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thisiswhereikeepdcthings · 1 year

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There's no "I" in Team but there are two in Migraine

Bruce had no issue with teamwork, despite what his children and colleagues might think. Teamwork was great. If done properly it was efficient, and it was good to have backup. Competent backup, at least.

Bruce helped found the Justice League. Obviously he was a supporter of teamwork.

However.

Some teams he really could have happily lived out his life without them ever existing.

He had a list.

One: Dick and Clark Kent

Clark had been the first hero he had introduced Dick to. It was a move he had regretted ever since.

He was glad the two of them got along, of course, but did they have to get along so well?

He could withstand torture but the two sets of sad puppy eyes attacking at the same time was on another level altogether.

Two: The Titans

Pros: Dick was making friends.

Cons: Dick was either away with his friends, or they came home with him. Really, all Bruce wanted was to spend one week without putting out any fires caused by teenage superheroes. Literal fires, not metaphorical ones. Well, actually there were plenty of those kind too.

Three: Dick and Jason

When Bruce first brought Jason home he wasn’t sure how Dick was going to react. And so maybe he panicked slightly and didn’t end up telling him for three weeks. In his defense, the voicemail he had left asking Dick to call him soon was left before the newspaper article came out.

Perhaps not his best moment.

Eventually, though, the two boys were introduced.

There was some yelling that took place, mostly directed at him, but other than that things seemed to go rather smoothly. Assuming, that is, that smoothly meant neither of them seemed to care about getting to know the other one, and mostly kept to themselves and their own activities.

And then, four months, two weeks, and five days after Jason first came to the manor, Bruce came home to discover the two of them had bonded over some unspoken activity that neither were willing to divulge. Alfred knew and didn’t disapprove so it couldn’t be that bad, but from then on out it was…well…

Bruce began the daily habit of checking his blood pressure.

Four: Talia al Ghul and Lois Lane

Bruce didn’t know how the two of them had met and he didn’t want to. See, Dick, he was okay with not knowing things. Sometimes. In this one instance, at least.

Five: Dick and Slade Wilson

Worst three weeks of his life.

Six: Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn

He was happy for them, he really was. He just wished they could be happy together somewhere less structurally damaging.

Seven: Jason and Harley Quinn

Explosion therapy was not a thing, despite both their arguments otherwise. They didn’t even give him a Joker effigy to blow up. They could have at least asked. He would have happily paid for that one and all the rest of them.

Eight: Tim and Barbara

He wasn’t that old. He knew how to use his computer.

Nine: Jason and Cassandra

Too competent. They should never have been allowed on the same team for any game ever. If he heard one more complaint from any of his other children he was going to seriously lose it.

And then there was that one time the two of them disappeared for a week and no one, not even himself or Clark, could find them. They had turned back up with grins and minimal injuries, and Bruce had tried to not investigate, he really had. But he needed to know, regardless of how much he regretted it later. (A lot. He regretted it a lot.)

Ten: Dick, Jason, and Constantine

Bruce hated magic.

Eleven: Jason, Diana, and Barry Allen

No one knew how or why the three of them had teamed up. It had been four months of secret meetings and pointed looks and minor heists that couldn’t technically be traced back to them but Bruce knew. And then there was the regular day-to-day hero-ing. Diana, he could understand. That’s what she did. Jason? Had always been vocally opposed to getting too involved with the Justice League, but had also always looked up to Diana, so maybe that was understandable? Allen? The man was retired. And he wasn’t suddenly out of retirement for some reason, no. He was just there to “lend a hand” to the other two.

At least Bruce could comfort himself in knowing Jason was spending time with two respectable individuals. It was certainly a step up from his unfortunately ongoing acquaintance with Rayner.

Twelve: Stephanie and Hal Jordan

They should never have been allowed to meet. It was a disaster. For Bruce.

Jason had been the one to introduce them, as he had proudly let Bruce know after the first breaking news cycle hit.

Thirteen: Duke and Damian

Bruce would have told Jason how thankful he was that he was acting as the moderating adult influence with those two if he didn’t think Jason would start doing the opposite out of spite.

Jason would make a great parent someday.

Bruce would love a six month vacation.

Fourteen: Alfred and Martha Kent

He didn’t really need to explain this one, right? Everyone could just move on, continue with their lives and so on and so forth.

Fifteen: Damian and Batcow

Because a boy needs a cow and a cow needs an emotional support duck, turkey, cat, dog, rabbit, goat, and raccoon. Apparently. Tim and Jason were, in Bruce’s opinion, far too enthusiastic to provide research as evidence whenever needed (or not needed, as was usually the case).

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mentallyillberry · 2 years

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No because, Bruce if he got to parent baby damian (also if he used public transport godbless)

#bruce wayne #damian wayne #batdad #robin #Batman #batman is trying his best #Tired dad Bruce wayne

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rougerave · 5 months

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Hear me out. So Dick and Jason have always known languages. Dick from his time traveling with the circus and Jason from his time sneaking into the library and devouring all types of books when he was still on the streets.

And because of this, they could connect more easily due to their shared love of language. (Cannon can kiss my ass thank you very much.)

They made it a point to learn new languages together, so much so that they even passed Bruce in the number of languages they knew and spoke.

This is the driving factor that brings them close when Jason comes from the whole dead and resurrected drama.

The problem comes that they think everyone speaks the same languages. Like they'll be speaking English one minute then the switch it up to Swahili because they forgot a word in English and then carry on speaking in a different language until they forget a word again and change languages.

Bruce is the only one who can mildly keep up with them, but other than that his completely lost because of the shear speed the switch up the language.

It gets irritating when they're all at the dinner table and the two oldest forget the names of simple things. Like salt.

"Hey Demon spar. Pass the *snaps fingers as he tries to remember the name* the 鹽 (jim4) [Cantonese]."

And poor Damian is so lost so he looks to Dick and Dick goes "άλας (álas) [Greek]" as if that's any better. And the poor baby is just so confused, so he looks to his baba because his baba should know but his baba also looks confused. And Alfred, bless his soul knows Greek so he goes, "The salt Master Damian. Master Jason is asking for the salt."

And the whole table is also very confused and irritated by this whole exchange.

When the eldest two argue, it's explosive and physical and confusing because of the mess of languages, and the only time you hear a spark of English is when one has a black eye and the other has a nose bleed and their both laying on their backs and the only words exchanged is, "Fuck you dickface." and, "Love you too Jay."

They hug it out then throw the middle finger over their backs, limp out the room and opposite ways of the hallway.

All this happens in the full view of the family and nobody asks what words were exchanged, nobody asks what they were fighting about, they just sit shell shocked, each and everytime.

Except Bruce, who gets majority of what was said. He sits with his head in his hands and let's out a dispointed sigh. "All this ruckes because of cake." He stands so he can go call his therapist (Clark).

#batfam #dick grayson #jason todd #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #damian wayne #Batfamily shenanigans #Tired dad Bruce Wayne #You better believe Dick and Jason will Gossip about some straight to their face.#Language nerds #Confused bean Damian Wayne

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embracedbythesea · 1 year

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PTA dad Bruce my love

#dc comics #batman #dc #comics #batman wayne family adventures #batman wfa #batman webtoon #wfa spoilers #wayne family adventures #Webtoon #wfa season 2 #bruce wayne #tired dad bruce wayne #tired dad #pta dad bruce wayne #PTA

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awhitehead17 · 2 years

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Batfam Alphabet: Z - Zoom Meetings

Summary: Bruce isn’t impressed when his children interrupt a rather important meeting he’s having online while he’s working from home.

Enjoy! :D

Like a majority of people throughout the world, when the pandemic hit Bruce ended up mainly working from home. There would be times when he would need to adventure into the office but more often than not he was reduced to keeping his day job at home.

While working from home had some pros to it; there’s less traveling involved, he can control his working hours better, there are less people to distract him from work, if he’s covered in bruises which came from his extracurricular activities no one need to find out and it saves him from having to come up with an explanation of how they happened.

Of course while there are pros, there are certainly cons of working from home; it can be difficult to separate work life and home life, his working hours can be rather sporadic, there are times when he barely moves away from his desk and sometimes he gets distracted with other work loads instead of his day work.

Throughout the months he's worked from home Bruce has come to notice that there is something that crosses both of those lines, something that is both a pro and a con of working from home. That something being his kids.

When working from home, it allows Bruce to engage with his kids more often than he would if he had been in the office. Those couple hours he used to spend traveling to and from work have now been replaced by him reading with Cass and Damian. The times he’s been bedridden and would force himself to go to the office anyway are now spent with him resting with the company of Tim and Steph quietly working by his bedside. When it’s lunch time, instead of going by the canteen and grabbing a to-go coffee and whatever snack is available, he now spends half an hour or more cooking with Jason and Alfred in the kitchen.

Of course it’s all that glitters is not gold. As much as he loves his kids, they can downright be devils when they want to be.

It’s at that point when the cons of working from home really make themselves known.

There’s one day in particular that Bruce makes the mistake of choosing to work from home rather than work in the office. He thought he’d be better off at home for various of reasons and stupidly thought he’d be left alone while he attended a rather important meeting with the city mayor and the council to discuss different future development opportunities in Gotham.

Oh how wrong he had been.

They had been half an hour into the call, Bruce was set up in his home office, mentally in the right mind set for the meeting and had all his notes prepared and laid out in front of him, when the first interruption occurres. A loud bang that sounded distant caught his attention. He blinks for a moment, his eyes straying away from the screen, wondering if he had heard correctly. When the sound doesn’t happen again Bruce shakes it off as a one off and continues with the meeting.

He should have known better. A second bang sounds out ten minutes later and this time Bruce hears screaming and shouting following it. Mentally sighing, he debates on whether he should go and see what’s happening (although he can already predict with cunning accuracy what is going on) or whether he should act oblivious to it and not interfere at all. His decision is made when a third bang occurs, this time this one is both louder and closer to Bruce’s office and even catches the attention of those on the screen.

“Uh there seems to be a loud banging going on.” One of the council members points out unhelpfully. “Whoever it is can we ask for mics to be muted so we can continue without further disruptions.”

At the end of his sentence a fourth bang happens just outside of Bruce’s office door and he winces when the man glares through the screen. Sending the group his best ‘Brucie smile’ Bruce excuses himself and makes his way to the door.

Yanking the door opening he looks outside unsurprised to see Tim and Damian in the middle of an argument which immediately ceases when he appears. Further down the corridor Bruce catches a glimpse of both Duke and Cass hanging at the back attempting to stay out of sight.

“What in god’s name are you two doing?” Bruce bellows out at Tim and Damian who both now look a mixture of sheepish and frustrated. When they both open their mouths Bruce stops them from uttering a single word with a slashing gesture of his hand. “No. I don’t care. I know it’s hard being stuck indoors because we don’t have a choice but this house is plenty big enough for the both of you to be able to find something to do that doesn’t involve being near each other.”

His sons stay silent and watch him with wide eyes as he talks lowly and calmly, keeping his anger under control. The two of them have been at each other’s throats since this pandemic started (hell even before that) but their behaviour is only getting worse with each passing day.

“Now. Stop arguing. Move away from one another and find something to do. I am in an important meeting that doesn’t need to be interrupted by your childish bickering because your bored. Do I make myself clear?”

When neither boy says anything Bruce raises his voice slightly to get a response. “I said, do I make myself clear?” This time they both jerkily nod before scrambling down the hallway to get out of Bruce’s sight as quick as they could.

Once all the kids were gone Bruce lets out a breath to calm himself down before returning back inside his office. He slumps down into his seat and turns his attention back to the meeting only to find everyone silently blinking on the screen. Wondering about their behaviour it takes Bruce a moment to realise he had forgotten to mute himself before going to yell at his sons. In his embarrassment Bruce feels his face heat up with a flush and he runs a hand over his face.

He sends an apologetic smile to the group. “Kids huh? They just don’t know the meaning of privacy.” He laughs awkwardly and tries to move on as quick as he could. “I apologise for the interruption, we may continue…”

The meeting drawls on for another hour and it was when they begin to wrap it up that Bruce’s second interruption happens. This is also when Bruce realises he’s made his second mistake of the day after choosing to work from home; not locking the door.

Bruce barely has the chance to react and press the space bar button which mutes his mic when his office door bursts opens and two loud voices are suddenly filling the space. Blinking, Bruce takes a moment to accept the sudden appearance of two more of his kids that day. Jason and Steph have no problems storming into his office, arguing about something, and slapping down some papers on his desk and instantly demand his attention.

Taking a deep breath Bruce glances at his computer to find the meeting still continuing, even the council man’s voice can be heard in the background of Jason and Steph’s arguing, and it seems like that those currently in the meeting haven’t noticed his kids yet. Bruce hopes he can get rid of them before they do notice, mostly to save himself from further embarrassment.

“Bruce!”

His attention is pulled over to Jason and Steph who are standing opposite him leaning against his desk, they both have determined looks on their faces.

“I am in the middle of a meeting. Whatever it is, whatever you are arguing about, it can wait. Now please leave.” What is it with his kids today? A couple hours privacy that’s all Bruce wants, is that so much to ask for.

“Sorry Bruce but it can’t.” Steph bluntly states, she leans forward planting her hands on the desk and levels him with a look. If he wasn’t the Batman Bruce would be somewhat intimated by the action. “You need to settle this between us. What design is better? Jason is arguing that this one-” she points to the left piece of paper “- is more efficient,” she then points to the right piece of paper, “but this one is in fact more practical. Now tell him I’m right and he’s wrong.”

“Actually B if you look at all the notes, it clearly shows blondie is wrong…” Jason immediately argues before he could even mutter a single word.

Without thinking Bruce picks up both pieces of paper and places them at the edge of his desk face down. Of all the things to disturb him about… he sends a glare to the two young adults before him. “I will not discuss anything like that at this current moment. I am busy and your petty argument can wait until I am done. Once I am finished for the day then we can discuss those plans together and come to a mutual agreement.”

As much as he would just like to yell at his kids for being petty and stupid, he knows that doing that won’t achieve anything, if he’s calm and diplomatic at least he has a small chance of getting through to them without much retaliation.

His words are met with silence from Steph and Jason as the two of them blink at him as if wondering if they had heard him right. Unfortunately he doesn’t get the chance to reaffirm what he said as he’s reminded on what he had been doing in the first place.

“Mister Wayne, do you need a minute? You’re not on mute.” A voice speaks through the speakers.

Bruce’s eyes widen as he realises for the first time that he had taken his fingers off the space bar and had openly left his mic on, meaning everyone in the meeting has heard him berating his kids for the second time that day. Opposite him, also realising the same thing, Jason and Steph share twin gleeful grins. Bruce glares at them.

Turning back to the meeting he sends everyone another one of his Brucie smiles. “My apologies once again. The kid’s just always seem to want my attention. Give me a moment and I’ll be back with you.”

Bruce makes a move to mute himself however as he reaches across to click the mute button Steph intercepts him and jumps in front of the camera. Bruce goes to demand what she’s doing but he's cut off when the girl simply plops down on his lap and settles there. Jason seems to get a similar idea because his son is suddenly perched on the arm of his chair, also leaning into the camera so he appears on screen.

Being both mortified and confused by the situation is the reason why Bruce doesn’t immediately push them away. By the time he comes back to the present Jason and Steph are both holding up the pieces of paper, trying to get everyone in the meeting to make a choice about which option is better. Over their shoulders Bruce gets a glimpse of what they’re asking about and he's relieved to find that it’s non-vigilante related.

Five minutes later it seems like Jason and Steph have their answers because they wave a cheery goodbye to everyone in the meeting before disappearing from Bruce’s office without another word. Running a hand over his face Bruce wonders how long he’s got left until the day is over. He doesn’t know how much more he can take.

“I apologise for my children’s behaviour.” He says turning back to the meeting, everyone is silent and blinking at the screen, no doubt that if they were in the same room everyone would be visibly staring at him, online meetings make it a little harder to gage who everyone is staring at.

“I think we’re done for today anyway Mister Wayne, we all know you’re a busy man and having kids certainly doesn’t make it any easier.”

Bruce laughs. “That’s an understatement. If the minutes get shared I’ll be sure to catch up on what I have missed and share any thoughts and additions I may have on today’s discussions.”

With that, the meeting comes to a close and everyone signs off. Before doing anything else Bruce triple checks the meeting is closed on his computer and once he’s happy Bruce pushes himself up and away from the desk and heads for the door. He’s going to be having a long conversation with his kid’s about privacy to ensure today doesn’t happen again.

#batfam alphabet #bruce wayne #Stephanie Brown #Jason Todd #tim drake #Damian Wayne #tired dad bruce wayne #zoom meetings #disruptions #Sibling Rivalry #this is just crack #humour #bruce is so done with his kids #working from home #bruce should learn to mute himself #batfamily #fanfiction

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fullthingenthusiast · 2 years

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Damian: I don't see why not Father.

Bruce: Damian I'm not going to let you bring a tiger cub to the manor.

Damian: So not only do you raise me in whitewashed household but you also intend to deprive me of animal company?

Bruce: My answer is final.

Damian: And the white man wins again.

#damian wayne #bruce wayne #dc comics #tired dad Bruce Wayne

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batblobinarobe · 8 months

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Oh joy.

Batman #383

#dad is slightly tired jason #bruce wayne #jason todd #alfred pennyworth #batman #dc comics #pink robe supremacy

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anti-the-glitch-bitch · 2 months

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Batfam at the Sunday family dinner arguing over who is Bruce's favorite for a bet. It's nearing critical levels and Damian is preparing to throw a knife at Jason.

Duke is nervously edging his way out of his seat preparing to run for it.

Stephanie demands Bruce just fess up and tell everyone that she is obviously his favorite.

Bruce who had not been paying attention just blurts out Danny.

Everyone groans and passes money over to a smirking Alfred.

#dp x dc crossover #dpxdc #tim drake wayne x danny phantom #bruce is a tired dad

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daydreamerwonderkid · 10 months

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I just love the implication that Bruce is so used to Jason pulling shit at this point that there's literally nothing he can say or do that could remotely faze him.

To be fair, Jason is definitely running out of new insane/overly dramatic things to pull after, ya know, everything.

But it's absolutely fucking hilarious that Jason trying to pull shit is such the norm now that Bruce's reaction is just resigned nonchalance LMAO

#batfam #batfamily #bruce wayne #jason todd #wfa #wayne family adventures #wayne family adventures spoilers #proof that bruce is a tired dad #this webtoon is a gift #lmao

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sepia-stained-sunset · 1 year

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"I've Got This!"

The Batkids are often heard uttering this phrase. Bruce has made a chart that explains how much confidence you can have in the speaker

Dick: He's lying

Jason: He's lying

Tim: He's lying

Damian: He's lying

Duke: He's lying

Cass: She's lying

Steph: She's lying

Barbara: The only one you can trust

#it is important to note that Tim thinks he's telling the truth #Bruce doesn't have the heart to tell him that causing a bigger problem doesn't fix a smaller one #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #duke thomas #barbara gordon #brucie wayne #tired dad bruce wayne #batfam shenanigans #batkids

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deadsetobsessions · 4 months

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A click. The closing and opening of a camera shutter. The whirr of film as it slides across the inner workings of his camera.

Timothy Drake heaved himself off of the concrete roof as soon as the vigilantes left his eyesight. He swaps the film roll, placing the used one inside of the tin with a barely restrained grin. He’d gotten good shots tonight- a confrontation with Harvey Dent, batarangs swooping to cut the new Robin free- and Tim was excited to race back to his dark room in order to develop those candids.

He climbs down the side of the building, the spelunking gear he’d splurged his parents’ money on working wonderfully on Gotham’s stone and concrete buildings.

“Mom, I want to be just like you guys!” He’d said, and his mom agreed to spare no expense for his new hobby. Well, their secretary did, with his parent’s disinterested permission. After all, spelunking is sometimes needed for artifact digs… probably.

Besides, the moment he had brought up Bruce Wayne’s propensity for “spelunking,” his father had immediately sent him more cave scaling stuff in order to “network with the other successful businessmen, Timmy!”

Tim slides away from the alley with full awareness. Even in Bristol, one had to be careful to avoid the multitudes of goons out and about. The Narrows are definitely worse than Bristol and Tim wasn’t about to let his hard work be taken away just like that. As he trudged home- taking a taxi once he was in a slightly more “trustworthy area”- Tim became slightly lost in his thoughts about the identities of Gotham’s vigilantes. Technically there’s only two.

Tim knows there’s three.

Batman.

Robin.

Nightwing.

Bruce Wayne.

Jason Todd.

Dick Grayson.

His sharp mind, now assuaged from the mystery of their identities, worked hard to match the fights he witnessed to the injuries the prolific Wayne family hid the next day.

Timothy Drake thinks he’ll never get bored following his vigilantes.

——

He’s bored. He’s so irrevocably, irredeemably bored.

Tim had been so excited to go, too! Perhaps for different reasons than everyone else because he was here to observe his heroes out of their masks, not for the Annual Wayne Gala that’s the end-all of high society life. As in, if you weren’t invited, that’s the end of your social life. Bruce Wayne held high society in his palms and Tim is only fifty percent sure he knew and/or cared. Regardless, he was prepared to be a pod-son to his parents’ fake good-parents act, and accordingly suffered thirty minutes of cheek-pinching and fake laughs just for the opportunity to see the three Bats in one place.

They’re not here. They won’t be here for another twenty minutes.

Anyways, he’s bored and irritated. Definitely annoyed enough for some bad ideas.

And Tim might not be aware of this fact about himself until much later when he’s more self-aware, but a bored and irritated Tim Drake is bad news for everyone.

He takes after Janet Drake, after all, and Janet Drake is only after Bruce Wayne in influence and cunning.

And his heroes, his beloved heroes, are the targets of his ire tonight. Tim smiles wider, pod-person smile widening to a baring of ravenous teeth incredibly off putting on a nine year old, and immediately changes course towards the delicate jello squares sitting at the buffet table.

The Waynes will be learning the importance of punctuality at their own galas by the time Tim’s done. He swears it. He even has a get out of jail free card!

Just. A small bit of petty revenge.

Tim nabs a bowl full of the jellos, snacking on one as he makes his way to the Wayne family’s most favorite balcony. Everyone knows it’s the one the family members go to when the Gala gets overwhelming. It’s an unspoken rule that no one else may enter it. Tim slips around the blind spots in the cameras.

High society might call someone a bitch in forty different ways, all hidden behind silk smiles and false eyes, but they’d respect the oddest things.

Tim… doesn’t care. He’s been breaking rules since he was seven.

He sets to his task, setting the jello cubes in the places he’d calculated that Jason or Bruce or Dick might step on. Mild revenge, yes, but Tim doesn’t want to bother Alfred too much. The butler had looked a bit tired earlier. Task done, Tim squeezes back into the party and smiles like his life depended on it.

“Brucie!” His dad boomed, and Tim felt his smile widen once more.

“Jack!” Batman’s Brucie personality bounced into the ballroom as the party kicked back up with the host’s presence. “How’ve you been, old chap?”

“The digs have been very fruitful!”

“I see you’ve brought someone with you today! Well, other than your strikingly beautiful wife, of course!”

“This is my son, Timothy!”

“Hello, Timothy. It’s very nice to meet you.”

Oh. My. God. He’s shaking hands with Batman!

“Hi. I’m Timothy Drake.”

“Oh my gosh, Tim!” His mom laughs, fake nails and laugh digging into his shoulders. Oops. Too informal.

“It’s alright.”

“BRUCE!”

Oh my god, it’s ROBIN. Tim’s smile twitches, barely containing his squeals.

“Jaylad? What’s wrong?”

“Someone left jello cubes all over the balcony!”

“What?” Bruce (Brucie, Tim decides is the name of the mask) turns to his parents and excuses himself.

“Mom? I’m going to go network with Bruce Wayne’s son.”

No, he’s not. He’s gonna go watch them lose their minds.

“That’s my boy!” His dad claps him on the shoulder and shoos him off. His mom narrowing her eyes at him but ultimately dismissing him.

Perfect. By the time he gets there, he hears Nightwing- Dick Grayson, oh my god!- asking “O” to figure out who left all those cubes on the floor.

“Drake?” Ah, shit.

“Weren’t we just talking to him earlier, B?”

“Yes, but I haven’t got the slightest idea why he’d leave jello cubes all over the place.”

“Assassination attempt?” Jason asks.

“Whatever it is, it ruined my running shoes!”

“Dick, please, just wash it off or give it to Alfred.”

“Ugh, we can just go ask him.”

“And make a scene?” Jason sounds eager.

“No. Alfred ordered us specifically not to.”

Silence. Tim grins and slips away, making his way through and voiding the cameras as usual.

—-

“Timmy!”

Tim smiles politely at Brucie Wayne while inwardly cheering. His dad looks at him with stars in his eyes and leaves him to work his magic.

“Yes, Mr. Wayne?” Pod-person smile!

“This is my son, Jason. And this is Dick.”

“Hi. I’m Jason!” He holds out a hand for Tim to shake. Dick smiles at him and Tim thinks he might expire on the Wayne’s ballroom floor.

“Hello,” Tim suppresses his urge to scream excitedly. “I’m Timothy Drake. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Woah, you sound so stiff.”

“Jason!” Brucie Wayne chides. “Anyways, Timmy, you looked like you had something to tell me earlier. Something wrong, kiddo?”

No, no he didn’t. But… they don’t know that he knows their secret. And they don’t know he knows that they don’t know.

Tim acts confused, but then clears up with his expression like he just thought of something.

“Oh! I was wondering why you were late, Mr. Wayne. Did Batman stop you on the way back?”

“Huh?”

“Oh, I know you don’t really like Batman, Mr. Wayne,” Tim cackles inwardly. “But he saves you a lot. Were you stopping crime?”

“I… I’m not Batman.”

“Well, I know that,” Tim huffs. “It’s just weird no one’s seen you and Batman in the same room.” Tim cheerfully ignores the alarm making its way onto the trio’s faces and his dad’s frantic, further away, cut it out motion. “But obviously that’s because Batman’s busy putting on his gear, right?”

“And how do you figure that…?” Dick asks, tense.

“Uh, he always knows when you’re in trouble? He always comes in minutes of you guys getting held hostage. Is his base on the manor grounds? Oh, is it a secret that you’re funding him? Don’t worry! I know how to keep a secret! Can you tell the new Robin that I think he’s the best?” Tim grins cutely up at Batman. Ah, he means Brucie Wayne.

“Sure can, kiddo! Don’t tell anyone else, okay?” Jason swoops in, grinning back Tim.

Eeee!

As he nods, Tim can’t help mentioning the cubes. “Oh, sorry about the cubes! I thought I’d be able to track them with their shoe print if Batman and Robin came to save you guys but I guess that wasn’t going to happen. I’m really sorry!” He uses the “cute duckling” face and Dick visibly melts.

“No problem, Timmy! You should come over to play Clue with us sometime! I think you’d be good at it.”

“Oh! Really?” His words becomes a bit more genuine. “I’ve never played it. My mom and dad aren’t around much so. Um. Would it be okay if we do?”

“This weekend.” Brucie Wayne’s voice suddenly became more firm. “I’ll talk to your parents about it.

—-

As Tim waves the Wayne’s goodbye, he hears from Dick, “You only like him because he said you’re the best.”

And Jason’s reply, “Because he’s got good taste,” made the rest of his night. Not week, because tomorrow, he gets to poke around Wayne manor again!

#tim drake is a menace #tim drake #bruce wayne is tired dad with unhinged kids #bruce Wayne’s adoption senses are tingling #bruce wayne #batman #nightwing #Tim literally dngaf and is waiting for the bats to play catch up #dick grayson #jason todd #robin #jello cubes as a weird shoe print identifier #technically he did catch Batman and robin

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