a lot of people in my program really only do their studies and to my other PHD's I urge you: make sure you have other things going on! I have a near endless list of weird hobbies and sports and other interests and I just want you to know that you don't need to eat, sleep, and breathe only your topic and subject! Read a fiction book for fun, paint something badly, find a nice shop to browse in, go for a walk in a green area, take a break and don't rush through it. Pleasure and relaxation are valuable and worth your time. The point of a PhD/Masters is not to work in a hard and unsustainable way until you are done but instead to learn how to be an academic, what type of academic you are, and how you want to live your life/balance your academics and everything else!

When you are studying/working, don't be afraid of being wrong or doing things messily or poorly. On hard days, give yourself leeway, add an extra scoop of sugar to your coffee or tea, and listen to the rocky theme!

I sometimes catch myself thinking: maybe academia isn't for me after all? Maybe it's too tough and I too soft? Maybe the sort of passion I am capable of isn't enough? But then I remember that I will be the first person of my entire bloodline to earn a PhD and then, suddenly, it all seems worth it.

Hold men accountable for their behavior

as someone who is both in academia and has an "academia aesthetic" blog, i do think it's worth discussing how restrictive and hostile academia is for many people, truly beyond the aesthetic.

academia is presented as this space where intellect and progressive thought is welcome and encouraged, which it certainly is, but only in the "correct" manner, by the "correct people," etc.

at the end of the day, there's still a professor insulting me for daring to correct him on his antisemitic terminology in class. there is still a classroom where me and my friend are the only two non-christians present in a discussion about whether or not christianization was violent.

there are so many people who face these situations and worse. (i'm privileged as an able-bodied white jewish woman in the academic sphere!)

there is an entire world of academia beyond the aesthetic and it's hostile. there are so many institutional and social barriers preventing people from accessing academia. and there are so many instances of cloistered departments that are at least 15 years behind in progress and thought.

I don't know. that's just my short ramble with no conclusion.

The number of men under this tweet thinking this kind of behaviour is okay, is frankly alarming. Yikes.

Haleh Esfandiari

Haleh Esfandiari was born in Iran in 1940. Esfandiari was a journalist in her native country, as well as Deputy Secretary General of the Women's Organization of Iran. She has taught at Oxford and Princeton, and was founding director of the Middle East Program at the Woodrow Wilson International Center for Scholars. In 2009, Esfandiari published a memoir, My Prison, My Home, an account of her arrest by Iranian authorities and the 105 days she spent in solitary confinement in Evin Prison in Tehran. She is also the author of Reconstructed Lives: Women and Iran's Islamic Revolution.

women in academia i respect you, i suffer with you, why did we choose this path again

“By denying women control over their bodies, the state deprived them of the most fundamental condition for physical and psychological integrity and degraded maternity to the status of forced labour”

- Silvia Federici, The Devaluation of Women’s Labour (2009)

I turned 22 yesterday!

Today I met with the school of music advisor to submit my graduation application for this spring. Next week I meet with the anthropology advisor to do the same thing! Being a senior is wild.

This quarter I'm taking a coding class! Back to the STEM girlie days of my freshman year. It's actually an archaeology class but we're using python

being a woman in a male-dominated field like:

Me: "This is my research specialty, Blorbos on Ice, feat. Human Rights!!" (not the actual specialty, just go with it)

Male attendee #1: "You know, Professor Window Suburbs wrote a book about human wrongs."

Me: "Yes, his name is Professor Blorbo Baggins and this is what the book covers, limitations, and where it's going, where my research makes it better."

Male attendee #2: "Have you considered the objections of Blorbos on Fire?" Me: "Yeah, we keep the fire away. Not really a problem for my ice blorbos." (e.g. that's completely irrelevant)

Male attendee #3: "Did you see the Journal of Blorbos debate from the 2010s about Blorbo Ice Manufacturing?"

Me: *summarizes arguments, impasse statements, where the arguments are lacking, and how my stuff advances the discourse because obviously I included this, I'm not a moron*

writing a paper on menopause and the research is exhausting - the misogyny in academia is so astounding

The difficulty of proper academic comportment, dress, and relationships

As a female academic I am held to a very different standard to male academics in regards to physical appearance and this has only become more true as I've gone from undergrad to graduate student. At this point, I have to essentially dress for a job interview all the time, which luckily is quite natural for me as I've always preferred business casual clothes but moreover makeup and a splash of perfume and jewelry have also become staples. This is further complicated by the fact I don't have a full length mirror in my room, so dressing has become more difficult. Furthermore, as my goal is to become a professor, I need to think of my appearance and comportment in a very pragmatic way so as to further my chances. 

    I recently read an Economist article titled ' The Economics of Thinness' and it very poignantly made the case that being thinner, especially for women, raises employment outcomes and pay. I have always been on the larger side, never obese or even seeming as big as I really am. I swam competitively and I still lift weights and play several sports and at 5ft 8, my weight is quite well distributed. Most people would guess I weight 160-170lbs just on the edge of a healthy BMI but I in fact am 200lbs, well within the overweight BMI category. Since starting my PhD I've lost some weight and gained quite a bit of muscle from thrice weekly lifting sessions to deal with the stress alongside skipping breakfasts and sometimes lunches due to being busy but either way I'm larger than is economically ideal. Since I've lost weight I've noticed a social shift as well. Another great article is by Alana Massey titled 'You're Right, I Didn't Eat That' where she discusses the social benefits of thinness and her own need to maintain her thinness. She examines her own behaviour as half pragmatism and half pathology, making clear that it is not effortless, as I think so many of us assume when we see other women with prominent clavicles and flat stomachs. I feel I'm also in the same semi-pathological state occasionally, I need to go to the gym or get 10 000 steps but I don't need breakfast other than a coffee and splash of milk. Again, I'm not that thin yet but I'm working my way towards it, not because I hate my body or have self esteem issues (although I'd be lying if I said that those don't also factor in) but because I love what I do and I want to do it for a living. If I need to never eat breakfast again for my field I'd do it in a heartbeat. It doesn't help that I'm quite a competitive person and have been trying to get back into swimming again as I have free access to my university pool... Another issue is clothes, makeup, and jewelry. I've been updating all of these things as I want to seem sophisticated and intelligent as well as attractive. This Christmas I'm treating myself to some very nice jewelry and lipsticks, which are extremely expensive, and I keep a collection of perfume samples. Eventually I should buy a full size perfume of my choosing as I actually wear perfume most days now but it is all so very expensive!!! Same thing with clothes, I either need to take clothes in or buy new clothes as I've lost weight but its quite expensive for a student!

Dating is another aspect of my life which is important but frustrating. I would like to be married and have a child before my mid 30s. I have a long time sure but due to my commitment to my career and studies I've never been in a committed relationship. Even now that I'm actively looking to date, I get overwhelmed by my nerves and emotions and basically decide that dating is not worth the hassle due to fear. Academia also complicates the idea of having a partner as I will go all over the world for my job and whoever I'm with should support that and be willing to help and while a lot of women will do that for their men, the same can't be said for most men. 

Anyways, in all of these things I think I'm headed down the right roads I just need to keep to the course and commit myself to them. I'm planning on starting swimming 4-5 times a week once I get off break so hopefully that will work out. 

Thanks for reading x. 

Hon.E

This might just be hyper-specific to the men in my life, but championing women in your academic profession doesn’t mean shit when at home you’re utilizing weaponized incompetence to force all domestic tasks upon your wife.

honoured to have discussed my paper, ‘The Western Revival of Goddess Worship’, with Emma Cieslik (@eocieslik), fellow researcher of the female experience of spirituality, which she explores in the context of traditional catholicism (bodily regulation within church etc). Emma contacted me with questions regarding my article, and what followed was a fruitful meeting in which we discussed the gendered & ungendered experiences of religion. i was not familiar with her research area and this exchange has been most enriching! ah. how i love academia!  stay tuned for future article collaborations between the two of us for which i'm so thoroughly excited!! you can read my paper here: https://journals.sagepub.com/.../10.1177/09667350221135089 and you can read some of Emma's brilliant articles here: https://archermagazine.com.au/.../purity-culture-social.../ https://www.teenvogue.com/.../rosaries-fashion... https://outreach.faith/.../the-need-to-chronicle-and.../ these are my favourites of hers!

sick and tired of scared little men who blame me for their bruised ego

Holy HELL I just got a yearlong teaching fellowship at an Ivy League teaching writing to undergrads oh my god I’m SCREAMING CRYING !!!! I just wanna be the crazy dyke poetry professor who makes everyone’s days better omg omg crying I’m so happy