#and sometimes. sometimes fives lives in a world where it feels like he could lose echo again at any moment. and he's so scared | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ellecdc · 29 days

Note

I don’t know their ship name! Do they have a ship name? Anywayyy, I was thinking long and hard about this, I want it to be 🤌🏻

So I was thinking, Remus x James x reader, possibly hyper Jamie and reader, and Remus is chasing after them

or maybe the most beautiful hurt/comfort (because who wants straight angst?) where James is upset because he feels like he’s too much sometimes (even though he’s my perfect baby Angel) and it’s just reader and Remus comforting him

(Fem!reader if that’s ok) (also reader should have a cat named Birdie, is it because I want Birdie content? Yes. Do I live laugh love Birdie? Also yes.)

kisses 😘

okay, I love you, thank you for this request. New rule: NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO HURT OUR SWEET SWEET JAMIES FEELINGS EVER AGAIN 😭😭😭😭😭😭 also I couldn't figure out how to incorporate Birdie but I have another request about a reader with a cat so you'll be able to see her there ;)

poly!moonchaser x fem!reader who is in Slytherin

CW: James cries and it's horrible and Marlene should be sent to Azkaban for this.

James was feeling pretty good about Gryffindor’s odds this year for the House Cup. He’d been working his team a little harder than usual, but he was certain the extra effort would pay off this weekend in their game against Ravenclaw. He wasn’t on the quidditch pitch to make friends; he was there to win.

Off the pitch, however?

Off the pitch he loved his friends.

Which was why he’d told everyone to hit the showers whilst he cleaned up the pitch for Madame Hooch.

After James had stored the last of the brooms and quidditch balls in the equipment locker, he began to head past the Beasts classroom for the castle.

He saw Marlene leaning against one of the posts of the building, and James began making his way over to catch up with her but thought better of it once he saw Dorcas Meadows sitting on a table in front of her. He smiled to himself at the thought of his friend’s happiness and took the path on the opposite side of the building in order to give them some privacy.

“Potter’s not working you lot too hard, is he? You’re actually making Slytherin sweat this year.” Dorcas taunted, earning her a chuckle from her girlfriend.

“Ha ha.” Marlene deadpanned before she let out a sigh. “He’s working us like dogs. I know he loves quidditch, but Godric.”

James knew he was pretty competitive, but he had a job to do as the coach, and like Dorcas said – it was paying off.

“He can be a lot.” Dorcas assuaged.

Marlene scoffed dramatically. “Sirius is a lot; James is too much. Honestly, I don’t know how Remus and Y/N keep up with him; he’s exhausting.”

James’ ears filled with cotton as his steps faltered and his heart sunk.

Is this really how his friends thought of him; was he exhausting? Too much?

James knew he could be a lot sometimes; a lot of energy, a lot of fun, a lot of love, a lot of mischief, a lot of noise...

But was he too much?

He loved you and Remus more than anything; he never knew it was possible to love two people so much.

Remus: the moon to his sun, his safe space, his level head, the cool side of his pillow.

And you: his sweet girl, his biggest supporter, his confidante, the quiet in the chaos.

And what was he, then? What was James?

He was loud, he was chaos, he was constant.

Maybe he was too much...

He’d spent five years with his sights set in the wrong direction before he realized he had everything he could ever want in the two of you, and by some fucking miracle, he’d managed to snag the two most wonderful people in all of Hogwarts, perhaps all of the UK; neigh, the world.

Was he losing the two of you? Was he slowly pushing you guys away? Exhausting you? Were you two going to grow tired of James?

He couldn’t lose you guys; he couldn’t let that happen.

He wouldn’t let that happen.

You and Remus had been sitting at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall when Sirius came back from practice.

“Where’s Prongs?” Remus asked quickly, earning him a scowl from his long-haired friend.

“Gee, hello to you too, Moony.”

Remus’ sigh was accompanied by an eyeroll as he corrected himself. “Hello, Sirius. How was practice? Where’s our boyfriend?”

Sirius adorned a cheeky smile as he began loading up his plate. “Hi Remus, Y/N. Lovely evening we’re having. Practice went well; James is working us hard, but I think the extra work is paying off. We’re shoo-ins for the House Cup this year and-”

“Sirius!”

“Circe’s tits, Moons, is it almost your time of your month?”

He was answered with a dinner roll being thrown at his head.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He grumbled. “Prongs is tidying up the field, told us all to hit the showers and head to dinner.”

“Black, you’re a dog.” You grumbled, earning you a boisterous laugh from the dog-like-man himself.

“You have no idea dollface.”

You groaned. “I can’t believe you left our poor, sweet boy cleaning up after you tossers out there all by himself. It’s getting dark.” You whined, looking to the windows.

“He’s far too nice to you lot.” Remus agreed, starting a plate for James pre-emptively.

You liked that about Remus. You loved that about Remus; predicting his loved ones needs, always one step ahead the rest of you.

You perked up when you saw the familiar head of hair make his way into the Great Hall, but had an uneasy feeling settle in your stomach when you noticed his demeanour.

“Hey bubs.” Remus greeted, seemingly unawares of James’ dour mood. James smiled kindly at Remus, but you noticed the smile never reached his eyes.

You hated it.

“How was practice?” You asked quickly, earning you a scoff from Sirius.

“What? Don’t trust my word for it?”

“Sod off, Black.”

James itched the back of his neck and avoided eye contact. “It, erm, it went well, I think. It went well, right Pads?”

Sirius looked inquisitively at his friend but nodded nonetheless. “Yeah mate, I think we’re definitely going to see a difference with the extra drills. Fenwick and I were just talking about it.”

“Fenwick? What’d he say? He thought the practice went well?” James asked eagerly.

Sirius and Remus exchanged a bemused glance as you watched James; he seemed to notice the silent conversation going on between his friend and his boyfriend and curled in on himself.

“Sorry.” He muttered quietly, poking at his plate with his fork.

“No worries Prongs. Fenwick said he was tired, but the good kind. He’s looking forward to the match this weekend.” Sirius said carefully. James hummed but that was the extent of the conversation.

“Everything okay, James?” Remus asked cautiously as Marlene and Dorcas sat a few seats down. James lifted his head and nodded quickly, offering a quiet “yeah.”

“What’s the matter?” You asked quietly, causing James’ eyebrows to furrow.

“Nothing, nothing. I’m not that hungry actually, I think I’m going to head upstairs.”

He didn’t give you any time to argue as he stood from his full plate and left the Great Hall.

You went to stand to go after him, but Remus grabbed your sleeve.

“You should eat, dove. No sense in both of you going without.”

“But-”

“We’ll bring him his plate in a little; let him take a minute to himself.” He offered, and though Remus sounded awfully reasonable, you didn’t like the idea one bit.

In the perhaps 45 minutes you and Remus spent in the Great Hall, James had already done his bedtime routine and had the curtains to his fourposter bed drawn shut with what sounded like a silencing charm cast around it.

You let out a sigh and moved towards Remus’ bed.

“It’s probably just an off day, dovey. He rarely has them; we can grant him this one, can’t we?” Remus lamented.

It didn’t feel like an off day, though. Not to you.

He’d been just fine when you bid him farewell before practice; he’d been talking your ear off about all the new drills he prepared and the extra practices he booked. He’d been your enthusiastic, sunny boy just a mere few hours ago, and now he was...well...this.

Had you done something? Had you not been enthusiastic enough about his stories? Had you said something to offend him? Maybe he didn’t want you here; maybe he wanted to spend tonight with Remus – he’s known him longer, maybe he’d be talking to Remus if you weren’t here right now.

“I can hear your brain in overdrive, dove. What’s going on inside that head of yours?”

“Maybe I should go to my own dorm tonight?” You asked shyly, earning you an unimpressed look from Remus as he pulled his sleep shirt over his head.

“Fat chance I’m sending you down to the dungeons. I’ve already lost one cuddle partner.” His lip jut out comically at the end of the sentence and you felt some of the tension leave your body.

“Okay, big baby.” You acquiesced with faux resentment, laying back on Remus’ bed and welcoming him into your embrace.

“We’ll fix it tomorrow, yeah?” Remus said into your neck. “He’ll feel better in the morning.”

Except James did not feel better in the morning and now you were spiralling.

He’d woken up early to go for his run but didn’t ask if you wanted to join him (he usually woke you up as he extricated himself from the bed and would always ask if you felt like joining him. You’ve never said yes, but he always asked you anyway).

He changed quietly and sat at the desk to do some schoolwork. You woke up and pressed a kiss to his cheek on your way to the washroom, which earned you little more than half a smile and a quiet “morning”.

You couldn’t take it anymore; the nerves were eating you alive, and they were only made worse when Remus woke up and James was just as cold with him.

“Jamie, have I done something?” You blurted, causing both boys to look at you in horror.

“What?” He asked quietly.

“I’m sorry if I’ve done or said something to offend you. I know I can be harsh sometimes and I know that I’m not often as kind as the two of you; certainly not as nice as you, Jamie. But I often think you guys have worn off on me a bit and I’m a little less Slytherin-y and-”

But Remus cut you off as you started to ramble. “Whoa, dove. Take a breath, yeah? You’re alright.” He said gently, placing his hand on your shoulder and gently rubbing his thumb along your collar bone.

“I’m really sorry, Jamie.” You said again, feeling your eyes well with tears.

James' eyes mirrored yours as he looked at you in horror. “No, angel. No! You’re perfect, I swear!” He said, tears finally betraying his inner turmoil.

“What has you so upset then, Jamie?” Remus asked gently, which caused whatever dam James had set up behind his eyes to fully burst.

“It’s not you guys, honest!” He cried miserably.

You felt all the blood drain from your face at the sight; you’d never seen James this upset before.

“Oh, Jamie.” Remus cooed in an exhale moving towards him, obviously just as distressed at James’ upset as you were.

“I’m sorry if I’ve been exhausting you lately. I don’t mean to be too much.” James whimpered between sobs. Your hands twitched as you stood uselessly, staring at Remus cradling James’ broad frame and gently rocking him back-and-forth, rubbing broad strokes up and down his back.

“Why...why would you say that, Jamie? I’ve never found you exhausting. ‘Too much’?” You asked incredulously, feeling sort of nauseous at the insinuation that you could ever grow tired of the effervescence that was James Potter.

“I overheard people talking about me.” He admitted shyly from the crook of Remus’ neck. Remus’ movements stuttered before he quickly resumed his ministrations.

“Who?” You said simply, hands balling into fists at your sides.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Like hell it doesn’t.” You argued.

“Easy, dove.” Remus placated, pressing a gentle kiss into James’ hair. “I don’t need to know who it was, because they are so far off from the truth.”

“Can’t be too far off, I’ve known her my whole life.” James muttered.

“McKinnon?” You asked with a scoff. You were answered by James’ silence.

“Jamie.” You said sternly, stepping towards your boyfriends and causing James to look up at you. “You have been nothing but pure joy since the moment I met you, and any moment I get to spend by your side is an absolute honour; do you understand me?”

James sighed and tried to turn back into Remus’ shoulder, but you gently grabbed his chin and forced him to look at you.

“I love you so unbelievably much, I worry about my sanity sometimes. One of the best things about me is getting to love you, and having convinced you to love me back. Okay?”

“Okay.” He whispered back, offering you a soft smile.

“Yeah?”

James chuckled sadly and took your hand in his. “I love you, Y/N.”

“That makes me the luckiest girl in the world.” You promised him.

Remus continued rubbing James’ back and whispering sweet nothings into his ear as you got into uniform.

“You okay, Rem? I’ll catch up with you guys later?” You asked him quietly. Remus nodded at you and accepted a chaste kiss to his lips.

You pressed a kiss to the top of James' head, reminding him again that you love him and you’d see him later before heading out in search of the person on your radar.

Sirius had gotten up today to find James already gone on his morning run and you and Moony still asleep in bed, so he decided to take the initiative and organise the supplies for the Marauder’s next prank.

“Oi, Black.” Sirius heard, causing him to pause in his steps down the corridor.

“Y/N, we’ve known each other since we were in nappies; I’m pretty sure we were engaged to be wed at one point. I think you can go ahead and call me Sirius.”

Your eyebrows furrowed almost comically as you looked him up and down once, seemingly almost disgusted at the thought of calling him by his given name.

“Right, I will not be doing that. Listen, you’re friends with McKinnon, yeah?” You redirected, falling into step with him as he carried on towards the potions supply closet.

“Marlene? Yeah.”

“‘Kay, deal with her then, because it won’t be pretty if I have to.” You said darkly, causing Sirius to pause again and grab you by your elbow.

“Whoa there; what are you on about?”

You turned towards him with darkened eyes, quite possibly the most like your parents he’d ever seen you. “She upset James.” You said simply.

Sirius scoffed. “Please. James doesn’t get upset. She probably just cheered for his rival team at the World Cup or something.”

“Black. My sweet, lovely, wonderful boyfriend is upstairs crying right now because he was told he was too much and exhausting.” You said severely, causing Sirius’ heart to stutter.

His heart picked back up in double time when he noticed your eyes fill with tears.

“And if McKinnon is left to me, it won’t be pretty.” You concluded, sniffing quickly and stuffing your emotions back down deep into your stomach like Sirius knew you’d been raised to do.

“Crying?” Sirius asked breathlessly.

“Sobbing.” You corrected.

Well.

Well, this just wouldn’t do.

Turns out, Sirius was going to get detention for hitting a girl today.

“Oi! McKinnon!” Sirius called out when he spotted Marlene sat under a tree on the Hogwarts grounds. “Take your earrings out, you and I are fighting.” He called as he got closer, pulling his earrings own out pre-emptively.

Marlene scoffed. “Have you taken one too many bludgers to the head there, Black?”

“What’d you say to James?” He carried on.

“Potter?”

“Sod off, McKinnon. What’d you say?”

“I haven’t spoken to him since we all left practice yesterday!” She argued.

“Well you said something, seeing as he’s now apologising to his boyfriend and girlfriend for being ‘exhausting’.”

Sirius watched understanding pass over Marlene’s face as she sighed.

“Oh for- …he wasn’t meant to hear.”

“Make it a habit of talking poorly about your friends behind their back?” Sirius accused.

“Take it easy, Sirius… she didn’t mean it.” Dorcas interjected, causing Sirius’ stormy glare to look her way.

“Then why’d she say it, huh Meadows? Are you calling her a liar then?”

“I was just tired and sore after practice yesterday, Sirius…” Marlene mumbled.

But Sirius didn’t care; he didn’t want excuses. He wanted everyone to see the James that he saw:

James, who had so much love to give.

James, who gave everything he did 110%.

James, who took care of everyone around him like his life depended on it.

James, who pushed his team to victory because he knew they were capable.

James, who knew he was pushing his team hard so let them all leave early whilst he cleaned up after them.

James, who brought out the best in everyone around him.

James, who offered him a home when he had nowhere to go.

James, who was everyone's safety, smile, sanctuary.

“Maybe if you didn’t spend so much of your life finding flaws in everyone else, Marlene, you’d have a little more time to work on your own. I suggest starting with your poor fucking attitude.” He shot at her, feeling the generations of vile, vicious Black’s creep into his psyche. “Perhaps then you’d manage to be even a quarter as loved as James is.”

“Was that really necessary, Black?” Meadows barked angrily. Sirius scoffed in return.

“No more necessary than what she said about James. No one upsets Prongs like that, you hear me? So tell your girl to watch her fuckin’ mouth.”

And he stormed back up to the castle.

Remus was understandably distressed.

If having his usual bright, sunny boy so down and turned in on himself wasn’t bad enough, you seemed to be equally if not more distressed on his behalf.

He’d been sort of nervous when you took off this morning, but when Remus saw Marlene in one piece in Charms later in the day, he knew you hadn’t done any (permanent) damage.

James was glued to your and Remus’ sides for the remainder of the day, and you were both more than happy to fawn over him as much as he needed. His mood didn’t seem to improve for your efforts, however.

The three of you were eating dinner with Sirius who was carrying most of the conversation on your behalves, which you and Remus (and likely James) appreciated, when Barty approached the Gryffindor table.

“Hey Y/N, I just had the most brilliant i- whoa, wait, whoa, what the fuck?” He cut himself off, looking to the group in horror.

“What’s up, junior?” You asked calmly, feeling particularly defensive of your boyfriend and keeping an eye on James in your periphery.

“What happened to Potter? What’s going on?” He asked, sounding particularly disturbed causing Remus’ brows to furrow bemusedly.

No one seemed to have a good answer; Sirius and Remus exchanging confused glances, James lowering his head in shame, and you rolling your eyes at your friend's dramatics.

“Who did this?” He asked then, voice taking on a shrill quality. “Y/N? Did you do this?” He demanded, gesturing to James.

“I did not do this!” You shouted back.

“Okay well this is bad!”

“I know it’s bad!”

“No, this is bad, bad. This is like… this is. I have no words. Y/N, fix it, fix it right now.” Barty insisted, roughly jostling your shoulder as if you were simply standing here negligently as your boyfriend suffered.

Remus, James, and Sirius all watched in abject fascination and horror.

“Who did this, Potter?” Barty asked quietly, turning his attention to James when he felt he wasn’t getting answers from you. “Give me names; who disturbed the delicate balance of the universe?”

James’ eyebrows were in his hair as he looked between you and Barty.

“Oh gods,” Barty breathed. “It’s worse than I though.”

Barty shoved his hand into his robe pocket and pulled out a lolly. “You like candy, Potter? Here.” He said as he threw the lolly at him without waiting for a response. “I have more, one sec.”

With that, Barty turned his pocket inside out and piled what had to be almost thirty lollipops in front of James.

“Why do you have so many lollies, Junior?” Sirius asked, reaching over to grab one from the pile which earned him a squeal and a harsh smack on the wrist from Barty.

“None of your sodding business, Black.”

Remus delighted in hearing a slight chuckle under James' breath.

“Why do you have so many lollies?” Remus asked instead, knowing Barty was slightly less volatile with him than with Sirius.

“I was trying to quit smoking. Now I’m just addicted to sugar and cigarettes. Also, Y/N likes them.” He said, producing one from your pocket with a flourish to hand it to you.

“M’lady.” He said with a bow before resuming his piling of more lollies in front of James.

“I think that’s enough lollies, Junior.” Sirius suggested, earning him a scowl.

“The world is fucking topsy-turvey right now, Black! I don’t see you doing anything to correct it! Absolute tosser, thinking I can just go about my day when everything is wrong.” Barty was mostly muttering to himself at this point as he pulled his bookbag over his shoulder and started discarding various things onto the table.

“Why are you all just sitting there? Do something, for the love of Salazar!” He shrieked. “Fix this Y/N! Fix it now; I’m running out of candy!”

And with this, James dissolved into a fit of laughter, causing Barty to pause and whip his head to face him.

Remus wasn’t always Barty’s biggest fan, but he knew that you cared for him and more importantly, he cared for you, and right now Remus could kiss the sod right on the mouth for managing to bring a smile to James' face.

“Is this a fucking joke to you, Potter?” Barty asked incredulously, causing James to laugh harder and even encouraging a laugh from you. Barty’s face softened immediately at the sound and turned to beam at you.

“There!” He proclaimed then. “All better!”

And with that, Barty headed towards the entrance of the Great Hall.

“You’re welcome everyone! I just corrected a major blip in the universe; but this is the last time I do it for free!”

James began to catch his breath and wipe away tears from under his eyes.

“See?” You said, reaching across to gently shake James’ wrist. James caught your hand before you could pull it away from him. “Even Barty likes you just the way you are. And he hates Gryffindors.”

James barked another laugh at that and let out a steadying breath.

“Not as much as we do, though.” Remus pressed, resting his forehead against James’ temple as he pulled him closer into his side.

“Thank you guys.” James admitted quietly, squeezing your hand that he still held captive over the table.

“There’s nothing to thank us for, bubs.” You insisted, causing Sirius to snort.

“Yeah. These two did fuck all; you should be thanking Junior.”

You all started laughing again, distributing lollies to the younger students sitting around you.

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blackopals-world · 6 months

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Number 3

Leona Kingscholar x fem Vet!Yuu

After the birth of their second cub Leona brings home a special gift.

Continuation of this

Yuu loved her family. There was no denying that. But sometimes...sometimes Leona surprises her.

It was a only a few weeks after Vita had been born. Yuu was still on bed rest. Leona was out of town for a meeting and as protector of the nation and Archduke he had to attend no matter how much he protested. Leona had been glued to her side since the pregnancy began and he had every right to be worried.

When Nuru was born five years before it almost took both their lives. For Leona it almost ended his world and he was staunchly against them having another child.

Vita has a happy accident for Yuu and Leona eventually came around after talking it through. It wasn't that he didn't want another child, he just didn't want to lose his wife to have one. Her life was too important. But when he held Vita he melted all over again. Just like with Nuru.

Nuru was snuggled into his mother's side as they layed in bed. The cub was determined to take care of his mom while dad was away. But such a job took a toll on a tiny body as he slept soundly.

Yuu was happy. Of course she was. Life was perfect. But...when she looked a Vita she felt a bit of sadness. Leona said they wouldn't have another child. She agreed, but...a part of her didn't realize what that would mean. She didn't know that this would be the last one. That meant this was the last time she'd experience caring for a baby. She knew that she had so many other things to look forward to but it's still sad.

Her Vita was so sweet though. How could she feel bad about having her? Yuu was going to enjoy every moment she had with her.

After checking on the cubs one last time she decided to get some sleep.

In the early hours of the morning, Yuu felt a pressure on her cheek. The low familiar voice of her husband greeted her and a weight shifted lest to her. The small whine of Nuru was heard as the cub was picked up and placed on his father's side not on his mom's stomach. Leona was firm on not stressing Yuu out and that meant no weight on her while she was post-partum.

The cub barely opened his eyes as he shifted to sleeping against his father. One was just as good as the other in his eyes.

The loving parents slept soundly until the sound of unfamiliar hungry crying started. Almost instantly Yuu was awake as she searched for the baby placed on the infant cot that was placed next to the bad for easy access for feeding.

But something felt off. Yuu flicked on the light and saw not one but two cubs. Unless she had forgotten giving birth to twins then this wasn't her baby.

But they were crying and were clearly hungry. They were on the small side and wrapped in a blue-gray blanket.

Yuu sighed and picked up the cub. They had sleek dark hair and emerald eyes. He looked so much like Leona Yuu should have been suspicious. Yuu however knew Leona better then that.

The cub quieted down after he was fed. He held tightly onto Yuu like he didn't want to be put down but eventually, he closed his little eyes and drifted back to sleep.

Once she was sure the cubs were all settled Yuu elbowed her husband awake.

"Explain." She hissed quietly.

"Explain what?" He mumbled not opening his eyes, a clear bead of nervous sweat on his brow.

"Dear, unless I'm hallucinating there are two babies in the cot." She said tugging Leona awake by the ear.

"Oh. You noticed." He said as if he didn't expect her to " I found him."

"I'm sure you did but where? Why take him?" She asked.

Leona hesitated to respond.

"He...was just left there. Alone. And everyone just walked by without even looking. They already decided his worth." He sighed looking at the sleeping cubs. Vita curled up on her belly and the new baby was holding a fist to his mouth suckling in his sleep. " I couldn't ignore it. I had Ruggie pick up some clothes and diapers for him and I brought him home."

"I thought you didn't want another." Yuu stated, not angry but concerned.

"I know. I should have told you but look at him. Besides what's one more. As long as Nuru doesn't try to feed him to his termites and Vita doesn't bite his ear off then it'll be fine." Leona said leaning over to turn off the light.

Yuu gave in. She understood by now that when Leona made up his mind he stuck by it. When he knew how to apply that trait well Yuu respected it. That was one of the reasons she fell in love with him. After all the day he confessed that he loved her, he swore to never take it back and that he'd chase her to the ends of the earth.

The baby was named Kato "second of twins". Neither parent acknowledged that he was anything other than their child. Nuru however was quick to point out that Kato showed up overnight. Only to get pulled by the ear.

Vita as prophesied kept chewing on Kato's ears as soon as they cut their teeth and Leona kept cheering them on when they both chewed on everything.

Yuu picked her battles and let Leona parent as he liked.

Still, she felt that finally, their family was complete.

#vet!yuu #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland yuu #leona kingscholar #leona x reader #leona kingsholar x reader #twst leona #twisted wonderland leona

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stxrvel · 3 months

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i don't wanna live forever (1)

summary: reader couldn't stop having deaths in her life ever since the Supersoldier serum came into her life. no matter how hard she tried to stay sane, it seemed that life didn't want to give her a break. until, one afternoon, she learned that one of her old friends was alive… (you guys know im bad at summaries, but please give this one a chance)

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +4.5k

warnings: angst, major character deaths, canon deaths¿?, bad words, english is not my first language! thoughts of revenge and death, this is like an introductory chapter, so the buckyxreader interaction is low, but it'll get better, i promise!

note: holy fuck guys. i just spent like five hours writing and editing this and i fucking love it. its been a while since ive been this proud of a work, im actually scare the emotion will disappear, but i really want to rejoice in this one. i wanted to write something a little different from my usuals, maybe a little common in the fanfiction world, but i started and i simply could not stop (or maybe just approach this bucky fic from another perspective). so this is the first part and i'll try with all my heart to keep this going because it was fucking insane, at least for me. i really hope you all like this as much as i do! feel free to leave any comment! thanks always for all the support!! see you next time <3

part 2 ; part 3 ; part 4

When you went into the Supersoldier serum project with Steve, you thought you were going to change the world. Of course, at that time when technology was relatively new any invention felt like the beginning of a new era. That's how it was all sold to you and it was how you expected everything to turn out… Until you realized that it was all really a waste of effort and time.

They were just propaganda for war. Not to stop it, to promote it. To motivate it.

You tried, on several occasions, not to think too much about it. You tried to stay out of it as Steve sometimes asked you to, even though even he didn't want to, as Bucky asked you to when you lay on his shoulder to cry in the little time you had free between trips. It was a great burden of guilt and helplessness.

Until you and Steve, with the almost imposed help of Peggy and Howard, rescued Bucky from the evil hands of Johann Schmidt and his nefarious organization, HYDRA, that, unbeknownst to you, would haunt you for a long time to come. It was only after that, after spending several sleepless days on edge thinking about what might be happening to Bucky, that you and Steve were finally able to go out and contribute something. Destroy HYDRA and the Red Skull's plans.

Of course, you realized that not everything could go right when, the one mission you couldn't attend, Bucky didn't return. And then Steve didn't come back either.

“Do you think this will ever end?” you had asked Bucky the day before his last mission.

“Of course it will,” he had answered without hesitation, moonlight illuminating his clear eyes, squeezing your hand as if it was all he wanted to do for the rest of his life. “And after that we can begin to live as it should be.”

But there was no after that, because you never recovered from losing him. From losing them both.

“Are you okay?” Peggy approached, in the middle of the afternoon when the sun was streaming through the stained glass windows of the church, illuminating the spot where Steve's empty coffin had been, because they didn't even find his body. They didn't even think there was any of it left.

You barely moved your head to acknowledge her presence, moving the prayer slip they had recited throughout the mass between your hands. Your eyes were crystallized, in tears that no longer even made the effort to flow, because you had already spent too many days and nights crying. Peggy had been on the other side of the church, sitting next to Howard while the priest spoke, because you had refused to be near them in those moments. You didn't want to be near them.

“As well as one can be,” you slurred, finding that it had been a long time since you'd last used your voice for anything other than cursing and crying disconsolately.

The people had already left, probably an hour or more ago. The empty coffin had already been brought out, all the flower arrangements had been picked up, and the priest was preparing for the evening mass. You knew you had to leave, you knew Peggy and Howard were there waiting for you, but you felt stuck at that moment. You didn't want to leave, you didn't want to get ahead, you didn't want that life if it had to be this cruel.

You heard Peggy's sigh, before she took a seat next to you, a short distance away, averting her gaze to look at Christ on the cross.

You didn't know if you were selfish to be so closed off to your friends at this moments, because they must be grieving as much as you were, but you didn't know how to deal with the future possibilities. Bucky and Steve, great men and soldiers, one even with enhanced abilities, had not been able to make it through the punishment of war. What if Peggy and Howard were the same? What if they too had the cruel fate of dying at the hands of injustice? Could you deal with that? With everyone gone?

Maybe you could open up to them a little more because if not, who else? Turning away from them was not going to ensure their survival in this hate-filled society. Maybe you could protect them, like you couldn't protect Steve and Bucky. Maybe you could make a difference, because you had the chance to.

“You know,” Peggy spoke again, rearranging herself on the bench and crossing her legs, “Steve always knew this was how it would end.”

Her wistful, mournful, fragile voice sent a shiver through your body. Peggy didn't consider herself someone to show herself vulnerable in front of others no matter how close they were, even in those things that hurt her the most, in those things that affected her personally and made her eyes water instantly, she always tended to shut down. And at that moment you didn't dare interrupt her because you knew it would probably be the only time she would talk about Steve in a long time.

“Sometimes we'd talk, between tour trips, and he would tell me that wasn't what he wanted to do, even when he had to convince you otherwise,” her clasped hands would occasionally squeeze between words, blinking rapidly to fight back the tears. “He didn't know if he'd made the right decision.”

You could almost picture him, backstage at the foot of the stairs with that notebook he carried everywhere and wouldn't let go, Peggy at his side nostalgic, as helpless as the others. It reminded you of the times you'd had similar conversations with Bucky, desperate to find a purpose, a way through so much fog.

“The first time I saw him so sure of himself was when he asked us to help them look for Bucky,” she mumbled his name, as if trying not to scare you away by saying it too loudly. “Ever since then it seemed like he'd found that spark…”

“Until Bucky died,” you whispered, the words cutting through the cold and silence, Peggy shifting on the bench contritely.

“He lost something of himself from that day on, it wasn't hard to tell. The next time I heard him so sure after spending days lost, it was on that call from the plane.”

Peggy paused, raising her hand to cover her mouth as her voice faltered. You turned to look at her, wishing you could rip the pain from her soul and leave it in yours. She was trying to contain her emotions, breathing deeply, and in that moment you wondered what life might be like from now on, with the specter of grief following you around, waiting for the next time the dead knocked on your doors, unexpectedly, without allowing you to say goodbye.

“He had told me he wouldn't die in peace until he could get it all over with. And he took it all with him. And I hated him so much for it…” Peggy sobbed, her labored breathing standing out between words. She kept looking straight ahead at the stained glass windows, the expression on her face hard and scowling despite having tears rolling down her cheeks, as if she were trying to blame something for what had happened. Her reproachful eyes fixed on the Christ.

Her wails echoed through the walls of the church, the father on the dais sending them a look of sorrow. He had offered you water, thirty minutes after everyone at Steve's wake had left, when they kept walking, and you stood there.

Another empty casket.

“Ladies,” Howard's voice reached your ears amidst all the physical and emotional numbness. You could barely notice Peggy wiping under her eyes with the pocket square that was surely part of Howard's suit, as she took breaths to get up. “We should go now.”

You heard him walk, his slow, careful steps stopping just behind you. There, on his feet with his chest tight, he rested a hand on your shoulder and gave it a squeeze in support. He knew it was the most you would allow him at a time like this, deciding not to pass up the opportunity to let you know he was there. You sighed, feeling a heaviness take over your body as you stood up.

“Yeah, let's go.”

The next few months passed in a blur. Maybe too fast, maybe too slow, you weren't sure anymore.

Peggy continued to work at the Strategic Science Reserve for a couple of years, calling you from time to time to help her with some jobs. You kept a low profile, practically a fugitive from the state, while trying to live a halfway normal life in Europe. A lot of it thanks to Howard really.

Life had become a rather monotonous routine when you stopped getting so many calls from Peggy and Howard several years later. You knew they were fine, but not being able to return to the country filled you with anguish every day. And trying to lead a normal life became too complicated when you looked in the mirror and it seemed like not a single day had passed since you were in that capsule of Dr. Erskine's with Steve.

Until Peggy called one day asking you to come back. She told you that it was safe, that there would be no state officials waiting for you at the airport, but even if that had been the situation, you wouldn't have hesitated for a second to buy the first plane ticket and fly to see them again. To Howard and Peggy, to melt into an embrace, longing for the lost years.

You had thought that contributing to the fight in World War II had earned you a ticket to at least be recognized in the military, but all you gained was the government with their mad scientists looking for you to try to recreate the Supersoldier serum. Peggy didn't want to risk you and Howard gave you no choice by giving you a plane ticket to Finland with your bags packed.

You wasted many years not being by their side, unable to keep the promise you had made them in your head to be close by to protect them, to watch over their safety.

But when you left the airport there was only Peggy, and maybe that should've told you everything.

Her hair already looked gray, the effects of gravity and time present on her face. You hated to think that you shouldn't have looked any different from the way she saw you last time when she waved you off at that same airport. Her warm gaze was the same, raising her arms with held back tears to encircle you in a big hug. She tried hard not to sob against your shoulder, you felt the choppy movement of her breath against your chest.

She looked so different and the same at the same time.

You walked to her car a moment later, her trying to carry your suitcase and you telling her you were perfectly fine carrying it on your own. Amidst a smile, she walked into the driver's door and you frowned as you saw the empty passenger seat.

“Where's Howard?” you spoke as you sat down, after stowing the huge suitcase in the trunk of the car. The way you moved to buckle up, you didn't notice the way Peggy froze in place, her hands clenching the steering wheel so tightly that her breath hitched from the effort.

“We're going to see him,” was all she said, but she was very good at hiding that something was wrong. Only for a little while.

During the trip, even though you tried to ask things about them, about what they had been doing during this time, you didn't miss the way her shoulders were tense or her eyes very alert. Something bad had happened and Peggy was trying to hide it from you.

When she pulled up in front of a church, you already knew what had happened without her answering a single one of your questions.

Howard had died.

You two had sat next to Howard's son Tony, his spitting image, in complete silence as the prayers went on. At that moment you didn't know what had happened, hoping it had been a quiet and peaceful death, because you didn't know if you would be able to endure another violent death.

Peggy gave you all the details when the mass was over, after the coffin was taken away, and you hadn't felt such fury in so many years. Not since the deaths of Bucky and Steve had that adrenaline rush of anger returned to run through your body as violently as it did at that moment, when Peggy told you that he had been murdered along with his wife. All to steal some prototypes of Dr. Erskine's serum. The damned serums with which everything had started.

This time there was a body in the coffin, but there was also a culprit. Someone to point the finger at and take it out on for years of anguish and pain.

You were at Peggy's house, staying for a few days, when she told you that wasn't all.

Peggy had a suspicion that HYDRA hadn't disappeared when Steve crashed that plane into the ice. Her suspicions generated panic in you, because Bucky and Steve had died for that, now apparently Howard, only for it all to have been for nothing. The feeling of carnage that ran through your whole head made you nauseous, years of helplessness and pain pent up in such a small body had to find its way out somehow.

“It was a man, according to the information I've been able to gather,” Peggy spoke, taking a seat across from you in the dining room of her living room, after pouring you a glass of lemonade. “He didn't die from the crash. He had a concussion. He was hit in the head. His wife died from asphyxiation.”

“Does Tony know?”

“No,” Peggy shook her head quickly, one hand over her heart as if the mere thought caused her physical pain. “It didn't even occur to me to tell him something like that.”

“And he was looking for the serum,” you recalled, a bitter feeling planted in the back of your throat, the memories of the disastrous times during the war coming back into your head like a blinding flash.

“He took them. We don't know who he is or who he works for, but whoever they are, they must have been following us for a long time to know about them.”

“You mean years,” you arched an eyebrow, your fingers touching the cool exterior of the glass seeking some reassurance.

“Possibly. That project isn't recent,” Peggy nodded, drinking her lemonade with a grimace. You stared at the liquid almost finished from her glass, a wrinkle forming between your brows with each passing second and you kept wondering why.

“But what the fuck was going through that asshole's head?” you spat angrily. Rage at already the amount of lives that serum had taken with it and at Howard's recklessness. Rage at the reaper who seemed to be following in their footsteps for some reason, rage at that damn man and whoever his damn boss was.

“It was the only option, Y/N,” Peggy turned her gaze, meeting your eyes with a strange glint.

“What do you mean?” you were almost afraid to ask, your friend's gaze suddenly turning evasive. You watched her run her fingernails over the glass of the tumbler, lost for a moment in thought. The way her shoulders slumped forward in defeat caused a pressure in your chest that made it hard to breathe. Peggy shouldn't be going through these things at this point in life.

“Howard was working with the Pentagon, as a contractor or something. They had found you. Howard felt cornered and they made him sign an agreement.”

With your incredulous look on her face, Peggy didn't dare look back at you for a few seconds. So much had happened since you had left and it seemed that you had only been told about the things you weren't going to care about so much. But if you had known that you wouldn't have cared much about giving some of the state officials their comeuppance. You would've liked Howard to trust you enough to tell you, not live in as much fear behind his back as the last few years must've been. You didn't like the way Peggy's lips curved downward, as if she, too, would've preferred to make another decision had she known this was how it was going to end.

“Howard assured them that he could recreate the serum, and told them he would as long as they left you alone.”

“Fucking asshole…” you closed your eyes, scrubbing your face with your hands. The rough skin of your hands rubbed against the delicate skin of your face, years of combat and mistreatment foreseeing a harshness that reminded you every day of what you'd had to go through to get to that moment.

“I only found out about it after it happened. I didn't see it for like a whole week,” Peggy shook her head slightly, her eyes glistening in the pain of the memories. You shook your head hard, a more violent reaction than you could have anticipated.

“That stupid… stupid asshole! What the fuck made him think I couldn't defend myself?”

“He was trying to do the right thing,” Peggy finally searched your eyes, meeting the red rims that told her you were holding back too hard breaking in front of her, only using that pain mixed with rage to keep you sane.

“And look how that turned out!”

Peggy stretched her hand across the table, with a pleading look asking you to lower your voice, averting her gaze to the hallway. You followed her gaze, for a second forgetting where you were, forgetting that her family was with you behind the doors where you were plunged into darkness. It was past midnight.

You took a second to calm yourself, trying to drown out the uncontrolled emotions and taking deep breaths to calm your fluttering heart.

“And if what you theorize is true…” you regretted the moment those words left your mouth; you didn't even want to finish the sentence.

“Do you think it is?”

“I don't want to,” you shook your head instantly, closing your eyes, the thought sounding illogical inside your head. Your hands on your chest trying to contain the storm of feelings that was making chaos inside your head. “That would mean that everything we did, everything Bucky, Steve and Howard did and sacrificed, was in vain. It will all have been in vain.”

You spent several weeks with that thought in your head, working hand in hand with Peggy, and the organization you barely knew as SHIELD, to track down the whereabouts of the killer of Tony's parents and the one responsible because the Supersoldier's serums were, surely, in the wrong hands.

And yes, it was many years of fruitless missions and dead ends, with you running every field mission and Peggy calling the shots from the New York facility. Every time you felt close to discovering something, it seemed that the enemy rejoiced in your failures and still couldn't understand how they were always three steps ahead.

However, you had to leave the missions when Peggy became ill.

The silent, lethal Alzheimer's.

During the first months in the hospital, she still recognized you. She also recognized her husband and children. But after the first year, she frowned every time her children walked through the door. After a year and a half, her husband had to remind her that they had been married for about forty years.

After two years, she was still only remembering you, Howard, Steve and Bucky. Her whole life during her time in the army was all you talked about, sometimes you would tell her how much more time had passed than she remembered and always, without fail, she would ask you how much you had done in Europe for so long by yourself.

She cried every time she remembered Howard's death. She cried every time she remembered her children. Out of her mouth came a thousand apologies that no one would accept, because there was nothing anyone could do to prevent what had to happen. You wished she had been a serum test subject instead of you.

For several years, missions to find Tony's parents killer were sporadic because you spent more time around Peggy than at the SHIELD facility. She was the only thing you had left of everything you'd ever had, of when you held the world in your hands. She was the last thing keeping you tethered to that reality, keeping madness from flooding your reason. How could you have so many years ahead of you when that was all you had to live for? A life full of the dead, full of pain and suffering. What kind of karma were you paying for?

You were leaving the SHIELD facility, after another failed mission, when Nick Fury stopped you in front of the exit. You almost rolled your eyes right under his watchful gaze, tired of having to meet him anywhere, and exhausted from his comments about this vengeance project or whatever he wanted you to be a part of.

You still didn't know how, being such an exemplary agent, Coulson had fallen into his nets.

“Miss L/N,” the man stopped you with his words, his hands behind his back and a tense stance that caught your attention.

“Fury,” you nodded in his direction, hoping he'd be quick because you were running late for your weekly visit with Peggy. “Do you need anything?”

“I'd like you to come with me somewhere,” Fury approached tentatively, his one eye fixed on your wary expression, which shifted to boredom the moment you thought you knew what he wanted.

“If this is about that project, I've told you a thousand times-”

“No,” he interrupted you, moving forward and removing his hands from behind his back. “It's not related to that. I really want you to come with me.”

“You look agitated, but I need-”

“I'll take you to see Peggy myself after this.”

You didn't like that he knew your routine, even though you weren't doing enough to hide it from the other agents. But Fury looked nervous, even though he was hiding it very well, trying to keep his cool as he looked for ways to convince you.

You figured it wouldn't be a big deal for you to go off the deep end for once. After all, Peggy never remembered you were going to see her.

You set off in Fury's armored vans, not quite sure where you were going, but sure that it was urgent, because he had taken it upon himself to let his driver know that you had to get there as soon as possible.

You took that time on the trip to come up with a new strategy for the next mission because what you were doing up to that point wasn't working and you felt too close to throwing in the towel, figuratively speaking. You could spend years following a ghost, but you wouldn't give up on finding Howard and Maria's killer.

Before the car pulled up to one of SHIELD's secret sections, they passed the giant, imposing Stark Tower. You never saw Tony again after that time at his parents' funeral, not even during his visits to Peggy because you always made it a point not to cross him. You didn't think you'd be able to look him in the eye while you knew his parents had been killed without being able to tell him. You had promised Peggy in her lucid moments that you wouldn't tell him anything until you could find the culprit. You didn't want to initiate that pain if it had to be kept repressed, as yours once was, and probably still is. You had learned, some time after the funeral, that he was living with Edwin Jarvis, and you were glad to know that he would have good companionship to keep him company in such hard times.

Fury, a handful of agents and you entered the vans through the entrance to what appeared to be the parking lot of an old warehouse. Upon entering, the first thing you noticed was the number of armed agents that seemed to be guarding the place, not at all discreet to how SHIELD used to do things. You weren't sure if Peggy would authorize something like that, but you couldn't question the Director's decisions. It wasn't your place.

“What's going on here?” you frowned, watching as every meter there was another agent and another agent. You got out of the car without waiting for an answer from Fury, moving directly toward the entrance where most of the agents were concentrated. You barely noticed their looks in contradiction, running their eyes over you and then over the man trying to catch up to you, dubious as to whether or not they should move. “Move.”

“Wait,” Fury's voice stopped the command in the agents, who turned back to look at you as you sent Fury a confused look.

“What's all this mystery, Nicholas?” the man startled almost discreetly at your tone of voice, the agents stirring uncomfortably, but kept the serene expression that was getting on your nerves. “What the fuck did you do?”

“We got a call from the Arctic.”

“From the Arctic?”

You tried to ignore the way the hairs on your neck instantly stood up, your body alerting you to something your mind still couldn't comprehend. You felt like a deer face to face with a predator, expecting the worst.

“The Colonel informed us of something that might interest us,” Fury's cryptic voice echoed in your ears, drowning out the flicker of uncertainty vibrating from your head to your toes. “They found a plane.”

You didn't even answer him. Your heart began to pound wildly, cornered, ready to have your head bitten off. The tension in your shoulders intensified, with the involuntary movement of your hands as you broke into a cold sweat. The mere implication of his words caused an emptiness in your stomach, a sense of longing and fear you hadn't felt before.

You looked at Fury, trying to find in his gaze the gleam of a lie, but there was nothing there but assurance. There was nothing but recognition and understanding in his gaze, but that didn't make the emptiness in your stomach and the tight chest go away. It didn't make the feeling of being outside your body go away.

You barely remembered to move in the direction of the door, the agents instantly moving out of your way, pushing it so hard that one of them flew out. You moved your eyes around every corner of the room, the cream-colored walls generating a great repulsion in you. And there, in the midst of all the confusion and the storm, a confused and disgruntled face looked back at you. A face you never thought you would see again.

Steve Rogers was standing a few feet away from you, barely comprehending what was happening around him and instantly recognizing you. Your chest compressed once again, the tears you held back for so many years even in your loneliness making their own way into your eyes, endangering to end that mask you wore everywhere you went.

Steve was actually there, looking back at you with his eyes shining in recognition. You didn't know if he was as surprised as you were to react or you looked so bad that he didn't know if he should approach you or not. You just knew it was him, it really was him right there in front of you. He wasn't dead. Steve wasn't dead. He was alive. Ah, he was so alive.

The broken sob that suddenly left you was loud enough to make your friend shed his stupefaction and stride over to where you were. You barely managed to cover your face, between sobs, wails and disbelief, feeling your knees give out, surrendering to the weight of the pain, when his strong arms grabbed your shoulders before you hit the floor. Preventing your fall, as you had wished so many times before.

You cried against his shoulder, when feeling him against your body you knew there was no doubt it was true. You moved your hands away from your face, wrapping them around his waist as tightly and lovingly as you hadn't hugged anyone in so long. Surely the last time you hugged someone like that was when you saw Peggy on your way back from Europe.

Steve wasn't far behind, his arms around your shoulders just as tightly, his chin against the crown of your head, moving from side to side trying to hold back the loud sobs that shook your body.

You couldn't believe it, but it was true, he was right in front of you.

Steve was alive. He had come back to your side. You didn't even want to ask why.

And there was nothing else you could think about for the rest of your life.

#stxrvel talks #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky fic #bucky x you #bucky fluff #bucky barnes angst #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky #james bucky buchanan barnes #winter soldier #the winter soldier #steve rogers

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comfortless · 21 days

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okay so. König in love or any thoughts rlly i need to crawl into your brain and live there. ;v; you have made me love him 10x more

i can’t decide on whether or not he would be very passive or very aggressive when in the pursuit of someone (let’s be honest with ourselves: there is no inbetween)!

in situations where you’re perhaps working together, it must kick in some sort of urgency. you’re toying with your gun, missing cues, a bit too flighty… as if it isn’t life or death here. his approach is certainly more aggressive, then: you have to be kept safe and away from all of the horrible filth in the world. a battlefield is no place for a princess, and the thought of you getting hurt or worse before you’re able to have a bunch of cute kids or live out on that vast expanse of land with the cozy cabin he’s promised you is horrifying for him.

you don’t get much of an option here. he isn’t retiring his weapons any time soon, but you must. he’s losing sleep, lashing out at any other operator who comes a hair too close. he’s heard rumors of women who sleep around the barracks and those men ogling you must have those things in mind for you. he wouldn’t allow that. he’s seen men come back from torture and he won’t allow that, either. a proposal is rushed, but it’s sincere. he’ll take you on all the nice dates you didn’t get to share prior when he’s on leave. just stay home, send him letters, call him often, and you’ll get the world and then some.

König is only passive when he’s out of his element. meeting an angel on earth in some rundown shop where he’s unprepared and feeling utterly naked without a knife or a big gun on his person is harrowing. he thinks back on those times from high school: the faked confessions, his first kiss only stolen away out of pity rather than love. he has no fucking idea how to approach a woman that he will likely never see again. so, he just doesn’t.

the beast at the corner of the shop flicking through packages of subpar snacks only offers a few subtle glances your way, silently praying you don’t detect the way he openly stares when your back is turned. he follows at a distance, innocuously pretending he’s also interested in the flour down the baking aisle you’re on. he can bake, sure, would happily spend hours in his lonely kitchen preparing you strudel or something more to your liking if you asked, but what’s the point of doing any of that for himself?

if, for some reason he can’t quite comprehend, you decide to approach him… batting your eyelashes and pointing up at something on the top shelf, requesting his assistance, he might try to shove back the thought that you’re only being kind because you need something. he’ll make small talk while passing you the package of semisweet chocolate chips, huff something akin to a laugh when you make a quip about how quiet this store is when it’s your favorite. the flirtations come naturally for you, saying that you wished he could give you an inch or two (as to not heckle anyone taller for help in the future), and damn his loose tongue because he’s quick to respond then. telling you he could give you nine, actually.

silly relationship thoughts…?

he definitely falls into the realm of men that send you the most cringy “couple goals” videos. you know the ones that are like “five reasons your man is not cheating!” followed by a slideshow of a home cooked meal, a soft looking bed, a photo of a couple holding hands and all giddy smiles, a nice clean home, then… a picture of a woman in some cute lacy lingerie. has the worst grin on his face when your expression sours, but he promises to scour the internet until he finds something lovely and strappy for you to wear for him.

sleepy König is a menace!! he snores. loudly. sometimes talks absolute nonsense. it’s impossible to push him away because he’s so big and it’s all dead weight when he’s knocked out. if you’re trying to wriggle out of bed because the birds are chirping outside and the sunlight is peeking at you through the curtains, his grip around you only tightens. he likes to hold your hand while you’re sleeping, too. even when his get a bit clammy. it’s cute until you desperately long for a shower and he still won’t wake up.

his significant other is the perfect comfort to him. even when things are bad: an argument or an entire ocean between you two. your voice whether infuriated or in love, the smell of your perfume or even your sweat, the feeling of your soft skin or the bite of your teeth, your taste whether from your mouth or skin, the view of you’re messy bedhead or dressed to utter perfection. all of you is a comfort. he isn’t just a lover, he’s a horribly obsessed devotee in every way. logs in some mental list what perfume you wear on what day, how you choose to dress depending on what you’re doing, mundane things like how you wring your hands after washing them or just how you position yourself when standing or sitting. every detail has its importance, and he wants to memorize everything about you for those long nights when he’s deployed and you can’t be there with him.

he knows what a meme is, yes, he isn’t that old, but his sense of humor more aligns with whatever is dark or perverse and historical jokes (those “me if i were in medieval Europe” videos might make him grin). if you’re sent one and it goes over your head, he’s happy to explain to you the time period, what role you and he might play in such a scenario, all in so much detail you wonder if he’s actually some sort of genius. only… he would casually tell you he wouldn’t mind going down on you even if you were some maiden from a time long past that hadn’t bathed in weeks.

probably likes to mark you up a bit when he knows he’ll be away for a while. bite marks on your inner thighs, a necklace of hickies on your neck and along your clavicle. it’s embarrassing, trying to explain why you’re wearing a scarf or a thick choker in the middle of the warmer months. he doesn’t do it out of fear that you’ll run off to another (though, maybe that is part of it), but ultimately so you won’t forget. not about the way he made you feel, about the little whines that left your mouth or the way you gripped at his hair, who you belong to just as much as he belongs to you.

#sorry this is all that i can conjure up at the moment!

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finelinevogue · 1 year

Text

don’t break my heart this year

summary - you break up with Harry but you live to regret the decision

warnings: self-deprecation, breakup, anxiety, family death, depression, but also fluff and a happy ending, i am one with hurt-comfort fics :)

pairing: ex-boyfriend!harry x reader

word count: +7.2k

It hadn't even been a year since you'd broken up with Harry and yet it still haunted you.

There wasn't a day that went past where you thought about how your life could've been so different if you had of stayed. If you had talked everything through with Harry. If you had been that little bit stronger. If you had given Harry a chance to explain how he felt.

Your breakup with Harry wasn't like most. Neither of you had cheated. Neither of you had fallen out of love with one another. Neither of you had stolen off the other. You had simply moved back home, to take care of your widowed mother and had lost contact with him. Your mum lived up in the top hills of Scotland, meaning the signal was dire. If you wanted to call anyone, including Harry, you'd have to drive at least 50 miles before hitting service.

It wasn't fair to keep Harry waiting days on end, just to have a five minute phone conversation with you. It wasn't fair that Harry couldn't see you because you lived so far away. He deserved so much more than you could give him. He deserved someone he could come home to each day, after work, and shower him with endless love. So you did what you believed was the most mature thing, and broke up with him. You drove all the way down to London to explain it to him in person, feeling like he deserved that much from you. He didn't take it well and neither did you. You left before he could ever really tell you how he felt, not having the courage to stay.

Since that day, you hadn't spoken to him. You knew it would hurt too much if you did.

Your mum wasn't doing well. Two years ago your dad had passed, due to heart problems, and your mum had taken it very hard. She was not in a good place, mentally, and you knew she needed someone to look after her. Being an only child made times like these hard.

Life had been hard recently, and it didn't seem like it was getting any better.

All your time was being devoted to looking after your mum that you hardly had any time for anything else. You were trying your best to study at online university whilst holding down tough hours at the local restaurant. Your average day would be 9-5 at university, but dipping in and out to help aid your mum in anyway you could. Then from 6pm until, normally, 1am you would work in the local pub. It was quite the drive from your mums house, but the money was needed.

In recent weeks it had gotten tougher. The work load from university had started to ridiculously pile up, to the point where when you finished at the restaurant you'd have to stay up until 5am just to finish off some readings or essays.

Your mum was worsening too. She no longer liked going outside by herself, because she was worried the "big, bad, world" might snatch her up just like it had you dad. You promised her she was okay, but she'd lost a lost confidence in herself and the world she lived in. Having a conversation with her was harder too - almost like you were losing her mentally.

All you could think about was how Harry was doing. Was he okay? Was he dealing with the breakup well? Or did it not really bother him at all? He was constantly on your mind, invading your every thought and you wished to have a moment away from him sometimes. Only sometimes though, as he quite honestly was the only thing holding you together at the moment.

As much as it pained for you to admit it, you truly hoped he'd found someone else - someone better. You knew the possibility of ever seeing him again, let alone being with him again, was shattered the moment you walked away from London. You'd left your heart with heart with Harry that day and you would be dammed if you gave it to anyone else. It was his to keep - even if he was unaware of its presence.

Tonight was just like any other night. Until it wasn't.

The pub owner, Patrick, your boss, had put you on an even longer shift today. It was getting closer to Christmas and the locals tend to come to the pub more often, sometimes even bringing relatives and friends from around the country. So today you didn't finish until 2am, having started at 5:30pm. It was tiring after a full day at uni.

You'd finished serving Alan and his friends their third round of beer for the evening, before getting back to cleaning up. It was getting close to closing time and you were beyond ready to go home now. Your mum would hopefully be in bed, but if not that would add an extra hour on before you could go to sleep.

Alan and co. luckily ended their night after round three, thanking you for your impeccable service as they left noisily.

The other staff members, who worked alongside you, had left ten minutes ago or so, claiming they had to be up early in the morning and so had to head off. If only you had the courage to say the same. You'd love to get off a little earlier, but it just wasn't practical.

As you were stacking chairs the front door chimes went off, signalling that you had a new customer. It wouldn't be an employee or Patrick because they'd all use the back entrance.

"Oh, i'm sorry we're closing." You explained, not looking over your shoulder to see who'd entered. You were focused on wiping down tables to rid them of alcohol stains, and flipping the chairs over to balance them off the tables so you could wipe the floor.

You didn't hear the sound of the door opening and closing again. Instead, you heard his voice.

"All this way and you wont let me even have one drink?" He teased you, making you freeze in your motions.

You turned around cautiously, prepared for anything because it could just honestly be your mind playing tricks on you. Maybe you were losing the plot, not your mum. How wrong you were, though. So, so wrong.

There he was, all warm and loveable. Nothing had changed really. He had a little bit of stubble, clearly proud that he had finally grown some facial hair. His curly locks were piled underneath his infamous Green Bay Packers beanie, the one you'd bought him on your trip to New York. His cheeks were a little rosy from the cold winters eve, explaining why he was also layered in clothes.

"Hi Harry." You warmly smiled, feeling a small red burn creep onto your cheeks now. You were nervous stood in front of him again and you didn't know why. It was just Harry, after all .

"Hello." He replied the same way he always does upon meeting someone. You felt like you had to shake his hand or something to break the awkward barrier you'd built, but you didn't.

You were so caught up in the beauty of him that you completely forgot you were being rude.

"Oh, i'm sorry. Would you like that drink?" You offered, after clearing your throat and dusting down your clothes, even though the last thing you wanted to do was make another drink this evening.

"I was only messing, love." Oh how you'd missed him calling you that. The mere sound of it again sent butterflies straight to the depths of your stomach. He made you feel like life was on an eternal rollercoaster and it was one that you'd never want to disembark.

"Well, I-I can't serve any food past—"

"In not here for food either." He shook his head softly, maintaining the comfortable distance between you two. The last thing he wanted to do was make you feel uncomfortable.

"Oh. Um, then what service do you require? Are you lost, um, because we have a phone out back that—"

"I'm not lost. I'm exactly where I need to be." Harry cut you off again, a habit you'd always found annoying but now found endearing. It was like he knew your thought process better than you did. He knew what you were going to say before even you did.

"How did you even find this place?" You asked confused. You had trouble finding this place and you grew up here, so how Harry has found it was an incomplete puzzle.

"I have my ways." He smirked his signature cheeky smile, the one which you'd fallen in love with. The one you were still in love with. You laughed and shook your dead at his idiocy but also his gentle humour. You really needed it after the past few months you'd had. The past few months that you caused. The ones that broke the perfect man standing in front of you.

"Irene?" You questioned your mothers name, not being able to think of another way he'd know your location.

"Irene, yes." Harry laughed at how quick you were. "How is she?" Harry continued, wondering if she was any better from the last time you'd spoken to him about her.

"Not good." You nodded your head and tried your hardest to smile, although it felt very unconvincing sat on your face.

Harry nodded too and you knew it was his way of silently telling you that he was sorry and that he hoped everything would get better. You were having a hard time believing him though. "And you?" He asked, stuffing his hands in his coat pockets to warm them up. He didn't understand how you were only stood there in a tshirt and cardigan, on top. Your tights and skirt were nice and toasty warm, but you were chilly up top.

"Okay, yeah, um you?" You quickly brushed past his question, not wanting to delve deep in to your feelings with him right now. Harry could tell you weren't okay though, no matter how much you told him otherwise.

He noticed the tired eyes. He noticed the stressed brain. He noticed the ever-slimming figure. He noticed the messy hair. He noticed the irritated and scratched skin on the top of your wrists. He noticed the way your hands were slightly shaking and your teeth were barely chattering. He noticed it all even when you thought he didn't. You weren't okay. He knew that much and you knew it too.

"Been better." He truthfully admitted, making you feel worse than you did before. You couldn't do right for wrong and it was slowly exhausting you.

"Mhm." Was all you could reply with, not having anything else to say because he'd heard it all before when you'd gone to London. You stacked the last few chairs and a thick blanket of awkward silence filled the air. You didn't want it to be awkward, but then again you should've thought about that before breaking up with someone you could never stop loving.

"What are here for then, Harry?" You wondered, moving behind the bar to maintain a distance between you two. You decided you'd sweep the floor tomorrow, instead of tonight, just wanting to escape from this shithole now.

"For you." He firmly put it, not sugar coating anything but just providing the honest truth.

"Oh-uh," you cleared your throat again, not sure how to continue the conversation, "any particular reason?" You stupidly asked, as if you didn't know the reason he'd travelled hundreds of miles to see you.

"Well it wasn't to come and shout at you, you'll be happy to hear." He joked, but all you could do was breathe a huge sigh of relief. You don't know whether you could take the hate today, even if you did heavily deserve it.

"Yeah, that is good to hear!" You joked along with him, but knew that wasn't the tone of what he wanted to talk about either.

"Hey? How about we get out of this dark and saddening, beer smelling, pub and go somewhere a little more fresh?" Harry offered, telling that you were desperate to get out of here and literally go anywhere but here.

"You have somewhere in mind, Mr Spontaneous?" You teased him, knowing that he will be useless in finding a good spot out here. There were plenty of good hideout spots, you just have to know where to find the best ones. You'd proudly been to them all and you used them as a place to seek the calm amongst the eternal chaos.

"Actually, I do, Miss Know-It-All." He teased back, earning a stuck out tongue on your behalf to him. He was such a little prick sometimes. "Go get your stuff and let's go."

"Okay." You bit your lip in excited anticipation. This could be either the best night in your life's history, or the worst.

Running to the locker room gave you the opportunity to let out a breath that had been wildly built up inside you, without even realising. Harry was actually here, let alone in the pub but actually in Scotland. Harry had been in contact with you mum, just so he could travel across the country to talk. God knows about what - or maybe it'll be about who he's now with. You were just so incredibly happy that he was here. For so long you'd built up this idea that it would cause a war if you ever saw him again - that he'd get angry at you - but it was nothing like it. If anything, he was being overly gentle and cautious around you - like he was afraid that he'd say the wrong thing and you'd make a run for it again.

The crew room reeked of sweat and it didn't take long for you to start feeling sick because of it. You quickly grabbed your overcoat and your bag before heading back out to the main restaurant area. Harry was sat at the bar, aimlessly tossing a beer mat between his fingers. He didn't even notice your presence he was that caught up in his own thoughts.

"You ready?" You timidly asked, internally asking yourself the same question. The answer was an indefinite no.

"If you are." He nodded and warmly smiled at you, assuring you that this was okay and it was alright to feel nervous. Hell, he certainly was.

"Okay. Let's go." He let you guide him to the door, like the gentleman he is, stopping to let you turn all the lights and machinery power off. Once you were both out of the door and in to the bitter frost, you locked the door tight shut.

"It's fucking freezing up here." Harry complained, and you knew it wouldn't be the last time he made a remark like that today.

"Tell me something I don't know." You rolled your eyes at the weather, fed up of the depressing cold. Jamaica sounded lush round about now - with all the swaying palm trees, warm sandy beaches and cooling waves of the ocean. Here, it was just hills, snow, hills, rain, hills and hills.

Harry lead you to his truck. It was one you'd never seen before so most likely had hired for the duration of time he was going to be here for. You wondered where he was staying, since there were no five-star hotels out here - only Margaret and Tony's B&B. Harry would like it there though. It sat proud next to a quaint stream and you couldn't hear a car even if you tried - it was the perfect retreat for a critically acclaimed mega-rockstar.

He opened the door for you, lending you a hand to step up since it was a large step. The feeling of his skin touching yours was a sensation that you could write novels about. A feeling that you'd so dearly missed and craved more than ever now. It didn't take long for him to enter his side of the car and start the engine up. The first thing he did was turn up the heating, noticing how your hands had been ice-cold when they touched his and how you were silently shivering. He noticed.

"It'll heat up in no time, I promise. In the mean time, here you are." He handed you the coat he'd just been wearing and it was still lusciously warm inside. It smelt just like him. It smelt of home.

"Thank you." Not even turning down his kind gesture because you were that cold.

"Trust me, still?" Harry asked you, setting the car into the right gear before looking across to you. It was painful to hear him have to ask such a question. You pulled the coat tighter over you, using it as a blanket, trying to preserve as much heat over your body as possible.

"Always."

•••••

The drive was a very peaceful one.

No commentary was made between the two of you, only the soft, mellow, tunes of Sinatra danced around the confines of the car. You could sometimes hear the passing of a nearby car or steam train, but there were no voices. Comfortable silence is so overrated - at least you for you it was uncomfortable. It was because you were terrified of saying the wrong thing as to why you didn't say anything, but also you felt like you'd said everything the last time you saw him.

Your mind drifted to London, as you closed your eyes, on that rainy Thursday eve...

I didn't think i'd be this nervous for anything in my life, but here I was.

His house looked bigger than the last time i'd seen it. The ivy growing up the walls looked powerful, as if it could tear the whole wall off if it wanted to. The pink front door assured me that I was at the right house, but I silently wished that it was a different colour because then I wouldn't have to face what I knew was to come. It was all going to be my fault though. I would most likely leave with a broken heart and the guilty conscience that I broke his too.

But this had to happen. It wasn't fair to him anymore.

I got out of the taxi, thanking him for waiting just a few more minutes whilst I collected myself and went and did what I came to do. He was very sweet and let me ride for a discounted price, obviously sensing my abundance of nerves, saying he'd wait for me to take me back to the station after this. He didn't say anything else to me, but he didn't need to.

The walk to the door, underneath the porch out of the torrential rain, felt like miles and yet it was only a few steps. My mind rushed through every possible scenario this could end up as. I looked back at the taxi man and he was smiling with encouragement at me, as if he knew exactly what was happening here.

I knocked three times - each one with the same amount of power.

The anticipation was the worst part. I wanted to scream, but also cry already.

The door swung open after 27 seconds precisely, not that i'd been counting or anything. I was so ready to start my rehearsed piece with him, but I was so blinded by his beauty that all thoughts were forgotten. He couldn't have looked better. He was standing here in checkered pyjama bottoms and a navy-blue crewneck sweatshirt, with little brown loafer slippers for comfort, and he still managed to be the most handsome man on the planet. He was so perfect.

Unlike me, Harrys thoughts were clear and his mind was only focused on one thing. Me.

I'd never seen him move so fast in my life. He closed the distance between us instantly and sealed our lips together to knock down the final boundary. His hands cupped my cheeks so desperately I wobbled back slightly from the force. His lips had never tasted so good. So sweet. The sounds of the pattering rain were long forgotten and the overwhelming senses bursting off of Harry quickly infiltrated my system. The sweet taste. The freshly-showered smell. The angelic sight. The tingling touch. The blissful sound. My senses were overwhelmed by him and I couldn't help but cry into the kiss.

He didn't want to let go, that I was sure of. Each time I tried to move back and regain air he whimpered, pulling me back as soon as I had caught some oxygen. This was our longest, most passionate, most burning kiss. In fact it was our last, most passionate, most burning kiss - little did Harry know of that.

"Where've you been, baby?" Harry asked breathlessly, between a further two kisses to my now swollen, cherry, lips.

"A-away." I struggled get out my words due to Harrys continuous kisses.

"I was so worried. So, so worried." He shakes his head not wanting to think about it anymore. I pulled away from his grasp, stepping back to create a little distance between us. I couldn't say what I wanted to say if I was too close to him. "Where are you going love?" He chuckled out, but there was a heavy tone of vulnerability underneath his words.

"Harry y-you need to listen to me, okay?" I asked, but even he knew that he didn't have a choice. All he could was nod his head, too afraid to say anything. He had a disturbing feeling like this wasn't going to be a conversation about how much I loved and missed him - no matter how true that would be.

"I-I think you already know where this is going, so i'm not going to sugar coat anything." Harry was already shaking his head at me.

"Y/N/N.. Please, no.." Harry continued to shake his head, realising you two were on the same page now and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"Harry, I - uh - shit. C'mon Y/N." I mumbled to yourself, trying to hold myself together. "I love you, Harry. I've never loved someone half as much as i've loved you, and I never will. You have my heart - all of it. I need you to know that first, because it's important to me that you understand that," I watched him nod his head, "Harry, baby, I can't be with you anymore. It's nothing you did I swear. You were and still will be the best boyfriend to ever exist, because you are the most amazing person to exist—"

"Then don't do this, angel. Please." Harry butt in, tears now flowing down his face and it made it painful for me to look at him.

"Harry stop. Okay? It's not fair on you anymore. I can't be the girlfriend you need. I can't be the one you depend on anymore because I can't be here. My mum she's.. Well it doesn't matter, but she needs me more than ever and I can't leave her. Not now,' I watch Harry sniffle and wipe his nose on his sleeve, "You deserve so much more than me. You deserve someone who will give you everything, not that you didn't have everything from me - it's just I couldn't give you all of me all the time—"

"I don't care." Harry kept repeating like a broken record. This is what i'd made him into. I stepped closer to him again, cupping his cheeks to help him focus on anything other than his dark thoughts.

"Hey. You'll be okay. You don't need me. I was just someone passing by in your life, alright?" I pressed my forehead hard against his, and he cupped my cheeks to mirror me. If I could touch him then he sure as hell was touching me. He would savour every last moment next to me, because it might just be his last.

"No, Y/N/N, you're not. You m-mean everything t-to me." Harry sobbed out.

"Okay, but now you have to let me go. For your own bright and wonderful future, Harry, you have to let me go." I instructed him.

"No, no, no." He repeated and all I could do to shut him up was give him a kiss. The final kiss. I poured as much emotion as I possibly could do into the kiss, relishing every last second I had with him. After today I would probably never see him again. I would go back and live in Scotland, where the media is non existent, and live my life without my favourite person by my side. I would go back to working in the dirty bar and slaving away to the demands of university, all the while Harry will find someone new - someone better - and start up his wonderful life with them.

He was going to do great things.

I was the one to detach my lips first this time, knowing that if I didn't stop there I would never. I gave him one final, full of love, peck before pulling away from his warm embrace.

"I'm going now." I whispered, not wanting to even hear myself say those dreaded words.

"No." Was all Harry could say back. We both had faces full of tears and hearts full of hurt, but for now I had to be strong for him.

"I love you." Were my last words, before running back to the taxi out of the storm.

The look on his face was one that I knew was going to haunt me for years. There was no escaping it. He was utterly and completely broken - and all because of me.

My impending thoughts got interrupted by a call of my name. It was a distant voice, one that I didn't understand where it was coming from. It was so loud and clear and it sounded just like Harry, only when I looked at him his lips weren't moving. I'd left him broken on his doorstop and he couldn't do anything to fix the situation at- Y/N/N!

Again the voice repeated my name. Maybe I was having a stroke?

I couldn't stop crying in the taxi. The man knew to take me to the station, no questions asked. I respected him for that. My mind spiralled down in to a pit of self destruction and loathing. Every possible cruel thing I could think of, I could relate to myself. I couldn't stop thinking about the fragile Harry i'd left on the doorstep and—

"Y/N/N!" Harrys voice was much clearer now and it was obvious that you hadn't been dreaming him calling your name. He was standing outside the passenger door and it was only then that you'd noticed that you were parked up somewhere. "You're okay, you're okay." He assured you.

"Wha- where are we?" You asked, slightly dazed from the god-awful memory that just replayed in your head. It was a nightmare that kept you up most nights - it was one of the reasons you hated sleeping. It baffled you how Harry even wanted to be near you right now after everything you'd put him through.

"Come on and i'll show you." Harry held out his hand to help you back out of the truck.

The clicking of your seatbelt signified to Harry that you were preparing to climb out of the car and follow him. It meant that you continued to trust him, and that was more than enough for Harry. You grabbed on to his hand and allowed him to hold on to you tightly, in case you fell.

"There you go. I've got you." Harry spoke quietly, like he was afraid someone nearby would hear him. There would be no one around for miles though. It looked like you were at some outlook, somewhere, but it hadn't hit you exactly where yet. You were slightly disorientated considering how dark it was and not being awake for the journey.

"Thank you." You whispered back, both of you knowing it carried a much deeper meaning than you thanking him for helping you out of a car.

He pulled out his coat that you'd had wrapped around you, knowing it was too cold for you to not be wearing a coat right now. He pulled it around you, helping you slide both your arms in, before leaning down to do the zip up for you. He did it up teasingly slow and it made you nervous for when he'd reach the top. Once he'd reached the top he was stood so close to you that you could hear his heartbeat. His breath was shaky, but not as shaky as yours. You wanted to blame it on the cold but you knew it wasn't because of that.

He looked between your sparkling eyes and your rosy lips, being so indecisive of what he would rather look at. Your lips, he could kiss them for days, but your eyes - your eyes were something else. He swore they were the most precious things in the world. You were convinced he was going to lean in and kiss you, but he proved otherwise.

"Here," he took off his beanie and helped suit it onto your head instead, making sure your hair was tucked out of your eyes as he did so, "you're like a little icicle." He chuckled, making you laugh along with him.

"Thanks, Harry." You smiled sweetly at him, blessed to have him act so kind towards you. His heart was so big, yet so fragile as if it were made of glass, and deserved to be treated with all the grace in the world, but you'd managed to tear it down to its last shards - leaving nothing but broken pieces for him to pick up. "Aren't you going to be cold?" You asked, concerned for his physical health.

He reached in to the glove compartment, before bringing out another hat - a TPWK one at that. You laughed as he placed it on his head, finding it amusing how he was repping his own merchandise.

"You think it's funny? Me, wearing me own merch?" He laughed along with you, finding the most stupid things hilarious. It was just like old times - better times.

"Well do you want your hat back?" You offered, reaching for the bobble on the top of it.

"No. I like it better on you." He winked and it made you roll your eyes.

He slammed the door shut and locked the car with his keys, before stuffing them in his pockets. He took in a big breathe, most likely taking in the crisp winter air. It was refreshing, but something that was becoming all too familiar now. You needed a change. Jamaica, maybe?

Harry reached in to the open trunk of the truck and pulled out a regular rucksack. He slipped it on to his back before he held out his hand for you. "Ready?" He asked, not going anywhere until you took a tight hold on his hand.

"Ready." You nodded, eagerly grabbing his hand - wanting to feel those tingles all over again.

•••••

The walk, to wherever the fuck you were going, was exceptionally pretty. Harry chose well.

The path was hidden deep within a forest and it creeped you out at how dark and mysterious the whole atmosphere was. You felt completely safe standing next to Harry and holding his hand. He was warm and it warmed you up too.

No words had been spoken yet, only soft hums of a tune that Harry must be working on - seeing as you'd never heard it before. It was beautiful whatever it was. The eery night was so peaceful that you felt as if you had no problems left in the world. As if you mum was mentally okay. Your dad was still here. You and Harry were still together. What a perfect world that would be, but unfortunately some people weren't supposed to lead a perfect life. You were one of the unfortunate ones.

As you reached an opening of trees you noticed the lights shining more and more. They were becoming brighter and brighter the closer you came. Then it all started coming back to you. That tree - the one you fell out of whilst playing hide and seek with your dad. That bush - the one that you'd fallen in and cut your knee on whilst on a run with your dad. That pile of logs - the ones that you'd built many a campfire with, with your dad. And finally, that outlook over the valley below - the one that you would turn up at whenever you were sad with your dad.

It made you stop dead in your tracks.

"Harry." You whispered, finding it overwhelming that he knew of this place and how special it was to you. He knew that your father had passed, but you never really explained how it made you feel. You tended to bottle up all your emotions and keep them to yourself, finding it unfair to lay all your shit on someone else who might be going through things worse than you. This was uncharted territory for you.

"It's okay." He reminded you, bringing you closer in to his side with his arm. You appreciated him a bloody lot.

"No it's not. It's not and it's all my fault." You couldn't walk any further, not knowing where this evening was going and what Harry wanted to talk to you about. The guilt was eating you alive. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, no. Don't be sorry. I don't want you to be sorry, Y/N/N, okay?" Harry made you look at him, showing him to observe the small trickle of tears rubbing down your cheeks. You wished he didn't see them, though, because you felt selfish. If anyone should be crying it was him.

"But I—"

"I know what you did, I was there. Front row and centre actually." He laughed, bopping your nose to earn a laugh out of you too.

"How c-can you stand being near m-me then?" You were confused. You mum had told you that Harry would never want to see you again - charming.

"Because I love you." Harry put it in a way that was so simple, yet one that made your heart melt and walls crumble. He was still yours even after all this time, really?

"You l-love me? Still?" You had to double check, completely lost at how he was still devoted to you after all this time. After all that you'd said and done. Of course you still loved him, that was a given, but him still loving you was a terrifyingly happy surprise. He always has had the biggest heart of gold, and he remains to live up to that title. You were so undeserving of him and his heart of gold.

"I never stopped, baby." He squished your face close to his, large hands concealing your face to keep you focused on him and only him.

"You can't mean that, Harry. Not after everything I put you through." You whispered, searching for any signs of doubt behind his eyes. There was nothing but love for all you could see though.

"Listen to me Y/N/N. The last few months have made me realise something. It's made me realise that you're too special to me to ever let you go. Even though you made my phone miss your calls and we hadn't spoke since you went away, all I could think about was you and how you were doing. You didn't look good when you came to my porch in London, and you still don't baby." Harry was being completely honest with you, needing you to understand the complex depths of both sides of this relationship.

"No, i'm okay." You tried to convince him, but lacked the evidence to justify the statement.

"When was the last time you slept for a good 8 hours?" Harry asked, keeping you close to him - afraid you may dash at any point.

"Um, well—" You tried to rack your brain for an answer, but the answer was so long ago it was long forgotten.

"When was the last time you ate a proper meal?" He asked again, this time his eyes gazing down at your body. Yes, you knew that you'd become skinner but you didn't realise it was that noticeable. Or maybe it was just because Harry always noticed the most smallest, most minute, details about you.

"It was, um—" You squeezed your eyes shut hoping something would come to mind but you knew it was pointless.

"When was the last time you gave yourself a breather? A sit down? A bit of time to yourself?" He pressed for an answer, but it was obvious by now that you didn't have an answer.

"I-I," you let out a defeated sigh, looking towards the ground in shame, "I don't know." You admitted to him, and to yourself. You know you should take care of yourself better, but it's been hard to sort it out when you're doing a million and one other jobs too.

You two stayed silent for a few moments, reflecting on the words that had been spoken this evening. Finding out that Harry was still in love with you, in the area that was filled with fond childhood memories with your dad, whilst coming to teens with your mental struggles was a lot to take in in just one night. You could only take so much and you'd be forever grateful that it was Harry by your side right now and no one else. Not even your dad could come close to the secure and warm feelings that Harry gave you.

"I'm not okay, Harry, am I?" You had to ask Harry for support in your question, not wanting to admit the truth to yourself alone.

"You're just a little broken, baby, but i'm here okay? It won't be like this forever, I promise." Harry swore it on his mums life. His hands left your cheeks and instead wrapped around your body protectively, making sure you felt the mental and physical stability of him being there for you.

"I'm so-sorry for everything, Harry." You apologised for not nearly the enough times that evening - well technically morning. If you waited long enough you could probably watch the sun rise from this side of the valley - it was something you dreamt about doing with your dad, but it was too late to fulfil that dream when the time came around.

"It's alright." Harry shushed you, allowing you to carry on with the sobs you needed to let out.

"Is it?" You questioned, still not fully convinced that it was.

"I'll be alright as long as you are alright, love." You could feel Harrys smile against the side of your head where he was resting it, making you slightly smile in return. "Just need you back."

"If you'll have me?" You offered, wanting him to be positively sure of himself.

"Always." He replied, using the same phrasing you'd done earlier this evening.

•••••

Sunrise.

You never thought it would be so beautiful and yet you were so magically lost for words. The way the sun caught its first few rays on the glistening, snowy, mountain tops was cinematic. The rays starting to warm up your icy skin was exhilarating, almost like it was feeding you life again. Oh how your dad would've loved this.

What was even more special than the sunrise was the boy that you got to spend watching it with. Wrapped under a layer of three blankets, your back against his front whilst sat perched against a thick oak tree, you got to witness a moment so singular and unique, with someone as equally unique, and you wouldn't swap it for a million pounds.

Harry had brought hot cocoa, with little pink and white marshmallows, in a thermo-flask to help keep you both warm. He'd clearly thought about this "date", you guess you could call it, with great passion. He had thought of everything. He'd brought bundles of blankets, the hot chocolate, an extra jumper for you - your favourite one of his in fact - and even a portable charger so your phone was ready to snap some shots of the waking sun.

You were positive his body was completely stiff now, most likely going to have crippling back pains for the rest of the week, but you knew he didn't care. All he cared about was you and that you were happy.

Throughout the morning, whilst you were waiting for the sun to arise, you spoke about everything and nothing. You'd learnt that Harry had been with someone a month after your broken up with him, but went in to a two week period of self loathing afterwards because she, quote, "just wasn't you". Apparently he'd almost said your name, to her, the morning after and that's when he knew it was never going to be anyone else but you. Of course your heart bled a little to hear him have moved on so quickly, but you also remember encouraging it so you couldn't really be angry.

You opened up about the grieving of your dad and the hardship that your mum had become. Although it was hard to hear, listening to Harry suggest maybe taking her to a group house for family rehabilitation, or something along those lines, it should be an option to consider. He never pressed you for an answer, but only letting you know he was here whatever you decided to do.

You apologised a lot more times and each time he shut you up with his lips. God had you missed those lips. You'd missed him more.

Harry admitted he'd developed a slight drinking problem and had had to stay at random hotel rooms, for the first couple of months, because he couldn't bare to walk around a house that was so full of you and your memories. The kitchen, where you'd prepared countless morning coffees for him. The study, where you'd read a few stories to him. The bedroom, where you'd spent many a night with him beneath the sheets loving each other until you physically could no more.

Both of you were extremely vulnerable and that's exactly how it needed to be.

To move forwards you vowed to be more open and honest with one another. Harry promised to stay with you for a while, up here, until he was comfortable that you'd be okay if he left you. You promised to never leave him again, which he was perfectly happy with. You also strictly told him that he wasn't to go near a bottle of alcohol unless you were with him, not baring the thought of having to send him into rehab for substance abuse.

The two of you had a long way to go to be perfect, but then again there was no such thing. You were just Y/N and Harry, and as long as you made each other happy, then that, in your eyes, was perfect.

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gffa · 8 months

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"Grimm" is a five-part story from Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight from 2002 and I kind of absolutely lost my mind over it because there was just so much validating everything I've always thought about these two. The premise is typical comics shenanigans, there's a Mother Grimm who is stealing street kids and abused children away to this fantastical underground carnival to let them live a whimsical life, where they're loved and cared for--which Dick falls into because he's clashing with Bruce, who is freaking out because he's worried that he's turning Dick into a mirror version of himself. The story is woven through with Alfred gently trying to push (which I've been losing my shit about here and here because this is exactly what I read comics for) both Bruce and Dick into acknowledging that they're becoming father and son--but it's clear that both of them are terrified of stepping into those roles, Bruce because he doesn't know how to raise a kid and he's afraid he's hurting more than helping, Dick because he's not sure Bruce even wants him around as Robin, much less as Dick Grayson, but you watch the way Alfred barely has to nudge them and you see them both start to lean into the idea before they get scared again and jump back into saying they're partners and friends instead. And it's so validating because it's the good stuff--Dick running away because he feels like Bruce doesn't want him, Bruce coming home to tell him that he's going to find Dick a new family because he's scared he's molding this kid into himself but he can't because Dick's already run off, but when Dick says he's going to stay with Mother Grimm, Bruce looks gut-punched like he can't actually believe Dick would leave. Meanwhile, Bruce tries to leave, but Mother Grimm secretly doses him with psychotropic drugs which send him into hallucinations about how he's dragging Dick into this violent world of his, and how he's setting him up for death, that because Bruce didn't die with his parents, now he's trying to get this kid--this kid who mirrors him in so many ways--killed instead. And it's all just so much terror at the thought of letting someone else in after their losses--Bruce because he's scared of losing more people, Dick scared because he's not sure he's wanted, and it'll take years yet for them to actually put anything into words, so instead they settle for "partners" and it might feel unsatisfying and half-assed, except honestly Dick Grayson and Alfred Pennyworth were working miracles here. There's plenty of room for other interpretations, including soft dad!Bruce who eagerly embraces the idea (and it's not too far off from this, this Bruce very clearly does want that, he's just scared and so he keeps chickening out), but this is where I live, this is why Dick Grayson is so fundamentally important to Bruce Wayne's story, that neither character is complete without the other. Bruce Wayne is a character who lost his entire world on that night he was eight years old and didn't know how to grow beyond it for so long, and how do you make a character arc like that satisfying? How do you take a character that is defined by a child's loss of his parents, that shapes everything of who he came to be, and make a satisfying conclusion?

You do it by making him a father to a child who needs him. A child who mirrors him, where they could bring out the worst in each other--and sometimes they do tend to slide into those fears getting the better of them--but instead Bruce struggles his way to being someone who openly admits that he's fallible, he makes mistakes, but he loves his kid and he is a father, that he needs to step up. I've been reading a lot of Bruce & Damian comics lately and it's been striking me how different Bruce is--he's still emotionally constipated, but he understands that he has to get in there, set boundaries, set rules, and make sure the kid knows that he's proud of them. Has to be the adult that looks past the scared kid's bravado and harsh words, to see the vulnerability underneath.

Bruce could never have done any of what he's doing with Damian currently without THIS RIGHT HERE. Without the yearning for something he doesn't know how to put into words (even when Alfred basically spells it out for him), without Dick Grayson bringing light and love into his life, without Dick being such a bright and loving child who was still scared that he wasn't wanted, so Bruce has to open up and learn to start actually saying what he means.

You don't get Bruce & Damian (or Bruce & Jason or Bruce & Tim) without Bruce & Dick first. You don't get any of that without Bruce's relationship with Dick making him put his fears into words and learning to trust his heart to this kid, step by step.

Bruce and Dick's relationship being rocky in the early days isn't a mark against how much Bruce loved that kid, but instead a sign of just how miraculous it was that Dick Grayson got him this far in the first place. Dick Grayson had to be the first, because you don't get to current day Bruce Wayne with any of his other kids without him. (Overall, this was a fairly silly comic that was very much of its era, but I thought it was a great read because it really nailed how hard it was for them to even begin to approach the idea of Bruce being a dad, he couldn't even say it at the end of all this, despite that he literally pulled the most dad move of all time by waiting in the dark for his kid to sneak back in and basically tell him he was grounded. GOD THEY ARE SO EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED AND IT'S SO DELICIOUSLY FUN.)

#lumi.txt #dc #batfam #dick grayson #bruce wayne #batman: legends of the dark knight #i wrote this post for me but you can reblog it if you want 😂#long post

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followthebluebell · 10 days

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Can I ask you, as someone else who seems to be more of a cat guy, your experiences with Truffle? I’m considering a Spoo for my next dog and am trying to get a feel for whether or not one would work for me (and my cat guy spouse). I’m mostly wondering about energy levels because someone saying “moderate energy” or “high energy” doesn’t give me a whole of expectations as to how much and how intense exercise I’d be looking at to keep the dog satisfied which is important living in an apartment with a cat. I really like the trainability of the poodle and work in grooming so even if I didn’t want to do it myself, I have trusted people to do it for me so that’s no issue. I mainly want a companion I can take on hikes and to restaurants/brewpubs on the weekends who won’t eat my other pets. Just trying to gather as much perspective as possible before jumping in :)

Honestly I think spoos are the world's most perfect dog. I'm only a little biased in this absolute concrete fact. I'm not sure I could have any other breed of dog at this point.

I think Truffle is a medium energy dog. He's fairly active; we used to go on five mile hikes three days a week, but have since petered down to 1.5-2. On days we don't hike, we usually play fetch or flirt pole for like 30 minutes.

He also loves days where he does absolutely nothing, which really highlights my next point:

I don't think energy levels are as important in a dog as a good off switch is. Even if we've done absolutely nothing, Truffle won't tear up my house or try to eat my cats. I think a lot of this is just genetic, tbh. I looked specifically for breeders who titled their dogs for obedience and agility AND raised their dogs in their home because I wanted a dog that was smart, healthy, and had a good, solid basis for home living. A few dogs in Truffle's pedigree have hunting titles as well, but there's not really much of a delineation between hunting lines and show lines in poodles.

Mental exercise plays a much bigger role than physical exercise. We train daily for around 30-40 minutes--- I think that's a bigger requirement than just physical exercise. It's definitely something he's way more into and tends to tire him out more.

He's not a super cuddly dog. He likes to be BY me, but not ON me. This is great for me because I get touched-out easily, especially by a large dog. He's just unobtrusive, which was ideal for a service dog. He's not running around trying to be everyone's friend. He's just aloof towards strangers.

TBH the biggest issue I have with standard poodles is their tendency towards pickiness about food. Truffle's on a vet prescription diet due to stone formation and it can be a fucking pain to get him to eat sometimes. I've recently found a new hack (he really loves pumpkin) but I know in my heart that it's going to lose efficacy at some point and I'll have to try something new.

Like i said, I think he's the perfect dog for me. He's happy to go out on a hike and look for cool lizards, but he's equally happy to curl up on the couch and snooze as long as he also gets to do some trick training. He's very chill with the cats and treats strangers as a curiosity rather than a compulsion. He's a lovebug without being overly cuddly and needy.

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starstruckmoony · 2 years

Text

clandestine meetings.

masterlist

pairing - remus lupin x reader

summary - just you and remus being in love, secretly though.

trope/tags - fluff, secret relationship

warnings - none

word count - 1.3k

the clock struck ten. you yawned, snuggling into remus' shoulder while his eyes were focused on a book he stole from under lily's bed. it was one of those rare nights when the three other marauders were all out and about somewhere where neither of them should be, but remus didn't allow it to occupy his thoughts. on any other occasion, he would be losing his mind trying to locate the idiots, especially if one of them happened to snatch the map. something (someone) else was on his mind, and not even the book in his hands could fully drift his focus away from you.

"i love that part, i couldn't wait for emma and mr. knightley to finally get together." you sighed dreamily. remus let his eyes trail towards you, and he hummed in response, smiling stupidly.

"remus, you're reading persuasion." his ears turned red and you burst out laughing at the way he widened his eyes. he groaned in embarrassment, covering his face with the book to hide the blush on his cheeks.

"you can't ask me to focus when you're right here next to me, you know." his voice was slightly muffled.

"are you saying i'm distracting you?" the teasing tone of your voice made him snort.

"perhaps." he said.

"alright, i shall leave you, then." you sat up on the bed, acting as if you were about to leave him and head back to your own dormitories. remus was quick to react. the book fell to the floor with a loud thud, and you snickered when he pulled you back onto the mattress and then hovered over you.

"not yet, you got here only an hour ago." remus argued playfully. "really? i feel like years have gone by." you went along with it.

"i'm that boring, huh?" he sighed.

"just a little bit." you smirked. he scoffed, and then leaned down to lock his lips with your own. you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer, if that was even possible.

you and remus were a simple couple, sort of. you didn't long for any special date nights or anything over the top. sometimes you'd read together, but really, both you could settle for simply lying in bed together, kissing, cuddling, talking about anything and everything that would come to your minds.

you loved each other, yet you never showed it in front of others. it's not like you had to keep the fact you were together hidden from everybody, no, but you both enjoyed the thought and the thrill of having such a relationship. you sometimes blamed it on the books, but secret meetings in the astronomy tower, stolen stares, hidden smiles, you loved all of it. you lived in your own little world that you two created. was it unnecessary? yes, pretty much. did you ever want it to stop? hell no.

"do you wanna dance?" remus suddenly pulled away from you, his face flushed and lips swollen. you almost laughed at how he let the words out so nonchalantly, as if you weren't sucking each other's faces off five seconds prior.

"i'd love to, but you might lose a limb." you said in jest, but in a way, you meant it. remus didn't seem to care, though. he stood up, taking your hand and pulling you along with him. you had many artists to chose from, so you started searching through all of the records stacked on top of each other.

"bee gees or abba?" you purposely picked up the two you were sure would irk remus the most. his jaw dropped, and for a moment you thought he was truly offended because you even dared to make such a proposition. you never understood what remus (or sirius for that matter) had against the said bands, but seeing him get annoyed whenever the girls (along with james) played any of their songs was awfully entertaining.

"we both know the answer to that." remus snorted, continuing his search for something good, but he wasn't so lucky as he kept picking up several ones which he found rather ridiculous one after another.

"what the hell, prongs?" remus muttered more to himself, and decided to look through the ones he was completely sure were sirius'. you laughed at the disappointed look on his face, and just then you unveiled what you were convinced was perfect for the occasion.

"love, look." you were grinning like a little child showing him the record, and you were suprised when he didn't make a face at what he was seeing.

"frank sinatra?" he spoke in amusement.

"i think you may have underestimated james." you chuckled, and remus nodded in agreement.

"do you reckon this is what him and lily dance to when no one's looking?" he quiered as he pulled the vinyl out of the paper packaging and placed it into the gramophone.

"possibly, but they definitely don't dance to bowie." you shrugged as you paced around the room, almost laughing when remus gave you an annoyed glare. "ha ha, very funny." he said in a mocking tone, returning his focus to the stylus which he needed to place on the record.

it must have been his lucky day, because music started playing immediately, unlike the few previous nights where he was practically fighting to get the old gramophone to even work.

remus switched the lights off, and when he walked over to you, you threw your arms around his neck, while his hands rested on your waist. you began swaying to the music together, deciding to let yourselves relax despite not being the best dancers. nobody was there to see you, anyway.

"fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars," remus sang quietly as you moved to the tune, "let me see what spring is like on jupiter and mars."

"look at you knowing the lyrics." remus chuckled at the teasing expression on your face.

"in other words, hold my hand. in other words, baby kiss me." you let out a huff of air as you felt heat rush to your cheeks.

"you make it feel like we're in a movie." you sighed, laughing breathlessly. "i love you." you blushed. remus pressed his forehead against yours. "i love you too."

all of it was perfect, neither of you could have asked for anything better. but perfect things somehow always come to an end, don't they?

the door suddenly burst open, and the two of you didn't even have time to separate before the damage had been done. peter stood there with his jaw dropped, as if he was trying to take everything in. james burst out laughing, losing his balance and falling to the floor. and sirius looked like he was about to start making fun of you any second.

"care to explain?" he raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms as he eyed the two of you mischievously.

you and remus exchanged horrified glances. he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, locking his eyes with all three of his friends uncertainly, "well, um, this is my girlfriend." he said and then hugged you clumsily.

"surprise?" you said in attempt to defuse the tension, snickering when you realised it did nothing. remus did too, letting his head drop onto your shoulder.

"it certainly is." sirius scoffed, walking over to his bed and casually lying down as if he didn't just interrupt a date and realise that his two good friends had been technically lying to him for about a year straight.

"hey, is that my record?" james questioned after finally coming back to his senses and standing up from the ground. he seemed a bit intrigued, "lily and i dance to this too, when no one's looking." he smiled to himself.

"not bowie?" sirius sounded disappointed, but not surprised. remus was suddenly all-ears.

"god, no." james made his way over to his own bed, and let himself fall face-down.

"told you." you smiled in victory. remus pretended to be annoyed for a moment, and then kissed the top of your head. this was not at all how he planned to tell his friends about the two of you, but it went surprisingly well (a little too well), and you couldn't wait to tell the girls about it.

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fanfoolishness · 10 months

Text

Sprouts

Greez names a plant after Cal, and takes care of it through the years. (Based on a bit of dialogue in Fallen Order where Greez tells Cal he'll name a plant Kid after him.) Fluffy until it's angsty, filled with found family feels, Greez & Cal, 1340 words. Spoilers for Jedi: Fallen Order and Jedi: Survivor.

---

Greez wasn’t joking this time.

Oh, sure, he joked about a lot of things. But when he looked at the terrarium, filled to the brim with seeds Cal had scoured from the ends of the known galaxy, he couldn’t help but get a little emotional sometimes. Everything that had been going on -- trying to find the Holocron, fighting off the Empire, defying death right and left? Yet somehow Cal had remembered to collect a few seeds, just because Greez said he liked them. It was enough to make a guy choke up.

One night he told Cal he was going to name a plant after him. He’d call it “Kid.” Cal laughed it off, with that little chuckle he used when he was afraid to really hope for something. Greez got the hint, but he ignored it anyway.

Greez debated over which plant to use. Featherfern, nah, too delicate. Cal might be skinny, but the kid was strong as anything in all the ways that mattered. Mushbloom? No, the plant was a living joke. Cal deserved something less goofy. He wrote the Dathomir plants off right away. He’d grow ‘em, but they were way too creepy for this.

He settled on the bonshyyyr, but he didn’t tell him. Cal got weird sometimes when Greez or Cere tried to do the heart-to-heart thing. He’d blush, or make some kind of deflecting joke, or even get sullen and snarky if he was really in a mood. So Greez figured he wouldn’t embarrass the kid any further by telling him the truth.

The little tree thrived, with sturdy lush growth that threatened to overtake the terrarium if Greez wasn’t diligent with his trimmers. Sometimes when Cal was out on a mission, Cere would find Greez grumbling, head half inside the terrarium, arms contorted to trim the leaves back in just the right way. She’d comment that she was glad he had a project. He’d mutter and wonder why he’d planted a tree from a planet where everything grew eighty thousand meters tall.

---

The bonshyyyr left the Mantis with him, along with a few of the other old-timer plants; the dreamwort, the kalpi, the gillypod. He knew Cal would never remember to look after them. The kid barely remembered how to look after himself, even if he’d grown a bit over the last year or two, losing the last of the pinched look to his cheeks, his face and arms exploding with freckles under dozens of alien suns.

It was rough, when they decided to split up and go their own ways. Cere was noble but resigned, talking about new opportunities to grow. He saw her wipe her eyes, though, when she thought he wasn’t looking. Merrin insisted that she needed to find herself and a purpose beyond vengeance, but she hugged him even harder than Cere had. And Cal? Greez didn’t know if he’d ever get over the way the kid’s face just… crumpled.

Greez cried with the rest of them. He gave Cal a fierce hug with every arm he had (three out of four wasn’t bad) and cried into the kid’s grimiest poncho. He didn’t care if the kid realized. His great-grandma always said there was no sense hiding what was clear as day.

He bundled up his plants and stepped down off the gangway, and the dust of a backwater world called Koboh floated up to greet him.

---

The years snuck by, and suddenly Cal was strolling into Pyloon’s Saloon like it was the most natural thing in the world.

It knocked the wind out of Greez, seeing the kid again. He’d grown more (surely he was done by now?), he’d grown a beard, and he looked like he needed a damn good dinner and a solid night’s sleep.

He hit the kid with a hug as hard as he could muster, and when they’d managed to catch up, he insisted on Cal getting some rest. Cal protested, as usual (kid was infuriating sometimes, how had he forgotten?), but within five minutes of curling up on the extra bunk in Greez’s room, he was out.

Cal wasn’t the only one who’d had a rough few years. Kid the bonshyyr had had a tough time transplanting to Koboh. Humidity was much lower here than Kashyyyk. Took a while to find a heat lamp that mimicked the one he’d had on the Mantis. Worst of all the plant had lost a whole branch, which had scared the hell out of him, but he’d done some research on the holonet and figured out it was a pest. It had been dicey for a bit there, but now the tree was doing better than ever.

He thought that maybe he should fill Cal in. Let him know he’d made good on his threat and named it after him. But he glanced up from the tree with its gleaming, tight-curled leaves and saw Cal, fast asleep but mumbling under his breath.

His heart sank. Kid might be doing fine.

Cal still wasn’t.

---

That first night back on Koboh, after they lost Cere, Greez finally told him.

“You… you named a plant after me?” Cal asked. He looked like a wreck, swollen eyes and blotchy face, covered in bruises from his fall in the desert. Greez knew he didn’t look much better.

“Yeah,” Greez said. “I don’t know if you remember, but we talked about it once. I was grateful, you know? That you brought me all those seeds for the Mantis, even with everything else going on.” He nodded over his shoulder at the bonshyyyr in his room. It stood proud and neat and sturdy, not a leaf out of place. “That’s Kid there. Looking better than ever.”

Cal tried to laugh, but the sound was too close to tears still. Ahh, they were both a mess. “Greez, you old softy.”

Greez shrugged. “What can I say? It’s made me happy, Cal. Every time I look at it, take care of it, fuss over it like Granny Pyloon used to do over me… It’s been nice. Especially when --” His voice cracked. “Especially when things are hard.” He wiped at his nose, sniffing. “Right, Kid?”

The little tree didn’t answer, but Cal managed a smile, his eyes bright. “I’m honored, Greez.” He swallowed, gazing off into the distance. “Hey. …you ever talk to Pili?”

---

Pili turned around, holding something nestled in her large, gentle hands. “I have just the thing for you, Greez.” She bowed her head. “Cal told me of your friend, and her sacrifice. I am so sorry. The Empire has taken so much.”

“I know,” said Greez heavily. “Cere was a special lady. She’d really found a home on Jedha. She might not have been a gardener, but I feel like she made that desert bloom, you know?”

“I understand,” said Pili. “Take this.” She pressed a tiny pot of burnt-orange sandy soil into his hands. “Keep it dry, and keep it cold. A harsh ultraviolet light or two, and just the rarest drop of water.”

“Thank you for this. I mean it. I know sometimes I tease Cal about his strays, but… I’m glad he met you.”

“I am glad, too.”

---

He did as she instructed. Blasted the little pot with harsh light, kept it chilly, kept it in an aridification chamber. And one day he got bold, and added just the smallest drop of water.

Greez waited. Held his breath for days, nervously checking up on the plant any chance he had. Finally one day he woke up to a tiny sprout, and he smiled for what felt like the first time in forever.

The sprout grew fast. Once a desert plant decided to grow, once it got that bit of water, it was ready. A sprout became a leaf, became two, became a stem, a bud.

Became a Jedha desert poppy. Its petals unfurled in silver-blue and violet, shimmering in the dry air, worth every bit of the work. Greez blinked back tears. It was beautiful.

“Hey there, Cere.”

#greez dritus #cal kestis #jedi: fallen order #jedi: survivor #jedi survivor #jedi survivor spoilers #jedi: survivor spoilers #jedi fallen order fanfiction #pili walde #jedi survivor fanfiction #my jedi fic

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moon-child-cypher · 10 months

Text

Chapter 1 : ON

BTS OT7 , OT7xYN , NamjoonxYN, SeokjinxYN, YoongixYN, HoseokxYN, TaehyungxYN, JiminxYN, JungkookxYN

TW: Mental illness, psychosis, depression, body dysmorphia, past bullying, casual sex, loss of relationship, violence, talk of weapons, blood

As the leader of Bangtan , Namjoon felt the weight of his responsibilities to bangtan and he had felt it worse since you left. In a way, he was happy he had to focus on the others' well being . Somedays when his responsibilities felt heavier than others, he could lose himself in Bangtan and, for a moment, it would feel like things were how they were before everything fell apart. One thing he couldnt deny was that heartbreak had been an amazing motivator. Throwing themselves into their work Bangtan had gone from a small group of friends who knew how to get things done, to a feared syndicate with complex connections and a massive income. Namjoon could sometimes convince himself that it hadnt been for you, it hadnt been so if he ever saw you again you would be so impressed that you couldnt say no to him. Couldnt say no to his brothers.

Nothing prepared him for the day you showed up in their lives again. The usually composed Namjoon was a mess with you in the same room. He had walked into the boardroom for a financial meeting, one that would help secure their place as the underground kings of Seoul, and found you right away. You were sitting amongst the attendees, as though you being there was of no major circumstance. Sitting attentively as though you could just show up and be another name in a long list of faces . Feeling his stare you , nervously met his eyes, and he felt like his heart stopped beating. It was you, really you. Yes, in five years something about you had changed , but in that moment he would have done anything for you and you knew it. He had almost forgotten the rest of Bangtans appearance until he heard them shuffling in behind him and he began to panic. He swore he fell in love with you more when your eyes softened in understanding at his sudden panic. Of course he still seemed cool and collected on the surface, but you knew better.

Yoongi had spent his life hiding his feelings, except for with you. Always cool and collected, thats what got him this far in life and Bangtan. When others were motivated by emotion, and ethics, Yoongi was cold facts and logic. You had seen through thst though. You always told him that when you looked in his eyes , you saw a deep pool of emotions that you wanted to drown in. He had showed you affection to the best of his abilities and you had seen them for what they were and on a rare occasion held him while he wept. Not wanting to talk about it, not wanting an explanation, just offering absolute understanding. He went numb after you left, it wasnt safe to feel those emotions, the world would burn and he had been having enough trouble keeping Hoseok under control. He never gave up hope that you would return , though. Worked relentlessly to build an empire with Bangtan hoping that one day when youd come back you would join them again. Everything he did was for you and Bangtan knew that, they didnt stop him because they felt the same. He wondered sometimes, if their loss of you, was the only thing they had in common anymore. Not that it mattered, since it had been working well for them. Today he was grumpy. He had been up all night going over blueprint after blueprint and was still expected to attend the meeting. Pretty useless, as all the paperwork would end up on him and Namjoons desk to go over , this meeting could have definitely been an email. He kept his eyes trained on the back on Namjoons head and followed him into the room where he would be bored to death for whatever duration it took, but Namjoon seemed eager to leave as well and he took that as a good sign. Hoseoks sudden tense on walking the room sent Yoongi immediately on alert. He has a moment to wonder to himself if Hoseok or their business partners would be a bigger threat before he locked eyes with you , and before he could fully register that it was you he felt like he was drowning.

Hoseok had in his own way taken your absence the hardest. Growing up his life had been spent in one mental hospital or another. His craving for violence , his paranoia were enough for his parents to abandon him as a ward of the state at 15, in the end he had aged out of these homes and met Namjoon, who saw a use in his unique set of skills and outlook on the world. Beginning only as Namjoons body guard , he now was in control of a small army with a special gift for violence who knew how to get things done and Hoseok had found happiness, but he found contentment when you walked into their lives. It was almost as though your presence had made all the voices go silent. As if all the voices were in absolute awe of your presence and didnt dare speak unless spoken too. You were the first one to make him feel human in his whole life. You had said that he had an adaptation to his reality, not a malfunction , and that he was still worthy of love and respect like any human. Up until you the only respect he had experienced was at the cost of his bloodlust. His fellow Bangtan members loved him, of course, but they still saw him for what the rest of the world saw and always had a trace of fear behind their eyes. Not you though.

When you had left he had seen to it that the world would burn. Every person who betrayed Bangtan, every time someone crossed his path, was paying for your absence. Part of him was punishing the world because he couldnt punish you, not that he would any ways. He was unstoppable because what could hurt more than you abandoning him, right? Nothing scarier than a man who isnt afraid of dying and more often than not Hoseok had hoped he would make one wrong move, that someone would finally stop his reign of terror, because the voices would stop . They talked about you a lot, they also talked about his Bangtan family. The voices told him that they could see right through him, and it made sense because they never made a move to stop him. He did sometimes wonder what you would think of him now. He knew youd be scared of him , of who he had become, but he would silently remind himself that he did it for YOU.

The voices had been particularly annoying today. He was itching to get on the field, do what he did best, but instead he had to attend a board meeting with Namjoon as his protection and a founding member of Bangtan. He just had to make it through this meeting and he would be left to his own devices, he expected a particularly trigger happy evening for him and his army. He walked behind Namjoon taking in every detail, every possible security threat. There was a heavier defense sytem in this building , he noted, if things went wrong Hoseok would have the chance to take out his frustrations in order for them to escape. Namjoon stopped just inside the doorway and froze, sending Hoseok into attack moden for a moment. Was Namjoon hit? Was there danger in the room? After taking a quick glance at Namjoon seing no obvious injuries, he scanned the room. That's when he locked eyes with someone and the voices stopped.

To anyone who knew anything about Bangtan, Jin was the glue that held them together. In a group of unloved boys who came together to build this life together, Jin offered a quiet understanding and a warm home. You had said that he served as such a master manipulator for Bangtan because he had an unbiased, deep understanding of people,even strangers. You can't use peoples thoughts and emotions against them unless you truly understand what motivates them, you had said. He believed you because that is what you had always offered him just that. From your small nods and warm smile after a tough mission, or taking the role as caretaker of Bangtan when he felt his exhaustion deep in his bones. He hadnt connected with anyone on any level since you left. Why bother? He was a master of being ingenuine, even attempting to open up to someone he wouldnt know what to believe what he was really feeling. But you, you understood with just a look and that's what he needed. Surprisingly his lack of his own emotion helped him even further understand others emotions. He was a blank slate and he was a projection of those around him.

That was why it was important he attended this meeting. Namjoon needed to know if they had any ulterior motives, if they were trying to trick them into losing money. What Namjoon and the others had never said is this one just one more step to giving you the life you deserved when you returned. He felt the shift as soon as they entered the room and automatically began to assess the situation and then he was looking at you as he was hit with guilt, surprise, hurt and most of all, love.

Taehyung had been dfferent his whole life. From the time he was old enough to play with the kids at the park they bullied him, knowing he wasnt quite like them so he must be weak, right? Wrong. He grew up to be devilishly handsome and with that his odd tendencies were labelled cute quirks. His past still shaped him , though. Seeing the cruelty of people, even at such a young age he recognized it was human nature. Taehyung felt emotions deeply, maybe too deeply, but it served him well as the secret keeper of Bangtan. See , anyone and everyone loves to talk, especially about themselves. All he had to do was flash a smile and lend an ear and a few careful questions and people were ready to tell him everything. It all went straight to Namjoon of course , and he mosty stuck to the shadows, only making public appearances with Bangtan when necessary. His charm never worked on you. You had told him he was beautiful , and that there was something about him that made it easy to open up to him. But you were naturally a genuine person, especially with him.

When others blew off his personality, the way he dressed, and his words, you looked at him like he was a piece of art. You once told him a day with him did more for the heart and mind than any art ever could. He had scoffed at that , because, how could any piece of art, any piece of music, any natural wonder measure up to you? Their love had been like something out of an old movie. Slow dancing to old jazz records in his room, reading to eachother poems that only conveyed a fraction of the love that they had felt for eachother.

When you had left, Taehyung had disappeared back into his shell. There's only so many side eyes and remarks one can make before it wears away at oneself. He still found himself saving songs from old vinyls and poems ripped from books for you to enjoy when you came back. Outwardly, to anyone who didnt know better, Taehyung had become cold. While in the past he used warmth, and flirting to get people to talk, he now opted for intimidation and cruelty. He had become the bully and you would have hated that for him.

He hadnt wanted to go to this meeting, even before he saw Bangtan eye his green suit up and down. He didnt need them to be picking him apart, that was his job, and his patience was low today. Walking along with his brothers he kept himself amused by humming a jazz song he had discovered on a vinyl he had found in the back of some vintage store or another. It was soft and bright, like you, but inside he felt deep and sorrowful . The sudden stop off Hoseok had him bumping into him and jumping back. He could feel Hoseok itching for combat and it was putting Taehyung at unease , he didnt want to be the target of Hoseoks rage today. Taehyng quickly looked around to see what would cause Hoseok to be so careless, who was going to be the subject of his wrath and then he saw you. Like the greatest treasure at any museum, like the grandest orchestra , there you were.

If lust had a physical embodiment, it would be Jimin. He just oozes sex to men and women alike , and knew how to use it to get what he wanted. Jimin always had a taste for the finer things in life, always wanting more. When he had met Namjoon he had already been living a gluttoous lifestyle, but Namjoon made him realize he had a talent that could be utilized for something bigger, greater. Whole empires have been brought down because of sex, and Jimin wanted to build an empire on it. While he had grown soft and affectionate towards his members over the years, others would describe his gaze as hawk-like, like a predator zooming in on ikts prey. YN had never seen that, she saw right through him. To late nights hiding under the covers, memorizing every curve and imperfection of eachothers bodies you were the first actually intimacy he had ever experience. He thought arousal had equated intimacy until you, how a single peck on the forehead could leave him powerless to you.

When you left Jimin had tried to convince himself that his long list of high profile one night stands were for work, but he eventually had to face the music and realize it was intimacy he was craving. Taehyung, as odd as he was, seemed to understand this, and would quietly hold his hand or grab his thigh affectionately under the table when he could. This didnt help, he appreciated it, but it just made him feel like he was more alone. A steady sex life had proven to be very lucrative to Bangtan, but he felt so alone.

Jimin had left a lover in his bed that morning to join the boys at a meeting. Jimin felt the need to complain, to hide his relief that he wouldnt have to see the stranger off, someone else could take care of that. As they walked in the building, immediately a group of secretaries were whispering behind their hands about him and he flashe them his most seductive style. Just like that he had them, he would have to remember their faces for when they were done with the meeting. He couldnt resist himself and flashed a smile at an especially flustered man in a three piece suit. Jimin had him right where he wanted him and it wasn too easy. Jimin strutted into the room thinking about all the possibilities with these coworkers but his steps failed him and his cockiness left him as he saw you. Then, with one quick moment of eyecontact, he knew you couldnt leave because you were all he ever needed.

Jungkook hated his smile, his bunny teeth making him look even younger than he already was, and as the youngest he didnt need to be reminded of that. You had loved his smile , which worked out well because you were the major source of it. Jungkook knew his weapons, he had turned his body into his biggest weapon with an unhealthy excercise routine but the most deadly weapon in his world was your laugh. Jungkook never had a great body image, you later suggested body dysmorphia, and you were the only one he believed ever liked his body. He couldnt look in the mirror and see what everyone else saw. That's why when you left he became obsessed with perfecting himself as a weapon. The burn and exhaustion gives him something to focus on instead of your laughter. At first the memory of your laugh was the only comfort he found, then in his mind it became mocking, telling him he was worthless. That was bad but not as bad as when he forgot what it sounded like all together. You never treated him as the baby of the group but as an equal and he almost believed it. You two were a sanctuary from the reality of thet lifestyle, laughing until your stomachs hurt and sharing memories of his hyungs and sharing the secret knowledge that all of them were secretly the most amazing generous people you knew. But now he was just the baby again, talked down on,not respected , no matter how much he worked out and built his strength.

This morning he had a moment in front of the mirror and thought of what you would think of him now, what would you think of the empty shells Bangtan had become? None of it mattered without you here, and why do they keep pretending that it did? Jungkook was the last one to enter the room. This was related to a shipment of weapons and that was his line for bangtan, but one of his hyungs could have taken care of it , he felt particularly ugly today but straightened his back, and walked in. Immediately he noticed his hyungs freeze and was alarmed by such an intense set of emotions that these usually well composed men were feeling and so he followed their gaze and there you were. He felt himself deflate, and relaxed his stance when your eyes met and couldnt help but smile the first genuine, full bunny teeth smile that he had in years.

You knew logically that they were going to be there, of course they had to be there, but nothing had prepared you for this. They had betrayed you, you shouldnt have any more emotional connection to them, you owed them nothing, but then why was this so hard? You had left Bangtan and started a new profession in a new place the honest way, but years of living with bangtan you could no longer afford your lifestyle on an honest job salary so that's how you ended up in weapons deals. You purposely didnt keep track of the boys, as they hurt too much to think about. Youre only clue of just how big and successful they had gotten recently when you had been informed about your purpose foe this meeting . Your boss had taken your hesitance as concern about getting involved with Bagtan and reassured you that your name would not be connected to them on paper but he had no idea how connected you already were to them. They would know now from the way the seven boys honed on you and were now staring at you. You had tried to blend in the crowd of seats but that had been unsuccessful. The worst part of it all is as soon as she saw them she felt the pain of being in love with these men all over again.

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idv-brainrot-go-brr · 1 year

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Weeping clown and Mike falling for a modern reader? Please i missed you!!

hmmm i love the circus gang so much you have no idea

Character(s): Acrobat, Weeping Clown

Content: modern reader hcs A/N: I am almost sure that I got this request before I went on summer break because it looked SUPER familiar. However, when I opened my requests again, my inbox was empty. So I think this was either sent in twice or was eaten by Tumblr. Either way, here it is

Mike

You’re from the future?! That’s so cool?!?

Listen, he may be traumatized as hell from having to identify a dozen burned dead bodies, losing his home and all his family, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be excited about literal time travel.

Asks you about everything. Every fucking thing. The villain arc will be temporarily delayed.

Well, once the excitement dies down somewhat you’ll still have to deal with the fact that out of the five stages of grief, this man is stuck in anger. But that’s for later to deal with

Would love to see a spring base cotton candy machine

Would love to have witnessed modern cinema

and all those crazy carnival rides nowadays? How did no one die riding those. From what you describe, everyone in the future must be crazy

He treats the reality you come from much more like a story in a fantasy book rather than an actual possibility

Not to say he doesn't believe you, he just can't quite picture it. It sounds exciting though, certainly does

He listens to you talk about your timeline like a child listening to a bedtime story. Outside of that though, he will ignore it entirely.

This occasionally leads to moments where he just does not understand that you have different views or opinions on things based on the knowledge and standards of your varying times.

This sometimes even extends to scientific discoveries, but not as often because he doesn't care for science much

He also doesn't think about what might be or could be or would be in the future. You're probably never going to leave the manor anyway, so who cares which time you'd end up in

It doesn't matter to him, because he has nothing to go back to in his, and nothing to look forward to in your timeline. He has nothing. No matter where he ends up, he'd have to start over. Start from scratch. As long as he's in the manor, with you, the two of you will at least have that.

That's not so bad, is it?

Weeping Clown

Initially very confused about the fact that you came from literally another century

He’s more hesitant with his questions, more focused on trying to understand you and the world you come from rather than be entertained by all the changes that happened.

Honestly, I could see him at some point just being over the fact that you’re from a different time. Like, once he knows all he needs to know it doesn’t matter to him much anymore. Sure, your circumstances and the ideals and standards you grew up with majorly influenced you, and helped to shape you into the magnificent, amazing human being he loves so much but that’s all that matters to him: Who you are right now.

Would definitely love to see this Youtube thing you keep going on about though. He’s very intrigued

Finds that clowns aren't exactly popular anymore so maybe it's good that he lived in the times when he lived because boy would he have lost his job fast

However, apparently, no one can just go out and buy acid anymore, so that's definitely a plus

Based on what you told him, circus 'culture' changed a lot. Not it's more about performance and tricks than wild animals and laughing at 'grotesque' humans.

He thinks it makes sense then that you are as kind as you are, the time you come from is much kinder as well.

But still, he thinks that, if one day you get out of the manor, and maybe get to leave together to witness your time, then he would feel terribly out of place. Your eyes shine whenever you excitedly talk about the advancements of the future, all the good things in your world. All those are things he wouldn't understand. Perhaps it's better then, that you are trapped here. Because at least you are trapped here together, as opposed to a future where inevitably, he'd end up left behind.

#idv x reader #identity v x reader #mike morton x reader #weeping clown x reader #idv acroat x reader #idv weeping clown x reader

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bijouxcarys · 2 months

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𝐓𝐨 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐒𝐨 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 (𝐑𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐅𝐚𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧)

Masterlist

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five

Description: Sometimes the pain of what should have never been, opens your eyes to what can be.

Tags: @celestial-dragoness @whothefuckisanja @callmethehunter @tangerine1969 @angrychicksposts @firethatgrewsolow @ourshadowstallerthanoursoul @chromations ((if you want to be added to the list, just let me know!))

Being 19 is the perfect age. Not quite young enough to be treated like a child, yet not old enough to accept complete responsibility for your mistakes. It’s the bridge between coming of age, and the gruelling prospect of a life kids are conditioned to navigate as robotic entities.

Not Robert. No, Robert’s 19th was exciting for him. Even more exciting to know he was closing in on his 20s, and then eventually his 30s, 40s, 50s… So much life ahead of him, he could hardly contain the excitement. Well, there was that, and the fact that she would be there to celebrate with him.

Somehow, he had managed to work a conversation in the direction of celebrating his birthday, naturally offering Elena and John to attend. Nothing big, he assured them, just a gathering at the house he had been staying in, along with some old school friends. He wasn’t that thrilled about it being in the centre of Birmingham, but when he learned it was somewhat closer to where Elena’s recently rented flat resided, he could overlook the concrete jungle outside his window everyday. Though, deep down, he longed for the tranquillity of nature; almost as much as he longed to be in Elena’s presence 24/7.

There had been multiple times, since he and John visited Elena at work, that Robert had made sub-par attempts at approaching her. Flirting without it being too blatant, too embarrassing, and too damaging to the dynamic the three of them had formed. If he had an ounce of control, attempts would be next to none. Robert eventually, reluctantly, accepted the fact that Elena had a hold on him, unknowingly making it next to impossible for him to keep his distance.

And there it was: the crux of it. Robert was completely fixed on this feeling. Elena was everything. Elena. Elena, Elena, Elena… Everything he did, he thought of Elena. I wonder what Elena would think of this… I bet Elena would like that… I hope Elena’s having a good day today…

The only moments he found himself void of these thoughts were those in which he could inadvertently tell her how he felt through performing, and actually being with her. Just her presence was enough to temporarily curb the craving for something a little more.

Now, here he was, a can of Carlsberg down by 7pm, as he awaited her arrival with John. Despite it being his birthday celebration, his attention was entirely devoted to the house. Making sure it would be okay enough for Elena. I may live with unkempt idiots, but I promise I’m not one of them, Elena! So many friends surrounded him, unearthed opportunities to lose himself in the joy of being 19. Yet all he cared about… was Elena.

What is she doing to me?

Robert was busying himself with unveiling a brand new Little Richard record his mum had gifted him, savouring the fresh vinyl and the glisten across the grooves the low lighting of his living room provided, when three hearty knocks against the door broke the casual murmur.

On the other side of the door, Elena and John stood patiently. Elena was trying her best not to pick away the black nail polish she’d meticulously applied earlier, wanting to maintain the appearance she’d worked hard on crafting for the evening. She rarely dressed up to go anywhere; a small bit of mascara and a nice shirt was usually the perfect ensemble for a drink or two. However, tonight inspired a nagging need to make a little more of an effort.

Flares were making a bold entry in the world of fashion, and Elena eagerly embraced the trend, revelling in the opportunity to showcase her latest wardrobe addition. Tonight, she had chosen a striking pair of orange velvet flares, their fabric hugging her curves before cascading into a classic flare silhouette past the knee. The vibrant hue added a pop of colour to her ensemble, a welcome departure from the subdued tones of her usual attire.

Selecting a shirt was a breeze for Elena, as she boasted a diverse collection of button-ups in her wardrobe. She had settled on a brown and white short-sleeved button-up adorned with an intricate swirling pattern. Tying the hem at her waist, she effortlessly accentuated the beauty of her trousers while infusing her look with a touch of casual elegance.

Her chocolate eyes sparkled with the smoky allure of meticulously applied eyeshadow, their depth accentuated by subtle artistry. Framing her face, her deep brunette hair had been carefully styled with rags into gentle waves that laid comfortably over her shoulders and down to her chest. To complete her ensemble, she’d slipped into a brown corduroy jacket and matching boots boasting a chunky heel.

“You are such a girl.”

“Shut up, I need to make sure the ‘tache is perfect.”

“Why? Who are you tryna impress?”

“Myself.”

“I’m sure you’ve got a fucking vagina…” Elena mumbled, watching John as he leaned into the door, fixing his moustache in the reflection of the frosted glass panels.

Just then, the door swung open, leaving John face-to-face with Robert, who pulled his head back in a jarring motion when he realised how close he was.

“Bloody hell, I know it’s me birthday, an’ all, but I don’t need ya to kiss me.”

“I was fixing me bloody moustache!” John groaned, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Elena laughed, bringing her hand to her mouth and leaning forward a little. Robert grinned, pushing the door open further to allow the pair in, fixing his gaze on the little brunette and her bright giggling.

“Hi,” he said softly down at her as she passed him, placing a hand on her arm as he leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek. She responded likewise, planting her own gentle peck on his bearded cheek, or at least as close to his cheek as she could reach.

“Happy birthday,” she stepped back to allow him to close the door behind him. As he thanked her, she dug into her pocket and glanced down the hallway to check John had moved into the living room, greeting some of the people he knew.

“What do you want to drink?” Robert asked, seemingly making his own way into the other room. But Elena’s hand shot to his wrist, gently stopping him. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” she looked down at her pocket, scolding her packet of cigarettes that had gotten in the way of what she was trying to retrieve. “Guess who got you something?”

“Oh, God…” he almost whined, crossing his arms, but still smiling giddily. He watched as Elena pulled out a small green box, not much bigger than the pack of Marlboros she yielded.

“I, uh… Sorry it’s not wrapped or anything…” She handed him the box. “I would’ve done that, only it took the stupid shop ages to actually get what I asked for… They only got it in today.”

Robert eyed her curiously, taking the box from her with care. “Y’know you really didn’t have to get me anything, Elena…” he told her as he gently pulled open the lid.

“Shh,” swiftly shushing him, she slipped her hands into her pockets, nervously watching as he unveiled his gift. “I just… hope you like it.” She looked down at her feet, shuffling against the carpet.

Peering up at him, she struggled to hold back a smile as she saw Robert’s mouth practically drop open at the contents of the box. He snapped his head up to her, gobsmacked.

“You didn’t.”

“I did…” she answered with a breathy laugh, the smile finally cracking through her suppression. “D’ya like it?”

“Like it?!” He looked at her like she was speaking a foreign language. “I’m never gonna take this off, luv.”

Moving with the utmost care, Robert lifted a silver Kingman ring from its protective foam, intricately adorned with carvings of archer’s arrows and snakes, all encompassing a large turquoise stone in the centre.

“It’s the, uh, the B–”

“The Black Mountain one!” His eyes lit up further, and his grin only grew wider. The moment, to him, seemed to stretch on beyond the interaction. She’d taken in so much information from the year of knowing her, clearly noting his love for Wales, and traditional jewellery. There was a slight mystical element to the ring, something that spoke of a world untouched by mortals, yet he was somehow worthy enough of wearing such an item.

She believed he was worthy enough of such an item.

“Thank you. Seriously, I love it…” he said earnestly after slipping the ring onto his right hand’s third finger. Not being able to hold himself back any further, he stepped forward and enveloped Elena in a warm hug, arms wrapping securely around her. Heart skipping a beat, he was sure she could hear it banging against his ribcage—feel it in his neck as she rested her chin on his shoulder.

Their embrace enveloped them in a cocoon of warmth, igniting a flicker of something deep within Elena’s soul. As their bodies melded together, a sense of familiarity washed over her, as if she had found a rightful place in the curve of his arms. With her eyes gently closed, she surrendered to the intoxicating sensation of his touch, losing herself in the comfort it brang.

A soft sigh escaped her lips, a whispered melody of contentment as she basked in his warmth. Her thumb brushed against the soft curls at the nape of his neck, a tender caress too gentle to will the rest of her hand to do the same.

For Robert, each moment with her was a fleeting treasure, a delicate balance between cherishing the present and fearing the uncertainty of the future, as much as he eagerly awaited it. He breathed in the scent of her hair, committing it to memory with a silent vow to carry it with him always.

But their sanctuary was shattered by the sudden crash of breaking glass from the living room, jolting them back to reality. With a sigh, Robert reluctantly broke their embrace, his gaze darting towards the source of the disturbance.

Left breathless and bewildered, Elena found herself adrift in a sea of conflicting emotions. A spark ignited within her, a stirring in the depths of her being that left her both exhilarated and unsettled. It was a feeling she couldn’t quite name, yet one that lingered in the recesses of her mind, silently begging to be explored as urgently as it faded with each soft thud of Robert’s departing steps.

Elena’s daze was fleeting. But it didn’t stop her from experiencing a similar jolt every time he looked at her throughout the night. Every time they’d be at opposite ends of the room, engaged in completely different conversations with other people, and they’d lock eyes. It happened then. When a song they knew they both enjoyed started playing through the stereo. It happened then, too. If John did something silly, it would be an instantaneous glance at one another. Yep… there it is again.

And the more alcohol they ingested, the more unavoidable it became.

By the time the party had moved over to the local pub, Robert and Elena became inseparable from one another. Virtually joined at the hip. If either one of them lagged behind, the other would wait for them to join. Even though the streets of Birmingham teemed with lively youths, adorned in vibrant colours, Robert’s attention never wavered. It was all Elena. Everyone else around them faded to a black and white hue, whilst she was doused in full technicolour.

With a watchful eye, he observed the ease in which Elena interacted with his friends—people she’d never met until that night. It didn’t take a genius to notice the charm she possessed, not only as a woman, but as a human all around. Now that she was a few pints and three shots deep into the night, her confidence was more prominent than ever.

Elena had a mischievous glint in her eyes as she clasped a sixpence between her palms, moving her hands around in a circular motion to disorientate her onlookers as they eagerly attempted to keep an eye on where the penny was. Then, with a swift and light-speed motion, she smacked her hands onto the table.

“Right, who wants to go first?” she asked with a smirk.

The row of lads in front of her, all with varying amounts of amber liquid in their pint glasses, drunkenly switched their gazes between each of her hands. Finally, Steve took the plunge, hesitantly pointing to her left hand.

“You sure?” she tested.

“Not really, no,” Steve huffed, taking a gulp from his drink.

“Steve says left… Alan?” she turned her attention to the man next to Steve, raising an inquisitive brow.

“Gunna go with Stevie boy,” he shrugged.

“Alan says left… Interesting…”

“C’mon, don’t mess with us!”

“I’m commenting on your guess, don’t get ya kegs in a twist.”

“The fuck are kegs…?” Alan mumbled as she turned to ask each lad down the line, most of them willing to throw poor Steve under the bus and go with his answer. Somebody to blame if they were wrong, really…

“Bon-Bon!” she chimed, a grin taking over her features as she rocked side to side giddily to the beat of the song playing in tandem with the pub’s lively atmosphere. I’m A Believer by The Monkees… It hit the chorus as John mulled over his decision, and the two of them instantly bopped their heads, laughing as they sang out the small key hook after the words ‘and then I saw her face.’

“Bon, come on, which hand is it under?” she coaxed him out of his musical trance through a giggle. The two of them shared an intense gaze, locking onto each other as though he was trying to read her eyes. He knew her. He could read her eyes. Easily. When sober.

“Ah fuck it, I’ll go with the left one as well.”

“Aw, you don’t want to risk the right hand, eh?” she pouted, tilting her head to the side. “Don’t be so scared of a right hand, boys, it happens to be my strongest,” she addressed the rest of them with a cheeky smile. Robert, positioned beside her throughout this whole game, stiffened as he went to take a drink, hearing her provocative jest. Eyes widening, he stifled a chuckle, rocking back on his heels.

Each of the lads let out a rambunctious “ayyy” in response, some of them clinking their drinks together. Aside from John, who instantly grimaced at his best friend’s implication. And then there was Robert, who simply stayed quiet, somewhat glad that he stood out of her eyeline as she had herself bent over the table.

“Alright, don’t get ahead of y’selves…” she snorted, shaking her head, before finally turning her head to the side, looking over her shoulder up at Robert. “Robert?” He took a step closer, drunk eyes gazing down at her. “Which hand do you want?”

The question was innocent. It was one she’d asked everyone else that stood around the table. But it was the drop in her tone, the delicate cadence. Like it was only the two of them, talking in a booth in the corner of the pub, away from the chaos. After that joke… I’ll take whichever hand you want, Elena.

However, the competitive streak in him wanted to win this little game, no matter how insignificant it may have been, and he, too, leaned forward on the table with one hand, squinting his eyes as he stared into Elena’s. With a gentle sigh, he reached out and placed his index finger on the back of her right hand, letting the light touch linger as he gave his answer.

“I’ll take your right hand…”

With a bright smile, she looked down at her hand, catching a glimpse of the ring she’d gifted him as he pulled his hand away.

“Okay… so Robert chooses the right…” She looked up at everyone. “At least one of ya ain’t afraid to take a risk.”

“Hey, I chose right, too!” Roy defended, swaying forward.

“Okay, you and Robert are the only risk takers here, it seems,” she chuckled. “Right, are we ready, lads?”

“Don’t keep us waiting, luv,” Robert encouraged.

Building the tension, Elena intentionally waited a moment before lifting her hands from the table. She crossed her arms as a majority of the group groaned, all turning to Steve to relay the blame, whilst Roy and Robert let out cheers, clanging their glasses together in celebration.

“I literally hinted at it the whole time,” Elena laughed, picking up her drink and finishing it off. The dramatic reactions from the guys amused her greatly, bouncing on her heels as she put her empty glass back on the table.

“See, some of us are just more vigilant, darlin’,” Robert laughed, before boldly holding his arm out to wrap it around Elena, pulling her into him. He gave her a small squeeze, akin to a side hug, but proceeded to keep her there. She continued to laugh, wrapping her own arm around his waist as they remained in this casual embrace.

She was more than certain she was imagining things in her drunken state when she felt the pressure of Robert’s lips pressing against the side of her head. Yet, she found herself resting her weight into him, closing herself into him as much as possible.

Sober Robert would never have made such an audacious move on Elena. But as she stood there, tucked into his side, temporarily his, he couldn’t restrain himself. Worst case scenario, she hated it, and he could blame the alcohol the day after. But she didn’t. She only held onto him tighter.

However, the feeling wasn’t satiated. Her hair, as perfect as it was, wasn’t enough to satisfy the need to be near her. So, after a brief moment of contemplation, Robert lowered his head to plant a kiss on her cheek.

He wasn’t expecting Elena to move her head at the last minute, his lips landing at the very corner of her mouth.

“Shit, sorry,” he immediately apologised, pulling his head all the way back. “Meant to…” he gestured to his own face. “Cheek…”

The spot blessed with Roberts lips tingled, as if he’d unloaded some of his energy onto her with the swift, accidental, action. Elena looked up at him in slight shock, her eyebrows raised. Thankfully for Robert, she just shook her head and laughed it off.

“You’re alright, it’s fine…” she reassured, letting her own eyes dance around his flushed features. “Do you want another drink?”

Stop talking like that, Elena, I’m on the verge of crossing a boundary here…

Still somewhat embarrassed by his sloppy approach, he nodded. “Yeah…” He placed his empty glass on the table beside Elena’s, reaching for his pocket.

“No, no,” Elena stopped him, grabbing his wrist. “I’ll get it…” Noticing the unconvinced expression on his face, she continued. “It’s your birthday, Robert, I’m buying your drinks tonight.” No shift. With a small huff, she stepped closer to him and clumsily took his face in her hands, his coarse beard scratchy yet heavenly under her palms. “Seriously…” Upon his reluctant nod, she smiled gently. “Another Carlsberg?” she asked in a whisper. He nodded again. “‘Kay…” Dropping her hands, she gave him a small wink as she passed him, heading to the bar.

Robert let out a long exhale, closing his eyes briefly. He ran his hand through his hair, silently begging his heart to slow down. John’s voice calling him over for him to take a look at Alan’s work-induced scar on his hand brought him down just enough to get through the rest of the night. Fuckin’ Elena…

At the bar, Elena tapped her nails idly along the surface, watching as the bartender darted back and forth. She had jammed herself between the hoards of people waiting to be served. Patient. Be patient, Elena. After a while, she found herself getting agitated, and it became clear that her attempts at getting the barman’s attention were all in vain. I’m gonna have to wait here until everyone else pisses off… Ugh…

“Uh, ‘scuse me, mate, this lady’s been waiting here for a while.”

Lifting her head from her hands, she met the most strikingly green eyes she’d ever seen. She looked over at the bartender as he approached her with an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, love, we’re a bit chock-a-block tonight. What can I get for you?”

“Uh,” she glanced to the side. “Two pints of Carlsberg, please.”

As the barman turned to fulfil her order, Elena turned to look at the man next to her. He was sipping on a bottle of Double Diamond, gazing up at the vintage artwork behind the bar. “Um, thanks.”

He turned his head to look down at her mid-swallow, and shot her a charming smile. “No worries. Started to get a bit restless there, didn’t ya?” He nodded down at her feet that had now calmed from the relentless tapping.

“Yeah,” she breathed with a shake of her head. “Guess that’s what you get for being smaller than a man.”

“Yer not from around here, are ya?”

“No, uh, I’m from up North. Just outside of Manchester.”

“Ah, Manchester!” He nodded slowly, his smile growing. There was a silence as he took another sip from his bottle. “So, are you at university or somethin’?”

“No, no, I’ve lived here since I was, like, 4-years-old. Moved down to Redditch, and I’ve recently just got me own flat in the city.”

“Independent woman, then, eh?”

She snorted. “Not much choice for an 18-year-old other than to spend thousands on uni or go to work.”

“And you chose the work option, I assume?”

“You’d be assuming correctly, yeah,” she nodded with a smile. “Me friend owns a pub, so it wasn’t that hard to find a job.” She shrugged, standing upright as the bartender placed her two pints in front of her.

“That’ll be thirty pence then, love.”

Elena went for her pocket, but was stopped swiftly by the mystery man next to her. “Let me.”

“No,” she rejected politely, looking back over at where she had left Robert and the lads. “It’s my treat for my friend’s birthday.”

“Fair enough…” he watched her as she paid for the drinks. “Well,” he turned his body to face her properly. “If you won’t let me buy you a drink or two tonight, perhaps you could give me the honour of buying you one another night?”

Elena simply stared at the man, trying to pick apart his brain and search for any hint of deception. Nobody had ever been so straight with her before… It was alluring. A nice change of pace. What could go wrong? Just say yes.

“Alright,” she accepted with a confident nod. “I don’t see why not.” Biting her lip, she watched as he grabbed one of the pub’s feedback cards along with the pencil next to it, quickly jotting down his number and his name.

“Just call me when you get the time,” he handed it to her, but didn’t let it go until he added, “I’ll hold you to that… Sorry, I never got your name?”

“Elena,” she responded softly, looking down at the card once he’d released it. “I’ll make sure to give you a call.” Another glance down at it. “David Henning.” A shy smirk played upon her lips as she folded the card in half and slipped it into her pocket. “Uh, see you around.”

With that, she grabbed the two cold pints, heading back over to where Robert awaited her presence, once again.

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ash5monster01 · 11 months

Text

Lessons of You Part 5

Pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x FemReader

Warnings: fluff, mentions of depression, future smut, broken reader, 18+

Summary: Blake Parker was used to running. When life got hard, she’d run. The idea of sticking around to end up broken was scarier then she’d like to admit. So she hid away, cut all ties, and lived contently on her own. She was done running because no one could find her there. That is until a Navy Pilot runs into her life, and she learns allowing yourself to love can be scary, but hiding from it can be even worse.

word count: 2,578

Intro, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Final

Masterlist

It would be a lie if Blake said she didn't enjoy the feeling of having another person in the house for once. She hadn't realized how lonely loneliness had become. Just sitting tucked under Bradley’s arm while she read was enough comfort for a lifetime. She figured she could stay like that for ever if she allowed herself. Then the thought that she had been relying on her books for the human connection she had been lacking sent shivers down her spine. She loved reading for the fact she was able to escape her world and go to a new one, but maybe she had been relying on it to heavily for everything else too. Bradley felt her shiver and tucked her closer to his side, never removing his gaze from the TV where he was watching sports highlights. After that Blake tucked away her book and focused on Bradley for the rest of the night, finally not so afraid to be present in her own reality.

Bradley had watched Blake read in his arms. He was surprised to see how quickly she would move through the book, glancing at her to see she was already a few pages away from the one she had previously read. At one point he watched the clock for a minute and when he turned back realized she was almost putting away five pages a minute. He wondered if she mastered that skill from work, or from years of reading. Yet before he could ask she had set the book down and had turned to face him, clearing any thoughts he previously had.

The next morning Blake woke up with the sun, smiling when she saw the shirtless boy in bed beside her. She tried to remember for a moment the last time she slept next to someone, enjoyed the feeling of being safe in someones arms, and being taken care of. If she wasn't careful she could get used to it. So she made her way downstairs, brewed a pot of coffee, and sat at the piano in her rental home. It wasn't often she sat there, it reminded her of home and piano lessons with her cousins as a kid, but sometimes it was nice to play. To bask in the feeling of memory, knowing she could still play a tune despite a lack of practice. It reminded her some things don't change no matter how hard you try. It's a comforting thought when things change that you didn't want too.

So Bradley woke to the soft tune of the piano in her home. Her bedroom was just as empty as the rest of the house yet still carried a comfort. It wasn't until he slept next to her last night that he realized that the comfort was her. Her presence gave off the vibes of a warm hug, it reminded him of his mother. He wondered how anyone could draw a girl with that kind of presence away. Feelng loved and cared for was one of the best feelings in the world. Blake was the feeling all wrapped up into a beautiful package. For the first time since starting this mission he felt a twinge of regret in his stomach. Before there was nothing holding him back from flying, feeling the adrenaline rush from the high speeds, but now he could die. And he would just be another person in her life that she lost. Having this feeling almost made him want to back out of the mission all together.

Then it occured to him. Maybe this is what Maverick had felt when he pulled his papers. That feeling of knowing at any second you could lose something important to you. Especially since he had already lost that person once. All Maverick had left of Goose was Bradley. So for the first time he looked at it that way. Bradley had lost his Mom and Dad but but Maverick did too. He had also just lost Ice. So now they were both living a life without a family when they could have each other. He had been lecturing Blake, making it seem like if he had the choice like she did, he would never pick the choice to stay alone, but here he was doing exactly that this entire time. If he wanted to help Blake move on from this and find comfort in those around her he had to do the same. So after this weekend, he was going to fix the last broken reationship in his life, esecially if he was chosen and there was a chance he didn’t come back from it.

"Hey, you're awake" Blake stopped playing, smiling up at the boy who was leaned against the hallway watching her play.

"I didn't know you played piano" he spoke, walking towards her where she was still sat with her oversize sleep shirt on.

"Only a little, my Grandma played for our church and she made all of us kids learn when we were younger" this was the first time Blake mentioned her family without wearing a guilty face and Bradley realized they were both making progress through each other. Bradley sat down beside her, a warm smile on his face.

"My Dad used to play, if I focus really hard I can still remember what he looked like when he was playing" then suddenly Bradley was playing the keys, widening Blakes eyes in the process. He played a soft melody, the kind that felt almost recognizable even though he was making it up on the spot.

"You play too?" she grinned at him and he chuckled as he dropped his hands from the keys and wrapped them around the girl beside him.

"It's one of my favorite things to do, right after kissing you" Blake giggled at his attempt of flirting before he cut it off with his lips against hers, he took a deep breath against her mouth like her kiss had revived him somehow. Blake kissed back, waking up knowing she was going to allow herself to fully immerse into this feeling even if she only had it for the weekend.

"Youre right about me needing to take my own advice. Monday I'm going to try and fix things with my Uncle" he told her, happy to report that she was able to allow him to open his eyes and see the kind of harm he was doing to himself. He only wished Maverick was the one still training them for the mission. "But me coming to that realization made me think about how you needed to do the same"

"I know, I just can't quite figure out what to say" Blake sighed, knowing the thought had been weighing her down since he first brought it up. She had the cousins groupchat muted for almost two years now, how could she just randomly pop in there and ask how things were?

"There isn't going to be anything good to say, it’s just a bandaid you have to rip off" he told her and she nodded as she pulled her phone out. Bradley saw that almost every message in her inbox had the mute symbol next to it, and many missed texts. He hadn't realized how shut off from the world she really made herself. Then he watched as she clicked on a group called 'cousins' and unmuted it before typing out a text.

Blake

Been thinking about you guys,

hope all is well, miss you <3

Blake clicked off her phone quickly, and Bradley realized why as soon as it started dinging off the chain. Texts flooded in like a rainstorm. Blake gave a sheepish smile as she realized how quickly she got attention. Maybe she had never admitted it to herself but she probably left just to see if anyone would notice. And based off the texts rolling in on her phone it proved that they had noticed and probably missed her too. The feeling of being wanted, missed, noticed, swelled in her chest and before she knew it she had tears flooding in her eyes. "Guess you were right too"

"I knew there was no possible way someone as amazing as you could go unwanted. What are they saying?" Blake blushed deeply as she clicked on the screen. Bradley felt full of pride as he saw her whole screen was filled with messages from long lost family members. He was proud he was able to help her find them agan.

Blake, you're alive!

You have no idea what getting

this message means to us

I've missed you so much

All we ever do is think of you

Where are you, we miss you

I'm so glad you're safe

Blake what're you doing these days,

I hate not knowing what my favorite

cousin is up too

wOAH, I thught I was the favorite

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

My sweet Blake is back

Come home already!!!!!

I've almost forgotten what you've

looked like, let us see you

We love you more than anything

"I'm impressed little B" Bradley said nudging the girl into his side. She smiled, allowing the tears to flow over as she looked at all the sweet messages from the most important people in the world to her. The attention and love was overwhelming and for the first time in a long time she truly believed her Mom was telling the truth when everyone said they had been missing her.

Blake

I'm in San Diego, I live on the beach!

I get to read every day, and my rental

has a piano. I spend the majority of my

time reading, working, and spending

time with Bradley. I miss you all so much

"Already telling the family about me" Bradley teased and Blake hid her face in his neck from embarassment.

"You're kinda my only friend, I don't want them to know how lonely I truly am" Bradley understood what she had meant. Making a comeback after a long time included baby steps.

"Are you going to go and see them?” Bradley asked, knowing nothing was stopping her. She sighed as she shook her head with a smile, bigger than he had ever saw on her face.

"I dont know, maybe. I'll probably wait till after this mission though. Just to make sure you are safe" Bradley’s heart swelled and before Blake could look and see the responses to her new text the boy had her scooped up onto his lap and kissed her like his whole life depended on it. Blake happily kissed back, basking in the feeling of being apart of someones life, not just his, but her families. Bradley loved that he got to kiss her at the piano. Blake giggled against his mouth as he bumped her into the keys and the sound filled the apartment. Until then he had only ever wanted to associate playing the piano with his Dad but in this moment he realized he wouldn’t mind keeping this memory associated with it forever too. Blake was something special and he knew it the minute he landed on eyes on her.

"I figured we could spend the day at the beach today?" Blake told him once they broke apart for air. Bradley smiled as she pushed her hair out of her face.

"I would love that" he told her and Blake smiled before scurrying off his lap and going to get her bathing suit. Bradley laughed and was thankful he had kept extra trunks in his Bronco. Getting ready himself it wasn't long until they were descending the porch down to the water, the same way Bradley had first entered her home. He held his hand tightly in hers as they lugged all the stuff they would need for the perfect beach day. Once they got down to the water Blake applied sunscreen to Bradley’s shoulders and he happily did the same back to her before they sat and absorbed the sunlight. Blake scoled him about not swimming right away so the sunscreen could set but he didnt mind too much considering he got a great view of her in her bikini while she continued to read the book she was last night.

"Is that book for work?” he asked and she looked over at him, the sunglasses on her nose slipping slightly.

"No, this one is just for fun but I might still write a review for it" she told him and he nodded as he thought about how much reading the girl had done. He hadn't willingly read for fun since maybe middle school. All the reading he did was for work or flight school.

"How did you get into writing reviews for books?" he asked curious as to how she could’ve landed a gig like that.

"I read so much growing up, I would go through books faster than anyone I knew and I never had anyone to talk to them about. So I started posting online about my thoughts on the books, and suddenly people were responding and buying books under my recommendation. Once that blew up I had multiple publishing companies reach out to me looking to hire so I could promote the books they were publishing" Bradley wasn't surprised to hear this reading thing was a lifelong habit of hers. It actually made sense, and he could picture younger Blake devouring book after book.

"That’s actually really awesome Blake" he told her, happy for her knowing she was able to make a job for herself out of somethng she enjoyed. Not many people were lucky enough to do that.

"What abot you Mr. Navy Pilot. How did that happen?" Blake asked, now ignoring her book once again. Bradley realized it was his turn to get deep.

"My Dad was a Navy Pilot, him and my Uncle Maverick flew together. After he passed I kinda just wanted to fulfill his legacy. I always admired how cool it was for them to be flying up there when I was a kid” Bradley explained as he turned away from her. He didn’t like talking about the things he lost but if he didn’t they would only exist in his memory.

“Is that how he died? Flying?” Blake pushed and Bradley sighed as he looked out at the shore line. The exact ocean his father was last in.

“Yeah, plane was going down, he released his chute, and hit his head on the canopy. Broke his neck before he even made it down. My Uncle was stuck out there, holding on to him until rescue came” Bradley tried not to get choked up, thinking about how so many things could have gone differently that day. How he might still have a Dad if they did.

“This mission you’re going on, it’s dangerous?” Bradley nodded, not wanting to explain how there was a high chance he wouldn’t come back from it.

“This weekend, you have off because there’s a chance you don’t come back?” Bradley nodded again and Blake felt her heart drop. How could she meet someone who has fixed her in so many ways and there’s a chance she could lose him entirely?

“I don’t even know if I was picked yet, so we don’t worry until we have too” Blake nodded but she felt the tears burn at the back of her eyes. She was thankful for the sunglasses on her face.

“Deal, let’s just enjoy the weekend”

Tag list: @emma8895eb

Comment if you want to be added to the tag list :))

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cannibalcreeps · 7 months

Note

Loveliest Creeps can i get uhhh Three-finger realising he's caught the dreaded Feelings™ for the reader and how you think he might go about making his interest known to them?

yknow I'mma make a new story with these boys and reader >w> ---------- You had been working for the old man for about 5 months in now, Three-Fingers had noticed, working at that shitty little gas station him and his two brothers would sometimes go to so they could fill up the ol' truck, after all their old man never stopped them. The first time the brothers spotted you was when you bolted inside the store of the gas station with Maynard, while Saw-Tooth filled up the truck. Both Three-Fingers and One-Eye tried to find ways in, tapping at the windows and doors, cackling at you and the old man. You on the other hand, were shitting bricks with the old man, confused and wild eyed. Yes Maynard had warned you, he sure as hell warned you that there were three giant ass men that came and stole his shit and to never call the police, never tell anyone because you would be in a world of hurt. You were so unsure about taking this extra hand job but no other place would pay a good wage or give you proper days off, with Maynard he gave you both Tuesday and Friday afternoons off once 1pm hit and the weekend off, along with a surprisingly decent paycheck, though under the table, and to take whatever from the store for lunch as long as it was under $10 which you thought fair. How this man was paying you $300 a week was a mystery on its own, but you thought having to just hide every 3rd week from some scary men was worth it, even if sketchy. Seeing them though, holy shit you almost passed out, they were huge and deformed, looking like killer slashers from horror movies. Them banging at the windows didn't help, but the old man just ushered you to keep it quiet. After the five months though, you were practically scrolling through tiktok or instagram as you stayed locked inside while the three men raided the place from outside, you didn't even hide yourself despite the old man's protest but really it was only the two smaller ones who did all the stupid faces outside the windows while the largest just filled up the truck with the most brain dead look on his face. The scrawny pointy nose ferret one though, always stared at you as he made his faces and mocking threats, you ended up actually giving him a dirty look once and stuck out your tongue which surprised and amused the grimy man. Ever since you did that, Three-Fingers couldn't stop thinking bout you for weeks, to the point he was daydreaming and getting on his brothers nerves with how distracted he was. Any time they came past, he wanted them to stop even if they didn't need too, getting a bit mean towards One-Eye by chasing him off if he got too close to any window you were by. He wanted to catch you outside just once, he had no idea what he would do but he'd make sure his brothers didn't lay a finger on you, like a spoilt child not wanting to share a toy. These thought were really hitting him though, was he actually catching feelings or was it just a weird obsession. His two brothers were catching on, they weren't stupid and knew when a sibling was catching some sort of feelings towards victims, though they didn't mind as long as it didn't affect their lively hood. Really you had better hope he never got you when you weren't inside that damn station, sure he could just smash his way in but where was the fun in that, also his old man would probably lose his shit, as much as Maynard was a nuisance he still was their dad. But what the boys didn't know, even if they tried to camp out the place, was that Maynard was picking you up from a bit up the road so as to make sure the three idiots didn't just try and grab you when driving up. Either way, that man was going to find a way to get to you and you will eventually learn about his intentions and feelings towards you very fast with how aggressively handsy that man could be. Most likely he was going to end up catching you and the old stinker slacking and just kidnap you, but for now he made kissy faces and bared his teeth at you through the cracks in the windows.

#i'm'ma just say that Maynard pays through the money he takes from his kids victims and he's actually sitting on a shit ton of money #au! Maynard is actually rich but just doesn't give a shit bout money cause his cannibal kids sure don't #hope you enjoyed this one my friend UwU #wrong turn ask #wrong turn answer

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ladey · 3 months

Text

When I Brush Your Hair | Chapter 4

Jinx x Fem!Reader 🌙🦋🎀

Word count: 2.4k

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

"Vander learns none of this."

"No worries there. Powder took care of the evidence." Mylo replies making Y/n silently glare and flip him off.

"I tried, okay? You don't get it. You're older, you're bigger. It- it isn't fair!" Powder tries to defend herself, throwing her arms around as she grows frustrated.

"So stick with us. Take a punch or two!" Mylo retorts, slumping back into the couch when at the same time the door creaks open.

"Everyone alright?" Vander's voice is heard, making everyone scramble to pretend like nothing happened.

"Never better." Mylo huffs out. Way to make it obvious. Vander walks around the room and behind the couch the two younger girls are sitting on. They avoid looking his way, practically hiding their faces in their knees.

"Good. I don't suppose you can explain why it is that I'm hearing about an explosion and a foot chase topside? Five children fleeing the scene." He inquires. No one says a word.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Y/n just knew it. How he figured out it was them, she didn't know. But she knows that she's mad at whoever snitched.

"That we can handle a real job." Vi's voice cuts through her thoughts, making her turn her head to watch.

"A real job?"

"We got our own tip, planned a route, nobody even saw."

"You blew up a building."

"That wasn't—"

"Did you even stop to think about what could've happened to you? Eh? To them?" Vander motions to the others, who immediately look away to avoid eye contact.

"Where did you even get this tip?" He then asks. It's silent before Powder lifts her head and speaks up.

"We just heard it at Benzo's shop."

"From?" He glowers.

"Little man." Powder grimaces, and Vander has to look away and groan. But Vi quickly stands up, quick to defend.

"I took us there. If you wanna be mad, be mad at me. But you're the one who always says we have to earn our place in this world." Her voice is raised, getting caught in her feelings. Y/n feels overwhelmed and the space between her eyebrows get hot. She wishes she could say something to help, but...

"I also told you time and time again, the Northside's off-limits. We stay out of Piltover's business."

"Why? They've got plenty while we're down here scraping together coins. When did you get so comfortable living in someone else's shadow?" The room is deathly quiet as Vi and Vander have a stare-off. Y/n and Powder share an awkward glance.

"Everyone out." Vander says sounding oddly calm. Everyone very awkwardly stands up and exits the room. Y/N takes one last peak before the door is closed. Her and Powder exchange concerned looks, but decide to leave even though she wants to try listening with that object Mylo is holding up to the door.

Powder goes out back to fetch a few things while Y/n goes up to the bar area. She hasn't spoken to her cousin in a while and she wonders what she's been up to. She kind of scares her sometimes but she feels very fond of her at the same time and can't help but give her a nice warm hug whenever she says goodbye. Even if it's not always fully reciprocated.

Advancing up the stairs Y/n wanders around a bit until her eyes land on a familiar muscular figure hunched over a table with a couple other scary looking individuals. Her smile widens and she makes her way over.

As she approaches, the scent of her cigar grows strong. She waves her hand to rid of the smoke in her face, and when it clears she's face to face with Sevika.

"Hi cuzo, what's cracka-lackin?" Y/n cheers. The woman just looks at her almost nonplussed. She knows that she annoys her, especially when she's with her friends.

"Hey, kid." Sevika huffs. Y/n looks down at the table and recognizes the poker game Sevika must've been in the middle of playing.

"Having fun losing your money?" Sevika's eyes widen and the others sitting around the table are heard snickering. Y/n appears indifferent however; she was being genuinely serious.

"You're funny, kid. What do you want?" Sevika brushes it off, trying to make this quick so the little girl would just leave her alone. Y/n holds her hands behind her back and bounces on the balls of her feet.

"Nothing. Just wanna know what you've been up to." She responds sweetly.

"Not much." Sevika says shortly. She's lying, but her little cousin didn't need to know that. She opens her mouth to dismiss her but the girl beats her to it.

"Aw, that's boring. You'll never believe what happened today, though. Me and Powder went out with Vi and the others, and a building blew up. It was so scary. And then we got chased for hours. I thought I was for sure gonna die, especially when I almost fell off a roof." The young girl rambles, the whole time playing with the gold coins scattered around the table. The others just listen and watch utterly jaw-slacked.

"Uhuh.." Is all Sevika can give as a response.

"Yeahh, hahah.. I probably shouldn't have said all of that.." Y/n trails off and frowns feeling embarrassed. Then she catches Powder's blue hair not too far the stairs.

"I'll talk to you later, cuzo. Bye!" She gives Sevika a hug, pulling away before before she can even reciprocate it, and happily waves before bouncing over to her friend. The woman is left staggered.

Y/n quickly takes notice of Powder's slumped shoulders and sad face looking around the room. The taller girl turns her head and meets her eyes when she notices her now standing in front of her.

"Hey! ...You alright?" Y/n asks, placing a hand on Powder's shoulder. The girl's eyes look to the side and she shrugs.

"Yeah, I'm okay." She answers.

Usually Powder shares everything with Y/n, positive and the negative. So for her to not tell her what's going on when something is visibly bothering her both shocks and hurts her a little bit. Her hand squeezes her shoulder a little bit before letting it drop.

"Alrighty.." Y/n responds, pausing for a moment. Powder opens her mouth to say something but Y/n doesn't notice and beats her to it.

"Well I have to go since it's super late." This makes Powders eyebrows raise and look a little disappointed. She slowly nods her head.

"My dad will let me stay with you tomorrow though. And if not I'll just run away." The shorter girl laughs. She pats her friend's head with a parting smile and skips away.

Powder watches her exit the bar, wishing she could've stayed just a little bit longer.

It's the next day, and earlier Y/n's dad escorted her to The Last Drop. Beck knew of the possible dangers associated with her, and didn't want to risk anything. But he was also aware that she would rather be with the other four more than anything during this time. And after him and Vander had a long discussion about their fiasco in topside, he thought it would be best if she too stayed in a safer area with the rest of them.

"Remind me again why we bother with this dump." Mylo asks while picking his nose and flicking a boogie off to land on a wall.

"Vander said to lay low. Enforcers never come down here, so this is as good a place as any." Vi responds as she pants, having just finished a round of using their punching machine that has been there for what feels like decades.

"Oh, what's the matter Mylo? You worried Powder's gonna beat you again?" Claggor teases from across the room. He leans back carefree against a wall, a smirk growing as he watches Mylo's face turn into a scowl.

"Hey, if she didn't keep fixing these things, I wouldn't keep missing." One second after he says that, Powder pops up from behind the counter and connects two wires. The shooting range turns on with a buzz of bright lights.

Her evil smile grows once she hops over the counter and Mylo attempts to hit the targets, and then Y/n looks over to watch too. Boy was he godawful.

"Geez, are you even trying?" Y/n taunts dangling off the railings surrounding Vi's machine.

"Shut up."

"You guys know I wouldn't take you on a job you couldn't handle, right?" Vi asks sounding a little perturbed. Mylo is quick to answer.

"Are you kidding? That was the best job we're ever done! Maybe just don't take Powder and Y/n next time." He says, making Y/n slide off the bars and Powder roll her eyes before taking her aim at the moving targets.

Y/n doesn't see this too often, but when she does she nearly falls to her knees. She's fairly good with a gun and has her own dexterities and what have you, but Powder is without a doubt better than her. It makes her wish she could display her own abilities more often without a skill issue.

And without a problem, Powder hits every target square on, impressing anyone who sees. When it's over she places the fake gun back down on the counter and sneers at Mylo.

"Dang Powder, you're op!" Y/n chuckles and pats her shoulder as they walk over to an arcade game randomly sitting in a corner.

The shorter girl leans her side against the arcade game as she watches Powder play with a dreamy expression, still admiring her. It doesn't last long though because they both hear commotion coming from the large stained glass window. Powder look up at the same time Y/n turns around with a baffled expression. They look through a jagged hole in the glass.

"Tell me where to find them." A man is being restrained by a group of enforcers while one interrogates him.

"Topsider business ain't my concern." The guy argues.

"It's every one of you trencher's concern now. Give me a name." The enforcer gets in his face and sternly demands.

The man spits and it lands on the enforcer's shoe with a splat.

"Ew.."

The two girls share a weary look. Powder steps back and warns the others.

"Hey, guys? You should see this—"

A man is suddenly flying through the room and then tumbling aggressively to the floor, stopping after a couple of rolls. A moment of silences passes where nothing happens, but now the whole group of enforcers can see them.

"Search them." The one in charge says. And one by one they enter through the much larger hole made in the window.

Y/n and Powder have now backed up against the counter at the shooting range. Y/n feels Powder stiffen beside her and looks down to see her hand hiding something in her tiny bag hooked on her belt. That's when she remembers that Powder had been keeping those stones with her. She never thought why, but she's knows now that's it's definitely an inconvenience.

"Go ahead, idiots. We've got nothing." Mylo taunts while holding his hands up in surrender when an enforcer shoves a stick in his face. The two girls internally panic. And when Violet and Powder's eyes meet, the redhead immediately gets the message.

The head enforcer just so happens to be the one to approach the younger two, looming over them as he looks down at them with terrifying looking eyes. Y/n feels her heart drop.

But then it all happens before she even knows it has. Violet turns to Claggor who hasn't moved from his spot, and he pulls a lever that turns on a blue light, making the room significantly darker than it was before. Y/n doesn't focus on that too much, because she's running.

Everyone does what they can to escape; Vi throwing a metal piece at an enforcer's head while Claggor shoves down another to the ground. Y/n and Powder make their way through the shooting range, manoeuvring around the moving figures until they hide behind one at the very back.

They're both panting and shaking, desperately trying to stay calm and not get noticed. Powder grabs onto Y/n's hand and tries to make another run for it, but the second her head pops out from behind their spot a hand reaches out and manages to grab onto her braid. Powder screams nearly tripping over her feet.

Y/n gasps feeling anxiety shoot up her spine, and then her blood boil. When the enforcer pulls on Powder's hair again, his arm spontaneously catches on fire. His hand lets go and he immediately waves his arm around like a fool, trying anything to put it out. Y/n grabs Powder's hand again at the same time Vi grabs Powder's arm. The five of them run to a door farther back and kick it open, now sprinting down an alleyway.

They get maybe 50 feet when they see a couple other enforcers pinning a person up against a wall. They look over at them and drop the guy on the ground completely disregarding him. They turn back around but the other enforcers are charging towards them. They're trapped.

A whistle sounds above them and a ladder slides down beside them.

"Over here!" Leave it to Ekko to randomly save the day.

Vi is the first to jump and climb up. The enforcers are pelting towards them, and Y/n is scared they might not all get up in time. Soon she's one of the last ones below, she can hear the sounds of their boots stomping against the cement as they get closer to her. Her brain feels like a whirlpool of dread and she swears her vision turns blurry.

I’m so dead.

She lets out a fearful a whimper and covers her eyes with her arm, the other one shooting out in a pathetic attempt to defend herself, even though she knows there's really no point. At that moment she gets surrounded by a ring of fire, blocking both sides from approaching any closer. She can no longer see them, but she can hear the enforcers letting out coughs and yells of protest. Powder looks down astonished from her spot on the ladder, making Y/n usher her to keep going with flailing arms.

Even though Y/n makes her way to the top, Vi still aggressively kicks the ladder down to the ground just to be safe. She glares down at the group of men as the fire slowly dissipates then turns around to follow the others.

"You need to hide those crystals." She all but demands.

"Yeah, no shit."

Chapter 5…

—

y'all better eat this lore up in the future.

i'm trying to introduce u to this fire thing slowly and not be cringe with it. i'll talk abt it later tho.

#arcane #arcane jinx #arcane jinx fanfic #jinx arcane #jinx x female reader #arcane fanfic series #jinx #jinx x fem!reader #jinx x fem!reader series #jinx x reader #jinx x y/n #jinx fanfic #jinx x you

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