A very enjoyably varied commission.
Still awaiting a commission where I’ve read every book- this is quite close, I’ve read them all except the sci-fi trilogy and ‘Kitten’s First Full Moon’, which I’m taking a guess at maybe being a bit young for me.
In Defense of Edward Ferrars
Edward, much like some of the most disliked Jane Austen heroines, can seem very unheroic and passive. But like Fanny Price, he is admirable and his strength is in his moral principles and his ability to stay constant despite opposition.
At nineteen, Edward was bored, because his family wanted him to go into a profession he didn’t want, or just live as a gentleman. But they are also awful and so he stayed with the people he liked from school. Lucy was nice to him. That’s it. She didn’t have to try that hard as far as we know because Edward was so starved for love and affirmation. So he thinks he’s in love and proposes, as young men are wont to do.
Now he has a dilemma, he wants to provide for Lucy, but he discovers, or knows, that his mother will never accept the match. He tries to obtain a profession and eventually goes to university. But he needs his mother if he ever wants to provide for a wife. Without influence in the church, he could be stuck as a curate making 50 pounds per year (like Charles Hayter). So he needs to maintain his relationship with his mother, he is too poor otherwise.
Years go on and Edward falls out of love with Lucy, but he believes that she loves him. She is smart, as far as we know she always professes very strongly to love him. And we can imagine that he tries to get out, he tells Lucy his mother will never allow it and yet she holds on. He is trapped. A man of less moral character would walk away, but Edward made a promise and he keeps it.
Then he is visiting his sister and he meet Elinor. Now he’s in love, now he has more reason to get rid of Lucy than ever, but even though he tires by any fair means (Wentworth-esq), Lucy will not let him go. She gives him her hair ring as a sign of her devotion to him.
It all comes out and Mrs. Ferrars demands that he jilts Lucy. Edward doesn’t love her anymore, he loves someone else, but still believing that Lucy loves him and upholding his honour, he resists. He loses his inheritance for a woman he doesn’t even love.
He’s the only man in Austen who actually loses something for love. Henry Tilney, Darcy, Bingley, Colonel Brandon, and Wentworth all lose the potential to marry someone richer and better connected, but none of them actually suffers financially (Knightley doesn’t even lose that!). Edward gives up wealth for principles. He stands as Elizabeth Bennet or Fanny Price, unwilling to be mercenary whatever the cost.
So yes, he seems passive, but it’s because Jane Austen made him a dependant. A firstborn son with no inheritance. And the fact that he never regrets giving up his fortune, and proposes to Elinor no matter the price, is why I appreciate him.
Why did everyone dislike Mr. Darcy in the beginning of Pride and Prejudice? He's was just being a proud and prejudice. I thought it was what we signed up for???
I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
“Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing! but I have never been in love; it is not my way, or my nature; and I do not think I ever shall.”
Emma, Jane Austen
My thoughts and annotations from Chapter 1-10 of Emma by Jane Austen.
Trying out something new and posting as I read instead of a big analysis at the end.
After 10 chapters, I gotta say … I’m actually enjoying this book. It’s a bit of a disaster. A car accident that you cannot look away from. I think the other two Austen novels I’ve read have taken themselves too seriously, which removed me from the story on the basis of frivolousness. Emma is very different in that there’s a sense of comedy around the entire situation, despite it having deep consequences for dear Harriet Smith.
The devil works hard, but Emma works harder.
Upon the whole, therefore, she found, what has been sometimes found before, that an event to which she had looked forward with impatient desire did not, in taking place, bring all the satisfaction she had promised herself.
Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
Working on a new commission with lots of very hefty novels, I think this is the most pages in one commission so far.. This Les Mis cover by Jillian Tamaki is so cool, and tricky to replicate
No because pride and prejudice isn't "I changed myself for you so you would love me back." It's "your blatant rejection and disdain for me made me realize things about myself no one had ever been bold enough to tell me so I sat down and evaluated all my behavior patterns and why they came about and came to the realization myself that I had to work on myself. Also I don't expect you to love me now that I'm a work in progress, so I'm just going to do nice things for you because I don't like seeing you hurt." No wonder P&P fans refuse to settle.
I lost my best friend 3 years ago- not lost as in dead but lost as in we only text each other on our birthdays now. Movies and books don't tell you that a friendship dying is like the sinking of a ship, you try to get higher and higher and hold onto the rails and unanswered texts, the captain tries to steer it to safety and salvage pieces of two broken hearts until you're left with memories of what once was. We were friends for a decade and knew each other's diaries by heart, I still remember her phone number and the way she took her coffee. Seeing her in streets is like breathing in a scent you forgot you knew but it immediately takes you back to a summer in '07.
Movies and books also don't tell you that friendships don't just end after one fight or incident, it's like the rusting of a bridge, the slow decay of flesh and bones and secrets. It took weeks, months- until one day I woke up and I realized I hadn't thought of her in a while. And I wrote a poem that day and I titled it 'The dying of a best friend' and I put all my love for her in a tiny box with my half of the matching pendant of a dolphin we had and stored them in a corner of my heart under the heading Grief. Where else can one hide unspent love?
It's been 3 years since I lost my best friend, lost as in I still carry our secrets in a tiny box but we only text each other on our birthdays.
-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire
Edit: here's the visualizer for this piece