if you're a human adult you physically need to eat actual vegetables, read real books, work, exercise, be outdoors, have sex, and have other real adult humans to talk to all on at LEAST a weekly basis or else you go will literally go completely insane and the problem is too many people choose to skip all those basic needs on purpose

she let me hit because of my incomprehensible thought processes and skittish prey animal demeanor

Going back to the uk in 4 days and the pressure of Hilary term is mountingggg

The thing about media analysis is that yes, things really can be that deep even if the artist didn't put the thought into it intentionally.

Little cultural references, personal artist quirks, broad societal influences, unacknowledged biases...there are countless things in a piece of media that can betray subconscious beliefs and values held by the artist, even if the artist wasn't doing it on purpose. Even bad art can be picked apart for its themes, even shallow art can reflect something about the world and the person viewing it.

Any given piece of art has the potential to be however deep you're willing to dig for it, even if the artist didn't dig that deep on their own.

you can be as high maintenance as you want as long as you’re doing the maintenance

ok, more phd advice coming at y'all, I've been looking for years for a system that would let me have both an integrated schedule and todo list for my work and today I've finally achieved that!!! I downloaded the app Fantastical and integrated both my iCloud calendar and my todoist, which I've been using separately for the entirety of my MA, and now I'm able to have a syncing visual calendar which adjusts my iCloud calendar if I adjust it (which then syncs to my smartwatch) and creates and manages my tasks in todoist all from one interface for free (as I'm not paying for the premium version)! It does take a little bit of work to get it all set up properly but it is so worth it, now I can maintain my separate independent phd work calendar, workout calendar, and class schedule and my todoist all in one place accessible from both my phone and laptop so I don't accidentally miss anything!

1 second of every star trek tos episode enjoy

you know how mathematicians have the journal of recreational mathematics, right? where they publish stuff like, ‘oh i found this cool property of this one seemingly boring number’, or, ‘this is literally nonsense but it sounds ~scientific~’ and it’s all great fun to read?

well

behold, the journal of recreational linguistics

with such delightful papers as ‘tennis puns’, ‘animals in different languages’, and ‘gifts from a homonymous benefactor’

excuse me while i go read all 50 volumes in one sitting

Mary Oliver, from “Hum Hum”, A Thousand Mornings

a lot of people in my program really only do their studies and to my other PHD's I urge you: make sure you have other things going on! I have a near endless list of weird hobbies and sports and other interests and I just want you to know that you don't need to eat, sleep, and breathe only your topic and subject! Read a fiction book for fun, paint something badly, find a nice shop to browse in, go for a walk in a green area, take a break and don't rush through it. Pleasure and relaxation are valuable and worth your time. The point of a PhD/Masters is not to work in a hard and unsustainable way until you are done but instead to learn how to be an academic, what type of academic you are, and how you want to live your life/balance your academics and everything else!

When you are studying/working, don't be afraid of being wrong or doing things messily or poorly. On hard days, give yourself leeway, add an extra scoop of sugar to your coffee or tea, and listen to the rocky theme!

CUP

Certain words can change your brain forever and ever so you do have to be very careful about it.

The difficulty of proper academic comportment, dress, and relationships

As a female academic I am held to a very different standard to male academics in regards to physical appearance and this has only become more true as I've gone from undergrad to graduate student. At this point, I have to essentially dress for a job interview all the time, which luckily is quite natural for me as I've always preferred business casual clothes but moreover makeup and a splash of perfume and jewelry have also become staples. This is further complicated by the fact I don't have a full length mirror in my room, so dressing has become more difficult. Furthermore, as my goal is to become a professor, I need to think of my appearance and comportment in a very pragmatic way so as to further my chances. 

    I recently read an Economist article titled ' The Economics of Thinness' and it very poignantly made the case that being thinner, especially for women, raises employment outcomes and pay. I have always been on the larger side, never obese or even seeming as big as I really am. I swam competitively and I still lift weights and play several sports and at 5ft 8, my weight is quite well distributed. Most people would guess I weight 160-170lbs just on the edge of a healthy BMI but I in fact am 200lbs, well within the overweight BMI category. Since starting my PhD I've lost some weight and gained quite a bit of muscle from thrice weekly lifting sessions to deal with the stress alongside skipping breakfasts and sometimes lunches due to being busy but either way I'm larger than is economically ideal. Since I've lost weight I've noticed a social shift as well. Another great article is by Alana Massey titled 'You're Right, I Didn't Eat That' where she discusses the social benefits of thinness and her own need to maintain her thinness. She examines her own behaviour as half pragmatism and half pathology, making clear that it is not effortless, as I think so many of us assume when we see other women with prominent clavicles and flat stomachs. I feel I'm also in the same semi-pathological state occasionally, I need to go to the gym or get 10 000 steps but I don't need breakfast other than a coffee and splash of milk. Again, I'm not that thin yet but I'm working my way towards it, not because I hate my body or have self esteem issues (although I'd be lying if I said that those don't also factor in) but because I love what I do and I want to do it for a living. If I need to never eat breakfast again for my field I'd do it in a heartbeat. It doesn't help that I'm quite a competitive person and have been trying to get back into swimming again as I have free access to my university pool... Another issue is clothes, makeup, and jewelry. I've been updating all of these things as I want to seem sophisticated and intelligent as well as attractive. This Christmas I'm treating myself to some very nice jewelry and lipsticks, which are extremely expensive, and I keep a collection of perfume samples. Eventually I should buy a full size perfume of my choosing as I actually wear perfume most days now but it is all so very expensive!!! Same thing with clothes, I either need to take clothes in or buy new clothes as I've lost weight but its quite expensive for a student!

Dating is another aspect of my life which is important but frustrating. I would like to be married and have a child before my mid 30s. I have a long time sure but due to my commitment to my career and studies I've never been in a committed relationship. Even now that I'm actively looking to date, I get overwhelmed by my nerves and emotions and basically decide that dating is not worth the hassle due to fear. Academia also complicates the idea of having a partner as I will go all over the world for my job and whoever I'm with should support that and be willing to help and while a lot of women will do that for their men, the same can't be said for most men. 

Anyways, in all of these things I think I'm headed down the right roads I just need to keep to the course and commit myself to them. I'm planning on starting swimming 4-5 times a week once I get off break so hopefully that will work out. 

Thanks for reading x. 

Hon.E

Intro and UK Academic Culture Shocks

Welcome to my blog, you can call me Honey (Hon. E.)! Its very nice to meet you! This blog is going to act as a kind of experiment for me. I'm a 24 year old woman and I've just started my PhD at a UK university, moved continents and just completed my first semester. I intend to use this blog as a fully anonymous venting platform and as a way to organize my thoughts and feelings as I go through this process. As well, I'll be talking about academia and my strategies to optimize my chances in my field (which fair warning will often be almost disturbingly pragmatic and cold but that's life in the academic job market).

For this first post I'm going to be describing my experience moving to the UK regarding the many cultural differences. Suffice it to say I'm from North America and a native English speaker. As well, many of these supposed cultural differences have more to do, in some cases with me and my own quirks/lack of experience with certain things, so please take them all with several large grains of salt. 

The first difference that really threw me for a loop was the British Drinking Culture! My previous institution was very boring and parties were quite uncommon and moreover most my my friends wouldn't really go out for drinks after classes etc. and certainly no one would get drunk!! Perhaps its the way I was raised but in consultation with other friends from home I've confirmed that getting drunk is largely seen in my previous circles as an embarrassing faux pas. In the UK so far, people have a completely opposite attitude to the point where they often encourage me, a two drink max. girlie, to get wasted and want to "see me get messy". Of course, I will have my drinks and have a nice time but I like a relaxed atmosphere and a chat, not a club vibe so often I will avoid going out on Friday nights in favour of a night at home with a good show or book. 

Another cultural difference is, despite their freewheeling treatment of alcohol, how very reserved the British can be emotionally. I'm used to saying things like "I'm quite anxious about x" or "I'm feeling a little depressed today" etc. etc.. But when I say that here, people become generally concerned and look at me like I've grown two heads. To them it must seem like a cry from help but for me its just another Tuesday. The other way the British can be very reserved is in their speech. The English especially mumble so very much its shocking and to my surprise a lot of my fellow PhD students will, out of nerves or shyness, stay completely silent in all classes!!! I'm used to a hyper competitive fight to say something in every class, not to mention being graded on participation even as a Masters student but here writing is emphasized and speaking an afterthought!

Some positive differences outside of the academic sphere are the availability of much better quality produce and less processed foods and the walkability of cities here but a BIG negative for me is that coffee shops open far later than I'm used to, especially the good ones. While I could probably get a coffee at Pret or Costa's when I'm up, its nothing like a 6am specialty coffee before I go to the gym. Needless to say I've been making my own coffee most mornings. 

I'm going home for the holiday's this year so I'll post again sometime in the next week once I'm home.

Thanks for reading x. 

Hon. E.