Tumpik
#unrequited love
silent-insanities · 16 hours ago
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I miss the hands that no longer want to hold me.
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soobnny · a day ago
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month of may — lee heeseung. fake dating. unrequited love. fluff and angst. best friends to ?
synopsis. you don’t think you’d ever want to go back to the month of may; the month lee heeseung asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend (2.6k words)
note. no warnings for this one :) just a little angsty i hope u enjoy this it’s inspired by the song “buwan ng mayo” oh n thank u to my bff yun for beta reading this <3
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It takes seven seconds for Lee Heeseung to ruin years-worth of hiding your feelings.
“Do you think you could pretend to be my girlfriend for the month of May?”, he asks you this as the pair of you walk home together after a long day of classes, just like you always do.
The question leaves you with your eyes wide and mouth agape, feet glued to the ground. It had come out so easily from him, as if he was simply asking you what you had eaten for dinner. He laughs at your obviously confused gaze, halting his own steps so he could patiently wait for your answer.
“Excuse me?” You blink up at the boy, tilting your head. He simply repeats his question – “Could you pretend to be my girlfriend for the month of May?”
“I know, I heard you, but… why?”
Heeseung laughs quietly to himself, shuffling his feet in place out of nervousness before he lets his eyes rest on yours. “You remember Yujin, right?”
You nod your head.
Of course you remember Yujin.
Before it was _____ and Heeseung, it had been _____, Heeseung, and Yujin. The three of you had lived in the same neighborhood a few years back, the common factor that had led to your uncanny friendship.
Growing up together was a funny thing, and somewhere along the lines, Heeseung had fallen in love with Yujin, and you found yourself at your first crossroad. How could you be in love with someone while trying to set them up with your other best friend?
For a few years, it was like thin ice. You thread along your friendship lightly and carefully, trying not to shatter the walls you had built. But you survived. The three of you survived with Heeseung helplessly in love with Yujin, and you with Heeseung. You survived without recklessly telling Heeseung how you felt, without losing your friends.
Hiding the way you felt became second-nature to you.
A major shift happened in your friendship when Yujin had to go back to the United States where her mother was. When Yujin leaves, Heeseung doesn’t cry. He simply holds your hand and leads the two of you out of the airport and back home.
He tells you of his regrets, of not confessing soon enough, and you wonder if you’d share the same regrets as Heeseung in a few years. Will there come a time when you’d lose him and feel this way too?
“Of course I remember Yujin.”
Your heart drops to your stomach when you recognize the same lovesick smile plastered on his face. You don’t think this favor will lead to anything good.
“She’s coming back here for a bit.”
“She’s coming back?” Heeseung nods, leading an arm to rest on the small of your back so the pair of you could start walking again. “That’s great! But, what does that have to do with… with what you just asked me?”
“We called earlier. I don’t even remember most of it, but she said she was coming here for around a month, and asked if we were finally together? I don’t know why I said yes. Maybe I wanted to show her I’m no longer as hung up on her as I was… but yeah. I said yes, and that’s why I’m asking.”
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry. I know it’s a shock, and you totally don’t have to do it. I’m just gonna call her and figure out how to say that I lied. Unless it’s alright with you, but I know it’s kind of a weird favor to ask your best friend.”
Heeseung’s favor is a dangerous thing. It’s risking the collapse of the walls you had built for yourself even if you’ve long since mastered how to suppress your thoughts and feelings. This was like an open invitation to give Heeseung your heart and say — here, you can have it, I’ve always been in love with you anyway!
You don’t think you could do it, but your words betray you as quickly as you had tried to shut it down.
“Okay.”
+
May comes a little too quickly than you would’ve liked, and you don’t understand how Heeseung is so good at pretending to be your boyfriend.
It feels too real.
He walks you home with your hands intertwined, and it terrifies you. It terrifies you that you might get used to the way his hand feels against yours, you might get used to the sweet and short kisses to your cheeks, you might get used to his mock words of affection.
The truth behind his actions isn’t real, not in the way you think, not in the way you wish it was. So why does he have to reach for your hand when there isn’t a need to?
Yujin comes home a week later for the marriage of a cousin. She congratulates the pair of you, exclaiming how she had always known that you and Heeseung were meant for each other. She doesn’t catch the way Heeseung looks at her with stars in his eyes, but you do.
It doesn’t take long for the three of you to fall easily into a routine again. Everything smoothly settled into place as you spent your free days hanging out together and catching up. Your friendship with Yujin started right back where it left off, and it was wonderful.
You don’t realize how much you’ve missed her until you catch light of her teasing, the same way she always did a few years ago. She still begs to dress you up when you plan to hangout, still orders the same coffee, still smiles the same way. In that, you were relieved that nothing felt awkward or forced.
Yujin still felt the same, and maybe that’s why you see Heeseung’s walls crumble and fall for her all over again.
+
“Hey, sorry I’m late.” You appeared in front of Heeseung and Yujin at a coffee shop by the corner of your neighborhood. They ask you what caught you up, and you tell them about homework, and as boring as it sounded, they still listen.
“I’m gonna go order something real quick.” You flash a quick smile, but before you could turn to the counter, a hand wrapped around your wrist stops you and you’re greeted with the sight of a shyly smiling Heeseung. “It’s alright, I already ordered for you.”
“He memorizes your coffee order?” Yujin coos at the (fake) couple in front of her, chin on the palm of her hands as she stares off dreamily, wondering when someone would do that for her too.
You know Heeseung knows her order by heart as well.
The boy pulls you down to sit at the empty seat right next to him, and he leans in to kiss your cheek in greeting. You pretend to be unfazed, but the heat in your cheeks say otherwise.
The conversation flows naturally once your coffee orders arrive, jumping from banter to reminiscing without a single pause. You laugh heartily at each other’s jokes, and the whole time, Heeseung has a hand rested on your thigh.
“Speaking of romance, how’d you two finally confess your feelings for each other?” Yujin leans back in her seat with an amused grin on her face. “Because, not to be a know-it-all, but I always knew it’d be the two of you.”
You watched as Heeseung struggled to make eye contact with her.
“It just… sort of happened?” You contemplated your words before saying anything at all.
“Just sort of happened?” Yujin’s voice is one of disbelief as she raises an eyebrow at you, arms crossed. “Come on, there must be a cuter backstory.” She prods, giggling at all the possibilities of Heeseung asking you out.
“It happened along the lines of me walking her home everyday, and her waiting for me to finish practice even though it’d run really long, or when I’d instantly save her a seat at school. I think… I think it was the little trivial things that we do for each other, when I realized she meant more to me than a best friend.”
Heeseung is smiling down at his hands, fiddling with his mug as he refuses to make eye contact with you. His response leaves you speechless, and you’re left to wonder how good of a liar Lee Heeseung is. Something in the way your stomach dropped was deeply unsettling.
“That’s so cute.” Yujin says so softly, hands cupping her cheeks as she smiles at her two best friends. It’s clear she’s happy with the outcome of events.
“It’s not all that cute all the time, you know! His friends are absolute menaces, and he still enjoys hiding my things sometimes.” You reply, nudging Heeseung’s side playfully in an attempt to lighten the mood at the table.
He laughs at this, and it leads to another conversation about his friends, and stories similar fly out from Yujin as well. The conversation was great, genuine, and you wished Yujin would just stay so you could have this back.
When she has to leave early to go to dress rehearsals as one of the bridesmaids, you’re left alone with Heeseung who has seated slightly closer to you than he did almost an hour ago. His proximity and the words he had said a bit ago has you repeating the mantra you’ve been drilling into your head for the past week.
This is all pretend. None of this is real.
“You okay?”
Heeseung peeks at you when he notices the faraway look in your eyes, and it’s enough to snap you out of your trance for a moment.
“Yeah, all good.”
“We were pretty convincing, weren’t we?” Heeseung is laughing quietly, pinching at your side teasingly. “If I didn’t know this was fake, I would’ve believed it myself!”
You force a smile at the statement, and you hope it looks a little convincing to Heeseung.
Still, you wonder what he gets out of this arrangement. It wasn’t like it was some ploy to get him with Yujin (he had told you he couldn’t, she was leaving again and it’d be too hard to commit to a long distance relationship). Was it simply to prove to her he wasn’t in love with her anymore? It’s not like she knew in the first place.
You reason, maybe this is how he can cope, by pretending he has his life together, pretending that he’s way over her, more to convince himself than anyone else - so things don’t have to hurt as much when she leaves again.
+
The wedding was a straightforward event, something that should’ve been easy to get through. You don’t understand why Heeseung’s arm wrapped around your waist makes the night so much more difficult to handle.
The ceremony was beautiful, but there was a lingering weight in your chest. At one point, you’ve shuffled out of your seat to use the bathroom, but when you return, you find Heeseung waiting for you. He smiles when he spots you, and he gently scolds you not to disappear without telling him next time.
He didn’t need to make it feel so real.
But you also tell yourself, it doesn’t have to matter so much. You know this is all pretend, and pretending is nothing new to you. None of this matters, it doesn’t have to affect you this much.
“Dance with me?” The way he says it is not a request so much as it is a statement. When you see him with his hand outstretched at you and a small smile planted on his lips, you realize, this means everything to you.
He means everything to you.
You’re not quite sure when you take his hand, or if you were the one to take it at all, but his hand is firmly wrapped around your waist as you sway beneath the twinkling light of the moon and the stars.
He’s smiling at you like he’s in love with you, and you almost believe it for a second.
You choose to close your eyes, squeezing it shut tightly as you lean your head against his shoulder. You feel too helpless to stop your heart from leaping out of your throat as he leads you in the middle of the beautiful garden, amongst other dancing couples.
You can’t help but think back to the events of the month. The memories of Heeseung as your pretend boyfriend smells like surprise tulips and coffee handed to you as he walks you to school. It feels like his hand in yours and the warmth of his hugs as he thanks you for waiting for him after his club ends particularly late.
Heeseung’s hand feels a little more calloused now.
“I’m not a very good dancer, Hee.” He shakes his head, reassuring you it’s alright as he draws you closer and closer to his chest. You can hear his heartbeat.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” You know he’s looking down at you, and you’re forced to look up and meet his eyes. How is he smiling like that? Did he always smile like that?
Your facade is slipping.
You blink up at him before looking around the venue. “Not a big fan of dancing.”
This makes him laugh, head tilted back a little. When he looks back at you, you notice a difference in his smile. The atmosphere shifts back.
“Thanks for doing this for me.” There’s sincerity in his voice and you laugh pathetically at yourself for allowing this to happen. “It’s really no problem.”
“Was I a good boyfriend for the month?” You know he means it as a joke, just like your whole pretend relationship, but you wonder how you could tell him he’s been the best boyfriend – that he played his part so well, it takes everything in you not to believe this is real every single day.
(You made me fall deeper in love with you.)
“You were alright.”
Heeseung shakes his head at your response, another laugh escaping his lips. How do you tell him to stop smiling like that?
When he brings his head back, you notice his gaze is no longer on you. He’s staring off somewhere else and when you follow his line of direction, you see Yujin standing beautifully by herself.
“Wanna go dance with her?” The smile you give him is genuine as you push him to talk to her alone, the way he’s been avoiding this whole month. “I don’t know if I can.” His voice is a whisper as he looks down at your feet.
“You’re gonna regret not talking to her. Trust me, I know you like the back of my hand.” There’s a hint of a smile on Heeseung’s face when you say that and he nods his head, looking back at you before giving you a quick hug.
“I’m sorry to cut our dance short. I’ll make it up to you next time.”
You know there’s no next time after this.
You shake your head, saying it’s no problem as you push him in Yujin’s general direction. You flash him a smile, small and slightly heart-broken, and a thumbs-up to tell him he can do it.
Just like that, he goes.
The month ends like a dream you don’t want to wake up from. One moment you’re holding his hand, and the next, you’re watching him walk towards the girl he’s actually in love with. And you can still see flashes of the dream vaguely, unwilling to let go when you know you have to forget now. You know you have to wake up.
Just like it takes Lee Heeseung seven seconds to ask you to be his fake girlfriend, it takes him the same amount of time to walk away from it.
And while it was a dream, you don’t think you’d ever want to go back to the month of May if you knew he was just going to leave you again.
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odrzuconyromantyk · 2 days ago
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Nigdy nie mogłem powiedzieć jej o stanie mojego serca. I nigdy nie zrozumiała, co oznaczało moje milczenie.
~Nida Fazli
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macaulaytwins · 2 months ago
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idk what you guys are talking about, giving your best friend that you’re in love with relationship advice and then crying in the car right next to them afterwards IS flawless representation
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denofdreams-writerblr · 3 months ago
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soft prompts for one-sided pining
staring at them for a long time
observing their little details 
having their every little thing memorised 
treasuring every little moment with them
and when your eyes meet it might be just a normal thing to them but to you it means the whole world
accidental touches that make your day
going out of your way to be near them
“hey, i didn’t know you’re into sports,” you friends say as you enrol your name in the sports club where you know he’s going to be there but you spend hours in room alone with no physical activity all day long 
digging in their interests so that you have common topics to talk about
when you see something’s bothering them, secretly trying to make it solve
taking care of them in the shadows
knowing that they would never love you back and yet not stopping to pour out your love for them
because their smiles make your day
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polaroid-ofyou · 2 months ago
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I think if we made out and cuddled for long enough all my problems would disappear
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lousydrawingsforgoodpeople · 8 months ago
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meatluvrr · 6 months ago
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“i have loved you. i have had to deal with that.”
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aretherestarsinhell · 10 months ago
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“i still love you. you know that right? i always did, probably always will. lord knows i was never good at letting things - or people - go.”
-and other things i’ll never tell you. c.r.
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kinanabinks · 7 months ago
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play pretend
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18+
in order to appease his uncle, bucky needs to prove that he's a family man. what better way to get that image across than with a loving wife? there's only one problem: bucky doesn't have a wife. he does, however, have a little fairy.
content warning: mob!bucky x best friend!reader, fake relationship, idiots in love, friends to lovers, fluff, mutual pining, kissing, angst, mention of sex, dirty talk (degradation kink, dom/sub dynamic).
mob!bucky masterlist
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The second you get to your apartment door, you know something's wrong. You feel it in the air. You may be tipsy from the drinks you got with your colleagues after work, and the late hour may be making you paranoid, but if being best friends with a criminal has taught you anything, it's to trust your instincts. When you hear a quiet thud from inside, your eyes widen. Fuck.
You put your key in the door while dialing Bucky's number, before reaching into your purse and taking out the pepper spray. It isn't a gun, but you can't exactly take a weapon into your office every day.
"Hey, fairy," Bucky's calming voice rings through your phone, giving you some relief.
"James," You whisper curtly while slowly turning the key. "There's someone in my apartment. I'm gonna kill him, but I just wanted to let you know, first."
All he does is chuckle while you open the door as quietly as possible, his tone oddly light for someone who claims to be so protective of you. "Go get him, tiger. Show him who's boss."
Did he just hang up?
You frown at his lack of concern, but peg it on him not believing you. Bastard. He'll learn to take you seriously when it's he who has to clean up the blood. Entering your apartment, you drop your bag and hold up the pepper spray. "Whoever you are, show yourself!" You call out, flicking on the light and looking around. "I've been taught how to kill a man with nothing but my bare hands!"
"If you wanted to use your hands on me, baby, you should've just asked." The smooth voice makes you scream in shock, your eyes and mouth wide as you see Bucky sitting in your armchair.
"What the fuck?" You yell, kicking the door shut behind you. "Don't scare me like that, you prick!"
"I'm sorry, fairy, it's just too easy," He laughs, standing up and striding over to you before pulling you in for a tight hug. When he pulls away, he cups your cheek, scanning your face and frowning when he smells the vodka on you. "Why you home so late, huh? Haven't I told you to call me when you come home late? Especially when you've been drinking."
"It's fine; Mr. Stark walked me home from the bar," You tell him casually while taking off your coat.
"Tony?" Bucky repeats with narrow eyes. "Why the fuck were you at a bar with him?"
You grin. There's that protective instinct, back in full swing. "It was a work thing; Margo's last day, so we went for drinks," You explain. "Sorry I didn't tell you. I figured you'd be busy, seeing as it's a Friday night, and all."
"I don't care what day it is; you stay out past 9, you call me," He states firmly, wrapping his hand around the back of your neck. "How many times do I have to explain that to you?"
"Alright, alright, jeez," You whine, pulling his hand off of you and walking over to the kitchen area. "You hungry? I'm hungry. Hummus. I have hummus and pitta. Yum."
While you grab items from your fridge, including the tub of hummus and a carton of orange juice, Bucky takes a seat at the table. He watches you with a smirk as you flit around the kitchen, grabbing everything that looks good and putting it on the table in front of him. After toasting some pitta bread, you cut it into bite sized pieces and place it down too, before sitting next to him.
He wraps his hand around the leg of your chair and pulls you closer, parting his lips when you bring up a piece of pitta bread with a healthy dollop of hummus to his mouth.
"Here comes the airplane," You tease, your eyes filling with delight as he eats it. He bites on the tip of your finger, making you yelp and pull your hand back. "Bad boy! You have lost your pitta privileges."
Bucky pouts but says nothing, sitting back and letting you indulge in your feast. After a few moments, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a black, velvet box. "Fairy," He mumbles, patting your thigh. "Got something for you."
"What is it?" You ask with a mouthful of chocolate, raising your brows.
Instead of telling you, he shows you, flicking open the box to reveal the most beautiful ring. With a smile, he meets your eyes. "Marry me."
Your heart skips a beat but a split second later, you snort. "Get the fuck outta here, Jamie. What's that for?"
"You're gonna wear it over the weekend," He informs you. "I need you to pretend to be my wife until Sunday. Two days, that's it."
"What the fuck for?" You ask, utterly baffled. "You got a coupon for a honeymoon package, or something?"
"My uncle's coming to town," He says with a sigh.
"Uncle Jack?" You ask with wide eyes. "What does he have to do with anything?"
"Don't look so excited," He grumbles with an eye roll. "He's expecting to come home and be introduced to my family. I need you to do this for me."
After the death of Bucky's father, Jack took over the business. Then, once Bucky turned 18, Jack left the country, claiming Bucky was capable of running the business himself. You haven't seen Jack in a few years, but every time he visits, Bucky almost goes insane with stress. He feels pressured to impress his uncle; as though he has something to prove.
"The numbers don't meant a thing to him; he won't care how successful the business is," Bucky explains. "All he'll be criticizing me for is my lack of a family. And that's where you come in."
"Your wife?" You sputter with wide eyes. "You want me to pretend to be your wife?"
"Please," He implores, taking your hand in his. "With this ring, I thee wed - for the next 48 hours."
Your eyes narrow into a glare as you pull your hand back before he gets a chance to slip the ring on your finger. "What if I took you seriously before, Buck? What if I got my hopes high, thinking you were proposing for real?"
"Then I'd marry you for real," He says simply, shrugging nonchalantly. "Now, come on. Put the ring on, and then it's bed time. We have an early start tomorrow."
Rolling your eyes, you childishly stick your hand out. "At least get down on one knee." You know that whatever Bucky wants, he gets, and besides; it's only for the weekend. You'll survive being his fake wife for 48 hours.
Knowing he's got you on side, Bucky laughs before kneeling on the ground. He holds up the ring, an adorable look in his wide eyes. "Fairy, baby, you're the only woman I'd be happy to wake up to every day for the rest of my life. You make the best alfredo, and you're nice enough to feed me when my hands are roughed up. I don't know what I did to deserve a guardian angel, but God gave you to me anyway. Will you make me the happiest, luckiest son of a bitch alive and marry me for the weekend?"
"Oh, Jamie," You coo, smiling widely. "You're a fucking rat bastard, and you give me migraines, and you're the reason my social life is so abysmal. Of course I'll marry you for the weekend!"
He slips the ring on your finger with a grin before standing up and lifting you off the chair in a tight hug. You wrap your legs around his waist as he walks you to your bedroom, his lips pressing a soft kiss to your cheek. "You're the best, my little fairy."
"Yeah, yeah," You mumble, resting your head on his shoulder. "You owe me one."
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"And then he asked me while we were in Venice; proposed on a gondola under the moonlight," You say with a dreamy smile. "We got married in Sicily a year later."
"Well, I'll be damned," Jack replies with a wide grin. "I was beginning to lose hope for you, James. Thought you'd never settle down."
Bucky pulls you closer onto his lap, looking up at you. "When you find a woman as incredible as Y/N, you want her to yourself."
"Took you long enough," Jack mutters. "How long have you two known each other, now?"
"It's coming up to ten years," You tell him warmly.
"Ten?" Bucky repeats with a mumble, frowning at you. "Guess we're gonna have to celebrate, baby, hmm?"
"Ah, young love," Jack sighs, sitting back in the armchair. "You're a lucky man, James."
"I know," He whispers, gently tilting your face towards him. "Give me a kiss, fairy."
Though you're surprised at his request, you can't help but give in. It won't be the first time you've kissed Bucky, but the fact that you're pretending to be a married couple adds a little pressure to this one. Admittedly, it's fun to kiss him, though you know it'll only hurt when you realise it's all for show. The kiss is soft and short, but still utterly magical.
"So, when can I expect some grandkids?"
You almost choke at Jack's query, immediately pulling away from Bucky. "Grandkids?"
"Don't scare her, Jack; we only just tied the knot," Bucky says calmly, patting your knee. "Let us experience marital bliss for a little while before we start having babies."
Having babies. Having babies? Babies?
You stare at Bucky. Oh, shit. This was a bad idea. Hiding your feelings from him is hard enough, but now he's planting the image of making a family with you in your head? It's like he wants to break your heart.
Jack shrugs with a smug smirk, "That's exactly what your father said to my parents. A year later, your ma had you. Life doesn't always go to plan, Buck."
No, it does not.
"Anyone need another drink?" You ask, standing up. "I know I do."
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The sound of live music fills the bar, the smell of drinks and food in the air. Bucky's friends and family are celebrating Jack's return with a party, while you do your best to keep up appearances. Somehow, you got through the first day without a hitch, and you only have to pretend to be Bucky's wife until the end of tonight.
"As long as nobody notices the ring," Bucky mumbles into your ear. "They won't even realize the difference."
He hasn't told anyone else what you're up to, which you've told him is a bad idea. Bucky's sure that you'll be able to convince Jack you're married while everyone else remains clueless, but you aren't so confident.
You raise a brow, swaying in his arms as his chest presses against your back. "So, you think we act like a married couple anyway?"
He smirks while taking a sip of whiskey before resting the glass on your shoulder. "Well, we flirt, we dance, we love each other," He lists off smugly, placing his free hand on your waist. "The only thing that's missing is sex."
"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" You grumble bitterly.
"Very much so, fairy," Bucky teases before turning you around and pulling you closer.
"Jamie?" You begin, to which he nods. "Do you remember any of Tuesday night?"
Immediately, he chuckles. "Fuck's sake. Sam won't stop ripping into me for that; keeps making psychic jokes. Bastard."
"Do you remember when you came to see me?" You ask, feeling your heart thud.
A smirk grows on his lips. "I remember kissing you."
"That's it?" You prod, your cheeks heating up at the memory. "You don't remember when I took you home?"
He looks up, frowning. "Uh, I don't remember anything past the kiss. Why? Was I horrible to you?"
You put on a smile and you can't tell whether you're relieved that he's forgotten your admission, or disappointed. "You're never horrible to me, Jamie," You mumble, placing your hands on his shoulders as the two of you sway gently to the music.
His eyes narrow. "Are you sure? Now that I think about it, you seemed upset the next morning. You can tell me if I was a prick - did I hurt you?"
"Of course you didn't!" You exclaim, lightly hitting his arm for effect. "Don't be stupid."
"I must've done something. Isn't that why you brought it up?" He questions, a look of concern growing on his face. "Did I say something mean?"
"Like what?" You ask curiously. "What do you think you could've said that was mean?"
"Uh, I don't know," Bucky says with a shrug. "Did I try to kiss you again?"
"Actually, you didn't," You tell him with a hint of surprise.
"That doesn't sound like me," He mutters, glancing down at your lips. "Give me one now, to make up for it."
"We're only friends, though," You say, trying to sound nonchalant. "Aren't we?"
A look of mischief blooms in his eyes. "Not tonight."
"Right," You utter. "Tonight, I'm Mrs. Barnes."
"Doesn't that sound good?" He whispers, holding you closer.
You can't help but wince and stop dancing. "I can't do this anymore."
Confused, he takes your hand in his. "What are you talking about, fairy?"
With a racing heart and clammy palms, you take a deep breath and step back. "I- I think I need some space."
"Space?" He repeats, baffled. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I'm sorry," You whisper, shaking your head. "Just tell Uncle Jack I'm not feeling well. I'm going home."
You make it a few feet before you feel him grabbing your arm and pulling you back, a stern look on his face. "What's going on?" He asks you. "Talk to me, fairy."
Looking around the bar, you cringe when you spot a few people staring at you and Bucky. "Not here, Jamie."
"Bucky," Jack's voice suddenly booms as he appears at your side. "We have a problem."
Immediately, Bucky's face pales. "Fuck."
"What is it?" You ask, your concern overriding your heartbreak.
Cupping your cheeks, Bucky pulls you closer. "Nothing you need to worry about, fairy. Go home, and I'll be there soon. We'll continue talking about this later."
"Are you sure?" You press. "If something's wrong-"
"I told you, there's nothing you need to worry about," He promises. "I'll be at your place in a couple of hours, I swear."
Half-heartedly, you nod. "Okay."
"Good girl," Bucky mumbles, kissing your forehead. "I love you."
"I love you, too," You whisper, hundreds of worries swarming your mind.
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When Bucky finally arrives at your apartment, it's almost midnight and he looks a lot less stressed out.
"Just something Uncle Jack needed me to sort out," He mumbles as he joins you on the floor in front of the couch. "Nothing major."
"That's good," You mutter, nodding, playing with the ring he gave you.
After a few moments of silence, he gently nudges your arm. "I've upset my fairy, haven't I?"
Sighing, you look down. "Maybe."
"Help me make it better," Bucky implores. "Come on, fairy. We've known each other too long for you to hold back on me. Give it to me straight."
Looking up at him, you furrow your brows. "What if I told you that you said you were in love with me while you were high on Tuesday night?"
The question takes him aback, and he says nothing.
"That you admitted that you want me as more than just your friend. More than a best friend," You hypothesize. "That you needed more than just friendship from me?
Raising a brow, he lets out a dry laugh. "I'd say, damn. The secret's out."
"Don't fuckin joke around with this shit, James," You say sternly, with no hint of humor in your tone or facial expression.
"I'm not fucking around," He claims. "Did I really tell you that?"
You shake your head. "No," You tell him truthfully. "...I did, though."
He swallows thickly, but he doesn't seem as shocked as you were expecting him to be. Instead, he looks down at the ring and strokes one of the small gems. "This was ma's stone," He reveals.
"What?" You ask, instantly recognising it as one of the gems on his mother's engagement ring now that he's pointed it out.
"I added it to your ring," He goes on to say. "Wanted... wanted a little bit of her love in it."
"Why would you do that for a pretend marriage?" You ask him incredulously.
"Because I don't want it to be pretend," Bucky admits before taking your hand in his. "Let's get married."
Your heart skips a beat. "Jamie-"
"Let's get married."
"Stop-"
"I'm not kidding around," He claims. "This is for real. I love you more than anything."
Utterly baffled, you shake your head. Your heart is racing, your fingers twitching. "Why has it taken this long for you to say it?"
Bucky shrugs, "At the start, you weren't ready for anything serious, and I didn't want to just casually date you. So, I stayed back. Fairy, it's so obvious that we are in love. We have been for so long."
Although you had yourself convinced that he didn't want you in that way because if he did, he would've acted on his feelings by now, you trust him too much to invalidate his words. "I know," You whisper, your eyes filling with tears.
"So, what the fuck are we doing?" He asks you wildly.
"I don't know!" You exclaim.
He grabs your face and pulls you closer. "Let's get married."
Snorting, you pull back. "I'm not just gonna fuckin'... marry you, Bucky Barnes."
"Why not?" He asks you between laughs.
"Because that would be insane!" You tell him, hitting his shoulder.
"Why would it be insane-"
"We need to talk about what we want from each other," You say, shaking your head. "We can't just go from being friends to being husband and wife."
"Sure, we can," Bucky says casually. "What would even change between us if we were to get married?"
"We'd live together," You point out.
"I'm with you almost 24/7, anyway," He states.
"We'd have to share everything," You add. "Bills, responsibilities."
"When have you ever had to worry about money, huh?" He questions you with a frown.
"It's more than just finances, Buck," You say with a disbelieving laugh. "It's... marriage, it's everything."
"I'll give you everything," He vows adamantly, wrapping his arm around you.
Clinging to his shirt, you frown up at him. "We... we don't even know if we're sexually compatible."
He narrows his eyes. "Do you really have any doubts, fairy?"
"Well, what if we aren't?" You challenge him.
"I know what you're into," He claims arrogantly. "And I can more than provide you with it."
You laugh heartily at his claim, raising a brow. "Oh, yeah? Like what?"
"I've seen your PornHub search history," He admits casually.
"Buck-"
"And I know exactly who you're subscribed to on OnlyFans," He adds with a wink. "You have good taste, baby."
"You're- that's a breach of my privacy!" You complain, pushing his shoulder.
He grabs your hand, his face dropping as he wraps his free hand around the back of your neck. "I know you like being taken care of, fairy," He mumbles lowly, making you shiver as he trails his fingers up your thigh. "I know you're aching to give up control. You need someone you can obey; someone who can fuck your brains out and reduce you to nothing but a dumb little fuckdoll."
The breath is stolen from your lungs. You feel as though your mind has gone blank, and all that matters is Bucky and his honey-like voice.
"All you have to do is say the word," He tells you, squeezing your thigh. "I can make your fantasies come true, fairy. You know I will."
"Jamie," You whimper, slowly moving your face closer to his.
"I'm right here, fairy," He whispers, stroking your neck. "I always have been, and I always will be. Do you trust me?"
"You know I do," You reply quickly, letting him pull you into his lap.
"Do you love me?"
"You know I do."
Without another word, he plants his lips on yours in a sweet kiss. At first, it's gentle and slow, until his hands find your ass and his tongue pushes past your lips. Just as the butterflies erupt in your stomach, though, there's a harsh knock at the door.
"Ignore it, fairy," Bucky mumbles against your lips, too lost in the kiss to notice the fact that someone's at your door in the middle of the night. "Just be a good girl for me."
His words get rid of your concern as you return to the kiss, running your hand through his hair as your tongues dance and glide across one another. Mere seconds pass before there's another knock, though - this time it's a lot louder and aggressive.
"Police, open up!" A gruff voice comes from the other side, making your heart skip a beat.
Bucky's grip tightens on your hip as his face drops. "Oh, fuck."
"Jamie?" You whisper, terrified. "What the fuck is going on?"
Looking at you, he cups your face and utters lowly, "We need to get the fuck out of here, fairy. Now."
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side blog for updates: @kinanabinksupdates
part two >
buy me a kofi <3
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feral-ballad · a month ago
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Maggie Nelson, from Bluets
[Text ID: “Is to be in love with blue, then, to be in love with disturbance? Or is the love itself the disturbance? And what kind of madness is it anyway, to be in love with something constitutionally incapable of loving you back?”]
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silent-insanities · 6 months ago
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I fear that I love too deeply for those who don’t love at all.
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feltpoetry · 3 months ago
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“you. it will always be you. don’t you get that? if i had the choice between you and a million things i’ve always wanted, i would choose you every single time.”
laughuntiltherearetears
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battle-with-bipolar · a month ago
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I found you, and then I lost you.
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lun4r-m055 · a month ago
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the most negatively allo thing we came up with as a society is this idea that not requiting someone's affection is bad. That rejecting someone makes you a heartbreaker.
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ell-hs · 3 months ago
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i take off my hands but you dont want them
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//@ell-hs / simone de beauvoir / i wish I never met you, babygirl / fleabag / @ell-hs / richard siken //
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strvngerrose · 2 months ago
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Blue (Robin x Reader)
Summary: Robin thinks Vickie looks good in blue, but she doesn’t notice that you’re wearing blue too.
part 2
A/N: I should be working on requests but i heard Blue by Laura Elliot and it inspired me to write this. i hope yall like it! i’ll link the song below if you want to listen as you read!
CW: angst, unrequited love, mentions of alcohol 
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The door clicked shut as you and Robin tucked yourselves away in her bedroom. You had just returned from one of Steve’s parties and were considerably tipsy, still warm from the alcohol in your system. Robin insisted that you come to the party, even bribing you with a sleepover afterward, though you’re pretty sure that the only reason she wanted to have a sleepover was so she could gush about her crush, who she ditched you for at the party. 
“Did you see Vickie tonight?” Robin mused dreamily as she flopped backward onto her bed, “She looked so pretty in blue. I think that it really brought out her eyes.” 
You looked down at your own dress, the same color as Vickie’s, but Robin didn’t seem to notice. She never seemed to notice you, not in the way that you wanted her to, anyway. There was always someone else, it was Tammy Thompson for a while, but now it was Vickie and this crush was even more unbearable than the last one, as it consumed Robin even more. You always listened to her talk about her crushes, and as much as it made your heart sink, you’ve gotten pretty good at it. She was especially talkative with some alcohol in her system, and her topic of conversation was usually Vickie.
She didn’t wait on you to respond before continuing, “She invited me to a party that she and a few other band kids are throwing next weekend,” she sits up and takes both of your hands in hers, “You should come with me. You know, as my wing woman,” She giggled, swinging your joined hands back and forth. 
You scoff lightly and shake your head. You weren’t invited and you were sure that Vickie wouldn’t be thrilled if you showed up based on the looks that were thrown your way before she stole Robin away from your group at parties and the daggers she shot you in the hallway as you walked to class with Robin at your side. 
“I wasn’t the one that was invited, silly,” You manage a half-hearted smile and break away from her hands to gather your PJs from your overnight bag. “She is totally into you, Rob,” You felt your heart clench at your own words, “You don’t need a wing woman.” 
She crossed the room and stood beside you as you shuffled through your bag, “Come on, y/n. Everyone at Hawkins High knows that we’re a package deal,” She laughed lightly, “I think even the administrators are too afraid to put us in different classes. If I’m invited, you’re invited.” 
You found your blue pajama shorts and the oversized t-shirt that you packed to sleep in and looked at your best friend, who was standing beside you beaming and practically buzzing with excitement. You sighed, knowing that you’d rather put yourself through pain than ruin Robin’s happiness. 
“What time is the party?”
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The next Saturday, you, Robin, and Steve pulled up to Vickie’s house. Robin had been rambling anxiously about all that could go wrong and asking how she looked every five minutes. You were more nervous than Robin if that were even possible. This would be the first party that you and Robin attended without Steve and if Robin ditched you (as you anticipated she would), this time, you’d be left truly alone. 
“Have fun, ladies,” Steve waved as you and Robin exited the car “Call me when you’re ready to go home. I don’t want you walking home or getting in the car with anyone at this party.” 
Robin giggled, “Okay, sure mom.” 
You stuck your head back in the car window, looking at Steve pleadingly, “Are you sure you can’t come in? Even for a little while.” 
He looked at you apologetically, knowingly, and shook his head, “I shouldn’t. I have to work early tomorrow.” 
You nodded solemnly before giving him a weak smile and a small wave and joining Robin to walk into the house in front of you. As soon as you walked through the door, you were met with the sight of bodies on bodies, flashing lights, and the smell of alcohol. Robin leads you to the kitchen to fix you a drink and not a minute later, Vickie emerges from the crowd with a solo cup in hand. She looks right past you to Robin and steps between you, taking Robin by the hand and leading her to the living room. 
“Hey, uh I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere!” The blonde told you before she is tugged away by Vickie, leaving a half-mixed cocktail on the counter.
 You remained in the kitchen for at least an hour, indulging in spiked punch and cocktails as you waited on Robin to return. Another hour later, you stumbled out to the living room, just in time to see Robin and Vickie climb the stairs, their lips connected, and enter what you assumed to be Vickie’s bedroom. You ran back to the kitchen as you fought tears and dialed Steve’s number on the phone that hung on the kitchen wall. 
“I’m ready to go home now,” You choked out when Steve answered the phone.
You were then faced with the reality that you were doomed to love Robin from afar. 
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