Steve: Hey everyone, happy Thanksgiving
Steve confused: Um, are we keeping Thanksgiving a secret this year?
Y/n: No dad, we’re playing this new game I learned at school. Basically you have to name all of the states in 6 minutes
Steve: What, that’s insanely easy
Y/n: Yeah, it’s a lot harder than it sounds. You always forget at least one or in some cases *looks at Pietro* 14
Pietro: It’s a stupid game and I wasn’t playing against anyone so technically I didn’t lose
Steve: Pietro, you forgot 14 states?
Pietro: Nobody cares about the Dakotas!
Steve: I just taught you the states yesterday
*The timer rings*
Y/n: Okay time’s up
Tony: I got 48
Y/n: Oh that’s not bad. Peter?
Peter: Yeah, I got tired of naming states so I decided to name the types of celery. And I have 1 type of celery
Tony: *confused and worried dad*
Y/n: Ok, Uncle Tony has 48 and Peter has the lead...in veggies. Wanda?
Wanda slams her notepad on the table: Say hello to the new champ of Y/n’s dumb states game.
Steve: Wow, how many you got?
Wanda smiling: 56
Steve: *fed up that now he has to teach Wanda and Pietro the states AGAIN*
Steve: What’s up with Bucky?
Sam: He took a “Which Avenger is your soulmate” quiz
Sam: He got Y/n
Y/N: What’s it like being tall?
Y/N: Is it nice?
Y/N: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?
Bucky: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.
Steve: It was one time!
Sam: Why are Bucky and Y/N sitting with their backs to each other?
Steve: They had a fight.
Sam: Then why are they holding hands?
Steve: They get sad when they fight.
Daily Bugle news: There was a UFO spotted in central park this afternoon-
Clint: a UFO? Like... an alien spaceship? How did we not know about this!?
Nat: no! Not an alien spaceship you dumbass
Steve: it was probably just a drone or something
Bucky: but they said it was a UFO
Peter: to YOU it's a UFO! I know what it is
Tony: oh yeah? What was it then?
Peter: ...a drone carrying a huge bag of oranges, toothpaste and glitter
Tony: ...w h a t
Steve: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
Peter, nodding sagely: So, that way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Tony, tearing up: That's my boy.
Y/n: *stubs her toe and says something in Russian*
Steve being the idiot he is: Hey! Language! You don’t say that kind of stuff, English or in Russian.
Y/n confused: *glares at Steve and walks away*
Natasha entering the room: What’s the matter with Y/n?
Steve: She cursed in Russian!
Natasha: That doesn’t seem like her. What did she say?
Steve: I think it was like, “Svyatyye Yanki.”
Natasha: *bursts out laughing*
Natasha: That means, “Holy Yankees” in Russian.
Steve: *in disbelief*
Natasha: You should go say sorry. Like, NOW.
Steve: *goes to find Y/n*
1 HOUR LATER
Steve: *Finds Y/n punching a bag*
Steve: Hey kid. You still mad at me?
Y/n not looking at him: Twinkle Twinkle Long Cord, I wish I could hit you with my skateboard.
Steve: I brought a peace offering
Y/n: *turns around to find Steve holding a Milky Way bar and him wearing a shirt that says, “I’m an Idiot”.
Y/n grabbing the bar: I accept your peace offering.
Steve: Thanks. Also, I’m wearing this for the rest of the day.
Y/n: Tony’s going to make fun of you for it
Steve: Yeah, I don’t care.
*Y/n and Steve hug*
Steve: But you should take a shower. You stink
Y/n: I’ll go do that. Thanks for the bar.
Steve: No problem, kid.
Tony walking in the gym: *bursts out laughing at Steve’s shirt*
Steve: Yes, hahaha. Very funny.
Tony: WHAT IS THAT!!
Steve: My shirt. When I do or say something an idiot would do.
Tony: You, Rogers, need to wear that 24/7
Tony: what’s wrong??
Peter: I just realized Mr. Rogers can’t build legos
Steve: why can’t I?
Tony: yeah why can’t he???
Peter, sobbing: BECAUSE THE AGE RANGE ON THE BOX SAYS 4-99 AND HES 105
Steve: *clicks legos together seriously* it’s ok. I’ve done more illegal things
Steve: Did you just flirt with me?
Bucky: Have been since the Great Depression but thanks for noticing.
Steve lecturing peter after he did something stupid
Steve: you gotta be more careful, peter! You could've died or worse,
Peter: worse?! Like what? DouBLe DyINg?!
Steve, muttering; don’t hit the child. don’t hit the child,
wanda: *looks into steves mind to show him his worst nightmare*
steves mind: mmmmm menn,,, men men men big hot men....hot men, men. .so many men man. Men.......Bcuky bucmy mmmm bucky barnes bucky men, sweaty men bucky bucky sweaty and hot mmmmmenenm mbcuky
wanda: jesus fucking christ
Pepper: I'm sure you know Tony hasn't been in a very good place lately.
Steve *nodding solemnly*: I understand. It must be hard for both of you.
Pepper: And his coping mechanisms . . . are, well, you know, quite unusual.
Steve, imagining either an insane amount of wine bottles or freshly built Iron Man suits: I'm aware, and if there's anything I can do to help . . .
Pepper, moving towards the door: And there's just so many of them, you know? I tell him he can't handle it, but . . . (smiling fondly) he has a way of proving me wrong.
Steve: *steeling himself for whatever's behind the door*
Pepper: *opens the door*
Tony with Morgan asleep on his lap, Peter snuggled on his other side, Harley installing a laser into his prosthetic arm, Vision tossing popcorn into his mouth, and Nebula braiding ribbons into his hair:
Pepper: I keep telling him he can't just adopt kids when he's sad!
Steve, tearing up: just look at them
Steve: *Gently taps table*
Bucky: *Taps back*
Y/n: What are they doing?
Sam: Morse code.
Steve: *Aggressively taps table*
Bucky: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-
Steve: Sharon's birthday is coming soon, what do you think I should get her?
Y/N: Get her some perfume, or some jewelry, or even better a shovel so she can bury herself 6 feet under, I don't know.
Peter: Technically, I could be immortal and we just don't know it.
Peter: Well I haven't died yet
Steve: Yeah but neither have I, that doesn't mean I'm immortal
Peter: Have you ever done loads of stupid things like jumping out of a window or a plane or getting hit by a train and crushed by a building?
Peter: and did you die?
Steve: *softly* holy shit
Bucky: STEVE! DO NOT JUMP OFF OF THE ROOF OF THE TOWER!
Steve: But Bucky! It's for science! I think I might be immortal!
Bucky: YOU ARE NOT IMMORTAL! YOU WILL DIE! YOU ARE A DUMBASS!