80. What outfit would you want a partner to wear to seduce you in?

83. Are there any non-sexual scenes/moments in movies that turned you on??? What were they??

85. Do you have a favorite pornstar? Who is it?

99. Is there a sexual act you feel particularly talented at? What is it?

80: Hmm... 🤔 I mean, when it comes to seducing me, looks are definitely tertiary to words and actions, so probably the most important thing is for them to wear something they feel confident and sexy in - the better to play me like a piano. 🥴

...that being said, décolletage works wonders breaking my brain, as can something that shows off thighs and booty. 😅

83: I don't think so? Not all the way to turned on, anyway. Maybe things that just... warm up the engine, so to speak - the same things that get me here (and elsewhere): forward, dominant-coded women; size difference, even artificial.

85: I don't even know that I can remember any pornstar's names. 😂 (and even any 'favorites' that I might recall on sight could probably hardly be considered 'stars' - far too niche)

99: Well, having so little experience, I wouldn't say so, no. I think my talent is that I'm very willing to listen and learn what my partner wants and what gets them off the best - certainly I think my fingers and mouth can execute whatever they need.

(Smut/ NSFW +18 - minors DNI !)

Yoga instructor! Geto who starts your private session together with the brightest smile and the kindest words. He helps you unwind with some breathing exercises then tells you to mirror his movements and positions. He even gently corrects your stance to perfectly match his own.

Yoga instructor! Geto notices that your muscles are still tense and that your body needs to loosen up a bit more. So he invites you to sit in front of him and starts massaging your neck and shoulders. his slender yet powerful fingers are hitting the perfect spots in your body as if he was inside it, driving every hint of stress away through your skin.

Yoga instructor! Geto who pushes the sighs of satisfaction out of your lips. Slowly getting you all loose and putty in his hands as you try your best not to moan from his melting touches.

"I'm glad my lovely client is enjoying my small service." He whispers deeply next to your neck, eyes filled with fiery lust hiding under his dark lashes.

The heat you felt in your cheeks is now pooling in your belly, then burning down into your sex. His touches are getting painfully slower. But he's still as cool and unbothered as always, only taunting your senses and driving your heart insane for his own heart's content.

You somehow decide to strip off to your sportsbra, telling him that it makes it easier for him to reach your pressure points.

Yoga instructor! Geto who agrees with a little smirk, but now just to be fair, he gets to take off his black tank top as well.

Your back is now rubbing against his abs. His arms are caging you tight on either side and his long fingers roam dangerously lower, from the curves of your breasts down to him strocking the fat of your stomach, carressing your hips and ghosting over your wet pussy.

Yoga instructor! Geto who notices you giving him the cutest puppy eyes. You never break eye contact with him as you spread your legs wide, take his hand in yours then place it on the spot that's aching for him the most..

"Sorry...It felt a little warm. maybe because of the stress.." you drift your eyes away only for them to meet his again, cheeks squeezed between his fingers.

"Aww, is that so ??"

"Yeah.."

"don't you worry love. I'mma take care of it"...

Yoga instructor! Geto who's now face buried in your cunt cause 'he needs to relieve your inner tension'. His silky tongue is smoothing its way between your folds you and shamelessly making out with your pussy lips. His eyes are smiling at you as he releases your clit with the cutest "pop" sound.

Yoga instructor! Geto who's now pounding you in a full nelson with your legs on both sides of your head. His large hands keep your head still as he promises you he's gonna chase all your tension away.

"hnngh..how does it feel now, cupcake? ah-fuck.. is the stress gone yet?"

Yoga instructor! Geto who tells you to come more often, because he won't be charging you for your private sessions anymore.

🎀 Summer Stuff 🎀

I had no idea what to title this, but this is a comprehensive list of my goals, habits, and "dailies" that I am going to accomplish this summer (before I head to Colorado in mid june for 8 weeks of work!)

🩷 Overall Goals/Habits

Daily movement - morning workout AND/OR a hot girl walk (5k to 10k steps a day is my goal for daily steps)

Spanish study - 20+ minutes a day, have a couple italki lessons (already have one booked!)

Daily reading - 30+ minutes daily, nonfiction and/or fiction

Consistent morning routine - hydration, movement, journaling, skincare, etc

Wake up at the same time everyday - debating between 5 and 6am right now (I'm a morning person!)

Try some new things - watch new TV shows, maybe self learn some kpop choreo, dabble in creative writing, try new classes, etc

Consistent night routine - unwind, read, shower/skincare, journal, etc

Go to sleep at same time every night: 10pm or 11pm

Incorporate more wellness into my days - stretching, meditation, yoga/pilates, fruit smoothies

Keep up with all necessary appointments - doctors, therapist, etc

Maintain a healthy diet - high nutrient (fruit and veggie), high ish protein, moderate carbs, moderate fats, lots of water, limited caffiene, highly limited added sugar (loosely track food intake to be more mindful of my choices)

Consistent cleaning and reset routines

Daily affirmations and work on Law of Attraction/Law of Vibration to help manifest my dream life and cultivate my new identity to live my healthier, happier, desired life <3

I am so excited. Something about this summer feels different. This summer feels like the one for me, like I'm seriously going to have my "that girl" summer that I've been hoping for. Lots of rest, recovery, and renewal.

til next time lovelies 🩷

PROMPT: Taiyang is loving his new hot tub. Nothing like ending the day with a soak and a couple of beers. It get's even better when his hot AF eldest daughter shows up in the tiniest robe she can find asking if she could join him. He eagerly accepts, as long as she follows the one rule: no clothes in the hot tub. He can't help but stare and grin and Yang lets the tiny robe drop to the ground and watch her naked body as she joins him in the hot tub. Some more staring, banter, and beer later, and Taiyang is making splashes with his daughter and clapping those cheeks in his new hot tub. Expensive, but totally worth it.

Tai Was relaxing in his hot tub like he like to do on Fridays, drinking beer and letting his cock float free in the water. He was already a couple beers down when he saw his daughter Yang approach him in a tiny purple robe. It was tied loosely and left a massive gape in the chest area where he could see between her massive tits, with the bottom of the road barely covering her toned ass and leaving her strong legs exposed. "mind if I join~" yang teased her father, knowing full well that he was going to respond with a smirk and gesture towards the robe. The one ruled hot tub was no clothes, which she was happy to oblige to. as Yang stepped into the hot tub she took off the purple robe and exposed herself to her father; her massive perky breast with their purple piercings and the tiny blonde triangle just above her pussy all complemented by her muscular tone body.

Yang grabbed a beer from the cooler next to the hot tub and stood in the center of the tub. Well keeping eye contact with her father she turned it sideways and punctured a hole with her robotic arm, bringing it up to her lips she shotgun the beer straight down in just seconds. "Ahhhhh~ delicious" she said to him tossing the can aside and grabbing another popping it open and starting to sip from it. by this point Tai's cock was poking above the water in full view of his daughter. Draining the last of his beer He stood up and got another well moving closer to his daughter so that his tip was at her pussy lips. "Y'know you're not supposed to drink yet" watching as she smirked at his response and proceeded to down the beer.

"Oh and what's my daddy gonna do about it~" She said taking his new beer and starting to drink from it. His response was simple as he brought his lips to stop her from drinking and began making out with the hot blonde for him, well simultaneously sliding his member into her and grabbing her ass to hold her steady. feeling as she moaned back into him mouth and held onto him tight Well holding onto her new beer and him at the same time. He didn't go slowly though just because she was his daughter, holding and slapping her ass he pounded into her pussy in a standing fuck that quickly made her begin to weaken in the knees.

"Sorry baby but daddy is going to cum quick aghuuu~ he's been pent up for a while" Tai told her As he felt himself getting close. Her tight folds gripping him far too much for him to last long. "What are you talking about aggggufff~ dadddy~ fuck! Ruby sucked you off this morning" yang said as she got close to her orgasm as well. "yeah but that was this morning, I watched you do yoga in the yard and now I need to discipline this fat ass" he said well spanking her and causing her to scream out. "Oh fuck!" Was his only response, Evidently that spanking was what she needed to climax; and the sudden tightness on him was all he needed to pop inside her. Yang legs desperately tried to hold closer to him as she wrote out her orgasm feeling her father fill her up. Meanwhile Tai could feel Yang's pussy milking his cock for all its cum And loved hearing the whimpers that she was giving out.

Holding her tight he leaned back and sat back down into the water. Grabbing another beer and he continued to grind against him working through her orgasm and getting ready to go again. They shared a quick kiss before she stuck her head next to his so she could drink the beer in her hand holding him. And over her shoulder Tai could see his other daughter Ruby standing there in a similarly tiny black robe that she was discarding as she got into the hot tub. Not being nearly as stacked as her sister but still equally hot as fuck. The two girls were very much like their mother he thought as he watched Ruby pick out a sweet alcoholic cider from the cooler next to the hot tub as she got in. "Daddy more please" Yang moaned into his ear well grinding away on his still hard cock. Tai loved Friday bonding night.

The Best Workout that Changed My Body (Model Workout)

Growing up, I was a chubby kid. As a teenager, I was “skinny-fat” - I had a tummy but lean arms and legs. I have tried everything to burn that belly fat off; right from detox teas, waist clinchers, sports, Pilates, limiting my calorie intake, weight lifting, strength training, eating only health food for months, lemon water, even K-Pop stars’ diets… you name it and I’ve probably done it.

Then I finally found something that worked out for me. I stumbled across it on Reddit, and I shared it with my friends, not thinking that it would actually work.

Except that it did.

A friend who had gained 10 kgs because of her thyroid lost nearly 8 kgs in a matter of a couple of months. Another friend - who’s quite skinny and petite and struggled with weight gain - saw her body get more toned in just a couple of weeks.

So I decided to try it out as well - and I could actually see a difference in just a week’s time (as crazy as this sounds). A few pants I had that I always felt a little insecure about wearing actually felt LOOSE at the waist! I couldn’t believe it!

Now, for a little disclaimer. The person who created these workouts happens to train models. They are specialised in model training- reducing waist cm, hips is their specialty. HOWEVER. They were accused of filming their clients in their gym bathroom. Their spouse eventually took over the company. But that still doesn’t sit right with me. So that means that I will not be buying any of the company’s products, even though the work outs are really effective and require minimum equipment.

So I did a little bit of sleuthing - and found 5 out of 6 of their workouts for free on Reddit.

I’m going to share the link that I found on Reddit. I am NOT responsible for uploading the files. I have no role to play in it. These have been available on Reddit for literally years. I have no idea who the original distributor is, either. Also, these videos are quite old. I’m sure that the new ones are different from these.

The workouts range from 20-60 minutes (most of them are at 40 minutes though). The best part is that you can do these anywhere.

The only equipment you really need:

- yoga mat

- Slide discs/ wash cloths

- Ankle weights

- 3 pound dumbbells

Here it is (the link)

The nutrition guide:

(I have not come up with this. Do not hold me responsible if you do not agree with what the trainer says).

1. Calorie intake: 1600 calories

2. No juice, rice, pasta, potatoes, bread 2-3 hours before you workout. If you must eat, it has to be low calorie protein or lean (eggs, protein shake, lean protein, salad, vegetables).

3. No carbs after 3 pm.

4. Dinner should be protein and vegetable based.

5. No protein for 1-2 hours after workout. Fruit juice, fruits, vegetables and starchy carbs are fine.

6. Only treadmill for cardio. Slow jogs. No weights for lower body, outside of the program. No lunges, squats or deadlifts. Yoga and Pilates are fine. I personally do 12-3-30.

How I use this routine:

Monday: workout 1

Tuesday: 12-3-30

Wednesday: workout 2

Thursday: 12-3-30

Friday: workout 3

Saturday: workout 4 +12-3-30

Sunday: 12-3-30 / yoga/ rest day

I take 5 days off in a month during my period. These workouts are also not crazy intense (I’m used to playing sports and being active in general) so I’m fine doing it everyday.

What is 12-3-30?

Treadmill workout where:

12- incline

3 - speed

30 - minutes

This privilege is being able to read a blog online without being threatened by your family.

This post is not about me, but rather my friend who I showed this blog to. We are both "small fats", her being a little larger than me. I found a lot of solace reading submissions on here, and knowing that she struggles with body image like I do, I showed her this blog.

At first, she was very enthusiastic. She got really into the activist side of it, became more confident, began to use a lot of the information she learned against her verbally abusive family members. I was glad to see her become stronger. Now, I have to say, her family is VERY unsupportive and very abusive when it comes to her and her weight. She comes from a family of fit people, both her sisters are in sports or cheerleading, her father is a coach, her mother is a yoga instructor. My friend is literally the black sheep, if you will, of her family. They constantly berate her, antagonize her, humiliate her in front of company. It's gotten to the point where her mother "rations" her food in labelled containers and she is not allowed to take anything extra from the fridge or pantry.

As it turns out, her family noticed her new attitude and sudden spurt of knowledge. Her sister logged into her computer and checked her history, and found various links to this blog. She showed their parents and all hell broke loose. Her parents yelled at her, told her it was vicious propoganda made by "fat lazy fucks who complain about not getting handouts in life" and that they'd be damned if she thought that this was an acceptable route in life.

Last night she called me sobbing. She has apparently been in the middle of submitting her own post when her sister saw her and ran to tell her parents. They came and confiscated her laptop, and after a long yelling match told her that this summer she would be attending a "rehabilitation" camp (I assume this is code for 'fat camp') as well as getting on a stricter dieting regiment (as I mentioned before, she is already only allowed "rationed" portions of food).

I told her to talk to a school counselor come Monday, but she is afraid of making the situation worse. She feels that what her parents are doing isn't enough for human services to get involved because it will just be seen as a "lifestyle" choice rather than the starvation and abuse it is.

Thin privilege is not being starved or frightened by your family for daring to diverge from the standard body type.

I love the idea of Maggie being a rebel like her father as a teen and I love how Eddie knows all her tricks. How does Chrissy deal with her daughter’s schenanigans?

She worries about her all the time, she tries to be patient and give her the benefit of the doubt, but Maggie’s pretty wild and rebellious so it can be difficult sometimes. She always gives Eddie a tired sigh eye after a melodramatic tantrum.

“Why am I getting that look?”

“You had to be difficult for Wayne.”

“Hey! You knew the risks!!”

Snippet:

“Mom, I’m begging you please, please,” Maggie cries half prostrate over the counter, hands folded tight as she pleads. “Everyone else is going to be there and it’s one weekend!”

Chrissy sighs softly as she continues to scrub the dishes in more earnest, her legendary patience all but drained out. “Maggie, I’ve provided my reasons multiple times, the answer is no.”

“But whhhhyyyyy!?” she asks. “You would have let Liv go!”

“To a cabin five hours away when she was only fifteen-years-old? With several boys over eighteen and no adult chaperones for four whole days?” she asks in astonishment. “I most certainly would not have.”

Livvy would never have even had any interest in something like that in the first place.

“I’m almost sixteen, Mom! It’s not fair! The whole band is going and I’m going to get left behind!” Maggie exclaims, blinking back angry tears.

“Baby, I know this is important to you and I’m sorry I have to say no, but you’re just not old enough to go that far away by yourself for that long.”

“You never let me do anything!” she whines, slumping face down on the table, sobbing loudly and dramatically.

Chrissy takes a slow inhale through the nose.

Yoga breathing. Yoga breathing. Yoga breathing.

She empathizes. She really does.

If anyone understands what it’s like to be a teenage girl who’s not allowed to do anything, it’s her. But, they don’t know Derek or his family well enough to let their impulsive daughter spend three nights somewhere up in Alexandria Bay.

“That’s a tad of an exaggeration,” she replies wearily. “Don’t you think?”

She doesn’t respond, just pouts heavily with an angry little sniff, propping her chin on her flattened hands.

God, that face she’s making.

She’s so Eddie that it’s ridiculous sometimes.

Speak of the devil, he comes in from the garage after changing the oil to her Explorer, cleaning his hands off with a damp rag, whistling to himself before noticing the tension in the air.

“…Hey,” he greets cautiously, glancing between them, walking over to kiss Chrissy on the side of her head.

“Hi,” she exhales.

“Hi, Daddy.” Maggie mutters.

He eyes their youngest daughter’s petulant moping, looking back up at Chrissy questioningly. They’ve picked up something akin to a psychic connection over the years and he’s quick to catch on that they’re still on the ‘Maggie wanting to go away for the weekend upstate’ topic when she levels his gaze.

He nods in understanding, rubbing her shoulders from behind and Chrissy shrugs silently in response, not knowing what else to do at this point.

Help me out here, I’m going to snap!

“Okay, what’s wrong, Mags?” he asks all cool and casual, ruffling her loose curls as he walks past her toward the fridge to grab something to drink.

“Nothing, I’m just going to be stuck here while all my friends get to go away for the weekend because Mom doesn’t trust me.” She informs him miserably, rubbing vigorously at her face when a few fat tears that slip free.

“…Margaret, that’s not true.” Chrissy sighs, trying not to roll her eyes.

Mom doesn’t trust her?

Mom!?

Well what about her father who nearly blew a fuse when he heard that Derek kid offered for her to go in the first place? Mom had to spend nearly forty minutes talking Daddy down from breaking a seventeen-year-old boy’s nose.

Why is she the bad guy?

“I just don’t understand why Stacey and Megan’s parents are letting them go, but you won’t let me! They’re my age!”

“Why don’t you ask your father what he thinks?” Chrissy suggests, stifling her irritation. “I think I’ve gone over it enough.”

“What’s the point?” Maggie mumbles under her breath. “He’ll just think whatever you tell him to think.”

The silence that follows is earth shattering. The cup she’s holding slips from her hand, plopping back into the sudsy water clanking loudly against the bottom of the sink.

The Witcher Headcanon (Modern AU) - Family Dynamics

None of them quite knew what they were expecting when Jaskier invited Geralt and Yennefer to move in to his house in Oxenfurt. Yennefer was lonely in Aretuza, and Geralt and Jaskier needed a more permanent place to stay when Geralt was between jobs or Jaskier had to work on band business.

They were all probably expecting it to be one of those awkward roommate situations where a couple and the third wheel best friend all split the bills and live under the same roof. It ended up being nothing like what they were expecting.

They all secretly expected Jaskier and Yennefer to make it maybe a month before they were at each other's throats and Yennefer decided to leave. It already looked as if they could barely stand each other. They always seemed to be arguing, insulting each other, or being passive agressive.

And then came the subtle smiles, the slight playful tones...

Jaskier and Yennefer had finally bonded. Geralt figured that since they were friends now, things would settle down. But he was wrong. So very wrong. They all got sucked into this new chaotic relationship.

Yennefer always complains about how Geralt and Jaskier are nothing but trouble when they are together. How she can't turn her back on them for five minutes before Geralt loses all higher brain function and somehow allows Jaskier to convince him to do some of the most stupid, and/or annoying things.

Things like:

Building blanket forts and refusing to let Yennefer in unless she knows the Super Secret Password. It's 'Bewbs'.

Tying a bunch of helium balloons to a blow up doll and setting it loose in the backyard to float away, then running inside to monitor the police scanner to see how many 911 calls it recieved.

Buying a tiny fat pony. Not Jaskier's fault this time. They were driving home and Geralt sees the advertisement on the fence and has to stop because all the fluffy babies are out in the field and he sees a little red one, and is just going "Oh my GAWD, I want to take her home! We can put her in the van!"

Geralt just really loves horses, ok? And she fits in the van!

And now they have to say Wee Roach, or Van Roach so no one gets confused as to which Roach they are talking about.

The constant That's What She Said, Everything Can Be A Toy If You're Brave Enough, and I Fell On It jokes. And all the other inappropriate jokes Jaskier is constantly waiting to make.

Yennefer and Geralt have forbidden Jaskier from physically entering any sandwich shop ever again. They never did find out Jaskier's answer to "How do you want your sub topped?" Because Geralt had, thankfully, been close enough to clamp his hand over his mouth in time.

The laughing fits that start over words like "butthole". All it takes is for Jaskier to start laughing, and then Geralt starts laughing, which makes Jaskier laugh even more... Heaven help them if they are in public, or even worse, at a public function and something sets Jaskier off. He will try to get the person who said the trigger word to say it more.

And then they get kicked out.

Yennefer feels like she's babysitting two 6 year olds.

Jaskier convincing Geralt to walk around the grocery store acting like a gorilla

Jaskier convincing Geralt to squeeze into Yennefer's yoga pants, then go for a nice jog around the neighborhood.

Yennefer having to hold their hands at stores/shops/amusement parks so they don't run off and get into trouble. Or get lost.

Blowing their straw papers at each other and Yennefer. (Jaskier always tries to get his straw paper to stick in Yennefer's cleavage. Geralt aims for her hair because he's not that stupid.)

Leaving messes everywhere. Trails of clothes leading to the bathroom. Messes in the kitchen. Crumbs on the couch. Seat left up, or 'sprinkled on' and not wiped off...

Constantly walking in on them doing whatever the hot new tiktok trend was. The Beethoven Challenge had truly been a sight, she had to admit.

Ridiculous games. Like the one where they put kazoos or harmonicas in their mouths and took turns zapping each other on their bare a**es with bug zapper paddles.

Putting random price tags on random items at the store to see if they can make it through the checkout line with it.

Surprisingly, it works the majority of the time. Which is how they ended up with a wet floor sign shaped like a giant banana peel, a big plastic horse from a wine display, and a standee of the store mascot

And trying to rip each other's back pockets off. Geralt had completely ripped the entire a** out Jaskier's jeans. In the middle of the grocery store.

And don't get her started on how she couldn't make a phone call around them. Yennefer lived in constant fear that her phone would ring in their presence. Because that meant trying to talk on the phone while they

Yell random things like:

Is that the brothel again? Was my credit card declined?

That doesn't go in your butt!

Why are you lying to them like that?

Stop hogging the bong!

Yen, help, he's escaped the basement again!

Geralt will do a very realistic impression of a barking dog.

Jaskier will randomly scream.

They will team up and pretend to be two children fighting over something "MoOoooMM! Geralt/Jaskier is...."

"MoOOMMM, I frew up!"

Pretend there is a small crisis going on and run around cursing in the background.

Make random moaning/creaking/slapping/thumping combinations.

Make fart noises.

Bang pots and pans together

Random sex jokes

Deez Nuts jokes

But what Yennefer didn't realize (or refused to acknowledge) was that her and Jaskier were just as bad.

Geralt secretly referred to them as the Chaotic Siblings.

Yennefer tried to be the responsible, mature one of the pair, but always ended up getting sucked in by Jaskier's playful energy. Which always left Geralt feeling like a Tired Dad.

They will fight, argue, and annoy the h*ll out of each other and Geralt for fun.

Some of the things they do are:

The Butt Poke of Death. Geralt can't remember who started it, but Jaskier and Yennefer spent weeks jumping at every opportunity to stab each other in the a**. Then they involved Geralt, and they all ended up walking around the house, constantly on guard, relexively covering their butts.

Embarrassing Yennefer in public. Jaskier starts walking weird, making odd random noises, or just acting embarrassing in public and follows Yen around as she tries to get the h*ll away from him. He just starts walking weirder and weirder. Running just makes it worse. He will chase her, doing the "I'm frEEEE~!" run.

Jaskier and Yen once did the Awkward JCPenny Sibling photoshoot. They wore the cringiest clothes they could find and did all the awkward Sibling poses. They do it every year now and pick the worst one, have it framed, and hang it on the wall in Roach. Last year's photo is moved to the livingroom wall where everyone who walks in the door can see it .

They even get Geralt to sometimes involve himself in their nonsnse. Like the time when Jaskier and Yennefer got bored on rainy day and started doing old kid's crafts they remembered doing from their childhoods. Classics like the Squawking Chicken Cup, plastic mesh canvas crafts, fuse beads, paper mache, etc. Geralt had declined joining them. And then they'd started making Friendship Pins for each other. Geralt had absolutely not been jealous as he'd watched them trade their pins. He'd just been bored, okay? He'd definitley not sat down and started making pins because he was jealous!

The pranks are even worse. Geralt is always an unwitting participant. Like the time they filled his room with balloons. Geralt had started popping balloons just so he could get into his room, and found the one balloon they had filled with glitter. He'd been rather irate about it, but as the Chaotic Siblings had put it as he'd chased them through the house, "At least you look fabulous!"

Not even a week later Geralt had been opening a soda bottle in the kitchen when Jaskier had run up behind him and dropped a mentos in the bottle when Geralt turned to get his glass. They'd run like h*ll after the soda spewed all over Geralt. Yen's phone has the whole thing on video, including the chaotic shaking view of her running from Geralt.

Putting clear tape across the doorways at face height and watching Geralt walk into it.

Switching places when Yennefer is walking with Geralt. The Siblings had gotten a good laugh when Geralt realized that at some point they had switched places and he'd been holding Jaskier's hand for the past 15 minutes.

They bought a big bag of gummy bears, waited until Geralt had gone to bed, then spent a few hours licking each gummy bear and then sticking them to the ceiling of Geralt's van.

F**king with Geralt's collection of horse figurines by either replacing one with a random a** object, or dressing one up, and waiting to see how long it takes him to notice.

Sometimes they just abduct one and hold it hostage until Geralt pays the ridiculous ransom they came up with.

Which is how Geralt ended up walking out of the salon with hidden pastel rainbow hair.

And not to mention all the random, childish things, like

Interacting with random statues they come across, resulting in hilarious photos.

Full sleeve tattoos using assorted kids' temporary tattoos

Both of them constantly yelling "gErALt!" whenever one of them did someting particularly annoying to the other. Like how Yennefer keeps calling Jaskier 'Babygirl' in front of his band. Or telling Geralt that Jaskier is his other wife.

Eskel and Geralt have a private joke that Jaskier is Yennefer's gay boyfriend. Eskel even took all the footage he had collected of Yennefer and Jaskier interacting and put it to Gay Boyfriend by The Hazzards.

Not being able to play a serious game of pool because Jaskier keeps dancing around his pool cue while Yennefer sings "Somebody come get her, she's dancin' like a stripper!"

Or they end up just contantly trying to poke each other with the pool cues.

Or they get drunk, turn the barstools upside down and sit between the legs and have 'barstool rodeos'. The first one to tip over loses.

The a** slapping battles that subsequently end up with bickering, name calling, and sulking.

Which dovetails into their wrestling matches, that always end in high pitched screams for help when Yennefer gets the upper hand.

They call Geralt by going "Pspspspsps!"

Geralt hates it because he turns to look every single time. He hates it even more when they do it in public.

He tried to ignore a public summons once, and had done a pretty decent job of barely twitching, until Yennefer had called loudly, "Geralt Roger Eric-!" And Geralt had never moved faster in his life.

He'd thought they had given up "cat" calling him, until he found out they had changed his ringtone. Now when one them calls him, it's a recording of the specific Sibling going "Pspspspsp!"

They will, every once in a while, even send him a text message that reads "Pspspspsps!"

They found out that a squeaky ball worked just as well. Geralt's in his room and Yen wants to ask him something? Squeaky Ball! Don't know where Geralt is? Just give the ball a squeak!

And if that wasn't bad/annoying enough, the little sh*ts will casually walk up to him, start scratching his cheeks/chin, and just smile as his eyes dilate and he starts purring.

Geralt tries to resist, but as soon as the skritches start, his brain just goes 'Brrrrr! Skritches Good!' and he's gone! He can't even remember what he was doing/saying.

And Geralt is pretty sure the Siblings have used the Chin/Cheek Skritch technique on numerous occasions to get themselves out of trouble.

The Squeaky Ball works just as well. Just give it a squeak and throw it, and Geralt forgets all about being mad!

Cool idea, but how is Nikolai gonna put so many pairs of pants over that fat jiggly ass of his?

Ok, this is my personal trick for never having to pay for luggage at the airport. Two pairs of leggings/yoga pants, put the thicker or higher quality ones on first. Then a pair of jeans on the skinnier side, but not too tight because remember your legs are fatter now with the leggings. Then you can layer some loose jeans or sweatpants/a tracksuit. And in extreme circumstances if you have an even bigger pair, put those on top. You will look weird as hell, you will be uncomfortable, it will be sweaty to sit down and god forbid you have to pee mid-flight. But I promise you will never pay extra.

Anyway Nikolai's fat ass. No idea. He can probably magic it away for funsies. Or he layers a million skirts instead and flips them up one by one.

The Damage You Do: ch 25, pt 5

Doot doot~ Hope ya'll had good weekends! Mine has been filled with editing... and more editing... and more editing... There will be more editing today. It is objectively terrible.

Previously

~

lwj’s fingers dragged along his jaw, forcing his chin up until their gazes met again. He looked like he watched to say something about it—to repeat that he didn’t think wwx was a waste of time—before blinking away those thoughts. “I will help you,” he said instead. “However, next time I expect you to be prepared to relax yourself.”

wwx swallowed, his thighs clenching despite himself. Next time as in their next scene, or next time as in the next time he randomly showed up at his dom’s door before 7am and got dragged into a yoga inspired sex scene? His thoughts were cut off when lwj moved back to standing, towering over wwx and somehow managing to make him feel far smaller than any time he had stood over him before.

“On your hands and knees, wy,” the other man said.

wwx blinked up at him. Once, twice, before scrambling into position.

“Into *bālāsana—*child’s pose.”

wwx slid his hands forward, letting his head and chest press against the floor.

“Breathe,” his dom said, the man’s own breaths loud in the room as he encouraged wwx to follow his own pattern of long inhales and exhales.

wwx let his eyes flutter shut. It was calming, listening to the sound of his dom breathe, each of them breathing with the same rhythm and purpose as the other. Occasionally, lwj would give him little tips. Use your breath to expand your chest. In through your nose, out through your mouth. People are stupid and only use the upper part of their lungs—concentrate on breathing as fully as you can. Don’t be afraid to look fat.

wwx peaked out of his pose to glare at the man after that last one, finding lwj still standing over him looking much too big and much too intimidating, his chin tilted just right to make him look… terrifying. And hot. So, so hot. It really was unfair how attractive the man was, even dressed in loose, slightly sweaty workout clothes.

“wy,” the man said, tone so cold it sent a shiver through wwx’s body.

“Sorry, Lan-laoshi,” he said, tucking his head back between his arms. He gasped, when lwj’s hands landed on his hips, the man’s firm grip guiding his body into a slightly deeper stretch.

“Stay,” his dom said, his voice running too close to how pet owners told their pets to stay. That was also hot. So was the room. Was the room getting hotter?

lwj continued breathing with the over-exaggeration of a teacher showing a particularly dense student how it was done, but the sound slowly moved away from wwx. He wanted to look again—to see if his dom was really just going to leave him there, stretching and breathing into the floor—but he didn’t want to be reprimanded yet again.

“Behave,” his dom had told him. He could behave. He could not be a brat full of too much sass for his own good! He so totally could.

I’m an old man now, and a lonesome man in Kansas    but not afraid        to speak my lonesomeness in a car,        because not only my lonesomeness            it’s Ours, all over America,                O tender fellows—            & spoken lonesomeness is Prophecy            in the moon 100 years ago or in                the middle of Kansas now. It’s not the vast plains mute our mouths            that fill at midnite with ecstatic language        when our trembling bodies hold each other            breast to breast on a mattress—    Not the empty sky that hides                the feeling from our faces    nor our skirts and trousers that conceal        the bodylove emanating in a glow of beloved skin,            white smooth abdomen down to the hair                between our legs,    It’s not a God that bore us that forbid        our Being, like a sunny rose                all red with naked joy        between our eyes & bellies, yes All we do is for this frightened thing        we call Love, want and lack—    fear that we aren’t the one whose body could be        beloved of all the brides of Kansas City,        kissed all over by every boy of Wichita—    O but how many in their solitude weep aloud like me—        On the bridge over Republican River            almost in tears to know                how to speak the right language—        on the frosty broad road            uphill between highway embankments        I search for the language                that is also yours—        almost all our language has been taxed by war. Radio antennae high tension    wires ranging from Junction City across the plains—    highway cloverleaf sunk in a vast meadow        lanes curving past Abilene            to Denver filled with old                heroes of love—        to Wichita where McClure’s mind            burst into animal beauty            drunk, getting laid in a car                in a neon misted street                    15 years ago—    to Independence where the old man’s still alive    who loosed the bomb that’s slaved all human consciousness        and made the body universe a place of fear— Now, speeding along the empty plain,        no giant demon machine            visible on the horizon    but tiny human trees and wooden houses at the sky’s edge        I claim my birthright!            reborn forever as long as Man                in Kansas or other universe—Joy        reborn after the vast sadness of the War Gods! A lone man talking to myself, no house in the brown vastness to hear        imagining that throng of Selves            that make this nation one body of Prophecy                languaged by Declaration as Pursuit of                    Happiness! I call all Powers of imagination    to my side in this auto to make Prophecy,                    all Lords        of human kingdoms to come Shambu Bharti Baba naked covered with ash        Khaki Baba fat-bellied mad with the dogs Dehorahava Baba who moans Oh how wounded, How wounded    Sitaram Onkar Das Thakur who commands                    give up your desire Satyananda who raises two thumbs in tranquility    Kali Pada Guha Roy whose yoga drops before the void            Shivananda who touches the breast and says OM Srimata Krishnaji of Brindaban who says take for your guru    William Blake the invisible father of English visions    Sri Ramakrishna master of ecstasy eyes        half closed who only cries for his mother Chitanya arms upraised singing & dancing his own praise    merciful Chango judging our bodies        Durga-Ma covered with blood            destroyer of battlefield illusions        million faced Tathagata gone past suffering    Preserver Harekrishna returning in the age of pain Sacred Heart my Christ acceptable        Allah the compassionate one                Jaweh Righteous One            all Knowledge-Princes of Earth-man, all    ancient Seraphim of heavenly Desire, Devas, yogis            & holymen I chant to—                Come to my lone presence                    into this Vortex named Kansas, I lift my voice aloud,    make Mantra of American language now,            I here declare the end of the War!                Ancient days’ Illusion!—        and pronounce words beginning my own millennium. Let the States tremble,    let the nation weep,        let Congress legislate its own delight,            let the President execute his own desire— this Act done by my own voice,                nameless Mystery— published to my own senses,        blissfully received by my own form    approved with pleasure by my sensations        manifestation of my very thought        accomplished in my own imagination            all realms within my consciousness fulfilled    60 miles from Wichita                near El Dorado,                    The Golden One, in chill earthly mist    houseless brown farmland plains rolling heavenward                        in every direction one midwinter afternoon Sunday called the day of the Lord—    Pure Spring Water gathered in one tower            where Florence is                    set on a hill,            stop for tea & gas

   Cars passing their messages along country crossroads        to populaces cement-networked on flatness,                    giant white mist on earth        and a Wichita Eagle-Beacon headlines        “Kennedy Urges Cong Get Chair in Negotiations” The War is gone,    Language emerging on the motel news stand,                    the right magic        Formula, the language known    in the back of the mind before, now in black print                    daily consciousness Eagle News Services Saigon—    Headline Surrounded Vietcong Charge Into Fire Fight        the suffering not yet ended                    for others        The last spasms of the dragon of pain                shoot thru the muscles            a crackling around the eyeballs            of a sensitive yellow boy by a muddy wall Continued from page one area    after the Marines killed 256 Vietcong captured 31    ten day operation Harvest Moon last December                Language language    U.S. Military Spokesmen            Language language                    Cong death toll        has soared to 100 in First Air Cavalry        Division’s Sector of                Language language            Operation White Wing near Bong Son Some of the    Language language            Communist                Language language soldiers charged so desperately    they were struck with six or seven bullets before they fell    Language Language M-60 Machine Guns            Language language in La Drang Valley    the terrain is rougher infested with leeches and scorpions            The war was over several hours ago! Oh at last again the radio opens    blue Invitations!        Angelic Dylan singing across the nation            “When all your children start to resent you            Won’t you come see me, Queen Jane?”    His youthful voice making glad                the brown endless meadows    His tenderness penetrating aether,        soft prayer on the airwaves,            Language language, and sweet music too            even unto thee,                hairy flatness!            even unto thee                despairing Burns! Future speeding on swift wheels        straight to the heart of Wichita! Now radio voices cry population hunger world                if unhappy people        waiting for Man to be born                O man in America!    you certainly smell good                the radio says    passing mysterious families of winking towers    grouped round a Quonset-hut on a hillock—        feed storage or military fear factory here? Sensitive City, Ooh! Hamburger & Skelley’s Gas            lights feed man and machine,    Kansas Electric Substation aluminum robot        signals thru thin antennae towers        above the empty football field                    at Sunday dusk to a solitary derrick that pumps oil from the unconscious                working night & day    & factory gas-flares edge a huge golf course        where tired businessmen can come and play— Cloverleaf, Merging Traffic East Wichita turnoff            McConnell Airforce Base                    nourishing the City—    Lights rising in the suburbs    Supermarket Texaco brilliance starred            over streetlamp vertebrae on Kellogg,        green jeweled traffic lights            confronting the windshield, Centertown ganglion entered!        Crowds of autos moving with their lightshine,        signbulbs winking in the driver’s eyeball—    The human nest collected, neon lit,                and sunburst signed        for business as usual, except on the Lord’s Day—    Redeemer Lutheran’s three crosses lit on the lawn                reminder of our sins    and Titsworth offers insurance on Hydraulic    by De Voors Guard’s Mortuary for outmoded bodies                of the human vehicle        which no Titsworth of insurance will customize for resale— So home, traveler, past the newspaper language factory    under Union Station railroad bridge on Douglas    to the center of the Vortex, calmly returned        to Hotel Eaton Carry Nation began the war on Vietnam here            with an angry smashing ax                attacking Wine—    Here fifty years ago, by her violence began a vortex of hatred that defoliated the Mekong Delta—    Proud Wichita! vain Wichita        cast the first stone!—                That murdered my mother        who died of the communist anticommunist psychosis            in the madhouse one decade long ago    complaining about wires of masscommunication in her head            and phantom political voices in the air                besmirching her girlish character.    Many another has suffered death and madness            in the Vortex from Hydraulic                to the end of 17th –enough! The war is over now—    Except for the souls            held prisoner in Niggertown still pining for love of your tender white bodies O children of Wichita!

-- Allen Ginsberg, “Wichita Vortex Sutra”  1966

Wasn’t active the last few months. Really thought i would feel better, met this guy we went dating, everything was finde. Turns out he didn’t want me… now he has a girlfriend and i think she’s kinda ugly but she’s so small, so thin. Guess i need to loose weight desperately.

I am a clown, gaslighting myself… now there will be no gaslighting. I am an ugly and fat pig. So i made myself a plan, will start tomorrow and keep pushing so ill be pretty by the summer.

At least i started working out in the gym again. Right now i am able to go to the gym at least twice a week, doing some cardio, Pilates and yoga. Hope that i will loose at least 10kg/ 22,5lbs until July when i go to the gym and stick to my diet.

XoXo

Do you have any tips on being consistent with a weight loss journey ? I have to loose weight but whenever I start eating healthy I always go back to my old ways.

Honestly what helped me the most is to accept that new mentality:

I'm a person that leads a healthy lifestyle.

I love doing excercises, esp walking, running, and yoga which are my favourite ever activities.

I enjoy being in line with my body.

The old lifestyle is what led you to the weight gain, so it is irrealistic to think the weight loss lifestyle is gonna be a temporary one. You gotta gain a healthy lifestyle that both enables you to lose weight, AND to keep it off.

If you haven't found a sport or a excercise that makes you happy, continue seeking. Pointless to run if you freaking hate running.

For the food, only keep what enables you into that healthy lifestyle. You know keeping 6 bags of chips at home won't help you much, you know a bit of chips at parties or at movies wont hurt much, but you know eating a whole bag a day ain't gonna help you on the long term.

I never keep candies or less great snacks at home. I just keep what I need for my meal-prepping.

Find some recipes that both align with what you WANT and what you LIKE. Per example I freaking love ice cream, it's like my sin. I wish I could eat the super super rich gelato every day so much I love it. What I do instead is keep the gelato treat for when I am with my friends, or family, enjoying my gelato with them. I'm not holed up in my bedroom eating a whole tub of shitty 2$ ice crap watching the 4th season of whatever show. So if I find myself craving intensely ice cream, I make myself some frozen banana ice cream with my mixer, or I throw some frozen blueberries and a bit of yogurt in the mixer.

If I crave a snack, I get myself some popcorn, there's low salt low fat versions of bagged popcorn that help satisfy that craving. I sometimes even make my very own popcorn, by using about 1/4 to 1/8 cup of corn seeds, in a small pot, a little bit of butter at the bottom, I put a lid on top, while it pops I shake the pot until I don't hear anymore popping.

For my main meals, I bulk up my meals with vegetables and good quality proteins, the carbs are like not the majority of my meal. And if I have carbs, I try to get as much whole grains ans fibers as possible. Think multigrain boosted in fiber versus the shitty wonderbread.

Making your own meals is much more efficient both for nutrition and self-control, meaning, I'll make myself just enough for one portion, or maybe two if I'm prepping for another meal, then if I'm "fake hungry" (what this means: I'm hungry for more but I don't wanna eat an apple or some healthy snack), if I wanna eat more I have to go through the effort of making it again. Generally it just turns me off.

Another solution is to prep a huge meal then immediately freeze the remnants in individual dishes. I have to go through the effort of defreezing then microwaving. Berk. I'd rather just eat an apple. Or nothing, because I'm "fake hungry".

See how I constantly outsmart my lazy self 😂

Also! I drink shittons of water!! It helps me being satisfied with my meals. Like think if you soak cereal in milk, it expands. Think the same in the stomach, the water is helping my meal expand and stretch my stomach. The stomach tells the brain "ok we're done, stop eating!".

I let treats be treats. I have fun while excercising. I drink water. This didn't use to be my normal.

God Is A Woman

Character Profile 6: Momo Yaoyorozu

Birthday: September 23 Zodiac: Libra Age: 16

Height: 5'9 Hair: Black (long, curly) Skin: Tan, pink undertones Eyes: Green

Body Type:

Curvy, plus size

Wide hips and thighs for more skin surface area

Muscular under loose skin

Other attributes:

Loose skin (around stomach/torso, upper arms, inner thighs) due to rapid weight fluctuation

Personality:

Mature

Responsible

Leader type

Polite

Friendly

Confident

Comfortable in her skin

Determined

Intelligent

Rich Bitch™

Morning person

Likes:

Reading

Studying

Tutoring people

Tea

Softball

Spending time with friends

Yoga

Bojutsu

Spa days

Painting

Playing the piano

Dislikes:

Being underestimated/seen as superficial

Insects

Being unprepared

Laziness

Rudeness

Family:

Father (deceased): Hiroto Yaoyorozu

Quirk: Multiplication

He could create copies of any object he touched with his body fat

Died in a hit-and-run car accident when Momo was 7

2. Mother: Masami Yaoyorozu

Quirk: Genius Intelligence

She has genius-level intelligence

She is a high profile lawyer and owner of Yaoyorozu Manufacturing Inc. after her husband’s death (but she is not the CEO)

3. Older brother: Mako Yaoyorozu

Quirk: Genius Intelligence

He has genius-level intelligence

He is the CEO of Yaoyorozu Manufacturing Inc.

Hometown:

Born in Aichi prefecture

Lives in Nagoya with her mother and brother

About a 2 hr drive from U.A. ~ Momo doesn’t usually take public transport because it makes her mother anxious (she is a high profile target)

Quirk: Creation

Abilities:

Can create any material/object from her body fat (needs exposed skin to materialize)

Enhanced stamina

Good at close range combat

Skilled in using several different weapons, mainly the bo staff

Genius level intelligence

Good at strategizing/outsmarting opponents

Drawbacks:

She must understand the molecular structure of whatever she creates

She has to consume a lot of high-fat foods to keep using her quirk

Stats:

Power: 3/5

Speed: 3/5

Technique: 5/5

Intelligence: 5/5

Cooperativeness: 5/5

Hero Suit:

Inspiration: Dr. Strange hero costume, tear-away fashion

Reinforced red two piece suit with black stripes along sides of her thighs ~ Top is halter style with the back left open

Gold armored knee pads and forearm guards

Red visor with access to digitized schematics for materials

Red and black steel-toed combat boots with gold buckles

Red and gold detachable cape with hidden arm holes (like a large poncho) for additional cover

Hero Name: Creator

Fictober 26/31 -- “I’m doing it, shut up.”

Lottie is wonderfully at ease with her body most of the time, but even she has her insecurities. Luckily she’s got healthy coping mechanisms, one of which is creating chaos as only the youngest, unhinged sibling can.

--

Clint chewed on his cheek thoughtfully, watching as Lottie obediently followed Bruce’s instruction through various yoga poses. She was the only one besides Natasha who could really do the poses without some form of modification, but he wondered how much of it was practice and how much of it was because she was a cat sometimes. She was more flexible than anyone on the team, and she had such fine control over her mutation that she could simply partially shift for the strength she needed.

Not that she needed to for yoga. She’d appeared in the gym to join the rest of the team in a sports bra and shorts, showing off the fact that she was basically pure muscle. Tony had dropped his water bottle. Clint wished he could make fun of him, but he’d spewed his Gatorade all over Thor. She’d always looked so… soft, under her comfy sweaters and swooshy skirts. ‘Even domestic cats have a low body fat percentage, so no matter what I do I just look like this,’ she’d said, clearly embarrassed, and covered her exposed stomach with her arms. They’d all privately decided it wasn’t a topic for discussion based on that.

Natasha had tapped out to go spar with Thor and Steve, but Clint noticed them all glancing over when they took breaks. Tony had tapped out after getting a call from R&D that was just screaming, and he’d sighed and muttered colorfully under his breath about running a company and stalked off. Clint was going to make a highlight reel for him. Steve had made a really interesting noise when Natasha had used her thighs to fling him across the mats.

“So, can you do difficult poses?” Clint asked as Lottie, upside-down, rested her knees on her elbows.

“Crane pose is difficult, Clint,” Bruce admonished, scowling at him.

Clint stuck his tongue out at him, then rolled his eyes. “I mean, sure, it’s advanced, but it’s not like… top hardest yoga pose, is it?”

“Yoga is a spiritual exercise,” Bruce began.

“Yeah, I can do what some people call the top five,” Lottie said, apparently oblivious to the fact that Clint was just teasing her. She tipped her head back to look up at them, blinking slowly. “I’ve talked about Maryam before. Her mom ran her own yoga studio in town. She let all of Maryam’s friends shadow classes so long as we were respectful and helped clean up around the studio.”

Clint couldn’t help a wry smile. “Let me guess. You were especially helpful.”

“I couldn’t say. Apoorva was never really fast and loose with her praise,” Lottie answered, and somehow managed to shrug even with her knees on her elbows. “Probably wouldn’t have felt right, anyway. Cat,” she offered, pupils going feline in demonstration before going round again. “She leaned more into the meditation teachings of it than the Americanized version.”

Bruce perked up. “Oh, do you think you could ask her to suggest some reading materials for me?”

Lottie blinked up at him in surprise. “Uh, yeah? Probably? Can I relax now?”

“Oh my god, yes,” Bruce spluttered, checking his watch. “Lottie, I’m so sorry.”

Clint watched Lottie stretch her legs back up, then back, until her toes touched the floor. Then she simply stood the fuck up, as if her weight hadn’t just been entirely on her arms. “My spine would simply snap in half,” he murmured to himself.

“We could start with an easier position for you,” Bruce offered.

Clint turned to give him a bitch face. “I meant because I’m old.”

“You are pretty old,” Lottie said sympathetically.

Clint stood more on instinct than actual anger, fists coming up. “Old enough to throw you out the window.”

“I’ll snap you like a twig,” Lottie replied, scowling at him, before she giggled and covered her mouth. “I’m sorry. I can’t keep a straight face that long. You know I don’t mean it, right?”

Clint had never for a moment assumed she would. Still, he wasn’t one not to milk a situation in his favor. “You can make it up to me by doing the top five hardest poses.”

Bruce swiveled to glare at him again. “Clint. Behave.”

“I dunno how,” Clint said, and was probably only saved from being punched by Lottie shrugging.

“Yeah, sure,” she agreed.

Bruce turned to look at her and sighed, put upon. “You’re rewarding his bad behavior.”

“I don’t think he knows what good behavior is,” Lottie reasoned.

Clint nodded along, because that sounded about right. Then she grinned, and he realized she’d meant it as an insult. “Hey!”

“I’m doing it,” Lottie cut in before he could say anything else, throwing herself into a handstand. “Shut up.”

“…This is a hard pose?” Clint asked, dubious, as she began spreading her legs.

Bruce crossed his arms and scowled at him. “It takes a lot of core strength and balance, Clint.”

As he watched, Lottie shifted her weight onto her right arm, lifting her left hand up to rest on her hip. Her arm didn’t even tremble. “Holy shit.”

“This isn’t even the hardest one,” Lottie told him smugly.

“I wanna see you do the hardest one,” Clint said.

Bruce rolled his eyes, groaning quietly. “You’re such a child.”

Clint glanced at him, raising his eyebrows in challenge. “Can you do it?”

“No, because I’m older than you. I’d fucking disintegrate,” Bruce scoffed.

Lottie put her hand back on the ground, bringing her legs back together as well. “I don’t find the scorpion pose as difficult as most people,” she said, legs coming forward, forward, forward, until she could tap her toes to her forehead. “I find Sirsasana li Padmasana more difficult, but that’s because I hate putting my head on the floor.”

“ARE YOU DOING THE SCORPION,” Natasha bellowed from the mats.

Clint watched Lottie casually turn on her hands to face her. “Hmm I don’t like this actually.”

“She’s a backwards C,” Bruce agreed, looking faintly green in a sickly way and not a hulkly way.

“You asked,” Lottie scoffed.

“Okay but you’re kind of freaking me out,” Steve said, hiding behind Thor. “Please stop.”

“No, I want to see how long she can hold it,” Natasha argued.

Lottie grinned, wide and sinister, and—for lack of a better term—started sprinting toward the mats on her hands.

“NOOO OH MY GOD,” Steve shouted, terrified, and Thor flinched.

Clint watched her chase the two of them around, cackling, then sighed and looked up at Bruce. “Tony is going to be so upset he missed this.”

Bruce sighed and crossed his arms. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”

“Huh?” Clint said, but then Steve was grabbing him, picking him up, throwing him in Lottie’s direction. “STEVE WHAT THE FUCK?!”

It didn’t even help, because Lottie expertly swerved around him to continue chasing Steve. Clint decided he deserved it.

.-.

“Oh,” Clint said, as both Lottie and Tony, scorpion posing, cornered a screaming Steve in the common room. He almost felt bad for him.

Luckily Thor eventually came and scooped the two of them up, scolding them about knowing when to end a joke as he carried them away.

Dear Lady Palutena...

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒑𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒃𝒖𝒅𝒅𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓. 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚, 𝑰'𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒖𝒑 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒍-𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒙-𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒃𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒉 𝑩𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑰𝑵𝑮, 𝒓𝒖𝒎𝒑 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒆𝒛𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒅𝒊𝒐… 𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒐𝒍���� 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔!~

With the letter, there seems to be a package that when opened reveals an old pair of work pants, but not just anyone's workout pants... The Goddess's old pants... Exactly to detail, from the special font of her name in green outlined by white on the side, down to tears in the the back...

It's then that behind these old garments that there would be another paper, this one being less former and more like loose leaf from a notebook... P.S: By the way, I wasn't flirting with Pit! I was giving him tips on how to work on his core! You can't be a good guardian if you don't have a solid core!

Both of these women are so lucky that they're Palutena's exact type and holy shit she wants to make out with them both friends from Smash, or she'd crush them both for all this insolence.

Listen, I get it. You're lonely because I stopped coming by. But I'm a busy goddess, working very hard to make sure Viridi doesn't nuke everyone. I'm getting just as big and fat as you want, all on my own. I'll give you both of you some custom-made feasts, even, just stop trying to coerce me into joining your gym.

A picture, of Palutena in a far larger, far sweatier pair of those same yoga pants, bent over in a rather attractive fascimile of a Downward Dog, gut pancaking all over the floor as the jiggly goddess practically wobbles in the picture, despite it being just a picture.

P.S I CALL BULLSHIT, STOP MESSING WITH HIM!