a lot of people in my program really only do their studies and to my other PHD's I urge you: make sure you have other things going on! I have a near endless list of weird hobbies and sports and other interests and I just want you to know that you don't need to eat, sleep, and breathe only your topic and subject! Read a fiction book for fun, paint something badly, find a nice shop to browse in, go for a walk in a green area, take a break and don't rush through it. Pleasure and relaxation are valuable and worth your time. The point of a PhD/Masters is not to work in a hard and unsustainable way until you are done but instead to learn how to be an academic, what type of academic you are, and how you want to live your life/balance your academics and everything else!

When you are studying/working, don't be afraid of being wrong or doing things messily or poorly. On hard days, give yourself leeway, add an extra scoop of sugar to your coffee or tea, and listen to the rocky theme!

The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

i am my father's daughter, of course i'm gonna suppress my rage and grief till it bursts and leaves everyone with my ashes

Academic Rivals to Lovers:

(feel free to use! tag me when yall writee ;] requested by @field-mouse-queen and @indiansapphic )

"i don't agree with you!" "nobody asked you to."

arguments in hushed tones during lectures!!!!

^ "with this level of knowledge, i can probably-" "even with that level of whatever, you're still 5 feet 2." "HEY-"

sitting together to trash talk a professor you both mutually dislike

when they always sit at your spot in library, just so they could see you pissed off

"Are you reading?" "Are you blind?" "Heh, apparently you're. You're reading the book upside down, you moron."

"you like me now or what?" "i've learnt to bear your presence" *mimics them* "i've learnt to bear your presence"

being forced to work on a project together

"You're so stupid." "Yeah, I know."

"Why did you hurt yourself?" "None of your-" "Yeah, then fuck you. My bad for caring."

"hey-" "can you please not rub it in my face and leave?." "i just wanted to ask if you were okay.. "

attempting to comfort them when they're upset

"why do you care, [name]?" ".. you really don't know?"

"never have i ever liked my rival?" you search the room for their eyes, the glass is ALREADY RAISED TO THEIR LIPS.

"that mouth of yours does nothing but talk dumb shit?" "you wanna know what else it does?"

there's tension between them, sitting close while studying, arms grazing, pulling away of hands at the slightest touch :)

^ flustered, one asks, "what-? you're not interested in biomolecules?" the other whispers, "no, but i seem to be interested in you..," they come closer, "what have you done to me?"

"you know, love, I've always liked to win," they pause, "and I'd like to win one more thing--you."

motivating myself for 2024 <3

Fuck being mfs dream girl. I want to be their absolute worst nightmare

me: finds intelligence hot

also me: unconditionally and furiously despises anyone who is even slightly better than me at anything

The difficulty of proper academic comportment, dress, and relationships

As a female academic I am held to a very different standard to male academics in regards to physical appearance and this has only become more true as I've gone from undergrad to graduate student. At this point, I have to essentially dress for a job interview all the time, which luckily is quite natural for me as I've always preferred business casual clothes but moreover makeup and a splash of perfume and jewelry have also become staples. This is further complicated by the fact I don't have a full length mirror in my room, so dressing has become more difficult. Furthermore, as my goal is to become a professor, I need to think of my appearance and comportment in a very pragmatic way so as to further my chances. 

    I recently read an Economist article titled ' The Economics of Thinness' and it very poignantly made the case that being thinner, especially for women, raises employment outcomes and pay. I have always been on the larger side, never obese or even seeming as big as I really am. I swam competitively and I still lift weights and play several sports and at 5ft 8, my weight is quite well distributed. Most people would guess I weight 160-170lbs just on the edge of a healthy BMI but I in fact am 200lbs, well within the overweight BMI category. Since starting my PhD I've lost some weight and gained quite a bit of muscle from thrice weekly lifting sessions to deal with the stress alongside skipping breakfasts and sometimes lunches due to being busy but either way I'm larger than is economically ideal. Since I've lost weight I've noticed a social shift as well. Another great article is by Alana Massey titled 'You're Right, I Didn't Eat That' where she discusses the social benefits of thinness and her own need to maintain her thinness. She examines her own behaviour as half pragmatism and half pathology, making clear that it is not effortless, as I think so many of us assume when we see other women with prominent clavicles and flat stomachs. I feel I'm also in the same semi-pathological state occasionally, I need to go to the gym or get 10 000 steps but I don't need breakfast other than a coffee and splash of milk. Again, I'm not that thin yet but I'm working my way towards it, not because I hate my body or have self esteem issues (although I'd be lying if I said that those don't also factor in) but because I love what I do and I want to do it for a living. If I need to never eat breakfast again for my field I'd do it in a heartbeat. It doesn't help that I'm quite a competitive person and have been trying to get back into swimming again as I have free access to my university pool... Another issue is clothes, makeup, and jewelry. I've been updating all of these things as I want to seem sophisticated and intelligent as well as attractive. This Christmas I'm treating myself to some very nice jewelry and lipsticks, which are extremely expensive, and I keep a collection of perfume samples. Eventually I should buy a full size perfume of my choosing as I actually wear perfume most days now but it is all so very expensive!!! Same thing with clothes, I either need to take clothes in or buy new clothes as I've lost weight but its quite expensive for a student!

Dating is another aspect of my life which is important but frustrating. I would like to be married and have a child before my mid 30s. I have a long time sure but due to my commitment to my career and studies I've never been in a committed relationship. Even now that I'm actively looking to date, I get overwhelmed by my nerves and emotions and basically decide that dating is not worth the hassle due to fear. Academia also complicates the idea of having a partner as I will go all over the world for my job and whoever I'm with should support that and be willing to help and while a lot of women will do that for their men, the same can't be said for most men. 

Anyways, in all of these things I think I'm headed down the right roads I just need to keep to the course and commit myself to them. I'm planning on starting swimming 4-5 times a week once I get off break so hopefully that will work out. 

Thanks for reading x. 

Hon.E

🧺🐑🍒🍧𝜗𝜚˚ ₊‧

emily skaja

William-Adolphe Bouguereau + The Four Times of Day

L’Aurore (Dawn) - 1881

Le Jour (Day) - 1884

La Crépuscule (Twilight) - 1882

La Nuit (Night) - 1883