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thisiswhereikeepdcthings · 13 days

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Justice League identity reveal where they don’t know who Batman is and one day a bunch of them walk in on him just casually eating yogurt in the cafeteria with his cowl off. A bunch of them recognize him, a couple don’t, and they’re all shocked.

Turns out Batman didn’t realize none of them knew who he was, since it had taken him all of ten minutes and three google searches to put everyone’s secret identities together and he just assumed they had all figured it out by this point. Or maybe he had meant to tell them and then just forgotten. Either way, he regularly interacts with half of them outside of hero stuff and hasn’t bothered with the whole separate persona thing with them in years. Shouldn’t they really have figured this out by now? So what if he forgot? This is clearly on them.

#batman #bruce wayne #the justice league #one big happy justice league family #what do you mean dc doesn’t stand for disregard canon

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redsray · 2 months

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the funniest part of any Robin meeting the JL is that every Robin is so distinctly different from the previous one in terms of personality and vibes that the league literally gets backlash. and like, I don't blame them. not to mention that they are non-meta children that dress as a traffic light and fight crime alongside batman in gotham on a nightly basis. i'd also be a bit concerned. Batman, literally The Night of Gotham personified in the League's eyes, coming into a JL meeting: This is Robin, my crime-fighting partner. 11-year-old Dick Grayson, dressed in the brightest primary colours possible, vaguely hidden murder behind those eyes, never stops moving even for a moment: Hi! Superman: That's a child. That's-- Bats that is a child. You let a child--? Batman, deadpan: You try to stop him. Would you rather he try and murder a grown man with a wire?

Batman: This is Robin. 12-year-old Jason Todd, with the biggest grin on his face, about 3 books in his hand, stars in his eyes and a distinct street-kid drawl: Hey!!! Green Lantern: That's ... that's a different child. What?? Jason: I stole his tires :) Batman: Tried to. Jason, stage whispering to the League: basically did. Green Lantern: that is a different kid, right?? I'm not seeing shit??

Batman: This is Robin. 14-year-old Tim Drake, bo staff clutched in his hand, a wary and tired expression on his face, more on the quiet side, the literal walking definition of don't judge a book by it's cover: hello Flash: Where do you even find these-- Tim: I found myself.

Batman: This is Robin. 17-year-old Stephanie Brown, literally blonde, with a shit-eating grin, eyes full of nothing but mischief and the most explosive personality you've ever seen: hiya!! Superman: I give up. Stephanie: I know, I have that amazing effect on people.

Batman: This is Robin. 13-year-old Damian Wayne, a literal wet cat that will hiss at you, has a sword, the most judgemental stare you'll get from a teenager, ready to jump anyone there: Green Lantern: WHY DOES HE HAVE A SWORD?! Batman: ... he came with the sword.

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bruciemilf · 2 months

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Damian: Baba. I’ve acquired an enemy at the academy. He’s been ripping my drawings, teasing me about my lineage, and smearing your honor. I understand murder can’t happen. How shall I proceed?

Bruce: [Has a flashback of Thomas driving to his bully’s house, spiked brass knuckles on his hands, petting his head and smiling dangerously, ‘I’ll be right back, chum!’]

Bruce: …I’ll talk to his parents.

Damian: Todd?

Jason: Finally, an excuse to tackle a 10 year old.

#bruce: nO-#damian: then what do you propose we do!!! this beast knows no peace!!!#bruce: we buy his father’s company and make him take an unpaid internship.#damian: father!!! that is…inhuman. I praise you.#bruce wayne #damian wayne #jason todd #dc comics #dc #batfamily #incorrect quotes #batdad #bruce is very protective of his birdies pass it on #batman #text post

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violent138 · 1 month

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Time-warped or travel scenario where Bruce gets launched back into a younger version of himself with all the memories and the first thing he does is goes and gets Dick Grayson right after his parents' death, then pick up Jason, arrange about a million playmates to get Tim out of his house, and once he has those kids happy and taken care of, he goes off to find Cass, helps Steph with her dad, and leaves a very pointed voice-mail for Talia.

Alfred thinks he's more mentally ill than usual for knowing exactly which orphans and as he pointedly reminds Bruce, "children whose parents are still very much alive" he's trying to steal and adopt.

Bruce heatedly replies that they're his kids and that he's going to do everything right this time, rendering Alfred absolutely speechless until Bruce asks if Alfred would be able to make dinner for his new brood of kids.

"Try and remember who you're speaking to Master Bruce, I've thrown dinner parties with less notice"

"Great because I have a list of allergies and some notes on favourite foods."

#If this sounds insane it is #It is just exactly what I would do given this circumstance #Bruce Wayne #Batman #Batfamily #Dick Grayson #Jason todd #Cassandra Cain #Tim Drake #Stephanie brown #Dc comics #Alfred pennyworth #Best surprise grandfather ever

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alyakthedorklord · 11 months

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Bruce Wayne, sitting in a cute eco-friendly cafe while on a video call with Tim: Oh Noooo, are you sure there’s no way the board of directors will let us get rid of this old decrepit Wayne Factory building that is unsafe for our workers and also for the surrounding environment?

CEO Tim, with equal gravitas: No, I’m afraid they just won’t budge. It technically meets legal requirements on paper, and we can’t prove that the chemicals affecting the local ecosystem that have no other possible source are from the out-of-date drainage system… they’re saying it would cost too much to fix the place up too, which is ridiculous, because we’re us, but our hands are tied…

Bruce, full Brucie himbo mode: Oh I just feel so SAD for all the sweet fluffy animals and the pretty flowers and especially our hard workers dealing with such unsafe conditions… I think I’ll give them all a nice short vacation this weekend, so the ENTIRE PLACE will be EMPTY and SHUT DOWN from FRIDAY TO TUESDAY, the SECURITY SYSTEM WILL BE DOWN because it’s just so GLITCHY, I’m sure nothing will happen to the ENVIRONMENTAL STAIN ON OUR COMPANIES NAME THAT WILL BE COMPLETELY ABANDONED FROM FRIDAY TO TUESDAY- Timmy do you think I’m being too subtle?

Tim, snickering: no no you’re doing great Bruce I’m sure they’ve got it

Poison Ivy, on a date the next table over: ( ‘-‘)-☕️

Harley, through tears of repressed laughter: so… we doing anythin’ this weekend?

#you know they would #at least once #it’s called delegation #dc comcis #brucie wayne #bruce wayne #harley x ivy #poison ivy #harley quinzel #tim drake #batfam #gotta give the girls enrichment #what do you mean dc doesn’t stand for disregard canon

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inkedberries · 5 months

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i kinda imagine superman subconsciously floating when he sleeps somewhere he's most comfortable and feel safe in. and one of those places is a guest room in wayne manor lol

#iirc superman doesnt really need sleep but what the hay im sure he picked up the habit after yrs of trying to 'fit in'#bruce wayne #clark kent #dc #superbat #my art #fanart

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dieubius · 9 months

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uhhh. bruce wayne modelling gig. have a good day 🥰

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quadrantadvisor · 18 days

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Imagine if the GIW started gunning for Jason without the Batfam ever meeting Phantom. Like, Bruce has to figure out on his own that the guys in white suits with Lazarus guns are 1. a legitimate government agency, and 2. are perfectly within their rights to hunt Jason like an animal, because 3. there's secret government legislation that says that since Jason's body processes ectaplasm, he's classified as non-sapient and has no legal protections.

Bruce calling up Clark like

Bruce: I am currently in the process of breaking into a government facility in order to dismantle their operations.

Clark: Okay? Do you need... help?

Bruce: Yes.

Clark: Sure, I'll be right there.

Bruce: Not that kind of help. Oracle is sending you the files now. I'd like you and Ms. Lane to make these people wish they were never born.

Clark: [speed-reading the documents] Oh yeah, can do. This is truly disgusting. If the public is half as outraged as I am, we'll get this sorted as fast as the courts can manage.

So Clark Kent acts as a whistle-blower, the Justice League publicly condems the Anti-Ecto Acts as inhumane, the GIW is disbanded, and Batman gets pardoned for all of those crimes that he technically did by assaulting federal agents. And after all that gets sorted, some white haired kid pops up in the Watchtower like "haha thanks for that I really didn't want a war between Earth and the Infinite Realms" and the League are like "wait what"

#dp x dc #dpxdc #danny phantom #dc #batman #batfam #and jason and danny become best friends obviously #yes i am implying danny is the ghost king here #i just think that bruce being like 'what do you mean my son is non-sapient and has no legal rights. ill kill you.' is good and fun #my rambles

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ikiprian · 2 months

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Mr. Fenton is a competent teacher. Almost too competent.

If Mr. Daniel Fenton had any more than a BS (with a minor in education), Tim would’ve flagged his profile as a potential Rogue. That’s the way of most charismatic academics, at least in Gotham. (Got a PhD? Instant watchlist.) Instead, he’s Gotham Academy’s newest celebrity, as a young, passionate, out-of-towner substitute while the chemistry teacher’s on maternity leave.

Tim gets the hype. Fenton seems to genuinely love teaching, and is invested in the welfare of the student body. He hands out bananas during exam week, hosts a “study habits seminar” each month to coach effective learning strategies, and the third time Tim falls asleep in his class, he even pulls Tim aside to ask if he’s doing okay. With all the late work he accepts and the protein bars he sneaks Tim, he’s every teen vigilante’s dream teacher. He could’ve been Tim’s favorite.

In fact, Mr. Fenton was Tim’s favorite. Up until Tim walks into Mr. Fenton’s chemistry classroom for a forgotten textbook, an hour after the final bell.

On the board where tallied scores for today’s review game had been kept, “THE CHEMISTRY BEHIND DR. CRANE’S FEAR GAS: ANXIOGENICS, NERI’S, & YOU,” is now scrawled. A detailed diagram of the human endocrine system projects in front of a small crowd of adoring and attentive students.

Fenton is wrist-deep in the skull cavity of an anatomical model. A short tug, and out pops the brain.

It’s plastic. It’s fake.

Tim identifies the nearest emergency exit.

Fenton turns to the door, and in the dark classroom with the projector illuminating half his face, his eyes almost seem to flash red. “What’s up, Tim?” he asks. His friendly grin is too big for his face. “I didn’t know you wanted to join the Just Science League!”

[OR: Danny’s a science teacher at Tim’s school. Gotham’s a pretty wild place, even for someone who grew up a superhero in a ghost-infested town, so he takes it upon himself to start a club teaching kids how to manage themselves in the event of a crisis. These Gothamites are pretty hardy, but a little extra training never hurt anybody! And he suspects one of his students might be a teen vigilante, like he’d been, back in the day. As a senior super, it's Danny’s duty look out for him! Surely, this is the subtlest and most appropriate way to give the kid pointers.]

[Tim immediately assumes supervillain.]

#Danny can’t help being creepy it’s just the way he’s built!!#I like to think Lancer did these things for Danny when he was in HS #and now Danny's emulating Lancer :)#Passing it on!#Tim is paranoid but also like he is SO CLOSE to graduating so like. Does he even want to report this shit to Batman. What if the next chem #teacher's a jerk and Tim fails the class and he never gets his stupid diploma. Bruce already is insisting he finish out HS and maybe get #an ABA before he's allowed back into the company #and Jesus Christ does Tim hate school. He'll worry about Mr. Fenton's burgeoning army of Science Honor Society Rogues on his own time #dcxdp #dpxdc #prompt #tim drake #danny fenton #in case I write more of this let’s tag it uhhhhh #misunderstood mentor au #kipwrite

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abisalli · 3 months

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*grabs you by the neck like a kitten*

#batman #robin (dick grayson)#dick grayson #bruce wayne #dc comics #my art #digial art #next thing you know Bruce just swings him at the rogues hammer throw style #I've been really unsatisfied with the look of my style lately so I've been practicing and trying out new things!#lmk what you think!#(also been watching The Batman 2004 lately and love how that Batsuit looks)#batfamily

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tims-missing-spleen · 1 month

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I remember seeing someone say that Bruce wouldn't deny the Batman allegations. Like he will proudly tell everyone he is most definitely the Batman whenever he's asked, and it would actually do wonders with keeping the secret hidden.

Like it would be more suspicious than anything if billionaire playboy Brucie Wayne so adamantly denied any connection to the vigilante.

And yeah, so i was thinking what would his kids think about it? like they get asked during interviews and whatnot what they think about their dad being Batman.

I feel like Dick would just play along and say some shit like "if B is Batman, then I'm Nightwing" and get a look from the man

And Jason would take any opportunity to shit on B and say something along the lines of "B's Batman? I call bullshit. He's not even a man"

Tim would either:

a. pull up a 99 slided presentation about how Bruce Wayne is, in fact, NOT Batman and be internally laughing the whole time cause he is funny, and people just dont know what they're talking about.

Or b. (only when he's been up for a few days) confirm it and go "Well yes, of course he is. It'd be weird if he wasn't since the cave's under the house."

Cassandra would just smile and stare into the person's soul until they move on onto the next question.

Steph would deny it and claim that she's Batman and that Bruce is her Robin. She'd probably also manage to convince a few people to join her.

Duke would be like "He's Batman? Ohhh that explains the explosives I found in the cellar!" or something else, just as worrying.

Damian would just nod and go into a full length speech about how Batman is the best superhero (after Nightwing of course) and completely disregard the question. And before anyone can re-ask, he'd just walk off.

#batfam incorrect quotes #bruce wayne #batfam #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #duke thomas #damian wayne #idk what else to tag #dc comics #batman

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thisiswhereikeepdcthings · 7 months

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Alfred: Injury report?

26-year-old Bruce: All the blood is on the inside?

Alfred:

Some years down the road

Bruce: Injury report?

Tim: I left no DNA behind.

Cass: I can still beat the rest of you.

Jason: Haven’t died again.

Dick: No bones are visible from the outside.

Damian: I won.

Duke: I think I discovered a new power.

Steph: You’re not my dad.

Bruce:

Alfred: And how *is* Karma doing today, Master Bruce?

#batman #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #batfam #batkids #tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #stephanie brown #damian wayne #cassandra cain #duke thomas #what do you mean dc doesn’t stand for disregard canon

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redsray · 2 months

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I love the hc that Tim never really stopped taking pictures of heroes and vigilantes even after he became Robin. Not even out of hero worship or anything-- he just found it fun. In fact, being Robin just made this hobby easier to do. He has them separated in folders and definitely has blackmail photos included.

The first time Tim met the Justice League one of his first reactions was to sneakily take at least one picture of each of them. Clark vaguely heard a camera shutter but he could never find any cameras or camera owners.

Sometimes Bruce comes to him and asks for specific pictures of members of the JL doing things they shouldn't be doing i.e Barry ditching a meeting cause he was eating Chipotle in the Watchtower kitchen. No one knows how Bruce gets the pictures except for the other Batfam members.

Tim is the god of blackmail right behind Babs. You need older blackmail or videos? Go to Babs. But Good quality blackmail photos? Tim is your guy.

He has at least 4 folders full of pictures of Dick specifically. One for his time as Robin, one for Nightwing, one for Discowing and one for just Dick.

He also manages to have pictures he definitely should not have because how did you get into the cave before you were Robin, Tim, but he refuses to elaborate on those. i.e Robin Jason out of costume, cozily reading at the batcomputer ("seriously, Tim, that's creepy"), Dick when he first adopted Haley ("were you there when I rescued her?!"), Damian training with the League of Assassins ("how the hell did you get that"), Duke back during the We Are Robin movement ("I do not remember you pulling out any cameras what the hell")

#tim drake #batfam #batman #red robin #hes a little stalker #let him be one #creepy kid #i love him #jason todd #dick grayson #duke thomas #if you hear a camera shutter in the corner of your room ignore it its just tim #-bruce #jl: what is that in the corner #bruce: red robin just ignore him he likes his pictures

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bruciemilf · 3 months

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“Bruce is emotionally incompetent and can’t step outside his own morality” yeah it’s a character flaw.

“Dick is extremely stubborn and thinks he’s right all the time” yeah it’s a character flaw.

“Jason has hypocritical tendencies” yeah it’s a character flaw.

“ Tim is entitled and doesn’t think about people when seeking results, and often acts uncaring” yeah it’s a character flaw.

“Damian is rude and bratty” yeah, it’s a character flaw.

Also, some people may not even regard everything listed above as flaws.

Having negative traits allows incredible flexibility within your characters, what makes them intriguing, what makes them easy to relate to. If you want to write people, then write people. But they can’t be good and clean all the time.

#bruce wayne #dc comics #dc #batman #jason todd #dick grayson #tim drake #I’m really glad we’re growing out of the ‘my favorite is flawless because they’re a good person who has done both wrong ever’ phase #you can absolutely enjoy media that has imperfections and blemishes. these characters should be flawed. they should get to be shitty people #sometimes. they should get a chance to grow and extend and evolve as individuals. because I think that’s what we need to see more #it’s not about being a shitty person. it’s about STAYING a shitty person #text #meta #batfamily

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violent138 · 24 days

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Hal: "Have one of your enemies died or something, I've never seen you smile like that."

Bruce, putting his phone away: "No Alfred just sent me a dick pic."

Hal, frozen in place, seriously reconsidering his thoughts on rich people and their butlers: "That's... nice of him."

Bruce, cursing his kids for normalizing "Dick pics" in their house as a way to refer to photographs of his eldest: "It's not like that."

Hal, holding up his hands and avoiding eye contact: "I think I preferred it back when I overshared and you told me to keep things professional."

#hal jordan #bruce wayne #I had a thought while trying to study in a room with my maybe friend and I nearly broke my ribs trying not to laugh #do with this what you will #batman #dc comics #batfamily

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twilight-trackss · 2 months

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my beloved divorcees

#brutalia #talia al ghul #bruce wayne #damian wayne #batman #robin #dc #dcu #dc comics #i read robin (2021) a while back and their whole bizarre custody battle is genuinely the funniest thing ever. what is wrong with them

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