m/n: [groaned] you know five years ago somebody ask me what i'm going to do now, i said being dope and having fun but this is not fun at all [point at thanos and his army's]

steve: [sighed] m/n just shut up and fight.

m/n: [rolling his eyes and shout] hey ball sacks! let's get this over so i can continue having fun [run towards thanos]

tags lists @sonicqaulan @graysonfriggason @thebettermaximofftwins @sloanalistair @acienthazard @starlinggoldeneyes @ortegaolsen @wednesdaywanda @sandwichmarvel @gardenofmarvel @wanda-cabin-natasha-jacket @panandinpain0 @badblondebisexualboy

peter, in tears: i saw you with natasha yesterday, holding hands.

reader: it's not what it looks like-

peter: YOU SAID YOU LOVED HER!

reader: BECAUSE I'M DATING HER!

peter: no best-friend-feelings?

reader: no, just love love. like i’m married to her type of love.

peter: ok...i’m still your best friend?

reader: yeah, course.

peter and reader hugging:

natasha, pepper, wanda and maria watching from the kitchen: what the-

Natasha: I kissed Maria.

Clint: Wow.

Clint: I owe Laura so much money.

[ maria coming back from a mission ]

nat: are you okay? are you hurt?

maria: *shaking her head* but i think i need sleep

nat: what, why? we have a date tonight *pouts*

maria: blood loss

nat: I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T INJURED

maria: i mean my period, vagina blood loss

Avengers reactions to being called straight:

Carol: The fuck, no I'm not.

Maria Hill: Excuse the hell out of you?

Valkyrie: Ding dong, you are wrong!

Wanda: Who told you that? And why did they lie?

Kate: Rude.

Natasha: *punches the person*

Yelena: Do you like my top?

Maria: Yeah, she seems nice

Yelena: What

Nat: What

Kate: (:

Y/N: I'm a little teapot

Yelena: Short and stout.

Wanda: Who let those two drink?

Y/N: Here is my handle

Yelena: Here is my spout

Nat: I needed entertainment. This party is boring.

Y/N and Yelena: Tip me over and pour me out.

Maria: It's a movie night Nat, not a party

Nat: Tell me you aren't entertained.

*Natasha walking into the bathroom* Natasha: Can I get in here I need to—OH MY GOD!? [Peter is dressed in a Black Widow suit with his hair dyed red, Yelena is wiping her red stained hands on a towel] Peter, pointing at Natasha excitedly: It’s like looking in a mirror!! Natasha: No it isn’t Peter. Peter: Who’s Peter? Yelena, chuckling: I already can’t tell who’s who! Natasha: Take that stuff off. Peter: Ria! Get in here and settle this! Natasha: Don’t call your mother ‘Ria.’ Maria: What? Oh haha hey! Travel size Nat! Aw! Natasha: Maria, you’re encouraging this! [Clint comes in] Clint: I need the bathroom—woah this is confusing. Natasha: NO IT’S NOT!

Maria grabs Y/N as they come back from an Avengers assignment…

Maria: you are not doing that again

Y/N: yes ma’am

Maria: I am going to take you back to our bedroom and screw you til you see stars

Y/N: (sarcastic) oh work work work

Maria giggles and pulls Y/N off somewhere private…

Natasha: can you imagine if a centipede wore flip flops? They’d be so loud

Maria: are you drunk?

Natasha: no

Maria: that’s what concerns me

Y/N: "I'm the real Y/N!"

Y/N Clone: "No, I'm the real Y/N!"

Maria: "Who are we shooting?"

Natasha: "There's only one way to tell... What is 7 x 4?"

Y/N Clone: "28!"

Natasha*Shooting the clone*: "Wrong answer"

Maria: "What? 7 x 4 is 28"

Natasha: "Yeah, but Y/N does the little finger thing"

Y/N*Counting on their fingers*: "28!"

m/n: [talking to shield agents] god made a mistake giving me a face that my shield commander finds cute [pointing at his face]

m/n: i mean- look at me! [randomly poses] she let’s me get away with anything!

m/n: and oh no, i will not use this power for good.

m/n: [darkly] never...

[maria watch this from cctv and regret that she fall in with a fool like m/n]

author notes i have 117 blogs on queue and 276 on draft...

tags lists @sonicqaulan @graysonfriggason @thebettermaximofftwins @sloanalistair @acienthazard @starlinggoldeneyes @ortegaolsen @wednesdaywanda @sandwichmarvel @gardenofmarvel

*coming back empty handed from a stakeout*

Maria: why is it always you two?

Kate: I’m my defense… I was left unsupervised.

Maria: Yelena was with you the whole time.

Yelena: in my defense… I am just one person and she kept staring at my ass the whole time. You left us unsupervised. This is on you.

Kate: in support of her defense… you are the one who gave us these new tactical suits.

Maria: get out of my office.

Natasha: My mother can't come to the wedding. She was at a yoga retreat, and she fell out of a warrior pose and broke her hip.

Maria: Should we consider the possibility that someone pushed her?

Natasha: Maria, please.

Natasha: They were a bunch of peace-loving hippies who spent two weeks in the rainforest with my mother.

Maria:

Natasha: Of course someone pushed her.

Dive

*Maria and Y/N enter a dive bar*

Maria: Look, I know you’re disappointed but could we at least have a drink?

Y/N, in a scuba diving suit: I would like to leave, please. 

Natasha: What are you studying?

Maria: Commerce degree, but accounting and accounting technologies

Natasha: Nice. So it's safe to say you're good with numbers?

Maria: Not sure if I'm good with them but I like them

Natasha: If that's the case, would you like mine?

Maria: