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#i think they should've had him be single longer
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tragic does seem a bit much lol
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philhoffman · 3 months
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"The unbelievable death of Philip Seymour Hoffman on February 2nd, 2014, remains an obscenity... [His] are roles beloved by cineastes of all abilities. Anyone who ever saw a film and has a heart.
"Whenever we linger on the subject a touch too long, to move beyond the films and beyond his performances and onto the reality of thinking about him, a quiet descends, because all at the same time we’ve each arrived at the same dreadfully sad thought and it’s a thought that kills the conversation, as well it should. Reaching for any words at all, one of us will muster something like, simply: 'There should have been more.'" (x)
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frmisnow · 4 months
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˙✧˖ ?! — KEEPING YOU IN BED (CAUSE I'M DOWN BED). - MDNI !!!
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— ‧₊˚ — 🍵 : "wonder where your colleges think you are, they'd never guess i'm balls deep into you huh"??"
summary. going to work on your boyfriends single day-off already sounds like a death sentence, things only become worse when he makes it especially hard to leave the bed.
notes. SLEEPY HORNY KOOK AASHHSSHSH my roman empire... 😭 SORRY FOR THE TITLE I HAD A LIL GIGGLE OKAY ???
warnings/includes: (NSFW) dom! jungkook x f! sub! reader, starts sleepy + wholesome, turns a lil unhinged..., pounding, overstimulation, he's just a bit mean in second half (but we love it)
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you rub your eyes, the morning sunlight blinding you through the sheer curtains - soft and rhythmic breathing audible beside you when you look over you find your boyfriend's chest rising and falling slowly, one of his arms still wrapped around your waist, in pure peace still somewhere in the deep roams of sleep.
after all it was his day off, a rare sanctuary in the hectic schedule of hislife, and yet, there you were, inching away from the warmth of his embrace, preparing to face the day ahead.
but as you attempted to free yourself from the tangle of sheets and limbs, a sleepy murmur escaped him, a half-formed quiet plea, "just few more minutes" His arm instinctively tightened around your waist, drawing you back into his tight hug, nuzzling his face to your middle body. quick little peeks placed all over tummy, almost like rubbing his face over you, his hands lazily tracing circles over your sides, "just a little longer"
he shifts his position, now completly lying over you, trapping and preventing you from leaving, wrapping his arms around your neck, "love you so much" whispered into your nape.
you giggled in response, your hands hugging his back, travelling under his shirt, rubbing over the skin gently, "you're trying everything to lure me in longer huh"
kook smiled sleeply against your skin, his head moved to your shoulder so he could look at your face better, lips roaming over your collarbone, settling on them for a split second, "is it working?"
"don't know, might have to try a bit harder" you answered in a joking tone, your fingers tracing light patterns on his back.
he squints his eyes, a faint smile on his face, raising his eyebrows, "oh really?" fake innocence added into his tone.
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you were stupid.
in fact very much so.
out of experience you should've known that jungkook has an unbelievable amount of sheer competitivness inside him and if you unleash that - you're pretty much fucked.
you should've recognized that familar grin, you should've recognized those wandering hands of his that would do anything just to prove you wrong, just to remind you that nobody doubts him without well- consequences!
those consequences may include: him in the beginning softly manhandling you (in his own way y'know) which turns into him throwing away any sense of tiredness or gentleness he had before, sentences like "feel me fuckin pounding, listen to it" or "so much fuckin cum" rolling over his tongue as he overstimulates you over and over again.
damn well keeping that clock on the night stand at the corner of his eyes, just to rub it into your face, "how easy it was to get you to do this" or "wonder where your colleges think you are, they'd never guess i'm balls deep into you huh"
and oh he's looking for answers from you too, "what are you gonna tell your boss now?" half mumbeled half groaned as he slams into you once more chasing that 3rd orgasm, obviously knowing you're way to brainfucked to understand think about even responding.
"should've kept your fucking mouth shut, don't you think?" and all you can do in response is whimper and moan like a little bitch.
weirdly enough that's what satisfies him - the slutty expression on your face, the way your mouth stays slightly parted, the way your pussy tightens around him, the way your tits just fit so easily in his hands like they were made for him (which he'll openly say 2!), the way you sound, the way your body looks when he fucks you senseless - everything about you like this is so endearing to him and worth repeating over and over again.
he can be real sweet after, acting like it never even happened, bringing you breakfast to bed while you were lying bare trying to regain your brain acess again, innocently saying smth along the lines of: "i called you in sick for today" then adding, "it's not like it's worth going anyway might just spend the day with me" okay whatever you say kook :3
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wordsarelife · 5 months
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—the game
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pairing: mattheo riddle x fem!reader
summary: after one night with you, mattheo can't help but want more. sadly, you aren't the type for relationships: “that you no longer are, what you used to be, ever since you bared your skin for me”
warnings: suggestive, mentions of sex, angst
notes: get ready for angsty and soft mattheo riddle who is an absolute simp for you lmao, very angsty but with a happy ending :)
inspired by ‘the game’ by annett louisan
that you no longer are what you used to be ever since you bared your skin for me
"are you alright?" you were laying on the side, observing mattheo's face. he wasn't looking at you, keeping his eyes on the ceiling.
"y-yes" he breathed lowly and for the first time in ever, he didn't seem as cocky and arrogant.
"cool" you shrugged. you were just trying to be nice, he wasn't your boyfriend or anything, so his mood wasn't really your problem. you threw back the cover and got out of the bed, tapping across the room to collect your clothes.
"where are you going?" he asked, sitting up. his eyes followed your every move.
"to my room?" you wondered, why he was asking.
"oh" he leaned against the bedframe, taking out a pack of cigarettes. "do you want one?"
"what?" you laughed in disbelief "do i look like a hooker to you?"
"no" he shook his head. you watched him for a few more seconds, before you stepped into your skirt and put your sweater on. "bye, mattheo" you smiled mischievously, before you left the room.
that you′ve lost your head in a single night and you're seeing things in another light
he didn't know yet, but that very night, you left a loneliness in him that he had never felt before. it seemed like ever since he got undressed for you, he wasn't how he used to be.
when you would see him around hogwarts he was often staring at you, thinking.
"you're staring again" theo elbowed mattheo. the classroom was quite big and you were sitting across from him, whispering with your friend.
"huh?" mattheo looked up at theo.
"she might notice" theo reminded "you're not invisible, matt"
"sure" mattheo shrugged his shoulder.
theo was the only one of his friends who had noticed the change in mattheo's character. he was acting unusal, especially because he hadn't hooked up with anyone in the last few weeks. he didn't have the courage to ask him about it yet, but he knew it had something to do with him always staring at you.
mattheo had been interested in sleeping with you for a long time. he had thought just getting it over with would stop his bubbling obsession, but it seemed to have made it worse. he wasn't used to desire someone like that, especially not after he had slept with them.
there was nothing new for him to see and still he wanted to do it again. for him it was like every single girl had suddenly disappeared. there was only you. sitting across from him. in a different light. and that scared him deeply.
during dinner theo had finally stopped making comments. mattheo was thankful for that, but he still tried to stray away from watching you, even if his eyes seemed to automatically find you.
"hey" blaise sat down on the bench in front of mattheo, successfully blocking his sight on you.
"hi" mattheo and theo chorused, before they continued eating. well, theo did, mattheo was just pushing food around on his plate.
"okay" blaise said "what's wrong with you both?"
mattheo send theo a look, who sighed "nothing"
"i should've stayed with pansy and draco" blaise muttered, nodding his head at the two sitting a few spots down. "even if they're hardcore flirting, at least that was some what interesting"
"wohoo!" enzo sat down next to blaise "the party can start!" he announced dramatically. mattheo rolled his eyes at the boy. blaise was annoying on his own, but the combination with enzo was nothing mattheo could take today.
it had been a month without sex and mattheo was feeling the effect.
"are we in a bad mood today?" enzo teased.
"fuck off" mattheo shoved his plate away and crossed his arms, bending his head down.
"hey" a soft voice made the boys look up. you were standing next to mattheo, who quickly scrumbled to his feet.
"hi" he said "how are you?"
"i'm fine" you smiled, sending an irritated look to enzo, whose eyes grew big as he recognized you. "is your friend alright?" you asked mattheo.
mattheo turned around and knew immediately who you were talking about. enzo was flailing his hands dramatically, hitting blaise on the shoulder over and over again, as if that would be enough to transfer his thoughts. "ignore him" mattheo tried his best to smile at you effortlessly, but was nervous about the reason you were talking to him in the first place.
"okay" you stretched, focusing on the boy in front of you again. "you forgot your notebook" you held it in his direction and he tried to hide his disappointment.
"oh" he nodded "thank you" you send him a last smile, before you turned around and walked back to your table
"that was horrible" theo muttered in mattheos direction, when he sat down again. before he could answer anything, enzo broke into a giggle.
"what's going on with you, you moron?" blaise looked at enzo in disgust and slid a bit to the side, rubbing his arm, that was probaly blue now after enzo had hit it multiple times.
"that's the girl!" enzo blabbled "from the party! the one you took back to the dorm!" he pointed his finger at mattheo. it seemed like enzo enjoyed knowing something secretive for the first time. normally he would be the last to hear about his friends flings.
"and?" mattheo shrugged, acting nonchalantly.
"yeah" blaise shrugged "she isn't the first and probably won't be the last, am i right?"
mattheo nodded relucantly and theo wiped his face with one hand, trying to hide his expression.
"hey mattheo" annie, a slytherin mattheo was sitting next to in potions, slid in on the bench next to him. he had been pursuing her for a few weeks, before he had slept with you.
"hi" mattheo replied absentmindedly.
blaise and enzo exchanged a confused look. theo shrugged. and mattheo? he seemed to be utterly uninterested in talking to annie any further. he turned his head away from the girl and she opened her mouth, but before anything could come out of it, blaise entered the non existent conversation.
"i'm good at sex too, sweetheart" he send her a smug smile, followed by a wink, while wiggling his eyebrows.
theo tried to hide his face, ashamed at what his friend was babbling and annie wrinkled her nose, looking at blaise disgusted.
"what?" she asked and then turned to mattheo "aren't you going to say anything?"
mattheo shrugged and took a sip from his water. annie shook her head outraged and got up. "arrogant asshole" she threw her head back and walked off.
that because of me you would leave a love and now I'm all you're dreaming of
"what was that?" enzo asked and even he seemed to be irritated now.
"what do you mean?" mattheo acted like he didn't have a clue what his friend was talking about.
"annie" blaise exclaimed, pointing in the direction the girl had just left. "you wanted to tap that ever since the school year started"
"you just ruined your progress" enzo added.
"i don't care" mattheo got up. his eyes caught yours across the hall. you smiled at him, before you continued your conversation with a boy, mattheo had never seen before, who was obviously flirting with you "i don't want her anymore"
blaise and enzo turned around. blaise clasped a hand over his mouth as soon as he realized what was going on.
"the girl from the party?" enzo asked confused, he was a bit slower.
"y/n" mattheo corrected, burying his hands in the pockets of his trousers
"what about her" blaise elbowed enzo. hard. "ow! blaise!"
"just look at him" theo muttered and mattheo didn't even hear his friends talking anymore. he was too focused on you and that boy, focused how you touched his arm and threw your head back from laughter. a month ago it had been mattheo talking with you like that. now you were the only thing that mattered to him and it seemed he couldn't be more irrelevant to you.
"shit" enzo mumbled as he realized. mattheo took that as his cue to leave and do something about his pathetic situation.
"can we talk?" he asked and you looked up at him confused.
"we're sort of in the middle of something" the unknown boy said. mattheo ignored him, sending you a pleading look.
"sure" you agreed, excusing yourself and following mattheo out of the hall and into an abondened classroom.
"so, what did you want to talk about?" you crossed your arms, leaning you back against one of the tables.
"you're driving me crazy, y/n" he quickly said and you raised your eyebrows. "i can't get you off my mind, ever since that night"
"oh" you simply said "i didn't want to mislead you, mattheo"
that dismal to be when every now and then someone else i′ll see again, it wasn't planned that you now feel like one of many
he sighed, his hand running through his curls. he stepped closer and the worried look on your face was making him go feral, the way you looked up to him through thick lashes, your hair, your smell, everything about you. his hand cupped your cheek softly, his thumb brushing along your lip.
"mattheo" you muttered. you didn't know that he was thinking more of that night "i thought we both agreed that this was just a simple hook up"
"it's not simple anymore" mattheo whispered and his breath fanned over your skin, making you perk up and inch closer. but you had to control yourself. it would be different for you than for him, you didn't want to take advantage of his feelings. "i want you to myself, all of you" he said and confirmed your worries.
"mattheo" you pleaded again. you touched his cheek. and his skin felt like it was burning under your touch. "i don't want to be someone's girlfriend" you muttered and you could see the hurt in his eyes.
"i can't bear to see you with him" he admitted "not with anyone"
"i didn't want you to feel like one of many" you said softly. he let go of your cheek and you took his face in both of your hands. "we can do it again" you looked into his eyes "but it's not like that for me"
"i don't care" mattheo crashed his lips to yours. he lifted you up on the table behind you, deepening the kiss and opening your ponytail with a quick gesture. he broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against yours. you stroke his cheek and he smiled, tears shimmering in his eyes. "be mine. just for now"
"okay" you said and you felt worse at the smile that appeared on his face.
he nodded. "okay"
that you fall in love, because we do it. that it affects you so much i did not know that
mattheo climbed on top of you, pushing you down on the table and both of you knew that this was a volatile arrangement. you would keep your promise, but he knew you weren't his. he ignored that as he opened your bra and littered your collarbone with kisses.
you looked up to the ceiling and felt the guilt bubble inside of you. this felt wrong. and you were scared that mattheo was confusing lust with love. after all you weren't the type for relationships and you had thought he wasn't either.
you both parted ways after that night in the classroom. you kept out of his way out of guilt. and he kept away from you in the hope that whatever he was feeling was finally going to disappear.
halloween came and went and mattheo felt himself indulge in meaningless hookups, just like before he had been with you, but it wasn't the same. it felt wrong, like a duty he couldn't fulfill.
you weren't able to forget the feeling of the touch of his skin. the way it burned under your hand. they way nobody elses skin had ever burned under your touch. not like that atleast.
it took less than a week for a note to find you and for you to return to the abandoned classroom during nightfall. it made your heart burn to see him like that. desperate for your warmth. that night he took you out of the castle and while you were laying on the grass and watching his features shine under the stars, you had almost wanted to cry.
the sight of him saddened you and made you wish to give him all he was longing for. but you couldn't and mattheo knew that, but that night you were his for a short time once again.
you decided that this was going to be the last time. you would break it off the next time he would send a note. seeing the hurt in his eyes broke you more and more. especially when he tried to advert his eyes from you around the castle. as if he was constantly telling himself off for liking you the way he did.
leave it be, i can't deal, i have too much respect for how you feel
he was waiting for you when you arrived the next night. the glint of hope, any time you came to your secret meetings made everything so much worse.
"we have to stop doing this" you got right to the point.
mattheo's face fell. "what?"
"this isn't doing you any good" you admitted "i can't bear to hurt you"
"okay" he said "then don't go"
"it will hurt so much more if i don't go now"
he shook his head "you don't know that"
"i do" you assured unwillingly "it's not the same for me, matty"
"you don't feel anything?" he muttered, gently touching your face "does this do nothing to you at all?"
"not in the way you would want" you looked to the ground, trying to avoid his eyes. "i don't do commitment"
mattheo stepped back from you and nodded bitterly. "yeah" he shrugged. "why would you?"
you saw the tears glistening in his eyes. "i have too much respect for you and the way you feel than to play with you like that"
"don't say that" he shook his head and adverted his eyes.
"i'm sorry, matty, i truly am" you tried to grab his hand, but he moved backwards "but what did you expect? i told you the truth from the beginning"
"i know" he pushed his hair back, looking from the ground to your eyes "i thought, maybe, if this was going on for longer, you would eventually like me like that"
this was it. this was the moment your heart broke. he was looking at you and a single tear slipped down his cheek. in that moment you truly regretted ever coming close to him.
"you don't want that" you promised "you don't want to know me in a way that's more than for a night"
"i do" he argued "of course i want that"
"i will just let you down, matty"
"don't be ridiculous" he grabbed your shoulders
"loving me is not easy" you said loudly, trying to escape his hold.
"i know" he admitted "it's fucking hell"
you looked up at him in surprise. "you don't know what you're saying" you turned your body away from him with a sudden movement. "you don't love me. you can't love me"
"you'd be surprised at how much" he said softly. you turned around and looked at his face. you had known that he wanted more from you than you were able to give him.. but love? you had initially thought that whatever it was that made him dream of you, would be forgotten in less than a week. at least that was what had happened with any guy that claimed to like you before.
"i love you" he said, more clearly. "so much"
you couldn't allow yourself to hope. you couldn't take his words seriously. you shook your head and his smile died once again. whatever part of him had hoped to convince you was crashed and burning by now. "it will go away"
he watched in dispair as you silently left the room, without looking at him. he sank down on the table behind him, burying his face in his hands. what he didn't know was that you were doing the exact same right outside the classroom.
the next morning during breakfast you felt burned out by how much you had cried that night. your eyes felt puffy and your voice was hoarse. you ignored the conversations your friends were having around you, even if you got talked to. instead your eyes were fixated on the empty spot next to theo nott.
theo, who had noticed your look, send you a sympathic smile and shrugged his shoulders, making it obvious that he knew as much as you about mattheo's absence.
you got up from your seat aprublty, leaving the hall quickly and ignoring your friends questions. you took the fastest way to the astronomy tower you knew. you couldn't sit at the table and act like everything was normal. you wanted to be alone.
you let you legs dangle, the pole inbetween them securing your seating.
"seems like we both had the same idea" a sudden voice pulled you from your thoughts. you looked up. mattheo was standing at the stairs. you got up from your place.
"i'll leave" you assured him. after yesterday, you felt like it was your duty to give him space. he wasn't the problem, you were. and you didn't want to cause him any more harm.
"you don't have to" mattheo shrugged and you noticed that he was lying. he would rather have you leave again then look at you while knowing you would never reciprocate the way he did it.
"it's fine" you smiled, but it wasn't genuine. you walked past him, but unintentionally stumbled and almost fell down the stairs. he reacted quickly and caught your arm.
he let go of you after he had stabilized your footing.
"thank you" you mumbled
he ignored it. "maybe you should go to madam pomfrey, your arm is burning hot"
you perked up at that. "what?" you whispered.
"your arm is burning hot" he repeated, assuming you just hadn't heard him.
you looked at him in disbelief, remembering how his skin used to feel under your touch, and how the reason behind it all had been simple and plain love.
but you had to know for sure. you pulled your blouse from your skirt, quickly unbuttoning the last buttons. you pulled it up, so that your skin was bare. "can you touch me there?" you asked and mattheo's eyes widened.
"what the fuck?" he wondered.
"can you just do it, please?" you asked again and he sighed, but softly touched you. "is it hot?"
"your skin or this situation?"
"the skin" your face reddened.
mattheo nodded and frowned. "alarmingly, actually"
"open your shirt" you directed and to your surprise, he did like you had asked without the slightest hesitation.
you pressed you hand against his chest quickly. his skin was burning underneath it. you smiled.
"touch my face" mattheo cupped your cheeks. he nodded silently, confirming that your face was as hot as the rest of your body.
your smile grew even bigger and mattheo smiled back hesitantely, still confused at what was going on. "can i hug you?" you asked.
mattheo nodded and opened his arms for you to step in. for the first time you were doing something that didn't involve sexual lust. you breathed in his smell of nicotine and perfume and you wondered how something so simple could be so special. you stepped back and you knew that you were now seeing things in a different light, everything, even him.
"i'm probably not good at it" you admitted "but i think i'm in love with you"
mattheo smiled at you and laughed. "you were teribble at it, yeah" he grinned "so there is much room for improvement"
you giggled, but quickly grew serious again "i'm not good at being committed"
"me either" he said and stepped closer, taking your face in his hands once again. "but we will manage, we can learn together" he promised and kissed you softly. both of your lips were burning up.
"that sounds like a plan" you smiled, touching his cheeks with your fingers "but it will be hard to love me" you looked down.
"i don't care" mattheo crashed his lips to yours. he drew you close to his body, deepening the kiss and squeezing your waist in a way that made you squeek in surprise. he broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against yours. you stroke his cheek and he smiled, happy tears shimmering in his eyes. "be mine. for longer than now"
"okay" you nodded and you felt butterflies errupting at the smile that appeared on his face.
he nodded and you mirrored his smile. "okay"
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harunayuuka2060 · 3 months
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MC's sister: *has trouble breathing and couldn't move a single muscle*
MC: Are you feeling any discomfort? *holding the sleeping Liora in their arms*
MC's father and brother: ...
MC's father: MC... Please stop this. I'm certain your sister didn't know-
MC: Of course. Since you raised her to be an idiot.
MC's father: ...
MC: Father, you must let me punish her.
MC: Because if not, then I will let the Kingscholars take care of her.
MC: And you know what will happen after that.
MC's brother: Fair enough.
MC's brother: Let's go, father.
MC's father: But-
MC's brother: They will let her live. Don't worry.
MC's father: ...Very well.
*The two of them left the room*
MC: ...
MC's sister: ...
MC: How lucky you are that Liora is a transcendental like me.
MC: If he wasn't and ended up being killed for your foolish act,
MC: I would break the promise I made to your mother and destroy your heart.
MC: Which I created myself.
MC's sister: *has an expression of fear*
MC: Don't do anything like this again. Are we clear?
MC's sister: *puts every bit of her strength to nod*
MC: Good.
Falena's wife: You must be feeling awful.
MC's former attendant: My apologies, master... I should've been more careful... *in tears*
MC: It's alright. I was careless myself.
Falena's wife: ...
Falena's wife: *could tell that they're still furious*
Falena's wife: Should we call Leona?
MC: ...
MC: Yes.
Falena's wife: *smiles*
Leona: *hugs MC*
MC: I didn't ask you to hug me.
Leona: You're angry. You need one.
MC: ...
MC: It's obvious that you have never been affectionate towards anyone, Leona.
Leona: I know, I know. It's my first time and I'm still learning.
MC: ...
MC: *hugs him back*
Leona: *rubs their back to comfort them*
MC: I have never been scared, Leona. *gripping the back of his shirt*
Leona: ...
MC: *who had never cried in their life, is now in tears*
Leona: *tightens the hug*
Leona: ...
MC's sister: I'm really sorry... I-I didn't know what I was thinking that time...
Leona: ...
Leona: Oh. So you're calling it an 'Oops' situation?
Leona: Lady! You tried to endanger my son's life!
MC's sister: *crying* I am really sorry...
Leona: ...
Leona: MC might've already punished you, but as Liora's father, I won't turn a blind eye to this.
Leona: *stood up from his seat* After leaving this place today, you will no longer hold noble status, and I prohibit you from entering the Royal Palace or coming anywhere near my son and my spouse.
Leona: If you choose to defy me, I will not hesitate to reduce you to nothing but sand.
Leona: *is on his way back to MC when he receives a call from Kalim*
Leona: *answers it* Hello-
Kalim: *crying* LEONAAA!!! IS IT TRUE SOMETHING ALMOST HAPPENED TO LIORA?!!
Jamil: *in the background* Calm down, Kalim.
Leona: *sigh* Yes. How did you know?
Kalim: Ruggie told us! *sniffles* How could anyone do that to a precious baby?!
Leona: ...
Leona: Kalim.
Kalim: Yeah? *sniffles*
Leona: You should pay us a visit. MC will appreciate having support from their friends right now.
Kalim: O-Of course! Jamil and I will be there first thing tomorrow morning!
Leona: Thanks. See you tomorrow. *ends the call*
Leona: *has arrived at their room and sees MC holding Liora protectively in their arms while sleeping against the bed frame*
Leona: ...
Leona: *decides to approach them quietly*
Leona: *sits next to them* *putting an arm around their shoulder and pulling them slightly towards him, causing them to lean over to his side*
Leona: ...
MC: Do not stare at me like that.
Leona: !!!
Leona: You're awake?
MC: Yes. I could feel your stare digging holes in me.
Leona: Well, sorry for waking you up.
MC: It's fine. I was hoping you would.
Leona: ...
Leona: *has a faint blush on his cheeks*
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love is embarrassing
pairing: bucky barnes x reader
a.n. i can't be blamed for this. i swear, this is the last part. (but like, i also reserve the right to do another one if the mood strikes). i just have so much fun writing these two.
bad idea right? | get him back! | love is embarrassing
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you loved romance. you loved reading it. you loved watching a good rom com. you loved the idea of love.
you just wish someone would have told you how embarrassing it all was. love is embarrassing. plain and simple. it’s humiliating. and no movie, no book, no past relationship ever prepared you for how much you were willing to embarrass yourself for bucky barnes.
no one prepared you for hearing that tired sigh and watching your friends roll their eyes. every single time without fail.
“we broke up.”
“we’re back together.”
“we’re just keeping it casual.”
“i love him.”
“i hate him.”
bucky barnes had literally driven you to the brink of madness. then reeled you back in. then pushed you head first over the cliff. and as much as you wanted to hate him for it, you know you've done the exact same thing to him too.
something about the two of you, whether together or broken up, turned to usually level headed, composed agents into immature, borderline insane people.
dignity, both yours and his, was no longer a consideration in your relationship.
it was simple, neither of you had any left.
not when you kept falling into each other's beds and arms over and over again.
and in spite of all of this, in spite of all the embarrassment, the moment bucky texts you and asks you to meet him for a coffee, you agree - but only after making him wait several hours for a simple 'okay'.
here you sit before him, sipping on your tea, wondering where the hell your pride went. you were sure you had it right before bucky texted you.
bucky lets out a deep sigh, his hands anxiously rubbing together. "I just - i thought that maybe we should talk. alone. and i didn't want you to think that i was just trying to -"
"hook up?"
he nods, his lips pressed together, "exactly."
"it's not like everyone doesn't already know what's going on between us."
he immediately looks apologetic. you hate that. you hate that deep down, bucky barnes is actually a really good person, just not a great ex-boyfriend.
the real kicker was that he was actually a really great boyfriend, at least, from what you remember. "i should've told you that sam and steve found out."
your shoulders slump in defeat as you acquiesce, "and i should've told you that natasha and wanda found out."
his mouth twists. "so everyone knows, huh?"
"pretty much... does that surprise you?"
"i mean, i guess not. it's not like we were subtle about any of it."
you playfully snort, "no, i guess we weren't."
"why did we break up?"
"you don't remember that huge fight we had?"
"no, i remember that. i remember being really pissed off. i remember saying things that i didn't mean. i just can't remember why i didn't go after you. i can't remember why you didn't come back. and i can't remember why we gave up so easily."
the crazy thing was you could hardly remember what the fight was about. his ego. your temper. conflicting work schedules. the reality was you both blew up that night. "i don't remember either."
"why the hell are we still broken up?"
pride, mostly.
it was always the ugly head that reared itself in your relationship.
you were too proud to admit that you were wrong.
he was too proud to admit that he was wrong.
you were both too proud to be the first one to lay your armor down.
"it’s just..." you start, shaking your head and immediately backtracking, "forget it."
"it’s clearly something," bucky urges.
"it’s embarrassing."
"i promise i won’t give you shit about whatever you say."
"no, bucky, it’s embarrassing..."
his jaw sets to the side, his teeth clicking together. "us? we’re embarrassing? you’re embarrassed to be with me?"
"no! yes! no - it’s - this whole back and forth. if i get back together with you now - which i'm not saying i will - what does that say about me?"
he scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. "i didn't realize you cared that much about what other people thought of you."
"don't patronize me," you sneer. "you've embarrassed the shit out of me over and over again. forgive me for having some self respect."
"i think i'm falling in love with him," you confess.
"i'm so happy for you!" wanda squeals.
"barnes!" natasha greets him. "we were just talking about you two, so much for being a lone wolf, huh?"
bucky wraps an arm around you, pressing a kiss to the side of your head. he scoffs, "nothing's changed. we're just keeping it casual."
"i've embarassed you?" bucky guffaws. "you're not exactly innocent in this either."
"me?" you gasp. "what the hell did i do to you?"
"i think she's the one," bucky wistfully admits.
sam rolls his eyes. "you've been dating like a month."
"i'm not seeing your point."
"hey, sam," you greet him, making a point to glare at bucky as you pass the two of them on the way to the bar.
"oh shit," sam chuckles. "someone's in trouble."
"what? no i'm not - " bucky's words are cut off by the sight of you flipping him off as you walk away. "i stand corrected."
"you've done plenty," bucky grunts.
"and now, now, all i hear now is everyone's opinion of what they think i should do!" you exclaim. "do you know how humiliating it is to have everyone's opinions of whether or not i should be with you?"
“you’ll never get over him if you’re still under him, if you get what i mean,” nat quips.
you roll your eyes. “you have the subtlety of a brick wall.”
"you were the one that was all over sam at the bar the other night!" he accuses.
"and you were flirting with some random stranger in front of all of our friends!" you shoot back.
"people are staring," bucky points out.
you hang your head. great, you've embarrassed yourself once again in this back and forth with bucky. "i'm just tired of hearing what everyone thinks about this back and forth."
"but what do you think?" he emphasizes. "because, honestly, i'll embarrass myself over and over again if it means i could have you back. just name a time and a place and i'll be there." you're taken aback by bucky's offer. he was a proud man. there was no denying that. and maybe it's the fact that there's nothing but sincerity gleaming in his eyes or the fact that he's willing to give up something he values so much for you. maybe romance isn't dead after all. "or maybe, maybe we just stop. we stop this back and forth. we stop acting like kids, stop trying to get back at each other. we just... love each other without worrying about what everyone else thinks."
"oh fuck," you hiss under your breath as the realization hits you.
"what?"
you don't say anything. you just realized that you're about to embarrass yourself one last time for bucky barnes.
who cares? after all, love is embarrassing.
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swiss-mrs · 17 days
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Can you write a second chance a love with SY. He and reader were exes and tension has built up where he can’t help but kiss you and profess that he still misses you. Thanks!
Second Chances
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Captain Syverson x GN!Reader
Word Count: 4.4k
Warnings: Mentions of Failed (Military) Relationships, Mentions of Fighting/Regretted Words Exchanged, Slight Sexism/Toxic Masculinity/Trad Views, Self-Doubt, Slight Depression, Sy is Able to Lift Reader, Angst with Happy Ending (As Requested)
Reader/Unnamed OC Description: No Physical Descriptions, No Mentions of Race, Height, Weight, Ethnicity, Etc., Age is 25+, Sy is 35+, No Use of Y/N, Only You/Your Pronouns, Mentioned as “darling" and "beautiful", otherwise gender neutral.
Life is… fine. Wake up. Go to work. Come back home to your apartment. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. There wasn't really anything to complain about, but there was a notable loss. The only thing is now you're just used to it.
In the beginning, it was always the little things, someone passing with a similar cologne, a specific food brand at the grocery store, a familiar street you no longer pass by as often. Eventually, the watery eyes tamed to a pang in your chest. Now, it's all just numbness. Even with friends, your smile makes appearances again, but the happiness doesn't quite reach your eyes the way it used to. It's been so long, they just stopped mentioning it, but you still notice the occasional pity look.
It's a crazy thing to think about how you've lived more of your life without him than you have with him, but that doesn't lessen the effect.
You'd survived your childhood, your teenage years, and early twenty-something without him. After meeting the most handsome man you'd ever laid eyes on, you'd be foolish not to reciprocate his advances. Though you shortly had your skepticism after finding out his occupation, he was quick to assure you he was no quick trip, and ultimately, you caved.
And he for sure had you, for years in fact. He had you completely believing every one of his ‘I love you's and ‘forever's, yet here you are, missing the way he'd fill up the space in your life.
You'd had a life before him, a decently fulfilling, single life until he showed up and screwed that all up. He wasn't necessarily your first ‘love’, but he was definitely your first ‘true love’. And, now, you were feeling the effects of that loss.
The first thing that hit you after your split with Sy was anger, pure reactivity to how everything ended. How dare he call you ‘too much’. How dare he try to pull the whole ‘you signed up for this’ bullshit. He had the audacity to make every problem your problem. Fuck him for making your ‘forever’ just another failed military love that should've known better.
You were soon to block him, not wanting to hear any of his ‘I'm sorry's or ‘can we talk's. You'd already talked, talked a little too much. You were done. ‘Let it die’ was your mantra for months. He ruined you, had you looking in the mirror different. You couldn't talk to anyone, express yourself, ask for help, be vulnerable without seeing it as annoying, dramatic, ‘too much’. Maybe, it was just you?
You took it upon yourself to change, distance yourself, drift away. Was it just you? No one made a comment about how they suddenly heard from you less. Were you really too much?
For a long while, you wished he'd cheated, abused, something, anything to make you hate him. Could you really hate him for it? You didn't work out. That's not his fault. He didn't understand you, and a couple of rude words weren't nearly enough to hate him. He was ultimately a good guy. He was never unfaithful, never would even dare to think of laying a hand on you, but when it was all said and done, he was a bit neglectful. But, how much of that was him, and how much of it was his job? Oftentimes, it was hard to distinguish. Too often was it an excuse.
Did he love you? sure. Could he have loved more? yes. Too often did it feel like he was one-sided. You were there for him, not the other way around. You are his, not the other way around. You needed him, not the other way around. And to have that shoved back in your face when you brought it up was not the right reaction. He shouldn't feel like an animal cornered when you brought up a concern, something he did that hurt you, but he did. A valid point shouldn't be shot down or argued with counterpoint, but it was. Now, you can only second guess yourself, and that shouldn't be how it is, but it is.
You loved too hard, that will haunt you. He loved too little, and that will forever haunt him.
He hated himself. You were everything he ever prayed for, a beautiful partner with a beautiful smile and a beautiful soul, someone he could have forever. He didn't realize that the thought of ‘having someone’ was wrong of him. He was selfish. You never did anything but show him your heart, your mind, and he blew it up in your face. He destroyed something, someone so beautiful. A day hasn't passed that he wasn't filled with regret. He couldn't even smile or laugh anymore. He became scary.
He'd lost the one piece of true happiness in his life, and it was his fault.
He craved you. He needed you, but he was too late. Why couldn't he have realized what he had sooner? Appreciate you like you deserve. Love you like you deserve. He knows he has it in him, but he just couldn't. fucking. see. it. He wants to kick his own ass for it. He desperately wants to turn back time, go back with the mindset he has now, or at least beat it into his past self.
He'd gotten too damn comfortable being in the military. Vulnerability is weakness. Why would he use his words? Why think about anything, decode? Feelings are best buried. He's a man's-man, and a man only needs to protect and provide
He believed that ideology never gave him issues until you. You challenged that ideal. You asked him for his thoughts, his feelings. You wanted to know. You cared. It annoyed him. Why the fuck would he care? Sure he had thoughts and feelings somewhere, but he pushed them down. Why bring them back up? You surely had too much time on your hands to be concerned with what he was thinking. You wanted connection. He knows that now, but what is that going to do for him now?
He immediately felt the effects of your absence. He was deployed when you left your shared home. He watched you leave on the security camera, car packed to the brim. Sure, he had felt a type of way about it then, but then he was only apologizing for the sake of it. He was just another man in the wrong. Apologize to your upset partner, make up, and move on, but oh, was it so much more different now.
He was filed to the brim with remorse. Even then, he had visions of your shared future, retiring or climbing ranks to settle in one place, building a family, a home, preferably on a large, secluded plot of land. How he looks on with different eyes at that ‘future’ now. He never truly believed in all that ‘grass is greener’ ‘know what you have ‘til it's gone’ B.S. until he'd lost you. He gets it now.
It wasn't until that switch was flipped for him to realize you blocked him, excommunicated. He was gone so much that he never got a chance to build any sort of relationship with your friends. It irritates him now that he is probably known as just the shitty military ex. The closest thing he has to you is a friend of a friend of his who is a friend of a friend of yours. At first, he'd rather die than try to reach out to you that way, but now, there was no line, no bridge he wouldn't cross to just get one more moment with you.
He'd been stewing on it for the last year and a half. You'd moved and blocked him. It seemed utterly hopeless to reconnect, but something came up recently that has him itching again.
He's been promoted. A good job, good position, and in one place. It was perfect. The start of your ‘forever’ together. The only thing missing is you. Friend of a friend² be damned. He had to fix this, and just his luck to find you. Just your luck to be found.
It took several minutes for you to lay eyes on him, but he spotted you immediately. The second you walked through the door of your new favorite café, he saw you. He couldn't believe it. He originally pulled himself into this place because it simply reminded him of you. It had you written all over it. He felt closer to you here. He wouldn't have guessed you would just walk in like this. His eyes followed you as you stood in line and ordered.
He noticed you glance around the café briefly and still not spot him seated at a back table facing the exit. His heart raced, seeing your eyes wander before going to your phone. He knew that look, though. You were only fidgeting with it, trying to make yourself look busy to avoid any social awkwardness. It made him grin as he stared longingly. There were some things that didn't change.
It had been a whole two years since you last saw Sy, about eight months since you stopped seeing him in every stranger. You weren't going to back track now, so you stared down blankly at your phone to keep yourself from staring at the familiar looking guy in the corner. He was missing a thick beard and a shaved head, but with a quick glance, he looked an awful lot like heartbreak.
Sy knew he was on borrowed time, the chances of you sitting alone in any kind of restaurant was slim to none, and considering you weren't looking for seating meant you were grabbing and going. He had to think of something and fast.
His body was standing, and his feet were moving before his mind could catch up. It wasn't until he was about two feet away that he stopped and started panicking. You noticed the man standing in your peripheral, but you kept your head down to avoid any awkward eye contact. That was until your name fell from his lips, causing you to look up from your phone.
“Sy?” Your eyes widened and your brows furrowed together. Your heart immediately started blasting in your ears. You couldn't breathe. You'd thought about running into him again, about all you wanted to say to him, telling him off? apologizing? But that was before your move, before you forced him out of your mind. Now, you were face to face with your anxiety and dreaded nightmare. Your name was muffled from his mouth and to your ears the second time.
“Hi. How have you been?” He wanted to punch himself in the face for how casual that came out, but he quite honestly couldn't think of anything better to say without falling over his own words. He awaited a response from you, but you only stared like a deer in headlights.
You genuinely couldn't hear a word coming out of his mouth. Was he talking? He had to have been. His mouth was moving, but it was like his voice was muffled. Something you assume was your name came out again before your name was called a bit louder by a different voice behind you.
You whip your head around to find a perky barista with a drink in hand, looking in your direction. You scurry over to her and take your drink with a curt thank you, as polite as you can muster in this moment. Without even a second glance, you're making a rushed escape for the exit. Your name is called again, but you're tunnel visioned on the door out.
Sy's stomach tightens and drops at the sight of your flee, but again his body is in full control at this point. He's utterly in shock. He didn't know what to expect, but this was his chance. All he knew is that he couldn't let you leave, not again, so this time, he chased after you.
As soon as you're out the door, he's right behind you, having to catch the door from slamming on him. He calls out for you again, but you don't stop, so he keeps running.
It's once you're passed the café windows that he finally catches up. He reaches to grab for your arm but quickly changes his mind to just step in front of you instead. “Wait! Please, darlin’, wa-”
“Don't call me that.” He's taken aback by the sudden words but retracts nonetheless.
“Please. Wait.” It was at this point that you both have fallen silent that you get a good look at him. His hair has grown out of its ‘tactical buzzcut’ and into a pretty generic cut that was redeemed by the dark curls atop his head. His beard was now trimmed down to only some scruff and a mustache. It was an odd combination of seeing him with more and less hair than usual, but he was just as handsome as ever, unfortunately.
The pause between you both was long. Though it should be awkward, it was also strangely comfortable or rather empty. Being in each other's presence again was like putting on an old hoodie. It was cathartic and familiar, but the memories, the history, was hard to get passed. Your name falls from his lips again, a lot softer and barely there. Your eyes were trained on his face, unable to look away. His were downcast.
“I… I….” His eyes close as he takes a deep breath in an attempt to gain some composure. His bottom lip juts out a bit as his mouth tightens into a little frown. “Please, I need to talk with you.” He opens his eyes, encapsulating your gaze in his.
The sight of his eyes outside of your memory is enough to empty your brain of any thought, so you remain silent. But he needs an answer from you, so he waits.
“What is there to talk about?” You say. He can tell by the look in your eyes that you built walls that weren't there before, and it shakes him to his core. He did that.
“A lot.” He sighs, huffing out a singular humorless laugh through his nose. His face briefly quirks like it wants to give a smile to match the short laugh, but the overwhelming weight of the situation at hand just won't allow for it.
You stare up at him for a few beats of silence, both of your chests tight with anxiety. You've never seen him so close to breaking down. He's never seen you so blank. Neither of you really knows what to do, but eventually, your eyes fall from his face before you walk passed him.
Sy freezes. The world around him simultaneously crumbles and halts. His breathing completely stills. You don't get five steps away before you turn back and call after him, “You want to talk. I'm not giving you another chance to do so.” You say, expecting him to follow you. As soon as the realization hits, he moves with haste. He's beside you walking before you're even done turning back around.
It was a good two blocks before Sy spoke up. “How have you been?” He tries again, looking over to you as you walk.
“Fine.” You answer curtly. It makes Sy frown again. It's the kind of ‘fine’ you'd give a stranger, and he hates that that's what you've become. He feels a bit shut down but continues. This is his chance.
“Well, that's, um, good to hear.” He states, but the end of the sentence inflicts an upward tone, almost into a question.
“I wasn't for a long time, but now, I'm fine.” You add, and it's the hardest punch in the gut Sy has ever received. His jaw clenched as he nodded. He swallows, trying to carefully choose his words, knowing how much each one counts.
“Darlin-” He cuts himself off by correcting it to your name. He sighs again, “Please, genuinely hear me when I express how sorry I am.”
“I'm sure you are.” He glosses over your response, continuing.
“Look, I know I've said it before, but, in all honesty, I didn't-” He cuts himself off again, making sure he words it correctly.
“Didn't mean it?” You finished, a bit annoyed.
“No.” He's quick to correct, “I meant it.” He says, determined, “I knew that I had made you upset, and I knew to apologize for it, but I didn't really know the meaning behind it.” He admits. “I didn't understand.” He confirms what you already know. “I was foolish. Stuck in an old way.” He pauses with another frown. “I didn't understand why you wanted to dig into me. I didn't understand that you were only trying to connect with me, really connect. I got defensive. ” He looks up from the ground to your eyes with a sad, guilty look, like he's confessing. “I was stupid and didn't believe in sharing every part of me with you.” He slows his pace, forcing you to match until you're stopped in front of him.
You're facing each other as he continues with his confession. “I thought doing so would make me less of a man, but I understand now.” He gives you a quick, little, sad smile before it disappears into a guilty frown. “I understand that it was an integral part of strengthening our bond, our love. You'd show me every part of you in return for me doing the same, and we'd accept each other, every part.” He gives another sad smile that breaks your heart all over again. He looks down shamefully with a hard look on his face, “I understand now.”
You look at him with a sad pout. Half of you wants to give him a piece of your mind. Two years!? It took all that time to just now fucking realize what you were asking of him!? But the other half didn't know how to feel. What is he trying to do? Redeem himself? What.
“So that's it? You just wanted to give me an actual apology?” He can see that your walls are still up. He fixes his jaw.
“Yes, but,” He starts. He knew that you weren't going to just fall into his arms, but he still hoped it would be that easy to just pick up where you left off. He sighs with his eyes closed, this time shakily, nervous. It confuses you as you've never seen the Captain Syverson nervous. “I've been…” He stops short, pausing. Jesus, you never thought you'd see the day this immovable mountain of a man revert to a reprehensible kid. “I know we can't pick up where we left off, and I kind of don't want to,” He tries again, this time getting a confused and slightly offended expression from you, “but can we, maybe, start over?” He looks at you with the most hopeful, pitiful puppy eyes you've ever seen, another thing you never thought you'd see from him.
The air forcefully leaves your lungs as all the progress you've made through the years to try and make yourself impenetrable leaves with it. Your chest tightens as you try to will the upcoming tears away. It's your turn to let out a humorless laugh. You shake your head, looking off into the distance, “You really hurt me, Sy.” You look back at him with the most heartbreaking expression. He nearly looks close to tears at the sight. “I'm too much. I'm needy. I expect too much.”
“No, no, no.” He stops you, stepping closer only to get you retreating from him. Your step back drives the heartbreak further into his chest. He shakes his head in utter disagreement, a disgusted grimace on his features. “You're not. You're. not. I was foolish and childish, and I was not ready for you.”
“But you're ready now?” You interject in disbelief.
“Yes,” He states firmly without hesitation. He steps up again. This time, your body visibly tenses, but you don't move away. “I'm more than ready. I need you.” He takes another smaller, gentler step forward. “I hate that it took you leaving for me to see that, but I do.”
“Sy-”
“Please. Please. Don't say it's too late. Don't say we can't try again. Please, just one more chance.” He looks down abruptly like a private who just got caught looking at a superior officer. He's begging. He knows how he hurt you and your trust. Like a dog showing its belly, he's trying to show you his submission. Ultimately, it's in your hands, but he's determined.
You stare at him while trying to decipher the mess in your mind. “Sy.” You say a bit more calmly. His demeanor doesn't change. You sigh, “How do I know you wouldn't just fail back into old habits? What if, even after all this, you just repeat the same closed book bullshit? What's different?” You try to find his eyes, but they remain downcast as he stays still.
“I've been promoted.” He states a bit detached, poorly stating fact, anything you want from him. “I'd no longer be in the field, no longer deployed. I'd be in one place.” He purses his lips into another right frown. “It's the start of what we used to talk about.” He says, words laced with hope and nostalgia. “Remember?” He tests, voice as soft as silk. Your eyes sadden even more, looking down with a miniscule nod. “I can settle down. Stop putting myself in the line of fire every day. I'd come home to you every night, wake up with you every mornin’.” His eyes soften as they peer up at you through his dark eyelashes. “Get that dream house.” He raises his brows with soft eyes and a sigh of a grin.
“Sy.” He quickly follows with your name before you continue. The gentle way your name rolls off his tongue makes your heart race at a concerning rate. “I,” you sigh, “I can't just run back to you after all this time.” You scoff out a sad laugh.
“So, let's just start with a date.” He tries again softly, melting your heart in your chest. “No pressure, no expectations, just one do-over.” His eyes flutter softly as his eyes return to their submissive downcast. “A reintroduction to the people we've become. A second first date.” He concludes. You can't help but let out a soft giggle, skinny trying to hold yourself together. Though it's sad, Sy has never heard a more beautiful sound. His chest swells with hope.
It takes time for you to make up your mind, and he gives it to you. Your everything was already screaming at you to say yes, but you couldn't let him know that, so you took your time. “Okay.” You cave. Sy's brows shoot up, and his face breaks out into a huge, mouth agape smile. The image of pure overjoyed surprise.
He can't help himself but close the distance between you and scoop you in his arms, twirling you around, with a victorious laugh. The shock of it all and contagious joy causes you to let out a small giggle. He looks up at you in his arms and drops you down enough to plant a kiss on your lips. Though quick, the kiss was filled with nothing but longing and love.
As if realizing what's happened, he's quick to gently set you back down and take a step back, returning to the same distance you were at prior. He is a bit awkward with his hands before setting them on his hips. He still has a bright smile on his face, “I,” he huffs, “You have no idea how you've just made me the happiest man to ever exist.” He tries to just quickly move passed what just happened. “So, could I, maybe, get your number?” He says, trying his best to contain his joy.
You laugh, admittedly a little awkward. “It's the same one.” You fidget, “I can, uh, I'll unblock you, as long as you have the same number as well, I mean.” You stumble. He nods.
“Yeah. Yeah, it's the same one.” He sighs, content. His eyes are filled with admiration and adoration, like you hung the moon and stars single handedly. It was everything you ever wanted from him to see his love within him.
You quickly pull your phone out and unlock his number on the spot. “There.” You shoot him a quick text. Even after all this time, his tagname never changed in your phone. You hear his phone ding moments later, and he pulls it out with an even brighter smile and a sigh of relief. He never thought he'd see your name pop up in his notifications again. Once again, it's always the little things that are missed.
“Are you free this weekend? Friday night, maybe?” He asks. You give him a small smile and a nod. “Great! Great, I'll- I'll pick you up? We can get dinner after work and…start over.” He sighs. He's both a little sad and over the moon. He wants nothing more than to do a quick catch-up and just start pouring his love into you, but hey, beggars can't be choosers. You give another small smile.
“I can't wait.” You say. He nods curtly. “You can tell me all about your new job.” His face brightens at you, showing interest in him again. He steps forward to stand beside you, holding out his elbow.
“Let me walk you to your car.” You breathe out a small chuckle before hooking your hand in his elbow, taking back to the café parking lot. Just a few paces in, Sy leans in closer to you to whisper in a low tone, “I know we're going to go slow, but I just want to say… I missed you.” You look into his deep blue eyes before looking down at his mustached lips.
“I've missed you too.” You whisper back with a small smile.
The remainder of the work week, Sy was notably different, even getting some teasing comments from coworkers. Your friends tried tearing into you, asking why you suddenly looked like the life returned in you, but you kept your lips sealed. You were taking things one step at a time with Sy.
The most anyone got was “I have a date.”
____
I hope you liked it! Thank you so much for the request, Anon! I hope I did it justice. (sorry it took so long. I've been a bit under the weather😅)
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eufezco · 1 year
Text
LOVER – XAVIER THORPE x READER
MAJOR WEDNESDAY SPOILERS !!
SUMMARY – You go to Xavier for comfort.
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Xavier knew something was wrong when he discovered that you were the person knocking at his door, chewing at your lower lip, and looking so close to tears. Since you started dating Tyler Galpin, you stopped visiting Xavier at that time of the night. He understood that your those encounters could no longer happen now that you had a boyfriend. What you and Xavier had was already a thing of the past. You were still friends, even though Xavier didn't like Tyler and your boyfriend tried to apologize to him, there was only one thing Tyler could do to get Xavier's forgiveness and that was giving back what once was his.
"What happened?" Xavier asked. Instead of answering his question, you jumped into his arms, and he had to take a few steps backwards to keep himself from falling.
Xavier quickly hugged you back. His arms squeezed you against his body just the way he knew you liked, tight enough to make you feel safe but still soft to not make it suffocating. Both of your hands were on his chest, covering your face as you sobbed in silence, while one of his caressed your back, and his other one was at the back of your head, doing the same thing with your hair.
"Okay, let's go." Xavier carefully pulled you away from him, holding your face in between his hands to make you look at him. His thumbs wiped the tears that rolled down your cheeks but it was useless because you couldn't stop crying. "Come here." He grabbed your hands with his and guided you to his bed. You sat next to each other but Xavier didn't let go of your hands. "Did something happen?"
Your bottom lip quivered before you told him that Wednesday finally found the identity of the Hyde. Xavier's eyes widened after you told him and he quickly understood why you knocked on his door crying. He hated Tyler, but he did not believe him capable of doing something like that to you. "I'm so sorry, y/n." Xavier put one hand over your shoulders and you rested your head on his chest. "You don't deserve this."
While you sobbed on your friend's chest, you couldn't help but feel stupid and regret every single moment you spent with Tyler. Xavier warned you about him and you didn't listen, yet he was there, not making you feel worse by saying "I told you", not closing his door at you for having been so naive, just comforting you and helping you to realize that it hadn't been your fault. You should've chosen Xavier, he had always been the right one.
Xavier wanted to kill him. At that moment he didn't care about how many people were killed by Tyler, Xavier only cared about the way he hurt you, about the way he lied to you. His jaw clenched thinking about how much you've loved Tyler, about the way your eyes shone every time you talked about him or after one of your dates, about how he played the nice guy around you but then was a true monster behind your back.
After what felt like forever, you were able to calm down and move away from Xavier. Your friend arched his eyebrows with concern. "How are you feeling? Any better?"
You nodded softly. Xavier knew you were lying.
"Look, I'm not letting him anywhere near you. You would never have to see him again, okay? It's over. Wednesday would go to the police, and everything will be over soon." You didn't know if Xavier's words were making you feel better or reminding you of how you fell for Tyler's lies.
Besides Xavier's soothing words, there was something else that could make you feel better. You stared at Xavier's lips, and when he noticed, he found himself with his eyes locked on your lips, thinking about how bad he had wished to have them so close to his again. He clenched his jaw, knowing this was wrong. You were having a breakdown. That wasn't a logical way of dealing with your problems but an emotional one that would not solve anything. An emotional response. Did that mean that that was what your heart was telling you to do, right? Not your brain, not what you were supposed to do but what you wanted to do. Xavier softly shook his head, he was overthinking this situation. This was wrong, you were not okay. "Y/n..." He called you while sighing against your lips right before you finally kissed him.
Oh, but your lips felt so good moving against his. They were wet and salty because of your tears and he could do nothing else but kiss you back. Quickly the kiss got more intense, your hands held both of his cheeks as his helped you to sit on his lap. Your hands moved to the back of his head and your fingers tugged his hair at the root. Once you pulled his hair, he gasped and finally realized what was going on.
"Y/n... We can't do this right now..." Xavier said while his hands went to grab your wrists. Your lips were still on his while he talked. "Y/n–"
"Please, I need it." You begged him as tears started rolling down your cheeks again, and how could he say no to you? Your eyes were red from all the crying you did, your cheeks were wet because of the tears, your bottom lip quivered softly but enough for Xavier to notice. He could feel your hands shaking under his grip. And if he was honest with himself, he had missed your kisses so bad. Not only your kisses but your giggling at his door after you dodged Thornhill, your hums and snuggles when he kissed your forehead at night, your hands braiding his hair... He missed what you two had before Tyler Galpin. He wished you had come back to him in other circumstances, but as you said, you needed it.
You needed Xavier.
Your lips ghosted over his, Xavier swallowed nervously. Your breathings were heavy, your lips half-open making it easy for them to mix. "Please, Xavier." You mumbled. Now it was Xavier the one that kissed you, holding your hips in place as your hands dug into his scalp again. This was exactly what you needed. When your lips were connected with Xavier, you weren't able to think about anything else besides how good it felt. And he didn't mind if you were doing that out of neediness or if you were just using him to forget about Tyler because as hard as he tried, he could never say no to you.
Xavier tucked your hair behind your ear after breaking away the kiss.
"Where's him now anyways?"
"I don't know, I think Wednesday is torturing him in your shack."
Xavier blinked slowly. "Wednesday is doing what?"
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dazed--xx · 4 months
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💔You Broke Me First💔
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Summary: Now suddenly you're asking for it back Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve? Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had. But I don't really care how bad it hurts…..When you broke me first
Member: Hyunjin x Reader
T/W: Mentions of Cheating, Break Ups, arguments, drinking, manipulation, crying, heartbreak, ANGST…, swearing, mentions of being drunk, yelling, sad ending
Word Count: 2.7K
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Maybe you don't like talking too much about yourself But you should've told me that you were thinkin' 'bout someone else…
“I know…”
You state stoically, your eyes stuck on the quaint maple table that sat between you and your boyfriend. You brushed your tongue over your bottom lip biting back tears “I know about her..” Your voice is just above a whisper. “Y-Y/N…” His tone is full of pity and guilt, you scoff to yourself shaking your head in disbelief.
“Why?… What did I do so wrong?”
“Nothing…”
“Then how could you?”
“I-I don't know…”
You stare blankly, not able to find the words to express how you feel right now. Your head grew heavier and heavier the longer the silence continued. You could feel Hyunjin’s gaze burning holes into your face. “I do care about you, Y/N…please don't think that I don't.” He sighs, his fingers fidgeting with each other as he bit the inside of his cheek. “She just made me feel…different. I’m sorry…” Another scoff is released from your chest, rolling your eyes at his apology. “I mean you could have told me you didn't love me anymore…” You mutter, trying your hardest to seem strong in this moment. “That someone else was catching your eye…instead of stringing me along for a while just to throw me away,” you growl as anger bubbles in your gut. “Y-Y/N—That’s not tr—It's fine, Hyunjin” you cut off his stammering.
Finally meeting his eyes, you could see the exhaustion and hint of something you couldn't quite place. You take in his image. Allowing yourself for a moment to memorize every single inch of his face, your heart ached the more time passed. You should have known this was coming eventually. He was always just out of reach when it came to you. Hwang Hyunjin was an enigma when you first got together, your relationship was passionate and lustful. Spending every moment you could in each other's arms or beside each other; as the honeymoon phase left your relationship so did Hyunjin. Whilst, He physically stayed beside you; emotionally you could tell he checked out. He was no longer interested in what you were doing, or if you were safe. Your sex life quickly became nonexistent and soon so did you. He was never the most open with how he felt, but you stayed. As the months passed you continued to reach out and try to attempt to get closer to your boyfriend once again, only to be met with unanswered calls and missed dates. You couldn't understand why, that is—until two weeks ago.
You couldn't understand why it had taken you accidentally stumbling upon the two, inside this very cafe, on a date. You had been walking home from your part-time job and in your tiredness you stopped outside of the quaint little coffee shop and contemplated going in. Until you saw that familiar mop of midnight locks. You had seen the way he stared at her longingly. Hyunjin broke your trust and after you avoided him for two whole weeks he was now here to break your heart.
You saw the way he stared at his lap, struggling to find the words he wished to say. You should have known that when he suddenly started paying attention to you again, it was the guilt that ate at him. You know because he felt he'd wronged you he wouldn't just leave you alone, so you decided to do what he couldn't. He released a heavy sigh placing his hands around his cup on the table “Y/N—It's okay, you don't have to say it…” you cut him off once again, giving him a sad shrug. “N-no I do…I-I—Hyunjin!” you stare at him as you reach across the table to take his large hand in yours.
“I don't resent you. Thank you for the memories you've given me…” a small glint of something appeared in his eye, and it looked almost as if his face was about to light up. You give him a mournful smile “But let's stop” you state, your voice cracking at the end. He stared at you in bewilderment as his mouth hung open. “Y/N..” He gasped almost inaudibly the rest of his words not coming to him. You nod in response “I'll leave first…I hope things work out with her and she makes you happy” Your tone is laced with dejection and sadness. You stare at where you had connected your hands, even now as you hold his hand tightly; he sat with his sitting loosely on the table. With a final nod, you pull your hand away and lift yourself from your seat. Hyunjin stared at where your hand once was, flabbergasted. Disbelief decorated his face as you made your way out of the cafe.
You found your resolve breaking as soon as you turned the corner. Your legs finally give way as a sob rips through your chest. You release all the pain, anger, and sadness you held back. You felt broken, forgotten, and useless. You cried and cried feeling deep in your soul, that while Hyunjin will be completely fine you sat here broken.
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Your phone's been off for a couple months, so you're calling me now I know you, you're like this. When shit don't go your way you needed me to fix it, And like me, I did But I ran out of every reason….
“Y/N He's drunk!” Felix pleaded as he grunted from the other line. “That's not my problem anymore, Lix” you grumble as you chew on your bottom lip. You hear him whisper something to whom you can assume, is Hyunjin. A heavy sigh is heard through the line “He won't listen to any of us right now!” Felix argues as you hear a shuffle “…You came any other time…He needs your help right now. He's hurting” Felix confesses, his tone is pleading and almost enough to convince you. Almost…and while Felix was correct you had run to help Hyunjin, a lot in these past two months since you had broken up. You no longer wished to do it “I'm sorry Lix, truly I am. But it was no longer my responsibility to take care of Hyunjin and I made the mistake of continuing to help after we ended things. But I don't owe him shit if he needs help then you should probably call his girlfriend.” you state matter of factly.
“Y/N He doesn't—” you cut the call off not wanting to hear any more of what Felix had to say; you toss your phone to the side onto your couch. As Guilty as you felt for not going to help Hyunjin; it was no longer your place to. It had taken these few months to stop running to help the person who had betrayed you. Every time you received a call from either Hyunjin himself or a mutual friend, you always found yourself dropping everything and rushing to assist him. When you finally had enough, you received a text from Hyunjin stating his car broke down and he asked for your help bringing him to the store and then his friend's house, only when you got to the house a familiar face popped out of the door. You scoffed to yourself as you saw the girl he had cheated on you with give him a bright smile as she waved at him. Quickly peeling away from the house, you laughed at your stupidity as well as his audacity. Ever since that moment every call from Hyunjin has gone unanswered and when requests from your mutual friends came in to help Hyunjin with something, they were rejected. You'd finally run out of reasons to continuously correct his mistakes and come running to his rescue.
You were no longer together so you no longer needed to be at his beck and call.
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Now suddenly you're asking for it back. Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve? Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had But I don't really care how bad it hurts When you broke me first…
A loud panicked knock against your door pulls you out of your sleep. Quickly checking the time on your phone 3:32 AM. Your eyes widen as another round of raps begins on your door once again. Pulling yourself out of bed ready to tear the head off of whoever has the nerve, the AUDACITY to wake you up at such an ungodly hour. You state out the peephole only to be met with the view of the street, you crack your door slightly. You're met with Hyunjin drunkenly leaning against your door. His arm supported his head against it. His free hand shakes nervously as he attempts to bang on your door again, that's when you hear it.
The most heartbreaking sob tears through his chest. He whimpers inaudible words to himself as he opens and closes his fist before allowing it to fall limp at his side. “Hyunjin?” you question visibly confused. His head whips up “Y/N!” He slurs almost excitedly, and the smell of liquor quickly fills your nose, “You opened the door…” his voice cracking behind his drunk smile.
“Do you know what time it is? You smell like a distillery” you growl at him as he tries to shove his way inside. You roll your eyes pulling the door open fully making him stumble forward. “Why are you here, Hyunjin?” you don't mean to be so hostile but you were very clear with Felix earlier. His hands encase your face, his eyes meeting yours as tears continue to cascade down his cheeks. His eyes are bloodshot, and his lips look swollen and raw, probably from biting them as you notice him repeatedly doing it. His hair was a tousled mess.
“Y/N…” He lets out a sigh of relief, placing his forehead against yours something he always did when you guys were together and happy. Your hands tug on his wrists at the familiar action. “You didn't come...why don't you come for me anymore?” He whines as he squeezes his eyes shut trying to steady his breathing. “I shouldn't come for you. There's no reason for me to…” you respond stoically.
“You just disappeared on me…” his words becoming more incomprehensible as he cried “Why did you abandon me?”
“Hyunjin! We aren't together anymore. You can't just expect me to pick you up or help you out anymore!”
“How else would I see you then?!?”
“You shouldn't be seeing me! We shouldn't hang around each other, it's too painful for me. I understand our relationship didn't mean much to you but it meant a lot to me…” you state sadly, Hyunjin’s pitiful expression now replaced with a puzzled scowl. “Who told you that?” disgust filled his tone. “You're kidding me right?” you counter. Hyunjin bites his bottom lip once again before clenching his jaw “No, who lied to you like that?” you stare at him wide-eyed “You did! With your actions or lack thereof. You cheated on me and ignored me for months” You snap. He can't be serious… you think to yourself.
“B-But I was trying to fix it!” He cried, seeming almost sober at this point. “You-you weren't supposed to find out!”
“So what?” you snarl “You would have continued to just string me along? String us both along?!” He shakes his head rapidly “N-No! I-'m sorry I should have explained better that day…” His tone is laced with regret and panic. “I-I ended things with her…Y/N—I wanted to fix things. I never wanted you to know...” He confessed behind shaky nervous breaths, he finally released you as he steadied himself. Slowly, taking a seat on your couch he quickly buried his face in his hands; his elbows resting on his knees as he took a deep breath “I didn't—I didn't want this to happen...I missed you so much I just—I wanted everything back to the way it was. You loved me so much and when I realized what a huge mistake I was making I ended it. I swear I ended it before we ended things…the last two weeks, when I couldn't see you I was only trying to see you. I only wanted you, I didn't want to lose you. W-When you told me you knew about her…it felt like my entire world was collapsing around me.” He rubs his face and tries uselessly to wipe away his tears. “I just wanted to explain. And when I processed what was going on—what you said…you were gone..” his soft cries turn back into full-on sobs.
“I was trying to fight for us those nights I begged you to come and see me, to talk to me only for me to be ignored while you went and made damn sure you had time to see her. And to make things worse, you used my feelings for you to manipulate me into driving you to her house?! You made me look like a fucking idiot! I'm wondering where the hell do you get the nerve to sit here and act like this?” you snap. He winced at your words “T-that wasn't her house! I-I don't know why she was there that's Seungmin’s new place I swear!” Every second you spent glaring at him felt like another stab to the heart. He knows he made so many mistakes, but he felt like he was dying with you looking at him. He wished he could go back and tell himself how it feels right now. How it felt to watch your hand leave him but deny that it was happening at that very moment. He'd tell himself how embarrassingly hard he had cried when he noticed she was no longer in her seat in front of him. How he'd run out of the cafe not knowing which direction you had gone in but how desperately he felt he'd needed to find you…how dejected and nauseous he felt when he couldn't. How he'd cried himself to sleep every night since you had left his life.
Your blood boiled as you saw him sitting there staring at you apologetically. “Y/N…Please” he swallows his tears “please just give me a chance to fix this…” he pleads. “What did you think would happen?” you question your voice laced with venom as you glare daggers at him. He can't meet your eyes only able to stare at the ground near your feet. He hung his head low “Not this…Not me being without you. Not being this hurt over the mistakes I made. I love you…when you ended things before I could have a chance to fix them, it broke me” He confesses staring up at you. You can't help the genuinely demeaning laugh that rips through your stomach. “Of-fucking-course it did. God, you really are something huh? You have some nerve to come in here to ask me for another chance. You want to know something?” you challenge raising your eyebrow as you cross your arms over your chest allowing all the anger pain and hurt to spill into your tone “I don't care…” you shrug before you throw your hands in the air as Hyunjin stared at you in horror.
“Y-You don't mean that…” He stammers in denial more to himself than to you “Yes, I do Hyunjin. I don't care that you're hurting. I don't care that you're finally opening your eyes. I don't really care how bad it hurts” You confess shaking your head “Not When you broke me first now see yourself out and move on…”
He stared at you for a moment, not wanting to give up on you, on the love he still has for you, but he could see it. You truly meant your words, you wanted nothing to do with him. He sighs heavily as he wipes his hands on his jeans before he lifts himself from the couch and makes his way toward the door; stopping in front of you he yearns to hold you one last time but the way you won't meet his gaze makes him sigh. He continues on his way pulling your door open he stares back at you only able to hear the pain in the words that are now circling around in his mind.
“You broke me first…”
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⏪| ⏸️| ⏩
taglist: @yangbbokari @slayhyunjin
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jinhyun · 10 months
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—sunshield.
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pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader
genre: fluff, humor probably, established relationship, changbin and minho are two menaces in this
word count: 1.5k
summary: when the sun hits your sound asleep boyfriend's eyes and you take it upon yourself to block it and protect his dreams. regardless of all the teasing you will get from your friends.
a/n: thissss is a small present for the best friend i could've made on this hellsite 🤧🩷 you know who you are, u a real one. i took this idea bc Mother Hen™, but i really liked the other two you sent me so don't mind me if i ever write them lol. i hope you enjoy, and happy birthday!! hope you have a good one out of many many more 🩷
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Sometimes you wondered if you were becoming delusional.
Staring at some guy for longer than it could be considered normal surely did seem delusional to you, especially when he was fast asleep and therefore unaware of your stare.
But, then again, he wasn't just 'some guy'. No, he was your boyfriend. And maybe that was good enough of an excuse for you to stare at him for minutes and minutes, at any time of the day, and even at night, as sleeping right next to him in the comfort of his familiar arms was a privilege you'd be damned to ever take for granted.
So, you stared.
For as long as your eyes were open and your neck didn't hurt from the way it was turned in order to be able to get a glimpse of him, you stared.
As Minho drove and Changbin on the passenger's seat turned up the volume of the radio right as 'Heartbeat' by 2PM started to play, singing along obnoxiously as ever to it, your eyes remained fixed on Hyunjin next to you. His head rested on your shoulder as small snores abandoned his mouth every couple of seconds, somehow —much to your surprise— completely unaware of all the noise surrounding him inside the car.
It had been a long day, in the best way possible. Chan and Felix had suggested you all should have a beach day together during their small break after promotions, and although Hyunjin hadn't been too keen on it at first —as he would've much rather stayed home with you, alone—, your excitement over the idea had been enough for him to give in.
It turned out to be a good call in the end, for you both got to spend a nice, fun time with your friends without having a single worry in the world, and Hyunjin still got to have you all to himself like he wanted somehow. He found out that day that sharing a towel and napping together while everyone else was in the water, hearing the sound of the waves in the background while the light breeze of them reached your bodies, could easily become one of his favourite things to do with you.
You woke up early that morning, making sure to pack everything you could possibly need throughout the day before you met the guys and the group got divided in two cars to head over to the beach — one driven by Minho and one driven by Chan.
You had gone with Minho in the morning, as you could use some boost of energy from the carpool you knew was about to happen in it. And it turned out to be so much fun in the end, that you and Hyunjin decided to go back home on the same car as well.
Right now, as Hyunjin slept beside you and your friends had their own little party in the front, however, you couldn't help but think that maybe you should've taken Chan's car on your way back.
Regardless of your concern, a loud laugh escaped your throat when Minho joined in on Changbin's singing, and you had to physically quiet yourself down by placing your hand over your mouth —the one that wasn't intertwined with Hyunjin's— not to wake up your sound asleep boyfriend.
Your eyes fixed on him for the hundredth time on your ride back home, smiling softly as ever when you felt him move his head higher up on your shoulder, after a small turn on the highway made him lose balance for a second.
His eyebrows furrowed prominently and his eyes closed tighter, making you realise only then that the sun about to set was now directly on his side of the car, hitting his eyes just the right amount to disturb his dream. It was also hitting your eyes, to be fair, but that didn't seem to matter in the slightest.
Without giving it a second thought, you raised your free hand up to his eye level, smiling to yourself when the shadow provided by your hand blocking the sun formed a small mask over his eyes and they visibly relaxed once again.
Pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, you lovingly rested your head on his for a moment before you went back to making sure your hand wouldn't lose its balance and no longer shield the eyes of your beloved from the sun.
"You're so whipped" Changbin's teasing statement brought your eyes up to the rearview mirror, so they could lock with his.
"No, I'm not" you poorly fought back.
"You are, though" Minho joined.
"He's tired, I just want him to rest as much as he can" you pouted. "I'd do this for any of you guys".
They both laughed, earning a roll of eyes from you.
"First, Hyunjin would flip if you ever did that for anyone but him" Changbin pointed out with a light laugh.
You laughed under your breath, sneaking a glance to your boyfriend. He would indeed flip if you ever did for someone else even the smallest of things he considered to be 'boyfriend privilege only', and blocking the sun from hitting their eyes as they slept for sure was part of the list.
"Second, no, you would not".
"Yes, I would?" you couldn't help but sound offended now.
"Y/N," Minho's voice brought your attention to him. "You haven't even acknowledged Han the entire ride".
As if a bubble around you had just been bursted, you instantly felt a faint pressure on your left shoulder. And it was only then you realised Han had been sleeping on it the entire time.
It was only then you even remembered he was in the car, right next to you, to begin with.
Definitely not one of your proudest moments.
Your face right then must've given your sudden realisation away, for the two guys in front let out a laugh that turned out to be loud enough to finally wake Hyunjin up.
"Aish, guys" you called them out, feeling your boyfriend groan quietly next to you.
"Sorry" they both said in unison.
"What's going on?" Hyunjin asked with a hoarse voice — eyes finally opening by complete and being met with your hand hovering them.
"Nothing," you hushed him, pulling him back onto your shoulder. "Go back to sleep, baby".
He pouted, having realised what you had been doing all along and being unable to stop his heart from melting.
Instead of saying anything, as he was just waking up and still a bit out of it, he pressed a small kiss to the crook of your neck.
"I love you" he smiled, closing his eyes before he could notice the goosebumps both his lips and words had caused to appear on your skin.
"Gross" Minho gagged.
"Focus on driving" you called him out, earning a squint of his eyes from the rearview mirror.
"Ever heard of multitasking?" he bit back.
"Obviously she hasn't," Changbin snorted. "Otherwise she wouldn't have neglected Han like that".
You rolled your eyes. "I didn't realise he was sleeping on my shoulder".
"He's what?" Hyunjin jumped up — all traces of sleepiness suddenly gone.
"He fell asleep on your girl's shoulder" Binnie added fuel to the fire, with a smirk from ear to ear at that.
"Yah, Han Jisung".
"Don't," you stopped him before he could wake Han up, like he had just reached his hand out to do.
"But he—"
"Don't be mean" you tightly held his hand in yours when he managed to lightly push him off.
Thankfully, Han seemed to be in another dimension by now.
"And she said she would've blocked the sun from his eyes too, had she noticed" Minho added.
Hyunjin turned to you, with a simple raise of his eyebrow accusing you of having ever said such words of betrayal.
"He's my friend" you nonchalantly remarked to everyone in the car.
"And I'm your boyfriend," Hyunjin reminded you. "Han can get his own partner to block the sun for him".
"But he doesn't have one yet" you pointed out.
"Too bad," he shrugged. "You're mine".
Considering the conversation to be done with that last statement of his, he went back to rest his head on your shoulder — this time burying his face in the crook of your neck and letting out a contented sigh when you rested your head on him.
"So you're just gonna let him sleep on Y/N's shoulder?" Changbin pushed it.
"Y/N didn't let me wake him up" Hyunjin shook it off, eyes already closed as his fingers looked for yours and intertwined them again. "But she's my sunshield only, though".
You chuckled, pressing your lips to his head and having him bring your hand up to his mouth to return the kiss. "That I am".
As for Han, although he took no part in the whole argument, he would have to either look for his own partner or learn not to lean on your shoulder when he was unconscious from now on.
Hyunjin wouldn't let this behaviour slide a second time.
679 notes · View notes
creedslove · 1 year
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BETRAYED - PART NINE
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Pedro Pascal x f!reader
Summary: Pedro invites you to be his plus one for the night but his attention is caught by another woman and leaves you with a broken heart
Warnings: fluff, like, a lot of fluff, implied age gap, mentions of death, and descriptions of a catholic wedding (I just wrote down how they go in my country, but no, it's not *the* wedding you're thinking about) and mentions of smut
A/N: Just one more chapter and we wrap up this story!!! I hope you guys enjoy this one because I know my heart melted while I wrote it!!!
A/N part 2: still can't manually tag people on the works because I use the app and it won't let me do it, that's why I don't have a tag list at all!
3.4k words
PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR | PART FIVE | PART SIX | PART SEVEN | PART EIGHT
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One year later
You stood at the altar feeling excitedly but also a little anxious. A bunch of familiar faces stared at you taking in all the details of the ceremony that was about to begin.
You could even spot Pedro among the guests, he looked handsome, as he always did, his hair was a little longer now, making it wilder in a way it made him sexier than before. He noticed your eyes on him and winked, as if he encouraged you in that situation
And that's why being a bridesmaid was so fun. While the focus wasn't necessarily you and your group of bridesmaids, you were all in the spotlight while the bride took long to arrive.
You could practically hear all the thoughts crossing people's minds, how they judged the dresses, the makeups and the hairstyles. It always happened and you wouldn't be any exception, but not that you cared very much about it, as you were so happy for your best friend Nat tying the knot with her dream guy, nothing would bother you at all.
As you felt Pedro's gaze on you, burning your skin, you thought of everything that happened this past year. It didn't even feel real, after you left his home that morning, you never returned. And he kept his word of not coming after you, which was all you needed in order to get your life back on track.
The first thing you did when you got home was to change all the locks to prevent anyone from breaking into your house. It didn't matter if it was Liev, a burglar or Pedro himself. You never wanted to walk into your home, a place you assumed safe and find someone uninvited there. Then, your second part of your action plan was to look for another gym, so you could train without having to change your schedule every single time you didn't want to run into someone in there. You wanted to exercise, to see people, to feel the endorphins flood your body and not step on eggshells all the time. Needless to say, it was a good decision.
Then, you just focused on yourself.
You finally finished your studies, you found a job that made you happier and paid well too. You took short trips here and there, getting to know new places and you also looked at yourself in the mirror and realized you were more beautiful than ever, and that was why you were loving yourself, you took care of yourself and you put yourself in the first place, just like it should've been from the beginning.
You still had feelings for Pedro, of course, but the distance helped manage it, some days you were able to go by without even thinking of him, and others you missed him deeply. You didn't know if his feelings for you changed, but you weren't as close as you once were. However, you weren't estranged either. It was just that your lifestyles got simply too different and your lives took different paths, making it so hard to be around each other.
After Pedro's career took off he became almost impossible to reach - physically at least.
He was already well-known when you two had all that story going on, of course, but now it had reached stratospherical levels. He was a big deal, he was a big celebrity, all your social media was flooded by videos, his interviews and his pictures. You began following his career, from afar, admiring him, how far he'd come, feeling your chest burst with pride every time he was nominated for an award or you saw him walking down a red carpet. It was still disturbing to you to see how much he was harassed by the media, how he couldn't walk down the street without being photographed and how they picked on the whole daddy thing. Sometimes it was a little funny though, seeing him blush and her visibly embarrassed at that. You often chuckled to yourself when you eventually saw his fans writing the sweetest things about him, how they called him their boyfriend or future husband, if only they knew your story, they'd call you crazy for turning him down. Because to them, Pedro was perfect, a prince charming. And to you, he was just a human being, with flaws and qualities, like everyone else.
You two didn't go the whole year without speaking, quite the opposite, your phone would buzz eventually, receiving a text or two from him. And you would often text him as well. Just simple things: birthday messages, wishing each other happy holidays or checking up on each other. Nothing too intimate, but enough to show you still cared and worried about each other.
He watched your stories and liked your pictures, and you did the same. Being there, even if you weren't there anymore. It was confusing, but it worked for a while.
When you realized you were able to see his pictures with fans, co-stars and women you had no idea who they were and your whole body didn't heat up in anxiety and jealousy and your heart didn't drop at your toes, at the mere thought crossing your mind of them being his lay for the night, you knew you were ready to let him in.
Not exactly let him in, you didn't know if he still cared about you like that, or if you would still have anything in common, or if he would even bother becoming your friend again now that he had met some many different people. But you still decided to text him, best case scenario he would reply and you would have a conversation, worst case scenario he would leave you on 'seen' and you would move on with your life, because you lived for yourself now, and not for Pedro.
Of course he replied to your message right away. He smiled big when he read it and couldn't even believe after all that time you were the one engaging in a conversation with him. God knows how many times it took all of his willpower to erase the gigantic texts he wrote you and just drop a 'Merry Christmas' or 'Happy Birthday, mariposa' he'd promised you he would let you live your life, and just like a butterfly, he let you be free but now you were flying to him again - maybe, that was what he hoped at least, so he allowed himself to daydream.
You'd sent a simple text telling him how much you enjoyed his new series, and if he had time next time he was in town, maybe you could go for drinks. He replied almost immediately, saying he couldn't wait.
And your conversation began.
Slowly, you would text through the day about many things, while he was away and lonely, he told you all about his shooting routine and what he did for fun so far away from home.
You updated him on everything knew in your life, seeing how proud of you and happy he really got. You briefly mentioned you were thinking of learning a second language, to which he quickly suggested Spanish.
But when your uncle died you didn't get a text from him. Instead, Pedro managed to get a short break from filming and hopped on a plane. He wanted to be there for you, it didn't matter to him if he was going to be there as a friend or as a possible boyfriend, he just wanted to hold you while you cried because he knew how important family was to you. He wanted to attend the funeral by your side, to dry your tears and tell you comforting words. And that was exactly what he did.
You couldn't believe your eyes when he showed up there, in black and pulling you into his embrace, which reminded you it used to be your favorite place in the world and at that moment, it became your favorite again.
You had no strength to discuss feelings with him, and he wasn't after that either. He just wanted to try and make that moment a little less miserable for you.
But the moment the funeral service was over, Pedro would have to come back to his work again. He apologized a hundred times for not being able to stay longer with you, but you assured him it was alright, not forgetting to thank him for coming all the way just to be with you.
He said goodbye with one of his warm hugs and a peck on the cheek, that landed way too close to your lips, it didn't matter if it was on purpose or not. The damage had already been done.
From the moment you realized he had left his job - the thing you assumed he loved the most in life - for you without expecting anything in return. That familiar warmth in your chest appeared after months and months of it being dormant. It was hard to deny how much you loved Pedro.
•••
You had always heard horrible stories about women who agreed to becoming bridesmaids and had to deal with the infamous bridezilla. You were sure it wouldn't be Nat's case, but those women were not exaggerating when they said you would have to put a lot of effort, energy and even money to a moment that wasn't even yours.
While all the guests were comfortably sitting down, you along with the other girls and the bestmen had to stand up the whole ceremony. You knew the priest was probably saying beautiful words about love and stuff, as you could see the emotion in some people's eyes and how some of them even sniffed and shed one or two tears, but you were just not paying attention. Church services weren't really your thing, you tried really hard not to get bored, but it was too late, you were already bored.
That's why your eyes scanned the whole place, not really focusing on anything in particular, you just hoped time would go by faster and you wished you would all skip to the reception, because there were other things you wanted to do and mostly other people you wanted to talk to. You looked all over the church decoration and though it looked very beautiful and elegant you thought about how you would never have a wedding in a place like that. Then you watched Nat's wedding dress closely. Of course you'd seen it a couple of times already since the early stages of planning and preparing the wedding, but at that moment it looked different and you couldn't stop yourself from wondering if you'd ever get married at all and wear a pretty dress like that. You shook those thoughts away from your mine and looked at the guests absent-mindedly, not watching anything in particular until your eyes locked with Pedro's.
He didn't even blink and sustained your look, he was completely oblivious to a wedding happening just a few feet away from you, as you were really the only thing that mattered to him.
After flying to you for your uncle's funeral, you weren't able to meet again, as he was more and more caught up at work and you also had your own life. So when he got the invitation to the wedding, he didn't think twice before confirming his attendance, though he didn't really care that much about the bride and groom, he was still thankful to them.
You blushed softly and smiled big at him, he wasn't too distant, just a few rows away from the altar, close enough for you to see when he mouthed 'hermosa' making you look down in shyness. You knew Nat and Pedro had seen each other maybe five or six times and the only times she talked to him was to tell him how much her boyfriend - and now husband - loved Mandalorian. So you knew she had only invited him because of you and Pedro had only showed up to the wedding because of you as well. It felt quite good, you had to admit and for that, you even forced yourself to pay attention to the ceremony again.
Once the reception started you thought the fun would start as well, but you were wrong. Now, the bridesmaids duty kept you busy each passing second. First you had to follow the bride and groom to the photo session, then you had to assist the bride to make her big entrance, and after it you had to help her go to the restroom, which was the most chaotic part: four girls helping another lift up layers and layers of cloth in order to be able to pee.
And when you realized, it was already dinner time. As the food was served people stayed at their tables, usually guests were starving after the whole marathon of sitting through a long and tedious ceremony, then endless waiting until the bride and groom showed up.
The whole time you and Pedro exchanged looks and smiles, he even texted you in hopes to talk to you, but you were way too busy to check your phone, at the same time as soon as some guests recognized Pedro, he was bombarded with requests for selfies, autographs and girls throwing themselves at him. And he was way too nice to decline those requests even if it bothered him - though he declined the girls right away.
You thanked the heavens when dinner was finished, you knew the dance floor would be finally open to the guests until you remembered a very tacky wedding custom.
The bride was going to throw the bouquet. You pinched the bridge of your nose in embarrassment, you've always hated that moment, ever since you were a kid and your parents dragged you to relative's weddings.
Just a bunch of women going all savage over a couple of flowers made you cringe to the core, so you stepped aside and waited for the small crowd to gather. You tried to brush it off at the insistence of some people, but when Nat cleared her throat and gave you accusatory eyes, you even tried to argue. But she motioned her head towards Pedro and you saw him waiting for you to get in the small commotion. He had his hands inside his pocket and a dirty smirk, he couldn't wait to see you pick the bouquet, he was sure you'd look gorgeous.
You on the other hand felt embarrassed and awkward to stand there, Nat got in position and showed all the single ladies the bouquet, making them all shout in excitement. She looked at you and winked softly, and you gulped. Oh no, there was only one thing worse than fighting over a bouquet of flowers in front of a crowd of people, and that was definitely receiving the bouquet out of pity.
So when she threw it towards you, you stood still, making absolutely no move and watched it as it flew right past you.
You turned around and saw when two women were almost on the floor, struggling to get the bouquet. Nat frowned at you, confused as to why you didn't get it, you just shrugged at her. You didn't want to get married, there was only one thing you wanted to do, and when you thought you were finally able to do it, the DJ announced it was time for the waltz.
You rolled your eyes, as annoyance spread through your body. It had been hours all you were trying to do was to exchange a couple of words with Pedro, but that seemed impossible.
The guests all gathered around the bride and groom as they showed their rehearsed steps, some people swooning over them but you just looked around, trying to find Pedro, needing to see him and talk to him. But he wasn't there anymore.
Had he gone home? You knew he enjoyed parties, but you weren't sure about wedding parties, especially the ones where he was harassed every five minutes by people who insistently wanted pictures or just goof around a movie star.
But he wouldn't just leave you without saying goodbye, would he? Over the months your relationship became stronger even if you weren't physically close.
You were deep in thought as you felt someone touching your wrist, making you jump a little at the sudden touch and turned around, seeing Pedro standing there.
And he looked good. Very good.
He was wearing a dark suit, all in black. It hung tight to the right places as he looked absolutely like sin. His hair was messy like always and you caught a few gray streaks on his beard and that made you weak at the knees.
You smiled big and held his hand "Pedro! I thought you'd left!"
He raised his eyebrow and chuckled "do you really think I'd sit through a whole wedding and then leave before talking to the only reason why I'm here in the first place?" He held your hand and eyed you up and down, not even hiding how much he appreciated your looks "I don't mean to be one of those bitchy people who come to the party and trash talk it, but when we get married we'll have a lot less church and a lot more party"
Pedro's words stirred something inside of you, even if it was a joke, you felt yourself blushing.
"Too bad it won't happen, I mean, I didn't catch the bouquet so…" you replied in a shy way and made him laugh as well
"Yeah, well, we can figure this out later, right now I'd like to have a dance with the most beautiful girl at the party?" He offered his hand to you, and you hesitated at first
"It depends, Pedro" you saw his confusion, finding it quite amusing
"It depends on what, hermosa?" He questioned curiously
"Where's your plus one?" You saw how he frowned not really getting where you were going
"What plus one, Y/N? I came alone…"
You laughed softly and nodded, taking a step closer and accepting his invitation.
"I was just making sure, you know, I was friends with a guy once and he pulled such a jerk move, where he invited a plus one to a party and ditched her to dance with another girl and ended up taking this other girl home and left his plus one really heartbroken"
A deep shade of crimson spread through his face as he was at a loss of words for a while. He cleared his throat and swallowed hard.
"H-he sounds like a real dick" he replied a little self conscious, not sure if you were joking or playing games
"He really was, but I heard he managed to change into a better person and his plus one even forgave him after all"
His smile was wide and the relief in his eyes was visible as he wrapped his arms around your waist and glued your body to his. It was a slow ballad and you wrapped your arms around his neck at the same time you swayed your hips together.
"Thank you for forgiving me, I really missed you" he whispered against your ear, your faces were inches apart and you closed your eyes, his cologne lingering on your skin. You took your hand to the back of his neck, stroking his hair and feeling it softly between your fingers.
"We needed this, Pedro… I guess now we could start things over" you said and welcomed his lips against yours, as they crashed in a needy contact. You moaned lowly at the feel of his tongue against yours. His hands squeezed your waist and if you could get any closer to him, you would have, because you could swear that was not enough.
His kiss was intense and unlike the other times, he wasn't trying to overpower you and make you accept him playing dirty with your hormones, he was kissing you, feeling you and taking you as his. And you wanted it as much as he did.
When you broke the kiss, he nibbled your bottom lip, caressing your cheek and not giving a care in the world if someone filmed or photographed you.
You danced as if there was no tomorrow, as the ballad was over, you danced with Pedro to any kind of songs that came in the playlist, you had fun and when sexier songs came up, you dance even more, loving how you rubbed your body against his and Pedro never spared any neck kiss or groping your body.
By the time you could feel a tent against your ass, you turned to him, kissing his lips again.
"I guess it's time to get out of here, princesa" he whispered into your ear and squeezed your ass. You moaned against his lips as you couldn't agree more.
_____
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did, it was just so easy to write I was really into it. I loved it so much and I can't believe this series is almost over 😞 also, if y'all don't go soft on Pedro now I don't know what to do, LMAO
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What if...?
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A silly way of Solomon's devotion. Where was this at the start of the game? I'm not so sure. Although, I'd love to expound on this idea — atleast, for the purposes of a trope I come to love. Let's call this: "Tell me please, why can't I?"
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♡.. Imagine a time where it began as the other way around: MC pining after Solomon. Had the human exchange student crave for human interaction in the literal incarnate of Hell? Go figured, it's in their nature. Of course they'd cling to him. Who else was the safest option?
♡.. Many moments pass and MC connects to Solomon like a missing thread. MC is his constant reminder of his lingering humanity, no matter how far gone he thought he was. Seeing the MC talk more about the Human realm: friends, family, places and even the most mundane things like ignoring stupid injuries, or multitasking on errands— it's almost nostalgic despite the many years the sorcerer had lived.
♡.. When MC finally builds up the courage to finally confess to Solomon, he was... shocked? Humanity was an odd topic; anthropology explaining the details of this race to a T. Solomon at this time thought that MC might as well have fallen for the demons. Like the toy they all were.
♡.. And what did he say? What did he say that determined the course of their relationship?
— "It'll pass."
♡.. He had an advantage. He was supposed to be able to become the first to MC's heart — the advantage of both being human. He and MC getting together causes the least amount of issues, but what did he do? He let them be. Let them bond with the brothers. With the others.
♡.. He only viewed them as a pawn in this endless game of life.
♡.. After that as some time came by, their relationship seemed to have continued on as normal. One might say that he and the MC had developed a friendship of sorts. This bond strengthened further when he sees them alone at the school dance — "shall we lonely singles dance together?"
♡.. That's how it should've stayed. His heart shouldn't have had a mind of his own. At night, he couldn't help but recall all their moments spent together. Solomon could no longer count the days he imagined their smile, their laughter, all that made them human...
♡.. As soon as he felt that spark — like a truck ran over him in his deepest nightmares, he realized: "oh fuck..." the platinum blonde muttered in cold sweat, panting as his mind continues to wander. He's awake. He is awake. But is he? Why is it that he's stuck in this dream?
♡.. Like a demon, Solomon felt tempted. Although, isn't that just human nature? — "what have you done to me?"
♡.. Now he knew how MC felt. And even if they was an attempt at the confession, MC's options were limited.
— "I love you like no other. Please, I... I don't want to lose you."
♡.. So they picked the least broken of the bunch.
— "I'll learn how to love you again."
♡.. It was a sentence of bliss, but to the sorcerer, he lost. Which is why when they were given the opportunity to go to the past, Solomon got to spend every moment with MC.
Every moment to enter their heart again.
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To quote: "The whisper of love in the morning. Do you hear it? It's beating for you loudly."
Ah yes Solomon, aka mister "shady sorcerer who can't cook" but also "I lost my chance and now I'm taking it again." Inspired by the "fell first, didn't fell" and "fell later, fell harder" dynamic. I was inspired by how domestic Solomon acts towards MC in NB — like they were a married couple. As much as I love the demon brothers, this one got my heart... Again, just a "what if," takes inspiration from canon but I tend to deviate a LOT if that makes sense ;v;
Anyhow, have a nice day~! Tell me what you think of this scenario? Let me know your thoughts! 🫶
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AITA for asking my parents to pay my tuition for the semester, lying about how I lost my scholarship, and then planning on lying to my dad regarding his requirements in exchange for him paying the tuition?
My (20X) college has a scholarship for offspring of faculty members, and I was lucky enough to have my application accepted by the college that my dad (53M) works at. This means that I get a full ride scholarship; if I graduate within 4 years, I won't have to pay a single penny to my college (books and supplies not included, of course).
Unfortunately, the scholarship does have two requirements; I need to have taken at least a certain amount of credits semester before (not a ridiculous number), and for that semester, I need to have gotten over a 2.0/4.3 GPA. Easy enough, right? Who can't get a GPA over 2.0?
Well. I suffered a mental health downfall the past semester and I ended up failing half my classes. I was unable to sit my finals. I know this wasn't smart of me, and I think I should've done something about my academic situation other than just wait for the semester to be over, but I had quit a semester due to my mental health decline previously and I didn't want a repeat of that. In any case, I got a GPA of about 1.6. I'm not on probation but I did receive a warning.
Fortunately, this doesn't mean I lost my scholarship for good. I just need to fulfill those requirements in the upcoming semester and I get it back.
I realized I did need to pay my tuition this semester two days before tuition fee acceptance closes and I debated telling only one of my parents. My mom wants me to finish college no matter what, and my dad has told me that he does not care anymore as long as I don't stress him out. He's also told me he no longer has any expectations for me whatsoever. I did also consider talking about it with my brother and borrowing money from him to put together the tuition fee.
I figured I'd bite the bullet and just told my dad, who I know has been stressed about my future and how badly I'm doing in college. I just casually dropped it as I was making breakfast for myself and then we had a lengthy conversation that my mother (51F) joined when she got back home.
I don't remember much of the conversation (I may have memory problems) but the AITA mentioned part is that I lied to my parents and told them I did sit all my finals and try my best. I didn't. I tried that for mid term exams but I had nothing to write, so for finals I didn't sit them at all. This happened with three of the classes I was taking. I just didn't take my finals. My dad was suspicious of my claim; he said that as a professor himself he wouldn't fail students who at least submitted homework and sat their exams to write anything at all, but I maintained that I tried.
The conclusion was that my dad would be willing to pay my tuition if I got my shit together and also deleted my social media, which he thinks is a drain on my time and energy. He's not wrong. I deleted my Twitter accounts immediately afterwards (which my parents don't know about) because I've been thinking about it, but I can't really bring myself to get rid of Discord, where so many of my friends are. People I've met while studying internationally, long-term friends who moved to other countries; Discord is the only way to contact these people.
This is the AITA part; if my dad follows up on that particular requirement to check if I deleted Discord, which he particularly dislikes (he has previously confiscated the electronics I bought with my own money that I earned, after he saw me on muted call at night with some friends), I plan on deleting the app/program on my devices but using it anyway as a website. This would be a betrayal of my dad's trust in me, but there's no love lost between us anyway. He's already told me he doesn't love me unconditionally. (Yes, I'm his biological child and he did raise me.)
I also feel like an asshole because I could've settled this with the help of my brother; I'd pick up a job during the winter break to pay him back, but it would have been done eventually. Or I could've just gone to my mom. She works her own job, and we could've figured it out together without telling my dad. I told my dad anyway, wanting him to pay the tuition, even though I knew that talking about having to spend money on his kids stresses him out deeply.
My mom also told my dad to go to therapy (in detail, so I know it wasn't just something she said as a throwaway thing) during the conversation. It did get heated. I don't disagree, but I don't know if that'd be okay; mental health is stigmatized where I am, and my dad as a grown adult man and a respected professor if seen going to therapy could have his reputation kind of effected. It wouldn't have happened if I just brought up this whole situation quietly up to my mom, or just my brother.
So I lost my scholarship, I lied to my parents about the technicalities of how that happened, and I'm asking for some amount of money from my parents but also planning on lying to them in regards to the terms they set out. AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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crisiscutie · 10 days
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Since we have Father Sephiroth do you think we can have Biological Mother darling with son Sephiroth? Especially a possesive son Sephiroth?
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This is a super interesting idea! I have so many ways of how this dynamic could work out... Consider the following to be experimental musings since nothing is set in stone yet. In general though, I imagine this Sephiroth would start out as fluffy but turn into a yandere as his insecurities surface and he reverts to his true self; a lost, broken boy.
Content Warning: Emotional abuse. Yandere Sephiroth. Unhealthy and unsettling family dynamics.
Counterpart to Yandere Father Sephiroth Musings.
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༻❁༺ You should've seen this coming. From the constant visits to the persistence of staying with you longer than necessary...
༻❁༺ You thought it was just his way of making amends for the lost time since he was stolen from you as a baby.
༻❁༺You reunited with your dear son here in Mideel a year ago, when he left Shinra for good. He recognized you from a distance when he saw you gardening.
༻❁༺ After he finished crying into your neck for what felt like an eternity, he told you about how he always wanted to find you, to be with you at every single he spent in that hell.
༻❁༺ And the poor thing thought your name was JENOVA. When you corrected him, he raised his palm to his face, an eerie, broken chuckle escaping his lips. A single last tear cascaded down his cheek.
༻❁༺ It concerned you, but you overlooked it, realizing that it likely came from his painful and traumatizing childhood. At least you both can now confront it and handle it together.
༻❁༺ His gorgeous slit eyes lit up as you rubbed his shoulder and caressed his cheek.
༻❁༺ "You're as radiant as I imagined you to be, mother..."
༻❁༺ From that point onwards, he was practically attached to your hip, observing how you handled domestic chores and attempting to do them himself. He was worried sick that he would mess up, as he had never done things like this before.
༻❁༺ Yet his ability to pick up things quickly always impressed you. He learned so fast... In fact, he seemed a little too eager to please you and relate to you. This worried you, so you reassured him he didn't need to change himself. You wanted him to express his true self.
༻❁༺ And so he did. He especially never hid the amount of love he had for you, his precious Mother. Each time he hugged you, his grip was so tight that you could sense his hesitation to release you, even if he didn't verbally express it.
༻❁༺ It doesn't matter if he was busy with an important task like hunting beasts. If you needed him for anything, he'd drop whatever he was doing, just for you. Even if it was something small, like getting fruits from the town's market.
༻❁༺ But he was poor at interacting with others, especially whenever other men came around you.
༻❁༺ He would lurk behind you, his seething eyes darkened toward anyone who dared to disturb his bonding time with you. He treasures each moment spent with you as if it were a precious currency. Even when your eyes are not on him, he became restless and antsy.
༻❁༺ Most were scared off whenever he gave them that intense stare. However, there was one time where he had gone too far and nearly beheaded a lone traveler. His crime? The traveler had simply asked you for directions while you were gardening with Sephiroth.
༻❁༺ Even Sephiroth himself didn't know what had driven to do that. Perhaps it was the seething jealousy that consumed him as he watched you playing with and caring for the children at the local orphanage, even though it was merely your job. Or maybe it was the way you stared at that man in the market earlier. Or maybe he was antsy from the lack of quality sleep.
༻❁༺ Usually, your sweet son tried to disguise his possessiveness around you, but this time, he couldn't hide it.
༻❁༺ Thankfully, you screaming at him and grabbing his arm, just as he was about to deliver the killing blow to the poor traveler, seemed to snap him out of his dark trance.
༻❁༺ With his eyes like a guilty kitten, he stared at the ground. He wasn't sorry for the man he almost killed, but for the minor crime of upsetting you.
༻❁༺ His powerful, deep voice had the pace of a child caught in the act.
༻❁༺ "Mother," he choked out, unable to meet your gaze, his shame clear. "I-I didn't mean it..." The thought of you leaving him, like others before, crossed his mind, nearly pushing him to another breakdown.
༻❁༺ You stared at him solemnly, before wrapping your arms around him in a loving, soothing hug.
༻❁༺ Later that night, his murderous rage surfaced again, not directed toward you, but towards the world. It wasn't fair that he had to spend a lonely, painful childhood and early adulthood as a glorified hunting dog. It wasn't fair that he had lost the few friends he had. And it certainly wasn't fair that, after finally reuniting with his precious mother, she had already built a life for herself, taking care of OTHER children.
༻❁༺The only thing he felt ashamed of was his jealousy of your interaction with the orphans. But it was too triggering for him to fully accept it.
༻❁༺ While you were busy making dinner for yourself and a small group of friends, he easily slipped into your house without being seen. You felt your heart leap at the sound of his deep, velvety voice, his muscular body pressing against yours as he stood uncomfortably close, a mischievous smirk on his lips.
༻❁༺ "...You're having a feast tonight, aren't you, mother?" your son whispered ominously in your ear. As you turned around to face him, you suddenly realized how imposing he truly was. Your first meeting with him was a stark contrast to now. Gone was the tall, shy boy; in his place stood a terrifying killing machine. It felt as if you were talking to an entirely different being altogether.
༻❁༺ "Yes. I will have company over later... What's wrong, Sephiroth?" You asked. You don't know how you kept a tough act. The doubt consumed him as his eyes narrowed at you and a frown replaced his smirk.
༻❁༺ "So this is what you were doing over years... While I spent my life as Shinra's monster!" His hands hovered around your hips, almost wanting to grab them, but he grabbed the marble counter behind you instead, causing it to crack with ease.
༻❁༺ You gasped. You were sure that he didn't even mean to do that, but it was hard for him to control his strength at the moment.
༻❁༺ And you've already told him what you've been doing these past years, but now it's time to prove it. You took his hand and led him to your bedroom. You revealed your involvement with AVALANCHE by showing him files of classified documents from underneath your bed.
༻❁༺ Each document revealed a different side of Shinra's operations - the meticulously gathered area survey information about Mideel and Shinra's dealings here, the closely guarded company secrets you knew, and even other corrupt dealings that had plagued them for years. This was the best way you could strike back at Shinra, but you had to keep your identity a secret.
༻❁༺ You've seen the Turks around this town a handful of times. You knew it was their job to find you and silence you, so you had to lie low. But you still wanted to reunite with Sephiroth, which is why you started to work with AVALANCHE under a persona, relaying to them what you can aside from your identity as Sephiroth's mother and going out on missions to get closer to him.
༻❁༺ He was dead silent as you went through the documents. Then he apologized to you, his kitten eyes resurfacing. They always made you so weak at the knees. He wrapped his arms around your waist and nuzzled his face into your chest.
༻❁༺ Although you didn't see it, a small sneer formed on his lips while you were calling off dinner with your friends, all to spend the night comforting your sweet son.
༻❁༺ You eventually fell asleep on your bed, but Sephiroth was still wide awake, still too high from your motherly touch and the thoughts of vengeance. He'd take away everything Shinra cherished. They will feel his despair.
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So making something clear, Mother Darling is NOT Lucrecia. But I guess she could be an AU version of her if you want to see her that way. It's your imagination 🤷. Her past and the reason behind Sephiroth being stolen from her are different. Much of yet to be discovered.
And these musings are experimental, so nothing is set in stone yet. I had other ways how a Mother Darling/Son Sephiroth dynamic could be explored, but I decided to write this one to see how it flows.
A NSFW follow-up here.
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gloomysoup · 6 months
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when the world stops turning (my heart stops beating)
hello hello i bring you some actual writing for once how exciting !! this is based off this post by @acowardinmordor once i saw it my brain just wouldn't stop until i fleshed it out into something relatively coherent so here it is !! if this does well i'll probably put it up on ao3 later
ao3 pt. 2 pt. 3 pt. 4
cw: drugs, illusions to drug abuse and overdose, minor character death, illusions to major character death (probably temporary), panic attack, medical crisis
When Eddie was eight years old, he found his mother on the bathroom floor, a half-empty bottle of pills in her hand. She wouldn't wake up. Eddie hadn't known what to do, so he wandered across the way to his favorite neighbor’s house. Mrs. Westbrooke was an older widow who'd lived in the same house for decades. Once Eddie had told her his mom wasn't waking up, she called for an ambulance. The paramedics came and took his mom to the hospital. Eddie stayed with Mrs. Westbrooke until Wayne came to pick him up.
That was the first time he spent more than a night or two at Wayne’s. It was about a week and a half before he was taken back home. The same thing happened a year and a half later. His mom passed out on the kitchen floor that time, and it was a baggie of colorful pills instead. Something she'd gotten from a friend of his dad. Something his dad had gotten her hooked on several months prior, when the doctor stopped writing her prescriptions. He was with Wayne for three days before his dad came to get him. Two weeks later, he was on Wayne’s doorstep with a single bag of everything he owned, his dad behind bars. He'd been with Wayne ever since.
His uncle had made a promise to him that first night, when Eddie finally realized this was it. He was with Wayne for good. There was no going back. He'd promised Eddie none of that would ever happen again. He didn't have to worry about Wayne disappearing in the flashing red and blue lights. He wouldn't find him half-dead on the floor of their trailer. He was safe. Eddie believed him. For years, Eddie believed Wayne was right. He'd never once let Eddie down before. He was always there. He took him in when he had nowhere else to go.
Too bad Wayne couldn't have predicted this.
New York City. June 1994. A sold out show at Madison Square Garden. Eddie on stage with his best friends. His boyfriend watching from the wings. How it was always supposed to go.
The air was fizzing with energy. The crowd was screaming so loud. Eddie’s heart was pounding, blood rushing with adrenaline. He kissed Steve hard in the green room, a promise between them of more to come. Steve wished him luck, and it was time to take the stage. They'd finally made it. All their hard work was paying off.
About halfway through the set, Steve disappeared. Eddie wasn't worried. He didn't know he should've been. When they came off stage, the crowd was still screaming, and the band was riding the high of a great show. It felt amazing. It was more than they ever dreamed, growing up the way they did in a town like Hawkins. Eddie was grinning so wide his cheeks hurt.
“Anyone seen Steve?” he asked, handing off his guitar and starting to pull off his mic pack.
“Not for a while,” one of the techs responded. “Said something about the bathroom, I think, but he never came back.”
Eddie frowned, a little confused. It wasn't like Steve not to be there when he came off stage.
“He's probably just waiting in the green room, Ed,” Gareth said, knocking his shoulder against Eddie’s as he passed. “I'm sure there's nothing to worry about.”
Eddie didn't hang around with the others. He headed straight for the green room, hoping Gareth was right. There was a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. The same feeling he got all those years ago, right before he opened the front door to find his mom on the kitchen floor. It ate away at his insides, churning deep and uncomfortably. His heart was racing, and it was no longer due to the high energy of the show. Panic was coursing through his veins.
His hand hesitated on the door to the green room. He felt eight years old again, knocking on Mrs. Westbrooke’s door when he couldn't wake his mom up to make dinner. His hands trembled as he grabbed the knob and twisted, easing it open. The room was empty. Eddie’s heart plummeted. Steve wasn't there. Steve was missing, and Eddie had this horrible feeling spreading through his entire body. He still wasn't sure why the feeling was there; he had never once had a reason to believe Steve was doing anything harder than weed. It was still there, though, and Eddie was panicking. He needed to find Steve. He had to make sure Steve was okay.
He headed for the bathroom next. The techs had said he went to the bathroom. Maybe something happened. Maybe he hit his head and couldn't remember where he was. The feeling said otherwise, but Eddie refused to believe it. He was overreacting. Steve was fine.
He was lying to himself.
The bathroom door was unlocked. He pushed it open, knocking. “Steve? Are you in here?” he called. He could barely hear through the rush of blood in his ears. He stepped inside, and he was sure his heart stopped beating altogether.
Just like that, he was ten years old. His mother was dead on the kitchen floor. Mrs. Westbrooke held him on her front porch as his mother was taken away in a blur of red and blue. He was ten years old, watching Wayne’s old pickup coming up the drive. Through the pounding in his ears, he could faintly hear the gravel crunching under the tires of the red truck. An odd comfort. A reminder of safety. What he wouldn't give to have that again right now.
“She wouldn't wake up, Uncle Wayne,” Eddie said softly, his voice trembling as a few tears rolled down his cheeks.
Wayne bent down, his old knees creaking, and pulled Eddie into a tight hug. “I'm sorry, Ed.” He squeezed tighter, letting Eddie bury his face in his worn flannel. “You're gonna come stay with me for a couple days, ‘til everythin' gets settled.”
“I don't got any clothes, Wayne.”
“Don't you worry ‘bout that right now. We’ll figure somethin’ out. I promise it’ll be alright.”
Steve was lying on the bathroom floor. Eddie couldn't breathe. There was a bag of colorful pills, so similar to the ones his mom had taken, sitting on the sink counter. Next to it was a line of white powder. Eddie’s vision blurred with tears as he dropped next to Steve, shaking his shoulder.
“Steve? Steve, baby, wake up. Please wake up.” Eddie was gasping for breath through his sobs as he tried to shake Steve awake. It wasn't working. He wasn't waking up.
“Mama? Mama, come on. You gotta get up.” Eddie crouched down next to her, shaking her shoulder. “Mama, please. You can't sleep on the floor.”
“Please, baby,” Eddie begged, pulling Steve into his arms on the bathroom floor. “Please. I can't lose you too, Steve. You gotta wake up. Please wake up.”
“Eddie? Are you okay?” The bathroom door opened. Jeff walked in, stopping dead in the doorway. It only took a few seconds for him to gain his bearings and jump into action. He crossed quickly, bending down next to them. “Shit. What happened?”
“I- he- he won't wake up, Jeff,” Eddie sobbed, still holding Steve tightly.
“Okay. Okay, let's not panic yet.”
The cracks in Jeff’s voice were not comforting. Eddie was already panicking. He'd been panicking since the feeling started to solidify, since he didn't find Steve in the green room. Eddie was well past not panicking. Eddie was teetering on the edge of a full-blown panic attack.
Jeff glanced around, took notice of the drugs on the counter, the way Steve’s chest wasn't rising or falling. He wasn't breathing at all. Jeff stood up quickly. “I'll go get help. I’ll be right back, Eddie. It's gonna be okay.”
Jeff ran from the bathroom. Eddie could barely hear the slap on his shoes on the linoleum in the hall over the sound of his own sobbing, the blood still rushing in his ears despite it feeling like his heart had stopped beating. He held Steve against his chest, burying his face in his hair. He silently begged the universe not to take Steve away from him. He wouldn't be able to handle losing anyone else. He needed Steve.
Eddie wasn't sure how much time passed before Jeff came back, paramedics in tow. All he knew was that Steve wasn't waking up. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he begged and cried, Steve wasn't waking up. His skin was pale and starting to grow cold. There's remnants of white powder on his nose. The paramedics try to move him from Eddie’s arms, but Eddie can't let go. He can't lose Steve.
“Eddie, you have to let go,” Jeff said gently, trying to tug Eddie’s arms off Steve.
Eddie shook his head. “I- I can't- can't, Jeff,” he forced out between sobs.
“The paramedics are gonna help him, Ed, but they can't do that unless you let go.”
“The paramedics are gonna try to help your mama, honey,” Mrs. Westbrooke promised eight-year-old Eddie as they watched from her porch. “Everything'll be alright, don't you worry.”
He missed Mrs. Westbrooke. He wished she were here to hold him, tell him he would be okay. He wanted to sit on her porch in the creaky rocking chairs, eating fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. He wanted safety and familiarity. It'd been a hard day for Eddie when the old woman died. He'd give anything to be back there with her, instead of here in this living nightmare.
Eddie reluctantly released Steve. The paramedics moved him to lie flat on the floor. Jeff’s arms wrapped around Eddie as he continued to sob. Eddie’s hands grasped at Jeff’s shirt. It was clean and dry. He must've changed after the show. Before he found them. The paramedics took Steve away, but Eddie couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. His whole body shook. He couldn't stop sobbing. Over and over, all he could think was that he felt like a little kid again, back when everything was falling apart. Steve was going to die, just like his mom did.
It was all Eddie’s fault.
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icarusbetide · 17 days
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washington and his vent letter to hamilton that ends with "but hey i'm not going to vent, hope you're doing well."
on july 10th, 1787, washington wrote hamilton a really interesting letter from philadelphia. at this point, hamilton had rage quit the constitutional convention due to being cockblocked every single time by the two other new york delegates, yates and lansing, and washington is holding fort. this letter's the one with the famous closing, where he very candidly, especially for washington, says:
"I am sorry you went away—I wish you were back."
on one hand, it's kind of cute and says a lot about the mending of their relationship after The Staircase Incident. clearly there's trust and understanding of each other for washington to speak so plainly.
but what gets me every time is what follows that revealing line:
"I am sorry you went away—I wish you were back. The crisis is equally important and alarming, and no opposition under such circumstances should discourage exertions till the signature is fixed. I will not, at this time trouble you with more than my best wishes and sincere regards. I am Dear Sir Yr obedt Servt"
bitch please. this letter is a short three paragraphs and it's washington venting and going "alert alert things aren't going well things aren't going well." he uses the phrase "i almost despair of seeing a favourable issue...and do therefore repent having had any agency in the business". in my modern interpretation that translates to "fuck this i should've minded my own business".
and this man has the audacity to end that letter with "but nah i'm not going to bother you now with this shit. hope you're doing well!"
sir - you can't just say "i will not trouble you with more than my best wishes and sincere regards" RIGHT AFTER troubling someone. maybe he meant it like "okay at this time, as in after i burdened you with bad news, i will not burden you any longer. i will only burden you now with good vibes!" which makes more sense but is still so funny to me.
on one hand it's probably the political savviness? slyness? that historians seem more comfortable acknowledging about washington now. obviously washington knew that him saying all this is definitely going to trouble hamilton, and he does come back - i think this letter played some part in that.
but i like to think that part of it was just due to washington being petty and dramatic. tell me this doesn't sound like every teen conversation where a long rant ends with "but maybe that's just me. i'm just being dramatic lol ignore me".
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