reasons and more community-minded reasons. But no matter what a victim’s starting intentions are, Hawk Moth twists them around until he can make them into a supervillain. People are even akumatized over stuff like “kids don’t respect panthers“ and “ice cream was wrong“, which aren’t really things you can appy a moral judgement to.

Since being akumatized is not a moral failure, it follows that resisting is not a moral success. While breaking the akumatization is impressive, with very few people achieving it, that doesn’t mean Chloé gets merit points for it. Indeed, Chloé resists akumatization on the basis that she believes she can still be Queen Bee. She rejects Hawk Moth’s offer not because it’s the right thing to do, but because she thinks she doesn’t need it. Which is why once it becomes clear that Ladybug won’t be giving her the Bee Miraculous, she willing accepts akumatization.

But the real killer problem is that Sabrina is able to be akumatized into Miracular because of Chloé’s actions. When Lila’s fake Ladybug dance fails, Chloé takes it out on Sabrina, in a way that’s just, look, here’s the exact quote:

PLAY? With you!? Who are YOU anyway? You don't have any powers! You're a nobody! I'm a superheroine, okay? I'm Queen Bee! You and I have NOTHING in common! Go away!

That’s a horrible thing to say to someone, especially a friend! She explicitly ties Sabrina’s worth (or lack thereof) to having powers. And the real kicker? This is the last thing she does before the failed akumatization. Out of context, Chloé resisting akumatization might seem heroic. With this context? It’s anything but.

The Overdue Conclusion

Ultimately, a Redemption Arc is a narrative process for developing a character. It’s a trope, a storytelling pattern. The key element of such an arc is change. A static character cannot undergo a redemption arc (or indeed any arc), because the arc is the process of transformation, of becoming a better person. Not just on the surface, but in a fundamental way. A post redemption character is, in some ways, a different person to who they were before.

During seasons two and three of Miraculous Ladybug, Chloé does not change in such a way. She’s just as cruel and spiteful after becoming Queen Bee as she is before. She does bad things for bad reasons. Her motivation for being Queen Bee is entirely selfish. Indeed, while there is some feeling of a divide between Marinette and Ladybug, Queen Bee is simply Chloé with superpowers. And while she may be a victim of abuse from Audrey, that doesn’t mean she is excused from abusing others herself.

Chloé’s tragic flaw is her desire to be exceptional, in a way that places her above other people. This is why she fails to change. In the narrative of Miraculous Ladybug, the exceptional that matters is to be exceptionally kind, exceptionally couragous, exceptionally selfless. Character traits which Chloé displays sparingly and insufficently, because she believes she is above them. But without humility, there can be no change. Without change, there can no redemption. And while others might provide a catalyst for such a change, ultimately it must come from within.

The concluding point is that I still don’t think there was a Chloé Bourgeois Redemption Arc, but I can sort of see how you’d fall into thinking one existed. But when you actually examine the character’s behaviour, the illusion quickly crumbles. At this point, the whole thing has clearly taken on a life of its own beyond the source material, and is perhaps unstoppable. Will my long, somewhat rambly Tumblr post make much of a difference? Perhaps not.

But there are harmful ideas attached to it. As long as people try to make Marinette responsible for Chloé’s actions, it adds, however slightly, to the notion that the abused are responsible for the actions of their abusers. In many respects, I don’t care that strongly about these particular fictional characters. Yet other people do, and in doing so I see how they distort the role of victim and victimizer, and I care about that. I understand that it’s not a big serious issue, but it matters to me. So I’ll say my piece, and move on to other thoughts.

#miraculous ladybug #ml meta #ml fandom salt

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aislinrayne · 1 year

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[𝔐𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱]

𝔖𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: Lucy's having her first serious fight with her girlfriend and needs her old room back for the night; leaving the current occupant of the space with no place to sleep.

ℜ𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤: Mature

𝔚𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰: Light sexual content, strong language, no use of Y/N.

𝔄𝔲𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔯'𝔰 𝔑𝔬𝔱𝔢: Happy (still technically) early Valentine's Day to the little gremlins in my phone <3 This was supposed to be a nice short oneshot to help me overcome some writers block around my main series, but, uh... once again, it got out of hand. Special thanks to @websterss and @why-what-no for helping me figure out how to approach the attic scene, which ended up being the catalyst of this veering so far out of control 😂 Hope you guys enjoy! (Oh god I completely forgot to mention, the title is from I Love You So by The Walters)

𝔚𝔬𝔯𝔡 ℭ𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 5.3k

It was a quiet night at 35 Portland Row, the team having a rare evening off between jobs that seemed to double by the day. Gaining fame and notoriety had been Lockwood’s goal since the day he and George had officially formed Lockwood & Co. several years previously, and to say they’d been successful would be an understatement.

There had been a call for him to increase his numbers and branch out as a better manned agency many times, but to do so would mean giving up certain freedoms he wasn’t willing to relinquish. Including the house he and his agents had come to call home. Hiring extra hands would require extra accommodations and though that would come with its own set of bonuses, there was something to be said about the consistency and approachability of a single door at street level on a seemingly unassuming family home.

At least, that’s what he tried to remind himself as he was startled from a rare peaceful sleep by the sound of a closed fist pounding insistently on his front door.

For a solitary moment, he considers ignoring it.

“ANTHONY! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! GET YOUR ARSE UP AND OPEN THE DAMN DOOR.” A familiar voice hollers from the front porch.

He’s out of bed before his sleep-addled brain can register the movement, turning on the lamp on his side table and grabbing a grey sweatshirt off the chair at his desk, pulling it over his head as he descends the stairs at a breakneck pace.

The several locks on their front door had never really seemed like overkill before, but they’d never stood between him and a friend in obvious distress before either. He fumbles the last of the bolts and pulls the door open to find Lucy Carlyle looking disheveled, eyes rimmed red and lip trembling, the picture of misery. Wordlessly, he opens his arms and she crumbles into them without hesitation, burying her face in his shoulder.

They stay like that for a while, until his toes remind him that he’s still barefoot and London nights are cold this time of year. He pulls away enough to usher her inside, closing the door behind them and locking it tight for the night once more. She sniffles, allowing herself to be led into the kitchen and sat in her old chair as he goes through the motions of filling the kettle and setting it on the stove to boil for tea.

He doesn’t push, doesn’t try to interrogate her. If and when she’s ready to talk about it, she’ll tell him.

“I need my old room for the night.” She mumbles eventually, using a finger to trace the outline of one of the many unflattering doodles of Lockwood on the thinking cloth. “Norrie and I got into it tonight, she says she needs some space.”

He remains silent as he pours water into their mugs, trying to puzzle his way through how to make that happen. She knew that room was occupied now, and he knew she wouldn’t ask if she wasn’t in desperate need of the comfort of her old home.

Nodding decisively, he walks back to the cupboard and pulls out another cup.

“I’ll go wake her up and get the bedding changed over. Do you want to talk about it?” She shakes her head vehemently at the question, choosing instead to drop her head onto the table with a loud thud. He has to smother a laugh at that. Despite understanding the serious nature of the situation, he’s acutely aware that this is their first major fight in three years. Chances are they’ll be back to their obnoxiously happy ways within the week, but if he doesn’t treat this as seriously as Lucy is clearly feeling it is then he might as well turn in his best friend title on the spot.

He places her tea on the table beside her head and his own across from her, patting her shoulder reassuringly as he withdraws his hand. Doubling back to the counter, he picks up the third cup and takes it with him out of the kitchen and up the stairs, closing the door to his room as he passes it on his way to the top of the house.

Standing on the landing outside her door he falters, almost losing his nerve. Then he reminds himself this is for Lucy.

Rolling his shoulders back and straightening his posture, he raises his free hand and raps his knuckles against the wood.

Silence.

Brow furrowing, he knocks again.

Still nothing.

Raising his eyes to the ceiling he silently curses heavy sleepers, under no illusions that most of his resentment is’t based in envy.

Weighing his options for a moment, he grimaces. Go tell his woe-filled best friend he’s too much of a coward to wake their coworker himself, or risk having whatever items have accumulated on her bedside table thrown at him when he enters her room.

Unfortunately, it’s a no brainer.

He places his hand on the handle, foolishly hoping it would be locked.

It’s not.

Muttering curses under his breath, he pushes the door open and ascends the last flight of stairs into her room.

He finds himself frozen in place on the last step, entranced by how serene the scene before him appears.

She’d fallen asleep with the lamp beside her bed still on. It casts a soft golden glow across her face, and for a moment she takes his breath away.

She’s still fully dressed from the day, passed out on top of her blankets with a book laying open beside her. It’s so easy to picture her laying on her side, one hand tucked under her cheek, fighting to try and make it through just one more chapter before the weight of her eyelids won and sleep finally overcame her.

He could feel a soft smile making itself at home on his face, an affectionate exasperation at her dedication to the written word settling comfortably in his chest.

If he hadn’t already, this would have been the moment he fell in love.

Wrestling himself from his thoughts and trying to shape his face into something at least slightly less lovesick, he thaws his feet and makes his way over to the bed.

“It’s time to wake up, beautiful.” He says, the last part slipping out unbidden.

She doesn’t react, so he closes her book and moves it to her side table to make room for himself to sit on the mattress beside her. The bed settling under his weight makes her stir, rolling onto her back and mumbling something incoherent.

When she makes no move to wake any further, he reaches across to squeeze her shoulder gently. She whines, scrunching up her face in indignance and opening bleary eyes to blink slowly at the disturbance. Her eyes come to focus on him and the tension drains from her face, a sleepy smile taking its place as she hums and rests her eyes shut again.

He smiles right back at her, letting his hand run down her arm. His intention is to pull away, but apparently she has other plans. She reaches after him, catching his hand with her own and pulling back towards her. His heart leaps into his throat and he can actively feel the blood rushing to his face as her body curls in his direction.

“Come back to bed…” She mumbles, voice still laced with exhaustion, resting her forehead against the back of his hand and sighing contentedly at the contact. He’s completely forgotten how to function, torn between blindly following her wishes and remembering why he’s in her room this late to begin with.

He’s saved from having to decide anything by her eyes suddenly flying open, face transforming from sleepy bliss to sheer mortification in the blink of an eye.

“Oh my god. I AM SO SORRY.” She shrieks, flailing away from him with such vigour that she throws herself straight off the opposite edge of the bed. He dives across the bed in a valiant attempt to catch her but he’s just a hair too late, the echoing thud of her body hitting the floor making him wince sympathetically.

He peeks over the side of the bed to find her laying on her back with her hands over her beet red face. She parts her fingers, staring miserably at him from between them.

His lips are pressed together tightly with the effort maintaining his composure.

She cracks first, a giggle slipping past her hands.

Within seconds they’re both in stitches, almost crying with laughter. By the time they manage to compose themselves, several minutes must have passed.

He stands and walks around the bed to offer her a hand. She wipes the tears from her eyes, heaving for breath as she reaches up to accept his help and is pulled to her feet.

“Now that that’s out of the way, what the hell are you doing in my room at this time of night?” She gasps, bracing her palms on her thighs as she struggles to make her lungs understand she’s not suffocating.

Lockwood’s eyes go wide with horror.

“I’m an awful friend.” He rushes out, covering his mouth. She does a double take in response, looking like she’s about to get whiplash from the sudden shift in topic and energy.

“Beg your pardon?”

“Luce is downstairs in the kitchen right now. I guess she and Norrie had a lover's quarrel? She needs her room back for the night.”

He cringes as she gapes at him.

Thankfully, instead of scolding him she bolts into action. The bed is stripped bare before he can even process the speed with which she’s moving and suddenly she’s shoving his arms full with fabric.

“Laundry room! Now!” She snaps, already across the room rifling through her wardrobe for fresh bedding.

He’s on the second step by the time she calls him back to ask what Lucy was wearing when she showed up on their doorstep.

“Jeans and a jumper.” He calls over his shoulder as he descends the steps two at a time.

The laundry room is close to George’s room, so he decides to err on the side of caution and leave the items in the washing machine and makes a mental note to start it in the morning. By the time he finishes separating everything and has it all organized, he can hear footfalls approaching rapidly from overhead. There’s a stutter in her step and a brief scrambling noise that has him holding his breath, but she manages to rebalance herself and continues down the next flight on her way to the kitchen without losing any momentum.

His shoulders slump in relief and all at once the late hour catches up with him.

Or does it officially qualify as early now?

He’s still pondering that when he almost slips on a small puddle of liquid at the top of the stairs. The adrenaline wakes him up a bit but now he has another, if slightly more pressing, question.

What the hell is on the floor?

And then it clicks.

The tea.

She must have grabbed it off her bedside table on her way downstairs and spilled it when she almost took a tumble of her own.

He chuckles and shakes his head, almost uncomfortably aware of how smitten he is with the small tornado occupying the attic room as he turns back to grab a towel from the room he’d just left.

By the time he makes his way into the kitchen, she’s helping Lucy out of her chair and herding the girl upstairs.

He raises his eyebrow at her in a silent question, but she shoots him a look that says ‘stay here, I’ve got this’ and an almost shy smile that promises she’ll be back soon. He dips his head in understanding, shooting her a smirk that hopefully says ‘I’ll be here’ and not ‘I’m hopelessly in love with you’.

After the girls exit the room, his eye is drawn to his now lukewarm tea on the table. He sighs, reaching across the table to grab his cup.

He stares at the liquid for a while, already hearing one of George’s endless rants about wasting tea bags rattling through his head. Even when he’s asleep, Karim manages to torment him.

Shrugging, he dumps the cup out into the sink and busies himself making another to pass the time.

The kettle is starting to whistle on the stove as he opens the cupboard to grab himself a tea bag. He’s about to close it but hesitates for a moment before reaching in to grab a second. If his tea had gone cold, hers had as well.

Sure enough, her cup sat abandoned beside the sink, only down the small amount that had spilled on the staircase.

She walks back into the kitchen in a fresh pair of pajama shorts and an oversized t- shirt that looks strangely familiar just as he sets their mugs on the table, shooting him a grateful smile as she collapses into her chair.

She clasps the tea in both hands like a treasure, taking a sip and letting out a sinful sound of enjoyment that almost makes him choke, effectively distracting him from inspecting the shirt. He barely manages to pass it off as a poorly timed inhale, but she’s considerate enough to accept it with minimal teasing.

They’re both half finished before either dares to address the elephant in the room.

“So…” She starts, giving him a rueful smile.

“I’ll take the loveseat in the sitting room, you can sleep in my bed.” He states matter-of-factly, intending to leave no room for argument.

Her cocked eyebrow tells him very quickly his intention failed.

“No, I really don’t think so. I can sleep on the loveseat, your neck will be kinked for days if you do that again.” Her eyes are filled with a warning he readily ignores.

“I couldn’t very well call myself a gentleman if I let you do that, and you know it.”

“Anthony-“

“I’m not arguing this with you.”

“Fine then, we can share the bed.” She retorts, a prideful twinkle in her eye as she stares a challenge at him.

“Seems like a valid compromise.” He surprises them both with his answer, the words hanging in the air. For a moment he wishes he could unsay them, but then her face shifts.

Her eyes widen, cheeks flushing the prettiest shade of pink as she gapes at him. He beams at her, finally feeling as though he has the upper hand.

She pushes herself away from the table, standing up abruptly and padding out of the room as he leans back in his chair victoriously.

But instead of rushing to hide away in his bedroom as he expects, she catches him off guard by stopping with her hand resting on the doorframe and glancing back over her shoulder.

“Well… are you coming?”

His mouth goes dry. Okay. He hadn’t seen that coming.

Lockwood considered himself a charming man. He prided himself on being capable of sweeping a woman off her feet with a few carefully placed words or gentle touches. There were very few people on this planet that made him feel like an absolute simpleton, but unfortunately, she was one of them. Just once, he’d like to be able to maintain his composure around her and not make a fool of himself the second she looked in his direction

Disarmed and feeling like a floundering imbecile, he sits there in silence for a second, begging his brain to come up with some kind of charismatic reply to help him save face.

An unrecognizable emotion flashes across her face and she drops her eyes, leaving him even more confused than before.

And then his mind catches up.

Vulnerability. Uncertainty. Insecurity.

Concern.

He’s on his feet before he can overthink it, gesturing for her to lead the way. Her relief is raw, undisguisable. He passes her at the top of the stairs, opening the door to his bedroom for her and giving a teasing little bow. She laughs and rolls her eyes at his theatrics, but he can tell she appreciates the effort to set her at ease. She saunters into his room, giving the space a curious scan and he realizes it’s the first time she’s actually been in here.

He leans against the door frame, watching her approach his bookshelf and run her fingers along the spines, searching for any titles she might find familiar. A tender smile finds its way to his face once more, and this time he doesn’t even bother trying to hide it.

When she’s satisfied with her search, she shoots him a look before sighing dramatically, lifting the back of her hand to her forehead and pretending to faint onto his bed. He laughs, shaking his head as he crosses the threshold.

He considers the door for a moment, trying to decide if he should leave it open or close it.

His eyes wander across the hall to George’s door, and he closes his own with sudden and complete confidence in his decision.

A giggle from his bed tells him she’d watched his thought process play out and agreed with his choice. He turns to make a clever remark, but the words die on his tongue as soon as he lays eyes on her.

She’s laying on her side across his pillows, propped up on her elbow with her chin resting on the palm of her hand, watching him through her lashes with… another unfamiliar emotion flickering behind her eyes.

Before he can dwell on it too much, an idea occurs to him. He crosses the room swiftly with a mischievous grin, jumping and twisting his body at the last minute to land on the mattress sideways. She shrieks as she’s bounced at least a few inches into the air, cackling as the momentum from the landing rolls her closer to him. Their shoulders rub together as they laugh, laying on their back and staring up at the ceiling before falling into a comfortable silence. She lifts herself up onto her elbows, looking down at him.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m absolutely exhausted. Do you know what time it is?” She queries, tilting her head in curiosity. He lifts himself up enough he can see the clock on his bedside table, hissing a breath between his teeth at the glowing numbers taunting him.

“You don't want to know.” He groans, dropping back to the bed. She pokes at his side with her elbow until he looks up at her, gesturing towards the pillows with her head. A sly smile breaks out on her face and her eyes twinkle at him.

“‘Come back to bed.’” She echoes her own words from earlier back at him playfully, poking fun at herself as she rolls onto her side and crawls up his bed. He laughs freely as he watches her, something he’s grown quite used to doing around her over the past few years. She lifts the covers, diving beneath them and wiggling around until she finds a comfortable spot laying on her side close to the wall.

Trying not to overthink himself into a tizzy, rolls onto his stomach and pushes himself onto his hands and knees, grunting with the effort. He follows her lead to climb under the covers, though he’s sure he’s not nearly as graceful or cute as she had been.

Once he’s settled comfortably beside her, he finds himself feeling oddly out of place. He’d never been so aware of where his hands were while laying in bed before, but now he has no idea what to do with them. He settles for resting them awkwardly on his chest.

He can feel her staring at him.

He keeps his gaze fixed firmly on the ceiling.

She sighs in exasperation, the bed dipping under her weight as she shifts to lean over him and turn off the lamp on his side table, somehow oblivious to him forgetting how to breathe as he becomes hyper aware of every place her body is touching his own. She retracts her reach, but doesn’t move all the way back to her spot, leaving him completely blind and incredibly confused by her continued proximity.

Her hand touches his forearm, fingers dancing across his skin until she reaches his wrist, grabbing it and gently pulling until he lifts the arm closest to her into the air.

There’s shuffling noises and movement beside him, leaving him even more perplexed, until she’s resting her head on his shoulder and he declares himself officially braindead. She scoots closer, tucking her body into his side and resting her open palm on his chest.

“Goodnight, Lockwood. Sweet dreams.” She whispers in a calm voice that would have had him completely fooled if he couldn’t feel her heart pounding against his ribs. Her words restart his brain, allowing him to drop his arm around her, his hand automatically coming to rest on her hip.

“Goodnight, darling, you too.” He whispers back, and though it’s too dark for him to see her face, he can still feel the heat radiating through his shirt.

He’s honestly thankful for how tired he is, otherwise he’d never be able to fall asleep with the adrenaline coursing through his veins alongside his blood.

His fingers trace absentminded swirls on her hip as his eyes begin to droop, sleep overtaking him before his conscious mind can register it happening.

For once, his dreams are actually sweet.

When he’s finally dragged unwillingly back to consciousness, the perpetrator is sunlight streaming in through his window and directly into his eyes.

He tries to lift his right arm to block it out, but there’s an unexpected weight holding it in place.

The events of the night before rush back to him, and suddenly the blinding sun isn’t anywhere near the top of his priority list. He lets his head roll towards her just to find her already awake and looking at him.

Her hair is a mess, and he can’t help but laugh as he reaches across his body to brush it away from her face, though he’s sure he looks much the same.

His fingers linger on her cheek of their own accord.

That look in her eye from last night is back, and if he didn’t know any better he’d swear her gaze flickers to his lips for a split second.

And then, with the kind of clarity only morning light can bring, it hits him.

A bonafide lightbulb moment.

He really is a bloody simpleton.

Truly, he could be an absolute moron sometimes, and he swore to himself in that moment the next time someone told him so he’d willingly agree with them.

Acting without thinking had gone surprisingly well for him in the past twenty-four hours, so what’s one more gamble, in the grand scheme of things?

His hand slides down from her cheek, his fingers lightly caressing the back of her neck as he guides her face towards him. Her eyes flutter closed and he swears his heart is about to break free from his chest.

His lips ghost over hers, giving her plenty of room to pull away if she’s in any way uncomfortable.

As always, she surprises him, rolling her body towards him and gripping the front of his sweatshirt with both hands, using it to pull him closer to her.

There’s a need poured into the next kiss, a desperation and hunger born of pining they’d both been so certain was one sided.

He meets her intensity with his own, slipping an arm underneath her waist and placing a hand on her back to pull her tightly against him.

She lets a muffled moan slip, and a thrill runs up his spine at the thought of spending as much time as he wants learning each and every noise of pleasure she’s capable of making, and how to coax them out of her like music.

Her hands release his shirt, roaming over every inch of his body they can touch instead.

Her exploration must have caused his shirt to start to bunch around his waist because as the hand on the nape of her neck finds its way into her hair, one of her roaming hands grazes a sliver of bare skin on his hip and he gasps, automatically tightening his grip and giving her hair a gentle tug in the process. She whimpers against his lips, breaking the kiss as her head falls back in an instinctive response.

Oh. He was going to have to remember that for later.

Not that it would be a problem, that noise was going to play a part in all of his fantasies for the foreseeable future.

Never one to pass up an opportunity, he takes advantage of the opening to pull her closer and kiss her neck.

His name falls from her lips like a prayer and as he grins in delight his teeth graze her skin.

She moans in earnest at that, back arching involuntarily as she presses her body against his so close he can feel her heart beating through their clothes.

Keen to test a theory, he presses kisses up her throat until he’s high enough to catch her earlobe, letting it slide lightly between his teeth.

“Fuck.” She hisses, digging her nails into his hip. He can’t stop the growl that rumbles from his chest at that, and she hooks a leg over him in reply.

He feels like he’s drowning in her, everything in him is screaming to surrender and worship her like the goddess she is but he knows it would be too much too fast for both of them.

So, exhibiting strength he didn’t know he had, he pulls back. Gulping oxygen like he’s been holding his breath for hours and sliding his hand back down to her neck before pulling her in close enough to press a firm and reassuring kiss to her forehead until he can compose himself enough to swear he isn’t in any way rejecting her.

Somehow, as always, she understands exactly what he’s doing and balls her fists in his shirt, taking stabilizing breaths of her own.

Once he’s confident they’re both back in full control, he slides his fingers under her chin, lifting her face and pressing his lips to hers in a leisurely and indulgent kiss that promises it won’t be the last.

She hums contentedly when he pulls away again, chasing after him to give him a gentle peck.

“I really am a dunce, aren’t I?” He asks when he’s regained his composure, replaying so many events from the last several years over in his mind in a whole new light.

“Do you want an honest answer?”

“Always.”

“Yeah, you’re right thick sometimes.”

“I really am, because now that I’m thinking about it, you are terrible at hiding how you feel.” He grins as she smacks his arm, tossing her head back and laughing.

“Like you’re one to talk! Anthony Lockwood, you are an open book and I’ve been a fool not to notice it before.” She teases, tilting her head to rest their foreheads together. He shrugs, planting a peck on her nose before dragging himself reluctantly out from under the covers.

“Up you get, if we stay in bed too much longer they’re going to start asking questions.” He offers her his hand as he whispers the last part conspiratorially.

She rolls her eyes at him but takes the offered appendage anyway, letting him pull her to her feet before trudging across his room to the door. She places her palm on the handle, but hesitates before turning it.

Seeming to steel herself for something, she turns instead to face him.

“And if they do? Y’know, ask questions?” There’s a crease between her brows that speaks of concern and it makes his heart ache, something in him begging to reach out and smooth it away.

“I suppose that depends. How attached are you to the attic?” He deadpans.

“What?” She’s taken aback, confusion painted across every feature.

“I mean, personally, I’m rather fond of this room. I did move out of the attic because I felt I’d outgrown it, but I am willing to compromise.” He smirks, waiting for her to catch on. “I’m far more fond of sharing a bed with you.” He adds quietly when she continues to stare at him in bewilderment.

Her eyes go wide when she pieces it all together.

“Sorry, wait, hold on… rewind for a second. Did you just skip straight to asking me to move in with you instead of actually verbally admitting that you want to date me?” She gawks at him incredulously.

“I believe I did, actually, yes. Thoughts?”

“I’m bad with heights and it is freezing up there in the winter.” She replies without a second’s hesitation. Soothing the twinge of protective guilt at the thought of her shivering alone in the cold with the knowledge he wouldn’t let it happen again, he grins and crosses the room to pull her into a passionate kiss.

He almost loses himself to the softness of her lips and the feeling of her body pinned between him and the door, but he manages to hold himself at least partially to the task at hand.

“Just to be perfectly transparent,” He manages to add between kisses, “I would very much like to date you.” She lifts her arms and lets them drape around his neck, pulling him close for one last kiss before separating.

“Good, because I would ‘very much’ like to date you too.” She laughs, giving him a playful shove back to make enough room to open the door to the hallway.

They exit his room holding hands and bumping shoulders as they venture towards the stairs.

George’s door flies open and they freeze, both looking at him like deer caught in headlights.

He blinks, takes off his glasses, rubs his eyes, puts his glasses back on, and stands there staring at them for a long moment in only boxers and an oversized shirt.

“Fucking FINALLY.” He hollers with the intensity of a man infuriated by years of their unending mutual idiocy, storming off to the bathroom and slamming the door behind him.

They slowly turn to look at each other, breaking out in laughter for what must be the hundredth time in the past two days.

Before they resume their journey downstairs though, George’s oversized shirt had reminded Lockwood of something.

“Hey, I almost forgot to ask. Is that my shirt?” He asks, raising an eyebrow at her. The colour spreads from her neck to her face almost instantaneously as she begrudgingly nods, looking pointedly at the ground. He wraps an arm around her shoulders, his signature smile plastered on his face.

“Good. I like it.” He confesses, squeezing her arm reassuringly. She leans into him, wrapping her arm around his waist as they descend the stairs and head for the kitchen.

What they find upon entering the room is wildly unexpected.

Lucy and Norrie are sitting side by side with their arms crossed, both wearing the same smug smirk, five mugs of steaming hot tea placed around the table in front of them.

The girl tucked into his side gasps, connecting the dots rapidly and letting loose a quiet shriek of betrayal and indignation.

“You sneaky bitches!” There’s awe in her voice when she finally speaks, though she’s clearly not certain if she should be grateful or angry at the manipulation.

Even though he should probably be upset, feeling the warmth of her body against his and already making plans to move her belongings into his - their room, he just can’t bring himself to be anything other than thankful for their intervention.

Looking at the calendar on the wall, the final piece of the puzzle clicks into place.

Sneaky bitches indeed, he finds himself thinking as the women in question pick up their teacups to cheers each other.

Reaching down to press a kiss to the top of her head, he leans in close enough to whisper;

“Happy Valentine’s Day.”

⤛⊹ 𝔣𝔦𝔫 ⊹⤜

𝔉𝔬𝔯 𝔱𝔞𝔤𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱 𝔪𝔞𝔫𝔞𝔤𝔢𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱, 𝔱𝔞𝔭 [𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢]

#aislin writes #lockwood and co netflix #lockwood and co #anthony lockwood #lucy carlyle #george karim #reader insert #x reader #anthony lockwood x reader #lockwood & co #lockwood x reader #lucy x norrie #norrie white

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femmefatalevibe · 11 months

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What are some things you would have done differently? The most important lessons you learned throughout the years?

Hi love. Great question!

Things I would've done differently:

Stopped taking on/internalizing people's emotions sooner and never apologizing for my needs

Not allow myself to feel responsible for other people's drama

Took warning signs of people's codependency and victim narratives more seriously earlier in life

Reached out to others that earned my trust for support and allow myself to be more honest/vulnerable with them rather than resorting to hyper independence

Spoke up for my genuine needs and desires more

Expressed and follow-through on my "no" consistently and unapologetically

Let go of the belief that guilt trips can be worth emotionally entertaining or investing in

Learned that it is okay to disappoint people. Understanding that I don't exist to make others happy or comfortable

Most Important Life Lessons:

When evaluating who is trustworthy, see whose words and values consistently line up with their actions. Those who contradict and make exceptions for themselves are too self-involved to see you as fully human

Always live your life for yourself. Discover your personal values and aspirations. Do what you need to do to live in alignment with who you truly are, and don't let others' opinions stop you from working towards your goals. Don't make personal life decisions based on other people's feelings or opinions

You're always allowed to say no or leave a situation/relationship if you feel drained or disrespected

Your chosen family can or cannot be comprised of people who share DNA or are related by marriage. All that matters is that you have mutual respect and unwavering support from the people who have earned this role in your life

Emotionally distance yourself from anyone in your life who dismisses your emotions or experiences, attempts to obtain ownership of your life experiences when they fit their narrative, or expects you to put their needs above your own

Taking well-thought-out social and professional risks can greatly enrich your life

Don't be afraid to reach out to ask for help, advice, or connection. Most other people want the same thing and are happy to chat if they're available. Don't fall into the trap of trying to fix everything yourself. Only selfish people have these unrealistic expectations of you

Your health and sanity are your most important assets

When in doubt, advocate for yourself. Learn to discern when to express empathy and/or when to double down & stand your ground

There are (next to) no rules for living a productive and fulfilling life. Once your basic needs are met, and all essential bills/taxes are paid, the only genuine success metric of your life path is whether it allows you to feel generally fulfilled and satisfied on a daily basis

Set and stick to your boundaries. Prioritize interdependent relationships. Avoid codependency like the plague

Learn to praise yourself for all of your wins – big and small. Life is hard enough. Find ways to celebrate yourself as often as you realistically can – even if it's just getting up on time or cooking a healthy meal that day

Hope this helps xx

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bokubear · 2 years

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THE HQ BOYS WHEN YOUR FEET HURT

featuring ; ( timeskip ! ) atsumu miya + akaashi keiji + sakusa kiyoomi + ushijima wakatoshi + oikawa toru

warnings ; blistering, drinking, tooth-rutting fluff

notes ; wore heels to an event, this thought came to mind driving home … i cried

ATSUMU was more than ready to leave this place. the many lights and cameras flashing in all directions made him effortlessly dizzy, and with that dizziness he couldn’t focus on just how gorgeous you were. but honestly, in that dress that hugged you so perfectly you could make anyone drop to the floor at your command felt so unfair. he was genuinely in awe, fully taking in your power. however, signing countless autographs with an already cramped hand and interviews asking the same nosy questions left an exhausted miya in their dust. so the moment he got note of your agreement to leave, he took the chance with haste. “can you make the trip ?” he giggled, eyeing your hobbling form with amusement. you were not having it, making this situation all the more entertaining to him. “shut up tsum…. my feet hurt so bad..” you whined, nearly stumbling into him and right onto the parking lot pavement until he caught you. the setters brows knit worriedly, pulling the tote bag from your shoulders. “well you should’ve just told me baby.” he huffed, bending over to ease your way on his back as a comfy piggy back ride. “what’re you doing ?” you motioned, apparently confused. “hop on sweetheart, i’m being nice.” this caused your face to break into laughter. “such a gentleman.”

AKAASHI had recently been researching different hiking trails to explore. no, he wasn’t a outdoor person but it was boring in the house and he wasn’t going to waste his day with you doing nothing—so instead, he resorted to hiking. yet it appeared he overestimated the length of this trail in particular, pacing himself to make it to the turn-around point. “k..keiji..” you choked out in hurried gasps, causing the editor to glance behind at you and notice your frazzled state. “do you need a break love ?” he eased, holding out a prepared water bottle for you. “i need a car.” you weakly replied, head leering back. “we can turn around here.” he added, brows rising curiously at your once full bottle being handed back in only a few seconds. “please.” and so. well, maybe keiji was overestimating the intensity after all, because your loud heaving allowed the poor decision to sink in further. “do you need a ride ?” he brought up carefully, your head shooting upwards so quickly it became difficult to contain his laughter. “what ? ride ? where ?” — “here.” the raven-head beckoned to himself expectantly. “aw thanks baby.” you sheepishly smiled at his consideration, not wasting the opportunity. nonetheless, halfway down the path back you’d fallen asleep, cheek smudged a giant his shoulder. adorable. “hold on a little longer, we’re almost there dear.”

SAKUSA, only for you, allowed more “intimate contact.” that “intimate contact” despite your assumption consisted massages or perhaps hugs even. a common misconception. you see, you’d attended his practice the day before, underestimating the constant movement of the players bustling from position to position. now laying in bed the morning after, getting up proved a harder obstacle than before. whilst kiyoomi easily rose, preparing breakfast in the kitchen with his soft humming vibrating into your shared bedroom. “kiyoommiii—“ you dragged out, flayed on the bed unhappily. it was impossible, you absolutely could not get out of bed. “what is it ?” he stood by the doorway, observing your dilemma. looking just as breathtaking as always with his messy black curls dancing to his steps. “.. can you massage my feet ?” hesitantly sinking into the sheets you didn’t dare to peek out. unbeknownst to you, the feeling of cold hands rubbing your aching feet stirred your frame. “where does it hurt ?” he narrowed his eyes, brows knitting with concentration. you anticipated a hard ‘no’ and for him to disappear, his willingly loving gestures causing your chest to squeeze with affection. your lack of reply was answered with a soft tap on your leg from the outside. “tell me where it hurts, i’ll be gentle, just tell me when to stop.” this soft side to sakusa was too sweet to handle.

USHIJIMA insisted upon joining you for drinks with a few drinks. he knew this was marking a long time since seeing your work-friends and your drinking intentions would fly out of the window quickly. with this in mind, he quietly sat beside you like an obedient puppy awaiting his cue. the mentioned ‘cue’ being when you began talking nonsense, leaning towards ushijima in a dazed manner. he was easily adjusted to these antics, good thing his presence was present. “and i thought, ‘toshi, you’re saying this to me ?’” the table ‘awwwed’ at your story referring his morning kisses and soft words he awoke you with, ushijima’s face hearing up progressively. “alright, thank you for tonight everyone, i’ll be taking her back now.” he bowed politely, at that moment your reddened heel catching his gaze. the blister forming had gone unnoticed before, but the discovery fueled him to be extra tedious. lightly lifting you bridal style in his arms, he proceeded to carry you to the car—continuously hushing your babbles with small cheek kisses. the ‘morning kisses and soft words’ portion of the earlier story repeated itself the next morning. uninvited but definitely not disliked. the best part being his husky morning voice, heart fluttering.

OIKAWA felt thrilled to dance with you, the multicolored leds casting an authentic glow that lit up the argentine dance floor in a versions array of color. the entire feeling was ethereal. tipsy, but morally more drunk in love than alcohol. your body in his arms with fluid movement left him speechless. ethereal was a good word for it. too wasted to stay any later, his phone screen flashing furiously with a bright 2:48AM told him plenty. fumbling to the taxi, his attention became snagged when you weight fell to the ground, his focus trained fully on you. “are you okay ? babe ? !” he shrieked, wooden orbs filled with panic. “yeah toru .. i think i rolled my ankle.” you lips puckered unrealistically, drenched in the stench of alcohol. “okay okay okay let’s see..” he spoke to himself worriedly, hauling you in a child-like position to lift you up, all the way to the awaiting taxi. “i got you i got you ..” he frantically reminded, the aftermath resulting in a wiped out oikawa spooned in your chest. and from the moment he pried an eye open he was tending to your every need, convinced you were dying. it was quite relaxing actually.

-maak

plagiarism, repost, and editing is prohibited

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respectthepetty · 7 months

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Power Dynamics in Naughty Babe

@visualtaehyun wrote this wonderful post about how we see devotion play out in the episode five opening scene of Naughty Babe through the language Yi and Diao use. *read the post!* However, the biggest takeaway is the shift in power that is being freely given by Yi and fully accepted by Diao.

The scene begins with Diao on the floor, lower than Yi,

only for Yi to lift Diao up, carry him, and switch positions to where Yi is on the floor lower than Diao.

Diao leans down to kiss Yi, and Yi sits up to reach the kiss, bringing both to an equal level.

But this scene is just the icing on a long baked cake because this is a well-deserved win for Diao after an entire season of Yi dominating him in Cutie Pie.

It was difficult for Yi to give up his power to Diao in Cutie Pie. Even when he was being kind to Diao, he was always slightly higher (look at that rainbow!).

Diao was fine with that. He understood it was difficult for Yi to open up, so relinquishing his power would be tough for Yi.

But Diao thought it would happen eventually. He believed that at some point, Yi would trust him enough to let him in, but Naughty Babe started with Diao admitting that Yi is still closed off. They aren't married because HIA YI won't allow it. Even when the parents question the decision and compare Yi's decisions to Lian's, Yi still says "no"

So when Diao tries to run off to Switzerland, Yi questions what he has to do to keep Diao, and Lian, the best buddy who calls Yi stupid and everyone compares Yi to, says this - "be his dog"

It's a wild claim that seems meant for laughs, but Lian continues with telling Yi that Diao loves his dog. Diao's dog is ridiculous and causes trouble for Yi, but he is obedient to Diao, and Lian understands submission very well. This was an entire discussion between Lian and Yi in Cutie Pie 2 You about power imbalances.

He is telling Yi that he must submit to Diao. Lian trusts Kuea enough to bow to him, to kneel at his feet and be vulnerable in front of him, so he offers this advice to his stupid friend.

And, thankfully, Yi listens because from then on out, he willingly lowers himself to Diao.

As soon as Diao allows him into his apartment, Yi gets to work. If Yi is higher than Diao,

he lowers himself so they are equal.

When Diao scolds him, he remains seated instead of rising up.

And even when he pulls Diao down, it's to make them equal.

He asks for consent instead of demanding submission

And he lifts Diao up.

Yi consistently positions himself lower than Diao.

Even when his usual abrasive behavior emerges in the car, he quickly lowers himself onto Diao.

The only time he has stood higher than Diao was when Diao directly questioned him about faking his amnesia. They are in the midst of a color exchange, so it feels clear that Yi was going to lie his way out of it since he had Diao back, but instead he admitted his wrong.

And Diao walked out. Yi followed scared that Diao would leave him again, but instead of trying to dominate Diao into staying, he admitted his powerlessness.

Everything was on Yi's terms in Cutie Pie. Diao getting a dog was because Yi allowed it. Diao being allowed to continue teaching was because Yi told him he could. There engagement was because Yi finally wanted it. Yet here is Yi telling Diao that whatever DIAO WANTS TO DO, Yi will abide by it. And we get back to what Lian was telling his stupid friend. Yi needs to trust Diao enough to submit.

Yi immediately tells Diao he trusts him without hesitation because the power Yi was holding onto was to protect Diao, but this entire ordeal has shown him that was his mistake, something his father even points out.

Yi was so hellbent on controlling Diao to protect him that he didn't realize Diao is perfectly capable of protecting himself AND taking care of Yi. Diao riding his bike is what kept him safe. Diao has several medals in Taekwondo, yet doesn't need to display them. Diao would've been on a plane to Switzerland before Yi could've caught him because he is a smart man. But more importantly, as Yi's father pointed out, Diao would have never left Yi in the first place if Yi hadn't pushed him to it. Yi has known Diao for 20 years, and Diao has always trusted Yi, even when he shouldn't (the tiger), so why hasn't Yi put some of that trust back into Diao?!

When Yi is lower than Diao, Diao is taking care of Yi. He doesn't want Yi to give away all his power. He wants them to be equal. He wants Yi to see him as equal because his family has always treated him as a pawn, which Yi started doing, and he won't accept that from the man he loves.

So when Diao tells Yi that he can take care of Yi, Yi finally realizes that Diao can, and he wants him to. Yi surrenders.

This plot to ruin their wedding is wildly ridiculous, but what better way to align with Cutie Pie and make a statement about the power of marriage, then to give us a plot where a powerless character is given the authority to ruin his. Diao's family used this marriage as a way to secure power. Yi used his authority to stall the wedding. Yet here is Diao using his power to fuck it all up.

Yi stands higher than Diao in their official wedding pictures, and he looks miserable while Diao is playing his part happily.

Lian is shocked that Yi is willing to be the victim in this scenario. Yi doesn't lose, yet Yi is allowing himself to be publicly embarrassed and branded the loser, so Diao (and Yi) can gain some power over his family and this horrible deal everyone constructed without Diao's knowledge.

Yi never wanted Diao to leave, but in order for this plan to work, it has to look believable. Diao has to leave. And Yi has to try to stop him because Yi has to appear to put up a fight.

But he already surrendered to Diao, gladly.

They are equal now, and their marriage should reflect that without all the restrictions and obstacles being built into it.

Diao's family was unwilling to give them that power, so they must take it by destroying the way things are and rebuilding on its ashes.

So Diao is gonna fuck up that wedding, and Yi will trust him to do it because their marriage isn't just about a partnership and love, something these shows have constantly harped on (love isn't love if we aren't treated equally), but about the power others have denied them, and they deserve the right to enter into it on their own terms.

#naughty babe the series #power dynamics #they are equal now #and the show has told us that #Yi is aware that Diao is going to ruin the wedding #but he has to put up a fight #and he has to trust Diao will return to him #he can't control Diao anymore #and he doesn't want to #t

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saltydkdan · 4 months

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Are the JoJo's icebergs fun to work on? They look like a blast to edit and write! (If a bit of a large workload)

The Jojo Iceberg has been... interesting. On one hand yes! It has been a blast to work on in some senses! It taught me a lot about writing, and research, while also allowing me the freedom to experiment with editing and injecting my humor into scripted stuff in a more organic way. I feel like with each chunk of the series I've posted thus far, I've shown more and more confidence over time.

Plus you are right!! Once the audio editing is done, working on visual edits and gags is a blast. Sure it takes time, but I have a weird love for making smooth video edits for people to watch (even though like 50% of the people that view those videos probably just listen to em like a podcast without looking at it haha).

So that sort of stuff, yes! That's been a blast, and I've learned a TON that I'd never take back for the world!

However on the flipside, logistically this project was a nightmare from day one LOL. And this is the part where I try to dissuade anyone from EVER working on a longer project like this because god damn it's been a pain at times.

Keep in mind, the script (as it stands) is nearly 200 pages. That is the longest scripted work I've ever helped write in my entire life, and when I started I was NOT that experienced as a writer whatsoever. I'm a bit better now, but at times I still struggle.

I made the horrible decision to never put a cap on the script. For every new fact I learned, even if it wasn't a part of the original plans for the video, I would add it to the pile. No matter what it was. I was committed to making it as long as I thought it needed to be, not as long as it probably SHOULD have been to get done in a reasonable amount of time.

I did all this for a deep passion for the source material, and even after the final part comes out early this year, I plan on going back and correcting the very few mistakes or miswordings I had in the original videos when I put them all together in one MEGA video.

But that passion for Jojo is a blessing and a curse, and I hadn't realized how long a project like this would take me amidst all the other big projects like Friendlocke and HYHA.

Full disclosure, the script was first started in December of 2020. That's nearly 3-4 YEARS AGO by now. If I knew that putting all this together would take that long, I probably wouldn't have committed to it in the way that I did. In that time, I probably could have put out a TON of shorter stuff, but I was so committed to this that I just didn't and that very much hurt my channel in the long term.

Though to be real, I haven't worked on it consistently, I tend to jump on and off between projects to avoid burnout. However still, by the time it's all done, the Jojo Iceberg combined together will most likely be the longest piece of content on my channel (yes, potentially longer than Friendlocke Season 3, I estimate that it'll probably come out to around 6 hours in length if I don't cut anything down).

It's because of this that after this is all out there? I plan to NEVER tackle something this long ever again. Friendlocke and Jojo have drained my bones, and all I wanna do these days is work on shorter stuff. Though I guess in that sense, this project has really helped teach me a lot about the sort of stuff I want to make. So in a way, even the negatives have positives! There's always something you can take away with, even if your experience had some downsides.

Looking at such a long script and doing some math, it's made me realize that like... damn. I could DEFINITELY do shorter videos way more consistently in the future. And so that's what I plan to do :)

So yeah! Some positives and negatives. But overall, I learned a lot and that's all I could ever ask for.

Thanks for your question! Have a good one!

#saltydkdan #salty asks #jojos bizarre adventure

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dilfsonic · 1 year

Note

PLEASE tell me more about Sonmetadow! Anything at all- headcanons, meta, just rambling about them, anything!!

Sorry this is so late!! But I wanted to answer this for a while.

> Metal gradually develops complicated feelings the longer he’s allowed close proximity with his organic copy. As an AI he learns constantly, but given he’s only ever around Eggman his emotionally intelligence can only go so far. The more he watches, learns from, and mimics Sonic, the more his emotional intelligence grows. And the more he ‘feels’ what Sonic feels (this headcanon is derived from a mix of the OVA movie from the 90s and modern iterations).

> In my au, Metal naturally forms feelings for Shadow because SONIC has feelings for Shadow first. Metal inadvertently mimics these emotions and they develop the longer Sonic’s emotions influence him. In turn he becomes influenced by Shadow’s feelings…it’s a never ending feedback loop, feeding into one another.

> Metal may mimic their emotions to begin with, but as he becomes more advanced, he comes to grasp his own uniquely complicated feelings. He hated Sonic, but it was a hate he was programmed with. When hardwiring meets fallible emotion— which comes out on top? That’s the question. He now can no longer tell if he wants to be his organic copy or if he wants to be WITH him. Sonic has a unique ability to the touch the core of those he empathizes with, and I think if he got past Metal’s hardwiring/if that was ever compromised, Metal has the potential to be the most touched by him.

> He’s still learning, he never ‘finishes’ developing and therefore his feelings are ever evolving, the more self aware he becomes and can begin to pinpoint and predict his own feelings. Sonic is his primary guide in this, while Shadow (who is peak example of holding onto very complicated emotions) kind of learns alongside with him.

> Metal and Shadow bond a lot over things that have been brought up in canon. Shadow has a unique and interesting facet of his character in which he’s shown to consistently show a great empathy and understanding of robots and androids. Metal Sonic, Omega, Emerl, etc… Particularly with Metal, who has a similar dilemma as Omega, in which he’s a tool for the Doctor, like Shadow was. Whereas canonically Omega defected on his own, Shadow is trying to convince Metal to do it. He won’t hesitate to fight Metal, but he would prefer not to, and he’s set aside their necessary opposition to work with Metal in the past, who was even willing to take the chaos emerald from his own body to give Shadow a chance to warp back home. That’s pretty awesome.

> An interesting observation to me is that Shadow and Sonic are both often in opposition from a moral standpoint, they actually both share a goal with Metal. Both of them extend their hands in offering to him, and encourage him to make his own decisions independent of Eggman. And it’s not that Sonic and Shadow even want Metal to be a hero necessarily— even if Metal were to remain an adversary, they just want Metal to come to that decision on his own. Shadow and Sonic both have a strong sense of freedom in their own ways, and encourage others to exercise their own freedom even if it means that person continuing on their own opposing path.

> In a what-if scenario, seeing Sonic and Shadow combine their efforts to free Metal is really fascinating to me. Metal is like Shadow in the sense where it begs the question, can he really learn to love? Is he capable of that particular emotion? Can he grasp what romantic interest really means? He understands as best he can, and is still learning all the while… Yes, while Sonic and Shadow certainly hold a candle for one another by this point in the story, their ‘love’ is considerably complicated. They’re still rivals, after all. Rivals with benefits, I suppose! Except the longer they’re ‘stuck’ together (affectionate) the more they fall into a comfortable push and pull.

They become sort of inadvertently committed (though Sonic continues to see other lovers he’s kept up over the years, Knuckles and Jet), and it probably stems from the fact that Sonic is canonically one of the only (if not the only) people to touch his heart. They are both still guarded in their own ways, and would probably require many lifetimes over and over to fully learn and know the other, and it’s something they enjoy exploring.

The difference is, Shadow has endless time to learn about Metal, but only one lifetime to learn about Sonic. It’s sort of bittersweet, the way Sonic continues to live on through Metal after he’s gone in lots of little ways, but Metal is still his own unique personhood, and Shadow knows better than to think he could use him as a replacement.

Anyway, sorry for this wall of text!! I have a Lot of opinions and feelings on these guys. They’re my OT3 LOL. Please feel free to ask more questions whether it’s regarding my au or just sonmetadow as a concept in general because I have a never ending fountain of thoughts and scenarios on them.

#asks #sonic the hedgehog #Sonadow #metonic #metadow #sonmetadow #heroes and cons au

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lillified · 1 year

Note

Oh!! Btw! I'm a drag artist and I'm doing a drag cosplay of starscream for pride and tfnation 2023 and sometimes when I question if the look is too fem or cutesy shaped, I think about your starscream and I remind myself that I'm serving cunt actually. Thank you for your service

hi!! I absolutely love both of the asks you sent but I hope you don’t mind me responding to this one with a little bit of personal musing—specifically about Starscream and femininity, lol. (long post warning!!)

I cannot stress enough how generally positive and supportive reception to my changes has been, especially in the case of Starscream—that being said, I do think about the occasional pushback I get every so often, and how it feeds into why I make the choices I do

starscream has always been a feminine character, which I think is part of why a lot of people are drawn to it in the first place—even talking to older fans, who grew up with the original show, there seems to be this implicit understanding that Starscream is something “other” (“pretty poison” as a beta name should tell you quite a bit). this is something that has remained relatively consistent in the entirety of transformers—albeit in, I’d argue, the worst way possible.

there are a lot of character decisions I dislike on a thematic level that vary across continuity, but one extremely reliable element of any Starscream is the way femininity defines their villainy. you’re never supposed to like the “feminine” traits. they’re played for jokes and comically exaggerated at best; at worst, any and all Starscream redemption arcs are completely dependent on grappling with emasculation, and shedding the feminine. Even in continuities where other characters (a whole other ballpark) are murderous, abusive, and violent, Starscream is canonically regarded as morally lesser, specifically because their villainy manifests in the feminine. masculine, “active” displays of malice are more noble and admirable than the “passive” and “feminine” act of quiet scheming and deception.

I’m not saying that Starscream doesn’t do bad things, obviously, but this is such a constant theme that it has thoroughly leeched its way into fan spaces as well. I’m not really active in fan communities anymore, but I will always feel frustrated with how the character’s femininity is simultaneously misunderstood and exploited, because that is the natural reaction to femininity. it is inoffensive and clean and neat, and it fits into one of very few digestible archetypes, because it is not perceived as a natural form of expression, but an other. it is only allowed when it is attractive and easy to understand.

this is something that extends to women, as, obviously, in a performative binary womanhood is a shorthand for femininity. “woman” is an other, and feminine women exist in palatable, digestible archetypes. even with all the progress we have made it is really not common to see women or feminine characters in general treated with equal respect or interest, and, the more you pay attention, the more you’ll notice a total apathy for their feelings, struggles, and complexity.

I know this is all really dense, but I bring that all up to say that there is a reason I want to spotlight and elaborate on Starscream’s femininity. it’s a trait that is inherent to the character, but I’d argue that there hasn’t ever really been a moment where that femininity ever manifests as something positive. it’s a derogatory label, but never something the character owns.

I want to see a Starscream that is confidently feminine and “cutesy” because the character has never been afforded that luxury! moreover, I want to portray a fully femme Starscream because there is no reason that should change the character’s complexity or their queer association! (I once saw the argument that making Starscream a girl would be “erasing the character’s queer history” and that kind of sums up the casual effect of misogyny in these weird online spaces, lol. granted that doesn’t mean you can’t project or imagine any gender identity you want for the character—I think that’s very good, actually!!) even though I have never personally been a feminine person, I’ve always been really attached to Starscream’s femininity and the idea of a femme-presenting version because there was a sorely lacking character type I desperately wanted to see—a messy, bitter, and by all means “evil” person who was also feminine, without those things being linked via cause and effect. I hope that makes sense?? essentially, a very feminine girl whose femininity wasn’t the implicit or explicit cause of their moral failings, and was instead treated as. yknow, a neutral mode of expression

anyway, I am very sorry for saying so many words about something pretty trivial here. if you couldn’t tell transformers was the thing that first got me thinking about gender and themes and media critique as a child, so i have feelings like this, lol. none of the problems I listed here are ultimately all that serious and they certainly aren’t exclusive to the robots, but it’s something I really wanted to talk about!

TL;DR: Starscream’s gender is what you make of it and i think you shouldnt stop yourself because it is accurate to the character, actually! I hope that I can encourage people to think outside the box of what rigidly exists in writing and expand their horizons to what the art is trying to say, and how your experience is important :)

sorry again for the long post jeez!!

#transformers #ask #starscream #text post #text #long post #long #i am so sorry for talking at you oh my god

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travellingarmy · 1 year

Text

Lilia Vanrouge x reader

DM Requester: @kimura-uzuri

Reader: Intended female audience but no use of pronouns nor description.

Warning(s): Yandere themes. Overuse of words.

Word count: 6.9k

You don't need to read part 1 or other versions to understand. ^^

–

║Lilia Vanrouge║ Sweet and Naive Pt 2. / “Our” Happily Ever After

Being the oldest kingdom in existence, there were bound to have many legends and myths. One such tale was of the popular ones which entails a sleeping princess awoken by a charming prince whom had slayed the mighty dragon. The lesser known ones consist of a tale which was estimated to be at least a hundred or two years old that started off as a rumour.. That rumour involves a prestigious and most respected old noble house.. Vanrouge.

It is said that a beauty with an angelic voice could be heard in the far west side of the Vanrouge’s estate where those who had worked for the family before years ago had reported to have never been allowed in that area before they all simultaneously were fired one day by the lord of the house, Lord Vanrouge.

When pressed about it, they revealed that the lord used to have a lover who occupied the entire west side of the house. When the lord had reported that they had gone on an adventure for who knows how long, he said that the west side won’t be needing servants to keep going to and fro from one side to the other for a while and thus, dismissed them. They are willing to bet that the west side of the building is much dustier than any other part of the house.

From that stems questions from the common folks of the Valley of Thorns whom didn’t have any lesson of proper etiquette and who didn’t know any better, though the nobles at that time were curious as to the rumour spread around about the great general as well– but being nobility, they kept their mouth shut; not a single word uttered regarding the rumour of their beloved general whom lead the kingdom to many, many victories.. Even questions such as why couldn’t the lord keep it clean until his lover returned? Why did he suddenly tell everyone to keep away from the west side of the house where even when his lover went on a trip, they could now hear sobbing from that area instead of singing now that no one occupied that area?

Though many have reported this, they could easily be chalked up as the lord being saddened from the decision of his lover to go travelling and leaving him alone in such a big and lonesome house for who knows how many years and wanted to preserve the memories until he can create new ones when the love of his life returns.

Yes. Surely this must be the case. However, the lord had not said a single word regarding the rumours to edge it on further; adding more fuel to the fire, and remained completely stoned-faced as his reputation lived up to be so quickly, many thought of the whole rumour to be just that– a rumour and quickly left the minds of many people. Yes, many and not all. After all, what makes the world unique is that not everyone will completely agree on one thought. There are always those who would like to be the abnormality and firmly believe the rumour, even going as far as to tell a tale of them sneaking inside the estate and hearing sobs on the west side of the house. However, they couldn’t be too sure who’s tears were shed– if it were even crying that they heard– since they could not get any closer to the manor without alerting the lord of the place.

And so, the rumour started to dwindle like a candle at its last few moments. It will be there but won’t be really brought up.

This was good for Lilia as now, he wouldn’t have to deal with those pesky flies that lurked around the walls of his place and focus on taking care of his beloved. Ah yes, his beloved whom he told left to go on an adventure as it was her favourite thing to do.. The same lover who he is keeping well hidden in the west part of the house.

Heels clicking against the stone cold floor, he made his presence known to you well before he opened the door. It had been a good few years since he left you in isolation up in your chambers, though that was not his choice and felt a little guilty about leaving you up there by yourself. He had duties that needed him to be at the castle at all times– which was raising the future king to be the best ruler that he and the people would accept and greatly respect .

“Little fairy, I’m back~!” His voice chirped the moment the doors opened. It has truly been so long that he is suddenly hit with the feeling of nostalgia the moment he sees your form from behind, remembering how much he missed and thought of you while at the castle. However, he doesn’t get a reply from you.

Your head was pointed downwards, eyes obscured by the strands of hair in front of your face. Lilia rounds you until he is in front of you. “Hm?” Upon closer inspection, he sees that your eyes were closed and face very relaxed as if you were sleeping.

He draws close and bends slightly, holding up your face by the chin, his long black– and highlighted strands– of hair brushes your skin. With his expression neutral, he looks upon your features, noting all the things that remained the same about you and the nothing that changed from the you in his memories before he left.

He smiles. O’ how his eyes soften every time his ruby-like eyes gaze upon your form and how his heart slightly accelerates when his fingers brush lightly on your soft face, a tinge of excitement passing through him. How are you able to bring out this side of him, a side that even he, himself, wasn’t aware of until he met you?

He held your face as if it was a prized gemstone that would crack at any moment if held by careless hands. “Please wake up soon, little fairy,” he breathly says, lips closely brushing against your own, “It must be lonely in that little world of dreams of yours.”

He chuckles. How stubborn could you possibly be? He has known you far longer than anyone, yet some things remain unknown to him such as your relentless pride. Even though it has been years of isolation, you not once look at him and seek comfort in another's warmth– of his embrace.

—

You can feel it. The sudden shift of the air around you. The already still world of yours suddenly felt as if time had been forcibly stopped by a force far greater than it. You knew what this meant and just as you were starting to have a growing friendship with the mice that would occasionally come in through means you aren’t privy to.

He was coming and every part of what was left of you suddenly felt heavy as if you’ve suddenly been turned to a statue; it grew stiff. Lilia Vanrouge– a name you loathe uttering aloud, yet feared at the same time– has returned. Great. Just great, you thought grumbly, just when life was going wonderful for you.

How long has it been anyway, since you were sensory deprived of sight and touch– two important things that you need in order to know the world around you? You couldn’t walk either so what else were there to touch besides the floor and your shackles that bound your wrists and ankles?

All that was left to know that you weren’t just an empty shell– something hollow with nothing residing inside– were your hearing and taste, and not to forget, your ability to smell things, though that was useless as there was nothing to smell except the dust that would accumulate over time if he didn’t come regularly to clean up your cell.

He specifically left hearing just so he could chat away with you, though you don’t answer often but when you do, it would be snide remarks. He would chuckle and call you and your remark adorable with a tone you would use when talking to a child, despite you being hundreds of years old.

You hear the clicking of his shoes draw to a halt right in front of your door momentarily before the doors make a loud, exhausted creak. It has been a while since those doors were open. The last time, you remember, was after he said his goodbyes with a peck on your lips. He said he would be away for a while and couldn’t bring you along, much to his dismay but very much to your delight– if it weren't for the fact that you were once again bound to the ground by chains that could only barely reach the door before pulling you back further into the room.

A warm breath fanned against your cool cheeks yet you remained still, pretending to be asleep. You didn’t want to face him, let alone talk to him. He hasn’t done anything to you since your captivity that would make him be deemed cruel and not worth talking to, but he was the reason you were shackled in the first place.

He holds your face so he could take a look at you, cool touches sending shivers down your spine. He held your face so gently that if you didn’t know any better, you would have thought that it was just the wind gently brushing cupping your face. It’s eerily frightening how his touches can one moment be filled with a caring warmth as if you meant the world to become cold and covered in blood– your blood– smearing blood on your face when he holds you when you once almost perfectly escaped him. “Kufufu, you almost had me, little fairy.” The way he looked then scared you and since then, you hadn’t tried to escape.

You hear shuffling around and the next thing you knew, you were lifted up. You could hear the beating of his heart, slow and rhythmic. With you in his arms, he makes his way to the door and leaves the room altogether– the room that you familiarize yourself with these past years he had to forcibly lock you in yet again.

After a while of walking, he yet again opens another door. You aren’t sure where you are now despite counting the steps he took and corners you felt he turned. You felt like an outsider to this manor you once called home, not remembering the layout of the place.

Carefully, he lies you down on a comfy mattress with your head propped up on some pillows. Afterwards, there was a long silence and some more. You wanted to take a peek, wondering if he was still standing beside you, but you were afraid. You became hyper aware of whenever he would draw near to your cellar or when he would stare at you so you didn’t need to look around to look for him. Not that you could even see him.

Just then, another sound was made and you can feel the side of the bed where he stood slowly pressed downwards from whatever weight caused it. “Little fairy.” You can feel his breath on your lips again. He reaches a hand and cups your face and leans down so that your foreheads are pressing against each other.

Your lips slightly quiver and you prayed that he hadn’t noticed so you can keep this act of sleeping for just a bit longer. Your already sharpened senses sharpened more as you could hear the rapid heartbeat of yours quicken and drum against your ears loudly.

Why isn’t he saying anything more? What did he want? You just wanted him gone.

A breathy half-chuckle reverberates from his throat before saying, “My dear, as much as I find your sleeping face adorable, this one doesn’t look so much as cute as the others.” Your jaws clench. He couldn’t have known– “You need to try to relax your face a bit more if you want to make me believe you.”

There it is.

He chuckles in amusement when you still weren’t opening your eyes. “My dear, you can open your eyes now that I’m here.” There was no more pretending, in other words.

Slowly, a pair of beautiful orbs stare back at him, Lilia Vanrouge, the Valley of Thorns’ beloved general. His smile widens. He could feel his heart quickening at the sight of those two eyes that he loves dearly as they were a part of you.

You can see again..

Of course you can now that he was here, but you would rather go permanently blind if it meant you didn’t have to be greeted by his smile every time you opened them. That soft smile that holds so much love to you. That smile that deceives people– even yourself– and makes them think that you two were a match made in heaven, a cut in those red strings never severing your bond with each other.

“Good morning, my love.” Something inside you feels like it wants to crawl up and out your mouth. It was sickening. He caresses the top of your head. You shot him a glare and shooed his hand away, though this did not result in any anger from him. “Kufufu, aren’t you adorable? Are you surprised to see me still looking the same, hm~?”

He pulls back and straightens his posture, eyes still glued on your form that sat up slowly, bewildered at how your wrists were once more freed from the chains that bled in with your skin. You can move them again.. You can feel again. “It’s only been a short while, but it certainly has felt like a millennia since I have seen you.”

You look up into those blood-coloured eyes (you wonder if they were like that because of the amount of people he has killed) filled with adoration for you only. “Why are you back here?” You croaked, trying your best to voice your spite with the unused vocal cord. You don’t understand how someone who kills could have it in them to love. Just the thought that a monster was running amok in the disguise of a noble fae sends shivers down your spine. “Why? Kufufu, little fairy, this is my home. Of course I should be returning once in a while.” You wanted to say something but you didn’t know what so you continued to glare at him.

“You have been behaving well while I was gone, I presume, hm?” He smiles. You don’t answer, but once again, he doesn’t take it to heart and merely shrugs his shoulders. “You must be hungry, hm?” He stands up and dusts away the non-existent dirt on him then looking at you with that cheeky smile that you used to love. “Kufufu. Come, my dear, I wish to dine with you.”

He has made you a favourite dish– or, tried to at least. At times like this when it comes to dining, you would often take the however, you were not in the mood to entertain him nor to eat so you sat there, poking at the.. Questionable mush.

“My dear..” The clanking of utensils halted when Lilia saw that you hadn’t eaten a single bite. “Is the food not good?” You wanted to say yes, but you weren’t sure how he would react. He’d always been unpredictable and during those times before you took on cooking duty, you would swallow hard at his cooking but never outright said it was the most disgusting thing that you have ever tasted.

If he would just spend more time learning to cook rather than swordsmanship.. You wouldn’t have to endure this painstakingly crafted inedible food.

“I’m–” You cleared your throat. It’s been a while since you’ve used your voice that it sounds so foreign to you. But you will never forget his voice that haunts your sleep at night. “I’m just not hungry right now..” You lied– err, half-lied. You were somewhat hungry but after looking at the food, you’d rather just starve yourself.

“Hm~ Very well then,” he shrugs. “Now, you must have been curious as to what I was doing while I was away, yes?” No, not really, you wanted to say. In fact, life had been better than ever before during the times he was gone. “Kufufu, it has been.. A century now, yes? The young prince has grown to become quite the handsome young boy. Who would have thought that it would only take a century for a little fae to become so big.” He chuckles amusingly to himself. “In just about a few more decades, he’ll be able to attend Night Raven College–” You drowned him out.

There was not much to think of, seeing as you’ve had little to explore and worry about, so you blanked out. “Ah! But don’t worry, little fairy, I have thought of you every day for the past century. I have told the young prince all about you as I could not help but miss you so,” he said, concluding the one-sided conversation.

—

Spring came and went. Now, the fluffy, white ball that comes every winter covers the ground that flowers once sprouted happily. Those flowers, dead. How many years ago was it when he had come back? You did not know, but since then, he hasn’t left the house to go anywhere. “Fufu, the young prince had granted me the blessings of being able to go home to see you,” is all he said.

Blinking away from staring off into space again, you avert your gaze from the window. If you had the choice to do embroidery or exploring, you would choose the latter without giving it a second to think. Sadly, you don’t so to pass time, you were doing, you guessed it, embroidery.

“My dear, why don’t we go on a walk?” Lilia spoke from beside you on the sofa. “Fine,” you nod.

And so, you were now bundled up with a winter cloak that protected you from head to toe from the sheer cold brought from the north, walking side-by-side with Lilia in the garden. “It’s a good thing that those pesky flies have long gone bored of those tales,” Lilia said suddenly. “Who knows what they might do to you if they had gotten their hands on you.” He once again reminds you that you belonged here– in this home– with him. But you knew better than to believe those lies that he whispers o’ so sweetly. If you had been a bit younger when he met you, you would have believed him to a fault, but luckily you weren’t.

So now, you were waiting for an opportunity to escape his clutches. Was it a mistake on his part for you to be roaming around? Perhaps. But you aren’t going to use this bit of freedom to sit idly by and be his trophy.

Slowly, you’ve gathered things you thought you might need in order to leave and survive outside all without his knowing. You weren’t a child anymore, you knew that the world is not as magical as those written in books, but you also know that there are still good in the world. Though you had only had a few centuries to yourself before you had met Lilia, you were old enough to know things.

“Little fairy, what seems to be occupying your mind, hm?” Lilia asks when he had noticed you were awfully quiet and not trying to pick a fight with him. In fact, you’ve been keeping to yourself a lot these past few days. “Nothing,” you answered snappingly. For appearance sake, you occasionally threw tantrums. “I don’t want to walk with you anymore.”

With a huff, you turned on your heels to return inside the manor. Lilia sighs defeatedly. He admires how you’re so relentless in being cold towards him. It was cute in a way. But a few centuries had passed and so you had grown (though not physically– you were as youthful as you were those years ago), yet not matured. You were still acting very much like a spoiled child. It was tiring the old fae. “I suppose this is my fault for giving her the world..” He mumbles, watching your back retreat inside. But, a smile soon after tugged at his lips lightly, “No matter.” If this is the price for keeping you caged, he does not mind.

You’ll be his and his alone.

—

The first day of spring was drawing nearer by the day. You could tell by the early spring flowers that were slowly sprouting in the garden as well as the mushy snow that were beginning to melt away It would be spring, you decided, to make your escape. And one night, when you believe that Lilia is fast asleep beside you, you quietly climb out of bed, carefully moving his arms on your hips and putting a pillow underneath it.

Not wasting time as you feared for the sun rising soon, you walked out of your shared bedroom to a random door somewhere down the halls. It was so random that Lilia would not have bothered to look inside. But, just in case, you did hide your stuff inside a large vase of flowers in a far off corner of the room.

There it was. Your satchel with everything you’ve managed to gather as well as light clothing– not those frilly, heavy clothes that he’d dress you up in– to change into and boots that you used to wear for horse riding. If you changed in the room, you were sure he would hear the ruckus you were making and wake up.

To leave no trace of your escape route, you took your nightgown– it was thin enough to be small when folded– and put it inside your satchel. You took the kitchen window to escape, sure that the doors would have traps laid out for you should you dare try anything at night. He always had believed you were gullible but you let him think so anyway. Sure, he had the thinking of a long-time general, but he had not the mind of yours. He relied too much on his strength and magic whereas you were stripped of magic and lacked the other. He had nothing to fear since he is aware of his abilities to capture you, but because of that, he did not use his head too often.

The kitchen window was a small fit, but you managed to fit through.

Not looking back at the house, you covered your hair with your cloak. With the black colour of your cloak and the darkness of the night, you slipped away seamlessly.

You were not going to stop walking until you made it outside the gates of the Valley of Thorns. No way. This entire kingdom was his domain where he had the most power and puppets to dispose of to search for you. It would also be easy to catch you here since you had an accent of a fae that’s not from the kingdom.

Once you were outside, he could do nothing to chase after you since by morning, he would have to go back to the kingdom. Yes, you watched many seasons come and go knowing that one day, he’ll have to go back to his prince. You remembered once where you were sitting across Lilia and rolled your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest, thinking that this prince was probably as no good as his guardian since it was him raising the prince. You pitied the boy since it was Lilia who was taking care of him. He would have been a great king if he was under someone else’s care.

—

The sun was high above you when you were two villages away. You were a bit tired. You hadn’t stopped walking until you knew you were far, but it was nothing too draining for a fae such as yourself who had plenty of energy set aside due to not having anything to do.

Soon, you were standing in front of the gates to– Rose Kingdom? Now, where had you heard of that name before? As if on cue, you suddenly recalled a fairytale that you read in Lilia’s library when you were younger and curious of the other places outside your little world. It was a story of a girl who fell into a hole where she met all sorts of strange creatures before meeting the Queen dressed in red. What was the story called again? Something Wanderland? Wonderland? It went along those lines, you shrug.

This is one of the many kingdoms that humans built for people like them just as how the Valley of Thorns created theirs for faes like them.

You looked around you, amazed at the lively and bright atmosphere. There were humans conversing with each other with smiles on their faces. They dressed differently than faes of the Valley, their colours more vibrant– or could it be just you? Everything seems much brighter here. Everywhere you went, every turn you turn, there were humans and not an ounce of violent tendency hinted at in them.

Walking further inside the kingdom, you were too engrossed to notice that a little boy was running in your direction, unaware of you since it seemed as if he was running away smilingly, presumably playing a game with children his age. Small as he might be, he had caused you to fall on your bottom.

“Ow..” The boy rubs his head, looking up at what he had run into and lets out a loud. “Oh! S-sorry! I didn’t see you, I’m sorry!” He had stood up and walk to be at your side with worries eyes.

“It’s okay,” you said, dropping a hand down from your head. The racking had stopped and you were unharmed.

The boy watches you before letting out another– this time, loud– gasp that draws attention to some people. “Your ears..!” Your eyes wandered to your ears and in an instant, you felt your heart drop into your stomach. Your hood fell off and your ears were out on full display. You shot up quickly and covered your ears with the hood, but it was too late. “You’re a fae!” He shrieks. At that, the crowded streets that were full of chatter stilled and all the people stared at you. There were looks of fear, panic, and outrage.

“What..” You gulped. “What about them..?”

“You’re a disgusting fae! You ruined us!” A burly man shouts. “N-no! I, I didn’t! I’m harmless, I promise–” “That’s what they all say! We had a peace treaty but your kind attacked us!”

“What are we waiting for? Capture that filthy creature!” Another shouts.

“Let’s teach it a lesson!”

“Hang it!”

You begin to back up as they close in on you. You tried to look for a way out but there was a wall behind you and you didn’t have any magic to defend yourself, not that you have it in your heart to harm magicless, innocent humans even if you were a bit stronger in brute strength.

“DIsgusting fae!”

The man who hurled the first insult was at your back and hooked his arms under yours so you could do nothing but wait for the oncoming punches and kicks thrown to you. You lurch forward at the sudden impact of a fist to your stomach.

They did not give you time to understand what happened to you before the man who held you pushed you harshly and with a kick to the middle of your back, you fell on the ground. Instinctively, you had shielded your head with your arms as they continued to stomp on you, probably hoping you’d die.

“Hurry up and let’s burn it at the stakes!” One of them shouted aloud and to which many others voiced their agreements. “This is what it gets for creatures like them who burned our old village!”

You were hoisted up and dragged hershey by the arm. You have to escape, you think. You can’t be here.

With the strength of a fae, you managed to pry yourself from the clutches of these monsters and ran. Where? You did not know, but as long as you kept running, you will be safe from these people.

It was only when you grew weary, did you stop to take a breather somewhere deep into the woods. By now, it was evening and probably time for supper. At just the thought of dinner, your stomach growled. If I was still in the manor.. You would have dinner served fresh and warm and won’t have a single thing to worry about hunger.

Luckily, you did pack bread and cookies for times like this. But, not right now. You had to preserve what little food you brought and continued walking. Just a bit more, you see warm hues of orange and yellow.. A light.

You drew closer to it and saw that there was a small house deep in the woods. It looks warm.. You rested a hand on a tree, mesmerised at the alluring colours of the light.. And the smell of food?

Before you could do anything, you heard a click behind you and then something cold pressed behind the back of your head. “You, who are you?” A man’s voice said from behind. “You better have a good reason to be lurking in the dark or I’ll blow your brains out.”

“I.. I’m lost..” you answered. “That’s what they all say,” the man said and pressed the item closer to your head. “I, I swear, sir.. I really am lost.”

“Oh my sevens! Dan, what are you doing!?” A woman’s voice drew yours and the man– who’s probably the owner of that name. The woman hurriedly walked towards you two and assessed the situation and noticed your young features and panicked. “Goodness, Dan, you can’t just put a gun to someone’s head like this. This here is a child!”

“I’m..” “Not right now,” she shoots the man a glare. “Sweetie, why are you here?”

“I’m lost,” you repeated the same answer. And once again, your stomach growls. “Oh dear.. You must have been lost for quite a while..” The woman guesses, “Come inside; it’s getting dark and cold– I don’t want you wandering around after dark. There are things that love to play after dusk..” She says cryptically. You didn’t notice the darkness that loomed over her eyes for just a second.

Inside, you were sat down at a dining table and the woman– who introduced herself as Lilith– prepared dinner for all three of you. Well, four if you counted the baby growing in her stomach. She had told you of the baby and you would have never guessed that she was pregnant if she hadn’t told you.

She mostly leads the conversion with you while her husband mainly listens as he eats. “Where are you from?” She asks. “I’m from a faraway village..” you answered. If you were to tell her of the village of faes where you were born and raised, she might freak out too. At that thought, you subconsciously pull your hood to hide your ears. “Oh? Then what brought you all the way here?” She pushes about your motives. “I wanted to travel..”

“Hmm, it’s quite dangerous around this time to travel,” she says with a concerned look on her face. “I heard from the people of the kingdom that a war might break out soon.. And if you’re travelling by foot, then you might run into some monsters. It’s dangerous for a child such as yourself.”

“It’s fine..” you say, not sounding reassuring.

After dinner, Lilith had told you of the room that you’ll stay in. It wasn’t even comparable to that of the rooms in the manor– it was smaller than that of a servant’s room. Nonetheless, you were grateful.

“Oh, but dear, don’t you want to remove that cloak of yours?” Lilith asks as she passes you something to change into for the night. Your body stiffened. “N, no.. It’s okay..”

She eyed you concerningly but let it go. “Alright..” And so, you went your way and washed yourself up before sitting on the bed, drying your hair. There was bruising from the man who had gripped you earlier but you should heal in no time.

It was peaceful here, you thought. These people don’t mind being so far out here, isolated by everything else.

You imagined the warmth of your bed and how comfy it would be right now..

Before you could sulk anymore, you hear the sound of shoes clicking against the floorboards coming closer. “Is there, [Name], is there anything else–” The voice of Lilith drew closer and before you could even reach for your cloak, she had already opened the door. You felt your heart drop as the world stilled. The wide-eyed look that Lilith gave you could only mean one thing..

“Oh dear.. Where was I?” she asked, blinking a couple of times. “Sorry, I was just surprised by how pretty your hair is.. And those ears..” Her eyes trail to the side of your face. “You must be a fae.”

You waited for her to shriek or become hateful and throw punches at you, but none of those came. “Anyway, I was wanted to know if you needed anything?” Surprised, you couldn’t utter a sound so you shook your head. With a nod, she smiled and was about to leave until you stopped her, “You’re.. You’re not going to hit me?”

Once again, her eyes widened. “Goodness, no! Why would i?” she asks, her brows drawing closer to each other. “Because you’re a fae? Goodness, no.” She moves gracefully across the room to sit with you and hold your hands in hers. “I don’t care what you are– be it a human or a fae. To me, we are all equal.”

She strokes your hands with her thumbs. “Dan and I moved all the way out here to live in tranquillity because honestly, this war that’s about to break is all pointless and silly.. I don’t want my baby to grow up fearing and hating people.”

At the end of her words, the tears that were threatening to fall, broke loose. You cried for the first time that night and in a long time. She hugs you and soothes your back. Afterwards, you went to sleep soundly, grateful to know that not all creatures outside are evil.

—

Later that night, your ears sharpened and yourself, alerted. You heard the sound of the wood underneath you creak. A bit more slow creaking sounded and now, your eyes shot open and in one swift motion you sat up and looked over your shoulder.

There he was, Dan, his face illuminated by the moon’s light. In his hands was.. A gun. “W, what are you doing?” You stammered. “You’re a fae. He said, eyes holding onto anger. You stuttered to say anything.

“You’re a filthy fae!” He said, this time, louder. “Please, don’t shoot! Lilith would–”

“Oh? What about me?” Just at the door, Lilith stood leaning on the frame. You could feel your stomach churn and your head dizzy. “Lilith.. I thought you–”

“I what? That you don't actually despise your kind, do you?” She laughed. “I thought you all were smart. I guess not.”

She walks to you, the moon showing her in all her glory. “Creatures like you are destructive, manipulative.. You used that silver tongue of yours to kill my father and my friends!” She grabs a handful of your hair, making you wince. “It was just Dan and I who survived that nightmare..” She pressed her forehead against yours and it was then that you noticed the malice that hid within them. Her eyes were hateful like Dan’s but held crazed.

“No.. No, no please.. I didn’t, I didn’t do anything–” You were crying and pleading to them, on your knees on the bed and hands clenched into a prayer. You can’t just die right here just when you have finally.. Ran away from home.

She held you like that before roughly pushing you back. She steps back before motioning towards Dan. “Go on. Shoot this creature.”

He was right..

Lilia was right all along about the outside world..

It’s honestly laughable how you were acting so coldly towards Lilia and held so much resentment when in truth, he really was just shielding you away from the truth of reality– that the reality will come and hurt you and be too much for you to handle.

These people– these monsters, are what he was protecting you from and you thought of it as him being controlling.

“Lilia..” You sobbed.

Just as you said his name, the window behind you– on the other side of the bed where Lilith and Dan stood– was smashed and the glass pieces fell onto the floor. “What the–”

“Kufufu. I’ve found you, my little fairy.” At the familiar sound of a chuckle, you whip your head to the side and just over your shoulders, Lilia stood in his full height with a dark glint in his eyes. “Lil.. Lilia..!” You stood up from the bed and went to hug him, burying your face into his chest. The sobs that you let out were incomparable to when you were pleading for mercy.

“Shh, hush now, my dear,” he strokes your head lovingly as if there was no imminent danger. “You’re safe.”

The click of a gun drew Lilia to stop his actions and let his eyes wander to the couple who were in the room with you. “You..!” Lilith shrieks, a look of horror and familiarity dawns on her face. “Oh? Do you know me?” Lilia blinks owlishly.

“How dare you show yourself here, you murderer!” “Me? A murderer? Oh dear, you must clarify for me, for you see, I am getting quite old,” he says amusingly.

“You–” “Ah-ah.. Not a step closer. One step and this house will go down,” he warns. Lilith looks towards her husband who got the memo. In one swift motion, he raises his shotgun once more and aims it towards the fae, pulling the trigger. But nothing. No fire was sounded nor cries of agony.

“Kufufu, you must have forgotten that we faes possess great power. Your weapon has long been disarmed of any bullets.” The two look at the gun in disbelief. When? How?

“My dear, have they harmed you in anyway?” He cups your face and makes you look up at him so he could check. You shook your head but he inspected anyway and found your face to be slightly bruised from the kicking your face dealt with earlier at the Kingdom of Roses. He frowns. “Then what is this? You can’t be suggesting to lie to me to save these humans who tried to kill you?” You shook your head, “This was.. From other humans.. At a nearby Kingdom..” Yes, you’re telling everything that has happened, finding a boost of confidence. Now that Lilia is here, he’ll surely do everything in his power to cast judgement for you.

Lilia’s eyes narrow a bit and a frown casts upon his lips. He was upset, but he tries his best to act calm in your presence. I mean, he has just earned your good graces; there’s no way he’ll lash out and become a monster to you once more.

He lets out a deep breath and returns to the current problem at hand. “Anyway, do pardon me and my little fairy here, but we have to be returning home now,” Lilia shrugs and lifts you up into his arms bridal style and coolly walks past the two and out of the house through the front door.

When you two got to a safe distance, a snap throughout the forest like a droplet in the still water echoed and just as you were going to wonder, Lilia spoke in that velvety voice of his, “My dear, do not look. Come, wrap your arms around me and sleep.” Obeying his words for the first time in a long time, you relaxed in his arms, too tired to refute. But, you did hear something.. Like a crackling of wood in a fireplace and further drowned out by the flames, screams. Still, you did not look back as Lilia whisks you away.

“I love you, Lilia.” With that, you bury your face into his chest and fall asleep.

Unbeknownst to you, Lilia smiles wildly– crazily. In the far distance, the house burns. You did not look back, you did not ask questions, nor did you throw a tantrum and run away from him. “Once you’re truly awake, you’ll be at home and on your bed, not questioning the reality before you..” Lilia says when he has ascertained that you are in deep slumber. Not once had you questioned how he got to you.

In the distance, the once bright flames that roared as it burns the house disappear into the dark. The cries of anguish stopped and the two couples left their suit in dark matter. The house itself and the surrounding area turned into shadow-like particles and broke away from the scene.

Lilia laughs maniacally before he finds himself again and calms down. He looks down at you, loving eyes tracing every part of your face with a smile that hid everything that just happened.

“I love you too, little fairy.”

~♡~

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