#these are from the notes on my phone right; and that was from early july!? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-case-book-of-fanfiction · 8 months

Text

The Only Tally Mark

Ship: Steve Harrington x reader

Summary: The 'You Suck' tallies are getting pretty high, but there's a girl in Scoops Ahoy who knows Robin in wrong. If she can just get the courage to open her mouth, Steve's luck is about to change.

Word Count: 7,250 words

Warnings: Robin's a bit mean, she also has no filter, pining, Steve's failed flirting attempts, blatant staring/pining, implied confession, first kiss

Note: Set pre-s4 and the day Dustin comes back, before the Russian code is cracked.

☟ Continue below the fold ☟

July had only just begun in Hawkins, and you could already tell it was going to be a hot one. Less than twenty-four hours in, temperatures had already hit record-breaking highs—at least, that was according to the weatherman on the television you were sat in front of, sweating and feeling relief from the heat only when the fan beside you swiveled back toward you.

“Every July is this hot,” your father said from the kitchen, where he was drinking his second glass of water in five minutes.

“Oh, sure, but never this early,” your mother retorted. “It’s only the first, and already we’re melting out of the house.”

Sensing an irritable argument birthed from the nearly unbearable heat, you left the living room and headed up the stairs to your bedroom. You picked up the phone you’d begged your parents to let you have years ago, dialing the number of your best friend of four years: Robin Buckley, the band dweeb to your theatre kid.

It was her mom who answered the phone, several dial tones later. “Hello?”

“Hi, Mrs. Buckley—is Robin home?”

“Oh, hi, sweetie! She’s at work right now, her shift ends at seven.”

You stopped yourself from swearing. “Oh, right, I forgot. Thank you!”

“No problem, dear,” Mrs. Buckley said before hanging up.

You leaned against the wall. How could you have forgotten? Robin had been telling you about her new job in the mall—and the sailor’s uniform she had to wear. You’d seen her get ready for work once and had burst into giggles the moment she put the hat on her head.

You glanced at the digital clock next to your bed, checking the time. There was still several hours before the mall closed. You might as well visit Robin and abuse your friendship to get some free ice cream at the same time, right?

So you grabbed your wallet and shoved it in your pocket and bounded down the stairs.

"Hey, I'm going out!" you shouted to your parents.

"Where do you think you're going, young lady?" your father asked, appearing in the doorway between the living room and the kitchen.

"To the mall? Robin works there and I'm going to visit."

"Don't spend too much, dear!" your mother called.

"Sure, Mom!"

You hopped in your car and headed for the mall, following the thick cluster of traffic that always lined the streets leading to the mall, passing through the streets lined with empty, hollow shops.

~❊~

The mall was crowded, as busy as it had always been since the day it opened. You pushed your way through the crowds gathered around storefronts and display windows, trying to remember which floor Scoops Ahoy was on.

You took the escalator down to the first floor and scanned the shops surrounding you. When you spotted the sign for the ice cream store, you headed toward it, maneuvering past a group of pre-teens cackling about manipulating the store's workers into giving them free samples.

There was no one at the counter when you walked in. A majority of the tables were occupied by groups of teens. As you approached the register, you could hear faint bickering from behind the pebbled glass windows, Robin's distinct voice floating out to you.

"...do the job you're supposed to do, I've been scooping so much ice cream my hand's cramped," she was saying.

You stifled a giggle and tapped your hand lightly against the bell in front of you, wincing when it was a little louder than you had been expecting.

The swing door on the left opened with a bang, revealing the back of a boy who was gesturing at Robin, who was quite literally pushing him out the door. She disappeared before you could catch her attention, and the other attendant took up his place in front of the register.

"Ahoy, sailor! Would you like to set sail on this ocean of flavor with me? I'll be your captain, I'm Steve Harrington."

You blinked at him. "Is that company policy like the hat and the outfit?"

He stared at you. "I'm sorry, what?"

You shrugged. "I'm a friend of Robin's, she complains about the, and I quote, stupid company rules that make everyone look stupid."

He stared at you. You stared at him. Awkward silence settled between the two of you.

The introduction hadn't been necessary. You had spent most of your high school experience listening to Robin complain about Steve Harrington and his stupid perfect hair and his stupid easy charm and his stupid actual stupidity. The Steve she'd painted matched up perfectly with the kid you'd seen around in the halls, dressed in his ironed polo shirts and pleated khakis or that stupid basketball uniform and letterman jacket—and Nancy Wheeler on his arm.

You and Robin had watched his life crash and burn with malicious glee—and all the while you had tried to ignore that this was the very same boy you'd crushed on in middle school, and had been so shocked to find out had changed so much when you got to the high school, a year after he did.

Steve cleared his throat, his gaze dropping to the register, firmly away from you. "Um. What can I get you?"

"Uh..." Every ice cream flavor you had ever liked instantly disappeared from your head. It wasn't like the usual mind-blankness that came from being asked a question about your favorite anything. It was like your entire body had stopped, freezing in the pretty face of Steve Harrington, ridiculous as the uniform was. Especially with the hat, which Robin hadn't told you about.

The door swung open again. "Jesus, Steve, what's taking you so damn long?" Robin froze where she stood. A smile lit up her face. "What are you doing here?!"

You grinned. "Visiting!"

Robin hip-checked Steve out of the way. Steve glared at her while she grabbed the ice cream scoop from the pocket at his side.

"Jesus, do you have to be so brutal?" he snapped.

Clearly fighting the urge to roll her eyes, Robin turned back to Steve. "I'm sorry, would you please get out of the way so I can serve my best friend? Thanks," she said, her customer service smile plastered to her face.

Muttering under his breath, Steve pushed away from the counter, leaning on the sill of the window behind him. He crossed his arms, still staring resolutely at the floor.

Robin grinned at you. "I wasn't expecting you to—"

"Be here?" you finished. "I called your house before I realized you were working, so I thought I might as well come visit."

"Glad you did," she said. "You would not believe how much of a headache it is working with dingus over there."

You glanced over her shoulder at Steve, his pink lips forming a pissy pout. Oh, yeah. Still pretty, still a bitch.

"You didn't tell me you worked with him," you said under your breath.

Robin shrugged, shooting you a knowing smile. "Yeah, well, I knew you'd show up and find out for yourself eventually." Her eyes slid to the corners, as if she could see Steve sulking behind her. "We'll talk about him later. What ice cream do you want? On us."

You giggled. "How did I know you'd say that?"

She snorted. "Oh, so you're abusing our friendship for free ice cream?"

"Maybe," you said. "Just this once."

Robin rolled her eyes and grabbed an ice cream cone. "Here—I'll grab your favorite."

And, without you needing to remind her, she lowered the scoop into the tub of ice cream that you got every time the two of you had gotten ice cream after going to see a movie, back before the mall. You wondered how you could have forgotten, until you looked over Robin's shoulder again and found Steve looking up, lips parted and eyes fixed on you. The minute you caught his gaze, he blushed and looked away.

You took advantage of his embarrassment, admiring the pink in his cheeks and how he awkwardly licked his lips. He toyed with the watch on his wrist, crossed and uncrossed his legs. Was he nervous? An even better question—had you ever seen Steve Harrington nervous before?

While you studied Steve, Robin made a second cone of ice cream, a different flavor than yours.

Robin looked behind her. "Hey—man the counter, will you? I'm going on break."

Steve spluttered. "You just came back from break!"

"No, we just finished our lunch break. I still have my federally-required thirty minutes to take. So I'm gonna take 'em." She shoved the scoop at Steve's chest and stepped out from behind the counter.

The pair of you took an unoccupied table near the counter, in case she was needed.

"Should you be leaving him to do it by himself?" you asked, glancing back at Steve one last time.

"What, are you worried about him? He'll be fine," Robin said. She shrugged with a sigh. "He's...he's not as bad as we thought he was in high school. He's less of a douche now, at least."

"Just a dingus?" you asked with a smile.

She nodded. "He's still as stupid as we always thought."

You turned your attention away from Steve at toward your ice cream. "Why didn't you tell me he worked with you?"

She rolled her eyes. "Let's not have that conversation while he's here, okay? For your dignity's sake. I know he's far away, but he's got impressive hearing." She shrugged. "Blame it on four years of listening for gossip, I guess."

Your gaze shifted back to Steve as he raked a hand through his hair, stretching enough for his shirt to lift. Heat rushed to your cheeks and you crossed your legs. Now that he wasn't surrounded by assholes who mocked you and Robin and your friends for their own personal entertainment, it was easier to appreciate how he'd grown into himself since middle school. Taking care of himself had made him a whole new level of handsome.

Robin giggled. "Yeah—that's why we're not gonna talk about this while he's around. You still have a thing for him, don't you?"

Steve relaxed against the countertop, fixing his hair and putting the hat back on with a scowl. You cleared your throat.

"I was hoping you'd forgotten about that."

"Me? Forget about you having the most embarrassing crush on him for years? Only to get to high school and find out he'd become a dick? Never."

You groaned. "Oh, stop rubbing it in!"

A gaggle of girls walked into the store, four of them giggling and talking and rolling their eyes. Immediately, Steve stood up a little straighter and fiddled with his uniform.

Robin snorted. "Oh, watch this. He's been failing catastrophically with every girl that walks in. I keep count."

"You keep count?"

She nodded gleeful, pointing with her chin in the direction of the counter.

"Ahoy, ladies!" Steve said, leaning on the counter. His attempt to be attractive failed dismally, however, when his hand slipped off the side and he lost both his balance and his composure for a moment.

One of the girls giggled with her friend. Steve's cheeks darkened.

"I'm Steve Harrington, I'll be your captain on this ocean of flavor. What can I get you lovely ladies today?"

You glanced at Robin. "I don't see what he's doing wrong."

"That's because this is scripted," Robin whispered back.

The first girl stepped forward. "One scoop of chocolate and one of vanilla, please."

Steve tried a debonaire smile. "Oooh, classic, I like it. I'm all for vanilla myself, you know, all the time."

You winced. "Was...was that supposed to be a double entendre?"

"Yep," Robin said, popping the p with a smirk.

"I see what you mean now," you said. The girl was making a face that said she caught Steve's drift and found it rude. Steve cleared his throat and moved on, scooping ice cream into a cone and handing it to her with a mortified whisper of "here you go." His gaze flicked over to you and Robin, at which point his mortification seemed to grow.

You watched the exchange grow steadily worse. Steve stumbled over his words and tripped over his feet and dropped an empty cone twice. Customers who had already gotten ice cream became onlookers who left, one by one, as the secondhand embarrassment grew.

"God, he's hopeless," you whispered. "Whatever happened to the Steve in high school?"

"You mean the one with a new girl on his arm every week? I'd say that stopping can be blamed on one Nancy Wheeler," Robin said.

You rolled your eyes. "While they were dating, obviously. But now? One relationship shouldn't make him incapable of flirting with a girl."

Robin watched the girls leave, snickering behind their hands. A moment later, Steve groaned, wiping a hand over his face. "You know what I think his problem is?"

"What?"

"He's trying to flirt all of them into submission, not just one girl he likes out of the group."

You nodded slowly. "Sounds about right. I mean...if he flirted with me one minute and then you the next, I don't think I'd want to jump his bones, exactly."

Robin rolled her eyes. "What are you talking about? You've always wanted to jump his bones."

"That was middle school, and that was before any of us gave a shit about sex."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that," Robin teased. "I saw how you looked at him during gym class."

You shrugged, trying to hide your face behind your hair. Robin knew your expressions better than anyone; your embarrassment was going to be obvious the minute she caught sight of you. "It's gym class! Guys don't wear shirts ninety percent of the time, they practically invite girls to stare." Your gaze slid back to Steve, who was once again staring at the floor. His cheeks were still red, and that pretty mouth of his had once again formed a pout. "Jesus, I don't think I've ever seen him so...despondent."

"He's like that at least five times a shift," Robin said. She played with a small red plastic spoon she had pulled from her pocket. "You know... You could come work here with us. Then you'd get to see Steve every day."

"Robin, you're constantly complaining about how much you hate working your, and I quote, pitiful minimum wage job."

"Yeah, but you like Steve, and eye candy makes the day go by faster."

You swatted her arm discreetly. "Don't objectify him!"

She rolled her eyes. "Hey, Steve!"

Steve looked up so quickly you swore you heard his neck crack, even with some distance between your table and the counter. "What?"

"Come convince her to work with us!"

You glared at her. "Robin, I already have a summer job!" you protested, trying to stop your heart from racing as Steve approached the two of you. You looked anywhere but him, knowing a soft smile and a well-timed flutter of his eyelashes was all it would take for Steve to convince you to do anything he asked.

Steve pulled a chair from the other table for two next to you, spinning it unnecessarily in his hand and dragging it to the edge of your table. He straddled it, leaning his arms against the backrest. Your heart climbed into your throat.

Steve's eyes met yours and every thought melted from your brain. Brown had never been such a pretty color. Although his eyes weren't just brown, they were hazel, mottled with soft greens and blues and greys. You'd never seen such beautiful eyes before, so expressive and kind and interested and attentive and—

"Tell her why she should come work with us," Robin said, breaking your focus on Steve's eyes.

You rolled your eyes. "Robin, I already have a job," you repeated. "A job I like that pays well that I can work at year-round."

Steve snorted, shaking his head absentmindedly. "Then don't come here, that's for sure. The pay is shit, the job is just as bad, and nobody likes ice cream in the winter."

Robin glared at him. "What part of convincing her do you not understand?"

Steve shrugged, ignoring her. "But, then again, you'd get to work with Robin and you might alleviate my boredom from dealing with her all the time." He jerked his head toward Robin. "You wouldn't believe how mean to me she is."

You stifled a giggle as Robin huffed. An easy grin reminiscent of the king he once as slid across Steve's face. You felt slightly giddy, knowing you had been the one to put it there.

More people walked into the store and Robin shot to her feet. "Come on, dingus. We have a job to do." She dragged him to his feet, ignoring his hiss of complaint. He shot you an apologetic shrug as she pulled him behind the register again.

While the two of them got back to work, you sat back in your booth table and finished your ice cream. Once you were done, you discreetly snuck out of the store, leaving a note for Robin at the counter promising to call her after her shift.

As you wrote the note and taped it to the register, you failed to notice Steve pause where he was scooping ice cream to watch you, or that his gaze stayed on you until you left the store and Robin had to snap him out of his reverie.

~❊~

Though it seemed utterly impossible, the next day was even hotter than the last. You lasted all of two hours at the community pool before you got tired of the screaming children and moms flirting with Billy Hargrove and you went home.

You changed out of your bathing suit, dressing more consciously than you had since the eighth grade semi-formal. You selected your jewelry carefully before hopping in your car and heading to the mall for a second time that week.

Scoops Ahoy was significantly less busy when you walked in. Robin looked half-asleep where she stood at the counter, but she brightened when you walked in.

"You just couldn't stay away, could you?" she asked, leaning on the counter with a grin.

You shrugged. "It's hot, ice cream is a solution."

She studied you for a moment. "The pool didn't solve that?"

You scoffed. "Hell no. It's full of tiny children and middle-aged moms and girls who only go so they can take up space and stare at Billy."

"And there's no Steve there, is there?" Robin teased.

You rolled your eyes. "No," you admitted. "Or you."

Robin scooped your ice cream and passed it to you over the countertop. "He'll be back soon, his break ends in a minute. He went to go grab us food."

"He what?"

Robin shrugged. "Yeah, he does that a lot. I hate to say it, but he's actually a nice guy. I think we might have been wrong about him."

You grinned. "So I was right back in middle school! I told you."

Robin rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you did." She cleared her throat. "Behind you."

You heard Steve's footsteps approaching a split second before he said, "Hey, you're back! Applying?"

Turning to face him, you snorted. "Absolutely not. I'm here for ice cream and ice cream alone."

Steve frowned. "What are we, chopped liver?" he asked, gesturing between himself and Robin.

"I'm surprised you know that phrase," Robin said.

Steve made a face. "I do know some things, Robin." He turned back to you. "I told you she's mean to me."

You laughed. "She's mean to everyone sometimes, it's nothing personal."

"Yes it is, dingus," Robin said, and you remembered she had plenty of reasons aside from Steve's years mocking her and her friends to be angry with him.

You just shrugged at him when Steve looked at you for guidance. He copied your shrug and passed Robin a plastic bag that smelled heavenly.

"If I'd known you were coming to visit, I would have gotten you something," Steve said apologetically.

"Oh, it's fine," you promised. "I've got ice cream." He smiled at you, his laughter shining through. "Honestly, I'm surprised you two don't exist off of ice cream."

"We used to," Robin said.

Steve nodded. "It got pretty tiring after a week. It's like when they told us in health class that energy from sugar doesn't last very long. Or something like that."

Robin squinted at him. "You can't remember enough of high school to get to college, but you can remember health class?"

"I remembered enough to graduate," Steve mumbled, cheeks turning pink once again. You were starting to get used to Steve's embarrassment. It was as cute as he always was.

"Stay and eat with us," Robin said, turning back to you. "I'll split my fries with you. You did remember the fries, didn't you, dingus?"

"Of course I remembered the fries," Steve snorted. He dropped the Closed for lunch! sign on the counter and held the swinging door open for you. You thanked him as you walked by, aware of his eyes following you.

You sat in the seat Robin pulled out for you and finished your ice cream before stealing some of the previously offered fries.

"I think we're closing early, Robin," Steve said, glancing out the cracked window. "We've had, what, three people all day?"

"Four if you count the Radio Shack employee across the way," Robin said. "But I don't, because they get it for free."

You frowned. "Do I not count as a customer because you give me ice cream for free?"

Steve shook his head a bit too quickly. "No, you count, Robin just doesn't like the Radio Shack employees."

"Because they're rude," she complained. "They complain about everything and change their minds three times—but always after you've already started scooping, and even when you're done, they don't like it!"

"Sounds like a regular day in customer service," you said, feigning cheerfulness.

"Yeah, a shitty day," Robin said.

"Where do you work?" Steve asked. "I don't think I've ever asked."

"The record store down on Main," you said.

"You know, the one I said I had been planning on working at," Robin said. "But Scoops hired faster."

"Maybe we should switch jobs," Steve muttered.

Robin snorted. "Yeah, like that'll go over well."

"The store won't hire more people, anyway," you cut in. "It got rid of most of the staff, especially the new people, to cut costs because of the mall."

"Is there a record store in here?" Steve asked.

"No, but there is a Sam Goody and a Camelot Music in the mall. We used to have a partnership with the Sam Goody on Main, but then it closed due to the mall, and we started losing business to the one in the mall." You sighed. "I hear about it all the time. It's all the owner ever talks about these days."

Steve munched on a fry, staring at you as you spoke. His eyes were stuck firmly on you. You tried not to squirm under his intense gaze.

Robin leaned back in her chair. "One of these days, I'm gonna visit you at work instead."

You rolled your eyes. "If you ever have a day off," you said.

"Kinda hard to have a day off when we're the only two working here," Steve said.

You nodded. "The constant problem of being short staffed."

"That would be solved if you just came and worked here," Robin muttered into her wrap. You rolled your eyes again, stealing another one of her fries.

"No, Robin."

Robin harrumphed and took a bite of her sandwich more viciously than twas strictly required.

Steve faked a pout. "You just really don't like us, do you?"

"She doesn't," Robin agreed, smirking. You knew that smirk; she was going to do her best to guilt trip you—using Steve, which was perhaps the only way to guilt you into doing what she wanted.

You rolled your eyes. "It's got nothing to do with you, I promise."

"Ouch," they said in unison.

You frowned. "What are you, the same person?"

They both shrugged.

"Alright, that's just weird," you sighed. You glanced down at your watch. "How long does your lunch break last?"

"Thirty minutes. Why?" Steve asked.

You shrugged. "Wouldn't want you to get fired because I'm here distracting you."

Steve propped his head up on his hand. Stray curls of hair fell into his face. Your heart twisted in your chest. He was beautiful. How could he be so beautiful?

Robin watched as you and Steve stared at each other. You were aware of her gaze bouncing back and forth between the two of you, observing the way you were melting under his gaze, your lips parting the longer he looked at you, the barriers you'd put up slowly crumbling. Steve was no better, staring at you with open, asking eyes. He moistened his lower lip with his tongue and it took everything in you not to whimper.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the look on Robin's face—the look of disgust that crossed her face every time she was disgusted by public affection from straight couples. Your heart did flips at the sight of her expression.

"Would you guys stop that?" she groaned, getting up from her seat.

"Doing what?" Steve asked, still looking at you. You tore your eyes away from him and back to the half-empty container of fries.

"Making eyes at each other," she said. Steve spluttered, instantly losing the lovey look in his eyes.

"Making eyes— Robin, what are you talking about?"

You cleared your throat. "Hey, um, what's the board for?" You hoped your question would steer the conversation away from the feeling bubbling in your chest at the sight of Steve.

Steve groaned, hiding his face in his hands.

"I told you I was keeping score of Steve's failing dating life. This is my scoreboard."

You nearly choked. "You keep track of it on a whiteboard at work?!" You looked at the neatly drawn board, the 'You Rule' and 'You Suck' columns divided by a line.

"Actually, I have to put the one from yesterday on here."

Steve groaned again, cheeks burning very red. He looked like he wanted to crawl under the table and stay there.

You watched her add a line. "Robin..."

"She's right, I suck," Steve sighed. "My luck's been pretty shit recently."

"You don't suck, she's just being mean," you said. You sent her a look, shaking your head slightly. She just shrugged.

"You don't have to be nice about it," he said. "I know how bad I am at this. I haven't gotten laid in months."

"Okay, too much information, Steve," you said with a little laugh.

"Oh, so this suddenly isn't a safe place to talk about all our life troubles?" he teased.

You laughed fully. He smiled, and the room seemed to light up with the glow emanating from him.

"Get a room," Robin groaned.

Steve turned around. "I'm not flirting, Robin!"

"Yeah, right," Robin smirked. "It's just working this time."

You coughed. "I, um, I have to go."

They both turned back to you, as if they'd forgotten that you were even there.

"Shit, hang on," Steve started, but Robin cut him off.

"No, wait, I didn't mean it like that—" Robin said, realizing she'd practically told Steve you liked him.

"Yeah, right, I know, I just have, uh..." You fumbled for an excuse for a minute. "I have to go drive a friend home! I'll call you later, Robs!" You rushed out the swinging door just as the bell at the counter rang.

Steve pushed his hands through his hair. "Shit."

"Oh, no," Robin whispered. "Steve, ignore that, ignore all of that, I screwed up, I shouldn't have said anything, she's going to be so pissed. It's just that she's liked you since middle school and it's gotten worse now that you're not a douchebag—" Robin clapped a hand over her mouth.

"I won't tell her you said that," Steve said quietly. "Oh, Jesus, Robin..."

"I'm sorry—"

"Stop apologizing to me," Steve said. "If you hadn't said anything, I never would have realized."

Robin made a face. "See, that's why you suck, not because you're bad at flirting with girls. You've just been flirting with the wrong ones, because you're oblivious of the ones that actually like you."

Steve was quiet for a moment. "Yeah. Thanks for pointing that out." He peered out the window, watching you leave the mall, wiping at your eyes and pushing your hair out of your eyes.

Simultaneously, Steve and Robin whispered, "Shit."

At the counter, Erica Sinclair tapped the bell again. "Hello? I want some samples!"

They shouted, "Shut up!"

Steve slammed the glass doors shut.

~❊~

Steve unlocked his front door, stepped inside his house, and put his back to the closed door. He slid down the door with a heavy sigh.

"Jesus Christ," he muttered under his breath. All he had been able to see since you left Scoops was your stricken face, horrified and embarrassed that Robin had spilled your biggest secret. (Which Robin had told him after, in bits and pieces, while they closed up the store.)

Steve couldn't believe it. How had he never noticed? Granted, he hadn't been the most observant for, well, the majority of his life. And his middle school years had been fairly dull, unmemorable. But wouldn't have noticed if you—you, out of everyone in Hawkins Middle—had been crushing on him?

To his utter shame, the most Steve remembered of you in middle school was how you had been a good friend to him, long before any of his high school friends knew who he was, and that he'd ditched you once he got to high school. You'd helped him study a few times, too. He wasn't sure what year it was, but he knew you'd helped him pass both English and History in the same year.

He'd shared a handful of classes with you, too, when classes had been so small they'd mixed grades. Sixth grade science, when the two of you had worked on a minor chemical project together. In seventh grade, you'd had two classes together. Gym, which had been downright brutal so early in the morning, especially when the teachers split up the teams as boys against girls. He remembered you had gotten nailed in the head with a basketball once, and that he'd been asked by your teacher to take you to the nurse. Then there had been math class, where he'd sat behind you, asking you questions and begging you to explain the concepts he didn't understand—even though you didn't understand it much more than he did. Eighth grade history, where Steve had done a presentation on his grandfather's experience in the World War, and you had been the only to actually raise your hand to ask a question.

Steve got up from the door and went up to his bathroom, stripping out of his uniform to take a shower. While the water soaked his hair and skin, warming him up, Steve's mind turned back to you—not that it had ever really left you.

You had been his first crush. Well, his first real crush. You'd been pretty, even when you were young and curious and a year younger than he was. Most of his friends had said that the younger girls were cute, but embarrassing to like. So Steve hid that he liked you. It wasn't until Nancy in high school, when it became cool, that he dated anyone younger than himself.

He wished he'd said something to you then. Would it have saved him a world of hurt? Or would it just have been an even worse broken heart waiting for him?

Steve recalled the way you had looked at him earlier, your eyes practically sparkling and your lips stretching into a gorgeous, content smile. It had stopped his heart to know that he was the reason you looked so happy, that he had brought that smile to your lips and that he had made those smile lines around your eyes appear and that he had been the reason your pupils were blown wide.

Steve shut off the shower and pulled on a new pair of boxers, flopping onto his bed with a content sigh, which matched the happy smile on his face.

You liked him.

Feeling like a teenage girl, Steve rolled until he could hide an excited squeal in his pillow.

You liked him again.

Steve was certain that's what made him so giddy. You'd liked him before he'd become King Steve, before the popularity made him interesting—and you liked him again, now that he'd changed and learned and grown up. Now that he'd learned to be himself without a care in the world for anyone else's opinion.

It was like redemption, but it felt so much better than that.

A sudden feeling overwhelmed Steve.

The next time he saw you, he needed to tell you how he felt about you. He needed to make it clear that Robin's slip-up had not ruined the slow banter, the friendship the two of you had been dancing around.

Resolved, his thoughts stopped spinning. He turned off the lamp on his nightstand and shut his eyes.

Please come back tomorrow, he thought, before falling into a gentle sleep, full of dreams of romanticized meetings, confessions, and kisses.

~❊~

You avoided Scoops for several days, choosing to tough out the warm weather in the overcrowded community pool until your mortification subsided. Robin had called repeatedly to assure you Steve wasn't weirded out or annoyed or embarrassed by your crush on him. In fact, she almost made it sound as if he was pleased by it.

But you still couldn't make yourself go to Scoops Ahoy. Even the mental image of walking in and seeing Steve's face twist with some kind of disgust made your stomach twist.

But a girl could only take so much of Billy Hargrove. So, after nearly a week, you drove to the mall instead of the pool. It still took you nearly ten minutes to force yourself out of your car.

You had thought seeing Steve and Robin in their sailor uniforms had been strange, but there was a far stranger sight directly ahead of you: Robin at the counter, staring in absolute confusion, and Steve jumping with joy at the sight of the small child in the front of the store.

"Henderson!" Steve's smile was huge. The sight made you smile, albeit a bit more confused. "Henderson! He's back, he's back!"

"I'm back! You got the job!"

"I got the job!"

And then, just when you thought this strange scene could not get any weirder, Steve mimed playing a trumpet and both he and the child did a strange miming handshake, giggling all the while.

Robin leaned forward. "How many children are you friends with?"

Steve's overjoyed smile slipped from his face. He gestured to Robin with a strained look on his face, as if he were signaling See what I have to deal with?

"You mean there's more children?" you asked, walking up to them with a shy smile, almost embarrassed to make your return. Your stomach dipped as Steve turned to you, but his smile was back.

"Hey, you're back!" Steve said. "I thought we'd never see you again!"

You shrugged. "Yeah, well, I got tired of Billy flirting with me."

"Max's brother?" the child asked.

You stared at him. "I don't know who that is. Or who you are, actually."

"Oh, I'm—"

"This is Dustin," Steve interrupted. "Dustin Henderson. He's, uh, he's one of my friends." He went behind the counter and started making an ice cream sundae.

You gave Dustin your name and offered him your hand. "Pleasure to meet you."

"How do you know Steve?" Dustin asked.

At the same time, both you and Steve pointed to Robin. She waggled her fingers at him.

"I'm going on break," Steve said, handing the sundae to Dustin. "Your turn to man the counter. Come on, Dustin, my treat!"

The two of them slipped into a booth. You leaned against the countertop with a heavy sigh.

"There's like...five or six of them," Robin said. "Kids, I mean. That he's friends with."

"Jesus," you muttered. "How old are these kids?"

"Like...thirteen, maybe?"

"Oh, boy."

Robin giggled. "Looks like you gotta share your man with children now."

You choked. "He's— He's not my man, Robin!" you hissed, your entire body burning. You glanced at Steve, but he was too engrossed in whatever story Dustin was telling him.

"But that's why you're here, isn't it?" Robin asked. "You came back because you're ready to talk to him again, knowing that you like him and he likes you."

You glanced over at Steve. While you observed him, Robin slipped out from behind the counter, quietly humming to herself as she worked.

"Yeah, I mean, sure," he was saying to Dustin. "It's not really a good idea for me though, gotta keep in shape for the ladies." Was it just your imagination, or did his eye stray over toward you?

"Yeah, and how's that working out for you?" Robin teased.

"Ignore her," Steve said quickly.

"She seems cool," Dustin said.

"She's not," Steve said, even quicker. "But, uh, the girl you just met? She's cool. She's really cool." A smile tugged at your lips. You pushed it away as you looked down at the floor, completely missing Steve's lovestruck glance toward you.

Dustin, however, missed nothing, and raised his eyebrows. "Oh, really, Steve?"

Steve cleared his throat. "Anyway. So, uh, where are the other knuckleheads?"

"They ditched me yesterday," Dustin said.

"No," Steve said, his face falling. Your heart squeezed at the sight of his empathy. The Steve from high school never would have cared about a kid whose friends had abandoned him, but this Steve did.

"My first day back! Can you believe that shit?"

"Whoa, seriously?!" Steve demanded, incredulous. Your heart warmed once again.

You turned back to Robin. "In answer to your earlier question," you said under your breath, "yes, that is exactly what I'm here to do."

She giggled. "I knew it! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!" She paused. "Was Billy Hargrove really flirting with you?"

You nodded. "I guess he doesn't really care about high school social status, as long as he gets laid." You shuddered. "I've never felt more objectified in my life, and I pranced around on stage in fishnets and a bodysuit in front of the entire school last year during Chicago!"

"I'm still convinced that was our best show," Robin said.

"I'd like to know how we got the rights to it," you snorted.

"I'd like to know how we convinced Principal Higgins to let us perform it."

You snorted. "Yeah. Has anybody heard anything about next year's shows?"

"Nothing yet," Robin said.

You harrumphed, your gaze sliding back to Steve and Dustin and found them talking in hushed tones. Steve's face was fixed into an expression of embarrassed confusion.

"Oh, got customers, hang on," Robin said, and served them while you moved off to the side, watching Dustin speak behind his hand. Steve just blinked at him and told him to speak up.

"I intercepted a secret Russian communication!" Dustin said, far too loudly.

The entire store went quiet. You and Robin exchanged a glance.

"Jesus, shhhh!" Steve hissed. "Yeah, okay, that's what I thought you said."

Business as normal resumed and Robin's customers headed for their own table.

You cleared your throat. "Well, I guess I should head out—"

"No, no, no, wait! What about Steve?"

"He's busy, Robs," you said, gesturing to him. Your stomach did flips at the cute, teasing little expression on his pretty face as you caught him saying American heroes. You weren't sure you wanted to know what mischief they were getting into. "I'll just...come back tomorrow."

Robin sighed. "Fine. As long as you let me play matchmaker!"

You rolled your eyes. "You've been doing that for the past, what, four years?"

"Yeah, but this time I might actually be successful!"

You shook your head with a smile. "Catch you later, Robin. Bye, Steve!" you added as you walked past.

Steve's head snapped up. He scrambled up from his seat at the booth. "Hey, wait, wait, where are you going?" He caught your arm and your eyes darted to his fingers on you. Every possible excuse was wiped from your head. "I thought you were gonna stay and...hang out for a little while."

You smiled apologetically. "Yeah, I was going to, but your friend just came back, so I figured I'd just come back another time. So you don't have to...divide your already divided attention, y'know?" You gestured back to the counter.

Though there was understanding in Steve's eyes, he still looked disappointed. "Oh...um... Would you—" He cleared his throat, his cheeks gaining a deep pink shade. "Would you maybe wanna hang out together—" He stopped again. "Would you wanna go on a date? With me? Sometime?"

You couldn't stop the smile that stretched across your face. "When?"

"Oh, you know, whenever you want? If you want to, I mean."

You stopped his rambling with a finger against his lips. His eyes widened. "I want to, Steve. I really, really want to. I always have."

He beamed. "Really?"

"Really," you promised. You patted his chest. "Even in this stupid little uniform."

He laughed. "What do you say to...two days from now? Meet me here at the end of my shift so Robin can make fun of us like always—" You laughed with him. "—and then we can go see a movie?" His thumb caressed the skin of your arm. That single touch alone sent butterflies through your stomach, not to mention the beautiful, sappy look in his eyes.

"I'd like that," you said. "I'd like that a lot."

"And, um, if you'd like, there's a little dinner about ten minutes from here with awesome milkshakes we could go to after."

You beamed. "Oh, Steve."

"Yeah?"

"You're absolutely perfect," you said to him, cupping his cheek and smoothing your fingers over his skin. He hummed happily. "Steve?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I... Do you... Can we kiss? I know it's soon, it's just... I've wanted this for a long time."

Steve beamed. He leaned in, cupping the back of your head and pulling you into him. His lips touched yours, and you swore your body crackled with electricity. A feeling similar to pins and needles, but far more pleasant, spread throughout you.

He made to pull away. You brought both your hands to his cheeks and held him to you, kissing him for all you were worth.

In the booth, Dustin's mouth dropped open. A grin spread across his face.

At the counter, Robin, who couldn't see the kiss but saw your hands slide into Steve's hair, pulled out her whiteboard and added a singular tally into the 'You Rule' column.

She glanced back at you and Steve. Steve had broken the kiss to tug you close to him, hugging you to his chest. You twisted your hand into his hair, smiling over his shoulder, your eyes closed against the rest of the world.

Robin grinned; she guessed the 'You Suck' tallies didn't matter anymore. Steve had found the one his charm worked on.

☞ ❊ ☜

Stranger Things // Steve Harrington

part 2 coming soon!

Taglist: {comment and let me know if you'd like to be added to the S.H. taglist!} @ohatropa@nix-rose@live-the-fangirl-life

511 notes · View notes

corroded-hellfire · 11 months

Text

Just a Spark - Eddie Munson x Reader

A Collaboration with my beloved kindred spirit @munson-blurbs🤍

Summary: Eddie takes his sons to watch fireworks at Lover's Lake for the Fourth of July. But when he notices you there with some friends, including some male friends, he can't help but be jealous.

Note: Thank you to my dearest @joejoequinnquinn for loving jealous!eddie as much as I do and for coming up with this lovely idea! I still find it funny that it's a Fourth of July fic and you do not live in the US, lol. I hope you all enjoy and happy 4th of July to my fellow Americans 💙

Warnings: older!eddie, dad!eddie, babysitter!reader, eddie being jealous hehe

Words: 3.9k

[As You Wish masterlist]

It wasn’t often that Hawkins held activities that appealed to the whole town. The haunted houses around Halloween only appealed to the teenagers, the winter wonderlands at Christmas only mattered to young children, and the Thanksgiving Parade was something that everyone swears they got dragged along to against their will. Fourth of July in Hawkins was the one day a year that could be counted on to bring people of all ages out to Lover’s Lake for sunshine in the afternoon and fireworks at night.

Kids would splash and swim together in the shallow area of the lake while their parents watched from picnic blankets spread out not too far away. Teens and college students would come with their friends, the college kids drinking beer out in the open while the teenagers had to hide sips behind a tree or behind a friend’s back.

It was a tradition in the Munson household to grill up some hamburgers and bring them down to eat at the lake while they watched the fireworks. This particular year things seem to be off-track, though. Brittany had left the house early in the afternoon to run a few errands and pick up some charcoal for the grill so that Eddie could cook the hamburgers. After being gone far too long for just saying she was heading to a few stores, the phone rings and Brittany gives Eddie some sob story about how she ran into her sister who’s having a crisis and she needs to stay with her for a while. Eddie just sighed as he hung up, thinking to himself that at least Brittany wasn’t dumb enough to say it had something to do with work when banks are closed because it’s a national holiday. The only problem—because going out with his boys without his wife was certainly not a problem—he ran into now was that he didn’t have time to run out and get charcoal and make the burgers before they were going to leave for the lake.

Improvising, Eddie swings through a Burger King drive-through on the way, making sure the three of them would still keep their tradition intact as much as possible. The boys don’t seem to mind the differences between this year and last, maybe just glad to have a chance to hang out with their dad while they did something as cool as watch fireworks.

Eddie pulls his truck into the already-crowded parking lot and grabs the bag of fast food. As he and the boys get out, people walk by carrying coolers, picnic baskets, and a few types of inner tubes to use in the water. There are tons of people there—which Eddie expected. He takes Luke’s hand into his own and instructs Ryan to grab onto Luke’s other so they don’t lose anyone.

“Eddie!” A familiar voice calls out and has Eddie whipping around to spot its owner. He quickly sees the Sinclairs; Lucas is waving with his left hand to get Eddie’s attention, with Tiffany on his right hip.

Eddie nudges the boys. “Look who’s here!” Their eyes widen when they notice Uncle Lucas—who Eddie swears is his younger son’s namesake and certainly isn’t Luke Skywalker—along with Aunt Max and their baby. They practically pull Eddie across the lot to them.

Clapping Lucas’s hand and pulling him in for a modified bro-hug so he doesn’t crash into Tiffany, Eddie offers his long-time friend a grin. “How have you guys been?” he asks as he gives Max a hug.

“Good. Tired.” Max says with a laugh. “Tiffany slept through the night for about three days before she started teething.”

“Aww, poor thing,” Eddie coos, chuckling when Tiffany proves her mother’s point by grabbing Eddie’s finger and gnawing on it. “Don’t worry, it doesn’t last as long as it seems,” he reassures the new parents.

“We’re just headed out,” Lucas explains, kissing his daughter’s cheek. “It’s this little lady’s bedtime, and we’ve gotta get home before the fireworks start.”

“We have no idea how she’ll react to them, and we’re not about to conduct that experiment in public,” Max chimes in, making Eddie laugh again. “But we’ll see you at Ryan’s birthday party next week!”

The Munsons and Sinclairs part with goodbyes and more hugs before Eddie and the boys head towards the lake.

“I wanna sit near the water!” Luke insists, and Eddie winces at his high-pitched whine.

“Think we might get a better view of the fireworks if we sit up a little higher.” It’s the truth; plus, he won’t have to worry about Luke flinging himself into the cesspool that Hawkins calls a lake.

They find a shady spot right under a tree, and Eddie lays out three beach towels so they won’t have to sit in the dirt. He passes out the parchment-wrapped burgers and little bags of fries and sits back with a sigh. This is what he’d always wanted—family traditions with his boys. If only…

“Has anyone seen my sunscreen?”

Eddie freezes mid-bite, only remembering that he has a burger in his hand when his arm starts to ache from being in one position too long. He chews and swallows as though nothing happened, but his mind is racing.

It can’t be, he thinks. He’s almost certain that this is all in his imagination—God knows he can’t get you out of his head—until he hears someone say your name.

Just one look, Eddie convinces himself. A quick peek so I can see that it’s not actually her; just someone who sounds like her and has the same name…

His stomach flip-flops when he glances over and sees you in a low-cut red tank top and cutoff denim shorts. Oh, shit, it’s her. And she looks really, really good. He takes a deep breath, trying to gather his scrambled thoughts. He wishes he had a six-pack; a cold beer can always calm his jangled nerves. Okay, I can’t let the boys see. Once that happens, she’ll come over here and—

Eddie’s anxious thought is disrupted by the sight of one of the three guys you’re with applying sunscreen to the back of your neck. He’s got long, light brown hair—though not as long or luscious as his own, Eddie notes wryly.

Long Hair spends far too much time massaging the lotion into your skin. Calm down, Buffalo Bill. She doesn’t need that much sun protection.

The only other girl there plucks the lotion bottle from Long Hair’s hands, much to Eddie’s relief, and Eddie turns his attention back to his boys. “You guys ready for the fireworks?” He tries to keep the enthusiasm in his voice. “Sun’s setting, so they’ll be starting soon.”

Ryan nods, chewing on a fry. “I wonder what colors they’ll have,” he muses.

“Well, I wonder what would happen if I sat on a firework!” Luke pipes up with a mouthful of burger. “Like, would I fly into the sky? Or would it blow up in my butt?”

Eddie laughs loudly. “My money’s on the second one, little man.”

Your laughter floats over to Eddie on the breeze blowing off of the lake. He mentally berates himself, thinking of how he should be enjoying this family tradition with his boys and not be wondering if any of those guys you’re with are your boyfriend or if you’re sleeping with any of them or if…

“Daddy, what’s wrong?”

“Hmm?” Eddie looks up at Ryan’s worried face and frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Your lip,” Ryan says, pointing at the bottom half of his father’s face. “You were chewing on it, and it started bleeding.”

“Silly me,” Eddie says with a forced chuckle. He grabs one of the napkins from the Burger King bag and dabs at his lower lip. Luke has shifted to watch a game of volleyball happening on a court that someone set up and it gives Eddie the opportunity to scoot closer between his boys, so his back is to you and your friends. Maybe now he’ll be able to focus.

It works for a while. The three of them finish their burgers and Luke is immediately complaining that he’s still hungry. Eddie tells the five-year-old he has to wait and tries to play a game with them to distract his youngest son from his rumbling tummy before the fireworks start.

“Simon says put your hands on your head. Simon says give your brother a high five,” Eddie instructs as the boys eagerly await the next command. “Simon says stand up. Sit back down. Ah! I didn’t say ‘Simon says!��”

“I win!” Ryan cheers as Luke sprawls out on his beach towel with a groan. The familiar twinkling tune of an ice cream truck approaching has him bolting up, though.

“Ice cream?” Luke stands up and balances on his tippy toes to get a better view at the parking lot. When his suspicions are confirmed, he hops up and down. “Ice cream! Daddy, can we get some? Pleeeeease?”

“Okay, okay,” Eddie says as if it’s a hardship for him to indulge his boys when in reality he’d already planned on getting ice cream for them at some point tonight. “Get me some too, okay?”

“Cookies and cream?” Ryan asks, citing his dad’s favorite flavor.

“Atta boy,” Eddie says, handing him a ten-dollar bill. Luke starts to walk away and towards the truck, but Eddie stops him with an, “ah-ah-ah. It’s crowded here. I don’t want you to lose each other so hold your brother’s hand.” When Luke opens his mouth to respond, a frown creasing his forehead and his nose wrinkling up, Eddie halts the whining before it even happens. “Hold your brother’s hand.”

“Fine,” Luke huffs and offers his hand to Ryan in the most limp, unenthusiastic manner possible.

The two walk off and Eddie adjusts his position so he can keep an eye on his sons as they snake their way through the crowd and over to the ice cream truck that already has a line of a few kids in front of it. But from this new angle, Eddie can also see you out of the corner of his eye. A breath rushes out of him as if he’d been holding it since his eyes were last on you. Seeing you makes Eddie calmer and more tense at the same time. As always, your presence brings him comfort and happiness. But you’re with a bunch of guys your own age and the jealousy monster is rearing its ugly head like nobody’s business. Eddie looks down at his lap and his eye catches on his wedding ring, glinting in the fading sun.

“You’re a fucking hypocrite, Munson,” Eddie mumbles to himself.

Unable to not look in your direction—I swear to God she’s got something magnetic about her, he thinks—Eddie sees you gazing out over the lake. You raise your hand above your eyes to shield them from the bright, falling sun and look around the whole area where people have settled in to have fun. Eddie’s just about to look away, not wanting to risk being caught staring at you if you spot him, when he sees one of your guy friends walking over to you. It’s not Long Hair from before. This guy is shorter and as muscly as the other guy was scrawny. Eddie can hear him calling your name, but you must be too caught up in your thoughts to hear him. Muscles reaches out and touches your arm to get your attention. As if seeing him just touching you isn’t bad enough, Eddie watches as you turn around to face Muscles, but the guy still doesn’t take his hand off of you. The tanned, muscular hand is slowly moving down your arm and a knot grows in Eddie’s stomach. If this asshole takes your hand, Eddie feels like he might throw up the burger he’s barely started digesting.

Luckily, you move to walk back towards your group of friends before Muscles’s hand could reach yours. Eddie feels twenty pounds lighter. He turns back to look towards the parking lot and sees his sons approaching, Ryan holding an ice cream in each hand, and Luke holding one and holding onto the back of Ryan’s red t-shirt with the other hand. By the way his youngest son is rolling his eyes as they approach, Eddie realizes it was Ryan’s idea that Luke holds on to him.

Ryan hands Eddie his scoop of cookies and cream, plopping back down to enjoy the mint chip cone he’d bought for himself.

“DAD! OH MY GOD, DAD!!” Luke shouts, and Eddie nearly drops his cone.

“What? What’s wrong?”

Luke points down towards the left. “Look at that doggy! He’s so cute!” Sure enough, a middle-aged couple is walking a golden retriever along the lake. Both boys sit up a bit straighter and watch as the owners toss a tennis ball into the water and the dog eagerly paddles after it.

As Eddie’s heart rate steadies to a normal pace—seriously, he’s going to have to talk with Luke about using his “emergency voice” when it is not an emergency—he finds his gaze drifting back to you. He’s just in time to see Long Hair take the baseball cap from his own head and put it on top of yours. Eddie silently wills you to take it off, chuck it into the lake, set it on fire…but he’s utterly disappointed when you adjust it to your head and wear it proudly.

Would she wear something of mine if I gave it to her? He silently wonders. He’s so engrossed in whatever flirtatious games you’re playing that he barely hears his older son trying to get his attention.

“Daddy, your ice cream is leaking over the cone. Daddy! It’s getting runny and gonna drip! Daddy?”

“And whaddya keep looking that way for? The lake is that way!” Luke chimes in, face covered in cotton candy ice cream.

“Y-Yeah, sorry, guys,” Eddie mumbles, but he keeps his gaze locked on you. A blonde guy wearing a puka shell necklace like he’s on Hawaii Five-0 points to a beach volleyball net that’s just been vacated, and you and your friends follow him.

It’s two versus two; Muscles is serving as a referee for this game. You and Puka Shell are on a team, and Long Hair and the only other girl in your group stand on the other side of the net. You serve, the girl returns it, Puka Shell lobbies it to you, and you spike it back, surprising yourself.

Eddie clenches his fist until he feels the ice cream cone begin to break when your teammate wraps his arms around you in a hug. Jesus H. Christ, whatever happened to high-fives? But he knows that he’d envy any little touch these guys got from you.

He tries to distract himself, asking Ryan if he’s excited for his birthday, but he’s only half-listening.

“What do you want for a gift?” he asks, raising his eyebrows when his sons look at him curiously. “What?”

“I just said I wanted a new Lego set,” Ryan says. He’s not annoyed, just confused. “Are you feeling okay, Daddy?”

“Maybe he has scurvy,” Luke suggests, “like the pirates in that movie we watched.”

“‘M fine,” Eddie reassures them. It takes a second for him to register what Luke’s suggested. “Did you just say I had scurvy?”

There’s no time for Luke to elaborate—not that Eddie necessarily wants him to—before your joyous squeal filters through the air. It seems as though you and Puka Shell won the game, because he’s twirling you around triumphantly.

Does she want him picking her up? Touching her? Eddie’s inner monologue runs wild. Okay, she’s laughing and smiling, so that’s good. She’s fine with it; yeah, so that’s fine. Everything’s fine. We’re all fine here. She’s with her friends, I’m a married man here with my kids, and that’s all there is to it.

The whistle and boom of the first firework lighting the sky is a welcome distraction. Ryan lets out a gasp as he stares in awe of the red shooting through the dark sky. Luke scoots backwards and plops himself in Eddie’s lap. He leans against Eddie’s chest and lays his head back on his shoulder as he becomes engrossed in the spectacle. It’s been a while since Luke’s sat in his lap like this, so it brings a smile to Eddie’s face.

Mixtures of red, white, and blue fireworks crackle through the air, occasionally making shapes other than the usual spherical pattern that shimmies down. Eddie looks over at Ryan, who has a bright grin on his face. The red firework currently popping off leaves a scarlet shadow behind on his older son’s face. Beyond Ryan, Eddie glimpses a view of you watching the fireworks. You’re still with your friends, but you’re sitting a little bit in front of them with your legs crossed and your elbows resting on your knees. There’s a peaceful joy on your face and it makes Eddie’s heart give a few thumps harder than usual. Your friends behind you are talking but you couldn’t seem to care less about what they’re saying. You’re solely focused on the show in the sky. Eddie looks back at his kids and sees them just as mesmerized by the bursting colors. Luke snuggles back against his chest and Eddie is filled with warmth. He wraps his arms loosely around Luke and rests his head against his son’s smaller one as he looks up and joins in watching the celebration.

By the time the fireworks are done, Eddie’s pretty sure his hearing is damaged. Didn’t I used to play in a metal band? Jesus, I’m getting old. Luke springs up from his dad’s lap and Ryan stands up and stretches his arms out over his head, releasing a long yawn.

“How was that?” Eddie asks as he collects the beach towels they had been sitting on.

“So cool!” Luke says, jumping as if to emphasize his point.

“I like the ones that make the fizzy noises as they go out,” Ryan says as he picks up the empty Burger King bag and balls it up in his hands.

“My favorite are the ones that go pheeeeew,” Luke attempts to mimic the whistle, “then BANG!”

“What about you, Daddy?” Ryan asks.

“Hmm,” Eddie hums as he considers the question. “The ones that were shaped like circles. They looked pretty cool. Okay, now come on and take my hands, guys. It’s gonna be like a stampede getting out of here.” Eddie tucks the towels under one arm and offers a hand to each son.

They only make it about five steps before Luke is groaning. “It’s going to take forever to—hey! Look!”

Both Eddie and Ryan turn their heads to look in the direction that Luke is pointing. Eddie’s heart stalls in his chest. Luke’s grinning from ear to ear as he notices you walking with your friends. Ryan gives a gasp of delight when his eyes land on you as well.

“I’m gonna go say hi!” Luke exclaims, and he’s already halfway to you before Eddie can even open his mouth.

“Luke, I—ugh, shit.” Eddie mumbles the last part under his breath as he leads Ryan by the hand over to you and your friends. Luke is already in your arms by the time they get there.

“And then the red one went higher than all the others! And I think it had the loudest boom, too,” Luke is saying. You look up and the brightest smile lights up your face as you see Eddie and Ryan standing there.

“Hey, strangers,” you greet and Ryan dives in for a hug. You chuckle and wrap your arms around him too.

Long Hair is standing to the side, slightly closer to Eddie than he is to you, and the rest of your friends are behind you. He gives a small chuckle at the intensity of the hugs the kids give you before turning to Eddie and saying, “You want a hug, too?”

You jab Long Hair in the ribs with your elbow, but that only makes him chuckle more and wrap an arm around you to pull you back against him. This time, Eddie notices, you don’t have the same enthusiastic grin that you had earlier in the evening. It takes everything in his power not to pry you from his arms.

“I’ll see you guys on Monday, yeah?” you ask the Munson men, desperate to fill the silence.

“Usual time and place,” Eddie says. The words would usually be accompanied by a wink or a smirk, but something about being around these college guys is grating on his nerves and it’s the closest he’s felt to being intimidated since he was a senior in high school—the first time.

“Bye!” both boys call and wave at you before walking away with their dad. You wave in return, but it looks pitiful compared to their enthusiastic ones.

As soon as they’re out of earshot, you pull out of your friend's arm and spin around to face him. “Peter, do you ever shut up?”

“Calm down,” Peter says, exhaling a sound that’s a mixture of a laugh and a scoff. “This guy’s old enough to be your dad.”

Tony smirks and rests a muscled arm on Paul’s shoulder. “Maybe she’s into the whole ‘daddy’ thing.”

The eye roll you give them is involuntary. “You guys are assholes!”

Turning on your flip flop heel, you spin in the other direction and jog a bit until you catch up with Eddie and the boys.

“Hey! Where are you going?” Paul asks.

A soft, gentle hand lands on Eddie’s shoulder and he looks back to see you offering him an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry if my friends were weird…and I’m sorry if I’m making this weirder.”

Eddie’s entire demeanor changes; despite having to watch you flirt with those douchebags—and then being mocked by them—he can’t help but soften towards you. “Nah, Sweetheart, you’re good. Be safe tonight, okay?” Be safe? Seriously, Munson? What are you, her grandpa?

You don’t seem to notice the way he bites his tongue, trying to quell the surge of embarrassment. “I always am,” you say reassuringly. “See you Monday?”

Eddie nods as you turn around to head back to your friends, utterly oblivious to the way your natural beauty outshines the brightest firework tonight. You’re everything he could ever want, but you’re young and gorgeous with a million better prospects than an old married man.

He takes one last look at you before he brings the boys to the car. The passenger seat is empty, and he wears a sad smile when he thinks about you sitting there, excitedly chatting with him and the kids about the evening. Eddie would rest his hand on your thigh while he drives back home, and once Ryan and Luke are sound asleep, you and Eddie could make some fireworks of your own.

Shaking his head, Eddie pulls out from the parking spot and braces himself for the holiday traffic. He grumbles some swear words under his breath, flicking on the radio to the first station that doesn’t have commercials.

“…say I’m not so tough, just because I’m in love with an uptown girl.”

He leans back in his seat and taps out the rhythm on the steering wheel. Funny, he’s never really been a Billy Joel fan, but something about this song reminds him of—

“Dad! Luke’s looking at me!”

“He looked at me first!”

“Both of you close your eyes,” Eddie orders. He can’t see whether or not they listened, but the squabbling stopped, so he’ll consider it a victory.

“Uptown girl, she’s my uptown girl…”

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #older!eddie #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fan fiction #eddie munson fanfic #AYW #AYWs

869 notes · View notes

melancholy-of-nadia · 10 months

Text

Thursday Night (m) | jjk

title: Thursday Night (Boba & Ride) pairing: jungkook x f. reader rating/genre: m ; smut ; SEVEN alt. AU, college / university au, friends to lovers summary: Just another day of Jeon Jungkook waking you up in the middle of the night to get boba tea with him across town at your favorite late-night spot, Pekoe. Turns out, this is not just another nightly outing to get boba, but also a chance for the two of you to finally get out of this sexually-charged friend-zone and fuck in his Mercedes Benz G-Wagon. warnings: car sex, vaginal fingering, edging, multiple orgasms, breast play, nipple licking, unprotected sex (well, reader is on the pill), RIDING, slight choking, creampie, body worship, Jungkook is wearing SWEATS, implied that jk vapes, awkward positions in the car bc they are HORNY and don’t care note: okay, so i originally wrote the first part of the wholesome boba date a year ago after Left & Right came out (and made it kinda based on my late night boba runs with friends in college pre-pandemic). But I never finished it, until Seven came out a few days ago and SUDDENLY I WENT BACK TO THIS AND DID A 180 AND SLAMMED SOME SMUT ON IT. VERY SPICY. Thank you for the whore thoughts, Jungkook. Thank you @daegudrama for editing and fixing the messy smut. Stream Seven!! and FEEDBACK & Comments are much appreciated !!

total word count: 4.5k drop date: july 17th, 2023, 10:30am PST CROSS POSTED ON AO3 (honeyjamjoon is my user on there) - -

Dozing off slowly as your mind wanders through the stages of sleep to reach REM, you’re suddenly interrupted by a distant ringing sound in the distance.

It sounds like… your phone? You recognize the familiar “Shooky Shooky” theme song of your favorite cartoon cookie and his 7 pals you set as a ringtone weeks ago.

Waking up with eyes still heavy from sleep, you reach your hand out to grab your phone from your bedside dresser. You squint at the bright screen seeing who the random caller is that is getting in the way of your slumber before you wake up later for another dreaded day of uni classes..

Jeon Jungkook.

Of course it was him, you think. He’s the friend you made at the beginning of the semester in your Japanese class, where he found out that both of you took the class to be able to watch anime without subtitles. Just a pair of total weebs.

Then you kept running into him at university club events, specifically the Korean Student Association Curry & Karaoke night where both of you fangirled (fanboyed?) over IU and spent an entire night singing her discography while taking soju shots together. At this point, you knew he was just destined to be your bestie for life.

However, Jungkook has a terrible sleep schedule where he sometimes stays up until crackhead hours to do random things like late night drives (yes, he is paying the ridiculous parking permit fee to have his car on campus). He had previously invited you to get some In-N-Out with him and his upperclassmen friend Namjoon which resulted in a late night drive where you ended up on top of a mountain about 40 minutes away from campus at 1am.

While the view of the city down below was nice, you couldn’t stop freaking out about how to get back to your uni with the terrible data reception showing no map directions. Namjoon did his best to help you remain calm from a pending panic attack while Jungkook giggled, but reassured you that everything would be fine and he would figure it out. And he did. Never had you been so glad to be back on campus with some leftover animal style fries in hand.

Not many drives with Jungkook were that adventurous, but they were all late at night. Which you didn’t like due to the fact that you liked to sleep early and wake up early for your morning classes. Very contrasting dynamics being best friends with a night owl.

You answer the phone in a raspy, sleepy voice, “Hey Jungkook, what’s up.”

“Hey— were you asleep? Sorry, I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out and get some boba, but—”

“NO!” You answer immediately. “I was taking a power nap, I AM UP! I WILL GO GET BOBA WITH YOU!”

Your voice is suddenly loud with excitement through Jungkook’s phone speaker. You’re glad you live in a single room in your 4 bedroom dorm apartment where loud sounds aren’t as easily heard by your roommates.

“REALLY? OKAY! Let’s meet in front of my dorm building. I’ll see you in a bit.”

Boba will really get you to do anything, especially when it might be the spot Jungkook loves to take you to that is across town. It closes at 1:30am and also has a club-like aesthetic where a lot of people go to hang out at night. There are gaming consoles and a pool table, but the drinks are sadly non-alcoholic. Still good though.

Wearing a black hoodie and your old black volleyball shorts, you head out to the front of the building next door where you find Jungkook sitting on a bench under a streetlight’s glow. He is wearing a black t-shirt and jacket, contrasting his white pants.

He looks good, you think as you walk up to him. He’s texting someone before he looks up at you.

“So are we getting boba or should I head back to sleep?” You giggle pointing to the parking lot to signal him to get up from the bench.

“Oh, we’re getting boba for sure and you won’t be sleeping anytime soon.” He speaks starting to head towards his black Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon in the parking lot while you follow behind him. Suspicious phrasing, but you brush it off. You have a dirty mind after all.

“So, we’re going where exactly?” "Pekoe! My favorite boba spot in town," Jungkook replies with a mischievous grin. "I've been craving their Taro Taro. It's like drinking a purple cloud!" He exclaims excitedly.

You laugh at his description, knowing he has a knack for making even the simplest things sound exciting. As you hop into the passenger seat of his car, you fasten your seatbelt. "And what about you? What's your drink choice tonight?"

He glances at you, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Well tonight, I'm getting my fav from there! Pretty in Pink! Jasmine milk tea with strawberry sounds like the perfect combination of sweet and floral."

He nods in approval. It was just another testament to how well you knew each other's preferences. The car roars to life as Jungkook starts the engine, the soft purr resonating through the vehicle. I love being the passenger princess when Jungkook is driving.

As the two of you drive through the city streets, the night envelopes you in a sense of tranquility. The familiar sights pass by, but tonight they seem different. There is an undercurrent of excitement, a subtle shift in the air that mirrors the budding emotions in your heart.

Jungkook, always one to fill the silence, begins cracking jokes and making silly comments, aiming to make you laugh. And laugh you do, your genuine giggles filling the car with warmth and joy. You can’t help but be drawn to his infectious laughter and the way he effortlessly brings a smile to your face.

As you approach Pekoe, the neon sign glows in the night, welcoming you to its cozy embrace. The two of you step out of the car, the scent of freshly brewed tea swirling around you. Inside, the ambiance is lively, with people chatting, sipping their drinks, and enjoying each other's company.

You join the line, eagerly waiting for your turn to order. As you reach the counter, the friendly barista takes your requests, preparing the Taro Taro and Pretty in Pink with skillful hands. The drinks are handed to you in their signature, vibrantly lit cups, and you can't help but admire the aesthetic.

With your boba in hand, you find a cozy corner in the café, settling into plush seats. The first sip of your Pretty in Pink sends a burst of flavors dancing on your tongue, the sweet strawberry complementing the fragrant jasmine tea perfectly. Jungkook's eyes widen in delight as he takes his first sip of the Taro Taro, a satisfied smile gracing his lips.

As you sit there, enjoying your drinks and engaging in light-hearted banter, you can't ignore the subtle change in your feelings as of late. The laughter, the shared moments, and the genuine connection you have formed with Jungkook begin tugging at your heartstrings. The thought of him being more than just a best friend dances at the edges of your mind, like a gentle melody waiting to be fully embraced.

But for now, you cherish the present moment, savoring the boba and the company of the person who has become such an important part of your life. The night is young, and as you exchange playful glances with Jungkook, you can't help but wonder what other adventures await the two of you in the days and nights to come.

Leaving Pekoe behind, your boba-induced bliss carries you as Jungkook suggests going to one of your favorite lookout points—a hidden spot where you can see the entire city spread out below. The mere thought of it ignites a sense of anticipation within you, and you nod eagerly in agreement.

Driving through the winding roads, the city lights twinkling like a sea of stars, the atmosphere inside the car begins to shift. A subtle, sensually charged energy envelopes the space, like an unspoken understanding between two souls on the precipice of something new.

As you arrive at the lookout point, Jungkook parks the car, and you both stay inside, cocooning yourselves in the comfortable silence that only close friends can share. The dimly lit interior creates an intimate ambiance, casting soft shadows across Jungkook's face, and highlighting his features in a way that makes your heart skip a beat.

Leaning back against the seat, you gaze out at the breathtaking view before you. The cityscape stretched out like a living breathing entity, its pulsating energy matching the intensity of the emotions brewing inside you.

The silence between you feels charged with unspoken desires, the air thick with anticipation. You steal glances at Jungkook, his eyes fixed on the mesmerizing city lights. The soft glow plays on his features, highlighting the curve of his lips and the gentle slope of his jawline. In moments like these, you can't help but admire the kindness that resides within him.

Lost in your thoughts, you feel a gentle brush of Jungkook's hand against yours, sending a jolt of electricity through your veins. The touch was innocent, yet it carries an unspoken invitation, daring you to explore the uncharted territories of your friendship.

You turn to him, your eyes meeting in a silent conversation that spoke volumes. The unspoken question hangs heavy in the air, begging to be acknowledged. With a hesitant yet determined smile, you reach out, intertwining your fingers with his, intertwining your destinies in that single act.

The connection between you deepens as time seems to stand still. His touch sends a rush of warmth coursing through your body, awakening a dormant desire that had been slowly bubbling beneath the surface. The intensity of the moment was undeniable, drawing you closer, your hearts beating in sync.

Neither of you speaks a word, for words seem inadequate to capture the raw emotions coursing through your veins. Instead, you find solace in the silence, in the electric current that flows between you, igniting a flame that burns brighter with every passing second.

As time passes, your relationship with Jungkook was left to simmer and reduce to being only friends. Holding his flirty gazes or even his hands has become part of the fun. A challenge of sorts.

Despite that, there will still come a point where you will finally lose your footing and can no longer stand your ground. You just can’t just be friends with Jungkook, and neither can he.

“I really want to kiss you right now,” He says, refastening his gaze on you.

“You should,” you say, without blinking. This is the moment you’ve been waiting for. Crossing the line you’ve been afraid to cross with him.

The lump in your throat twitches, but he reaches over from the driver seat and caresses your jaw with his hand anyways. Determining again to hold his stare, you stroke his cheek with your thumb. But his eyes close on their own as his lips move unhurriedly towards yours, they’re as soft as his approach.

At this moment, it may have seemed like you were hesitating, uncertain in this newfound situation, but in fact, it was quite the opposite. Since you two can’t stay here forever – returning to campus is rather inevitable – the lightness in his tread is completely deliberate. You both want, no, need to savor every millisecond.

You feel the heave of his exhale when he kisses you with a little more intensity. Cupping his face in both of your hands, you feel your pulse drop aggressively into your pelvis and fall further in towards him. Your hands snake back behind his head and grasp his hair to pull his face closer to yours. Your lips only part briefly to make room for your tongues to slip back and forth.

Jungkook grasps a handful of your hair and cranes your neck back while simultaneously pulling your body in closer. Jungkook's lips trailed a path of featherlight kisses along your neck, his touch sending shivers cascading down your spine, igniting a symphony of tingling sensations that left them craving for more. He pulls away quickly, greedily drinking in the stale cold air like he has forgotten to breathe that whole time. His eyes follow the trail of his fingers as he thumbs the bare skin of your outer thigh.

“I always like seeing you dress casually, in your cute shorts and oversized hoodies.”

You follow his gaze and smile. “It’s what I feel most comfortable with. But I don’t let many people see me like this because I look so bummy.”

Jungkook looks up once again to meet your eyes and mirrors your smile back to you. “But you still look so beautiful.”

In unison, both your lips draw back together. Without breaking your chain of kisses, you climb over to the driver’s seat to straddle him. Your restricted position prevents you from feeling his likely erection hiding underneath his sweatpants to press against you. But you are actually too preoccupied with devouring him through the kisses to worry about that yet.

His hands move down the length of your torso past your waist, over your shorts, onto your thighs. He slips one hand under your oversized hoodie, cupping your ass and giving it a gentle squeeze. Your hips swivel and thrust towards him, causing the top of your head to rub against the ceiling of his G-Wagon.

“At this rate, I am definitely going to look like a hot mess when we go back,” You say, feeling around for stray hairs that may have been charged with static electricity.

“Here.” Jungkook invites you to lie across the passenger’s side of the vehicle. “This might be better for you then.”

You recline slowly lifting your hips to rest your butt on the center console before lying your head on the passenger door’s armrest. Your knees fall apart to reveal your short skin-tight shorts to him. He leans over you moving between your legs and running the back of his hand up your inner thigh. Still lost in the darkness of your eyes, he rests his head on your knee and squeezes the fleshiness of your thigh. As Jungkook's fingers gently squeezed, another heat surges through your body, accompanied by a swarm of delicate butterflies fluttering in your stomach. The innocent yet electrifying touch sparked a wave of anticipation and desire, leaving you yearning for more. You also realize that even the simplest gestures from Jungkook have the power to awaken a new deep and undeniable lust within you.

You sit up to meet his face and kiss him again. You can taste the taro black tea boba and a slight smoky strawberry-watermelon nicotine on his tongue. Lips locked, you pull him down with you and wrap your arms around his neck. The position is awkward but stubbornly tolerated, all the same, both of you unwilling to pull apart. Both of you are like a couple of desperate teenagers fighting through the objective discomfort to exhaust every last second before curfew.

Finally, Jungkook leans back in his seat again. You stay where you were, hoodie hiked up past your belly button and legs spread out. He uses his hands to gently pull down your shorts, like pulling away the curtain to reveal the main stage.

Then he stops, planting that poignant gaze of his on you. A street lamp painting a streak across your torso to expose his mental photograph.

“You really are absolutely gorgeous tonight, Bunny,” he says, which has you awestruck at this moment.

Bunny is the nickname he gave you a while back because you are a massive Sailor Moon fan. You both make fun of the cringey 90s dub of the show where Usagi is nicknamed Bunny. He likes to call you that when you have space buns.

“Thank you,” You say with genuine gratitude, your knees swaying with an imaginary breeze caused by giddiness. You love how he speaks endearingly to you.

With the back of his fingers, Jungkook gently caresses your inner thigh from knee to groin. The tingling trail he leaves in his wake triggers a shiver from the backs of your knees. He flips his hand over to fuse the warmth from his palm with the heat radiating from your vulva. Your clit is begging for attention and your your pussy clenches around the air desperate for something to fill it. Jungkook grins. You like to imagine that it’s because he too realizes all that potential he holds in the palm of his hand.

He runs one finger along the hem of your underwear. When his hand turns around to go back the way he came, he gently slides his fingertip to the underside of the hemline rubbing the back of his finger against the skin. You lean your head back and shut your eyes, letting out a long sigh of relief.

"I have waited so long for you to touch me like this," You whisper.

Though yours are closed, you imagine that he never takes his intense eyes off you. He moves your panties to one side. He spreads his fingers down again over your vulva. You hear his lips smack gently as he licks his thumb. He brings his hand back down to you, gently pressing the pad of his thumb against your swollen clit. Remaining there for a moment, he faintly increases the pressure and finally begins to rub gentle circles around it.

You feel yourself squirm in the seat, simultaneously moving closer to him and trying to pull away. Jungkook’s arm stretches out to the back to grab his Squishmallow pillow in the back seat to use as a cushion underneath you for comfort. He claims he has these pillows here since he takes naps in between classes in his car.

Your lower back arches and your hips pressed into the cushion beneath you. But as quickly as you had been overcome with nervous tension, your body relaxed into this space, back into the seat.

The circles turn to an up-and-down motion as you grow squirmy under the delicate burden of his touch. With two fingers on his other hand, Jungkook teases at your opening. When he finally enters, you inhale sharply in approval. His fingers are just barely inside, but it is all you need. He massages you gently from within. He slots his thumb partially inside to coat his thumb in your wetness and leads it to make persistent strokes over your clit.

You feel yourself contract and squeeze around his fingers. He moves them in a little further, intensifying his come-hither curl deeper inside.

A chill rises behind your ears and at the nape of your neck, heating up as it trickles down your spine toward your tailbone. One knee presses into the back of the seat as the other reaches for the dash. Tension swells in the fronts of your thighs as your heels try to dig into the seat cushion beneath him. Your hips rise, begging Jungkook to continue.

Your breaths are craving, yet distended, and all your focus shifts inward, concentrating on the movement of his fingers, inside and out. Forgetting everything else. Really feeling it at the point of contact. Your eyes are still closed when you drink in a long inhalation, and release it with equal intention, feeling the intensity of your pleasure growing with every subsequent breath.

“We…” Exhilaration forces the words back down your throat. Try again. “We should drive back…”

Strong thumb still resting on your clit, his other hand rises to hush you with your own wetness. “Not yet, love.” Love?! You couldn’t question the new nickname bubbling out from his lips because your mind was consumed in total stimulation. You’d talk about this sometime after, you thought.

His burgeoning arousal was becoming more apparent in that confined space. You can hear his breath grow huskier as he resumes his rhythmic stimulation of your clit. You can smell the rising excitement dripping all over the cadence of his fingers.

Your mouth falls open to usher forth a silent scream. Your pussy clenches around his fingers and your pulse throbs into the pad of his thumb. Your head presses back into the armrest and you worry momentarily that you might push right through the door, but your worries are wiped clean before you can finish that thought. Vision turning all white and shaky.

Jungkook slowly slides his fingers out as your body goes limp. He leans back to watch you bask in the fallout of your body quake. Your head falls limply to one side while your body struggles to recalibrate – slowed breathing, relaxed pulse, fallen temperature, faded bliss.

“Just truly stunning…” he repeats.

You are caught somewhere between pleasure-induced paralysis and a voracious desire to continue and make hungry love to this man. You reach up, grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him down towards you, forcing him to meet you at eye level.

“Thank you,” You whisper softly into his ear. You kiss his neck, feeling the echoes of his hammering heart press into your lips.

He breaks the kiss and rests his head on your shoulder. He shyly hides his face, hesitant to bring up his next request, “I want you to ride me. Think you could last through another orgasm?”

You giggle at how needy he is being. “Honestly, yes.”

Jungkook tries to refrain himself from squealing and gets up from his position. He sits to adjust his seat back and partially slides off his sweats and boxer briefs.

His dick is a blush shade, long and hard. “Wow…” You mindlessly speak your amusement leading him to giggle in response.

You get up from laying on the passenger seat and climb over the center console to sit on his lap. Your lips meet in a passionate kiss yet again, while you pull his shirt off. You slide your hands slowly down his chest and abs, your small cold fingers send a shiver through his body. You lightly touch his tattooed arm, tracing each intricate design.

Jungkook lifts your hoodie in response to your actions and giggles upon seeing the sight underneath it. “Hehe, you’re not wearing anything under. So scandalous, Bunny,” Before you can refute his teasing, Jungkook buries his face in your breasts.

His soft lips slowly kiss up your cleavage to your neck. Jungkook gently sucks the sensitive spot on your neck, causing you to moan. You thread your fingers through his long black hair and tug. Jungkook winces submissively at your actions.

“I thought you said you wanted me to ride you?” You taunt, teasing him by rubbing your wet folds along his hard dick.

Jungkook groans and grabs your hips, lifting you above him. He tugs the thin fabric of your panties to the side again before lining up his cock to your entrance and lowering you slowly onto his cock. You moan, tilting your head back in pleasure and enjoying the sensation of him filling you up.

“Shit. You’re so tight.” Jungkook stills inside you, letting you adjust to his dick inside you.

You experimentally lift yourself up, using his shoulders as leverage, then sink back down. Jungkook inhales sharply, biting his bottom lip as he watches you fuck yourself on his cock. He keeps his left hand on your waist, strong fingers keeping you steady. He pushes the hoodie above your chest and massages your left breast. His tongue circles your right nipple, the sensation causing you to clench around his dick.

“Fuck, feels so good.” he moans softly. He’s so cute, your fucked out brain thinks.

You grab Jungkook’s hand from your left breast and slide it up to your neck, giving it a light squeeze to indicate what you want from him. He shakes his head and you halt your movement.

“No, Bunny, not today. Today, I’m going to make you scream so loud that you’re going to come back every day for more.” He feels your pussy involuntarily tighten around his cock, sucking him further into your tight walls. “You’d like it if someone caught us like this, wouldn’t you? Let them see how I ruin you,” Jungkook snickers as he teases you.

“You’re so-” You can’t even finish your sentence as Jungkook thrust deep inside of you. This causes you to lose your balance and rest your head on Jungkook’s shoulder, giving him full control over your body. He bounces you on his thick cock until you can feel your high approaching.

“I’m gonna cum, Jungkook.” You announce after a series of muffled moans, your voice barely coming out as a whisper. He tightens his grip on your ass and slides one hand down to rub your clit for added stimulation to the impending time bomb of pleasure.

“Let go, love.” As his movements quicken, soon, he feels your pussy clenching tightly around his dick.

“Jungkook!” You scream as you come. You kiss his neck while coming down from your high. Feeling spent, you collapse on Jungkook’s body, relishing the feeling of his muscular body moving against yours.

Jungkook knows he can’t hold out much longer when he feels your pussy pulsate around his dick. “You can cum inside me, I’m on the pill.” You whisper in his ear shyly, feeling his erratic movements inside you.

He digs his fingers into your hips thrusting deeper and more erratically before he comes inside you. He thrusts a few more times to ride out his orgasm before he leans back in his seat in exhaustion.

You both lay there in his car while you catch your breaths and pepper tiny kisses on each other’s bodies. Afterward, Jungkook lifts you up and removes his cock from inside you. You shiver from the emptiness and feel his come slowly drip out from inside you. You quickly slide up your panties into place, pull up your shorts and then readjust your hoodie before collapsing onto the passenger seat.

You watch Jungkook quickly pull up his boxer briefs and sweats. You both look at each other in your fucked out states, all messy and laugh.

“I THINK we should go home now. It’s like almost 3am,” You laugh nervously looking at the time on your phone.

“We should!” He chuckles. “So Bunny…tomorrow…boba, same time?”

“Just come over to my dorm tomorrow. The roomies are out, so we can watch Chainsaw Man and do this again. My wallet can’t deal with more boba runs, and then bonking and losing sleep when I have a 9am class.”

“I’ll be the one treating you to boba from now on,” He smirks at you curiously. God, you really found someone amazing in your life.

As the night sky embraces the city with its velvet darkness, Jungkook drives back to campus. The cool breeze whispers through the open windows, sending shivers down their spines as you two reveled in the afterglow.

Your fingers intertwine on the center console, a tangible connection that symbolizes the bond you share. The radio softly plays Keshi, providing a soothing soundtrack to the journey. You two glance at each other, smiles dancing on your lips, eyes filled with a mixture of contentment and desire to keep doing this again. Maybe boba and riding every day from now on.

#jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #seven by jungkook #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts imagines #fanfic #fanficition #ao3 #jeon jungkook #jeon jungkook x reader #bts #bangtan sonyeondan #seven #bts smut #jungkook #smut #bts one shot #bts drabble

683 notes · View notes

blue-jisungs · 7 months

Text

childish honesty

author's note. okay phew this has been rotting in my drafts since JULY??? the main reason of not posting was literally no idea for the title bye. anyways i hope you enjoy, esp you @l3visbby since this is the chan work i’ve been talking about 💀

big shout out to my beloved @planetkiimchi for proofreading, ilysm and thank you so so much <3 i really appreciate it 🥹

summary. there’s a cute guy who’s literally perfect. everything starts to work out when your little secret comes out // or in which you always adored children’s honesty but fail to do the same

summary. 7894

warnings. swearing, alcohol consumption + one scene in a club but nothing too wild, mention of cheating. a bit angsty :) chan is a bit of an ass but then again, he kind of has a reason….. + some cameos <3

biting the inside of your cheek deep in thought, your friend – jeongyeon – noticed you’re drifting away. tapping the back of your hand gently, warm smile on her lips. your other friend, jihyo, scoffed.

“and you’re gone again… don’t tell me he’s on your mind” she sighed dramatically. a blush crept on your face since you were caught.

“girl, you were supposed to relax! clear your head! go wild!” jeongyeon grunted and broke into a mischievous giggle “well, the last one is for later”

“we know you love him but please, stop thinking about him. for once…” jihyo pouted “i’ll get jealous!”

“okay, you know i love you both” you smiled, grabbing their hands “i’m sorry. you know how it is”

“well… we don’t. but we understand, we know what you’ve been through. that’s why you need a break” jeongyeon said and jihyo nodded in agreement “aaaand we need to find you a new man”

“huh?” you blinked, reaching for your coffee cup.

“oh come on, don’t act like you don’t understand” jihyo winked and you almost choked on the hot beverage. the action made your friends laugh “what?! that’s not what i meant…” you grunted but your reaction spoke for yourself.

“now that i think about it… jihyo, do you remember chan? from our company? he’s in another department but he’s the manager, you should know him” jeongyeon hummed, tapping her fingers against her coffee cup. you stole a glance at your phone. no one texted you.

“of course i do! i love chan, he’s so cute and good in what he does… wait” the corners of jihyo’s lips curled into a mischievous smile “oh…”

“oh indeed” jeongyeon smirked, both of them slowly looking at you.

“what?” you asked and your attention was quickly dismissed when your phone buzzed. the girls in front of you exchanged sly looks with each other and nodded in agreement.

“okay! let’s go to my place and change up, hm? it’s friday night, i already thought of a party plan” jihyo smacked the table energetically and stood up from the seat, going over to pay for the coffee.

“where does she get this energy from…” you murmured as you texted back. jeongyeon smiled and stood up too, waiting for you.

“yeah… no…” you grunted, swirling the drink in your hand. squeezing your phone between your cheek and your arm, you looked for your lipgloss hidden somewhere in the bag.

you wanted to finish talking before your friends come back with even more drinks. it was hard to hear jooyeon’s rambles due to the loud music booming in the club.

“‘m sorry, can you speak a bit louder?” you asked and managed to find your lipgloss “or just…”

“y/n!” you heard jihyo’s shouts

“sorry, baby, i need to go!” you said

“but…” jooyeon whined and you sighed apologetically.

“i’ll call you in the morning, okay?” you hummed and were met with a soft, sad hmpf. quickly hanging up, you pretended to use your phone as a mirror while holding the lipgloss.

“we’re back, ta-dam!” jeongyeon put the drinks on the table and shot you a suspicious glance “do you even see anything?”

“no… not really” you giggled and put your phone down, gulping down your previous drink “i’ll be right back!”

entering the bathroom you felt a sinking feeling in your stomach. you really shouldn’t have hung up so early. what if it was important? what if he needed help… what if he needed you?

quickly fixing your lipgloss, you shook your head. you shouldn’t think about it so much. the girls went out with you to have fun so just for a night you could forget about him, right?

after hiding the lipgloss in your mini bag; zipping it so the small electric guitar keychain dingled gently, you left the bathroom.

right away you felt your legs tripping or just the impact of someone bumping into you, you weren’t sure. before you could fall, a surprised yelp reached your ears and two hands held you sturdily by your waist.

“i’m sorry, i should have watched where i was going” a male voice rung in your ears, causing you to squirm away from his hold. he let go, shaking his head “sorry”

“that’s okay, it was my fault too” you nodded and looked at his face. the red neon lights in the club didn’t help you in analysing his features but from what you saw now, he was handsome. his mouth opened and you could sense he’d apologise again but suddenly jihyo’s favourite song came on.

you just nodded for the second time and turned around, the man’s gaze following you – unbeknownst to you.

quickly joining your friends you went to the dance floor, finally starting to relax and temporarily forget about your worries.

arriving at your place, head pumping like crazy, you slowly opened the front door. it was around 10am, saturday morning. quietly entering the kitchen and painfully slowly opening the upper cabinet so it doesn’t creak—

“mom is back!”

you sighed. mission failed.

turning around with a smile you were met with jooyeon’s body launching at you.

“easy there” you giggled and last minute kneeled down, so he could hug you properly. his small hands wrapped around your neck, lips smooching your cheek “missed me that much?”

“duh! it’s boring without you!” jooyeon grinned cheekily and leaned away. then you registered someone leaning over the kitchen counter.

“jooyeonnie, could you maybe pick up the toys in the living room? quick, so mom won’t see the mess” the feminine voice was gentle and soft, as always.

“oh shoot, the toys!” jooyeon yelled out, causing you to scrunch your face. as he ran out of the room, you stood up and sent yuna a warm smile.

“thank you…” you sighed, grabbing a glass of water

“i can see the party was nice” she giggled, observing you “do you need me to stay longer? it’s not…”

“no, absolutely not. i already asked you for too much… but thank you so much” you shook your head as a no, putting the mini bag on the countertop.

yuna was jooyeon’s babysitter. she was a first year university student so the deal was great for three of you: jooyeon loved her (and vice versa), she got to earn some money and you had the opportunity to spend your time with friends or stay overtime without any stress. but hey! it was friday, today it’s saturday and yuna, such a young and lovely girl, definitely shouldn’t miss out on her free time on you two. plus your hangover.

“i’ve got this” you nodded and handed her the cash. she looked at you worried, then stealing a glance at jooyeon who already got distracted with something else.

“if you need anything please let me know…” yuna smiled politely.

“i need you to rest now” you chuckled and patted her arm “i’ve got this, really. have a nice day, yuna. jooyeon, say bye to aunt yuna!”

“bye bye!” he yelled out and ran up to her, grinning and reaching his hand out. they did a high five and yuna left, a sweet smile on her lips. to think she was one year younger than you when jooyeon— “where were you?” jooyeon crossed his hands and cocked an eyebrow, watching you. finishing your water you started looking for some medicine.

“with auntie jihyo and jeongyeon…” you started slowly, trying to focus and figure out what to say “… having a fun time. girls’ night out, you know?”

“mhm…” he hummed, dark irises glued to you “then why do you smell so… gross?”

you scoffed, the package with painkillers dropping from some hidden spot behind glasses.

“we were dancing and having drinks… and when i left, aunties were still sleeping so i didn’t want to wake them up with the loud shower” you explained, taking the meds “is it that bad?”

“yeah. take a shower, you stink” jooyeon ordered and turned around, happily going back to the living room and whatever he was doing with the play-dooh. kids are so honest, don’t you just love them?

following his orders you showered, fighting your eyelids. oh a nap… nap would be great right now.

leaving the bathroom, already in your comfy clothes, you shuffled slowly to find jooyeon. he was scribbling something in a colouring book.

“i think i’ll take a nap, joo. wanna go with me?” you asked quietly. his eyes lit up and he dropped the crayons, grabbing your hand instead

“of course, let’s go!” he exclaimed, leading you to your bedroom. jooyeon was old enough to sleep in his own bed but if he had the chance to sleep with you… on the biiiig bed… there’s no way he’d miss it for the world.

soon enough you were falling asleep with mr wolfy, jooyeon’s plushie, by your side.. and nugget, his another plushie. and five other plushies. and, above all, with your son snuggled comfortably next to you.

chan typed furiously, engrossed in his task. he didn’t even realise when felix walked into the room.

“hey, chan?”

he looked up, taken aback.

“what’s up?” chan asked, smiling softly. his features softened, looking at felix’s pensive face.

“see, i was talking to jihyo… you know, the other manager…” felix started. chan nodded — obviously he knew her. they meet once a month at the monthly evaluation “do you happen to be willing to go on a blind date?”

chan froze, eyes widening. he let out a nervous laugh, scratching his head.

“what is this about?” he asked, felix breaking into a smile.

“well you’re single, right? and apparently jihyo has a friend… so we just thought…” felix drifted off and took a deep breath “listen, i know i’m in no place to say it. but you’re my friend, we’ve known each other for years. and i feel like you should give it a shot. just once”

“but…” chan started, still not fully realising what’s going on

“don’t worry about it, i’m sure you’ll do well. literally everyone likes you, you know? me and jihyo can set up the date, just let me know if… that’s okay” felix breathed out, smiling softly. chan looked down and shook his head, shrugging.

“okay. just this once and only because you’re so kind about it” he scoffed. felix’s face lit up, eyes sparkling with joy.

“really?” he asked in shock. chan looked back at him and smiled

“really. but while you’re so euphoric, don’t forget to send me those audio files of the songs, okay?” chan dead serious. his friend nodded enthusiastically, leaving the room.

what the hell did he just agree to…?

fidgeting with his fingers chan stared at the people in the café. it was cozy, cutely decorated and full of plants. it’s not like he wasn’t here before, it was his friend’s cafe – seungmin’s. he knew all the staff, he was there to help with the decor and all. hell, he often worked there on his laptop with headphones in, in his own world (even though seungmin hated when he did that, apparently he scared the customers away)

he took a deep sigh and looked over at the counter. seungmin along with his two workers, momo and minho sent him thumbs up. of course, they knew about the date, felix had told them.

the door opened and he looked up, excited and nervous at the same time. his features dropped once he noticed it was an elder lady. letting out a scoff he checked the time. well, he was the one who was a bit earlier. would you be on time? or show up at all? he was thinking about–

“excuse me? are you chan?”

he looked up, blinking slowly. oh wow. you… you looked stunning.

“oh. yeah. yeah, that’s me” he nodded and stood up, reaching his hand out “y/n, i assume? jihyo’s friend?”

“yes” you smiled and shook his hand, sitting down “did you wait long?”

“oh, no… not really” he scratched his neck, glancing at his friends. they all sent him thumbs up “here’s the menu…”

“thank you. oh wow, the choices are…” you giggled nervously, reading all the drink and dessert descriptions. jooyeon would definitely like strawberry boom, whatever that was.

“i know, right?” chan tilted his head and adored your features. when jihyo said you’re pretty, he didn’t give it a much thought. he’d say the same thing about felix or his other friends too. but you… you were really angelic. and your smile was so sweet, he never wanted to see it disappear– “hm?”

“i’ll just go for an americano for now” you said and looked up “what about you?”

“i’ll get the strawberry cake, it’s really good. well, actually my friend owns the cafe so…” chan mumbled “… um, yeah. depends what you like, the lemon muffin is good too!”

“okay, if you recommend it then i’ll take it” you shot him a smile and before you could walk up to the counter, someone arrived at the table. your eyes widened upon seeing momo, a friend of jeongyeon’s. you talked a couple of times, she’s really nice but you didn’t know she worked here. in fact, didn’t she work at some dance studio…?

“hi, can i take your order?” she asked sweetly. chan’s gaze was focused on you. it warmed your heart because, well… momo was gorgeous. and he chose to look at you? a small thing but still…

“yes, i’ll take the strawberry cake and espresso. and for this beautiful lady, americano and lemon muffin” chan said, sending you a boyish smile. momo nodded

“iced or warm?” she asked you, winking.

“iced, please” you hummed and realised you still have your purse hung over your arm. momo walked away and you took the purse off, hanging it on the back of the chair.

“sorry if i’m awkward, i haven’t been on a date in a while” you chuckled and noticed chan’s gazed glued to your purse.

“the keychain” he hummed, pointing at it. you grabbed your purse and showed him the electric guitar keychain that was attached to the zipper “it’s cute”

“thank you. it’s a gift from a family member, i carry it everywhere” you hummed and watched chan’s eyes widen.

“were you perhaps at a party last week?” he asked, giggling when your face turned into shock while nodding “oh! so this is the mystery person i bumped into”

“what?!” you laughed loudly, uncontrollable grin plastered on your face “no way! i didn’t see your face then…”

“well me too but i remembered the guitar chain. i’m kind of a music freak… well, i do music for passion and work so it just… it just caught my eye” chan hummed, pointing at the item again “do you play?”

“oh, i used to when i was younger. and then boom, adult life, work, uni… i had to sell it to make ends meet. so, sadly, not anymore” you explained and nodded your head slowly. it was true.

however, a fact was that jooyeon gave it to you. well, he bought it somewhere when he was on a trip with his kindergarten. music ran in his veins ever since he was little. you still have those cute videos when he was younger and used pot lids as drum plates–

“–for a living?” chan’s question brought you back to life. momo arrived and placed your orders. letting out a small, amazed gasp you took out your phone to snap a picture. you’d show it later to jooyeon. maybe one day you could visit the café with him.

“i work in corpo. numbers, numbers and numbers. i wanna change my job but eh… is it worth the risk?” you answer and your life flashes in front of your eyes when your wallpaper appears on your phone.

obviously, it’s your son but you hoped chan didn’t see it. so you try to act like nothing happened: “this muffin is so cute i need to take a picture”

“honestly, understandable. if it wasn’t my millionth time here, i’d snap pics too” he hummed and realised that ever since you exchanged greetings, he would not stop smiling.

“done! ah, yours looks appetising too” you nod, the big strawberry on his cake as red as the guitar on your keychain.

as you two dive into the desserts, you continue your conversation. you’re surprised to come to a conclusion that after such a long time of not having dates, you weren’t stressed. and… you’re having fun?

jooyeon was doodling something next to you with his tongue stuck out while you were in the phone with jihyo and jeongyeon.

“so?! how was it?!” the former practically yelled, causing your son to look up curiously. he twirled his small pointer finger next to his temple and muttered “she’s crazy”, causing you to scoff and pat his head.

“weeell… it was nice. chan himself is veery handsome but also, so kind? it is a little suspicious now that i think about it” you hummed, subconsciously smiling at your son

“noo, please! we’ve known him for a while and trust me, this man doesn’t have a single bad bone in his body. a green flag, if you will” jengyeon whined “tell us more though!”

“well, we talked… had a nice dessert… and talked more. oh and also, we were at the café momo works at!” you said and stood up, going somewhere distant so jooyeon wouldn’t hear your next words

“we know, we did this on purpose so she could tell us the truth in case you ran away or something…” jihyo laughed, causing you to scoff “and girl! she told us you two just wouldn’t shut up! she said she could feel the chemistry from all the way over there”

a blush crept at your cheeks. was is that visible? he’s just… so cute. and smart. and funny. and–

“did you tell him?” jeongyeon cut in, long silence meeting her question. you could hear the heavy sigh she left “y/n–“

“i know but i panicked! it’s like a biggest turn off for a guy, no? like personally, i’d run away” you mumbled looking over at joo engrossed in his task, swinging his feet and humming happily “i’ll tell him next time, i promise”

“you better. WAIT, NEXT TIME?!” jihyo yelled out and all you could hear were squeals and screams. jooyeon jumped off the chair and grabbed the paper sheet he was drawing on

“yes, next time. we’re having a second date next week and he gave me his number” you squealed too, unable to control the excitement. jooyeon grinned and run up to you, handing you the paper with anticipation.

he drew both of you with guitars in your hands. well, you were also holding hands. a lot of hearts and something that looked like a wolf in the corner. there was also a big, crooked but colourful ‘for my beatifull mommy’.

you leaned down and pressed a kiss onto his forehead.

“thank you, my little rockstar. i love you” you hummed, deciding to ignore the typo he made. it’s the gesture that counts.

the next date was a surprise. chan texted you to meet at their company, and because you work close, you agreed. he told you you two would drive for an hour, but he promised it’d be worth the wait.

leaving jooyeon with yuna (who complimented your outfit from head to toe, as if she was the one taking you on said date), you were off.

you arrived at the jyp building, almost pretty sure that jeongyeon and jihyo were watching you somewhere from their offices.

chan was standing there, in his suit and tie loosened a bit with a bouquet of fresh flowers in his hand. you gasped and that caught his attention, turning around.

“oh, you’re here!” he smiled brightly. approaching him, you noticed the flowers were probably a picked set; petals mostly white and in pink shades “this is for you~”

“oh… oh wow. i’m… woah, thank you” you smiled widely, warmth spreading across your body. you couldn’t remember the last time a man gave you flowers (except jooyeon, every year on mother’s day… and literally every time he saw a pretty flower and picked it) “they’re are really beautiful”

“i know, right? i thought about you when i saw them but… you’re prettier” chan smiled cheekily and blood rushed to your cheeks. mumbling a quiet, almost incoherent ‘thank you’ he giggled, pointing at something “my car is parked over there. i didn’t think this through though because there’s no water. hopefully the flowers won’t dry out”

“even if they do, i’ll keep them. dried petals really have their own charm” you hummed, smelling them. you followed chan to his car and he opened the door for you with a charming smile. the vehicle itself was way bigger and more expensive than your own. and way more comfortable. and clean. well, chan probably didn’t have a messy five year old to begin with so maybe that’s why. or maybe he’s just a neat man who likes his environment clean and squeaky? that would be nice but then again, with jooyeon nothing ever is clean.

the drive went fast, way too fast. maybe because there was not a moment of dull conversation with chan and you were truly enjoying yourself. in fact, you didn’t even notice when you arrived at a parking. it was surrounded by tall grass, preventing you to see what’s around.

you left the car, leaving the flowers on your seat and chan joined your side.

“so… how’d you meet jihyo and jeongyeon?” he asked, genuinely curious. you followed him and noticed a beach. letting out a small gasp you took off your shoes, grabbing them in your free hand. chan did the same, leaving your left hand and his right one free.

“well… i had a boyfriend in high school. and one day a girl came up to me and gently explained that she thinks my boyfriend is dating someone else. i was surprised, to say at least and i didn’t even want to believe her. but she was like “girl, you need to believe me! let’s talk to his other girlfriend”… so we did. we realised it makes sense, the girl even showed us pictures she took” you giggled at the memory, suddenly – for a brief moment – feeling how his hand brushes against yours “the girl was jihyo, the other girlfriend was jeongyeon. we decided we want to expose him. in the meantime we asked jihyo why she’s helping us and she told us that he asked her out! can you believe it?”

“what a dickhead” chan grunted, amused smile dancing on his lips. he was listening to you, eyes adoring your face.

“i know, right?” you chuckled and when your hands brushed again, you noticed how the tips of his ears turned pink. cute. “so we exposed him, when he was on a ‘date’ with jihyo. we were sixteen so we just, you know… publicly said this and that. i think jihyo told her friends and the word spread he’s a pathetic liar. but our friendship stayed”

“oh woah. i thought it was just like, clicking after working on a project together but this was way more than i could imagine” he laughed and you joined him.

“yeah, it’s an unusual story. how about you? i’m guessing you met her through work stuff?” you tilted your head.

“mhm, exactly. when i was picked as a manager she congratulated me. then we just started meeting at the monthly meetings for managers and chatted during the breaks” he said and then shook his head “with all due respect, enough about jihyo. i wanna know something about you”

“well, what would you like to know?” you hummed.

while you took a walk, chatting about his career, your passions and his travels, the sun set beautifully at the horizon. once the pastel pinks and oranges morphed into navy sky, stars peeking one by one, you decided to return back to the car.

and that’s when you realised chan lost the shoes he was holding. trying to look for it, which was hard not only due to the darkness but also the uncontrollable laughter you two couldn’t contain, you still chatted. that’s when you found out he’s from australia (“oh woah, i always wanted to go there!”) and that he has a dog, berry. just when you said that you were thinking of getting a dog too (well, more like jooyeon wanted a puppy), chan found his shoes.

they were in the sand, waves moving them around. just as he was about to take them, water came. chan yelped, giggling and backing off. you followed him but then realised the shoes were being taken away by the sea. since you had on a sundress and he was in pants, you decided to walk into the water to grab them.

“no, y/n!” chan called but you were already almost knee deep, taking his shoes. you showed them to him and walked up, scratching your head.

“uhm… i don’t think they’ll be useful anymore” you grunted and before you gave him the shoes, chan took off his blazer. placing it slowly on your arms, he took the wet shoes.

“we’ll see. thank you though, you didn’t have to” he laughed.

only when you entered the car, did you realise how late it had gotten. you texted yuna that you’d be back in an hour and offered for her to sleep at your place. she didn’t read the message, so you assumed she might be already asleep.

chan was so kind as to drop you off right at your doorstep. stepping out of the car, he walked you to the door with a shy smile. the flowers in your hand dried a bit but maybe, hopefully, you’d be able to save them.

“thank you for today” you said with a soft smile, slowly walking up to the door “i had a really fun time”

“me too. seriously, i enjoy spending time with you” chan hummed, his hands behind his back. you had a feeling he wanted to say something else

“the beach was really pretty as well. and thank you for the flowers, i’ll try to bring them back to life” a chuckle left your lips and he grinned “if… uhm…”

“we can do this again sometime” he caught on and smiled boyishly “i’m open to suggestions what fo you want to do next time”

“well, i’ll think about it. and… good night, chan. drive safe and sleep well” you said slowly and took a deep breath before quickly pecking his cheek. chan’s ears turned red as you put in the code to the staircase.

“g-good night, y/n!” he stuttered quickly as you walked in. sending him a warm smile before you went to the elevator, off you were.

chan checked if you’re really gone and started giggling like crazy, fingers gently caressing the spot you placed a kiss on.

during your third date with chan, after texting him all the time you decided to go to the cinema. you paid in advance for the tickets when you decided to see oppenheimer (only because you’ve already seen barbie with your friends). laughing at chan’s reaction when he realised, he promised to pay next time.

but in the middle of the movie you got a phone call. you’d decline it but as soon as you noticed it’s jihyo (because she was staying with jooyeon today), you rushed out of the room telling chan you’re going to the bathroom.

“yes? what’s happening?” you asked as soon as you left, going to sit at the nearby bench.

“pfff… one phone call and you already assume something is happening. well, actually right now…” jihyo started and your heart dropped when you heard jooyeon crying in the background.

“jihyo. what happened?” you hissed, anxiously gripping your knee.

“well, i don’t really know. i was watching the news and doing some paperwork while he was jooyeoning in the background, when suddenly he started crying. i checked if he hurt himself, nothing. he won’t tell me why, he won’t hug me… i don’t know what to do. he told me not to call you but i’m getting nervous” jihyo said and you could tell by the speed of her speech. taking a deep breath, you nodded.

“hand the phone to joo, please” you breathed out and soon you heard your son’s choked sobs. “jooyeonnie?”

“mom…” he sniffled and suddenly started yelling “you’re a liar! you’re gonna leave me just like daddy did! you– you–! i hate you–!”

“hey, hey… calm down, joo. what’s going on? mommy is never going to leave you” you whispered, heart shattering. what is going on?

“you will! you’re a liar! and you’ll leave auntie yuna and auntie jihyo and– and auntie jeongyeon too! you’re a bad, ugly liar” jooyeon started hyperventilating, sobs and cries only audible on the other side of the phone

“jooyeonnie… i’d never leave you, i promise! mommy will be back in a second, alright? do you want me to buy you a snack on my way home? anything you want, my precious baby” you cooed, heart thumping in your chest. did someone say something in the kindergarten?

silence. long silence.

“dino nuggets…” jooyeonnie murmured, sniffling again.

“got it. i’ll be back in ten minutes, dear” you gulped, standing up “love you so much. i’ll be back soon, hold on okay?”

you hung up and hid your phone back in your bag. running your hands through your hair as your mind raced. what happened? who made joo think this way? why–

“y/n?”

you looked up and saw chan walking your way. great.

“are you okay? i got worried, you…” he stopped, smile dropping “you’re pale, did something happen?”

yes. your son – about who you didn’t tell him yet – is bawling his eyes out at home, god knows why. and you’re terrified. parenting books didn’t prepare you for any of this.

“i… i don’t feel too good. i’m sorry, i think i’ll go home” you mumbled, sending him a sad look “i’d love to stay but…”

“hey, hey. i understand. absolutely don’t worry. do you want me to drive you home?” he asked, voice genuinely filled with worry. it made your stomach flip, it was something truly heartwarming.

“no, no it’s okay. i’ll take a painkiller and go to sleep but i’ll let you know once i feel better. again, i’m sorry for ruining our date” you mumbled. chan took your hands in his and caressed it with his thumbs.

“please don’t worry about anything, okay?” he hummed and squeezed your hands “are you sure you’ll go home on your own?”

“yes, i am. i’ll keep you updated. again, i’m so–“ you started but chan shook his head.

“don’t be” he said softly and let you go. you sent him an apologetic smile and walked away. chan observed you until you were gone from his sight.

you were home quickly, with dino nuggets and some other necessities (gummy bears and ice cream). swinging the door open you almost dropped the groceries, running up to jooyeon. he wasn’t crying anymore, which was good but now he was sitting on the couch with his arms crossed. pouting. ah. he’s more angry than sad now.

“jooyeonnie, i’m here” you breathed out, giving jihyo a look. she nodded and took the groceries, preparing to heat up the nuggets for jooyeon “will you talk to me? please. did someone say something bad?”

he put his lips into a right line, looking away.

“you’re a liar. you’ll leave me, just like daddy. even auntie jihyo said she’s scared of you leaving” he huffed, lower lip trembling. you sent jihyo a piercing look to which she only mouthed ‘it was a joke’.

you sat up and wrapped an arm around him. joo slapped your hand, wriggling away.

“i won’t leave, baby. what made you think that way, sweetie?” you asked quietly.

jooyeon sighed deeply.

“the guy”

you looked at jihyo, frowning. she shrugged.

“what guy?” you asked. jooyeon puffed his cheeks.

“auntie jihyo said you’re seeing a guy and in a blink of an eye you’ll leave them. and if you’ll leave them, you’ll leave me” he grunted.

oh.

“baby…” you whined, pouting “that’s not…”

“and– and you will disappear, just like dad! the guy will take you away!” jooyeon whined and finally looked at you, cheeks and lashes still wet from tears.

“he will not. your dad was a pu– scaredy cat. he was scared, that’s why he left. i will never… ever, ever leave you, joo!” you smiled and squished his small cheeks “yes, i am seeing a guy. but even if i like him and i’d like him to be my boyfriend, i won’t leave you. we’re a pack, you know? whoever would want me, has to want you too, hm?”

“was dad scared of me?” jooyeon asked, eyes tearing up again.

“oh no no no! he was… how to say it… he was scared of the responsibilities” you sighed. well, technically joo’s dad was scared of him but that’s not a conversation for now, with a five year old “you’re not the reason, okay? if anyone said anything to you…”

he shook his head slowly. so this was the case. poor jooyeon was just scared and… in fact, you did neglect him lately. you didn’t… you didn’t even ask him about his day. after picking him up from kindergarten you went straight away to dress up for the date–

“if that would make you feel better… if there’s a guy i’m seeing, you’ll have to accept him. or not. if you don’t like him, you tell me. we have a deal?” you cocked your head and reached your hand out.

“m’kay…” he murmured and his smaller hand squeezed yours. you pulled him into a hug, hiding your nose in his hair.

“i’m sorry i made you feel that way” you mumbled. jihyo came over, sniffling. sending her a shocked look you realised she’s… crying.

“i have dino nuggets!” she said cheerfully despite her voice trembling. jooyeon leaned away and pecked your cheek before aiming for the nuggets. you let him eat and looked at jihyo.

“what? you made me emotional. can we approve the guy too?” your friend mumbled. you nodded and scoffing, you hugged her too.

during your fourth date with chan – and yet another one during which you didn’t tell him about jooyeon – you were currently strolling down the street, coffee in your hands. well, you drank yours. having a small chat you couldn’t help but giggle when he told you about the time he mistakenly took wrong pendrive to work. resulting in showing his boss a presentation he made for a powerpoint night with his friends, titled: “why felix eating chicken is cannibalism”. you were about to ask him how on earth he didn’t get fired when–

suddenly your heart dropped and everything started happening in slow motion.

jeongyeon and jooyeon walking from around the corner, holding hands. jeongyeon was talking to him, smiling and your son was engrossed in the conversation. he was holding a small flower. his ebony eyes noticed you and widened, sparks of joy. his lips opening, a tiny hand of his letting go jeongyeon’s. and then you heard it.

“mommy!”

joo ran your way, almost dropping the flower. chan was still clueless, eyes laser focused on your features. once he realised something’s wrong, jooyeon was close. your instinct told you to squat and open your arms to hug him, so you did. joo’s body hit yours, tiny hands wrapping around your neck.

“hiya mommy!”

you hugged jooyeon back and leaned away, tucking a strand of his longish hair that stuck to his forehead. was that paint–?

“hi baby” you whispered, barely audible. jeongyeon walked up, panting. finally you looked at chan, heart pounding against your rib cage as if it was about to break any second. you couldn’t read him. sure, his mouth was hanging open and his eyes were widened but…

only when you picked up jooyeon and came back to chan’s eye level, there it was. the reaction you knew too damn well. features dropping, shock morphing into realisation. next was…

“that’s… that’s your kid?” chan spat out. jeongyeon squinted, jaw tensing. she liked chan, sure. he was a nice guy and a hardworking manager. but what he was about to say could completely change her point of view.

“yes” you mumbled faintly, sending him a weak smile “it’s my son–“

“you didn’t tell me. i get it, not saying anything about– i don’t fuc… know, a goldfish when you were nine but a child“ anger. anger was next and now there will be– “y/n… i’m disappointed”

your heart dropped. you had a small flame of hope that he won’t be like the other guys. he won’t run away, he won’t judge. but no. despite all the fun time and genuine softness of his character chan was like every single man you’ve met before.

“i can explain–!” a pathetic whine ripped out of your throat, making jooyeon tilt his head.

“i don’t… i need to go. we’ll talk later” was all he said before walking away.

jeongyeon quickly came over and took jooyeon from your hands. truly, you were thankful for that. as your heart shattered into pieces, your knees went weak. you wanted to lay down on the sidewalk and cry; no, wail.

looking at jooyeon and then jeongyeon, you took a deep breath. no. you’ll have to wait until later. you don’t want him to see you cry. your friend’s face was saying ‘told you so, you should’ve have told him sooner’ but her hand met yours and gave it a small squeeze.

“i’m sorry” she whispered and nudged your arm. jooyeon poked you and gave you the flower he was holding “let’s go home, hm?”

the next two weeks were tough. chan left you on read, so you gave up on texting him. the worst part was that you knew it’s your fault. you should’ve told him earlier. but… you really thought he’s different. he really was, so caring and soft; he didn’t want just to hop in your bed. but in the end, he’s just like others.

jihyo and jeongyeon wanted to kill him. yuna too, even though she didn’t know him. the girls told you that he’s off ever since that day. jihyo didn’t talk to him, only sending cold looks his way. chan seemed… ashamed every time they met. especially jeongyeon. in fact, he seemed to avoid them.

jooyeon was a sweetheart, though. you weren’t sure if he understood but he knew something was wrong. he tried to cheer you up and it worked. how could it not? he’s adorable himself. bringing drawings and flowers from kindergarten or just watching him experiment on the garage band with a huge smile on his face. just having joo around was enough.

one day, he invited his friends over. it was quite a challenge: five other boys running around in your living room. but their laughs were contagious. while most of them, including junhan’s. he was the most shy one, clinging to you and peeking at the boys. joo though, being the happy virus he is, dragged him away from you and they ran to his room. when you wanted to take a look what’s going on, the oldest and the boldest pushed you out.

so you decided to do some paperwork, a sitcom playing in the background. from time to time you heard shouts and sounds of footsteps… and metal lids smashing against each other. guess they were playing the band game.

smiling upon remembering the times you used to do that with jooyeon while you still had your guitar, there was a doorbell ring.

gaon, one of the boys run out.

“if that’s my mom tell her i’m not here!” he yelled and ran away back to joo’s room. scoffing, you walked closer to the door. how would that even work? if you were to say that, his mom would lose her mind. it was the whole purpose of inviting them so they’re here–

“hi”

your eyes widened. opening the door, you were met with chan. he was holding a huge bouquet of flowers, biting his lower lip anxiously. you were so stunned, you couldn’t mutter a word.

“i’m… can we talk?” he asked, sparks of hope in his ebony eyes. he was dressed like usual, black from head to toe. you on the other hand… already in your pyjamas–

“i, uh… sure, i guess. come in. or no… see… joo has friends over and–“ you started and got interrupted by a loud metal noise. ah yes, the drums. sending chan an apologetic smile, you sighed “yup. that’s exactly what i was going to say”

chan smiled, nodding.

“it’s fine. those are for you. i know this isn’t enough to make up for how i reacted but…” he handed you the flowers. while you rushed to put them in a vase, chan stepped in and closed the door.

his lips subconsciously curled into a smile while he looked around your place. tiny shoes all over the floor, crayons and papers laying around, cars and legos splattered everywhere. there were plenty of pictures too. most of them were just your son. some of them were jihyo, jeongyeon and you. and your son, again. or some pictures with your parents, like on your graduation day. and another one: your parents, you and your son.

“okay, come in. take your shoes off, it’s already a mess. do you, uhm… want some coffee?” you asked, fidgeting with your fingers. he shook his head as a no.

“no, thank you. listen y/n… i’m sorry” chan said, looking into your eyes. you were shocked, mouth slightly parting. he let out a nervous laugh “i’ve been acting like a total idiot since then but i needed some time to think, i’m sorry”

“yeah, i mean– it was kind of a bomb, wasn’t it?” you scoff. chan noticed a glint of bitterness on your face.

“can we sit down? i feel like–“ he started. you led him to the couch, quickly moving away the small, plastic plates boys left after dinner.

when you were settled down, you turned off the tv. there was comfortable silence, only filled with background noises of faint music coming from joo’s room.

“again, i’m so fucking sorry. y/n, i just… you are really the girl of my dreams. i don’t think i’ve ever met someone who understood me so well, who i just had this flow with. and i truly like you, i really do. i… i know the way i reacted was shitty. but… maybe if you told me…” chan finished hesistantly, scanning your face to see your reaction “truth be told, i needed to think it through. i had so many thoughts but… why, why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

you let out a deep sigh, looking down. at his neat black pants and your messy pyjama ones.

“because i did it before. and each time i was met with the same reaction. either a nasty comment or a weird look, and all of them ended up in eventually leaving me without word. or a word as in “listen, you’re cute but the kid”–“ you took a deep breath, feeling yourself bubble up. chan grabbed your hand and squeezed it “and, and i was so tired of that. it was so selfish of me and unfair for you and even jooyeon but… for a moment i wanted to feel loved. wanted to have fun. i wanted to cherish those moments because i knew you’d leave too and–“

crystal tears started running down your cheeks. chan pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around you. one hand at the back of your head, caressing your hair soothingly.

“and it’s awful; i’m awful. joo thought i’d leave him for you and i knew you’d leave me because of him. it’s never ending circle and i’ll be alone forever and joo will think it’s his fault and–“ you hiccuped, not realising you’re rambling “and- and i really liked you and your reaction hurt me but it was fully my fault…”

“hey. hey, y/n. calm down, it’s okay” chan whispered, lulling you in his arms. you gradually calmed down, the feeling was full of comfort. comfort and closeness you needed. such a simple move, yet it had soothing effect. this made you realise why joo loved to be out to sleep this way.

leaning away from chan when you finally gained the strength to, he wiped your cheeks.

“i’m sorry, from the bottom of my heart. neither of us didn’t handle it properly. we’re human, we make mistakes. but then we learn. i understand now why… why you were scared. and i’m so… pissed. because listen, y/n” he said, voice stern but not in a disturbing way. his calloused hands took your smaller in his “despite the way i reacted i realised i like you. and… if there’s… joo… then– then it is a bit of a challenge. but when i was thinking about it and did the math… you were 20. alone, young. during studies, during work. you were so brave. you still are. and you handled it on your own. so why i, a man, should be scared of helping you?”

your eyes teared up again, heart beating against your rib cage unusually hard.

“well, i am. because i don’t know how you’ll react, or if he’ll like me, or maybe because simply i’m new to this. but… as i said… i like you. and i really want to spend more time with you. if that means taking care of your son, i’m willing to do so to” chan smiled, dimples showing “especially if he’s as funny as his mom”

suddenly you heard footsteps and giggles, followed by a sudden gasp.

“no mrs lee! i’ll save you!” the oldest boy, gunil, shouted. before you could react, chan was getting beaten up with pillows by six kids. even the shy junhan.

he started laughing and fought back, gently of course.

“does anyone here have tickles?!” chan hummed and the boys squealed, backing away.

“who’s that?” jooyeon asked, tugging your t-shirt.

“he’s a friend of mine. chan. can he watch your performance too?” you asked. chan’s ears perked up.

“performance?” he repeated. jooyeon nodded proudly.

“yes! but our music is for vips only!” seungmin added and just now you realised they grabbed the keyboard from joo’s room. jungsu, seated next to him, nodded shyly.

“okay! i’m a music producer so if you guys want i can give you some tips…?” chan asked, sending you a smile.

“pft! auntie jeongyeon and jihyo are music producers too, they gave us tips already!” joo grunted, walking away “anyway… is the audience ready?”

chan nodded enthusiastically and scooted closer to you. watching the six boys perform, chan sneaked his hand in yours and intertwined your fingers. with a squeeze of his hand your heart skipped a beat; you finally met the right person.

masterlist <3

taglist. @primoppang ,, @l3visbby ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @ameliesaysshoo ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @litepowee ,, @ocean-minho ,, @lessthanpast ,, @s-e-s-a-I-e-n-e

313 notes · View notes

061306 · 6 months

Text

␥ list of things i’ve successfully manifested !

i discovered manifestation and the law around early 2022 and here's what i have manifested since then! this might not be much but this is to remind me that i am capable of anything and everything!

𖥻 1. clearer skin

i used to have a terrible breakout on the right side of my face + oily skin. now my skin is much better and less oily! i do not have acne anymore.

𖥻 2. weight loss ( 14 kgs )

i went from 69 kgs to 55 kgs in around two months with minimal exercise ( walking ) & a simple diet.

𖥻 3. height increase ( 11cm )

i used to be 150cm but not anymore lol. i got better proportions too!

𖥻 4. text messages & instant replies from people.

i also manifested message from a friend i was no longer in contact with.

𖥻 5. passing exams i thought i was going to fail

accountancy was my weakest subject but i manifested passing several tests and exams. i also manifested getting better in it!

𖥻 6. getting above average % board exams

board examinations are a big deal in my country and i, unfortunately, ended in a stream i was not interested in. i manifested getting ~80% in them despite getting way lesser in school examinations.

𖥻 7. food

one single thought turned into an assumption and i am having whatever i want for dinner!

𖥻 8. storage of my phone increasing

i only have 32gb of storage in my phone lol. so sometimes i have to clear app caches to make space, but not anymore.

𖥻 9. love confession

i simply wanted a love confession and i got it. as easy as it gets.

𖥻 10. an increament in my mom’s salary & money for myself

my mom really wanted an increament and i manifested it! she got increament of 5.5k! also manifested a bonus for her. + got gift money from my parents and relatives!

𖥻 11. letting go of & detaching from several people

i used to be attached some people that hurt me but not anymore. i have let go of them and it feels so much better.

𖥻 12. books & manga ( jjk )

my mom is not the type to let me spend money on buying books ( for leisure reading ), much less a comic book. but i manifested her allowing me to buy 4 books + 1 manga volume! she even paid for them.

𖥻 13. delaying the start of my college, teachers & professors taking leaves, not getting scolded for submitting assignments late

my college was supposed to start from early june but i manifested a delay and it started from mid-july. i have manifested both school teachers and college professors taking leaves on my desired days.

𖥻 14. nice aura + compliments

i have a magnetic aura, people feel comfort around me and i get so many compliments about literally everything i do!

𖥻 15. quick deliveries of my orders

🤭🤭🤭

𖥻 16. winning an elocution competition

i was really worried because i only found about it a day before and some other contestants had been trained by their professors. i was full of nerves but still won the first rank! the judges said my content was unique and everything i did was perfect.

𖥻 17. kitten type beauty

manifested myself big upturned eyes with pretty lashes & a v-shaped face with smooth skin!

𖥻 18. cats loving me

call me a cat whisperer the way cats love me! i can easily befriend any cat!!! ˃ᴗ˂

𖥻 19. desired skincare products for cheap

i really wanted vitamin c serum and face cleanser and sometime later i saw an ad with an offer to get both for 1 rupee! crazy right?

𖥻 20. entering the void on several occasions.

i have entered the void several times albeit unaware. recently i've started becoming aware before snapping out of it!

masterlist. | notes – i've also manifested getting a merch of my bias. i got it from my best friend as gift but i didn't add it on the list because i didn't want break the perfect 20. also this list is as on 04 DEC 2023.

163 notes · View notes

folkookie97 · 10 months

Text

❝ drunk confessions (1) ❞ — jjk

— SUMMARY: ❝Jungkook was intense. An emotional mess in your life even after the breakup. But you couldn't help but miss all his chaos during those endless late nights when you were cuddled up with another man.❞

— PAIRING: ex bf!jungkook x ex gf!!reader (soft bf!taehyung)

— TYPE: angst | ex lovers!au, non-idol!au

— WORD COUNT: 1,738

— WARNINGS: argument, curse words, alcohol, toxic!jungkook, jungkook is bad at feelings, emotional infidelity, mention of sex, mention of bf!taehyung, based on From the Dining Table (Harry Styles)

— NOTES: jungkook as toxic ex bf kills me every time i think about him.

— RELEASE DATE: July 15, 2023

— CROSSPOSTING: ao3, wattpad, spirit fanfics

Your eyelids couldn't close. Stinging sensations arose in the waterlines of your eyes with every frustrated attempt to reach the sleepy darkness. Your own body defied the human need to at least take a nap.

You were screwed. You knew better than anyone how endless the early hours of the morning could be.

Your nightly sleep had been a mess ever since storms of thoughts and reflections became a routine for your brain during resting hours. You couldn't relax when your mind insisted on filling you with confusion by recalling all the conflicts of the past few months.

And most importantly: recalling that damn phone call.

The last one you had with Jungkook.

You remembered all the details. It was possible to feel once again how strong your heartbeats was when the phone rang that night. Your hands, sweaty with sudden emotion, struggled to answer the call as quickly as possible, afraid that something you had been waiting for so long might accidentally end up in voicemail due to lack of swiftness.

The memory of how the phone fell silent for long seconds as soon as you called Jungkook's name. A part of you was afraid that the call hadn't been intentional, just something like a misdial.

You two hadn't spoken to each other for weeks, and maybe Jungkook wasn't even planning to call you that night.

Even if that night was very significant to you.

To relieve the flutter, you swallowed hard at the mere thought that your enthusiasm might have been in vain.

A sigh could be heard on the other line when Jungkook's name was mentioned once again.

"I can't do this anymore, (Y/N)."

The girl's heart skipped a beat for a moment, and you could swear a buzzing sound echoed through the room.

"What are you talking about?" You asked.

"Me and you. Us. Our relationship is so complicated. A real mess..." The boy sobbed. You could feel that his voice was so broken as your heart.

"Kookie... if this is about our last fight, I'm sorry. It was such a stupid reason. I know, but I..."

"FUCKING HELL!"

The male scream echoed through the device, startling you not just because of a thunderous volume but also because it was followed by Jungkook's laughter.

A sarcastic laughter.

Lack of emotional intelligence in arguments had always been a characteristic of Jungkook's personality. He was a chaos. A hurricane ready to destroy everything in its path.

And lately you've been hating that habit about him.

Jungkook's intensity made you fall in love with him two years ago. But it had also made our love being so messy and toxic. Turning sunny skies into deadly storms.

There was no longer a sweet relationship for you.

"Can you hear yourself? You're almost begging me. That's because I wanna leave you. It's so pathetic. You're so clingy." He said.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you checked the time on your phone's screen, the hard brightness hurting your vision.

"Jungkook, I don't wanna fight right now. It's only ten minutes until my birthday. I thought you were calling to wish me an early happy birthday or..."

"Or what?" Jungkook laughed, his sobbing merging with the bitterness of his laughter. "Did you think I wanted to apologize for that day?"

"You said you were sorry..." You reminded him, biting your lower lip to suppress the waterfall of tears streaming down your cheeks.

"I used to feel. But only until I drank these two whiskey bottles and turned me into a tearful wreck." The sound of glass shattering on the floor was heard. Your desire to ask if he hurted himself was almost bigger than the urgency to keep your crying unnoticed. "Do you know why I'm drinking on a Wednesday night?"

You refrained from answering. His question was almost rhetorical, a pure melancholic rambling of a drunken human being.

So dramatic like Jungkook always used to be.

"I was with Lori today," Jungkook's confession triggered a pain in your stomach. Your effort to not vomit at his words was utterly depressing. "We saw each other, had sex like we always do. She's good at what she does. She always rides my dick and also looks like a porn actress when she's on her knees giving me a amazing oral..."

Maybe Jungkook would laugh when your disguise fell. You thought he would pause his monologue to mock how your sobs were constant and how pathetic you seemed.

Or maybe he would keeping rambling until the pain of your broken heart became unbearable and your brain convinced you to end the call.

However the thought of Jungkook crying like you were doing had never crossed your mind. Not even for a single second of your life.

He was sobbing like a child who got hurt on the playground; helpless and seeking the comfort of some trusted adult.

Before you could filter the words, the question had already escaped your lips.

"Why are you crying?"

And realizing the chaos inside his mind, Jungkook laughed again amidst tears. A sorrowful laughter.

"Because she's not you, (Y/N)."

The girl widened her eyes. The tears turned crystalline and your pupils dilated as Jungkook's words caused stumbles in your heart.

What was he trying to say? How drunk was he to lay his feelings bare for the first time since the breakup?

The anticipation of a confession pained your mind. A variety of scenarios emerged every second.

"I love you so much, (Y/N). I love everything about you. And this feeling it's killing me because missing you hurts too much." He sighed. The sound of breaking glass resurfaced and you swallowed hard as you picturing that scene. "When Lori told me she saw you yesterday, I swear I was desperate to talk to you as soon as possible."

"Yesterday she was wearing my old shirt..." You interrupted feeling a intense burning in your throat. "That Guns N' Roses shirt that you bought me in our first month of dating."

"You left it here at home and your damn scent was still on it. I needed a way to overshadow it and I..."

"Fucked your coworker."

Jungkook was speechless for a while. No comforting words could deny the injustice of the situation. He knew that you didn't deserve to see Lori wearing that shirt that had once been so special for both of you.

You didn't deserve to suffer through any of it. You didn't deserve to shed your tears or be broken-hearted for someone so unworthy.

Jungkook knew that you didn't deserve to be destroyed by the chaos he brought into others' lives.

He loved you. But he didn't know how to make you happy. He didn't know if he could ever fix your heart.

Was he selfish for wanting to try get your sweet love back? Was it too late for you two?

"Jungkook, I need to hang up."

His heart instantly broke at your warning and the formality in your words.

"(Y/N), please," The boy begged with a trembling voice. "You need to listen to me. I've been holding back everything I feel for you for so long, I need..."

It made you furious. You could even cry with rage.

"You've been holding all this bullshit back for a long time? Then keep holding it back for a little while longer." The words came out harsher than intended but you weren't in the mood to regret it. For the second time that night you checked the time on your phone screen and wiped away the tears from your cheeks with your free hand. "It's already my birthday, Jungkook. You didn't even call me to apologize or wish me a happy birthday. You just wanted to hurt me. Hurt my heart. My feelings."

"My baby, I'm so sorry. Fuck. I swear I..."

Your classic pet name pushed you over the edge.

"I don't wanna talk to you today." You admitted. "I love you. I swear I fucking love you. I love you much more than I would like and than I should."

You sighed hearing Jungkook cry. You were definitely not used to the pain you felt when you heard him cry.

"But I'm tired Jungkook. I'm tired of loving you and I'm getting tired of you."

"I love you, (Y/N). I just wanna try to fix things. I'm trying, baby. I swear I'm trying."

"I know, Kookie." At least you really knew that. "But I don't wanna deal with this whirlwind of emotions that you've been hiding for years. Call me when you're sober if you truly love me and really wanna try to fix things."

And in that early morning, when the clock struck 12h02 AM, you had your last call with Jeon Jungkook.

Your request for him to return with real sobriety not happened. Hypotheses swam through your mind over the next few months. Did he regretted the brief expression of feelings? Were the love confessions and desperate crying just a delusion resulting from alcohol?

You couldn't know the true cause for Jungkook's ghosting but the choice not to seek the truth haunted you at night, when your head rested on the pillow and your eyes were unable to close.

"Darling, are you okay? Why are you crying?"

With a slight startle, you directed your attention to the male body beside you. The young man had his long fingers wrapped around your waist tracing caresses on your bare skin.

His lips were pressed into a thin line and his eyebrows furrowed in a countenance that indicated excessive worry. He looked a lot like the guy you used to love.

Actually the one you still loved.

The name Jungkook almost escaped you in a tearful whisper.

"Yes, Tae. I'm fine. It's just... just a nightmare."

The man soothe you with a sweet smile and pulled you into a hug. It was a square smile different from the typical bunny smile Jungkook had. However the image of your ex-boyfriend remained permanent in your mind as Taehyung caressed your hair. Your heart hurts with the contrast between your thoughts and the cruel reality.

Both of they were extremely different yet had similarities that made your stomach churn.

And as Taehyung tried to pull you into a deep sleep whispering lyrics of romantic songs in your ear, you wondered if Jungkook's name would show up on your caller ID someday again.

245 notes · View notes

the1975attheirverybest · 10 months

Text

Malaysia, July 21st, 2023

DISCLAIMER: Here is the requested piece in support of the boys' decision today. I decided it needed to be a one shot cuz I couldn't do it justice in just a few words. I've based the conversations in this piece on similar things Matty has said about gender. GENDER AND SEXUALITY ARE NOT THE SAME THING, THOUGH. So, if any of it comes off in bad faith, erroneous, or in any way harmful, its not my intention to do so, and PLEASE feel free to let me know INSTANTLY!

Warning: nothing. but idk how i feel about the writing quality given that it was written on the spot. I mean, I'm not necessarily aiming for ART here. just an appreciation for today and a gesture of support to LGBTQ+ Fans everywhere.

----

She could feel her phone buzzing in her pocket all throughout her 3 pm meeting. It was distracting, but not necessarily out of the ordinary. With time zone differences, it wasn't unusual for Matty to be texting her while she was at work, asleep in the middle of the night, or early in the morning before her coffee. Even when she'd finally wrapped up her meeting and left the conference room, the messages on screen weren't cause for concern. Receiving texts from her friends and colleagues like "omg your boyfriend," "Matty sure loves the drama, lol." and "PUT A LEASH ON HIM HES INSANE" just came with the territory of being Matty's partner. She didn't mind it at all. In fact, sometimes she found it funny.

She scrolled past several texts from her friends, spotting Denise's name "two countries now. Bets on which one's next?' with several confusing emojis. she frowned, her heart sinking slightly. Was this more serious than a regular Matty rant? a fan kiss? a polarizing meme? with apprehension, she reluctantly checked the news, whispering "oh fuck," under her breath when she saw the headlines.

She tossed her laptop and meeting notes at her desk, rushing outside as quickly as possible, and scrolling through her call log to find Matty's number. She clicked the elevator button, willing it to arrive faster by repeating "c'mon, c'mon, c'mon." knowing that it wouldn't help, she still gave into the urge to click the button repeatedly and curse when the elevator failed to bend to her will. Finally, she decided to just take the fire exit, using the stairs instead.

She clicked Matty's name on her screen as she made it down the stairs, bringing the phone to her ears.

An overly cheerful female robotic voice announced in her ear that "The number you have dialed is disconnected."

"fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuckkkk!"

she paused in the middle of the staircase, leaning against the wall and attempting to calm her mind with several deep breaths. She knew the only person who could help her right now would be Denise.

***

"No, I get that, but- like- so, you haven't heard from him directly?" she bit her lower lip.

"Not yet, no. But I wouldn't worry about it, love. this isn't his first foreign government ban, you know." Denise giggled, sounding as proud as a mother of a child who just learned to take their first steps. "doesn't that sound impressive? He's like a less secretive James Bond."

Impressive wasn't exactly her first thought, but she knew that if Matty is safe right now, he's probably impressed with himself. The thought made her crack a smile. "Knowing Matty, he'd probably say that he'd love to be a super secret spy who gets pussy, but he's anti government espionage, so he can't be James Bond."

***

All she could really do in the moment was send a barrage of messages that covered the entire spectrum of human emotions: from expressing concern for Matty's safety, to accusing him of messing with her heart, to begging him to give her a sign that he's alright, she found herself unable to think about anything else for the rest of the afternoon.

Just as she'd walked through the door of their shared home, she nearly jumped out of her skin at the feeling of her phone vibrating in her hand.

Matty: Call rn? ❤️

She instantly hit the "Video Call" icon on her FaceTime screen.

The line rang once, twice, and then "yo!!" Matty attempted to greet her before being interrupted by someone off-screen. She could faintly tell that it was Ross. "No, no. I'm just on FaceTime with her- yeah- it's fine....sorry, Darlin.' I'm just-"

"Next time you plan a government rebellion give me a courtesy warning in advance, will you??" she interrupted him. All the feelings and worries she'd been attempting to repress came pouring out of her. "I had no idea where you were for, like, all day. And- why was your phone turned off, anyway! We have a deal. You promised-"

"oi! it wasn't off! Breathe, baby. It wasn't off. Just...no reception at the venue, and then at the airport. Breathe! I love you, yeah? I'm fine. Look. Look at me, I'm fine. I promise.' He flashed her that boyish smile of his and cut through the haze of spiraling thoughts in her mind. Finally, she looked directly into his eyes on screen, smiling at him.

"Hi! There she is." He giggled.

"So, where are you now? is everyone with you? are you all safe?"

"Airport. Yeah, we're all good. They've just got us in some room while they process some documents or some shit. I don't know. I don't care." She watched him walk over to the other side of the room and take a seat on an uncomfortable leather couch.

"Is everyone else with you as well? Ross okay? the band? Polly and Gabi?"

Matty smiled at her insistent questioning. "We're all here. let's do a head count, shall we?" He hit the "Flip Camera" button so she was no longer seeing him, but had a view of the rest of the room. "Here's George, sleepy as always. John's playin' a game on his phone. Say 'hi' John...over here we have Hann. right next to the trash, where he belongs....Here's Ross. Jamie's here I promise, he's just looking for a toilet. Say 'hello' to Polly, who's on the hunt for granola or some hippie shit." Matty giggled when Polly brushed the hair out of her eyesight to give him a look. "And last but by no means least" He cover the camera lens for a dramatic reveal, "it's Gabi! see? everyone's here and we're all okay. Happy?" He turned the camera back to him, returning to his spot on the couch.

"...for the time being." She couldn't help but break character and laugh when she saw him roll his eyes. "Seriously, though, I'm proud of you.'

"but?"

"there's no but!' She rebutted a bit too eagerly.

"I know you. There's a 'but.' Let me hear it. Go on."

"I had just wondered if....maybe it would've been safer for everyone if you guys just pulled out....you know?"

"Pulled out of the lineup, you mean? like just not done the show?" Matty's demeanor shifted. He straightened his posture, taking a deep breath and running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, you could've returned the money. Made some kind of....statement about how, after learning of the governments laws, you found it morally repugnant, and refuse to perform there. Safer for you guys, the fans, and less costly."

Matty always respected and valued her opinion, but he was also always honest with her. "I suppose it would- I suppose it would've been but thats not the point." He could feel his bandmates eyes shift towards him. They were all invested in the conversation now. "Because then they'd have just replaced us. Found another artist to perform that slot and our so-called 'stance' wouldn't have done anything. Maybe lasted 5 seconds online, and then everyone would have moved on. The point here wasn't to morally congratulate ourselves or make ourselves feel good. It's about actually doing something. sometimes discomfort is necessary."

She could do nothing but smile, in awe of him. Their relationship meant a lot to both of them, but one of her favorite things about it was that she never had a chance to forget why she fell in love with Matty in the first place. "That's why I'm proud of you." she simply stated.

"well don't be."

"Matty, stop that. I kn-"

"No because I'm not ACTUALLY gay. I'm not ACTUALLY Malaysian. Okay? I get to make out with my mate, make a little speech, and then jet set, off to some other country by the time that everyone's made him home from the show. And- sure, I'll get banned, but my job and my life is entirely unaffected. I'll go on doing what I do, it's no skin off my back. Why be proud of ME? hmmm? there are people, activists, all over the world, who ARE gay, ARE outcasts, ARE fighting for their rights. How about we pay attention to them instead? you know what I mean?"

George got up from his seat to retrieve a water bottle from one of the bags, patting Matty on the shoulder and mumbling "exactly." as he passed by.

"why'd you do it then?" she asked, genuinely curious.

"Well, I'm everyone's favorite villain at the moment. Lots of eyes on me. Figured I'd make it mean something."

"all things considered, you happy?"

She saw a smile flash across his face as he considered her question. "Yeah," he nodded slowly as he made up his mind 'Yeah, I checked online and....seems like fans made it out okay, so...yeah, I'm happy." He looked into her eyes through the camera. "I do miss you, though."

"I miss you, too. Oh, speaking of which! Put Ross on the phone, would you?"

Matty smiled knowingly and handed the phone over to Ross. "You deal with this one. I'm out."

Ross's face lit up, ready for the challenge. 'Hey, mate!"

"Ross, I want you to know; message received. Loud and clear. You make out with MY boyfriend? In front of the whole world? AND you do it for a good cause? I see you, mate. I get it. This ain't over, though. I'll be the better kisser in the end."

#matty healy x y/n #matty healy x you #matty healy x reader #matty healy fanfiction #the 1975

167 notes · View notes

honeyedmiller · 10 months

Text

Fate, After All | Joel Miller — Part Four

warnings: no-outbreak!Joel, Joel is a softie (again—I just love soft and loving Joel lol), tooth-rotting fluff, reader and Sarah have a cute mom / daughter dynamic moment, sorta shy Joel, slight jealousy from reader, super brief smut (fingering), some cursing, no use of y/n. sorry this is so long and probably so filler-like lmaooo this is honestly not my best work. hope you enjoy regardless :’). 18+, minors dni.

word count: 4.5k

series masterlist

You wake up to the sound of your phone blaring in your ear, making you groan loudly. One of your eyes shot open, looking at the alarm clock on your bedside. You groan again when the red numbers read 8:03 a.m.

You answer your phone without looking at the caller ID, pressing it up against your ear lazily.

"Hello?" Your voice is groggy and evidently full of sleep. The deep chuckle on the other line let you know exactly who was on the phone: Joel.

"Good morning, honey." He greets, and you whine softly.

"Joel, it's eight in the morning. Why are you up so early?" Your words were muffled due to half of your face being pressed into a pillow, seeing as you were laying on your stomach.

"Did'ya forget it's the Fourth 'a July? The party Tommy and I throw every year requires a lot of setting up." Joel laughs, and the sound simply brings a smile to your lips.

"Mm, so I'm guessing you're calling me to recruit me for help?" You twist your body so you're laying flat on your back now, eyes slowly peeling open to stare up at your bedroom ceiling.

"Y'know me too well, darlin'. And I need your help at the grocery store, 'specially to get stuff your parents like." Nervousness took over Joel's voice in the last part of his sentence. Today was the day he was going to see your parents again for the first time in years, so he wanted to make a good impression.

You've reassured him multiple times that they loved him when you two were in high school, but he was worried nonetheless. He wanted to be noted as worthy to be your man.

"Up 'n at 'em, baby. I'll give you an hour to get ready and then I'm swingin' by your place to pick you up." Joel mildly negotiated, and you huffed.

"Fine, only cus I—" You cut your sentence short, the 'L' word nearly rolling off your tongue. You wanted to say it to him, desperately. You just didn't know how he'd react to it, or if he even felt the same way.

"Honey? You there?" Joel asks.

"Oh, uh, yeah, sorry. I'll be ready in an hour." Your voice held promise, so you needed to get up now if you were going to be ready in time.

"See you in an hour, darlin'."

You took a quick shower, shaving your legs as fast as you could without nicking them. You dolled up as much as possible with the time allotted, slipping on a maxi dress that showed off your curves in all the right places. It was a red dress, so it was sort of on theme for the day. Just as you were finished touching up your mascara, a couple of sharp knocks against your front door were heard.

“Coming!” You shout, grabbing your purse and your denim jacket. You peeked through the peephole and smiled when you saw it was Joel. You open the door with that same grin never fading, and his facial expression softens when he lays his eyes on you.

He whistles, giving you a once–or a thrice– over. “Damn, baby. You look absolutely stunnin’.” Joel praises, wrapping his arms around you. Your free hand travels up his broad chest, moving to the back of his neck.

“Mm, such a sweet talker you are.” You laugh as you pull him in for a sweet kiss.

He taps your ass twice before pulling apart, humming at your observation. You slip your white Converse on and step outside with Joel, locking everything up before you two head to his truck. He opens the passenger door for you and you climb in, kissing him one more time before he softly shuts the door. You admire him for a quick second as he rounds the front of the truck, taking in his beautiful features and dark unruly hair.

It warmed your heart still that you got so lucky to cross paths with such an amazing man again. He’s been nothing but wonderful to you and has treated you like a princess the few months you’ve been seeing him. Joel is so genuine. Everything he does, he does with purpose.

You couldn’t help but let your curious mind wander to what marriage would look like with Joel. How loving of a husband he’d be, coming home to him every night, spending the rest of your life with him. You truly believed he was your soulmate, and god, you really hoped he felt the same exact way. You had to tell him how you really felt soon, because it was eating away at you inside.

“Hey,” Joel waves his hand in front of your face. “Watcha thinkin’ ‘bout pretty lady?”

“Just what to get my parents at the store.” You play it off, and Joel nods.

“Once they get a taste of my famous burgers they’ll for sure give their approval for me datin’ their daughter.” Joel sates matter-of-factly with a chuckle.

“My mom already gushes about you when we have our weekly catch-up phone calls,” You laugh, looking out of the window as you pass your residential neighborhood. “My dad will be the tough nut to crack. He’s just overprotective, but I told him to be on his best behavior.” You look at Joel, who chuckles and glances at you as he drives to the store closer to his house.

You both sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before you noticed Joel's lingering gaze on you from time to time. You turned your head to him an raised an eyebrow, giving him a questioning look.

"You look real good in that dress, darlin'." Joel sighs, gaze meeting yours once he reaches another red light.

"Yeah? Maybe I'll let you take it off of me later." You say nonchalantly, throwing the most saccharine smile his way. He groans, tossing his head back against the headrest.

"Fuck, baby, don't tease me like that." He pouts, but decides to return the favor by sliding his hand slowly onto your left thigh, dipping under the soft cotton of the dress before he moves upward. You're already wet from just how fucking good he looks and smells, and you two haven't been able to be intimate recently so the mutual want from both of you was peaked.

His fingertips brush over your skimpy thong you'd put on, whimpering softly at the contact of his warm fingers.

"Oh, would you look at that. My poor baby is already wet n' I've barely even touched her. What are we gonna do about that, hm?" Joel throws a shit-eating grin your way, focusing back on the road as the light turns green. He kept casually rubbing you over the fabric of your underwear, noticing from his peripheral that you were starting to squirm.

"Fuck, Joel, please." You beg.

"What'dya want from me baby? Use your words." He coaxes, moving your underwear to the side but pausing his movements so he can hear you ask for him.

"Your fingers, please, fuck, I- I want you to use your fingers." You pant softly.

"What my baby wants, she gets." Joel smirks, running his middle and ring finger knuckles over your slick folds before pulling them out from under your dress to bring both fingers to his mouth. He closed his eyes for a split second to relish the taste of you before moving his hand back down. He slowly eased his middle finger into you while softly swiping his thumb over your clit.

You gasp at the contact, slowly grinding your hips against his hand to create more friction. A deep chuckle arose from his throat at your neediness, which only prompted him to insert a second finger.

You moaned, resting your head against the headrest as you shut your eyes.

"That's it honey. Doing so good f'me." Joel groaned as you clenched around his fingers deliciously. He moved his skillful fingers at a languid pace, and you knew your orgasm was coming much sooner rather than later. You've been holding off on even touching your own self because Joel genuinely just did it so much fucking better.

He knew your body extremely well and made sure to take care of you every single time. He wouldn't accept it if there was a time you didn't cum—he made absolutely sure you always came, even if he didn't.

You gripped the door handle tightly and clawed at the seat beneath you, feeling that hot sensation in the pit of your core. Joel felt it too with the way you were simply fluttering around his thick fingers. You bit your lip to silence your moan, but Joel wasn’t having any of that.

“Uh uh, baby doll. Let it out. Be as loud as you wanna be.” He coaxed, and that was enough for you to let out a whine which turned into a moan.

“Fuck, Joel, I’m close.” Your words are strained to a near whisper, and you can’t hold back any longer. Your hips started to buck against his hand, that hot sensation unraveling in your core and down your legs.

“That’s it baby, give it t’me.”

You moaned loudly at Joel’s words, knuckles turning white as you now had a death grip on the door handle.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.” You whined as you rode through your orgasm. You were panting heavily as Joel smirked to himself in a self-victory, withdrawing his fingers from you. He sticks his middle finger in his mouth to clean you off of it, but moves his ring finger over to your mouth.

“Open.” Was all he said, and your eyes nearly rolled to the back of your head at that. You opened your mouth as he stuck his finger in, and you gingerly sucked on it as you cleaned yourself off of him. You were thankful his windows were tinted and no one could really see what’d just happened, because shit, your face was beet red.

You were so dazed from your orgasm that you hadn’t even noticed Joel had turned in to the HEB parking lot.

“C’mon darlin’, let’s beat the crowds.” Joel leans over to kiss your temple after he unbuckles himself, then reaches down to undo your buckle as well. He hopped out of the truck and jogged to your side, opening your door for you. Ever the gentleman. He held his hand out for you to take to easily exit the truck, but your legs betrayed you as they felt like jello when your feet planted on the concrete.

“Woah.” You said, leaning against Joel for support. You wanted to wipe that shit-eating grin he still had on his face right off, but his strong hold only made you want to melt further.

“Careful there, darlin’.” Joel easily displayed amusement in his Southern drawl, and you scowled up at him playfully before finally regaining your balance and standing upright.

“C’mon cowboy, we have a party to throw.”

A few hours passed and Joel assigned you and Sarah to decorate the place with red white and blue streamers. You were currently hanging a twist of all three on the patio outside, the summer sun relentless on you.

You wiped your sweaty brow after you finished, satisfied with your work. Tommy was working on firing up the grill and getting it going, while Joel was seasoning the food and preparing it to be grilled. You made your way back into the kitchen where Sarah was sipping on some lemonade while she sat at the island counter, and Joel was chopping some onions.

“Hotter than the devil’s ass out there.” You huffed, moving to the counter where Sarah sat. She snickered at your remark, and Joel shook his head with a grin.

“Need any help honey?” You ask, tilting your head at Joel.

“I’m just about done, darlin’. Do you think your parents will like this?” The nervousness in his tone returns, and you move so you stood yourself behind him. You hooked both of your arms under his so your palms were pressing against the front of his shoulders, and you kissed between his shoulder blades lovingly.

“They’ll love it, Joel, and they’ll love you.” His heart jumped at the word, almost thinking you were going to say it yourself. He’d planned to tell you very soon, but he just hadn’t found the right moment yet.

“Hope so.” Was all he said, finishing with the onion.

Sarah called your name and you turned to her, a smile in on your face. “Will you help me with something? Upstairs?” She asked timidly, and you let go of Joel to fully face her.

“Of course, sweetheart. Lead the way.” You grinned, offering your hand to her. She took it as she led you upstairs, leading you into her room.

“Okay, so, I didn’t want dad to hear, but the whole neighborhood is coming as you know,” She started, rocking on her heels in a nervous manner. “There’s this really cute boy who lives down the street and I kinda want to impress him a little. Do you think you could, I dunno, doll me up a bit? And help me with an outfit?”

Your heart clenched with warmth at her words, loving that she trusted you enough with this stuff. Over the course of the months you’d been with Joel, you made it a point to always spend time with Sarah—girls days here and there, taking her out shopping, to eat, nails done, anything—to bond with her. You and her had grown very close within that allotted time, and although she never said it aloud (yet), she was starting to see you as a mother figure.

“Of course I’d love to help, sweetheart. You’re very naturally beautiful as it is, but if you want to wear makeup, then let’s use it just to enhance your gorgeous features. Does your dad let you wear any?” You ask, because the last thing you want is to go over his head, especially if it’s something that has to do with his daughter.

“Yeah, he lets me wear mascara and natural colored lipstick. He let me buy eyeliner too, but I don’t really know how to put it on.” She goes to open a drawer in her dresser, pulling out the previously stated items.

“Let me bring my makeup bag in here and see what else we can do.” You smile at her, making your way into Joel’s bedroom so you can grab your small bag of makeup you kept here. You returned to Sarah’s room, pulling out your eyelash curler and some very natural blush.

You sat her down on her bed as you started with her eyelashes, bringing the curler to each to lift them just slightly. You coated her lashes with the mascara, really only touching the ends that’d been curled up. Instead of the black eyeliner that she had, you opted for the brown one you had in your bag as you smoked it out very subtly on the outside corners of her eyelids.

You then dabbed the lipstick onto her lips, making her purse her lips every so often so the product could blend evenly. You applied clear gloss over her lips as the final coat. You then used the tiniest amount of blush on the apples of her cheeks, to which it looked like someone just pinched them in adoration.

“I’m all done.” You announce, holding up the mirror set on her dresser so she could see herself.

She gasped softly, the biggest smile on her face as she studied her now slightly enhanced features.

“I love it! You have to teach me how do this.” She gushed, getting up swiftly to give you a hug. You giggle and hug her back, giving her a small squeeze.

“I’d love to. Now for the outfit.” You move to her closet after letting her go, sorting through her clothes while weighing the options.

“How about this pretty blue dress?” You unhooked the hanger from its rightful place, holding the dress up. It wasn’t too short, wasn’t too long, had spaghetti straps and was perfect for summertime. The baby blue color would really make her features pop more.

“Oh my gosh, I forgot I even had that dress. This with my white shoes. Thank you so much for your help.” She grins.

“Of course. I’ll leave you to it to get changed.” You close her door after you exit her room, and within a couple of minutes, she opens her door again.

She looked so beautiful, and you could tell she really felt it too.

“You look gorgeous, Sarah.” You grab her hand and lift it up so she does a twirl, and she laughs loudly. She twirls a few more times before stumbling into you, hugging you tightly.

“Hey people are–” You hear Joel start, pausing when he sees you two hugging each other laughing. His heart just melts at the sight of his favorite girls having a fun time together. You both pause and look up at him, and Joel’s eyes scan Sarah’s features.

He was surprised to see she was wearing makeup, but he also knew she was a teenager and it was part of growing up. He was starting to realize his little girl wasn’t so little anymore.

“So, what do you think?” Sarah spins around for him, an unwavering bright smile on her face.

“You look beautiful babydoll.” He grins softly at her, leaning against the doorframe.

“Thanks dad.” She smiles, moving toward him to give him a hug before rushing down the stairs. You chuckle at her eagerness, remembering what it was like when you were a teenager giddy for a boy—Joel, to be more specific.

“They grow up so fast.” You tease, and he groans.

“Thank you for helpin’ her with, you know, the makeup n’ stuff. I know it means a great deal to her, even if she doesn’t show it right away,” Joel smiles as he pulls you into him, kissing the top of your head. “Now c’mon. Guests are starting to arrive and I wanna introduce you.” He pats your butt softly before trailing after you downstairs, keeping you close to him as you met the neighbors and friends of the Millers.

An hour and a half later, the party was in full swing. Country music was playing over a loud speaker, kids were playing Marco Polo in the pool, burgers were being grilled, and beers were being chugged. Your mom had called to say they were almost at the Miller residence, to which you got a Michelada ready for your dad (they were his favorite), and you were currently working on a Cosmo for your mom. The doorbell rang and you wiped your hands on a hand towel before making your way to the front door.

Joel comes rushing into the house, his red shirt starting to get a small sweat stain around the collar. He thought it’d be ‘cute’ to match with you today, hence him opting for a red shirt instead of his usual gray or black.

“I got it honey, I think it’s my parents,” You tell him, and he gives you a worried look. “I promise you have nothing to worry about.” You reassure him, patting his chest before giving him a quick peck on the lips. You open the door with Joel right behind you, and you beam at your parents standing there.

“Mom, dad, c’mon in.” You smile, moving so they can get into the house. You notice your mom carrying a tin pan of what you assume to be her famous pasta salad, so you led them both into the kitchen. You took the pasta salad from your mom and set it down on the counter, bending to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. You hugged your dad next, and Joel stood there with a sheepish smile on his lips.

“Mom, dad, you remember Joel Miller, right?” You ask them, and your mom is beaming. She may have set you up on all those terrible blind dates, but technically, if it weren’t for her, there was a slim to none chance you would’ve rekindled with Joel.

“Of course! Joel, dear, how are you?” Your mom pulls him in for a hug, to which he gladly accepts. He chuckles as she holds him at arms length, inspecting him.

You almost protest your mom’s actions before Joel flashes his charming, megawatt smile at her. “I’ve been good ma’am, it’s so good to see you again.” He’s polite and his Southern drawl just makes you melt.

“My my, you sure have grown into a handsome man. You picked a good one, sweetheart.” Your mom looks over at you, and you groan.

“Ma.” You huff, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“Actually, I’m the lucky one here.” Joel confesses, and you and your mom look at him.

“Well ain’t that the cutest thing I’ve ever heard!” Your mom is absolutely head over heels gushing for Joel, and it almost makes you want to laugh.

“You remember my husband, right?” Your mom asks, and Joel sticks his hand out to shake your dad’s.

“Of course. Very nice to see you again, sir.” Joel nods, and your dad raises a brow at him.

“You treatin’ my baby girl right?” Your dad asks, and you cut in immediately.

“Dad, for Christ sake. If he wasn’t I wouldn’t be with him,” You roll your eyes. “Be nice.” You warn, shoving his Michelada into his hand so he can have something to drink instead of running his mouth.

“He’s just looking out for you, baby, I understand.” Joel chuckles smoothly, pulling you into his side. He wraps his arm around your waist securely, and you rest a palm over his beating heart.

“That’s right, babydoll. He knows what he’s talkin’ ‘bout.” Your dad nods, and you roll your eyes and look to your mom.

“Men.” You both say simultaneously, laughing at the ridiculousness. You hand your mom her Cosmo, while Joel and your dad trail off into a conversation which seems to be about football. At least they can bond over that.

“So,” Your mom starts, sipping her drink. “How’s he really treatin’ you, sweetheart?” Your mom whispers, and you grin.

“Really, really good mom. I’m head over heels for him.” You answer honestly, nudging her softly with your hip. She chuckled and nods, staring down at her drink.

“You in love with him?” She says a little louder, but still not to the point where Joel and your dad can hear you—or so you think. You know your dad’s hearing is shot to hell from his old profession, but Joel’s sure isn’t.

“Yeah, I really am. I really think he’s the one, Ma.” You confess, a rosy blush covering your cheeks. Joel nearly rushes to your side to give you the biggest, most heartfelt kiss, but he plays it off like he never heard you. He just casually continues his conversation about training season and their picks for their fantasy football league.

Tommy eventually coaxes everyone outside with more food being ready. Sarah comes up to you almost instantly and tugs you to the side, a bright smile on her face.

“He gave me his number!” She whisper shouts, and your eyes go wide.

“That’s amazing, Sarah!” You hug her, rocking her back and forth gleefully.

“I’m gonna go hang out some more, but I’ll keep you updated!” She tries to play it cool by walking slow over to her crush. It was so cute seeing your favorite teen gush over her crush like that.

The party went on some more and many people were getting buzzed, including Joel. You had a light buzz going yourself, but nothing too serious. You were in fact sober enough to catch Joel’s neighbor, Sheila, making eyes at him.

“You know darlin’, I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of you in this little number you’re wearin.’ Makes me wanna finish what I started earlier in my truck.” Joel murmurs lowly in your ear, sending a shiver down your spine.

“Maybe we should do it in front of Sheila so she’ll stop undressing you with her eyes.” You retort, rolling your eyes. His hands rest on your hips as he rubs soft circles into them, purposefully kissing your neck tenderly while she looked.

“Is my girl jealous?” Joel teases.

“No.”

“Mm, good, ‘cause you ain’t got a single thing to worry about, baby. I’m all yours.”

Dusk had rolled around faster than anticipated, but the firework show was amazing. Joel and Tommy apparently had a bunch saved up, so they put on a show for the whole neighborhood and then some. The kids were waving sparklers in front of themselves and drawing their names on the asphalt, enjoying the different colors they emitted.

Your eyes shifted to Sarah who was by the boy—who’s name turned out to be Christian—getting snuggly and close as he draped his arm around her shoulder, which was clad with a jacket that definitely wasn’t hers. You smile at her and shift your eyes again, landing on Joel.

You admired the way he looked when he interacted with people. He was so genuine and caring, and though he was more introverted, he could easily work and charm a crowd. His smile beamed at the multiple neighbors who complimented the barbecue, as it had been yet another huge success this year.

Joel’s eyes met yours, and as if you couldn’t fall even harder, the look that was in his eyes proved you so wrong.

Tommy was about to light the grand finale of the fireworks, and Joel made his way back to you. He and Tommy sobered up in time to light all of the fireworks responsibly, which you were grateful for.

“Hey baby.” He said softly, pulling you into his side gently.

“Hi handsome.” You respond, leaning your head on his shoulder. Tommy ran back toward the crowd of people as the fireworks were ready to shoot off, and within seconds, the first one shot into the air with a loud boom. Then came the second, and the third, but by the fourth, you were completely enamored in the man that is Joel Miller.

You heard the crowd “ooh” and “aah”, and while you could see the fireworks from your peripheral, your focus was solely on the man in front of you.

“I’m in love with you, Joel.” You’ve never been more sure of anything in your life. Your eyes never wavered from him as you wrapped both arms around him. His head snaps down as his eyes find your gaze, and you can see the beautiful hues of purple and gold of one of the fireworks reflecting in the beautiful brown eyes of your lover.

“Darlin’,” Joel breathed, his eyes soft and face displaying pure adoration. “I’m in love with you too. I love you. So much.” He cups your face with both of his hands, thumbs gently caressing your cheekbones.

“I love you, Joel.” You semi-whispered, but he still heard. He didn’t waste time in pressing his lips against yours, holding your face in his hands like his life depended on it.

There was absolutely nowhere else in the universe that you felt safer in than in Joel’s arms—

the arms of someone who cherishes you, adores you, and loves you with his whole being.

#pedro pascal imagines #pedro pascal imagine #joel miller imagines #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller imagine #joel miller x female reader #joel miller series #joel miller smut #joel miller fluff #pedro pascal one shot #pedro pascal fluff #joel miller masterlist #joel miller story #joel miller x you #joel miller x afab!reader #joel miller x y/n #no outbreak!joel miller

246 notes · View notes

yourstruleejn · 1 year

Text

six days of us

six days of a love story. from its beginning to its end.

⋆

pairing // kim taerae x fem! reader; other characters mentioned are hanbin and kim chaehyun on the readers side, and junhyeon and matthew on taerae’s!

genre // fluff & angst; university student! au; he fell first, she fell harder-ish; it’s based on six selected day6 songs!

word count // 14.5 k

tw // not too sure, insecurities in one’s own feelings but if there are any more lmk!

playlist // here (i recommend listening in order but i can't really tell you what to do so! have fun!)

author’s note // i‘m back!! so sorry it took so long but i genuinely loved writing this! it was so much fun, i tried to keep it kind of realistic but it’s been a while since my last relationship so i’m not too sure i succeeded lol! anyways i hope you enjoy reading and that it was worth the wait!

!!! reminder !!! everything i write about on here is entirely fictional and in no way am i saying this is how the people mentioned would act in real life! it’s all just pretend! ♡

How come when the skies turn grey, heavy clouds like curtains keeping out the light, we forget the vivid of the blue, the warmth of sun? How come when the winter months set in and the trees stand bare, we forget the rustle of the leaves as the summer wind hums the tune to July? How come when a person enters our lives, we cannot imagine our life not knowing them? But how come, once the same person leaves, everything reminds us of them, like a ghost coming back to haunt us, to remind us of what could have been?

1. hi hello

The smell of coffee, polite smiles, and the morning rush. It was usually around May when you noticed that the hot chocolates turned into iced americanos. An established tradition for your co-workers and you, was to buy the drink for the first customer who ordered it iced. A welcome to summer, a deed to make someone smile. Of course, the lot of you usually ended up giving out more than one free drink, not only because of miscommunications, but mostly because it seemed like the right thing to do. Thus, you and the other employees were more grateful than ever that your boss was as lenient as he was, usually laughing it off, and popping an ice cube in his steaming hot cappuccino as a gesture. Nevertheless, he was sure to give a stern warning (or a friendly reminder, as he liked to call them) to not give out any more free iced drinks once the first week of May had passed. You usually just smiled at your phone as the yearly text made all of your phones whistle in unison.

The first Friday of May was here and with it you had hoped a comfortably busy day at work. The weather was embracing the light mood of the university students running around near campus, and you were convinced more than one of them would crave an iced beverage of some sort.

You had been cleaning the espresso machine, making sure everything was bound to run smoothly for your next order, when the serenity of the afternoon made itself known to you: No customers were queuing for their orders, the inside-tables of the small coffee shop were empty, the ones outside just as unoccupied, which was due to the unexpectedly harsh sun, who warmed the cement for the first time, radiating it back towards the already heating air. It was to be expected, the parasols were still packed away in the storage room in the back of the shop. Sighing you rested your head on top your hands looking through the opened front as the quiet outside world was conquered by the sunrays of early May. You could feel the cool of the counter spread onto the palms of your hands, as the dooming boredom of your uneventful work afternoon towered over you.

Very quiet, you thought.

Too quiet, you complained silently.

And it was unusual that nobody was here. In the two years you had worked at the café, the only times nobody had come in was in the midst of summer, and even then, there had usually been at least one person at a time. So, this was very odd. If Chaehyun had been here, she would have told you to not question God’s gift of a minute of peace and quiet. However, this wasn’t a minute, it had been minutes. Plural. On top of everything you enjoyed working as a barista, even if it was stressful at times, at least there was always something to do. Well, apparently almost always.

At the beginning of your shift, your boss had asked you if you would be fine alone for a few hours today, you had agreed reluctantly, as it could have very well gone wrong, but now you were glad that you had not insisted on anyone else coming in. You knew Hanbin was busy with dance practice, and that Chaehyun had been excited all week for a date she was going on today. Having one of them come in unexpectedly and then do nothing all afternoon, would have been not only a waste of their time but also of your boss’ money. So, you supposed, it was fitting for this particular Friday to be slowest day ever. Even though it meant boredom for you. Oh my god, this was going to be a long afternoon.

Time was passing three times as slow as it usually did. In the past 15 minutes you had been sure three times, that it was time you started the closing duties, only to realize that merely a handful of minutes had passed. You had grown so impatient with today, that you considered turning the time forwards, so that you could close early ‘on accident’ and go home. Of course, as an amazing employee you would never do anything like this ever, but it sure crossed your head once or twice (or three times actually). Sighing at the clock once more, you retreated back to your position with your head resting on the counter as you wait for the seconds to creep by.

Immersed by the ticking of the time and so busy tapping the rhythm of the melody stuck in your head that you didn’t notice someone approaching the shop, until the bell announced his entry.

“Hi,” a rather low voice greeted as you scrambled into your usual upright position behind the counter.

“Hello!” You smiled at the young man in front of you. He must have been around your age, maybe a little bit older, but that was judging by his voice. His appearance was sweet and youthful, his smile bright, his hair a little messy, but just the right amount. Charming. He was the kind of boy that would star in a Taylor Swift music video. Classic friends-to-lovers. You had to suppress a small giggle at the thought of it.

In the moments between his greeting, your greeting and the Taylor Swift fantasies, your brain still found the time to wonder what his order would be (it worked fast like that). Maybe something classic like an iced americano? Or something unexpected like a strawberry latte? You had been so bored, alone the thought of making a drink excited you beyond reason.

“What can I get you today?” you asked with a practiced, but this time more genuine than not, smile on your face.

“Oh,” He looked a little lost, you noticed only now, fidgeting with his hands in front of him, “I was just going to ask whether or not it was okay for me to set up for busking in front of the café?” He turned around, pointing to the small open area in front of the unoccupied seats.

It was a nice spot for busking, the shade from the trees making it cool enough to perform in the summertime as well. Your eyes darted to the guitar bag slung across his shoulder, lips caught between his teeth as he expectantly waited for your answer.

“Oh. So, you don’t want a drink, huh?” You really tried to suppress the disappointment, but judging from the look on his face, you weren’t doing a good job. Well at least you would soon have some sort of entertainment. And who knows, maybe he was so good, he’d bring in some customers.

“Do I have to buy a drink to be allowed to busk?” His eyebrows shot up, his expression changing from sweet to curious.

“What? Oh, no that’s okay. You can go ahead.” You smiled at him, nodding to the small square in front of the café.

He smiled slightly, determined to satisfy your need to prepare a drink for him, “Actually, I could use a little bit of a refreshment.”

Matching his expression, your face now showcased a bright smile as you handed him the menu. You weren’t sure if he could tell how grateful you were to finally be able to do something other than stand around and check the time, but you tried to show it to him by whipping back and forth slightly, stealing glances at him as he decided. You waited patiently as he studied the menu, tongue poking out between his teeth. He was cute, in a clueless kind of way.

Some time passed, but nothing compared to the amount you had been standing around until your saviour in the form of a busker came into the café.

Finally, he lifted his head, adjusted his guitar, slung over his shoulder, and cleared his throat, “Actually, could I maybe get a bottle of water?”

You were about to cry. A whole menu full of drinks ranging from coffees to mochas to fruit teas and smoothies, and this man wants a bottle of water? You were sure he could see the disappointment written on your face once again as he looked up from the small piece of paper in his hands.

A somewhat apologetic smile rested on his lips; he knew what he did.

“Water?” you asked again, just to be sure. Just so that you didn’t misunderstand and accidentally got the man a water instead of the strawberry matcha latte he just ordered.

“Uhm… I-Is that not possible?” A nervous smile was present on his features. On any other day, you probably would have noticed that the boy in front of you was quite literally a nervous wreck; Not only would he be busking in a new area for the first time, but his friends had also convinced him to go ask the cute barista if it was okay to play in front of her café, although he knew it was more than okay and even encouraged by the owner. Still, he did it out of curtsey, and not to finally have a reason to talk to the girl. He had had several pep-talks from his friends, as well as his mother (although she didn’t know what the peptalking was for), just to stumble over his word when ordering a water? Taerae, you really can do better.

“Water is free.” That interrupted his mental face palm as you smiled politely and pointed to the jug to your right. It was filled with fresh orange and lemon slices as well as mint to give the water a little something. Usually, the taste of the fruit would not be that strong as it would get refilled and emptied quite quickly, but today it had been standing around for a while, so you were sure it would actually taste a bit like the citrus and herbs floating inside of it. You supposed the boy would be in for a treat.

“That’s nice.” That’s nice?

“Do you need a cup for it to take it outside?” As you were speaking, you already turned around, grabbing one of the paper cups and a pen ready to write his name on it. You realized it was unnecessary to do this for a mere cup of water, but in all honesty, you were just as intrigued by the man in front of you, as you had been disappointed by the lack of creative drink-ordering; You wanted to know the name of the man that gave you hope just to take it all away from you again.

“What’s your name?” you smiled innocently, already setting the pen down to write as you looked at the man through your lashes.

“Oh. Uhm Taerae.”

You chuckled, “Okay, Oh-Uhm-Taerae,” you handed him the cup, “Enjoy your water!” you winked at him, smiling as he filled it up.

Taerae was a blushing mess. How was he supposed to perform in front of the café now? And also, why would he have ordered water? Of all things, he could have ordered, he asked for water. Wow. For a moment Taerae wondered if it was more embarrassing to play in front of here now, or to just leave and never set foot into this part of the city ever again.

Taking a sip of his water he set down his guitar and finally let out a dramatic sigh, he didn’t realize needed to leave his body right this second. There was not much to his busking set up, just him and his guitar, a stool, and a small speaker. Taerae used to have a booklet with all of his favourite songs, but he knew them by heart now, so no need to hide behind the notes. Matthew always said he would hide his face behind the pages, and when he first performed without it there had been twice as many people, not because he was better, but because people could see his smile. Taerae wasn’t so sure that that was the reason.

Today he seemingly would be playing for an audience of two. Himself and you. You who had been watching his ever move during his set up, as you were wiping down the already clean tables. If he hadn’t been so nervous, he would probably say this was his favourite way to meet new people. In fact, he had met almost all of his best friends through music; be it busking or the choir at his high school, or even just bonding over their favourite artists, music had always brought people into Taerae’s life. So Junhyeon’s theory to just go and ask if it was okay to play in front of the café as to finally talk to you, should have been fool proof. Count on Taerae to mess it up though. He debated whether or not he should text the group chat and ask for some moral support and customers for the café, but ultimately decided against getting teased to death by his favourite tormentors.

The sun was getting lower and lower as Taerae procrastinated starting to play. He could feel as the anticipation radiated off of you. You had settled back behind the counter, still watching him as he pretend to tune his guitar for the nth time. Taerae couldn’t hold eye contact with you for longer than an accidental moment, if had been able to, he would have seen the amused smile on your face as you sipped on a glass of water yourself. Taerae had his ‘Oh-Uhm-Taerae’ titled cup sat on the ground beside him. He had blushed even more when he had realized how you had teased him and was sure you’d get along great with Junhyeon once he introduced the two of you. If he got to ever introduce to his friends.

He was sure by now you could tell he was stalling, so with one last look around the area, and one last sip of his wonderful water, he strummed his guitar.

Music attracted people like honey did flies. Over the years you learned that whenever busking was held in front of the café, the customers would float through the doors, order drinks, and relax to the live music. But as the first notes of Taerae’s singing reached your ears, you wished that nobody would come to distract you from his voice. For the first time today, you wanted nothing but be left alone with the boy and listen, maybe sway through the small room a bit. But sure enough, the first song wasn’t even over, the sun hadn’t even retreated further towards the horizon, its light still bright and strong, not yet soft, and golden, when the first couple came strolling by, and after a short moment of weighing their options, the woman sat down outside, her attention undivided on Taerae, as the man came inside to order their drinks. You sighed softly as your focus on Taerae shifted to the coffee machine, it sound muffling his voice as you grinded coffee ground after coffee ground. Out of the corner of your eye, you could already see the next person enter the shop, still half looking at the performer outside. Now, it would be busier than usual, you were sure. You smiled softly, be careful what you wish for.

Taerae was happy he could bring you some business. He was also happy that your very distracting eyes didn’t linger on him quite as intensely as they did during his first song. It had been a successful busking for him even after his first struggles. The sky had eventually turned darker and darker, and the air had gone crisp with the last goodbyes of what once was winter. With more and more people leaving it was time for him as well to wrap up. At one point there had been so many people, it was almost impossible for Taerae to see the front of the store, making it difficult for him to confirm that you were still watching, paying attention to him. The awkward interaction out of his mind, he was happy to catch you look at him during any free moment of your now busy work afternoon/evening.

When Taerae started to pack up, the café was already closed. He hadn’t seen you leave, but there had been so many people around, he easily could have missed you. Besides, there was always a chance of a back entrance or something of the like. On the one hand, it was nice that he now could relax and not worry about embarrassing himself again in front of you, on the other he really wanted to know what you thought of his songs; Whether or not you liked them, if it was okay if he came back and played again, if he could take you out to dinner. The usual after busking questions really.

Zipping up his guitar, Taerae got ready to leave. He could still feel the guitar strings giving way and embedding themselves under his fingertips, that’s how he knew it had been a good session. It was quiet now that he had stopped playing, no spectators left but the first cicadas welcoming the night-time. Taerae would have just left if it hadn’t been for jingle of keys followed by a soft “Wait a moment” that caught his attention.

He turned and sure enough there you were, bag slung over your shoulder, hair tied out of your face, revealing a smile and gleaming eyes.

“Hi,” you smiled.

“Hello,” Taerae reciprocated.

You handed him the takeaway cup you were carrying, adorned with a neat ‘Oh-Uhm-Taerae’. You smiled as he raised his eyebrows at the nickname, his own heart swelling at your chuckle.

“It’s tea,” You explained, “I figured you could use some after singing all afternoon.”

He nodded, bringing the beverage to his lips. The stark contrast of the cool May night and the heat of the tea made him realize how his body had cooled down, “Thank you. It’s nice.” There he goes again with his nice. He rolled his eyes at himself.

“Well, that’s good! I can make more than water, you know?” you smiled, “Anyways, thank you for today, you brought in more customers than any other busker has thus far. In the name of my boss and his business, I wanted to invite you back to play again. Preferably Tuesdays, Thursdays, or Fridays in the afternoons. That’s when I work.”

Taerae should have acted cool and said something like, I’ll see if I can make it, or I will if my schedule allows it, but instead he just laughed and nodded ‘okay’. He didn’t trust his own voice right now; it would probably give away his excitement.

“Good,” You smiled satisfied, “Then I’ll see Tuesday, Oh-Uhm-Taerae.” You turned to walk away.

“Just Taerae is fine!” He was not going to have his crush call him Oh-Uhm-Taerae.

If he had been any smarter, he would have just said ‘Taerae’. In fact, if he had been smarter, he would have not stuttered saying his name in the first place. But Taerae was Taerae, and you were you.

So, turning around, but not stopping your walking backwards, you smile mischievously, “Alright then, Just-Taerae, see you Tuesday!” you could see his mouth opening and closing in retaliation, but before he could say anything more, with a slightly louder voice you said, “I’m just Y/N, by the way.”

Taerae watched as you waked away, smiling to himself, sipping on his tea, skipping on the way home. He had now been officially introduced to ‘Just-Y/N.’

2. i like you

Another Thursday, another busking event for Taerae in front of the café. It had become somewhat of a tradition for him to play at least once a week when you were working. After each time you’d come out with a cup of tea, which had evolved to iced as May progressed into June and with that spring into summer, and the chill of the nights was more welcomed as a contrast to the hot daytime. Sometimes the two of you didn’t talk much, or hang out, be it due to university or other plans, but most of the time you’d spend the better part of the night walking around, trying new food spots, or just talking and hanging out in front of the café, munching on the left-over pastries of the day. Either way, Taerae was glad to see you at least once a week, and thus the two of you went from strangers to close friends.

This Thursday in particular you had something planned, as you had let him know beforehand. Taerae was excited, a little bit nervous even, it was unusual for you to plan something, normally having Taerae decide what the two of you would eat and do. He was very good at reading people, and he’d usually figure something out that fit with both of your moods.

But not today apparently, today you had decided, and Taerae had no idea what it was so, yes, he was a tad bit nervous.

The daylight stretched until well after 8 p.m. and with the café closing at 7.30 p.m., Taerae made sure to get his guitar and busking stuff home before you were done finishing up at the café. He had been so careful with planning his schedule, that he now arrived back at the square a little early, you were still working, getting drinks to customers, preparing the last slices of cake in the soft pink take-away boxes, smiling at children, laughing at unfunny jokes customers made. He was in awe of you. How could a person be so dedicated to their part-time job? And it was not only at work that you were diligent, more than once had Taerae spent and afternoon studying with you in either your or his universities’ library. The focus you were able to uphold was something Taerae was almost jealous of. He was jealous of you because you still could concentrate, even if he was around, something he struggled with whenever you were in sight. He had also been jealous of whatever you were focusing on. What in the world could be so important for you to focus on, when he was right there next to you. When he was your… friend?

It frustrated Taerae to no end that he did not have the same effect on you, as you had on him.

Sure enough, after another few minutes of waiting the familiar jingle of keys rushed Taerae out of his head, back down to earth. Back down to real you, not head you. He liked both versions equally, so he wasn’t complaining.

You grinned at him as you made your way towards the boy, “Hi.”

“Hello,” he greeted with suspicion. The expression on your face was foreign, but it really couldn’t mean anything good for Taerae, as it reminded him too much of Junhyeon’s scheming face, you were scheming. In Taerae’s head there were only two options; Either you were planning some intricate prank with his friend, or you were planning something sweet, far from a prank, and Taerae would spontaneously confess in a waterfall of words and your newfound, yet very precious friendship, would suffer from it.

“Why do you look so anxious?” there was a somewhat nervous smile on your lips, eyebrows scrunched up in worry as you handed Taerae his post-performance-beverage.

Taerae shook his head, “I’m not. I just don’t want to get murdered by you. So, before we go, I just wanted to remind you that my voice is a gift to the world, and if you are planning on un-aliving me today, that you’d be taking it away from the whole world and everybody would be mad at you.”

You looked at him, a half scoff, half laugh escaping your lips.

“I’m serious, Y/N. I’m sharing my location with Junhyeon this entire evening.” Taerae crossed his arms in front of his chest, awaiting your reassurance that in fact you were not going to kill him.

“What makes you think Junhyeon isn’t in on the plan?” you smirked, while Taerae’s expression fell.

This joking manner was one of the only times Taerae could look at you without his heart combusting or his eyes diverting as soon as they met yours. And while you were laughing at your very lame retaliation, he had time to take you in. It was beyond Taerae how someone could make him so nervous yet so at peace at the same time.

“Come on now, Taerae” you smiled leading the way towards the metro station, “have a little faith in me, yea?”

If only you knew the amount of faith he had in you. So, of course, Taerae followed.

Laughing and joking the two of you discussed all the songs Taerae played today. Thus far he had not played your request, which, like every time after a performance, you let him know by complaining excessively.

The station way bustling with people going home from work, students finding their way to their after-school-studies, and people like you; Looking for activities to end the day on a relaxing note. Out of instinct Taerae placed his hand on your lower back, guiding you through the sea of people towards the train as you were rambling on about this week’s songs and the lack of your favourites (although any song sung by Taerae was your favourite, but not that he needed to know that just yet).

Whenever you and him were together, you had noticed that you forgot the rest of the world existed. Not necessarily in the way, how everything else goes blurry and your focus was solely on him, but rather that real life just slows down a little bit. Whenever you were with Taerae, everything else just seemed less important, far away.

He, however, seemed always grounded. Even when you were excitedly babbling on, Taerae simultaneously smiled and made sure you weren’t in anybody’s way, yet still matched your energy and made sure to react to you. You never understood how he could be so focused on the rest of the world as well. It was especially frustrating because you could either focus on him entirely, or not at all; for you with Taerae it was an all or nothing situation.

The train was more or less ripping at its seams when you got on. You always wondered how so many people could fit in such a confined space and not get squashed. You had hoped that due to the nice weather and the rather late hour, it would have been a little emptier, but no, clearly nothing beats the AC of a subway. The hopes of a seat after a long afternoon of work had been abandoned a long time ago, as you got pushed closer and closer towards Taerae.

In all honesty, the boy was panicking. He didn’t know where to put his hands, what to hold onto as to prevent the both of you from falling at each halt the train took. His only hope was for the crowds to thin once the next big transfer point arrived. But until then? He wasn’t sure how to keep standing upright and breathe properly, with you this close.

“Y/N?” Taerae whispered barely audible.

“Hm?” You looked up at him, waiting for him to continue.

But just as Taerae started to speak, you saw the man behind him stand up from his seat. In an effort to not notice how close Taerae had been, you had heard him grumbling to himself how packed the train was and that he could get off at the next station and walk the rest home, but that had been three stops ago. Now that he was actually getting up, you had to act fast. The man pushed past you and in a swift motion you pushed Taerae against the seat, making him sit down with a thump.

You smiled at him triumphantly as his big eyes looked back at you. The man getting up and you pushing Taerae had happened so swiftly that, Taerae hadn’t noticed he had grabbed a hold of your hand as to not lose balance. And you hadn’t either, smiling happily to yourself as you stood in front of Taerae, shielding him from the masses.

Taerae however, would not have you stand when you had been the one working almost all day. He pulled you towards him, getting up at the same time. To spectators it might’ve looked like a twirl, a spontaneous dance on the subway. Well, as a result, you were now sitting and Taerae was leaning over you, satisfied with the change of position.

For a moment there had been a smug grin on his face, but it was soon wiped away by a blush, as he noticed a group of students squealing next to you, whispering to each other and giggling. You too had looked away from Taerae in an attempt to hide your flushed cheeks. But Taerae noticed. And he smiled.

From this moment on, the train ride seemed to go on forever. The crowd thinned as your stop approached and soon only a handful of people were in your compartment. Taerae had sat down beside you, taking one of the high-school girls’ seat once they got up and left, but only after they had made sure Taerae did in fact sit down next to you and not anybody else. It was kind of sweet. Still, you couldn’t look any of them in the eye as they got off the train.

Finally, your stop arrived and in a swift motion you got up. Taerae was excited too, he still didn’t know where exactly you were going, but now he at least knew the broad area; The stop was a little towards the edge of the city, where parks and playgrounds dominated the cemented roads. It was a nice change of scenery, and Taerae welcomed it.

Coming up above ground, he noticed how quickly the sun had set, the sky only showing remnants of the bright day at its horizon. You had stopped a few paces in front of him, finding it hard to regain orientation somewhere you hadn’t been in such a long time.

“Where to first?” Taerae asked, curious as to where you could be going this late. You had let him know beforehand that there would not be a grand meal today, and that he should eat something in between busking and your… date?

“The convenience store.” You explained, once you saw the small corner store you used to visit as a kid, “To get ice cream, naturally.”

So, the two of you made your way towards the store and after a few minutes of weighing options and discussing preferences, Taerae and you had decided on green-tea ice cream, and a caramel flavoured one.

“Okay, ice cream secured,” you smiled at Taerae exiting the shop, “Now, Mr. Kim, I shall show you one of my favourite places of all time.”

“What an honour.” He smiled as he tagged along, catching up with you as you started in the direction of a small park.

It had been a little later than you had anticipated, making it a little harder for you to find the exact spot you were looking for. The trees were practically pitch black, and although there were a few lanterns lighting the way, they were too little and too far apart to actually help a great deal. The gravel crunched beneath your shoes as you snacked on the ice cream and made your way further into the green.

“There it is!”

As soon as the small wooden pavilion was in sight you tugged on Taerae’s sleeve to hurry. He had to admit, he wasn’t sure why you were this excited about a wooden structure in a park, at the other end of the city. He thought it was adorable, nonetheless. Coming up the small hill he saw that the pavilion overviewed a small pond, where this time strategically placed light illuminated the water surface.

“Nice, is it not?” you teased, smiling up at the boy. Reacting to things with a quick ‘Nice’ had become an inside joke between the two of you, well for you mostly; It was fun for you, but Taerae usually just rolled his eyes.

“It is.” He confirmed, “But why exactly are we here? I mean don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore being squeezed together on a train for more than half an hour and then sitting in a park. I’m just wondering.”

“Careful, Taerae,” you narrowed your eyes at him, “I could still murder you and dump your body in the pond.”

He laughed., “No but seriously, what is this place?”

“I’m not sure. I just stumbled upon it one day during my first week of uni. It was strangely familiar and when I talked to my parents about it, they said we used to come here when I was a kid,” you shrugged, “It’s nothing super special but I just wanted to show you.”

Taerae smiled at you, and you smiled back. It was one of these quiet moments you shared. Your friendship thus far had been filled with laughter and music and teasing, but every once in a while, a quiet moment like this made it special. Until someone decided to break the quiet, of course.

“You should have told me; I would have brought my guitar. Properly serenated you.” He pouted.

“No more serenating, I’m growing sick of your voice Taerae, for real.” You mocked, laughing.

This only made Taerae pout more, pushing your shoulder slightly.

The sound of your laugh faded, and Taerae observed a shift in your manner. The look you gave him in that moment sent a shiver down his spine and for a moment he wondered whether or not you had been actually joking about murdering him or not. You looked so unsure and serious, Taerae had never seen you this way.

In your life, not many days had gone your way. You weren’t sure if there were going to be a lot in the future that would. But you really needed today to go your way. Needless to say, you were worried. Of course, there had been another reason you had brought Taerae here; It wasn’t simply because you wanted to show him one of your favourite places, it was a reason as well, but not the only one. But now that you had to put your plan into action, you worried. You had been scared of your body reacting this way just before this moment. Your throat had dried up and your hands were slightly shaking and your heart, oh dear, your heart was going as fast as ever. Maybe you should just cancel the original plan and just, come up with a plan B? Was this a good idea? Did you really need to do this now?

If anything, the troublesome journey here had only confirmed your plans for today. So yes, you really had to get it off your chest, you quite literally couldn’t keep it in anymore. From the moment you saw Taerae today, to you grabbing his hand and not letting go (as if that was on accident), from the highschoolers, and everyone else on the train, as well as in your co-workers and friends, seeing what was right in front of your eyes. You just really had to tell Taerae.

“Hey, actually, there’s another reason I brought you here,” you forced a reassuring smile onto your lips, as to not worry Taerae.

You were terribly failing at not worrying Taerae; As his mind raced through all his possible wrong doings so that he could predict what horrible thing you were going to say, he kept quiet and anxiously waited for you to continue.

“Well, I wanted to bring you here because, I mainly associate this place with incredibly happy memories and I just wanted that to be a good omen, I guess.” You were stalling. You knew that. Taerae probably knew that.

But Taerae also felt relief. It can’t be anything horrendous when you want this place to be a canvas for good memories right? No, right?

Taerae didn’t say anything. He watched your every move as you turned towards the dark that spread across the small body of water. He heard you let out a deep sigh.

This might go incredibly wrong. It might go amazingly right. Either way, you had to say it.

“Taerae,” you started finally turning to the boy, “There’s no going back after I say this, but just know that it’s okay if you don’t feel the same, I just need to tell you, okay?”

A small smile spread across his face. Oh my god. He knew where this was going. He definitely wanted it to go there. He nodded for you to continue. In the moments between his motion and you starting to speak he thought about how he had failed as a musician. He sang love songs as a passion, he had been singing them as a hobby for years, he studied music at university, he was pouring out his heart to anyone who would listen, confessing to you every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday afternoon through the one language he knew, the one language that felt safe to him. Yet, here you were, about to confess to the boy who had been singing to you for weeks-

“I like you. As more than a friend.” You offered him a nervous, crooked smile. The words leaving you lips much faster than you had anticipated.

“That’s such a relief.” He answered.

“Huh?” You looked almost scared, the blood draining from your face. Was this his way of rejecting you? No, he didn’t look apologetic at all, no pity in his eyes.

“That means all the love songs I’ve been performing have not been in vain.” He smiled taking a step towards you, brushing a stray strand of hair behind your ear, “I like you, Y/N. And I’ve been trying to hold it in, so you can’t even begin to imagine how happy I am that I can finally tell you.”

If it were possible for human eyes to form themselves into hearts, yours would have changed by now. Whatever this man triggered within you, made your heart overflow with feelings, “Thank god.” You answered, making both him and you laugh.

In your nerves and relief and happiness, you hadn’t realized how impossibly close he was by now, even closer than he had been on the subway. You could feel his breath on your face and the warmth of his hand on your cheek. One last smile spread across Taerae’s lips before he finally leaned in to connect your lips to his. You met him in the last millimetres, eager to finally kiss.

It wasn’t perfect by normal standards; The two of you laughed and smiled into each other. You were a little awkward with your limbs, and a little too out of breath to be still considered sexy. Still, it was perfect because it was just the two of you. It was perfect because it was Taerae. It was perfect because it was you. It was perfect because you liked him, and he liked you.

The night was calm and cool when you and Taerae first shared a kiss. The sun had set, and the stars were watching, as your friendship bloomed into love.

3. when you love someone

Summer had been long and lovely, and now Autumn was just around the corner; it was so close, you wouldn’t be surprised if all the leaves had changed colour once you got off this never-ending shift. Taerae’s eyes followed your body as it moved from table to table with full drinks and plates with pastries and then back to the counter with empty dishes and new orders. The memory of the quiet café on the day the two of you first met, was a picture unimaginable, as the small interior was now buzzing with customers. To think you had wished for more customers on that fateful afternoon, when now you hoped the swarm of people would just evaporate in front of your eyes. To describe this time of the year as hectic would be an understatement; Just before university started up again, the café turned into a spot for last goodbyes between parents and now young adults, as well as spot for catching up after the long summer months for friends, who had come to return to their studies.

Taerae had been waiting for quite some time, he was lucky enough to had spot a free table, right when he arrived to pick you up. He had also been lucky since he didn’t actually have to queue for his drink; Taerae, just like all the other significant others of the employees, got the boyfriend/girlfriend treatment; Their drink of choice waiting for them as soon as they entered. By now, you were sure he had finished his drink, even though you hadn’t finished work. You were supposed to get off half an hour ago, but with the floods of people coming through your doors, you couldn’t bring yourself to leave Chaehyun and Hanbin alone, feeling the responsibility as the longest and most experienced worker, as well as the burden of being a good friend heavy on your shoulders.

Not only that, but also your boss had spontaneously decided to go on vacation a week ago and had left you in charge. Although it had felt good to be entrusted with this responsibility, you had not anticipated the amount of work it would mean. You had worked almost every day, having to postpone meetups and get-togethers with not only friends and family, but with your boyfriend as well. The two of you had barely seen each other this week, and thus you wanted nothing more than to leave with Taerae and curl up on his couch just as you had planned, but apparently your customers had a different idea: Whenever you made your way over to his table, somebody asked for some special drink that only you knew how to make. Or the cash register decided to spontaneously combust. It was almost comical.

Every now and again yours and Taerae’s eyes met, and you mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’, to which he just shook his head, telling you it was okay.

In all frankness, Taerae didn’t mind waiting for you at the café.

He loved watching you. It was all the interaction he had with you for the longest time before he finally asked to busk in front of the café. He loved watching you so much that if he had to put down his three favourite things in the entire world, it would be making music, kissing you and watching you while you went on about your tasks.

There had always been something magical in the way Taerae perceived you; He had gotten to know you so well over the past three months you’ve dated, that he felt even if he was simply looking at you, he was experiencing something special, a unique feature to your relationship.

So, it was okay. He really didn’t mind waiting for you.

What he did mind though, was how stressed you seemed; How you always did everything for everyone, more than what they’d ask for, just in case they needed that little extra; How you clearly didn’t see when there was too much on your plate, and still space on someone else’s. Taerae knew that you tended to do everything by yourself, and didn’t want to worry anyone, but Taerae was worried about you. He wanted to be your resting place, to be helpful in some way.

So, when you had finally found a spare minute to come to his side, Taerae couldn’t wait to be of some comfort, to help make you feel a little better.

“Hi,” smiled softly at the man.

Instinctively Taerae’s hand snuck around your waist, pulling you closer for maximum body contact. You smiled as the familiar warmth spread inside your chest, making you instantly ease up a bit, feeling more at home on this busy day.

“Hello,” he greeted, smiling up at you.

You just smiled at each other for a moment, tanking up on some well needed calm and support, which only your boyfriend could offer. Soon enough however, your gaze was stolen away by a couple that had just joined the queue.

You sighed, “I’m not sure I’ll be able to leave before closing.”

“That’s okay. I’ll wait, I don’t mind. We can go to my apartment after.” Taerae hoped you would agree, but he knew it was unlikely.

Your eyes were fixed on the clouds outside darkening the sky, making it seem later than it was, “Hm… Maybe you should go now before it rains. I’ll come right after locking up.” You smiled at him, cocking your head to the side. A cute habit of yours, Taerae noted, but he could still see the tiredness in your eyes.

Pulling his eyes away from you towards the looming downpour, he was almost convinced. He hesitated because he just wanted to make sure you were okay and would get home as soon as possible as well.

“Okay. But make sure to hurry once you’re done, okay? And don’t get rained on.” Taerae said while slipping on his denim jacket.

You nodded confirming his words and promising to get home as soon as possible, “The rain will be done once I’m off, I promise.” You smiled.

“Okay, weather fairy, I’ll see you at home.”

He planted a kiss on your cheek and got ready to leave, the next occupant of the table already making his way towards the empty space.

It had in fact not stopped raining by the time you had cleaned the espresso machine and wiped down most of the tables. Hanbin and Chaehyun had left a few minutes ago, running towards the subway station, in the spare moments the rain had eased up a bit, leaving you to lock up alone. Now the rain was back to its full power, slamming onto the pavement, windows, cars, and soon you as well. You were afraid the small umbrella you found in the back of the locker room would not do much to keep you dry and warm on the short walk to Taerae’s apartment, but it had to be better than nothing.

The storm was just about to regain its entire might when you left the safety of your workplace. Turning the keys, you felt the cold wind hit your exhausted legs, sending shivers up your whole body, and sending more than a few leaves on their journey towards the ground prematurely. You cursed at yourself for thinking that late-summer-thunderstorms carried the warmth, that mid-summer-ones did. Struggling to keep the umbrella upright, you wrapped the bright blue zip-up sweater you had stolen from Taerae’s closet closer over your body. If there had been any more wind, you were sure would have been blown away.

In fact, you had been so busy trying to not take off, you barely noticed a figure hurrying in your direction.

An out of breath Taerae appeared in the far distance, his silhouette not only blurred by the rain, but also the impressive velocity of his figure running towards you. In Taerae’s hand you could make out another one of his hoodies and a definitely more sturdy-looking umbrella, more than big enough to fit the two of you.

His cheeks and nose were red, even more so due to the red fabric of the umbrella, but mainly because of the unexpected cool temperatures. Taerae hadn’t been home long when he had decided to come and get you once the café closed. A decision he now noted as more than smart, having witnessed you almost fly away like Mary Poppins.

He couldn’t help the smile as he pulled you towards himself, underneath the little shelter his umbrella offered “So, this is where my favourite sweatshirt has gone to.” He pointed towards the fabric currently keeping your body just a degree away from a shiver.

Unfortunately, you had been right about your umbrella being bad at its job, the sweatshirt now thoroughly soaked, “Sorry,” You smiled innocently, “But hey, at least it’s clean now.”

Taerae shook his head, granting you refuge and additional warmth underneath his arm as he wrapped it around your body, pulling you as close as he could, “You could have texted you know?” he whispered in your ear, barely audible over the rain continuously slamming onto the thin fabric above the two of you.

“I thought my equipment would suffice,” you confessed, although you knew your umbrella would have been unlikely to hold up to this kind of weather, “I’m sorry you had to come out to rescue me.”

“It’s what I’m here for, no? Serenating and rescuing.” Taerae smiled, his hair curling itself back to its natural state, “University student and professional busker by day, personal saviour and superhero of Y/N by night.”

You chuckled; he really was your hero.

Finally inside and in dry clothes, you let yourself fall onto Taerae’s couch. As soon as your body touched the soft fabric, the sleepiness started to set in. Between the bustle of work and the adventure of running through the rain with Taerae, your body had gone from low battery to out of it completely. The only thing missing right now was your boyfriend, who was making instant noodles and a cup of tea for the both of you, insisting that you had made enough beverages today to last a lifetime, and you couldn’t agree more.

The day had been so long, and just an hour ago you had wished for nothing more than for time to pass by more quickly, but now that you had actually had time to spend with Taerae, you willed the clock to slow down for a bit.

Now in the warmth of Taerae’s apartment, you didn’t mind the weather at all; The rain was still going, tapping onto the windows nonstop, and flooding the streets outside without doubt, but what did it matter to you now that you were able to rest with your favourite person in the entire world.

Speak of the devil; Taerae set down the bowl of instant noodles in front of, followed shortly by a glass of water and a cup tea.

“That looks so good, I could kiss you right now.” You smiled looking at food in front of you.

“Do it then.” Taerae turned his head towards you, expectantly waiting on the kiss you had promised.

You placed a quick peck onto the smiling boy and then started to slurp down your meal. It had been some time since Taerae had seen you so happy. It had been some time since Taerae had seen you, period. Not counting the café this afternoon, of course, but it really had been a while since the two of you had hung out alone like this. And Taerae would be lying if he said he hadn’t missed you. Just like you would be lying if you said you hadn’t been stressed out of your mind this past week. Just like you would be lying if you said you weren’t tired right now. Just like you would be lying if you said you hadn’t missed Taerae too.

“It was a really hard day today, huh?” Taerae’s voice was laced with worry, and it made you anxious. You didn’t want to worry him, there really wasn’t anything for him to worry about, he was helping as much as he could without worrying.

“It was okay,” you answered, a little too quiet for Taerae’s liking, “I’m just glad I won’t be in charge anymore next week.”

While Taerae believed that the majority of what you said was true, he wouldn’t have you downplaying your feelings like that. He sighed, “You don’t have to pretend with me, Y/N, you know? I’m here to help. I want to know when you’re stressed or feel bad or hurt.”

In the past few months that you and Taerae had been dating, it was made obvious on more than one occasion that your boyfriend’s love language was acts of service. Be it to drive you to your favourite bookstore, or to get you some medicine when you were sick. Taerae loved to just do things for you.

You smiled at your sweet boyfriend, your heart overflowing once again, “I know, it’s just… I can do this on my own. I don’t want to worry you.” You nodded to yourself, feeling a little exposed.

“I get that, but the thing is, you don’t have to,” Taerae took your hand in his, “That’s what it’s like when you love someone; I want to share the hurt and the burden and the stress. I want to do it for you, and I want you to do it for me,” his smile was faint, his eyebrows scrunched up slightly, “I’d rather worry with you, than worry for you.”

You weren’t sure what you had done to deserve someone like Taerae. Smiling you leaned into his side, resting your head into the crook of his neck, “Alright, I’m sorry.”

He kissed the top of your head as a response, triggering the warm and fuzzy feeling once again.

“Hey,” you whispered against his body, “I love you.”

Taerae hugged you tighter, engulfing you in all his warmth; the rain so loud against the window, the wind so strong, the building howled its tune, his words so soft they warmed you up from inside, “And I love you.”

4. so let’s love

Being in love was harder than you could have ever imagined. It was also simply more than what you could have ever thought it would be. It was more difficult, more intense, more complicated. But the more you felt it, the deeper, the stronger your feelings got for Taerae the more aware you got of your need for him.

Everything Taerae felt with you was new to him as well. In the past, Taerae had never had a problem figuring out how he felt, and he surely didn’t have any problems expressing his emotions. For Taerae, music had always been the easiest, most natural way to communicate. It was what brought him the most precious things in life: a purpose and you. But lately, it was difficult for him to encompass his love for you through actions or music. And he had a feeling he would struggle his entire life to put this into words.

The leaves had long turned brown, the weather had long switched from sunshine to frost, and Taerae had once more found his way home from a long day of classes, and an even longer week of not seeing you. Lately, he had felt something shift between the two of you, and he felt difficulty to raise the issue, to talk it out. He even felt difficulty to play it out, to sing it out, to just let his frustrations flow.

Of course, Taerae knew that couples fought. He knew it was normal for lovers to throw hurtful things at each other’s heads from time to time. He could list more than 10 songs that captured this exact feeling of defeat, when one hurts the person, they love the most. It was his hyperawareness of this fact, that made it all the more difficult to ignore the fact that you just did not fight.

It was not like the two of you would not have reason for conflict, but it always seemed like whenever the two of you were close to fighting, you shut down. Your passiveness got a hold of you, and you logged out of Taerae’s life until you were ready to forget about the reason you would have fought anyway. Whether or not you reflected and decided it wasn’t as big as a deal as it seemed at first, or if you just ignored the hurt, Taerae didn’t know.

What he did know however was, that this could not be healthy. Neither for you, nor for him. He refused to lose the love of his life over something such as the lack of fighting. All Taerae wanted was to love you. He wanted all that there is to a relationship, the love, the fights, the forgiving. He didn’t need perfect; he didn’t want perfect.

He was sure of his feelings for you, he had been for the longest time. Maybe he did love you more than you did him, but that didn’t even matter to Taerae. He was just worried, he’d lose you. He was so confident in his own love, he became insecure of yours.

So, on this day, on his way home from university, on his way to you, he thought about how maybe, he just wasn’t worth enough for you to fight with him. Maybe it wasn’t that you didn’t like to fight, maybe it was that he just wasn’t worth fighting with. And for the first time, these kinds of Taerae’s feelings made sense.

From the beginning of your relationship, you had been determined to give Taerae your whole heart. You wanted nothing more than to love the sweet boy to your heart’s full capacity. And the more you got to know him, the more your heart’s ability to do so grew. And with that your fear of losing him.

In your entire life, you had not really fought with anybody, ever. Of course, there had been disagreements and discussions, but most of the time you hadn’t deemed the topics worth fighting over. You had also had relationships before, none as serious as the one with Taerae, and they mostly ended amicably. Definitely nothing like any Olivia Rodrigo song. You intended to keep the number of break-ups you had had the same, although you knew realistically, the number of fights had to go up at some point, but thus far even disagreements with Taerae hadn’t proven annoying enough to fight over. All you wanted to do is love him.

You didn’t want to fight with him, or to worry him, or to hurt him. You just wanted to love Taerae.

So, on the day the temperatures had dropped as well as all the leaves, and Taerae used the spare keys you had given him to let himself into your apartment, to cook together, the last thing you had expected was to fight.

One look, out of the window and you saw the blanket of grey and white that threatened (or promised) to spill the first snow of the season. You had been waiting for Taerae to come home for some time now and had been working on some university assignments until the all too familiar jingle of keys announced his arrival. The first thing you heard right after the sound of the soft thump Taerae’s guitar case made when he set it down, was a sigh. And only then did you realize just how stressful the past month had been for the both of you. You and Taerae were both drowning in assignments and projects and that meant you spent the majority of your time in the library, as he did in the studio. It had been hard for you with work and university to find time to just be together, especially with a lot occupying both of your minds.

Communicating had never been your forte and you found it even harder to discuss your worries when the time you had together was so scarce. Taerae had been good at voicing his feelings and telling you when he was stressed but in the past days, he seemed a little closed off as well, so this sigh seemed to be a giveaway.

Still, worries aside a soft smile rested on your lips as he entered the kitchen, the table currently occupied by books and sheets of paper, your own little chaos ruling over the space.

“Looks intense,” Taerae chuckled as he made his way to you.

“It’s even worse than this looks in here,” you motioned with your finger to your head as you closed your laptop shut, standing up to hug your boyfriend hello.

Taerae kissed your cheek, taking in your scent. He noticed the hints of coffee scent in your hair, an indicator that you had worked the morning shift. He didn’t know you had worked today. You used to share your work schedule with him at the beginning of the week. Taerae knew you weren’t obligated to share your schedule with him, he wasn’t possessive like that, but just stopping to do so, irked him in some kind of way.

“You okay?” you asked as Taerae was staring off into space, and you grabbed a bottle of water.

“Yeah,” one look at you and he knew you didn’t believe a single word he just said, “it’s just the usual. Creative pressure and such.”

You cocked your head, the way you always did when processing things, thinking of what to say, “You sure that’s the only reason? You kind of seem a little off the past few days.”

He knew you didn’t mean it like an accusation. He knew that doing this, fighting, on grounds of you asking if there was anything else wrong was ridiculous. But Taerae also supposed it was as good a reason as any. Still, he didn’t mean the words to come out quite as harsh as they did.

“Yeah? You mean like how you don’t even tell me when you work these days anymore? Or what assignments you’re working on? Who you’re working on them with?”

One look and Taerae realized you were clearly taken aback by what he had said. Or how he had said it.

“I’m- I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you had to approve my schedule. I don’t mean to keep it secret Taerae, but I’m not talking about schedules or shifts, or even university. Something’s clearly bothering you.” Your brows were scrunched up and arms crossed.

Taerae scoffed silently, “Why…” he tried to gather the words in his head, to make them seem a little less ridiculous than they were, “Why won’t you fight with me?”

“Huh?” now you were taken aback. “Why won’t I fight with you? Maybe because there’s nothing to fight about?”

“Oh, come on, Y/N. I know you get annoyed when I stay in the studio for too long and don’t text you when I know you’re waiting for dinner plans or something. And I - I get annoyed when you just brush things off, but you always apologize even if there’s nothing to apologize for. Sometimes– Sometimes I just want to be annoyed with you and you should be annoyed with me as well for being annoyed.”

You frowned, what he said was true, even if you weren’t sure he was making sense 100%. In any case, these things just seemed inconsequential. Whenever stuff like that occurred you had been more worried than annoyed, sad maybe, but definitely not mad.

“What do you mean? I just don’t think these things are worth fighting over.”

Taerae closed his eyes, in the way he did when he couldn’t get the right chord combination, in the way he did to coordinate his thoughts, in the way he did just before letting go of a frustrated breath.

“See? This is what I mean. I just- It just feels like that to you I’m not worth fighting with.”

Now there was hurt on your face. Taerae didn’t mean to twist your words but it just, that is what it sounded like to him. This is what it felt like to him.

“I- That’s not what I said at all, Taerae,” Your tone had also changed. It was more straight forward, more matter-of-factly. Yet your eyes seemed desperate to just clarify this situation, so, you searched in his for some sort of doubt of his last statement, “You know that that’s not true, right?”

“I don’t know! It seems like it if I’m being honest,” his voice was just below a shout. Although it definitely didn’t seem angry, it was just as desperate as the look in your eyes. He tried to understand you, the way you tried to understand him, “It feels like whatever I do, whether it’s good or bad it doesn’t matter.”

“What? Of course, it matters. Taerae, you matter, so much!” You tried to hold the eye contact, but your emotions seemed to overflow, making it impossible to think and talk, but you tried anyways, “I am sorry, and don’t get me wrong, this is not me not wanting to fight right now, I’m just trying to understand- to make you understand; Never has anything you did not affected me. Be it negative or positive. I know we’ve talked about it but- you know I’m still learning, right? I just- I don’t want my feelings to be a bother to you. I don’t want me to be a reason for you to not do something. I just- I simply want to be a support for you. I don’t want you to have to worry about me and my feelings too, because I just- I so confidently want you. I just want to love you, Taerae.”

He looked at you, and you looked at him as you continued.

“Never did I mean to hurt you by not fighting with you. If you want to fight then okay, let’s fight. Let’s scream at each other and hurt each other, but I just- I just want to be able to love you through it all.”

You didn’t realize you had started to cry. And Taerae hadn’t realized how much it would hurt to see you cry. So, all he did was pull you close and engulf you in a hug.

“Okay. I’m sorry, too.” He was afraid of letting you go, as the thoughts raced through his head, as he tried to turn back time. He cursed himself for not realizing how much it sucked to fight. How much it sucked to hurt the person you love the most. “Okay, let’s love, okay?”

So, when the first snow began to fall, as it covered the rooftops and bare trees like sugar did pancakes, and a peacefulness settled after the first fight, you and Taerae decided to love each other, but also fight with each other, and cry and laugh with each other, and hurt and forgive each other. The both of you just prayed that you wouldn’t lose each other.

5. i loved you

An unexpectedly cold spring night put you in an incredibly uncomfortable position.

One would think that at the end of April the temperatures would somewhat rise above 10 degrees, but to your disappointment, they had even dropped below zero. You didn’t know what had come over the city to still be as freezing as it was, but you couldn’t help but think it was your heart that had conjured up the unexpected mid-spring-ice-age.

The temperature wasn’t the only thing that made it difficult for you to get out of bed. It was also a simple lack of anything warm in your life. So, on the morning of this especially chilly spring day, you rummaged through your closet to find one of your warmest sweaters, to try and keep your body from going into hypothermia on your way to your opening shift at the café. Trying to distract you from the shivering even inside your apartment, you thought about the workday ahead, and what spices you would throw into your free morning coffee, when your hand grazed over what felt like your warmest, snuggest sweater. Satisfied with the choice, you grabbed onto the thick fabric and pulled it out, but not without a few other items falling out of your closet in the process.

Cursing at your own messiness, you at first didn’t notice that the sweater you had pulled out, was in fact, not one of your own. You had even been so distracted by the mess that was now on your bedroom floor, that you pulled the sweater over your still with sleepiness marked head, and diligently threw the stray items into the closet, shutting the door before they could fall out once again.

Only when you caught a glimpse of your own reflection, did you realize what you had just slipped onto your body. Comforted by the familiarity of the striped sweater, but startled by the memories it brought back. The scent of its owner still hung heavy in its fibre. You stopped to look at yourself in such a familiar, yet strange item of clothing.

If anyone had told you two months ago that it’d feel strange to wear Taerae’s hoodie in April you would have thought it would have been because of the warm weather, and not because Taerae had broken up with you just a couple of weeks before.

The fabric felt now heavy on your shoulders, and you sensed an all too familiar weight drop a little heavier onto your chest. You had done your best to go back to the life you had known before, but in the past two weeks you had been semi successful in achieving that: More than once had your co-workers caught you staring off into space, your gaze unintentionally fixed upon any busker in front of the café, your eyes even fixated on the spot when nobody was playing. With a gentle tap to your shoulder, Hanbin had brought you back to your task of making espresso shots, a routine that felt almost too easy to get distracted from.

You were well aware that you had had a life before Taerae. You just didn’t know you would have one after Taerae. In all honesty, you had hoped you wouldn’t have.

The most tragic part was, Taerae just hadn’t given you the closure one would need after getting broken up with by the love of their lives. He hadn’t really given you any explanation at all. Nothing more than a lot off bullshit, and a just-because. It was easy for most people in your life to go from loving to hating him, but even with the lack of sympathy for your situation, you found it difficult.

You had tried to hate him, you had tried to resent him even, but nothing had proven effective enough to erase your love for him. Taerae had been engraved into your bones. And now he expected you to just move on?

In hindsight, you should have seen it coming. At least that’s what you told yourself, that’s what you told your friends who were asking why the two of you broke up. Coming up with more than absurd reason of why you should have known, when in reality you simply couldn’t have. Because even in hindsight, you never could have seen it coming.

So, on the evening of, when Taerae had told you things weren’t working for him anymore, his face straight and not showing any emotion, not showing his signature smile, or even a tear; On the evening of, when you had begged Taerae to just tell you what you had to change, what it was you had done wrong and that you would fix them, if only he’d stay; On the evening of, when even after you had cried and shouted, he just took his guitar case and left; On the evening of the break up, you hadn’t gotten an answer. And neither had you in the two weeks since.

In fact, you had not seen Taerae at all. Or heard from him, not even through friends or social media. You wondered if he was okay, if he really was as unbothered as he had seemed, even though it was unnatural for him to act the way he did. You had always deemed Taerae a gentle person, but the way he ended things, was just so unlike him. So, he had to be not okay as well, right?

The lack of answers made you do something you had never had to do before, which was speculate and wonder. Taerae had always worn his heart on his sleeve and expressed himself so diligently most of the time, if not through words, surely, he would have done so through music. So, speculating about how he must feel now, was something you had never had to do. But now you caught yourself wondering all the time. You wondered how many things he thought about before the thought of you popped into his head. You speculated what the songs he was composing these days sounded like. Were they about you?

Either way, there was no hiding from him. Not for you, not just yet.

His presence, the imprint he had left on you followed you everywhere you went. The grocery store, the library, the café. Everywhere the memories of Taerae loomed over you. You wanted to forget him, so much to the point you had seriously considered hypnosis, if that was thing. It was like you could not, not consider him. He was so engraved in your brain; he was so engraved in your everything. You weren’t sure how to erase him from your everything, you weren’t sur how to erase him from anything. You weren’t sure you actually wanted to.

Still, the hurt you had felt the first few days was overwhelming, you couldn’t eat or sleep or do anything much other than run on autopilot. It had become so bad, that some of the regular customers noticed. It was almost like all life had been sucked out of you, and in a sense it had been; A possible future life had been taken from you. A future you had hoped for ever since you had met Taerae. A future you now grieved.

So, now looking at yourself in the mirror, the striped sweater hanging from your body, keeping it warm, felt like a glimpse of what if. A glimpse of Taerae. A glimpse of the person you had been when you were with him. A person you could have been, but never would.

For a second you wondered again, Taerae well established in your mind. But in the end, it didn’t matter. There was no use wondering and retracing everything you did during the last few days of your relationship. There was no use, because you did everything you said you would: You had loved Taerae, you loved him still, with your heart’s full capacity. Over the months you had fought and made up and hurt each other and forgiven the hurt. But now none of it mattered, so you might as well try and forget, instead of dwell and grieve.

So, with a swift motion you stripped the sweater off your body, exposing yourself once more to cold of the spring morning that had even seeped through the walls of your apartment. The frost making itself known in the form of icy crystals on your window. You didn’t look for another sweater, you wanted to feel the cold.

You weren’t sure what you had done wrong. But still, you knew more than you didn’t. You knew there was nothing you could do. You knew you would hurt for some time still. You knew you would see Taerae in buskers, guitars, and iced tea. You knew you would hear him in Hi-Hellos and the jingle of keys. You knew you loved him, and you knew it’d be a long time before you stopped.

So, for now you’d try to forget.

6. you were beautiful

There was a hum in the air, a melody that made its way through the busy streets of the city. The warm weather had finally decided to stay, and it stuck to the cement like chewing gum, barely cooling down overnight.

Taerae had kept himself busy over the past month, not really wanting to slow down, but with graduation coming up, also not really being able to do so. For him there had barely been any time to just stroll around, or go to cafes with his friends, or to simply just think; These days Taerae still didn’t really knew how to function normally, how to function like he did before you. Of course, he still had to perform, write, and produce music for university, but he rarely went out to busk or did these things for joy like he used to. It was something outsiders could have never noticed; How Taerae did everything but nothing at the same time. Only the people close to him, could tell something was up. They knew of the break-up of course, but they could only guess why exactly it happened in the first place.

In any case, it was evident that Taerae had closed himself off. He didn’t really talk to any of his friends about it, and neither did his songs show any reflection of what he felt. They hadn’t become bad, they were just cliché. Some of his professors even pointed out the shift in his lyrical style. But there was nothing Taerae could do; he was both too busy and exhausted to deal with his feelings.

Walking around in the area by his apartment was one of the only times Taerae consciously searched for some down time, to sort out at least some of his thoughts. Of course, he was cautious not to stray too close to your workplace, more for his own sake than yours. As of now, Taerae wasn’t sure how his heart would react if he was to come face to face with you unexpectedly. Ever since he had decided to break it off with you, he had barely fathomed to hold a single thought about you. He simply couldn’t conjure up enough courage to deal with his own heart break. So, up until now, pushing everything away would have had to do the trick.

He wasn’t sure what exactly had ticked off his thought process to recall the day of the professor-student conversation. Maybe it was the undeniable sense of Deja-vu he felt when he spotted a young busker, surrounded by only a small group of people, who were all listening carefully to the boy’s song. Maybe it was the girl listening, who from the back looked exactly like the one he loved. It could have been either of these two or another altogether, but in any case, Taerae knew, that maybe it was time to face this inevitable heart ache, even if just for the duration of this walk.

At the beginning of each semester, music and music production majors are required to sit down with one of their supervising professors, to discuss projects for the upcoming term. Most of these conversations were easy going, and the projects subject to change, but the conversation at the start of the second semester senior year was one equally feared and anticipated.

The senior project for music and music production majors was basically the making of an entire album, with full creative freedom. Taerae had been more than excited to get started on it, in fact, he had been so eager that the songs for his album were ready for recording as soon as his supervising professor approved of them.

So, yes, Taerae was a tad bit nervous entering the professor’s office. But he was generally well-liked and so were his songs, so he was sure this meeting would go over smoothly, and he would have to do nothing more than to put in a reservation to one of the student recording studios and was good to go.

And that was the case, partly.

Everything was going well; the professor praised his compositions and skills as a lyricist. The way he had described Taerae as someone to get across any type of feeling, made Taerae’s chest swell with pride. It wasn’t until the last few minutes of the meeting, when Taerae was supposed to thank the professor in front of him and get straight to work, that everything was pushed out of his rightful trajectory.

Taerae was about to get up out of the chair he had been sitting in somewhat tensely, when the professor said something, that in hindsight, put as many things into perspective as it pushed out of it. At least for Taerae.

“This girl must be quite the experience for you as a song writer.”

“Excuse me?” Taerae had said then, distraught, and genuinely confused.

The professor had then proceeded to explain how certain people, certain experiences, determined the colours of the artists in any art form. And that you, were certainly one of these experiences that would influence Taerae a great deal, even once the next experience would come into his life.

Looking back now, Taerae wasn’t sure why he had taken what his professor said so to heart. He definitely didn’t think of you as an experience. He didn’t think of you as something temporary at all. He didn’t think that there was any more evolving for him to be done, Taerae would have been good writing songs about you for the rest of his life.

But was this how the world perceived you? As an experience? Did he, through his songs somehow reduce you to something less than what you were, something temporary, something to live through and then move on?

From this point on Taerae couldn’t help but spiral in his self-doubt. Doubt for his love for you, and doubt for his skill of song writing. Thinking back on statements his friends had made, like how they would also write songs as good as Taerae’s if they had a Y/N in their lives, only confirmed his insecurities in his own love for you. Taerae somehow had gotten way into his head about it.

In Taerae’s mind it wasn’t fair to you. It wasn’t fair to make you an experience in his life. It wasn’t fair, when all you did was give, when you read his every thought and tried so hard to be better and learned with the mistakes you made, learned to love Taerae even more.

Taerae remembered that you had said you wanted nothing more than to love Taerae for the rest of your life, that he was your person. And all Taerae had done was make you an experience.

Lost in thought, a sigh heavy on his lips, Taerae hadn’t noticed the young woman listening to the busker turn around. She hadn’t yet looked at him, instead she was gushing about the music to the friend who had just joined her. Had the other joined the young woman any earlier, Taerae would have known in an instant that it was in fact you: the pink hair of your best friend and co-worker a dead giveaway. The two of you a duo Taerae found difficulty in separating, even during the days of you dating.

Chaehyun was whispering something in your ear, which made you laugh a little louder than you had anticipated, a hand coming to cover your mouth as you snickered in slight embarrassment. More than once had Taerae witnessed an interaction similar to this one, and looking at you now, made his heart ache with longing.

But he understood that that was something he wouldn’t be able to see again. He knew that he couldn’t really love you the way you deserved to be loved, so he wouldn’t try.

In the past, Taerae had always felt he was good at expressing himself. You had always promised him to get better at things, to learn the love Taerae needed. Without missing a day, you had told him you loved him. Sometimes first thing in the morning, sometimes it was the last thing he heard when he fell asleep. You had always thought of Taerae first, he had been the most important thing in your life, and Taerae had been well aware of this fact, you had told him more than once. Yet you still didn’t put pressure on the young man, you waited patiently on him in every sense. Maybe Taerae hadn’t been so good at expressing his feelings, maybe you had been the one very aware of your own feelings along.

Watching you from afar, he wondered if you thought of him as much as he did of you. He wondered if everything the two of you had been, was something of the past to you, or if everything, if he, was still present in your life, if he still was something you had to consider, even if it was just to avoid him successfully.

The warm wind grazed over you, as it did Taerae, sending your hair flying in its direction. Your head turned towards the young man standing more than a few metres away from you, gaze fixed upon you. It took you some time to remember to not stretch out your arm and wave at him in greeting. It took you even longer to remember not to make your way towards the boy to greet him with a soft kiss on the cheek.

It also took some time for Taerae to not expect any of this from happening; looking at you now, you were a stranger he still loved.

But looking at him now, you realized he was a stranger you once loved. And thus, a small smile made its way onto your face as you turned away, interlocking your arms with your friend, and walking off into the direction of your workplace.

To Taerae it had always been interesting how people forgot, once it was over, once it was done. But Taerae would never forget what it was like to love you. He would never forget what it was like to be loved by you. How it was beautiful, how you were beautiful. Taerae would aways remember, he could simply never forget. Maybe someday, he would be fortunate enough to remind you again.

yay!! you made it to the end!! i hope that you were able to enjoy it despite the somewhat sad ending!! thank you again for reading and i’d love to hear your thoughts on it!! love youuuu

this piece was written by @yourstruleejn so please don’t post on any other platforms or translate into any other languages! thank u !!!

238 notes · View notes

thislovintime · 1 year

Photo

The Monkees at their New York City press conference on July 6, 1967.

“‘Goin’ Down’ was originally to be a part of Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones Ltd. as well but was omitted when ‘Love Is Only Sleeping’ was added to the album’s lineup at the last minute. With ‘Goin’ Down’ secured as the flip side of ‘Daydream Believer,’ the powers that be felt no need to include this exclusive track on the album. […] The song itself was a product of the band’s increasingly frequent studio jam sessions. ‘That was originally the track for Mose Allison’s Parchment Farm, and it came out real good,’ Dolenz recalls. ‘I remember Mike saying, ‘Why should we cover someone else’s tune. We’re not stealing the melody.’ ‘Peter had always loved to jam to Mose Allison’s Parchment Farm and started off on this thing,’ says Nesmith. ‘Then Micky started riffing this thing over the top [of] it, and we just headed off into la-la land.’”- Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn and Jones Ltd. 1995 CD liner notes

“Diane [Hildebrand] contributed lyrics to the Monkees’ collective group composition ‘Goin’ Down,’ which originated as a study jam and (as the B-side of their chart-topping ‘Daydream Believer’) would become one of their hardest-rocking and best recordings. Though she was just one of numerous names on Monkees songwriting credits, such was the group’s fame in 1967 and 1968 that she didn’t escape attention from the band’s more devoted fans. ‘Diane was always getting calls from Monkees fans who wanted to know all about Peter or Micky,’ says Colin Cameron, Hildebrand’s boyfriend of the time. ‘I really learned the value of an unlisted phone number!’” - Early Morning Blues And Greens 2006 CD liner notes

“It was October, last year that I met them at the TV studios. They’d just seen ‘Early Morning Blues’ and it was Peter who asked me over to meet everybody. I know it sounds crazy but I’d met Peter before somewhere and for the life of me I couldn’t remember just where it was. Lester Sill, the company boss, took me over there. Anyway I just watched things progress. I had only the simple one-note music, of the song written down. But the boys wanted to do it. Only problem was that they didn’t know where or when. What I noticed first about the way they work is that they’re always being hassled by people. They really do lead very busy lives and everybody pulls and pokes at them when they’re out anywhere. So it’s pretty strict security on the set. But they’re real exuberant when they’re working. Actually, I must tell you that Peter came up to my office in the Screen Gems’ Building and we wrote a song together after work one day. Oh, it has these broken-down merry-go-round lyrics… guess we’ll call it ‘The Merry-Go-Round.’ Peter had a couple of bars of the song going round in his head, so I got with him to finish it off. So it was Peter I got to know best. You know how people say Mike is a bit moody. Well, I went to Nashville where he was doing some sessions and I really got to know him well. And he’s great. You know he’s a boy from the South. Well, he told me: ‘It’s funny but everytime I come back to the South my I.Q. drops about twenty degrees.’ […] But let’s talk about Peter a little longer. I’m not going to talk about his personal life because I feel that’s wrong. These guys have to work darned hard and they deserve some privacy… But I’ll say this — Peter is very deep. Moody. But whether he enjoys something or not depends a lot on how he feels. Like we went sometimes to places in Hollywood where you can get Southern grits, and ham hocks and food like that. Or we’d go to teen clubs, to watch some real teenage talent. One club was a coloured place. But somebody always wants an autograph. Peter’s great, though, for joining in things if he’s in the right mood. You know, I play guitar and he plays guitar and banjo. Well, you go to some of these clubs and there are always instruments lying around. So he’ll get up and start jamming. Like he’ll meet a guy from the Modern Folk Quartet and soon everybody’s joining in a session. I dated Peter several times. But really when you go into it, the Monkees aren’t so much for going out. They just get some friends around them and have conversation and maybe a little jamming. […] [B]ack to Peter. He’s just got this Mercedes Sedan. But really he doesn’t spend much on himself — though he spends a whole lot on his friends. This guy is just TOO generous. Take clothes. He’s got a closet full of them that he doesn’t wear. But fans send him a lot of new clothes. His attitude is that if it suits him, he’ll wear it. Probably for ever. He thinks a lot of fans who go to all this trouble on his behalf. You know they were terribly impressed with meeting the Beatles when they were in London. I told Peter I was going to London and he said to send the Beatles his love. And really Peter, and the others, are interested in meditation — as from the Maharishi. I guess we see basic truth in his work and in his word… so we’re meditators. […] And Peter has helped out friends all over the place. Sure he gets depressed. sometimes, but who wouldn’t in his position. You can’t keep on at full pelt all the time. They’re all different individuals. I mean, Micky has his house in Laurel Canyon, which is a very popular area. He’s a fanatic over improving everything and making it into a show place. But Peter doesn’t seem concerned about his home at all. It’s somewhere to live and to entertain friends and that’s about the total of it. I adore the Monkees as characters and people.’” - Diane Hildebrand, Monkees Monthly, January 1968

86 notes · View notes

guess-my-next-obsession · 2 years

Text

Love In The Time of Covid: Chapter Two

pairing: frankie morales x f!reader

chapter rating: M (talk of Covid/early pandemic, one racy picture, dad!frankie, talks of lockdown, mentions of a previous addiction, i think that’s it?)

word count: 3.6k

authors note: this story is set literally right before the world was sent into full lockdown (march-ish), hence why Frankie is still hanging out with Santi. also, as a swiftie i know Folklore came out in July of 2020 but we’re gonna pretend like it came out in March instead bc i can’t get enough of folklore!frankie :)

series masterlist

Today was the first day after Frankie’s two week quarantine, the negative test result sheet in his hand bringing a smile to his face as he left the clinic to head back home. He had a very busy weekend ahead of him, but before he could enjoy it, he had to break down and clean up his now trashed apartment.

The first thing he did when he got home was fix himself a bowl of cereal, devouring it in record time—something he never seemed to unlearn after his time in the military. After he was finished, he turned on his speaker and connected his phone, his music shuffling until he landed on his favorite song at the moment, singing out the lyrics unabashedly.

“SWEET TEA IN THE SUMMER, CROSS MY HEART WON’T TELL NO OTHER—“ Frankie was in the middle of scrubbing the pile of dishes in his sink when his phone stopped playing music, his ringtone blaring instead. Wiping his hands on a paper towel, he walked over to it on the table and grabbed it, seeing his ex’s name on his screen. With a sigh, he slid the green arrow and lifted the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

“Hey, you’re supposed to have Alondra this week.” He rolled his eyes at her tone.

“Yes.”

“Okay…so…where are you? I’ve got shit to do, Frankie. Can’t wait around all day for you to decide to pick up your daughter.” Frankie lifted the phone from his ear and flipped the screen off before bringing it back.

“I’m cleaning my apartment up, Viviana. I’ll be at your place in a fucking hour. Is that fine? Can your shit wait until then? Or would you like our child to come back to my dirty apartment?” He only heard a sigh in response before she ended the phone call, tossing his phone back onto the table and pressing play. “PACK YOUR DOLLS AND A SWEATER. WE’LL MOVE TO INDIA FOREVER.”

He shuffled around his one bedroom apartment with purpose, excited to not only have Alondra back in his arms this weekend, but also because of the park date he and Mariposa—a nickname he so lovingly bestowed upon his new love after learning that she had not one, but five different butterfly tattoos (though he had yet to learn their locations)—set for the next afternoon.

Walking into his bedroom, he scratched his head as he took in the boxes of un-assembled furniture—a crib, a changing table, and a dresser. He let out a huff and rubbed the hair on his chin, feeling that familiar itch to soothe his stress with illegal substances. He shook his head at the mere thought of relapsing and turned around, heading into the kitchen to grab his phone, ignoring the urge to call Mariposa up—he didn’t want their first date to be assembling furniture—and instead choosing Santi’s contact.

“Look who it is!” Santi beamed through the video call, Frankie chuckling at his enthusiasm. “You covid-free finally?”

“Yeah, I’m picking up Alondra in a half hour, but I still need to put together the furniture I got for her. You get tested recently?”

“Yeah, me and la novia went yesterday because we’ve got a flight to Texas coming up this week.”

“Could I possibly steal you away from her and get some help tonight?” Frankie asked with his best smile, Santi groaning dramatically. “C’mon, I have beer.”

“Oh, sure then, yeah. I’m down. Come pick me up after you secure the bebé.”

“Alright be there in about an hour.”

•••

“Frankie,” Viviana greeted him with a glare, arms crossed over her chest as she stood in the doorway. “You’re late.”

Frankie looked down at his watch, brows furrowed.

“I’m three minutes late.” He argued through his mask, only receiving an eye roll before she was walking him inside the home he used to share with her.

It hadn’t always been this way with Viviana. When they first met five years ago, she was a carefree grad-student studying to be a veterinarian. Kindness and affection radiated from her, catching his eye immediately at some house party Benny dragged him to. What began as a coked-up fuck in a strangers bathroom soon evolved to a full on relationship full of a lot of ups and downs—mostly downs—until the surprise conception of their baby girl. Now, all he could see when he looked at her were the many red flags he chose to ignore right up until a few months ago when she made the choice for him—and thank god she did.

“Oh hey, man. Nice to finally meet you.” Frankie’s jaw clenched as he spotted his replacement sitting at the kitchen table he helped pick out feeding his daughter with a casual smile. Frankie turned to Viviana, whispering to her with his back turned to her boyfriend.

“I asked you to not bring him around—“

“You’re not around, Frankie. I needed help.” She spat, Frankie scoffing at her argument.

“I was sick. With fucking Covid. Remember? The shit going around killing people that we know like nothing about?” She breezed past him, ignoring his valid defense and lifting Alondra from her high chair. Frankie accepted his daughter into his arms gladly, kissing her cheek through the cotton of his mask a few times before looking down at her, her grin growing wide until she let out a laugh. He kissed her forehead again, having missed the sound of his happy baby girl more than he’d ever missed anything.

“Remember, she’s allergic to bananas so look at all the labels before—“

“I know, V.” He shrugged on her diaper bag, allowing his ex to say goodbye to their daughter before the two were on their way.

“Hola cabrón!” Santi greeted Frankie with a smile, slipping into the passenger seat and patting his shoulder before turning around to look at Alondra in the backseat, reaching to pinch her foot. “Hola, muñecita.”

“We gotta stop at the store so I can grab some baby shit.” Frankie was still tense after his not-so nice reunion with the mother of his child, Santi quickly taking note of his attitude.

“Didn’t go well?” He asked carefully, Frankie looking over at him with an unamused look.

“She had her guy over. Fucking feeding Alondra like he’s her dad.” He shook his head, keeping his eyes on the road as he drove to the nearest Target. “And V was finding any fucking reason to make me feel like shit. I never realized it back when we were together, but she’s so fucking…annoying.”

“Yeah, we all caught onto that pretty early on.”

“And yet no one thought to tell me?” Santi couldn’t help but chuckle at the question. They all very much had told Frankie about their distaste for Viviana, he just never listened.

“You’re ridiculous,” he chuckled again, shaking his head as he looked back at Alondra squawking in the backseat. “Que pasa, niña? What’re you squawking about?”

Frankie’s phone lit up as it rested on the dash mount, Santi chuckling and teasing him as he read the contact name, “Mariposa 🦋”.

“Who’s that, huh? Frankie’s got a girlfriend?” He teased, nudging Frankie’s side with a shit eating grin, Frankie rolling his eyes and chuckling against his will.

“It’s the delivery girl,” he told him your name and Santi ooo-ed at the blush on his friends face. “Can you stop smiling like that and be useful? Open it for me, man.”

“Sure thing, pal.” Santi kept his grin on as he lifted the phone off the mount and opened it up, his eyes going wide at the sight of a racy photo on the screen. “Jesus, Fish!”

“What?” Frankie looked over at caught a glimpse of the picture, quickly snatching it from Santi’s hands and locking it. “What the fuck man?”

“What the fuck to you! You told me to open it!” He laughed through his defense, Frankie’s cheeks now flushed red.

“I didn’t know that…I—fuck off.” Santi looked back at Alondra, getting the baby girl to join him in his laughter.

“Papá tiene una novia, mija.” Alondra giggled without having a clue what he was saying. “Yeah, that’s funny, huh?”

“I shoulda called Benny.”

•••

You weren’t exactly sure what came over you.

Frankie had been a complete gentleman the entire week that the two of you had been talking, never once pulling anything or pushing you into the typical sexting shit that men usually tried this early on. He was consistent and honest, interesting and funny—checking every single box you had, which wasn’t an easy feat.

Somehow, your appreciation for him turned into horniness which then turned into a mini-photo shoot in front of the full length mirror in your bedroom, eager to reward him for his very gentlemanly behavior and possibly get a glimpse of what he was like beyond it.

Your modesty was covered only by a skimpy thong and your arm over your breasts, your makeup and hair done up more than it would usually be on a Friday afternoon. You took a few different photos from different angles, but landed on an angle that showed off your curves best, pressing the blue arrow without second thought so that you wouldn’t lose your nerve.

“What the fuck did you just do, idiot?” You scolded yourself as you laid face first on your mattress. The last thing you wanted was to scare him off or come across as a creep who only wanted to fuck.

Thirty minutes had passed, your hands busy baking copious amounts of banana bread to keep the anxiety at bay. You felt like shit, ruining the first genuine connection you’d felt in a long time because you were horny? Idiot.

Right as you stuffed the next few loaf tins in the oven, your phone buzzed on the counter, your heart sinking to your feet at the sound. You almost didn’t want to look at it, your hope far too high to be let down by someone else’s name on the screen, but you couldn’t keep your curiosity at bay. Reaching for the phone, you gasped at the sight of “Rocketman ✈️” gracing your screen, your nickname for him after the two of you watched the film together over Zoom a couple days ago.

F: Mariposa, you’re so fucking beautiful. You trying to give me a heart attack in Target?

You giggled, looking around you at the mess of your panic baking as you thought up a witty response.

M: No heart attacks until you see me in person.

F: Deal.

F: What kind of wine do you like, bebita? I’m getting stuff for our picnic tomorrow.

You melted onto the counter, groaning at his sweet thoughtfulness.

M: Are you real?

F: Unfortunately yeah

M: I like you a lot, Rocketman. And anything pink, please!

F: I like you, Mariposa. A shit ton. My friend is here laughing at me as I type this because of my stupid fucking grin.

F: And you got it, anything else you want? Fruit, sweets, cheese? You name it, bebita.

M: I’m blushing like a fucking idiot, Frankie. You’re too cute. And no, your company and a glass of wine is perfect.

F: Sounds good, sweetheart.

A half hour passed before your phone buzzed again, Frankie’s contact on your screen again. You bit your lip as you opened the message, chuckling when you read it.

F: Hey this is Santi, Frankie’s real novia. Here’s your man.

M: Tell the guy on the right he’s hot

F: He’s blushing

F: Now he’s trying to take the phone awafbdhsu

F: Santi is an idiot, sorry you had the misfortune of talking to him, Mariposa.

M: Sounds like I’m gonna have to share you 🤨

F: He wishes.

F: I’m driving right now, but I’ll call you later on, pretty girl. Miss your voice 💞

M: Miss your voice, too. Be safe, pretty boy. 😘

•••

“Did you hear they’re talking about forcing everyone into fucking quarantine? Like shutting shit down?” Santi asked as he and Frankie sat together on his sofa, Alondra bouncing in her playseat while the boys drank beer and watched Frankie’s current comfort show, Nathan For You. “Can you imagine? Not being allowed to see anybody, having to stay in your fucking house all day long?”

“Sounds like what I’m already doing,” Frankie shrugged.

“No, puto. You wouldn’t get to hang out with me or the guys, wouldn’t get to see your girl, and I’m sure it’s not gonna make your split custody situation any easier.” Frankie turned to him with a concerned look. “Hey, but it’s all just talk for now. I’m sure it’s not gonna get that bad.”

“Let’s hope,” Frankie turned back to the screen, lifting his beer to his lips before pulling his phone out of his pocket. The realization that there might come a day soon that he wouldn’t have physical access to Mariposa made him all the more excited for their date tomorrow. “Hey, I’m gonna go down for a smoke. Can you watch Alondra?”

“Sure thing, Fish.”

Frankie made his way downstairs to the parking lot of his apartment complex, taking a cigarette out and lighting it as he waited for her to pick up his FaceTime.

“Hi, Rocketman.” Mariposa beamed at him through the screen with a playful grin.

“Hey, Mariposa,” he smiled back, leaning against the bumper of his jeep. “Are you busy?”

“No, just finishing up a paper. What are you up to? Is Alondra settled in?”

“Yeah, she’s inside with Santi. We just put together her crib, her changing table thing, and now we just have to finish up with the dresser.” He took an inhale of his cigarette and breathed it out, eyes fixed on her undone state, blown away that she somehow looked even better like this—hair in a bun, reading glasses on, an oversized sweatshirt with a stain on it. “Santi, uh, he just killed my mood a bit. He’s pretty good at that, you’ll come to realize when you get to know him.”

“What did he say?” She asked with a furrow in her brows, tone laced with concern.

“He just reminded me about the fact that we might all go on lockdown soon. Gonna make it a bitch to see Alondra…and to see you.” Mariposa gave him an empathetic smile, tilting her head at him. “If that happens, you know, mandatory quarantine or whatever…I guess I just wanted to let you know that I’m not going anywhere. You know? Even if we can’t see each other in person for a while, I, uh…I really like you, so—I guess I just wanted to tell you that I’m here. I’m in it.”

“I’m in it too, Frankie,” she beamed again. “Seriously, I…haven’t ever connected like this with someone before. So…a little lockdown isn’t gonna change that.”

“Good,” he chuckled shyly and nodded, eyes bouncing across her features adoringly.

“So…about that picture I sent earlier,” she bit her lip and looked away from the camera as she chuckled. “It wasn’t too much, right? I don’t want you to think that’s all I’m after or anything. I just…was in a mood, I guess and you’ve been such a gentleman, I just got a little…worked up over the thought of you.”

“Worked up, huh?” Frankie smirked and looked around at the empty parking lot before speaking again. “No, bebita, it wasn’t too much. Believe me when I say I’ve been thinking about it since you sent it.”

“I could…send another? If you’d like?” She gave him a hopeful smile before biting her lip again, Frankie having to calm his lower half at the sound of her voice turning just a bit more sultry than usual. As much as he wanted to see more of her, he also wanted to take it slow, not rush into anything and ruin the good thing that they were building.

“Mariposa, I’d love to see more of you, but what do you think about us taking it slow for now?” She looked shocked by his response, his heart rate speeding up as she went speechless. “Trust me, I want to see you. You’re so beautiful, baby, but…I’ve jumped into a lot of shit in the past really quickly and I don’t want this to be rushed like that, you know?”

“No, I get it,” she nodded, her eyes meeting his again. “I’m just not used to men treating me as good as you do, Frankie. Gonna take some getting used to.”

“I just care about us creating something lasting, Mariposa. I like you too much to risk ruining it for sex,” she smiled at him, all trace of her earlier disappointment gone. “So…on another note, tomorrow we’re gonna have a third wheel, I hope that’s okay.”

“Well, it depends on if it’s Santi or Alondra. Santi—not okay. Alondra—very okay.” He chuckled and asked out his cigarette, smiling at the thought of Mariposa and Alondra together. If Viviana was going to have her partner around their kid, he no longer felt guilty over the thought of his new love meeting his daughter.

“Bebe, I can promise you, I wouldn’t subject you to Santi this early on.”

“How’d you two meet?”

Frankie sat outside for another half-hour talking to Mariposa about his past in the military, how he met Santi and the rest of the boys, how he ended up here in Florida. It wasn’t until Santi came walking over with Alondra in his arms that he realized how long he’d been gone, suddenly feeling incredibly selfish for leaving his baby girl with his friend for so long.

“She made a poo-poo,” Santi whispered, handing over the stinky baby to his friend.

“Is that Santi?” Mariposa asked and Frankie sighed.

“Yeah,” Santi looked full of mischief as he plucked the phone out of Frankie’s hands and ran through the parking lot, knowing that his friend wouldn’t try to chase him with his daughter in his arms. “Well, hello there,” Santi greeted with his winning smile. “Nice to finally meet you.”

“Did you just kidnap me?” She asked with an amused smirk, eating popcorn.

“Yeah, he’s keepin’ pretty mum about you besides the blushing and grinning. So I guess I gotta figure out if you’re a killer or something myself.” Santi watched as Frankie walked at a careful pace towards him. “You collect dead animals or anything like that?”

“No, no dead animals, unfortunately. Just one live one.” Santi watched as the camera was flipped around to show off her cat that Frankie had already come to love, Miles.

“Frankie’s a dog guy, babe. It ain’t gonna work.” Santi shrugged, unimpressed.

“Oh yeah? Frankie says otherwise.”

“Well, yeah, he’s trying to butter you up. Trust me, sweetie, daddy knows him better than you do.” She laughed at that, Santi taking it as a green flag that she was so at ease with his teasing.

“Are you daddy?” Frankie reached him in time to hear her question, giving Santi a confused smile and a head tilt.

“She keeps calling me daddy, I don’t know where it’s coming from.”

“Yeah, right.” Frankie heard her scoff as he took his phone back, shaking his head into the camera, watching proudly as her eyes lit up at the sight of him. “I’m so glad you’re back. I think Santi’s trying to scare off his competition.”

“Yeah, he’s obsessed with me.” Frankie pushed Santi away from him playfully as they reached the stairs up to his apartment. “Mariposa, I gotta finish up this dresser so that I can send Santi back home and out of my face.”

“Okay, tell daddy and Alondra I said goodnight.”

“He’s not daddy. Don’t—that’s gonna go straight to his fucking head. Already too big,” Frankie chuckled and set Alondra down on her playmat. “Goodnight, mi Mariposa. I’ll see you tomorrow at 10?”

“Can’t wait, Rocketman.” With that, Frankie reluctantly hung up and tucked his phone back into his pocket, feeling a little better about his lockdown panic knowing that she was on the same page as him. It didn’t feel like they had a ticking countdown on their budding relationship anymore, both in it regardless of how often they got to see each other in person.

“I like her,” Santi spoke up as they started back on the dresser.

“Shut up.” Frankie was used to Santi’s sarcasm, not once hearing him genuinely compliment one of his past girlfriends aside from their looks.

“No, seriously. I like her. She’s funny, she seems like she’d be cool to hang out with. Nothing like the girls you usually go for.” Frankie smiled to himself, his friends approval meaning more to him than he’d ever care to admit.

“She just like…gets me? And likes talking to me? It’s wild.” Frankie focused on twisting the screw into place as he spoke to prevent a boyish grin from creeping onto his lips. “Just feels like her and I could sit and talk forever, you know? Haven’t had that kind of connection before. Like…Viviana? That was just sexual and coke-fueled, but I swore it was love. This isn’t like that, and it’s really nice.”

“Does she know about all that? The coke and shit?” Santi asked, dropping his typical playfulness to have a real conversation.

“Yeah, told her about it the first night we talked.” He set down the allen-wrench and looked at his friend with a smirk. “She was so understanding. Her parents were both addicts so, she gets it, ya know? And, anyways, it just makes me want to not slip back into all that even more. I don’t want her to have to deal with that shit from me.”

“That’s good, man. I’m glad you’re with someone who brings out good shit in you rather than…well, whatever Viviana brought out.” The boys stood up to lift the dresser upright, moving it from the living room and back into the bedroom. “Also doesn’t hurt that she’s hot.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Frankie chuckled and rolled his eyes.

Mariposa was hot. And nice to talk to. And fucking funny. She was the total package and there was no way he was letting his ghosts or a little bug going around ruin that. He wasn’t about to let something this good slip from his fingers. He’d cure Covid himself if he had to.

•••

frankie taglist: @joelmillerscoffee @ajeff855 @wildemaven @axshadows @sherala007 @browneyes-issac @tooflef @mariasabana @tae27 @kimm4710 @stxrrylunatic @sara-alonso @paulalikestuff @jbh-castaway @oceandolores @mandomover @chxpsi @auberosier @mashomasho @vanemando15 @wickedmunson @marvel-sw-lover @jediknight122 @harriedandharassed @star-wars-fan-2005 @alwaysdjarin @jalobro @trickstersp8 @mccn-bcys @manuymesut @trinkets01 @tanzthompson @jlmaddinson @hopeamarsu @fanofverymanythings @lovesbiggerthanpride @pinkything @fireproofmarta @littlenosoul @tryonmyworld (please let me know if you’d like to be removed/added to future frankie content!)

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal fanfiction #frankie catfish morales #frankie morales fluff #frankie morales angst #frankie morales smut #frankie morales x you #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales #catfish morales x reader #triple frontier fanfic #littoc

81 notes · View notes

rainbow-nerdss · 9 months

Text

on that you can rely

Written for @augustwritingchallenge day 13: Behind the Mirror Stucky, 3.3k Read on AO3

It took months for Bucky to find a place, and when he did, it was a dump. The interior looked like it hadn't been decorated since the seventies, and as for the structural elements…

Well, it was intact. It was mostly mold-free. And best of all, he could afford it.

The owners were renovating the building, and they didn’t have the overhead to pay a decent contractor, so they gave him the apartment at a steep discount in exchange for his services.

It was shady as fuck, and definitely illegal, but it was a place to live.

He started with his own apartment, the plumbing needing the most work. Room by room, then unit by unit, Bucky started tearing out broken fixtures, repairing original features, and working with the plumbing and electrical teams whose qualifications Bucky didn’t ask to see.

There was a mirror over the blocked-up, broken old fireplace in his own unit, cracked and damaged by age. Bucky took it down from the wall and set it aside. If he could, he'd try to get it repaired, but there was no way he could keep it in its current condition. Under the mirror, the wall was old, exposed brick — original to the building, not even plastered over.

When Bucky examined the bricks, he found one was loose. He wriggled it, grabbing the corners with his fingertips, and finally pulled it free. Bucky shone the light from his phone into the space, and saw a small bundle of paper wedged in behind.

He grinned.

It was why he loved working in old buildings like this, finding little treasures — whether it was an old doorknob, painted over time and again which he could clean and reveal gleaming bronze or silver, or something like this, usually useless receipts and grocery lists lost under floorboards, a little glimpse into somebody's life from decades before.

He reached in and pulled out the papers, realizing as he did that this was something more. It wasn't a receipt, or some old lists. It was bound, a journal or sketchbook probably, and it was old.

Frayed, yellowed pages with a well-worn leather cover, tied shut with what looked like butcher's twine.

Bucky sat on the floor and slowly, carefully, untied the knot holding it all together.

The book was full of sketches, drawings in pencil of people, places and things Bucky only half recognised, snapshots of someone's life drawn in stunning detail.

The front page, on the top right corner, bore a note:

To Steve, Happy birthday, my wonderful boy. Love Mom July, 1935

1935. Wow.

Bucky pored over the pages, the delicate lines, how the artist captured the expressions in the faces of the people he drew.

Whoever Steve had been, he was talented. Each sketch was dated and signed with a cursive S, and Bucky could see he used this paper sparingly. Some sheets of cheaper paper held rougher sketches, and those were folded and pressed between pages, but they had mostly faded over the years.

The early pages held a lot of sketches of the same people, including a woman Bucky assumed must be Steve's mother, slim and straight-backed but always smiling. Alongside her, were a few Bucky thought must be self-portraits, though Steve never gave his own face the same level of detail as his mother's.

There were some children, some strangers —neighbors, maybe, or family Steve didn't see as much.

In late 1936, Steve stopped drawing for almost three months, and from that point on there were fewer and fewer pictures of his mother, growing fainter and less detailed each time.

More new people made their way to the page as Steve's talent grew—figure studies that might have been practiced for an art class, and other, more intimate sketches.

Bucky's breath caught in his chest as he looked through them, as he fully comprehended what he had just uncovered.

Here in his hands were stunning, carefully rendered drawings of men in varying states of undress, one rolling a pair of stockings up his leg, a pair of women kissing, drag queens and queer couples and then snapshots, an eye here, a hand there, a pair of lips, each sketch full of desire, of love.

Steve, whoever he was, had devoted at least half of the pages in this book, this precious, scarce paper, to queerness in every form.

This here, rescued from the brick of Bucky's apartment, was history.

The last sketch was a self-portrait—Bucky could tell, though Steve had only drawn himself from the jaw down. He recognised the curve of the spine, the freckles on Steve's arm, and the way he tended to use more hard lines when drawing himself than he did with others.

In this portrait, Steve was naked, save for what looked like a sheet draped over his lap. The focus was on his chest, a series of what Bucky thought might be love bites covering his skin. The small piece of his face which was visible looked to be smiling.

It was dated April of 1943.

Bucky couldn't help but wonder what had happened, why the book was never drawn in again.

He pictured Steve, the morning after a night of pleasure, sitting in front of the mirror, drawing this. Had his partner still been there, or was he alone?

He pictured Steve receiving a letter — had he volunteered, or had he been drafted? Bucky pictured him standing here, in this apartment, in his uniform, ready to ship out with those bruises fading underneath. Bucky imagined Steve taking down the mirror and pulling out the loose brick. Was it a hiding place Steve used often?

Bucky saw Steve replace the mirror, and walk away.

Had he known he'd never return to retrieve it?

Had Steve made it back from the war at all, or had he simply never made it back here, to this apartment?

Bucky went online, searching the building's records for some record of someone called Steve, but they were poorly kept. The owner at the time either operated off the books, or the records had been lost in the intervening years.

Bucky didn't know if Steve had lived there the entire time, or if this was somewhere he'd been less than a week before shipping out.

With no sign of who Steve might have been — beyond a first name, a July birthday, and an enlistment date sometime after April of 1943— Bucky resigned himself to never learning more about the man. That didn't mean it wasn't important, though.

He began to share snippets of it on social media. He kept the address private, and only referred to Steve by that first initial he used to sign the drawings, just S.

There was always a chance that Steve had made it back from the war, that he had lived a long and happy life, that he had even left this behind on purpose. Maybe he'd married a woman, had a family — maybe a grandchild of his might recognise the art style, connect these pictures with their grandfather.

Bucky didn't know if he was comfortable with that possibility, so he did what he could to protect Steve's privacy online.

All the same, Bucky kept up the search. He looked up census records for the years in the journal, and found no fewer than six Stevens, Stephens and Stefanos in the building in 1940. He immediately dismissed the two children under the age of ten, and the man in his late fifties.

One of the remaining men had a wife and an infant daughter in 1940, and Bucky wanted to rule him out, too.

Of the remaining two, Stefano Rossi had marked himself as a dock laborer, and Bucky might have been wrong, but Steve didn't strike him as the type.

Steve also didn't seem the type to be a soldier, though.

The final name on the list, though, there was something about it that drew Bucky towards it, made him dismiss the other options. It almost seemed… familiar.

Steven Grant Rogers.

Steve Rogers.

A common enough name, sure, but Bucky's search results were impaired by the name being shared by Captain America, forcing him to dig through search results for anything on his Steve — past articles about the battle of New York and terrible B movies and comic books and trading card eBay listings.

Until one day, Bucky gave up, and clicked on one of those articles about Captain America out of sheer boredom.

There was a photograph, a rare one, of Cap before he became Cap. Of Steve Rogers, the day he joined the army, an enlistment photograph of him standing in front of a plain white wall. He was all sharp angles, pale skin, freckles on his arm, and… the last lingering trace of bruising down his chest.

It was him.

It was Steve.

Steve, most likely less than a week after that final portrait.

The portrait Bucky had scanned and uploaded the night before.

Steve, who was queer, or at the very least immersed in queer culture.

Steve, who lost his mother in 1936.

Steve, who enlisted despite being turned away again and again.

Steve, who was very much alive, and very much well known.

Bucky deleted his account. He wasn't an expert, but he did what he could to scrape the pictures from the internet. The account had gained popularity, though, and his sudden disappearance caused a stir.

First it was one article. Then another. People had screenshots of his posts, and those were included in the articles.

Bucky tried making a post on a new account, asking people to stop, making up some story about the family of S reaching out, asking for the pictures to be taken down.

People accused him of faking the whole thing. Others claimed the new account was the fake one, while others still were up in arms that the "family" would dare ask for control over their grandfather's private information.

Bucky was putting the finishing touches on the apartment and trying to forget the internet existed when there was a knock on his door.

He figured it must be the landlord, or one of the few tenants who had been able to return to the building, asking about repairs or progress on his work.

It wasn't.

It was him. Steve.

“Are you Bucky?” he asked. All Bucky could do was nod.

"Can I… would it be alright if I came in?"

Bucky stepped aside, speechless, letting him in.

Bucky may have worked with his hands, but he’d always enjoyed history. The small things, though. Personal letters, everyday people and things. Wars had never been an area he was interested in reading about — he’d had enough war to last a lifetime, thanks. After putting the pieces together, though, he’d started looking further into the story of Captain America — during the war, and since he’d come back.

It was difficult to reconcile the image of Steve he’d built up in his head since finding the book with the figure in the history books, but here, seeing him walk in the door, look around at the place he’d once called home, Bucky could see it. He could see the artist he’d gotten to know through sketches, the man who had sat in this room, drawing his mother, drawing his friends, his lovers, himself.

Though he was taller, broader, and more muscular than the man in those drawings, though he was dressed in modern clothes, this man was, as far as Bucky could see, much more Steve than Captain America.

Neither of them spoke for almost a full minute.

“I— I should apologize,” Bucky said, breaking the silence and finding his tongue at last. Steve tore his eyes from the bare wall in front of him to look at Bucky.

“Apologize?”

Bucky crossed the room to pull the book out of the cabinet he kept it in, and Steve’s eyes zeroed onto it.

“If I’d known it was yours,” Bucky began. “Or even that it was by anyone still alive, still out there — I shouldn’t have posted them.”

Steve had tears in his eyes as he took the book from Bucky’s hand, running his fingers over the cover reverently.

“It’s… I’m glad you posted it.”

Bucky frowned. Steve was still staring at the book, so Bucky offered him a seat and a drink. “Water’s fine, if that’s… if that’s alright.”

Bucky fetched the water, then sat next to Steve on the couch. The place was a mess — renovations just finishing, furniture all either tossed or dirty, waiting to be repaired or replaced, but Steve didn’t seem to mind or even notice.

Steve sipped his water and then set it aside to open the book up. His eyes landed on the inscription, and Bucky saw one of the tears in his eyes fall. Neither of them acknowledged it.

“If you hadn’t posted the drawings, I’d never have known this was still out there.You didn’t share anything people could use to trace it back to me, but even if you had… Thank you.”

Bucky didn’t know what to do with that, so he just watched, as Steve slowly turned the pages of the book.

“She was a nurse,” Steve said, pausing on a portrait of the woman Bucky had assumed to be his mother. The words felt rehearsed, like Steve had said them hundreds of times already, until they lost meaning. “Worked on a TB ward. Got hit, couldn’t shake it.”

“Shit, that’s… I’m sorry, man.”

Steve turned the page, and he smiled at the image. “I remember this day.” It was another portrait of her. Steve spoke about it, about the day out they took together, how he’d taken the book along and drawn her sitting on the grass where they ate a picnic lunch.

“Tell me about the rest?” Bucky asked. “If… If you want to.”

Steve sniffed. “I haven’t spoken about these people in so long,” he admitted.

He flicks through the pages, telling Bucky about the people held within these pages. His mom, his neighbors and friends, and the others. As he spoke, the carefully controlled speech pattern slipped, replaced with a looser Brooklyn accent.

“I started going after Ma died. This little bar, hidden away. I only found it because I’d been walking along and I heard —” Steve snorted. “Well, I thought it was a fight, some poor guy getting beaten up.”

“It wasn’t?”

Steve shook his head. “Nope. They looked scared when I walked in, but I guess they musta seen somethin’ in my face, because next thing I knew, I was downstairs, and all these people around me, they were… They were like me, you know?”

Bucky remembered his first time in a gay bar, the sense of belonging he’d felt, nineteen years old with a fake ID. He imagined that feeling, multiplied by about a hundred for Steve.

Steve continued through, telling Bucky story after story from the club, the people he’d known there.

“Did you ever—” Bucky started to ask, then stopped himself, thinking it was probably too personal a question.

Steve shrugged. “Nobody special. One or two I thought, maybe, but…” He shrugged. Turned the page. “That’s Bill. Got called up in ‘41. Johnny signed up right after, followed him out.”

One by one, Steve told Bucky about the people he lost, the ones who went off to fight and never came home, the ones who came home but didn’t live long enough for Steve to see again..

“And you?” Bucky asked. Steve turned to the last page.

“This one… My buddy, he was… well. Maybe, if the war hadn’t happened, we could've made something of it. I… I could’ve loved him. This was the night before he shipped out, we just wanted… something. Something to remember, out there. It was a good night. Next day, I stashed the book behind the mirror, went out, and I met Erskine.”

“And here we are,” Bucky finished for him.

“Here we are.”

Steve closed the book, held it up, and pressed his lips to the cover, eyes squeezed shut.

"I looked him up, after they showed me the internet."

Bucky didn't ask, afraid of the answer. Steve's face said it all, though —whatever happened to Steve's friend, it wasn't good. Bucky saw the shadows in his eyes, and decided to change the subject slightly, to pull him out of that space.

"I grew up in a shitty little town in Indiana," he said. "It was… rough, honestly. The kids liked to throw around a lot of names, and I never really knew anyone else who was… well, I was going to say gay, but really I didn't know anyone queer growing up. My family is great, but it wasn't until I moved here for college that I found people I could really be myself with."

Steve put the book down on his lap and turned to listen to Bucky, resting his arm on the back of the couch. Bucky couldn't decide whether it was surprising how easy Steve Rogers was to talk to, to confide in.

"Although, looking back… there were these two women who lived in my neighborhood, they were both in their seventies, at least. Everyone called them sisters, but I never really saw a resemblance."

Slowly, Bucky saw Steve's expression turn lighter, almost a smile. "Well, I was reading up on local history, once, and I got my hands on a bunch of old yearbooks from the local high school."

"You've always been into history, then?" Steve asked.

"Personal histories. Social stuff. Things with real people, yeah."

"And the yearbook?"

"They were in one of them. Class of '46, I think?”

“Not much younger than me, then,” Steve said with a wry sort of smile.

“I guess not,” Bucky agreed. “But there they were, both of them. Smiling on opposite pages.”

“Different surnames,” Steve deduced, and Bucky nodded.

“Yeah. I never asked them about it, of course, but you’re not the first person who I’ve looked up in census records. They were never sisters, they just let people go with whatever assumptions were made. Sisters, friends, whatever was easier. They lived together in that house since the 50’s. They had a life together. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for them, but…”

“But they did it,” Steve finished. “Are they—”

“Julia passed about five years back, but Betty’s still there, in that same house.”

Steve was quiet for a while, thinking. “I know there's still a long way to go, but… It’s easier now, right?”

He looked at Bucky, and their eyes met with a new sort of intensity. Bucky could tell Steve was searching for something in his face, but he didn’t know what it could be.

“Yeah, it’s easier now.”

Steve was still looking at him, and Bucky couldn’t look away. He’d imagined Steve’s face so often based on his self portraits, beyond the lines of his jaw and the intensity of his gaze. That intensity was there, in the real thing, but it was all… more. Bucky didn’t know if it was the serum, or simply the difference between the drawing and reality.

His eyes dropped to Steve’s lips, and those… Steve had never done his own mouth justice in his sketches, Bucky decided. Soft, pink, beautiful. Bucky swallowed, and Steve released a breath, like he’d found what he was looking for.

He leaned forward, hand reaching out to rest just above Bucky’s waist. Bucky wondered, absently, when they’d come to sit so close together, but the thought was quickly replaced by far more urgent ones as Steve crossed that small distance, slowly, giving Bucky every chance to pull away.

He didn’t pull away. He met Steve in the middle, until their lips brushed, just a shadow of a kiss, really. They paused there, in the almost-but-not-quite.

“My life is really fucking complicated,” Steve whispered against his lips. “If you don’t want that, I get it.”

Bucky answered by sliding his fingers into Steve’s hair, holding the back of his head, and kissing him.

#my fic #stucky #stucky fic #au gust fills #au gust 2023 #steve rogers/bucky barnes #steve rogers #bucky barnes #shrunkyclunks

10 notes · View notes