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#Writer self-care
writing-for-life · 7 months
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Writing Is The Loneliest Art...
A couple of days ago, this piece of art with a Neil Gaiman quote flickered across my desktop, and it made me think, so longish post about writing, mental health and human connection ahead..
The actual quote says:
The hardest part of being a writer is that you get lonely. It's just you and the stuff in your head and nobody else can do it for you.
I used to be a performer. I spent a good 10 years of my life in theatres and on stage. That can be lonely, too, but in very different ways. You find a "family" for a short while, and then the show is over, and you all disperse to heaven-knows-where again. Some of these friendships last, others don't, but even the ones that do are hard to maintain because of the nature of the job (if you a very lucky, your paths may cross again for another show).
But the difference, to me, was that I had a physical outlet. That's also stressful in many ways, and being a performer is hard and emotionally taxing (plus, the industry sometimes makes you want to vomit). But it is a very different feeling to channel creative energy into something that is physical.
When I write, I only have the words in my head and the blank page; if I am lucky, the words will come out in a way that stops the page from being blank. And although I wrote "Writing Is The Loneliest Art" as a headline, I imagine this must be quite similar for visual/graphic artists.
I was a writer before I was a performer. I came back to my first love, and I wouldn't want it any other way. Writing always was, and still is, the most truthful form of creative expression for me. I am also lucky enough not to have to earn an income with it (although I do) because I have a job that takes care of that (and thankfully one that comes in handy for character development and world building). But it is very easy to become trapped in your head and thoughts, to stop engaging with the life that is out there. And that life is important--for inspiration, for self-care, for human connection. To break these connections, knowingly or unknowingly, is a real issue for many writers. If I am not careful, it happens to me, too. I have a family, and I am constantly teetering on the edge of spending time in my head or with the blank page when I should be present with them. I can snap myself out of it, but it is not always easy to do, and most writers can probably relate. Because thoughts are thoughts and ideas are ideas. They don't care when they pop into your head, and they will try to claim space, whether the moment is "right" or not.
I have a self-care routine in place to prevent myself from getting trapped in my own head (that's maybe for another post), but it takes effort and constant reminders to get up from my desk, get out, get fresh air and move. Because I'd rather be in my head and write. I am an introvert, like many writers, but that's not a big blanket permission to stop connecting with life. Introversion and loneliness are not one and the same, and writers (everyone really) need to understand the difference. You need to pick up that phone, see people and surround yourself with humans from time to time for your own sake. Not just through your job. You need humans around you whom you truly connect with.
But back to different art forms: As a performer, I had the direct interaction with my fellow performers, and with my audience. I cannot stress enough how important the latter is, and I have said this on here many times: Art comes alive through interaction and communication. It connects us through shared humanity. And there are art forms out there that take care of that connection by default--I have felt the difference, and it is profound.
Yes, we can still write or create art as a form of processing emotions, and from a psychological viewpoint, this is healing and helpful.
But art needs to be both created and experienced. Every art ultimately becomes meaningless without the viewer/reader/audience. Art is never a one-way street.
Writers tell stories, but these stories don't exist in a vacuum. They exist because we can't help writing them, and we would always do it anyway, but they also exist because we want you to read them. And it means something to us to know they moved you, made you laugh, made you cry, made you find out something about yourself you didn't know yet, or they just helped you forget about the troubles you are going through for a little while.
So if you appreciate art forms that don't have direct audience interaction, let the artists know you did. It is not annoying us. We are happy about it. Most of us want that communication. And writers probably need it most...
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captainsimagines · 11 months
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💕 Self-love time! Talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you enjoy the most, for whatever reason. Send to other creators to do the same if you wish. 💕
(also hi i miss you)
I MISS YOU TOO 😭❤️ I’M COMING BACK TO FANFICS SOON I PROMISE
I would say I’m most proud of Dreaming in June, and all the smut I’ve written 😂 I didn’t think I would be good when I first started writing. Also, I’m a painter and I’m really proud of one of my paintings (of the most famous Fallen Angel) that I framed it and it’s on the wall. 😉
(I miss all of you, by the way ✨)
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kallmaker · 2 months
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Transitions and Thank You
So many people have commented on my blog and social media posts sending love and kind thoughts for my mom and dad. My dad passed away very peacefully last Friday with my mom, my brother, and me near. My mom is doing just fine, though he will be much missed. Since he had advancing dementia, in many ways we’ve all been saying goodbye to pieces of him for some time, and this final goodbye – sudden…
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yssabela · 7 months
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I just hope that no matter how many times this world tries to harden me and turn me into a cold person, I remain soft. May I still be compassionate, full of love, and see hope in everything, and may I never become something that once broke me.
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threewaysdivided · 10 months
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Have you ever abandoned a fanfic? Just curious. I havent started one because i know that i WILL abandon it and feel shitty about it.
Hey nonnie,
Sounds like you’re in a bit of a bind right now 😔
To answer your question: no, there hasn’t been a point where I’ve personally discontinued a posted fic. 
I think I might be a little bit like you in that regard.  I’ve had quite a few potential story or scene ideas over the years, but either I didn’t feel like those stories headed towards a satisfying end-point or I just didn’t feel like committing to the work of fitting those scenes into something that would be interesting (or even understandable) for another person.   When I start a large creative project I like to have an idea of what the end-product will be, or at least some specific creative goals to aim for.  I need to feel as though I have a good chance of seeing a project through before I commit.
That being said (if it’s okay) I’d like to talk to the sentiment you expressed: that there’s something you’re not starting because in your mind giving up is inevitable and you’ll feel bad when (not if) that happens. 
To me, it kind of sounds like you’re already feeling shitty about it?  Like, you haven’t done anything yet but you’re already anticipating the worst possible outcome and emotionally punishing yourself for it. 
If that’s the case, then why not just try it anyway?  The time will pass regardless.  And what’s the worst that could happen?  You start writing a story, you post a few chapters, and then maybe you feel like the story isn’t going the way you wanted, or you get frustrated by a creative roadblock, or you find yourself losing interest, or maybe it’s just that other things come up that you’d rather spend your time on… and so your story becomes one of the literally thousands of discontinued fics that exist.  Maybe a few invested readers are disappointed for a while, maybe it slips quietly into being forgotten…  or maybe the part that you did post inspires someone else, or another fanwriter adopts and continues it, or you yourself find inspiration again and come back to it somewhere down the line.
It's worth pointing out that the vast majority of fanfics are either currently-unfinished works-in-progress or in some state of hiatus/ discontinuation/ being abandoned.  Many of the fics that inspired me are either discontinued, have sequels that were discontinued or were written by fan-authors who had previously discontinued other projects.  In fact, several of my favourite published original series are in some state of cancellation, indefinite hiatus or have endings/continuations that myself and others prefer to ignore, but that doesn’t make the revisit experience any less enjoyable.
a good plot was one which made good scenes. The ideal mystery was one you would read if the end was missing. - Raymond Chandler in the introduction to Trouble is My Business, 1950
Still, that doesn’t really change the fact that it can feel really shitty to pull the plug on a creative project.   Even if you never showed anyone, it’s okay to feel disappointed or frustrated at yourself for not reaching a personal goal.  That’s a perfectly normal reaction, so long as you don’t let it spiral into self-punishment or something self-destructive.  It can be easy to fall into a state of analysis paralysis or procrastination, where the fear of “failing” or choosing the “wrong option” means you just don’t start, or you keep stalling because you expect to feel guilty at the end for not finishing sooner (something which I’m definitely prone to doing).  There’s also the risk of falling off the other end into sunk-cost fallacy or trying to overcommit your time, leading to things like sleep-procrastination and burnout.
Some of that might come down to broader personal challenges like overcoming perfectionism, depression, self-criticism or negative self-talk, learning how to be more gentle and reasonable about personal goal-setting/ expectation-management, and finding ways to celebrate the progress/ achievements you did make, even if you didn’t achieve everything.  If these are things you struggle with, then it might help to talk to someone about it or even seek therapy if you’re able to (I am currently doing both of those things and it genuinely helps).
You might also like to check out my writer self-care and digital self-care tags, where I’ve been squirreling away helpful advice from other users.
In the meantime, here are some practical ideas that might help your story to cross the finish-line:
#1: Keep the scope small You don’t have to jump into a big multi-chapter ensemble fic as your first project.  If you’re worried about sustaining creative energy (or even just having limited time) then maybe single-scene or one/two-shot stories would be a better place to start.  Pick a project which you feel confident that you can finish, and which lets you see and enjoy a tangible result quickly.  Consider using AO3’s series feature to assemble short stories into a bigger narrative that you can build piece-by-piece.  Set your bar low, start small and work your way up as you develop your creative workflow and stamina.
#2: Outlining might help you I don’t know where you fall on the planner-to-pantser scale of writing styles, but having a roadmap for where and how far the story is going can give you a goal to keep focussed on.  I’ve previously written a post series with some tips for outlining stories: [Part One] [Part Two].
#3. Know what you want from your story I talk about this in Part One of the Outlining Series, but understanding what motivates you to start or keep writing can help you to understand where the creative drive for a project comes from.  Maybe you’re writing purely for yourself, maybe it’s to share with a community, maybe it’s in response to another story or maybe it’s because you just want this to be a thing that exists. 
For example, my long-fic Deathly Weapons started because I couldn’t find a story like it in the archives, and now I keep writing it because I want to see whether I can pull those things off for an audience who don’t have my behind-the-scenes notes.  Meanwhile, there are a lot of other potential ideas that I haven’t written down because those are just for me – I get what I need from them just being in my head and I don’t feel a need to codify a “canon version” or do all the drudge-work of making those ideas accessible for someone else.
#4. Find a cheerleader Sometimes it’s good to have writing buddies who are also interested in your story and can help to sustain enthusiasm, inspiration and excitement for your project.  Whether that’s finding a beta-reader, joining/starting a discord server, reaching out to commenters on early chapters, roping in IRL fandom friends or finding community in other places.
#5. Your first attempt won’t be your best and that’s okay I do a lot of cooking and a common rule there is “the first pancake always comes out wonky”.  You need to get a feel for what you’re working with before things start to flow.  Similarly, the first draft almost always feels rough… because it’s purpose is to be a rough draft.  Don’t be dispirited if it’s not immediately perfect, or as good as what you pictured in your head.  Each time you iterate/edit you have a chance to identify something you’d like to do differently and experiment with moving it closer to the effect you want.
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#6. Set milestones and consider an exit strategy If you feel like there is a possibility that you might (or might need to) pull the plug on a larger project before the end, then it might ease your mind to have a plan for how and where you would want to draw things to a close. 
This is something I have for Deathly Weapons. It’s a very long story that I planned at an age when I had more time and energy to spare, crossing two fandoms (of which one is getting pretty old and the other died of sudden-onset seasonal rot) and something I’ve been aware of for several years now is that one day I might need to call it quits, whether due to lack of time, inspiration-loss or for mental health reasons there have been times where this fic (and especially the attached fandom-rot) has been legitimately not good for my headspace.  I’d like to finish DW and I don’t like the idea of leaving either the characters or my readers without closure, but I also recognise that it simply might not be possible.  My compromise is that if that day comes I’m going to polish up all my story-notes and make them available so that the full narrative at least exists in some form.  In the short term I want to make it to the end of the Mission 2: Flashpoints-Equilibrium set.  Once I get there I’ll take stock and see if I feel like the Mission 3: Something Wicked set is still on the cards, and so on and so forth.
#7. Remember that fanfic is a hobby You can certainly learn valuable things and meet wonderful people through writing, but ultimately this is something you do for fun, because you find it inherently rewarding or compelling.  It’s a knitting club.  Sure it might feel a little bit worse to close down a project that other people are invested in but, just like with any other hobby, it’s perfectly fine to take a break or move on if it’s not something you enjoy anymore, if it’s effecting you in a way you don’t like, or if you don’t like the particular group of people you’re currently doing it with.  It’s your free-time to use, and it’s fine to weigh options and decide that it would be more fulfilling or better for your health to pursue something else.
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Above all else, remember that it’s okay to “fail” 
I feel like this is something we don’t talk about enough as a collective (and it’s definitely something I wish I had been told more).  Sometimes you try things and it doesn’t work out.  Sometimes you screw up.  Sometimes you give up.  That’s alright.  It doesn’t change your worth as a person.  Put it down to experience: it still teaches you things.  And you can always try again.
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Be kind to yourself, okay? 💚
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what-iz-life · 5 months
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Distancing yourself from sh*t that repeatedly triggers your mental health and lowers your vibe is top tier self-care.
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succulentsiren · 7 months
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Imagine who you could be if only you had the audacity.
If you didn’t care about looking stupid. If you weren’t afraid of making mistakes. If you didn’t put other people’s judgements before your own. If you didn’t neglect your responsibilities. If you didn’t procrastinate. If you didn’t let the toxic voice win. If you didn’t overthink everything. If you didn’t fear your own power.
Imagine that you have the audacity.
That you take bold actions. That you take accountability for yourself. That you unapologetically show your creativity to the world. That you ignore the naysayers. That you remain unbothered. That you allow yourself to be seen. That you embrace all that you are. That you speak your truth. That you allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them, then become a winner. That you speak highly to yourself. That you begin your journey right now.
Don’t block yourself from being your greatest.
H.S.
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bebx · 7 months
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from me. to me and to you.
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i don’t want a ‘career’ ! i want to write sexy fanfiction for my internet friends <3
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nibbelraz · 5 months
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A writer and His number one fan hater
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sheilababi · 8 months
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May you be freed from every experience that caused you to hide your authentic self.
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kallmaker · 2 months
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Life Happens - and Then Some
You’ll notice that there aren’t any fancy pictures in this post. I’m composing it on my tablet via a thin, very thin!, WiFi signal. The quick version: my father had a stroke almost exactly a week ago and is now in hospice care at home with my mom. My brother and I are here with them until his body decides its time to let go. That said, we were fortunate in one small aspect. My brother and I had…
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marisatomay · 2 years
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i’m so sick of writers who proudly proclaim that they don’t read and directors and actors and other filmmakers who smugly say that they rarely watch movies or any artist who acts like an audience is stupid for connecting with their work like what the fuck is wrong with you that you hold such contempt such derision for the art that you have chosen to make the art that so many people dream of the opportunity to make the art that brings meaning and connection to people’s lives it’s unbelievably disrespectful to both your audience and the art-form and if you can’t muster basic respect for either your art-form or your audience then kindly fuck off and do something else
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eamour · 8 months
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be kind to yourself.
whatever you have seen today, whatever you have witnessed today, whatever has made you go out of your character — you will choose to be kind to yourself. you will be nice to yourself. you will treat yourself with respect and compassion. you will be empathetic with yourself. you can react and respond to whatever has stressed you today but you are not going to let it control you, making you say or do things to yourself that aren’t healthy. you will choose to have love for yourself.
it doesn’t matter what you are going through right now or what you are currently experiencing — you deserve to treat yourself with kindness. your body deserves it, your mind deserves it, you truly deserve it.
with love, ella.
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hannah-heartstrings · 8 months
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I used to wreck myself every November trying to win NaNo, I'd stay up way too late, I made my caffeine addiction worse, and it'd leave me exhausted for the next few months (before that became my regular state). And none of it was even needed 'cause I write all the time anyway.
When I see people stressing over NaNo I tend to feel like they're hurting themselves and I get the impulse to be obnoxious. I don't want anyone hurting themselves but I also know that some find NaNo to be helpful and fun.
So I'll post some reminders than leave writeblr alone:
Take care of yourself through November
Maintaining your sleep schedule is important to staying healthy
Stay hydrated, highly caffeinated drinks can dehydrate you more
Make sure to rest your wrists and eyes and get up to stretch every so often
Remember that your brain needs a break sometimes too
Don't hurt yourself to make the deadlines
If you are hurting yourself, it's OK to just stop anytime, all the words you've written won't be wasted because you quit
In fact any words you write are never wasted
It's OK to not do NaNoWriMo
It's OK to do it with a smaller goal
It's OK to not win NaNoWriMo
Be kind to yourself
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck and love. 🍀🩷
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succulentsiren · 3 months
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HAVING UNSHAKEABLE CONFIDENCE INCLUDES
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Not caring what others think.
Voicing your opinion whether others agree with them or not.
Staying true to yourself.
Walking into any room and feeling powerful (not insecure).
Realizing you don’t have competition and not comparing yourself to others.
Feeling best about what you have to offer and who you are.
Putting yourself first.
Dreaming big and taking action to make your dreams happen.
Being a master manifestor.
Not needing anyone or their approval to be great.
Laughing at haters.
Presenting your best self to the world.
Having a stable emotional state (remaining hopeful and not allowing doubt to effect you).
Having your own standards and staying true to them.
Having a secure self image and not allowing others to define you.
Never lowering your standards.
Speaking your truth.
Allowing yourself to shine (talents, gifts) without judgement.
Supporting others and being joyous when they win.
Focusing on self.
Speaking highly of yourself.
Creating and doing what you love (not just what's popular).
Remaining dedicated to your goals even when you fail.
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