#when i went to college and started making some friends that actually understood and respected 'sometimes when i'm online i don't | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angelicmark · 4 years

Text

salt and ice (m)

pairing: haechan x reader

genre: angst, smut, fluff, f2l (kinda)

warning: unprotected sex, sixty-nining, dirty talk, oral, fingering, semi-public fingering, orgasm denial, overstimulation

wc: 14.6k

summary: lee donghyuck was your best friend, but you hated him. well, at least you think you do. you hate everything that he is, and everything he had become. despite this, you find your friendship actually quite simple with him, never crossing the line of being too complicated. as time starts to grow, and as donghyuck starts to realize he wants to become closer to you, things start to change. and soon enough, you’re stuck on the ‘complicated’ line with him. your dynamic soon becomes like salt and ice.

your blood was running. you could feel your head turning hot and your hands becoming restless. you huff out a breath of air, your eyes scanning across the door in front of you. what the hell were you doing here? this was the last place you should have been at this hour. but you were here anyway, your body moving against you and knocking against the door with haste.

you hear a loud curse from the other side of door before it swings open to a very displeased donghyuck. his hair was sticking in different directions, his eyes narrowing in your direction, shirt barely over his head and pants hanging lowly on his hips. when he realizes it’s you who disturbed him at such an ungodly hour, his eyebrow raises and he has a smirk tracing his pretty features.

“y/n? nice seeing you here,” he leans against the frame, arms crossed. and you snort at the action, your eyes rolling.

quite frankly, you hated him. you hated donghyuck and everything that he was. but he was your friend, believe it or not. lee donghyuck was your childhood friend, and everyone knew that. no one made sense of it, and to be honest, neither did you. you weren’t a ‘good girl’, but you did care about your future just a bit. donghyuck, however, could care less. deciding that fucking around and causing trouble was his way to go. and you hated him. you hated your friend since childhood. but you were still his friend.

“never mind,” your voice was monotone, and he looks at you with furrowed eyebrows, “i see you’re busy.”

he rolls his own eyes at that, “not even. i was sleeping, idiot. you think i have a girl over at this fucking hour? fuck that.”

you nod your head, a smile creeping up on you. that’s right. donghyuck hated having girls over at night, he knew that was when you normally decided it was time to go see him. sometimes it hurt you for how thoughtful he could be.

“i see,” you shift on your feet, almost feeling awkward. you didn’t really know why you were there, in all honesty. and he seemed to know that, because next thing you know, you’re being dragged into his apartment. you let out a little noise of surprise, and he chuckles.

he shuts his door, “what’s wrong?” he questions, hand still in yours as he takes you with him to his room. you didn’t exactly realize just how tired you were until you made it into the confines of his surprisingly clean room. he was tidy, beyond most belief.

you sigh, letting your hand fall loose from his as you climb into his king size bed, “tired.”

he’s quick to join you, raising an eyebrow at you, “i know that’s not all, y/n.” and you hated how much he knew you. you hated how close he clung to you, knowing you like how he felt when he held you.

your body falls limp into his grip, and he tugs you closer, “i got broken up with again.”

at this, he tenses and his mind starts flooding, his stare turning intense the longer he looks at you. he could hear his heart in his head, blood starting to rush there. he almost felt light headed. he swallows, nerves starting to surface. in some ways, donghyuck loved you. he loved how driven you were, how you were respectful of others, and secretly loving. but he knew times a million that he wasn’t your type. you always went after the high scholar boys, even as kids. so, for the rest of his life, he will lay awake and imagine that you are his. he wanted you happy, and if it wasn’t with him? he had no choice but to accept his fate.

he eases as he holds you, “men suck.”

you chuckle at his statement, somehow finding his presence comforting. “they do.” but, maybe, he doesn’t. maybe donghyuck isn’t the person everyone else sees. you know he isn’t. he places a façade up, and you would be lying if you said it didn’t bother you. you wished he would just let his guard down. maybe then you would stop holding such a grudge against him.

“can we sleep?” hyuck yawns as he snuggles into you, breathing in your scent that makes you somehow at ease. “it’s late.”

you look over at him, and notice how his eyes were barely open at this point. he sluggishly smiles at you, making you want to smile back. “yeah, of course.” you did wake him up pretty late, and you felt quite sorry for him. he hums a soft ‘goodnight’ and easily falls asleep. but his hold on you burns your skin, and you feel like you’re going against your morals by simply laying in bed with him. but he was your friend. so, why did your heart pick up when you looked at the way his eyelashes rested beautiful upon his cheeks? donghyuck was in no way your type. he wasn’t someone you could see yourself with in the long run. you were even surprised you were still friends with him after all this time, especially since you had such a bitter feeling towards him. but maybe that’s why you felt so bitter towards him. he became apart of your life so easily, for so long. and it scared you. lee donghyuck was all that you truly knew.

you stare at him one last time, before placing a soft kiss on his forehead, “goodnight, donghyuck.”

maybe you didn’t hate him as much as you thought.

“hey there, pretty girl,” you hear a voice behind you. your eyes come in contact with honey brown ones, making warmth spread through your body. you weren’t sure if it was in annoyance or fondness. but there was no denying the way hyuck’s small smile made you stare at him for just a second longer.

“hey,” you’re short in your response, turning to pay attention to the book you hold. you can practically feel his pout burning holes into the back of your head. donghyuck constantly demanded attention, needing some type of affection or else he’d probably combust.

he plops in the seat next to you, “what’s up?” he rests his head in his hand, sipping the drink he had in the other. your eyes travel down to his lips, watching as he sips the drink. you unknowingly lick your own, but it doesn’t seem to go unnoticed by him because next thing you know, he’s smiling at you like he won the lottery. “wanna kiss?”

you scoff, rolling your eyes as you turn back to the book once again, “in your dreams.”

“always in my dreams,” he sighs dramatically, making you side eye him. he was still smiling, the small moment obviously boosting his already large ego. donghyuck can’t help himself from admiring you for a few seconds. you had your lips slightly pursed, indicating you were in deep thought. or you were annoyed, but either way he found it endearing. your eyes were scanning over the pages like you belonged there right in that moment. he admires you like you’re his, like he’s allowed to and this is a normal occurrence. and maybe you can feel his gaze, and maybe you ignore it. because maybe you liked his eyes on you.

“is there something you needed?” you ask him, bringing him out of the trance he was once in.

he eyes you for a minute before finally responding, “no, not really. i just wanted to be around you, i guess.” he shrugs his shoulders as he takes another sip of his drink, the condensation starting to drip onto the table.

you nod, “okay.”

hyuck never understood you. he could never predict what you were thinking and it frustrated him, in a way. you were quite cold towards him, never once opening your heart to him. you barely even opened your mind to him. you were a mystery. maybe that’s why he stayed for so long. and hyuck never asked questions, and maybe that’s why you stayed for so long too. your friendship with hyuck was simple, you assumed. but there was a fine line between being simple and complicated, and you were sure you were right on the edge of it. donghyuck knew you practically dreaded being around him, and he always wondered why you never rejected him or shoved him out of your life.

“how are you?” the words seemed to come out of his mouth before he could think. it wasn’t like hyuck to ask random questions without a reason. this makes you raise an eyebrow in his direction, eyes finally off the book completely.

“fine, you?” it felt almost awkward to talk to him like this. you definitely weren’t used to it. most of the time, conversations with him were short and came naturally. but it seemed as if he was forcing it this time.

“fine..” he pauses, clearing his throat as he looks around the room. you were in the college café, the sun shining in on the both of you. he can see the way it lights up your hair and brightens your eyes. he swallows, seeing the few people who came in and out.

“donghyuck,” the way you say his name makes his spine shiver, “are you okay?” you look curious, an eyebrow raised in accusation.

in all honesty, he wasn’t sure. because from the way he started to notice your small habits all over again, he wasn’t sure at all. he could see you starting to pick at the corners of the pages, your eyes switching from one of his eyes to the other, your face relaxing as you waited for a response out of him.

he nods his head, regardless of being unsure, “yeah, i’m fine. i think i’m just tired. i mean, come on, nine in the morning?” he makes a disgusted face, twisting in displeasure as he glances up at the clock for a brief second.

you scoff, eyes going back to the book, “don’t tell me then.”

at this, donghyuck can’t help the surprise from etching itself onto his face. his eyebrows shot up, eyes widening and mouth twitching. he watches as you look boringly at the thick pages in front of you. you were undoubtedly genuinely reading it, judging from the way your eyes were scanning just like before he interrupted. hyuck can’t help from his brain starting to wander. were you upset? he had no clue, because if you were then you were being quite passive aggressive about it. which he guessed would be about right with you. but it didn’t change the fact that he felt... guilty?

you break the silence first before he can catch up to his thoughts, “you’re distracting, i’m trying to read.”

“am i that attractive?” hyuck puts up his front again.

you stare for a second too long, which makes him nervous. you end up not saying anything as you close your book, and he finally notices the cup of coffee on the table. you take a big gulp, scrunching up your nose at the slightly bitter taste. he takes a sip of his own drink, the cold liquid running down his throat.

“i’ll see you later, donghyuck,” you state, and he’s quick to react.

“where are you going?” he furrows his eyebrows.

you slightly raise your own eyebrow, “class?” you say it like it’s obvious.

hyuck shifts in his seat, “oh, right, sorry.” he clears his throat, “see you later, y/n.”

you stare at him curiously, before finally starting to walk away after a soft nod of your head. he sighs, letting out a deep breath. it was truly getting harder and harder being around you. it was never like that with you. he found your friendship quite simple as well, so what would happen if he starts to complicate it by changing things? he didn’t mean to draw closer to the ‘complicated’ line of your friendship, he truly didn’t. but as he watched you walk away, he couldn’t help himself from wondering if you would have let him walk you there. why did he want to be closer to you?

he’ll never be closer than this. he’ll forever be stuck in this loop of uncertainty, and it almost pained him.

the thought of you pained him, just a bit.

hyuck’s sleepy eyes were barely adjusting to the bright contrast on his phone as it loudly rings. he let’s out a groan, his slumber being interrupted. when he looked at the caller, his eyes go wide and suddenly he feels wide awake. it was you. you were calling him. he checks the time on his digital clock, furrowing his eyebrows as he sees it’s one in the morning. it wasn’t super late, but it was for you. hyuck adjusts himself in his bed, sitting upright.

pressing accept, he sighs, “y/n?” there’s silence on the other line, and he assumes maybe you miscalled him and he’s about to say something more, but you speak up.

“hyuck?” his heart skips a beat as he hears you call him by his nickname. you’ve never addressed him by that, always being formal in the way you speak. so when he hears you start to break down that piece of you, his body becomes on full alert. just for you.

“yeah? i’m here.” hyuck’s voice is soft and almost giving out on him as he sits out of breath just from hearing you call him ‘hyuck’. maybe he was being a bit dramatic, but he swears you were an angel reincarnated.

“sorry, did i wake you?” your voice on the other end is so, so soft. it’s not as firm as normal and it feels like you’re genuinely giving him a part of you that you haven’t to others.

“kinda,” he clears his throat, and you hear shuffling coming from his end of the line, “but don’t worry about it. did you need something?”

your eyes scan the room of your bedroom. why did you call him? you were completely unsure. but maybe you needed to stop trying to be so ‘sure’ of everything. exhaustion was starting to get to you and for some reason, hyuck was the cure to a long day each and every time. before calling him, you were unable to sleep. tossing and turning most of the night, and your hands and mind subconciously ended up calling hyuck, leading to now.

“no, not really.” you were being honest. you didn’t need anything. “i couldn’t sleep.”

hyuck hums, and he nods his head as if you can see, “that sucks. is something stressing you out or..?”

you shake your head, thinking he can see you this time. you’re quick to answer, though, “no, not in particular. i just wanted to call you, i guess.” you shift uncomfortably in your spot, eyes nervously shifting around the room again. you were starting to grip the phone a little tighter and your lips were beginning to become swollen from biting them.

hyuck smiles, and he’s grateful you can’t see it because then you might have closed yourself off again. he couldn’t have that. “you can always call me.” it’s so genuine that it makes your head spin a bit. you weren’t quite used to this side of him, and you were sure he wasn’t used to this side of you either.

“thanks,” you pause for a bit, debating on your next words, “you, too. you can call me, too.”

hyuck chuckles a bit, making the air just a bit lighter, “thanks, baby.”

your eyes go wide at the nickname. it wasn’t uncommon for hyuck to just outright say those things, but it still shocked you when he did. your heart started to pick up speed a bit as silence was once again created on the call. hyuck almost started to panic, but he decided to be patient because at least you haven’t hung up on him. hyuck’s flirty attitude normally annoyed you. but, this time, it did the opposite. you quite liked it.

“yeah..” you sigh, pouting as your response comes out shaky and he starts to bubble up a laugh again.

“yeah?” hyuck mocks you, raising an eyebrow as he stares at his bedsheets, imaging just how you look right now. he was sure you were just gorgeous.

“shut up,” you grumble, tone slightly playful.

hyuck grins from ear to ear at this, enjoying this side of you very much, “i would love to see you make me.”

you scoff, but you can’t help the heat you start to feel creeping up the back of your neck, “i hate you.”

“you wish you did,” you can hear the smile on his face as he speaks.

you stay quiet for a few seconds, thoughtfully wondering if you were starting to ease up on him more and more. you were. but you were unsure if you liked it or not. maybe you wanted that certain closeness with him. the thought of being closer to hyuck made your stomach turn, making you shuffle around on the bed again.

“you okay?” hyuck asks after too long of a silence.

you nod, before realizing once again he can’t see you, “yeah, sorry. i just lost train of thought.”

he hums, “i do that a lot.”

“i’m aware.”

hyuck scoffs this time, rolling his eyes playfully even if you couldn’t see, “do you think i don’t think?”

“i know you don’t,” you smile, enjoying the conversations he sparks up. “hyuck, you never think before speaking.”

there was the nickname again. he tried to compose himself, “i never what before i what, now?”

you laugh, and it’s such a heavenly sound that he wants to lock up in his head forever. he wants this memory for the rest of his life. he can only really imagine the way your teeth show and your cheeks raise in a gleeful smile as your mouth produces such a happy and bright sound. his body starts to tingle just at the thought.

your eyes glance at your clock, noticing it was edging right near two in the morning, “we should sleep, it’s late.”

hyuck checks his own clock, before agreeing with you, “we should. pretty girls like you need their beauty sleep.”

you want to scoff and roll your eyes, come up with a comeback, but all you can seem to manage is a small smile on your face. “you’re so cheesy.”

“and you like it,” hyuck had a bright grin on his face.

you nod, knowing he can’t see this time. maybe you did like it. “goodnight, hyuck.”

his heart thumps in his chest as he licks his lips out of nervousness, “goodnight, baby.”

when you hang up, your body feels hot and tingly. you weren’t used to focusing so much of your time onto him, or anyone really. it was starting to make your head feel light. there was no describing the feelings hyuck gave you. and you were so unsure of where the line stood between you and him, but you were starting to not mind being unsure. because at least you had him, and you were too scared to lose that.

hyuck was growing onto you more and more.

this was ridiculous. absolutely fucking ridiculous. you let out a large breath of air, determined to start banging on the door of your ‘best friend’. just as your knuckles almost reach the door, it swings open. and you narrow your eyes at the sight of the pretty lady in front of you. you weren’t sure if the sting in your chest was because of jealousy, or if it was simply because he bailed on you for her. but to say you weren’t surprised is true. this was how it normally was with donghyuck, and that’s what created such a high tension between the two of you. you hated it. you were starting to remember why exactly you hated him in the first place. no matter how generous and thoughtful he could be, he would always be the same person he was a month ago.

“oh, hello!” she chirps with a light smile, unsure where to go with the conversation. you catch the sight of her slightly smudged lipstick and messy hair, failing to keep her composure the longer she stood there.

“hi,” you spoke firmly, like usual. you were starting to fall back into old habits between yourself and others, including donghyuck.

“are you alright-” you hear the voice of the male who bailed on you once again for a piece of ass. his face drains of color as he sees you at the door, suddenly realizing his huge mistake. but it doesn’t even phase you anymore, too used to the feeling of being disappointed by him.

“i’ll be going,” the lady speaks softly, aware of the tension in the room. you don’t watch as she leaves, stuck on glaring at donghyuck in front of you.

“this is a classic,” you scoff, your voice spilling with a vile tone.

he winces, “look, i’m sorry.”

you laugh bitterly, not once breaking eye contact, “that’s a bigger fucking classic. what kind of ‘friend’ bails each and every fucking time on them for a fuck from a girl? was it worth it? was she good?” you step closer as you reach inside his apartment, “i’ve been patient with you, donghyuck. so fucking patient. you don’t text, you don’t even call. not a single fucking notice from you, and i have to come here personally each time just to see you’re fucking yet another girl. i could give two shits who you’re fucking, but it matters when you cancel on me each time for someone else.”

donghyuck freezes in his spot. you’ve never spoken that much before, normally opting to a ‘i see’ and then leaving. the guilt sitting in the pit of his stomach is large this time. he wants to speak and tell you he’s sorry, but he realizes now that it won’t make much of a difference this time. maybe it never has made a difference, maybe you always felt this way. he was sure you did.

you huff, finally looking away from him as you turn your back to him and walk out the door that still remained open. you didn’t have much else to say to him. you hated him, and this made it final. you kept him around each and every time because he stayed by your side too. but this time was different, so different. you wondered how you could go from opening up to him to hating him again so quickly.

“y/n,” his voice sounded almost fragile. “i’m sorry, and i realize it might not make a difference this time. or any other time. but i just don’t think i’m sure of where my heart lies when it comes to you.”

you stand still, and it feels like the world did too. you weren’t sure how to react. what did that even mean? you huff, the air suddenly feeling suffocating. friendships were in no way supposed to be like this, feel like this. it was hell on both parts. why were you so afraid of letting him go? when you turn again and look at him, you see he’s avoiding eye contact with you. it was tense, neither of you choosing to speak first after his statement. you desperately wanted to leave, turn around and walk out. your heart was hammering in your chest and the blood was rushing to your head. you could even hear your heart at this point.

“i think i have feelings for you,” he gulps, eyes wandering around the room.

you scoff, “you have a sick way of showing it.” it seems that you completely skip over the meaning behind his words. you only really realize what he’s said after you spit out your comeback.

“yeah.” he’s quiet, and you’re not used to that side of him.

you believed communication was a crucial part of a friendship, but you were at a loss of words this time. where did your friendship go completely wrong? when did it suddenly become so complicated? was it secretly always this way? your mind was flooding with questions, but you couldn’t bring yourself to ask anything.

your face turns into a deep frown, eyebrows furrowing as you try to complete the thoughts in your head. nothing felt right, not a single thing. maybe that’s why you leave that night with a simple nod of your head. you were unsure, once again. and you didn’t find comfort in it. you leave that night, a million questions unanswered and so many words unsaid. and donghyuck doesn’t stop you, and you don’t turn around. you can feel yourself just itching to turn around, but you don’t. you listen to your head over your heart, once again.

you end up going days without speaking to him, avoiding him perfectly. donghyuck makes no effort into communicating with you either, making it a lot easier to avoid him. as days pass, and as those days turn into well over a week, you can feel a hole starting to create itself in your heart. you were slowly starting to tear yourself apart each and everyday. was donghyuck truly that important to you? you tried filling the empty spots with studying and lots of sleep but no matter what you do, nothing ever felt right. nothing could fill that certain type of void that you knew, in a way, belonged to donghyuck. he was the comfort after a long day, no matter how many times he had disappointed you. you hated how much a part of you knew you needed him in your life. you hated that donghyuck had that kind of power over you.

you sigh, tears starting to prickle in your eyes. you scan across your desk in front of you, seeing the endless papers and pens and pencils laying there. you were slowly starting to understand what donghyuck meant when he said he didn’t exactly know where his heart laid when it came to you. because you were starting to become unsure of where your own heart was when it came to him. you desperately wanted to hate him. you shoved that certain idea in your head for so long just to avoid these kinds of feelings. maybe a part of you knew you couldn’t keep that up forever.

you jump when you hear your phone starting to ring, the annoying sound filling the once silent room. you search under the piles of papers, finally coming in sight with the device. when you see the caller, your stomach drops and your heart picks up. of course it was donghyuck. you stare at the screen for what seems like hours, before watching as the call automatically declines. you wanted to answer, but your fingers wouldn’t let you hit accept. your body froze, and your muscles seemed to stop working just for that small moment.

you let out a strong breath of air, wiping away the excess tears. you were starting to run out of energy. you quickly became exhausted, eyes drooping as you lightly place your phone back down. simply thinking about donghyuck was becoming draining, and you just wished you could turn that part of you off. the part that secretly cared so deeply for him. the part that wanted to keep trying for him. the part that kept bringing him back in, each and every time. but maybe you knew there was no turning that off.

there was no turning back from caring for donghyuck.

two whole weeks of not talking to donghyuck, and you were starting to fall into this sickly slow routine. it felt like days were dreadfully passing one by one. as you were studying, you hear a knock on your door. and you already assumed who it was, your brain starting to come back to its senses. and you don’t seem to hesitate this time as you make way to the door, swinging it open just to come in contact with honey brown eyes. you hated how significantly beautiful he looked, even with bags under his eyes and messy hair.

“i hate you,” you breathe out, your chest tightening the longer you look at him.

“i know,” he says, and you almost want to cry from hearing his voice after so long. “i know you do.”

“you’re such a fucking jerk, donghyuck.” and you fall into him. your body slugs its way into his arms, and he accepts you like you belong there and nowhere else. and maybe you did, but you weren’t admitting that anytime soon. your arms wrap around his torso, holding him so tightly you were almost worried for his lungs and ribs. but he didn’t seem to care. he just held you, his own arms wrapping around your shoulders and tugging you closer.

you can make out the scent that’s so distinctively him, your hands starting to fist into his shirt and causing it to wrinkle. you hold onto him and this moment so tightly. you were almost afraid he would disappear. why did you need him so bad?

when you start to pull away, he lets out a sigh. you can see just how exhausted and tired he was. “i’m sorry.” his voice is hoarse, and his eyes are barely awake.

“fuck you.”

you press your lips to his. and there’s no describing the feeling you get when he kisses you like you are all he needs in that very moment. his hands are on your body quicker than you can imagine, and your own are in his hair, tugging and pulling to bring him closer. he lets out a noise of approval, his hands traveling up your shirt to feel your bare skin. you shiver, the action not going unnoticed by the boy you’re kissing. you don’t feel sparks, but you do feel butterflies starting to form in the pit of your stomach. donghyuck was not the person you needed, but he was desperately what you wanted.

he makes his way into your small complex finally, shutting the door behind him as he kisses you for all he’s worth. and you feel that hole in your heart beginning to be filled the longer you kiss him. his tongue swipes along your lower lip, asking for access to which you grant him. the world seems to be falling into place for that small moment.

“bed,” you huff, pulling apart from him. he nods his head, eagerly leading you towards your bedroom.

he’s quick to push you down, and you’re quick to place your lips back on his, your fingers already pulling at the strands of his hair. you noticed it grew just a bit longer than usual, but you weren’t complaining in the slightest. donghyuck hums against your lips, exploring your mouth with his tongue and making you let out a sweet sound that goes straight to his ears. he can’t help himself from pressing into you, his hips rolling against yours. he needed to hear more of you, he was already addicted to the noises you made.

this prompted him in pulling away, earning the cutest whine from you. he chuckled at you expense, “i’m not going anywhere.” he licks his lips, “can i remove these?” he tugs at the hem of your sweatpants, looking at you for approval. when you quickly nod, he smiles angelically and makes quick work of removing them. he takes notice of the shirt you’re wearing, realizing that it belongs to him. “miss me that much?” his hands feel along your thighs, the skin soft under his fingertips.

“yes,” your response surprises him, his eyebrows shooting up. “it smelled like you.” he takes in the sight of your innocent eyes scanning him, the teary look making his heart beat wildly in his chest.

“fuck,” he lets out. he licks his lips again, “i want to eat you out.”

you laugh softly, “do you?” he nods. “i want to suck you off, though.” you pout, your hands starting to trail down to his own pair of sweatpants. he looks at you for a moment, before something clicks in his head. you’re about to ask what he’s thinking of, before he abruptly flips the two of you over. you let out a soft yelp, “donghyuck-”

“sixty-nine,” he says simply, taking sight of you straddling him. “ride my face and suck my cock.” you wiggle on top of him, feeling his hard on. he groans a bit, “please? i really want to taste you.”

you take a moment to think it over, before finally nodding your head, “okay.” he smiles at you as he makes quick work of his own shirt, making you follow right after. when his eyes come back to you, you’re shirtless and your breasts are right in front of him. he lowly curses under his breath, admiring just how beautiful you really are.

“holy shit,” he mentally devours you, his hands making way along your sides and going to cup you. you sigh into his hold, his fingers starting to pinch and pull at your nipples. the sweet mewl you let out makes his cock twitch in his pants. you grind against him, eyes starting to close out of bliss. “fuck, baby. so pretty.”

you whine, “please, donghyuck.” you open your eyes again to look at him, “let me suck you off.”

he groans, “fuck, yeah, okay.” he lets go of your breasts, trailing his hands to your panties. “take these off.” you nod your head, making quick word in slipping them off, leaving you completely bare for him. he takes in the sight of you once again, you were truly too beautiful for this world. so perfect in his eyes.

your hands tug at his sweatpants, “take these off now.” you smile sweetly at him, something he’s not quite used to. he’s not sure he ever would be. he follows your command, and you watch as his cock springs free from his underwear and sweatpants. you can’t help from licking your lips at the sight, wanting nothing more than to have him in your mouth. he was so pretty.

“turn around and sit on my face.” his words were so vulgar, but he says them like they’re the most casual thing in the world. you can feel your body starting to heat up, following what he said. when you start to inch closer to his face, you become more aware of how close he is to your pussy. “don’t be nervous. fuck, please don’t be nervous. you’re so damn pretty like this, so wet.”

you feel his hands make way to your thighs, his fingers digging into the skin there, “donghyuck..” you want to say more, but he’s already working on your core before you can get anything else out. you gasp, a sound of surprise leaving you and turning into a soft whine. he revels in it, wanting more and more out of you.

“so sweet, too,” he hums against you. the vibrations make you curl forward, suddenly aware of his cock that sat there painfully hard in front of you. two could play, you thought. when your hand shakily wraps around him, slowly going up and down, he groans against you and pulls away for a second. “fuck, okay.”

he quickly dives right back into your pussy when he feels you spit on his cock before licking up the base. he sighs, his tongue running along your folds before pressing into your clit. you moan as you suck on his tip, one of your hands gripping tightly onto his thigh while the other is wrapped around his dick. he’s heavy and hot on your tongue, but it’s so hard to focus when hyuck begins to moan against you and dip his tongue inside of you, curling it to reach a certain spot.

“hyuck,” you call out his name, and his ears perk up at the sweet sound. he works his tongue against you faster and your hips buck against him, wanting more.

“such a sweet, pretty cunt.” his words make you take him back into your mouth as far as you can go, slightly gagging around him. he lets out a choked groan, the sound going straight through you as his tongue continuously curls inside of you. it feels so fucking good, your mind turning hazy as you try your best to bob your head and stay focused on him. when you pull back from his cock, a string of saliva attaches there between your lips and you let out a loud moan of his name when you feel him press his fingers against your clit. you lazily jerk him off, your head resting against his thigh.

“fuck, fuck. hyuck, you’re so good, feels so good.” he hums, speeding up again and making you start to grind down against his tongue and fingers. you swirl your tongue around the head of his cock and moan, the vibrations making him buck his own hips into your mouth.

“shit,” he curses, “just like that, baby.” he feels as you start to speed up your own ministrations, bobbing your head quicker and wrapping your hand around what you can’t reach. “my pretty girl, fuck.” his voice was trailing away from him, making him go right back to tongue fucking you. you were so, so close. you could almost taste it.

“hyuck i..” you pull away from his cock, but your hand doesn’t stop its fast pace on him, “i’m gonna cum, shit, you’re gonna make me cum.” the hand that wasn’t rapidly jerking him off was still clutching desperately onto his thigh, and you were sure you left some kind of bruise there and some scratches. but he didn’t seem to mind as he hummed against you, encouraging you to cum.

“cum for me,” he licks you and his fingers pick up pace on your clit, making you wail out a cry, “cum on my tongue, let me taste my sweet girl.”

your hand tightens around his cock, making him hiss as you let out a string of moans and cries, your orgasm washing over you. he can’t help himself from cumming with you, the sounds you make being enough to set him off. you feel as some of his cum spurts onto your hand and even a little on your shoulder. and he licks you clean while groaning against you, helping you ride it out as you wildly buck your hips against his face. he thinks it’s the prettiest sight he has ever had the pleasure of seeing. he continues to lick you clean, and you have to swat his head away for him to stop after slowing your hand down on his dick. you roll off of him, your legs giving out on you as you lay next to him.

“you’re so pretty fucked out,” he comments, looking at you like you carry heaven in your eyes.

you laugh breathlessly, “thanks.” you lick your lips, tasting the small sheen of sweat, “you too.”

a light dust of pink spread on his cheeks, “you’re covered in my cum.”

“you’re covered in mine.” you spit back, and he laughs.

“we should clean up.” his voice is soft, and so are his eyes. his hooded lids trail across your body, admiring you once again. even when you look like a mess, he still thinks you’re the most beautiful girl to exist.

“yeah,” you agree, “shower?”

“please?” he whines, making you chuckle and nod your head.

the shower is mostly quiet, no words exchanged as the both of you clean one another off. there’s no hidden meaning this time, and it’s not rushed. you want this moment to last forever. there was no fighting, no heavy tension, and the moment wasn’t complicating like the rest. it was silent, but it wasn’t suffocating. and you could only wish for more moments like these.

the two of you wrap up in one another’s arms for the night, letting tomorrow worry for itself for the night.

you felt like you were on fire, your body burning as you catch sight of donghyuck. he was on campus on time for the first time in awhile, and it made you swim with curiosity as you start to approach him. he didn’t seem to notice you yet, eyes trained on his phone with a bored expression. when you reach him, he looks up with wide eyes, like he wasn’t expecting you. you hadn’t seen him in almost a whole entire week. you weren’t avoiding him, you just simply didn’t have the time to talk to him.

“what are you doing here? we don’t have classes together,” you pointedly ask him, eyes almost narrowing in his direction.

“come with me,” he cheekily smiles at you, like you’re really about to follow after him.

“no.” your answer is so simple, and he pouts at you.

“why? i promise it’s good.” he tries to persuade you, looking at you with a certain look in his eyes. and you hate that look, because you normally always fall for it. he was going to tear you down one day.

you feel irritation looking at him, “i have to study.” your tone was quite cold, and he seemed to catch on.

his eyes scatter around the building, “just this once.”

you roll your eyes, “no. if you want to head to the library with me, you can. but i’m not going anywhere with you.”

donghyuck stands for a minute, considering your words before finally shrugging his shoulders, “alright then. let’s go.” he smiles as you look at him blankly before finally starting to walk towards the library. you weren’t sure what he had up his sleeve, but he seemed too content for your comfort. he noticed your slightly tense shoulders, but said nothing. he just softly hums to himself, hands in his pockets as the both of you walk.

when you enter the library, you send him a look of warning to keep quiet. he just smiles like usual, making you even more uneasy. donghyuck was in no way innocent, and you knew this. maybe you shouldn’t have invited him knowing this, but a small shameful part of you was curious what he had in store for you. donghyuck would never go to the library voluntarily without having something else planned.

you walk to the back, somewhere quiet without many people. you preferred this spot over anywhere else, and suddenly you’re aware of how intimiate this all seems. you place yourself in the seat, and he makes sure to sit as close to you as possible. you huff, bringing out your books quietly and trying to ignore his presence. you had no plans of giving him the satisfaction of your attention. your mind plays several past events with donghyuck, unable to pay attention to your studies as you’re well aware of his cologne scenting up the air. you want to hate him for how much he has consumed your brain, but you can’t seem to focus on that as he lightly places a hand on your knee.

now you know what he wants.

your eyes shoot him a glare, silently telling him to knock it off. he doesn’t seem to listen as he smirks to himself, looking at your lips. you can’t seem to deny the intriguing feeling you get as he runs his hand up higher to your thigh. you can feel his thumb rubbing in circles, practically burning holes in your clothes. you break eye contact, hands hastily clutching onto the book in front of you. but you never once tell him directly to stop, and he takes it as a sign to continue. it fills his pride, and you know it does. you curse to yourself in your head. you shouldn’t be giving him what he wants so quickly. but you can’t help yourself from slightly spreading your legs when his hand inches higher and higher before finally hovering over the button on your jeans. he watches your face, licking his lips as he imagines kissing them to distract you. his hand is hot against you, making you slightly squirm.

he lowers his face to your ear, “can you be quiet?” his tone is teasing, and you immediately want to slap him. but you also desperately want him to finger you.

you’re suddenly aware of where you are, looking around with panic, “here?” you ask back in a hushed whisper before looking at him. he was really close to you, you could practically taste the mint of the gum in his mouth.

his lips quick up, “i asked you to go somewhere else earlier, but you refused.” he lightly kisses your cheek, his fingers starting to move again and make work on your button and zipper, “so i’ll just have to finger fuck you here, hm?”

you look at him with soft eyes, and he admires you for a minute. you weren’t normally obedient towards him, always having to argue against him. but you couldn’t seem to stop the soft nod of your head as you spread your legs wider for him. he’s almost just as surprised as you, but neither of you say anything. his hand makes its way inside your jeans, cupping your heat over your panties. he watches as your tense shoulders start to sag and you ease into his touch, it fuels his ego. he hears the soft sigh you let out when he presses his fingers against your clit, rubbing in agonizingly slow circles. you direct your gaze back to the book in front of you, trying not to look too obvious. your hands are tightly clutching onto the ends, your fingers turning cold from the lack of blood. hyuck softly chuckles, watching you closely.

“you’re so cute,” he presses his fingers harder and starts moving quicker, “and you’re getting so wet, soaking your panties.”

your walls flutter against your own judgement, and you don’t say anything as he whispers soft dirty words in your ear. you gasp when he finally moves his hand inside your panties, fingers making direct contact with your wet pussy. he swirls his fingers around your hole, spreading the wetness along his fingers. he watches as your breathing becomes heavier, but he really wants to watch you try to keep your composure. he slowly inserts one of his fingers inside of you, and he watches as your eyes start to flutter shut.

“dripping cunt,” he leans closer to you, nipping at your ear softly, “so snug around my fingers. i wonder how tight you’ll be around my cock.”

you bite at your lower lip to prevent any noise coming from you as he inserts another finger inside you, pumping too slowly for your liking. donghyuck licks his lips again, enjoying the sight of you and feeling your body starting to heat up. his cock was becoming hard just watching you.

“faster,” you huff out, sounded quite breathless. you didn’t want to sound so effected by him, but it was getting harder and harder. “please..” you plead him so quietly, he was almost unsure if he heard you right. but when you look at him with hooded eyes, he knows he heard right.

he can’t seem to deny you, moving his fingers at a faster pace. the slight constriction of your jeans makes his palm rut against your clit, causing extra stimulation and making you shudder. he watches as your body reacts so perfectly to him. how could someone look so pretty? he was truly lucky that no one was around, because they’d definitely know what was happening from the way hyuck was staring at you right now. when hyuck curls his fingers upward with each harsh thrust, you let out a soft sound and immediately cover your mouth with your hand.

“feel good, baby?” he asks, looking at you with sickeningly sweet eyes. “you like my fingers inside you? inside your pretty pussy? i can feel just how wet and tight you are.”

you sigh, closing your eyes as your mind turns hazy from pleasure, “hyuck.” his name sounds so pretty and beautiful coming from you, even in a soft whisper. he finds himself completely whipped for you in that moment. he wants nothing than to please you.

“yes, angel? what does my baby need?” his voice is low and raspy in your ear, making you clench around his fingers.

“wanna cum,” you open your eyes and look at him while removing the hand from your mouth, your lips almost touching his. he swallows at the sight of you so fucked out from just his fingers. “let me cum, make me cum. please.”

he nods his head quickly, “anything for my pretty girl, anything.” he kisses your temple as you face the direction of your book again, nowhere near focused on it. he hears the soft whimper you make when he picks up his pace more, curling his fingers and making sure to rut his palm against your throbbing clit. it feels so good, he knows exactly what to do. and you find yourself becoming achingly close to your release, one of your hands reaching down to grab onto his thigh. your nails dig into his skin, and he watches with awe, admiring you like you’re the most beautiful creature to exist on earth. and he thinks you are. he imagines your nails digging into his arms and back as he makes you cum on his cock, but that’ll be for another time.

“i’m so.. close,” you whisper, your eyes squinting shut as your hips twitch.

“cum for me,” he urges you, “cum around my fingers, princess. right in this library where anyone can see.”

you shudder, your body seeming to comply to his words. your nails press into his skin so harshly, he’s almost afraid you’ll draw blood from his thigh. but he doesn’t care as he hears you utter out a soft whimper of his name, cumming right around his fingers and completely falling apart. he sees as you struggle to keep quiet, opting to rest your head on his shoulder while you nuzzle your face into his neck. he can hear your little whines so clearly and feel your breath there. it makes him swell with pride that you’re in this state all because of him. he works you through your pleasant high until your tugging at his hand and pulling it out of your pants.

“fuck,” you sigh, buttoning and zipping up your pants as quick as you can. “i hate that you just did that.” your tone is so harsh but it doesn’t effect him in the slightly. he just pops his fingers in his mouth, tasting your sweetness.

he hums as he releases his fingers, “you taste so good.”

you hush him, hitting him lightly on the shoulder and looking away from him. you look at your abandoned book that you dropped on the table while in the middle of getting absolutely finger fucked by your ‘best friend’. you huff, still unsure if you even considered him as a friend after everything. you hated him, but you didn’t. it made you almost uneasy, but you try your best to hide it as you look back at the boy next to you. he runs a hand through his hair, looking at you curiously.

“i have classes,” you state simply, gathering your books and placing everything in your bag. he watches you with a raised eyebrow.

“that’s it?” he asks.

you furrow your eyebrows, “i have classes. i’m not skipping them.”

“i’m so hard right now, though.” he whines a little too loudly.

your eyes go wide, placing a hand over his mouth, “god, shut up!” you hurriedly whisper, “take care of it yourself, i didn’t ask you to finger me.”

“you loved it, though.” he smiles cheekily again as you remove your hand from his face.

you roll your eyes, “bye, donghyuck.”

he watches as you walk out, his cock hard and his heart suddenly feeling empty. a part of him wanted more than that. not just sex-wise, but he wanted you completely and wholly. he sits back in his seat, sighing to himself. he really wasn’t sure how else to exert his feelings towards you other than this.

he really fucked himself this time.

your eyelids were heavy, and your head was pounding. you were inevitably tired, completely exhausted. walking out of your last class of the day, you’re greeted with a bright smile and gleaming eyes from the man himself, lee donghyuck. over the course of the month, the two of you starting hanging around each other more and more. but it was never casual, always leading to something ‘more’. you assumed this was what others called friends with benefits, but you were still on the fence of calling him your friend. you really shouldn’t feel that way, but you couldn’t help it. you guessed for now, donghyuck was just someone you were fucking around with. you haven’t had actual sex yet, but you assumed it would come sooner or later. the thought crossed your mind several times, but it never came up with him. you weren’t complaining too much, though. he could eat pussy like a god and finger you well enough, and you didn’t mind sucking him off and giving him handjobs.

donghyuck, on other hand, was internally struggling and you had no idea. he was slowly dying on the inside. donghyuck wanted more out of you, but he had no way of asking properly. he had no way of addressing anything to you. he always had a hard time putting his feelings on the line, especially when it came to you. the both of you were never really like that. it was always a simple exchange, never being too intense or filled with too much emotion. he saw you as distant, or simply in another world in your own head. he wanted to be apart of your world. he wanted to be your world. but he had no idea how to be. and you’ll probably never know that.

“how was class?” donghyuck nods at you, greeting you easily like he wasn’t freaking out inside. you don’t notice any different.

“fine.” you sigh out, eyes tiredly gazing at him. he seems the way you barely keep them open, pouting at you.

“you didn’t get enough sleep, did you?” he sounds concerned, but you brush it off.

“no,” you pause for a second, adjusting the strap of your bag so it’s over your shoulder with more ease, “i was up studying most the night. time got away from me so easily.” you sounded so exhausted, he was almost worried. oh hell, he was worried. he knew he was worried for you.

“wanna cuddle and sleep?” he raises an eyebrow at you, the question sound too inviting to you.

you look at him curiously, before slowly nodding your head, “i’m so tired.”

hyuck grins from ear to ear at you agreeing, “my place or yours?”

“yours,” you answer quickly, “my neighbors suck, i barely sleep there.” you grumbled with a sour expression, and he chuckles at your cute tone.

“that sucks,” he says, walking along your side as you both make it to his car. he opens the door for you, just like he did this morning. donghyuck was now giving you rides to and from college, being way too doting but you don’t complain or make objections. he was grateful for it, and so were you.

as he situates himself in the car after helping you in, he drives away with ease. you watch as he becomes focused on the road, his occasional furrowed eyebrows as he silently becomes angered by the drivers around him. it was actually quite endearing, and you liked watching him so closely. you assumed he didn’t notice or mind, but in reality he was way too aware of your eyes. they were burning into his skin and a part of him loved it way too much, and the other part wished you would look away from him. he could feel his neck and ears starting to get hot, but he tries to brush off the feeling of your eyes on him. he sighs when he finally reaches his apartment complex, looking over at you as he parks the car.

“let’s get you rested,” hyuck smiles brightly at you, and you notice a soft dust of pink across his cheeks but you don’t say anything.

“can’t wait,” you yawn, stretching out your arms as donghyuck makes his way out the car and to your door. he holds his hand out for you to take, and you look at him gratefully. his palm feels so warm in your own as you take it in your own, feeling just how soft it really was. his slender fingers wrap around your hand, and you feel almost flustered. when he lets go of your hand, you almost want him to keep holding onto you. you shake off the feeling immediately.

walking to his apartment was quiet, but for once it was comfortable. it wasn’t a suffocating silence like most times between the two of you nowadays. it felt nice being able to be around him like this for the first time in awhile. when you make it to his door, he opens it for you and waits for you to walk in first, holding his arms out in gesture for you to walk in. he has a bright smile on his face, like usual. you start to find it more and more charming as the days go by, and that develops a fear inside you. you wouldn’t be able to handle loving him. the thought alone made you more cautious and more anxious.

“do you want some of my clothes?” donghyuck closes his front door, taking off his shoes with you as the two of you make it to his bedroom. you place your bag next to the bedroom door, another yawn escaping you.

you nod your head, “please?” you ask cutely, and he lowly chuckles.

“anything for you,” he smiles, handing you some of his clothes. you take them with a warm smile of your own, and he feels his heart start to flutter. when you start to strip in front of him, he raises an eyebrow as he watches you with a close eye. “right here?”

you roll your eyes, “it’s not something new for you to see, donghyuck.”

hyuck simply smirks to himself, watching you as you change. when you slip his shirt over your head, he finds it quite endearing. you look pretty in his clothes, and he decides he’ll offer you his clothes more often just to see you wear them. you don’t wear pants, simply slipping your own off and leaving you in panties and his shirt. he admires you like you’re a work of art, and he believes that you are. he moves closer to you, wrapping his arms around your body. you jump slightly, feeling his chest pressing into your back. when he starts to press soft kisses along your neck and up your jaw, you ease into his hold. he feels you slump into his chest, and watches as your eyes flutter close.

“too tired,” you groggily answer, and he laughs against your skin, making a shiver run down your spine.

“i’m not expecting anything,” he mutters, the vibrations traveling through your body, “i just wanted to kiss you.”

you hum, resting your head against his shoulder as you look over at him. he was incredibly close, you could feel his breath fanning your face. he looks at your lips, making you unconciously lick them. his own quirk into a small smile, before leaning over to press a soft kiss to your lips. this kiss feels so different, and it sends your mind swirling. there wasn’t a hidden intention, and his hands were soothingly rubbing your sides. his lips were so soft against your own, slowly kissing one another. it feels unfamiliar coming from him, but you were too tired to really do anything or think too much about it. it feels... good. you discover that you like kissing him like this. your mind feels floaty by the time the two of you part, looking into one another’s eyes as he rests his forehead against your own. he looks so pretty up close like that, and he can say the exact same for you.

“let’s get some rest,” he whispers, slowly pulling apart from you. you subconciously follow after him, your body suddenly drawn to him like a magnet and needing to be near him. when he lays down, he opens the covers for you to slot yourself next to him. you ease into him so easily, and it feels more comfortable than normal. it feels less out of the ordinary, and more like...home. resting in his arms, felt like a certain different type of home. the kind you never wanted to leave. but you don’t struggle against him, and you don’t try to escape that feeling for the time being.

donghyuck may have always been home to you.

“i don’t get it,” you huff, eyebrows furrowing in the direction of the boy in front of you. he looks at you with nervous eyes, scanning your face and trying to read the room. he had no idea what you were thinking right now, and that terrified him. “i really just don’t get you. at all, donghyuck.”

hyuck lets out a breath of air, and he’s starting to feel the same way that you do. he didn’t exactly understand himself either. he was never sure where his feelings sparked up, or how they developed. the two of you sat together on his couch, in the middle of kissing before donghyuck abruptly pulled apart from you with wavering eyes. you tried to ask him what was wrong, but he just shook his head. you wanted to know what was wrong, but you knew he most likely wouldn’t say. you never opened up, so you didn’t expect him to either. the two of you were stuck in that cycle.

“sorry,” he mumbles, slowly shuffling away from you.

there’s a strong silence being created in the air as the minutes go by. you weren’t sure how to go from there. your mind was starting to flood with possibilities of the way your current relationship with donghyuck would go. you stare at his features, watching as his jaw starts to tighten under your gaze. his eyes fall onto his hands that are fiddling with the ends of his shorts, and he only lightly licks his lips. he can taste the excess of your chapstick, making him frown. it truly pained him, because he wished your kisses were out of love, and not out of lust.

“don’t be,” you say quietly, still inspecting him from your seat. he looks at you briefly with a small smile before looking away again. his eyes were almost empty, and it made you start to worry. “tell me what’s wrong.”

“nothing,” he tries to assure you with a smile again, looking you in the eyes again, but maintaining eye contact this time. you frown at him this time, knowing that’s not true. you didn’t want to force him into talking, but it bothered you that he was struggling and not saying anything to you.

you were completely unaware it was about you.

you didn’t know what to do. you felt like you were stuck, frozen in place. you ease into your spot on his couch, sitting criss cross next to him. donghyuck returns to his gaze on his lap, his fingers now intertwined with one another. he screwed up, he really screwed this up. if only he wasn’t so hesitant about everything that involved you, maybe he could ease up again. but he realized that would never be the case. for as long as you were around, he wasn’t going to be able to escape this feeling. everything about you seemed to drive him crazy. the way you would laugh, the way your chapstick stained his lips after kissing, the way you smelled like his own version of home. no matter what, he was convinced you would have always been a big part of his life. a huge part of him was grateful to have met you. he would never feel like he deserved you after everything, and a strong part of him felt sorry. he will never understand why you stayed for so long, but he truly wouldn’t be able to thank you enough.

donghyuck looks at you again, seeing how you sit patiently next to him. he then realizes that’s how it had always been. you waiting patiently for him while he figures his shit out. every single time, it had been you. his eyes well up suddenly while you sit, unaware of his current debate in his head. your eyes were scanning over your phone, scrolling through whatever app you were on. he admire the way the screen lights of your face, created a gleam in your eyes under the dim lighting of the room. you were beautiful like that, and he noticed the way you would scrunch your nose when you saw something you didn’t quite enjoy. he noticed the small twitch in your thumb as you pause to read something. he was noticing small details that you were probably unaware of. he found them endearing, all because they were you.

suddenly, hyuck slowly takes the phone out of your hand. you look at him with curious eyes as he turns it off, placing it on the coffee table and looking you deeply in the eyes. you feel your heart starting to pick up speed again. his stare was turning intense, making you want to scoot away from him almost, but you don’t. you stay put as he tries to figure out just what he wants to do. and donghyuck feels his own heart thumping against his chest. you would always be patient with him, he realizes.

“you mean the world to me.” it’s so abrupt, and you open your mouth slightly in shock as your eyes go wide. “i’ve discovered so much these past few months. and it’s not just because we created some kind of friends with benefits thing here, but i realized this was coming for a long time now.” his eyes never leave yours. “you’re always there. you’re always in the back of my mind no matter what. you’re the only person who has stuck by me through everything. you’re the only one who makes me feel this way, the only one who makes me question everything. you’ve made such a huge impact on my life, believe it or not. and i believe you will always be a huge part of me.” hyuck lightly grasps your hands in his, and you feel your body freeze in place, “i will never be able to get you out of my mind, because you are my home, i’ve discovered. you will always be home.”

time stands still. everything stands still. not much else mattered in that moment other than hyuck. he was staring you down, and you realize he was probably waiting on a reply. but you had no idea what to say after that. what were you supposed to say? you look him in the eyes, seeing the world in his honey brown eyes. donghyuck was in no way always good to you, you know this. your dynamic was actually quite toxic at some point. neither of you knew how to outwardly put your emotions on the line. but as you look at him in that very moment, you realize maybe hyuck was all you needed. you realized you would always end up caring for him, no matter what phases he goes through. and he knows this. he knows you will always be there, and he promises in his head that he will do the same for you now. you deserved that, at the very least.

you don’t say anything as you slowly lean forward to press a sweet kiss to his lips. he accepts you completely, the taste of your chapstick putting him under a spell. your hands leave his to trail along the nape of his neck, fingers lightly massaging his scalp in reassurance. he knows there probably wasn’t much you could have said in that moment, so he just kisses you back. he kisses you like he truly means it, and you can feel his emotions pouring out of him. his own hands grasp onto your hips, urging you to come forward onto his lap. the kiss remains slow and sweet, sending you into a frenzy. you weren’t used to kissing him like this, but you definitely weren’t complaining. it felt right. you knew this was right where you were supposed to be.

hyuck’s thumbs trace soothing circles into your hips as his hands lightly travel up under your shirt, but they don’t go anywhere. his hands are glued to the skin of your hips, sending a shiver down your spine when he lightly nips at your bottom lip. he smiles, before letting his tongue slip in your mouth. you let out a soft noise of approval, and he can’t seem to adore you any more than right now. he wishes he could stay like this forever.

when he pulls back, he sees the way your lips shine and your eyes glitter for him. he rests his forehead against yours after placing a soft kiss to your cheek, “i only need you.”

you softly smile, and he feels his stomach flip at the sight, “me too.”

he would not trade this, or you, for anything or anyone else.

you gasp for air, your back arching up as donghyuck works his fingers inside of you at a fast pace, his kisses marking along your neck, “feel good, baby? you’re so wet.” he hums in your ear.

you let out a strangled sound, “fuck, feels good. so good.”

he adores seeing you fall apart for him like this. you’re displayed so deliciously for him on his bed, and he wants to devour you. he curls his fingers up as your hands start to claw up his arms, indicating you were becoming close. you weren’t entirely sure how you ended up like this with him, but you felt too good to really care. your relationship with donghyuck was still undefined, but the two of you still haven’t stopped whatever the hell this was. you didn’t exactly mind, the air was less tense between the two of you at least.

hyuck bites your neck softly, teasing you, “gonna cum, princess? all over my fingers?” the moan you let out sounds like heaven to his ears, but for some reason, he wants to watch you suffer. maybe he was a bit cruel, because next thing you know, he’s withdrawing his fingers from your sopping core. you squirm below him and try closing your thighs together, only to be stopped by his body hovering over you. you whine, eyes shimmering under the light.

“what the fuck?” you ask, out of breath and clearly annoyed, “let me cum, hyuck, please.” he adored your begging, almost as much as he adored the way you said his name.

“you want to cum?” he tilts his head as he licks his fingers clean, your arousal covering them. you huff, throwing a small fit in front of him. he chuckles lowly in his throat, enjoying this side of you. “how about cumming on my dick then, hm?”

you lick your lips before nodding your head, “please?”

the way you beg for him makes his ego sky-rocket, his head feeling like it’s floating. the two of you haven’t fucked before, but the idea of his cock inside of you made you eager. you wanted all of him, and you could tell by the way hyuck quickly takes off his underwear that he wanted you too. you smile to yourself as he reaches for a condom, but you catch his hand before he can start looking. he looks at you with curious eyes.

“i’m on the pill, and you’re clean, right?” you ask, and he licks his lips before nodding at you.

“yeah, of course.”

“then you can cum inside me,” you bite your lower lip, staring at him with bright eyes.

he curses under his breath, “fuck.” he returns back to completely hovering over you, “are you sure?” he softly kisses you, trailing his sweet kisses down your cheek and jaw to your neck.

you smile in thought, “always.” your arms circle around his neck, softly tugging at his slightly long hair. he looks at you with adoration, before reaching down and slowly pushing his cock inside you. he stretches you out, making you gasp as you feel every single inch of him. “oh, fuck.” you sound strained, making him stop with worried eyes. you laugh a bit, “keep going, hyuck. please.” you sounded so out of breath.

he kisses your neck again, hissing at just how wet and hot and tight you were around his cock, “shit.” one of his hands grip onto your hip tightly, the other beside your head and clutching onto the sheets. your own hands were in his hair, tugging at his strands. “so tight, baby. you’re so fucking tight and warm, so snug around my cock. you were made for me.” he huffs, licking along your jaw before sucking there.

you let out a pleased sound, wiggling your hips as he bottoms out, “move, please. wanna feel you, want you to fuck me.” one of your hands travel down to his back, lightly pressing your nails into his skin as he immediately follows your request. you can feel the drag of his cock inside you, and you can’t deny just how good he feels. “oh god, hyuck.” your nails press just a bit harder, not enough to cause alarm.

“so good, baby.” he praises you, his own breath is being swept right out of his lungs as he feels you clench around him, “you’re doing so good, feels so fucking good.” he lets out a groan, his hips moving at such a steady rhythm. and while you love it, you want more. you need more.

“more, faster.” you kiss his shoulder as he nuzzles his nose against your cheek, “please, go faster, hyuck.”

and he can’t seem to deny you, speeding up the thrust of his hips. you can feel his cock hitting right against your sweet spot, making you arch your back up and press your chest to his. you let out a whine of his name, telling him to keep right there. he quickens his pace again, this time with his cock pushing right against where you need him most. and it feels so fucking good, making you throw your head back against the pillow with your eyes shut. he admires you, seeing just how pretty you look losing yourself on his cock.

“such a good girl,” he hushes, hearing the small mewl you let out at the praise. he chuckles, sweat starting to form on his body as he keeps up the fast pace of his hips. you were so tight around him, he was going to start losing his mind soon. you were clenching around his dick so much, and he knows you don’t mean to but, fuck, it was driving him insane. “baby..”

your nails press into him harder as a response, “wh- what?”

hyuck licks his lips, “look at me.” he kisses you on the lips, “please?” when you slowly start to open your eyes, you immediately want to roll them back in your head out of pleasure. “there’s my pretty girl. always my good girl.”

you let out a strangled moan, “please, wanna cum.”

“already?” he starts to thrust harder into you, your heat tightening around his cock again. “fuck, so fucking greedy for my cock. you wanna cum all over me, hm? all over my cock? make a mess?”

you whine out, “please! oh god, please, hyuck. wanna cum on your cock.”

his dick twitches, but he’s not quite there yet, “can you wait? just a bit longer?”

you shake your head, “no, please..”

hyuck licks his lips as you squint your eyes shut again, tears starting to brim there. he takes sight of you, admiring what he sees. “just a bit.. longer, baby.”

you try as hard as you can to hold it, but you gasp out as hyuck presses his thumb against your clit, rubbing fast circles against the bud, “hyuck! fuck, i’m cumming, i’m gonna cum, oh fuck fuck fuck.” you thrash underneath him, feeling as your high takes over your body and you clench sporadically around him, making him slow his thrusts down just a bit.

you don’t seem to register he’s still thrusting into you before you his from being overstimulated, “you just couldn’t hold it, could you, baby?”

you shake your head, one of your hands clawing up his back as the other tugs desperately onto his hair. he loves seeing you like this, watching as your eyes open back up again with small tears in them. he licks his lips, leaning down to kiss you quickly before thrusting into you at his previous pace again as his thumb continues to rub your clit. you cry out, nails digging into him.

“o- oh fuck! hyuck please, please..” you weren’t sure what you were begging for, but you’ve never felt so damn good before.

“can you cum again then, princess? can my baby cum on my cock for the second time?” his words feel so dirty, but sound so good coming from him. “hm?” he waits for a response while he fucks you like he won’t get to for a long time.

“yes, fuck, yes. i can.” your mouth releases the prettiest sounds, going straight to his cock as it twitches inside of you. you can tell he’s close from the way his hips stutter against you, and his thumb presses harder into your clit. his thrusts were becoming desperate, making you whine. “wanna cum on your cock again, hyuck. wanna feel you cum inside me, fill me up.” you’re so sensitive, but you want nothing more than to make him cum.

“fuck,” he lets out a loud groan, “cum for me, then, pretty girl. let me fill this pretty pussy up with my cum. make you mine.”

one last thrust, and you’re coming undone around him for the second time. the way you claw at his back and practically shout his name out sets him off, feeling your tight walls grasp onto his cock. and it feels so good, so fucking good. his cum shoots inside of you, warm and full. you gasp out as hyuck bites down onto your shoulder with a groan, riding out both of your highs.

“my baby,” he kisses the spot he bit, soothing it with his tongue after. you smile at the gesture, kissing the spot behind his ear.

hyuck only pulls back after a few minutes of staying like that, watching as some of his cum falls out of you. he grins at you, making you playfully roll your eyes. he hurriedly gets a rag, making sure to clean you up well before tossing you one of his shirts while he places his underwear back on. he offers you a pair of panties with a raise of his eyebrows, and you gracefully accept it. you always kept some of your clothes here just in case, and you’re suddenly aware of how close that makes you and him.

he climbs in with you, placing a blanket over the two of you, “i really can’t get enough of you, i hope you know that.”

you smile at him, “i can’t get enough of you either.”

and you knew the both of you were telling the truth.

the air was crisp, you could feel it in your lungs. your eyes travel towards the male beside you and see the small smile on his face as he feels your gaze. your hands stay intertwined together, like you were a sweet couple who couldn’t take being apart. the two of you walk hand in hand, and there’s nothing to fear in that moment. because you had him, and he had you. you lick your lips after some time, and hyuck turns his head to look at you.

“good?” he asks with a soft tilt to his head.

you nod back, “yeah, i’m good. you?”

he smiles at you, “with you? always.”

he turns his head to the path in front of him, still continuing to walk with your hand tightly in his. the two of you were walking back to his place from a local coffee shop. it feels surreal being around him like this, and not feeling a pang of hurt lingering there or a tinge of annoyance. it feels good, though. and you really could get used to this side of your relationship. you assumed he thought the same way from the small smile that wouldn’t leave his face ever since he first saw you this morning. you smile to yourself at the thought, and you feel hyuck start to swing your hands in the air. you giggle a bit, and he’s quick to place a kiss on the back of your hand with an endearing smile.

when you finally make it to his apartment building, the both of you walk in and head towards the elevator. you could feel the both of your palms starting to slightly sweat, but neither of you make a move to let go. as the two of you hear the ping to his floor, you make way to his door. he reluctantly pulls his hand away with a shy look, scuffling around to find his keys in his pockets. he unlocks the door, before pressing his back against it and making way for you to enter. you smile at him and place a kiss on his cheek as you walk in, the familiar scent and feeling of his apartment enveloping you in a warm hug. you welcome it, looking around.

“it always smells nice in here,” you state as he closes the door and locks it. he nods as he takes his shoes off, and you follow right after him to take your own off. “it smells like you.”

hyuck walks towards you with a pretty grin, “yeah?” his arms wrap around your waist, tugging you against him. your body fits perfectly against him, you decide.

“yeah,” you breathe, looking into his honey brown eyes. he was dreams and honey. you smile in thought, and he raises an eyebrow.

“what’re you think about?” he can’t help himself from kissing your own cheek, returning your earlier gesture when you walked in.

you accept him with open arms, your hands tangling in his long hair, “we really grew.” you pause as he waits for you to continue. you frown slightly, “i used to actually hate you.”

he nods, “i know.”

you figured he knew. you stand silently as you look into his eyes. you feel as if you can see the entire universe in them, and you decide then that maybe you didn’t hate him back then.

“no,” you start, and he looks at you with a curious look, “i think i just wanted to believe i hated you. it was easier than admitting that you hurt me back then.” you lean into him further, and you can feel his thumbs rubbing your back in soothing circles. “we both had a lot of faults.”

“i had the most,” he snorts.

you shake your head, “quit that. it doesn’t matter right now, does it?”

he stares at you and shakes his head back, “definitely not.”

“if i’m honest,” you talk in almost a hushed whisper, “i believe you’re all i want, all i need. always have been.”

he rests his forehead against yours and glances slowly across your features, capturing you in his mind forever, “i only need you and only want you, too.”

you smile to yourself, before leaning in and finally kissing him on the lips. you can still taste the soft tinge of coffee on his lips, and you find comfort in it as he kisses you softly, slowly. there’s no rush in the way he kisses you. his hands burn into your skin as they travel beneath your shirt, needing to feel your skin on his. you realize then that you would do anything for the man in front of you. you would travel the ends of the earth, if it meant having him like this for the rest of your life. he was your solace at the end of it all, and you knew that now. there was no more denying him, no more denying how you felt or where the both of you stood. there were no more lines in your relationship, there were no more barriers. i was just...this. it was just you, and him. and you were more than okay with that.

when he pulls away from the kiss with biting your lip, you huff out a breath of air. donghyuck decides that you are the most beautiful human to grace the earth. he felt like he was floating in heaven right now, his head swimming and his heart soaring. he watches as your eyes flutter open, and he can feel the heat in your skin as he trails his hands along your back in a comforting manner. it was his way of showing he cared, and you knew this. you could feel the soft drag of his nails in your back, making you smile a bit from the ticklish feeling. he smiles back, adoring the way you look right now.

there were so many ways you could have left him. so many opportunities. but as you stare him in the eyes, you know you made the right choice this time. there was no more being unsure, this was right. you knew this was right. you don’t regret this one bit.

donghyuck looks at you for a bit longer, before uttering out his nexts words, “i love you.” you can see the stars in his eyes, and if you’re honest, it felt like love. it was you and him, against the world.

“i love you, too.”

he grins before pulling you back in for another long kiss. the words were music to his ears, and he wished to repeat them to you for as long as he could live. the world went quiet for the time being, not a single thing distracting either of you from one another. it was like everything was falling into place, the beats starting to make sense again. you sigh into the kiss, feeling at ease in the arms of the honey eyed boy in front of you.

he pulls back slowly, “don’t worry,” his eyes sparkle a bit, “i’m right here.”

and you were convinced that was all you needed for now.

so may you find in each other what you came here for. and trust that this is love because it is (love is trust). and tangled lives you may lead but into each other, never apart, till you can’t distinguish between being and being together.

a/n: please give this a lot of love! i worked really hard on this one, and it’s my longest fic i’ve written so far. i hope you all enjoy it! thank you so much for reading :)

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perpetuelledaydreaming · 4 years

Text

L.o.v.e.l.e.s.s. generation

Request: Amazing!! Can i ask for a billy hargrove imagine where he and the reader are together and at a party. They separate for like an hour so he goes with his friends for a while and shes with hers and she gets roofied. Steve and nancy try to help her and then call billy and hes a mess trying to get her to throw up and hes just blabbering and crying and mad af. So much angst and then fluff and yeah.

@peakascum i’m so sorry for taking so looooong.

words: 7.4 k

Summary: Billy has a bad feeling about a party at Tina’s and you don’t trust your gut feeling because of a kiss, Nancy can kick some ass and both, you and Billy, are the kind of people who cry in the shower.

Warnings: *trigger warning* We have dark shit here, like pls people if any of your friends get too drunk or you think someone has put something in their drink GO TO THE HOSPITAL. Don’t follow the characters behaviour down below.

billy hargrove masterlist

"There’s a party at Tina’s tonight”, you muttered after disconnecting your lips from Billy’s, who had been more than happy on your make-out session in the parking lot of Hawkins High.

You fluttered your eyes to watch your hot, hot, boyfriend who was perfectly placed between your legs while he kissed you softly. You weren’t sure how Billy kept his glowing tan all year long, especially in Hawkins but you loved how it combined with his blue electric eyes that pierced you every time he watched you. You removed some of the blonde locks falling on his forehead and placed another kiss on his full lips.

Sometimes you didn’t know how you managed to snatch him.

He sighed, “I heard, are you sure you want to go?”, he groaned as he tried to chase your lips once more but you stopped him as you jumped from the hood of the blue Camaro.

“When does Billy Hargrove rejects a party?”, you asked while raising your brows. You picked up your bag from the floor and began fixing your skirt and sweater, you had to be ready for the debate team meeting while he rolled his eyes.

You smiled but you turned around as you heard a couple of girls from Billy’s friend group nattering about you from afar as they saw Billy pulling you in once more for another kiss.

See, how could you even start to recount your relationship with Billy Hargrove? it was hard. Not because it was a difficult relationship, but because you two seemed so different from the outside that sometimes people didn’t even believe that you had lasted so long in the first place. Billy and you had been going strong for over eight months now and it felt like you were on cloud nine.

He was mesmerized by you since his first day of school, he wasted no time in asking you for a date -to the disapproval of his new gang and the dismay of most of the girls at the school- you were elated by it but you said that he needed to do a lot more if he wanted you to say yes. It wasn’t that you weren’t oblivious to Billy’s charm but you knew his type and he was definitely not on yours.

Billy didn’t seem more than an aggressive jog and you bore those type of guys, they weren’t stimulating and you had learned to value yourself and your time, more than anything else. So, it took Billy time -with a lot of rejected attempts and multiple pairings on classes- to actually get a yes from you.

And so, you had come to learn that Billy Hargrove was more than he showed and it hit you to the core because you did the same. They were just different acts, both of you were familiar with the fact that people liked to put tags on others, to label them and keep them in a box, they liked making you one dimensional for them to feel comforted in a stupid status quo. And both of you followed swiftly because sometimes is easier to play a role than to be yourself, it’s easier to make people believe you are one thing. Sometimes it was easier to be just a good girl and sometimes it was easier to be just a bully, but you weren’t that and neither was Billy.

Billy Hargrove wore his heart on his sleeve and no one had noticed that, you instead kept it locked in a safe to survive and no one had noticed that.

But Billy noticed your lock and you noticed his sleeve, he understood you and you understood him.

After hours or even whole nights talking to each other, laughing, even crying you finally agreed to go out with him.

“I always want to do whatever you want to do”, he whispered to your lips as he pressed quick pecks. You sighed into his lips; eyes closed in bliss as his lips touched yours. “Pick you at nine?”

You smiled as you heard him and your lips now were chasing his.

…

“See you in an hour or so?”, you asked as you opened the door for Tina’s house, Billy was behind you. Both of you were analyzing the scene in front of you.

There were a lot of people, far more than what you were expecting but it was the last Friday before Thanksgiving break so you kinda got it. Many of the kids that went away for college were coming back to see their families and since Tina’s parties were always a staple of Hawkins High, you knew most of them wouldn’t miss it. So, there it was: an ocean of sweaty and drunk teenagers and young adults having fun and blasting music.

You turned around to see a frown on Billy’s face as he saw the scene while you rolled your eyes. You didn’t really know why he was so opposed to partying when he was always down for any type of rave.

See, although both of you were so similar in many senses, it wasn’t at all the case when you were partying. Billy was the type of guy who liked the attention, he craved it and he found it most of the time in senseless partying. While you, you were the type of girl who liked to be lowkey about your presence at a party, if you had the attention it was from your amazing dancing skills. Otherwise, you liked to spend your parties taking a few shots, dancing, and talking to your friends; nothing more and nothing less. Billy, instead, liked to do his keg stands and playing games, getting a bit more than tipsy.

Most of the time you were together months of your relationship you both had made sacrifices, sometimes Billy wouldn’t do his normal circus act so he could be in a more calm conversation with you, and sometimes you had decided to cheer him when he was doing his keg stands or accomplishing the dares his stupid friends wanted him to do.

And it was fine, except for the fact that you had exploded one Monday a few months ago when you heard the rumors about the past party, especially the rumor about the “Queen of Hawkins” and how everyone was beginning to think that you were nothing more than a pretty thing that Billy wore around his arm, an accessory. You hated it, you hated it so much that you had ended up ranting about it to Billy who had been patient and listened to every single word without saying much.

“I’m fucking captain of the debate team, since when I’m an accessory?”, “I’m running for president of the student council, does it look like I care about being Queen of Hawkins?”, “I’m not clingy or sticking to you all the time, it was just one party!”

And so, you had come up with the party plan. It was really simple: As soon as you got to the party, each one would go and do their thing. Billy would go out and play games while you hang out with Steve and Nancy and Johnathan. If there were any good songs or if you were craving each other presences, you would find each other and would dance for a couple of songs or maybe have a little (long) time out inside any room available where you could moan each other’s name. It had worked on the parties that you had gone to for the last few months and it had been fine, most of the time after you found each other you wouldn’t let go.

Today had to be no different, another party at Tina’s, usual business.

But you knew it wasn’t, Billy turned around to see you with narrowed blue electric eyes, brows bumped together in a scowl and lips pressed together.

“Billy?”

“I’m not really feeling like partying”, he muttered as he sighed and took a hold of your waist and pulled your flesh against his.

Sometimes you were more than sure that Billy’s arms were made perfectly for you, you loved being held by him, and feeling like nothing in the world could hurt you. Being held by his biceps and pressed against him always made your heart skip a bit, you didn’t even think twice as you quickly took a hold of his face and you pressed your lips urgently against his, making you whimper into his lips. It was intoxicating the dance between your lips and tongues, you sometimes even got dizzy after kissing Billy but you were more than happy to get drunk on him rather than on vodka.

But today you wanted to hang out with Nancy, Johnathan, and Steve, you hadn’t been seeing them much since school started again since, well, Billy was a handful.

“I’ll see you later sir”, you whispered as you gave him the last peck and walked away from him with a smile on your lips.

Billy stayed stunned after a few seconds and cursed to himself but he knew that you were in the mood for partying and the least he could do was give you space to be by yourself, to have times with your friends. He didn’t want to admit it but he had taken a lot of your time the past few weeks, he had wanted to take advantage of his father leaving Hawkins for a work trip, so he had spent most of his time buried inside of you or sleeping next to you or laughing with you, etc. And he wanted tonight to be no different, but he also respected you and your wishes. So, although he wasn’t too excited, he managed himself. He quickly threatened his way to get a whole bottle of tequila and went outside where Tommy and Carol were waiting for him already.

“You look stunning!”, Nancy gasped as she saw you, you twirl so they could give a look at your outfit: A tight black leather skirt, military boots, and a cutout band t-shirt from Billy.

Steve and Jonathan cheered for you as you moved your hips and Nancy clapped, while you then twirl her around for her to model her outfit.

“You look stunning all the time!”, you replied as you hugged Nancy.

“That’s indeed true”, Johnathan muttered as he pulled in Nancy for a kiss on her forehead while she wrapped one arm around him, quickly pulling him into a passionate kiss.

Steve rolled his eyes as he got closer to you, “Are we going to dance?”, he whispered in your ear and it made you shiver.

You couldn’t lie that you had a thing for Steve when you were younger than you were less than thrilled when he started dating Nancy but as time passed, your feelings had changed and Steve became just a great friend in your eyes. Although, it didn’t mean that sometimes Billy didn’t get jealous of him and how close you two were. But he had come to accept it, as he should, and Steve also started to deal with Billy by your request since he didn’t really like him after he had dethroned him as King of Hawkins.

“Yes, we are”, you replied and quickly pulled Steve into the living room where everyone else was dancing.

The way you felt the music cruising through your body made you get lost on it, eyes closed and jumping, swaying your hips to the beat, laughing, and smiling all along. Should I stay or Should I go from The Clash was the tenth song you had danced to with Steve and you were sweating from bopping your head to the last bit, throat a little bit sore from screaming the lyrics at the top of your lungs.

Steve wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pressed a kiss on the top of your head. “I forgot how good it was to dance with you, Y/L/N”, you nodded without much breath but you turned around to see one of the boys from Billy’s group watching you with malice. The narrowed eyes and puckered lips weren’t anything new for you, especially from his “friends” or followers, but you knew how much they would like to initiate any rumor that could create any drama in Hawkins since they didn’t have anything more exciting to do.

“I’m going to get something to drink”, you muttered as you glared at the loser who had been watching Steve and you, but soon he turned to the patio, where you imagined Billy was.

You rolled your eyes; you knew you had to do damage control with Billy. Although Billy seemed like he had all the confidence in the world, you knew deep down he was insecure thanks to his relationship with his father, and especially, as months had passed by, he was insecure about your relationship sometimes. It seemed to him that you could do so much better and he was perpetually on edge when he thought about you and Steve too much, although he trusted you completely.

And on your part, it wasn’t too different, Billy had girls throwing themselves at him permanently which was always annoying, girls who whispered at him that they would make him feel so much better than you ever did and that they wished he could make them scream. Billy had assured you and showed you that he only had eyes with you, and it did become funny sometimes because if there was someone in love with his girlfriend was Billy Hargrove. But still, sometimes that burning feeling that crept its way your heart and spread it through your body, making you feel like you could spitfire didn’t go away.

Especially not at the moment.

Billy was outside, playing a nice game of beer pong and chugging more beer than you thought he would like tonight, but there he was… with Heather freaking Miller. She was leaning into a flustered Billy as she giggled while he poured the beer on his mouth, a little bit too fast that it made the drink spill all over his naked chest -he always lost some buttons or his shirt at some point in a party-, you imagined that he was a bit tipsy at the moment but you couldn’t help to feel your stomach twisting as you saw Heather pressing a soft kiss to his jaw.

You spun on your heels faster than you could even imagine, not even wanting to watch Billy’s reaction to her kiss and if you had been a bit drunker, you might have been bold enough to start going off at her and Billy. But you weren’t in the mood, to hell if Billy was told something about Steve, whatever.

“You said something?”, a guy in the kitchen asked you, as you leaned on the kitchen island in front of the living room that served as the dance floor, realizing that you had been muttering out loud. There weren’t many people in the kitchen, the great majority of the people were dancing or outside, but there were two boys.

You huffed as you turned around and saw the guy. He had short brown hair and a nice smile as he sipped from his red solo cup. He looked familiar and you remember him being a cheer on after a basketball game while you were a Sophomore at Hawkins High and he was a Senior. He was from an affluent family, you remembered that as well as you might have seen him in one of your parent's Christmas parties, but you weren’t social.

“Do I know you?”, you asked a bit coldly, annoyed still at the image of Heather and Billy.

“Burn!”, another boy close to the one that had just talked to you shouted as he laughed at his friend. You recognized him too, he was also known as a Senior when you were in Sophomore, he wasn’t on any team but he was on the popular crowd.

You vaguely remember the class that had graduated that year, only remembered a few bullying incidents but mostly that they were sexist assholes. You hoped that college had changed them, at least you liked to believe people could mature, but seeing them three years later in a party of their high school didn’t give you much hope.

“I’m Brad”, the boy with short brown hair stated as you sighed and smiled, trying to be as polite as you could taking into account how mad you were. “This is Chad”, he said pointing to his friend.

“Y/N”, you answer as you shook his hand as he had offered it.

He held it for a bit too long and you felt goosebumps erupting on your skin, but they weren’t good goosebumps, the way he was looking at you was way too intently but you figured that he was trying to flirt and score a girl.

“Brad! I just…”, another boy came from the living room with a bottle of tequila in his hand as the three of you turned around to watch him, you took the opportunity and removed your hand from his hold as your eyes began to look for some wine or vodka to take to Steve. “Who’s that?”, the same guy muttered as he got closer to Brad and Chad.

“Shut up, Logan”, Brad rolled his eyes as he saw you reaching for a bottle of vodka, he quickly took it and then handed it to you with a strange smile. “You have to apologize, my friends, they are…”

“Wonderful?”, Logan said with a smirk.

“Charming?”, Chad answer as he seemed to be taking something from his Varsity Jacket, you didn’t manage to see really what he had since Brad quickly placed solo red cups for you to do shots in, blocking the view.

“Annoying”, he stated as he poured a bit of the vodka on two small cups and then passed the bottle to his friends. You smile at the way he said it, the guy had a charm but there was still a hint of something you didn’t like. Something that didn’t add up to his pretty greyish eyes or his sharp jaw. “Want one round?”

You sighed and nodded. At the moment, you only wanted a drink and don’t think a lot about Billy and Heather, you didn’t want to be too mad about it, especially since it was your idea to do a party plan and you left the road wide open for girls like Heather to flirt with Billy.

It felt like it was your fault.

“Sure”

The vodka burned your throat a little bit more than you would imagine but you didn’t care. It tasted okay enough and your eyes simply wondered towards the patio door, in the hopes that Billy might come looking for you but there was no sign of him coming.

“You have a boyfriend?”, you heard Brad asking and you turned around as you passed a hand through your hair. You watched as Brad’s friends began pouring another round of shots with the vodka but your attention went right to Brad again.

“I do, he’s with another girl at the patio”, you muttered angrily as you took a hold of the shot and chugged it right in. The vodka still burned on your throat but it now felt bubbly, still burned a bit more than before but you figured it was because you hadn’t been drinking in a while.

“Ooh”, the two friends shouted and it made you roll your eyes, they weren’t being good company and you tried to snatch the bottle of vodka from the table where they had left it but Brad took it first.

“Let’s do two more rounds, it will make you feel better”, he cooed as he got closer to you.

If this was any other moment, at any other party, you would’ve said no and leave without a bottle and look for Billy. But the blonde hair from Heather on Billy’s shoulder, his laugh, and her lips on his jaw were burned on your head at the moment and you wished that maybe vodka could help you, you wished that angry drinking would be enough to make you feel better.

“Fine”, you answer with a smirk and Brad smiled as well, his friends cheering in the background as you chugged another shot that had been served by you.

It had to be almost four more rounds of shots of vodka -at least you believed but it didn’t taste like vodka after the second- that they had handed to you when you began to feel weird.

It began slowly, the sleepiness taking over your body, spreading from your belly towards your chest, and soon it seemed to get on your head. It didn’t feel bad right away, simply weird. You were never a hard drinker, you had never blackout before and you weren’t planning to tonight. Getting tipsy? Yes, getting drunk? Maybe, but this felt like it was happening faster than what you had anticipated.

You closed your eyes and leaned into the kitchen island for a second, trying to recover your breath to see if that was it, you just needed a little break. But as seconds passed, you felt your muscles getting sleepier and even when your eyes were closed, you felt like you were on a carrousel and it wasn’t stopping.

“You don’t look so good”, you heard Brad said as he wrapped his arm around your waist, which you tried to get off but it seemed as if your muscles were going in slow motion. “You want to go to the bathroom?”

You felt like you could vomit at his questions, it sounded wrong. You shook your head as you opened your eyes and glared at him, motioning for him to let you go and he did, but as you turned around everything began to be blurry.

“Iwanttodance”, you slurred, words tumbling against each other. You began walking towards the living room, trying to get away from the kitchen while you desperately tried to look for Nancy, Johnathan, or Steve.

You felt your head getting dizzier and dizzier as each second passed, your brain seemed to be trying so hard for your limbs to move at the pace that you needed them too but they felt disconnected like there was a short-circuit between them.

You weren’t sure when they had actually disconnected, it had to be a second before you reached the living room by going down simply two steps. It was something you were sure you could accomplish, not even on your worst drunk stories you had been so unaware of your body, you had never felt like that. So, it wasn’t a surprise when you saw the world turning upside down and you felt a sharp pain on the right side of your body, your head crashing on the floor as you closed your eyes from the impact.

You fell, badly.

You whimpered in pain as you felt people’s gaze on you, although you had your eyes closed you could feel people’s presence close to you and you wish you could even stand up but it seemed like nothing worked and you could only motion simple things You heard a couple of people laughing, guessing that maybe you were too drunk and were unable to handle your booze. You felt some girls getting closer to you and asking if you were okay but your words weren’t really words anymore, only mumbles, the pangs of pain still spreading through your torso, hips, and legs while the numbness started to spread as well.

It was even getting hard to keep your eyes open for too long.

Before you knew it, someone was wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you off the ground. You prayed it was Billy or Steve, with Nancy by their side or even a couple of the girls who had been asking if you were okay.

“Seems like she’s ready to go to sleep”

You froze as you heard Brad’s voice and a deep feeling of panic started invading your body. You protested, at least you thought but your words didn’t come out from your mouth, your eyes were still close as the pangs of pain from the fall were disappearing quite quickly, which made you worry.

Brad quickly took a hold of your body and carried you bride-style to god knows where, you suddenly felt your stomach sinking as you realized how weak you were and the fact that you were in the hands of strangers. Sleepiness crawling over your body and anxiety too, everything began to become foggy.

“We’ll take care good care of you” Logan stated as you felt the music farther and farther away.

You whimpered in protest as you opened your eyes as you tried to shimmy yourself out of his hold but it just came as spams on your limps, nothing strong enough and it seemed like they were going through the foyer, towards the door.

“Stop”

Nancy’s voice felt like it had been sent from the sky, you tried to turn your head as quickly as you could and there she was. “Who are you?”, she asked as she got closer to you.

You knew Nancy might be little, she might have been a little mousy when you met her but she was fierce and she could end anyone who came on her way. Such a small girl could raise hell if she decided to and you felt like crying with happiness when you -in a blur- watched her crossed her arms across her chest and glare at the guys she was standing in front of.

“She’s feeling bad”, Brad explained with a shrug but the sassy nature of his answer gave him away to Nancy, “She had a lot to drink and she told us to get her home”

“She has a boyfriend for that”, Nancy replied right away angrily. “And friends that know her”

“We are her friends”, he barked back and it made you jump on your inside.

These guys were aggressive, the way that he answered to Nancy… you felt like tears were pooling in your eyes. This was not okay and panic raised again, flooding your body. You needed Nancy to take you away from their paws, now. You didn’t want to think where this was going if she didn’t manage to stop them.

“Nancy” you managed to mumble and with all the effort you had, you tried to take a hold of her but your arm gave up before you reached her, soon your eyes rolled to the back of your head and your head fell backward.

You were too weak.

Nancy froze for a second with fear as she saw your state, and so hell was loose.

“Get her down now!”, Nancy’s growl made your body tremble, it was so loud that you were hoping that anyone else noticed.

“Fuck you”, Chad replied as you heard a struggle in front of you… they were holding Nancy now as Brad began to move again, your heart sinking

“Her boyfriend is being called right now!”, Nancy yelled as you could hear her struggling while you passed in front of her.

The cold air hit you hard and you cried as you tried to move from Brad’s hold but he wouldn’t budge, they had managed to sneak you and this was the worst-case scenario. Billy was the only thing you thought before your brain began to shut down when you began to drown in the darkness.

“We shouldn’t have given her so many”, Logan muttered as he opened the door of the car that was parked in the front patio of Tina’s house, close to many others.

“Can you just shut up?”, Brad growled as he tightened the hold on your body, and tried to see how he could fit you in the car correctly.

“Maybe it’s better”, Logan muttered as he opened the driver’s door, still talking to himself. “She won’t remember anything”

“WHERE IS SHE?”

The growl coming from the main door from the house shook Brad and Logan to the core. They both turned around to see Billy, exiting the party with Steve and Nancy behind him.

Billy had been trying to get a Heather Miller off his back since he had started to play a beer-pong match, it had all been easy and messing around until Heather had come in and began to linger closer to Billy each time he drank. She had placed a kiss on his jaw when he had barked at her to back off, people began to laugh around them and scream things, Heather seemed to be annoyed by the statement and tried to talk him out of being so aggressive. Billy remained silent and shrugged her off each time she tried to flirt with him again, it was annoying to him and he knew that his friends would take any chance to start a rumor that could affect your relationship. So, the rest of the time he tried to get as far away from Heather as he possibly could, he even flipped her off before Steve had run towards him and ask him to go with him.

Billy felt as if a black hole had grown in his stomach as Steve told him what had happened, that some guys were trying to take you somewhere and that you were barely conscious, that Nancy was trying to hold them back but you needed him now.

Billy wasn’t exactly sure how fast he had arrived, how he didn’t even notice the guy on the floor that Nancy had managed to beat up with a flower vase at the foyer or how he couldn’t hear anything because his heart and breathing were so loud that he could only focus on what he saw.

And there you were: completely limp, head falling from Brad’s arm, eyes rolled back on the back of your head. You seemed so small; it shook Billy.

Sometimes Billy had these gaps in time when he became so mad that he didn’t feel like himself anymore, he could only feel the anger filling his body as the seconds passed. It was almost automatic when his hands formed into fists and he began to growl. You had talked to him about it and had helped him to never lose control again since you began dating, helping him breathe and control his emotions.

But not this time.

Billy yelled as he took Logan first. The guy didn’t even have a second before Billy yanked the keys out of his hands and smashed the boy’s head against the window of the car. Billy didn’t really notice when the window cracked, he only noticed when it broke in front of him as he smashed once again Logan’s head.

Logan fell on the ground with a groan, blood coming out of the right side of his face, laying with the broken glass on the floor. Billy then turned around quickly to go and get you, Brad had already been cornered by Steve and Nancy while Johnathan tried to rip you off from Brad’s hold.

“HEY!”, someone yelled as he pushed Billy making him slam against the car door.

Billy turned around to see Chad, nose already bloody from Nancy’s punch and more coming out of his eyebrow cut thanks to the vase. The guy was already beaten up by Nancy, badly, but Billy didn’t hesitate to beat him to a pulp with his fist. It seemed rather like a gap of time where Billy had no control, as his knuckles slammed against the guy's jaw while he screamed in pain. Chad managed to punch Billy on his ribs but Billy quickly retaliated and knocked him out with a single punch.

Billy’s breathing was too shaken up, he almost couldn’t even hear how Nancy had been telling him to stop as he kept kicking the guy on the ground. It was only until Nancy hit him in the back of his head, rather hard, that he turned around.

“We got her”, Nancy yelled at him as she glared at Billy. She didn’t seem too shaken up, her hands were bloody as well and her eyes seemed steady.

Billy’s eyes traveled to Steve who had you in his arms while Johnathan let Brad fall from his hold against the car, his nose was already bloody, as well as his lips. But at the moment, Billy didn’t care about anything else, he got closer to you so quickly that he felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore.

“Y/N”, he whispered as tears began to stream from his face.

You didn’t respond, your eyes with long lashes were closed while your arm was dangling. You were cold, you usually got cold as Billy would work as a heater for you, but right now you were too cold.

It hurt.

Billy swore he had heard something breaking inside of his chest, he sucked in a breath as he pressed your cheek with his palm as if in any moment you would open your eyes again, that you would watch him lovingly and place a kiss on his lips like many times before but you didn’t react, you seemed lost.

It hurt him so much that when he heard a groan coming from the floor, he saw Brad there with barely any real damage on him. Billy felt his muscles tensing up as he walked towards him, ignoring Nancy’s pleas. Billy seemed like a robot as he quickly opened again the door of the car and place Brad’s hand on the edge, without much thought, he shut the door roughly.

“aaaaAAHHH!!”

The painful scream coming from Brad’s lips shocked Nancy and Steve, and even you in your state. The scream had been the only thing that had managed to make you come back from the darkness, you couldn’t really move but your body was screaming for something to happen but your limbs seemed useless.

Billy quickly kneeled and punch Brad again, making his nose bleed even more. The groans and whimpers coming from Brad didn’t bother Billy, it only bothered him when he wrapped one hand around Brad’s neck and he noticed his knuckles already getting purple.

He hated being like this. He knew you would disapprove if you had been there watching him but the rage that he was feeling at the moment, he hadn’t felt it in such a long time that if he thought he remained still, he would burst.

“I see you or your rat friend’s again, and I’ll kill you”, Billy murmured as he let go of Brad’s neck and allowed him to breathe again as he coughed thanks to the pressure Billy had on him.

Billy turned around to see Nancy, Steve, and Johnathan looking terrified, he tried to shake it off and came back to you.

“They must have roofied her”, Johnathan explained as Billy was desperately trying to wake you up.

“Y/N, please are you there?”, Billy couldn’t believe it was his voice, so wobbly and small as he moved your hair from your face and took a hold of you had, begging internally for you to wake up.

You couldn’t believe it was his voice either, you wanted to scream and cry, you wanted to be held by him and feel safe again. But you couldn’t do anything, you could only beg your body to move, nudge, talk, do something.

And it seemed as if it had listened to you for a moment.

“Billy”, the whisper was so faint that Billy wasn’t sure it was real, he stopped dead on his track and saw how your glassy eyes were half opened and Billy felt his shaking hands coming over to your hand.

But then you suddenly gave up, the darkness eating you once again as your eyes rolled to the back of your head once more and you were lying there, emotionless.

Billy felt his body cold.

“Y/N?”, Billy asked as tears streamed down once more. “Baby?”, Billy’s voice was so raw and shaken up that it almost scared Nancy as he looked at her and yelled. “Nancy, what should we do?”

Nancy stayed still for a second, doubting herself but then she walked decidedly towards Steve who was holding your body. “We have to check her breathing and her heartbeat”, Jonathan coming right up helping her to check your vitals, while Billy gave a step back and held your cold hand.

“She’s still breathing, it’s like she fell asleep”, Nancy answered.

“We have to take her to a hospital”, Steve stated as he held you tighter on his arms.

Billy panicked and shook his head, knowing exactly that -even though your parents had come to accept your relationship- they wouldn’t waste a second if he gave them a reason to break you guys up.

“Her parents would know; you know they would never let her see me again”, Billy explained to Steve, his eyes pleading with him not to do it because he knew what the consequences were and he might ruin what made you and Billy happy.

Steve didn’t like Billy, but he had never seen him like this or anyone for that matter. He had never seen such true desperation; he had never seen someone show such raw emotions for someone. He didn’t like Billy, but you did and Steve knew that Billy was everything you wanted.

“Fuck, what should we do?”, Johnathan sighed as Billy began taking you from Steve’s arms.

Billy remained a second as he adjusted you in his arms, his arms around you securely as he watched you carefully. You seemed so pale and fragile, and he hated it because he knew that this wasn’t you. He couldn’t get out of his head how scared you must’ve been before you went out, what they had done to you. He wanted to take you to the hospital, he knew it was the most appropriate way but he also knew that he really couldn’t and at that moment he had a flashback to California when people took more pills than they should.

“She’s going to have to throw this up”. Billy stated as he tried to wipe the tears with his shoulder as he took you into the house, as quickly as he could.

“Billy, what are yo-”, Nancy protested as she followed him but Billy was on a mission,

“She couldn’t have taken them too long ago”, he muttered as he entered Tina’s house.

He was shaking as he muttered to himself deliriously: you are going to be okay; you are going to be okay; you are going to be okay. He pulled you closer to his chest and his eyes urgently tried to find a bathroom, people were gathering around him at the entrance of the party, watching Billy splattered with blood and knuckles purple with you limp on his arms. Billy didn’t care about the people as he tried to see where was it better to take you, he even wondered if the kitchen was right but he knew you wouldn’t want anyone to see you or him in that state.

Tina ran towards him, as she was about to speak Billy interrupted her.

“Tina!” He screamed, his voice was raw and torn -the urgency in his electric blue eyes seemed almost psychotic-, she shook at his scream. “Bathroom with a shower”

“Oh my god, what happened?”, Tina squealed as she tried to get closer but Billy stepped back.

“Bathroom”, he growled once more startling Tina.

“Upstairs in my room! Turn to the left”

Billy said nothing as he ran upstairs, adjusting you in his arms as he followed Tina’s instructions. He let out an all-encompassing sigh of relief as he entered the bathroom.

“Come on, come on baby”, he whispered as he placed you on the tub and then turned on the shower. The lukewarm water began to wash your legs and lower abdomen as Billy hurried and placed himself behind you.

He made sure that you were well position, laying on his chest so he could sit you, and then he began to place his fingers on your throat. But nothing was happening, you weren’t reacting as he tried to place his fingers on the right spot for you to throw up whatever they had given to you.

Tears began to fall from his face, a part of him glad they were being masked with the drops of water. Billy felt like he wanted to puke himself as he gazed at the bottom of the bathtub and realized the blood was being mixed with the water -blood from the guys that he had beaten up and his own coming from his knuckles-.

He shivered at the thought of how badly he had reacted and what would you think of him, but he quickly snapped out of it as he continued to cry for you.

“Y/N please”, he cried. “Baby please, come on”.

Billy’s voice seemed so broken and raw, his pleas could be heard by Steve and Jonathan who were outside the bathroom while Nancy was talking to Tina outside her bedroom, convincing her not to enter until you were okay.

But you weren’t okay, nothing was happening and Billy snapped.

“pLEASE! Y/N”, it seemed as if his screamed had ripped through his chest as he held you, and once more, he placed his fingers on your throat in one last attempt.

The gagging was like music to his ears, how your body finally reacted and you raised a bit from his chest with the help of Billy and you began to throw up. You felt like if you were getting out every organ inside of you as your body spammed as you threw up with Billy’s face bury on your neck as he held you.

It wasn’t until you finally stopped after a minute of throwing up everything you could, that you realized that the fogginess and darkness that had trapped you were leaving, your head was clearing again and Billy felt like he could breathe. It wasn’t like you were completely fine, your breaths were still raggedy but they were stronger than before and you could raise your head for a second, hold yourself.

You could hold yourself enough to throw up once more, another round, but this time it felt more like a reaction of the fear that you felt from those guys. You didn’t want anything inside of you, nothing from that night, the thought of those guys made you sick.

It wasn’t until you were unable to throw up anything else, you turn around softly, still feeling woozy.

And there he was, the only one you had ever wanted.

Billy’s hair was wet, the streams of water were still falling from his body but you recognize his tears as well. His blue electric eyes that had always been heaven to you, were red from crying and his usually tan skin seemed as white as a paper, completely pale, he looked terrified.

Indeed, Billy was terrified but he tried not to show it as he caressed your hair and help you lay more comfortably on his chest. It was only when your eyes connected and you took a big breath that you began to cry. The tears were streaming without control from your eyes and it seemed like before, you just wanted to feel empty and clean and safe. Billy held you as close to him as he could while you sob.

He kissed your head, he kissed the back of your neck and your hands as you whimpered and tried to hold anything from him, the craving of him becoming stronger every second.

“Hold me”, you slurred and Billy nodded, wrapping his arm around your body as you cuddle against him while being wash with the water.

“I’m so sorry”, Billy whispered as he rocked you back and forth. “I’ll never leave again”

His voice sounded so truthful that you began to think that he meant something for good, so permanently that it made your heart skip a bit but you didn’t want to say anything, you simply nodded and leaned into him even more, burying yourself against his chest.

“I love you”, he whispered.

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writingwithcolor · 3 years

Text

Biracial (B/W), Trans, and Cultural Disconnect

I’m a biracial college grad who grew up in a very white, rural area in the northeast US and within the last four years made the realization I’m trans ( or masculine-aligned agender but that’s for another time ). My mother is black and my father is white.

Beauty Standards

Beauty standards haven’t really been something I’ve paid attention to growing up, mostly because dresses and skirts always made be uncomfortable and I didn’t like the weight of makeup on my face. I am very stubborn and so I stuck to not wearing them as much as possible, even getting into arguments with my mother about wearing a dress to a funeral when I had nice dress pants and a blouse to wear instead.

My mother did have a bit of an obsession with my hair growing up; she loved my curls to the point that if I mentioned cutting them she adamantly said no. My hair isn’t the usual tight black coils but rather “banana curls” as my mother described. It was only in my senior year of high school that, out of the blue, she told me if I wanted to cut my hair I could.

Culture / Family Life / Identity Issues

This is the biggest struggle I find I deal with and sort of ties in with like four topics, so this section will be long. I don’t have any attachment to a culture, not even the African-American culture developed in the US. I grew up in a very, very white area and until 5th grade, went to a private religious school where as far as I can remember, I was the only PoC in the whole (under 100) student body.

Both of my parents have no siblings and due to some things, I only actually met my dad’s extended family three or so years ago when we went for a visit aside from phone conversations I had with his father when he was alive. My mother’s parents were gone before I was 5 and she didn’t really have any extended family aside from a couple of cousins up in New York who I saw every so often when I was really young. I had an “aunt” who my mother knew for many years along with her son whom I consider an uncle, but that’s about all the extended family I have. My (half) brother is 13 years older than I, so by the time I was 7 he was out of the house and visiting only a few times a year. So even despite not being an only child, I was raised like one.

Even in the public school I went to, there weren’t a lot of BIPOC and the few that showed up in high school in my small grade and I didn’t really talk. My university had a majority white student body and I found I couldn’t quite relate with the BIPOC community, mostly because it felt like you had to choose between the BIPOC community or the LGBTQIA+ community and most of my classmates, because of my major, and friends were part of the latter.

When I studied abroad, I became good friends with a BIPOC queer group, especially with a black individual from NC. But sometimes they would make references to me and such that I wouldn’t understand and at one point this individual said “How do you not get that, you’re black!” I had to pull them aside and explain my environment growing up and thankfully, they understood immediately and apologized. But it was alienating, and exacerbated the feelings I have of “I don’t belong anywhere”.

I’m not light skinned enough to pass as white, but I don’t have the experiences of growing up in a black community to connect with other black folk. I just feel like I stand alone in that respect.

Micro-aggressions

I don’t know if this counts as a micro-aggression, but the thing that comes to mind immediately happened when I was 14. I had an online friend and we had been voice-chatting for awhile. One night I turned on my camera and the first thing out of their mouth was “You’re black? You don’t sound black!“

I don’t speak/use AAVE because I didn’t grow up around people who did, and don’t have any sort of understanding about it, etc. This also adds into the whole identity crisis thing.

Misconceptions

I am frequently assumed to be Hispanic and, on one occasion, Indian. I’ve had people ask me if I’m Mexican outright. At one point I worked in a nursing home and the dementia unit had a lot of nurses who spoke Spanish due to some of the residents forgetting English. One of these nurses spoke to me in Spanish. I gave him a blank look and he sorta paused and went “You don’t speak Spanish?” I was also on a train once and an older Indian gentleman was standing near me? Or took the seat next to me and I believed he asked me if I was Indian outright.

I don’t have enough Workplace experience to make it it’s own category, but I once worked in a Dunkin Donuts with a primarily Indian and Haitian staff and I had these older POC women repeatedly asking me “Where are you from?” when I started. I told them “oh, the western part of the state” and they did the “but where are you from.“ I don’t know, I’m sorry.

Also as a kid my dad picked me up from school and this one girl asked me if I was adopted lmao. Nobody ever thinks biracial.

Self-esteem

I have pretty low self-esteem. While I don’t necessarily think I’m ugly, my struggle with my identity both gender and racially make it hard to be confident and outgoing, at least with strangers. I dunno, existing is hard sometimes.

Things I’d like to see more of

More mixed kids in stories and media as main characters or main supporting characters

More interracial relationships of all kinds, not just black & white.

I don’t know if it’s right to ask for this, but also.. more small families.

More people whose families are like mine: just myself, my parents and my brother, with an occasional family friend showing up for holidays. All these stories with plenty of cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents always make me feel alone and like I missed out on a lot.

View more POC Profiles | Submit your own

#POC Profiles #Black #Mixed Race #Transgender #agender #hair #black hair #culture #identity issues #microaggressions #culture disconnect #LGBTQIA #submission #Anonymous submission

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migilini · 3 years

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Hiiii! I liked how you did the road trip one shot and was wondering if you could do a request for Charlie Gillespie where the reader and Charlie are dating but have been living in different states due to COVID and the boys do an Instagram live and the reader wants to be on the live with them and Charlie gets so excited and it’s fluffy?

So far apart - Charlie Gillespie

A/N: ofc i can! Thank you so much, hope you like it :) I will proofe read it tomorrow.

Words: 1.5k

Masterlist

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Tiredness was your new default state. College alone was stressful and hard enough plus it didn't help that you had to do it online from your little NY appartement that you shared with three other roommates. But you had too. You were in your last semester ever! That was motivation enough to pull through.

Currently you were trying to facetime your boyfriend Charlie. You haven't seen him in about four months but if someone would ask your roommates, they would say it felt like an eternity of you moaning and pouting about not seeing him. When COVID started, the two of you seriously debated about moving in together. However, at that time, your classes were not online yet and you couldn't move away, he also couldn't move to New York with you because he still had meetings with the JATP Cast.

You stared at your ringing phone, desperate to hear his voice. You knew that he should be awake, you had the time zones imprinted on your brain.

Sorry babe, have a meeting in 5… Will call you after okay? <3 the message that just popped up on your screen made you frown a little. You weren't mad, you just had a really awful week and missed him like crazy.

Sure thing <3 yout texted back and threw the phone onto your bed. Deciding that instead of waiting for him to call back, you could use the time usefully and start studying for your next test in two days.

It was an hour later, you were completely engrossed in the textbook, so you barely heard the ringing of your phone. Maybe a bit too quick, you tossed all your books to the ground and launched yourself on the bed to find your phone.

His pretty face filled your screen “Heyyy!” “Hello beautiful!” You two grinned at each other.

“How are--” A knocking on your door interrupted your question. “Yes?” The door opened and revealed one of your roommates Alexis with a sheepish look on her face “I’m really sorry to interrupt but Tara just broke off with her boyfriend and she needs a hug.”

You looked up at your red haired friend “She broke up with Tom?!” Alexis nodded “It's an emergency” she claimed. Charlie understood this as his clue to end the call saying a quick goodbye and a don't worry about it, when you shot him an apologetic look.

This is how it went nearly every time. Something always came up, either you were studying non-stop and he didn't want to distract you or he had actor things and meetings going on. It was truly tiring. The last time you really had the opportunity to facetime was a couple weeks ago and even then you fell asleep inert 15minutes. When Charlie accidentally lulled you to sleep with a song he's been working on.

Still the two of you made it work. Charlie had started writing you weekly letters with his perfume on it. And you being your crafty self, sent him a little care package with letters, some self made food and paintings, every now and then.

You just finished all your tests and essays for this semester and you felt free again. Taking a deep breath, you opened your bedroom window and put your school books away. Sinking down on your bed, you closed your eyes temporarily, enjoying the moment. You got up again to get yourself something to eat and a coffee. Your roommates were currently away, probably getting groceries or books at the College Library.

You mindlessly scrolled through Instagram, the sandwich you made yourself still laying next to you on the nightstand. Ever since Julie and the Phantoms released, the cast's accounts blew up like crazy and Charlie always showed you off like a queen so of course people found your page as well. You didn't mind though. Most of the people were really nice and respecting, protecting your relationship from all the not so nice guys

You just answered some DM’s, chuckling at a meme that Maddie had sent you, when you got a notification that Owen was live. Naturally you clicked on it, knowing that Charlie most likely will be in the live as well, due to the fact that he was currently at Owen’s with Jeremy.

You were one of the first ones. Owen grinned when he saw your name come up in the chat.

“Guten Morgen everybody.” You chuckled when you heard your boyfriend singing in the background, writing in the chat that Owen should say hi to Charlie. “Are all of you streaming JATP?” he asked the live audience while you nodded to yourself, your laptop open beside you. It was a bit embarrassing to admit how often you saw the show, but every time you felt lonely you watched it. It had some really cute guys in it after all.

He read the chat “Do you like watching the show you participated in? Thats a good question. Charlie, Charlie! I have a question for you.” The camera turned and it showed the canadian boy you fell in love with.

“Eh…” he said as he walked into the kitchen, Owen following close. “It was very weird at first. Guess I'm more used to it now.” he answered honestly. You weren't even listening, you just stared at your phone in trance, the light making him look so incredibly pretty.

Suddenly you got an invitation to join the live from Owen. You sat up a bit straighter and blinked a few times before accepting.

“Helloooooo!” he screamed, making you laugh. “Hi Owen. Yall are up early.”

“Yeah… you know Char. That dumb early riser.” he complained. “Yeah I feel you. Though he lets me sleep so he must love me more than he loves you.” you teased making Owen pout in a childish way.

“Charlie! Who do you love more, me or y/n?” the statement made your boyfriend laugh and for a moment your breath hitched, it was music in your ears and once again you realised how much you missed it.

“I’m really sorry bud, but definitely y/n…I want to...” Charlie just wanted to explain why when he heard your chuckling from Owen’s phone. “See told ya.” It was truly a blessing that the camera was still turned to your boyfriend, making it easy for you to see his reaction. He nearly let the fork he was holding fall out of his hand, his eyes widening while his mouth grew into a big grin. “Is that y/n?” he asked cautiously. Apparently Owen nodded, because before you knew, the camera turned and you were face to face with your boyfriend.

“Baby!” he screamed, a wide, toothy smile on his lips. “How dare you go on live with Owen but not with me!” he jokes. “How was the history test? As hard as you thought it would be?” you cut off his rambling “Hi! Nice to see you too. No, it was way harder than I expected. Let's hope for the best, I get the results sometime next week”

“I bet you killed that test baby! No, Owen you don't get the phone back… I don't care that it's your live.” The chat was freaking out over Charlie's happiness by just seeing you, talking about how they want love like that.

“Little explanation for everybody. Me and Charlie haven't really been able to facetime so were just really excited right now. Sorry if it's boring.” you explained to the chat.

“Don’t ever say that ever again.” he said in a serious tone “it's not boring.” you held your hands up in surrender. “Sorry sorry. Can I talk to Owen again? I mean he is the one who invited me.” you teased, poking your tongue out. With a pout he gave the phone back to Owen.

“Are you also streaming the show today?” he asked you. Charlie was in the background, looking at you over Owens shoulder, making silly faces. “Of course! Who do you think I am? I’ve been watching it everyday since it came out.” Owens' face fell “You're kidding… that doesn't… that doesn't seem healthy.” you shrugged “Well i don't really care. I have this massive crush on someone from the show, just can't get enough of him.”

The camera shook and a couple crunts later you were once again faced with Charlie. “I sure hope it's me or you're not allowed to wear that shirt anymore.” he pointed to the shirt you were currently wearing and that was in fact one of his.

“Not gonna tell you babe. My mouth is shut.” you winked, making him blush. “I miss you.” he blurted out with puppy eyes. “I miss you too. Can’t wait to see you.” he grinned at that excited for the surprise he had planned.

“I think i'm gonna go, let you guys actually comment on the show. I love you Charlie.” You sent him a kiss and he pretended to catch it with his free hand.

“Eww that's so cheesy.” Owen muttered from somewhere in the back.

“I love you too.”

#charlie gillespie #charlie gillespie fanfiction #charlie gillespie imagine #charlie gillespie x reader #charlie gillespie fluff #charlie gillespie fanfic #charlie gillespie fic #charlie gillespie images #charlie gillespie x y/n #charlie gillespie x oc #jatp fanfic #jatp

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writingsbychlo · 4 years

Text

let me down slow (prologue)

word count; 3432

summary; you’re in love with stiles stilinski who will never love you back, and mitch stilinski is freshly heartbrokenand home to try and redeicover himself. after being ditched by stiles, mitch offers you some company.

notes; let me just make it clear that there is no wolves in this, also, she’s 18 and Mitch is 20. OH, and a big thanks to @stylesharrys for proof reading this for me. I love her.

warnings; smut, unprotected sex, underage drinking, that’s pretty much it.

Your toes caught on the slightly uneven paving stone on the front garden of the Stilinski household, noting the absence of the cruiser on the driveway, the space beside it clear of the usual powder blue jeep that was never clean, but a black jeep that was clean sat in its place, a precocious vehicle that and you roll your eyes in a heatless judgement.

In some ways, Mitch Stilinski was the opposite of his younger brother.

He excelled at lacrosse, earning himself a scholarship to a college on the other side of the country, and handing down his famous ‘24’ number to his brother, who had finally tried out for the team at the beginning of junior year after his brother left. He was clean, and he worked out and ate healthy foods, and he had a car from this century that he actually respected. There was something under one of the seats of Stiles’ jeep that was unrecognisable at this point, and you didn’t particularly want to question it.

Despite this, there was a lot they both had in common. Their sarcasm, and loyalty, and passion for the things they loved. Not to mention, the spooky similarity between them both.

Though, Mitch possessed the ability for growing facial hair, which had started coming in his sophomore year, and now in his senior year, Stiles still had a baby face that was smooth and soft, and entirely hairless. It was adorable, really.

So, no, the absence of the blue jeep didn’t immediately clue you in to something being off, because you assumed he may have pulled into the driveway to make space for his brother’s car. Instead, you remained positive and sunny, a collection of DVD’s clutched in your arms and a change of clothes in your bag for the sleepover you were intending to have with your best friend, pizza money tucked into your bra for the food you would undoubtedly order and your heart skipping a couple of beats as you waited patiently for your spastic best friend to swing the door open following your series of knocks.

A few beats passed, before the lock was clicking and the door was shifting, and you dragged your eyes up along his chest. It was not the skinny and plaid covered frame you’d anticipated, but that of the messily cut tank top of a broader and more muscled older brother, a piece of candy hanging from his lips as he chewed it slowly, staring at you expectantly with a blank look.

“Mitch. I see you’re home, then.”

“Well, well, well. Aren’t you the observant one?” His words were sneering, and you scowled at him, used to his moody attitudes from over a decade of knowing the Stilinski boys, but not missing the colder than usual undertone to his words. The banter between the three of you had always been playful, somewhat teasing but his lips would always flicker up at the sides and you’d always been able to see the amusement sparkling in his eyes - much like his brother’s - but this version of Mitch just seemed empty and angry. “What do you want?”

“You’re being awfully rude to someone who knows your real name. I’ll post it under your next status update on Facebook. I wonder if the lacrosse team at Syracuse knows how to properly pronounce Polish names.”

Your threats about revealing his name always got a laugh out of him, or at least a fond roll of the eyes, but this time he just grunted at you and pulled a sour face, sighing like he had somewhere else to be, despite the fact that he was standing with bare feet and a pair of sweatpants on, and clearly had no other plans.

“Fine, be moody. Is Stiles here?”

“Do you see his jeep on the driveway?” Your jaw dropped at the tone of his voice, your shoulders slumping as you glanced back for a second, and when you turned back to him, you didn’t let your eyes meet his. Heat was crawling at your cheeks, and you took a few steps back from the doorway, swallowing down the beginnings of the lump forming in embarrassment from your faith and optimism, and Mitch let out a groan, lifting a hand to run through his hair as he swallowed the last of the candy stick he’d been nibbling on. “Wait, wait. I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have been so rude to you.”

“It’s not the first time I’ve seen you in a bad mood, Mitch, it’s alright.”

“I’m still sorry, kiddo.” Once again, you were scowling, the nickname he knew annoyed you so much peeking through, and at your distaste for it, he was grinning at you cheekily, and just like that the tension between you both had been brushed away, no matter how many months passed between seeing on another. “Stiles isn’t in, though. He went out, like, a couple of minutes before you got here, I’m surprised you didn’t catch him before he went.”

“Well, did he say how long he’d be?”

The elder actually cringed, leaning on the doorpost and looking out at the surrounding of the street for a second, before fixing his attention back on you. “He told me not to wait up, so I'm assuming he’s going to be a while.” His eyes then dropped down to the bundle in your arms, and a pitiful look took over his features. “You had plans, didn’t you?”

You simply hummed, feeling your body deflating sadly as your plans fell through, and while you were disappointed, you couldn't exactly say you were surprised. Lately, your plans had been coming second in his eyes a lot, and he let out a sad sound himself. Something between attempting to comfort you, and annoyance at his younger sibling, and your cheeks twitched to show a barely present smile, one shoulder rising and falling as you tried to brush it off. “I bet he said something about Lydia needing him, huh?”

“He did, actually..”

You nodded, more to yourself than to him, before doing your best to perk back up, adjusting the belongings in your arms and trying to mask your disappointment. “Right, well, that’s all good. I can just catch up on some reading, anyway, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine, it’s a shitty thing for him to do.” His voice was a little sharper than usual, and you let out a laugh, nodding at his words as he stood up a little further and opened the door for you. “Why don’t you come in, anyway? You can hang out with me?” You paused, eyes narrowing at him for a second as you studied him, and he raised his brows at you in his own silent analysis of your reaction. “You’re in love with Stiles, it’s been written all over your cute little face since you were freshman, and my girlfriend broke up with me, and you’re not the worst of his friends. So, why don’t you bring your broken heart inside, and we’ll order some takeout, and wallow in self-pity and misery together?”

Once again, a blush was covering your face, splotchy patches of warmth that made you uncomfortable. You wanted to get in your sweats, and order food and laugh with your best friend, but now Mitch was holding open the door for you and looking at you with a little grin, and you accepted, taking a few steps forwards and over the threshold and into the house as your emotions bubbled up and over.

Dropping your bag beside the front door and kicking off your shoes, the man plucked the armful of belongings from you and moved away for only a second, placing them down on the table and coming back to stand before you. It was an uncomfortable tension, but it was unusual. You had hung out with Mitch on multiple occasions, but never just the two of you. You sniffed lightly, and he let a rumbling sound out from deep within his chest, before placing an arm around your shoulders stiffly and pulling you into a loose hug. “I’m sorry about my brother, he’s an ass.”

You nodded into his shoulder, before bringing your arms up around him and squeezing him tightly, your hands bunching up in the back of the thin cotton shirt he was wearing. Only a second later, he was wrapping his other arm around your waist, and pressing his nose into your hair, letting out a shaky breath over your skin, and suddenly you were clinging to one another, your sniffling breaths muffled against his body.

You were trembling, you could feel it within yourself, the rush of emotions all making you feel weak, and yet no tears came out, because you weren’t entirely sad. You felt comfort in the arms of your friend, you felt safe, and you felt understood. His own pain made you feel less pathetic, and the way he was holding onto you just as tightly gave you the understanding that you weren’t suffering alone, and so when you were finally ready to pull back, his cheeks were a little damp and you gave him your best smile, bumping your forehead against his chin before stepping back.

“You promised me food, then?”

“That I did. What do you feel like?” He beamed, dragging a hand down his face and walking towards the kitchen letting you follow of your own accord and hop up onto one of the stools at the counter to watch him as he sorted through takeout menus. Passing them over to you, you glanced down at the pile of laminated and colourful leaflets, and you looked back up at him, shrugging.

“Stiles normally just orders us pizza, I brought a twenty because he likes the stuffed crust ones and to put his own toppings on and it adds one hell of a cost.”

He chuckled, rubbing his hands together and leaning his hands on the counter. “Yeah, that does sound like him, but what do you have?” He fixed you with a look when you gaped a little bit, before sighing and spreading out the collection before you. “Next time Stiles goes to just order a pizza, tell him what you want. These places are good if you want Chinese, but the Blue Dragon is my favourite because they do some pretty awesome spring rolls and dumplings. There’s also a Korean place, or an Indian place if you want something spicy but I don’t know if they deliver, we may have to go get it. If you really want pizza, there’s a place in there that’s better than Dominos, they just aren’t as popular so Stiles doesn’t bother with them.”

Upon finishing his spiel, your eyes were wide, and you thumbed through the other booklets, noting the way some of them had meals and dishes circled or highlighted, and the shiny blue of a fold-out menu for the Blue Dragon caught your attention, and you shifted it to the top.

“Do you really want Chinese food, or are you picking this because I said it was my favourite?”

His voice was stern but playful, and you opened it up, waving him off idly as he laughed at you and he circled around to stand beside you, the warmth of his body flushing over your side as he waited patiently. “I do actually want Chinese food, by the way. But since this is your preference, I figured we could order from here. You can tell me what’s good, and you get the stuff you like. Win-win.”

“Alright, I’ll take that deal.”

The two of you debated for a couple of minutes over the choices, before he was pulling out his phone and sitting up on the counter beside you, legs swinging as he orders all the food you both wanted, indulging you each time you poked at his leg and added onto the order when you came across something you liked, and you were sure you’d spent considerably more than you had on an unnecessary amount of food, but if you didn’t have the funds, you could always pay Mitch back.

He was holding up a bottle of whisky, offering you a glass with a few chunks of ice in the bottom, and you accepted it happily, following him through to the living room and collapsing on the couch. It was a little awkward, to begin with, the two of you chatting between yourselves and sipping on the drinks you had, before eventually settling on a movie. When it began, however, you were a few drinks in and suddenly the conversation was flowing smoothly, the dialogue and plot of the film falling away as the two of you inched closer to one another from opposite ends of the couch, more and more enthusiastic about the topics you ricocheted between.

Food had arrived, and you’d eaten, between laughs and jokes and his eyes lingering on you each time you tried new portions of the meal so that he could watch for your reactions. You loved them all, his recommendations panning out, and soon, half of the bottle was gone, and you were laying out across the couch with your legs across his lap and you head in the cloud, warmth filling you from head to toe.

He had a hand on your knee, full-bellied laughs coming from his mouth as he stroked up and down your leg gently, the movie had faded away into the background. He had listened as you poured out your heart to him over his younger brother in your tipsy stupor, and he in return had shared with you the truths of his break up.

You told him about the way you hated that Stiles seemed to never have time for you anymore, and that he continued to chase Lydia years later than his original crush, hopelessly falling at her feet when she’d only just become aware of him and was using him for her own gains. He told you about Katrina, the blonde bombshell whom you remembered. She was a cheerleader at Beacon Hills high and Mitch’s high school sweetheart, and she went to a college in New York like him, but after the first year the spark began to fade, and the distance may as well have been ocean’s wide, because they had drifted. What hurt him the most was change, the nagging feeling that he could have done something different, that she could have been the one if he’d made more visits to her on the weekends and more trips to see her on the holidays.

The confessions had only ever been shared with one another, and suddenly the two of you had a bond that nobody else could touch, because your deepest fears and secrets had been exposed to one another in a night of greasy takeout and almost a full bottle of whiskey, but the absence you’d felt when your best friend wasn’t by your side was filled in an entirely new way by Mitch.

It was playful and refreshing and relaxing, it was everything you didn’t know you were missing. Until it wasn’t.

Somewhere between the end of the movie and the end of the bottle, the atmosphere between you both had changed. Somewhere between the time his thumb has stopped rubbing at the skin below your knee to move up to his fingers digging into your lower thigh, and when you sat up to talk to him and found yourself almost seated in his lap. After you told him to stop calling you kiddo, and he called you kitten instead, the energy between you both was different.

His eyes were darker and he was licking at his lips and then his mouth was slotted against yours, tongues tangling and hands roaming and the temperature in the room shot up to boiling. You were in his lap, grinding and letting his hands wander, and then he was thumbing at your tits and mouthing at your neck. Somewhere between him moaning kitten into your mouth and sucking on your lower lip to the way he was bucking his hips up into you and suddenly, it was more.

He was dragging your panties to the side and you were tugging down his seats just far enough, and then you were riding him on the couch. Sloppy and messy and a combination of the need for connection and the wish for affection, you were all but sobbing into his mouth as your eyes rolled back and his fingers dug into your bare flesh, and then it was over.

You were sweaty and hot, and you felt boneless as you let him lift you off of his body, pressing one more long kiss to your lips before he was tucking himself into his sweats and laying back on the couch and chuckling at you with a dark smirk when you wobbled on weak legs as you went to clean yourself up. It wasn’t awkward when you returned, it was calming and relaxed and you grabbed yourself a second plate of takeaway food and settled back down onto the couch with your feet in his lap once again, and a new movie on the screen.

The night passed with the rest of your movie collection, and eating a surprising amount of candy, and you inevitably changed into your comfy clothes when the hour passed midnight. You had teased him about his long hair while running your fingers through it, and he had made you flustered in return by speaking through his food and telling you how you weren’t complaining while tugging at it and bouncing on his cock.

It wasn’t until you heard the rumbling of the jeep that you felt that same dread and loneliness slip back into your body, the squeaking of tires on the stones and the slamming of the door one side, and you rolled yourself off of the couch with a groan, a scowl taking over in place of your smile as you scooped up everything you had and tried to shove it haphazardly into your bag, booking a cab in the process and leaving you phone on the side.

He began to grab at the rubbish littering the surfaces with you, the two of you stumbling and scooping up empty food boxes as you crammed them all into the kitchen bin, and did your best to clean up after yourselves, when the door finally opened, the sound of Stiles kicking off his shoes and hanging up his cute, humming happily to himself as he walked through the house.

“Oh my God, it smells like food in here. Did you get takeout? Did you save me any an-” He paused as he saw you, your eyes avoiding his as you grabbed your phone, smiling at the boy you had spent your evening with as he slid it towards you. The easy and lightweight vibe you’d found so easily with Mitch was now thick and tense, and you wanted to leave as soon as possible. “Hey! What are you doing here so late?”

You purse your lips, a tight smile on your face as you pushed past him without a word, and Mitch simply fixed him with a disbelieving look, the hyperactive of the pair of brothers was watching you go curiously, and both followed you to the front door as you pulled on your shoes.

“Are you mad at me, or something?”

“Yes, Stiles, I’m mad at you.” You bit your tongue from saying any more, wanting to let him wallow in it a little longer, and his jaw dropped and brows furrowed as he watched you go. Leaning up to press a kiss to one stubbled cheek, you patted his shoulder as you opened the door and stepped out, pulling out your phone to check on the taxi, only to see it pulling up to the curb, and you flashed him a toothy grin. “Thanks for being such great company while your brother was a jerk.”

He leaned against the door, muffling the sound of protest from Stiles behind, his body filling the doorway as he winked at you cheekily. “No problem, kitten.”

With that, their front door slammed shut, and you were stepping into your cab, tired and buzzed and ready to get into your own bed, and try to forget that the boy you loved had once again forgotten about you to chase after a girl who would never see him as anything more than friends.

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lovee-infected · 4 years

Note

When will it come out where Epel cut off MC I am still waiting until this day (I'm waiting) I'm not rushing you at all but I hope you are doing well 😢 (im sad)

“Apple of my eye”

(A/N): Sorry that it took so long! Hope you enjoy this anyway dears! ~ ♡

Ever since Epel decided to cut ties with you after learning the truth of you being a girl, his life has been nothing but an absolute nightmare. He's got his days filled with fear and his nights filled with regret, wishing there to be a way for both of you to forget. Forget all the times you made him laugh, and all the times he made you cry. He wanted there to be a way for the of you to move on with your lives as if you'd never hurt one another like now. But as it is for now, he is just one step far from being trapped inside this hell forever alone, because you're finally about to leave the twisted wonderland, forever.

Living in Night Raven college has brought you nothing but pain since the day Epel, your trusted best friend and the guy you once loved rejected you after learning the fact that you are a girl. Each and every second spent around all your friends and people you used to admire felt like a torture. How long? For how long are you going to wait until them too throw you away like Epel did? For how much longer can you pretend to be fine until everyone left around you turn their backs on you as well? Days? Weeks? Months? Or have they already given up on you?

You can't take it, it just hurts so much. Even when there's a friend around, it feels like you're ready to break down in tears and run away again and again; just like it happened with Epel. Why does it hurt you so much though? You were supposed to be strong. You were all on your own when you first came into twisted wonderland, you thought you'd be able to handle it again on your own from now on. But uh, how wrong you were. To think that you'd be as strong as you used to now that your dearest one has left you behind...

No wonder why you immediately agreed to Headmaster Crowley's offer when he argued that he might've found a way to send you back home by passing through the black mirror under 2 conclusions : 1) You'll never be able to make a return to twisted wonderland and 2)You won't remember anyone, or anything from this world. As if it has never existed.

At this point, forgetting Epel and everything about him forever seemed to be the only way of letting go of the pain... Now that you can't have him, best would be to never remember how much you once loved.

"(y/n)... is leaving?" Epel murmurs. Rook shakes his head as a yes, all he could do was to at least let Epel know after how things had gone between you and him lately.

Perhaps Rook was the only one who exactly knows happened that morning, the day Epel tainted each and every memory you once had beside him which you used to recall as your sweetest days of life.

Even as Rook was just sneak peaking behind the wall and all he could do was to listen to Epel shouting and you trying to calm him a bit, he's pretty certain that he heard the sound of your heart breaking the moment Epel mercilessly told you that he's cutting ties with you.

Young Epel really did have a hidden dark side all this time, didn't he...?

Lucky of him that Rook was the only one who saw that. Rook may not be that respective toward people's privacy, but he does know how to keep a friend's secret. As for now, he had to agree that your case was concerning. Not just for you but for Epel himself as well. It's pretty rare of him to feel so but he you can tell that he does care.

"In a few days or so, just enough of time for her to patch stuff up and, well, say goodbye to her friends,"

Friends, huh? To think that not so long ago Epel deserved to be reminded as your friend... How fast did it all change,right? Time is an absolutely terrifying thing, he thinks.

A moment of silence passes until Rook speaks up: "Aren't you going to say goodbye?"

'Say good bye',...This sentence keeps on being repeated inside Epel's head. Why would you even want to hear these words coming from him while Epel himself was the only reason that you have to leave? He hurt you and there was no way to undo what he did to you, even if he could one day be able to face that you, his best friend and at some point, the only friend ever since he stepped into night raven college are a girl, it was impossible to look into your eyes again like he hadn't done all the terrible works he did.

That is a fact, he can't fix a broken heart, neither his or yours. Yes, he was mad at you and is still mad. He felt so used to see that you of all people couldn't even trust him with such a simple thing like your gender. The fearful thought of you getting that close to him because he was nothing but a naïve boy who couldn't tell the difference between male and female. If so, were all the times you told Epel that you cared for him a lie? Did you just want to play him around because he was a lonely boy who didn't have any other friends to talk to? Did you too find him stupid...? Why (y/n)? Why..??

Epel bites his lower lip trying his best not to cry in front of Rook. He already cries enough every night in bed and doesn't need another audience watching him suffer.

"Epel?" Rook calls, making Epel realize that he hasn't yet answered his question.

No, he isn't going to walk up to you just to say goodbye. But if he refuses to do so, wouldn't it make that heartless "I'd rather cut ties with you" his very last sentence to you...?

Epel rolls over and his bed again again, another sleepless night. Though something made this night worse than the previous ones, tommorow would be the day that you'll quit his world forever, and he didn't even come to say his last goodbye...

When was the last time he Epel got a proper night sleep anyway? He can't remember. He's sure been a while that he wanted to take a second in peace, either through sleeping or through reality. When he was awake, he wanted to shut his eyes on life. When he tried to sleep, it either ended with him squirming in his surprisingly 'uncomfortable' bed all the time or waking up wet in sweat from another nightmare.

The only time he actually got to sleep for a minute at least was during classes. 'Hopelessly romantic boy', his classmates teasingly called him. Telling how those who're slowly falling in love would lose the track of their lives and become a total mess like Epel was. Epel never said a word in opposition as he didn't want to end up telling them the story of him recklessly breaking your heart after all you'd done for him, yet it was already obvious that he didn't like this term being used for him at all.

Hopelessly romantic boy...huh?

His insomnia issues were no joke, he couldn't concentrate during classes at all. His vision was all blurry and his eyes felt heavily sleepy. Teachers kept on talking and talking while Epel just stared at the mess of words forming enormous sentences in the books until his eyes went shut. There were a few times that even teachers ended up having to shake him after the class to wake him up before sending him to the headmaster's office right away.

"Young Felmier, are you okay? You've been looking very, uh,you know, different lately"

Is he okay? He's been asking himself the same question for a while.

"Yes, Headmaster"

'I, am not okay.'

He hasn't been okay for a long while, at least he's well aware of it. But there's no point in letting anyone else know, right? Perhaps the only one who might've understood how horrible he is feeling right now... was you. Epel drowns in thoughts and memories are brought back to him:

It's been months since then, but it feels like it was just a minute ago, that he had his head on your shoulder as his warm tears soaked your clothes and his warm breath brushed against your neck. It was probably one of his worse days ever. He ran off having tears in his eyes in front of enormous people, yet not a single soul cared to come after him but you. He was a total mess when you found him under the apple tree, his face was flushed and his diamond blue eyes were filled with pain and tears. You didn't even know him much but seeing him like that, in pain and tears, Epel was no more than a stranger but for some reason...it still hurt. You couldn't take it. Accepting hugs from strangers isn't really his thing, but to be comforted right as you need nothing more than an embrace to cry on, it felt...nice.

You've been always beside him from then on, he couldn't really tell why. He was neither too strong nor too smart, he wasn't any famous or rich either. He was nothing but a random country boy who got noticed by you, the mysterious student who got widely popular throughout the school because of their bravery and strength to fight against several overblots without having any magic after a rather short time.

He often felt proud of how lucky he was to have you. It wasn't just because of how famous and adored you later became, he could tell that there was something special about you from the very beginning. You probably didn't notice but when he first met you at the enterence ceremony, he didn't realize that he'd been keeping his eyes on you all the time. He didn't know why, what could the reason be? Curiosity? A childish interest? Or... something else than these?

From the day after, he couldn't take his eyes off you. It was strange, he doesn't usually get to see someone this much around, but you...you were always there. Right in front of him.

He couldn't help but to watch silently until you walked up to him and started to chat, he can't ever forget how silly his first conversation with you went. He was stressed out whether you'd realized the way he was staring at you all this time, could be that you were offended? He was honestly expecting this to be another trouble coming his way but to his surprise, it wasn't.

Though it took a rather long time for him to finally gain full trust on you, after a while spending time with you wasn't simply something he enjoyed doing. It became a part of his daily routine. No matter what, he wanted to see you, no, he needed to see you. Make sure that you're right, that everything between you is still the same, that he'd have you by his side for another the day he won't be left all alone if anything goes wrong.

You were his reason to keep his self-esteem built-up no matter how rough life could be, you were the only one who could give him a safe shoulder to cry on and and an embrace to close his eyes through and the thought of still having you was what gave him the purpose to keep on smiling through another rough day.

Epel nails the white bedsheets as he digs his wet face harder into the pillow, trying not to scream at the pain. What has he done? Why? Why??

How could he do this to you, the person he adored and cared for the most? Yes, you lied, but so did he. He never wanted to cut ties with you. He was furious and insecure, afraid that you might've never considered him any more than an emotional fool. It scared him, he didn't want to be the idiot you'd one say leave behind without caring to let him know that you never needed him back.

He couldn't let go of you as you'd became a part of Epel himself after all this time you've been together.

He was scared of what bigger things you might've hidden from him, including your true feelings for him. What if deep inside, all you saw through him was a helpless toy to use?

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts,...they were driving him insane.

It hurt way too much to the point of thinking that he hated you. He never did, how could he? Even if he ever ends up hating everything and everyone including himself like he does now, there's no way that he'd you. You were his everything, his happiness, his hope, his wish, his angel.

'Hopelessly romantic boy'... What if his classmates were right about him though?

Oh lord, what is wrong with him? He can no longer deny the fact that he did fall in love with you while he thought it was nothing more than a simple friendship.

Only if he'd realized this sooner, only if he could've said that he loves you instead of asking you to get out of his life, only if he could've had a second chance to hug you one more time and tell you how he truly feels...

And now, it's too late to regret what he's done. You probably hate him now, and he knows that he deserves to be hated. He was the reason of your teary eyes and sleepless nights. And he and only him, was the reason of you wanting to leave all your of your friends and your memories with them behind by making a return to your own world.

As it's clear than he doesn't deserve you and your love, he decides to let his heart burn inside the flames Epel started on his own.

Let him suffer in the name of you, his one and only love, for eternity.

It's past noon yet Epel doesn't want to get out of bed. He doesn't want to look at the clock, though he's pretty sure that you've already left his world.

He wonders...where are you right now? Back to your own world? Next to the friends and family whom you love? You sure don't remember him anymore but...are you happy? Will you now live as the happy (y/n) he'll always love without him there to hurt you again?

"Sorry (y/n), sorry..." He whispers underneath his breath. Hot tears stream down Epel's face, and he squeezes his eyelids shut in the hope his tears would stop. He sat on his bed unmoving, with his choppy breathing and watery eyes remaining for quite a while. He was so lost through his pain and sorrow that didn't hear the knock on his door at first.

"Who there?-" Epel murmurs through his tear. It's probably Rook, wanting to see why he didn't make it to school today. His door continues to be knocked on, yet Epel doesn't care to answer thr sound. Doesn't matter who the hell is at the door, he doesn't want to talk right now.

He hides his face under the blanket, can't he just cry in peace? He hears the sound of his door sliding open, but doesn't bother getting the blanket off his head. He annoyedly wraps himself tighter in bed. 'Whoever you are, just leave me alone. Please, I don't want to-'

Takes a few seconds until he feels the blanket being pulled off him, he vaguely turns his head, ready to shout: "GET LOST" at whoever his interrupter is. He opens his mouth to yell but the sight of the person standing in front of him leaves him speechless.

Your bodies remain still as your eyes are locked, neither of you move a finger until you break the silence:

"Epel..." you whisper. He looks pretty different from the last time you saw him. His face looks much paler and thinner now, and from the swelling bags under his eyes you could tell that he hasn't really been sleeping well lately. The the rage and hatred you saw last time in his eyes is now replaced with emptiness and sorrow, a severe pain that makes your heart ache for him one more time. He looks so, so broken. So lost, so sad. It hurts a lot seeing him like this, though you'd sworn never to think of him the way you used to again.

"I, I came to say goodbye-" you say nervously. What is Epel having in mind now? How is he going to respond? From the way your last conversation went you could certainly tell that he held nothing else than for you now, but you, could you be the same?

Epel didn't show up to say goodbye which was another evidence of him not wanting to see your face ever again, but something deep inside your heart, something you couldn't let go of ever after he let you down told you to come to say your very last goodbye.

Epel's eyes widen in fascination. This time, he can't hold back his tears from falling. You won't stop surprising him until the very last second, will you?

Right at the moment you are expecting him to be mad and push you back again, he throws himself into your embrace. You are about to say a word, but all you can do is to let Epel feel your warm embrace and the torrent of his tears soak through your shirt. It is too painful to see him like this.

"Wh-why...Why-are you like this-? Why did you come? Why are you still being this kind?? Why can't you just hate me!?" he painfully screams through his tears. You can feel him clench his fists, as he pushes himself closer to you. You have your emotions mixed up, you can't tell wether you should be sad or happy. But here he is, crying into your embrace like he used to do before. For a second it feels like your paths had never been torn apart, that you never got separated and he never said those words which hurt you the most.

You let him rest his head on your shoulder and run your fingers through his hair, time and time again, in an attempt you calm the silent war within his mind.

For the hundredth time, you are reminded of how much he meant to you, from the very moment you were interested in getting to know about the pale lavender-haired guy who's been secretly watching you all the time.

You remember all the times he made you laugh and that sweet smile he always put on when he greeted you in the morning, you remember each and every time that he needed your embrace to either cry or feel a bit better after the hard they he might've gone through.

You remember all the times you silently cried in bed knowing that you were slowly falling for the young boy who you genuinely held dear, that he was slowly becoming the apple of your eye.

And there he was, walking in front of you, unaware of the feelings you, young (y/n) had for him and how he was truly, the one and only for you, the apple of your eye.

Before you know it, Epel is no longer the only one crying. You hold him tighter, pushing your head to his shoulder and letting your hot tears fall off your eyes, realizing how much you've missed him after all this time. Epel doesn't pull back, instead he follows and allows your bodies to come closer and closer, until there's no space left. At the moment your bodies are close enough to become one, he's got the rhythm of your chest raising and on his body and you've got his on yours. Warm breaths brushing against each other's face that it makes it almost hard to breathe.

For a second, it feels as if you and him are the only beings on the whole world and your world is skipped inside the warmth you're drowning through right now. There's no past, no future, no pain, no feelings at all. All you know is the present you're having with him, wishing that this moment would last forever.

"I...I love you," Epel whispers, only loud enough for you to hear him under your fascinated gaze. You let out silent gasp as your head's still on the back of his shoulder.

'What did he just say..?'

Those words...those 3 forbidden words you thought you'd never him Epel them back if you ever did. Yet you kept on loving him, totally aware that he might never develop such feelings for you back.

You were supposed to make a return to your own world by now, all you'd came for was a simple goodbye to someone you were supposed to consider your ex-best friend, but you know that it would be a lie. He wasn't just your best friend, he was once your everything: Your love, your smile, your tears, your hope. Even after he bitterly told you to cut ties with him, you couldn't let go of the feeling. You felt empty without him, a life without him was clueless and dark, you felt so lost, so empty, so brokenhearted. You'd lost Epel, and never thought that you'll ever get to have him close again, let alone hearing him say that he loves you back.

And now, it's all up to you. What are you going to do now? For the first time in a while, your future now relies on nothing but your very own choice. You're caught in the middle of the path, stuck between leaving the twisted wonderland for your very own sake or staying here with Epel, in a stranger world which you don't belong to, next to the guy you once appreciated the most.

With everything you've been going through all this time, what will you choose to do? How will this story come to an end? Choosing to go and leave all the pain together with all the happiness you've been experiencing next Epel all this time behind, or letting go of the past and giving him a second to maybe lead you through a life you once dreamed to have with him?

Epel has probably got a lot more to say other than that three words, knowing that you're probably running out of time if you're going to return to your own world, next to the family and beloved ones you haven't met in forever, are you still going to stay here with Epel and allow him to talk? With all the things that he did to you and made you have a severe mental breakdown afterwards, are you still to give him your attention and love, and let him have a chance to be the apple of your eye again...?

#twisted wonderland #Twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #rook Hunt #epel felmier x reader #Apple of my eye #Pomefiore #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland imagines #epel felmier

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princessphilly · 3 years

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Hockey Fic Exchange: Second Chance in Chicago

This is for the @hockeynetwork winter gift exchange. I was matched with my friend, @texanstarslove and it was relatively easy to give her what she wanted.

Title: Second Chance in Chicago

Player: Jonathan Toews

Genre: Angst, smut

Word count: 6410 words

March 2007

“Wouldja look at that? There’s the future NHL star, looking like the dork he is.”

Lizzie stuck out her tongue as Rachel announced the presence of the asshole himself, Jonathan Toews. They were all sophomores at UND but he had gotten drafted third overall by the Chicago Blackhawks last year. Hockey ruled UND so the team already had a high profile. But this year’s team looked like it would do some damage in the tournament so all eyes were really on them.

Tonight, Lizzie and her friends had decided to go to a frat party at the Beta house. It was a cold early March Thursday night but she had been in the mood to party. Unfortunately, the party had been invaded by the hockey team.

Jonathan grinned, his deep brown eyes sparkling like he had already pregamed. “Hey ladies,” he greeted before grabbing Lizzie and giving her a hug.

“Ew!”

Lizzie pushed Jonathan away. He definitely had pregamed, he smelled like good old Vladimir vodka. He was going to have a fucking hangover tomorrow.

Jonathan pouted. “I thought we were friends, Lizzie,” he exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around Lizzie again

“When did you think that?”

Rachel and Bethany snickered. It was a bit of a running joke, this animosity between Lizzie and Tazer. No one quite knew how it really started except it had been a freshman year hook up that ended bad. At least, that was the rumor. Ever since, Lizzie couldn’t stand Jonathan and Jonathan did every thing possible to needle her.

Lizzie flipped her hair over her shoulder before elbowing Jonathan in the ribs. Giving him an angelic smile, she ordered, “Don’t touch me.”

Being the drunken asshole he was at the moment, Jonathan leaned down and murmured in her ear, “You didn’t say that last weekend.”

“Ugh!”

Lizzie pushed Jonathan away before stomping towards the keg. Jonathan shrugged as TJ and some of the other hockey players came in. She was able to avoid him for the rest of the night and even flirted with a couple of junior guys she hadn’t met. Of course, as soon as she went to get a breather from the hot party, Jonathan was already outside.

Shivering, Lizzie huddled close to the door, planning to ignore Toews. There had been a snowstorm the other day and there was a good ten inches of snow on the ground.

“Supposed to snow again tomorrow.”

Lizzie let out a loud sigh. Of course, he couldn’t respect her silent plea to be left alone. “This is North Dakota. It’s always snowing.”

Turning to her left, Lizzie looked at Jonathan. For once, he didn’t have his cocky, self-assured, ‘I’m the one in complete charge’ look on his face. He looked slightly pensive and a bit unsure. “Here, have my hoodie.”

“I don’t-,” Lizzie started to say but she relented as Jonathan put his hoodie over her head, pulling it down. She was cold as fuck, shivering in just a short-sleeved shirt and her jeans. “Thank you,” she murmured.

“You’re welcome.”

They stood there for several moments, breath turning into puffs of icicles before Jonathan finally broke the ice. “Ridley, really?”

“Oh, you know him?” Lizzie tensed, UND wasn’t as big as other schools but she could at least have found someone that Jonathan didn’t already know. But then, hockey ruled here and he knew more people than her so yeah, just her fucking luck.

“He’s cool.” Jonathan shrugged, suddenly feeling nervous as fuck. It really wasn’t his area to talk, he didn’t really want to be a cock-block, but fuck it. “He’s not an asshole or anything. But we both know that’s not who you really want.”

“Oh really? Who told you what I really want?”

He hadn’t really planned to do it now; Jonathan had planned to go for it next month. But he already had told coach and his teammates that he was going pro after this season, so he might as well do it. “We have unfinished business, Elizabeth.”

Lizzie froze at Jonathan’s use of her full name. He was the only one here at UND who ever used her full name. It brought back memories, those first weeks of spring semester of freshman year. Memories of doing things that would have had Momma reaching for her rosary and Papa yanking her out of UND to go into a convent. She bit out, “No, we don’t.”

“So, that’s why you called me last Saturday, asking me to come over after the game?”

Lizzie rolled her eyes. “I was drunk,” she very primly replied, staring at her nails. She thought to herself, ‘I need a manicure.’

“Then last weekend, you came over and you definitely weren’t drunk.”

Lizzie shrugged, pretending she didn’t hear what Jonathan said. She didn’t want to admit the truth; Jonathan made her nervous. She was 19 and every time she was with him, she felt like this could be something that could be forever. But Lizzie had plans; she was planning to go east for law school, get out of North Dakota forever. This wasn’t the time to even think of settling down with anyone, especially not with Jonathan since he was going pro. Even though, her traitorous pussy reminded her, Jonathan made her cum better than anyone else and wasn’t scared to choke, bite, or spank her unlike other guys.

Jonathan growled, of course Lizzie would be acting obtuse. He wasn’t looking to settle down or anything serious, he was just about to turn 19 and about to go to Chicago in five and a half months to start his pro career. Jonathan did really like Lizzie a lot and wouldn’t be against putting a label on what was going on. Then, Lizzie got cold feet last year and had been stringing him along for over a year. It would be nice if Lizzie actually admitted that they had something going instead of being nasty to his face but fucking with him late at night.

“Okay, since you don’t want to face reality, I’m just going to say it. It’s not fair that you like to treat me like shit in public but you want me to fuck you when no one is looking.”

Lizzie opened her mouth before closing it. From the tone of voice that Jonathan had used, it sounded harsh. Like she was using him like a whore. But Jonathan wasn’t done.

“Don’t worry about my hoodie, I’ll get it before I leave.”

Jonathan turned around and went back inside of the party. Lizzie stayed outside for several more minutes, pensive. Then she harrumphed and rejoined the party, resolute that she was going to ignore Jonathan once she gave him his hoodie back.

Twelve years later

Lizzie brushed her ginger hair over her shoulder. It was weird to be ginger for the first time since she was fifteen. The past years, she had been a very faithful blonde but it was time to do something very different.

“Not bad for a rancher’s daughter.”

Lizzie twirled in her full-length mirror, admiring the way the navy-blue dress fit her body, accessorized with her diamond hoop earrings, tennis bracelet, class ring, and the brand-new patent leather heels she had managed to score on clearance at Neiman Marcus. Very much the uniform of an intellectual property litigator who had just made partner, not the yee-haw who had went to UND. But right now, as she thought about tonight, Lizzie felt like the yee-haw she tried to suppress.

Tonight, there was a fundraising cocktail hour for her firm, Bradley, Lewis, and Cooper. This would be the first one that Lizzie attended since she transferred to the Chicago office from Atlanta. She was good at gladhanding and charming people, attending Penn Law had sucked the yee-haw from Lizzie’s accent. Now, she was Elizabeth Romanelli, ready to make connections while raising funds for the Children’s Miracle Network.

Only fly in the ointment was that this fundraiser was being held at the United Center. Not only that, it was rumored that the firm was able to get a couple of players for the Blackhawks to appear. Bradley, Lewis, and Cooper did some work for the Blackhawks, mainly with local TV contracts and sponsorships. Lizzie took in a deep fortifying breath. “It has been years,’ she told herself. “There’s no need to be nervous seeing Jon again.”

She turned around and grabbed her coat. It was mid fall but the temperature dropped enough at night that Lizzie wanted to wear her coat just in case. Before she left, she looked at her left ring finger. Taking a deep breath, she slid her old wedding ring off her finger. It was a new start, time to act like it.

The fundraiser went pretty well, in Lizzie’s eyes. It was her first firm social event in Chicago so most of it was spent shaking hands, exchanging business cards, and talking some shop. There were a couple of Blackhawks players there, none of that Lizzie recognized. She admitted several times while in conversation, that she was more of a college hockey than pro hockey fan.

Then, the one person she was hoping wouldn’t show up, showed up. Lizzie worked hard not to check Jonathan out but he had the kind of presence that commanded attention. His hair was cut short and the once lanky frame had filled out completely. Lizzie smirked when she saw one of her fellow attendees lick her lips but she couldn’t blame her. Jonathan looked delicious in a black suit with a pristine white shirt, no tie. He looked like casual, dominant elegance in a hockey player package as he made his rounds the room.

“You’re lucky that your department doesn’t work with the Blackhawks on anything,” said the woman who licked her lips. Lizzie looked down and looked at her name tag, it said ‘Elise’.

“Oh why?”

Lizzie took a sip of her pinot grigio, waiting for a reply. Elise didn’t disappoint as she whispered, “He’s single and my law school loans say he would be perfect for them.”

She couldn’t resist laughing at that statement; Lizzie totally understood where Elise was coming from. But as soon as her laughter faded, there was Jonathan Toews, right in front of them. Elise looked up at him, obviously starstruck. Lizzie put her best courtroom face as she stuck out her hand. “Hello, I’m Elizabeth Romanelli. You are?”

Jonathan blinked when Lizzie introduced herself as Elizabeth Romanelli. She was Lizzie MacArthur in the flesh, all these years later. Grasping her hand, Jonathan said, “Jonathan Toews, but you know who I am.”

Jonathan kept his best PR smile on his face as he processed his thoughts. This was Lizzie, the only one who got away. She was a redhead now, not a blonde, but those green eyes were still the same. Deep green eyes that always brimmed with an intelligence that had made Jon feel like he was an idiot when they first met at UND.

“Oh, how do you two know each other?”

Lizzie managed to keep her expression completely neutral while Jon reddened a bit. He dropped her hand as he said, “We went to college together.”

“Where was that,” Elise innocently asked and Lizzie wasn’t sure if she was truly curious or if she was being a bit catty.

“I went to University of North Dakota with Mr. Toews for undergrad,” Lizzie said. “Then I did Penn Law.”

Elise replied, “Oh. I remember reading that once.”

Lizzie refused to roll her eyes as Jon made small talk about the hockey season with Elise. Spotting a waiter, Elise raised her hand for another glass of wine. Tonight, was looking like it was about to be long. Before she could make her escape, Elise exclaimed, “Oh, there’s Mr. Schmidt, I need to talk to him! It was so nice to meet you and talk to you, Mr. Toews, Ms. Romanelli.”

Lizzie sighed as she scampered away, leaving her alone with Jonathan.

“Long time, no see,” Jonathan said, taking a sip of his water. Tomorrow was a game night and while he enjoyed drinking, he had no interest in doing anything that would keep him out of peak performance. But looking at Lizzie, he wished he had something stronger. The years had done her good; she looked curvier, stronger, hotter. He felt his pants tighten and Jonathan thought of his smelly hockey gear to deflate his hard on.

Lizzie stroked the curve of her new wine glass before replying, “I know. Wasn’t necessarily planned.”

“Romanelli?”

“I was married,” Lizzie’s smile tightened.

Jonathan quickly replied, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ask anything that would make you feel- “

“It’s okay, let’s not go there, okay. Before you ask, I’m a widow.” Lizzie looked down at her wine. It had been long enough that she knew she wouldn’t break down but it was awkward to talk about it with her first college hookup/almost boyfriend. After all these years, Jonathan still had an affect on her. She felt a bit lightheaded but her once dormant libido had flared up as soon as they shook hands. It was as if her body had decided that someone worthy was nearby and it was time.

“I’m sorry,” Jonathan repeated, his voice low as he ran his fingers through his short hair. It was a bit overwhelming seeing Lizzie again but he was already damn sure that he needed to see her again. As they exchanged pleasantries, Jon moved on to another group at the fundraiser. But every now and then, he made sure to catch her in the crowd.

At the end of the night, he was finally able to get Lizzie alone, again. “Now that you’re in Chicago, why don’t we go out? As old friends?”

Lizzie laughed as she waited for her coat. “We weren’t old friends and you know it.”

“But who said that we can’t be at least friends now?”

Jonathan gave Lizzie a big smile while she scoffed, “I can tell by the way you’ve been looking at me all night that you aren’t interested in being just friends.”

“How was I looking at you?”

Jonathan leaned into Lizzie as he noticed that Seabs was nearby. While he loved Seabs as a brother, he didn’t want him to have any idea of what he was planning, yet.

Lizzie batted her lashes at Jonathan before replying, “Like you never seen a woman before. I have to keep the conversation business casual but we both know what I’d really like to say.”

“Then, you should let me have your phone number.”

“Smooth, Toews,” Lizzie commented. “Very smooth.”

“I try.”

Jonathan couldn’t help himself; as Lizzie received her coat from the coat check, he helped her put it on.

“Wow, I don’t know if you’re actually a gentleman now or if you’re trying to get points,” Lizzie quipped.

Jonathan gave her an aw-shucks grin and a shrug. Despite her better judgment, Lizzie figured that it couldn’t hurt. She didn’t really know anyone yet in Chicago and it would be nice to talk to someone who she at least knew from college. But she didn’t want to openly give it to Jonathan so she took the moment to turn and grab paper and a pen from a table. Writing her number and snap down, she slid it into Jonathan’s pocket.

“There, now you can never say I never gave you anything.”

Lizzie turned and sauntered away. Jonathan fished through his pockets and grabbed the paper, grinning and laughing to himself.

Lizzie had to give Jonathan credit. He knew how to attempt to get a woman’s attention. The flowers were a nice touch; not too ostentatious and he was smart enough not to attach his name to them. But Lizzie knew exactly who they were from because there were exactly nineteen pink and nineteen white roses in Monday’s bouquet. Yesterday’s bouquet was a set of nineteen purple flowers that after she looked them up, Lizzie found out that they were purple columbine. Today’s bouquet involved nineteen white camelias and nineteen red chrysanthemums.

“This guy must really like you.”

Lizzie turned around to see Peter, her paralegal. He was pointing at the flowers, a pensive look on his face.

“Really? He just wants my attention.” Lizzie dismissively waved towards the flowers but inwardly, she was loving it.

Peter raised an eyebrow. “Okay, whatever you say. Anyway, I have five messages from the managing partners.”

“I already know what they want and I already reviewed the files and sent them to Kristin, Jacques, and Malik. They are working on the briefs for the arbitration and they should all be done by the end of the work day. I will prep my own opening argument myself for the hearing when we are done talking. You can quote everything I just said in your email,” Lizzie stated with a smile on her face. This was her first arbitration hearing at the Chicago office with her new associates working under her. But she knew it would go well.

“But the flowers. I’d look them up, Ms. Romanelli. He’s sending you a message with each bouquet. Especially that first one with those kind of pink roses, maiden blush roses? Oh, he’s definitely telling you something.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

Lizzie brushed Peter off, her mind already back on work. However, she messaged Jon later, I like jasmine, lily of the valley, the most.

The next day, there was a bouquet with yellow jasmine, lily of the valley, and red pink flowers, the number adding to 19 and a note, looking forward to seeing you tonight.

Lizzie was still a mystery and Jonathan was desperate to figure her out. This was their sixth date and every time he felt like he was getting closer to her, Lizzie pulled back. Jon understood but at the same time, he was getting annoyed. He was also horny as fuck and trying very hard not to let his cock dictate his actions.

Tonight, Lizzie wore a little black dress with strappy heels to dinner and all Jonathan could think of was having Lizzie wear those heels while he fucked her hard and fast. It took all his willpower to keep the conversation light during dinner as his traitorous brain filled with all kinds of dirty images. Now, they were having post dinner drinks at a place Kaner had suggested. It was very intimate, the kind of place for seduction. Unfortunately, Jonathan thought, there would probably be no seduction tonight as he stood on the wall with Lizzie.

“I intentionally wore these for you.”

Lizzie fluttered her eyelashes at Jon’s dumbfounded expression. She wasn’t dumb; she knew exactly the kind of affect she had on men. Lizzie had to give Jonathan credit; he was doing a good job of not being a stupid hornball.

“I love them,” Jonathan drawled before taking a sip of his whiskey on the rocks. He told himself to be patient, as they continued to talk but after another half-hour talking about football, Jon finally broached the subject. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“Are you,” Lizzie countered. She went out on a couple of dates with a couple of different guys when the Blackhawks were out of town because, in her mind, she was still a free agent. Doing that actually made Lizzie feel more comfortable with going out with Jonathan. Not that the other dates were bad but Lizzie had to admit to herself that there was still something more with Jonathan.

“No,” Jonathan admitted. His DMs were full on all social media so he could go out with anyone he wanted if he truly felt like it. But right now, he really was just interested in Lizzie.

“That’s nice.”

Lizzie twirled the straw in her cocktail. Jonathan thought about what to say but ended up blurting out, “I still think about some of the things we did.”

“Woooooooow.”

Blushing, Lizzie bit her lip. Some of those memories had come back since she had seen Jonathan again. Some of those things that had seemed extra sinful at eighteen and nineteen were mainstream these days. Plus, Greg had tried but he didn’t have that same aura that teenage Jonathan had. Adult Jonathan had that dominant aura in spades and it was tempting.

Lizzie added, “And?”

Jonathan moved closer to Lizzie, his big body bracketing hers, his monotone voice even deeper, “You remember when I tied you up the first time?”

“That was…. interesting,“ Lizzie replied. She felt flushed, that memory now in her brain. They had been fumbling around and Jonathan had tied her up before making her beg and scream his name. But the knot had got stuck and after he cut her out, Lizzie had chafed skin on both of her wrists. “It was an interesting experiment.”

Jonathan licked his lips. He noticed that Lizzie was flushed, her body leaning towards his. It was almost heady, the tension, he could taste it. So, he decided to press into the attack.

“We’ve both grown up now. I mean, I know what I love to do in the bedroom and I’m not a teen boy fumbling around.”

Lizzie resisted the urge to roll her eyes at Jonathan’s pronouncement. Steeling her face so that she looked impassive, inwardly she was freaking out a bit. Jonathan had been pretty good fuck in college, better than the rest of her boyfriends before she married Greg. But this Jonathan, three times Stanley Cup winner and hockey superstar Jonathan, he seemed lethal.

And he knew it as he gave Lizzie a little smirk and a wink.

“Don’t worry Lizzie, no one is going to judge you now if you like a little pain. I definitely won’t. You know I liked giving it to you when we were experimenting.”

Exasperated, Lizzie exclaimed, “You’re still so arrogant! I seriously doubt you’d have a chance to fuck me again.”

Jonathan moved closer and Lizzie backed up, backing into the wall. Jonathan got close enough that Lizzie could smell his expensive cologne but far enough that she could easily move away if she wanted to.

“I don’t know why you’re still lying to yourself all these years later,” Jonathan murmured, his dark brown eyes looking black. “But I’m patient, I can still wait. You still want me and I’ve always wanted you.”

Lizzie bit her lip and Jonathan resisted the urge to groan. He had thought that he had forgotten her but just meeting her again two months ago had brought back those old feelings. Now, he was getting tired of playing cat and mouse but from what he had learned from TJ and Ridley, Jonathan was trying to be careful and tactical with his advances. He at least managed to get her to go out with him. His cock could wait.

Of course, after telling himself that, images from a decade ago filled his head. Ignoring them, Jonathan instead taunted, “Nothing to say? I never thought lawyers could be rendered speechless.”

Instead of replying, Lizzie reached out and touched Jonathan’s sweater. It was super soft and felt like it was made from the finest cashmere. She finally replied, voice low and soft, “Why am I so attracted to you? This shouldn’t really be happening.”

“Fate.”

It was a very simple reply as Jonathan grabbed her hand and brought it up to his lips. He kissed her hand, just a brief touch of closed lips to skin. But it felt like electricity coursed through both of them. Jonathan recovered first before giving Lizzie a devilish smile. “Night, night Elizabeth.”

***

“He’s way too smooth.”

Lizzie took in a deep breath as she watched the first snowfall of the year through her office window. Rachel’s laughter at her complaint registered super loud over her ear pod.

Rachel commented, “Of course he is, he’s had over a decade of practice. I can’t believe he’s still interested; I think Jon has dated models and he could date anyone. You’re lucky as hell, Lizzie.”

Lizzie pouted as she moved away from the window. “I don’t know if I want to be lucky.”

“Well, I remember all of the sneaking around you’d did when we were in college. You had no problems fucking him in private.”

“RACHEL!! Oh, my Gawd, you knew that?!?”

Lizzie put her hand on her forehead, mortified. She thought she had been cautious.

Rachel chuckled before continuing, “No one else figured it out. But it was obvious that sparks were flying. And then Jon goes pro and you end up dating around until you met Greg. But you never were as happy as you were freshman spring.”

Lizzie sighed, feeling a headache beginning to start. “Greg, you know I loved Greg.”

“I know honey, if you hadn’t, I would have seriously considered stopping the wedding,” Rachel consoled. “And he did help you escape the ranch and your parents’ plans.”

“I’ve been a widow for 3 years and this is the first time I’ve been attracted to a man,” Lizzie blurted out. Her cheeks reddened as she realized her admission.

There was an extended pause before Rachel finally replied. “Then you should go for it. Greg wouldn’t want you to give up on sex because he’s gone.”

Lizzie flipped through the messages on her work phone as she pondered Rachel’s words.

“I gotta go, Alyssa is about done with school and the baby should be up any minute. Stop thinking and just fuck him. Just remember to put color corrector and concealer over any marks Jonny leaves on you.”

Lizzie exclaimed, “Rachel,” but she had already hung up. Checking her personal phone for messages, Lizzie grinned when she saw she had a snap from Jon. Opening the snap, she saw a photo of Jon signing jerseys and picks with a note of can’t wait to give you one.

Lizzie responded; too bad I’ll be too busy to get one for the next couple of weeks

Lizzie put her phone down, ready to focus on her work before getting a new message from Jon. I told u I can be patient.

Lizzie looked down at her list of pros and cons. All the pros were reasons why she should fuck Jonathan: get rid of all the unresolved tension from college, he’s an already proven great fuck, probably the best guy to be her first fuck since Greg passed away. The cons were that he was Jonathan Toews, he was famous, and he did have the ability to be an asshole. Her skeptical side told Lizzie that she probably couldn’t keep it casual but the other side was like, was that a bad thing?

Shaking her head, Lizzie pulled on a pair of jeans before putting on a sweater. The Blackhawks were back in town and last night, she went to the game courtesy of Jonathan. Lizzie had taken Elise with her and they enjoyed the Blackhawks winning against the Flames. It was actually fun as Lizzie explained some of the finer points of hockey, such as power plays, penalty kills, offsides, and the fact that all refs in all sports were absolutely awful. Tonight, she actually told Jon she would come over after they saw a movie.

Lizzie was curious about where Jonathan lived. She knew it was in an area called Lincoln Park; she lived in the outskirts of the North Side. Her student loans from law school demanded payment so Lizzie moved in the nicest area she could afford, in a gentrifying neighborhood. “Get a taste of how the rich live tonight,” Lizzie said to herself. However, she did put on a matching pair of underwear just in case she decided to do more.

Jonathan looked at Lizzie as the car pulled up to his place. He had been on his best behavior tonight; no sly comments, etc. after last time. But Lizzie had been cuddly during the movie and now, she… he couldn’t read her actions.

Jon entered his code and led Lizzie inside. “Very nice,” Lizzie commented as they walked through the first floor of his place.

“Oh wow, you have my favorite flowers,” Lizzie exclaimed as they walked into his kitchen. There was a vase with Spanish Jasmine flowers.

Jonathan shrugged even though he was inwardly pleased. He had ordered them this afternoon, a rush order when Lizzie said she would come over. Now she was here and he felt at a loss. His cock said to seduce her, his brain said to wait for her cues and see if she was actually interested. Jonathan grabbed two cups and got himself and Lizzie a glass of water before guiding her back into the living room.

“More movies,” Lizzie teased as she made herself comfortable on his leather couch.

Jonathan shook his head no, suddenly nervous as he cut on the TV. He didn’t want to fuck it up.

Lizzie smirked as she watched indecision on Jonathan’s face. Tonight, had been their first date since that conversation and it was obvious that Jonathan was still very interested but didn’t want to do anything that seemed pushy. Lizzie thought at first it was because they were out in public but she realized that if she wanted to actually go there again, she would have to bring it up.

“What are you thinking about, Jon,” Lizzie asked, intentionally shortening his name.

Jonathan put his arms on the back of the couch and mentally said fuck it. “Do you want to good answer or the dirty answer?”

“Dirty answer?”

Lizzie grinned as Jonathan gulped then groaned.

“I keep looking at your ass in those jeans and I want to grab it so bad,” Jonathan admitted. Lizzie looked at his big hands and she decided that tonight was the night.

“You can grab it, if you want?”

“Huh, what?”

Jonathan looked so dumbfounded that Lizzie giggled. “I said you can grab it. That’s another way of saying, you can touch me.”

“Are you sure,” Jonathan asked, locking eyes with Lizzie.

Lizzie rolled her eyes before grabbing his hand. “I came here with the full intent of getting fucked. But if you aren’t interested, that’s okay and we can hang out before I go home.”

“Oh, do you really want me to fuck you?”

Jonathan raised an eyebrow as Lizzie flung her hair behind her shoulder. “I want you to kiss me, eat my pussy, maybe I’ll suck your cock, and then fuck me, if you want to get precise.”

“Goddamn,” Jonathan breathed. “Fuck, then why don’t you sit in my lap?”

Lizzie climbed into his lap before locking eyes with Jonathan again. His deep brown eyes looked nearly black and he had stubble all around his jaw. She traced his jaw with her fingers before running her fingers through his hair. His voice a deeper monotone, Jonathan murmured, “I’m not going to bite, unless you want me to do that.”

Instead of replying, Lizzie brushed her lips over Jonathan’s, once, then twice. Then she leaned down and nipped his lip. “I like biting,” she whispered against his lips before kissing him again. Jonathan’s arms came around her waist, keeping Lizzie in place as he began to take over the lazy kiss. Need stretched through their kisses, tongues interacting as over a decade apart melted away. Then Jonathan pulled away. Lizzie reached to pull her sweater off but Jonathan stopped her.

“Let’s go to the bedroom, I don’t want to fuck you for the first time in forever on a couch, at least not this time.”

Lizzie laughed as Jonathan picked her up and nearly ran to his bedroom. She didn’t even get a chance to look around and admire before he was on her. Jonathan’s hands were all over her body as he desperately kissed her. Before Lizzie realized it, her sweater and bra were off and so was Jonathan’s hoodie and t-shirt. She could feel his rock-hard abs against her body as Jonathan rolled so that Lizzie was on top.

“Your tits are still fucking amazing.”

“Thanks,” Lizzie beamed as Jonathan gently kneaded them in his hands.

He murmured, “They are still so sensitive,” as her nipples hardened quickly in his fingers, watching Lizzie’s changes in expression. “So, you’ll tell me right away if I do something you don’t like?”

“Like what,” Lizzie asked.

Jonathan lightly grabbed her throat, something they had never done before but something he had learned that he liked to do. “Like that.”

“Mmmm, this is good,” Lizzie replied. Choking was one of the kinks she had explored with Greg and that she missed.

“Fuck, you got dirtier,” Jonathan stated before rolling Lizzie under him again.

“Why don’t you stop talking and undress me some more,” Lizzie ordered.

Jonathan laughed before idly replying, “Normally, I wouldn’t let you tell me what to do but we haven’t even negotiated that yet. And we aren’t, not tonight.”

Lizzie’s giggled as she shimmied out of her jeans. But those giggles were replaced with moans when Jonathan’s fingers brushed her upper and inner thighs before stroking her pussy through her panties. “So wet for me.”

He had planned to go slow but Jonathan was pretty sure that wasn’t happening, at least not for this first round. He needed to be deep inside of Lizzie, back where he belonged. Jonathan stood up and took off his own jeans and boxers, revealing his very hard cock. Lizzie reached up and ran a hand over his cock before pumping it with both hands.

“I’m not going to last that long,” Jonathan warned as Lizzie began to jerk him off. “I want to cum deep inside of your pussy, Elizabeth.”

“Oh my God,” Lizzie breathed. There was something in the way that Jonathan said her full name, it made her pussy drip even more.

Jonathan reached into his night stand and grabbed a condom. “Be a good girl and put this on me.”

Lizzie took the condom from Jonathan’s hands and opened it. Then she guided it over his cock with a wicked grin on her face. Leaning back on her elbows, Lizzie smirked at Jonathan before sucking her lip into her mouth. “Fuck me, Jonathan.”

Jonathan growled as Lizzie spread her legs, showing him just how wet and ready she was for him. Pulling a leg up and over his shoulder, Jonathan entered Lizzie slowly, making sure she felt every inch. Lizzie moaned, her hands grabbing anywhere they could on Jon as he fucked her, slow soft strokes turning harder with each thrust.

“Fuck you feel so good,” Lizzie groaned as Jonathan gave her a harder thrust, hips grinding with each stroke.

Jonathan managed to reply, “Your pussy still feels like it was made for me.”

He was already close and Jonathan couldn’t hold off even though he could tell that Lizzie wouldn’t cum with him this time. Jonathan’s lips found Lizzie’s as he kissed her while he came. Lizzie let Jonathan ride his high out, she could feel that she was getting closer but she wasn’t there.

Jonathan slumped against Lizzie for a couple moments before withdrawing from her pussy. He took off the condom, telling Lizzie, “Stay there.”

Dumping the condom into the trash, Jonathan pulled Lizzie to the edge of the bed. Spreading her legs, Jonathan knelt in between, fingers spreading her folds. Then his tongue licked her clit and Lizzie arched off the bed. “Don’t worry, I’m going to take care of you,” Jonathan cooed as he played with her clit. Then he dove in, licking her juices from her pussy before tongue-fucking Lizzie’s entrance. His fingers continued to roll her clit with light pressure, enough to keep Lizzie on the edge but not enough to get her to cum. Then Jon sucked her clit into her mouth and bit it very lightly, enough of a shock to get Lizzie to cum with a scream, fingers grabbing sheets to hold on for dear life. Jonathan muttered something in French as Lizzie rode out her high. Then she fell asleep with a light snore.

Lizzie laid on the bed, her hair fanned out around her head, body too depleted to move yet. But she peeled herself up as Jonathan was sitting up next to her, a MacBook in his lap.

“Wow, what time is it?”

“It’s a little after midnight,” Jonathan replied. He had changed into a pair of sweats and Lizzie licked her lips. He looked really good in gray sweats.

She shrugged. “At least it’s Saturday.”

“I cleaned you up after you passed out.”

Jonathan gave Lizzie a wicked grin as she blushed. “It’s been a while,” she replied.

Lizzie got up and Jonathan pointed to his left, indicating that was the way to get to the bathroom. Lizzie stepped inside of the master bathroom, still too tired to check it out. After taking care of business and washing her hands, Lizzie walked back into Jonathan’s bedroom. Jonathan handed her a t-shirt and said, “You’re too tired to attempt to drive home. You can stay here; I’ll keep my hands to myself.”

“I like cumming so you don’t have to keep them to yourself.”

Lizzie gave Jon a saucy smile while he groaned.

Let yourself be happy. Find that guy again, the one who was before me. I just want you to be happy, don’t shrivel up and die because I’m gone.

Lizzie looked at the note, last note from Greg before he passed from non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Her wedding ring was on next to it, the simple gold band twinkling in the late winter sun.

Today was her seventh month since her move to Chicago, fifth since she met Jonathan for the first time in years. Tonight, she was going to the game, Elise going with her but this time, they were going to sit with the WAGs. Lizzie had met Jonathan’s closest friends and teammates and it was obvious that there was something happening between them. But Lizzie felt the need to look at this one more time.

“I’m going to be happy, Greg,” Lizzie whispered before putting her old wedding ring and the note in a box, setting it next to a vase of nineteen red tulips that Jon had given her. Then she pulled her hair into a ponytail, sent all work calls on her work phone to voicemail. Picking up her personal phone, Lizzie smiled as she looked at the text from Jonathan.

She wasn’t going to run this time. She was going to embrace a future with Jonathan.

#hockeynetwork #Jonathan Toews #smut #angst #drabbles #blurbs #blackhawks #nhl imagines #nhl imagine

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wh33zy · 3 years

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My Read on Terrorist: the Black Sheep of Junjou Romantica

Tonight, I wanted to do an analysis of the most controversial couple to enter Nakamura’s arena and to make waves in the BL world. I will be analyzing them both separately and then together. Through the scrutiny of all fans alike, they have prevailed and have become one of the healthiest as well as charming couples that Nakamura has created to date. This is all despite the fucked up situation that they’re in.

So, why were/are they vehemently hated? The main reason I found was because of their seventeen year age gap. As a refresher: Miyagi starts the story at the age of 34 and Shinobu starts at 17, months away from turning 18. Miyagi was more recently divorced from Shinobu’s older sister, Risako, who are both the children of the dean at Mitsuhashi University where Miyagi works as a tenured professor. Upon hearing about Miyagi’s divorce, Shinobu flew back to Japan from studying abroad in Australia in order to pursue him. Through Miyagi trying to get Shinobu to fall out of love with him as well as trying to help get him into college, Miyagi ends up catching feelings for Shinobu. This is where their relationship starts.

Takatsuki Shinobu: He isn’t a terribly complex character, but one of the most interesting yet. He still remains quite mysterious, as he won’t share any details about himself unless someone asks, so for likes/dislikes as well as hobbies, I think he has a lot of potential to be even more interesting as the chapters go on. But, we do know that he is incredibly book smart from the way he excels in all of his studies/studied abroad/is bilingual and socially smart with the way he seems to make a lot of friends pretty easily.

His emotions run incredibly deep, and each one he feels hits him incredibly hard where he can’t help but express it outwardly. He has a pretty aggressive way of doing it too. This is evident by the way he’ll throw a punch if he’s mad (not a serious one) or tackle Miyagi in a hug when he’s really happy. He’s an open book who’ll let you know what he thinks without any fear, no matter who you are. Not only does this make him the peak of direct and straightforward, but this can make him rather intimidating and come even more aggressive than he already does.

He’s a tough guy, doesn’t look it, but he is. He’s a little rough around the edges. I am of the opinion that he was sent to Australia to be tamed but only came back tougher. The Texas of Britain only made him even stronger and this is evident by the way he cowers when he’s fourteen when he’s confronted by three grown men. If adult Shinobu were in the situation, those three men would have their souls snatched. What this paragraph is saying is that Shinobu is the type of person who when thrown to the wolves, he comes back leading the pack.

He’s also the most ambitious and determined in terms of getting what he wants out of life. If he wants it, Shinobu will try his damnedest to get it with no hesitation. He’s either all in or not at all. At the same time, however, he won’t waste his own time/energy. If it isn’t meant to be, he will completely change course to move on.

I think this is what separates him from almost all of Nakamura’s characters; when he found out about Miyagi still having feelings for his sensei, he wasn’t willing to wait around. While he did love Miyagi with all he had, he took it upon himself to look out for his own best interests and move on. I think he realizes that love, more specifically with Miyagi, is an amazing luxury and a dream but not a necessity in his life. Shinobu wanted to be someone’s number one and someone to be ride or die for him as well, since he would be the same, so he only accepted Miyagi when became that someone.

At the same time, Shinobu didn’t force nor want Miyagi to forget about his sensei because he understood that she was an important part of his life. While it does seem like he was acting in desperation, this is why I don’t think it was. Shinobu wanted Miyagi before his sister married him so when the divorce happened, he took his chance to pursue Miyagi, and was ready to back out (more than once!) when it didn’t seem like it would work.

Here’s the thing that makes him more mortal: he’s kind of insecure. While he does have confidence in his abilities to do anything, he actually worries about what people think of him. He wants to be well-liked, he wants to be someone who people think is great. He also worries a lot about how Miyagi sees him, if he’s too immature and young for him. However, he turns these things into self-improvement instead of wallowing. He constantly works on improving cooking and being more social, smiling more, etc.

At the end of the day, Shinobu has a lot of self respect, a drive to improve, and is very considerate towards others (although it’s not obvious, he is!) and I found him to be pretty mature for someone just entering adulthood. All of the reasons above are why he is one of my favorites and why I find him a force to be reckoned with.

Miyagi Yoh: He’s a pretty simple guy: Graduated high school, went to college, found his career, got married (then divorced), is a history buff, and an avid reader. He has pretty traditional leaning values and views and can be a jokester at times. There really isn’t a lot to Miyagi, but I personally don’t think there needs to be. He’s actually the more laid back one in the relationship, although he has his moments where he can be uptight and more reserved.

He’s a more gentle person and definitely cares about being professional, about the proper ways to go about things. Although he is ambitious when it comes to the important stuff, he can sometimes be quite wishy-washy and unsure of himself. His confidence in his own abilities isn’t terribly high, but he does try his best. He does tend to go with the flow sometimes and struggles with handling difficult situations.

He also has his insecurities that are quite similar to Shinobu: his age and if he good enough. In the manga, you see these come up a lot, since he worries about these things pretty often. It’s why he gets so bothered by Shinobu smiling and getting along with girls his age. He can’t help but worry that maybe Shinobu might want that “normal” life and leave him for it.

Which brings me to his main problem: anxiety. A lot of Miyagi’s acting out or on impulse stem from harboring a lot of anxiety. He tends to worry a lot about the future, if he’s doing enough, if he’s good enough, Shinobu’s feelings, Shinobu’s well-being, Shinobu’s future, and being left behind again. When he spirals into anxiety for one of these reasons, he tends to shut down and close himself off or act on impulse.

While it does seem like he has a much better handle on controlling, hiding, and understanding his feelings/emotions, he really fucking doesn’t. What he really does with his feelings is not express them or acknowledge them and hold them in until they explode. I think this stems from the fact that he’s supposed to be the ‘calm and collected adult’, and having to hide his feelings for his sensei when he was with Risako. Now, let’s talk about his sensei for a moment: the sensei I’m referring to is the first women he fell in love with when he was in high school where they had a similar age gap to him and Shinobu now. Sensei was terminally ill and Miyagi helped with some of her care and was also there at the time of her passing. He never seemed to get over her for the next seventeen or so years after that. Miyagi squashed down his grief, so he never really coped or got through it.

It and the divorce also left him with some abandonment issues which is another explanation why he was so upset when he found out Shinobu was planning to leave and went after him even though it collided with him not wanted to acknowledge his feelings. This also explains his jealousy when he sees Shinobu acting cheerfully with others; he’s afraid of being left behind again.

So, I can confidently say that Miyagi doesn’t like dealing with his emotions and maybe doesn’t know how to. He’s also not confident in how he should go about them. This is especially prominent in the way that he’s not sure when/if he should be affectionate with Shinobu. He worries about the timing of it, what if Shinobu isn’t in the mood, if he should bother Shinobu with it in the first place, etc. This caused him to not really take any initiative in their relationship for a while until he realized it (with Shinobu’s help of course) and worked on it to improve.

The Relationship: So, ironically, although they have the most problematic and drama inducing set up, they are the healthiest couple yet. They are healthier than the main couple on the cover (I have yet to see Romantica be as open with each other as they are but Romantica is on their way)! Of course, they’re not at Mistake level...yet.

Whatever problems in their relationship, insecurities, inner most feelings, and needs are discussed. They are both big on communication, and have been irritated when one of them isn’t talking. They also don’t hide their feelings or issues from each other, so their level of understanding one another’s points of view is pretty high. If there’s something wrong, they talk it out and it’s solved by the end of the chapter. Showing affection also is not a big deal in the sense that no one is too embarrassed or too desperate. They can hug and kiss casually without it being a big thing. They never have to wonder if they’re wanted by each other and they make it obvious that they care. They also make an effort to spend time with each other and plan dates. They also are interested and invested in each other’s lives/interests. They are just plain sweet on one another.

Terrorist is what the title suggests: Pure Romance.

But all of this is ignored, these two barely given a chance by a lot of fans because of their age gap. Because an almost middle aged man is dating his ex-wife’s younger brother which is the ultimate betrayal by a sibling and an ex. Which, I understand! I totally don’t blame someone for being uncomfortable with this sort of thing and it turning them off! But, don’t hate on them and then in the same breath uplift Egoist/Minimum or Nostalgia when they WISH they could be half as functional and sweet as Terrorist is.

And that is the darjeeling!

#junjou romantica #junjou terrorist #miyagi yoh #takatsuki shinobu

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marshmallow-phd · 4 years

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Nine Little Letters

Genre: College AU, Fake Dating AU, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before AU

Inspired By: This graphic made by @rcse-tvler

Pairing: EXO x Reader

Summary: Just when you thought life was done shoving you down, it got much, much worse. After finding out that your latest crush was already in a relationship, you did what you always did when emotions ran high: you wrote a letter. Signed and sealed, you put it away with the eight other letters you’d written to past one-sided loves, never to be seen again. That is, until a mix up accidentally sends those letters out to their respective recipients and you find yourself in the middle of one confusing web of love. With fake relationships, insecurities, and revelations swirling around, things are bound to get a little messy.

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11

This was the worst kind of humiliation. Standing there on the sidewalk staring open-mouthed at the one person you were excited to see today, you were crumbling into a million pieces. And no one even noticed. That was what made this humiliation so bad; there was no one to witness it. You were breaking and no one cared.

You should have known better, really. This morning was going too well. You had woken up on time, had a delicious, filling breakfast, and had managed to put an outfit together worthy of any Pinterest board. Your confidence was through the roof and you were going to do the one thing in your life you swore you would never do.

You were going to confess to your crush.

Signing up for math tutoring was the last thing you wanted to do. Who in the world wanted to spend their valuable free time learning more about equations and algorithms? But you needed to pass this class. It was the second time you’d taken college algebra and the thought of taking it a third time made you want to crawl under your bed. So, you buckled down and took the walk of shame into the math lab. (Yes, that was an exaggeration. Everyone knows there is no shame in getting help. Didn’t mean you had to like it.) When you got the call from your assigned tutor, you ignored it. You didn’t like talking on the phone to anyone let alone a number you didn’t recognize. No voicemail was left. Then a text came through.

Hi, (y/n)! This Kim Junmyeon! I’ve been assigned as your math tutor. When you get a chance, let me know when you’re free so we can create a schedule that works for you. Have a great day!

You waited an appropriate amount of time before replying. So, an hour and half later, you texted him your schedule and made a plan to meet up in the library the following Thursday. You marked that day on your calendar with exactly zero enthusiasm. In your head, this Kim Junmyeon was the cliché nerd from movies: dorky glasses, snort-like laugh, and clothes that looked better on a grandfather. Oh, boy were you so happy to be wrong.

Sitting down at one of the tables by the large, ceiling high windows, Junmyeon was nothing like you’d imagined. He had a sophisticated aura about him. He dressed nicely, a thin long-sleeved shirt over a patterned button down, the collar laid nicely over the top of the shirt, and was blessed with sharp, handsome features. You knew you were in trouble. But you didn’t care. You sat down at that table eagerly, ready to… learn.

For the past month and a half, you’d met Junmyeon twice a week to go over the lessons and work on the assignments. By some miracle, your grade was actually going up in the class. Somehow you were able to better comprehend the material and secretly fawn over your tutor simultaneously. At this point, you were sort of feigning how much you weren’t understanding to keep the tutoring sessions going. The nice thing about algebra, once you understood the basics, everything else built on top of it.

But today – today you had decided that you were going to step over the line from tutor and student into the realm of perhaps something more.

You liked Junmyeon. You liked his math puns and the way he scrunched his face when he thought hard about something. His lips would pucker whenever he lifted the sheet of paper to check over your work. Each time you met up with him your heart acted like it was in the middle of a NASCAR race and it was determined to win. You had it bad. This wasn’t the first time you’d had a crush like this, but you had set your mind on making this one different. This time, you wouldn’t hold it inside. You were going to be the brave one, the bold one. The fact that birds were tweeting as you rode your bike onto campus should have been a sign that things would only be downhill from there. Unfortunately, like the optimistic idiot, you took it as a positive instead.

After locking your bike up, you headed straight for the courtyard near the pond. Junmyeon had told you that he often spent his mornings there to finish up homework or to read a book (the fact that he read so much was another factor in your liking of him). In your head, he was all alone, flipping through a novel as he leaned against the trunk of a tree, looking like a prince taking a rest in the shade on a warm summer’s day. The water would be glistening in the background as a lovely, lighthearted melody played softly through the air. He would see you approach and smile that wide, brilliant smile. Your heart would skip as you sat down in the grass next to him and poured out your feelings. The daydream turned into a nightmare the second he came into view.

Junmyeon was not alone nor was he sitting under a tree with a book. He was on one of the benches, splayed out on the wooden beams with his head resting in the lap of a very pretty, more his league type of girl. She laughed as Junmyeon told a story. A delicate hand ran through his soft brown hair. Your heart fell to the ground, forming a crater at your feet.

Shoulders slumped and day ruined, you turned and headed for the student union. If today was going to suck like this, then you were going to sprinkle it with an overly sugary coffee drink. Preferably with extra chocolate drizzle. It helped - a little bit.

Your morning classes went by in a blur. You were certain you took notes, but none of the information sank in. Later you would have to transcribe your quick scribbles to a word document to help you study. You would learn the information then. By lunch, you were starting to peel yourself off the sidewalk of humiliation. Especially when the one person you could always rely on joined you for lunch.

“How did it go?”

You remained silent, continuously munching on the sandwich in your hands as your best friend sat down across from you at the small, two-person table near the middle of the cafeteria.

Baekhyun laughed his signature, SpongeBob-like laugh. “That bad, huh? I told you not to do it.”

“Technically, I didn’t do it,” you corrected. “He already has a girlfriend.”

“Ouch.”

You nodded. How could you not see this before? Did he mention having a girlfriend and you just blocked it out? Junmyeon and you talked casually between math problems, about your friends and fun things you liked to do on the weekends. He’d failed to mention one very important detail.

“Well,” Baekhyun reached over and plucked a potato chip off your plate and plopped it in his mouth, “at least you found out before you said something. I told you he wasn’t worth it.”

“Just because he has a girlfriend doesn’t mean he isn’t worth crushing on.”

“Okay. Whatever you say.”

You rolled your eyes at him. “You’re so much help.”

Ignoring your quip, Baekhyun snatched another chip. You smacked his hand, but all that managed to do was break off a few pieces, the crumbs falling to the table. Smiling proudly, Baekhyun popped the half-chip into his mouth. “So, are you just going to go home and write a letter?”

“Are you just going to go home and write a letter?” you mocked with a scrunched face.

Byun Baekhyun had been your best friend since the two of you had met in the first grade. He’d stolen your popsicle that your mother had packed as a special treat for your first full day of school. When he saw you start to cry, he broke off the piece he’d been sucking on and handed the rest back to you. There was a bit of a disagreement on the level of nice-ness that act achieved since it was your popsicle to begin with, but somehow it caused the two of you to be inseparable ever since. Being your best friend meant that he was privy to the more private parts of your life.

Like the letters.

Starting as young as ten years old, you’d developed a bit of a tradition when it came to your crushes. Emotions were hard to process, but you found them easier to work through if you thought about them and translated them into words. Those words would fly across the paper, transferring the feelings that made you both laugh and cry into the graphite that formed them. Not to mention, the act made you feel like the heroine in a rom-com. Certainly it was something that Meg Ryan or Rachel McAdams would do once they realized how they felt about the male lead.

The first letter you ever wrote was during your final year of ballet class. Dancing had been a part of your life since you were three, but a new passion had been discovered so you’d decided to quit after this last cluster of classes. A terrible decision, really. Because right after your mind was already made up, a new boy had joined the class.

Kim Jongin.

He had just moved into town after his father was promoted to a new position and had to transfer to headquarters. You’d never seen him at the park or the grocery store before. He was completely new. And beautiful.

He was blessed golden skin that glistened, shining brighter the longer he danced. And, oh, the way he danced. It was well beyond what anyone else could do. His movements were fluid, water-like, as if the very beat of the music were pulling and manipulating his limbs to convey what the notes had to say. Each move was a word and when he formed them together, they could make you smile or cry. And when he smiled… oh, his smile was like starlight. The kind of brightness that stayed in the sky even as the city lights flickered on. To this day, you’d never found one that could rival it. He was a dream that every composer coveted. So, what was your young heart to do?

Well, the movies told you to confess. But there was no way you could find the courage to do so, especially since you only saw him in class and you couldn’t confess in front of everyone. The only other option was to write it out; to write it out like Jane Austen pouring her heart out for Tom Lefroy.

Dear Jongin,

I’m not sure how to start this. Do I compliment you on your dancing? It’s nothing like I’ve seen before. Prima Donnas in the Russian Ballet would be jealous of you! But you probably hear that all the time. And about how handsome you are, even under all that hair. I can’t help but watch when you pull it back for class so you can see yourself in the mirror. Why can’t I look like that? I somehow ended up looking like a frizzy wet cat that just climbed out of the tub.

I guess what I’m trying to avoid saying is that… I like you. A lot. I like your laugh and your wide smile. I like how much you love music and how you interpret the melody with your moves. No one can freestyle like you! My heart does a dance of its own whenever I see you. I hope you don’t have anyone that you like, just so I can stand a chance. Would you ever think of me like that? If not, it’s okay. I just needed to tell you. Someday, you’ll be on stage dancing to an audience of thousands and I’ll be right there in the front row, cheering you on! Until then, I hope you always find happiness in what you love.

Love,

(y/n).

That sentence about watching him on stage made you cringe in hindsight. Cute for a ten-year-old, but a bit stalkerish. Luckily, though, you never gave it to him. You chickened out every time up until the last class. The idea of him opening it and reading right there in front of you was mortifying. So, then, you decided to mail it. The teacher gave you his address after you told her you wanted to invite him to your birthday party (it should be a little worrisome that a teacher was willing to pass on private information like that… perhaps it was because you were a kid). Three times you went to the mailbox to send the letter out and three times you ran back inside to hide it under your mattress.

That was the beginning of your weird little tradition. Though you never sent the letter to Jongin, you felt better having somewhat confessed your feelings and worked through them without the humiliation of actually… doing it. So, the next time you had a crush so overwhelming that you needed to get the feelings out, you wrote a letter. You even went all the way each time to address the envelope, giving the confession a sense of finality. There was no fear in them ever going out. Baekhyun was the only other one in the world who knew of their existence. At the current moment, eight were hidden in a drawer in your vanity. The way your fingers were itching, a ninth one was on the way.

“I might,” you finally replied.

Baekhyun leaned forward eagerly. “Can I read it when you’re done?”

“No!”

He snapped his fingers as he sat back in his chair. “Darn.”

“Why am I even friends with you?”

“Because I’m charming.”

There was no question in his voice. He one-hundred percent believed it. And… to be honest, he did have his moments. But that was all in the past. “Like a plank of wood.”

Shaking his head, Baekhyun rapped his hands on the table before standing up. “Alright, I’m going to class. Have fun with your pencil and imagination.” For emphasis on his stupid remark, he stole one last chip before walking off.

You finished off your sandwich in a bit of a rage. By the time you were finished, your mouth muscles were aching as if you’d spent several hours at the gym and it was jaw day.

You only had one class left for the afternoon. But it was algebra. How were you supposed to concentrate on functions when your sad attempt at getting into a relationship with your tutor failed so epically? Somehow you managed, though, and you packed up at the end of class with a new sort of determination. As you hopped on your bike and rode home, you thought over what you were going to write. You were so lost in your head that you hadn’t notice the car pulling out of your neighbor’s driveway, nearly hitting you before the driver hit their brakes.

“Shoot!”

You back peddled to break. Your heart thumped in your chest. No life memories flashed before your eyes, but you were sure you almost died. Slowly, you moved forward to get out of the way of the car.

“I’m sorry!” you yelled over your shoulder.

The driver leaned out the window.

Oh, great.

It was your neighbor. Or, at least, your neighbor’s son. Do Kyungsoo. He stared at you with an expression that could be blank but could also be a glare. It was hard to tell with him. Shaking his head, he pulled back inside the car and drove away.

Fighting off embarrassment for the second time this day - albeit this situation was much lower on the scale and it happened a bit more often than you’d like to admit - you put your bike up in the backyard and headed up to your room. Your mother, a literary history professor, and your father, a doctor at the local hospital, were both at work and wouldn’t be home until well after dinner. You were used to it. Besides, you were an adult and you liked being able to decide to have pizza for dinner and not worry about what other people wanted for toppings. Once you put your order in, you sat down at your vanity and got to work.

Dear Junmyeon,

Has anyone told you how your hair looks in the sunlight? The dark brown hues seem so warm and inviting, like an ebony chair that was warmed by the unfiltered rays. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to run my finger through it. Would the strands be as soft as they look? Would you wear the same smile on your face that you do during our sessions? But I guess I might not be meant to feel them. Today, I intended to tell you how I felt. I woke up with a determination, a goal to say how much I like you to your face. I was so nervous riding my bike to the university, but it was the good kind of nervous; the kind that makes you keep going. It seemed, however, that I was too late. Or maybe I simply never had a chance at all. I’d missed any signs that said you were already someone else’s.

I hope she knows how lucky she is. I hope she makes you laugh and listens to you when you’re having a bad day. Your laugh is like a symphony. Does she tell you how light and lovely it is? Or how infectious it is? When you laugh, I can’t help but laugh along. It’ll be sad not to hear it anymore. Or have our talks filled with random subject changes. But I think I’ll miss your smile most of all. The way it crinkles your eyes yet still lets them shine. The way it spreads across your face and the way your cheeks grow. It is truly a sight to behold. I hope wherever you go, you are always smiling. You always let your light shine even on the cloudiest of days. That’s what’s so special about you and what made me fall for you. Even when I was frustrated or couldn’t understand, you were patient, taking my mind off of the negative and turning me so I could face the positive. That’s a rare kind of person. You are a rare kind of person. Please always be happy, Kim Junmyeon.

Love,

(y/n)

With a sigh you sat back in your chair. The letter had done its job. Though you were still sad about the way things turned out, you no longer felt defeated. The words you needed to say were now out there without being “out there”. Okay, so he had a girlfriend. Big deal. It wasn’t the end of the world. There were more potential love interests out there that you could find. He was only one and obviously wasn’t the one.

Beginning to smile again, you folded the letter and put it in an envelope. You didn’t have Junmyeon’s address, so you wrote out the address for the math lab. Opening the top drawer of the vanity, you placed the latest addition to your collection under the first envelope. The doorbell rang right as you closed it up again. Oh, thank goodness. Food.

Practically skipping down the steps, you hurried to the front door.

“Hi-” You stopped as soon as you’d opened it. The person waiting on the other side was not the pizza delivery guy - it was Baekhyun. The boxes holding the pizza and cheese sticks you’d order for no one but yourself were in his hands. Over his shoulder, you barely caught sight of the delivery man driving away. “Really?”

“What? I was bored. And hungry.” He flipped open the lid to show you the hot, melted cheese of the appetizer. “Cheese stick?”

Rolling your eyes, you stepped aside so he could come inside.

Baekhyun had been to your home plenty of times in the past so it was easy for him to make himself at home. He didn’t wait for you before pulling plates out of the cabinet and pouring a drink. He even went as far as getting you glass as well. “Thirsty?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

The two of you ate at the kitchen table as your mother had a “no meals in the living room” policy. Small snacks like nuts and popcorn were okay, as long as you didn’t spill any on the couches.

“So… how did the writing go?” Baekhyun asked cheekily between bites.

You shrugged. “Fine. I’m deciding that I’m getting over it.”

Now it was Baekhyun’s turn to roll his eyes. “You always get over them fast.”

“What’s the point of dwelling on the things you can’t change?”

That was always your answer. Yes, the hurt was immediate and painful, but Baekhyun was right, you tended to push it aside rather quickly. That was the whole point of your letters, anyway. Get the feelings out of the way so you could move on. What was the point of clinging on to something like that? You would only end up worse if you stayed in that spot. So, you pushed yourself to move on. And eight times out of nine, it had worked. There was only that one nagging letter that failed to do its job. That particular set of feelings refused to go away even as you looked to other crushes, as you found other boys to like. It was the one you would always wonder about, the one that was completely off limits. The dull ache still crept up every once in a while. If moving on was what you had to do, you would do it. Because you would prefer if you never had to go through something like that ever again.

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twistedlymad · 4 years

Text

Welcome Home, Dearest Friend. (Ft. Everyone!)

You guys have waited for this for some time now and I truly, sincerely apologize to everyone.

To be honest, it took me three days to write this, I normally wouldn’t have taken this long but I had a bit of the writer’s block that prevented me from thinking of anything. For the first day, I was just staring at my laptop while I had an internal argument with my brain, forcing asking it to please work with me and deliver the long awaited sequel to my fic ‘It’s Time We Go Home.’

But here it is! I do hope the sequel meets everyone’s expectations! I hope you all enjoy it, thank you so much for requesting and waiting for this fic. I hope everyone has a lovely day!

You feel the cold air of the night hit your face and breeze through your hair as you flew in the sky. You took a deep breath, welcoming fresh air into your lungs and exhaling it out shortly after. At that moment, you had a good overview of the prestigious school that is Night Raven College.

Yes, you were back at the place that you so desperately wanted to leave a few months ago thanks to your best friends going to pick you up from your supposed ‘home’.

And you couldn’t be more thankful that they did.

“I missed everyone.” You said, tightening your grip on Ace.

“Yeah, we missed you too.” Ace replied to you as he focused on his flying.

“We all did.” Deuce added on, taking a glance at you. You gave him a smile before you all landed in front of your beloved Ramshackle Dorm. You got off the broom and proceeded to walk towards your dorm, however, you stopped yourself from entering.

“(Y/N)? What’s wrong?” Deuce asked you.

“Does… Anyone else know?” You turned to your friends, making them raise an eyebrow at you.

“Know? Know of what?” Ace asked.

“That I’ve returned.” You said, looking at them. They all shook their heads no.

“Only Headmaster Crowley knows that we went to try to persuade you, since we asked for his permission to do so.” Deuce said.

“Ah… Is that so?” You said, looking at the ground.

None of you moved, everyone just stayed deep in thought. It was as if time had suddenly froze.

Truth be told, you were feeling slightly anxious. You had just left behind your biological parents and family to be with a family that treats you better than them. Maybe it was because of your moral values and how you were taught to always love your family. But, you still were slightly unsure who was your true family.

The boys certainly took notice of your hesitation. They shared glances with each other for they were afraid that you would suddenly change your mind and want to go back to your ‘home’. They sincerely hoped that you wouldn’t do so, as it wasn’t easy living without you.

Suddenly, someone was laughing out loud. You looked up from the ground to see Ace laughing out loud.

“Ace? What’s so funny?” You asked.

“Ahaha, nothing, it’s just that… Remember the huge search party?” Ace said after calming down from his fit of laughter.

“Oh yeah! It was so chaotic!” Deuce said with a smile on his face.

“Search party?” You were confused, why was there a search party?

“We thought something bad happened to you when we found out you were missing, so, we had this giant search party just to look for you.” Deuce answered.

“It started when…” And Ace told you what had happened during your absence.

When they first found out that you were gone, Ace, Deuce and Grim searched high and low for you, afraid that something might’ve happened to you. When the other students, dorm leaders and vice dorm leaders caught wind of the news, a huge search party had been held in hopes of finding you. Everyone was worried and wanted to find you as soon as possible.

It wasn’t long before Crowley inspected the matter, after all, he couldn’t have his school in such a messy state. When he saw what everyone was doing, he assumed everyone was running around in his school without a purpose. But, something seemed off to him.

After all, it’s not like Riddle would run around carelessly, nor would Azul even run in the first place.

Leona awake and running? At this time? He should be taking his nap right now!

Kalim and Jamil flying on his magical carpet? Kalim never brings out his magical carpet out from his dorm!

Why is Vil searching in trash cans? Rook as well? Didn’t they swear to never even be a meter near a trash can?

Idia is out of his room?! AND climbing trees?!

Is… Malleus panicking?! But, he’s always seen with a calm expression all the time!

All in all, it wasn’t like them to act this way. Well, it wasn’t like them to act this way on a normal day. This made the headmaster so confused, he thought he was in an alternate universe.

That was, until Crowley managed to hear the words coming out from their mouth. It was a name. A very specific name indeed.

“(Y/N)!!” “(Y/N) Where are you?!” “(Y/N)!! This isn’t funny!!”

Crowley then understood everything and yelled everyone to stop what they were doing. Of course, everyone heard the loud voice of the headmaster and immediately stopped.

“Headmaster, not to be rude but, we’re trying to find (Y/N) right now.” Ace said to the headmaster.

“Everyone… You don’t have to.” Crowley said, dropping his head slightly.

“What? No, headmaster, you don’t understand!” Deuce said.

“(Y/N)’s gone!!” Grim continued, panic evident in his voice.

“No, (Y/N) isn’t gone.” Crowley stated calmly. He knew the students can’t really handle what he was going to say to them.

“Headmaster, what are you saying?” Riddle asked the caped figure.

“(Y/N)… Has gone back home.” Crowley said in a low voice.

“No, I’m certain he/she’s been kidnapped or something! If he/she went home, he/she would tell us yanno?!” Grim argued back.

“Yeah, it’s not like (Y/N) to not tell us if he/she’s going home!” Epel agreed with the furball. Your friends started to voice out their agreements as well.

“(Y/N) didn’t tell you all because he/she didn’t want to worry all of you. That’s why he/she left without a notice or a trace.” Crowley said.

“B-But!” Grim tried to protest, he couldn’t believe his ears after all. The one who accepted him, took care of him and loved him was gone? It couldn’t be true… right?

“(Y/N) is back in her home and that is final. Now, go back to your classes.” Crowley said before retreating back to his office.

Everyone was in shock. You left without anyone noticing nor even saying goodbye? They were kind of disappointed, but they knew if it was your wish to do so, so be it.

“Come on Grim, let’s get to class.” Ace said to the furball as everyone was leaving.

“Y-Yeah… Class…” Grim replied in a low and soft tone. He’s still in shock after all. As much as he wanted to believe Crowley was joking and that you were actually in Ramshackle Dorm, he knew it wasn’t true as Crowley would be panicking if you were actually gone. But, he wasn’t, so that must’ve meant that what Crowley had said was the truth. He felt like as if he had been slapped and brought back to reality.

And so, everyone carried on with their lives.

Or… At least tried to.

Inside, they knew that you accepted you as a piece of their world. (Hi, I’m very subtle with my references yes? UwU) Your presence was so strong, they couldn’t have ever imagined living without you. Yet here they are, living without you.

They tried to not have their true feelings show up on their faces. They tried going on about their daily lives without a care. They tried to not let your absence disturb their mood whatsoever.

Believe me Reader-san, they tried very hard. But, it wasn’t working. No matter how much they try, they feel a void in their hearts.

A void… Only you could fill.

Over time, their moods began to deteriorate.

The dorm leaders will be seen with their heads buried deep in their work, trying to distract themselves from your absence, even Kalim has gone silent. They didn’t want to be bothered at all by your absence. But, no matter how focused they were, they couldn’t do it. They knew they had built a good relationship with you since their overblottings. You always had little chats with the dorm leaders whenever you manage to catch them alone. You would always put a small smile on their faces whenever you started to have small talks with them and you would always smile back to them. They treasured your relationship with them dearly, after all, they were dorm leaders, not everyone who approached them was as willing as you. When they invited you to either have tea or just to chat with them, you accepted without any hesitation at all. They were glad that you weren’t scared of them even after seeing how dangerous and powerful they can get, especially during their overblottings. They were glad, that you were there to snap them out of their state, they were glad that they got to live safe and sound because of you.

Now, without you, they fear they can never have those quaint little walks and talks anymore.

The vice dorm leaders and upperclassmen are doing their best to support their respective dorm leaders. But, no matter how hard they tried to cheer their dorm leaders up, nothing works. They too had a strong relationship with you, thanks to their respective dorm leaders, they also spent a lot of time with you whenever you came to their dorms for tea or just to hang out with their first years. You would also lend a hand to them whenever they needed it, let it be taking care of the dorm leaders or the other residents of the dorms, you were always happy and ready to help them. And also, thanks to them, you learned quite the set of skills in cooking! You couldn’t help it, the vice dorm leaders are always seen in the kitchen, prepping for food for their dorms, the smell and looks of the food lured you in and you started to help them instead. Of course, you get to taste test the final products.

With that being said, they too felt a little moody without you around. After all, you’ve helped them so much.

Your best friends, the first years, they had it bad. Sure, for the first two days Ace, Deuce, Epel, Jack and Sebek went on their merry way, with Ace and Deuce fighting over everything, Epel trying to be silent but he secretly wants to join in on the fights, Jack trying to separate the fight and Sebek was worried for Malleus instead of helping to separate the two quarrelling Heartslabyul first years. But then, they began to notice that it wasn’t the same without you. Jokes weren’t as funny anymore, classes were more boring than usual, activities and outings weren’t as exciting and fun as they used to be. After classes, your friends would immediately go back to their respective dorms instead of hang around on campus. They would be so much more silent and gloomy those days and like their dorm leaders, they distracted themselves with work. But, every time they would still think of you. How could they not? Almost everything reminded them of you. The wind that would gently breeze through your hair, the notes that you gave to them while they fell asleep in Trein’s classes, the potions that you messed up during Crewel’s classes.

To them, you were literally a piece of their world. (I’ll stop now :’) ) And without you, their world is incomplete.

Grim, the creature you loved dearly and took care of had it the worst. To him, you were the reason why he was even able to be at this prestigious college in the first place. Heck, you gave him more things than anyone ever did in his entire life! You cared for him with all your heart and so did he! So, why didn’t you tell him, the one who loved you the most, about your departure? WHY?! Why did you exclude him from something so important to you?! He was heartbroken at first, he should’ve noticed your change in attitude a few days ago but why didn’t he? He was disappointed in himself for not noticing and for not caring enough. Every day, after classes, he would immediately come to Ramshackle Dorm and sit in front of the building, looking at the door, wishing, hoping that it would open once again with you on the other side, your smile greeting him as it always did first thing in the morning and receiving a hug from you like any other day. He wanted more than anything to tell you that he loved and cared for you before you left.

But, it was too late now, wasn’t it?

Everyone’s mood didn’t go unnoticed by Crowley of course. He knew how your departure had affected his students, because it had also affected him too. You see, Crowley treated you like his very own child. When he let you and Grim stay at Ramshackle Dorm, you gave him a smile that melted his heart immediately. He knew he must protect you since you had no magic after all and in order to survive in Twisted Wonderland, one must at least know the basics of magic right?

He provided you with shelter, food and clothing, like any parent would. And you looked to him as if he was your father as well! You actually loved to have tea with him and tell him all sorts of stories you went through involving you and his students. He treated you as family and you did as well. So, your absence has also affected him gravely.

At last, no one could take it anymore.

On the third day of your departure, Ace and Deuce walked past Ramshackle Dorm after classes one day to find Grim at his spot, looking at the door again. Once they saw his expression, they felt slightly angered. They couldn’t bear to see the creature so broken.

“I can’t take this anymore!!” Ace suddenly yelled out. Deuce and Grim turned to look at him.

“Ace…” Deuce said.

“I can’t live like this… It’s… It’s not like us!” Ace said.

“You’re right… We need (Y/N) back.” Deuce replied, deep in thought.

“How do we do that?” Ace asked as he went to pick up the gloomy furball.

“Fgnaaaaa, it’s not like (Y/N) would want to come back even if we found her.” Grim said, but Ace and Deuce ignored him, they could at least try to get you back right?

“Why don’t we ask Headmaster for any options?” Deuce said.

“Well, we could give it a try.” Ace said. “Come on Grim, we can’t give up hope yet.” And so, the three of them set off to find the Headmaster.

“You… Want to get (Y/N) back?” Crowley asked the two students and one creature that stood in front of him.

“Yes, we would like to try.” Deuce said.

“… You do know it was (Y/N)’s wish to return home right?” Crowley asked again.

“We are aware.” Deuce replied again.

“What if (Y/N) doesn’t want to come back?”

“Look! No matter what happens, we would like to try! And even if (Y/N) doesn’t want to come back, as long as he/she’s happy, we’ll be satisfied!” Ace said with a loud voice, lowering his head. Deuce and Grim doing the same.

“We… just want to know (Y/N)’s happy back home.” The three of them said at the same time.

This… Shocked Crowley. Never has he seen any students at Night Raven College doing this much for a student who couldn’t even use magic. He was truly touched. The headmaster suddenly stood up, making the three first years jump a little.

“Right, go grab a broom and meet me in the field.” Crowley said.

“… And that’s how we arrived in your world.” Ace said. You were flabbergasted, everyone felt that way about you? You silently scolded yourself for not leaving a note or notice informing them about your departure, but most of all, you couldn’t help but feel like you were guilty of making them feel that way. You were so sorry to everyone.

“So… How did you guys find me?” You asked the trio.

“You took the ghost camera with you right?” Ace said with a smile.

“The camera emits magical energy. Since you said your world didn’t have magic, we felt the magic emitting off from the camera and found your home right away.” Deuce continued. You were shocked, the camera itself emitted magic energy and you didn’t know at all.

“But… We… Wanted to ask.” Ace spoke up.

“Why… Were you crying?” Grim asked. You looked at everyone as you took a gulp.

“Ah… You saw… Well…” You started and told what had happened after going back ‘home’.

After hearing the reason why you were silently crying in your room when they went to your room, Ace, Deuce and Grim could feel their blood boiling. How dare they do that to you? You weren’t a slave! You were someone special! Someone that matters and needs love! Someone that they care for with their hearts!

“Hah… I don’t think they even noticed I was gone anyway. Heck, they probably were glad that I was gone.” You said, ending your side of the story. You looked up to see your friends looking at you in worry.

“But, believe me, I remembered you guys every single moment when I was ‘home’. I’m so sorry for leaving in the first place, I didn’t mean to make you guys feel that way. I’m so sorry.” You said, looking down and letting tears fall out from your eyes.

“(Y/N)…” Ace, Deuce and Grim said, before reaching out to hug you.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to apologize, as long as you’re happy, we’re happy.” Deuce said.

“Yeah, we couldn’t bear to see the one that brought smiles upon our faces be sad.” Ace continued.

“Thanks you guys…” You smiled and hugged them back.

After a few seconds, you guys pulled away from the hug.

“Come on, let’s go in, I’m pretty tired.” You said, walking up to Ramshackle Dorm’s main door and opening it.

Only to find a group of people waiting inside. No, wait. They were everyone you ever knew at Night Raven College!

The dorm leaders, Riddle, Leona, Azul, Kalim, Vil, Idia and Malleus.

The upperclassmen and vice dorm leaders, Trey, Cater, Ruggie, Jade, Floyd, Jamil, Rook, Lilia and Silver.

Your best friends, Jack, Epel and Sebek.

Even the staff, Crowley, Crewel, Trein, Vargas and Sam.

Even little Ortho!

“(Y/N)!!!” The group except the staff rushed to you and tackled you, Ace, Deuce and Grim in a hug.

“Welcome home, (Y/N)!!” Everyone said to you while hugging you. You smiled with tears in your eyes before saying a response to them.

“Yeah, I’m home.”

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justasimplesinner · 3 years

Note

You thought I was done with dumb jock s/o? You fool, you absolute swine! Maybe they lose contact for a while when Johnny pursues being a professor/yeeting himself into jail and they meet again with d.j. studying at the uni. Twist, they had adhd and are using Johnny's teaching methods to get by. They are so excited, but who the hell is this Scarecrow everyone is whispering out? Jock's just here chatting about Crane without a clue on the connection.

im not sure if i understood exactly what u mean but hope this can suffice

Jon and Dumb Jock His Beloved having a reunion hcs:

there was no fucking chance for you two to meet again. you knew each other back in Georgia and then he went off to uni, and despite you trying to visit him as often as you could and putting the effort to keep in touch, he got lost in his studies and the contact died. not that he didn't miss you, because he so fucking did, and sometimes he felt so helpess without you, but... he changed. a lot. and he didn't want you to drag your ass halfway across the country just to see him for a few hours. he was in Gotham, and you were there, far far away, doing your shit. as i said, there was no chance for you to meet again, and yet, it happened. somehow, someway, the universe brought you two back together

you just started to pursue your college degree while he already had his phds, teaching experience as well as his employment contract terminated because of his "unconventional teaching methods". both of you were starting a new chapter in your lives, you in college, him in professional villainy. keyword - starting

Jon wasn't quite that (in)famous yet, but he was slowly making it to the top. The Scarecrow was known, as well as his identity, and yet somehow... you completely missed that. you were out there, trying your best, hearing from your friend's friend that your ol' buddy Crane used to work just at the Uni you studied at, and he wasn't particularly well-remembered (except for some of his old students, the ones that actually gave a shit or two about psychology). but apparently, a thing he was still praised for up to this day was his understanding of people on the autism spectrum as well as many disorders such as adhd, bpd and depression. and maybe people didn't run around firing guns in class anymore, but - after students protested intensly - things like fidget toys, chewlery and all that jazz were allowed in classrooms, and with that, the grade averages increased noticeably. and you were one of the people that such policy helped a lot

anyway, let's talk about the reunion itself, because it was so painfully random it looked like a badly scripted comedy romance - you quite literally bumped into each other on the street. besides being a supervillain, mad scientist and the self-proclaimed Master of Fear, Jon was also a human, and humans - unfortunately - do need to eat. he was out there, in a disguise, just trying to peacefully buy groceries at literally 2am in the morning, in the cover of darkness, and yet, you recognized him. he had no fucking clue how, he honestly had no fucking clue about how in the world you two managed to cross paths again either, but he couldn't he didn't feel some sort of... joy at seeing you. at having you gasp his name out loud and bulldozer your way right to him, because you remembered. you remembered him and the time you two spent together and this... "thing" that was going on between the two of you in the past. you remembered and you cared, and it's like you weren't mad at him at all for cutting all contact with you at some point, for not putting the effort he should've (and often wished did) into maintaining the relationship you two formed. it's like you were acting clueless about his new life, not once asking him "what happened to him" or something of the kind, not once criticizing him or even mentioning

he found out quite soon you weren't just acting. you were quite literally oblivious to the fact of who he was now. apparently, you did know there was some "muppet-esque Mr Potato Head on drugs" prancing around the city, gassing people and stealing shit, but you had yet to make the connection that the "sack-wearing fetishist" was literally him. he almost forgot how... dense you could be at times

maybe your words hurt his pride a little bit, but despite all that, he didn't quite want to tell you. yeah, of course, his research was the thing he was most proud of, it was his legacy now and the only thing he wanted was to get better, reach higher, but... it was nice having you talk to him like a normal human being. treating him like your old friend, with the same kind of love and respect you harbored for him all those years ago. he couldn't deny liking the deja vu he got when he, now an adult, was invited to your house and could sit with you in your room and help you study for your exams and assignments, watching stupid movies and commenting on the horror games you played. he couldn't deny the overwhelming soaring of his heart whenever he had you back in his arms, when he felt your arms circle him and practically crush his spine with your all-consuming bear hugs. but most of all, he couldn't deny the fact that he hasn't forgotten either. hasn't forgotten what was once between the two of you nor how he missed it when you were gone

he doesn't want to hurt you though. he doesn't want to go back to being that close, because he's different now. dangerous. he didn't want you to wake up one day and realize just exactly who he is and what he's doing, how many deaths he's caused and how many fell victim to his plans. he didn't want you to hate him. he knows that one day he will have to tell you, he'd prefer you hear it from his own lips than find out on your own, but... he plans on postponing that day for as long as he can. maybe it's selfish, maybe he's fucking cruel, but... he wants to be happy again. even if just for a little while

#jonathan crane #scarecrow #the scarecrow #DUMB JOCK TROPE YES #my writing #headcannons #fluff #angst #salembranwen #not me turning a great fluff idea into angst #guess whos back bitches (for now)

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namjoonchronicles · 4 years

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finer arts | th

↳ genre fluff, slice of life, domestic, husband-Taehyung ↳ words 4.6k ↳ summary inspired by the Baumgartner Restoration channel on Youtube, Taehyung is written as a fine art restorer. This fic centres on the point where arts and science collide. Also, long haired Taehyung. Unedited. :’) ↳ song miley cyrus ‘when i look at you’ slowed ver.

Very soft. Taehyung’s hair, at this length, had always been soft. It’s been awhile since he told you he wanted them to grow longer, and it’s finally paying off. He looks terribly soft with bangs going just a little over his brows and poking his eyes. Gathering his hair into one apple sprout and tying it up has always been your favourite way to start the day. He was humming Frank Sinatra's in the living room as it played on the bluetooth speaker when you found him. Always so hardworking. You leaned on your side by the wall, folding your arms and watching your husband pouting at the document he was reading as his head hung low. Big round glasses sliding down the slope of his Godly carved nose he learned to hate, growing up. Parker Fountain Pen in his slender fingers, cross crossing, underlining, circling the paper in a professional manner makes you remember why you had fallen for him. Slowly, but surely.

He lifts his eyes, noticing another presence in the room, and briefly smiles before returning to his writing pad again, greeting in a deep voice, “You’re awake?”

“Yes, I am…” you nodded, indulging the view still. When he starts to repeatedly push his hair away from his face, you take off your own hairband and have him sit down on the floor, with his back leaning against the couch. And you gather his hair with your finger raking the locks gently, tying an apple sprout hair. His eyes were glued on the work he brought home.

“I take it that you’re leaving home for the studio today?” you tipped his head back, chin pointed upward, demanding his attention. He chuckles through his nose as you leaned in for a chaste kiss on the lips, where his beauty mark is and then the tip of his nose and the skin between his brows. With the chuckles alone, you knew you were right. Judging from the wrinkles on his forehead when he crosses out the plans he had, you knew that he was handling a semi large painting.

Taehyung is a fine-art conservator-restorer and because of it, his work consumes him. He treats his client’s painting like his own wife; each with their own time, loving and care. Instead of being envious towards the time he puts in them, you weigh more on the term ‘admiration’, towards his work and dedication. He truly is invested in his line of profession. It was only natural for an art lover like him to eventually become an artist himself, but after some unfortunate series of art blocks, he began to turn to conservation midway through college. You were always supportive of his aspirations. Although you don’t share the same passion for arts to actually go to a college as an art major like him, he always says you should have been an artist rather than scientist when he saw you sketch a lion behind your notes, after being frustrated about writing papers on your research.

Ever since then, you and Taehyung shared an art studio at your shared home after marriage.

“Polyurethane,” he let out a deep sigh. One word is enough.

A big part about restoration and conservation is perfection. When the previous conservator uses polyurethane as varnish, the next restorer, in this case is Taehyung, will have endless scrapings to do. Polyurethane becomes embedded in the paint, which makes most restorers emotionally frustrated. This poorly chosen varnish not only becomes a part of the paint, it makes it difficult to remove because it is scraped along with the original paint by the painter and artist. This then, leads to more restoration work because the objective of a restorer, is to… restore. Using polyurethane just adds into the time working on it. The last time he dealt with polyurethane paintings, he went home with colors drained out from his face. He spent a week on them because he needs to be extra careful to get most of the polyurethane out with minimal damage on the painting.

After the scrapings, he will have to remove the paintings from the old plywood it came with and it was glued with rabbit-skin glue which is the most tedious process, one after the other.

“When it came to the studio, I was holding my breath because the state of it... was just,” Taehyung puffed his cheek and deflated it. Where does he even start? Dented surface, skewed plywood frames, rabbit skin glue, and polyurethane varnish. The owner’s cat sat on the painting. And this painting was already fragile at this time. It was a very old painting auctioned for at least a million dollar. Taehyung almost fainted.

Right. That was how he is. When Taehyung works on a painting, any painting for that matter, of any values of any age, he is consumed by it. Giving it his all, but careful not to leave traces of him as to respect the original painter.Taehyung, as an artist, is mind blowingly authentic. He has unique perceptions towards everything he sees and he was the first few artist you knew that began with taking photographs. Actually, he was the only artist you knew all your life that was intimate enough to have this talk. Back in the days, art students don’t really mingle with science nerds due to unforeseen differences seniors claim to have. You personally were told that art students are too superficial to really want to understand the world and that they see you as a fuss in human form. You believed none of that bullshit.

You have always been the kind to look deeper than what is on the surface, always skin deep. Taehyung noticed this from the first time he laid eyes on you. There was something worth uncovering.

Just like today, when your eyes tunnels into the magnifier to see the photographed version of the painting he was supposed to restore, he gets giddy at the fact that his wife, his forever girlfriend takes so much interest in so many things and is well-versed in all kinds of art despite not being a member of the field. It was at moments like these that he relentlessly wonders why you never considered to seriously take art degrees just like your science stuff.

“Looks flaky, and the dent is so deep…” you commented, craning your neck on his desk as he watches fondly from the side, “You’ll have to patch it up and sew it together…”

The smile melts away and he averted his eyes, tapping his index finger on his knee at the same time. By his demeanor alone, you know that he dislikes this. The work just keeps piling on, and more and more of the original paint is lost. Like a wet on wet painting work, that keeps bleeding color, the painting will have more of Taehyung than it would of its owner. Taehyung let out a sigh you understood so well. You leave the painting’s print on the table with the magnifying glass set away on the corner with the rest of his tools. You bring yourself next to him and put your arm around his neck and the other palm rests on one side of his face, sliding down his chiseled jaws and thumb, tracing his lips. His cologne swims around your nostril, and the smell of his hair that you love, engulfs you. He gathers his arms around your waist, rests his head under your chin and stays like that as long as you both need.

He will be away for long and intimacy of such degree would be difficult to execute. Long tiring week ahead will make you drift you both apart, only to hopefully meet each other like the first time again.

You remember the first time you laid your eyes on Kim Taehyung. He was helping the waitress picking the pieces of fallen tissues after a minor accident. He looked like he walked out of someone’s innate dream. Clean-shaven, dark brown comma hair, boring a dark brown suit and pants to match. The selfless act was something intriguing to you. It’s so rare to find someone who would take the time to help others in such a fast-paced era where everything has to be quick and perfect. You remember turning away and smiling to yourself, grateful that there’s such men still in the world. You never planned to find any attachments that night, it was just a casual formal gathering that you had to attend in order to remain in the social circle. You actually wanted to leave after thirty minutes, and probably watch a late night movie at a nearby movie theatre to appease yourself.

A drink in your hand, a small talk about how good the eclairs were, and a little bit about your short-term plans; apart from that, there was nothing much. You were never the kind to approach people first, finding more interest in the food than you do the people attending. But not your best friend, not Jimin. He is the loudest, most animatic figure out there, talking about all kinds of things, doing a lot of gags and just, a walking entertainment channel, with his addictive laughter and outgoing personality. Jimin would make friends with a broomstick if it attended. It was because of him that you were dragged into this little dinner party. He said if you come, he will join your presentation that he called boring and asked relevant questions. After careful consideration, and losing a couple of friends because of your hectic college schedule, you had no choice but adhere to his demands.

“Hi,” a succulent honeyed deep voice greeted you from behind, “Where did you get those jelly desserts?”

You glanced at him and when you recognised that he was that dude who helped the waitress, you shot your eyes back to your plate instantly, then jerked your head back up, “From the dessert corner, next to the pillar… I think they haven’t refilled them,” you said to him through a smile. Wow, he was so much taller than you expected. And, smells so nice.

“Oh thank you,” he tutted his tongue and nodded once, before he walked away grinning, “Over there right?” He walks sideways to talk to you still. He almost trips over the folded carpet and you got instantly worried before replying in a haste, “Yes! Oh careful, please!”

He gave an okay sign and puffed his cheeks.

Finding the back of your calves began to strain from the long period of standings, you had to find yourself a bar stool and ate your food alone, while Jimin was throwing his head back at a joke one of his new friends were telling. Someone took the empty seat next to you and sat with a huff.

“We already met twice and I still don’t know your name,” he peels his eyes off of his plate and turns sideways to you, “I’m Taehyung, Kim Taehyung.” You said your name in a hurry with an awkward giggle at the end, before poking your fork into the grapes and shoving them into your mouth.

“Did you come here alone?” he asked. “No, but he looks like he is having fun,” you didn’t specify who it was and Taehyung hung his head low with a dry, “Oh.” “You?” you replied. “Alone,” Taehyung said, “Didn’t plan to stay very long…I was going to catch a movie.”

Your eyes light up, “What movie? Because I’m not staying too!” Taehyung pouts, “Haven’t decided… I was going to decide there and then.”

“It’s nice to watch movies alone ha…” “Helps me recharge…” “What major are you? We’re from the same uni, correct?” “I am. I am an art major, and now more to restoration and conservator.” “Oooo, interesting… Meticulous work. That’s amazing.”

Taehyung then learns that you’re a science major, pharmaceutical technology. It sounded foreign to him, he had never known anyone with a science major, let alone talk to one. They always seem so…

“Fussy? Introverted? Closed up?” you listed. He shakes his head, jutting his lower lip out trying to think of a better adjective to describe, shooting his eyes to the ceiling then to the right. “Guarded,” Taehyung tipped his head to the side, looking at you as he spoke. “I get why we seemed that way,” you swirled your fork around the plate of spaghetti you took and nodded in agreement, “But we’re probably thinking about our gazillion unfinished reports and stressed out about why the results aren’t tally, and forgetting our breakfast, lunch and dinner, being high on caffeine…” you shrugged your shoulder, explaining.

“Doesn’t seem like a healthy way to live,” Taehyung commented, “But I understand the struggle.”

Discussing about the stereotypes, the polar opposites of a science versus art majors lasted longer than you expected. Art majors and science majors actually share more in common than you’d think. For starters, both are extremely meticulous and precise. Taehyung spoke about the specification of colours and blending of several techniques into one art requires an extensive studies of observations and practice. As a conservator, he must recognise personalized styles of close to thousands of painters to differentiate a genuine piece from a copy--a skill that would take years and decades to perfect.

For science, specifics come in the definition of science. There has to be hypotheses to be proven, and theories that aligned with the results. Making medication has several strict rules; and the process, the testing are endless. From the drug is being formulated, to the way it is processed, and how it reacts when it enters the human body, to how long it takes to be expelled and whatever happened in between must be noted. Uniformity, size particles, bottling, storage, etc. are all taken into custody when it comes to making drugs. You told Taehyung about the exhausting 48 sets of 100mL volumetric flask being used in order to determine the complete dissolution of 100mG of paracetamol.

“I get cross-eyed having to stare at the mark, trying not to make mistakes,” you smiled and Taehyung giggled. “I understand about getting cross-eyed,” he added. He continues about having to re-color a varnished painting with a limited set of light in the studio, and not being able to determine what pigment it was until daylight reveals that he was wrong.

“I think art and science are two things humans can’t live without,” you started, looking down at your semi empty plate, “I mean, life depends on science, but art is what makes it worth living.” “Rebecca Atwood,” Taehyung cited. Then you both looked at each other for what seemed the longest time, as if you both had found home in each other.

Your heart clearly whispered, “Where have you been all my life?” And for a period of time, you actually believed it was one-sided. How could someone like Taehyung want to spend time with you. But you guys eventually went to the movies together.

Jimin called midway through the movie. You excused yourself and took the call outside the hall.

“Yo, where art thou? The party’s over, don’t tell me you went home without me,” Jimin nags.

“I’m at the movies, I’ll get the Uber, don’t worry,” you hissed, “No, Jimin, I’m going to be fine. It’s not that late, I’ll call you when I get home. Yes, I know there’s class tomorrow at 2pm, alright bye,” you hang up and rush back inside.

Taehyung looks at you with wondering eyes and you felt inclined to explain, “Jimin. Asked me where I was, and wanted to go home. I said I’ll take the Uber.”

“Uber? No, I can drive you home,” Taehyung offered. You don’t think you should be in a car with someone you barely know so you politely declined. Taehyung however, waited with you for the Uber, and waved you goodbye. He didn’t ask for your number, much to your disappointment. But maybe it was a one night thing for him. It’s not like you expected anything, so why do you carry yourself heavily to your dorm?

It was rare to find someone you could connect to in such a short time. Tonight was a miracle at work, and it was short lifted. Laying down in your bed with the light from your phone shone over your face, you scrolled down Instagram to see your married highschool friend cradling babies. Another friend just got married. Another is half a world away. A few are taking pictures of cute dates they went on. And then there’s you, who is now staring at each one filled with envy and discontent, wondering if anyone will ever find the time to notice you and hopefully fall for you. Deep inside, all you ever wanted was to be in love. Despite you plunge yourself into heavy work in the most strenuous field out there, you were inexplicably lonely. It gets increasingly difficult as you grow older, and your options for men decreases.

They say, everyone has a soulmate. But for some reason, you think God forgot to make yours. Real connection is possibly impossible to find. The love you seek probably doesn’t exist.

And as you turn your phone face down next to you, it vibrated a message in.

Jimin: Are you home yet? Hello? Jimin: So you found Kim Taehyung? From arts? Jimin: He texted me the Uber car’s plate number to make sure I know where you are…

You replied,

You: yes.. You: you know taehyung??

Jimin: uh yeah. Orientation week together. Campmates. Jimin: how was it? You: he was nice… Jimin: You cold-blooded women. You: XD

The next day was your presentation. After spotting Jimin in the crowd, you immediately felt better. Some familiar faces would be nice. Final year project presentations can be brutal. Some of the questions you expected would be the purpose, the motive, the need for this project to be funded and why it carries such significance. Sometimes what you expect doesn't happen, and because of that you get very disheartened and disappointed. No matter how brave you decide to be, your body protests and rebels against your wishes. The way the bottle tremble in your hands shows how much this is hammering your dignity. It is as if you expected to be humiliated. You glanced down to your heavily arrowed notes and scribbles, closing your eyes as you stood in the back stage, mentally preparing yourself. How to be bulletproof?

Had he not helped the girl to purchase a canned coffee from the vending machine, he would not have been late, Taehyung thought. Now he creeps in the back of the lecture hall, carrying his own opened canned drink. There was an extra unopened canned coffee drink he snuck in. You had already started your presentations. Does he have the mental capacity for this new information? Of course. There were a few terms he wasn’t familiar with, but it was not enough to bore him. Your simpler explanation the night you met actually helped a lot. The oozing charisma you carry and the calm way you carry yourself was something worth looking up to. It was the kind that he actually envied about you. He had a feeling that you weren’t showing all parts of you and because of that, he was intrigued. Even as he sat there as an audience, completely at awe of your presentation, you were magnetic.

Not a single one person in that auditorium was paying their attention elsewhere. Being able to draw such dedication and passion is a talent. And it was all Kim Taehyung wished he could do.

“With all the existing medication with the same purpose, what good would a research in the same area pose? A renewal?” “And what about the gene-specific cancer studies that are already initiated since 2004? Haven’t we spent enough on that?” “What about the ethical issues surrounding the existing CRISPR, the so-called genetic-specific medications?”

The questions from the PhD holders you presented were all valid. You agreed.

“As a scientist, we understand that our research will continue far after our death. Many researches are done without a clear view of where the finish line is. If we want to talk about ethical issues regarding gene modifications, we have done them on all the things we could consume, grow and breed. If we have the power to prevent abnormality before it becomes one, why do we second guess ourselves? Isn’t the purpose of science to better understand, and then to prevent? To create a better living?”

The room fell into a deathly silence, and you were inclined to go back to your statements but when you dragged your eyes to the corner of the room, you saw some juniors nodding in agreement to what you��ve just said, you regained a little ounce of confidence. “But we haven’t truly understood the after effects of gene modifications. And through all prolonged research thus far, it doesn’t suggest a good result. How do you guarantee a perceptible study in the development of the medication you’re proposing?”

. . . Sniffles greeted Taehyung at the door he pushed opened gently. You were standing by the handrails on the faculty’s rooftop, the papers you brought in scattered around the ground. Some are drained into the pool of water puddle from last night’s rain. Digging the heels of your palm into your eyes, you heard the door creaked open and jumped.

“I’m sorry…” Taehyung whispered. You glanced over your shoulder at him and then turned away. Not because of anger or fear, but from shame. You have never shown anyone this timid side of you. You’re always expected to be strong, and you took that mask on literally. Having someone witnessing your vulnerability is as foreign as the sight of a shooting star. How unlucky for Taehyung, you thought.

“I bought you…” he placed the canned drink on the ground, next to where you placed your backpack, “A canned coffee.”

“How did you,” you sniffed, “How did you know that the presentations’ today?” “You told me the night we met?” he answered, in a confused tone.

And you gave him a lopsided smile, “Oh right. I’m not used to people remembering my errands. Jimin never does. No one ever does.”

“I am not actually good at remembering. But for some reason, yours was unforgettable,” he added an awkward chuckle at the end, scratching the back of his head not sure why he finds conversation with you feel homey. Sincerity and honesty comes naturally like breathing the air in.

“I did a crap job at presenting, didn’t I?” it was a statement, pretentiously laid out as a question.

But Taehyung knew better than to cement the depressive thought. Then he scooted near to you, and coil to your side, to give you a puppy eyed bright smile.

That was when you first knew a Kim Taehyung. Everything else that happened after that seemed like a story written just for you. But loving Kim Taehyung didn’t come without challenges. When you love a man as attractive as that, there will be wandering eyes directed towards him. And you have your own fair share of evil eyes directed at you. How can a science nerd catch the attention of an art student? It was totally unheard off. Had Taehyung paid any attention to those thirsty hyenas, you would have given up the fight. However, this is Taehyung you’re talking about. Once he had his eyes set to a person, he developed tunnel vision only to that person.

For years, you struggled with perfection. And the thing about the struggle is that it was common to everyone, but so few would understand. Perfection quickly becomes a disease to over-achievers. Had it not been Taehyung, you would probably engage in an insufferable discontentment towards life and everything it has to offer. Everything changed when he handed you a paint brush and a 200-sized plain white canvas and a studio to yourself.

You felt liberated.

Not knowing where your illustrations will take you was the first taste of freedom you had ever allowed yourself to feel. Because in the arts, there are no wrongs or rights. And it's uniquely yours. And the look on Taehyung’s face when it's done? Priceless. To the point that you think you began drawing because of him and that he was just saying the things you wanted to hear. Then he hangs your drawings in the open hall, and brings home the comments written by the art lovers to prove that you are wrong.

When it comes to relationship turbulences, Taehyung and you personally respect each other’s space, friendship choices and principles. Such maturity is again rare so you’d like to think that you’re lucky in that sense. However, Taehyung’s family proved to be a massive hurdle. While you were raised in a humble home, and accustomed to having sleep as dinners, Taehyung’s family owns a collection of farms that produces vegetables and fruits, and Taehyung’s favourites happen to be strawberries. He surely is raised in an upper middle class well into his elementary years and then catapulted into first class around his high school time. Not to say that he doesn’t know what it’s like to starve, he has a fairshare of that in his rebellious years; but he was not used to the life you lead. The part-time jobs, the tutoring weekends, the errands. He never had to do those.

When he brought you home to his parents for the first time, you felt out of place. His penthouse, his army of maids, sports cars and spacious area. His parents, they were wonderful. They welcomed you with open arms. Even inviting you to a family-only event, introducing you to everyone, and then letting you see their family photo albums. Taehyung has a massive support system, a healthy relationship compared to yours. No matter how much he wants to convince you that his life isn’t perfect, it was a whole lot better than yours. You remember how he snuck you into his bedroom in the middle of the night when his parents were asleep, the snickering, the whispers and the night you shared, cuddling. You had tears in your eyes that night, because you never thought you’d be this fortunate.

Watching him fall asleep in your lap so soundly really made you think about the last time you ever made someone this comfortable. Is this how it feels to love and cherish? Finding a middle ground is not always easy, and most people take time to reach there. For Taehyung and you, sacrificing a lot comes without say. Your internal conflicts and his willingness to understand your perspective, and vice versa--it all takes time. You can owe it all to Taehyung’s ultimate patience. Just like the way he handles his work. Meticulously, and carefully. Like how chemicals are precise, the paints are too.

In every phase of life, we are being prepared for the phase that comes next. In accordance to what we are made of, we continue to evolve, continue to grow. And it is in this stage that we feel most vulnerable, most bare, most uncomfortable. Sometimes you dread the things that you weren’t allowed to have, much like the doctorate you sought after (that took much longer than others), the way it was withheld from you because life said you weren’t ready yet, even when you thought you were. Waiting patiently becomes the hardest part of it all. Although Taehyung might not understand half the things you went through, isn't he still here? Isn’t he still holding your hand? Isn’t he still singing to you?

Fine arts are creative art, especially visual art whose products are to be appreciated primarily or solely for their imaginative, aesthetic, or intellectual content. If that’s the case, then Taehyung must be finer arts.

:. I wrote a bit about the things I do in university, I’m sorry if you find that boring... it’s the only world I know... I am currently going through mid-semester exams, and I’m not doing well, spark up a fever with 3 more papers to go. Anyways. Have a great day!

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