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narrans · 4 months

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The Orion's Daughter : To Lands Beyond | Chapter Ten : The Odd Learned

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Chapter Ten | The Odd Learned

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I have officially done it – I am now the town odd ball. It has taken twenty years since moving here, leaving me a young woman of twenty-seven, but I have finally managed it.

Granted, this was not a title I initially welcomed, but it seemed fitting.

Known now as the Orion’s daughter and the most unlady-like woman in town, I – Terrilyn Lun – was known around town for my various “odd behaviors.” Sure, I often wore my combination of pants and skirt into town. Yes, I did keep my blades on hand, often wearing one or the other on my hip as well as a dagger on my thigh or by my ankle. I absolutely was seen around town reading under trees or by fence posts, chatting with anyone and everyone nearby if they wanted to talk.

I didn’t feel odd, but, in a weird way, I could see their point. Some of the things I did were a bit unusual, but it was no different than some of the men in the town. Perhaps it was because it was uncommon for a young woman to do these things.

In the end, I didn’t care about their opinions. I lived by my momma’s phrase and Steele’s encouragement to live life how I wanted and to pursue the things that made me happy.

I was friends with beggars and gypsies, nomads and traveling scholars who started to come and visit Steele. They were interested in his culture and opinions on certain issues. One wanted to write about his life imprisoned as an innocent man. Others were curious about his perspective as an Orion living in our land. Some even wanted to learn Steele’s language because, for us, it was almost impossible to find someone who understood it in its entirety.

I involuntarily became some kind of liaison between these scholars and Steele. Initially, they kind of brushed me off. It seemed like they couldn’t believe that I could speak Steele’s native language and that I could manage answering many of the base questions they had about Steele and his culture.

Eventually, word seemed to get around to all of these university students and scholars seeking a topic to study and eventually publish on. They started to come and find me, or I would find them talking to Steele while he was out in the fields or by the ocean working or enjoying the breath of the day.

Each person I talked to said the same thing – you are very well learned.

My guess was that they meant that I was well learned for a woman, but I didn’t mind. I knew my worth, and I was going to prove it to them. The first opportunity came when one of the scholars asked me if I came from an affluent family, to which I laughed and told him no. He gave me some notes as well as a list of names of people to write to if I was interested in attending university, and he was not the only one.

There were several scholars who gave me names of professionals and scholars who, according to them, would be very interested in teaching me and learning from me based on my extensive knowledge, specifically about the Orion.

To me, this was one of the greatest opportunities I had ever had in my entire life. Steele had done so well teaching me, and now I had the chance of pursuing something I had a true passion for – learning.

The universities on the continent were far away, and it took several convincing conversations to both my mother and to Steele, which surprised me, to let me possibly attend. Their main concern was me being out in the world on my own so far away where no one would possibly be able to assist me, but I wasn’t worried. I knew how to handle myself and how to solve a plethora of problems.

Eventually, Steele came around and agreed that there was little he could teach me now and that if it was my passion that I should consider it. He spoke of his land and how our cultures were different in this way. Steele told me that it was expected in his land for both men and women to attend university and further their studies to begin a professional career.

Here, in our land, it was almost unheard of for a woman to attend university and to become a scholar of any sort. Tutored and educated, yes, but not at the well-known schools.

All of the scholars who came to visit Steele were men. Only one of these young minds brought his wife with him and, even then, she wasn’t exactly a conversationalist. She kept her conversation to gossip she had heard on the road and rumors she heard about Steele.

Boring.

Dull.

The guy, Glif Tian, was much more entertaining to talk to.

The more I interacted with the intellectuals from far off universities, the more I wanted to attend.

So, late one evening, I used an entire ink well and most of my lantern light to compose letters to all of the universities where I received names from. I wrote to them about my skills in the Orion’s language as well as herbs, stones, strategies, and histories I knew. I included a list of books I had studied, which was far less than what I had actually read and asked for their favor in letting me attend university.

It might have been a long shot, but it was worth taking. I wanted this, more than anything. This was how my adventure began. This was how it all started for me. I just needed one “yes,” and then I had my ticket to the lands and worlds beyond this small town of Creewood. Just one chance was all I needed. The real question was who was going to give me that chance.

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Continue

Beginning

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Book One: The Orion’s Factotum

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crypticanexe · 2 years

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OTW Board Election Candidate Opinion

This is a very long, very opinionated post. A far cry from my usual. I will not be arguing or debating anyone on it. If we disagree, fair enough! I respect that. So all I ask is you not come for my neck either.

NOTE: Some words are fully censored due Tumblrs own TOS. Please note the Q&A is linked at the bottom for the uncensored version of her words.

That said, as I'm sure a lot of people have seen already, voting for the OTW Board has begun. And I've already seen a lot of people shouting not to vote in favor of Tiffany G.

And, I have to agree.

I, unfortunately, cannot partake in the vote, but I've done some digging anyway. Nothing better to do on a Thursday than voice my opinion into the void that is Tumblr.

Tiffany seems to be in favor of censorship. I say seems because this is just based on what's in front of me, she's not outright said so. Just barely brushed the surface of it.

But let's not get ahead of the game. Let's go through a minor breakdown of the Q&A

In the interview on August 1st, Tiffany stated;

"Well, I think a lot of external people are very concerned about the fact that some works contain child ****, p******** content, and other illegal content."

Let's be honest here folks - there's some truth to this. There are some works published on the site that are vile, or downright contain depictions that would be illegal in real-world scenarios. That is the cost of absolutely no censorship. I think the "Other illegal content" is...more of a grey area, considering the basis of fanfiction; partaking in fictional worlds and universes. For example; gambling under a certain age is illegal, but in the context of 'Kakegurui' clearly, their world doesn't abide by that same rule. That's a very basic comparison, but you get it.

My point? I definitely have opinions on the rampant written **** of children and p********, that I don't think should exist, but the third example is just too broad. Not to mention "External people are concerned." Censorship isn't going to solve that problem. External people are concerned with a tirade of things - the real problems, Gay things, violence, etc. That's how people think and act. What censorship will do, is cause a chain reaction.

One of the biggest reasons for this is a common argument; children are on AO3. Here's the thing - it is not the responsibility of the internet to protect or raise your child. It is not my job as an author to limit what I am writing to being "teen appropriate" because little Timmy went on AO3 and found explicit violence. (See; NC-17 ban).

Moving on, the next segment I want to dissect is this,

"OK this is a follow-up to the last question – people think we host child **** content and such things. This issue is actually closely related to the incident when our service is banned in my home country. It might also be helpful to clarify that to the public."

Firstly, let's start with that home country ban. In 2020, the Chinese government banned AO3 due to an incident regarding a drama, "The Untamed" and an RPF written for actor Xiao Zhan. While it does seem to be what initially started that downhill slope of the Mainland China AO3 ban, it actually seems to still exist more because of China's overall censorship.

I don't want to dwell on that particular part much. I don't know much about China's censorship beyond face value, and I don't know much about this incident specifically. If you want to know more, I encourage you to do the research. I encourage that anyway, really.

The second part though, "clarify that to the public", is a bit odd. Who is "the public"? AO3 has its own social media accounts, but I found AO3 through the author's crossposting on FF.net 5 years ago. Who exactly are we clarifying this for, and what are we clarifying? The public's opinion will vary wildly by country, or area, regardless. That's what makes the broadness an issue.

AO3 has always been a '100% inclusive space' which relies on the lack of censorship to sustain that stance. Take one of the biggest points; LBGTQ+ rep. We are constantly filtered out across the web, and across country borders on other sites. This ties into that chain reaction I mentioned, one domino falls and they all come down.

Trucking forward, here's a long segment;

"I support 100% “maximum inclusiveness of content”, yet there is always a boundary to everything. Since OTW is already an influential org, we need to protect our image and hold a better image to the public. I want the public to think of us as an inclusive and socially responsible community. So in general, we have to do something to change. Things like making the rating system more specific and obvious to users will be what I want to do.

Not really restricting the content being posted. I hope it is like more warnings and ratings for posting work so people know what to expect. And all of these are not surprising to people who do not wish to see this."

So, that's a LOT. And my first comment is that it feels contradictory, if only because of its vagueness. You agree with the maximum inclusiveness, but that there are always boundaries. Now, that in itself is true and not the issue - but where is the boundary? Where do you draw the line in the sand?

There is something I do agree with here though; better tagging. Not necessarily revamping what's already there, but giving more. I.e - the 'Underage' tag is very....not explanatory at all, until you open it and find..well, what you'd expected if you've read this far. But there are fiction, written about teens that include scenes like kissing. That's not bad, but it is considered Underage. Sometimes it makes it to the tag, sometimes it doesn't. But that's the issue - with that tag, you cannot differentiate the two except to read through the results.

I can't push this thought enough; I agree that some things on AO3 are just fucked, but censorship is such a slippery slide, that better ratings and tagging seems a much more reasonable route to go.

All in all, I think there are a couple valid points, but there are far to many that vaguely fall in favor of censorship. Once you begin to censor something, the domino effect will occur. Just look at the NC-17 ban on FF.net all those years ago. I was an avid user of FF.net as a kid. It's where I uploaded my first ever fic. But eventually, I moved on to AO3. Not because I was chasing the said NC-17 fics, but everyone else left because of the ban. The once...decently active community had dwindled some.

At the end of the day, it falls to those who can vote, and what you think is best. That's the point of a democratic voting system for the Board. This is just the opinionated rambling of some random guy on the internet.

I'll leave you with all my resources for this wordy and useless piece below, along with a last segment from that Q&A that really cemented why I believe she is on the side of Censorship.

"(Sveritas): "Please clarify how you propose we treat the content we currently have in the archive that should be banned with those proposed TOS changes."

(Tiffany) "If there are changes, it is going to be some slower work I suspect. Will work with PAC to figure out if changes are necessary."

Q&A Tiffany G's Profile 2020 China AO3 Ban (Vox) FF.net NC-17 Ban (Fanlore)

#otw #otw election #archive of our own #AO3 #organization for transformative works #otw board

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mariproducer · 2 years

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Kaoru Hakaze aka a fully realized variant of Adrien Agreste

He was forced to rewrite the sleep-deprived kaoru Adrien comparison essay and make it coherent.

They’re both blonde, they’re both rich, they both have parental issues, and only one of them remains to be a stagnant character (surprise! It’s not Kaoru).

Before I get into the meat of this long long post, I want to preface this by saying that I do NOT want or expect Adrien to be written this way. I acknowledge that there’s a point where the similarities between Kaoru Hakaze and Adrien Agreste diverge. I’m only making this post because a) the few friends I have that like both mlb and enstars wanted to read this and b) I just want to highlight how MLB could’ve tackled certain facets of Adrien’s character. At the end of the day, these two are only characters that share a few similarities and are different enough to be their own unique characters. Again, I just wanted to put this out there to show that Adrien, at his basis, could easily be an interesting character in the show, but the writers do nothing with the gold mine they’re sitting on.

ALRIGHT, since I’m posting this to my Tumblr dedicated to talking about MLB, I think some introductions are needed. Kaoru Hakaze is a character from the Japanese anidol franchise Ensemble Stars. He’s a member of the unit UNDEAD, and upon first glance, he appears to be a flirty and breezy sort of guy (note: his last name Hakaze plays into his wind theming).

At the start of Ensemble Stars! (with one exclamation point, this different is integral), you meet Kaoru Hakaze and 9 times out of 10 (unless your fave type is the flirty guy, which uh Stares at the numerous amounts of JP fans who love Kaoru ok maybe I was in the minority) you’ll likely be infuriated with him: he’s flirty and brushes off most of the cast because according to him, hanging out with guys is a waste of time and not fun and he’d rather be in the presence of girls. If I could find a clip, I would put his first appearance in the anime to give you a good idea on his initial demeanor. Anyway, the game, especially in its earlier years, really liked laying it on thick that Kaoru loves girls and loves flirting and loves taking them out on dates and detests the idea of hanging out with boys.

But slowly and surely, the Enstars writers eventually realized that they had something good and interesting in their hands, and began to write Kaoru slowly growing out of this pre-established mindset. As years passed by and we got more Kaoru-centric stories, he evolved from the stereotypical flirt character who only cared about chasing skirts and flirting with the player character (a girl named Anzu) to a guy who has a lot of love and care in his heart and hopes to be someone reliable to his peers. By the start of Ensemble Stars!! (I’m telling you the amount of exclamation points are important), he’s become a reliable sort of guy, hoping to be a good mentor figure to Anzu and the younger idols, and he cares deeply for his fellow unit members and friends.

So with that quick intro out of the way, you must be wondering: what does this have to do with MLB and where does Adrien Agreste fall in all this? Well, I’ll tell you! By bringing up the similarities between these two and how Adrien’s writing could’ve followed a similar path.

Dealing with the loss of a mother

The first and easiest comparison to make between Kaoru and Adrien are that they both have lost their mothers, with Kaoru losing his mom at a young age, while Adrien losing his mom a few months before the MLB canon starts (supposedly… uh the show is weird about when exactly Emilie Agreste disappeared).

The issue with Adrien is that… well his feelings about his mom’s disappearance isn’t really explored in the show. There are only a few episodes in the show that tackle this subject in relation to Adrien: Simon Says where Adrien tells Ladybug about his mom, Gorizilla where Adrien wants to watch the indie movie his mom starred in, and Felix where it appears Adrien seems to be at peace with his mom’s disappearance considering the fact that he appears to be ok with Gabriel moving on in life with Nathalie. Christmas Special also tackles Adrien being sad about his mother’s disappearance, but that episode falls in the weird line of it’s canon or non-canon because the MLB timeline is all sorts of wacky. Anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that Adrien’s thoughts about his missing mother are only brought up when the show needs a sad moment and to make us feel bad for him. We don’t get to see the ongoing effects on a kid who lost their mother recently, like how it’d affect the actions he takes or his perceptions on relationships with people or anything. It’s just there as an angst point.

Contrast this with Kaoru, who’s loss basically rewired his brain. For Kaoru, we know that his mother meant so much to him, as he brings her up in quiet monologues to himself, asking her for guidance or assurance. The reason he flirted with girls and craved their presence so much? Because his mother was a shining beacon in his life and when she died, it felt as though all those good feelings vanished (which was also exacerbated by his father’s colder attitude). Kaoru thought he could fill the void by going on dates with girls (yes this is Freudian as hell and I am so glad you have moved past this Kaoru) because he desired to feel loved.

You can tangibly see how this loss affects Kaoru, but with Adrien, sometimes it’s easy to forget that he lost his mother because there is hardly any exploration of grief for him (especially if this happened so recently). Why don’t we see an Adrien uncomfortable with the topic of moms more or more scenes of him wistfully staring at his peers’ with his parents?? Maybe we could get a proper explanation as to why Adrien somehow manages to get over his grief to the point where he thinks it’s alright for Gabriel to move on too. Like writing a child in mourning would be a good thing to show to kids, to not shame them for their tears and fears, to show them its ok to cry and that moving on is a journey. But with Adrien? Nothing.

A flirty demeanor and focusing on one girl

Both Kaoru and Adrien are established flirts. Both Kaoru and Adrien also end up singling out one girl for their affections. It’s just how these facts unfold throughout the story that differs. As said before, Kaoru has a reputation of being a skirt-chaser: his peers know it, girls know it, and it’s a part of his image as an idol. When he meets Anzu, the player character (side note: Anzu really shouldn’t be the player character for the player to self insert on because at this point, she is so heavily involved with the cast and has her own backstory, personality and motivation that it’s better to consider her as her own character), Kaoru takes interest in her because of course he does. However, because of Anzu’s constant presence amongst all the idols and her role as their producer (basically she’s their manager), Kaoru’s interest goes from shallow intrigue because she’s a girl to a full-blown crush on her. Kaoru does confess to her at the end of the school year, only to get promptly rejected. He ends up taking this rejection in stride, now focusing his efforts on supporting her whenever he can as a friend. (until enstars remembers it also has to appeal to self-shippers so Kaoru has stupid moments where he gets nervous around Anzu in !! era and it’s kind of PISSING ME O-)

On the other hand, we have Adrien, who acts flirty when he’s Chat Noir for… uhh actually is there an established reason as to why Adrien acts this way in canon? Because I was always under the assumption that he does this to differentiate his hero self from his civilian self but now I have no clue if that is canon or fanon (knowing this show I’m leaning towards fanon). So yeah, we have Adrien who flirts with Ladybug and some of the other female heroes too (like Ryuko) and his object of affection is Ladybug. He likes Ladybug because why not? Origins wants you to believe that he likes Ladybug because she’s an amazing sort of girl with convictions who also has a vulnerable side, but later episodes make it seem like he’s just in love with the heroine being perfect and also in love with him in return (looking at you Puppeteer 2 and Ladybug). And Adrien has confessed to Ladybug (numerous times now) and has gotten rejected every single time… like he didn’t stop after the first rejection and kept going instead? Sure, in Glaciator he SAYS he’ll respect her rejection and be there for her as a friend, then a few episodes later, Frozer opens with him trying to ask her out again and taking it badly that she rejects him a second time. Like, instead of idk the lesson of Adrien getting rejected sticking and him actually respecting her rejection, he just keeps asking her out? What’s the point of constantly having him do this because It just makes him look like a creep who can’t take no for an answer. Nothing of substance is really done with Adrien here either and this part of his character and the way it’s written in canon just makes him look worse.

On the topic of friendship

Alright I’ll admit that this may seem like a reach at first, but hear me out. For both Kaoru and Adrien, the topic of friendship is an integral part of their character, or at least it appears to be for Adrien. Origins establishes that one of Adrien’s goals is to make friends but we don’t see him in the act of making friends. Like he doesn’t go out of his way to approach people and befriend them most of the time (like Nino had to offer friendship first, Chloe was already his friend before the school year started, he ends up befriending Kagami because their parents pushed them together) and the episode Party Crasher just hands him a friend group with no effort on his part.

On the other end of the spectrum, Kaoru is resistant to the idea of befriending his peers because they’re guys but over the school year in ! era, he slowly opens up to them, finding their company to be pleasant and enjoyable. It’s also interesting to note the sort of company Kaoru keeps: he always manages to connect with those considered “eccentric” or too much to handle by others. His easygoing and breezy nature (sorry I need the wind puns) greatly contrasts the colorful personalities of his friend group; it makes for their interactions to be entertaining to read through. Making friends feels more meaningful for Kaoru because we see him work towards repairing his relationships with those who surround him, rather than suddenly having a friend group with no buildup like Adrien does.

An aside: Adrien has a thing in canon where no one? Dislikes him? Like besides maybe Lila but who knows what her motivations are since the show refuses to elaborate and Chloe I guess don’t know what’s going on with her and her perception of Adrien starting from s4. He never has anyone to butt heads with or have conflict with, and I think it makes him boring to watch at times because everyone just likes him. On the other hand, you have Kaoru who has a mixed reception with the cast: there’s a running gag with Souma where Souma wants to slice him with his sword and is always irritated by Kaoru or how Koga underestimates Kaoru and takes Kaoru’s easygoing attitude as laziness. People tended to condescend him for his skirt-chasing attitude, frowning down upon it or calling it his weakness. All the various reactions to Kaoru makes it fun to see him interact with all sorts of characters because will they make fun of him? Tease him? Look down on him? With Adrien, everyone likes him and praises him and sometimes it’s like hip hip hooray /s and other times it’s like wow this kinda sucks bc his father treats him differently but nuance or intriguing exploration of interactions? Sorry we don’t do that

Conclusion

Again, I want to emphasize that in no way, shape, or form do I want Adrien’s character to follow Kaoru’s exactly. They may share similarities but they aren’t the same. Like Adrien’s father is abusive, while Kaoru’s father only has a rocky relationship with his son (there’s no implication of abuse on Kaoru’s end, only that his father looks down on Kaoru’s decision to become an idol). Kaoru isn’t an only child and part of his character growth involves his relationship with his sister and how he wants to connect with his siblings, something that Adrien wouldn’t have as an only child. There will come a point where their stories diverge and tread different paths. The only reason I made this post is, again as I said at the start of this, to highlight ways the MLB writers could’ve written Adrien, could’ve tackled character traits they gave him, could’ve made him the interesting character he is on paper (but not in execution). I wish I could like Adrien because I could easily see him being a favorite character of mine, but his canon execution doesn’t allow him to grow in any shape or form and in fact, coddles him to prevent any sort of longstanding development to take hold of him.

I hope you come out of reading this long essay with the thought that more could be done with Adrien and his character, but because the writing team see and believe him to be perfect, that the world has to change for Adrien and not the other way around, Adrien can never be the compelling character people wish for him to be as long as he’s in the hands of the current writing team.

P.S. hi orion and friends ^_^

P.P.S. there's probably more I could talk abt but uhh my brain power is gone

#m too scared to put this in the tags bc someones gonna try to clown on me ik itll happen #but reblogs are ok with this post #r(en)bles

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hopefulyellowlamp · 1 year

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if there was one thing i could make everyone understand about mental illness its that everything is so painfully tiring to do

and that i want to do certain things but i just dont have the energy.

or maybe you see me late at night or when ive just gotten home and i ask if you can get me something to drink. and you ask me "youve just been out and you could go the whole way home by yourself, yet you cant get a cup of water?"

no i could, but every small action is draining and it hurts sometimes to do small things. and frankly i think if i hadnt asked you i wouldve just ignored my thirst. so when i ask if you can make me a sandwich its not because i see you as my servant or because im lazy. im struggling with taking care of myself. and i see you as a safe person to reach out to.

when i get home and am alone, you dont see it, but i sit on the floor just staring into nowhere. going through every interaction for the fifth time. making sure i was perfect and 'normal'.

just please dont assume i only do things i want to. sometimes i have to do one thing and it drains me so much that i cant do anything i enjoy afterwards so i just lay in bed and look at the ceiling.

i dont think its fair to normalize mental health issues but forget about the daily routines that some of us cant commit to. i just brushed my teeth and flossed for the first time in a month. i feel ashamed, but i dont think i should.

who fucking cares if you cant take a bath. ill breathe in your sweat scent and tell you how much ive missed you. ill kiss you with morning breath and love you no matter how much youre struggling you are worth everything on this planet and more. and im tired of pretending youre not.

sorry this is a long and weird post. i just have not been having a good time lately. thoughts always ping ponging like a tv loading screen never quite hitting a good spot. and i know im not the only one struggling so if youve made it this far on this post and you need someone to listen to you, im here. wether you respond in the comments, tags, reblogs or in my dms ill listen to you.

#lamp speaks #im just so tired of existing rn and i think i needed to vent in a constructive way #im tired of doing nothing with my life but i dont have the energy to do anything #and also i am hungry right now but no ones awake and i dont have the mental energy to make myself a midnight snack so im eating leftover ch #ips in a small bowl that my dad left out #depression #anxiety

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jjkpls · 3 years

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the wishlist (m) - 2

“Since when do we buy each other sextoys?”

> genre : light angst, fluff

> pairing : jeon jungkook x reader (f)

> words : 5k

> content/warnings : back at it again w/ the bff2l; one sided love, lot of pining; sextoys talk; explicit language; ambiguous infidelity; chaotic oc; clueless koo

previous - next

It all starts with the first box and the vague memory of a warm touch on your face.

When you wake up that morning, groggy from exhaustion and the sensation of having spent the night waking up, again and again, you sense something. You struggle to point out if you’ve dreamt or if it really happened, but there’s the lingering of a warm hand's trace, cupping your cheek, soothing the stress lines on your forehead, and softly brushing your hair back from your face. You can’t tell if it’s happened but it left a lovely sensation both on your skin and heart.

You get up and out of bed, slowly stroll to your living room with a lazy hand raising to your head, meaning to scratch at the snake nest you expect to be sitting on it. Instead, your fingers are met with a rather neat braid you definitely didn’t go to sleep with as you were too fucking done with this day to even try and deal with your tight bun -the very bun that elongated your time to fall asleep by at least a good half an hour. The same fingers that caressed your face took care of your hair and you know exactly to whom they belong.

Of course, giddiness ensues and the mildly serious feeling of mortification -you despise the idea of not knowing in what state he found you, in what state of ugly, of dishevelled, of smelly. There’s no room for embarrassment in this friendship, not this kind anyway, fortunately or not, he’s seen you at your worst (at a time when you didn’t care much if he did or not) so it counters, always a bit, the shame.

He hasn't left your side yet, has he? And he’s exposing himself to this face of yours, so why should you feel bad about it? He sneaks into your apartment at night just to brush your face and bring the covers up to your chin, tuck you nicely in as if he’s your mom or something, so why should you care. He doesn’t seem to mind. He never seems to mind. He’s the best of friends. The best of all the people you know and the best of your friends.

And of course, naturally fitting this role, you’d find the morning of Christmas, a mysterious box you’ve never seen before sitting on your coffee table.

The girls, your friends, have presents for you, you know they do, but yesterday you were working and couldn’t see them, therefore, the little celebration was reported and you didn’t expect, you wouldn’t expect them to come at night or early in the morning to bring you your gifts. It can wait (so they decided).

But Jungkook is sweet like no one else is.

And he came to wish you a merry Christmas even if you were too tired to wish him back and he left a present for you.

There’s not a name attached to it but it’s obvious it comes from him. There’s just a post-it he stole from your desk, with a Merry Christmas written on it, the lines of the letters, round and neat, you’d recognize from any other lettering and a bunny with teeth as big as the eyes smiling at you, drawn next to it.

The box is so pretty, you feel an actual pressure thinking about opening it, as if there is a certain way, a proper way, to go about it.

And apparently, there is. You go wash your face and rinse your mouth, prepare yourself one of your good teas, tear the curtain wide open and slowly, almost ceremoniously, take a seat on the ground, right in front of it.

The box is neat. You don’t know what’s inside, probably a perfume or some kit for the bath you’d assume, but you already know that whatever is inside, even if it’s not of your liking -which is impossible, it comes from Jungkook-, will be balanced out by the appearance of this perfectly elegant, tasteful box that you’ll use again to stock anything, maybe your face masks, maybe nothing -it’ll just sit, looking good on a shelf.

It’s a pastel blue, with a black rose drawn on top of it, the icon to a brand you absolutely don’t recognize. With fingers trembling with excitement you drag the box to yourself, it’s mildly heavy, for some reasons, it gives you a little rush of anxiety. There’s just a tiny black ribbon holding the box firmly closed. A tiny pull on it and it slips open.

Slowly you lift the lid, a grin already plastered on your face, hurting your cheeks. You expect a blinding magical light to come out of it, with the sound of bells ringing near your ears and sense to suddenly knock into you as you’d understand what wondrous present is in front of you.

But none of it comes. There's just a thing hidden inside a black satin bag.

It’s not a perfume nor a bath kit and you’re confused.

A bit scared.

Honestly, maybe a little shameful part of you has guessed it. But the louder yet weaker rest of you can’t see it. It would be too... ludicrous. And wouldn’t make sense, would it? You’ve never actually seen any in real life so how would you know what the packaging would look like and how would you come to this conclusion now? And how, why, how would he, Jeon Jungkook, come about to offer you this?

Doesn’t make any sense.

But somehow, when you pick up the courage to open the little bag and drag the object out of it, you hardly even gasp in surprise when you discover a dildo. You just let it drop to the table, thumping loudly the fake wood.

Why did you guess it to be that and why did he get you this shit?

Scorching red seize your face and your whole being.

You are infuriated.

How dares he? You are mortified. How dares he?

What does this fucking mean?

A joke?

Is it a joke?

If it a joke then what’s the fucking point? It’s not fucking funny. It’s weird as hell and you can’t believe he came in the middle of the night, pretending to be Santa to leave you a fucking kidding present as if your miserable life needed that.

And if it’s not then what the actual fuck? Does he think you’re that desperate? Does he have really no notion of boundaries?

Conveniently your phone lays centimetres away from the offending thing, you don’t even need to get up to grab it and therefore, you start looking furiously for his name in your recent call list. After only two rings as if he was just expecting your call, his bright hello reaches your ear.

“What the actual fuck, Jeon?” He must hear the madness in your voice, both the anger and the hysteria. There’s a pause during which he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t make a sound and you even check your screen to make sure he hasn’t hung up on you.

“That’s- not- the reaction I expected.” He sounds sheepish. Mumbled words, lisped syllables, long pauses.

“What did you expect?” You yell a bit, you can just picture him, dragging the phone out of earshot and winding, the same way you do when your mom who doesn’t get the concept of telephone screams in it each time she calls you. The realization hits you, that in your quiet little apartment, in this (for once) quiet morning, you are screeching like a banshee. You quiet down instantly, some of the anger soothed down by embarrassment. “Are you insane?” You whisper in his ear and comically, he starts whispering too, with the same alterations to his usually bright and open tone.

“M’not. I just- you said that’s what you wanted so I got it for you.”

Now he’s making stuff up and blaming this insanity on you and that serves to raise a bit more the bar of anger -along with the loudness of your voice, “When have I ever said that I wanted a-“ You choke on your own saliva once your brain realizes that you’re supposed to say the word, out loud, to him. In an angry whisper, as if someone, your mother, for example, could be listening “fucking dildo!” You blush furiously at that and it’s ridiculous. Probably the reason why you didn’t own one in the first place and maybe shouldn’t yet. Because you’re a grown-ass woman of a quarter of a century, living alone and admittedly independent and responsible for your own existence, but you can’t even say the word “dildo” out loud to this asshole of a friend who apparently, and that’s new news, doesn’t have an issue talking about sex and everything related to it with you.

“Y-you said-“ There’s a pregnant pause. You can’t know for sure since you’re not seeing him if he’s faking it or not but he sounds confused as hell. Like he genuinely doesn’t understand what’s wrong. Moron. “You said you wanted sex but not a boyfriend so I thought- it’s pretty much- it’s exactly what it is. Why are you so mad?”

The question in itself serves to drag you a little further over the edge. So much so, it clogs your brain with anguish and leaves you unable to give him an answer.

When he’s starting to talk again, maybe ask again his question, you just hung up, slamming your phone down on the carpet.

You hear it vibrate to life twice before it shuts down completely. Good. At least he knows you well enough, still, to assume rightfully so that you won’t pick up his calls anymore. Not today.

You just have the time to pack the dildo back in its bag and inside its box, throw away your tea that tastes unbearably bitter and maniacally scrub your face in an attempt to get rid of the red patches that don’t want to fucking leave before the telling high beeps of your front door’s digital lock alert you. Your face is soaking in cold water, another attempt to cool it, your face and your troubled mind.

You mean to ignore him. Dipping your head further in the filled up sink, closing your eyes tight shut hoping somehow it’ll help you push aside the calls of your name better.

For a few seconds, it works. You can’t hear him anymore. You wonder if the furious pleas you were chanting in your head could have been loud enough to make the sound of the door slamming behind him as he would have left, completely quiet.

He’s such a try-hard. You hung up on him because he’s saying batshit crazy things and his first reflex is to barge in your house again. You really need to change your lock and not tell him. You can do that. You’re an adult and you have the right to your own fucking place. It’s not a fucking benevolent stay in, for fuck's sake.

The cold water really seems to work. You feel better, light-headed, coming down after the earlier hysteria. And knowing that he’s left and won’t pursue this mess any further, for now, surely helps a lot.

Except it doesn’t last for, as soon as your face leaves the water, your hands reaching clumsily for a towel that falls magically in them, one wipe at your eyes and your worst nightmare is standing right in front of you.

“Fucking- Jungkook!” Burying your face back in the towel, drying your face as much as possible, maybe even trying for a second to suffocate yourself, you wish vainly that when you’ll take it off he would have disappeared.

He is still here though. Watching with dark eyes and a straight severe line replacing the cute button he owns for a mouth, he looks awfully serious for a guy that’s never really serious. Your towel ends up centimetres away from his face, he catches it right before it touches him. You hoped it would blind and confuse him momentarily, long enough for you to escape but of course, this guy would never miss a shot, even a surprise one.

“Why are you like this?” He asks when you try and push him from the ribs, out of the door frame. You hate that you think about it. About his chest being so hard and warm and his fucking smell of sweat that you’d recognize amongst any others (pretty easily as any other makes you gag and this one, probably because you’re a primary animal guided by hormones, leaves you dizzy and wanting). He doesn’t budge until he decides to, mercilessly stepping aside to let you through. Because you’re an idiot, you don’t think and head for the living room and it’s only once you’re there, very aware of his steps following you, that the devilish object of your discord is right fucking there, obnoxiously sitting on the middle of your coffee table. You groan and squeeze your eyes tight.

What meditation technique, an extra effective one, could you use right now before you definitely lose it and throw yourself out the window?

Before you find one, you end up clinging to the opposite wall, forehead pressed to it, back to him, in a vain attempt to suppress yourself from the situation. You might look a little insane or at best, somehow on edge, but who cares at this point?

“Jungkook, if I don’t pick up your call, do you think I want to see your face?”

“But why though?” His tone is still harsher than usual. You notice it and you notice you don’t hate it either. What a little bitch you are. If you like his usual self, with the bright smile, soft words, boisterous laugh, dainty manners, you can’t deny that this rougher version of him, genuinely pissed off as you’ve never seen him, tickles your fancy. You’re fucked. “Seriously these days you- you’re such-“

“I’m what?” You bark, swirling on your feet, expression distorted by an offence he hasn’t even made yet. You completed the sentence he’s never finished with terrible words that you’ve never heard him use talking about anyone: bitch, hysterical, cunt.

“You’re trying to pick a fight with me all the fucking time, I don’t get it!”

Now you feel terrible. You’re still bothered by the raw edges of his tone, it’s literally sending electric shocks to your lower tummy. But his eyebrows have dropped and his fiery dark eyes have turned shiny and sad, your heart hurts in your bosom.

Ugh.

You’re such a bitch.

“I’m sorry. I know I’m insufferable. I’m on my period. Sorry.” You send a mental apology to womanhood. You're just an idiot lacking imagination.

Jungkook frowns, his eyebrows dancing in all kind of ways, before they settle for an, unfortunately for you, attractive finale, one straight down, one tilt up. He stares at you, dubious.

“For three weeks. You’ve been on your period for three weeks.”

The first thing you take notes of is the fact that he dated it way shorter than you would have. Honestly, you found yourself becoming a weirdo with inappropriate feelings that reindeer you into an asshole for at least a month and a half. Before that, it was extremely tamed, totally under control. You’d just notice his handsome face and cute smiles and nice smell, thinking “oh yeah that’s right. He’s kinda attractive. How funny I never really noticed.” And slowly it progressed to not being able to handle him touching you without having something close to a panic attack.

The second thing you note is that he doesn’t believe you. His stare is insistent, turns a bit dark as he lingers, studying your own eyes with judgment in his. He’s frowning even more, looks down at the floor and sighs so deep, heartbreakingly so. He looks hurt that you’re lying and don’t want to share what's really been up with you. If only you could be a better liar.

“It happens sometimes, all women are diff-“

He just sat down on your sofa, eyes fixed on the blue box. Before you can finish your sentence, he sends you a glare that awfully looks like a threat. You shut up. He doesn’t believe you anyway. He knows you and your periods (sort of) way too well. He knows you’re in pain the first day, you’re a bit tender on the following ones and he takes it upon himself to be gentler and not try to play WWE with you on those but you don’t turn into a mean dragon. This much he knows for sure.

There’s something he’s seeking for within the box. He’s grabbed it, holds it now in between his fingertips, piercing virtual holes into it. It’s probably the answer he didn’t find in your eyes.

It makes you flush furiously. Seeing his pretty hands with his long fingers touching it. Here’s the reason, he would have caught it on your cheeks if he wasn’t so busy looking for it elsewhere.

“I really thought that- you’d like it.” He sounds so saddened. You’re caught off guard. Again. So this present wasn’t meant to be a joke. It is a genuine one. It makes sense that he’s hurt then. You’re shitting all over his gift but how could you not? How could he believe that you could just accept that for a random gift? Slowly he makes the top of the box slide up, pout sucked in in concentration, dimple out. Your heart seems to stop at that. He’s not going to take it out, is he?

He can’t take it in his hands.

You’ll die if he takes it in his hands.

Fortunately, he just opens the box, looks at the satin bag, looks at it with a pained expression as if he feels bad for the thing, then closes it back.

“The woman at the shop said that it’s one of the best ones, for starters.” He sulks like a child. Bottom lip all plumped out, shiny eyes under curved eyebrows.

Jungkook looks up at you, ultimate sad puppy look on.

“She said the size and the texture were perfect if you’ve never used one before. It wouldn’t be too... what was that again?” He asks aloud as if you’d know. And you’re mortified. On behalf of him. The concept that he’s not embarrassed right now and that he went to an actual shop, browsed through the shelves and asked an actual saleswoman for help is absolutely insane. Unbelievable if it were not for the sincerity he’s dipped in. “And I picked blue because I know you like this colour. It matches your planner, doesn’t it?” He adds as if he’s not sure when obviously he knows.

It is surprisingly very close in shade. And so what? He expected you to love it so much, take fucking aesthetic pictures with it and your planner sitting on your fake marble desktop, next to Diego the succulent? What an idiot. And for how fucking long did he talk to that woman?

Silence hangs heavy between you. You watch as he scowls some more, mumbles under his breath while staring with despair at the box.

Slowly, resolute to be the better friend you have not successfully been these past weeks (months), you leave your protecting wall. Taking a seat on the carpet, on the opposite side of the table, you do your best to ignore the blue patch invading the bottom of your vision and try to give him the softest expression you can come up with at this moment.

“Why are you so butthurt?”

His curiously perfect round eyes raise in a swift motion, pouty lips agape in a silent little gasp.

“Sorry.” You apologize before he even gets to respond because, maybe, you could try harder to be good and nice to him.

“Because it’s a present.” He starts at a very slow pace. He pauses between words like he’s addressing a dim, dim brain. And he might be honestly. But he’s one to talk. How can he not see an issue? “That I’ve looked for and bought for you. That’s why I’m butthurt, what do you mean?”

“But- since when are we buying each other-“ You need to grow up. There’s no one else but him hearing you and since your last conversation about it, when he too was embarrassed, he’s able to say it just fine apparently. Still, you whisper the following, “sex toys?”

“Since you turned twenty-five and said you were interested in it.” His right-hand raises from the box to start flapping the air and you know it means bad news. He’s upset. When he needs his hands to further accompany his speech, it means he’s a bit too taken by the conversation. And in this case, you don’t feel like it’s a good idea for him to be. “When you were fourteen and into Legos, I bought you a set of Legos.”

Hardly makes sense.

“You’re just going to pretend it’s a random present?”

“It’s not random. I put thought into it.” His eyes are digging up intensively in your own. It might be desperation that leads you to remain still, allow him to look. Hopefully, he won’t dig deep enough to find stuff he shouldn’t. “Why do you hate it? I thought- I don’t know- you’re a- flourished single woman and-“

Flourished? Really? The words don’t come out of your mouth but he reads them on your face and an adorable smile cracks open the mask of gravity.

“Jungkook.” You owe him an effort. Maybe you should look into why it requires an act of inhuman courage for you to admit your shame. It might be because if he were anyone else, you’d be embarrassed by the present for five seconds because clearly, you’re still half of a fucking child but soon enough, you’d probably be enchanted by the thing. Who doesn’t need a good sex toy? You definitely do. You thought about getting one for a long while but never got to it for some reasons and here’s one offered to you (in a very pretty shade of baby blue).

The thing is you don’t think about anyone sexually except for him (and his friend Jimin, once in a while, just by curiosity because the guy is a very sexual being). If you don’t even consider them in this light, you don’t have to think about them using it, do you? But he’s all you think about, unfortunately. And you’re friends. And it feels like one step closer to your fantasy while simultaneously one step closer to betrayal. And he certainly is not offering you this wishing for you to keep close in mind the fact that this is his. His present. He knows about it. Maybe can think of you using it and liking it without any further implications. Because obviously, it’s not like that for him. “It's awkward. How can you not see that.”

“Is it? What is?”

“First of all, we don’t- we- don’t even talk about... it. And suddenly you’re buying me- this?”

“Yeah, I realized that too!” It’s too much enthusiasm. Eyes too big and hands not leaving the air. You can already guess his next sentence. It’s probably going to be a terrible suggestion. “I talk about sex all the time with the guys,” Your eyebrows jump to your hairline at that. You’re not even that surprised but the formulation could probably be fixed. “and you talk about it with your girls, right? But we’ve known each other the longest and we never talk about it. Isn’t it fucked up?”

“I wouldn’t say ‘fucked up’-”

“Well, I would. I am.”

“Don’t you- don’t you see that you’re a boy and coincidentally you can easily talk about it with the guys who happen to be boys and I am a girl, right? And I-“ Who would have thought? It took you fifteen years to finally be giving him the beginning of the talk about the birds and the bees. You would have given it to him sooner if you’d have known how far behind he’s been.

“But what if I need girl advice-“

“I’m sure Jimin knows a whole lot about girls, Jeon.”

“From a girl point of view. Real girl advice.”

“Jungkook-“

“If I ask what the G spot exactly feels like, what-“

“Jungkook!”

He’s amused, the fucker. He’s not as clueless as he sounds. But the crooked grin on his face is too telling. He might just be messing with you. Usually, when he’s just playing he wouldn’t insist so much, he wouldn’t take the conversation this far so surely, there are some genuine intentions. However, he's still having way too much fun.

With his frowned nose, and squinting shiny orbs and stupid bunny teeth.

“You’re just embarrassed, aren’t you?” You might have terribly loud red streaks painting your cheeks that you try naively to cover with your hands. He can see it all and silently, he nods his head, looking like he’s reached the final touch of his experiment. “How? What happened to the teenage girl who spent her nights writing dirty stories about Harry Styles?”

Horror.

How the fuck-

“How the fuck do you know about that?”

“You showed me!” He defends, hands high above in the air like a soccer player claiming innocence. “You did! You don’t remember?” No, you don’t. But you can tell he’s not lying. Apparently, young you was quite the fearless bitch.

What happened indeed?

Years happened. A growing sense of self-preservation along with them. Undesired feelings for an idiot with a bunny smile. An inappropriate sense of shame along with those.

“Anyway. So it’s a bribe for girl advice?” You ask, chin pointing to the box. Jungkook looks down on it, drums his fingertips lightly on the top before he looks up, beaming.

“Sort of.” Shrugging, he adds with a shifty eye that telltales a certain vulnerable sincerity. “I just wish for us to be able to share everything. Be comfortable like before.”

“Before what?” He stares for a long time, mouth shut. He then blinks the moment away and for the first time, you might believe ever, Jungkook looks like he might have a secret too.

“Just before. Back in the days, I mean.” He simply explains. His attention is back on the stupid box. He’s staring at the rose on top of it. Fingers playing with the corner of it.

“Back in your old days.”

“You’re older than me. So you really don’t want it?” Here he comes again with the sad puppy face. Why would it be breaking his dumb little heart to refuse a dildo from him? What kind of insane parallel universe is this? “Is it like a 'men are fine but little Jeon Jungkookie still has cooties so I can’t accept his present, it’s gross'?”

“Something like that.”

“Oh.” Defeated, he sighs. Another one of those soul-harming sighs. “Fine. I’ll get it refunded and you’ll buy yourself something else with the money then.”

Is he really going to make you do that?

As if the question is even to be raised. He can make you do anything.

“No, Guk, sorry. It’s fine. Sorry.” You start, hands clasping over the box you drag your side of the table. The only way you can do it is if you don’t actively think about what’s inside. “I’ll keep it. Sorry.”

“So you kind of want it?” He is grinning from one ear to the other. You can feel him giddy and excited, kind of jumpy on his seat and really, you don’t see any difference with the excitement he portrays each time he gets you any kind of presents and you tell him that you like it.

“I won’t use it.” It’s almost a threat. Eyes squinted in severe slits, index finger millimetres away from poking his eye. “It’s a gift so I won’t make you get a refund, that’s rude but- I won’t use it.” After a second of seemingly deep reflection, he breaks out in his loud, annoying boyish laughter. Eyes watery at the corners and hands clapping like a stupid seal. “I’m serious!”

“Sure.” He’s still cackling, the idiot. “But you should. The lady said it’s a best seller too.”

“Great. I don’t care.”

He has his eyebrows high, a twitch in his wide grin, and the amused black orbs. He doesn’t believe you one bit. “Course, you don’t.”

The idea that he sincerely expects you to use it might drive your delusional brain for a loop. He just wants to be the best gift-giver, the best Santa, and wants you to make good use of whatever he's got you. But how can he not consider that you could not use something like that, to pleasure yourself, when it’s directly related to him, your best friend? It’s weird as hell. It can’t be just weird to you.

Unfortunately, there’s no one you can come up with the question to have them agree with you. You already know what the girls will say. They’re even worse than you when it comes to Jeon Jungkook and your ambiguous (on your side solely) friendship. They’ll say the ship is sailed and start buying themselves bridesmaid matching dresses.

They don’t understand. It’s not like they’ve grown up with someone like him. Someone rather simple, authentic and kind, so much so, so much more than most people, that it turns him complicated because so different from other humans you can meet. There’s nothing to be read in between the lines with him. It’s always lovingly honest, blatant, generous.

He doesn’t mean anything else behind the gift besides a “have a good one!”.

And you didn’t mean anything else but the truth when you said you wouldn’t use it.

At the moment, anyway, you meant it.

A/N: hoping it makes sense and is not too raw, edited it at midnight TT; may i manifest a sugar daddy that would pay me to stay home and write fanfiction for you guys all day :). i really hope you like it, and hope also that you can handle the secondhand embarrassement because even i struggled. let me know what you think of the series so far, sending everyone reading this an infinite amount of virtual kisses and hugs, take care of yourself, love yourself and others a lot, BYEE.

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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

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First time submitting prompts, fairly new follower. Love your writing!

NHS and LWJ friendship. Subtle and maybe people other than their big brothers don't see it and it shocks people when they find out. Mostly Canon compliant?

Associates - Part 3 - ao3, pt 1, pt 2

In the end, it was Lan Wangji who went to get Wei Wuxian, rather than wait patiently for him to return of his own free will as he had originally intended.

It had been Nie Huaisang’s idea, after nearly a year of Wei Wuxian travelling – they’d never actually pursued the jealousy idea he’d initially suggested on account of it being a terrible idea, Lan Wangji’s temporary moment of insanity in even considering it aside. It had come up seemingly apropos of nothing, one day when the two of them were working together in Lan Wangji’s study, Lan Wangji filling out the paperwork in his graceful handwriting as Nie Huaisang flittered around solving problems – he preferred pacing as he thought, which perhaps explained his reluctance to work on documents despite his beautiful calligraphy, and all the marching around made him, in some moments, look remarkably like his elder brother, something Lan Wangji deliberately refrained from ever mentioning.

“You need to go pick him up,” Nie Huaisang had suddenly said, in between planning out the next discussion conference and explaining why a seemingly minor dispute regarding shifting the boundary line near the Yuncheng Bao sect by a single li could have catastrophic consequences for the Jin sect’s long-term stability. “I know you’re afraid of giving the impression that you’re trapping him and restraining his freedom, but that’s your problem, not his. He wants to be asked.”

“Does he?” Lan Wangji had asked, finishing the sentence he was on and putting down the brush. Some things took priority above night-fishing rights near a contained Waterborne Abyss, no matter the new head of the Laoling Qin sect might think.

“Mm, yes. He’s been taking a lot of night hunts in the immediate vicinity of Gusu, close but never too close…Lan Zhan, he’s hinting that he wants you to chase him.”

“Pride?”

“A bit, maybe? Mostly I think it was his position in Yunmeng Jiang, where the former Sect Leader Jiang wanted him and Madame Yu didn’t, so his status was always that slightest bit uncertain. Here and now, he wants to know that he’s really welcome…don’t give me that look! He knows he’s welcome, you’ve made that clear, but making you be the one to ask is just another way to ensure that it’s actually true.”

And so Lan Wangji had gone to where he’d heard that Wei Wuxian was night-hunting, flying down on Bichen when he saw him walking with Lil’ Apple along a mountain path – he called his name, and Wei Wuxian had turned and smiled…

Wei Wuxian had come back with him.

More than that – he’d kissed him, he’d said he was staying with him, he’d agreed to marry him, to live their life together from then on.

They were officially engaged now, the auspicious date having been selected, Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling having demanded roles on the side of the bride – Wei Wuxian briefly protested being the bride, then realized that he was marrying into the Lan sect and promptly reversed course, announcing that he wanted all the trappings of being a bride, excluding the dress – and life was very, very good.

Unfortunately, a couple of weeks was about as long as the cultivation world could hold off on needing its Chief Cultivator to be more than part time – he’d done a lot of the work in the mornings while Wei Wuxian was still asleep or when he was busy, and of course he had the system of delegation that Nie Huaisang had constructed for him and naturally Nie Huaisang himself helping out through his letters – and regretfully, Lan Wangji had had to return his full focus to his duties.

At first, it didn’t mark that much of a change: Wei Wuxian would bring projects of his own and they would work side by side, Lan Wangji already accustomed to the presence of another through all the work he’d done with Nie Huaisang, and Lan Wangji insisted that Wei Wuxian go out regularly with the juniors for night-hunts even if he himself could not. It all seemed fine, except only that Lan Wangji had the distinct feeling that he was missing something important.

It was only when the first big issue came up – a serious dispute between two small sects – that Lan Wangji realized what that was.

He sent a message to the Unclean Realm and waited.

Nie Huaisang arrived at the Cloud Recesses at the exact time one might expect if Nie Huaisang had received the message and left at once at top speed, accounting for the relatively slow pace he had when flying as a result of his mediocre cultivation.

Letter still crushed in his hand, he swept into the jingshi in his usual manner, all high drama and flash, wailing, “Lan Zhan! You betrayed me! You, of all people! My oldest friend!”

Lan Wangji, who had been expecting this, rolled his eyes.

Wei Wuxian, sitting in the desk he’d claimed as his own, looked up, startled. “Nie Huaisang?”

“Oh, hi, Wei Wuxian, congratulations on your engagement, has Lan Zhan shown you the present I sent? Probably not, he never does – Lan Zhan! Don’t think I’m letting you distract me with Wei Wuxian! You answer for this right away!”

He waved the crumbled letter at Lan Wangji.

“There is nothing to explain,” Lan Wangji said. “I requested your assistance in my capacity as Chief Cultivator.”

“You called me a spineless, gutless coward!”

Wei Wuxian made a choking sound.

“I sought to accurately characterize your recent behavior,” Lan Wangji said, and noted that Wei Wuxian’s choking noises got worse, although he did not actually appear to be in need of air. “Do you object?”

(There was something about Nie Huaisang’s company that reminded Lan Wangji irresistibly of being a child again, he had found, and it was only recently that he had begun to remember that as a child he had once had a tendency to bite. A pleasant rediscovery, even if the sharpness of his teeth were now expressed via paper and ink rather than through physical attacks.)

“You were the one who took a month off,” Nie Huaisang complained, a blatant lie given that Lan Wangji had been on partial duty for no more than two weeks, but dropped into his usual place at Lan Wangji’s side obediently enough. “Lan Zhaaaaaaan, don’t make me do work –”

Lan Wangji was going to say something about how it wasn’t like Nie Huaisang was doing any less work by doing his part in the Unclean Realm rather than being physically present in Gusu for consultations, he was just doing it less efficiently, but that was when Wei Wuxian coughed into his hand.

“Sect Leader Nie,” he said, with too much formality, but Nie Huaisang waved his hands at him querulously, clearly disapproving, and his shoulders relaxed a little. “Ah – Nie Huaisang. Since when do you call Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan? I thought you called him Lan-er-gongzi?”

“Oh, no, it’s been Lan Zhan since I was – what, seven or so?” Nie Huaisang said. “I wasn’t joking about him being my oldest friend, you know. We were just fighting back then, when you came for the lectures.”

Wei Wuxian blinked rapidly and turned to look at Lan Wangji, who nodded in confirmation.

They’d failed each other rather thoroughly back then, neither one being there for the other when they could have been. Nie Huaisang had not been wrong to observed that simply because he had always been free and open with his affections, Lan Wangji had assumed they would always be there to be resumed at a later time, without any need for maintenance – playing hot and cold, offering and receiving comfort and support at certain times, totally distant at others…it wasn’t until much later, when Lan Wangji emerged from seclusion, that he had needed Nie Huaisang again, and realized what he’d lost in the blank and disinterested glance of the boy he’d once thought of as his friend, who now seemed to visit the Cloud Recesses only in search of his elder brother.

They’d spoken in those intervening years, but it had always been light, superficial. Lan Wangji could have reached out a hand at that time, sought to resume their relationship, but he was consumed with his own grief, his own troubles, and out of respect for the face of his sect he had refused to share them; perhaps if he had, Nie Huaisang wouldn’t have done what he had done, would have relied upon him instead.

Perhaps things would have been very different.

It wasn’t until he’d finally swallowed his pride to ask Nie Huaisang for help with the overwhelming work of being Lan sect leader and Chief Cultivator both that they had broken through that distance once more. It had been difficult at first, readjusting their long-lost patterns to their adult behaviors, but they had slowly but surely fallen into a comfortable dynamic that suited them both.

“I had no idea,” Wei Wuxian said blankly. “You spend much time together?”

“Nie-xiong assists me in my duties,” Lan Wangji interjected before Nie Huaisang could spout something stupid about eloping, as he was sometimes wont to do. “He has been critical in ensuring that I am not overwhelmed.”

Wei Wuxian mouthed ‘Nie-xiong’, but what he said was, “You, Lan Zhan? Overwhelmed?”

Lan Wangji nodded. “My brother went into seclusion,” he explained. “As sect heir, I became responsible for the duties of sect leader of the Lan sect, and I had also accepted the post of Chief Cultivator.”

“And he didn’t have anyone else to help, so he came to me,” Nie Huaisang said cheerfully, ignoring how Wei Wuxian’s eye twitched. “I hope you don’t mind. It was very convenient a trade: I know plenty of things about being a sect leader – more than you’d think, I swear! – and Lan Wangji, as Chief Cultivator, can help me whenever someone tries to make something out of that awful business last year.”

There had been a few unfortunate sequelae to those events. Nie Huaisang’s role had never been officially confirmed, but somehow word had gotten out regardless and sects throughout the cultivation world were looking at Nie Huaisang in suspicion – less out of concern for Jin Guangyao, although there were a few that had especially benefited from his rule that were disappointed, than with an eye towards the future. The wise ones were afraid of his patience and planning, but far more were simply greedy, looking for a chance to finally uproot the notorious Headshaker now that his best protection, his brother’s two sworn brothers, were not there to defend him.

As he had promised, Lan Wangji had defied any attempts by others to do anything of that sort.

As he had promised, he would not change his mind or withdraw his support, no matter what Wei Wuxian said.

His shoulders tensed as Wei Wuxian looked over at him, his expression thoughtful. “I’m going to need to talk to Jiang Cheng,” he remarked, seemingly unrelatedly, and then said, “Well, I trust Lan Zhan’s judgment.”

Nie Huaisang had covered his face with his fan and was looking over it at Wei Wuxian. “You do? And here I thought you didn’t associate with evil…”

“Those are from Lan Zhan’s sect rules, not mine,” Wei Wuxian declared. “If he doesn’t judge you to be evil, who am I to say otherwise?”

Nie Huaisang smiled.

“We should talk more, sometime,” Wei Wuxian continued. “And hey, Nie-xiong, I don’t know if you still collect those books –”

“Oh, of course, Wei-xiong!” Nie Huaisang said enthusiastically. “Though you don’t need to ask for them from me. Lan Zhan’s built up quite a collection over the years.”

Lan Wangji sighed, even as Wei Wuxian spun to look at him with a predatory look in his eyes, not unlike a sighthound that had just fixed on its prey. “You do?”

“Nie-xiong has gifted me with many art pieces over the years,” Lan Wangji admitted. His ears felt as though they were on fire; they were undoubtedly red. “You may peruse them at your leisure.”

“At our leisure,” Wei Wuxian murmured, his eyes deeply intent. “I can’t wait to see what spring books you like best, Lan Zhan.”

Lan Wangji averted his eyes, feeling hot.

Nie Huaisang giggled and snapped his fan shut. “You don’t want to see the art I sent, Wei-xiong, trust me,” he cackled. “You want to see the pieces. Just ask!”

Wei Wuxian grinned and shook his head. “I think that’s a private discussion! Anyway, I’m going to go talk to Jiang Cheng – you two work on your Chief Cultivator stuff.”

“Your insight would be welcome,” Lan Wangji said, but Wei Wuxian waved a casual hand.

“Later, later,” he said breezily. “I don’t know either of those sects, I couldn’t possibly say anything intelligent – maybe next time you have a question. I look forward to working with you, Nie-xiong.”

“The feeling is mutual.”

Lan Wangji watched them smile at each other – still a little wary, but both clearly willing to attempt a renewal of their own friendship, even after everything – and his heart felt light.

The only thing, he reflected, that would make this perfect would be if Lan Xichen came out of seclusion.

But with Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian, and Nie Huaisang on the job, they’d be sure to figure out a way to do that soon enough.

He was sure of it.

#mdzs #lan wangji #nie huaisang #wei wuxian #my fic #my fics #associates #associates was actually supposed to be a one shot fic but then I saw this prompt after writing the first one and felt the need to continue #and here we are #ivydragon

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amymel86 · 3 years

Note

Hello! Do you have any bits of your awesome writing to share for WIP wednesday?😍

I just saw this anon!

And thank you for asking <3

This is a bit more of this as yet untitled 'post-apocalyptic/fertility/modern arranged relationship???' fic. The first bit I posted on tumblr is here and as before, some things are not yet decided (like town names) and things may change...

“Are you sure this is what you want to do, darling?” Her mother’s voice on the telephone was a balm to her soul.

Sansa’s finger brushed the soft vivid petals of the small potted iris she’d bought at the store today. The iris symbolises hope, wisdom and courage among other things and she prays that the pretty purple and yellow bloom will lend her some of those. “I’ve got to try something, Mum,” she says, turning her attention to the two separate bundles of paper in front of her. Two men, two candidates, two different futures. Sansa had filled out all the matching service’s extensive questionnaires and scrutinised all the information she could find on the program. It seemed simple enough – you’re rewarded for helping to repopulate. In turn, the authorities help to pair you with someone who should be a good match dependant on all the information they have about you. The aim is that this new generation of children are raised in the traditional family unit. That had appealed to Sansa. “I can’t seem to find the right guy all on my own anyway,” she said into her phone.

“How do you know it will be safe, though?”

“It says here that my situation will be monitored by my own caseworker. I can call them any time I want. They’re not just going to drop me at the guy’s house and just leave us get on with it.”

“Hmmm... tell me about them? These men that they’ve narrowed down for you.”

“One’s called Waymar, he’s a financial advisor here in the Vale,” Sasna pauses, looking at the man’s photograph on his paperwork before fishing out the other. “And the other is called Jon, he owns a farm in the Reach.”

“None in the north then?” Her mother has been itching to get her back home. “I just wish there was a way to know that either of them were good men, Sansa. That’s all I want for you.”

Sansa put the two photos together. Two possible fathers for her child.

“That’s what I want too.”

***

“Shit! Holy fucking shit!” Jon says to himself, hanging up from his phone-call. “Mance!” he yells, bursting out of his trailer to find the old man. “Mance! It worked! It fucking worked!”

He’d relented. When Mance first put it to him that he should sign up for that weird government breeding program or whatever the fuck it was, he thought the old man’s last brain-cell must’ve fried up in the sun. But if they were going to make it easier for them and it meant Mance could keep the farm (and Jon could carry on living there rent free), then it was worth a shot. So he had relented. He’d filled out what seemed to be a gazillion and one questions about himself, his politics, his views on family and finances and education and fucking... art and shit. These damned government people wanted to know everything about him down to whether he scrunched or folded his toilet paper it seemed. He’d even had to lie. He didn’t like doing it, but there was no way that a fertile was going to pick him if he didn’t. So, he fished out an old photograph – one taken before the bar brawl that lost him his sight in one eye, and he’d also lied his asscheeks off by claiming he had ownership of the farm. He knew – he knew – that these lies are just more things that were going to trip him up one of these days but with Mance urging him on, he’d signed that damn form and offered himself up for the program.

And now a fertile had chosen him.

Him.

Fuck, he might throw up.

This can go one of two ways. Either completely up Shit Creek without a paddle – with his lies and reality crashing down on top of one another, leaving them exposed... or, his fertile somehow looks past his deceits and sticks with him and they-... well, shit, he could actually become a father. No-one becomes parents these days, especially not ‘round here. Fertiles flock to the big cities, to men with bigger pockets, or they work for couples who can afford to pay them off in exchange for a kid or two.

“It worked?” Mance asks, rolling out from under an old Ford pickup that needed a new exhaust. “They sendin’ us a peach?”

Jon shook his head. “They’re not sendin’ you anyone, old man. An’ don’t call her that – they’re-“ Fuck, what did the council call them on all that paperwork? “Reproductively abled.” He’ll have to remember that if he doesn’t want to offend her.

“Well, shit,” Mance grins. “What did I tell ya? Knew your pretty face was good for somethin’!”

Jon frowns. “Ain’t so pretty no more though.” He might have to go get himself a patch to cover his milky, sightless eye. It’s fine most of the time since Mance is the only one he sees unless he’s going to drink at Hobb’s, but he certainly doesn’t want to put off his ferti- reproductively abled friend who’ll be arriving in three weeks.

“She got a name? Your new peach?” Mance asked, earning him a glare.

“Sansa. Sansa Stark.”

Mance grunts and nods. “Sounds fancy.”

Yeah... It did sound kinda fancy he supposes. Jon’s first reaction had been that it was a mighty beautiful name, but now he thinks of it...

“Shame we can’t look her up – see if she’s a beauty or not.”

Jon can’t remember a time when that was an option. He was barely 11 at the highest point of the virus’s hold. Government officials had deemed certain channels on the internet were causing more harm than good by spreading false rumours, incorrect statistics and completely counterintuitive medical advice. The whole thing was shut down, now deemed illegal, only to be reconnected again three years later apparently looking like a foreign landscape from the one before. The internet was no longer a platform to socialise, only government approved informative sites remained. Mance says it’s better this way – that all people used to do was post vain images of themselves for attention anyway.

Jon wouldn’t mind seeing a vain image of Sansa Stark right about now though.

Not that it mattered terribly. As long as they get along and she decides to stick around she could be as ugly as sin. In fact, she probably will be, won’t she? Most pretty ferti- reproductively abled women stick to the cities and its high-fliers.

It doesn’t matter, he told himself. You just gotta keep her happy here and-

“Mance?” he asks, an issue coming to mind. The man grunts in acknowledgement. “Where the fuck is she gonna sleep? She’s not gonna want to stay in my trailer.”

The man grins in response. “I’m glad you asked, boy. I’m glad you asked.”

***

Her caseworker was meant to meet her at the train station. It was quite a drive to the farm and he was meant to pick her up, make sure she’s safe and happy and introduce her to Jon.

That hasn’t happened.

“Please accept my apologies, my dear,” Mr Baelish said down the other end of the phone. “There’s been a mix up with my schedule. We can set you up for the night at a local motel or ask your match to come and get you. Which would you prefer?”

Sansa eyes the dirty looking motel across the street from the train station. Everything here at [[INSERT TOWN NAME]] seems a little on the... rundown side. Maybe the sooner she gets to the farm, the better. Plus, her tummy is all a flutter with anticipation to actually meet Jon. She’d wound up swaying towards Jon as a match due to a few reasons; 1 – he does not live in, around, or anywhere near Harry or his crazy mother. 2 – he owns a farm, and that had conjured up hazy daydreams of idyllic country life. Sansa may enjoy big nights out in the city, drinking her dirty margaritas and feeling her bones vibrate against the base beat in a nightclub, but she knows that’s not what she wants to raise a child around. A child will want to run barefoot through wheat fields and chase chickens and milk cows and –

Let’s just say Sansa has a few ideas and that they all helped to sway her away from city pleasures and towards farmhouse life. And Jon

And last, but not least, reason number 3 – Jon himself. Put side-by-side, his and Waymar’s photographs looked rather similar if truth be told, but Jon won out on something that Sansa just couldn’t describe. Looking at his photograph gave her goosepimples along her forearms because it was like he was looking right back at her. There was something in the depths of his eyes – a kindness? A wit? A strength? She’s not sure, but she couldn’t find the same qualities when she stared at Waymar’s likeness. And his answers too. His questionnaire was full of how he’d like to teach a kid how to walk and ride a bike and fix a... a tractor for heaven’s sake! And so her head was flooded once more of this idyllic life where they got up to watch the dawn stretch over the farmland and they’d grow their own vegetables and she’d bake a pie every day and it would just be perfect.

Perfect, perfect, perfect.

Sansa glances around the near abandoned train station.

This doesn’t look so perfect right now.

“Could you please arrange for Jon to come and get me, Mr Baelish?”

***

It’s been an hour and fifty-six minutes precisely since Sansa last spoke to Mr Baelish to arrange her match coming to get her. An hour and fifty-six minutes of sitting on the curb, waiting, surrounded by her three suitcases. She’d started off by sitting at the nearby bus stop, purely because it was somewhere to sit and she had a clear view of the road, but after the rude bus driver insisted that if she’s sat there, she must be wanting to hop on his bus, Sansa decided to park her butt on the dusty, sun-baked curb instead. Her legs were beginning to numb and she was starting to get a headache from the sun beaming down on her head. The curls she’d styled into her copper locks have likely lost their hold by now. What a waste. Opposite, on the other side of the street, beside the dirty little motel, there was a tiny bar that advertised the fact that it hosted exotic dancers at the weekends with a blinking neon sign. Next to it was a hunting and fishing ‘emporium’ and beside that was a vacant store with an old dirty sign that read ‘Blouses & More!’. Presumably, the ‘& more’ still wasn’t enough to keep that fine establishment in business in this funny little town. At the end of the block was ‘Tarly’s Drugstore’ and Sansa had been debating with herself whether or not she should haul her suitcases over to go buy a drink and a magazine for about the last hour and fifty-five minutes.

But she hadn’t wanted to miss Jon Snow’s arrival.

Jon Snow, who seemed to be pulling up outside Tarly’s Drugstore in a dusty Ford pickup truck right about now. Sansa stood, expecting him to come right on over considering how long she’d been waiting for him, but she found herself wondering if she’d got it all wrong when she hadn’t caught a good enough look at him before he darted straight into the store.

Sansa is done with waiting. She grabs her smallest case and places it on top of her larger one, trying her darnedest to roll all her luggage across the road in a lady-like fashion. She could feel the eyes of several passers-by on her while her stiletto heels clip across the street. In turn, her own gaze fell to Jon’s cream-coloured truck. Its front bumper looked a little rusty and wonky too. There was a big gash in the leather of the bench seating on the passenger side. On the truck bed, there were a number of items, including a rocking chair that seems to have a couple of spindles on the chair-back missing, and a new double bed mattress wrapped in clear plastic. Sansa was almost done frowning at the state of the vehicle when the over-door bell of the drugstore tinkles.

“Holy shit,” he curses. And yes, it definitely was Jon standing right in front of her. Only... well... his hair was tied into a knot at the back of his head and.... and... he was wearing a black eye patch? “Uh,” he stood there, arms laden with bottles from the store as the gaze from his one good eye quickly darted down her frame and back up again. “You’re her, right? You’re Sansa Stark?”

Sansa found she could only nod, looking him up and down, like he was with her. He was in jeans with oil smears, some tough, heavy looking boots, a somehow pristine white vest and flannel shirt with the arms ripped off.

Speaking of arms...

Gods-damn! Sansa’s focus was momentarily derailed...

“Sorry, I-“ Jon starts before his grey eye drops to the floor and then returns to her, looking a little bashful. “I didn’t expect you to be so pretty.”

Oh boy. He may be wearing an eye patch right now but this man could win over a thousand girls with that smile, Sansa’s sure of it. She resists the urge to giggle like a schoolgirl. She’s here to find out if they’re well suited enough to start a family together – she needs to keep her head and think rationally, not allow herself to be swayed by his rugged country boy charm. It was Harry’s looks that enticed her in the first place – and look how well that turned out for her?

“Thank you,” Sansa says, blinking back at him before his words truly hit home. “Didn’t they give you my photograph?”

Jon shook his head. “No, ma’am.”

Huh.

“Did they show you mine?”

Sansa bites her lip and gives a nod.

Jon grimaces. “So I guess you weren’t expecting this?” He points to his patch.

Sansa shakes her head. “No... did you... did you do something to injure it?”

Jerking his head, Jon begins rubbing at the back of his neck with his free hand. “It’s a long story... but... it ain’t gonna get any better, if that’s what you’re askin’.”

“Oh.”

They stood, staring at one another for a heartbeat or five before Jon sucks in a breath over his teeth and glances down to the bottles he clutched to his chest with one arm. “I tried to get you some things to help you feel at home,” he says, “these are the nicest smellin’ soaps ‘n’ stuff from Tarly’s.”

“Thank you,” Sansa replies, knowing full well that she brought her Highgarden Floral Scents bathroom range with her.

Jon chews on his lip as he eyes her suitcases. “Lemme get those for you,” he offers before dumping the bottles in his arms into the truck bed and reaching for her luggage. Sansa’s heeled shoes seem welded to the spot. Jon notices. Scrubbing both hands down his face in resignation, he takes a step closer to her and Sansa realises for the first time, that he had dirt beneath his fingernails. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. “It was a shitty thing for me to do,” he offers, his words low and husky. Sansa feels the timbre of his voice set off a trickle of gooseflesh down her spine. “I’m sorry.”

She blinks at him, momentarily confused.

“About this,” he explains, brows high on his head as he points to his patch. “I shouldn’t have sent that old photo of before this happened, but – fuck – even my ex-girl won’t acknowledge I exist anymore with this and I knew I shoulda been honest about it but-“

“This ex-girl...” Sansa suddenly found herself left with a sour taste in her mouth. “... does she still mean something to you?”

Jon licks at his lips, his eye falling briefly to her own. “No, ma’am,” he shakes his head.

#jonsa #jon x sansa #wip wednesday #but late #oops

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cheri-translates · 3 years

Text

[CN] Victor’s Belonging Date

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 归属之约, which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

This date makes important references to his birthday R&S, so do read that first!

Victor’s 2021 birthday collection:

🐼 r&s l belonging date ♡ l video call l moments and texts l asmr

[ Released in CN on 8 Jan 2021 ]

Early in the morning on the weekend, I push a cardboard box into Victor’s living room, straightening up and heaving a sigh.

MC: I seem to have prepared too many ribbons... I'll just blow fewer balloons.

Scanning the slightly empty and spacious room, I retrieve decorations from within the cardboard box.

Victor has been busy with business trips recently. Even though I know he’d return on his birthday, I still feel a little uneasy.

In order to avert the abrupt circumstances like last year, I called him in advance to tell him about my “action plan”.

He seems to have gotten used to the festive rituals I insist upon, and has agreed to let me decorate his home.

Just as I plan to straighten up the cushions on the sofa, the doorbell suddenly rings.

MC: Who is it?

??: Hello, there’s a package for Mr Victor.

I open the door, and the deliveryman hands over a cardboard box. The logo of Loveland City’s zoo is printed on it.

MC: This is...

Deliveryman: It was sent late, I’m really sorry about it! There’s been some issues at the transfer point. It should have been sent to you at the start of the year.

A little puzzled, I nod and take the box. This seems to be the first time I’m seeing a package from the zoo.

After signing for the package, I take a picture of the box and send it to Victor.

Not long after, the phone buzzes.

Victor: Leave the box at the entrance. I’ll handle it after I’m back.

MC: Sure, but why would the zoo send you a delivery?

Victor: I adopted a panda, so the zoo sends some merchandise every year.

MC: So they actually send such things... zoo merchandise is always in limited supply, and I’ve had to rely on snatching them up whenever I visit.

Perhaps hearing the envy in my tone, Victor chuckles softly.

Victor: In that case, you can open it up and look if there’s anything you haven’t snatched up.

MC: Can I? I’ll open it on your behalf then!

With a few movements, I open the cardboard box. All sorts of animal plush toys are stored inside, with panda-related items featuring most often.

My line of sight roams the box, and I notice a small album.

There are pictures of one big and one small panda in the album. It records their everyday lives - eating bamboo, climbing trees, rolling around... it’s like a diary.

MC: Victor, there’s an album here too. There are two pandas in it. Which one did you adopt?

Victor: Both of them.

MC: You adopted two?

Victor: Mm, the big one was the one I mentioned to you before. The small one is its child.

Digesting this information, I mutter softly.

MC: I wonder who mentioned not having feelings towards animals...

Victor: Animals no, people yes. Providing help to endangered animals is a very normal thing.

MC: Only providing help?

Victor: ...what else?

MC: Nothing, I just think CEO Victor is really considerate to specially provide help to a father-son duo~

There’s a temporary silence at the other end of the line. I can almost picture Victor’s speechless expression at this moment.

Victor: Say it, what kind of wicked plan have you come up with this time?

MC: It’s a serious idea! Victor, let’s find a time to visit them? I also wish to meet these two “investees” who have caught your eye.

Victor: You’re truly giving yourself more and more excuses to go out to play.

MC: I can’t?

Victor: ...forget it, we’ll go together if you want to see them.

After ending the call, I retrieve a few panda plush toys from the box, display them on the sofa, then straighten the seats. Finally, I nod in satisfaction.

As compared to vibrantly coloured decorations, Victor should prefer these adorable plush toys.

A few more pages are torn from the calendar, and it’s finally Victor’s birthday.

I checked the information of his flight beforehand. Since it’s not yet time for the plane to land, I prepare to send my report to him first.

The sound of my phone vibrating enters my ears. Seeing the familiar name flashing on the screen, I pick up the call in slight confusion.

MC: Victor? You’ve already reached?

Victor: I just reached. Slightly earlier than expected.

MC: This means I'm the first person to receive your call~ I’ll just say it first - I’ve already prepared my report, and just have to tap the send button.

Victor: Looks like you have a lot of confidence in this report. Since you're done with work, head out with me in the afternoon.

I freeze for a moment. This year, Victor’s birthday happens to be on a working day. I originally planned to celebrate with him in the evening after work.

I didn’t expect that Victor, who has always been serious about work, would think of having a day of rest. I can’t help but tease him.

MC: Is CEO Victor skipping work?

Victor: I’m giving you a break too. A certain someone has been rushing work for so many days, and I’m letting you rest for a while.

My heart stirs, and I seem to understand something.

MC: Seems like I'm not the only person looking forward to today?

After a moment of silence on the other end of the line, his voice sounds, carrying with it a smile.

Victor: I shouldn’t be the only one wanting to meet earlier either. I’ll get my luggage, and will see you in around two hours.

At the agreed time, Victor’s car appears punctually at the bottom of the office building.

I jog and get into the car. He sits on the driver’s seat quietly, his coat half open, revealing a somewhat familiar grey coloured shirt.

There seems to be some tiny creases at his collar that haven’t been ironed smoothly, but the angle at which the collar encases his neck looks very suitable.

Perhaps due to the rays of light falling on his shoulders, or perhaps due to the warm wind blowing in the car, the image before me feels especially warm despite it being winter.

I pull on his arm to take a look, then nod in satisfaction.

MC: Who picked this shirt? It feels as though it makes CEO Victor look especially dashing!

Victor looks at me, the corners of his lips tugging upwards.

Victor: Blowing your own trumpet.

MC: You wore it yourself. Doesn’t this prove that the choice of gift was a success?

Victor: I wonder who splayed it on the middle of the bed, only missing a note saying “Wear this today”.

MC: So do you like it or not?

Victor: Passable.

I purse my lips, pulling aside my own coat. Deliberately straightening up, I beckon him to look at the matching shirt I’m wearing.

MC: Cough cough. Is it really just “passable”?

Victor seems to be taken aback for a moment. Then, a smile quickly softens his expression.

Victor: The car isn’t warm yet. Don’t rush to remove your coat.

He reaches out to pull up the zipper. With a pause, he pulls it down slightly, stopping at the chest region.

I follow his gaze and lower my head to take a look. Like this, it just happens to reveal my shirt.

Glancing at our similar colours, I can’t help but laugh secretly in my heart.

Victor: In general, there’s an improvement in taste. A little better than what I expected.

MC: Thank you for your praise, CEO Victor. In that case, should I maintain this standard in the future?

Victor: You can. All right, let’s go. Fasten your safety belt.

MC: Where are we going?

Victor: Didn’t you want to see the pandas? There will be fewer visitors in the zoo on a working day.

While Victor speaks, he starts the car, inputting the destination into the navigation system.

MC: We’re going right now? But today... I thought you’d prefer a quieter birthday.

Victor: By “quieter”, do you mean by displaying a huge bunch of plush toys at home?

MC: They’re so cute, so I accidentally...

I grin while meeting his look of distaste, and something occurs to me.

MC: But if we're going there today, I could get to know your panda friends by matching them against the photographs.

Seeing me take out the photo album from my bag and giving it a flip, Victor raises his brows in slight shock.

Victor: You even brought their photographs around?

MC: I was originally going to make you a mini photo wall, but couldn’t finish it in time. I planned to bring you the photographs in the evening, so I put them in my bag. Come to think of it, I don’t know what names you gave them.

[Note] This is a contradiction?? Because MC clearly mentioned Little Vick in a pretty old Moment post...

Victor: I didn’t give them names.

MC: Why not?

Victor: I only paid the adoption fees. The rest depends entirely on the zoo staff’s care, so there’s no need to leave them with anything.

MC: But if they don’t have names, how would you recognise them later?

Victor: Do you rely on names to recognise people?

MC: Oo... It’s mainly the face I guess.

Victor: Animals are the same. If you observe their unique traits, you’ll naturally be able to identify them.

The afternoon sunlight is somewhat glaring. I lift my head to avoid the light, and look at Victor in the rearview mirror.

He has a serious expression, but for some reason, I think of a particular fine and sunny weekend we once had, when the light also encased us like this.

At that time, the person beside me had used an ink-less brush, secretly leaving a mark related to him on me.

The car pauses at the crossing, waiting for the red light. Victor straightens the visor for me, turning his head to meet my gaze.

Victor: Why are you staring at me?

MC: I suddenly thought about how someone doesn’t name pandas, yet would write his own name on my face. Doesn’t this mean I’m important to him?

Victor: Good that you know it.

The red light flickers. Victor averts his gaze, staring at the front. Suddenly, he laughs.

Victor: But from what I see now, I’ve already been influenced by a dummy.

The visor shields me from the glaring sunlight, and also makes my vision clearer.

Whether it’s the matching shirt or the Shiba Inu keychain swinging on the car keys...

These seemingly trivial, ordinary and small details clearly reflect the traces that I’ve left on him.

Even though it’s a working day, there are still quite a number of people visiting the pandas in the zoo.

Following the crowd, we take a slow stroll. Many children run past us happily.

Right after walking to the panda area, I see many people congregated at the railings and observing.

Pulling Victor over, rounded panda “dumplings” immediately attract my full attention.

A few young pandas are currently climbing and having fun on wooden poles. Occasionally, they’d bump into each other and roll onto the ground. After exerting energy to flip over, they’d once again climb to the location of their choice.

As if intoxicated and stupefied, I stare at them for a very long time before remembering that the panda baby Victor had adopted could be in their midst. Hurriedly, I take out the photographs from my bag to make comparisons.

However, the pandas before me seem to be carved from the same mold. The colour of their fur are the same, and they are similar in size. There seems to be too much to take in.

I turn my head to look at Victor, who’s next to me. He seems to guess what I’m thinking, and speaks straight away.

Victor: You haven’t identified it?

MC: It’s a little difficult.

Victor points at a panda which is currently climbing a wooden pole.

Victor: That one.

MC: How can you be so certain?

Victor: It injured its leg a few months ago. During the treatment, there was a need to trim the fur around the injury. Look at its hind leg - some of its fur is newly grown.

Fixing my eyes on it, the back of the panda’s right hind leg has a small tuft of relatively shorter fur. Without a careful look, one would think it’s a normal dip.

Flipping and looking through the photos, I realise that it’s actually the case.

Just as I’m about to awe at how Victor is truly perceptive to the finest detail, I suddenly realise something.

MC: Wait, you mentioned that it’s been a few months... Have you always been keeping watch on them?

Victor: The staff will regularly provide feedback on their situation.

MC: So your e-mail isn’t filled only with reports from employees.

Victor: My life doesn’t just consist of work.

He doesn’t respond to my teasing gaze, and he continues looking at the pandas playing freely and leisurely in the garden.

Victor: Are you here to look at the pandas or me?

I respond without giving it much thought.

MC: Both!

Victor: ...

Victor shakes his head in resignation, pulling on my hand as we weave through the crowd.

Victor: There are too many people here. Let’s walk forward.

We walk and pause, following the park’s signboards. Gradually, a patch of empty land appears in my view.

A staff member is currently stacking bamboo next to tree trunks and wooden poles, as though waiting for the pandas to feast.

I tug on Victor to stop. After staying in place for a while, I see a big panda pacing over slowly.

It doesn’t seem to care about how many people are watching it. It heads towards the food, picking a comfortable position to sit down.

Flipping to the photograph of the Daddy Panda eating bamboo, I lift it up to compare it with the panda in front of me.

MC: Victor, isn’t this the panda Uncle gave to you? Its posture of leaning against the tree trunk is exactly the same as in the photo!

Victor leans down and looks over, nodding lightly.

Victor: Yes.

MC: Really? We’re so lucky to meet both of them.

Just as Victor is about to say something, the voice of a small boy suddenly drifts towards us.

Small boy: Little... Vick. Its name is Little Vick!

I’m stunned for a moment, turning my head to find the source of the voice. A small boy is being carried in the arms of his parents, reading out the name based on a nearby board.

Information regarding the pandas on duty are written on the board. Its name is found at the very top, and it’s a name I couldn’t be more familiar with.

[Note] The reason why MC finds it familiar is clearer in Chinese. Victor’s name is 李泽言 (Li Ze Yan), and the panda’s Chinese name is 言言 (Yan Yan)

Because he read the correct words, the small boy is complimented by his parents. He continues reading.

Small boy: Its a boy... and its birthday is 13 January! It’s Little Vick’s birthday today!

Turning back to look at Victor, he currently has an uncomfortable expression on his face, and he clears his throat softly.

Victor: ...my dad named it.

MC: And it happens to have the same birthday?

Victor: Mm.

I try to suppress my laughter, lowering my voice and calling out to Little Vick a few times while it’s engrossed in bamboo.

MC: Little Vick-- We’re here to see you--

Victor: [sighs] ...

MC: Little Vick-- Wishing you a happy birthday--

Victor: Childish.

Victor pretends to have a stern look his poker face, but I can still see the gradually reddening tips of his ears.

I laugh while standing in front of him, straightening my back under his reluctant gaze.

MC: On behalf of myself and Little Vick, we also wish Mr Victor a happy birthday. Don’t feel embarrassed. Your father used your name to name your favourite thing. It’s called “loving the house and its crows”.

[Note] MC uses an idiom, 爱屋及乌 ( “ai wu ji wu”), which literally translates to “love the house and the crows”. This conveys the depth of someone’s love to the point where you like everything related to that person.

Victor: Do you apply the same principle when you enthusiastically name all sorts of objects?

MC: I don’t just name everything. After all, I also “love the house and its crows”. For instance, I used to think that all pandas were very adorable... But right now, I think Little Vick is the cutest.

Only after saying all this in one breath do I feel slightly embarrassed. I hurriedly turn around, taking out my phone to take pictures of Little Vick, wanting to hide the heat on my face.

While snapping photos, I watch for Victor’s reaction. But even after a long time, there isn’t a sound from behind me, and I can’t help but turn around.

“Kacha.”

The golden, dazzling sunlight spreads from behind him, glinting brightly around his raised phone.

Before I can prepare my expression, I see Victor’s phone camera facing me.

He retracts his phone, smiling as he looks at the screen.

MC: [blushing] You... you snuck a photo of me!

Seeing that I’m reaching out to snatch his phone, Victor grabs my wrist, quickly keeping his phone in his pocket.

Victor: This is just a response to your words earlier.

MC: What does that mean?

Victor smiles, his deep eyes filled with my profile.

Victor: It means that there are many dummies in the world... But I only like the one in front of me.

Returning home from the zoo, VIctor’s sudden words repeatedly circle my mind.

In order for him not to realise my state of mind, I take out the ingredients I had prepared in advance the moment I reach home, preparing to burrow into the kitchen to cook.

Victor naturally walks to my side, wanting to take the bags in my hand. I frantically press down on his hand.

MC: Hold on, don’t help. I’ll do it myself!

Victor: There are so many things and you want to do it yourself?

MC: Don’t worry, I’ve practiced at home and can guarantee that I have a knowledge of the fundamentals, and won’t blow up your kitchen. Also, you’re the elderly person whose birthday is being celebrated. So you shouldn’t work. Oh yes, aside from this shirt, I’ve also hidden a few presents at home. Want to look for them?

[Note] MC REALLY USED THE WORD 寿星 ( “shou xing”) which could mean “God of Longevity” or “elderly person whose birthday is being celebrated” LOL

I say everything in one breath, not giving him a chance to retort.

Under my expectant gaze, Victor sighs in resignation, then says a few more words before leaving the kitchen.

With the fastest speed I can manage, I finish cooking. While bringing the dishes to the table, Victor places some gift boxes onto the sofa.

Victor: I’ve found three. That’s all, isn’t it?

MC: Not just these. You could look in other rooms.

Victor: [sighs] Looks like you really planned to prepare a hundred gifts.

MC: I didn’t do it on purpose. When I saw those things, I subconsciously thought of you. But right now, I should invite CEO Victor to test my culinary skills!

After the meal, Victor finds a few more gifts. After giving them a count, I realise there’s still one more missing.

Victor: Why are there more?

MC: The final gift is very critical. I’ll help you get it.

I head straight to Victor’s bedroom. Removing the blanket, I retrieve a long box from a crevice at the corner of the bed.

Victor has his arms crossed over his chest as he stands at the side, watching as I make a show of straightening the ribbon on the gift box.

MC: Don’t worry, there aren’t any weird presents this time. Before, I was always sending you things I liked, but those things weren’t what you liked. So this year, I want to give you some gifts that you need.

Opening the gift box, I take out the tie that I picked out, and display it from all angles.

MC: There aren’t pictures of happy faces, and it doesn’t have a strange colour. You can wear it to work!

Victor looks at me, then walks to the side of the bed and leans down.

Victor: Since a certain someone is doing her utmost to recommend it, I shall see how it looks.

MC: I’ll put it on for you!

It’s rare for Victor to be interested in my presents. I immediately climb up from the bed, flipping his collar up and fastening the tie.

This distance makes the side of his face close enough to touch. His warm breaths are on my shoulder, and I have to force myself to focus on the tie.

With much difficulty, I tie the tie into a basic shape. Victor’s low voice suddenly drifts to my ear.

Victor: This seems to be the first time I’m seeing you wear a proper shirt.

MC: It looks good, doesn’t it?

Victor doesn’t respond. He simply smiles, tidying the back of my collar.

Victor: It’s also the first time I’ve seen you cooking without being clumsy.

MC: Of course I needed to perform properly when cooking in your kitchen.

Victor: It’s also the first time we’re visiting the zoo on a day-off from work.

MC: It’s already the fourth year, and there are still so many firsts?

Victor: Is that a bad thing? Since they are all first times, you can create so-called surprises.

The words at my ear, bringing with them a smile, create ripples in my heart. My hands pause, and I lift my head to look at him.

MC: May I ask CEO Victor - does this mean you’re satisfied with today?

Victor: This isn’t about whether I’m satisfied.

Victor pulls down my hand which is holding onto the tie, beckoning me to sit down.

Just as I plan to scoot over to give him some space, I realise that he has seated down directly on the carpet next to the bed.

MC: Someone always reminds me that the floor is cold. So why is he still sitting on the floor?

Victor: The first time you came to my house, you seem to have said similar words.

While speaking, he tugs the blanket upwards before it slides down my shoulder.

Lowering my head to look at him, the “first time” he’s referring to surfaces in my mind.

The CEO who wilfully lay down on the floor to settle work, and also wilfully had a light sleep in the middle of the piano tune.

He lifts his head to look at me, his teasing gaze unconcealed and bright in the light. The tie, which hasn’t been fastened properly, hangs loosely on his neck.

Without even realising it, his relaxed appearance has become something I've grown used to.

Images in my memories and the person before me gradually match up. I can’t suppress the smile creeping onto my lips, but complain about him anyway.

MC: Victor, you’re really wilful sometimes.

Victor: I learnt it from someone.

MC: ...cough cough. Back to the earlier topic! Could the elderly birthday person please assess today’s plans, and let me gain some experience.

Victor: Everything about today, whether the itinerary or the gifts - I’m very happy with them. Not just today. Every year before this as well.

MC: If you put it that way, I can’t tell how to make it even better. After all, even though it’s been so long, you’ve never directly mentioned what you like.

Victor chuckles softly.

Victor: There’s no need to mention them. When it comes to these things, your efforts always surpass my expectations. Also, the feelings and time you expend - they are even more precious gifts than anything else.

A clamour of emotions ferment in my chest, and I finally peek my head out from the blanket.

MC: Am I one step closer to moving you to tears?

Victor: Judging from your skills in tying a tie, you’re still very far from it. But this is already very good.

As the curtain of night falls, the world outside the window gradually becomes quiet. The ticking of the clock’s secondhand at the bedside becomes clearer.

I glance at the time, and it’s already quite late.

MC: Today’s coming to an end. I’m a little reluctant to part with with it.

Victor: Reluctant to part with the off-day?

MC: Nope. I just feel as though you’ll get busy again after today... You won’t just be my Victor.

I mutter softly, but Victor still hears it. He curls his finger and taps my forehead.

Victor: Who says I'm not? From work to life, which part lacks a certain person’s shadow? Also, other than you, I've never belonged to anyone.

MC: Does this count as a return gift from an elderly man celebrating his birthday?

Victor: It’s just the truth.

I smile while tightening the blanket over myself, shuffling towards him quietly.

MC: But the opportunities to spend time with you without any worries like this are very limited. How do you want to spend the remainder of today?

Victor looks at me, then straightens up to sit with me at the side of the bed.

Victor: For the rest of the time, let’s just stay like this.

I subconsciously loosen my grip on the blanket. He takes the blanket, leans closer to me, and bundles me in it tightly.

The irritating sound of the secondhand suddenly vanishes. In the tranquil night, only the light in the eyes of the person next to me continues flowing and glinting.

Victor: Being without any worries like you wanted - it can be prolonged a little. Also, not just today. Anytime in the future - as long as you want it, it can be done.

🐼 Phone call: here

🐼 Support the cafe by dropping by the tip jar!

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc victor #C R Y I N G #THEY ARE SO CUTE

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thed4rkhand · 3 years

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Kim Taehyung Nakshatra

Kim Taehyung and his Nakshatra analysis.

I got this really cool request about Kim Taehyung and him potentially being a Vishaka rising, and I really wanted to analyze it. So here is what I came up with, hope you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoyed poking about.

Let me make it clear right off the bat, that since I’m not a professional astrologer, some things may not match up, further since we’re not super sure of his birth time, it’ll definitely affect the reading. What I can be sure of is that I’ll do my best and I’m completely open to constructive criticism from you all!

Now lets get on with some basic stuff, for those who have not yet read the post with Namjoon’s moon analysis, I’ll again reiterate some principles of Vedic astrology! In the scenario that you’re still confused with all this jargon, feel free to reach out and I’ll be more than happy to help you out.

Starting out, we have to note that while western astrology is usually more advisory in nature, Vedic astrology’s main purpose is to predict. Also, we usually go a sign back from western astrology in Vedic astrology, so according to that for example, if you’re a libra rising, you become a virgo rising in Vedic astrology and so on and so forth. All planets will also shift back a sign, so a Capricorn Mercury will become a Sagittarius Mercury.

Since this is the first ‘only nakshatra analysis’ concerned posts on this blog, ill pre-explain some other facets of Nakshatras too. For those of you who don’t understand it still, you can refer to my post dedicated to explaining what nakshataras are through the master-list.

Now a person may display qualities other than that of their ascendant nakshatra, or moon or sun, because sometimes people have stellium or maybe an exalted planet or maybe a really strong planet in another Nakshatra, or maybe a lone planet in a certain Nakshatra is aspecting the lagna or even a stellium, that would all alter the degree to which the nakshatra would individually affect the person. So for this analysis, we will check the ascendant only, and other than that, we’ll check any aspects and lastly the nakshatra lord, and the dispositers.

So for this reading, we’ve taken the birth time as 4:15am on 30th December 1995, and birthplace is set to daegu, south korea (even if this isn’t where he’s born, rest assured since south korea is fairly small, it wont matter much).

Now on with the actual reading part-

So his ascendant is at 29’37 degrees in libra in the Nakshatra of Vishaka, within the third quadrant, where quadrant ruler is Mercury through Gemini. Vishaka’s ruler jupiter is in the third house, conjunct sun and mars in sagittarius, (i.e mooltrikon for jupiter). Jupiter itself sits in mula nakshatra and within the second quadrant of this.

Now onto the really cool stuff, since this stuff is being introduced for the first time, i’ll create a proper post explaining it, post it before this so you guys can check that out too. So keep cross checking it, otherwise i'll have to add it before each Nakshatra analysis.

His nakshatra here is vishaka, misra in nature, caste is mlechh, guna is sattwic, gana is rakshasa, purpose is dharma, deities are Indra and Agni, element is fire, gender is female, animal is tiger, Nadi is kappha and sign is libra.

So now getting on with the actual interpretation of the Vedic jargon above is here-

Firstly, lets get started with the main Nakshatra here, Vishaka. This falls between libra and scorpio, with the first 3 quadrants in libra and the last one in scorpio. Vishaka is represented by two forked branches, reprinting the constant inner battle inside the natives. They may appear very orthodox at times, very stubborn and fixed in their views and traditions, however such people are also extremely progressive and accepting. Due to this weird polarization, some natives have extreme trouble putting forth their views on many subjects here, and tend to observe others for a long time before making up their minds about something. Since the sign is inherently ruled by fire, such people are extremely intense and intimidating to others and love being in the spotlight while being surrounded by loved ones. However due to this intense nature and love for the spotlight, these people have a hard time maintaining friendships. Jupiter is their ruling planet, and you can see that influence in them, too. They are some of the most unconventionally intelligent people you will meet. Add to that their beliefs of spirituality and non-violence, and you’ve got the perfect person, however They are prone to addictions like drugs and alcohol, and they are also overly self-conscious. Instead of enjoying what they have, they will always concentrate on what they lack, therefore being called ‘the star of purpose’, for they’re always searching for a new purpose.

It is often believed that the lover of lord Krishna, Radha was born under this nakshatra. Thus it is believed, such natives have immense charm and beauty, while being innately pure within. They have people falling for them one after another, but once they find someone or something they like, they’ll remain devoted to it. Such people have a ‘Je ne sais quoi’ about them, one can’t very well point it out, but something so magnetic is present. They’re often said to be in direct connect with the divine (lord Krishna was after all a god), and are blessed by god for good fortune.

The native of this nakshatra might be interested in astrology and art.The natives of this nakshatra are good-natured and likes fair-judgement. They have a interest in religion and love the religious rituals too. They speak softly and due to which they easily impress others. They usually don’t speak harshly. Due to the effect of Jupiter they are always ready to learn and teach others. They are ambitious and don’t believe in following the societal rules. They work hard to achieve their ambitions and due to which they receive success also. The natives are wealthy, powerful and have an impressive nature and therefore people get easily impressed by them. The person is compassionate and confluence of ethics, rites and good qualities in the person. Due to the combination of all these qualities the native becomes financially sound also. The native believes in saving money due to which they never face financial crisis. They can influence others with their word. However on the flip side, They like showing off and are a bit arrogant by nature. Vishakha nakshatra is the nakshatra of Jupiter, that is why they have a mild behavior. But they are short tempered also. According to their behavior they are always ready to fight with others. (see how jin and tae, and vmin always fight, in-fact he was named as one of the members most likely to pick a fight)

Something I found very interesting is how Taehyung’s ascendant falls in the 3rd pada or quadrant of Vishaka, which corresponds to the sound ‘Te’ as in pronunciation wise ‘Tae’, and being named taehyung is thus extremely auspicious for him. This is rare among people unaware of Vedic traditions, and no wonder it has worked so well for his fortune and luck.

Now Jupiter through vishaka Rules Lower Abdomen, Bladder parts, kidneys, pancreatic glands, Genitals, Rectum, Prostate Gland, Descending colon. Thus the natives are prone to nose bleeding, renal stone, dropsy, rupture, prostate enlargement, fibroid tumor, urinary trouble.

Now he’s born under the third quadrant. These natives are light-hearted and curious. They enjoy learning and acquiring knowledge on diverse topics. However they may be afflicted by anxiety and often struggle with conflicting emotions regarding work and love, material and spiritual realms and so much more (remember that gemini is two faced, and vishaka itself is branched). Since it falls under gemini, such people are social butterflies, amicable, smart and communicative.Due to their warm and altruistic personality, they can easily make friends with others. Their diversity of personal interests also helps them to form friendships with a wide variety of people. Thus they have no issue maintaining an active and vibrant social life. They are extremely wise for their age and have a natural insight into the workings of the world and of human nature. They are truthful and devout, and are naturally-inclined toward spirituality. They bring energy and enthusiasm to whatever tasks they undertake.

Now we’ll brush over the nakshatra lord quickly, and then move back into really fun nakshatra stuff.

Jupiter as ruler of vishaka is in the 3rd house, conjunct sun and mars, with no aspects.The natives are good planners (3rd house is short distant journeys). Besides, they are highly curious and enjoy making connections with others. They feel happy to share ideas. They are able to see the larger picture and often turn to others for advice and suggestions. Also, they easily put the people at ease in social situations and have higher mental capabilities. They can become intuitive as Jupiter will expand their mental power, so they can even grasp new information quickly and comprehend things effortlessly. The placement of Jupiter in the 3rd house will also help the natives in education. The natives are likely to excel in writing and literary fields( his degree is in communications and broadcasting I believe). Since this is also the house of younger siblings, people have great relationships with their siblings here.Since the 3rd house is also a upachaya sthana (house of growth) the native will have good growth of career and wealth, and with its aspect on the 7th house, marital bliss is also guaranteed. Aspects on the 11th and 9th houses promise a powerful social circle, and gains through foreign land as well as fame.

However, despite all these great results from sitting in its mooltrikon, Jupiter is still afflicted by sun and mars. Such people with age (upachaya house moves with age) speak less and less because they think twice before they speak and choose their words very carefully. With this conjunction of 3 masculine friendly planets thus when together in a house, makes people highly influential. The native tends to enjoy a good financial and social status. This conjunction is often found in the horoscope of influential and high-ranking individuals such as politicians. When Sun, Mars and Jupiter are housed together in a horoscope, the native earns a lot of wealth, fame, and respect in life. Such people live a prosperous life for the most part and do not have to work hard to make it big, as they have unpaid karma they receive in this lifetime. Moreover, these natives tend to be very loyal and straightforward.

Now onto dissecting the nakshatra even more, let's get into the characteristics of vishaka.

Being of Misra nature, they are of an extremely fiery temperament, are actually prone to being pyromaniacs too. I have noticed that such people also have great metabolisms. They are quiet in large crowds, and prefer one to one conversations and are also extremely philanthropic. Great organizers, extremely interested in art and technology, and absolutely brilliant at getting rid of bad habits (fire purifies).

Vishakha is a monstrous nakshatra. People in this group are generally intuitive, strong-willed, and assertive. They may be prone to anger and violence. However Libra natives possess excellent taste and good judgement. They are friendly, learned, and dignified, but may be prone to arrogance as persons born under the star of Vishakha have a wide sphere of influence. For this reason, they do well in social and political arenas. It is said that that the natives under vishaka have vyapana shakti, or the power to “Achieve and Make Manifest, Power to Achieve many and various Fruits of Life” (remember how he always talks to his angels?)

Now he’s a mleccha caste, which according to Vedic traditions means an outsider or an outcaste (as these people did not follow societal rules, or fit into the Vedic practices as they were of foreign origin). This could honestly be why we talk about his 4D personality, because of the caste. He has an unconventional way of doing things and thinking, which don’t fit into the broader spectrum due to this. Also we can see that it follows the dharma nakshatra, so he is inherently concerned with principles, morals, duty and finding his life’s purpose. This can make his very spiritually inclined and intuitive, also very restless and prone to depression. Now coming to his dosa of kaphha, (the Water quality). This makes a native very philosophical, calm and patient, sometimes so much so that other’s perceive them as lazy, and simply ‘lucky’. With his sattwa qualities here, with Jupiter, a rajas planet, he can often has a duality between rajas qualities with fiery temperament and passion for everything and then an extremely calm and cool quality of sattwa, where one is not concerned about the consequences of their actions and are concerned with being in the moment.

The yoni of the nakshatra is a male tiger (tae tae?). This means the natives have attributes similar to those of tigers.Tigers are handsome and powerful people with an innate self-confidence and elegance. There's a sense of immediacy and an aura of electricity that surrounds it, and when it walks into a room, it feels like something is about to happen. Once a tiger has found its groove, it will focus on its goal with a brightly burning intensity. In social situations, the tiger is an excellent host and there is no such thing as a casual party in its home. Guests can always expect a memorable occasion with an extravagance of food and drink, and yet, there is a distinct coldness to its den. Having sacrificed comfort for style, the tiger outfits its house with austere and modern furniture, and comfortably worn easy chairs are replaced every few years.But their emotional detachment should not be confused with a desire to avoid tenderness; for intimacy is the tiger's greatest sensual tool. Offering its lover some deeply held secrets adds another dimension to both platonic and romantic relationships for a tiger. They are fiercely independent and always on the move, so it can be quite hard to discern such people.

And lastly coming to the deities of the nakshatra, the two deities, Indra (Lord of Lightning) and Agni (Lord of Fire), are known to rule this nakshatra. Hence, Vishakha witnesses the relay of characteristics of both of these ruling deities. Since both of these deities exhibit some characteristics which are not in accordance with the other, Vishakha becomes a mixture of different kinds of characteristics. Lightening tends to have similar impact with the forcefulness of the light, and the destructive power to do what it sets out to do. The energy of Agni however, is more cleansing. Agni is the God which takes our oblations offered to the Gods to them. It is the energy that gives us the opportunity to cook food and nourish ourselves. It creates ashes from all that is offered making it pure and able to clean any impurities. The natives can have a lot to do with justice, social righteousness and causes. There could be a lot of intensity here especially to do the right thing and a lot of righteous principle because of these two deities.

Finally, a shortened version of Vedic tradition story associated with the nakshatra-

Indra, according to Vedic Mythology, is known to be very goal-oriented, and who is often insecure about losing his throne to someone else. In an attempt to keep his throne intact he commits many deeds that can be bad karmas according to Vedic Astrology. For example, Indra once tried to kill the pregnant wife of demon Hiranyakshipu in order to stop him from worshipping Lord Brahma and getting great powers as a result of his worship. Indra feared that Hiranyakshipu will gain powers and then attack the heavens and remove him from his throne and in order to save his throne he tried to disturb the worship of Hiranyakshipu by every possible means. Though he did not succeed due to the intervention of DevRishi (Sage) Naarad who was able to influence the higher Gods to stop Indra from committing such a heinous deed. This goal oriented nature of Indra is relayed through Vishakha and accordingly the natives under the strong influence of this nakshatra are very fixated on their goals and they are always in a danger of engaging in bad karmas in order to achieve their goals.

Indra is also known for his deep interests in drinking, women and enjoying other pleasures and these qualities of Indra are also relayed through this nakshatra and accordingly the natives under the strong influence of this nakshatra are likely to be fond of materialistic pleasures of all kinds. Agni on the other hand is seen as the ruling deity of Fire according to Vedic mythology and he is portrayed as the one with a good character. The influence of Agni on Vishakha brings sufficient energy to this nakshatra which can help the natives achieve their goals.

An incident is quoted in Vedic mythology where a demon prayed to god Agni to protect him and then after assurance from Agni, he started worshipping lord Brahma for gaining powers. Indra, seeing it as a threat to his power came to kill the demon but Agni who had promised the demon to save him, came in the way and fought Indra and prevented him from killing the demon. It should be noted that Agni fought with Indra in order to practice the right deeds despite the fact that Indra was his king. So the influence of Agni on this nakshatra brings positive qualities of Agni and how a particular native under the influence of Vishakha will behave is very much dependent on which of these two ruling deities is controlling Vishakha in his horoscope.

Anyway, this was my analysis of the nakshatra, hope you guys enjoyed it! Let me know about other stuff too, and ill be more than happy to help!

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nepenthendline · 4 years

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S/O that self-harms and has an eating disorder - Tsukishima, Tendou and Sugawara

TRIGGER WARNING AHEAD: SELF HARM AND EATING DISORDERS

I’m dumb and accidentally posted this half done so thats why the requests are in screenshots

I’ve added these two requests together as they’re about the same topic. Firstly I just wanted to let anon though that I’m absolutely fine writing about these topics so you don’t need to worry! I will, however, make it extremely clear on these posts about the trigger warnings and I won’t go into intense detail so that it’s more accessible, I hope that’s ok! And thank you for your lovely words! 🥰🥰 I have added trigger warning tags for those who need to blacklist this, but please please let me know if you need me to add any others

I know there are so many people who are struggling with these issues, especially at the moment with covid, I’ve been there too and I’m still dealing with these things myself so I want you to know that if you need to talk to someone, or you’d like an emergency request, then my askbox and messages are always open. You are not alone, you are not ‘strange’ for dealing with these things, and I promise you things will get better, I’m already proud of any progress you have made and you should be too. It’s ok to have worse days and to fall back into negative spaces, you’re human!

Also, these will be following my own mental health hcs of these guys that I’ve already posted so check that out first!

Tsukishima:

Tsukishima is the one who understands this the most

he’s been there, he’s struggled with those things and he is still fighting

if you didn’t tell him upfront about your struggles, he would have easily found out by himself quite quickly

since he has been through it himself, he knows the warning signs to look out for, so when you start covering your arms more often even with the hotter weather, or make a passing comment that you aren’t hungry at meal times, he knows it’s his time to step up as a support system

he isn’t going to be particularly forward about it, he’s not the type to come up to you out of the blue and ask questions because he knows some of them can’t be answered, so he takes things into his own hands

he spends more quiet time with you, just the two of you cuddling in your bed as he brushes his fingers over your body

while it may seem like a usual calming display of affection, he is really searching your body for any marks or wounds that are new

he tries to coax your feelings and worries out of you, telling you that you can trust him and that he isn’t going to run away

he knows that he can’t expect you to open up without him doing so either, so he lays himself out for you

he tells you what he has been through, he shows you the scars on his body, he lets you into his heart and his head so that you know you aren’t alone

once you both spill your stories, you don’t talk about it much after that, you both know what is going on so it’s just a matter of taking care of each other

regarding food, he isn’t going to force you to eat huge meals, because he has a small appetite even when he’s eating perfectly fine

but he is going to try and get you eating little amounts consistently throughout the day

you don’t want to eat a full meal? that’s fine, but he is going to be passing you little snacks every few hours so that you at least have some fuel in your body

he’s a smart guy, he knows how the body functions at its best and he will do his best to teach you too in hopes that knowing what your body needs and how it reacts to certain situations will aid you to treat it better

he’s not going to wrap you up in bubblewrap and shield you from the world either, but he will do his best to make sure that there isn’t anything you can easily hurt yourself with in your reach

he’ll put sharp objects on the top shelves, saying it’s just to piss you off about your height

he also always keeps a first aid kit on him in case of emergencies, something he has gotten into the habit of over the last few years

he’s not going to sit there and tell you everything is going to be perfect or to just ‘get over it’, it’s going to be a long process with both of you learning and fluctuating every day, but you’ll both get there eventually

Tendou:

Tendou is extremely attentive, he knows exactly when your mood has changed or if something is wrong

he’ll leave it for a little while to see if you’ll come to him yourself, but if you don’t, then he’ll start asking questions

they start off as simple, casual questions to check up on you, like ‘how are you feeling today?’, ‘how was your day today?’, before they go into specifics if he feels like you aren’t being honest with him

he’s the type of guy that makes ‘jokes’ about his depression, even going as far as joking about suicide or self-harm, and when he notices you flinch ever so slightly at his words, he knew what was going on

he brings it up one day as if talking about the weather while reading manga together

“you’ve been hurting your own body, haven’t you?”

he tries to keep the conversations a light-hearted as possible, saying how you are now ‘scar buddies’ as he lifts up his shorts to show you his thighs

he understands that what he says isn’t really going to do much, but he’s still going to shower you with compliments and affection in the hopes that it brightens your mood and distracts you even a little

distraction is his main way of helping you - if he can keep you busy then there’s less chance of you hurting yourself in his eyes

he’s going to call you over or turn up to your room unannounced with a book in hand to read together, or invite you to cuddle with him as you have an anime binge session, he also wants to make sure you’re getting outside enough so walks to get ice-cream and sit in the park happen frequently

he knows he can’t ‘cure’ you or actually make things better, so he mentions about seeing a therapist if you aren’t already and he will support you every step of the journey if you do decide to seek help

like Tsukishima, he also has a smaller appetite in general so he doesn’t expect you to eat tons

he uses prompts often to try and get you to eat more, such as “babyyyy I’m hungry, let’s go down to the cafeteria together and get some food ok?” or “I bought this jumbo pack of ramen but I can’t eat it all myself, come give me a hand?”

he likes getting you sweet treats too, they often make him feel a little perkier so he hopes they will for you as well

he isn’t going to give them any details, but he will ask his team to keep an eye on you if he isn’t around

he likes to use rating systems with you to determined how you’re doing in the day, whether that be on a scale of 1-10, or texting him a particular emoji that signals if you’re having a bad day

he will never get mad or annoyed at you if you relapse, he understands its a journey that will have it’s ups and downs, but he always reminds you of how far you’ve come and how proud he is

Sugawara:

out of these three boys, Sugawara is the one who understands this the least

he’s never dealt with this issues himself, and he has never been around those who have besides those who struggle with anxiety

even though he can’t empathise, he is naturally an extremely caring person so he wants to do his best to understand

he reads up on self-harm and eating disorders to learn about how they originate, how to notice warning signs and what he can do to help you best

he comes to you a lot as well, asking if there is anything he should know or that he can do for you

while he may not notice these issues themselves straight away, he is always checking up on you in general so he can tell if there is something a little off

it breaks his heart to know that you intentionally harm yourself and it takes him a little while to wrap his head around it

he knows he can’t do much to help the issues you face directly, so he makes sure you are keeping up with more general self-care, such as showering, getting some little exercise everyday, indulging in your hobbies and talking to him and other friends

if you need to rely on him for a little while you’re trying to get back on your feet then that’s fine with him, he is more than happy to remind you to do things to take care of yourself and help you do them too

Sugawara is the most forward when it comes to you getting help from a doctor or therapist

he has a couple serious talks with you about how you need to find a method of battling this, whether that be therapy or medication

as much as he wants to be, he can’t take this away from you

he starts stocking his bag with emergency items too, things like bandages, healing ointment or any safe foods that you can eat

to help your eating, he does his best to make food become part of your regular routine in hopes that it will make eating become more familiar and less daunting

this means regular meal times and creating lists of safe foods with you that you feel you can eat better than others

he will do his best to make sure all your meals have the right nutrients for your body and also recommend you take vitamin supplements daily in case you have a bad eating day and cannot get them through your food

it frustrates him that he can’t do more for you, or that he can’t understand exactly how you feel, but he never shows you that

he will always have his arms open for you if you need support and he will never ever blame you for the struggles you deal with, he reminds you constantly that there will be better days and he is going to be with you through all of them

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tiecladartist · 3 years

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Okay, spoilers beneath the cut because I have some issues with Rise of the Titans.

Tales of Arcadia is one of my favorite series ever. It handled the "Kid is the chosen one" situation brilliantly, every character had depth (even characters like Steve, Eli, the teachers, etc). Theme was expertly handled with each part of the series. Destiny, heroism and sacrifice for Trollhunters; Family, duty and home for 3-Below; Legacy, prejudice and family (again) for Wizards. Every season brought me to tears, made me laugh, made me fear for the safety of the characters and want good things for them after watching them sacrifice over and over again. It is a comfort show for me and always will be.

Now, the movie...

So, I don't think it was bad. I also don't think it was good, unfortunately. The animation took a bit of getting used to after bingeing everything else leading up to this, but I can't deny it was incredibly beautiful. It was especially nice to see places other than Arcadia and Akiridion-5. It started off strong with the train fight, and admittedly there were a lot of scenes I quite liked during the movie. But, just the scenes. I liked moments, but overall it didn't come together quite as well as the shows did.

The biggest factor is likely time. I doubt making this a movie was the initial plan since I know production companies enjoy snubbing out strong series for various reasons. Honestly, I was surprised we got an "ending" at all based on the trends of recent shows being forced to wrap things up prematurely. Even Wizards felt rushed compared to the others and as a result a lot of interesting concepts were brushed over quickly. I mean, I for one would've loved to see more Camelot "filler" shenanigans since those less plot-heavy episodes that we had throughout Trollhunters and 3-Below helped us explore the characters and grow to love them, and we didn't get quite as much of that with Douxie, Archie, Lancelot, Charlemagne, etc. But I digress, this post is supposed to be about the movie, not Wizards.

So yeah, I think Rise of the Titans should've been a show rather than a movie. We could have more time before Nari is captured, focusing on the "where are they now" of all the characters after the year we skipped. Jim gets to cook and eat human food after losing that passion when becoming a troll, adjusting to being human again! Maybe him and Toby talk about Barbara and Stickler being together and how it's kinda weird (Toby could compare it to having conflicting feelings over his Nana dating an alien). Krel and Aja have a call about how it is being the Queen and Steve interrupts because he misses Aja. Perhaps we hear Eli in the background doing something related to the "Secret weapon" and the call gets cut off quickly because this leads to a small disaster on Aja's end that she needs to go fix. Claire is practicing her magic with the help of Zoe while Douxie is off with Nari. NARI AND DOUXIE INTERACT WITH EACHOTHER AND WE ACTUALLY GET TO SEE IT! (Like, I know that they were travelling together for a year and that that is why Douxie is sad when Nari dies, but it didn't impact at all outside of empathy because there was no emotional investment on my end towards their friendship). But yeah, we get to see what's going on with everyone, and then perhaps this first episode ends with the reveal of them being ready for a plan of sorts (luring the arcane order and cutting off their magic. That wouldn't be revealed though). Cut to the Arcane Order in their super secret clubhouse saying they're close to finding Nari and you get a decent cliffhanger.

Episode 2 would start with the train fight and go fairly the same way. We see Jim struggling with fighting with no armor. Or perhaps he has akiridion armor, but it's too rigid or keeps malfunctioning (doesn't fit, so to speak). Only difference is that Jim's arc wouldn't be about whether or not he's still the trollhunter, because we've been through that already and he knows. I could get having moments of doubt, but his full on denial was kinda out of place after everything he went through. Instead, it could be that he feels useless due to now being a burden in a fight. Or perhaps instead he's wrestling with guilt. He's blaming himself since the arcane order got the seals due to them trying to rescue him. Maybe both? Maybe he even misses his troll body and feels that he's too weak now. Yes, he's still the trollhunter, amulet or not, but he's feeling less and less capable of answering this particular call, and that bothers him. He doesn't want to be a burden after all. Fight ends with the train crash, arrest, Douxie swapping with Nari, all the same.

Now, this is where things would go very very differently. Have more time before Douxie and Nari switch back. Let the Arcane order monologue a little more. They want to reset the world because the balance has been shifted? Cool! Tell me more! Did they used to try to get along with the humans? Did they try diplomacy in the past only to fail due to the stubborn humans, and that's why they've decided to take drastic measures? Or if not, explore why they believe they're the ones allowed to decide the balance is off. Is it because they're powerful? Or how long they've been on Earth? Did they reset it in the past and thus know through experience? I don't mind not knowing, since not everything needs to be spelled out for the audience, but there was potential to make them characters rather than obstacles, and it wasn't really utilized to its full potential. Allow Douxie to pick their brains a little instead of immediately swapping him and Nari back and only succeeding in delaying things a few more hours. Hell, if it was a TV show I honestly would've had one or two episodes before doing that while we address how that initial failure (and the fact that magical creatures/aliens were revealed to the world) affected everyone.

Maybe I'll go through and like, actually plot out episodes and stuff, but since I only just finished watching, here's just some various things I'd change:

-Get rid of that whole Steve pregnancy. That was just out of place and rather than the "comedy" breaking the tension, it shattered it completely and distracted from everything. If you wanna explore his father-based character arc, maybe have him and Aja discussing the fact that now that she's queen, she'll need heirs. And maybe Steve isn't sure he could be a good dad due to his history with paternal figures. You could even have it that he's taking care of Nari while her and Douxie are switched, and that leads to a situation where he helps her out and realizes he may be a better dad than expected. Or perhaps Blinky gives him paternal advice. Or Strickler. Or even BARBARA AND JIM like, Steve couldn't be worse than Jim's dad, and letting Steve and Jim bond over that would be nice. There was so much potential, but instead, Steve was reduced to an out of place running gag instead of getting a resolution to his character arc. And hey, if you wanna keep the whole male akiridions give birth thing that's cool, but it's gotta be done in moments where it won't distract. Or, you could even have it be that it means Aja and Steve need to adopt because uh... she's inorganic and he's organic? His body likely isn't actually built for akiridion childbirth despite the movie glossing over this fact? And maybe Steve has mixed feelings about someone else being the dad of his kids, but Coach and him talk about how Coach isn't his biological dad, but that doesn't mean he loves Steve any less.

-GIVE DOUXIE MORE SCREEN TIME! Seriously, had this been a show he would have the most potential for character growth out of everyone. His series was the shortest, so really all he got was a confidence boost and moving past needing Merlin's approval. But there was so much to explore with him still. What was up with that extreme burst of magic after Merlin's death that was never brought up again? How has he been mentally handling singlehandedly guarding Nari against the Arcane order for a year? Once he and Nari switch back, does he feel guilt over not being able to protect her? "Merlin wouldn't have failed like that. He kept her safe for thousands of years, I lasted a little over one". Perhaps, in his constant desire to prove himself to the people he cares about, he takes risky moves to try and save Nari again and make up for his mistakes, similar to how Jim was acting in the movie. Eventually, when he and Nari meet up again when trying to break her controlled state, Douxie is apologizing and talking about how he wants to make things right. He sees Nari as a friend; as family, just as much as Archie, and he doesn't want to lose her like he lost Merlin. He doesn't want to lose anyone else (which would make Archie getting stuck in the other Trollmarket, and Nari's sacrifice even more painful later on if that still happened).

-Krel, Eli and Stewart also needed more time. I get it was a movie, so time was short, but still. Krel's entire thing is that he grew to see Earth as his true home, and we didn't get to address the fact that he was immediately at risk of losing it at all. Not to mention the sheer amount of stuff he'd built for everyone. Like, could you imagine an episode where, to break up the tension (in a proper way, not a weird pregnancy way), in the midst of everyone trying to figure out how to stop the titans, Krel has overworked himself fixing and managing everyone's tech. He has to spend a day resting and disasters ensue as no one knows how to fix any of the stuff he usually manages. Like the tech keeping Camelot afloat, for example. Stewart and Eli could be the ones that end up stepping up to fill the Krel sized gap for the day.

-And I know that these fillers would lower the tension a bit, but like, having the titans need to charge up after awakening (like, absorbing elemental energy or something), or perhaps making the Arcane Order have to collect certain things to break the seals in the first place that they had on their fortress but lost when that was destroyed , or any other kinda obstacle to give time between the train fight and the Titans waking up would give time for less plot-heavy, more character focused episodes. And even after the titans wake up, they were moving super slowly and walking across the planet. It's not like they'd be short on time despite the movie making it seem like walking from china to america was a short jog at most.

-Don't give Toby the amulet. Don't get me wrong, I love Toby very much and literally bawled out loud at his sacrifice scene. But like, it made no sense to give him the amulet? Jim doing everything again with years of Trollhunter experience would help solve a lot of problems from his first go around (and I'm not fully on board with the whole time reset in the first place. Resetting to the start of the movie, or even just the fight with Bellroc would be better). Jim knows the burdens of being a trollhunter first hand, and you really think he'd be okay dumping all that on Tobes? Toby, the guy completely content with being the wingman and helping the people he cares about. Toby, the guy who never worried about not having a grand destiny up until the movie. The guy who in his biggest dreams was a Duke, not a king. I think Toby was well aware of how important moral support is and wouldn't see it as a lame superpower. But even if he did, in a tv show they could explore that in a way where he comes to learn just how much that moral support does for his friends. And if you still want his moment of glorious sacrifice (because I count that as one of the well done moments), then do that! But rather than going back in time to save everyone, make it so they sacrifice the stone to turn back time a bit. Risk their victory to try saving Toby. Have them fight Bellroc together instead of it being just Jim, because it's trollhunters, not trollhunter. It always has been, always will.

-And if you're like "But if they don't go back then Strickler and Nomura stay dead!" Then how about they don't kill them for shock factor in the first place? Have Strickler badly injured instead, because by god Barbara deserves some happiness. And think of the potential scene of her treating his wounds, and the two of them think about how things have changed since that visit to trollmarket when they were both hurt. About how Strickler stuck around, and when Barbara thought she'd lost him it scared her. How she's sick of almost losing everyone she cares about. She could talk a bit about Jim's dad then too, and it could be revealed that Jim was outside because he was going to check on them, but stopped when he realized they were talking. And then later on, he asks about his dad, admitting he overheard, and we get that conversation they had in the movie. And if you keep the Nomura sacrifice, give her more of a moment ffs. Like, she deserved better! Have the death be a sacrifice to save someone else instead of just "oops I got caught and I'm in the sun now". Make it deliberate. Make it her decision after a life of serving others. Finally, she got to be the one in control of her fate, and she chose to protect the people she cared about.

There's so much more I could say about this and the potential that was killed by the lack of time, but this is getting long and I should probably try actually doing the work I need to do today.

Edit (Because this just popped in my head and I need to add it).

THEY WERE LITERALLY AROUND THE ROUND TABLE! THE NINTH CONFIGURATION (which like, screw that there are more than 9 heroes here to save the day) WERE THE NEW KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE. They were there to protect the world, and like... did the bond between Lancelot and Steve just not exist anymore? Did that get timeline erased too? Could you imagine Steve fighting to protect the world, doing his best to protect the people he cared about so that he never loses someone like he lost Lance again? He gets to keep his promise to carry on the legacy of the Knights even after they died. THE POTENTIAL WAS THERE!!! THE SET UP WAS THERE!!! BUT NO! WE GET MPREG STEVE INSTEAD!!

#tales of arcadia #trollhunters #3-below #wizards #toa #toa trollhunters #toa 3below #toa wizards #rise of the titans #toa rise of the titans #rise of the titans spoilers

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twistedapple · 4 years

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On Pomefiore

[Note: Tumblr being Tumblr, I’ll put the links and due credits in a reblog; also, partially under the cut because it’s a bit long]

This post is something that has been brewing for a while now – my more observant followers will know when it started based on a certain tag. To preface this write up, I’d like to precise that I have been motivated in working on it because of the way Pomefiore was being received when I joined the fandom. Since then it has been followed by certain beliefs that – while being qualified as headcanons, which is perfectly fair and fine in itself – tend to be treated as actual gospel. It’s not a thing specific to the Twst fandom mind you, it happens in most fandoms – heck I still keep an eye on the KHR fandom and there are still people regularly making posts about mischaracterisation, and that fandom has been around for at least ten years. So I’m not here to preach, but to clarify a few things regarding what Pomefiore represents as a dorm, as well as provide a comprehensive commentary on its associated characters.

First belief: Pomefiore is the shallow dorm of pretty people.

But is it? The very first thing we learn about Pomefiore is that it’s the dorm of Hard Workers and other Overachievers, right in the prologue. This dorm is presented as built on the hard work of the Fair Queen, and she’s regularly taken as an example of how one should conduct oneself – especially by Vil, who expresses a lot of admiration and respect in his lesson chats, and clearly treats her as a model to follow in order to reach perfection.

Now you may think “but Crow, the very first thing we learn about the students is that they look impeccable and polish their appearance”. And you would be right; it is indeed how the students of that dorm are presented. However, let me expand a bit on this thought by making something clear: there’s what the dorm is defined as, and then there’s the path each dorm leader decides to follow. To give a few examples, we see Riddle follow the rules of the Queen of Heart to the letter, and dole out punishment whenever these rules are broken – to the point it impedes the students, who can’t use their magic in an environment where it is required. We see Leona applying the Might is Right type of thinking, which leads to Savanaclaw students being often depicted as bullies (and let’s not talk about the Magift tournament...). Azul, under the pretence of benevolence, is actually ruthless in the way he binds people to his contracts – it’s also shown that the Leech brothers act as his enforcers, either by forcing people into deals (during exam periods, as shown at the start of Episode 3) or by reclaiming the due payment of the contract in more or less pleasant ways (Jade being the local master manipulator, while Floyd canonically states that he finds the breaking of bones a more efficient method). Are you seeing where this is going? As a dorm leader, Vil applies his own views on his fellow Pomefiore students; his views happen to include appearances because he aims to be perfect in every way and has a professional background that justifies it. Is it fair to go as far as he is going when it comes to pressuring other students? Of course it isn’t, it’s the whole point of showing him slapping Epel for what he deems an inappropriate behaviour (see Epel’s Ceremonial Card). It sets the conflict of the dorm – and I personally dig how this major narrative bit is hidden in a story... Which brings us to the other point, the meta aspect of Pomefiore. It’s based on Snow White, a story that relies heavily... On appearances. Now let me ask you: is it really surprising to have a dorm based on such story have a focus on appearances as well? And we even get to see different aspects of it: Vil focuses on the tiniest details to be as polished as possible, Rook has a deep love for change and fleeting moments, Epel can turn something nobody wants into something highly desirable (carving damaged apples to sell them better). Pomefiore is the dorm of transformations – both literal and metaphorical -, a fascinating concept in my opinion and a brilliant idea for a solid narrative arc.

Second belief: Vil is a horrible, narcissistic person, but he will also play dress-up/makeup

Let’s sit for a second there, because there are many things to unpack. Now, what do we know about the fairest of all dorm leaders? Well, quite a lot, for someone who has yet to properly appear in the main story! The very first thing we learn about him is that he has a whooping 5 million followers on Magicam – which is massive and not a number you reach while sitting on your hands and waiting for something to happen. This is such an impressive number that we even get to see various reactions to it, from being very impressed to trying to use that fame for personal purposes. Through reading the stories in which he appears, we get to learn some interesting things about Vil: generally speaking, he fits perfectly the image of the consummate professional. In Jade’s SSR story, we get a solid peek into his life and the man has a busy schedule. He juggles daily with his duties as a student, a dorm leader, an influencer and a professional model – these things take time and he manages to go from one duty to the other with both the ease of someone who’s used to it and the precise organisation of someone with a solid head on his shoulders as well as an incredibly strong work ethic and drive. Speaking from personal experience with the modelling part and an informed opinion on the influencer part, these two fields alone aren’t easy to handle at all. Being an influencer can be very cutthroat (as a certain beauty community has been demonstrating since last year...), and being a professional model requires a lot of drive and dedication, as well as major self-care in regard to both your body and your mental health, because those are the tools of your trade as a model. In consequence, Vil as a dorm leader focuses on appearances as a result of heavy intellectual work to honour the Fair Queen he so highly respects (he says so in his voicelines: “True beauty is determined by strong intellect. You can always doctor your looks, but your true colors will still shine through right away.”), but Vil as a person is also extremely focused on his appearance because he’s doing his job. It’s not narcissism, it’s professionalism. And with his Ceremonial Robes story, we even get to learn that he was ostracised in his hometown for being a performer, yet he kept going and working to reach his goals. For someone who’s only 18 years old, this is an exceptional display of drive, discipline and maturity.

Vil has the highest standards for himself, but because he comes from pretty damn far, he also expects other people to be capable of showing the same degree of determination to achieve their goals. He expresses that in various ways, from being openly displeased with Leona’s general negligence (with Ruggie doing all the work in the background – see Leona’s school uniform story and Ruggie’s lab coat story), to being unimpressed by the new Pomefiore students and getting ready to whip them in a shape he’ll deem desirable as soon as he lays his eyes on them. He’s also highly critical of people going for the easy way out: in his school uniform story, he not only criticises Cater for trying to use him for his own five seconds of fame by buttering him up, but he also emphasises the fact that his services aren’t free. Emphasis on that: Vil isn’t a charity. He isn’t the sort of person with whom you’ll mutually brush your hair while sharing smoothie recipes. Rook is more likely to be the one up to that sort of thing, because Rook is nice and a good senior (see: Rook’s ceremonial robes story). Vil, on the other hand, encourages a lot to try and learn on your own, to use your own head in order to create your own brand (see his lab coat voicelines). He’ll be more enclined to help only after you started doing a part of the job independently and showed you can think and act for yourself. And even then, he’ll likely kick your ass to push you to keep up, because behind all the sparkles and lustre Vil is very much depicted as an overbearing Drill Sergeant. Like I pointed out earlier, it’s heavily hinted that he didn’t get where he is by waiting for good fortune to come by. He works for his success daily and expects other people to do the same. Does it seem like a rather unfair treatment? Sure, but at the same time it provides a great learning opportunity for those willing to put up with it, and Vil offers it in a surprisingly selfless manner: there is an open concern about the way people present themselves, and how they can do it to be their best self at all time.

Interestingly, it creates a peculiar dynamic with his vice dorm leader, Rook. There’s a constant sway between them, with Vil bluntly telling him he can be easily replaced if he fails in his duties, while still relying on him more than Rook relies on him in return – in fact, Rook pretty much follows his own path, and Vil happens to be a very nice view along that path so Rook decided to stop and hang out for a bit, but he still checks his surroundings for other nice views. So while Rook puts up with Vil’s tight requirements (see Rook’s ceremonial robes story, where Floyd cleverly observes that he doesn’t seem that fond of the perfume Vil created for him and forces him to wear during ceremonies), he’s also the one taking actual charge of the new students (see when he checks on Epel in his ceremonial robes story, or when he offers his support during the Ghost Marriage event) and trying to smooth things out when Vil is being too rough (see Vil’s ceremonial robes story). Interestingly, it leads to a communication issue between these two, fueled by what looks very much like a unilateral dependant relationship on Vil’s part, no matter how much he denies it. He rejects Rook through threats of replacing him, yet fully trusts his eyes and sincerity, yet this very sincerity is the reason why Vil doesn’t fully open up to Rook (see Vil’s lab coat story, he goes to Trey to vent about Rook’s lack of consideration) and uses a Harsh Commanding Queen attitude to hide his own insecurities from the eyes of the person who can see them best. It’s likely not helped by the fact that Vil is aware that he needs Rook more than Rook needs him – it’s obvious when reading the latter’s profile: Rook likes his privacy, and while he keeps putting his nose in other people’s business (not out of malice, but genuine curiosity), he’s notoriously deemed annoying by characters like Leona and Malleus because of his overly curious yet inconsiderate nature. There’s a selfishness in Rook which protects him from getting fully controlled by Vil, I’ll repeat myself here but I’d rather insist on that: Rook willingly decided to follow Vil, it means he has the power to refuse him as well (which is very much like... Oh, the Huntsman in Snow White – though in his case specifically, there’s also variations in which his family is held hostage and all, while Rook makes his own decisions).

This entire situation is heavily fueled by Vil’s need for control. As aforementioned, he focuses on the tiniest details and holds complete control over everything that makes his life what it is: from the type of makeup he picks to every single component used in the meals he prepares himself, Vil has a clear need for full control, and it’s reflected in the way he interacts with other students, as well as in the way he handles even his club activities. Vil isn’t just a model, influencer and even actor, in the film study club he works as a director and in one of his stories (lab coat), he’s even shown to create the special effects himself, because only he can provide for his own desires in the most exact fashion. This is where his little “I can replace you easily” becomes funny, because it translates his need for control without really holding since Rook is the one with the most agency in the relationship. In comparison, in Silver’s PE uniform story, Silver is treated like a pawn and Vil even berates Malleus in front of him because Silver dares deny him (how dare he have his own agency instead of being a nice prop who should feel honoured to be selected). Interestingly, Silver also compares Vil’s way of doing things to something martial. AhemDrillSergeantVilahem. In this story, the interesting point is that things finally start working well when Vil stops considering his own vision and decides to look beyond it a bit: taking Silver’s actual abilities into consideration, he finally has a scene that works. It works because he loosened the control a bit – while Silver went along with it but remained vocal the whole time about where his own skills lie.

While the relationship between Vil and Rook, as well as Vil and the rest of the Pomefiore dorm, have been holding through a quietly tense status quo, there is one pebble - dare I say, one potato - who is more than willing to challenge the whole situation through open defiance and a strong will: Epel. He has been set by the narration to be the catalyst to an incoming breaking point, because he wants to live his life to the beat of his own drum, yet remains a teen still in need of a journey of self-discovery. It’s illustrated in how he misunderstands the point of Pomefiore by only looking at the surface - something Vil reproaches, which is why he even talks about his need for more self-awareness in the lesson chats. Of course, Vil uses his own language (beauty) to get his point across, but the underlying point is that Epel has yet to reach a certain degree of self-realisation - such as the fact he is free to try and work hard to become beefier (Vil wouldn’t object as long as he puts in the necessary efforts), or that he is a good fit in Pomefiore because he has the drive to reach his goals and gives himself the means to do so (high awareness, anyone?). Basically, he’s the example of Vil’s communication issues: Vil’s martial nature tends to drown the actual meaning of his motivational speeches. Paradoxically, when dealing with someone like Epel, it actually fuels the teen through spite, which is both comical and quite impressive given Epel’s results (reminder of his own lab coat story, in which he manages to impress Crewel, a man made from the same fabric as Vil, with his formidable results through hard work). However, this form of motivation isn’t healthy, and just like with Rook, a good, long talk is needed to create a better understanding - instead of forcing his Tyranny of Beauty on others.

Bonus point, because I really want to address it

For some time now, I’ve been vocal about my personal feelings regarding the reception of Pomefiore and its characters. While it became more positive since June, it still tends to miss the point for a reason I’d like to address: the Not Like The Other Girls mentality and how it specifically affects the way Vil and his own femininity are perceived.

While I am not invalidating this thinking as part of a larger growth process, I think it has been unfairly used against Pomefiore. In a way, it’s very much the way Epel reacts: it’s just a Pretty People Dorm led by an Annoying Pretty Boy, and Savanaclaw is cooler. However, this is not only superficial, it puts a judgement of value that means that one has to be put down for the other to shine. In other words, Vil as a character is undervalued because his way of life - which matches traditionally feminine occupations, hell he’s even using a feminine pronoun - has been associated with vanity, narcissism, and superficiality by the fandom. To get my point across, let me provide you with quotes from some of our most brilliant minds:

“Woman wants to be independent […] this is one of the worst developments in the general uglification of Europe. Woman has so much reason for shame; in woman there is concealed so much superficiality, petty presumption and petty immodesty – one needs only to study her behaviour with children!” - Nietzsche

“What is truth to a woman? From the very first nothing has been more alien, repugnant, inimical to woman than truth - her great art is the lie, her supreme concern is appearance and beauty” - Nietzsche (again)

“A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.” - Oscar Wilde

“All the pursuits of men are the pursuits of women also, but in all of them a woman is inferior to a man.” - Plato

“As regards the sexes, the male is by nature superior and the female inferior, the male ruler and the female subject” - Aristotle

Do you see where I’m going with that? Because he has an occupation focused on appearance, something historically associated with women, Vil should be… Less? Should be negative? Even though he is quite vocal about it being a mere result of a much deeper work on himself, throughout his voicelines, lesson chats and personal stories? It’s not vanity, it’s not narcissism. It’s Vil expressing himself through the age old art forms of fashion, skincare and makeup. How, and why it being focused on something external should be less? It’s especially obvious when you stop and consider Vil’s own testimony: he has been ostracized by his own community for being a performer. His appearance is as much a mask as it is a proof of everything that preceded it – him saving himself with his own means and work. It’s both a protection and a result that he proudly brandishes – and he absolutely can afford the arrogance to do so, considering his achievements at such a young age (reminder, again, that he’s 18 years old, despite being very disillusioned with life already). Why should it be less that? Vil’s inclination towards appearances is both his truth and his fiction, that’s what the narrative tells us - and there’s nothing bad about that.

I guess I’m especially tired of this point because I’ve had to deal with that thinking pattern myself irl, for evolving in similar fields/similar hobbies, and it’s frustrating to see that sort of close mindedness. It’s infuriating. So, that’s a more personal aspect of my rant... But here we are.

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst #pomefiore #vil schoenheit #rook hunt #epel felmier #now that pomefiore is deemed a fashionable dorm by the fandom lol

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wolfstar-supremacy-innit · 3 years

Text

"Tell who?"- Part 3

Remus smiled into his pillow. Why’s he so cute? He felt something rustle under his stomach. Reaching under himself, he pulled out a wrinkled piece of parchment. His resolutions list. Remus flipped onto his back and squinted at the letters. Warmth was pooling in his chest. Something is missing here. He patted the bed in search for his quill and ink, then wrote:

5. Fuck this I wanna tell him I love him

The paper slipped to the floor as Remus’ arms gave out and he drifted into an instantaneous, profound sleep.

Alternatively:

The Marauders are in their 6th year at Hogwarts, it's New Year's Eve and Remus writes a New Year's resolutions list. Sirius finds it the next day. The story is written from Remus' point of view. It's wolfstar and lighthearted. Kinda inspired by this fanfic.

This is part 3 of the story. I will be posting the other parts separately here and also the full fic on ao3 (I will link everything when it's done, check this post for that in some time). Warnings: underage drinking and smoking, mentions of anxiety disorder.

Part 1 Part 2

Enjoy <3

I’m such an idiot. I’m an idiot. Why didn’t I lie?! Why didn’t I disprove it? This was it. This was the end of the world. He knew Sirius wouldn’t react terribly badly. He wouldn’t express disgust or resentment, not after Remus confided in him about how sensitive he was on the question of his own sexuality. But it would be painfully awkward. Their connection would never be the same; it couldn’t. Remus dreaded losing his best friend. But it was done. Sirius’ best friend was James anyway. Remus buried his face in his hands as tears stung his eyes. He settled into his new hideout and slept there for the night. He couldn’t bear to face Sirius.

In the morning, Remus made an effort to arrive to Charms class as late as possible, right as Flitwick was commencing his lesson. He slid into the chair at the end of their usual table, next to James. Sirius was on the other end. “Where were you, mate? You scared us,” James whispered. Peter was gazing at Remus over his shoulder.

Remus cleared his throat. “Sorry, fell asleep in my spot,” he said. In his peripheral vision, Sirius was leaning far on the table, trying to catch his attention. But Remus took it upon himself to laser focus on the lesson, his nose buried so deep into his notes, it was nearly touching the parchment.

After the class, he bolted again. He just couldn’t face him. He couldn’t. He returned to his hiding place and waited out his free period and most of lunch. He had to repeat his breathing exercises more than ever. Suddenly, Remus paused. Determination was rising in his chest. Then he forced himself to pull it together. It wasn’t like Remus to run away from his problems. If being a werewolf had taught him anything, it was that neglecting and avoiding your issues doesn’t make them vanish. Makes them worse, even. Also, Remus didn’t have a lot. He had his parents, music, books, magic, and he had his friends. There wasn’t much he prised more than his friendships with James, Sirius and Peter. Sirius knowing about his crush was thoroughly embarrassing, yes, but it wasn’t worth completely losing his friends. Plus, he was due for a shower. So Remus took a few more deep breaths, dusted himself off, and headed for the dorm. When he got there, nobody was inside. He took his sweet time in the shower, allowing the warm water to drain out more of his nervous energy. I can handle this.

When Remus got out, Sirius was there, lying on his stomach, doing homework. He looked up. Remus put on a brave face and said: “Hi.” Sirius’ worried expression was exchanged with a slightly more relaxed one. “Hi.” Remus sat on his own bed looking in Sirius’ general direction, but not quite at him, cleared his throat, and said: “Um, sorry I bolted. That was childish.”

“That’s alright,” Sirius replied in the tiniest voice. It was very unlike his usual loud, assertive self.

Remus wanted the bed to swallow him whole, but he pushed through. “We don’t have to talk about the... thing. Or acknowledge it. It’s not a big deal, really.” A lie. But it needed to be done. Sirius didn’t say anything. Remus was certain he didn't know what to say. Reaching into his bag, Remus retrieved his Charms textbook and started on his own homework. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Sirius still looking at him for another minute, then he went back to work. The silence was agonising and tense, but Remus had known it would be. They would just have to persevere. After a while, Sirius asked: “Hey, could you help me with this? It’s Arithmancy. I procrastinated, and now I have to hand it in in half an hour.” Remus snorted. Their next class was Arithmancy, and only he and Sirius took it. So, Sirius was choosing to act like nothing happened. That was okay with Remus. “Sure.”

Only, as it happens, Sirius didn’t ignore it. Throughout the next week, he started acting a little peculiar. He was still loud and fooling around, but he would also hold doors for Remus, for example. If anyone knew Sirius, they knew doors were either held for him, or he would just swing them open and let them slam behind him into the next person’s face. Even James noticed it and asked him if he had brain damage. Also, a couple times at meals, Sirius would scoot his seat closer to Remus’, making their arms brush while they ate. The first time it happened, Remus blushed so profusely, he could see giant pink splotches splattered all over his neck and cheeks in his reflection in one of the large silver bowls on the table. Sirius stopped calling him ‘mate’ too. Occasionally, he’d ask for help with his homework, even though he clearly didn’t need it. It all made Remus want to shoot himself in the face with a hex. It seemed like Sirius was pitying him, and he despised it. It was somehow worse than Sirius being awkward and distant around him.

January’s full moon fell on the 25th, and Remus’ transformation didn’t go particularly smoothly. It was likely one of the worst ones out of all those he spent with his friends as animagi. He was fairly confident it was because of the whole Sirius thing. Just because he decided to deal with it didn’t mean it wasn’t taking its toll. Remus was stressed all the time. Not just because of Sirius, of course, but that was a key factor. When he woke up in the hospital wing the following morning, his friends were there. James rambled on enthusiastically about an upcoming Quidditch match. Remus didn’t really comprehend half of it, but still tried to nod at appropriate times. Peter piped in once in a while to agree with James or add something. Sirius, however, was completely silent the whole visit. About an hour later, Madam Pomfrey chased James, Sirius and Peter out, but Remus didn’t mind too much. He was knackered. He drifted off to sleep before the boys were even out the door.

Later that day, at dusk, Remus sat in his hospital bed reading a muggle novel when Sirius popped in. Or rather sneaked in. He was alone this time. “Had a free period. Thought you might want some company,” he explained. Elation started brewing in Remus’ stomach.

“Oh, brilliant, thanks.”

“What are you up to, then?” Sirius sat on the bed.

Remus lifted his book. “Reading. Not much to do here, really.”

“Sweet. Will you read to me?”

“What?”

Sirius smiled. “Will you read out loud for me?” He turned around, plopped on the bed face-up with his boots propped up on the railing at the foot of the bed. He tucked his hands behind his head, half lying on Remus’ legs.

“Oh, okay.” Heat sneaked up Remus’ neck. He read to Sirius until it was almost time for him to leave for his next class.

“Transfiguration next. Think I’m gonna gouge out my eyes if we don’t move on from teacup to gerbil.”

“Yeah, yeah, we get it. You mastered it two lessons ago.” Remus rolled his eyes, smiling. Sirius let out a soft laugh.

“Moony...” He was now sitting on the bed next to Remus. “I feel like this is my fault.” He reached out and gently touched the bandage on Remus’ arm. Sirius was referring to Remus’ beat-up state.

“What? Of course not. Why would you think that?”

“Well, because of the... You know... I mean, you’re upset and-“ Remus’ heartbeat picked up swiftly. They hadn’t so much as mentioned the crush since that day in the dorm.

“I’m not upset. Really. I just have a lot on my mind.” He searched his brain for something more to say to make Sirius feel better. It wasn’t his fault at all. It was Remus’ for letting this bother him so much. “It’s not you.”

“You sure?” His eyes were so sad; it was painful.

“Yes, Sirius, really. It’s not you, okay?”

“Okay.” After a pause, Sirius continued: “Oh, I almost forgot. Brought you something.” He smiled, finally. After rummaging in his bag, Sirius emerged with a stack of chocolate bars and dropped them into Remus’ lap. They were Remus’ favourite. Warmth fluttered across his chest. Sirius had to have ordered these from Honeydukes. Now it was Remus’ time to smile.

“Oh, brilliant! Thanks, Sirius.”

“No problem. Right. I better clear off, then. I can’t handle another detention with Minnie for something as stupid as being late.”

“Right. See you in the dorm then.”

“See ya, Moony. Oh, loved the reading. We should definitely do that again!” Then he walked out the door. Remus’ cheeks flamed crimson. He sank deep into the covers, yanking them over his head. He’s gonna be the death of me.

***

After that visit at the hospital, another strange thing started happening. On several occasions, Remus caught Sirius staring at him, then quickly looking away when their eyes connected. In class, at meals, in the common room as the four of them sat in front of the fireplace doing homework. It made Remus very nervous and a little confused. Furthermore, with James’ upcoming match, Sirius and Remus found themselves alone more often than not. James either had practice or was in the library going over tactics for his team, and Peter loved tagging along. When Sirius and Remus were alone in the dorm, Sirius would usually suggest that Remus read to him. At first, they were in their respective beds, but then Sirius started sneaking onto Remus’ bed as he read. It made Remus’ heart thump every time, because Sirius Black in his bed, well. That was a sight to see. He would lounge on his back, one ankle over the other, hands behind his head, eyes shut, and listen. He never fell asleep. Occasionally, he would laugh or comment on an interesting segment.

One of those times, both of them were on Remus’ bed as Remus read “A Stranger in a Strange Land” by Robert A. Heinlein. Sirius liked the muggle books. He was in his usual disposition, with half of his hair loosely and messily pulled back with a hair tie. Remus adored that look on Sirius. He was sitting cross-legged in level with Sirius’ hips, with the book sprawled onto his lap.

“Hey, got a cig,” Sirius asked as Remus was turning the page.

“Yep.” He used Accio to fetch his rolling equipment from his bedside table, placed the contents on the rizla and performed his spell. It rolled smoothly, the tobacco and filter tucked tightly into the paper. He’d been practising.

“Hey, that’s one thing off your resolutions list,” Sirius said, smiling as he accepted the cigarette. Their fingers touched.

“Well, technically, it’s two, isn’t it...,” Remus trailed off, clearing his throat. Christ, why did I say that?! He could already feel the blood rushing in his ears. Maybe Sirius wouldn’t get the reference... But Sirius pushed himself onto his elbows and peered at him. Remus pretended to pack up his cigarette equipment with intense concentration. Sirius sat all the way up and leaned so close, Remus could feel his breath. Nervousness sparked off goosebumps all over Remus’ skin. He swallowed thickly. Sirius smelled of mint and expensive shampoo. “Moony,” he said, and Remus finally turned to face him. Their noses were less than two centimetres apart. Remus’ heart was hammering against his ribs.

Sirius glanced at his lips, then slowly leaned in and closed the distance. Remus fluttered his eyes shut as adrenaline set his insides ablaze. The kiss was warm and gentle. “Sirius..,” Remus started, but the other boy just connected their lips again, this time kissing him more eagerly, and Remus just gave over. Sirius was letting him know this wasn’t charity; he really wanted it. He licked into Remus’ mouth delicately, grasping the back of his neck to pull him closer. Remus had never had a real tongue kiss before, but Sirius was leading him, and it all came naturally. Without warning, he felt tears burning behind his closed eyes. Remus had never, not even for a moment, let himself get caught up in the idea of Sirius liking him back. He knew rejection would shatter his soul, and he couldn’t let himself be torn apart by his own fantasies. But it wasn’t a fantasy anymore, and Remus was overwhelmed with the relief of letting go. Of finally allowing himself to crave what he'd been pushing down for months. His favourite person wanting him back. He entwined his fingers into Sirius’ hair and kissed him back intensely. They were both breathing heavily, then Sirius placed his other palm on Remus’ upper thigh. A tingling sensation shot up his lower back as he inhaled a long breath through his nose. Sirius was remarkably skilled, Remus noted.

Remus lost all sense of time. He didn’t know how long they kissed, it simultaneously felt like minutes and hours. Suddenly, they leapt apart as steps and chatter echoed on the stairs leading to the dorm. Sirius stood up and hurriedly smoothed down his hair. Remus wiped his lips with the back of his hand and frantically covered his lap with the covers. He was tight in his trousers. Christ. He wondered whether Sirius noticed as the heat blazed his cheeks. Peter and James trudged into the room, still talking.

“Alright lads,” James said, sauntered to his bed and started taking off his Quidditch robes.

Sirius cleared his throat, then said: “Uh, yeah. Brilliant.” His voice came out lower that usual.

"Bloody amazing practice today!"

“Oh, you guys Should have seen them! I could barely keep track of the Quaffle! Ravenclaw hasn’t got a chance,” Peter prattled on, but Remus couldn’t focus. His brain was whirring a thousand miles a minute. Holy shit, was the only coherent sentence his mind could congregate. He could still feel the the ghost of Sirius’ kiss on his lips.

Minutes later, Sirius returned to his usual banter and mucking about with James. If something different was going on inside his head, it didn’t show. A sudden arrow of disappointment and yearning shot through Remus’ chest. Was this just a one-off? His excitement dwindled for a moment, but when he glanced over to Sirius again, he was already looking at him. They smiled at each other. It didn’t matter anyway. Remus felt like this kiss could power his brain for all eternity. It had been like something straight out of a dream.

Part 4 will probably take me a little longer, given that I basically had the first 3 parts drafted when I posted the first one. Also 4 will probs be the last one. Hope you like it so far! :) <3

Part 1 Part 2

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kathonyxbee · 3 years

Text

“I’m not jealous. Truly.”

Hello, hello!

Happy Kathony Week!!! 🐝🌷⛈

Here is my entry for the prompt: “jealousy and all its cousins” (Day 1)

Set post-wedding, pre-ILY. When Kate joins Daphne at Lady Danbury's soirée, she hears a lot about Anthony's reputation as a Rake which causes certain feelings to gnaw at her. It's a good thing Anthony can read her so well and knows just the way to convince her otherwise.

Or, Kate is jealous and Anthony has no problem telling her he wants her, but can't tell her he loves her.

“Don’t cause too much trouble tonight, will you?” Anthony requested from where he sat in a chair on the other side of their room, Newton yapping at his feet. He was already dressed for the evening, though they weren’t attending together. Anthony was heading for White’s with his brothers, while Kate was off with Daphne, the Duchess of Hastings and her sister-in-law, at Lady Danbury’s Soirée. She’d been surprised when the invitation had arrived, and had been considering whether or not to refuse, trying to figure out what was appropriate now that she was Lady Bridgerton, but Daphne had dropped by the other day, and after she’d told Kate what Lady Danbury’s Soirée for the Married Ladies of the Ton involved, Kate had eagerly accepted the invitation. So, here she was, getting ready while her husband lounged around, watching her.

“Hmph,” Kate huffed as her maid applied the finishing touches to her hairstyle while she tried to pick one of the flower headpieces to pin to her hair. Her curly hair had been tamed into an intricate, braided updo, leaving a few curls framing her face, just how Anthony liked it. Which, was ridiculous in and of itself as they weren’t even attending together, but a part of her rather liked pleasing him as much as she enjoyed teasing him. Hopefully, she would be able to do both. Her gaze flickered to Anthony’s, briefly, “cause trouble?” she asked, her eyes wide. “Who? Me? Impossible,” she quipped drily.

“Nice try, Kate,” he deadpanned, rolling his eyes before glancing, briefly, at his pocket watch, his eyebrow creasing slightly.

“Besides,” she murmured, “this is a gathering for the married ladies of the ton. It shall be a most lovely and perfectly innocent evening, indeed,” she told him, though her lip twitched slightly because from the little Daphne had told her, she knew it was going to be anything but. Still, it was nice to make Anthony squirm, a little.

He scoffed, “now, why do I doubt that?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, dear husband,” she retorted sweetly, catching his gaze briefly, and a shiver ran down her spine at the way he was looking at her. She turned to her maid, “would you please excuse us?” she whispered quietly. The maid glanced between the two of them for a moment before curtsying and scurrying off, understanding that it was best for her to leave.

As soon as the door was shut, Anthony leapt to his feet and strode over to her, positioning himself right behind her, and she could feel him breathing heavily in her ear.

“Are you sure about that, dear wife?” he growled as he ran his hands down her arms, his teeth lightly grazing her skin, sending another shiver down her spine.

“Quite sure,” she quipped drily, trying to sound nonchalant, but her body reacted to the proximity between them, and she stiffened, a shiver running down her spine. Anthony merely hummed in her ear, though he didn’t seem convinced.

Slowly, he reached for one of the flower pins on her dressing table, and picked one that matched the color of her dress before gently pinning it to her hair, his finger brushing against her ear, causing a shiver to run down her spine. Her husband did that to her, the insufferable man.

“Thank you,” she breathed out as she peered at their reflection in her vanity mirror. They did look good together, almost but not quite the same height, her dark skin in contrast with his pale one, but oddly enough they fit. More than that, it felt right to have Anthony by her side, behind her, to be on his arm. So, perhaps it wasn’t that bad to be married to him, even if he she would have no love. He was still attentive, and gentle, and the nicest man in all of London.

Anthony pressed a quick, chaste kiss to her temple. “You look rather exquisite, dear wife,” he murmured in her ear, and she blushed, slightly, because every time he complimented her it felt like the first time. And, damn him for being so good with him because he was making it more and more difficult not to fall in love with him.

“Not so bad yourself, dear husband. Not that it matters, as you’re only going to your club,” she quipped, small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips as she put on her earrings.

“Is that so?” he remarked, sounding mock hurt as he helped her with her necklace, fastening it around her neck.

“Mm. Thank you.”

There was a knock on the door, interrupting them.

“Enter!” Anthony barked, and once more her ladies’ maid returned.

She bobbed a curtsy, “my lord, my lady, the Duchess of Hastings is here,” she announced.

“Thank you,” Kate murmured, flashing her a smile. “The Viscount and I shall join her in a moment,” she added, dismissing her, and the maid nodded, bobbed a curtsy once more before leaving. Kate turned to her husband. “Well, that is my cue to leave,” she told him, grabbing her gloves from the table, slipping them on. Anthony was already ready to go, and he offered her his arm.

“Shall we, wife?”

“Of course, husband,” she muttered primly as she took his arm, the two of them making their way downstairs to the drawing room where Daphne, the Duchess of Hastings was waiting.

She stood as soon as they arrived, eager to greet them.

“Brother! Kate!” she exclaimed, immediately pulling Anthony in for a hug, exchanging cheek kisses with him.

“Sister,” Anthony muttered with a smile.

Daphne then turned to Kate, pulling her in for a hug as well.

“Daphne, how lovely to see you,” she said, exchanging cheek kisses with her sister-in-law. “Thank you for inviting me to attend,” she added.

“Nonsense! Lady Danbury is the one who sends out the invitations, and she is rather fond of you and your sister,” Daphne shrugged, brushing her off. “I’m just glad to have another familiar face there.”

“Likewise,” Kate nodded. “Thank you for agreeing to take me with you, though.”

“Of course,” her sister-in-law smiled. “That way, we’ll be able to get to know each other better, won’t we?”

“Of course.”

Anthony glanced between them, furrowing his brow slightly, that little crease between his eyebrows deepening slightly. “I must admit, I am a little worried at the thought of the two of you spending an extended amount of time together,” he remarked, his lips twitching slightly.

Daphne laughed, obviously amused while Kate cackled.

“Not to worry, brother, I shall bring your wife back in one piece,” she declared with a wink.

“Well, forgive me, sister, if I don’t trust you on it,” he retorted.

Kate snorted. “Do not fret, Anthony,” she said sweetly, patting his arm lightly. “We shall both act appropriately, as all married women do.”

Anthony scoffed, “appropriate. You. I’ll believe it when I see it, you menace,” he muttered, rolling his eyes.

She grinned wickedly, “ah, but that’s why you won’t see it, husband,” she muttered sweetly.

“All right, all right, you two,” Daphne cleared her throat. “I believe that’s enough innuendos; he is my brother after all. Unfortunately.”

Kate chuckled. Anthony scowled.

“You know, I’m not sure I like your friendship with my wife, Daff,” he glared.

“Is that so?” Daphne raised an eyebrow. “I can say the same about yourself and my husband, brother,” she added, her tone too sweet to be genuine. Kate had to admit, she was enjoying this bit of sibling rivalry. Anthony just grunted. Daphne clapped her hands together. “Well, we should be going, Kate. My carriage is waiting for us,” she announced.

“Of course,” she smiled.

Anthony nodded, “I shall escort you, then head off myself.”

The three of them made their way out, Kate’s arm looped through Anthony’s while Daphne walked next to her, prattling on quietly about her new baby and what her husband, Simon, the Duke of Hastings, was doing at their Clyvedon estate, dealing with some tenant issues.

***

The carriage ride had been pleasant, Daphne and Kate both chatting the entire time, Daphne regaling her with stories of their family, about Anthony, and the others, too, about herself and her husband and their daughter, Amelia.

Soon, they arrived at Danbury house, the home of the dowager Lady Danbury, a footman announcing their arrival before a butler led them inside, and Kate could see Daphne practically brimming with excitement, the other woman practically bouncing.

She chuckled at Kate’s confused look, “don’t get me wrong, I adore my daughter and love spending every waking moment with her, but I miss my freedom a little, too. Being out in society. Lady Danbury’s soirees are absolutely delightful. Come,” she said, gesturing for Kate as the butler opened the doors.

Lady Danbury was there to greet them, a vision in burgundy, her hair flawless, a mischievous glint in her eyes. She beckoned for both of them to join her, and they did, Daphne beaming excitedly.

“Your Grace, Lady Bridgerton what a delight to have you here tonight,” she greeted them with a smile. “Welcome to my Den of Inequity,” she smirked. “Please, come,” she added, and began leading them further into the room, Daphne grabbing onto Kate, looping her arm around hers.

The room was lavish, beautifully decorated, with string music playing in the background, and tables throughout. Each table was occupied by a group of women, society ladies, drinking and laughing and playing card games. Kate’s brow furrowed briefly as she passed by them, especially when she heard her own name – the Young Lady Bridgerton – being whispered, but she ignored it, instead following along with Daphne and Lady Danbury.

Lady Danbury led them to a table occupied by three other women, whose faces immediately lit up upon seeing Daphne.

“Daphne!” they exclaimed, and exchanged quick greetings with her, hugging and exchanging pleasantries before their attention turned to Kate. Kate, who suddenly felt inadequate in front of these beautiful, extravagant women of the ton, wishing she’d worn more jewels, a fancier dress.

Lady Danbury cleared her throat, “ladies, may I introduce you to the newest member of our ranks. Kate, Viscountess Bridgerton,” she announced, gesturing at Kate, who forced a smile, exchanging a look with Daphne who flashed her a more encouraging smile in return. “Kate, these are Lady Trowbridge, Lucy Granville and Kitty Langham,” Lady Danbury added, introducing them.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you all,” Kate said with a soft smile, and the three women nodded, smiling at her.

Daphne latched onto her once more, pulling her to two empty chairs with a “come, Kate,” that Kate couldn’t refuse.

“The rules of the game are simple,” Daphne explained as Lady Danbury took a seat herself, “each turn, all you have to do is place your token on the card you believe the dealer will turn over.”

“Now, ladies,” Lady Danbury drawled, “place your bets.”

They did as told, Kate taking a moment to look over the cards before placing her token on an ace of spades.

Kitty, the General’s wife, and a good friend of Daphne’s, offered her a drink, “takes away the sting of losing,” she explained with a smile.

Daphne giggled, “I doubt that is necessary, Kitty. My sister-in-law is quite competitive and she’s good at winning.”

“The Duchess is right,” Lady Danbury piped up. “Kate was the one who bet on this year’s Royal Ascot winner,” she explained with a smirk. “And, against her now-husband, the Viscount, too,” she added, an amused glint in her eyes.

Kate grinned.

“And she’s been collecting her winnings ever since their wedding night, I’m sure,” Lucy Granville added, earning a giggle from the other ladies.

“Of course. The Viscount has much to offer,” Lady Trowbridge added, and Kate stiffened slightly.

“And, how would you know?” Lucy quipped, glancing at the blonde, who merely smirked knowingly. Kate tried not to look at either of the women, in particular Lady Trowbridge, and instead took a swig of her drink, the alcohol burning her throat, but she didn’t care.

“Well, everyone is aware of the Viscount’s reputation,” Kitty chimed in, probably trying to ease the tension. “A Rake. I’m sure your sister-in-law understands, right Daphne? The Duke was quite the rake, himself, wasn’t he?” she added, taking a sip of her drink. “And, now he is a devoted husband and father.”

Daphne chuckled, “yes, he was. Reformed rakes really do make the best of husbands, don’t they, Kate?”

Kate smiled, though it was probably more of a grimace. “Indeed, they are,” she muttered, taking a sip of her own drink.

The dealer turned the cards over, and Kate grinned when she turned out to be right. She did like to win, after all.

“Again!” she exclaimed, laughing in delight, her desire to win outshining that small, jealous voice in the back of her head.

“My, my, Lady Bridgerton,” Kitty drawled, “it seems you are the star of the evening.”

“Well, I do enjoy a bit of competition,” she quipped, lips curving into a smirk.

Daphne snorted, “she does! She fits in quite nicely with us Bridgertons, you know. She was this year’s Pall Mall victor,” she said with a wink.

“Ah, the famous Bridgerton Pall Mall,” Kitty nodded. “The ton only hears of it, but the Bridgertons are known to be quite competitive.”

Kate nodded, “that they are. But, I happen to be quite competitive myself. And, besting one’s husband is the best win of all,” she said with a smirk.

“Oh! Were you engaged then? We all heard the engagement occurred at Aubrey Hall but didn’t know of the circumstances. Was marriage part of the terms of the game?”

“No, we got engaged after I sank my husband’s ball into the lake, but now that we are husband and wife victory in Pall Mall and all other things shall be that much sweeter,” she remarked, taking another sip of her drink.

The ladies gasped, obviously delighted by this small tidbit about what happened between them, and Kate couldn’t help but feel a small thrill.

“Yes,” Daphne beamed, “my brother has certainly found his match in Kate,” she gushed, sending Kate a wink.

Kate won the next round, too, this time placing her token on an eight of hearts.

But, the whispers and innuendos didn’t stop there, and soon Kate realized that other tables, too, whispered when they thought she couldn’t hear them. They whispered about her, about how she wasn’t Edwina, about Anthony, too, and his rakish exploits from before. An opera singer, an artist, a tailor, visits to brothels, and even a widow or two. And, later when Kate had won most of the games, she felt anything but a victor.

***

She’d bid goodnight to Daphne downstairs, and hoped that her husband was either not home or fast asleep, but alas he wasn’t. He was waiting for her, in their bedroom, lounging on the bed. She dismissed the maid, not wanting to deal with more questions. She would manage on her own.

She flashed him a tired smile in greeting, “good evening, Anthony.”

“Hello, wife,” he smirked. “Did you have a good evening? Enjoyed yourself?”

She hummed, “indeed I did. Did you?” She glanced at him as she slipped off her gloves, laying them on the table, then began taking off her jewelry, her earrings clattering against her other jewels. She reached to unclasp her necklace, but Anthony came to stand beside her, gently taking it from her hands and unclasping it himself before handing it to her.

“So, what do the ladies of the ton do without their men?” he wondered, obviously curious as he wordlessly unpinned the flower from her hair.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” she quipped, smirking slightly, but it felt flat, like she wasn’t quite into it.

“Oh, I would,” he grinned as he helped her undo her updo, her curls falling down her shoulders. “Well?”

She chuckled, “ah, but then where would be the fun in these gatherings? Us married ladies gather to gossip about our husbands, among other things, and our husbands must not know,” she retorted.

“Kate…” he groaned.

“A secret is a secret, dear husband,” she reminded him with a smirk. Anthony merely huffed, pouting petulantly in response. “Oh, that is very becoming of you, Lord Bridgerton,” she added, rolling her eyes.

Anthony glared, “you are an absolute menace, did you know that?”

“So you’ve mentioned a few times,” she grumbled. She sighed as she looked back into the mirror, her mind going back to the gathering, to the events of the night, and in particular the whispers and innuendos.

Anthony noticed her stiffen, saw the sad look in her eyes, and tried catching her gaze in the mirror, but she couldn’t, couldn’t bear to look at him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly, coming to stand behind her once more.

“Nothing,” she muttered with a forced smile. “All is well. I’m just tired, Anthony,” she told him, but unfortunately her husband could read her, and he knew something was wrong.

“Kate,” he drawled, “what happened?”

“Nothing, it’s just-” she stopped herself, her lip caught between her teeth. He raised an eyebrow, nudging her lightly to continue. “Nothing, truly. It is just that… well, you were the topic of quite a few conversations this evening, but it’s fine,” she told him, her words coming out in a rush, and she could feel her cheeks flush.

But Anthony knew what she meant almost immediately, his forehead creasing only briefly in confusion before he frowned, muttering a quiet “oh.”

“I told you, it is nothing for you to worry about, we should just get ready for bed,” she told him in a dismissive tone, trying to brush it off. But she should have known. Anthony Bridgerton was not one to let it go.

“Kate,” he said slowly, “are you jealous?”

“Of course not!” she snapped, maybe a little too harshly. “I’m not jealous, don’t be ridiculous,” she told him.

“Kate, you were aware of my reputation before we married. Wasn’t that the reason you objected to my courting your sister?”

She rolled her eyes, “of course. That is exactly the point. As I said, I’m not jealous. Truly,” she told him, but even as she said it, she was lying through her teeth. And Anthony knew that. They both knew it.

She tried to step aside, but he stopped her, his hands gripping her arms gently, though she continued to face the mirror.

“Kate, we both know that isn’t true,” he said softly, and she could feel his breath in her ear, but still she didn’t meet his gaze.

“Anthony,” she groaned, breathlessly.

“Kate,” he whispered into her ear, his teeth lightly grazing her skin before he turned her around, but still she wouldn’t meet his gaze. “Kate, what did they say? Tell me.” His tone was desperate, willing her to tell him, his fingers reaching to rest under her chin, forcing her to look up and meet his gaze. “Look at me, Kate,” he demanded, his tone pleading, and when she did, she saw his eyes burning with emotion, and she felt her resolve weaken.

“Nothing specific,” she whispered, “nothing to my face. But they kept talking. About you. Your… reputation,” she admitted, averting her gaze, and she heard him sigh heavily.

“Kate, you knew-” he started, his forehead creasing in frustration.

“They mentioned a woman you were once fond of. Sienna Rosso. An opera singer. It seems you have a type,” she muttered, reaching to cup his cheek gently.

“Had,” he mumbled.

She met his gaze once more. “Had?” she repeated.

He nodded, “had,” he said, his voice firm. He spun her around so her back was to him once more before he pressed his body against hers, his mouth next to her ear. “Now, I have a different type.” He smirked, “a beautiful, insufferable and competitive menace who drives me utterly insane with desire,” he said, breathlessly as he brushed his lips against her ear, nipping lightly on her earlobe, causing her to let out a small giggle. “I want you,” he muttered as he pressed a kiss to her jaw. And another. And another, trailing kisses along her jaw. “I desire you,” he whispered as he kissed along her neck. “All the time. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day,” he murmured against her skin as his lips brushed over her collarbone. “I- I need you,” he stuttered, and Kate’s heart skipped a beat. “I need you, Kate,” he repeated, his voice hoarse, and she shivered, as he removed his hands from her arms. “I.” Kiss. “Want.” Kiss. “You.” Another kiss. “Always.” He continued in this manner, peppering kisses all over her skin, his hands expertly unbuttoning her dress, letting it pool at her feet before he spun her around once more, so she was facing him this time.

“Anthony,” she muttered breathlessly as he cupped her cheeks, his fingers firm but gentle on her skin.

“Kate,” he breathed out. “Listen to me,” he urged, “and listen closely. Sienna is my past. Just like all those other women the ton whispers about. My past. But they do not matter. She does not matter. You matter, Kate. You are my present and my future. You are my always. I will always want you, Kate. You are the bane of my existence and the object of my desires,” he said, his voice hoarse, his dark brown eyes blazing, urging her to believe him. “All at once.”

Kate felt her breath knocked out of her, and she gasped quietly before reaching for him, her own arms winding around his neck, pulling him to her.

“Anthony,” she muttered against his lips, her nose bumping against his, their foreheads touching, “I need you.”

He picked her up effortlessly, his deft fingers already undoing the laces of her corset, and she wrapped her legs around his hips, felt him press against her thigh, hard. He needed her just as much. It was clear in his tone, in his eyes, in the way he kissed her, hungry and desperate, like a man drowning.

“I need you, too, Kate,” he whispered before capturing her lips with his own. “You have no idea how much.”

And Kate had to admit that a little jealousy had come in handy. Very handy. Especially as her husband gasped her name in pleasure.

#katexanthonyweek #katexanthonyweek2021 #kate sheffield x anthony bridgerton #Kate Sharma x Anthony Bridgerton #kathony #kanthony #bridgerton

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coldmorte · 3 years

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So i have some unpopular opinions; i feel like Dutch doesnt sleep around as much as people would like to think. He probably likes the fact that people think that of him, even if its not his style. Also...i dont think Dutch and Molly have any chemistry.

Howdy! (ASK 1 OF 2)

I apologize it took me some time to actually reply to this, especially because it is such a great ask! I definitely agree with both points made here, but I was debating how I wanted to write a response (and how far to take it).

Anyway, I'm open to hearing unpopular opinions! I know I have plenty of my own, so I'm not really one to judge others (as long as there is mutual respect) ☺️

My response is fairly long, and it deals with some sensitive topics. I decided to add a cut to this first ask, just to be safe! 💜💜💜

(Warning: SPOILERS below)

In regard to Dutch sleeping around, there are a few reasons why I don’t think he does it as much as it is often implied/assumed (I’m primarily limiting this to the timeframe of RDR2, Ch. 1-6).

First of all, Molly explicitly says Dutch doesn’t show her a lot of physical attention, even though he is her SO. If he’s not sleeping with her much, I doubt that he is going around with any other women at this time. He seldom leaves camp, outside of doing missions, so it is unlikely that he would meet up with anybody not in the gang. It just doesn’t seem plausible to me, as it would put him in a vulnerable position.

Dutch complains multiple times - including to Molly - that he is under stress and concerned about the Pinkertons closing in on them. Why would he go around outside the camp sleeping with random women? It would put him at the risk of being seen or reported on, and I believe he is smarter than to take on the unnecessary danger. Generally, he doesn’t spend much time in civilized areas, unless he needs to.

Not to mention, stress can be a real inhibitor of sex drive. For the entirety of the game, Dutch exhibits various degrees of anxiety and depression. I believe the gang and his personal safety were of much more concern to him, thus diminishing his interest in sex.

Speaking of the gang, I don’t personally see Dutch as sleeping around with the women in it that much. He did have a relationship with Susan in the past. Whether anything was still going on between them or not is uncertain, but if there was something, it probably was not serious or very frequent. In RDR1, he also suggests that he slept with Abigail, but if this happened, I doubt it would have occurred during the events of RDR2. They hardly ever interacted, and when Abigail did talk about Dutch, it was almost always in a negative manner. Dutch also showed some interest in Mary-Beth. However, I don’t think it went beyond flirting. She didn’t show much interest in him, and I think word would have gotten around if he tried to force anything, especially to Arthur (I am not going to discuss the events of RDR1 in any more detail here because that is a whole different conversation). But other than them, who else in the gang? There were not enough interactions with other women to suggest there was anything between them and Dutch.

Also, sex was considerably more risky in 1899 than it is today, and the means of contraception were not as dependable. For instance, The Pill didn’t go onto the market for another 60 years, and it was more difficult to get ahold of other birth control methods. This was partly because there were not as many technological advancements in this field and because there were a few laws that prevented reliable access to contraceptives (ex: The Comstock Laws). Condoms were arguably one of the easier birth control methods to find, but they still were not as widely available then as they are today (the quality was arguably not as good either). As I understand it, some searching was generally required to get ahold of condoms (usually in more civilized areas, which Dutch tried to avoid).

Dutch is a very contradictory character. My point in bringing up birth control is because although on some level I think Dutch probably would have liked to have actual children, I do not think he was serious enough about it to take any risks that might have led to an unwanted pregnancy during the timeframe of RDR2. As I mentioned, he was under a lot of stress with the gang. A biological child on top of that most likely would have overwhelmed him, and it would have required a long-term commitment to not only the child, but to the mother as well. I believe Dutch was smart enough to recognize this danger, and since birth control methods were not as widely available or reliable, he would not have wanted to sleep around too much (unwanted pregnancies were relatively common during this era).

I’ve written in the past that I believe Dutch had a certain degree of self-consciousness underneath his pride, so I do agree that he probably would have liked people finding him attractive or seductive. These traits emanate a sense of power and confidence, which would have provided a more favorable presentation of himself to others. These perceptions certainly would have helped to conceal his own self-doubts and insecurities, so he would have welcomed them, rather than try to refute them.

Now, in regard to the chemistry between Dutch and Molly, I agree. I think it was a pretty bad relationship all around. I don’t see its flaws as being entirely one-sided.

I will get into this a little more on the next ask, but I will discuss a few things here first.

Starting with Dutch, I will admit that he could have treated Molly a lot better. Even if he wasn’t happy with her or the status of their relationship, he should have seriously talked to her more. She deserved that, at the very minimum. There were a few instances where she tried to get his attention, and he just brushed her off. Again, like I said, even if he wasn’t very keen on the relationship anymore, he should have at least been honest about that. Then, as I already discussed, he had some mildly flirtatious conversations with Mary-Beth. I certainly do not think this helped matters. It was rude the way he insulted Molly for bringing up his interactions with Mary-Beth and how he pretended he had no idea what Molly was talking about.

Onto Molly, I don’t think she was perfect either. I know Dutch didn’t talk with her nearly as much as he should have, but she didn’t seem to show a whole lot of support for him in return. Dutch expressed that he was feeling stressed and not up to much physical activity, to which she got quite upset. She seemed to turn some arguments towards herself and her needs, with little regard for Dutch’s wellbeing. I do think she was selfish for demanding him to give her something he did not want to give/could not provide. Also, she refused to help the gang find leads or assist with chores, even when told to do so by others (ex: Dutch and Arthur). She tended to act above everybody else, claiming she wasn’t a servant to the needs of the gang as a whole. Though I can respect her sense of independence in that regard, it did show a sense of entitlement. Even Dutch donated to the gang funds, and as the leader, he was the one responsible for overseeing the vast majority of missions they engaged in. Molly was the only person who really did not contribute much. (Side note: Even UNCLE - the laziest bastard in the West - helped with leads and contributions!!)

I will get into this more in the following ask, but although I know she loved Dutch to an extent, I think part of her fascination with him was rooted in infatuation. Little is known about her background, but it is canon that she came from a wealthy and influential family in Ireland. I think part of the reason why she liked Dutch so much was because of the powerful position he held. She frequently lashed out at people who she perceived as challenging the reality of her “love” for him, such as Abigail and Karen. In one instance, Molly even went so far as to slap Karen across the face because she thought Karen was talking negatively about her. There was no evidence to prove or disprove Molly’s beliefs, but it did show that she was pretty sensitive about criticism (whether it was perceived or real) in regard to her relationship with Dutch.

Now, Dutch was wrong to use Molly’s fascination with him and his role in the gang to seduce her. But like I said, both of them had their issues. It was just a bad situation from both sides, and I do not think it should have happened in the first place. I don’t necessarily blame one more than the other. To be honest, I think they each deserved someone who fit them better.

And if I am being even MORE honest, I think Dutch should have stayed with Susan. She loved him, and he made a big mistake in ever giving her up. I believe the events of RDR2 would have turned out very differently, had he kept her closer.

(Ending note: Outside of serious posts - like this one - I know I make quite a few jokes about Dutch on my blog in regard to sexuality, but I do not mean for much of what I say in that regard to be taken *too* seriously. I don’t particularly want to discuss my personal life in the text of this post, but I will say that even if Dutch was a person I knew in real life, I’m not sure I would seriously want anything to happen between us. However, that is another matter entirely that has nothing whatsoever to do with him. I absolutely LOVE his character to death, and my blog will remain dedicated to his role in the RDR story for as long as I am around! That is all that should matter!!!)

Also, it is perfectly fine and normal to separate fiction from reality! It is okay to alter interpretations of Dutch (and/or Molly) for the sake of artistic expression, as long as the reasons can be justified. Furthermore, it is fine to disagree with me!!

I just hope this response gave you a thing or two to consider. Thank you again for sending your message in!! 💜💜💜

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