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piedinthepiper · 6 months

Text

You owe me ☆

Mafia!Jungkook x psychologist!reader

Summary: It’s your job to help people, but is he really suffering? At least it’s a case of the crazy and obsessive syndrome.

Warnings: yandere!Jungkook, dub con, guilt tripping, description of murder and crime, mention of stalking, cursing, weapons (one singular gun), mention of male masturbation, descriptive smut, probably wrong use of psychological terms (oopsie)

Wc: 6.9k

A/n: This is my first post on my bts fic blog! If you like it please show your support! Don’t be a silent reader! My requests are open, share your ideas!

Disclaimer: This is 100% fiction. I am in no way saying that this is how any member of bts would act. Nor do I condone the actions detailed in the story. This is purely for entertainment purposes only. If any of the warnings trigger you, or you’re under 18 ¡do not read! I’m not your mother, and I don’t take any accountability for what you decide to read online!

Another disclaimer: I am not a licensed psychologist! Everything related to psychology in this fic is off Google, do not use this to diagnose yourself or anyone else!

Parts: | 1 | 2 |

He clutched the gun close to his chest. Hiding it under his pyjamas. His fathers words ringing in the back of his mind. “Your brother is too soft for this industry, but you son, you’re my perfect descendant.”

He walked into his family’s suite. It was dark, except for one light in the living room. His mother sat there head propped up on her hand reading a book.

“What are you doing up so late, baby?”

She asked, putting the book down in her lap and taking off her reading glasses. He looked over at the white sofa placed next to the large windows. His brother was sleeping there peacefully. Not aware of his presence.

“I let your brother sleep in the living room tonight. His nightmares have returned.”

She continued when he didn’t answer her. He slowly turned his eyes towards his mother again.

“Weak.”

He answered lowly. Her look turned concerned.

“Is something wrong, baby?

His eyes continued to stare at her. He didn’t move a muscle, not yet.

“You know I don’t like it when you look at me like that.”

She continued when he yet again didn’t answer. There was a sturdiness to her voice now. The kind of sturdiness mothers have before scolding you. He started smiling. Not in a sweet innocent way. Not in the way 11 year olds should. But in a sinister and dark way. His hand moved out of his pyjamas top. She looked at the object in his hand.

“Drop that gun right now, Jungkook!”

A scream. Three shots. And silence.

15 years later

“Your patient is here.”

Your assistant, Erin, said through the slightly ajar door to your office. You looked up from your lunch. Quickly glancing over at the stationary computer to check the time.

“I don’t have an appointment. Not in another thirty minutes.”

Erin looked back to the waiting room before slowly stepping inside the office. Closing the door quietly behind her. She walked closer to you.

“He’s been sitting here for an hour already. I told him his appointment wasn’t until 1 pm. He just said ‘I know’ and sat down.”

She hurriedly whispered afraid of whoever was sitting out there.

“Please, Erin. Don’t act like he’s crazy. Send him in, I’ll eat later.”

She gave you a look before holding up two fingers. The signal that the two of you created. Working as a psychologist you meet with all sorts of people. Even criminals. The signal signalised that she would call the police if you hit the button that called directly to the front desk.

“Stop it, there will be no need to call the police. He’s harmless.”

“If you say so.”

She shrugged and walked out the door. The next time it opened a familiar figure entered.

“Good afternoon, Doctor.”

“You’re early Mr. Jeon.”

You had been treating Jungkook Jeon for a little over a month now. And you had come to the conclusion that he had PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. After he had witnessed a series of murders and crimes during his childhood. He was vague about the past, but a few things came out here and there. You only knew about his absent father and that his brother and mother had both been killed. No description of how or when. Which is common at first. It’s hard to re-live your trauma.

“I’m sorry I disturbed your lunch. Just eat, I don’t mind.”

He said as he sat down in the white sofa across your desk. You gave him a small smile as you reached into your drawer.

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll eat after our session.”

You said as you fished his file up and opened it on you desk. You quickly read your notes from the last session as you continued talking.

“How are you doing? Still having nightmares?”

You looked up from the file maintaining eye contact as he answered your question.

“Sometimes, but not as often as before. I dream of you instead now.”

His eyes never left yours as he bit his lip, playing with his piercing he had there. You nodded.

“How often do you dream about me? And what are the dreams about?”

You asked as you scribbled it down in your notes.

“Every now and then they occur. Especially after our sessions. Or after I read your books. You’re a good writer Dr. y/l/n.”

He started smiling. His smile wasn’t sweet, it was different from how he had smiled at you before.

“As for what they’re about, I don’t think you’d want to know, Doctor.”

You tried concealing your confusion at his last statement. Curiosity taking over you.

“Dreaming about people you frequently surround yourself with is not uncommon. If you don’t like to talk about it we don’t have to. I would just like to know if they’re good or bad dreams.”

He nodded, still not breaking his smile nor the eye contact.

“Oh they’re good, Doctor. Don’t worry.”

You smiled back at him.

“That’s good to know. I’m glad to hear your nightmares are slowly being changed with good dreams.”

It went silent for a moment as you wrote down the good news. When you looked up again he wasn’t looking at you anymore, and for some reason you felt relived. His eyes were big and doe like, and when they focused on you for too long you would sometimes feel uneasy. You wondered so what those eyes had experiences in the past.

“What about your sudden outbreaks, are you able to control your anger better?”

He focused on you again the second he heard your voice. His smile returned.

“Sort of, I’ve been letting out the aggression in the gym, after you adviced me to try to stay active. I’ve started boxing.”

You smiled and nodded, writing down boxing in your notes.

“That’s good to hear. It seems that you’re getting better Mr. Jeon, much b-“

“Jungkook, call me Jungkook.”

He interrupted. You stopped and looked at him for a second.

“And no, I’m not cured. I still need you.”

You slowly nodded.

“Well there is no cure for your diagnosis, it’s a matter of being at peace with living with it. But I can understand that you still have things you would want to talk about. Maybe you would like to open up to me about your past?”

The room grew quiet. His eyes now focused on his hands in his lap. His demeanour changed completely.

“I have told you about my past. If I didn’t you wouldn’t have been able to diagnose me in the first place.”

He answered with a bit of underlaying annoyance. You sighed. Something felt off, but you couldn’t figure out what.

“You have told me some parts yes. If you want to go more in detail you can, I’m not forcing you. As your psychologist I would advise talking about it with me. It could be nice to have an outsiders perspective.”

You said in a soft tone. Trying to get your point across at the same time as being gentle. You didn’t want him to feel pressured or as if he had to say anything. When he didn’t open his mouth you understood you crossed his personal line of what he feels fit for you to know. You spoke after almost a minute with silence.

“It’s fine. You don’t have to. You can think about-“

“You’re a smart one.”

He interrupted you again. His eyes raised to meet yours.

“That’s why I like you. You know to some extent what is going on inside my head. I could never do that. I never know what is going on inside your head. If you think I’m weak or even crazy.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy nor weak. It’s not your job to know what is going on inside my head. But it is my job to know what’s going on inside yours.”

He nodded before patting the sofa seat beside him.

“Come here.”

He simply said. You don’t know why, but you had a bad feeling in your stomach. He was acting differently today, compared to other sessions. Either way you got up from your chair, knowing that doing what he said would get you an insight of what you wanted to know. You slowly walked around your desk and sat down in the small sofa next to him. You crossed your legs trying your best not to get too close to him, but he seemed to man spread even more. Making your thighs touch. You placed your notebook in your lap, ready to write down exactly what he told you. He took a hold of your wrist.

“You’re not writing this down, Doctor. I need your full attention.”

It was the first time he had touched you, beside the first time you met when you shook hands. It made you think that you usually never have any sort of physical contact with your patients. Maybe that’s exactly what they need. What he needs to open up to you. You put your notebook down, and continued holding his hand. He looked down at your hands intertwining. Your smooth small hand was a sharp contrast to his bigger tattooed one.

“Tell me whatever you feel comfortable with telling me.”

You said to get his attention back to reality. He went quiet for a few seconds.

“I grew up in a hotel. It was a nice hotel, four stars, good breakfast. My father was almost never home, I didn’t mind though. I had my mother and my brother there. It was perfect in the beginning.”

He stopped. You looked down at his hand, it was shaking. You started drawing small circles at the back of his hand. Trying to calm him down. He looked down at your hands again.

“One night when I was sleeping I was woken up by a loud bang. The door to our home was broken down. A man entered and started shooting. My brother was still sleeping on the sofa and died instantly. My mother reached her gun and shot the man in the shoulder.”

He looked into your eyes.

“But he shot her in the head.”

You nodded, looking down at the floor. You knew he was looking at you, but you couldn’t meet his eyes in that moment.

“Did you find out who that man was? Why he would do such a thing.”

He went quiet again at your question. His grip on your hand tightened, as if what he was going to say would make you pull away.

“He was a mobster. Like my father. After the incident he trained me as the next leader of his group. I was 11.”

You looked at him. His childhood was worse than you thought, but he wasn’t saying all this as if it was a traumatic experience. It seemed like he was bragging about it. You would have to go through your notes and his file after work to see if there was something you were missing about him. You couldn’t jump to conclusions just yet.

“Thank you for telling me.”

You smiled at him. He looked back at you with those big eyes. You looked at the watch on your wrist. The session was over.

“Look at the time.”

You were about to let go of his hand to get up from the sofa. But he grabbed you harder. Forcing you to sit still.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Jeon. But our session is over-“

“I’ve told you to call me Jungkook.”

“Jungkook, I have other patients today as well. We can continue this next week.”

You tried to assure him. He still didn’t let go.

“I’ve never told anyone about this, and you decide to end the session this quickly?”

You grabbed his hand with your other hand as well.

“You know I usually don’t end sessions like this. But I can’t let my other patients wait. You’re free to sit in the waiting room for as long as you want to.”

He frowned at your comment, but relaxed his hand nonetheless. You got off the sofa and walked to your desk again. Before you could say anything else he got up from the sofa and hastily walked out the door. Slamming it shut behind him.

You had two more patients that day. You waved goodbye to your last patient of the day, a young girl named Olive Thomson who was suffering from severe anxiety, as she walked through the door. You got up from your chair and collected your things. You turned off the computer and the light. You made sure to lock the door as you always do. The only thing you had to do now was say goodbye to Erin by the front desk, and you could go home. You walked into the waiting room.

“Finally.”

You turned to find the owner of the voice, as it was clearly not Erin’s.

“Mr. Jeon what are you doing here?”

You asked as you looked at the man seated in one of the waiting chairs.

“I told him he had to leave, I promise.”

You heard Erin whisper behind you.

“You said I could sit here for as long as I wanted to, Doctor. And please, just call me Jungkook.”

He was clearly upset. You remembered your words from earlier, but you didn’t think he would spend almost four hours just sitting there.

“I did, you’re right. I’m leaving now, Erin will be here for another two hours. But after that we’re closed.”

He got up from the chair.

“I was waiting for you.”

He simply said.

“I’m sorry our session ended so brutally, but I promise we’ll talk about it next week.”

You said and patted his shoulder as you walked past him towards the exit.

“Goodbye, Erin!”

You said as you made your way outside. The wind was cold and you clutched your coat closer to you as you walked towards your car.

“The least you can do is eat with me.”

He had followed you outside. You turned to look at him.

“I’m not that hungry, I just want to go home.”

You was going to open your car door, but his hand suddenly blocked the door. You were about to cuss him out. Tired of his antics.

“You haven’t eaten all day, I hardly doubt that one bite you had for lunch filled you up.”

He sounded threatening, something he had started to do recently.

“I just want to hear your thoughts on what I said. Don’t you think you owe me that? Or do I have to wait a week and dread finding out your opinion of me?”

He was desperate, you could see it. What he was saying was true. He would walk around overthinking for the next week and his health could worsen. You had to take action according to your diagnosis.

“Ok, I’ll eat with you.”

The two of you were sitting at some restaurant. The lights were low and to everyone around you, the two of you looked like a couple on a date. This was obviously not something you would do with your patients, you like to keep things professional. Something about this whole situation felt anything but professional.

“Get whatever you want, my treat.”

He said deeply focused on the menu. You shook your head.

“No thank you, I can pay for my own food.”

You answered.

“I’m the one responsible for you not being able to eat your lunch right? You owe me this meeting and I owe you food. Two birds with one stone.”

You sighed when you didn’t have a rebuttal. The two of you ordered, and the silence grew more and more awkward.

“I’m sorry again, Mr. Jeon I’m-“

“Jungkook. Please y/n! Just call me Jungkook!”

He was clearly upset now. You were a bit taken aback from the sudden use of your first name. He had never called you by your first name before. And the feeling of the professionalism fading away became more apparent.

“I’m sorry. I’ll try to remember your request.”

“Say it. Say my name.”

For some reason you didn’t feel like you had it in you. It felt so strange to call a patient by their name, the same way it felt weird to be called your name by a patient.

“Jungkook.”

You managed to get it out, but you couldn’t look him in the eye saying it. The food luckily came quickly, you were starving. Plus it saved you from whatever he was going to answer. You decided to take the lead. Wanting to stay on track for the actual reason you said yes to join him.

“You said your father was a mobster. Do you know if he’s still living that lifestyle? Do you have any contact with him?”

You asked after taking a big bite of your pasta. Jungkook swallowed before answering your question.

“My father is dead. He’s been dead for 7 years now.”

A question came to mind, but you didn’t know if you dared ask him. You remember he said his father trained him to the life of crime at a young age. For him to take over his fathers legacy. With his father gone he would be next in line to whatever group his father had built. He got the image. Tattoos, piercings, the black clothes. But you couldn’t imagine him being a mafia boss. Maybe it was some sort of stereotype that strong, tough men don’t go to the psychologist. But you were starting to rethink his intentions.

“You’re thinking about something.”

You looked up from your food. He was staring at you.

“Look at you, you do have the ability to understand my mind.”

You said lightheartedly. He chuckled.

“I think you’re brave. Not many people survive the kind of neglect and trauma you’ve experienced in your childhood.”

You said, trying to give him an answer for his entire life story. He nodded and suddenly reached for your hand across the table. You jumped, but didn’t remove your hand. You didn’t want to make a scene with this many people around.

“I’m fine, y/n. I think the only cure I need is you.”

His statement combined with his eyes staring into your soul, gave you chills down your back. Something was off about him. You had to ask. You just had to.

“When your father died, did you…?”

He smiled. The same sinister smile he smiled at you earlier that day.

“I did. I took over his legacy. Me and my father were actually great friends the years before he died. Not that I cared for him. I don’t think I’ve ever cared for anyone in my entire life.”

Another shot of chills froze your body at his statement. You had overlooked it this entire time. His calm demeanour, his tendency to physically violence, his intelligence and charisma and now his lack of empathy. He didn’t suffer from PTSD, he had been lying this entire time.

“At least not until I met you.”

He interrupted your thoughts. You pulled your hand out of his quickly. You took a deep breath trying to compose yourself.

“That’s nonsense. You must’ve cared for your mother.”

He shrugged.

“Not really, she wasn’t exactly the best mother.”

“You don’t really have those nightmares do you?”

You asked, looking at him. It took him a few seconds to answer. Probably contemplating if he should continue his lies or tell the truth.

“I don’t.”

“You didn’t really have a problem with your mother or brother dying either right?”

He let out a small laugh.

“I just told you.”

“Just answer me.”

He poked his tongue into his cheek and leaned forward onto the table.

“What is this? Are you trying to diagnose me, Doctor?”

He said mockingly.

“Answer me.”

You commanded. He sighed and started smiling at you again.

“Everyone has to die at some point. Doesn’t matter when or how.”

You nodded. Your instinct was true.

“You don’t have PTSD, you have ASPD.”

He licked his lips and cocked his head.

“And what does that mean, Doctor?”

“You’re a sociopath.”

He looked taken aback from your bluntness for a second. He probably wasn’t expecting you to crack his code.

“You’ve lied this entire time for your own personal gain. I must admit your acting was really good. But my question is, what do you want?”

He was quiet for a second. You knew he was fighting a war on the inside.

“I really underestimated you y/n. I knew you were smart, but personally I don’t think PhDs make a person smart by default. You’ve really proven yourself to me.”

“My efforts were not made to impress you. You think too highly of yourself Mr. Jeon.”

His gaze switched, you had aggravated him. Not only by calling him by his last name, but by attacking his self image.

“Why don’t you come home with me, we can continue our conversation there.”

You shook your head, and arranged the cutlery neatly by the side of your half empty plate.

“I do not go home with patients, and I definitely do not go home with mobsters. You have already challenged my professionalism by taking me out to eat.”

He smirked.

“What if I stop being your patient? In all honesty I don’t really need your advice, Doctor.”

You grabbed your bag and got up from your seat.

“In all honesty I think you do. We will continue this conversation in my office next week. Good night Mr. Jeon.”

With that you walked away from the table. Not looking back.

The next few days you were on edge. Constantly overthinking everything that had happened that day with Jungkook. You almost wanted to call in sick. Terrified of what would happen next. But regardless of that you had to continue working. You couldn’t let your other patients get affected by whatever was going on with you. You said goodbye to Mrs. Humphrey. An elderly woman that had fallen into depression after her husband had passed. Once the door closed you fetched your lunch out of your bag. You didn’t feel like eating, but you knew you had to. If not your energy would be drained at the end of the day. After the first bite you started hearing noises outside. Erin was almost yelling outside your door. You stood up, wanting to investigate what the commotion was. Before you could take one step the door swung open. And there he stood, your nightmare for the last couple of days.

“I told him you were busy, Dr. y/l/n! I told him he couldn’t enter!”

Erin said hopelessly behind him. He was soaking wet from the rain. His hair plastered itself to his forehead. And his black shirt did the same to his abdomen. He didn’t move, he was just staring at you with a furious look in his eyes.

“It’s fine, Erin. I’ll handle this.”

Erin looked at Jungkook worriedly before looking back to you. She held up two fingers. You nodded, and she left.

“Sit.”

You said, as you yourself sat down behind your desk. He closed the door behind him, but didn’t sit down. He continued to lure near the door.

“You interrupt my lunch again, I don’t want this to become a habit.”

“Please, spear me the bullshit.”

He said, and you went quiet. Wanting him to say whatever he came here for.

“How did you do it?”

He said after some time. You looked confused at him. Not understanding what he was referring to.

“Did what?”

You asked in almost a sharp tone. You were annoyed. He let out a small laugh, it almost sounded like a sneer.

“You’re cute when you’re angry with me.”

He started slowly walking towards you.

“But I need to know how you did it, y/n.”

He stopped once he reached the end of your desk. You looked up at him.

“What did I do?”

You ask again. He puts his palms on the table and lean closer to you. You don’t move, trying to prove to him and yourself that you’re not scared.

“You figured out a side of me I never understood I had. If I, the person that’s bearing this disease didn’t know. How come you knew?”

You leaned back in your seat and crossed your arms. He was clearly distressed. Maybe even more than what you had been for the last days. And for some reason it pleased you.

“I told you, this is what I do. This is my job.”

You could tell he was conflicted in what to do next. You could practically see the way the wheels were turning inside his head. But eventually he sat down.

“I studied the human mind for six years to be able to understand things not even you are aware of.”

He scowled at you as you talked to him in a harsh tone.

“I’ve done research, and I’ve written books about this, that you have read may I add. What made you think that I wasn’t capable?”

He didn’t answer. The two of you just stared at each other.

“This is not a session, I demand answers, Jungkook.”

His eyes lit up when he heard his name fall off your tongue.

“Like I said, I underestimated you.”

He answered short.

“You didn’t answer my other question.”

You stated. He looked confused at you.

“The question from the other night. What do you want?”

He started laughing. You did not find it funny, and watched him as his fit of laughter died down.

“Y/n, you can’t be serious! You’re telling me that you were able to diagnose me with some bullshit, while I was pretending to be something else. But you’re not able to see the fact that I want you.”

The room got quiet. For the first time in a long time you felt completely speechless. He moved to get up from the sofa, but stopped the second he saw you roll your chair further away from him. He could tell you were afraid now, there was no point in acting tough.

“Come here.”

He said with a smirk and patted his thigh this time. There was still fight in you though.

“You’re disgusting.”

You uttered. He sneered at your comment.

“You’ve exploited me for your own satisfaction this entire time.”

You looked strictly at him, as he sighed.

“What was I supposed to do? You’re constantly on my mind. Day and night. And it’s awful!”

“That’s called an obsession.”

“I know what it’s called!”

He bit back. You went quiet, waiting for him to give you more information.

“The only way I can get a break is after i come to the thought of you. It usually takes around three times until I’m too tired to think of you.”

You couldn’t hide your disgust from your facial expression anymore. Looking at him as if he was a rat on the street.

“And then I thought if that helps, the real deal would help even more.”

He got up from the sofa now. You stayed seated, your hand slowly moving across your desk towards the telephone.

“I need you, y/n.”

You broke eye contact and looked down to hit the right number for the front desk. Jungkook quickly understood what happened and pushed the stationary phone off the desk. It fell to the floor with a bang, breaking it on impact. You got up quickly, wanting to distance yourself from him.

“How did you know? About the phone, about me. We never met before our sessions. Why? I don’t understand.”

You blurted out in pure stress of the situation. He smiled as he started walking towards the side of the desk. You walked the other way, wanting to keep the desk between the two of you. He chuckled.

“You’re cute when you’re confused too.”

You continued walking backwards. Trying to keep as much distance from him, while he tries to close it.

“I’ve followed you for a long time, baby. A very long time.”

The two of you had walked an entire round around the desk now. He jumped down onto the sofa again. His hand gracing the sofa cushions beside him.

“Do you want to know the full story?”

You knew what he was hinting at. Your entire body was screaming not to get anywhere near him. But you needed to know. He didn’t have anything to hold back now, you were certain he would tell you the truth. So you walked towards the sofa, carefully sitting down beside him. You took a second to compose yourself before looking at him. Signalising that’s you were ready. He smiled.

“I have known you since we both were children. Your father was my brothers shrink. He´s the one that had PTSD. I saw you for the first time in the hotel lobby after your father had finished his session with my brother. You were maybe 6 and sat there for so long, waiting for your father to return. When I saw you, I knew we were meant to be. We were soulmates. And for the first time in my life I felt something for someone.”

He grabbed your hand. You quickly out of reflex tried to wiggle yourself out of his grip. He tugged your hand harshly towards him and your entire upper body followed. Without your hand to catch you, you fell straight into his chest. His other hand sneaked around your waist as you composed yourself.

“Let me go.”

You said annoyed, placing your hand on his chest to keep a distance.

“If you want to hear the rest, you have to play by my rules, baby.”

His eyes focused on your lips as he whispered to you. You shook your head.

“I don’t need to know the rest. I can make out the sob story on my own. Boy falls in love, boy doesn’t get girl.”

He shook his head and let go of your waist. You quickly sat back up, brushing off imaginary dust from your lap.

“You should show me some respect.”

He said with a serious tone. You rolled your eyes and crossed your eyebrows.

“I’m not scared of you.”

He chuckled at your comment, placing his hand around the back of the sofa.

“I don’t want you to be scared of me either. I just think that you should show the man you owe your life to some respect.”

He touched your shoulder, drawing small circles on your jumper.

“I don’t owe you anything.”

He smirked.

“Oh, but you do. I made you the person you are today. Without me you wouldn’t be here.”

You sighed tiredly at him.

“You’re unbelievable.”

You got up from your seat and walked back to your desk. Starting to pack up your stuff. You were so done with him. He needed help, but you would no longer treat him. You decided as much.

“I need to get out of here, if you’re not gone when I’m back I’ll call the police.”

You put your bag over your shoulder, ready to walk away.

“How did you get into Yale, Doctor?”

He asked out of the blue. You stopped in your tracks.

“What? Why?”

He shrugged.

“Just seems so weird that someone with your grades would be able to attend any Ivy League school. Don’t you agree?”

You went quiet. Not knowing where he wanted this conversation to go.

“And don’t you think it’s weird how you always got A’s even when you were out partying instead of studying?”

You thought back to the years when you were studying. You originally did only apply to Yale just because your father went there. You didn’t think you actually was going to make it, because your grades were mediocre.

“What are you saying?”

“You have no idea how many people I had to blackmail to get you there. How many men I had follow you constantly. How many professors I had to bribe to make them give you a good grade. I’ve spent millions on you, y/n!”

Your mind was racing. You didn’t understand anything. Was your entire life a lie?

“I have to give it to you. Your first book made it without my help. But when you came out with your second book, and it wasn’t a success right away. I bought almost half the copies and payed a hefty amount of money to make it a New York Times best seller.”

You dropped your bag in awe. What he was saying made a lot of sense. You started rethinking every significant moment in your life. Wondering if he was behind it all. He got up from his seat and started moving towards you. But this time you didn’t step back. You let him come close to you.

“I’ve done so much for you, baby. Why are you so ungrateful?”

You looked up at him. He was now standing right in front of you. So close that you could almost feel his breath on your skin.

“I didn’t ask you to do any of this. You can’t keep me in debt for something I-“

You struggled with continuing the sentence. The reality of his words hit you, and your tears threatened to spill.

“It’s ok, baby. I’m not asking for much, considering what I’ve given you.”

He whispered calmly. His hands found your waist. He took one step closer to you and placed his forehead against yours.

“All I want is you, right here on this sofa, showing me how grateful you are.”

You couldn’t hold your tears in anymore, letting them slowly drip down your cheeks. One of his hands abandoned your waist to wipe away the hot tears on your cheek. You looked into his eyes as he continued to hold your face.

“If I do it, will you leave me alone?”

His eyes focus on your lips and how close you were. He had never been this close to you.

“I can never leave you. You’re my soulmate.”

He simply answered. You looked down at the floor.

“Jungkook, you’re delusional. You have to stop.”

“How can I stop? Huh? You’re the only one that matters in my life!”

You continued looking at the floor, even when he pushed himself off you in his fit of rage.

“I fucking love you!”

You shook your head, looking up at him this time.

“You don’t love me! You don’t even know me! You’ve created this illusion in your head that we are meant to be, but we’re not!”

You yelled back at him angrily.

“You’ve interfered in my life when I didn’t ask you to! You don’t have the right to do that!”

“And where would you be without me?”

He argued back.

“You act like you don’t care! But you know that without my help you wouldn’t be anything. You would’ve been a nobody.”

His words stung. What he was saying was the truth. The hard truth. You would have never made it to college. Never gotten this job. Never been a successful author. Never followed in your fathers footsteps and made him proud. You heard Jungkook sigh.

“I’m sorry baby, but it’s the truth.”

He said dejectedly. You took a deep breath. Realising what you had to do.

“I’ll do it.”

You simply said and met his eyes.

“I’ll have sex with you once, but after this I need you to stop.”

“Baby-“

“Listen to me! I’ll find you another psychologist. I want you to go to there and get help. When your treatment is over-“

You stopped for a second. Contemplating if you wanted to commit to the promise you were about to make.

“I’ll meet you again. To talk. I can’t promise you more than that.”

His eyes lit up and he swiftly lifted you in a hug. Letting out small sounds of excitement and shaking you around a little. You couldn’t help but smile at his boyish action. After a moment he put you down again, but continued to hold your waist.

“I’ll do whatever you say, baby. I’ll do anything for you.”

Your hands found his strong chest. You kept the eye contact, but your eyes couldn’t help but flick down to his lips for a split second. And that’s all he needed to kiss you. It started slow, but quickly got hotter. Your hands slid around his neck, unconsciously pulling him deeper into the kiss. He stepped backwards. You were taken aback by the sudden movement, but followed his lead. He guided the two of you to the sofa. The same sofa he had sat in every time he came to your sessions. He broke the kiss to jump down on the sofa. He looked up at you with nothing but lust in his eyes. He had been waiting for this for many years, and finally he had you. He reached out for you as you straddled his lap, feeling his already hard cock between the fabric of your trousers. His hands moved down to your ass. Grabbing it the second he had a chance, and letting out a satisfied groan. You reached down to the hem of your top and pulled it off.

“You’re so fucking hot.”

He said with half lidded eyes as he watched your bare skin. You smirked at his comment and reached for his shirt as well. He lifted his back off the sofa to help you get it off. Once it was off you started examining his tattoos. Tracing his arm with your finger all the way up to his shoulder. You stopped once you saw the little circular scar. Your entire body froze as you remembered his words from your last session. “My mother reached her gun and shot the man in the shoulder. But he shot her in the head.”. He looked at you confused for a second, before he looked at his shoulder where your eyes were glued. He understood what you were thinking.

“You killed your family.”

You said and looked back at him. He was already shaking his head.

“The man was you. You killed them.”

You tried to get up from his lap, suddenly scared of the killer you were straddling. But he held you down with a strong grip.

“Baby calm down, let me explain.”

You continued to struggle. Not listening to his words.

“Y/n!”

He suddenly screamed. Getting your attention. He sighed.

“I didn’t kill them.”

“I don’t fucking believe you.”

You started struggling again, now hitting his chest as well. He quickly flipped the two of you. Pushing you down onto the sofa with his own body weight. Holding your wrists harshly.

“So what if I killed them? It doesn’t take away from the fact that you still owe me this!”

He looked dangerous on top of you like that. A single tear fell down the side of your cheek. He was right yet again. He kissed you tenderly. It was a sharp contrast to the tone in his voice.

“You still owe me your body.”

He started kissing down your neck. Eagerly taking one of your boobs in his hand. His crotch grinded against you for a second before you heard him curse under his breath.

“I’ll have to taste you another time. I can’t fucking wait any longer to be inside you.”

He started working on your jeans. Ripping them off in a hasty speed together with your panties. He quickly loosened his belt and repeated the action on himself. His cock sprung free, but you weren’t able to look at it for more than a second before he lifted your legs over his shoulders and pushed into you. The two of you moaned in unison. He was big, but he took little to no time for you to adjust, as he started thrusting into you with brutal force.

“You’re so fucking tight.”

He moaned, stopping his motion to spit on your pussy. Using it as lubricant. He continued quickly after. Moans and heavy breathing filled your office as the two of you strived to reach your orgasms. He reached down and started rubbing your clit. Almost overstimulating you.

“I’ve waited for this for so long, baby. You feel better than I ever imagined.”

You felt a familiar knot building in your lower stomach. The rapid speed of his hands and the stretching of his cock making you come closer to release quicker than ever.

“I need to come inside you. I need to fill you up, baby.”

You nodded. Not knowing or caring what you said yes to. You were already on cloud nine and needed him to continue whatever he was doing.

“Say my name.”

You understood he was close, and you were too.

“Jungkook!”

You moaned as your orgasm washed over you. You legs clenched around him, and your hands found his arms. Digging your nails into his skin. He came the second he heard his name escape your mouth. He let you ride out your orgasm, before he fell on top of you. You felt his breath go back to normal as he nuzzled into your neck. The two of you laid there in serenity for a while. Just feeling each others heartbeats and listening to each others breathing.

He would do as you told him. He would go see someone. He would do whatever it took to have you like that again. He would never let you go. You owed him this after all.

Thank you for reading! Do you want to read more?

Masterlist

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dosie-dosie · 7 months

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THINGS TO DO WITH YOUR OCS

If you’re like me and you like to play around with your OCs a lot, here’s some things you can do with them!

ART & CRAFTS

Put your OCs in character scenario memes! Here’s some I found on Deviantart.

Do an art trade where you draw someone’s OC and they draw yours!

Use those "Draw The Squad" templates and draw your OCs.

Crochet/knit/sew/etc. a plushie of your OC.

You can also make a paper doll! You can find tons of tutorials on youtube.

You can also make a figure of them out of something like clay, cardboard, or another material.

You can build them out of Legos!

You can also create a hand or finger puppet of them.

Draw a comic featuring your characters!

Create an animation of your character.

Draw your characters as animals!

Create pixel art of your OC! Maybe even make it look like video game sprites.

Draw your characters as playing card designs.

Draw your characters as tarot card designs (Suggested by @ultragirl-parsley)

Create a coloring book full of your OCs!

Create a large cardboard cutout of your character. There are tons of tutorials online!

Put your OCs as designs on cookies, cakes, etc. (I kinda want to do this one but I know it won't turn out well for me 'cuz I suck at handling food T_T)

Design your OC's home.

Make a board game about your OCs and their story

Make Minecraft skins of your characters

INTERNET

Make your OCs in picrew or other dress-up things!

Create a character playlist on Spotify or other music site!

Create a Pinterest board with inspo for your OCs! Maybe outfits they’d wear, a moodboard, etc.

Reblog those “tag your OC as” blogs! They usually have a prompt and you can reblog it and tag which OC it describes. Here’s a few blogs which do this: Tag Your OC on Tumblr develop your oc on Tumblr Daily Asks for your OC (tumblr.com)

Take quizzes as your OC! You can find some on Quotev or IDRLabs.

Make a roleplay account as your OC.

Create a quiz on Quotev about your OC. Maybe something like, "Would my OC like you," "How similar are you to my OC," etc.

Put your OCs in the incorrect quote generator.

Find OC questionnaires and templates online.

Create a page on your Tumblr just for your OC! You can include things like a character sheet, general facts, your posts about them, etc.

WRITING

Do character exercises for them! You can find a lot of these on the internet, but here’s an example.

Write from your OC's perspective. It'll help you understand them better!

Create a list of media they enjoy. Maybe movies, video games, songs, etc.

Write a song (or just lyrics) about your OC or parts of their story.

Write a random story about their childhood!

Create an in-universe news report from your OC's world.

Write a poem about your OC.

OTHER

Put your OCs in character alignment memes! Here’s some from a search on Pinterest.

Create voice headcanons for your OCs. Here’s an example of Vivziepop’s for Hazbin Hotel..

Play as your character in video games! Like, maybe design your character in Miitopia or Sims.

Do some theatre improv games as if you were your OC.

Edit your OC on to pride flags.

Also, you could maybe make those like, Tiktok edits of your OC? (Y'know the ones I'm talking about?)

Create an AU version of your characters! (I’ll create a list of AU ideas soon! :D)

Have your characters solve the trolley problem and other moral conudruums.

Cosplay as your OC!

Create ship names for your characters!

You can also find baby names that your OC might like or something.

Create a visual novel/dating sim in Google Slides (or if you can code, you can do it like that!)

Create a crossword/word search relating to your characters and story.

Answer "Would you rather?"questions as your character.

Find poems that remind you of your OC.

Make family trees.

If anyone has anymore ideas, please tell me and I’ll add them to the list!!

#oc #original character #list #oc creator #oc artist #original character artist #original character creator #oc challenge #ocs #masterlist #things to do #artists on tumblr #writers on tumblr

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northgazaupdates · 1 month

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Journalist Hossam Shabat responds to a problematic article about journalists in the west being unable to reach Gaza. Hossam writes,

The biggest problem is not Western journalists being unable to enter, but the fact that Western media doesn't respect and value Palestinian journalists. My colleagues and I risk our lives every day to report on this genocide. No one knows Gaza like we do, and no one understands the complexity of the situation like we do. If you care about what's happening in Gaza, you should amplify Palestinian voices. We don't need Western journalists to tell our stories; we are capable of telling and reporting on our own stories.

Context under the cut:

From the very beginning, Western journalists have neglected the people of Gaza. They focused on how resistance actions have impacted settlers, and mentioned Gaza in only the most reductive of terms. But now, as the scale of atrocities by the IOF finally becomes too great for them to ignore, these same journalists are crafting a new narrative: ‘We didn’t ignore Gaza because we don’t care, or because it was politically convenient to do so. We just couldn’t get there to report on it.’

This is a lie concocted under the weight of ever-fickle Western guilt. They deflect their accountability for creating IOF propaganda by claiming they were kept from reaching the area. However, even more than a lie, it is an insult to Gazan journalists—those still living and those murdered by the occupation.

Gazan journalists often have contacts outside of Gaza who could help them evacuate, but they chose to stay. They chose to stay and document the genocide against their people, and did so at immense personal cost. Montaser Al-Sawaf was injured and lost 50+ family members in a bombing attack, before he was bombed again by the occupation and left to slowly die in the street. Mahmoud Ziad Aliwa and Mohammed Saber Arab are still missing after being kidnapped by the IOF while reporting from Al-Shifa Hospital during the latest siege. Eshak Daour lost his brother just a few days ago.

But as they tried to share their footage and words with the world, they were ignored, in north Gaza especially. The world had no interest in the words of Gazans, but especially if they were Arabic-speaking. Rather than undertake the relatively simple task of finding a translation for Gazan sources, or contacting Gazan journalists directly in English (of which many of them speak at least a little), they were flat-out ignored. Only English-speaking journalists with massive social media followings received any acknowledgment, and even then it was extremely minimal.

The journalists of Gaza have always been there, they have always been speaking out and asking others to simply share their words. The implication that only western journalism counts as “real” journalism is insulting, degrading, imperialistic, unprofessional, dishonest, and cruel.

This blog was created due to uplift the words of north Gazans, which were not and often still are not reaching the rest of the world. We will continue sharing from people in north Gaza, but we ask that you, reader, do so as well. Do what western journalists have refused, and uplift the voices of people fighting for their survival in all of the Gaza Strip.

Many journalists post partly in English, but for those that don’t, Arabic speakers will often leave English translations in comment sections. You can also ask for someone to do a translation in the comment section, and often someone will reply. If they don’t, you can copy and paste Arabic text, or take screenshots and upload them into Google Translate. These are not perfect tools, but they give you some idea of what is being said. It’s better than simply not listening.

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magz · 1 year

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This one of many way to help disabled people. Can "donate" voice through Vocal ID so that those not able reliably speak can have more variety Text-To-Speech voice in their AAC devices (Alternative Augmentative Communication). Can also "donate" to preserve own voice for future.

Recording can take 2 to 3 hours total, which can be done bit at a time. If done outside a voice donation clinic or recording booth - what needed is a headset with microphone, a quiet environment, and google chrome.

Can make Voice Contributor account or if want to make voice charity drive so more people donate voice, can visit VoiceDrive Ambassador page for more info how to do it.

Quote:

Rapel Patel speech scientist and founder of VocaliD says, “Millions of people rely on synthetic speech to communicate everyday. Yet, they’re given a limited set of generic, robotic sounding voices. Voices that don’t fit their body or personality.” Voices are a part of our identity. If you never met me but spoke to me on the phone, in just a few words you would likely deduce that I am a young woman from New York. Our voice showcases our age group, region we come from, our physical size, our gender identity etc. and our vocal output expresses our emotion, thoughts and ideas. If you donate your voice, vocaliD can mix your vocal recordings with the vocal recordings of an AAC user to create a custom voice for the AAC user.

Of other side, instead of donating...

For using Vocal ID for yourself, there are two main options.

"Vocal ID Legacy" where you preserve the voice for yourself - which end up cost $1499 u.s. dollars (if insurance not cover it).

And "Bespoke Voice" where you choose a voice from recordings, with option to 'blend' the voice with your own if still have some ability to - with varied cost.

#saw tags ask: yes it ok reblog #text post #o post #disability #my upload #never was able do it when hear it years ago. microphone suck.#reference

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glitterock · 2 years

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Call For Submissions

Hello! So i’ve decided i want to create a collaborative zine based on an essay I’m writing titled “Femme Dyke” on the lesbian experience and would love to collect other submissions written by and for the community! The title is based off of a piece I have written, but I don’t want this to be a femme-specific project. Ideally butch, femme, masc, dyke, androgynous, fluid, unlabelled, and any and all lesbian voices in between would be represented! I’ll be accepting around 10 (subject to change based on interest) pieces including essays, short stories, poems, songs, interviews, visual art, photography, and memoirs.

Rules for Submission:

* Must be a lesbian to submit. I love all my queer family, but this will be a collection of writing based on the lesbian experience

* Can be as short or long as you want as long as it’s 12 pages or under (size 12 font, regular 1.15 spaced). If you only want to write a few words, just write a few words! If you want all 12 pages, take all 12 pages!

*You may submit multiple pieces of work but only one submission will be chosen

* You can access this submission form until January 21st at 11:59 pm est (if you need up to a week extension please message me to work that out but try to stick to this deadline)

* Along with your written/visual submission, please include your full name/an alias you’d like to use, any socials/a website if you have one you’d like to include (not required) and a short biography (one paragraph long) about yourself, where you’re from, and any additional information you’d like to add written in the 3rd person. You may add a picture to your biography if you feel comfortable doing so!

* All submissions will be edited by me, but this most likely won’t go farther than spelling and punctuation changes. If I have any notes whatsoever i’ll run them by you and you’ll see and approve of the final copy of your piece before print/posting

* This goes without saying, but transphobia, racism, and hostility towards other queer identities will not be tolerated or printed

Examples for what to write about include but absolutely are not limited to:

* how your sexual identity as a lesbian intersects with other minority identities you may have

* your "Ring of Keys" moment

* your place in the lesbian community and how you relate to it

* coming out story and how that shaped you as a person/the relationships you have

* an interview with a lesbian you know

* being trans and a lesbian

* guide to eating pussy for beginners

* your first time falling in love/getting your heart broken

* a funny life story or anecdote that relates to lesbianism

* your identity (butch, femme, etc.) and what that means to you

* sexual experience/advice/ stories or how you relate to sex as a lesbian

* the colonization of gender and sexuality

* write a love letter! to lesbianism, your partner, a lover, a hook up, to butches, to femmes, to trans lesbians, to POC lesbians, to your friends, to yourself, to your vibrator!

* poetry, an original song, or a visual art piece about any of these topics or a topic related to lesbianism (note that visual art will be printed in black and white)

If your work is chosen, I will be in contact with you by January 28th to discuss further! Not every submission is guaranteed a spot.

Thank you so much and I look forward to reading all submissions!

submission form:

#lesbian #femme lesbian #wlw #sapphic #lgbt #queer #femme4butch #femme #butch #butch4femme #lesbian writing

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fuckmyskywalker · 7 months

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"Good Boy." — Luke Skywalker.

—CW: 18+, smut! Praising. ProfessorXStudent relationship. Handjob, (brief) blowjob. | Word count: 0.5k (not proofread!)

— List of films! | Taglist.

“You are doing so good, Luke”

“T–Thank you, Miss.” He responds, keeping his uniform shirt raised so you can continue stroking his cock. Your hand moves slowly, rubbing every inch and creating a lewd, wet noise. His hips buckle, darting his eyes to the classroom door just in case. There’s a creepy thrill in doing something so prohibited inside your classroom, inside the school’s perimeter— knowing well it could cost him his scholarship and your work.

You snap your fingers in front of his face bringing his attention back to you. “Eyes over here, pretty boy. You wanted this, remember?” Correct. When you stopped him before he left the room, you made sure he closed the door behind him, ready to congratulate him for being top of the class, again. “My star student wanted his cock stroked by his favorite teacher.”

Luke whines, biting his lip and resting his lower back against your desk. He asked for this, he really did. His blue eyes stay glued to the way your soft hand rubs him, up and down, up and down— how your manicured fingernails painted a bright red look like claws ready to squeeze him for dear life. If he’s lucky, he might be able to come down your throat.

“Such a good student. My rising star, aren't you?” Your voice is a sweet curse that keeps dragging to a web of desire. Every single aspect of this relationship is wrong, illegal even if we take into account the school’s guidelines. “Always sitting in the front row, raising your hand, participating over and over… aren’t you a delight? I bet the rest of your professors love you.”

He shakes his head. No one loves him like you do.

“Oh, really?” The smile on your plump, pink lips is nothing more than wicked and tantalizing. “Well, then I can have you all for myself. My smart, pretty boy with a wonderful cock…”

The tip of your tongue makes contact with the leaky head, urging a moan from Luke’s throat. You hush him, reminding him of your surroundings. «We can’t be caught, can we?» is what you always say.

“You know…” You murmur, lifting your gaze so you can admire the hazy cloud of lust that covers his eyes. He is so, so beautiful, and every time you call him «pretty boy» you are not lying. With his blonde, silky hair, a rain of freckles that adorn his tanned skin, and those eyes— oh my goodness, those eyes. “I was in high school with your father— and I have to say, your dick is way better than his.”

The filthy confession should disgust him, but instead the praise, as humiliating as it is, makes him choke a moan and come over your face, giving you no warning and little time to open your mouth to catch as much as possible.

The same wicked smirk remains on your face, licking the remains of cum off his sensitive length. Reaching for the cardigan on top of your desk, you wipe his sticky load off your face, careful not to ruin your makeup.

“I hope you get an even better grade next week.”

— 🐚 if you wish you be added to my taglist there's a google forms in the beginning of the post! There you can select which days you would like to be tagged in (or choose the option: all the above!). If you send me a DM or an ask I will tag you on every day! | some tags might not work due to your settings, so I removed the people who's account won't let me tag.

#𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 anya writes!#𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 kinktober 2023!#luke skywalker #luke skywalker smut #luke skywalker x reader #luke skywalker x reader smut #luke skywalker fanfic #luke skywalker imagine

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azuremist · 2 years

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On the subject of Plushie Dreadfuls (warning for anti-autistic ableism)

So, Plushie Dreadful’s most beloved plush; their Gender Dysphoria Rabbit; often makes the rounds on here! It looks like this:

(ID: an image of a plush toy against a white background. It’s a white rabbit sitting on a gray box. It has blue and pink details, and the trans symbol on its chest. It seems to be designed to appear scratched up and messy. End ID.)

A lot of people really love this design and the posts featuring it get a lot of notes!

Plushie Dreadfuls are a line of plushies based and themed off of a multitude of things. These things include gender and sexuality, emotions, and disorders. These designs are very cute and charming, which is why what I’m about to tell you is frustrating.

Plushie Dreadfuls, as the plushies can be based off of disorders, have a plushie for autism spectrum disorder. It looks like this!

(ID: a plush rabbit toy, a bag, and a blue pop-it stim toy against a white background. The bag is a tote bag, and it appears to say, ‘respect the full spectrum’, and ‘hope’. The pop-it is rabbit-shaped. The plush rabbit toy has a blue infinity symbol on its belly, and the insides of its ears have a checkered pattern. End ID.)

This is the Hope Rabbit! This rabbit is cute, and I have little to no issues with it in terms of design. The infinity symbol being blue wasn’t the best choice, but hey. I’m willing to go easy on that aspect because all Plushie Dreadful designs are made by people with direct experience, as it says via their website. This design was created by an actually autistic woman!

It’s in the official description of the plush where I find issues. First, they describe it as ‘for Autism Awareness Month’, which is a minor mistake that I can easily let slide. However, the official description of this item also states, quote, “10% of the proceeds go to the A.E. Wood Foundation when you purchase a Hope Rabbit from the Mysterious Shop.”

As much as one small Google search will tell you that A.E. Wood Foundation preforms autistic behavioral therapy. Autistic behavioral therapy is abuse and torture of autistic people, in order to make them act more ‘normal’. This is where the plushie’s use of the infinity symbol becomes infuriating. The infinity symbol is the symbol of autism acceptance. If they did research into it, they would know this. Autism acceptance; what the infinity symbol stands for; and ABA which forces autistic children to conform to allistic standards cannot coexist. They are opposites. After being informed of this, the company appears to have no intentions to stop funding.

“So what can I do?”

Boycott the Plushie Dreadfuls line.

Leave a review on the Hope Rabbit, letting the people who buy it and the sellers know what this organization does and what it supports!!

Email their customer support, [email protected]

Plushie Dreadfuls has a Twitter too. Bring your issues with this up in the comments of this account’s posts!

Do not purchase anything from the American McGee company until this is resolved, especially and including the new Alice game.

Remember, our goal out to be to stop the donations to A.E. Wood! Not for the plush to be discontinued, nor to ‘cancel’ the brand. Let’s all be calm and civil.

That’s all! Again, I bring this all up due to the Gender Dysphoria Rabbit’s popularity. If you choose to shop at Plushie Dreadfuls despite this, please at least do not purchase the Hope Rabbit!

Update #1: We have a response from customer support! From what we can tell, Plushie Dreadfuls’ owner seems to support A.E. Wood and ABA therapy, and seems unwilling to reverse this decision so far. Perhaps if we all voice enough concern, we can change their minds?

Update #2: A perspective from someone who is familiar with the people behind the brand!

Update #3: We’re thinking that the only way to get the person behind the brand to listen is to boycott all properties connected to American McGee. Specifically, the new Alice game. This post has been edited to reflect this.

Update #4: All mentions of Autism Awareness Month seems to have been removed, and the foundation seems to have been removed from the description, and not replaced with anything. Whether or not this means that donations have stopped is unclear. Their Twitter also seemed to delete any Tweets about this plush.

Furthermore, this happened in the comments of the Hope Bunny YouTube video:

[ID: Screenshot of a comment dated ‘1 month ago’ from the American McGee YouTube video advertising the Hope Rabbit.

User comment: A.E. Wood Foundation utilize ABA therapy. ABA is abuse.

Reply from American McGee account: It founded and run by autistic people. Are you saying they abuse themselves? Or perhaps you don’t know what you’re talking about? End ID.]

That was the only comment they replied to. They have ignored a longer comment which provided more context and history behind ABA.

Update #5: The proceeds are NO LONGER going to the charity in question, and American McGee is attempting to sever all links to them!!

[ID: A screenshot from American McGee’s official Twitter, dated 9:55pm on February the 12th of 2023.

Tweet: We severed our link to them. And we're asking them to remove our info from their site. This was at the request of our community after they let us know that this particular charity was/is problematic.]

#anti aba #actuallyautistic #autism #neurodivergent #actually autistic #plushie dreadfuls #azure does a thing

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my-hobby-is-finding-the-source · 10 months

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what's your white whale you mentioned?

Concerning a previous remark.

In November of 2018, the Vocaloid and UTAU producer KIRA released the UTAU voicebanks Akarui Kouki and Akarui Hikari, created and voiced by him.

Each voicebank features a mascot character of the same name, with concept art provided by seica.

In the following days, as is the usual for such a momentous occasion, KIRA would receive several messages and comments on Twitter, to congratulate him on the release, including edits as well as drawings of these characters.

I crossed paths with one such message—a drawing of Akarui Hikari, with a peace sing on each hand, head tilted to the side, and with her tongue sticking out a bit, captioned "Queen for the gays", if memory serves.

I though "Oh, cute", gave it a like, and went on my way. I would never see the full drawing again.

Some time later—not sure when I started—I remembered the image and figured I ought to see it again. To my dismay, I could not find the tweet anywhere.

"Surely, it must still be somewhere!" — I thought, naively, as I typed the caption I remembered on Google.

No results.

"Okay, maybe it will show up on Twitter..." — It didn't.

"Just drop her name on Images, something gotta show up!" — Many things did, but not what I looked for.

"Did anyone upload it to a booru?" — No.

"Okay. Okay. There's no need to be lazy, I'll just read every single tweet by and to KIRA since the release date. It has to be there!" — It wasn't. But the effort was not wasted.

I was able to find many replies by KIRA to tweets that have since been deleted, or that belong to missing or suspended accounts, which may explain the disappearance. Unfortunately, not a single one of those replies appears to have been archived.

But. But! In an unrelated reply, I found an old screenshot of a tweet KIRA. In that screenshot, as the portrait of the accomplice, three parties that inadvertently conspired to my torment, in that frozen moment in time, there she was.

To this date, this highly compressed circle-cropped 135x135 ordinary collection of pixels has stood as the single proof of my sanity, the simplest marker of my ineptitude, and the sterling token of my regret.

At this point I'm not sure that I'll ever find it, that it can even be found.

Should I even want to find it?

To finally get to it and lose this strongest reminder of the transience of all things, that you should hang tight to all that you hold dear.

It is said that you are responsible, forever, for what you have tamed, but what about that which tames you?

Maybe if I just asked KIRA if he still has it and remembers who made it, but what then?

To hear a "Yes" and crystalize my incompetence for all eternity, or to hear a "No" and lose even this last speck of hope.

It's just another drawing. It's the most important image in my life.

#answer #white whale

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rinbowaman · 11 months

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S E 7 E N : L U C I F E R

P A R T T H R 3 E

Warnings: One image of a demon in this one, nothing related to smut or anything like the last chapter, just forewarning in case you dont like to look at scary stuff, it's CG developed image that fit the scene i placed it in (AGAIN, NO DEMON RELATED SMUT LIKE LAST TIME) however, you are going to have Heelel with antlers, just saying. if that bothers you, just skip over it. (He is the devil after all) there is smut, not too descriptive but it's in there. There are some dark altered pics of Heelel when he's mad (not like his scary smiling pic of sadistic love) literally just images i adjusted the brightness and contrast to display what I imagined he would look like when angry. Abuse of power, abuse of authority, imbalance of power in a relationship, obsession, possessiveness, aggressive and unhealthy obsession, treating a person like they're a doll or putting them on display (literally), ....curse words...mention of people burning, mentions of children dying (from bad guys). I think that's it. and this is NOT AT ALL PROOFREAD. sorry, not the tiniest bit, as i'm still trying to recover from jetlag and it's been a busy couple of days from the family event. so ignore the mistakes.

Images i found on googled and altered. One image is from account ljungwon. Please support their work.

“Will he receive us?” The master elder asks as he faces Jake.

Looking up at towards the peak view of the mountainous throne from the base, with crossed arms, he sighs out as he issues his response.

“Not sure….he hasn’t really detached himself from up there ever since he took out Jol…and brought her back with him.”

“You mean…..the Mortal Daughter? She’s here?” The elder gasped out.

“I knew that she what the purpose of her existence was…yet I wasn’t at all prepared to find out that he finally got her….after all this time…he never lost interest…he waited.”

The elder remarks his mental note as he once again, shifts his gaze and looks at the younger brother, Leviathan.

“Will you take us to him? We wish to see him.”

Shrugging as he scratches the back of his head, Jake steps aside and extends his arm, gesturing towards the three muses.

“You can go on right ahead. I’ll let him know that you’re making your way up.”

Flaring his dark gray-shadowed wings, the former archangel takes flight and heads to the peak of the tall mountain, leaving the three muses of Heaven to face the stairway extending miles long.

“We best be on our way. Should we stop for breaks, ensure that we keep a look out for the demons that may roam.” The elder bids as he leads the two younger muses along.

The stairway roughly extended passed three miles ahead before they would reach the tip, where Heeseung’s throne was stationed, overlooking the vast fields of the red poppies he planted so long ago….all for you.

A flashback from the time of your arrival in Hell, his voice and the image of his face was permanently ingrained in your mind as you set your gaze upon the red poppy floral ground that surrounded you…you couldn’t escape from them.

“Do you like them?” You recalled as he spoke out chuckling, all with a lip bitten grin.

“ I planted grew them hoping that they would match the color of your lips, but they don’t even come close…as red as they are…..your red lips is the prettiest….you’re just so beyond remarkable….arent you?”

With a dark giggle, you nearly blacked out upon the last bit of his words as he cradled his fingers around your chin, staring into your eyes with a deathly and terrifying smile of joy….and love….a sinister love.

You sat atop and slightly sank into the tufted cushion of the large platform he had created right in front of his throne.

Despite having your own throne seat next to his, he expressed that he wanted you in front of him…in front of his eyes….where he could see you…stare at you…watch you…he didn’t want to miss a single sense of movement or expression.

The velvet red pillow top sat atop an enormous golden framed platform case, resembling a lavishly large box frame, where the pillow top was extremely soft, filled with angel feathers and adorned with a myriad of satin pillows.

A dainty, single, and delicate ankle chain was connected to the base of his chair. It had enough slack for you to move around freely, in great length, yet should the moment occur that you take flight or walk past the first three steps of the stairway, the slack ended, restricting you from leaving the tight perimeter of his reigning foyer.

Surrounding the platform, were four large golden pillars that extended high on each corner, hovering a sheer translucent red fabric to canvas over your frame as you remained atop the cushion.

Since your body was still developing to it’s immortal form, your strength hadn’t fully regained itself from the performance he displayed in turning you.

“It will take some time.”

His words echoed throughout your brain as he gently stroke your cheek.

Regardless of you changing, going from a mortality state to an immortal one, he had side tables on each corner of the platform, with platters of all the fruits you could imagine. There were also a wide display of nuts, cheeses, jams, and even assorted chocolate candies with pitchers of various wines.

Even noting that after you were fully changed, he expressed how much he knew you would miss the joys of tasting food, so he made a promise to have everything at your displeasure, and when the time is right, when you are trustworthy to not stray, he would take you on regular visits to the world you were born in.

But not now…not for a long time. He sensed that you were not yet fully acclimated to the adjustment, and that you missed home…you missed your family….you missed the setting of the place you initially belonged to.

From the platform, you sat kneeling and chained. Your body lacked any cover as he kept you naked with only subtle body jewelry and chains to adorn your figure.

“I want to see you….all of you.”

“Stop covering up, don’t be shy. Leave yourself open…..I love looking at you.”

“Look at me…..pretty……smile for me…..”

“Cry as much as you like, you’re still beautiful as ever.”

He’d have you adorn anywhere from pure gold beads with white diamonds, or black pearl strings, delicately decorating your waist, ankles, wrists, neck, and over your breasts, which he had pierced, delighting the look of the jeweled pieces that adorned each nipple.

Surprisingly, perhaps it was due to your body changing, you didn’t feel a thing when he had Sunoo come over to do the deed of puncturing a hole through each nip.

............................

“This shouldn’t hurt…but if you feel anything, let me know.”

Sunoo gently remarks as he takes hold of you and with a golden needle, one of ancient age, he pierces through, while feeding through the selected jewels that Heeseung picked out.

The Prince of Lust was quite crafty and quick, but it shouldn’t surprise you since that was right up his alley. In fact, just before you received your piercings, Sunoo had showed you his own.

“See? Aren’t they nice?”

Removing his shirt, he shows off the dainty piercings that lay on his chest, and it was subtle, but there were also….

“I got these while I was visiting Earth, it fascinated me. They speak of lust and desire, that’s also the same time I learned about the alterations of the body such as puncturing skin and adorning jewelry. It’s very enticing…isnt’ it?” he remarked as he took notice of you viewing the faint bit of tattoos that designed his pectoral muscles.

“Now, hold still, we’re going to make this quick and you’ll be right back with Heeseung.” He softly smiles as he cups your cheek.

Viewing the world from afar, it looked so large and graceful as it floats in the middle of the pitch black sky, all decorated by the galaxies and stars that gave it a subtle bit of illumination, yet the biggest source of light, was the massive moon over the horizon that appeared to be rising, yet was stationed in mid levitation as it gazes over the wide field of the red flowers.

It was massive, it looked as if you could walk right up to it. It shone brightly and paved the entire region with it’s light. You couldn’t deny it, the region of Hell that Heeseung had formatted, all for your arrival, was breathtaking.

It was hard though, and extremely mundane to not be able to tell how much time has passed. With the sun farther off on the opposite side of the earth, you couldn’t tell if each day had gone by, not until you noticed as the earth took movement and shifted around, the continents were the key in telling you that a full day had passed.

You constantly watched it, displaying a look of yearning as you wondered how everyone back at home were doing. Especially since the former archangel, Jol, being defeated and brutally slain by Heeseung, the world was now back to normal, no longer living in the dark ages of authoritative abuse and corruption. It was back to a time that you had longed for, yet you’re not able to enjoy even though you are the reason for it’s return.

Sitting across the platform, in close distance, he sat still and wouldn’t move….he couldn’t take his eyes off you.

He adorned a full black, princely attire with knee high boots and form fitting trousers, along with a satin black shirt with a kneel length coat. His legs crossed, elbow propped on the arm to extend the reach of his hand to his chin, which he stroked delicately as he admires the nude form of your body, the soft skin that glowed against the moonlight in the background, and the dainty pieces of jewelry, along with your wings…

“Leave your wings out, pretty. I fucking love your wings.”

Your wings on full display, he admired the white base of the coloration, protruding a silver Nacre hue that was exactly like the Mother of Pearl.

“So pretty…..”

On the left wing, a small group lying beneath the undercarriage of the structure, partially hidden underneath the white Nacre coloration, was the pungent black group of feathers that represented the darkened ingredients to your soul.

Though he was born with dark shadowed gray wings, the same as all angels in Heaven, his had slowly turned black, eluding a dark purple and red hue as he resided in his own kingdom of Hell, the moment he expelled himself from Heaven’s gates. How lovely of a feature was it, to see his darkness reflected in the lightness of your soul….of his soul.

“Heeseung!” Jakes voice comes from above as he swoops in and lands effortlessly to the side of Heeseung’s throne.

Without taking his gaze off you, Heeseung doesn’t move an inch, he merely issues a “Mmhmm..” towards his younger brother.

“The muses are on their way up.” Jake alerts.

Not at all responding, he takes notice of how Heeseung remains staring at you, with a slight smirk on his face.

Chuckling to himself, Jake shakes his head with a smile on his face.

“Do you want me to tell them to leave?” he asks.

Maintaining his gaze on the love of his life, Heeseung softly shakes his head and raises a brow as he watches you swoop your hair over your shoulder, keeping it at bay from having it draping all over your body as you continued to admire the Earth from where you knelt.

Jake chuckles once more. Stepping aside, he looks at you with a tilted head and a soft smile.

“Hi y/n. Feeling better?” he asks.

You merely look at him with a seldom expression and gave just a slight, gentle nod.

“That’s good. Get lots of rest, it’s going to be a while before your body full adjusts. Keep big brother happy, okay?” he chuckles teasingly.

Turning his head back to Heeseung, he speaks out before departing.

“Send for me if you change your mind about the muses.” With his last note, he propels himself off the peak and into the air as he takes flight.

You hardly got to see them, as they relished in their own regions, yet when you did, you at least appreciated and felt comforted by Heeseung’s siblings as they all issued a warm greeting and asked if you had needed anything. Though, regardless of your history with them before you were brought to Hell, they never dared take things any further than that, because now, you belong to Heeseung…..Heeseung only.

Watching Jake’s form disappearing as he flies off, you shift your gaze back to the rotating Earth. Heeseung continued to stare at you, as you both remained silent. It wasn’t anything new.

You couldn’t be sure exactly how long it had been since you arrived in Hell, yet you assumed it had been roughly about three weeks, and each day that passed, it was always the same. You were propped as if you were high valued art, and he sat on his throne, continuously appreciating you as he stared.

The muses arrived sometime after Jake issued his note of their arrival. Staring at you, the elder of the three muses gasped as he placed a hand over his chest at the sight of you.

The other two muses, the younger ones, followed suit as they looked at you with a wide eyed stare, as if you were some kind of miracle.

But that was because…you were….you were his miracle….

“…Heeseung…is she?....”

Heeseung doesn’t budge, he merely stays in his seat and continues to stare at you. A faint smile of satisfaction permanently stationed on his face the longer he looked at you.

“He sent us here….he wanted to express the meaning of his love for you….and for what you did….to save humanity.” The elder notes as Heeseung still remained unresponsive and maintained his gaze on you.

“The arch angel Jol, upon realizing that his only chance to erase humanity was to use the aid of humans, he made a deal, after narrowing down the weakest and most corrupt of souls.”

The elder muse studies Heeseung for a moment, looks back at you, and then shifts his gaze back at the Devil before him. Taking note of how the Prince of Darkness was entirely too enamored by you, the elder saw no point in furthering the conversation.

Turning back and dismissing himself as well as the younger two muses, he pauses his steps as he looks at you for the last time, knowing that his meeting with you would not happen for a second time.

Looking up to return the gaze, you looked slightly confused as you wondered why the elder man was just looking at you. It wasn’t until he spoke out softly, with the utmost pity you had ever received.

“My heart be still…..for I nor any muse, angel, or demon will ever witness something so miraculous….the flesh and blood of God. Be brave and strong….it is not your fault…nor was it his…..you are destined to teach and tame…..so please….do your best….o’ mortal child of my master.”

Your face trails behind them as they took their leave. Tilting your head as you watched them walk down the stairs, you were processing the man’s words, not even hearing Heeseung scoffing a smirk as he removes his hand from his chin, gets up from his throne, and walks over to you as you remained focus on the three muses, your head turned away in the opposite direction from where he stood aside from you.

Grabbing onto your wing, he gently pulls you to face him, delicately pushing you down on your back as he began to cover your entire body with ravishing kisses. He took aim at your womanhood like a spotlight and displayed sensual love as his tongue made love to your clit, punctured through your slit, and massaged the inside of your walls.

He fondled with your breasts, dragged his tongue from left to right and in circles over the regions of your stomach, your chest, and your thighs.

He displayed such brute strength, always taking you in various positions, to include suspending you in the air and supporting your entire weight as he cradled you with his arms. His hands remained firmly latched on your derriere as he gripped on each cheek and bounced you vigorously on his length. Succumbing to the highest essence of pleasure, your hands grips his shoulders, or his chest, yet you felt the need to grab on to something else…something that you could wrap your fingers around as you found yourself curling them from the intense pleasure. That and your toes.

Noting the gasping state of your orgasms, yet always wanting to keep going, he issued you ‘some’ relief as he would extend his antlers from his head, while still remaining in his mortal form.

“You can grab on to them….pretty.” he told you as he kept fucking you.

Reaching up as his hands tightened their grip around your waist, you found some of the pressure taken away from the intense pain and pleasure of his member thrusting inside you, rendering you to cum multiple times. Coiling your fingers around the magnificent display of the rack that sat atop his thatch of black hair, holding on for dear life, he’d find the basis of a new momentum as you latch on, furthering stabling yourself to him. Taking advantage, he’d increase the pace, the ferocity, and the rhythm as he would thrust harder, deeper, and faster.

He appeared as a hybrid of some sort, with his antlers out yet looking like the dashing mortal man that he appeared to be. His eyes lacked all luster as they became matte black.

As the muses finally reached the base of the mountain, your screams filled the air, coating the entire regions of Hell with lusts of pain, pleasure, and euphoria in your tone.

Noting that your tone, through all the pleasurable moans that were encased with each scream, there was a cry for help within your voice as you echoed out his name and your pleas.

The elder knew, though he felt nothing but sympathy for the one that was destined to live this life…with the Devil.

In the sporadic of the time that would pass, there were also times that he would approach you, and display his physical affection in various manners, not just through intercourse, though it happened nearly all the time, as he caved into engage in the heat of passion since he couldn’t take any more of the aching that punched inside him. Could anyone blame him? The Devil? You were too glorious for him not to touch you….the fact that you were all his…that you belonged to him…made it even harder for him to restrain himself.

“Come here….come to me.”

“Yeah? You fucking like that?”

“You feel so good….fuck I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’re mine.”

“Now repeat after me, ‘Daddy I want your seed.’ Just like that, okay pretty?”

“Scream out my name with that sweet voice of yours.”

“Open your mouth and moan for me. Just like that…..fucking say my name, pretty.”

You’re not sure of how many times he’s already lost control and submitted you to his raging passion and love, but it had to have been in the high numbers already, despite it being only a few weeks since you’ve been here with him.

………………..

At first, you found yourself afraid and disgusted with the way he had issued you those pet names, coated your body with his lips, devoured you, pelted you, and thrusted every inch of his love in you. Yet….

It was strange and frustrating, the feeling of pleasure overrides your better judgement and you mentally caught yourself wanting more, though you tried to remain strong in avoiding speaking it out. But you felt yourself breaking, inch by inch, as you not only craved it, but you stopped putting up a fight. You started to accept it begrudgingly, though it would transition to you embracing his touch….returning his kisses…..moaning out the pleasures as he licked you down from head to toe.

He was brutal, you knew of that, you’ve seen it.

For even though his region was nothing but blissful beauty, a sight to behold, the vast regions of Hell is so large, it was entirely a different world of its own. Frightening demons roamed the lands, aimlessly wandering. You had learned through Niki, that the demons were born out of the souls of the dead, of those who committed high, atrocious crimes against humanity. Rapists, murderers, criminals of all serious types that committed the harshest of offenses towards mankind, all fall into the abyss of the River Styx, where they are forever tormented. On occasion, however, when the soul yearns for more damage, craving for the pain and screams of others, they ravage the lands seeking out one another, only to fight to their deaths.

“It helps cleanse the lands if we let them roam and kill each other off.” Niki stated.

Yet, the moment you stepped foot in Heeseung’s region, you as well as the siblings, and the Prince of Darkness himself, all learned that due to the essence that you were made of, out of God himself, you drew the attention of these ravaging demons as they yearned to tear you apart, ravaging your body and splitting you open.

The first you witnessed it, was shortly, nearly a day after you were brought ‘home’. Everything had been just as it was now, with you on the platform, adjusting to the new sights as you lay naked on the bedding, where Heeseung had a full view as he sat on his throne just as he is doing right now.

It was distant, yet it grew nearer as you heard the clamping sound of something harshly approaching up the stairway. With a loud and beastly growl, he ran with a murderous eye as it extended its hand, reaching upwards in your direction. You shook at the sight of the massive demon, who looked as if it stood eight or nine feet in height, with a large and muscular form as it rushes up with the intent in tear you to pieces.

You froze as the thing was nine or ten steps away from making it’s way over to you, when suddenly Heeseung, in a flash, migrated from the seat of his throne and appeared before you, standing in the way of the flesh craved demon, never allowing the creature to get passed the last step of the stairway.

His transition was so quick, it was as if he teleported, just as his brothers had done. Snapping his hand out, harshly grabbing the demon by the neck, his fingers pinch in and digs into the skin, puncturing into dark flesh.

The demon growled and roared in pain as it attempts to reach for Heeseung, yet the Devil remained untouchable. Raising his arm, Heeseung’s eyes grew murderous, dark, and sadistically twisted with a rage like you had never seen as he aimed his sights directly to the demon’s face. Without saying a word, Heeseung reaches up with his other hand, and while maintain the hold he had, he tears off each limb, before tossing aside off the mountain top that you both were perched on.

Limb by limb, the dying cries of the monster before him, you shunned your sight away from the gruesome display as your ‘husband’ took out the demon and finished him off by slowly tearing his neck from its body. The ripping of flesh and the gurgitation of the demon choking on its blood before the finishing move sent waves of panic, fear, and anxiety throughout your body.

Tossing what was left, Heeseung turns to find you in a kneeling state, slight hunched as you cradled your breasts, trying to cover as much of your nudity as you possibly could.

You may have been fearful and going through some sort of psychological trauma at that very moment, but to him, you were mesmerizing. The way your hair draped over your shoulder, with the few slick pieces that remained on your cheek, your soft skin, your womanly frame, your wings, and the dainty jewelry pieces that complimented your complexion. All of it. Everything was putting him in a trance.

With his sinister glare all but disappeared, it remained faintly as he smirks at the sight of you. Walking up to the platform that you were perched on, he grabs a small brunch of grapes from one of the platters on the side tables from the nearby bed corner, swinging around the pillar and plopping himself on the bed, he lies on his back right next to your kneeling frame. With one hand resting behind his head, his ankles crossed, he was in a relaxed state as he starts to bite off from the cluster he had in his hand, munching on the dark purple grapes.

Extending his hand with the cluster of the sparkling purple fruit, he presents it next to your face, to which you shook your head and faced away.

But that didn’t sit well with him. You needed to eat, your body hasn’t fully transitioned, not to mention he prefers that you be obedient, since everything he outlined and had you do was all for your own sake and health.

He doesn’t say anything, instead, he shifts to lay on his side, reaching over with this other hand, he gently places it on the back of your head, and pulls you in towards his face where he had the clustered fruit next to his lips.

The moment he brought your face inches away, all he stated was, “eat.”

Opening your mouth, he brings the grapes closer, the moment your lips touched one, you bite it off ever so gently and chew on it. He smirks before moving his hand away from your head and leans back down in his relaxed position, munching on the fruit as he watches you.

…………………………

Days and weeks have gone by. The routines of Heeseung watching you, admiring you, and taking you was like clockwork, it happened every single waking second, which was nearly all the time for him since he didn’t require sleep. Since you were still adjusting, you found yourself dozing off here and there, yet initially the feeling of tiredness was a lot stronger. As time went on, you found yourself not feeling the need to sleep, hunger was beginning to be a thing of the past as you were starting to rarely find yourself hungry, at this point, eating food just became a thing to do all for the sake of taste, not so much for sustenance.

There were other things, such as your vision. You developed a magnified sense as you would gaze at the stars, with the speckles appearing as sprinkles against the matte black canvas of the sky, you surprised yourself the moment you were able to zoom in and gaze on the fine details of every star and planet in the sky.

Unless prescribed by him, you hardly felt any pain. You couldn’t confirm…not yet at least, but you felt your strength coming back, yet it felt as if you had the strength that of an entire army as you tested the waters and grabbed the nearby fruit bowl made of pure gold. It was large, and heavy as you remembered, yet you now can balance the bowl in full just with the tip of your pinky.

Your senses have become more acute and enhanced, you started to gain the powers of telekinesis. Everything about you was changing…

To include your feelings and emotions about being in Hell and being with him….

At first you were scared, you had regretted your decision, though you were convinced that you never had one to begin with, you were doomed for Hell. You found out, that it was what you were created and destined for.

Yet as time went by, despite his cruel and terrifying, sadistic nature, with you, he was always soft and gentle. Other than the manner of how he expressed his performance sexually, when he wasn’t engaged in intercourse, he was delicate in handling you.

Throughout the days, as he watches you from his relaxed seated position, he would get up and walk over, just to brush his fingertips along your arms, your hair, or against your cheek, normally startling you while you gazed at the Earth.

He would come up and sit you on his lap, gaze at the world of humans with you, interlocking your fingers together where he would tell you of the ancient worlds, and how humanity developed from the history of culture, mythology, religion, and evolution. You never would have realized how wrong historians and experts were as he corrected the details of timelines, events, and the truths of how humans gained independence and a means for survival.

He would raise your hand along with his own, cupping yours, he’d physically show you all the hidden celestial spheres of each planetary moon as he moved your hand to point in the correct direction of each notable star and planet.

He made stars, created new ones and formed them into new constellations, which he dedicated to you. One was of your favorite flower, another was of your favorite animal, while the other were the initials of your name.

He’d stroke his fingertips and graze them over your nude body as you slept, not yet fully transitioned. He would whisper the sweetest words in your ears as he cuddled you against his frame. He never left your side, never leaving you alone. Wherever he would go, you were taken with him.

Noticing that you were starting to feel a bit bored as you gained immortality, and that time had no meaning, you found yourself constantly laying on your stomach, with your knees bent as you swung your feet high and gazed at the earth in a mundane state. He had both Sunghoon and Jake watch over you as he disappeared for just a moment, returning with a pair of fortune spheres from the ancient world. Plopping them gently in front of you, he smiled each time he watched you play with them as he sat on his throne.

Eventually, as more time had passed, you felt more comfortable around him. You knew of the lines and boundaries that you could not cross, and never thought about doing so, all the ensure that you didn’t bring out the anger or dark side of his endearing nature that he displayed towards you. He would never do anything that would threaten your life, but you just knew that the punishment he would have in store for you in the case you broke any of the rules he set forth, would have been just as harsh.

But despite all that, he would still love you….he loves you to the ends of every planet, star, and galactic cluster in the sky.

So why not let him keep loving you? Why not accept him? Why not serve him, since he’s willing to serve you?

You felt entirely comfortable being in the nude in front of him, it didn’t bug you any longer, yet the moment you asked for something as you didn’t like it when others would see you on display bare naked, he not only honored your request, but he also got you the finest silk, jewels, and thread you could imagine. He had lascivious dresses made, yet no matter how much skin showed, the format of each attire was beautiful. He expressed how much you resembled the Greek goddesses, so he made you look the part by fashioning you with wreaths of gold, risqué togas, and dangling jewels. He even gathered jeweled chains that he had adorned your wings with.

“There…pretty….you’re so perfect….you could never know just how much I adore you.”

…………………………….

“Here they are.” Niki and the other brothers all brought forth the faces of those you thought you’d never see again.

Chained up and dragged like cattle, was the prior Senator, Forras, and his wide group of cult posse, some of which you had crossed paths before with each brother as they regulated the streets for the established curfew.

“Fucking kneel down.” Jungwon issued harshly as he lightly kicked the Senator and his group all into a kneeled state.

There they were….kneeling in a row before you as you sat atop your glorious platformed bedding. Your wings shined against the moonlight, and your jewels glistened like dew drops in the morning sun.

Standing from his throne, Heeseung walks over and sits next to you on the bedding, his feet lifted from the ground as the platformed stood at least four feet off the ground. Shifting over with his arms crossed, he leans in towards you as he grabs hold of your neck, gently, and pulls you in.

He lays you in a cradling manner in his arm, similar to that of a mother and a newborn. Licking the pad of his thumb, he reaches over and brushes it against your lips, coating it with his saliva to make the cherry stain color shine.

Rocking you as he cradled you in his arm, he takes his free hand and interlocks his fingers with your own.

“Tell me…..pretty….what do you want me to do with them? Hmm? I’ll end them in any way you want, just tell me. I can rip their heads off? Or I can torture them slowly until they beg for death. Just tell me. What do you wanna see?”

You look him in the eyes as he continues to rock your frame gently, moving the pieces of your hair from your face as he tucks them behind each ear.

Shifting your gaze momentarily towards the row of offenders who not only attempted to do harm to you, but had indeed taken the lives of others….women, children, and men who were all serving a purpose in life as mothers, fathers, daughters, and sons.

You’ll never forget, before you found out the truth on how the corrupt figures kneeling before you had coordinated and gained influence by making a deal with the archangel Jol, not even knowing that he had his own hidden agenda, by erasing mankind clean off the earth.

The image of the children that were torched alive, ripped open, cut into dozens of pieces as their time of execution arrived….the screams of each one, varied in age, yet desired the nurture and comfort of their mothers as they died brutally from the angels that were sent forth.

“…..this man….and his people…..they did that…they are responsible.”

For a moment, as you mentally remarked your voice in your head, a sprout of anger grew within you. You’ll never forget those screams…the bloodshed and the pain they had to endure….even though the angels were the ones committing the deed, it was this man who allowed corrupt heart to cause it all to happen. Not only that, but he had no sympathy in his eyes…just fear of losing his life. All of them did. There was not a single ounce of repentance for the lives lost, they were responsible for.

“What do you want me to do?” Heeseung whispers, taking notice of the inflamed spark in your eye as you glared over to the grown men and women that looked back at you, some were with pleading looks for you to spare them, others were with discontent as they burned with a hatred for you, like the one that Michael Forras was giving you right now.

“…..I’m not sure….I just….what I do know is that….” You stuttered out softly.

“What is it pretty? Do you want them to burn? I can do that….you them to burn?” He asks you, placing your hand over his heart as he cups it with his own.

Looking back up at him, you slightly nod as you issued your words.

“For the others…I don’t have a preference….but him….” You glared over to Forras, who returns it right back. “He……needs to get it the worst out of all of them…..whatever you can think of….just make him pay…..” you shift your eyes on the ground as you erase the image of the children that died, all the while Micahel Forras would sit atop his lavish building, located at the top floor, partaking in his fine dining and adorning himself with such expensive clothing.

Snarling a wide grin, Heeseung chuckles out aloud as he grabs your chin, and kisses you with such harsh passion.

“Oh my fucking girl! I’d do anything for you…you know that?”

Standing up from the bedding, he issues the command to his brothers for them to take the cult members and do away with them, to which they found their pleasures in doing so.

Leaving Forras behind, Heeseung walks up and using his own telekinetic powers, he levitates Forras’s body over towards his intolerable grip.

Grabbing the man by his hair, he drags him effortlessly over towards you.

“Stick out your feet, pretty.”

Throwing the man at your feet as you leave them dangling off the edge of the platform, Heeseung sits next to you once more. Shifting a thigh with a bent knee to lay flat on the bedding, he leaves one leg hanging off as he sits with crossed arms.

Glaring down at the man, he speaks firmly as he admires his fingertips, before taking your hand in his and admiring yours.

“Kiss her feet….it will be the last thing you’re going to taste before I kill you.”

Forras’s body shook from immense fear, all from the look in Heeseung’s eye. Doing as he bids, Forras begins to kiss each foot.

While admiring your fingertips, Heeseung speaks without even so much as glancing over to the grown man.

“….Now tell me….is it true?....from what I heard….you tried to force your filthy body on to my wife…..is that right?” Heeseung issues, all the while taking note of some fuzz underneat the very tip of your fingernail. Examining it closely, he reaches over and digs it out.

“I also heard that….when she fought you off….you had that piece of shit, Jol, assign those useless things to kill her off….riiiiiight?” Heeseung continued. You felt Forras gasping into sobs as he continued to kiss your feet.

“So?...” Heeseung re-crosses his arms, raising a brow as he glares down at the pitiful man. “Apologize.”

Forras looks up with wide eyes and a slightly confused look.

“I didn’t say stop either….kiss her feet and apologize to my fucking queen.”

Forras continues as Heeseung commanded, all the while he apologizes relentlessy, completely ridden with fear and panic.

“good….” Heeseung states calmly as he gets off the platform, and picks Forras back up by the hair once more.

“Now…..for all the things you did to her….and for pissing her off….BURN for it.” With his grasp held tightly on Forras’s grape, the man’s body slowly engulfed in flames as Heeseung continued to hold him in mid air, not at all bothered by the flames that coated his arm and hand, having absolutely no effect on him.

Despite feeling that he deserved it, you still couldn’t find it in your heart to watch as you shunned your face away and winced your eyes shut, covering your hears to filter out the screams.

Turning back around, Heeseung looks over at you with the most sadistically loving smile, it was so dark and twisted, it would have been more than enough to make a serial killer’s skin crawl off their own body.

Walking over to you, looping his hands underneath your kneecaps as they remained hanging off the platform, he spreads them open as he situates himself in between your thighs. Grabbing hold of your neck, he lowers his body as he lays you down, hovering over you.

Placing his lips on your forehead, he takes a deep inhale before he pulls slightly back and gazes into your eyes. Taking your hand in his own, he places it on the back of his head, and curls your fingers inward, gesturing for you to grab onto his hair.

“Its okay if you want to pull…its not going to hurt me…..with what I’m about to do to you, you’re going to need some leverage…..” he smirks as his eyes grew wide upon staring deep into your peepers.

Sighing out a long and deep exhale through an open mouth, he speaks out once more.

“Oh…..my wife…..tell me....what is the name I blessed you with? I want to hear you say it.....tell me.....recite it, just like I showed you......"

The name....the name and title that he gave to you......

..................................

“You watch as the birds soar through the open skies.

Only to fall in mid-flight, should they look into my my eyes.

Observe the koi, as they grace the water with their beauty, and their color.

Watch them drown to the depths below, when they witness the glory of my wonder.

Take pity on the moon, as it peers in the night with its glow, luster, and essence.

For it hides in shame once it notes my enchanting presence.

At long last after its winter slumber, the flower takes full bloom, gleaming in pride.

Shutting away, noting thy face and heart, it propels to hide.

Gaze upon my wings of black and white,

Reflecting the darkness in my eyes, yet my heart remains light.

I am as soft as the feather of an angels wing, yet sharp as the demon’s horn.

I am the cause and reason, that our two worlds are left un-torn.

You stand happy and free, saved from the Devils wrath, hold those tears of relief from your cries.

For it was I, who was left without a choice, devoured by his love, I paid the ultimate sacrifice.

For the moment he knew I would eventually wake,

My body and soul, was claimed and all for him to take.

I am his love, his reason, and his obsession,

All of which saved you, from the angels possession.

Call me what the scriptures entail, as Lucina, the Queen of Hell, or Y/N, the mortal bride of the first archangel.

No matter the title, I will forever be wrapped by the chains of his love, for which I am entangled.

His gaze allows my soul to remain pure, but his touch devours my beauty, and leaves me tainted.

He corrupts me with his kisses, a poison that I am eternally to receive as fated.

I am both, the pitch darkness and the fair light of bliss.

Beg of me, Helena, Wife of Helel, the Two-Toned Winged Goddess, will make you immortal with a kiss.”

Authors note: On to the next chapter! A F T E R M A T H It's in the works, stay tuned!

Taglist: @deobitifull; @solstramaii; @vampiregirl215; @nshmrarki; @enhypen14; @iamliacamila; @lisaaannna; @nikstrange; @jaehaki; @luv-enhy-skz33; @silcry @honeysjae; @crackedcameraa; @stinkmonkey ; @baekxo07 @raishaii @@yangjungwon33 @lhspeachie ; @differentchildwombat ; @prettykia ; @kimsseonu ; @stvrryhee ; @en-thralled ; @hoonzdzbl ; @yuppppp ; @jinniespuppy ; @browsehnnie @prettykia @lprww @they2luv1naia @ellixqz

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eeveecraft · 10 months

Text

"Tulpa" and Cultural Appropriation

I cannot believe I feel so compelled to do this again, but after witnessing an announcement by Plural Nest that they're switching to parogenic terminology because they've been convinced by sysmeds that tulpa = appropriation while literally "sourcing" things from minors, singlets, non-Tibetans, and yes, of course, sysmeds is just so goddamn frustrating that I'm going to write this post. I will be referring to this Google Doc Plural Nest themselves linked in their announcement that contains a motley of blogs and accounts by various people:

Strap the fuck in because we're going to be here for a while.

Tulpa = Appropriation Is and Always Was a Bad-Faith Argument

I am prefacing this post with this idea because I want you to keep this in mind as you're reading. Something that has always bothered me about this "discourse" is that the people who go on and on and on about how they're protecting minorities and stopping actual harmful, real appropriation by attacking the Tulpamancy community never:

Go after actual harmful depictions of tulpa that actively profit off of sensationalizing the paranormal version of the word and deliberately linking it to Tibetan Buddhism (Supernatural, Mandela Catalogue, Slenderman, etc).

Uplift the voices of actual Tibetan Buddhists, even ones who disagree with them (which there ARE Tibetan Buddhists who are 100% okay with tulpa as a term, not just the Tibetan Buddhist AMA).

Explain how us using tulpa to describe our systemmates is actively harming Tibetan Buddhists. They just say it's harmful without providing any real examples of harm besides the word annoying them.

The intention of these people never was to protect vulnerable minorities, it was to deliberately blacklist a word a community has used for over a decade and a word that is literally being used in academic studies. If we as a community dropped tulpa, cold-turkey, 100%, we would lose access to so much of our history and access to scientific studies that the community NEEDS to be more accepted by the general public.

If these people actually cared and took the time to look into the Tulpamancy community, they would clearly see that the community very much stresses that tulpa is NOT the same as the paranormal term that IS sensationalized, and that all it means is a type of systemmate that was intentionally/unintentionally created through repeated interaction. And yet, that's not the case.

Oh, also, I found out that the Tibetan Buddhist Tulpamancer who did the AMA also has a Tumblr blog, and they even reblogged this post. And they even left this in the comments:

No one should feel ashamed of using the term “tulpa”. Buddhism, and practices related to it, are meant to be shared. That’s the whole point of the practice. And this greater community, is unique and distinct from Tibetan and related origin, it isn’t “appropriation” and even if it was, no one owns the term, and as I see it; use it as you wish!

So yeah, even further context!

Anyway, with that in mind...

Origins of Tulpa

One thing many people get wrong in the Google Doc is that tulpa directly is a Tibetan word. I have stated this in multiple places from my video on the history of Tulpamancy to my original essay back in 2020 on this very topic, but tulpa was derived from tulku and sprul-pa, which tulku specifically means the reincarnations of the Dalai or Tashi Lama, and sprul-pa means a type of "magically-produced illusion or creation." Alexandra David-Neel, a French explorer during the 1920's-1930's derived tulpa from these two words, and even in her own book, she admits they are not the same:

“These may be considered as veritable tulkus and, in fact, the demarcation between tulpas and tulkus is far from being clearly drawn. The existence of both is grounded on the same theories,” (David-Neel pg 313-314).

David-Neel, Alexandra. Magic and the Mystery of Tibet, Internet Archive, Translated by Claude Kendall, 1971 Dover Edition.

So, for all the people who keep saying that tulpa is a specific word in Tibetan Buddhism is incorrect, tulpa (paranormal) is BASED off of Tibetan language, but is not directly a part of the language, and the meaning was also changed. However, there is a further distinction I need to make:

Paranormal Versus Modern Tulpas

There is a very, VERY important distinction I need to make that a LOT of people who scream, "TULPA IS RACIST!" get wrong. Modern tulpas, the type created by the Tulpamancy community go by this definition (or any similar variation):

A sentient/sapient, typically intentionally created being that is conscious and autonomous, and can only be seen, heard, or felt by the host/system that can also think independently from the host/system. Essentially a separate person sharing a body with the person who created them.

Source: My own Tulpamancy guide.

When the term created by Alexandra David-Neel that is still used in horror media goes by (paraphrasing some bits):

A type of phantom created by a person's concentrated thoughts that when developed enough, it frees itself of its creator's to go onto be a "half-conscious, dangerously mischievous puppet" or just severely injure or even kill their creator.

This definition is cobbled together from David-Neel's own book since she doesn't directly give a definition for paranormal tulpa that I can just fully quote here that's concise enough. Another important observation I made is that David-Neel right afterwards also mentions her ability to see thought-forms, you know... the type derived from English Theosophy, the concept that's way more accurate to modern tulpas than "phantoms," that existed before David-Neel wrote her book? Funny, huh?

Why does this distinction matter?

It's pretty simple. The actual harmful word that horror media profits off of and sensationalizes for clout is the definition David-Neel derived. The word that people attack the Tulpamancy community for literally just means a type of systemmate and has no inherent paranormal or spiritual meaning. The former deliberately shows off the word's Buddhist roots for the sake of personal gain while the modern word is stressed as something on its own, its own concept and practice that is not related to Buddhism. Modern Tulpamancy is completely secular, you can be completely atheist (like me) and create a tulpa just fine. Anyone can. Not a single culture can claim something literally anybody can do by mistake.

Just that the word has a distant link in etymology to it and isn't actually a Tibetan Buddhist concept. By the logic of people who think tulpa is a racist term, any term derived from another language in English would be racist... which would account for 99% of the English language, and honestly kind of demonstrates that they low-key don't even know what racism means at that point.

So, please tell me why the latter is in the crosshairs of people who are supposedly protecting a minority? Why is it that I myself have had to call out things like the Mandela Catalogue for using the paranormal variant of tulpa and twisting it into an edgy story about body-snatchers as some kind of cryptid SCP creature, but I haven't seen anyone else do it? Why isn't there an outrage by these people on notoriously appropriative shows like Supernatural? Hmm.

(Also, important that another blog reblogged that post and mentioned that they've spoken to actual Tibetans on Facebook and how none of them think tulpa is harmful specifically because it's so far-removed from Tibetan Buddhism. Like, they're cool with it as long as the community doesn't try and link it to Tibetan Buddhism, which is literally what the community does and has been doing for YEARS. Love how sysmeds conveniently ignore that. Same with this AMA by another practicing Tibetan Buddhist on Reddit, which is REAL funny that Plural Nest doesn't link this AMA, but links another post by a person who converted to Tibetan Buddhism who agreed with their viewpoint, even if that post was extremely flawed).

People Who Tout This Claim

One thing that is extremely frustrating to see is all these POC systems go on and on and on about how white people shouldn't speak about POC issues, but then turn around and speak over other POC. In one of my original posts on this topic, I specifically made the comparison of a Chinese person trying to dictate what can and cannot happen in Japanese culture. Both are Asian, both are people of color, but they are not the same, and to imply that is racist. POC systems saying that they can dictate that a word based off of Tibetan language is racist as hell, even when they're not Tibetan, just because they're both Asian implies that POC culture is all the same that any person of color can dictate what happens in the other culture is disgusting. Full stop. It's generalizing a HUGELY varied amount of peoples and cultures, and just generalizes them as all the same, and quite frankly, that's insulting.

And even if we go by their logic that any Asian POC can dictate whether or not tulpa is racist also conversely means that any Asian POC can also dictate that tulpa isn't racist. I can literally just go to my best friend who's Asian and Buddhist and ask him if tulpa is racist as a term, he'd just laugh, and say this whole discourse is stupid. In fact, let me go do that:

(He sent me a GIF of SomeOrdinaryGamer laughing, LMAO.)

Anyway, this is what he said:

i am an asian, i believe that the word “Tulpa” is not racist nor cultural appropriation.

(FYI, he's also a Tulpamancer and has been for almost as long as I have.)

I can go on r/Tulpas or #RedditTulpas right now, make a poll for Asian POC systems, and ask them whether or not tulpa as a term is racist, and get hundreds of votes that no, it isn't. It means systems like The Cabin System who are also SE Asian who've openly stated that tulpa as a term isn't racist also have as much stake in the argument as the opposite side does.

Do you see how it devolves into a pissing contest between sides? What does this achieve? All it does is segregate the community and draw unnecessary lines, which is exactly what sysmeds want because it's ways easier to harass and kill smaller communities that way or turn them against each other until they eat each other alive. And they won't just stop with tulpa terminology, they're just using tulpa because they found a convenient scapegoat to attack it. Sysmeds literally find ANY excuse to demonize or take away a word from the endogenic community, it's no different here.

To further prove this point, sysmeds literally tried to say "system hopping" is a term appropriated from RAMCOA survivors, which was completely false. They are not afraid to pull the appropriation card on any word they can, tulpa isn't the only instance of it.

Just by looking in the #tulpa tag, you can see people who are equating people who use tulpa as racist, and want to split the community between "racists and non-racists."

Another key fact is that most people who have this view also have a comical lack of understanding of what Tulpamancy even is. For example, the system that coined willogenic specifically because they think tulpa is racist defined willogenic systemmates as:

“Willogenic system - A system that was purposefully created or “willed” into existence. There’s no connection to t/lpam/ncy at all.”

(Notice how the definition also excludes unintentional tulpas, which is roughly a third of the community? Fun!)

Yes, the actual definition is censored like that. So, the definition states that a systemmate can be ""willed" into existence," and is supposed to be a direct replacement for tulpa. No. No. Stop. You don't just "will" a tulpa into existence. If that was true, we wouldn't still get people on r/Tulpas making posts on how they've tried and tried for months or even years to create a tulpa and still failed.

Not just that, but it severely misrepresents the tulpa creation process as this super simple thing to "will into existence" when tulpa creation varies a LOT from person to person and is far more than just willing a fully formed tulpa into existence. I've mentioned this before, but I seriously do not like the broader Plurality Community attempting to force the Tulpamancy Community to adhere to their terminology that they created, and slapping, "Use our terms or you're a racist piece of sh!t!" on top of that has a REALLY bad connotation.

And remember when I made that distinction between the actually harmful paranormal tulpa definition and the community's definition? Yeah, like I said, most people who have this opinion also are conflating what we do to the paranormal definition.

All the Tulpamancy Community does is create a space where people can partake in tulpa creation and development. That's it. The majority of the community views it as 100% psychological, there's no paranormal ghost nonsense happening, and people are just trying to live their lives with their tulpas. It's not any more complicated than that, and labeling people who use a term like tulpa as racist is seriously scummy.

How "Tulpa = Appropriation" is Harmful

Ironically, this "discourse" has caused more harm to the Tulpamancy community than anything else. Like how I said that all the POC systems who said "tulpa" as a word has "harmed" them don't provide any examples of harm? Well, I can provide examples of how this whole thing has actually caused damage to people in the Tulpamancy Community.

Let's start with me. On multiple occasions, I have had multiple anons harass my inbox, calling me racist, calling me slurs, and even sexually harassing me in the comments of one of my posts specifically because of this issue. In fact, several sysmeds tried raiding our Discord server alongside harassing us on Tumblr because of what Amanitasys's post started, and this has also happened to @cambriancrew, @sophieinwonderland, and more because we happen to be blogs that intersect both communities.

The Widening Divide

Secondly, the widening divide between the Tulpamancy and Plurality communities.

The relationship between the Tulpamancy and broader Plurality community was already tenuous, and for most of the Tulpamancy community's history, it has stayed isolated from other Plurality circles. It was only within the past few years that the communities started to intermingle, but this drama can ruin that.

Because as someone who HAS been in the community for over half a decade, I can tell you that the majority of the Tulpamancy community thinks this drama is stupid and aren't going to change terminology for multiple reasons. Now, do NOT take this as the community going, "Tulpa is a completely unproblematic word!" when the community has debated the term's usage for YEARS. Nobody is saying the word is perfect, but it's what the community has used for over a decade now and every attempt to change the word has failed. And honestly, as someone who's reviewed the vast majority of Tulpamancy guides in existence, I likely know better than anyone else that if tulpa was blacklisted like some people want, the community would lose so much history and resources, it's not even funny.

Unlike the broader community, the Tulpamancy community has a focus on the creation and sharing of Tulpamancy guides and resources, and the vast majority of these resources directly have "tulpa" or "Tulpamancy" in the name, let alone the sheer volume of times the aforementioned words are used in these guides. If we completely dropped the word, the ability of new people to look up and find these guides becomes FAR more difficult. "Tulpa" is a unique and consistent word and makes it easy to look into the community, which in turn helps people discover resources that can help them on their tulpa creation journey.

And for the bottomfeeders who'll inevitably go, "Well, just change the resources!" I need you to go outside and touch some grass, please.

1.) There are literally hundreds of guides, not even including website domains like Tulpa.info, Tulpa.io. Tulpa.net, and many more. There are literally academic studies that use tulpa, and if the community (not just the Tulpamancy community) wants any hope of being accepted by the general public, we NEED those studies to back our existence (as frustrating as it is). Don't forget all the articles, podcasts, and videos we couldn't even change if we want to! Again, over a decade of history.

2.) The VAST majority of the people who wrote these guides are no longer in the community and it is disrespectful to the authors to take and change their work without their permission (if ANY of you tried taking my guide and replaced every tulpa-related term with something else, I'd be PISSED).

3.) Literally every alternative to tulpa has some critical flaw in one way or another (I made a post about this here) and literally nobody can agree on a single term. The amount of fragmenting this would cause would make the aforementioned issue of discoverability EVEN WORSE.

4.) The rate at which resources are created has slowed dramatically since the community's early days. People are just complacent with what they have now, and I don't think labeling tulpa as a racist term is suddenly going to get more people to write more guides, just to change a few words around.

I feel this issue can get to a point where the Plurality community literally starts banning the usage of tulpa-related terminology completely, thus excommunicating the Tulpamancy community from most plural spaces. Places like Plural Nest where the staff OPENLY say that tulpa is appropriative sets this precedent, and even though Plural Nest (at least right now) is still allowing people to use tulpa terminology, other places might pick up on what Plural Nest did, but worse. That ends up excluding people like us from plural spaces and just undoes all the work that's happened to connect the two communities.

Like, systems like us, Dragonheart already have to avoid sysmed servers, but now, even with "inclusive" servers, we might be run out because the owners/staff think tulpa is a racist term. So now we have an extra layer of anxiety when trying to join new communities. That's fun.

It's literally creating what endogenic systems already deal with in the plural community, but now even parts of the endogenic community are bullying another subset of their own community. It's terrible.

So, in the Tulpamancy community's perspective, we either: A.) Give up our most used word and people lose access to so much history and resources, and create a huge divide in our already fragmented community.

Or:

B.) Stick to our guns, but be excommunicated and villainized by the broader Plurality community.

There's no winning here. Regardless of what the Tulpamancy community does, it's going to cause a lot of damage. Sysmeds win regardless with their goal being to divide and fuck up our community, and it deeply upsets me.

What Tulpamancy Really Is

So, what are people trying to attack so hard and blacklist from plural spaces? What are people fighting so hard against to conform to their standards, or be labeled as racist? What Tulpamancy is, for a lot of people, is a means to living a better life. I cannot tell you how many stories I have read of tulpas stopping their hosts from taking their own lives, how creating a tulpa has hugely improved the mental health of others, or how tulpas encourage their hosts to socialize and take care of the body, or how just making a tulpa connects you to a community with the mutual interest in self-improvement and self-love, and so, so much more. Tulpamancy improves people's lives, and Tulpamancy techniques are not exclusive to us.

Any system, or even singlets can learn from the Tulpamancy community to improve their own lives. And yes, that means Tulpamancy helps a lot of people of color as well, as well as a lot of other vulnerable minorities! Whether it's learning vocality to better communicate with alters or using switching techniques to control switching, or even learning how to make a mindscape or improve visualization skills. I don't understand how this community can be labeled as a bunch of racists (even though there are scumbags like Kopase that sadly exist (why don't you guys RIGHTFULLY sh!t on people like him?)) when literally the entire point of the community is self-betterment.

And like what @dharmayokeyodasampa, the Tibetan Buddhist Tulpamancer stated before, "Buddhism, and practices related to it, are meant to be shared. That’s the whole point of the practice," and the same can be said for Tulpamancy. Tulpamancy can be for everyone if it means making their lives better. It's meant to be a positive thing that can truly be life-changing, and seeing people trying to label that practice with one of hatred and harm is just... horrible.

The Tulpamancy community doesn't have some secret agenda to silence people of color or mock any kind of religion or practice. We're just a bunch of lonely people wanting companionship and are tired of being alone.

Conclusion

"Tulpa" as a term, at best, is murky. Nobody is arguing that David-Neel was a saint. She wasn't, and she's dead and buried. Tulpa isn't her word anymore. People in the Tulpamancy community are just fed up with outsiders trying to dictate how their community should be run. We know the term has issues, we know its history is not all sunshine and rainbows. We do not need outsiders barging in and stating the obvious and acting like they know more than we do about our own community and history.

And look, I know some people who believe tulpa is appropriative have good intentions and just want to be non-offensive, but people take advantage of that. Sysmeds took advantage of people wanting to do right and weaponized people into being their mouthpieces under the guise of, "We just want to be racially-sensitive." But instead of actually protecting minorities, all it did was harm another minority while ignoring groups who are taking advantage of the word, and using it for clout and profit. That is exactly why I started this LONG essay with why this whole thing is a bad-faith argument.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: this is the Plurality-equivalent of "queer is a slur." Drama deliberately caused by bad actors who spread rumors of a word being bad, leading it to be picked up by well-intentioned people, and being turned into the pawns of those bad actors without realizing it.

I'm so pissed I had to make this post, but after seeing what Plural Nest did, and then learning that they KNEW some of their sources were by sysmeds who have ACTIVELY professed their hatred of tulpas and decided to use them anyway to a community of over a thousand users just led me to being fed up. It gave this indication that if large plural spaces like that are echoing a statement meant to divide us, things aren't looking good, and I'm not going to sit here and watch a community I've been in for over half a decade get wrongfully demonized.

If Plural Nest staff just said they're changing terminology because they just don't like tulpa or or the fact that it's conflated with horror media, I would've been fine with it. That's a perfectly understandable reason not to like the term. We're not forcing you to use the term! Use whatever term you want! It was the motivation behind it that I take issue with and the precedent it sets. I don't know where this community is heading, but I hope things go all right.

7-22-2023

#tulpamancy #plurality #actuallyplural #endogenic #tulpa #tulpa-safe #sysmed tw #sysmed mention #cultural appropriation #tulpa safe #endo safe #plural community #pluralgang #long post #essay

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mahouplanetofficial · 20 days

Text

Basic Magical Hero Terminology 🌙

Hi everyone! Welcome to Mahou Planet's first guide on our tumblr page!

Before I begin, I'd just like to give a couple of regards:

I forgot to clarify that this main account is almost exclusively ran by the owner of Mahou Planet, Georgia. Unless stated otherwise, Georgia is usually the one writing these posts. I just like talking in 3rd person since I want to sound a bit more professional yk?? (psst say hi to me in the comments im so cool)

If you want to hear more about the staff and members of Mahou Planet, please consider following our secondary blog: @mahouplanetstaff !

I'd also like to promote our Discord server a little more. Not only will you get to interact with our amazing community, I also do polls there for our members so they can have a voice in deciding what I write next! If you want to participate or even request ideas of what to add in my tutorials, consider joining Mahou Planet! (as long as you're 13+) The join link is in our bio and pinned post.

Now that that's out of the way, let's jump into the guide!

✨️ TAKING IT SLOW

Wether you're a beginner magical hero who has no idea what they're getting into, or an advanced magical hero who has likely heard these terms in their sleep, magical hero terminology is important to know when you're in the magical hero community. Without understanding some basic terms, you'll have no idea what magical heroes on Wattpad, Discord, etc. are talking about when they post. Let's take things slow for this first post and go over some terminology!

🌙 TERMINOLOGY

Magical Hero (MH) -> A magical hero is.. well.. what you're becoming!

"BUT GEORGIA!!! WHY DO YOU USE MAGICAL HERO IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE MAGICAL GIRL!!!" You can use magical girl as well, a lot of people in the community use that term as an umbrella term. There are some people, however, who want to become a magical girl but do not identify as a girl. For instance, I may be afab, but I identify as genderfluid. I use both magical girl and magical hero, but that may not be the case for others!! Some may use magical boy, magical enby, etc. That doesn't make them any less of a magical hero!

Concept -> A basic explanation of a concept is the type of a magical hero you're becoming. Magical heroes can be from any show, franchise, even your own original concepts! Some of the common ones I see are Precure, Madoka Magica, and Sailor Moon, though personally I've seen a lot more original concepts rise through the community. Concepts can be as vague or as detailed as you want- I'll go more into detail about concepts wayyy later.

Familiar/Mascot -> Familiars, or mascots, are who give you the power to become a magical hero! They usually also represent your team and give you advice on how to succeed as a magical hero. Unlike what you see in typical magical hero shows, familiars don't always have to be animals. They can be humans, objects, etc. Sometimes, you can have a concept with no familiar!

Script -> A script is a collection of what you want as a magical hero. Scripting is the process of creating your script. This is usually done in a word processor, like Google Docs or Notion. You can add in pictures of your outfits/weapons, info about yourself, etc! I'll be sharing some of my self made scripting templates later on!

Subliminals -> Subliminals are subconsious messages over music or noise that go into your subconsious mind, helping you manifest desired results. Subliminals aren't just exclusive for becoming a magical hero. There are different subliminal topics, such as getting longer hair, changing your eye color, etc! Friendly reminder that subliminals are just a tool to help you manifest, and are not required for you to transform. What is required is.. you! Yes, you and your subconsious mind!

I will warn you, especially those new to the subliminal community: we do not condone the usage of problematic subliminals, such as race-changing (and the RCTA community), any underground subliminal, or subliminals glorifying trauma, abuse, etc. If you condone the usage of these subliminals, then leave this blog. You are not welcome here or in our Discord server. /srs

Manifesting -> Manifesting is the act of bringing something into this reality that you want. It's like a dream come true- say, you've manifested good grades, healthy hair, etc. There are several methods to manifest, but the most common one I've seen is manifesting with subliminals.

Affirmations -> Affirmations are positive statements that help reinforce your subconsious mind what you want to manifest. Things like "I will transform" and "I am a magical hero" are some! These are put into subliminals, but you can also create your own to make sigils, spells, etc.

Fantasy Shift Phase (F Shift) -> In fantasy shifting phase, you're planning out your aspects of your magical hero life, desired life, etc. This is where you create ideas for your magical hero concept. You can also create your subliminal playlist in this phase.

Mental Shift Phase (M Shift) -> In mental phase, you're changing your mental (and sometimes physical) state to think like a magical hero. This can be doing good deeds for others, watching magical hero shows, physically training, etc! You're preparing for your future as a magical hero. Acting as if and roleplaying are two common ways magical heroes mentally shift!

Phantom Shifting (Ph Shift) -> Phantom shifting is where you feel the sensation of being a magical hero, however, you haven't fully transformed yet. This can come in the form of feeling sensations of your outfit, weapons, etc while in civilian form. Some magical heroes don't count phantom shifting as its own phase since it's more of a term to describe sensations you feel.

Astral Shift Phase (A Shift) -> Astral shifting is where you see your magical hero form in the astral plane, either by phantom shifting or astral projecting. There's little information on how to astral shift, but don't let that discourage you!

Physical Shift Phase (P Shift) -> Also known as "full results", physical shifting is where you physically transform into a magical hero! You've completed a journey and are beginning another one! Congratulations <3

Fictional Other (F/O) -> Fictional others are signifigant others being manifested into this reality from a fictional source. They can be human, nonhuman, etc! I see a lot of magical heroes do this, so I thought it'd be nice to add (psst, to all those selfshippers out there manifesting f/o's, you are so valid and your partner loves you more than anything in this world <3)

That's all of the terminology I can think of! If you have any questions, think I forgor something, or want to add to this post, feel free to leave a note or an ask!! I hope you guys learned something from this post :)

See you all next time!

(gifs: sailor moon transformation, loona ot12, choerry - loona)

#mahoucore #manifesting #mahou shoujo #magic #irl magical girl #manifestation #magical girl #subliminals #loa #magicalhero

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gadriezmannsgirl · 1 year

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Nothing's Going On -P.G

Warnings: A bit of mature content, nothing too explicit (IT'S SAFE FOR EVERYONE TO READ)

Summary: Your boyfriend catches you reading fan fictions of him and teases you about it

It had all started as a joke. You knew your boyfriend's fangirls wrote some fictions about him (You knew because you also read in your 1D times, Niall Horan's and Louis Tomlinson's fanfic, you could imagine). One day, you were chilling around watching IG when you stumbled with a reel

It had said *POV: Imagine your boyfriend Gavi braging to his mates about you* and there was this video of him talking with Pedri, Balde and Ansu while the author of this edit, edited what they were saying with subtitles underneath.

You awed, it was cute.

Have you heard that saying curiosity killed the cat? Well, that was you at your best moment.

You went in your laptop and opened Google, by the tags on that video you decided to put in the browser *Pablo Gavi x Reader*. Tumblr inmediately appeared with a hundreds of blogs.

You created an account x and started reading.

You gotta admit, these girls had their imagination on the highest level, inventing these amazing stories, backgrounds, edit along with everything else... And you couldn't even know how to start a simple essay

You laughed at some stories, you fell in love with the majority, you felt lust while reading others, hell you even cried with the heartbreaking ones, or what they liked to call Angst. You even found a PEDRI X READER X GAVI POLY

"These girls are crazy in the greatest way ever" You murmured shaking your head

Being on your world, you didn't noticed when your boyfriend came home from his training and was crunched down behind you

"What are you reading?" You heard his voice ask right next to your ear as you yelled out scared

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL-? PABLO!" You shut your laptop down as your hand went to your chest "YOU ALMOST GAVE ME AN ATTACK"

"You're reading fictions about me?" He asked with a smile as you looked at him dead in the eye

"...No" Your doubting tone made him laugh a little

"Why are you doing that?"

"OK, I WAS READING FANFICTIONS ABOUT YOU! IN MY DEFENSE... Your fans are really skilled and lots of them like our relationship" You nod

"Is that it?" He asked laughing

"Ok, an edit appeared in my IG feed so I saw it and curiosity got the best of me. I have spent the whole afternoon reading these things, they're fucking amazing and absolutely gorgeous. There are some other that are way to explicit but still they were sent by God because Gavs... They're incredible. And the angsty ones? OMG...! They are a blessing and- hijo de tu mamá, ¿Te estás burlando de mi?" (Son of your mother, are you laughing at me?)

"You know you've the real Gavi one and that you get to experience the fluff, a few fights and the sex, all of that in reality?"

"I do! But they're amazing" You opened your laptop and showed him another fic. This one was fluff and smutty

After some minutes reading it you were the first one to talk

"See?! It's so well written and the structure, their beggining, the middle and the end it's so precious... Some of these would do great as real writers; don't you think so, baby?"

You turned around facing Gavi who's expression was unreadable "Love?"

"You're right they're pretty amazing" He nods "On the other hand, way too explicit, it feels a little uncomfortable reading all those things about myself and at the same time boosts my ego up" You roll your eyes "Good side of this is that, I can try and do all these things they write, to you" You clenched your tights feeling hot all over your body

"Now?"

"Now" He said as you both jumped off of the couch into your shared bedroom. Laptop and fanfictions long forgotten

Yes, it may have been a bit embarrassing for you the fact your boyfriend saw you reading fanfiction of him, but it was definitely worth it.

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Tag list: @gaviypedrisbride

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teopatra · 9 months

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✨🤭 BIENVENUE 👋🏽👋🏻👋👋🏿

Let me preface by sayin, I went on Google, found some images, saved these images, but I DO not own them and i am NOT citing my source 😆 BC I CAN *karlie red’s voice* teehee yes I did yes I did somebody plz tell ‘em who the EFF I IS 🤪 I’ll give updates if someone takes legal actions 🥳

♍️Pick a fictional Virgo♍️

Since it’s both Virgo season ANND mercury rx im going to be doing a lot of readings themed around this season for research 🧐 purposes 🤓

1. Rue (real life ♍️ Zendaya)

What do you need to work on?

Either you have an unhealthy addiction or attachment to something OR you need to be focusing more on something like your life depends on it due to either procrastination, laziness, self loathing/not believing in yourself ENOUGH OR just not dedicating enough time to something. If you have an unhealthy attachment to something like social media or video games, know that it’s okay to indulge in certain things but you have to have balance and know wen it’s time to take a break.. your screen time could be high but if that’s the case how are you using that time to create content or make that fun thing lucrative for yourself. You can make tiktoks even if you may think it’s stupid bc the views will bring more traffic to your page but only if the intentions are good and you aren’t harming anything or displaying inappropriate behaviors. Also if you play video games you can stream, if you like to read you can do voice memos and turn it into a podcast, reel, YouTube video and you don’t even have to show your face. I’m getting mercurial energy from this pile bc it’s something to do with your voice and hands .. maybe you build, play instrument, make beats, sing, do ASMR whatever ..

Additional Messages: while mercury is in retrograde this is a good time to work on your craft not perfect it just work on it.. beginning stages will not exhibit perfection so if that’s what you expect out of yourself there is where the shadow work needs to be done. You need to make a schedule; it doesn’t have to be time exact focused but you need to have better intentions for your day.. you need to strengthen your upper body especially the arms.. practice breath work and work on healing and or balancing your lower chakras: root chakra, sacral chakra and or solar plexus whatever one resonates with you..

2. Hermoine Granger 📚

What is holding you back?

Your mouth is holding you back because you don’t understand what it means to move in silence. Just because you didn’t tell people about it or show the internet doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Learn how to enjoy the beauty of life on your own. People will begin to see right thru you and not take you serious if you’re always posting every little thing. Know your own worth, other people see it but it doesn’t seem like you’re being authentic to your true self. Maybe you tried doing shadow work and wanted to reinvent yourself; but who are you trying to be like? If you’re not being you then you’re being a carbon copy and that will just lead you down a path of self destruction.

Additional Messages: I see you’re experiencing some type of food allergy maybe gluten or dairy and hormonal imbalances. You will benefit from journaling, sound baths, and meditation music. Gemini energy somewhere in your chart maybe your moon; if it’s difficult for you to quiet the mind rn maybe bc of issues within the family relating to health or finances then you have to unwind the mind. It’ll take time, (bars) maybe you want to write music is so then do it.. work on the crown chakra, heart chakra, sacral and solar plexus chakras, you really need to recalibrate cuz you’re out of wack and your body or tummy is stressed

3. Bella Swan 🦢

How can you hold yourself accountable?

You use other people’s problems as a way to distract yourself because you want to feel needed by other people. You refuse to do things for yourself or by yourself bc maybe you realize that wen you’re by yourself you’re really sad or lonely.. figure out the root of this sadness and loneliness and heal your trauma. Tell yourself that what happened to you is NOT YOUR FAULT. People will still love you even if you aren’t available for them at the moment, if they’re meant to be in your life they’ll understand. But you don’t want to accept the fact that the people you hold dear to you are probably not meant to be in your life at this time.

Additional Messages: are you using your financial status and material meals to define your happiness? Who would you be without those things? Who are you? Do you even know? You’ve been going thru the motions for so long, that you’ve put your true desires in life aside bc you feel guilty . Heavy guilt issues, check your sun sign and your Saturn and the houses they’re in.. Heal your root chakra and if you’re going thru a Saturn return you better understand what that means for you now since the start of it until the end or else you’ll have to wait another 27 years to really dive into what you love…

4. Frodo Baggins 🧝🏽‍♀️

Where you need to communicate better…

If you have a speech impediment or your first language is diff than those around you causing language barriers do NOT be afraid to express yourself. If anyone makes fun of you for the way you speak they’re a loser and work on your confidence so this doesn’t bring you down. You know what you’re trying to say so maybe work on how to express yourself better with words. You may deal with self doubt, insecurity, trauma, and you may shut down when you feel like others don’t understand you. It’s mercury retrograde and I see for the next 3 weeks people just may not listen , that doesn’t mean talk louder, that doesn’t mean argue, become a better listener and this will help you with your communication. I feel Aquarian energy like you’re different and the ones who know you understand when you speak but you have to have balance and be able to speak in all aspects don’t be afraid or shy it’s okay.

Additional Messages: check your 11th house, and aspects to your Aquarius house, work on your throat chakra and your root chakra. If you’re in school for psychology or you’re an astrologer then you already have the answers you seek you just don’t trust yourself so work on the heart chakra as well.. idk why you don’t trust yourself you’re actually very intelligent but you have some type of disability maybe, confidence and time will strengthen this

5. Jorah Mormont 🗡️

What isn’t working for you anymore?

other people opinions aren’t working for you; you keep allowing people to put their 2 cents in when you need to trust your gut. You have a very keen eye and people feel important wen you ask their input. It’s okay to ask advice from others time to time but ask the universe, the divine, your spirit team, and or your higher self to enlighten you. There may some evil eye around you in regards to your work, others see that your hard work will lead you to success but people feel left out and want to siphon all your energy. Insecure and low vibrational people aren’t working for you. Your challenge rn is to know wen is a good time to just put your phone on DND and do you whether it’s rest or meditation. Strong Leo energy, check your sun sign your 5th house and anything aspecting your Leo house.

Additional Messages: you may need more sunlight or you may need to use more sunblock so you don’t get radiation poisoning. Or some of you could be outside n the sun too much which is draining you in some way. Vitamins could benefit you or orange foods like oranges and carrots. Maybe try drinking smoothies, cut out carbonated drinks and snacks high in sodium, it’s causing brain fog and memory loss. Fatigue is happening to you bc you’re probably over worked and don’t drink enough water or the right type of water.

6. Neo 👽

How to be more productive?

Be more imaginative , be more delusional, exercise your neptunian or piscerian energy by making your dream or fantasy world reality. You need to strengthen your psychic abilities maybe by asking the universe or higher power to give you a sign.. work on your telepathy by imaging a certain object you want the universe to use to communicate with you to affirm. Stop doubting your intuition just because it may scare you. If you believe that we live in a simulation and nothing is real then why are you allowing this reality to bring you down. Pretend you’re in a video game or movie and you’re the main character or final boss. You may need to move your body more bc your blood isn’t circulating enough or properly esp if your body parts have been falling asleep lately

Additional Messages: it would benefit you to detox, drink more water and take on a healthier diet or lifestyle because something is clouding your judgement and intuition. Check your chart for what planets are in your 12th house or aspecting your Pisces placements. You’re in a self deprecating mode rn and you have to snap out of it. Eat less meat especially if you’re a water sign bc you’re taking on the energies of those unalive animals your eating you feel their pain.. also stop eating GMO food for 60 days…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3:03 on the clock

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p5x-theories · 8 days

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What We Know About P5X

(updated 5/15/24)

Persona 5: The Phantom X (P5X) has previously had three beta tests, the first of which ran from March 29th to 31st 2023, the second of which ran from August 18th to 25th 2023, and the third of which ran from January 16th to 31st 2024. The open beta, essentially the game's official launch, began on April 12th 2024. Here’s a summary of what we know about the game itself so far. Hopefully this’ll be useful, whether you're new around here or not!

I also am updating posts about the game's story and playable characters so far, which will be found in this blog's pinned post (along with this post!) once they're all done.

Keeping this as succinct as I can, but it's still a little long, so under the cut it goes.

Overview

P5X is a turn-based RPG mobile game with gacha elements, developed by Black Wings Game Studio and published by Perfect World Games. While not directly creating it, it is officially licensed by Atlus and Sega. Atlus has apparently been very involved in its production, including Shigenori Soejima designing the protagonist and his Persona.

The game's setting has been confirmed to be an alternate/"parallel" world to Persona 5's, though translated promotional information also confirms the plot has something to do with these two worlds interacting through "time and space".

As Perfect World Games and Black Wings Game Studio are Chinese game companies, P5X is produced in Chinese, with no current official English translations, though the third beta had files that possibly indicate future plans to translate the game into English, Spanish, and Japanese, among other languages. The dialogue in-game is voiced in both Japanese and Chinese, with Japanese and Chinese voice actors for the characters.

Right now, we know the game will release on both mobile and PC, but it’s unconfirmed whether it will release anywhere outside of China, Taiwan, Macao, Hong Kong, and Korea. The first three of the beta tests were closed betas, available only in China, Taiwan, Macau, and Hong Kong, where players could sign up for a chance to get in, and actual beta accounts were given out via lottery. The open beta requires only a Chinese phone number to sign up, although the Taiwan/Macau/Hong Kong version also allows players to log in with a Google account.

Note that there was some confusion about whether the open beta was the game's official launch at first, due to the language barrier. Posts on this blog prior to 5/15/2024 often refer to it as the "fourth beta" instead, and may erroneously suggest it was just another beta test.

There are specifically two main gachas in the game- a character gacha for gaining teammates, and a weapons gacha for gaining better weapons for those teammates. While the game is extremely similar to Persona 5 overall, there are many aspects, obviously including the gacha, that differ from it, which are summarized below and detailed further in another post.

The Characters

So far, there are 18 new Persona users. These characters can be divided into story teammates and "Phantom Idol" (gacha-only) teammates.

The story teammates so far are the protagonist (codename Wonder), an owl named Ruferu in Japanese which has sometimes been translated as "Luffy" by fans (codename Cattle), an athletic classmate of the protagonist's named Motoha Arai (codename Closer), and a boy from another class with an interest in cooking named Shun Kanou (codename Soy). These teammates have all joined as part of the plot of the game. A fifth story teammate, student council member Riko Tanemura (future codename Wind), has also been included frequently in promotional art, though she has not actually joined the team in the revealed story yet.

The "Phantom Idol" teammates ("Kaidoru" in Japanese) are described as being cognitive beings created by Wonder's Velvet Room attendant, Merope, to assist him in the Metaverse, based on people Wonder meets, though they are only copies. So far, they include Motoha's friend Tomoko Noge (codename Moko), first year student Kiyoshi Kurotani (codename Key), Wonder's family friend Kayo Tomiyama (codename Okyann), college freshman from China Yaoling Li (codename Rin), aspiring acting student Reo Kamiyama (codename Leon), Yaoling's traditionally-dressed neighbor Yukimi Fujikawa (codename Yuki), rich high school student Seiji Shiratori (codename Fleuret), former ice skater Kotone Montagne (codename Mont), an online friend of Wonder's who goes by the name Yui (codename Bui), a children's fashion model whose real name may be Hina Nishimori (codename Riddle), unemployed fisherman Toshiya Sumi (codename Sepia), the runaway daughter of a local politician whose real name may be Miyu Sawara (codename Puppet), and an aspiring nurse working for her family's store whose real name may be Minami Miyashita (codename Marian).

The original Phantom Thieves from Persona 5 also appear as Phantom Idols: Joker, Mona, Skull, Panther, Fox, Queen, Oracle, Noir, and Crow. Datamining also found some of Wolf’s battle voice lines from P5S at least in the first beta, and an icon from P5S with Sophie in every beta, suggesting they may later be added as well. No sign of Violet has been found yet, other than the Faith Arcana card in the files. Joker, at the very least, seems to have some larger role in the plot, as Wonder has a dream about them fighting at the start of the game, and later what seems to be a Phantom Idol Joker comes out of nowhere to rescue Wonder and Cattle in Mementos. Wonder is also able to use his universe's Leblanc to visit the Leblanc of Joker's universe, and spend time with the P5 Thieves there.

There is also a multi-chapter Persona 5 Collab event, the first chapter of which involved Wonder, Closer, and Cattle meeting Joker, Mona, Skull, and Panther in a strange Metaverse location that mixed aspects of both P5 and P5X's first Palaces. Similar to the PQ games, the teams could not leave until they defeated the ruler of this place, and afterward, none of them seemed to retain their memories of the events.

Munehisa Iwai, Tae Takemi, and Chihaya Mifune also return in P5X. Iwai runs the weapon gacha, Takemi sells medicine like in P5, and Chihaya tells fortunes. The other original P5 confidants’ portraits and 3D models have been found in every betas' data, and the Councillor Arcana card was with the other cards in the second, third, and fourth betas' data specifically, but it’s currently unknown whether they’ll actually return in any capacity.

Music

Several new songs have been heard in P5X, five of which feature vocals by Lyn: the opening song "Ambitions and Visions", "Last Strike", "Wake Up Your Hero", "Shadow", and "Fatal Desire". The new instrumental tracks so far include background music for the first two Palaces, background music for special fights, a new music track for Mementos and some other areas affiliated with Mementos, and some music for P5X's rhythm minigame/side quest, where Wonder plays music as a member of his school's music club.

Locations

The majority of P5 and P5R’s locations have been confirmed for P5X, including Yongen-Jaya, Kichijoji, Shibuya, and Shinjuku, but the protagonist lives in a new location called Zoshigaya, and goes to a new school called Kokatsu Academy. Another school named Kiga High School has also been mentioned.

(Note that not every store is exactly identical to the P5 version; the Big Bang Burger in Shibuya is now called Boom Bang Burger, with no apparent traces of the space theming, and the Crossroads bar in Shinjuku has also been rebranded. Leblanc was also rebranded to a generic coffee shop in previous betas, but in the open beta has been turned back into Leblanc.)

Mementos and the concept of Palaces also return in P5X, though there are some differences. Mementos' floors are no longer randomly generated, and now have set layouts. Related to this, Mementos also now operates as a sort of hub, with characters entering Palaces through Mementos, from the entrance to each Palace located within the massive floors of Mementos. Mementos also has special battle locations apparently similar to “domains” in other gacha games, where completing the fight gives special items to strengthen characters and weapons, generally themed after P5′s Palaces (so far Kamoshida, Madarame, Kaneshiro, and Okumura's Palace-themed "domains" have been found, as well as one that doesn't seem to match any known Palace).

Basic Game Mechanics

For the most part, P5X operates extremely similarly to P5, both in and out of the Metaverse. One notable difference is that there is no calendar- days can pass due to the story, but they're not numbered, instead listed as simply "Yesterday", "Today", and "Tomorrow". There are also more time slots to perform other activities, as Wonder can do two after school activities, two activities even later in the day, and then a final one at night. Performing activities also costs hourglasses, which refill at a rate of 5 per real-world day.

One interesting and more significant change made in this category is that Confidants have a total of 20 ranks, instead of the series-standard 10, though there are still only 10 ranks that actually progress their story. They also haven't been associated with any Arcana, though the P5R Arcana cards have all been found in the second beta's data.

The UI elements of combat look a little different (as well as all the skill animations), appearing to be more optimized for mobile play, but otherwise it seems largely the same to P5, though one notable difference is that Navigator skills can be called in at will (and then have a cooldown), rather than occurring randomly. There is a new kind of special ability called a Highlight, which is similar to P5S’s Showtime attacks where the character executes a special move with their Persona, though not all Highlights are attacks, and some heal or have alternative effects instead.

The protagonist can gain Personas in combat (or from the gacha), though it no longer requires talking to them, and instead appears to have a random chance of occurring. Challenge battles in the Velvet Room, like in P5R, are available to attempt. Palace exploration also seems relatively standard, even if the Palace itself and the method of entering it is different. One major change is that several shadow/Persona designs have been censored in the mainland China version of the game; this includes Incubus and many others being given shorts, Bugs' stomach being repaired with the blood removed, Mara being given a large hat, Hell Biker and other skeletal Personas having a helmet/mask that obscures the skull, and several female Personas like Lamia being given shirts. However, these changes are purely cosmetic, and also seem to be reverted in the Taiwan/Macau/Hong Kong version (and possibly the Korean version as well).

Miscellaneous

It’s worth noting that because the game has yet to be officially translated to English in any capacity (outside of a single file confirming its English title as "Persona 5: The Phantom X"), character names can only be absolutely confirmed when they’re either written in Japanese kana (as opposed to the Japanese kanji characters that names are typically written in) or spoken aloud in official material, to confirm which reading of the Japanese name is the intended one for this specific character.

The characters do also have Chinese names, of course, but as the voice acting defaults to Japanese, and the game is set in Japan, the names that would most likely be used by an English release (if it ever happens) are their Japanese ones. As such, the Japanese names are the ones presented in the Characters section earlier in this post, and the main ones that this blog uses.

All the codenames, however, are written in English, and thus the most easily confirmed as official.

#game info #open beta

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