#if that is how you love... your love is worth nothing
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Sex Tutor II
Summary: It feels like you and Harry are looking for different things. You aren't cut out for casual and Harry doesn't have time to focus on a relationship. But feelings are complicated and Harry doesn't even know what he wants until he realizes he can't stop thinking about you.
A/N: Here she is! The final part! I hope y'all enjoy! Part I Here
Word Count: 13.375
Warning: smut, angst, fluff, praise kink, size kink (kind of)
. .
It was another round of disappointment with Gunther after the 2nd time. Not only because he was so unenthusiastic and he wouldn’t return the favor (still), but because you really couldn’t stop thinking about Harry. About how good it had been with him.
As you were going down on Gunther you kept sucking him in and it just didn’t feel the same. He smelled different, and not necessarily bad but it wasn’t as pleasant as it could have been. He’d definitely sprayed some kind of cologne on and you could taste the bitterness of it on your tongue. And he was kind of rough with you. Pressed the back of your head down and grunted once or twice. You even attempted to run your finger over the spot Harry showed you and he got all squicked out by it thinking you were trying to put it in his butthole. And that reaction had totally ruined the moment for you.
Just like the first time, you left his dorm and walked back to yours alone in the dark with nothing but your thoughts and a touch of disgust. You considered reaching out to Harry. He did mention to you that you could call him anytime. And you were left fully unsatisfied by Gunther. There was no part of you that didn’t believe Harry could satisfy you every which way.
You figured you’d call it quits with Gunther after that and maybe you’d contact Harry again. But to your surprise, he contacted you first.
H: How did it go with Gunther?
You were working on a paper at your desk when you saw his message. Of course, you stopped everything to respond.
Not great. He did cum, though. So I guess that’s good! lol
H: Did you also cum?
You swallowed and bit your lip as you felt your cheeks heat up at that question.
No.
It took a bit for him to respond. You weren’t sure if he was in the middle of something or if he didn’t have anything more to say, or maybe it was that he was thinking of how to word his response. And by then you had a hard time getting back into working on your paper so you called it quits for the day and decided to shower.
You kept wondering what was on Harry’s mind. Wondered if you should follow up with him. Ask him to see you again. And when you got out of your shower you had planned out a whole message to type out to him. You’d ask him for another lesson and see if he had any time. You’d be kind of putting yourself out there but Harry had been so nice and it was so good with him you hadn’t stopped thinking about that night.
But there was already a message from Harry waiting for you when you picked up your phone.
H: I think you should come over again. You didn’t get what you needed from him and I’ll happily make up for it. Show you what it’s supposed to be like.
You laid your phone down on your sink counter and grinned, your heart thumping wildly in your chest. Because yes! Yes, you’d go to his and let him take care of you. God, you’d love to give him another blow job too.
Only if you want. When were you thinking?
His response came faster than you expected.
H: Are you free tonight? Say 6 or so?
You weren’t technically free. You needed to finish your paper but fuck it. Harry would be worth a rushed final product.
That works for me : )
You met him at Maud’s like the first time. Only this time you bought his tea and a sandwich for him. He told you it wasn’t necessary but you felt like it was the least you could do. You walked back to his apartment together and told him about your paper that was due and he talked about his thesis. Harry was an interesting person. He wasn’t just eye candy, he had real depth. And he was kind.
“So why don’t you have a T.V.?” You asked as you sat on his couch and he plopped down next to you, drawing his arm over your shoulder.
“No time really. I’m telling you, I am almost always studying and doing coursework. Used to have one but it was too much of a distraction.”
You laughed, “And this isn’t a distraction?” You motioned your hand between yourself and Harry.
He shifted his seating and his hand moved from your shoulder to the side of your neck as he gently pulled at you, “Oh it’s a distraction all right. But this is the kind that’s worth it. Television has never been worth missing out on a good study sesh,” he laughed and you laid your palm on his chest.
“Well, I hope it’s worth it. Don’t feel like I’m all that amazing. Kind of ju–“
Your words were abruptly cut off with his mouth over yours. You let out a surprised squeak and Harry laughed against your lips, “Sorry… just want you, Y/n…”
You were a goner. You had never felt so sexy in your life as in that moment. Harry seemed quite ravenous and you didn’t know if it was because he was just horny in general or if it was because of you but the way he was licking at your mouth and touching your hip and moaning it felt a lot like he was simply into you. At least that’s what you were going to believe.
He got you into his bed again, your pants and sweater on the floor as he kissed your tummy. Your head was spinning, “Your lesson today,” he spoke between soft pecks over your skin, “Is to see how special you are. How you deserve to feel good. To be with someone who’s going to worship you…”
He hadn’t even touched your clit and it was already throbbing under your cotton panties. The man knew just what to say and you couldn’t help but melt into his mattress and moan his name.
You didn’t have much experience. But you knew one thing and that was that Harry was really really good. He pulled an orgasm from you like an expert, fingers tucked deep into your pussy with his tongue and lips sliding expertly over your sensitive clit. You could hardly even remember getting your clothes off but you didn’t forget his words as he pushed your thighs apart and nosed at your pussy, “So sweet, honey,” he looked up at you, “Can I call you honey?”
Honey. You didn’t mind. Of course not. He could call you whatever he wanted.
And when you finally came down from your orgasm, you shivered as he kept sucking on your clit. You tried pushing at his forehead and he hardly budged as he lifted his mouth from your pussy, “Relax. One more okay? Give me one more, honey?”
Fuck. You were not sure how you were going to survive this man.
When you were panting and sweating after your second orgasm Harry laid next to you and kissed your neck and told you how sweet and perfect you were. You tried returning the favor but he just shook his head and pulled your hand away from his obvious erection to kiss your knuckles, “This wasn’t about me tonight. Just for you, okay? I’m fine. Took care of myself before you came over anyway.”
“But you’re hard…”
“And I promise you that I’m fine. You deserve to be taken care of, Y/n. Don’t like how you’ve been neglected. Want you to just get what you need tonight.”
You stayed at Harry’s for another couple of hours. Just talking and laughing. It was like you two had always known one another. You learned a little about his childhood and you told him about yours. He was sweet and easy to talk to and you loved how he kept holding your hand and pinching your bottom lip as you’d talk. And when it was time to go he called you an Uber again, to which you protested, telling him that was unnecessary.
“It’s absolutely necessary. Don’t want anything to happen to you and this way I can watch the route and make sure you get where you need to go.”
It was like you were another person for the next week and a half. You were feeling quite confident and you ignored Gunther’s text to “hang out”. Harry made you feel like you deserved more. Even if you’d never have anything serious with Harry, he sure made you feel special.
But one night when you and your roommate were hanging out at a sorority house, you overheard something that made your stomach turn.
“You stayed the whole night?”
“Yep. He asked me to. Fucked me so good I almost couldn’t walk and he’s just so nice… I kind of thought he’d have me leave but he said he wanted to make sure I was okay.”
“What’s he like?”
“Well, everything about him is just…” the girl grinned and bit her lip with that dreamy, faraway look in her eye, “He’s so hot up close too. His body… holy shit, you should see this man’s body! But his dick… when I felt that thing inside of me, I was a dickmatized. He’s big and it’s just… perfect. But it’s not just that he’s got a big cock, he’s like… super nice and just knows how to orchestrate the whole experience. Talked me through it all, it was so sexy, and he knows what he’s doing.”
“And you’re gonna ask for another session?”
The girl nods, “Oh yeah. I already did. Well, the morning when I left he fucked me again and then ate me out and told me to call him if I ever needed anything. So I obviously called him…”
Harry wasn’t your boyfriend. He was a single man who had a reputation. He was known for this very thing. So why did it bother you? Why did it make you feel nauseated and jealous? You didn’t even get to have full-on sex with him. It was just oral sex both times, but it felt like you missed out in a way, not having the opportunity to have him like that. But perhaps it was better that you hadn’t had actual sex. Because your wandering thoughts and feelings were betraying your good senses. Images in your brain of you and Harry being a couple were silly. That was never going to happen. Maybe continuing to see Harry would be a bad idea after all. You were already feeling things for him that you shouldn’t be.
And, so, when Gunther called you again the day after you heard that story you decided to answer the call and give him yet another chance. He asked for another “date”. But this time you told him you wanted to actually go out somewhere first. Like on a real date. Maybe a change of scenery would be nice. Maybe the third time would be the charm, as they say. Perhaps if you gave him one more shot he’d redeem himself. Maybe you’d finally get what you were looking for all along.
So there you both were on a Saturday night at the bar with house music playing. You were readying yourself for another round of disappointment and being left unsatisfied when he refused to dance with you. The bar you two had gone to had a DJ every Saturday night and you thought it could be fun to have a couple of drinks, eat some bar food, and dance a bit. But Gunther didn’t want to get up off his stool and he went way beyond just a couple of drinks. You weren’t sure how many he had at that point but it had become clear that he just wanted to drink and get back to his room so he could get his dick sucked and send you on your way.
This time, however, there would be no blow job. You had already decided on Ubering back to your dorm alone afterward. You just had to figure out how to break it to Gunther first.
. .
Harry had been wondering about you since the last time he saw you. The nervous pretty girl who wound up being quite the breath of fresh air for him. He didn’t expect you to call him for another session but he kind of hoped you would. Or at least just a text to hang out. The last night he had you at his place he felt like you were an old friend. A hot friend who he wanted to bang, but a friend, someone he felt comfortable with who he could talk to all night. He was surprised at how easily the conversation flowed with you. And so it was kind of disappointing when you didn’t reach out to him again. He felt like maybe you weren’t that into him.
He even wound up having to cancel on someone he’d made plans with. He wasn’t sure he was ready to look at anyone else naked. He needed time to get his head on straight. Which just meant he was concerned he’d be thinking about you while he was with someone else. And that was something he refused to do with anyone; think about one person while being with another.
And now it was almost two weeks later and he was still thinking about you. Kept wanting to text you to ask how you were. To see if you wanted to just hang out. He figured if you wanted more you’d reach out. He didn’t want to assume you felt whatever it was he felt. He wasn’t even quite sure what he was feeling.
So when his friend invited him to go out for a few drinks he thought it would be a good opportunity to get his mind off of you so he decided why not? He didn’t often go out to drink. He didn’t have time for it, truth be told. But his buddy wanted to celebrate landing a big job and Harry said he could only hang out for a couple of hours because he had to be up early the following morning to study but he could use a couple of hours away from schoolwork to let loose a bit.
The bar was packed and the room was loud with music and an open dancefloor where people were dancing and flirting. He figured he’d go out and dance for a song or two after a couple of beers and then call it a night. As he was on his second pint he gazed around at the tables with girls in their short dresses and guys trying their hardest to impress and that’s when he spotted you. He felt his heart float up into his throat and then he narrowed in his sight to see who you were with. Gunther.
Harry had looked up this Gunther guy. He was easy to find. He was following you on Instagram and being that there weren’t many called Gunther he knew right away it was him. Why did he look him up? It was just another thing that had Harry a bit perplexed. Being someone on the path to becoming a sex therapist, one would think Harry had more of an idea of what was going on in his own head. But maybe it was more just a matter of whether or not he was ready to admit what he was feeling.
You appeared bored. Annoyed maybe. You had your chin propped in your hand and you were swirling your drink with a straw. Your eyes were focused on the dance floor and Gunther was looking a bit tipsy. He was staring at his phone. If Harry were there with you he’d have his whole attention on you. He wouldn’t even be thinking about his phone. Hell, he had his whole attention on you now and he wasn’t even there with you.
He wondered what it was you saw in Gunther. He knew the man wasn’t doing it for you. He could just see it in your posture. If you had been well fucked, or at least satisfied on some level, and given the attention you deserved your demeanor would have been different. Harry could do that for you. He’d seen how you responded to a good orgasm and how relaxed and confident you got when you were satisfied.
When he saw you sip the last of your drink and say something to your date, who didn’t even so much as give you a glance, you got up and made your way to the dancefloor when the new song came on.
Watching you sway and dance alone had Harry’s heart rhythm increasing. Your dress was riding up your legs and you had your arms raised and your eyes closed. It was clear you were just trying to enjoy your time whether or not Gunther was. He was glad you were dancing and doing your own thing.
“Who’s the girl?” Harry’s friend asked as two more guys joined them at the table.
“Y/n. A friend.”
“I bet. You gonna go be her friend again tonight?” Paul’s elbow teasingly poked at Harry’s arm.
Harry nodded, “You know what? Maybe I will. Looks like she could use some company.”
Leaving his beer behind at the table with his mates Harry scanned his eyes back towards Gunther who was still enmeshed in whatever was on his cell phone’s screen. He couldn’t believe the guy wasn’t watching you dance. You were a sight.
Harry wound his way through the crowd before he got close enough that he could get your attention. But your eyes were still closed as you sensually moved your hips and swayed to the beat. He began to dance, only a few feet in front of you as he watched you move and feel the music. He stepped in closer, glimpsing down over the skin on your neck and up to how your lips were slightly parted, a bit of sweat building at your brow line.
And when you finally opened your eyes to see the very man you’d had on your mind it came as quite the surprise. You blinked your lashes at him as he grinned down at you, “Harry?”
Your smile stretched over your face as you continued letting the music guide your movements and he took your hand, gently pulling you closer to breach the space between you, “Hi.”
“Hi,” you gazed up at him like you were in a dream. Was he really here? “What are you doing here?”
He laughed and moved his hand to your hip, “Came out with some friends,” he glanced toward the table where Gunther was still laser-focused on his phone, “I see you’ve come with someone as well.”
You followed his gaze and then looked back up at him, “Yeah. Was trying to give him one more shot.”
Harry’s big hand had a firm grip on your hip as you both moved away from the sight of Gunther, still dancing, “One more shot? You think he’s worth it?”
Shaking your head you laid your palm over his chest, “I don’t know. Just wanted to see.”
Harry let out a laugh and shook his head, “You think he’s gonna satisfy you? Or you think you’ll be left wanting once again?”
You felt your face warm up as you shook your head no and shrugged.
“Then why are you here with him, Y/n?”
You shrugged again and looked down at the collar of his shirt, “Just wanted to see if a night out would make it better.”
Harry pulled his free hand around the back of your hip and ducked his head down to your line of sight, “And look at him over there. Not paying you the attention you deserve. If it were me I’d be out here dancing with you and showing you off to everyone.”
You laughed, that smile he was searching for back on your face again, “You are technically out here dancing with me.”
“See? I say what I mean. You’re too special to waste your night with him. You planning on leaving here with him after?”
“Don’t think so. I mean look at him… he doesn’t care if I’m here or not. He probably just wants his blow job and he’s suffering through all this just to get his balls drained,” you laughed and covered your mouth with your free hand. You didn’t know what’d gotten into you saying that but you didn’t regret it when Harry let out a loud guffaw.
“It’s cause you’re so good, Y/n,” Harry ran his hand up your spine to wrap his fingers along the back of your neck, and he ducked his mouth close to your ear to speak, “You know that right? How good you are? Got me all flustered right now thinking about it. Don’t go back with him. He’s not worth it.”
Your eyes fluttered when you felt his warm breath on your ear and down your neck. You loved what he was saying to you but you also knew he was probably just being nice. Like he was to everyone. Like he had been to that girl he let stay over after you. While you were pining over him he was fucking another.
Not that you had any right to be jealous. There were no strings in this relationship.
“I think I’ll just get an Uber back to my place. That’s what I was planning anyway,” you turned in to respond to him.
Harry moved you to the rhythm slowly and the feel of his hands on you was exciting. But you didn’t want to get caught up in how it all felt because you knew you’d just get attached to him. He was so nice and so good and being with him had you feeling like you were special to him. Though, you knew the truth. You were just like everyone else.
Except that every time you looked into his eyes it was deep and there was a well of emotion or something that couldn’t just mean nothing. But maybe that was just you being the silly optimist that you were.
“Can’t believe he didn’t give you anything,” his gaze seared over your face, “Can’t believe he wouldn’t want to.”
You felt his hand gently squeeze the back of your neck and his heart was pumping healthily under your palm. He ducked down again, his voice vibrating off the shell of your ear and the heat of his body enveloping yours, “He’s missing out because you’re so sweet. Feel lucky I got to taste you and he never has. Might sound selfish but I hope you don’t let him.”
You panted when his lips grazed over your earlobe and then he planted a hot kiss to the skin just underneath, “Let me have you again. Come back to mine and I’ll make sure you’re taken care of. Want to taste you and feel, Y/n. Missed you…”
Your brain was blurry as he smudged his lips down your neck. Your skin pricked in delight at the cool air that hit every damp spot left behind by his mouth.
“What the fuck?”
Your little bubble burst when you heard Gunther’s voice. Harry kept his arm around your low back, continuing to hold you close.
“Dude… what is this?”
“It’s… Gunther this is Har–“
“I don’t care who he is. Why is he dancing with you and kissing you?”
“That’s a good question,” Harry responded, “You should have been out here with her but you were too interested in your phone to notice that someone else was enjoying her company and paying attention to her like she deserves.”
Gunther laughed and stumbled forward, trying to pry Harry’s hand from your waist, “Come on…”
“Go home, Gunther,” Harry moved you behind his back and stood tall to look down on your date.
Gunther looked at you, dumbfounded, “Is this guy for real?”
You nodded and grabbed onto Harry’s arm, “Yeah. You should leave and get some rest. I think you’ve had too much to drink. I’m sorry–“
“Don’t apologize to him. He should have been acting like your date.”
“So, you’re not coming back to my room with me? My roommate’s out all night, Y/n…”
Shaking your head you stepped next to Harry, “No. I’m not. I think I’m just gonna go home myself–“
Harry looked down at you, “You sure you want to go home?”
“Fine. This was a lame date, anyway,” Gunther laughed and pointed at you, “Don’t call me again.”
Rolling your eyes as your date walked off you looked back up at Harry who was still looking down at you with a confused expression, “You really don’t want to come with me?”
You swallowed and let go of his arm, “It’s not that… It’s just kind of complicated and a mess of things I don’t want to explain…”
Harry took your hand, “Try me.”
You shook your head as you both moved away from the crowd of swaying bodies, “This isn’t a therapy session, Harry. I have real feelings and I’m not cut out for casual like some people.”
He followed you toward your table where you had left your purse. You wanted to make sure you got it before anyone else did.
“What does that mean, Y/n? Talk to me.”
When you pulled your purse over your shoulder you shrugged as you looked up at him, “Come on Harry. You know what I mean. You and I are in different leagues. You are having fun and sleeping with all these people, which you’re totally allowed to do! And I barely have any experience and was even so desperate that I went out with Gunther again in hopes of some kind of connection–“
“Hey,” Harry softly grabbed your face and let the pads of his thumbs graze over your cheekbones, “You and me have a connection. And there are no leagues, Y/n… that’s something made up.”
You puffed out a laugh but you really wanted to melt into him, at his soft touch, “But we’re looking for different things, Harry. And that’s fine, really… I should go…” You began to walk toward the exit and Harry followed you out the doors.
The silence and the darkness outside were only tempered by the streetlights with the noise of a car passing and the bass of the music coming from inside the bar you’d just walked out of.
“I hope you don’t think I took your company for granted, Y/n. I really, genuinely like you. Haven’t stopped thinking about you since our last night together.”
You nodded with a faint smile, “That’s nice to hear. I know you’re a super nice guy, Harry. And I hope this doesn’t sound rude or anything… but it’s just hard for me to really believe you were thinking much of me afterward. I imagine you stay booked and busy.”
Harry’s brows stitched together, “Booked and busy? I don’t just have lots of girls over all the time, Y/n. I am a busy man though. I’m in my coursework program and working on my thesis. I’m not just fucking around all the time. Haven’t had anyone over since you, actually.”
You narrowed your eyes at him, “No? What about a pretty blond who stayed the night with you? I’m guessing it was last week?”
He shook his head, “Had no one over last week.”
“Really?” You looked down at the concrete sidewalk and wondered if you’d gotten it wrong. You swore it sounded like she had just seen him the way she was talking.
Harry pulled your hand into his, “You’re the last girl I had over. Was supposed to see someone the other day but I canceled. Wasn’t feeling it anymore.”
You sighed, “I mean… obviously you can do what you want and see who you please. I’m just… my point is that I’m worried about getting attached. You’re good at casual and I’m not. So… seeing you again might be fine for you but for me, it holds so much more meaning. It’s just how I’m programmed. I can’t help it.”
He nodded and bit the inside of his cheek. He didn’t know why that little confession had his heart twisting, “I see. So you wouldn’t want to see me again then?”
“It’s not that I wouldn’t want to. I think you’re fun and we had a really good time but I don’t know if I can handle being one of the many. When I overheard someone talking about sleeping with you…” you shook your head, “I was sick to my stomach even though I have no right to feel that way. Does that make sense? And I’m not like saying,” you gestured your arms about, “… that I’m already attached or anything. It’s just I am not cut out for being with someone who’s also sleeping with others. So it’s better to cut our losses. My losses… before I actually get hurt.”
Harry could understand that. He’d dealt with this before. Girls getting jealous of other girls. And so then at that point, it was time to part ways as amicably as possible. Because Harry was a single man and not ready for commitments like that. His only commitments were finishing his thesis, getting his doctorate, and working toward opening his own practice one day. That was where his heart was. Not with any one girl who might come along. Perhaps one day he’d settle down. After he met all his life’s goals first.
But looking at you and your pretty eyes, the ones that had him in a trance, the ones he couldn’t stop thinking about that had him canceling on another girl… well he was quite torn. He didn’t know what he was feeling exactly. All he knew was that he had a plan, a path he’d forged and would continue on until he got what he wanted. And never in that plan did he imagine meeting someone along the way who could disrupt any part of that.
“I wish you’d reconsider.”
You shook your head as you looked at his soft green irises, wondering if that would be the last time you’d get to see them up close. You wanted to repeat his words to him. I wish you’d reconsider. Because that’s what it would take. You couldn’t do casual and you’d drive yourself mad knowing he was sleeping with others. There was nothing wrong with Harry. In fact he was quite astonishing and impressive. But that would only make the eventual parting even worse for you and so you figured it was better this way. It would be nice to have him again but you’d just be falling deeper into that hole. You knew yourself all too well.
Your Uber had arrived and you smiled up at Harry, “I can’t. I found myself thinking about you too much and just imagining how it’d be if we did more… I’d really be a mess. But truly, you’ve been so great, Harry. I wish you all the best.”
You climbed into the back of the black Toyota and Harry thought he should stop you. He thought he should climb in after you and tell you that you were making a mistake. That he really didn’t know what he was doing but he couldn’t just let you leave like that. He could figure it out if he did it with you.
But God, what was he thinking? Why would he do that? He didn’t know you well enough to be making such big decisions that could derail the very rigid plans he’d already made for himself. So he let you go. He watched as the car took you down the street until you were out of sight completely and he felt like something was missing. For the first time ever there was a pit in his gut, an obstruction that had him faltering. Had he just fucked up? Or had he done something that was for the better?
He honestly didn’t know.
. . .
The university you attended was like a small town. Thousands of people attended classes and milled about the campus every day. And despite how many people there were gossip was quickly and easily spread. It shouldn’t have surprised you because if there was one thing a college girly was good at, it was gossiping and learning more details about gossip they heard. And who happened to be one of the most talked about grad students on campus? To your utter dismay, the name of one of the most popular and attractive guys at university was Harry Styles. You’d never paid much attention to it before you met him. But now every time his name came up you were all ears.
Now you didn’t go believing all the things you heard in general. Most gossip was easy enough to ignore or brush off as inconsequential or probably a downright lie. But your ears did perk up when you were at a frat party and you heard Harry’s name mentioned. And the only reason you even heard it was because your roommate was chatting with a girl who was talking about him.
“Yeah, I guess Harry’s been seeing people but not doing anything with them. Like he brings them to his place or whatever and then he just freezes and apologizes but Lora said, and I’m just saying what I heard from her, that he really liked some chick and she didn’t want to see him again and he can’t get over her or something?”
“That’s interesting. I heard he canceled on someone a month ago- Amy’s friend who hung out with him once. So maybe this has been going on since then?”
Your roommate turned to look at you, narrowing her eyes and you knew what she was thinking. But even if the part about him being upset over some “chick” was true, certainly that had nothing to do with you.
“I heard the same thing,” another girl chimed in, “My brother is in a class with him and he said Harry’s been kind of down I guess.”
“Your brother takes note of his mood?” One of the girls laughed.
“Oh yeah. Only because I ask about him. When I found out he had a class with Harry I was like tell me everything!” She laughed.
You had a feeling that most of what you were hearing was false. Harry was so confident and just having a good time you couldn’t imagine he’d freeze up around anyone like that.
As the night went on, the frat house became packed with people. Dancing bodies, music, drugs, alcohol, hookups… You were there for the dancing and alcohol part. Your roommate had her eye on the debate team champ, Alex, and was hoping to get lucky finally (they’d been kind of playing a cat-and-mouse game that she was ready to finish once and for all).
You kept your drink in hand the whole time. Only refilling when necessary and trying not to get too wasted. That was never cute and it was also dangerous. But you loved dancing and letting loose with others who were just as bad at dancing as you were. It was fun to not worry about what you looked like because no one really cared.
Except that when you heard Gunther’s voice from behind you and felt his sticky hand on your arm you wanted to vomit, “Look so good, Y/n…”
He was drunk. His voice was slurred and you were annoyed at his presence. You pulled away from him but being the nice girl you were you smiled and made small talk for a bit as you kept moving your hips to the music.
“Come back to my room again tonight. Miss this mouth,” he plucked at your lip and you swatted his hand away, the smile on your face dropping instantly. No more nice girl.
“No thanks.” You turned to leave the area where everyone was dancing to get away but he followed behind.
“Oh, come on. You love sucking me off. You’re so good at it too.”
Finally. A compliment. But of course, it was too little too late and certainly not the time nor the place for such words. Besides, you were no longer attracted to him, and no matter what angle he tried it wasn’t going to work.
“Go away, Gunther!” You suddenly snapped at him and he stopped mid-stride and looked at you like you had two heads with horns.
He lifted his hands in surrender, “Okay. Fine. Jesus.”
You turned to make your way to the kitchen for a refill when you saw something that made your heart drop and your stomach bubble in gross shock. It was Harry Styles dancing slowly behind some cute girl, his arms wrapped around her front, leaning down to her shorter height and he was kissing the side of her neck.
Your Harry. The one who had you all gooey and giddy after that “session”. The one who kissed your neck not that long ago. You wished he was dancing behind you like that. You wished you hadn’t been so sensitive and that you could throw caution to the wind and not care that he was sleeping with others. You wished you could have just given in that night at the bar and gone back to his… But you said no to him. And now here he was with someone else.
You gulped and turned to go to the bathroom instead, Gunther still eyeing you up from the spot where you’d left him.
You stayed in the bathroom for a bit. Not wanting to go out and see Harry and the cute brunette dancing. You knew she was in for a treat later on. But that should have been you. Pouting at yourself in the mirror you felt ridiculous. You knew what it was with Harry. That he was a free and single man and could do as he pleased. You really had no right to feel upset over what you’d seen. He’d done nothing wrong.
Dumping out the last bit of your drink in the sink you figured maybe it was just time to leave. You didn’t want to have to deal with Gunther nor did you feel like seeing Harry all over someone else. Perhaps tonight was just not going to be your night.
As you opened the bathroom door a figure stood in the way and your immediate thought was that Gunther had followed you but as you trailed your eyes upward it was clear the man was taller and you didn’t miss the nail polish on his fingers when he gripped the door. Everything stopped. The music, the air around your body, your heart…
“Y/n…” That deep voice spoke your name like it belonged on his tongue.
You looked up at him, removing your hand from the doorknob, and gave him a confused smile, “Hi Harry. What are you doing?”
He seemed off. Not drunk but maybe not quite sober either? You weren’t sure what to make of his behavior as he pulled the door open and stepped into the bathroom, closing it behind himself.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he stepped in toward you, your bottom hitting the edge of the porcelain sink, “Nothing makes sense lately. Just want to go back to how things were but I can’t. S’like I’ve got some kind of block. Something’s missing…”
You shook your head, not really understanding what he was talking about as he continued.
“I don’t know what’s going on in my head. Are you really still with Gunther?” He looked hurt. Wounded almost.
“No. After that night at the bar, I haven’t talked to him. He just happened to be here.”
“You were dancing with him.”
“Well, not really. I was dancing and then he came up behind me. I was just being nice talking to him but then he said something and…” you scoffed, “Why does it matter? You were dancing with someone else. And you were all over her. You should be out there with her enjoying yourself, Harry.”
“Can’t. Haven’t been able to enjoy anyone. Don’t want to anymore. Every time I do this now I just… can’t.”
“But you were. You were kissing her neck, having fun. Looked quite cozied up to her, Harry. I imagine she’s waiting for you to return right now.”
“I mean I can’t lie to myself anymore. I’ve been kidding myself. I can never go through with it. I don’t want her. That was just a show. When I saw you with him… it’s dumb. I don’t know what I’m doing, Y/n.”
You sighed and scanned his face. He did seem down, “So why are you here in the bathroom with me? Did you want to talk to me? Is there something I can do?”
Truly you were racking your brain trying to figure out why he was there and why he was telling you everything he was. Now you weren’t a dumb girl, but you would never have assumed what he was about to tell you in his next breath.
“Yes. There is something…” he swallowed, his soft green irises fixed on your mouth, “Can you kiss me? Just once more. I just need to see something with you. Is that okay?”
You felt dizzy. Felt confused. Felt your breaths shallow as he looked back into your eyes, “What? I don’t understand. Why?”
Harry softly brushed his knuckles against yours, “Because I can’t stop thinking about you and every time I try to see someone I just see you. And it’s driving me mad and I don’t understand it really but I just need to know something and I think if I could kiss you maybe it would help clear up the fog in my brain.”
“The fog…” you whispered the words back to him and felt his fingertips against yours. And it was suddenly clear to you what he was saying. You were the one who had him all messed up. The “chick” he couldn’t get over. You didn’t know how it was possible or why but it was and he was begging you with his eyes and his fingertips. The heat of him standing only inches away from you was beckoning you to give in.
When you wound your fingers through his and gently pulled him closer, your lashes fluttering up at him, you saw a light in his eyes, a sparkle of something like wonder and hope and relief. The strange nervous, tense energy you spotted when he first walked into the bathroom with you was suddenly gone.
He brought a hand up to your face, his long fingers curving around to the back of your neck, “It’s okay? I can kiss you, Y/n?”
“Yes. It’s okay, Harry.”
Closing his eyes, a shaky breath fell from his mouth as he relieved his lungs of the pressure in his chest and you braced yourself for his lips on yours but it wasn’t at all what you expected. It wasn’t rushed or filled with filth and lust. It wasn’t slobbery with an excited tongue finding its way into your mouth or teeth colliding in haste.
No. It was filled with warmth and it was soft, slow. He pressed his lips to yours and ran his thumb gently over your cheekbone, inhaling deeply. He squeezed your hand and lulled his lips up and down to the edge of your mouth and delicately swiped his tongue over your bottom lip. The warmth created embers as you parted your lips and ran your tongue against his and your heart lobbed in your chest at the emotion and the meaning you felt pouring from him.
He refused to rush the kiss, slowly opening and closing his lips against and around yours, softly licking and breathing and touching your face and your hand. And when you let out a small whimper the embers caught on fire and his hips were against yours and the fingers at the back of your neck held your face against his as he worshipped your mouth and you felt his nose nudge into yours before he gasped and spoke, keeping his eyes closed, “It’s you. It’s what I want. All I want. I knew it.”
You blinked your eyes open and cupped his jaw, “Harry… what do you mean?”
With his eyes still shut he sighed, “I just mean it’s you that I can’t move on from. I can’t describe it right now but you’ve done something to me and I need more of it.”
In most circumstances, those words would be music to your ears. But you were terrified of getting hurt. Terrified that he was just confused and if you entertained whatever this was he’d realize it wasn’t all that deep and he’d go back to his “tutoring”. Because he had said that when he first got into the bathroom with you. That he just wanted things to go back to how they were. And if you were just a means to an end, well, you didn’t want to be part of that, for your own sake.
“So you’re hoping that now things can go back to how they were before me? Yeah?”
Harry’s eyes opened and he looked down at you, shaking his head, “No. They can’t. I can’t. That kiss, Y/n… Was exactly what I thought. Can we get out of here? Go somewhere and talk?”
He was convincing. How could he not be? His irises were brighter and greener than they were before you kissed him and the thumb he smoothed over your jaw and to your earlobe had you melting, relenting. So you nodded to him and said your goodbyes to the two friends you arrived at the party with, following him outside, keeping your hand in his the whole time.
Your dorm room was closer so you decided to go there and it was like you were walking through a scene in some surreal movie that you couldn’t wait to find out what the ending was going to be. But before you could even get to your dorm, Harry had you against the wall at the art building, and the rush and the lust that you hadn’t quite gotten earlier in the bathroom was suddenly burning all around you.
Wet lips and hasty, shaky hands, hips pasted together away from the streetlamp that illuminated the sidewalk only feet from you… A heart-racing blur. Nipped lips and stifled moans, heaving chests…
And then a hurry to get to your building and find your way up to your room before the dizzy haze of Harry enveloped you again and it was all-consuming. You couldn’t peel yourself away from him and his lips found your neck and your skin and you pushed your hand under his shirt to touch his warm chest.
But he parted from you with a gasp, his chest rising and falling so rapidly his lungs were likely struggling to keep up.
“I’m sorry. That… Y/n I just really really like you.”
Pulling your hand from his chest you nodded at him and shifted on your bed so you could sit to your bottom next to him, “I like you too, Harry.” Obviously.
He ran a hand through his hair and nodded as he looked down at his lap and then dragged your hand over his thigh, sliding his fingers between yours, “I mean I want to be with you. I can’t even think about anyone else. I don’t want anyone else.”
You watched as Harry drew his fingers over your knuckles and between your digits then pressed his palm against yours.
“But… so you don’t want to like have what you had before? Like all the girls and the… you know,” you breathed out a laugh that was full of nerves, “The sessions? Weren’t you just having fun?”
He shook his head and turned to look at you, “It was fun. But it wound up just being kind of empty after a bit. Didn’t really get what I was looking for. I mean at first, I didn’t even know what I was looking for. But you know how you said you gave Gunther one last shot because you were hoping for some kind of connection?”
You nodded as you worried your bottom lip between your teeth, wondering where he was going with all of it. Was he really about to say what you thought he was?
“I realized that’s what I was looking for. And you… Y/n there’s just this thing with you. I never connected with someone like that before. I never felt so… I can’t like describe…” he paused as he collected his thoughts, “Breathless? Or like… achy here,” he lifted a hand to his chest over his heart, “It’s this stinging dread, just a hopeless feeling. I never cared if someone didn’t want to see me again. But I cared a lot when you didn’t want to. It hurt.”
Those were the kinds of feelings you felt when you liked someone who didn’t like you back. It was that exact description that you were worried about with Harry. You were worried you’d feel all that and then he’d be with someone else the next week. It was for fear of that very thing. But he was feeling it. That devastation.
“I understand exactly. That’s why I didn’t want to see you again. Because I was worried I’d start to feel that too. And it hurts so much that it was easier to part ways before it got to that point. So I get it.”
“I don’t want to do it anymore. With anyone else. I’m done. And I’m so close to what I want… my degree. So I thought it was too much to focus on just one person but I think I was wrong. It’s a lot of work having people come and go. Maybe it’s better to just have someone I can trust and someone who’s there for me. Just one person who I feel a real connection with.”
You swallowed the lump down your throat and your tummy was in knots. It truly did feel like you were in a surreal movie scene all dreamy and untidy with bursts of vivid colors and soft stringed music slowly intensifying as the minutes drew on.
“Would you want that with me? To see what happens? I’m not saying it would be like a fairytale or anything but like… just a normal relationship. Get to figure out what this is between us and learn about each other. Just the two of us.”
“So, me and you?”
“Yeah. Me and you. Not something casual. I’d only want to see you.”
You hadn’t imagined your night going in this direction and it still felt like you were about to have a director enter your room and yell cut! It didn’t quite feel real but it was. Harry was sitting next to you on your bed with his hypnotizing bright green eyes on you, caressing your fingers and your palm with his.
“Okay. Yeah,” you breathed out your words and Harry’s pink lips turned upward in a boyish smile complete with adorable dimples and you couldn’t help but return the expression but it only lasted for a second or two before his lips were pressed against yours again.
Everything about him was intoxicating. His body against yours, his hands on your face and squeezing your hip as he laid you both down in your small bed. You wrapped your arms around him as he ran his tongue over the seam of your lips and it turned into something dirty and desperate, your hands grabbing at him and his fingers trailing under your shirt.
He squeezed at your bum, your jeans blocking him from feeling you unencumbered and then he parted from the kiss, his hair all wild and strewn about from your fingers, “Can we do this here? Is your roommate coming back?”
You looked at the clock on the table at the side of the room and it was well past 2 in the morning. You honestly weren’t sure if she was coming back but you knew she had hopes of going back to Alex’s place. But you also didn’t care. At least not in that moment with Harry right there with you, his scent all over your body, his jeans unzipped, and his shoes somewhere in your room.
“I don’t know. She might be out all night. Just… If she comes back we’ll cover up,” you laughed. You had once again lost your mind. Harry seemed to have you in some lusty trance you couldn’t break. Didn’t want to break.
Harry ducked down to kiss your neck as he fit himself between your legs, the bed squeaking under the sudden shift of weight. You could feel his open pants against your hip. You’d gotten a bit carried away when you were making out and undid them for him, to which he laughed but didn’t stop you. And now, that convenient thing was seductively calling to you as you reached your hand down to push at his pants.
“In a hurry are we?” He looked down at your hand and then at your face.
“Not really. I don’t know. I just want… you.”
Harry’s lids were heavy as he blinked his eyes, “Well you can have me. Whatever you want.”
He pressed the tip of his nose to yours before smearing his mouth against your lips and your fingers were back in his hair once again. Slow and luxurious. Hasty and filthy… Harry kissed you like he didn’t know which way was best. But you were getting fired up from the way he was doing it. You didn’t care, you just wanted it. Wanted his mouth and his tongue, his hands and his body, his moans and his hair between your fingers.
You were hot. Molten underneath him. Your panties were ruined and you were sure he knew what he was doing. Your mind wandered to where you’d put your condoms and then you felt his hands on your hip as he slowly began to slide your shirt upward.
He sat back, plucking at the front of his pants, and then put his hands back on your waist, “Can I get this off? All of it?”
You nodded and grinned with your lip bitten into your mouth as Harry got rid of your t-shirt and then unbuttoned your pants, “You too. Can we get your clothes off too?” You spoke as you lifted your hips and let him peel your jeans down your legs.
Harry grinned at you, “Absolutely. You already did part of the work here anyway,” he laughed as he gestured toward his unzipped pants.
Harry was left in his boxer briefs when the last thing you had to get rid of was your light blue panties. But Harry seemed quite transfixed by the wet spot on the fabric over your pussy. You were so wet the whole of the crotch was clinging to you, outlining what was underneath and Harry slid his thumb over the top of the material and parted his lip before looking up your face, “Fuck.”
You panted softly when he bumped into your clit and pressed over the slick spot, “Does that feel good, Y/n?”
You nodded, “Yeah. That feels good…”
“So warm and wet for me,” he drew his hand up to the elastic waistband and pulled it downward, “Gonna take a closer look. S’that alright?”
You were full of nothing but yes as you knocked your head up and down affirmatively and bounced your gaze from his eyes to where he was disrobing the last bit of material covering you.
He pushed out a quick succession of what sounded like a breathy whistle as he took you in with his eyes, his fingertips holding the soft, mushy part of your inner thighs so you stayed spread, “Fuck. Fuck, honey…” he licked his lips and looked up at you as he ran his thumb through your folds, “Can I have some of this again? Taste…”
He sounded almost as delirious as you felt. Taste… eat… suck… fuck… whatever he wanted. You nodded, “Yes, Harry.”
He leaned over your body, pressing his chest against yours, and kissed your mouth before dragging his lips down your neck and to your tits, stopping to suck and lick each one before he drew his hot mouth downward, sponging kisses over your tummy and to your hips.
Your legs were brought up to drape over his shoulders as he held onto your thighs and then watched you as he licked up from your gushy hole to your clit.
The sounds that fell from your mouth were pitiful. You had an ache that needed to be relieved and it seemed only Harry could do it. Every swipe of his tongue through your crease had you slipping toward the edge of the earth, “Harry…”
You did your best to keep your eyes on his, knowing that’s what he liked but you couldn’t help throwing your head back every time he sucked your clit and rolled it under his tongue. He was better than your clit sucker. He was better than anything or anyone else.
“Mmmm…” your attempt at stifling your moans only goaded Harry even more. He drew his lips over your clit and slid them side to side and the pressure that was building in your tummy had you shaking.
“Will you…” you gasped and pulled at his hair, “Can we have sex?”
You had an immediate urge. A need to feel him closer. Wanted him inside of you right then.
Harry lifted his face from your pussy and licked his lips, “You sure? You’ve had sex before, yeah?”
You laughed and let go of his curls with a nod, “Just with one person. I’m not very good.”
“I’m sure you’re amazing, Y/n,” he sat back, gently placing your legs down and you pushed yourself to sit up.
“I don’t know,” you grinned at him and ran your foot over his thigh, “Maybe you could give me a proper lesson. Think I need tutoring.”
Harry wrapped his palm around your ankle and shot a cheeky eyebrow up, “Oh you need tutoring, do you? Well, you didn’t sign up for a lesson with me. Think you’re just gonna get a freebie?” He laughed.
You shrugged as he lifted himself and began to pull his boxer briefs down his hips. Your eyes focused on his big cock. You couldn’t wait to see what’d feel like inside of you. You were positive he’d be gentle and give it to you good.
“So what are you saying? You charge for your services now?”
Harry pursed his lips to the side and smoothed his hands up your calves, “Teaching is hard work, Y/n.”
“I bet. How about just one last lesson? For me?” You bit your lip, rounding your eyes at him.
“Fine. Just for you.”
“Condoms are in the top drawer,” you pointed to your dresser, “Never been opened.”
He began to move off your bed but then paused, “Never opened?”
“Well, the guy I slept with had his own and we only did it twice so I’ve never used the ones I bought.”
You watched him walk to your dresser to find the unopened box of Trojans. Harry was so fit and masculine and his ass was gorgeous. He was a work of art from behind but when he turned and walked toward you he was angelic. His toned abs and strong thighs, skin littered with tattoos and bits of hair on his pecs, his handsome face, and of course, the heavy, thick organ between his legs, swollen and hard. Just for you.
He kneed up to you on the bed and handed you the wrapper with the condom, “Ever put a condom on a penis before?” He asked as he stroked himself
You shook your head and tore the wrapper open. When you had the rubber in your palm Harry flipped it over, “This side goes on my tip.”
You brought the condom to his tip and looked up at him as you began to roll the rubber downward but he stopped you, “That’s good. But first, pinch the top here, like this,” he brought your fingers to the top of the rubber and pulled at it away from his crown, “Just gives a little space for movement and for my come.”
You gulped at the image in your brain of the condom being filled with his come after orgasm. His shaft was wide and long as the rubber was rolled down as far as it could reach.
You looked up at his face and he was watching you closely with a soft smile, “Very good.”
Harry scooted himself between your legs, his knees butting against the back of your thighs as he smeared his fingers through your folds, “We’ll go slow. I want to make sure everything feels good. When you had sex before, did you come?
You shook your head no.
“And how did you do it? Was he on top?”
You nodded, “Yeah, he was on top of me. It was kind of quick. Both times. I lied and told him I came.”
“Okay. Did he keep your clit stimulated?” He asked as he thumbed at your clit, mushing into it to drive the point home.
You gasped softly, “No. Never touched it.”
“Not even once? What about foreplay?” He circled your bud and the slickness from your pussy began to coat his fingers.
“We just made out and he fingered me and I did get wet. But he never touched… ohhh….” Harry slid two long fingers into your entrance and you looked down to view the spectacle.
His hand was wet with your arousal as he pumped his fingers in and out slowly, “So you’ve just had a string of bad lovers. I’m gonna do my best to make up for it.”
You sighed as he dragged the pads of his fingers along your front wall before pushing them back into his knuckles, “You’re so wet and ready. You deserve to feel good, Y/n. Deserve to have someone care for you.”
You ticked your hips upward slightly and Harry pumped into you a bit harder, the gushy noises of your pussy getting fingered sounded dirty but so good.
When he pulled his fingers from you he held the base of his shaft in his palm and smoothed his free hand up your tummy, “We’ll start off with you on your back. I’m going to go in gently. Okay?”
You nodded and shot your eyes down to his cock and then back up to his face.
“There you go, just keep your eyes on me. Tell me if anything is uncomfortable.”
Harry pulled at your hand and brought your fingertips over your mound, “Rub your clit the way that feels best for you. Okay?”
“Mmhmm…” you nodded and slid your fingers over your nub as you kept your eyes on his.
The initial stretch of your slick muscle around his thick head had you gasping. He inhaled through his teeth and pressed in slowly, “Your body is so turned on. That feels all right, yeah?”
“Yes… feels good.”
“Yeah? Feels good for me too.” He was breathy as he sunk into you and then pulled back a few inches, looking down at where your bodies were connected, half his cock buried inside of you.
And it surprised you how thick he was and how much of him you felt. You’d always heard you don’t feel much when there’s a penis inside of you but Harry’s penis was definitely working into you and spreading your insides apart.
With your fingers delicately running over your bud you moaned, “Oh god… Harry…”
He gripped your thighs and pulled you closer before shifting himself over you, “We’re gonna make sure it feels so good okay? You’re kind of shallow and I can feel the resistance at this spot here,” he rutted in and you gasped, “Like that… depends on where you are in your cycle could be shallower or more space, but I’m only gonna push in as far as is comfortable for you.”
He had his hand on your cheek as he spoke, “Still feels okay right now?”
You nodded, “Yes. You can go deeper. Wanna feel it.”
Harry groaned softly and pressed his lips to yours. You had to pull your hand away from your clit because his pelvis was taking the place of where your fingers were. When he plunged himself in further you felt a delicious pinch and you panted into his mouth.
“Don’t want to hit your cervix. Usually, it’s not comfortable. I’m getting in there pretty deep, though. You okay?”
“Please… it’s okay.” You did want to feel it. Wanted to have him stuff you full and make you ache and burn and wince in pain. The dildo you used always hit your cervix and you didn’t mind the way it felt. Some days you liked it more than others, depending on how horny you were. And in that moment, you’d never been hornier. You wanted to feel him ruin you.
Harry let out a breathy laugh and pushed himself up so he could look into your eyes, “You want to feel it, honey?”
Nodding your head you felt him spread you apart and fuck into you with one deep rut. Your body bounced upward and you gasped.
He stilled his hips and stayed buried inside of you, his hand on your cheek, “That’s it right there, Y/n. Can’t get it in any further. You like that?”
It was obvious you did. The look on your face told him as much. Your eyes were fluttering and your mouth dropped open as you lifted into him, mushing your clit against his solid pelvis, “Mmm yeah…”
Harry swallowed as he watched your features soften then and scrunch with every thrust. He smoothed his thumb over your bottom lip and you licked at the pad of his digit before you wrapped your lips around it and he was in awe of how filthy you really were when he felt your nails dig into his back.
“S’hurt, honey? At all?”
You moaned around his thumb, your eyes blinking up at him, and nodded before hitching your leg up over his hip to indicate you still wanted more, pushing him in closer with the heel of your foot.
So you wanted it to hurt. At least a little anyway. Harry wasn’t going in hard and he wouldn’t. Not yet. Not until he learned exactly what you liked and what your body needed first. But every time he bottomed out you grunted and sucked on his thumb harder and he was losing it.
“Fuck… you’re so hot, Y/n. Look at you with your lips wrapped around my thumb. You just needed something to suck on, didn’t you? And you feel so good around me. So wet and warm, honey…”
You’d never had a man’s fingers in your mouth. You had no idea what you were doing but when Harry slid his thumb over your bottom lip it just came naturally to you. To pull it into your mouth and it was… god it was taking you over the edge. And he seemed to like it as you swiped your tongue around his skin.
But better yet? His cock. You were so full and it was so incredible to have him like that. The other guy you slept with was fine. But now you’d never want “fine” again. Not after this. Not with the way Harry was pulling himself back and then rocking into you, every plunge better than the last. He didn’t pound into you or try to race to the end. He wanted to make it good for you.
He began to pant deeply, his gasps lined with moans as his thrusts became clumsy and he stilled his hips before pulling his thumb from your mouth, “Let’s get you on top. Okay? Wanna watch you ride me and let you take control. Bet you’re gonna be good at it, aren’t you?” His irises scanned your face as he spoke, his thumb at your cheekbone dragging upward.
“I don’t know? I hope so…” you breathed as he nudged himself upward, deeper, “I do wanna be good for you.”
Harry moaned, “Yeah? You are good for me, honey. My favorite. You don’t even realize how good you are but I’m gonna keep telling you til you believe it. Okay?”
Your eyes were heavy and your body was hot. You nodded and let out a breathy, “Okay…”
“That’s right. Now we’ll have you get on top. Wanna watch my pretty girl get herself off on my cock.”
You felt him slide out of you and you looked down at his long condom-covered dick, coated in your juice. Everything smelled of sex as he dipped down and kissed your mouth before climbing next to you and lying down. He pulled at your hips, bringing you over his lap as you placed your palms on his chest and settled your pussy down at the base of his shaft. You wrapped your palm around him and slid it up and down to feel the rigidness of him. He was so hard and thick it made your mouth water.
With his fingers still at your hips he squeezed gently, “Depending on your angle it’s gonna feel very deep. Sometimes it can ache a little bit because I’ll be tucked up into your cervix,” he moved one hand toward the front of your low tummy, “But you can control how deep I get. Can even tilt your pelvis downward which will give your clit more stimulation. Might make it easier for you to come.”
You looked between your legs as you lifted your hips and rocked forward so you could press your entrance over his cock but then you felt his hand on your chin, directing your sight back to him, “Keep your eyes on me. Want to see your face while you’re pushing me inside of your pretty cunt, okay?”
You nodded and began to push yourself down. He fit inside of you so nicely. All snug and warm, packed inside of your guts. Every inch you took you could feel stretching your wall apart.
Keeping your eyes on his you raised your hips upward and then sunk down further to adjust, letting out a puff of breath as your lips parted until your bum was seated on his lap, his cock stuffing you to the brim.
Harry moaned, “Yes. Good fucking girl,” he made sure to praise you as much as he could because he noted how your eyes lit up every time he did it. Pulling at your hips, he brought your pelvis downward, “This is kind of like the starting position. You only need to grind and rub upward, don’t even have to lift off of me. Just slide in toward my belly button,” he pulled at you, causing you to drag upward on his cock but keeping your clit down against his pelvis, “See? Feels good cause you can keep your clit stimulated this way too. Let’s do this for a bit. Just get used to the motion here and do what feels good.”
It was easier than you thought. Your knees and shins were pressed into the mattress along the sides of Harry’s hips as you slid yourself upward. You’d always imagined it being some crazy acrobatic feat where you sat like a frog and bounced up and down like a pornstar. But this? This you could do. And it felt so intimate. Your palms were pressed into his chest, his hands moved down to your ass as he assisted you along his shaft and then back along to his base.
“Tell me how it feels, honey. The look on your face says you like it but want to make sure…”
You rocked your hips, gripping around him and pulling upward with your eyes on his, “It’s… god… it feels so good, Harry…”
“Feels good for me too. Love this angle,” he moved a hand up to your breasts and palmed at your nipples as you continued fucking yourself on him.
When you’d gotten into the movements and found a rhythm you could hear the wetness coming from your pussy every time you slid up and down his cock.
Harry continued smoothing his hand over your tits, “If you really want to feel me deep, lean back a bit.”
Pushing yourself to sit upright you adjusted your hips and the new angle had him deeper than he was before. You hissed as you swiveled your hips and Harry grunted, running his hand back down to your low tummy, “How’s that feel?”
“It’s kind of achy, but feels really good,” you spoke softly, looking into his eyes as you shifted your pelvis.
“God you’re taking me so well, honey… Look so gorgeous on top of me, pretty tits in my face, fucking yourself on my cock... making yourself feel good.”
Everything felt good. You were sure it was because of Harry. All the nice things he was saying had your head spinning and your heart thrashing.
He knew of course that you didn’t need instructions. You might not have had as much experience as he did but sex was something that came naturally for most. And you were so into it and your innate eroticism was shining through your more reserved demeanor.
Harry began to thrust upward, rocking into you, sticking himself in deep. He had one hand caressing your tits and the other pressed into your tummy. You weren’t sure why he was touching your tummy but when he thrust upward into you sharply you cried out and he pressed harder, “Fuck! You’ve got me so deep inside of you, honey. You wanna feel this?”
You reached your hand down to where his was, your hips writhing over him as he punched himself upward and you gasped when you felt the bulge in your tummy under your palm. He did it again and moaned with you, “Oh my god!”
You could feel his cock pressing through you when you put enough pressure on your tummy with your hand.
“Come here,” Harry wrapped his fingers around the back of your neck and pulled you down, making you tilt toward him and smeared his lips against yours. The angle where you could rub your clit on his pelvis was the best. It felt so good and you began to rock yourself over him with whimpers into his mouth.
Harry smiled into the kiss, “Bet you’ve humped your pillow before. So you know how to do this. Sliding over my cock so perfectly, Y/n.”
You pushed your palms into his chest and rolled down over him, hips pasted to his. Your orgasm was already beginning to build and singe in your body as you nodded.
His hands were on your hips as he let you take control and ride him how you wanted, “I knew it. Already have experience with this position, yeah? You wanna come, honey? You gonna fuck yourself on my cock til you’re seeing stars?”
You moaned and nodded with your lips parted.
“That’s right. You already know what to do. Now hump it like a good girl. Show me how you do it, honey…”
Harry’s words were so sweet and yet filled with filth. You loved the way he spoke to you with such care but he could turn it so dirty in a heartbeat. Likening you riding his cock to humping your pillow somehow just pushed you over the edge. And you definitely saw stars as your face twisted up and you choked out his name, “Haaarrry! Harry! Yes!! Ohhhh…”
Your pulsing insides encased Harry’s cock and he let you take what you needed as he moaned and watched your tits bounce and sway with every rock of your hips until his balls were squeezing tight and his throbbing cock couldn’t resist the way you gripped around him.
You didn’t hear Harry’s grunts or his breathy moans as he pumped into you. You didn’t see his face contort in pleasure as he kept his eyes focused on you, the pretty girl coming on his cock. You didn’t take note of how when he’d fully emptied himself into his condom he was still watching you in awe as you were breathlessly panting over him, still coming around him, milking every last bit of him out into the rubber that separated your wet cunt from his thick shaft.
You didn’t notice any of that until you finally caught your breath and felt your body tremble as you looked down at him and felt his fingertips digging into the meat of your hips and saw his heavy eyes watching you. You were going to apologize about how you forgot to look at him when you were coming but he pulled you down over his chest and held you against himself. You could feel his heart beating in his chest and his lungs filling with air on every inhale.
He smoothed his hand down your back and to your bottom, “You okay?”
You puffed out a laugh against his chest. It was funny because obviously you were more than okay. You’d just come so hard your ears were ringing and your vision had nearly gone black just before. Your entire body was limp and wobbly over him as he caressed your bottom and your back.
“Fuck, honey. You came so hard. Did so good.”
You sighed and smiled to yourself as you pushed your hands into his hair, “I did?”
“Mmm… so good, Y/n. Deserve an award for that one.” He chuckled and you could feel the vibrations in his chest against yours.
Smoothing a hand down to his pec you lifted your head to look at him and laughed, “What kind of an award?”
Harry slid his hand up to your face, “One of those gold star stickers teachers use. I think I’ve got a pack of them actually. Could put it on your t-shirt so everyone knows how good you are.”
The filthy grin on his face had you giggling, “You do not have a pack of gold stars. Do you?”
His smirk widened, “I do actually. And I know a girl who loves being praised who I can use them all on. Maybe we’ll even get you an ice cream.”
You shook your head with a smile on your face, “What if I want kitten stickers instead?” You teased.
Harry inhaled and turned his gaze to look at the ceiling before looking back at you, “Actually… I think I have kitten stickers.”
You laughed, making Harry laugh with you.
“Okay then. Tomorrow you owe me some kitten stickers and ice cream.” You would be asking him later why he had stickers in the first place.
Harry softly pinched at your bum, a lazy grin on his face, “Your roommate’s not gonna freak out if she comes back and I’m here?”
“Nah. I don’t see why she would. Long as you’re not naked.”
Harry chuckled, “And you don’t mind if I stay here either?”
“I’d like it if you stayed.”
“Then I’ll stay.”
“Good,” you bit your lip and trailed your fingers over the sparrow tattoos at his clavicle as you gazed into his eyes full of affection.
“Then tomorrow you get kitten stickers and ice cream for being such a good girl.”
“And maybe a little bit more of you too? Since I was so good?”
“Just a little bit more is all you want?”
You laughed through your nose, “Okay a lot more of you then.”
“Okay, it’s settled. Kitten stickers, ice cream, and a whole lot of me.”
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Would ceo Bucky and his girl attend the met gala? If so, any ideas on dresses perhaps!
They would, nonnie! As far as the dress, it would depend on the theme. Are we talking recent theme, a past theme, or a made up general theme?
Goes With the Theme
Pairing: CEO!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader
Summary: Bucky thinks his suit goes with a gala theme. You slightly disagree.
Word Count: Over 1.2k
Warnings: Established relationship, banter, flirting, implied sex, implied breeding, brief mention of past insecurities and bad ex, slight feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?) and he worships you.
A/N: I blame @whisperlullaby and @targaryenvampireslayer. Before our couple has Cupcake and Bean. ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
Bucky refused to tell you in advance what he was wearing to the upcoming gala. He said something about him wanting to surprise you. Of course, he knew exactly what you were wearing since he wanted the designer to make you a gown fit for a queen. He would’ve thrown in a tiara if you asked. It was too much, really.
But if you asked Bucky, nothing was too much for you.
The amount of money spent was just about worth it when he exited the bathroom and looked ready to drop to his knees when you spotted you in your dress. The colors suited you. The fit was like a glove. It was a work of art, really.
“Fuck,” Bucky whispered, his eyes turning a darker shade of blue as you carefully twirled. It was exactly the reaction you wanted. “How exactly am I supposed to keep my hands off you tonight? A man can only take so much.”
“Because a lot went into this dress and you’re not allowed to tear apart,” you smiled before you took in his appearance.
Bucky Barnes turned head wherever he went and the head to toe black ensemble would be no exception. The slicked back hair was a good look on him and there was no denying that your man knew how to accessorize. He also wore enough custom suits for you to know what did and didn’t suit him. He would never fail to make you stop in your tracks from a single stare.
The man never missed a thing though, regarding you carefully as you stared. “You don’t like what I’m wearing,” he stated.
“No, I love it,” you assured him. And you did. You didn’t want him to think otherwise since the man could turn a paper bag into a thing of art and beauty if he chose to. “It’s just…”
“Just what?” He asked, holding his jacket open so you could get a glimpse of the shirt beneath molded to his torso. “I think I look good.”
You blinked and took a breath so you could answer him. Why did he have to be so distracting? “Not like you need the ego boost, but yes. You do look good,” you said. His smirk almost made you lose your breath again. “But does it really go with the theme?”
“What?” He shrugged. “Isn’t the theme ‘floral’?”
“It is and flowers are usually bright,” you pointed out. “You couldn't have gone with a floral jacket?”
“This is my interpretation of the theme.” He pointed to one of the black flowers. “Besides, this is a flower and it’s on my jacket. Therefore, it's a floral jacket.”
You tried not to smile. It was tough to argue with that logic. “Okay. Yes. There are flowers on your jacket, but-”
He cut you off with a smug smile. “So, I'm right.”
And wasn’t it just like a CEO to argue like this? And wasn’t it just like you to enjoy it? “You’re utterly ridiculous,” you giggled, gesturing to yourself. “Not to mention, I'm pretty much wearing the opposite of you!”
“And people will still know we’re together, Mrs. Barnes,” he winked. You loved being his wife. “Do you know why I wore this?”
“Enlighten me.”
“Because a black suit? Any man can wear one. I’ll blend in with the crowd. But you in your gown? All eyes will be on you, as they should be,” he explained, your cheeks hot as he swept his gaze over you. “And I know I won’t take my eyes off you for a second tonight.”
“Oh,” you breathed, clearing your throat at the unexpected tears that clogged it. Your ex tried to make you feel bad about your body when all Bucky wanted to do was celebrate and worship it. More than that, he saw your beauty beneath the surface. “Thank you.”
Though you wanted to argue that Bucky wouldn’t blend in with the crowd. It wasn’t possible. He was too striking for that with his blue eyes and jawline. Too dominant with his large body. And too well known.
He didn’t care about that kind of attention. He was the kind of man who wanted to show you off. Not as a prize or because you were his, but because he loved you.
His eyes softened before they went dark again. “Fuck, you are so beautiful. A goddess,” he said, his voice rough as he stepped toward you. “We may not even make the gala.”
As much as his compliment warmed your heart, boosted your confidence, and dampened your panties, you shook your head. “Oh, no. Don't you even think about it. Do you know how long it took me to get into this dress? That doesn’t include perfecting my makeup. We are going.”
You nearly lost your nerve when he groaned and took another step toward you. That sound was one of your favorites, especially when it was your mouth, hand, or pussy drawing it out of him. “Cupcake, you’re always a vision. You don’t need a fancy dress or a stitch of makeup to be beautiful,” he said, licking his lips. “And you don’t need to wear a stitch of clothing right now either.”
“No.” You firmly pointed a finger at him. You were lucky he didn’t grab your wrist to kiss it. “You promised we'd make an appearance and the last thing you need to do is tell people we didn't show because you couldn't keep it in your pants for a few hours.”
The kicked puppy dog expression was one you had seen on Steve Rogers before, but it was adorable on Bucky. You held your chin high because you’d fall into his arms if you didn’t. “Fine,” he conceded, gripping your chin with infinite care. “But I make no promises that I'll behave in the limo on the way home.”
You’d enjoy your small victory over your handsome CEO and husband for the time being because he’d make you pay for it in the best way later. “Yes, Boss.”
“My perfect wife,” he whispered, delicately moving his hand along the column of your throat. Did he feel how fast your heart beat? “I may just have to knock you up before the night’s over, Mrs. Barnes.”
Your womb clenched at his words, imagining the filthy things he’d grunt in your ear as he bred you. It was almost enough to make you skip the gala, but why not build up the anticipation? “I’ll be disappointed if you don’t, Mr. Barnes,” you said, moving close enough for your lips to touch his.
The breath that rushed out of his lungs was like a kiss, teasing what would come before the night was over. “Don’t tease me, Cupcake.”
“Who said I was teasing you, Boss?” You murmured, pulling back before he could kiss you properly. “Time to go.”
He swore under his breath as he adjusted his pants. You were the only one who could get under his skin. “I’ll knock you up in the limo. Don’t test me.”
Your smile widened. What Bucky didn’t know was that underneath your dress was one of his favorite lacy floral numbers. A surprise and reward for him going to the gala. It would make him fall a little bit more in love with you once he undressed you.
Plus, it went with the theme.
“Looking forward to it.”
Another out of order AU. I'm so sorry, lovelies. And sorry to the nonnie for not fully answering the question! Love and thanks for reading! ❤️
Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi
#navybrat writes#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x f!reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#ceo!bucky barnes#ceo!bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes fic#x reader#bucky x reader#bucky x female reader#bucky fanfic#james buchanan barnes#sebastian stan#sebastian stan x reader#bucky barnes oneshot#boss and cupcake
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Hi I have a request for zombie Steve! I’d love to hear the story of how they met 🫶🏻
zombie!au —You rescue Steve at the start of the end of the world. fem, 2.4k
The sound of them makes your throat close up. Fear like a knife held too tight in unwilling hands, the heat. It’s the hottest summer Hawkins’ has had for years, and you’re overdressed. You couldn’t fit your favourite hoodie in your bag so you wore it but it doesn’t matter, you lost your bag somewhere in the school gymnasium. You’re lucky you didn’t lose your leg when that thing grabbed you. What were they calling them on the radio? Something starting with G.
Those… things, they can kill people. You saw it just ten minutes ago, your algebra teacher turned to a creature, Maisie Lewinsky from your homeroom stained with gore under her hands.
You press the back of your hand to your mouth to stifle a hot gasp. What are you supposed to do now? The Hawkins station said everyone would be waiting here, a repeat radio message, but by the time you heard it the sun was going down and there was nobody left. No cars, no promised convoy, nobody.
You’re the last living girl left in Hawkins.
You’re gonna die in here.
Terrified of breathing to loud but spooked that staying will seal your fate, you lift yourself up from the floor of the science lab to peer over a high table. There’s no signs of life. No signs of the dead, either. You’d thought this might be a good place to hide, the thick fire door unbreakable, but you can’t stay here. It’ll be dark soon.
You wish you had your stuff. They’ve for sure taken anything worth eating from the cafeteria kitchens and Bradley’s has been empty for days. You aren’t sure where your next meal is coming from. Fuck, you’re already dead—
“Fuck!” a voice echoes, boyish and terrified from somewhere outside of the door. “Fuck! Get the fuck away from me, holy shit!”
He sounds scared but firm at the same time. Your own fear is like the insufferable heat, riding the back of your neck as you creep toward the door. There’s gotta be more of them outside. That must be why whoever it is that’s shouting sounds so depeserate. But fuck, there’s relief too. There’s someone still here.
“Fuck! Jesus, help me!”
“Okay,” you say unsurely.
You wedge open the door to the science lab and poke your head out cautiously. There’s a dull thudding sound somewhere to the left, metallic screeching further down, but the panicked shouting (and now panicked yelping) is coming from outside.
You look around for a weapon. There’s nothing to take.
“Holy fuck I do not wanna die!”
Me neither, you think, sniffling back your worried tears. You don’t wanna die, you just want your bed. You want to be home, and safe, but there’s no one to look after you anymore, and you can’t just let people die ‘cos you’re scared. You run from the science lab to the fire escape door full pelt, arm in sudden hot pain at the collision, but the door gives and swings hard into the adjourning wall. You look around frantically for the source of the shouting as it bounces off of the exterior walls of the school and the stone floor of the courtyard, heart suddenly afloat in your chest.
“Hello?” you shout. “I’m here, I’m–”
“What the fuck!”
It’s said with such horrified anger that you give pause, even as your hands shake, cold sweat wetting your lip and colder in the rare afternoon breeze. You dart toward the shouting a moment later, and maybe you’re too late, you can’t save anybody, your shoes pinch as you race down the few concrete steps that lead to the parking lot.
Snarling curdles the air. Your neck snaps left, away from the cars and open territory and toward the subject of your nightmares these last few days. You’ve seen glimpses of these things, always too scared to stay and help, always too stupid, too weak, and seeing them now cements it.
A group of geeks grab at a boy where he hangs from the bars of a metal staircase leading up to the roof of the building. You run toward it on instinct but stop before they hear you, eyes wide. His hands are white-knuckled, his hair falling down into his face, but you know who it is now you’re close enough to see him. You could recognise Steve Harrington a thousand feet away.
“Hey!” you shout. “Hey! Over here!”
Why did you say that? Why are you yelling? The geeks turn their heads to easier pray and you’re done for —they start to run. You stumble back in terror.
“My bag! Get my bag, get the knife!” Steve shouts.
You swing yourself around in a huge circle. There, further into the lot, lies a bag. Further past it lies a wooden baseball bat spiked with fifty silver nails.
You sprint past the bag to the bat and try to grab it while you’re still running, knees grazing hot white fire on the tarmac and hands like acid as you force yourself up again, running further, putting space between you and the too fast footsteps that follow. When you’re sure you’ll have room you swing to see them, their maws dripping gore over white buttoned shirts and once prim blouses. There must be ten of them at least. Only two stay to snap their jaws at Steve Harrington where he attempts to climb up the stairs from the bottom, his foot dangerously close to bloodied teeth.
You pull the bat back as the first of the creatures reaches you. With a grunt more terror than exertion, you force the bat forward, wood arcing through the air, shiny nails catching the light of the setting sun and slamming downward into flesh.
Your eyes flare as wide as they’ve ever been. The geek stops cold and drops, your strangling grip on the bat forcing it up out of the mash of his brains. Another geek leaps over him as you scramble back.
“Run!” Steve yells from the stairs, stress stretching his voice thin and high. “Run away!”
You drop the bat and sprint for your life. Down into the parking lot, past a handful of locked cars and suitcases discarded. This must’ve been where everybody was before they left. There couldn’t have been room. Boxes and trophies, books, magazines and toys, all manner of possessions string like a breadcrumb trail down the road that you have to avoid. You run until your calves are burning over the road that will lead toward Hawkins middle, where you throw yourself into the woods, and hope without any real hope that they’re empty.
Grass folds under your feet. Your panting is as loud as your heart.
When the only shallow breathing you can hear is your own, you circle back to the High School, sticking to the shadows so as not to attract any more attention. A few geeks have collected to join the two you’d left behind, and for a second you’re sure Steve’s succumbed to fatigue and fallen into their blackened clutches, but you spot him balancing dangerously on a handrail between two sets of stairs, leg pulled back in preparation to kick any opposition away.
You sweep up the bat and try to make a plan. You were never going to be able to handle that many people before, not with their new mutations, but you can handle four. Maybe. Probably not.
“Steve, what do I do?” you call. “You have to tell me what to do.”
“You came back!” He swears and shimmies further up the railing as one of his attackers finally manages to traverse the blocked up staircase. “I don’t know what to do! Just hit at them until they die!”
It’s easy for him to say. They’re gruesome creatures, the faces of people you once knew but none of their humanity. They can run as fast as any person can. A human bite has alarming force behind it. The voice on the radio warned you that what you’re trying to do is a bad idea, and yet. You roll the bat in your hand. Your chest aches as hard as your dry throat.
The first geek goes down easy. Unsuspecting, you manage to whack it in the back of the head hard and break through soft skull. The second turns to see you just as you’re lifting the bat again, and it runs hard into it as it comes down, killing itself.
The third is where things get tricky.
“Fuck,” you mumble, lifting your bat to find a sloughing of cartilage and tissue stuck between the spines. “Oh, fuck,” you moan.
“Be careful!” Steve shouts.
You step back and trip, nearly falling. “Stay away from me!”
It snarls in response. Eyes clouded, the geek is a little slower than the others, and it follows you sluggishly away from Steve. The fourth remains, snapping, but you can’t keep watch.
“Stay away from me!” you warn again.
Steve swears on the railing, his cursing followed by a wet thunk.
The geek doesn’t listen, it bites.
You pull your arms to the side, hands wrapped tight around the base of the bat and ready to swing. With a huge, aching cry, you swing the bat to the side and knock the nails clean into its cheek.
It doesn’t die.
Fuck fuck fuck! You throw yourself to the floor by the geek’s feet and out of its reach, on knees, on your feet again, scrambling toward Steve’s bag. You glance over your shoulder as your knees slam down hard into the floor, never so scared in your life, horrified as the bat stays stuck between tendons and the geek takes a running jump toward you.
You pull the knife from Steve’s bag and hold it out in front of you, squeezing your eyes closed in terror.
“Fuck, hey!”
You scream as the weight of the geek lands on top of you. You scream like it’s taking bites of you, until your throat burns and there’s no sound left to make and you choke on it instead. A short, sharp sound.
Then the weight is pulled off of you. Someone lets out a massive gasp.
“Did it get you?”
You blink your eyes open against the glaring white sun where it meets the horizon. If you’re crying, it’s your business, water on your cheek and a dizzy hot feeling everywhere else.
Steve Harrington looks at you like you’re a ghost. “Did it get you? Are you okay?”
You look at your hand and the knife —his knife— where it rests on the tarmac. “I don’t think so. How do you know?”
“They bite! Did it bite you?”
“I don’t know.”
“How can you not know?”
“Because I’m not exactly uninjured, Steve!”
He frowns at you. Well, he glares. “You’d know if it bit you. Don’t be dense.”
“How am I supposed to know?”
“You’re telling me you don’t know what a bite feels like?”
“Some of us had homework.”
He wrinkles his nose. “Is that supposed to be funny?”
Well, yeah. It was supposed to be hilarious.
You look around the parking lot and the school courtyard for any outliers, but the school seems well and truly abandoned now. You can’t hear anymore huffing or screeching, no crying, not even the sound of a radio. Everyone’s been playing them nonstop for weeks, waiting for days like today. Suddenly the raptures here, and you aren’t part of the rescue.
But you saved Steve Harrington, at least. You’re accruing some good karma.
Steve doesn’t hold his hand out, he just grabs you under the arms and pulls you up into a standing position. You’re surprised he can do it, you aren’t light, but you remember his last skins game in the gymnasium and nod to yourself. Of course he can pick you up. Plus, you help, using your legs despite their stiffness to brace yourself on the ground.
“Doesn’t look like it bit you,” he says, quieter now, his hands sliding down to yours briefly before he stands back. “What are you doing here?”
“I thought this was the rendezvous point. I mean, it was, right? We missed it.”
“We missed it.”
“How’d you get here?” you ask.
“Bike. Car chose the worst possible time in the world to die. Not that I could’ve got gas.” He eyes you hopefully. “Tell me you drove here.”
“I biked too, but it’s gone.”
“Gone?”
“Tire popped.”
Steve rubs his eyebrows. His hands are clean where yours are caked. You stand unable to mask your heavy breathing now, and when you reach for him to steady yourself, he doesn’t move away.
“Sorry,” you mumble, licking your lips. You’re a map of little pains. “Are you okay?”
Steve’s hand reaches back to cover yours like he’s going to pull it off, though he doesn’t. “Are you alone?” he asks.
You wince. “Yeah.”
“Where’s your stuff?”
“I lost it.”
“Where?”
“I don’t know.” Your knees hurt. “It’s gonna get dark soon.”
It’s a question. You’re immediately thankful to have found him, because he’s a real living person, and you don’t think you can do this alone. You don’t mean to force him, but you need to know what he’s doing and soon.
“…Better come with me, then,” he says finally.
Steve walks out of your grasp, grabbing up his bag which you’d unfortunately ripped open and shoving the spilled contents back inside. He doesn’t stop to zip it closed, walking straight in the direction of the school.
“Where are we going?”
“Same place as everybody else.” You stumble. Steve, reluctant, frowning hard enough to etch a new wrinkle, holds out his hand to catch you by the elbow. “Where did you think?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” you say, half-indignant.
“You ask a lot of stupid questions, you know that?” He looks you up and down. “How’d you do that?” He points at your bleeding knees.
“I ask stupid questions?”
He grabs the bat from near the felled geek and stands tall. “Jesus. Let’s go find a car.”
It’s not as easy as his tone might suggest. You don’t find a car, you never do, and you never stop asking him obvious questions, but Steve says thank you for saving him eventually (nearly an entire year later, with a hand on your cheek).
#steve zombie!au#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x y/n#steve harrington#steve harrington fic#steve harrington blurb#steve harrington drabble#stranger things x reader#stranger things fic#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington fanfiction#stranger things
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Another Life - Spencer Reid
Pairing - Spencer Reid x Fem Reader (Non Specified but imagined fem)
Warnings - not spell checked, character death??, cheating, all cm trigger warnings, Maeve, mentions of eating disorders addiction and suicidal thoughts.
Summary - You we’re ready to marry him, he was ready to leave.
———————————————————————
You fell in love four years ago. Budding new SSA Y/L/N and the marvellous Doctor Reid, the BAUs power couple, attached at the hip - perfect.
And perfect it was, you and spencer had been through everything together. Case after case, his addiction, your own struggles with disordered eating, and everything inbetween, so when he started being distant, and getting migraines, you were sure you could help. You found him the best doctors, geneticists, anything and anyone.
You never thought he’d fall for Maeve Donovan, his geneticist, i mean how could you, you’d seen the ring. He was going to propose, or so you thought, a beautiful amethyst ring hidden in the blazer pocket of his work suit. Not your favourite crystal but you’re sure he had a reason for picking it, he always did.
So you began planning.
And you planned and planned until it suddenly didn’t feel like he was going to propose anymore.
“Spence?” You call out from the kitchen where you’re making dinner.
“Yeah love?” He walks in.
“I was just thinking, do you ever think about marrying me?”
“Well yeah in the future when we’ve settled a bit more, i’m happy how we are right now”
“Oh” You sigh, “What about that ring in your blazer pocket? What’s that for then?”
Silence. You know what that means.
“Is she pretty?” He looks down at his shoes.
Your turn off the stove and wipe your hands on your trousers.
“It’s Maeve isn’t it? The doctor?” You giggle sadly “You always liked them smart”
“Y/n…”
“Does she make you happy?”
“Not like you do”
You scoff. He looks at you confused.
You pick at your nails, crying slightly. “You were the one for me Spence, and I just want you to be happy, I thought that was with me but i guess not anymore” You shrug before grabbing your bag.
“What are you doing?” He try’s to grab your hands.
“Im going to stay with Garcia tonight” You reach the door, “Maybe you can invite Maeve for dinner, i made your favourite. I’ll be back tomorrow to gather my things”
“Please don’t do this..”
“Goodbye Spencer Reid”
———————————————————————
The past month had been hell for you, you didn’t tell anyone the real reason you and Spencer split up, not wanting to ruin his friendships with the rest of the team, but you hadn’t been doing well. You’d lost a lot of weight, stopped going out with the team, and started throwing yourself into your work.
It was plain as day that you were heartbroken.
So when Spencer came in, seeking help for Maeve, you were advised to steer clear of the case. But you were determined to show everyone you were fine.
You worked the hardest on the case and found Diane first, and joined spencer on retrieving Maeve.
You walk in unarmed, as requested by Diane, and see Maeve being held by gunpoint.
“Diane, right?” You try and sound as calm as possible, “I’m Y/n”
“Stay back or I shoot her!”
“She rejected you didn’t she? Your paper? I read it and it was good, just needed a little more evidence”
“What evidence?”
“Someone who wasn’t your parents, who wanted to die”
You breath in
“I can help Diane, you need someone like me, you can kill me”
“You’re trying to trick me!” She exclaims.
“i’m not, Maeve doesn’t want to die, do you Maeve”
She begins to cry begging for her life.
“And you do?”
“I’ve got nothing left to live for”
You look to Spencer sadly.
“Think about it Diane, this gives you the evidence you need” You smile.
“You’re trying to trick me!”
“Fine, I guess Dr Donovan was right” I fake sigh and get a little closer, “You aren’t worth the time or effort”
In an instant, Maeve is thrown to the floor and Diane grabs and shoots you both in the stomach.
You fall to the ground.
Spencer instantly runs to you, cradling you in his arms, your breaths shallow and weak.
“Is Maeve okay?”
Astounded at your care he says “Please don’t worry about her, save your strength, the medics are on their way”
“I don’t think i have the time Spence”
“Please baby” He whispers.
“Are you happy Spence?”
“She’s not you…”
He holds you tight and you reach up to cradle his cheek with your hand, “Please let yourself be happy” A metallic taste covering the inside of your mouth.
As he’s holding you he can feel how much smaller you’ve become. “You’ve not been taking care of yourself” He begins to cry
“It’s not important now,” I whisper, “Spence?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think i’m another life we made it
He thinks for a moment.
“I’m every universe i will be forever yours, I just wish it could’ve been in this one too” Beginning to sob
“And i will always be yours too, you were it for me Spencer Reid”
His tears fall down quicker than you can wipe them away.
“At least we’ll have all those other lives, we could have that wedding I planned,” I giggle sadly, “You would’ve loved it”
“I should’ve asked you, I wanted it to be you”
“I wanted it to be me too”
Your eyes begin to close, in the distant shouts for medics get louder, the blaring of sirens closer.
“I love you” he whispers, “Please don’t leave me, we’re not done yet”
———————————————————————
#spencer reid#spencer reid angst#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x fem!readr#criminal minds#criminal minds x reader#aaron hotchner#maeve donovan#zugzwang#diane turner#spencer reid x reader angst#writing#angst prompt#angst#angst with a happy ending#angst with a sad ending#angst with a hopeful ending
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A Sneak peak 👀
AITA for fucking my brother’s girl but to be fair she was mine first.
Warnings: Explicit, 18+, minors do not interact, unprotected sex, voyeurism, peeping, all characters are aged up.
Summary:
Yuuji an all star-athlete, ace student, golden child, beloved by all, had everything he could ever want….except you.
You were his best friend, his confidante, he had always been madly in love with you ever since you guys were kids and it seems like you guys were just the perfect match.
There’s only one problem…
…you were obsessed with his good for nothing older brother, Sukuna.
But Yuuji won’t give you up so easily, you see…you guys were meant to be together.
How far would he go to get you to finally notice him? Read more to see Yuuji’s fall from grace.
“Sukun-Sukuna-please!! Fuck me…” you begged oh so desperately when he broke the kiss.
He smirks, never would he have thought that he’d lived to hear you say that and to no one but him, never would he have thought that he’d be the one to push his cock into your untouched walls and scream his name from how sweet he was taking your virginity.
He always knew that Yuji was so desperately in love with you, yet it didn’t stop him from taking what you had so generously offered him. You had come to him after all, he was just milking the opportunity for all its worth.
If someone offers you treasure would you have turned them away?
That’s why when he notices Yuji standing by the crack of the door, peeking in, looking at you both so intensely, he laughs and decides to give him a show.
Pushing your legs up, folding them above your head, putting you into a mating press just so Yuji could get a clear view of how hard Sukuna was pounding into your pussy. Fucking you hard into his bed.
It was sinful, the way his balls slapped against your ass with each heavy thrust, the wet squelching sound of your pussy echoing off the walls and if that wasn’t enough, your cries and moans for more was what did it for Yuuji…
Interact to be tagged for the actual story 🤭
#aika writes 🤍#aikatoru blog#itadori yuuji#yuuji x reader#sukuna smut#jjk yuuji#jujutsu kaisen yuuji#yuuji x you#yuuji smut#yuuji x y/n#sukuna x y/n#sukuna x you#ryomen sukuna x reader#sukuna x reader#jjk sukuna#sukuna ryomen#jjk smut#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#jjk x reader
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Not Your Mother's
LUCIFER X READER
Summary: Lucifer and Alastor hate each other, no suprise. But what happens when Alastor threatens one of the only things Lucifer loves?
Warnings: Cussing, Violence. Rating: PG-13
For the dearest, @adeptusxiaohere, who read 'Our Mom' and thought of a different interpretation to Alastor's veiled threats!
This one is a bit longer, around 1.5k words.
See Masterlist for Request Status
In the bustling chaos of the Hazbin Hotel, where demons sought refuge and redemption, there existed a peculiar dynamic between two prominent figures: Lucifer and Alastor. Their disdain for each other was as notorious as the flames of Hell itself, an open secret whispered among the denizens of the hotel. Their clashes were legendary, echoing through the halls with the thunderous force of opposing titans. Yet, amidst their perpetual animosity, there was one figure who held a special place in both their hearts - a shining oasis of warmth and kindness, Y/N. Y/N's nurturing nature had endeared her to all, earning her the title of "mother", “mom”, “momma”, and even “abuela” among the residents of the hotel.
Of course, Lucifer found himself drawn to Y/N in ways he couldn't quite comprehend. Her compassion sparked something dormant within him, a longing for solace in the midst of his eternal torment. And so, they found solace in each other's company, their unlikely bond blossoming amidst the chaos of their surroundings.
However, Lucifer's newfound happiness did not sit well with Alastor. Beneath his jovial facade lurked a mad streak, his own rival taking something that he himself had provided to the Hotel. He owned Y/N's soul, how dare that insolent fallen angel touch something that he had rightfully won. Alastor, ever the enigmatic presence, watched their burgeoning relationship with a mixture of disdain and concern. To him, Lucifer was a rival not just for Y/N but for the very soul of the hotel itself. She provided something that even the Radio Demon could admit was special, reminding him of his own mother in a way; not that he would ever admit it. As Lucifer and Y/N's love blossomed, Alastor's facade began to crack. He masked his disdain with veiled threats, cloaked in the guise of protecting Y/N from Lucifer's supposed dark intentions. But with each passing day, his resentment festered, threatening to consume him whole.
Then, one fateful evening, in a moment of unchecked rage, Alastor's carefully constructed facade shattered. Per normal, the fit began as the two men challenged each other again.
The atmosphere in the Hazbin Hotel crackled with tension as Lucifer and Alastor found themselves locked in yet another heated exchange. Their words were barbed, their insults cutting like knives as they circled each other with predatory intent.
"You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a demon, Alastor," Lucifer spat, his voice dripping with disdain. "A mere puppet with delusions of grandeur."
Alastor's grin widened, his eyes gleaming with malice. "And you, Lucifer, are nothing but a fallen angel clinging to the remnants of your former glory," he retorted, his tone laced with venom. "A pitiful relic of a bygone era."
Their words stung, each barb sinking deeper into wounds long festering. But Lucifer, never one to back down from a challenge, pushed the boundaries even further.
"At least I'm not hiding behind a mask, pretending to be something I'm not," he sneered, a cruel smirk twisting his lips. "Unlike you, Alastor, I have the courage to face the truth. That you are weak and worth no note of attention or fear."
Alastor chuckled, stepping forward and placing a hand on Y/N’s shoulder, leaning down so his head was right next to her head as he looked toward Lucifer. "You dare insult me, Lucifer?" Alastor growled, his voice dripping with jovial menace. "You dare to mock me while you hide behind the skirts of this pathetic mortal? Let’s see how you like things being taken from you just as you took from me."
The line struck a nerve within Lucifer, who lost all resolve at the threatening of his loved one. Throwing a punch, it barely nicked Alastor’s head who slunk awya in the shadows.
“Oh now, this is what I have been waiting for!” Slinking and dodging every punch and attack thrown his way, Alastor contininued to mock the King of Hell until Lucifer finally landed a punch and broke Alastor’s monocle.
Y/N's heart pounded in her chest as she struggled to comprehend the sudden turn of events. She had always been a beacon of peace and understanding, a guiding light in the darkest of times. But now, she found herself caught in the crossfire of a battle she had no part in. Having been caught in the wake of blasts, her body now was bruised and bloodied.
"Alastor, please," she pleaded, her voice trembling with emotion. "This isn't like you. We're all friends here. Can't we find a way to resolve this without resorting to violence?"
But her words fell on deaf ears as Alastor's rage consumed him whole at viewing the piece of broken glass. With a snarl of contempt, he turned his back on Y/N, his focus squarely fixed on Lucifer.
"This isn't over, Lucifer," he growled, his voice a low, menacing rumble. "Not by a long shot."
And with that ominous warning hanging in the air, Alastor summoned shadows, leaving behind a trail of destruction in his wake. As the echoes of his departure faded into silence, Y/N was left to pick up the pieces, her heart heavy with sorrow and regret. For in the world of demons and sinners, even the purest of souls could find themselves tainted by the darkness that lurked within.
The hotel trembled with the weight of Lucifer's wrath as he beheld the sight of Y/N, crumpled and wounded at Alastor's feet. In that moment, all pretense of civility vanished, replaced by a primal fury that consumed him whole.
With each blow exchanged between the two adversaries, Y/N's heart ached with a sorrow deeper than any physical wound. She had never imagined that their feud would escalate to such a destructive extent, nor had she ever anticipated becoming collateral damage in their battle of wills.
Through bleary eyes, Y/N watched as Lucifer and Alastor grappled with one another, their movements a blur of fury and desperation. Each punch landed with bone-crushing force, echoing through the hall like thunder in a storm-torn sky.
Summoning every ounce of strength within her battered body, Y/N pushed herself upright, determination burning in her eyes despite the agony that coursed through her veins. With shaky steps, she stumbled towards Lucifer and Alastor, her voice a hoarse whisper in the din of battle.
"Stop," she pleaded, her words barely audible above the din. "Please, stop..."
For a fleeting moment, the chaos seemed to abate as Lucifer and Alastor turned their gaze towards her, their expressions a mixture of shock and guilt. Y/N refused to back down. With a steely resolve born of love and compassion, she stepped between the warring demons, her outstretched arms a barrier against the violence that threatened to consume them all.
"Enough" she declared, her voice ringing with a clarity that cut through the chaos like a beacon in the darkness.
Both men let go of their death grips on each other and looked at the battered woman.
“Go to your rooms.”
“But ducky–”
“I said go to your room Lucifer, you too Al. I don’t want to see you till morning. Then this place better be cleaned spotless!”
Both men slunk away, as Y/N sighed, viewing the mess of the lobby around her. Plopping down on the nearest couch, Y/N drug her hands over her face.
“Shit, did hot momma just put the Radio Demon and the King of Hell in time out?”
“Angel, shut your fucking mouth.”
“You could always find ways to shut it up, Whiskers.”
#romance#hazbin hotel fandom#answered#vizziepop#radio killed the video star#alastor the radio demon#request#lucifer imagine#lucifer morningstar#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin lucifer#radioapple#lucifer morningstar x reader#hazbin hotel imagine#hazbin hotel idea#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin angel dust#hazbin hotel alastor#husk hazbin hotel#husk x angel dust#huskerdust
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Unwavering Presence Chapter 14 (Part 1)
Cassian X Archeron Sister (Reader)
1000 Follower Celebration Post
Summary: Cassian opens up to Y/N about his mother, Y/N giving him a second chance. When the duo returned to Velaris a confrontation ensues that leads to flashbacks to the Spring.
Content Warning: mentions of death, conversations alluding to SA, Oral Sex, M receiving, Mor not keeping her hands to herself on more than one occasion.
A/N: I am so sorry this has taken longer than anticipated. I had to split this chapter into two parts strictly because it was getting extremely long! I hope you enjoy this part. Part 2 will be up quickly!
Word Count: 5.2K
Chapter 13 1000 Celebration Masterlist UP Masterlist
Reader POV
I opened and closed my mouth as Cassian knelt beside me leaning in and pressing his large hand to the Portrait. “Your mother?”
Cassian nodded, “We never knew where the Illyrian’s who killed her buried her…If they buried her. When I expressed to Az and Rhys that I wanted to build a home here, a place I could go to clear my head, I told them I wanted a place for her. So, she could be with me.”
A gust of wind whipped my skin raw causing a shiver to run down my spine, Cassian instinctively wrapped his wing around me to block the cold. “Why bring me here?”
Cassian’s gaze met mine, his hazel eyes full of guilt. “You know why.” I look down focusing on my hands. He gripped my chin and forced me to meet his eyes, glistening in the moonlight. “Princess, I have tried giving you all the gifts that money can buy. I have tried writing you a letter. Nothing seemed to get your attention.” I went to speak but he interrupted me, “I realized why. You’re scared. You trusted me with some of your deepest fears and I took advantage of that. I brought you here as my last attempt. If want to walk away after tonight. I won’t bother you anymore. But I figured there is one last gift I can give you.”
My heartbeat skyrocketed, “What’s that?”
Cassian grabbed my hand and pressed it to his chest where I could feel his heartbeat. “My heart, Princess. Let me be open with you. Let me give you mine, the way you gave me yours.”
Silence fell between us as snow began to trickle down, I kept opening and closing my mouth unsure what to say. I looked back at the image of his mother. “Tell me about her, Cass.”
“She was my favorite person in the whole world.” Cassian began and I inched closer to him, I told myself it was to use his body heat. I was a fucking liar. Cassian curled his wing tightly around me, “She taught me how to braid hair as I told you before. She was kind, she always put others before herself. All the village kids loved to be around her, she would make sure everyone was fed and had enough to drink. Everyone loved her.” His hazel eyes met mine, “You remind me of her.”
I blushed and looked back at the portrait and instinctively my hand reached out to his as he sniffled. He laced his hand through mine, cool bite of the leather around his hand biting into my skin. “So where was your father?” You looked back to the Illyrian, his smile not reaching his eyes.
“I don’t know. He abandoned my mom when she was pregnant with me.” I squeezed his hand, and he returned the gesture, “I have no idea who he is. At this point I have no interest in knowing. Any male who leaves a pregnant female alone, is not worth knowing.” We were silent for a moment, “I’m proud of where I come from. I’m proud of my heritage as an Illyrian. What I’m not proud of though is our ancient traditions. My mother had a bastard born child. The Illyrians are traditional and believe a woman should have a child within marriage.” I could feel the pit in my stomach growing, “She always wanted what was best and protected me. So, she made me flee. Where I had to fend for myself. Find my own shelter, my own food. Until one winter evening, Rhysand found me. The bastard made me come home with him, and his mom insisted I eat and get some rest. We have been together ever since.”
“What happened, to your mother? I know you said she died but…” I whispered; Cassian’s face morphed into sadness as he swiped the tears from my eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, Princess. I like that you display your emotions so openly.” He places his hand down from my face. “After the blood rite, I returned to my old village. She was nowhere to be seen. I searched for her in every place I could think of. I knew in my heart, she was dead.” Tears streamed down his cheeks, but he didn’t go to swipe them, “I wished I would have been able to tell her I loved her. I wish I could have told her so many things, Sweetheart.” He released my hand and placed his palms over her eyes, “I just wanted her to be proud of me.”
Not being able to contain myself I turned to face him fully and straddled his lap, gripping his wrist I pulled his hands away from his face. His eyes met mine I pressed my forehead to his, “Cassian, your mother would be so proud of you.”
The general shook my hands off and gripped my waist, “Not this past week and a half she wouldn’t. He closed his, “Baby, I’m-“
I cupped his face and pressed his lips to mine. He whimpered as he kissed me back, pulling me closer to him. We broke away and he swiped a strand of hair from my face, “I forgive you.”
“Really?” He whispered.
I cupped his face and he leaned into my touch, “We have a lot to discuss. Cassian, I don’t want to be hurt again.”
“I will make this up to you for as long as I live.”
“This was a good start.” Cassian began stroking my back. “You did give me the best gift tonight.”
“What’s that?”
I pressed my hand on his chest. “Your heart.”
“My heart has been yours to take.” He buries his face in my neck and inhaling deeply. We stayed like that for a few moments, the cold not bothering us as we simply hold each other. He lifted his head, gripped the back of his neck, “Listen to me, you are amazing, beautiful, and strong. I have never once thought of you as weak. I am so sorry for what I said. But you must know, you’re it for me. I want no one else, so I’m keeping you, so long as you’ll let me.”
I smiled, “Does this mean I get to keep you too?”
“You never lost me, Sweetheart.” He brushes his nose over mine, I do have a confession.” My face must have looked panicked because he laughed. “It’s nothing bad, I swear. When Mor had brought Feyre back from the Spring Court, I told you I was heading to Windhaven for a week. I didn’t go to Windhaven. I came here.”
I tilted my head, “Why lie about that? Seems a bit…”
“Ridiculous?” I nodded, “I didn’t want you to know that I was coming here to tell my mother about you. How I met this amazing human woman, who was kind and gentle, yet not afraid to put even a High Lord in his place. How she walks in a room and my day instantly improves. She smiles and it feels like my heart is going to combust.” I wasn’t sure I was breathing anymore. “I just wanted to share that with her.”
A shiver trails down my spine and adjusting his grip under my thighs he hoists us up as he stands holding me as though I weigh nothing, “Come on I still have one more surprise for you.” He walked us toward the cabin, and I peeked over his shoulder looking back at the memorial. A butterfly in a climate too cold landed on the frame of the portrait. Before I could acknowledge the little creature, Cassian opened the door and set me down.
I turned and I pressed my hand to my chest, the dining and living room were right where you entered the cabin, the kitchen to the right. Everything was bright and warm, though the dining room table with wildflowers and candles at the center and two plates with silverware. One plate I assumed was mine had a leather-bound journal. “Cassian, I have so many journals.”
“That one isn’t empty though.” I furrowed my brow and looked at him. “Go read it, I’ll grab our dinner.”
“Who did all the set up?”
“Azriel, he left right before we arrived.” I walked over to where the journal was and sat down as Cassian took both of our plates to fill. I opened the journal and found the book complete full. Flipping to the first page my breath hitched.
My Dear Princess,
Nothing pained me more than sitting in this chair unable to move and watch you walk away. Knowing that my anger was the thing that caused it. To see the tears in your eyes and to know that I was the one that put the sadness in your eyes has sat with me for hours now. So, I went into the village and bought this journal. I figured writing to you is the next best thing I have right now. Since I know, you won’t talk to me for a while. Gods you’ve only been gone an hour and I miss you so much.
I flip through the pages; some are fresh letters pages long. “Cassian.”
“Three days left with my thoughts. I figured I would share them all with you.” Tears welled up in my eyes. As Cassian set the plate down the aromas of potatoes and seared meat caused my stomach to rumble. “Hey, look at me.” I met his warm hazel eyes as his callous fingers kissed the nape of my neck. “I never want you to feel the way you did with Nesta, or Xavier. I want to be better. Because you deserve better.” He tapped the journal, “Read these, whenever you need a reminder, that you’re worthy of the affection you receive, or that you need to take care of yourself, or we happen to be apart, and I can’t be there to comfort you when you need it. I am no poet or author, but with you I have always been good at sharing my feelings, you made it easier to open up. This is my last gift for you…tonight that is.”
I leapt out of my chair and into his arms, “I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but I’m glad the universe led me to you, Cassie.”
His hand cradled the back of my head, as he kissed the top of it. “So am I.” He held me tightly before pushing me away, “Shall we eat?”
I nodded and both of us sat down and began to eat, we spent all evening talking about what we had been up to since I left. His hand had a permanent spot on my thigh, he would gently rub his thumb along my thigh, and I would smile. Once dinner was done, I offered to do the dishes of which he politely told me no. Then brought out a slice of my favorite cake for us to share. When it was done I yawned.
“Want to go to bed? I had the guest bedroom prepped for you.” I blinked at him.
“Why?”
“I didn’t want to assume we were sharing a bed tonight. I wanted to make sure you were comfortable.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My mind went to Xavier and how if he were in this position, I would have had no choice of where I slept. I shivered, “Cassian, I want to stay with you tonight. Just sleeping.”
Cassian nodded. “Just sleeping.” He led me to his master room which was quite large and handed me a shirt to change into. “We’ll go back home in the morning.”
I yawned once more, “Okay.” I looked around, “Bathroom?”
He pointed to the door next to the one we entered. I smiled, reached up and kissed his cheek and headed to the other room to change. When I emerged, I pressed my back to the wall. Cassian’s shirt was off tattoos on full display. I bit my lip as I watched his muscles flex underneath the moonlight. I would have asked Feyre to paint this and call it, the General getting ready for bed. “Princess are you ok-ohh” Cassian stumbled as he turned and faced me, “Gods you’re beautiful.” My heart fluttered as his eyes raked down my body and my bare legs. One thing I knew was his eyes met mine once more.
I needed him.
Be Brave, Archeron.
I sunk to my knees. The general’s chest stopped moving, “Princess, what are you doing?” His voice was low and husky.
I began to crawl toward him, “I missed you, General.” He swallowed, the lump in his throat bobbed. I stopped when I reached his feet. My hand sliding up his thick muscular thighs. “I want to make you feel good.” I placed kisses along his pants his thighs twitch under my touch and when I reached the center of his thighs. His erection was pressing against his pants, and I licked over his clothed cock maintaining eye contact as his hand slides through my hair as he moaned.
“Princess, we don’t have to,” his eyes held seriousness, and something warmed my heart at his words.
“Cassian, I want to. Now take off your pants.”
The Illyrian didn’t argue as he pulled down his pants. I gripped his thighs as his cock springing free. He looked down at me as his pupils consumed the hazel in his eyes, barely visible. Sticking my tongue out I swiped up his shaft. “Fuck,” He groaned leaning his head back.
I paused my mind looming back to the conversation that we had regarding safe words, “We won’t need it…I don’t think, but Ruby. He met my gaze once more, “My safe word is Ruby.”
Cassian bent down kissing me, “Use it, everything stops immediately. If you can’t use that pretty little mouth of yours.” He kissed my lips, once more. “One tap on my thigh tells me your getting close to your limit.” Another kiss, “Two taps and we’re done. Okay and I need you to be honest, Sweetheart. You need to tell me.”
“I promise,” I whispered and crashed his lips to mine.
He pulled away. “Good,” He was about to say something but that fell away as I closed my mouth at his tip, taking his length slowly. He moaned as he lightly tugged on my hair, “You really are trouble. We said just sleeping.”
I hummed in approval, taking him deeper my nails digging into his thighs as I flicked my eyes up to him. Pulling away to the tip I swiped my tongue over his slit. “Princess.” His nickname on his tongue caused my toes to curl.
Putting him out of his misery I began bobbing my head, his hand guiding me. He sunk deeper into my throat. “Sweetheart. I’m not going to last very long.” I picked up my paced, “Will you touch yourself for me, sweet girl.” I instinctively slid my hand down and massaged my clit, moaning as against him.
Cassian began thrusting, his pace sporadic and the sensation began to feel too much as I slipped my fingers into my folds. I tapped his thigh once. He slowed his pace slightly, “You, okay? Tap once if you are.”
I tapped him once. “Good Girl,” the praise shot straight to my core. He groaned, his grip on my hair tightened. “Fuck.”
I moaned continuously as I chased my own high when Cassian held my head in place as he found his release, “That’s it baby take it all.” His cum shot to the back of my throat and I drank it, greedily. “Now, come for me, Princess.” Sliding out of my mouth a trail of spit connecting my mouth to his cock, as my stomach tightened close to an orgasm, “You look so pretty, touching yourself, Cassian moved behind me and pulled my hand away. I whined as he huskily said, “Allow me.” And his mouth was on my clit and his fingers sliding into my core.
“Cassian,” I moaned out as his fingers began to curl hitting that sweet spot, making stars appear in my vision. Cassian’s tongue was relentless on my swollen bud, but it was only when he pulled away to lightly blow on the sensitive bundle of nerves that I came all over his fingers.
The general kept moving his fingers helping me ride out my orgasm. He slowly withdrew his fingers, and I felt empty. Cassian walked over to wipe his hand on his old shirt. He walked to the bathroom while I stood. When he walked back out there was a rag in his hand pants back over his hips, “Get on the bed for me will you?” I did , and Cassian gently moved my thigh.
“Cassian, I can’t take any more.” I whimpered and met his eyes. His hazel hue irises held pain in them.
“Princess, I’m cleaning you up, I’m not...” He couldn’t find the words. He sighed. “I would never force you to give more than what you are willing to offer. I just want to take care of you make you feel clean before I hold your gorgeous body to mine tonight.”
Tears welled up in my eyes. “Fuck.” I covered my face, “No one has ever done that before.”
Cassian rubbed my exposed thigh soothingly, “Get used to it, Sweetheart. Me taking care of you after is a non-negotiable for me.” calloused fingers pull my hands from my face, so I must look in his gorgeous face, “Never expect to be treated any less than the princess you are.” He wiped the tears from my face. “Especially when you’re in my care.”
“Cass-“
“Shhh, sweet girl. I have you.” I nodded as he wipes the warm rag through my center cleaning me as tears silently fell from my face. Once Cassian was done, he tossed the rag, “Scoot.” He smiled as I moved to the opposite side of the bed. The general slid into the bed, and his arm snaked around my waist pulling me close. He pressed his forehead to mine and his thumb swiped against my hip bone. “Tell me what’s on your mind.” He whispered.
My eyes fluttered closed, “I missed being in your arms.” I yawned once more, “You make me feel safe.”
“I’m not letting you go anytime soon.” Cassian whispered, exhaustion coating his own voice.
“Please don’t.” And in a matter of moments sleep overpowered me.
We walked into the town home together, hands clasped, smiles bright, the next evening and reached the dining room where the atmosphere shifted to something dark. “What’s going on?” Cassian queried.
No one answered his question. Looking over to Azriel his shadows were almost completely hidden his posture straight, Mor taking a sip of her wine next to him, her finger grazing his arm in languid strokes. Her hand slowly moving his hand around the nape of his neck twirling with his curls. Cassian led me to the two empty seats across from the blonde and the spymaster. Azriel’s face looked pain as Rhys spoke. “Glad to see you two made up.”
Cassian said something that I drowned out my gaze focusing on the two fae in front of me. I recognized the look on his face. It’s one that I had expressed too many times myself. Her touch was unwanted, unwelcome. I took a steadying breath trying to keep the rage I felt from spilling over. Azriel was kind and gentle and had always been kind. He won’t tell her to get off for those exact reasons. Memories washed over me at the sight of Mor, touching him.
I wished he would stop touching me. Xavier’s hand gripped my thigh, hiking my skirt. My orders were simple, sit and look pretty. What made that challenging is Xavier trying to expose me to everyone in Graysen’s armies as he did so. His mouth connected to my neck, and I closed my eyes and started to count. Something I had grown accustomed to when he would put me on display this way. Counting the seconds for his hands that were once loving, now grown cruel were off my body.
Voices bring me back to the present and my eyes locked with Azriel. Pain is there and Its as though I can see him counting himself until she got his hands off him. I took another breath.
Be Brave, Archeron. He needs you.
“Mind taking your hand off the Shadow Singer, Mor.” I quipped, and everyone froze the conversation long forgotten.
Mor quirked a brow, “Excuse me?”
“He’s uncomfortable with you touching him. Fix it.” I said with no room for argument in my tone.
“Or what?” Mor sneered gripping Azriel’s neck tighter. His face grimaced at her touch.
I grabbed the knife, grasping it by the tip I tossed it without thinking twice, the blade slicing her skin causing her to move her arm, just before it found purchase against the wall behind her. “Or next time I won’t miss. Read the room when someone is fucking uncomfortable with your hands on them. Azriel does not belong to you.” I snarled baring my teeth.
Mor rose to her feet, “Rhysand, Am I needed for you debriefing the love birds?”
“Go.” Rhysand said his voice even, but his eyes were distant as if he too was having haunting memories of a time when his body was not his to control. His eyes met mine, “We’ll talk about that stunt later.”
A cheshire grin appeared on my face, “Happily.” I looked at Azriel who was watching me in stunned silence. “I would do it again in a heartbeat.” I said maintaining eye contact with Az.
His shadows swarmed over him covering his face. I understood their need to protect their master and looked back at Rhys. Not ignoring the bump to my knee from Cassian as he kept his leg touching mine, a silent reminder here was there. “We go to the Hewn City in a week’s time.”
“Shit,” Cassian muttered.
I looked to my general and back at Rhysand, “What’s the Hewn City?”
Amren, who had been abnormally quiet this whole time, spoke, “A vile city where the Night Court Underbelly resides. Also lovingly referred to as Mor’s home.”
Rhys snorted at that sentiment, “Her father had thought He would be next in line. He was sorely disappointed to find out that wasn’t the case.”
“Why do we have to go there?” I asked.
Rhys looked at Cassian. “To get the Veritas Orb.”
Cassian groaned, “Shit. So, the meeting didn’t go well.”
As Rhys and Cassian started a discussion, I finally took a look at my sister. “Fey?” Her eyes met mine, her hues of blue swirled with emotion. “What happened?”
“We ran into Lucien on our way home.” I stilled. “He wanted me to come hom- to the Spring Court.” Her face paled and I gripped her hand. “Rhysand intervened at some point, but it caused me to write a letter to Tamlin.”
“Oh?”
Feyre smiled, “I told him I was never coming back and sent that over this morning.”
I smiled and squeezed her hand, “I’m proud of you.”
Feyre smiled, “Me too. Lucien was relieved to hear you were alive though. I never told you this when I got here. He was crushed when he learned about what happened. Light came back into his eyes when he found out that wasn’t the case.”
My smile faltered slightly. “I’m sure.”
Sitting in front of the fireplace on the chill spring evening I watched the wood kindle the fire, the wood popping every so often.
“You are a hard person to find.” My head snapped to the doorway to find Lucien leaning against the door frame. He was in a white tunic and tight hunting pants. He had pulled his hair up into a Bun to keep out of his face. The firelight danced across his dark tan skin but highlighted the scar over his left eye.
“Did it ever occur to you that I didn’t want to be found?” I glanced back at the fire. His boots clicked against the tile indicating he was coming toward me. He opted to take the seat next to me leaning to the cart and pouring himself a glass of amber liquid. I glanced over to him to see him pouring a second one and holding it out for me. “You have been noticeably absent too.” I whispered taking the glass.
“I’m sorry, Sunshine.” Lucien pressed his lips in a tight line. “I have been busy.”
“Well aware.” I murmured while sipping my drink. Lucien and I were not fast friends by any means. The nickname he called me once grated on my nerves, which was his reason for doing it. Though as Tamlin and Feyre’s relationship grew into something more, our rivalry suddenly ceased, and a friendship bloomed in its place.
Our favorite pass time being making fun at Tamlin’s horrible attempts at courting Feyre. The four of us walking through the warm spring sun, the flowers in full bloom Lucien’s arms looped in mine as we watched on as Tamlin stumbled over talking with Feyre. Lucien in turn would dramatically reenact, making me burst into laughter causing the High Lord and my sister to turn and glare. We hadn’t been able to walk together on the grounds since our return from Under the Mountain. Lucien particularly made himself scarce around Ianthe and I longed for him to take me to avoid her insufferable presence.
Lucien’s voice was quiet as he spoke once more. “Tamlin told me, I couldn’t take you. I wanted to.”
“Lucien, you don’t have to explain.” I let the burn of the alcohol coat my throat. We sat for a moment; the sound of the fire whirring was the only sound in the sitting room. “I noticed.” I could feel Lucien’s attention toward me, but I continued to look at the fire. “The way you tense when she walks into a room,” He stilled knowing who I talked about without ever having to use her name. “If you want to talk about it, you know where to find me.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Lucien clipped finishing his drink and pouring himself another.
“Well, if you just want to sit and brood about it…we can do that together too.” I sighed downing the rest of my drink. “Survivors have to stick together, right?” I looked at the red-haired male.
Lucien slowly met my stare, his russet eyes filled with sorrow. “Sunshine...”
Then the words began to pour out of my mouth before I could stop them. “His name was Xavier…”
“He is the only good thing in the Spring Court.” I said straightening back in my chair.
“Barely, he never stands up to Tamlin.” Feyre murmured.
“Feyre, you don’t understand,” I countered picking at my food, Cassian pressing his leg deeper to mine. Reassurance.
“Understand what?”
I glanced back at her, “How hard it is to regain your voice, when someone has stolen it from you.”
Feyre’s throat bobbed, “You managed.”
I placed my fork on the table and stood from my seat, ignoring the two pairs of Hazel eyes and one violet set, staring at me with concern. “Did I?” I walked away.
Walking toward my room, a delicate hand gripped my arm and slammed me into the wall. Nails dug into my cheeks squishing them tightly together. I blinked and brown eyes and silky blonde hair came into my vision. “I’m going to make this clear.” Mor’s voice was cold and distant as I gripped her wrist trying to pull her off me. “I’m not fond of being made a fool” I tried to move she pressed her body against mine to keep me in place. Her eyes raked my face, and she tucked a loose stand of hair behind my ear. “I mean it would be a shame if something happened to poor sweet Feyre, as a result of your reckless actions.” I sobbed, clawing at her wrist and Mor cooed, “Oh, not so tough now are you. You’re such a fragile little thing.” She leaned in her sweet perfume filling my nostrils, “If I wanted to, I could-
“What’s going on here?” Amren’s voice rang through the hall causing Mor to freeze. “I would suggest letting her go, girl. Before her general finds you.” Amren crossed her arms causing her silver shirt that matched her eyes to rise to reveal a small band of skin. “Now, Morrigan. I don’t enjoy repeating myself.” Her voice was lethal, at this moment, I understood why she was Rhys’ second in command.
Mor released my face, not before she broke skin in some places. Glaring at me, “Stay in line, Human. You’re a lot more fragile than the rest of us.”
“That’s Enough, Mor.” My chest tightened to the sound of Cassian’s voice. Mor immediately took two steps back. “You need to go to the Hewn City. Rhys’ orders.” Cassian came into view, his wings tucked in tight, his siphons ablaze.
“Rhys can give them to me himself.” Mor pouted crossing her arms like a child.
Amren rolled her silver swirled eyes, “Go to the Hewn City. Maybe going to spend some time with your father will do you good.” Mor’s straightened but not before shooting me one more glare. She left not before bumping into Cassian’s shoulder.
Amren’s silver eyes gleamed at me, assessing, a smirk on her red painted lips “You are a fierce one, girl. You are not afraid to put someone in their place and you’re quickly becoming my favorite human I have come in contact with.” Her face fell slightly, “But tread carefully with Mor. She is not an enemy you wish to have; you’ll learn why when you meet who sired her.” She nodded her head toward me a silent goodbye and left Cassian and I alone in the hallway.
Cassian was on me the instant the short female made it down the stairs. He assessed my face for injuries, and his nostrils flared at the scratch on my face, “Stop.” I whispered.
His response came quickly. “No.”
“Cassian, I’m-“
“Don’t you dare say your fine when you’re trembling like a leaf.” I looked down to see my hands violently shaking. His hands covered mine to his steady fingers forcing mine to still. “I’m right here, Princess.” He whispered.
“She threatened to hurt Feyre because of me.” I met his hazel eyes.
His expression darkened, “We should tell Rhys.”
I shook my head, “Can we wait? Maybe this was a one-time thing.”
Cassian sighed kissing both of my knuckles wrapped in his warm grasp. “I don’t like it. If it happens again, we tell Rhys. Got it?”
I nodded my head and Cassian released my hands to carry me in his arms. “Come on. We’re going to bed.” I leaned my head against his shoulder and allowed him to carry me to his room. The scent of Leather and Sandalwood comforting me, so my eyes drooped closed. Cassian murmuring something I couldn’t decipher as I fell asleep.
To Be Continued...
Story Tags: @hellodarling1357 @hnyclover @waytoomanyteenagefeels @amara-moonlight @impossibelle @esposadomd @sleepylunarwolf @stressed-reader @kylaisra @marvelouslovely-barnes @magicstrengthandcourage @spideytingley @awkardnerd @donttellthecats @tastydewdrops @vermillionwinter @asweetblueberry2 @bunnyredgirl @homeslices @azriels-mate2 @oksloan3 @wallacewillow0773638 @fandom-crashlanding @writingstreetspirit @hannzoaks @minnieloo @tuggboatfishin @judig92 @atrxidxs @dustyinkpages @secretlyhers @mxblobby @blogforficslol @historygeekqueen @turtleshavesoulmates @scooobies @anuttellaa @earth-to-lottie @slytherintaco @fxckmiup @tinystarfishgalaxy @cheesebookgirl @oucereeng @st0rmyt @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @misslunatic1655 @azrielsmate3 @nebarious @tele86 @chelsiemp @fightmedraco @fullmoon-94 @thehighlordishere @jenniferpendragon @ray4hotchner @phoenix666stuff @misskennygirl @whitewolfsbitch @highladyivy @tenaciousperfectionunknown @packsvlog @heyyhelloohii @parabatai-winchester @julesofvolterra @lilah-asteria @lyanna133 @mp-littlebit @nickishadow139 @milswrites @eve175 @blackgirlmagicforever
#cassian x reader#acotar fanfiction#cassian acotar#acotar#cassian x you#cassian imagine#cassian fanfic#archeron sister#feyre archeron#rhysand acotar#azriel acotar#cassian smut
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18+ mdni
cw for possible dubcon and very inappropriate workplace behavior
john price who uses the workplace as an excuse to get closer to you. in every sense of the word.
he always needs to touch you. like resting a hand on your shoulder or patting you on the back for a job well done. he'll splay his large palm on your lower back whenever he feels like it just to hear you stumble over your words. he likes to walk by you every chance he can get as an excuse to put a hand on your waist and brush his body against yours. just enough that you don’t realize until later how full and firm the front of his fatigues were.
he acts like there’s no such thing as privacy or personal space whenever he gets you in his office. it doesn’t matter what you stop by for, either. he’ll lean back in his chair, roll it far enough away from his desk that you can see the way his hand moves over the front of his trousers. it’s so cute how flustered you get after seeing what you do to him.
he knows you’re so eager to prove your worth and work hard for the team that you’ll do anything he says. he doesn’t have to work very hard to convince you that you need to stay behind. work a little later tonight, make sure things get done, love. you can do that f'me, yeah? it takes a little more convincing to get you in his lap, of course. but it's worth it to see you squirm, pretending like you can't feel his cock nestling against your ass while you absentmindedly scrawl over the papers on his desk. you were always better than him with the paperwork, anyway—this arrangement just made more sense. so you won't care when he starts running his hands over your thighs and grabbing at your hips and waist, right? c'mon, it helps with the stress.
and you were always so kind, so willing to offer your help when he was stressed on long days; you won't question him when he tells you to bend over his desk. just let him have his way, relieve some of that pent-up stress. you wouldn't disobey orders from your captain, would you? of course not—not when his cock stretches your cunt out so deliciously you can't think straight.
you figure it wouldn't matter how much he prepped you, nothing would match how his fat cock filled you, bullying your cervix with each rough thrust. with the way you drool over the papers and your hole sucks him deeper, he knows he's got you right where he wants you. even then, he'll hold you down just in case; a thick arm wrapped around your waist while the other locks around your head to muffle your mewls. can't be too loud, now. can't have people finding out what a cock-drunk whore you are for your boss, can we?
#obligatory disclaimer: i know he wouldn't act like this but i'm allowed to fantasize#couldn't get the idea out of my head so here. maybe it'll become something more fleshed out if i get motivated#who knows we'll see ig#clown writes#cod smut#cod x reader#captain price smut#captain price x reader#captain price#captain john price
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First Kiss - @wolfstarmicrofic - 733 words
Sirius had always dreamed of romance. For his family, feelings were nothing more than an inconvenience. Marriage was a mean to an end. Forming alliances, producing heirs. Love was out of the question. He wasn't even sure they knew what love really was. Hell, he wasn't even sure he knew it himself. What he did know however was that the way they treated each other wasn't love.
So he spent his childhood dreaming of something else. Something more. Something worth risking everything over. The kind of love that made you willing to reach the moon just to give it to the person who stole your heart.
Of course, Sirius did know certain forms of love. The unconditional brotherly love for Regulus that he couldn't escape even when, at times, he had wanted to. The twisted love that tied him to his parents despite everything, the kind which made him feel like he didn't deserve anything more than the scraps of affection he wasn't even sure ever existed. The pure and joyful platonic love he felt for his friends, the way it flowed naturally between them. The safe and healing love that the Potters gave him without hesitation, welcoming him in their home.
But he wanted the romantic kind. The big, real love that the poets talked about. He wanted the passion, the butterflies, the blushing cheeks and the hitching breath. The kiss that said this. This is where I'm supposed to be. This is who I belong with. He wanted the electricity in his veins and the shivers on his skin. He wanted it all. Sirius was greedy and always wanted more than life offered him. He wanted to give his everything to someone and have someone's everything in return.
So, he tried. Oh, how he tried to find it. Desperately, almost. At seventeen years old, he was already known as the heartthrob of Hogwarts, having experienced his fair share of heated embraces in the arms of many girls, and some boys too. And yet, he never managed to find it. The everything he was looking for. The kiss that would shatter his world. Maybe he asked for too much. Maybe he dreamed too big.
He didn't even realize this love, too big for his brain to catch up on his heart, was already there. Right in front of his eyes. He didn't understand it until it happened.
They were hanging out in the deserted common room one night. Keeping each other company through their insomnia like they did sometimes. Remus was reading soflty to him while Sirius rested his head on his shoulder, dozing off on the sound of his voice.
When Remus stopped reading suddendly, Sirius raised his head to look at him, surprised. "Moony, why d'you stopped ?"
But he didn't respond, just fixed him with an intense stare and a slightly opened mouth. Sirius didn't know what it was exactly. Maybe the fireplace that made his eyes appear golden. Maybe the peace and quiet of the moment. Maybe the fact that they were so close they could count each other's eyelashes. He couldn't tell you who moved first. All he knew was that, one moment he was looking into Remus' eyes, and the next he closed his own to press their lips together.
That's when it happened. Everything he was so desperate to find, but better somehow. Remus' touch was both soft and demanding. Caring and passionnate. Chapped lips that felt and tasted like the sweetest thing. Their breaths mingled to form one and it was the only thing Sirius wanted to survive on from now on. A tentative swipe of tongue alight something in his guts that just needed a spark to burn.
Sirius thought it was the kind of first kiss that the poets sang about. A kiss that felt like lightning fell from the sky to strike him right there, in the arms of the boy who was here all this time and yet whom he had somehow missed. The boy he finally found when he never really lost him anyway.
A kiss that said
My Moon, I don't have to climb to the moon, you already gave it to me
and
Please, let me offer you all the fragile segments that weave my being in return
It was perfect. It was his everything. Everything he had dreamed of. Everything he wanted, and everything he already had.
#i really like this one#i can't wait to post it#they make me so🫠#also i'm convinced i can't go any more mini#i swear i'm trying#silv writes things#wolfstar microfic#wolfstar#sirius black#remus lupin#marauders#marauders era
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LOVING YOU
MASTERLIST | WC: 8.1K (EXACTLY) | RELEASE DATE: 7TH MAY 2024
NON-IDOL!WOOYOUNG X FEM!READER (X NON-IDOL!SAN)
Synopsis: Loving Jung Wooyoung wasn’t worth it. Loving him wasn’t worth a god damn bone in your body. Yet here you are. Loving Jung Wooyoung made you hurt. It was a pain you were willing to endure for so long.
Warning/s: Angst. Hurt to comfort. Some fluff. Mentions of food and alcohol.
Rina’s notes: This is probably my favourite thing I’ve written kind of gagged! For texts white is someone else and blue is you! Sumin and Ningning what are you doing here?? There may be some spelling and grammar mistakes, I just haven’t had time to clean it up! Not too proud of the ending as I don’t really know how to end stuff sorry!!!!!
Tags: @newworldnet
Loving Jung Wooyoung is like watching your heart getting ripped out and doing nothing to stop it. It’ll happen again so why bother. Your heart aches as he smiles as Sumin knowing full well she’d never love him as much as you do. But what you do know is that she makes him happy and that’s all you can ask for at this point.
The sounds in the cafe had gradually faded out as you watched the pair lovingly gaze into each other’s eyes. They were both so content with being in each other’s presence you’re sure they’d forgotten you were even there with them. Neither of them had spoke to you nor looked in your direction for a while, leaving you to trace your finger in the grooves of your mug.
Your eyes drifted from the couple to the chalkboard above the counter, after reading it you look around the room. You do everything but look at the couple.
“So what about you?” Sumin smiles at you, breaking you out of your daze.
You return the smile, slightly lost, and reply. “What about me?”
“What’s your favourite thing to do? It’d be nice to know you more, seeing as you’re his best friend and all.” It’s always that last line that gets you but she says it so politely you aren’t sure if it was supposed to come off as condescending.
“Oh.” You think for a moment. “I don’t do much. I stay inside.” You give her an awkward smile, looking over at Wooyoung to say something.
He puts his hand on your shoulder and nods. “That’s something though, kiddo.”
Before you can get another word in he lets go of you and continues talking to Sumin about whatever they were before. Slowly you reach into the bag on your lap and pull out your phone. You see San’s name on the screen along with a text message and open it discreetly.
Is everything going alright?
just call pls
i wanna go
Read 13:17
You make an effort to turn your phone off of silent and after a few moments it rings loudly, cutting off the conversation happening next to you. “It’s San.” You place the phone on ear closest to Wooyoung and San says something about needing your help but you don’t really register it. You simply pick up your bag, pull out your wallet, place some money next to your cold drink, wave to the pair and leave. You can hear them both say goodbye but you shut the door just as quickly as you open it.
After leaving you turn the corner and see the pair through the window, they go back to talking as usual. Wooyoung laughing at something Sumin says and you can almost hear his hearty laugh as if you were still in there.
San hears your irregular breaths and his heart breaks for you. “Do you want me to pick you up?”
“He’s so happy.” You let out a shaky sigh.
“I’ll come and get you.” Keys jingle on the other end of the line and you can hear Byeol meow at San for leaving.
“They’re so happy, together.” You study the smile on Wooyoung’s face. He doesn’t cover his mouth with his hand and instead reaches for hers. His smile reaches his eyes, as does hers.
“Wait at Aurora, it’s Hongjoong’s shift.” You nod, although he can’t see it he knows.
Your phone slowly slips back into your bag, you’re not sure if you put the phone down or if San has but you register that it’s no longer in your hand. You finally tear your eyes away from the pair and drag your feet two blocks to Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s store.
It’s a silent walk.
There are no cars on the road. There are no people in the street. There are no birds chirping.
You’re left with your thoughts. Dangerous, really.
This is the first time he’s been so enthusiastic about having you meet someone, he pushed so hard for it and how could you say no to that face. The face you’ve loved so dearly since 8th grade.
She is the first girlfriend of his that had smiled at you and spoke to you and asked about you, something that gains Wooyoung’s stamp of approval. She offered to pay for your drink and even gave you a book you’d been meaning to read that she had on hand. She didn’t judge you for being a homebody nor did she pass comment on it.
Sumin was lovely. That’s what you hated more than anything.
Hongjoong had clearly been warned about your arrival because by the time you arrive there’s a hot chocolate on your usual booth and a small post it note next to it. Your heart clenches at Hongjoong’s gesture, not because it hurts you but because you’d missed being there.
The place was empty, his lunch rush had ended as all the sweet treats on display were gone and Yeosang was wiping tables.
You go straight to the booth quietly, getting a small smile from the man behind the counter as you walk past him. Placing your bag next to you, you pick up the note.
‘It’s on me.’
Simple and short but enough to remind you that’s exactly what Sumin said that made Wooyoung kiss her on the cheek while wrapping his arm around her while you were in line together. Of course Wooyoung was affectionate, he always has been but not like that in a long time. He’d hug and hold hands and give San or Yeosang the occasional kiss on the cheek but that’s where it ended.
You keep staring at the note before wordlessly folding it and putting it at the edge of the table.
“Do you think he doesn’t know?” You’re not sure who you’re speaking to, yourself, Hongjoong or Yeosang.
“Honestly?” Yeosang responds, his voice telling you he’s close. You nod and he sighs. “I don’t think he does.” Looking over at Yeosang he comes and sits opposite you. “I think he’s so wrapped up in his own world he’s not looking right in front of him.”
He watches as you take a sip of the warm drink. It provides no comfort to you as it usually would. You feel empty. Just as you place the drink down you hear San enter.
There’s nothing but pity in his eyes.
The cycle continues and he’s not sure how much longer he can let it go on.
Loving Jung Wooyoung is like being at the beach on a sunny day. It’s warm for a moment before it gets too hot and you get burnt. You’d endured it for so many visits so what’s one more, after all you’ll be out of it soon. It’s hot in the house, there are too many bodies and not one window open. Wooyoung had told you it was a nice gathering between friends and not a full blown party, hence the long sleeve shirt and jeans. He lied to you but at least the rest of the group is here.
“I was hoping to see you again! Our meeting was cut short last time!” Sumin rests her elbow on your shoulder and shouts over the music. She offers you some of her drink but you have your hand to decline it. “You don’t drink?” You shake your head, causing her to laugh. “That’s a shame! We could have been drunk buddies! Wooyoung said you were once!”
Ah. Those times. The reason you stopped drinking. “Not anymore! But thank you for the offer!” She smiles and leaves you alone, going somewhere to the sofa’s to mingle some more.
The music feels like it’s getting louder and you begin playing with your sleeves, scratching up your hand as you do. It begins to hurt but you ignore it the best you can and focus on finding someone you know. Your best bet is Seonghwa being in the kitchen, making sure people drink safely and responsibly so you go there.
It takes some pushing and small excuse me’s that go ignored to get there but in the end you do. He’s keeping it as clean as he can while staying out of everyone’s way, it’s in his nature after all. He silently gives you a comforting smile as you walk his way.
“I didn’t think you come.” He speaks into your ear.
He leans down to your heightso you can reply in the same manner. “I thought it was just us. That’s what he told me.” Seonghwa pulls back, just as confused as you were when you arrived. You pull him back in to defend Wooyoung but he doesn’t give you the chance, instead he speaks to you.
“Friends don’t do that, you know that.” He shakes his head and cleans some cups on the side.
You reply. “It’s just how he is!” But you’re not sure he hears you.
As he busy’s himself you feel your phone vibrating in your pocket. With the amount of times it goes off you could mistake it for a call, but it’s not. It’s Wooyoung.
hey
heyyyyyyy
hey hey hey
are you here
sumin asked if you’re here
you’re bffs now she says
WEREH SO BFFS NWU
that was sumin
d'you make it or not
can it woo
you lied
now where are you?
He leaves you on read and you sigh. Just as you go to put your phone back he pipes up again.
you know i didn’t mean to
welllllll
bathroom
su thinks she’ll be sick
ok
Read 22:13
This time you successfully put your phone away and bid Seonghwa goodbye, although you aren't sure he can hear you considering the volume of the music and the constant chatter. You push through the group of people in the doorway as politely as you can and make a beeline for the stairs.
The crowding on the stairs didn't slow you down, you came to see Wooyoung but now that Sumin is (supposedly) being sick you want to make sure she's alright.
The bathroom door is wide open, a couple in there all over each other, so you knock on his bedroom door just a couple meters away, assuming she's in the suite. You continuously knock without receiving a response. It takes you a couple minutes to decide what to do. You could go downstairs and see someone you know or you could go home or you could go and see Wooyoung like you said you would. How could you ever knowingly let him down?
You shout that you're coming in before opening the door and the sight you're met with makes you freeze. Much like the couple in the bathroom they're all over each other. Lips and hands constantly moving to cover more area. Each movement more desperate than the last as they pull each other closer. You can't watch any longer and slam the door shut behind you as you leave. You don't know if either of them spot you and you don't want to stay long enough to find out.
You shoot down the stairs just as quick as you went up them. Seonghwa watches you from the kitchen doorway and tries stop you however his efforts are in vain when you rip your wrist out of his grip without slowing your pace. He sees you go through the front door and sighs as he catches a glimpse of Wooyoung coming down the stairs.
"Is she here?!" He shouts over the music as best he can, San, Seonghwa and Yunho are all in his line of sight but they all look at him before going back to what they were doing. He does some extra searching around the first level of his house but his efforts come up short. You aren't with any of their mutual friends or your usual spots.
Maybe he was imagining things. Maybe you left after you realised it wasn't a meet up. Maybe you left when he wasn't there when you got here. Maybe you never came at all. Maybe you came upstairs and opened the door and saw him and Sumin before promptly leaving because who would want to walk in on their best friend and their partner making out? He surely wouldn't want to walk in on you doing that.
Wooyoung opens the front door in order to let some air in as he tries to figure out what's going on. After all that over thinking he's quite confused when he sees you sitting on the curb at the end of his house with Yeosang at your side.
He considers walking over to the two of you but you lean your head against Yeosang’s shoulder and he decides to stay back. He watched from afar as you speak to each other, he can’t make any of it out and he assumes by the closeness that he should leave it alone.
“I just went in. I knocked by no one answered. I upset myself in theory.” You laugh quietly.
He shakes his head. “Not really. You thought she was being sick. Wooyoung doesn’t like sick so you did what you thought was right.”
“It’s his room and I just walked.” You look down and shuffle your feet uncomfortably, thinking back to the scene.
“You usually do, it’s nothing new.” He peers over his shoulder as best as he can and he’s sure he sees Wooyoung watching you from the corner of his eye. Wooyoung notices and pushes the door shut slightly to cover himself.
“I just want to go home now.” You stand up and Yeosang follows suit.
He reaches out for you but you start walking away. “Let’s get something to eat. You’ll just sit and wallow in self pity at home.”
“It’s better than seeing them.” You wipe your eyes, a movement both boys watching you catch up on. Before Wooyoung can even consider comforting you his friend jogs slightly to catch up to you.
He goes back inside and shuts the door behind him. Both you and Yeosang hear the door shut and you look at him as he sighs. He reaches out to wipe your tears and pulls your eyes away from the door.
“What do you want to eat, hm?”
Loving Jung Wooyoung is like watching snow fall and land on wet pavement. The snow won’t settle, so why try. It's so pretty but at what cost? Wooyoung looks at Sumin with so much love, it's the same way you look at him San says. But if it was why can everybody but him see it?
"Did you end up coming over last week?" Sumin diverts the conversation towards you, getting too shy to talk as Wooyoung stares at her.
You wave your hand dismissively and swallow your drink. Her question makes Wooyoung look at you and you softly punch his shoulder as he sits next to you. “Only for a couple minutes because someone said it was a gathering between friends, not a party with everyone he knows.” He laughs and so do you to hide how annoyed you really are, this makes San stare at you from across the table but you slightly shake your head at him.
“Oh!” Sumin exclaims. “Wooyoung said you guys used to party all the time. Are they not your scene?”
“They never really have been, I only went because I was 18 and he wanted me out my dorm room.” You sigh.
“Books were your life back then, one of us had to do it.” San pipes up, sipping his coffee, amused. The other three laugh as you jokingly frown at San.
Silence falls over the table as all of you dig into the cakes in front of you and drink your lukewarm beverages. You can see San’s eyes flick from you to the couple as they feed each other, you try to pay no mind to it but he watches your shoulders slump the tiniest bit more and he can’t help but feel pity for you.
It’s past the lunch rush for Aurora hence the group gathering but you can’t help but feel like an outsider to the other three. Wooyoung and Sumin being in love and San not having to battle the same feelings as you makes it easy for him to speak. But every movement you make has you second guessing yourself. For comfort you end up watching Wooyoung, something you’ve done for a long time that you aren’t quite sure you can give up.
He’s so pretty and lovely and caring and kind and the thought of all that makes you want to fall for him all over again. He’s so happy to watch Sumin talk to San even though he’s the biggest chatterbox at the table, he’s so content that they’re getting along. His eyes tell you everything you need to know about how he feels and as comforting as they are how easily you can read them hurts. Because it’s not for you.
Sumin smiles at you and you shoot her one back. She doesn’t seem hurt or jealous or angry that you’re staring at her boyfriend, there’s an unreadable emotion in her eye that you can’t pinpoint but you know it’s not negative. San spots your interaction and sees you ever so slightly cringe and curl into yourself.
He takes this as a sign to go, as much as he knows you want to stay for Wooyoung (just for it to be like old times once more) he can’t bare the sight of you working yourself up and feeling like you make people uncomfortable. He’s seen it all before but this time it seems to be worse. Maybe it’s because he can see how in love Wooyoung is, how both of you know Sumin is the one for him and this is it, how you wished to be loved the way you love him. San stands up with a smile “I’ll pay for this one, Wooyoung you’re paying for the next.”
“You’re going?” Wooyoung goes to take his wallet to pay his and Simon’s portion but his friend dismisses just as fast.
“Mhm, we have to take Byeol to the vet. You know my sister doesn’t like doing it and I don’t like going alone.” He gestures for you to get up, which you do.
Wooyoung reaches out for your hand as you step out the booth and you feel him just graze your wrist, his movements causing you to move back. His touch burns, it hurts and you’re not sure why. All you know is that you can’t see him right now because everything is starting to hurt.
You can see Sumin from the corner of your eye as the gears begin turning in her head and she connects dots you wished she couldn’t. She’d caught you.
Quickly, you wave bye to the couple and Seonghwa behind the counter as he finishes up his shift and leave San to pay. Wooyoung considers going after you but Sumin shakes her head and he doesn’t. “Girl to girl, don’t worry.” Is enough for him to leave it alone. You’d never spoke to him about ‘girl problems’ before so if she knew, that was already more than him.
San comes outside and sees you sat on the curb with your hand on your chest. He can’t tell if you’re trying to slow your heartbeat or steady your breathing but he leaves you to it until you’re ready to talk.
“I’m a terrible person, San.” You look over your shoulder at him. “I like a guy with a girlfriend and she knows but that’s barely changed anything.”
“You don’t just like him, you’ve loved him since we were kids. No partner has ever changed that for you. You aren’t a terrible person, not when you liked him first.” He tries to reason. He reaches out to you and helps you stand up.
The pair of you walk to his car in complete silence. There’s nothing else that can be said because he’s right.
The car isn’t too far, just down the road, but it gives you time to think about your next steps. You could either come clean and move on, never mention it again or apologise to Sumin. Coming clean could ruin everything though and suffering in silence for too long can ruin a person but you have nothing to apologise for. You’re stuck in an endless loop of hurt.
As you slip into the passenger seat you can feel the dreaded vibration of your phone in your pocket. You don’t open the message, instead watch it come in on your lock screen.
I don’t blame you. You’ve known him for much longer and he cares about you. You haven’t done anything to come in between us so I can’t fault you. I won’t say anything if you don’t feel comfortable with it.
“Sumin knows.” You read the message out to San before turning your phone off in your lap.
“And how does that make you feel?” He tries to be empathetic as he starts the car.
“Pathetic.” Your phone lights up one more time but you flip it over after reading the next message.
Just don’t hurt yourself more than you have. A boy isn’t worth that much.
Loving Jung Wooyoung is like watching the cherry blossoms flower and then counting the petals as they fall. The petals, although beautiful, are eventually forgotten about. You sit at the kitchen island, staring at the clock above the oven. 10:23pm.
Sighing you open your text thread with Wooyoung once again and check if he’s read any.
Today 11:14
what’s the plan then dude
it’s the 17th
Today 14:22
you missed the last one
you said we’d watch two movies to make up for it
doctor strange isn’t gonna watch itself??
Today 17:36
what are we doing????
wooooooyuuuuuuu
is it off??
Today 19:12
san came instead
thanks for letting me know you weren’t coming
Delivered
Just as you go to turn it off and head to bed you watch the ‘Delivered’ switch to ‘Read 10:24’ and your heart drops but you’re not sure why.
When it comes to Wooyoung you’re not sure about a lot of things but there’s not much you can do about it. You’re so used to feeling that way that, to you, at the end of the day it is what it is. It’s how you feel and you can’t help that, you just have to learn how to navigate it.
Your phone rings and you see his caller ID. Hesitantly you pick up, Lord knows what he’s going to say but you hope it’s along the lines of sorry.
“What’s with you and San recently?” He exhales.
You laugh quietly, he’s the pathetic one now. “Not even a hello?”
“I don’t show up so you replace me with San yet again?” You can hear shuffles on the other end of the line.
“Was I supposed to stay by myself on the day we have reserved for each ot- wait, you didn’t show up you’re right!” After turning the lights out and shutting off any electrics you need to, you go to your bedroom and put your phone on charge. “Hold on, you’re on speaker.”
“We were supposed to watch Doctor Strange together!” He argues.
You laugh at him, amused once again. “Wooyoung you didn’t show up and didn’t even tell me, how was I supposed to know you wanted to watch it with me when you didn’t have the decency to text me?”
“I forgot! I went out with Sumin and my time was taken up!”
“So why are you mad at me!”
The line goes quiet and you’re sure he’s put the phone down. After hearing some more shuffling from him that theory doesn’t stand. Either way he still doesn’t say anything.
“I don’t know actually.”
“Meeting on the 17th is our thing and you forgot, we’ve done it every month since we were 15 Woo. You forgot, it was something you wanted to do and now you’re mad at me because I didn’t want to be alone.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
“Are you?”
He falls quiet again and this time you put the phone down. You’re already hurting after being ditched but being ditched for Sumin (even though they’re together) on your day made it still just that tiny bit more.
You watch his caller ID show up on your phone again but you turn it off and flip it over on your nightstand. Before you lay in bed you flip down the picture of you and Wooyoung at your graduation that sat next to it.
He’d never forgotten before, he used to make a point that it was your thing not only to his partners but your own friendship group and yet he’s the one forgetting. He’s the one who’d got your hopes up only to leave you hanging.
You lay awake that night, overthinking. Staring at the ceiling of glow in the dark stars you and Wooyoung put up one night after watching The Blair Witch. Regardless of how you feel about him a friend doesn’t do this to a friend. He didn’t forget to go bowling with Mingi and Yunho. He didn’t forget to go to the lakes with Jongho. He had meetings with Sumin those days too. Were you just that forgettable?
Quickly you text your best friend, feelingly conflicted after putting the phone down and being shouted at for something that was entirely his fault.
it’s our thing
you left me and that’s on you
Delivered
You keep your phone open on the message screen expecting Wooyoung to be awake considering you know he has the next (or current, depending on how you see it) day off however nothing comes.
Instead you watch the ‘Delivered’ switch to ‘Read 04:25’ with no response.
Loving Jung Wooyoung is like flipping through an old photobook as you fantasise about what could have been. It had been a while since the whole group were together (in a calm setting) but it had been a long time coming seeing how busy you had all been.
You can’t stay mad at Wooyoung for long, it’s been a week and you’re currently sat next to him on Ningning’s couch as she pulls out your yearbook. “Here he is,” she covers Wooyoung’s picture and shows it to Sumin who’s also sat next to him “we did let him walk around like this. I can only apologise.” She takes her hand off the picture and she immediately laughs.
“This is you?!” She points at her boyfriend only for him to look down and laugh. The rest of you laugh as well and she scoffs in amusement. Her eyes scan over the rest of the page. “You were all in the same class, that sounds like trouble.” She mutters jokingly.
“If you were looking for trouble it was these two.” Seonghwa point to you and Wooyoung. “Team Rocket over there.” He rolls his eyes, thinking of the many times he or Hongjoong had to free you from detention.
You lean back and pout. “It wasn’t even me, it was all him and I was taken in by association!”
“Maybe you shouldn’t have associated with me then!” He fires back just as fast.
“Sometimes I wish I didn’t!” Both of you roll your eyes at the same time causing the others to laugh once again.
It was nice to be in a friendly setting with everyone rather than stuck in a small space with the couple. You’d been seeing them at random times of the week, Wooyoung being the one inviting you out never Sumin. She text you from time to time however it was mainly to ask how San was and if you would both be seeing them soon as a group.
“How did everyone become friends then? I’ve never been with you all at the same time to know.” Sumin hand’s back the yearbook to Ningning and looks around expectantly.
“Ning and I are childhood friends.” You start.
“Then hell-spawn moved in next door.” Ningning glares at Wooyoung who does the same back.
Yunho smiles at the pair. “Mingi and I met them in middle school after Wooyoung tripped Ning into Mingi.”
“Jongho and I were always in the same classes and clubs.” You add.
“Seonghwa, Hongjoong and Yeosang were in the high school student committee so they were running into these two all the time.” Mingi points to you and Wooyoung who frown at him.
Wooyoung mumbles quietly “No need to add that.” making Sumin laugh.
“And San joined my home room and just never left.” You smile at him which he returns pretty quickly. “Made me show him around the whole school only to find out he didn’t even go there.”
Sumin’s jaw drops in disbelief as she looks at San who nods with a cheeky smile. “Wow so you really have been friends for years!” She looks over the room. “It’s really nice to have you all be so welcoming no matter how long we’ve known each other.”
“Don’t worry about it, anyway come with me. I have so many good pictures of Wooyoung, you have to see them.” Ningning stands up and offers a hand to Sumin which she quickly takes, standing up too.
As they leave to the hallway people begin to funnel out of the front room and you follow Yeosang to the kitchen. You both silently make yourself drinks as well as pour some extras for everyone else. There’s a quiet sound of chatting coming from behind but you and Yeosang continue in silence.
He watches over you with a look that asks how you are and all you can do is shrug, there’s not much you can do about how you feel but live with it, you have for years anyway.
A call of your name from the hallway takes your attention away from the silent conversation so you put your drink down and instead you go and join the other girls as they look at photos. Sumin points to a picture on the wall of you and Wooyoung, both of you in relatively formal outfits that match to a certain level. “When was this?” She seems so innocently intrigued that you take it off the wall and let her hold it. She brings it closer to her face and comments about how small you both were.
You’re both stood next to each other timidly, his hand holding yours as you both smile. His purple tie matching your purple dress. The picture was taken by your mom but Ningning had begged for a copy.
“The night after graduation, right?” Ningning leans it towards herself slightly.
The night after graduation. The night where Wooyoung pulled you away from the makeshift gathering you and everyone else in your year were having to tell you that he decided not to go to his dream college even though he was accepted. He told you he couldn’t go because he didn’t want to be far away from you because best friends don’t just up and leave each other.
The night where you almost had your first kiss, with Wooyoung at that. The only reason it didn’t happen was because Seonghwa thought something bad had happened (you guys were away for 30 minutes to be fair) but instead walked in on your lips just barely grazing each others. He left but that didn’t matter because the moment was gone. So you both settled on holding each other close and slow dancing until you were too tired to do it anymore.
The night your crush on Wooyoung came into full effect and you fully believed that the moment between you at the gathering would lead to something more but instead it went unaddressed and ignored. Your heart clenches at the memory and you have to physically stop yourself from clutching your heart.
Ningning breaks you out of your daze by asking the same question as Sumin. She watches your heartbreak for your younger self as you think of the night, after all besides Seonghwa who saw you she the only other person who knows fully what happened that night. “Yeah, we had to make our own prom because our senior pranks went too far.” Both you and Ningning laugh at the memories while Sumin continues to look at the picture.
“Wooyoung come look at this!” She exclaims. He pops around the corner and she passes the framed picture to him. He falls silent just as you did and looks up at you. “You two were so little.”
“We were indeed.”
“You were matching too.”
“She had no other friends, someone had to go with her.” He laughs to himself before leaving quickly, Sumin follows after him while asking about the senior pranks he had commit.
Ningning turns to you and places her hand on your shoulder, she strokes the are with her thumb. She’s given you the same look so many times you don’t have to speak to her to know what she’s going to say, it’s not like you could do anything about it anyway.
“Let it go, it’s fine.”
“No it’s not.” She tries to reason but you’ve already pushed her hand away from you and joined everyone else as they gather around the front room once more.
Loving Jung Wooyoung was like watching flowers die. Originally you cared for them but as time passes you realise can’t keep holding onto them. You realised this when Sumin text you last night asking if you and San would want to meet her and her boyfriend in a couple days to hang out. (She didn’t explicitly say ‘her boyfriend’ but saying ‘my Wooyoung’ was enough to make it sting a little.)
You responded to her a few hours later reminding her you and Wooyoung have plans, a text she leaves on delivered but you know she’s read it. So you’re confused when she walks in before your friend, she thanks him for holding the door for you and waves at you.
Wooyoung pulls out a chair for her across from you and then sits next to her. “I couldn’t leave Su behind, not if we’re coming here.” He holds her hand on the table. “It feels like it’s our place now.” You’re taken aback but you feel so much different from last time. You feel hollow, like an empty can that’s being kicked as someone walks down the street. It doesn’t hurt as much as you think it would, as much as it usually does.
“So what did you wanna see me for?” He keeps his body facing Sumin but looks your way.
“Just a catch up is all, we haven’t seen each other in a while.” Your statement makes the atmosphere awkward. You all know why you haven’t seen each other but it goes unsaid and instead makes Sumin put her head down awkwardly.
You lean back in your chair and cross your leg over the other. “How have you guys been then?”
“Well, we’ve been alright.” Wooyoung starts. “Su met my parents recently, that happened too.”
She nods. “They’re really nice.”
“How are you?” He follows up, looking away from Sumin.
“I’ve been good. San, Yunho and I have been hanging out loads, we’re going bowling with Ningning and Yeosang next Saturday so, yeah, I’ve been busy.”
Wooyoung leans back too, confused. “Where was the invite?” He tries to joke but it doesn’t come off as one.
“We sorted it in the group chat, you never replied so we thought you were busy.”
“Well I’m sure we can come right?” He looks over to Sumin who agrees, stating that their calendars are empty.
You shake your head and look down at the table. “We already booked it for five. We planned it like two weeks ago so.”
The table falls silent. None of you are too sure what to talk about. It’s true, you did call Wooyoung to catch up and hang out but with or without Sumin there wasn’t much to talk about. How do you catchup with your best friend who’s supposed to know everything about you? He spent all him time with his girlfriend, which is understandable, but it felt like he was leaving you behind. Not only you but the rest of the group.
There was nothing you could talk about, leaving the three of you sitting quietly looking around the cafe. It wasn’t the same as last time, this time you weren’t doing it because you were hurt or upset and didn’t want to look at the couple. This time you were doing it because it was awkward and there was nothing else you could say. You wanted to reconnect to Wooyoung but you didn’t know where to start.
You wanted to be his friend again.
That small realisation hits you hard. You weren’t stuck on him. You wanted to go back to the way it was before. You’d have to relearn everything about him but you were willing to do it if it all felt normal again.
There’s nothing you can say to fill the silence at the moment. All of you shift uncomfortably. Wooyoung wants to see you, Sumin doesn’t want to do anything that could upset you considering she knows (well, knew) about your feelings towards her boyfriend and you’re fighting yourself on what to do.
“I think I should go.” You announce, you aren’t sure to who but they both seem to take it on board. “I’ll see you around.”
You and Sumin give Wooyoung no time to argue as she assumes your seat and you leave, she smiles at you softly on your way out which you reciprocate quietly.
The scene mirrors the one when you first met her, only this time she knows you’re watching through the window but she pays no mind to them. You watch as she talks his ear off while he nods and agrees every now and then. He stares at her with an emotion you can’t quite read, perhaps you weren’t in love enough to know if it’s a stage of that or not.
Before you can think about your next steps your phone rings and you’re quick to pick up. “Hello, San.”
He makes a small sound of shock. “You sound much more joyful than I would have expected.”
Taking your eyes away from them you look up at the clear sky. “Yeah, well, it’s a good day.”
“That’s good.” San sounds just as content as you. “That’s what acceptance is like.”
“How would you know?” As if your brain is working on autopilot you begin walking toward Aurora.
You can hear some sort of movement on the other end of the line. “We’ve all been through it at least once.” Hearing Byeol meow at San as he walks past her makes you both laugh, her volume will never daily to make you smile.
Both of you stay quiet, the silence isn’t awakened like earlier or sad like last time, it’s nice. Neither of you had to fill the space or force anything, you see each other so often now that there’s nothing to update on.
His car door slams and his keys jingle. “Aurora?”
“Yeah.” Smiling, you cut the call off with the small cafe in sight.
Loving yourself after so long is like having a picnic in Summer. It’s bright. It’s warm. It’s enjoyable. San sits across from you on your blanket, empty food boxes around you and bottles of fizzy leaning against your leg, staring you down while he paints. He pouts as the 30 minute timer goes off, cutting off his playlist when it does.
“Hey drop the pout! At least you’re not doing this with Hongjoong or Yeosang, they would have wiped the floor with both of us.” San pulls his painting closer to himself as you reach out for his. “Come on, I worked hard on this!” You plead but he shakes his head.
“Five more minutes?”
“No, we can flip them at the same time-“
“But you’re so much better than me at drawing!”
“I’m literally not!”
He finishes up some details before hesitantly handing you the small canvas, you do the same with a smile and at the same time you both flip them over to see the paintings.
San had (poorly) painted a portrait of you in the park you were sat in with the exact same setting behind you, a stream and flowers behind you. There were a few ducks painted on there too, all sat in a line. You smile at the painting, making San smile too.
He checks over your picture and immediately spots Byeol in the corner. It makes him smile, how much you love that cat.
“What do you think?”
“It’s perfect, I’ll put it up in my home office.” He puts the picture down and admires you staring down at his portrait.
You turn the paintings face up and leave them on the blanket to dry in the sun while you begin to eat any remaining snacks and fruit.
The whole experience is calming and comforting. “Next time we’ll have to bring Ningning and Jongho. There’s something there, I’m telling you.“ San laughs and shakes his head before offering you to feed you a strawberry which you gladly bite. “There is something there! There always has been! I’m telling you San!”
“Or we could bring Byeol on a harness and leash.”
“Why didn’t you say before we left?! She’s home alone on a nice day and we could have brought her with us!” Your phone begins to vibrate, presumably with texts, which you ignore to continue talking. “Next time it’s nice out we will.”
“Alright, promise?” He reaches his pinky over to you and you lock them. “Promised. Now are you going to get that?”
You push your thumb against his with a small smile. “We had to make it official first.”
Once you let go you pick up your phone, opening it quickly to see where the notifications were from only to see _ on your messages. Opening the app you realise they’re all from Wooyoung.
Today 13:16
r u busy rn
can I come over
I’m freaking out rn
I think su is done with me
what do I do
what do women do
how do I apologise
nvm she doesn’t want me to apologise
she wants time
what does that mean
i’m out with san right now
i told you two days ago
but it’s our first fight
you should probably message hongjoong
he’s good with stuff like this
pleas dude
wooyoung i can’t help
sorry
You put your phone back down without awaiting his response. “He fought with Sumin and he wants to know what to do.”
“Are you going to see him then?” San seems slightly nervous about your answer which thankfully goes unnoticed by you. Once you shake your head you can see him visibly relax.
Lying back you laugh at him. “Why would I?”
“You usually do.” He reasons, moving to sit down next to you.
“Fair.” You turn your head towards him and squint to see him. “Well, I’m here with you so there's no need to go anywhere. do you want me to go?"
San lifts up his hand to block the sun out of your eyes, letting you look at him properly. "No." He shakes his head while biting his lip.
"Then I won't." You move your own hand away from your eyes and rest it on your stomach as you close your eyes. "It's been really nice today, thank you. I think we should do this more often, with Byeol next time."
"That would be nice." He's thankful that you can't see him because he's sure that the face he's pulling right now isn't the best, he's trying to find the right words for what he's about to ask. "Do you think we could, possibly, may- Never mind actually.” He shakes his head and looks around the park awkwardly.
“Maybe next time we could make it a date. I don’t want to jump into anything now after everything but I think, if you’re willing to wait, we could try.” You turn your head away from San and sigh.
He smiles to himself. “I’ve waited for a while, what’s a couple more months.” Both of you quietly laugh at his comment. “Don’t fall asleep now, we’re yet to go on the swings.”
“Oh, leave me alone! I’m just resting my eyes!”
Loving you is like dreaming. It’s so incredible, it’s everything you want. Except when you when up you have to face reality and it’s difficult. That’s how Wooyoung feels as he watches you laugh at a joke Yunho says he doesn’t find all that funny, maybe it’s because he leaned in and told you personally and Mingi and Yeosang laughed because they just caught him saying it. You laugh so hard a hand rests on your stomach while the other hits Yunho’s shoulder.
“You’re staring holes into him.” Jongho comments beside him. Wooyoung continues to watch you from the other end of the table as you place some meat from the small barbecue onto Mingi and Yeosang’s rice while telling Yunho to get his own. “Wooyoung eat your food or go.” Jongho repeats your gesture but gives himself and his sulking friend meat instead, Seonghwa scolding him as he does.
Ningning sits across from Wooyoung and shakes her head. She glances over at San who watches you attentively, a smile slowly forming on her face. He stares at you with that same look you used to have when staring at Wooyoung and it’s enough to let her know you’ll be alright. She’s glad it’s him. Anyone else and she would have had her doubts but San stuck with you throughout all your hardships and struggles, even if he hurt himself along the way. Again, much like you did with Wooyoung but you’re past him now.
Wooyoung looks across at Ningning and follows her eyes to San. He’s brought straight back to reality. A cold feeling washes over him. He’s confused but when everything clicks his heart burns. His face mimics yours when you first met Sumin as he begins to notice all those small things he didn’t before.
How you left soon after meeting Sumin. When you lied about seeing them together that night (something neither of you have ever addressed, he’s not sure why). Why you were upset about being left on your day. All the uncomfortable moments and shifting when they spoke to you about you.
“It’s not… fair.” He whispers, Jongho is the only person that catches it and watches him leave. The group turns to him as his seat screeches when he leaves. He meets your eyes and for a second he spots understanding which is then followed by guilt. Jongho goes after him as he makes his exit, leaving everyone else to continue their conversations and eating.
Ningning follows suit too, leaving the two hotheads alone would result in an outburst you don’t deserve and as your longest friend all she ever wanted was your happiness. Wooyoung’s ruined it once she she’ll be damned if she lets it happen again.
Both Jongho and Ningning stare at him with pity as he watches you, San and Yunho laugh together. “It’s as if I hadn’t just left. I feel so-“
“Invisible?” Ningning leans towards him slightly. He nods and looks between you and San. “You can’t expect her to pay attention to you all the time.”
Wooyoung doesn’t come back inside even after Ningning and Jongho do instead the pair of them watch him through the window as he leaves. Both you and San see him from the corner of your eyes but by the time you’re properly looking he’s gone.
Instead he walks all the way back home, leaving his stuff behind in the process. It’s late and the street lights barely work but he’d rather be alone. It’s probably not the best to be alone with his own thoughts and feelings but it’s better than seeing you and San.
In the restaurant Jongho and Ningning watch their friend’s phone vibrate, it’s the third time ‘Sumin 💕🎀’ has shown up on the screen. Both of them leave it alone as they continue eating.
There’s nothing they could do but watch the cycle repeat. You’d both put each other through it unknowingly, only a little too late.
#RINA’S FICS#ateez#ateez angst#ateez au#ateez imagine#ateez imagines#ateez scenario#ateez x reader#ateez fluff#ateez scenarios#kpop imagine#wooyoung#wooyoung x reader#wooyoung x y/n#ateez wooyoung#ateez wooyoung x reader#san#ateez san imagine#ateez san x reader#ateez san#san imagines#san imagine#san x reader#ateez oneshot#wooyoung angst#san fluff
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the one with the abortion - jj maybank × ex!fem!reader
summary: JJ is taking care of his ex!girlfriend because she's having an abortion
warnings: hurt/comfort, no happy ending
word count: 1.9k
author's note: inspired by that one episode in Heartbreak High season 2. I know it's a heavy topic, that's why I'm advising you to maybe not read it if you have a trigger or just don't feel comfortable with this kind of thing.
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You knock at the door of the Château and a moment later John B is standing before you, leaning in the door with an unpleasant look on his face.
“What do you want?” he snarls.
“Is JJ there? I need to talk to him,” you press out the words. Your heart lies heavy in your chest, throat dry and eyes close to tears.
“He doesn't want to see you,” John B replies, and you nod, knowingly. Of course, he didn't, you had broken up with him, had broken his heart and refused contact for a whole month.
“I know,” you bite your tongue and clear your throat. “It's important. Can you tell him I came by?”
“Sure. Whatever,” John B shrugs, and you leave, wrapping your arms around your middle to not start crying instantly.
You walk home, it's not like you could call anyone to pick you up, either. But you have made your choice, and no matter what he'd say, it won't change it. So you go to your doctor, she prescribes you the pill and an hour later you sit at home, a hundred bucks lighter and with an even heavier weight on your shoulders.
The instructions are clear, take the pill, wait for the hours to pass and take the second one. And if your calculations are correct, you're gonna be able to survive school the next day before anything even starts to happen. It's easy.
The next morning you wake up to light cramps, nothing that you hadn't expected, nothing you couldn't deal with. You get ready and make your way to school, ignoring the pain and instead focusing on the horrible day that lay before you.
You are standing at your locker when he walks closer. You don't have to see him walk over to know it. JJ has the type of presence to him that just keeps pulling you in no matter how hard you try to stay away, and how much you wish right now that you had stayed away from the very start.
“Hey,” he greets you rather flat.
“Hi,” you give him a small smile, but he doesn’t reciprocate it.
“John B said you wanted to talk to me?”
“Yeah, but… it's, uh…, it's not really important anymore,” you murmur, looking into your locker instead of his striking blue eyes that made you fall in love with him in the first place.
“All right.” He rolls his eyes and is about to turn away when a rather nasty cramp hits you like a wall of bricks, and you cry out in pain, clawing at your abdomen.
“Y/n! Are you okay?” he lunges forward to hold onto you, no longer cold and distant, but the same way he always had for the months that you had been together.
“No,” the tears are starting to slowly trickle down your cheeks as you look up at him. “Can you take me home?”
“Yeah, of course,” he nods and holds you up the whole way home. It's not a far walk, but with every step you feel like your insides are being ripped to shreds.
“Don't go,” you beg as he turns to the door after having laid you down in your bed. “Please don't leave me.”
“I don't think it's a good idea,” JJ runs his hand through his hair. You know how weird it must be for him, after all the only reason you had broken up with him, was because you were scared that he could cheat on you. Simply because you didn't put much worth to yourself.
“I have no one else, please. Just today,” you cry, and he caves. Putting his backpack down and taking his boots off before climbing into bed to hold you as you tried to fight the pain.
“What's happening?” JJ asks with a whisper, and you pull your face from his chest and peak up at him.
“Don't be mad at me,” you whisper.
“I don't think I can be mad at you for being in pain,” he smiles softly, flattening the hair on your head.
“I'm having an abortion,” you whisper, and he furrows his brows.
“What?”
“Right now.”
“How? What? Y/n/n what do you mean?” You can see his mind racing, trying to connect the dots and keep up with what you had just told him.
“You're pregnant?” he asks slowly, and you nod.
“I wanted to tell you yesterday, but- John B didn't let me see you,” you whisper before groaning with how hard the last cramp had hit you.
“I mean- But- Whose is it?” JJ asks, and you feel like laughing about how ridiculous it all sounds.
“Yours. There wasn't anyone else, and timewise- I didn't plan on having an abortion, but you- and then I was alone, and I'm always alone, and we're too young anyway. I wouldn't be able to provide for it,” you ramble.
“Maybe we should call your doctor,” JJ says and reaches for your phone, the pin code still unchanged, to his surprise.
You watch him carefully, helping him answer the questions and holding onto him for your dear life.
“All right, thank you,” he hangs up the phone and sighs.
“What now?” you ask, and he rolls to the side to get out of bed.
“She said you should take the second pill and keep yourself warm, so I'm letting in a bath,” JJ explains softly before leaving for the bathroom.
You reach over to your nightstand and take the second pill before getting up and dragging yourself to the bathroom.
“I would've come to get you, you shouldn't be walking,” JJ sounded concerned and pulled you into his arms.
He helps you take off your clothes and sits down next to the tub as soon as you are in.
“I'm sorry you have to go through this,” he whispers, holding onto your hand.
“Life is funny like that. I always thought we'd do this the right way,” you sigh and let your head fall back to lean on the edge of the tub.
“The right way?” JJ asks quietly.
“Finish school, get married, have a bunch of kids, grow resentful towards each other, divorce as soon as the kids are out of the house. The way everyone does it these days,” you explain through gritted teeth, the hot water is easing the pain, but it's still not gone completely.
“That doesn't sound happy to me.”
“It's not, but the start was. We'll hold onto that,” you sigh, closing your eyes and picturing one of the good days; a picnic at the beach that ended with the both of you drenched to the bones running back towards the Château.
“We can try again,” he whispers, and you lift your head to look at him.
“I'm literally killing your child right now,” you say and he shrugs.
“Just cells, nothing we haven't done in a messier way before.”
“Don't make me laugh,” you close your eyes and force the chuckle away. “It hurts to laugh.”
“Sorry, princess. I don't know what else to talk about,” he leans his chin on the edge of the tub.
“Anything,” you beg quietly.
“We never- you know… I mean, how did it even happen?” JJ looks at you and you shake your head.
“Condom probably broke or something. I don't know. Doesn't matter.”
“You have a specific one in mind that we could've told the little blob about if it didn't get murdered?” JJ grinned and exhaled a long breath to not laugh.
“I don't know, was probably a boring one. Or just nothing anyone ever wants to know about,” you give him a lopsided grin.
“I like to think it was the supply closet, gives it some type of mystery.”
“Mystery?”
“Yeah. You know what's funny, I can't even remember how we got into that situation, but I'd do it again,” he smiles and brushes a strand of hair from your face. “I'd do it all again, no matter the pain.”
“I'm sorry,” you whisper, but he shakes his head.
“Pope said it's not either of our fault, he said you were being a better person than most for leaving early instead of growing resentful towards me over your own dumb insecurities. He didn't call them dumb though, that's all me.”
“I can't help it,” you admit and he nods.
“I know, and I can't convince you. I would've given you the world if you'd let me. Just you, me and the blob, perfect little family.” He smiles, and you feel your heart sink even further.
“I do love you,” you hush, and he blinks two times before looking away.
“I don't think that's a good idea.”
You sit in silence, he's still holding onto your hand and the water has gone more cold. It's not like you had wanted to, but your hormones were all over the place so it didn't surprise you when you started crying.
“Hey, y/n/n, what's up? Should I call the doctor? Pain meds? What can I do?” JJ asks, frantically searching for a solution to the problem.
“I don't wanna die, JJ. I'm scared. I'm so scared,” you cry, and he leans closer, holding your face in his hands and leaning his forehead against yours.
“You're not going to die. I won't let that happen,” he whispers, and you nod with him.
“I should've told you before. I'm sorry,” you weep, and he wipes your tears away.
“It's your choice, baby, I'm gonna be here either way, you know that,” he whispers, and your heart warms at his words. At the pet name he had always kept reserved just for you.
“It hurts,” you cry, and you don't know if it's because he still loves you or because he's scared, but the small kiss he presses to your lips relieves you of so much pain that you can only sigh into it.
“I didn't mean to-” you stop him with another kiss, quick and just as relieving as the first.
“Y/n/n, I love you, but we can't do this. We need time, just like you said and…, I don't know if that's enough,” he whispers against your lips.
“I know, but I want to forget the pain,” you admit and with a soft nod he allows you to kiss him again. It's gentle and not like you had usually done it, it felt like a last time, like a happy end. A tragic but beautiful happy end.
You bite down on his bottom lip when a particularly nasty cramp hits you and JJ pulls away, looking at you with concern before you see his eyes go wide.
“I think you should get out of the water,” he mutters, and you look down at the fine trail of blood that was starting to mix with the water.
He leaves you alone in the bathroom, standing behind the door and constantly asking if you are okay, until you wrap yourself in a bathrobe and come out of the tiled room.
“I think it's gone,” you whisper and he nods.
“Do you want me to leave now?”
You shake your head, although you know it's a bad idea. “We can go back to not talking tomorrow, if that's okay.”
“All right,” he smiles, but his eyes are filled with pain, and you hate yourself even more than you had before. “Should we watch a movie?”
That's how you spend the last few hours of your day, curled up in your bed, watching a romcom on your laptop until you fall asleep. And when you wake up the next morning, he is gone as if nothing had ever happened.
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please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho
taglist: @ijustwantttoread @spideysimpossiblegirl @redhead1180 @kys4-20 @drwstarkeyy @immyowndefender @julczimozart @princessmaybank
#jj maybank#obx#my writing#outer banks#jj maybank x reader#obx fanfiction#~fanfiction#jj maybank x y/n#jj maybank x you#jj mayback imagine#jj maybank hurt/comfort#tw abortion#tw blood mention
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Here’s some positivity for systems who hallucinate!
Experiencing psychosis can be scary, alienating, confusing, and isolating, but for many systems, this is a fact of life! Systems who hallucinate are cherished, beloved, and valued members of the plural community, and they belong in our spaces just as much as anyone else! This post goes out to all the systems who hallucinate out there!
💜 Shoutout to systems who are hallucigenic, psychogenic, schizogenic, or whose plurality was caused by their hallucinations in some way!
💙 Shoutout to systems who experience hallucinations that mainly affect their senses taste, smell, and touch!
💚 Shoutout to systems who struggle to determine whether the voices they hear and figures they see are hallucinations, fellow headmates, or something else!
💛 Shoutout to systems whose hallucinations are often paired with delusions!
🧡 Shoutout to traumagenic systems who struggle with trauma-based psychosis!
❤️ Shoutout to systems with hallucinations caused by Parkinson’s disease, epilepsy, psychotic depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, lasting effects from drug use, or anything else!
💗 Shoutout to systems whose hallucinations have made it more difficult for them to access the care they need or be taken seriously by guardians and healthcare professionals!
❤️ Shoutout to systems who are troubled and distressed, totally indifferent, or comforted and cheered by their hallucinations!
🧡 Shoutout to systems who often deal with denial or a fear of faking because of their hallucinations!
💛 Shoutout to systems who have been hospitalized, voluntarily or involuntarily, or who have been called “dangerous” or “scary” by others due to their hallucinations!
💚 Shoutout to systems whose experience with hallucinations aligns with many stereotypes regarding hallucinations, and to systems whose hallucinations are nothing like the common stereotypes accepted by society!
💙 Shoutout to systems who take medications, are in therapy, or otherwise are seeking treatment to help manage their hallucinations!
💜 Shoutout to headmates who are symptom holders for psychosis or who are the only members of their system who hallucinate!
For any system who hallucinates, for any reason, we want to remind you that you are loved and you belong in the plural community just the way you are! Having hallucinations doesn’t make you any less valid as a person or as a system. We love you, we value your insight, and we want you to know that your presence is wanted in our spaces and your experiences are absolutely worth sharing!
We believe that every person’s understanding of reality is deeply personal and subject to their own perception and lived experiences. Regardless of how you and your system view your hallucinations, know that your voice deserves to be heard and you deserve to be taken seriously and treated with kindness and respect! We truly hope that you can find acceptance and joy among the people in your life, and that your future will be filled with happiness, purpose, and meaning. Thanks so much for reading, and have a wonderful day!
#plurality#multiplicity#pluralgang#actuallyplural#system positivity#plural positivity#plural pride#system pride#long post#psychosis#hallucigenic#hallucinations#schizo spectrum#schizophrenia
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how we knew love was here to stay
Nami x Reader
Summary: On a cold, lonely night, Nami still has trouble finding peace; luckily you're there to chase the cold away.
A/N: The small amount of Nami fics in here is criminal, I tell ya; of course I had to fix this. I love her sm <3. Important disclaimer; I have not watched the anime, nor do I plan to. This story, and any others I might write within the universe, is solely set in the live-action series.
Word count: 3,1k
Masterlist
She could feel the cold metal of the chain around her ankle, the wetness of the tears that fell down the bridge of her nose as she stood with her head low. She could see the lone wooden table, and a pen and paper for the only thing she was worth for.
Arlong's voice echoed like thunder in the dark room. There was blood on his hands, she noticed, dried up and sticking under his nails; he wore it proudly and with a sick smile.
There would be no way out this time around, her friends, her family, were gone. Her hands were shaking violently, there was blood on them too; she couldn't see it, but it was there. It was all her fault after all.
Nami woke up with a start and a whimper clawing at her throat. She sat up in bed before her eyes even had time to begin focusing, the covers pooling at her waist as she breathed in, erratic and quick gasps of air that weren't nearly enough to fill her aching lungs.
Her nails dug into fabric, nearly ripping the bedsheets. Those same tears she'd felt in the nightmare now lingered, making a steady path down her cheeks and dampening the collar of her shirt.
Nami's lower lip quivered pathetically and she groaned in anger. It was so unfair. They had won, she was free at last. And still, Arlong haunted her, hiding in the dark corners of her mind. What if he's still out there? What if he's plotting revenge? What if he comes after them again with blood in his eyes? What if-
She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head as if physically trying to chase away the torturing thoughts. Her hands came up, tugging at the roots of messy ginger hair as she gulped back a sob and tasted the salt of tears on her lips. Didn't she deserve peace? A shot at a normal life without having to watch her back at all times and close off her heart to everyone? Perhaps not.
Several moments went by in silence, with the only sound being the calm ocean outside and Nami's unsteady breathing. The small room she called hers was pitch black, which meant it was still the middle of the night, but alas, there would be no more sleeping for her tonight.
With shaky legs, she got up.
The air outside on Going Merry's deck was cold, biting at her skin and making the navigator pull her thin coat tighter around herself. And yet Nami closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, if she felt the cold, maybe she wouldn't need to feel anything else.
The night was serene, the vast ocean was quiet and the sky clear, allowing for a blanket of stars to dance above her along with a bright moon.
Nami had always enjoyed watching the stars, counting the constellations. She'd sit on the roof of her old house during nights like these after her mom and sister had gone to sleep, and just admire the cosmos above her. Simpler times. And as she looked up at those same stars now, she could almost feel herself being back there.
A breath of air stumbled past her lips, turning into a white puff in the frigid night air. Her eyes grew wet again, vision hazy until the stars turned into nothing but blurry bright spots. In the vastness of the ocean that reflected the endless night sky, she felt undeniably alone. Maybe there was no healing for the likes of her after all.
—
You woke up already cursing that last glass of wine, maybe if you hadn't drank that, you wouldn't be being forced to leave your warm bed for the sake of going to the bathroom right now.
A shiver ran up and down your body when your bare feet touched the cold wood of the ship's floor. Blinking the sleep away from your eyes, you lazily felt around near the foot of your bed for the fuzzy slippers you'd snatched before leaving the village.
Feeling more than seeing your way through, you made it to the bathroom. And as you were making your way back to bed again, a chilly breeze circled you and got the hairs at the back of your neck standing up.
With your eyes now adjusted to the darkness of the night, you could catch a peek at the main doors that led to the ship's deck. They were ajar, moving gently back and forth with the cold ocean wind.
The first you thought of was Usopp, maybe even Luffy; as the others were unlikely to forget the doors open. In any case, you walked up to them. Some windows here and there could be left open, but it was routine to close the doors as they were the main entrance to the cold night air.
The hinges creaked with complaint as you began to push them closed, yet before you were done, your eyes caught a glimpse of a shadowy figure sitting alone at one edge of the ship.
You'd recognize her in an instant, of course. Even in the dark night, the moonlight still highlighted those strands of tangerine hair like nothing else. It's like the natural satellite waited eagerly for when she'd step outside, what with the way its light favored her. Or maybe the problem was you, and she was all you could see.
Nami sat with her back against one of the tangerine planters, hugging her knees tightly to her chest as her gaze remained focused on the sky above her. She looked to be miles away, eyes hazy and missing their usual sharpness.
You shifted in your stance, fighting with yourself on whether you should go to her or not. The last few days had been tough on her, on all of your crew. You still couldn't shake the sight of Nami's desolate, teary eyes when she finally asked for help; the blood dripping from the tattoo she tried to rip off her arm; or the dark room with only chains and paper for company.
You started walking up to her before you could debate further, with deep worry tugging at your heartstrings. Steps slow and careful as if approaching a wild cat, still minding the gentle swaying of the ship so your sleepy self wouldn't lose balance.
Nami startled when she sensed your presence, you saw it clear as the moonlight; the way her muscles tensed, jaw set tight, and chin angling up to disguise the glinting of her blown pupils. Still, she stayed unmoving, tucked in her corner with her arms tightening around her knees.
It was a little awkward, really, the way you two simply looked at each other for a good minute, her sitting on the floor and you standing there in your pajamas. Eventually, you cleared your throat, but the best you could come up with was; "Hey." You winced as soon as the word left your mouth.
Nami's eyes lowered then. She gulped, and sighed, body sagging back against the wooden planter. It looked a lot like defeat; from what, you weren't sure.
"Hey," she said back, voice uneven and husky.
You bit at the inside of your cheek as you looked at her, feeling your heart hammering against your chest as if berating you for the distance still separating you from her. You had long since given up trying to fight it; the way your insides filled with butterflies at the mere sight of her, the way your cheeks warmed up at the sound of her voice speaking your name, the way goosebumps filled your body at the smallest of touches from her; and the way that, just like now, your heart bled upon seeing those bright eyes of hers so full of sorrow.
"I just…" You started, matching the quietness of her tone so as to not break the bubble of peace that had enveloped you, "I saw the door open and just, wanted to ask if you're okay?"
The cold breeze ruffled Nami's hair, a few strands getting caught between her lips. She took her time pushing it back behind her ear. It could have been anyone, any of the crew members to find her in this sorry state and she would've been able to talk her way out of it. But oh, not to you.
You, who had squeezed your way past every last one of Nami's so carefully built walls and defenses. You'd made her care and grow fond of you even if she was actively trying not to. And it was difficult to deny the fragility of her heart when you were the one who asked for it. It was difficult to bury the rawness of her feelings when your hands were the ones offering solace.
Nami bit onto her lower lip until she tasted hints of blood, the skin of her arms was cold under the thin fabric of her coat. "I don't know," the words fell past her lips of their own accord.
A moment went by, and then a breath of relief nearly escaped Nami when she finally felt the warmth of your body as you sat down beside her, your shoulders just shy of touching each other.
You fidgeted with your hands, now sitting so close to her, you could catch a glimpse of dried tear tracks on Nami's cheeks. Part of you wished you could physically take her pain to yourself. "Did you want to stay back with your sister?" You choose to play safe and ask carefully first, even though you had a feeling this wasn't the reason.
The navigator ducked her head, she had yet to meet your eyes again. She forced a chuckle, a broken thing that didn't feel real at all. "Please, I love that place, but one more night sharing stories and watching kids play, and I'd die of boredom." She tried joking as her own voice broke in the middle.
It was the smallest and most vulnerable you've ever heard her sound, and you realized this might be the first time Nami stood bare before you. No high walls around her heart, no carefully woven lies, or chains dictating her every move. Just Nami.
And she was raw, and new, and fragile. Treading foreign territory when for the first time she was allowed to simply feel and be.
You hesitated, wanting to bring her comfort yet not knowing how. The boundaries were unclear and blurred. When before she'd pushed you away, just yesterday she'd been clinging to you for dear life with Luffy's hat falling from her head and hanging around her neck as the building, that had once been her prison, collapsed behind her and she hid in the cocoon of your embrace.
Back then, when she was finally free of Arlong's claws, you'd nearly cried from relief, nails burying into the fabric of Nami's shirt as you relished having her in your arms again after having to watch her turn her back on you and sail away with the fishmen and that same glint of sorrow in her eyes.
And right now, under the blanket of stars and amidst the cold sea wind, you wished you could do the same. Still, you'd wait for her. You'd always wait for her.
"Is it… because of Arlong?" You asked in a whisper that barely stood out in the night.
A shiver ran up and down Nami's back at the mention of the name, and the dread must have shown on her face because you quickly added; "You don't have to talk, just… tell me what I can do for you."
Nami bit onto her lip to keep it from quivering. You had always been so sickeningly sweet. Always caring and staying even if there were times when she'd been nothing short of cold with you.
There had been moments, 'almosts' stolen away when you were alone together. A brush of hands, a brush of lips. Nami could still remember the ghosts of your touch and her heart ached for it. She remembered your fingers brushing away her hair and how she involuntarily leaned into your touch. She remembered the racing of her heart and how her breath had stumbled when her nose bumped yours. An almost kiss. An almost reverie.
Those moments whisked her away from reality. Away from Arlong, and deals, and maps, and painful memories. You had a thing about you that wrapped her up in a blanket of warmth and for a moment nothing else existed.
Yet, every time, Nami had pulled away before the gap was closed, avoiding your eyes and mumbling some half-assed excuse that no doubt had stung you. And maybe it was selfish, even then, because she couldn't bear the thought of what Arlong might have done to you, had he learned how much she cared for you. Fear twisted her stomach each time she remembered what happened to the people she allowed herself to be close to. So she pushed you away, breaking her heart along with it, and perhaps yours too.
She wondered now, briefly, if the chance had been lost forever.
Waves gently rocked Going Merry, with just the two of you awake amidst the vast ocean; the cold air felt suddenly warm with intimacy.
"I keep thinking," Nami began, she hated how her voice sounded and how a single tear rolled down her cheek, "What if he comes back."
There was the ghost of a touch on her hand that rested above her knee. Nami held her breath as she watched your fingers timidly intertwine with hers. Your touch, warm and steady and real, was all it took for her to crumble. A sob stumbled past her lips and more tears fell freely down her cheeks, dripping from her chin as she clutched your hand tightly. "What if I've just made things worse and- and he'll come after them again? This time with no mercy or deals?" She uttered desperately, and then finally, turned to look you in the eyes, "What if he comes after you?"
You struggled to keep to yourself how soft she made you feel, to hold onto your composure for both your sakes. Gazing into those bright pools of green that were her eyes, twinkling with the sparks of a thousand stars; you could see galaxies there and gladly be lost in them. Strands of fiery hair framed her face and flowed in the wind, kissing her cheeks in a way you could only dream of doing.
As you gazed upon her, you realized this is the beauty poets write so much about.
With your free hand, you cupped her cheek to dry her tears. "Nami, sunshine, listen to me; he's gone, for good. He's dead, we made sure of it."
A quiet whimper fell past Nami's lips at the nickname. The same nickname you'd dreamily called her the very first time you'd met, when she'd been secretly glad for having another girl in the 'crew' and was none the wiser of her growing feelings.
"And I will never let Arlong, or anyone, lay their hands on you or the people you care about again," you spoke with the conviction of a promise you'd kill and die to keep, hesitating only for a second before leaning forward to rest your forehead against hers. Your thumb swiped at the apple of her cheek, and your heart soared when she leaned into your touch. "I promise."
Nami's already unsteady breathing stumbled with your closeness, she brought your joined hands near her chest, in a foolish attempt that maybe the beating of her heart could tell you everything she still couldn't.
It hit her like a tidal wave that, with Arlong gone, she was free to indulge in you without restraints, without fear. She was allowed to bask in the softness and warmth of your touch and lose herself in it.
Nami felt her throat close up tight when the realization hit her, she could feel her eyes pooling again and she hated it. But you were there, and you were close, and you were present, and you were warm and sure and you stayed. Maybe she could blame it on the raw emotions that the deep hours of the night brought forth, but her heart screamed, and for once she listened to it.
In one swift movement, Nami let go of your hand only to have both her arms around your waist, squeezing you tight as she buried her head in your neck.
You asked no questions. Perhaps you knew, perhaps she was more of an open book than she realized. Or perhaps you had just grown to know her, and surprisingly, Nami liked the sound of that.
You brought both your arms around her as well, hugging her to you in the comfort you knew she needed, all gentle and steady.
It felt like lifting a heavy anchor that had kept her at the bottom of the sea for far too long. Nami shivered when she felt your fingers burying in between her hair, a touch so tender she couldn't remember the last time she felt anything of the sort. "Thank you," she spoke against your skin, "for not giving up on me, as difficult as I might have made it."
A breath of a chuckle escaped you and your lips found her temple in a kiss, "Bold of you to think I give up easily."
Eventually, Nami was the one to pull away, a genuine smile finally breaking through her tear-stained cheeks. She refused to go far though, her hands still gently tugging at the fabric of your shirt.
You took the liberty of tucking loose strands of hair behind her ear, fingers lingering, tracing the edge of her jaw.
Her smile faltered only for the briefest moment; "I… don't think I can go back to sleep." Nami's words fell timidly and quiet, not at all used to saying her feelings out loud.
Your gaze wandered from her and up to the night sky, adorned with a myriad of stars and a pale moon bathing you in silver light. Looking back at Nami, back to those ocean eyes that were the brightest and softest you've ever had the privilege of witnessing, you thanked the heavens for that last glass of wine that made you get up tonight. "I don't mind the night," you mimicked her adoring smile.
Nami's cheeks blushed a faint shade of pink, bashful eyes avoiding yours. She shuffled closer to you, until you had an arm around her shoulders and the cold air of the night had no space between you.
⋆* ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ
Thank you for reading this little story. Feedback and reblogs are literally what keeps me motivated to continue posting here, so I’d appreciate it if you could take some time to reblog and comment. <3
You do not have permission to repost, copy, or translate my works on any platforms (even with credit), please respect.
Nami’s taglist: @milkiane@v1ci0us
#nami#nami x reader#nami one piece#nami opla#one piece#one piece live action#nami imagine#nami one piece x reader#one piece x reader#imagine#fanfic#fluff#angst#nami fanfic#my story
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https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/749333039047442432/httpsolderthannetfictumblrcompost74884185043?source=share
Sorry, long rant incoming.
Someone in the replies said it, but I think it needs to be said again where everyone can see it: I think a lot of the attitude that anon is somehow secretly pro-censorship because they think certain preferences are skeevy, and strenuously insisting that bad attitudes can NEVER be media's fault.... idk, maybe take it out of the context of debates about sexually explicit/pornographic media for a moment?
There are works of media that had pretty direct effects on activist and political movements, good and bad. Uncle Tom's Cabin inspired a lot of people to fight against slavery. The movie Birth of a Nation, which showed a history of the U.S. with the KKK as heroic, is considered by most historians to be a major contributor to the revival of the KKK in the 1920s. The Nazis used films, books, music, art, and so on in their propaganda, knowing it would help their ideas go down more easily. The Soviets did too. Every dictatorship did. Even democratic countries have done it as well, usually but not always in more subtle ways.
Do none of those count, because "oh, people who were going to be convinced by Birth of a Nation would be racist anyway"? "Good, non-racist people wouldn't be convinced by it"? I mean, the latter is true: there were plenty of people, especially black Americans but plenty of white allies too, who boycotted the film at the time. The NAACP led a boycott. But do you really think NO ONE was convinced? (What about people who previously didn't feel any way about it one way or the other? Were they just innately more evil, even if it might've just been that they weren't aware? Do supposedly progressive people in fandom realize how much this sounds like Christian original sin rhetoric...) And does it matter purely about media fully changing minds, or also how it galvanizes people who already think one way? If it gives them new talking points, new ways of thinking about it and convincing others? If it helps them believe their cause is more important and worth fighting for?
So why does this all suddenly change when we're talking about sex? Is porn really this special class of media where somehow all the rules about how we can both like things and also be critical of how media (fiction, news media, whatever) influences us - "be critical of the media you love," as a tote bag sold by Feminist Frequency said - just stop applying for some reason? Or maybe if something is bypassing your rational brain entirely and going directly for the pleasure centers, there's all the more reason to think critically about what it's saying? Propaganda is designed to bypass all that, too.
Also, if media really has NOTHING to do with it, that just wouldn't explain why it's disproportionately anime that feature these specific elements that seem to attract more people arguing for why it's wrong to be upset by rape or child exploitation in real life. I don't believe that everyone who watches slavery isekai or lolicon approves of those things irl - I think for the vast majority of people, it IS a fantasy and that's the point - but I have noticed that in places like the Anime News Network or Crunchyroll forums, the comments become a cesspool of creepy people arguing for why ages of consent should be lowered and mean feminists who don't like watching media with rape in it just need to get over themselves, in a way they just don't when you're talking about Attack on Titan or My Hero Academia or Shoujo Romance #4891 or whatever.
As another person in the notes said, abusers ARE opportunistic. They'll use something like Twilight as easily as they'll use the most uwu, soft, "non problematic" ship to argue for why they're allowed to abuse you. But I don't think that means we can't be critical (not calling for censorship, of course! but like, writing op-eds and stuff) of media that makes their arguments a little easier, maybe even directly makes their arguments for them.
You can believe both that everyone has the opportunity to read, watch, listen to, play what they want and make up their own minds about it, and that it's wrong for the government to ever decide what media is and isn't "acceptable," and also believe that media often is saying things that aren't apparent on the surface and that you should be critical of those messages, *especially* with the stuff you like.
The point is just that porn isn't like, fundamentally different from other fictional media in this way. (Or, hell, I would argue that fictional media isn't functionally different from other mass media in this way. If anything, fiction's politics are often more insidious in a way that makes it easier for them to reach people who might not otherwise be open to those messages in the form of, say, blatantly right-wing news media.)
It's particularly strange to me when people jump all over someone for expressing how something can be insidiously creepy in a more mundane way. The line people are upset about that used the word "unpack" was just making the point that even if we can agree lolicon isn't outright advocating pedophilia, even if we agree the point is that it's a fantasy and they're not like real children at all and that's what people like, it's still working within an idealization/fetishization of helplessness, innocence, and dependence, and that still has a lot that you can critique from a feminist perspective. It's still a thing that plays into some crappy societal ideas about who women are supposed to be, and is selling that to men as a romantic ideal. There's still a lot we can talk about there! And it's still totally fair for women to be wary of men where that seems to be all they're into - because for some (and I believe this was what anon was initially trying to say was their experience), it does impact how they treat real women. It doesn't have to be everyone for it to have an impact.
There's a lot of anime that presents women that way, even way outside of lolicon. A lot of it's anime I like! I'm still critical of that aspect of it. I still wish that particular part of it were different.
I still don't see how this makes me "pro censorship" unless I believe some kind of institution should mandate that that not be included. And whether that's the government, or the industry itself (people do kind of narrowly focus on "the government" in a way that would make a lot of industry-run censorship that was still very harmful, e.g. the Hollywood Hays Code, not "count"), or anyone, I very much disagree with that. Creators should be able to create what they want. A lot of what creators are doing with this is unconscious, is reflecting societal biases they learned but haven't thought deeply about.... which is precisely the point of critiquing how those show up in a work.
People love to talk about "secretly 'anti' attitudes" but at the end of the day, support or opposition to censorship is pretty straightforward. You believe someone should be stopped from making a particular kind of media, or you don't. If you don't, you're not pro-censorship, no matter how much you personally may not like that that media or a particular aspect of it exists. Most people who care about media have some media they wish didn't exist. It's about what they do about it that makes them pro or anti censorship. Talk to people who donate to or even work for the ACLU or other anti censorship groups; most of them don't like racist or sexist stuff, but they also don't believe it should be banned and that's the point.
Bringing it back to the discussion at hand, I think the point was just that you can't be blind to how power dynamics influence this stuff. I wouldn't even say specifically cishet men are at fault here, since some people who read this blog seem to think that anyone saying that is automatically talking about bioessentialism as opposed to like, societal stuff (don't ask me why, this has been explained on here enough times in enough different discourses over the years, I think). I'd just say anyone with power in that particular context. There's a reason why it's specifically mainstream media, aimed at groups in power, that tends to draw in creeps excusing the real thing... in a way that just similarly is not true of people in fanfiction fandom, who are usually a member of one or more oppressed categories, exploring that in their own marginal work. Fans of rape fanfiction just don't act the way that fans of slavery rape isekai do. It's because there is fundamentally a difference both when you're someone whom society tells you are entitled to everything you want in this particular arena, and also when a work is mainstream, broadening its reach, and speaking a particular message from the lens of people with economic and social power (who are making these mainstream works) and given approval by publishers/media studios/etc. in a way that is not the case with amateur work with tiny audiences. And, frankly, there's a difference between something that eroticizes rape from the point of view of the perpetrator vs. the victim.
Not a difference in terms of how legal it should be. Not a difference in whether every single person who watches it or likes it is bad. But a difference in terms of what it's saying, how it's saying that, and often the effects they have as a result. That, too, is true with every topic, not just sex.
I feel like a lot of people getting mad at these do fundamentally agree with this, but just have a weird blind spot when it's put in any sort of terminology that reminds them of certain bad arguments they've seen in fandom, uses any words that can be dismissed as "radfem" or "anti" or whatever, and so just refuse to engage with the actual meat of what is being said.
If you do actually believe though that it's wrong to EVER think media can have a negative effect on what people believe about irl issues, because there was always something "already there" that was going to "come out anyway" if it affects you that way (again, people: this is "original sin" rhetoric), and if you ever privately judge people for the media they like you're secretly pro-censorship. You do have to recognzie that both you personally come up short and also most peopel doing real concrete real world things to fight censorship would also come up short!
I think sometimes of an editorial that said "if you love Return of the Jedi but hated the Ewoks you understand feminist criticism" in terms of how you can be bothered by the sexism of a piece of media in a way you'd be bothered by any one individual element of it, and still overall like the whole. And also, you can be offended by something, even wish it didn't exist (don't we as nerds all have entries in some franchise we like or another that we wish didn't exist for fannish reasons?), without believing that it should be officially made to stop existing or have never existed in the first place. That last part does actaully matter as like, its own thing. It is in fact separable from just being able to have personal judgey feelings about media and about the people who liked it.
And opposing it does not mean in any way that we have to just stop thinking critically about the media we love, or that we have to act like media can never have any influence on people. We on the left tend to talk about sexism, racism, homophoia and so on as being influenced by culture and society. Well, guess what is part of society and culture? Fictional (and other kinds of) media. That's part of that societal programming we get. It's why you'll see some of it even from people whose parents very much tried to resist teaching them certain things, because they get it from media anyway. I was raised by strenuously feminist parents: it was the media that taught me what gender roles were and how I was expected to adhere to them.
--
Look, I realize it's a bit rich of me to say this, but people are not going to engage with your actual points if you cannot be more succinct.
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THE HUNTERS & THE SOLDIER
Pairing: Avenger! Bucky Barnes x OC! Avenger Reader
Summary: You have some kind of nightmare and Bucky wakes you up but he’s still a prick and you have a fight.
Warnings: Flashback, mention of experiments, hydra facility, creepy stuff and I probably forgot something so forgive me. -> 18+ !!
Other: English isn’t my fist language so I apologize for eventual mistakes.
-> Masterlist
-> Part three ; Part five
-> Nonie (04)
A little you was sitting in the corner of your room. The place you called home was clean and sterile, empty of any unnecessary comforts - not that you knew what the word truly meant. The only source of light was coming from the single light bulb hung from the ceiling, and your bed - big enough to at least fit you - was pushed against a wall, it’s thin mattress covered in white sheets.
The walls were bare; you were not given anything normal kids your age had to at least make it seem more than just a prison. It was naked of any type of decoration, no pictures or paintings… just plain grey. And you loved it.
One day, your usual routine was changed. Up until then you had been alone, the only people you talked to were the scientists and Mrs White who came in to see how you were doing and tell you all about the process they were making thanks to you. But that day, you remember the sound of that huge, scratched iron door open and an Hydra agent escorting a girl into the room.
Not a word was exchanged before you and the new person were left alone. To be honest, you were curious but also confused - why did they brought her in all of a sudden? Was she another special girl? Were you not good enough anymore? You didn’t like that idea.
You watched as she went to sit on the other corner of the room, her head low, and you spent the whole day listening to her sobbing. Why was she crying, you did not know. How could she cry when she was in the safest place on earth?
Ungrateful. And she was evidently older than you, maybe sixteen or even seventeen - she should have understood her worth already at that age.
In the days that followed, you learned absolutely nothing about her. She never spoke and she spent most of her time confined to her side of the room - she wasn’t even given a mattress, and she did nothing to let you know if perhaps she was tired of sleeping on the floor. All you heard were her hums at night, melodies you didn’t know.
But for some reason, you liked having her there.
Eventually, days turned into weeks and your curiosity towards her only grew and it almost became an obsession - you wanted to get her to talk but never succeeded. Each day, like a clockwork, the girl was escorted out of the room by Hydra agents and each day, when she would return, her demeanor grew more unsettling.
“And so today Mrs White gave me a candy. She said I deserved it after I found where those criminals were hiding.” You said, hopping onto your bed as you stared at her - she was finally given one too, and now she did nothing rather than lay on it as days passed by. “Did she ever give you a candy? The one that looks like a bear - have you ever seen a bear?”
At your questions, all you could hear was nothing except her breathing. There wasn’t even a window in there. “Oh, yeah. You don’t talk. Mrs White says that when people ignore you, they are being extremely dis- dispec - I don’t remember the word she used. But it’s not nice!”
Nothing. She didn’t even blink, sometimes you had to walk over there to check if she was still breathing. “Whatever.” You sighed. “I’ll bring you a candy next time I’m done with a successful mission. Maybe you’ll talk to me. Or I can steal one - maybe I could. I don’t know. What do you think? Do you want a candy?”
Silence.
“Alright. Then I’ll bring you one.” You smiled at her. “But you need to tell me your name, I can’t keep referring to you as the ‘new girl’, it’s been… I don’t know. But surely more than a day!”
The girl stayed silent. Her eyes fixated on the ceiling.
“Mrs White says my blood is fundamental for whatever they’re working on, you know? We’re here to save the world.” You continued. “She said there are some people who don’t want that, like Natasha Romanoff. The prodigy of the Red Room, have you ever met her? She came here a few years ago and taught me how to shoot properly. And now, turns out that she’s been corrupted.” You sighed “You’re a great listener, at least.” You turned around, giving your back to her. Maybe she just didn’t like you.
Still, no response. Not even a hum of acknowledgement.
Your frustration mounted with each passing day, your attempts to communicate with her were always ignored and you were met with nothing but silence.
“Is there something wrong, kid?” One of Hydra’s agents, Ezra you had learnt, asked you one day as he was escorting you back to your room after another evening of restless training. You had to be at your best, they said, all the time.
“No.” You sighed, as your body felt like burning - that day they had gone heavy on you, but you managed well. You were the only survivor, as per usual. “When can I go outside? I want to help on the field.”
“Soon enough, kid. We have a problem in stars and stripes to take care of. Mrs White believes you can do it.”
You felt a sense of pride in you at his words. That man, they called him Captain America, was a heavy problem for the world. He was the one who kept ruining any attempt to make the world a better place, always stepping in to cause chaos. He needed to be eliminated and you wished it would be you to do so, after all you had the skills to do it.
“Then I won’t disappoint her.”
Once you got back to your room with the biggest grin ever, you saw Nonie - as you nicknamed her - sitting on her bed with her back on the wall, staring straight ahead of her. You sat right in her line of view, which was on your mattress, crossing your legs one over the other. “Guess what?”
Blank stare.
“I’ll kill Mr Captain America one of these days. I know I’m not as skilled as Winter is, but I can do it. I know I can.” You started to ramble convinced that she wouldn’t pay attention to you since she never did, but soon enough, too focused on your own words, you felt a hand on your tight.
A cold, almost imperceptible touch. She had walked towards you, kneeling down in the end as her legs were too weak to hold her light weight for longer than a few steps.
You stared into her soulless eyes for a moment, before she shook her head.
“No? What - what do you mean no?” You looked at her dumbfounded. “You don’t want me to kill him? Nonie, I h-”
But before you could continue, she crawled back to her bed in the same position she was in. You stayed silent too, for a moment. For a long, tense moment.
“So you can understand what I’m saying! You can hear me!” You realized, getting up. “Why won’t you talk to me?”
Nonie made a movement with her pale hand to tell you to get closer to her - which you did without second thinking. Those few steps felt like happening in slow motion and once you were right in front of her, she raised that same hand to her mouth; her fingers grazing the edge of her lips.
You frowned, but you didn’t have the time to utter a word that she stuck out her tongue - or what was left of it.
≈
“For fuck’s sake - Emma!” Your eyes snapped open at Bucky’s voice, your heart racing in your chest as you sat up in bed, your forehead almost colliding against his.
You couldn’t help but dream about her, giving what you and Dean had saw just hours prior. She always came back into your memories one way or another, whether it was with a nightmare or just with a simple thought during the day - she was always there, in the back of your mind. And no matter how much years had passed since then, Nonie wasn’t going to go away anytime soon.
Before you could gather your thoughts, Bucky spoke again with a sharp tone. “What the fuck is wrong with you? I’ve been trying to wake you up the whole night.”
You blinked in confusion, caught off guard by his harsh tone and the fact that he was sitting so close to you. “I’m sorry.” Your voice was barely above a whisper. “I had a nightmare.”
Bucky’s expression unexpectedly softened, though you could still sense some irritation. You knew he had trouble sleeping too, and waking up in the middle of the night due to someone else’s problems wasn’t really ideal. “Nightmare, huh? Great, now we’re both awake.”
You closed your eyes and took a breath for a moment as you tried to find the right words to say. You never meant to disturb him but you could not control how your mind worked - and Wanda wasn’t even there to help you. Sometimes you gave her permission to get inside your head and erase the bad memories for one night so you could properly rest, but she wasn’t with you and so you had to do it alone. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
Bucky let out a heavy sigh, his demeanor softening ever so slightly. “Look, I’m sorry for snapping at you.” He admitted gruffly. He better than anyone could understand how you mist be feeling, and he could have approached it better. “It’s been a long day and I guess I’m just on edge.”
You huffed. “Believe me, I know.”
Bucky exhaled as he was still sitting on your bed, the situation becoming awkward. He got up, but didn’t leave quite yet. You saw some uncertainty in his eyes before he spoke again.
“Food always helps me with nightmares.” He cleared his throat, his tone softer than before. But not much, he was still Bucky Barnes after all. “Come downstairs with me. Dean left some pizza in the fridge before leaving.”
You noticed you were hungry now that he mentioned food. Once you and Dean got home after the investigation, still unsure of what you saw - or, rather, still hoping your mind had played an awful joke on you, you went straight in your room. You had left the task to explain things to Sam and Bucky to Dean.
“One thing I learned about Dean is that he becomes a mad man if someone touches his food.” You let out a small chuckle, getting up the bed.
“He left it for you.” Bucky admitted.
“Oh.” That was surprising. “I was going to eat it anyway but I will feel less guilty knowing it was already mine.”
Together you made your way downstairs to the kitchen, the silence was oddly comfortable for once. You sat down while Bucky took the pizza box from the fridge and tossed it your way. Action you thanked with a smile.
He rummaged through the cabinets searching for something to eat himself. He sat on the chair beside yours with a box of homemade biscuits - wait, homemade biscuits?
“The old lady that lives on the other side of the street brought these over today, when you and Dean were at the Miller’s house.” He explained after reading your expression. “We’re invited at her niece’s birthday party this weekend, by the way. I said yes.”
You being invited to a party full of strangers wasn’t really on the list of the things you liked to do since you were as social as a rock but what you wanted went into the toilet the second you became an Avenger. Like that time you and Pietro were sent on a mission on a yacht - you were scared as hell of the sea after a certain God of Mischief made you watch Titanic changing the finale with your face instead of Rose’s. But that was another story.
“Great.” You sighed.
“So, the investigation. How did it go? You came home quite traumatized.” He raised a brow, and you didn’t miss the judgement in his tone.
You stiffened for a second, your mind went inevitably back there just as soon as you were starting to think about something else. “I wasn’t traumatized. I just… if you had seen that, you would have understood.”
Bucky scoffed. “What? Seeing the breakdown of an hysterical old lady after she lost her daughter doesn’t seem so terrible compared to what we’re used to, come on now.”
You frowned. That was the last of your concerns, you weren’t a therapist or something but a breakdown was certainly not that woman’s biggest problem. “Dean didn’t- he didn’t tell you everything?”
It was Bucky’s time to frown. “He told us what happened. You two arrived there, the woman was obviously grieving her missing daughter and she had a break down after asking one too many questions which led to her kicking you out.” He reassumed everything Dean had said. “Isn’t that all?”
You gulped. Dean kept his mouth shut about that, and you wondered why. Bucky knew what Hydra was capable of, but that? That was something beyond imaginable. Still, before talking to Bucky about it you wanted to know why Dean kept it a secret and why he didn’t seem to freak out as any other normal person would - beside you.
“No, that’s all.” You said after a moment, sounding as sincere as possible. “It’s just… her daughter’s probably dead and… and seeing her reaction wasn’t easy.”
“Mh.” He nodded, seeming to believe you. “Rich coming from you.” He said after, turning back into himself - for a second there you almost forgot how infuriating he was.
“Excuse me?”
“Rich coming from you.” He repeated casually. “Didn’t you use to kidnap people yourself for Hydra? Or maybe… bring back the ones lucky enough to break free from their control?
You stayed momentarily silent. “No.” You answered. “I never kidnapped anyone or brought back anyo- what the fuck is your problem, man?”
“I have absolutely zero problems, but I wonder if you even have the right to feel bad when you used to do the same to innocent people - willingly.” His tone was as light as if he was talking about a damn football game.
“You killed dozens of people too.”
“I was brainwashed, and I feel guilty enough. You were not.” He fired back. “And you never apologized.”
“I was a fucking child, Barnes.” You reminded him, clenching your jaw. “I thought I was doing the right thing by complying, just like you were!”
“I know that, Dayne, I’m not an idiot. But you’ve been indoctrinated with their ideas all your life, which is exactly why I wonder how the fuck it is that you’re on our side now.” He said, leaning back on the chair. “I’m not attacking you, just curious.”
“It’s been ten years, it took me a long time to see things the right way.” You said, really stopping the urge to flip the table and walk out dramatically. “And it looks like an attack to me.”
“It’s not.” He remarked. “You know, Rumlow was a SHIELD agent while being loyal to Hydra. If he did it, I won’t get off the table the fact that you could be doing the same.”
“I never joined Hydra willingly, I was born there!” You shot back to that lunatic asshole. “Rumlow joined those people because he believed in their ideas, to me their ideas were the only thing I’ve ever known! Excuse me if I didn’t know a difference between the good and the bad when I was told that killing people was the only way humanity could survive!”
He sighed at that. Maybe he had been too harsh?
“You’ve been brainwashed in a way, and I in another. If you think I’m some kind of monster for what I did or I cannot be trusted, then we may not be so different.” You spat while pulling yourself up from the chair with force, the legs scrapping against the floor. “And if you wake me up again I’ll stick that metal arm up your ass.”
With that, you left him in the kitchen alone. Fuck him and fuck whatever his problem was.
#bucky barnes#bucky x oc#dean winchester#bucky x you#supernatural#james buchanan barnes#bucky x reader#james bucky barnes#sam winchester#bucky fanfic#james bucky buchanan barnes#bucky x female reader#bucky x y/n#bucky winter soldier#marvel#winter soldier#mcu#bucky barnes x yn#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x oc#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x original female character#jbbarnes#bucky barnes fanfiction
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hellooo, welcome backkk!!! I FUCKING MISSED YOU LIKE SOOO MUCHHHHH. Girl, I thought you left tumblr because honestly the majority of the best writers I also know left:( You're my fav writer so I was really sad AND GIRL WHEN I SAW!! WHEN I SAW THAT YOU WERE ACTIVE 3 HOURS AGO??? MAN I CREAMED. I CAME. I ORGASMED-
I also have a request!! Do you write incest? It includes it, but ofc if you're uncomfortable with it you can ignore mee~ it can be stepcest or ykkk anything you're comfortable with!! the story goes with mikey's cute little sister that's rebellious (both him and the reader ain't in good terms ever since the whole bonten happened)emo mikey finally snapped and decided to punish her when she did something VEEERRYYY unforgivable. He and his men (bonten) brutally like bruuutallly punished her. it can be smut or anything you want. whatever it is I'LL EAT IT UP MHMMMM SCRUM DILLY YUM YUM MY PUR PUR POOKIE WOOKIEEEEEEE
I appreciate the love and support!! ts had me dying LMAO
i do not write biologically related incest nor half siblings but i’m fine with writing stepcest (depending on the plot) and like a foster or adoption situation (all 18+)
i kinda sort of followed the timeline so there might be scenes that are not accurate to the manga/anime, tho i did it that way to fit it in better with the plot so the scenes aren’t as long <3
ALSOOOO!!! i could’ve made this waayyy more brutal but when i was imagining different scenarios i literally made myself sick 💀💀💀
ꨄRebelꨄ
Oneshot - Yandere Bonten Au
❦Was it worth it?❦
Sano Manjiro, Hanemiya Kazutora, Sanzu Haruchiyo, & Haitani Brothers x Reader
(Mostly Mikey, Kazu, and Sanzu x Reader but read to catch the vibes :)
❣︎All of Bonten are included in this story except Mochi❣︎
Not fully proofread
MY TR FANDOM WORKS ARE ONLY ON TUMBLR & AO3 UNDER EETHEREALGODDESS! REPORT IF YOU SEE IT POSTED UNDER ANYONE ELSE BUT ME!!!
I apologize if I get any Japanese etiquette or culture wrong, I literally have to research the culture for some of my fandom stories so if anything is wrong, please excuse my ignorance.
Notice:
✩Y/n is 18+. I picture her as a black female but you can see her however.
✩Some parts of the story may not be realistic or factual. After all, this is a work of fiction.
✩Although it's a dark 'romance,' I do not condone any of the behavior displayed.
✩Dark content such as: gore, violence, triggering topics, graphic scenes, vulgar language, explicit sexual content, etc.
✩There may be scenes that involve non con and/ or dubcon so don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable
✩That being said, this story is for 18+ only.
Enjoy!
Rebel
You were never one to follow rules blindly. You always questioned what you were told no matter who fed the information. How could you not when you spend most of your childhood shipped from family to family like a worn out package that's been sent to the wrong destination repeatedly? It wasn’t until you aged eight years that you were finally adopted by a man who asked you to call him ‘Grandpa Sano.’
You were unprepared for the generosity you received from the Sanos, having been in situations where your foster family wanted nothing to do with you. Your negative experiences caused you to form a barrier, an outer shell that shields you from the vulnerability your brain wanted to protect you from. You were cautious, unknown as to why you were chosen. When you first arrived, you were greeted by the oldest sibling, Shinichiro. He was kind, sort of silly as he displayed his quirkiness whenever you would spend quality time together after you had grown to see him as a proper big brother.
Emma beamed when she saw you, excited that another girl would finally be around to become her companion in a house full of boys. When you were comfortable, you gained a sense of sisterhood you never thought you’d have the privilege to experience. The last Sano you had met was none other than Sano Manjiro, otherwise known as Mikey. The first contact was interesting as you both gave blank expressions to one another. After growing alongside the boy, you could tell the kid had a sense of cockiness, though rightfully so as you learn about his incredible strength.
Watching Mikey and Baji fight when they would practice their skills made you want to become as strong as them. You would observe their moves every chance you got, failing in your attempts until you would eventually succeed, resulting in you declaring a battle against Mikey. The boy gazed at your stern appearance before releasing a light hearted laugh. You didn’t dislike him, in fact you both grew closer as time went on. If anything, you were inspired by him, even if you came off as a bratty little sister who wanted to follow him around with all his friends.
Even at a young age you could tell that he would grow to be a good person. You felt safe in his presence, knowing that he counted you as family. Knowing that he grew to love you as well as you to the Sano family. You knew that Mikey would never hurt anyone, his soul radiating a warmth you have never seen before. That is, until the day came where all you heard was Baji’s begging for Mikey to stop as you watch in horror, the blood seeping from the corners of another one of his childhood friends, Haruchiyo’s mouth.
Your hands trembled as you eye the onyx orbs that bore into the boy on his knees, a cold expression laced with nothing but a shadow of darkness. Your own eyebrows were furrowed as tears streamed down your face while you switched gazes between the two boys.
“M-Mikey…” You whispered, listening to Senju as she cried in the background. He either didn’t hear you or ignored you. Whichever was the case didn’t matter as you heard him finally speak.
“Smile, Haruchiyo.”
His voice was deep, almost as if it wasn’t his own. You covered your own mouth as Haru began laughing hysterically as his tears mixed with the blood. You knew at that moment that something had switched. You didn’t know what exactly the change was, but you knew that absolutely nothing would feel the same.
Time passed as you all hit your pre - teen years and Mikey had formed his own gang, Toman. It was early in the making though you thought it was the coolest thing. You had let go of the negative image your mind had formed when the incident with Haruchiyo happened after Mikey had given a heartfelt apology to everyone, including the boy in the hospital bed. When you visited Haruchiyo, the young boy had confirmed his forgiveness and encouraged you to give Mikey some leeway. He was once again your inspiration as you reasoned with yourself that he just had a ‘moment.’
Everything was going normally for a while, Shinichiro teaching you how to ride a motorbike as well as Mikey allowing you to hang out with him and his friends occasionally. Kazutora and Baji pulled you along to search for a gift considering Mikey’s birthday is coming up. Having had a small crush on Kazutora for a while, you followed them, sitting behind the tiger tattooed boy with your arms wrapped around his waist.
It wasn’t until the mischievous delinquent explained his plan, in which you and Baji reacted with hesitation. He waved off your worries and claimed that the best way to obtain Mikey’s gift would be to steal from the store that holds his most ideal bike. When you arrived, you couldn’t shake the familiarity. It’s as if you have seen this place before but you don’t remember stepping foot into a bike shop ever in your life. As you stand to the side while Baji tries to move the bike, a presence causes you both to look up.
“Who’s shop do you think you’re breaking into…?”
“Y/n?” Your eyes widen at Shinichiro as the realization hits you.
Although you’ve lived with the Sanos for a few years now, you’ve never once stepped foot into Shinichiro’s bike shop. You’ve only come across pictures which is why there is familiarity. It completely slipped your mind that Shinichiro owns a place that just so happened to be this one.
“Shini… I…” He turned his head to meet his orbs with Baji’s.
“You look familiar, are you Keisuke?” Baji stutters as he attempts to respond. Just as he said his name, you both gasp as you watch Kazutora come from behind with a large tool, raising his arms before slamming them down. A resounding crack echoed througout the room as the weapon made contact with Shinichiro’s head.
Your breath hitched as you watched his body fall to the ground, landing with a thud. The same trembling you felt from your hands when you watched Mikey tear Haruchiyo’s face appeared as you stared down at Shinichiro’s lifeless body, the blood seeping under his head as it stained the floor. Baji drops to his knees as he hovers above the corpse, explaining to Kazutora who the victim was. The golden eyed boy could only respond by hyperventilating.
“What do we do? What do we do?” Baji croaks out, hand meeting his forehead as Kazutora’s fingers reach his own mouth, biting them as he stares in place with wide eyes.
“I didn’t do it… I didn’t kill him.” His voice trembled. You watch in fear as you eye the hysterical boys, falling to your own knees before sitting on the floor, arms wrapped around your knees as you whimper before the tears stream freely. Your bottom lip quivers as you gaze at your oldest brother’s form. You couldn’t help but take part of the blame considering you are a witness that could’ve done something to stop this madness before it occurred.
You listen to Kazutora’s ramblings as Baji attempts to call an ambulance. It was horrific to see them so distressed, a feeling of impending doom coming on as you realize there’s no coming back from this. Your mind ran through different scenarios on what would happen once the Sano family found out about everything.
“Let’s get outta here!” Baji says to you both though you couldn’t move, watching as Kazutora seems to lose his mind by the second.
“It’s all… Mikey’s fault.” Your eyes widen as you gaze at him with concern. “I need to kill Mikey.” He claimed with a distorted smile, tears threatening to fall. You could only stare in disbelief as the cops were heard outside the building.
When you all walked out, everyone except you binded, a head of blonde hair appeared in front of you with a surprised expression.
You watched as Mikey questioned Baji, in which he cried out an apology as Kazutora chants “Kill… kill…”
You were there for it all. You were there when Kazutora spent two years in juvenile, only to come back with a vengeance. You were there when Kisaki became involved as well as this random Takemichi kid who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. You were there for Valhalla's battle, witnessing Baji’s death as you held his head on your lap before Kazutora was arrested once more. You were there for the Christmas battle. You were there for the Tenjiku battle and you were there when Mikey disbanded Toman before he disappeared, followed by a few other people you had met.
There was even a time in your early adulthood when you went to visit Kazutora in jail only to find out he had been released a few years earlier than the ten years he was sentenced, seeming to have disappeared along with Sanzu and Mikey. For a while you blame yourself for not keeping in touch when everyone was initially ghosted by your brother. You wanted to give him the space you knew he needed considering he hadn’t been the same since you had first met.
Finally exhausted with your passive ways you decided to seek him out, figuring that you might be able to track the other members that disappeared as well. Although you kept in touch with Emma, Draken, Mitsuya, Chifuyu, and etc., you couldn’t ignore the yearning you felt to find your brother and friends. You missed them dearly. Unfortunately, nobody seemed to have known anything until you repeatedly bothered the dragon tattooed man to tell you the truth about Mikey’s whereabouts.
“Now that I’ve told you, forget about Mikey. Forget about the rest of em. It’s too dangerous, Y/n.”
Knowing that Draken is right, you listen. For a while you stopped your search and continued to live your life, working a 9 to 5 and coming home to your decent sized apartment. It wasn’t until you received a letter signed by the person you had been searching for. Once you reach the day that he wrote in the letter, you rush to meet him at the destination, speeding down the streets on your motorcycle.
Reaching the place, you eye the closed nightclub in awe. You wondered why he decided to meet you at this particular setting. You felt a rush of anxiety as you near the door, opening it before walking into the empty space. You walk through the dark room using the flash on your phone as you walk to the staircase, following Mikey’s instructions.
When you reach upstairs, you walk into the door he ordered. Your footsteps echo through the dark room, the sun outside illuminating through the open windows as a breeze flies across the room. Your eyes meet a head of platinum hair, indicating the back of someone’s head. The male who wears a black long sleeve shirt and pants sits with his back bent forward, arms on his lap as his head hangs low. The symbol on his neck stood out to you, reminding you of Izana’s earrings. Your eyes widen when realization finally clicks.
“Mikey?” You say, gaining momentum as you rush over to your brother. Before you could make it, a grip on your arm causes you to halt, as well as a firm pressure against the back of your head. You stare ahead as your breath hitches.
“Move at my pace.” The voice behind you demands. Having no other choice but to listen or risk an early death, you ignore your accelerated heart beat and follow alongside the body that shifted slightly to the side of you. Your eyes switch from the short man ahead to the person beside you, immediately catching the scar on the corner of the person’s mouth.
Sharp blue eyes suddenly meet yours during the observation, pink bangs swaying as his head faces you. His lips curve into a toothy smirk, eyebrows furrowing as he gives you a mischievous expression.
“T’s been a while, Y/n.” You turn away from him as you both walk closer to Mikey.
“I guess long enough to where you feel the need to have a gun against my head. As if we never knew each other.” You respond, irritation adding to your fear as you’re led to the chair in front of Mikey.
He only ignored you as his grin grew wider, guiding you to sit facing away from your brother. When your bottom meets the seat, Sanzu stood next to you with the barrel of the gun placed to your temple.
“Leave us, Sanzu.”
“Got it.” He responds before dropping his arm and walking towards the exit. “I’ll be downstairs.”
After giving you one more side glance, the pink haired man closed the door behind him as he walked out of the room.
“I heard you wanted to find me.” He says softly. Your fingers fidget in your lap as your knees are pressed together, feet spread apart. You chew on your bottom lip as you sit with a tense body, realizing the gravity of your situation and how dangerous it was to meet him with no sort of back up.
“This isn’t you. This isn’t how it was supposed to be…” You begin, shaking your head as you continue, “…I get it, Mikey. Everything that happened hurt like hell. Just because you went through something doesn’t mean you become the leader to a fucking criminal organization and kill lots of innocent people.”
When he didn’t respond, all you heard was your own breathing as you fought the tears that threatened to escape.
“You act like you’re the only one that went through anything. As if I wasn’t there experiencing as much pain as you! I didn’t run off and disappear and cause more harm to the streets, because there just wasn’t enough blood splattered!”
You had the understanding that you could be digging your own grave. The sorrow and anger hitting you all at once had your words slipping out fast. You missed him, who he was before. How could he have abandoned you like that?
“Y-you could’ve come to me. We could’ve been there and experienced it all together, Mikey. I-I know you’re just in pain, but I’m here. I’ve always been there.” You say the last sentence softly as your vision blurred from the moisture.
You listened as you heard rustling behind you, followed by footsteps leading towards your sitting figure. Your sobs went silent as a figure shadowed over you. The cold impact of the gun against your head causes goosebumps to run across your arms, a chill running up your back as you make eye contact with the man holding a weapon against your forehead.
Anyone could lose themselves in the void of his orbs. They bore into you coldly as he gazed down at you with a blank yet intense expression. Your bottom lip quivered as your eyebrows furrow angrily. His arm follows as you stand from your seat slowly.
“Is this all you know how to do now?” You almost growl, exhausted by the behavior your brother displays when you know he clearly has a hard time communicating his emotions. “Shoot whoever questions you. Murder instead of speaking on how you feel. When are you gonna grow up, Mikey?”
“Shut up.” He hissed. “You know nothing.” You only stare back in response, glaring at him as the gun cocks.
“Leave.” He states before lowering his arm. You watch the male as he makes his way to the exit. Before he walks out of the opened door, he turns his head to the side slightly, gaze still ahead.
“If we ever see each other again… I’ll kill you.” You chew the skin on the inside of your cheek as a nervous habit when he walks out, leaving you to allow the words to sink in.
In that moment, you determined that you would find a way to bring back the real Mikey. You couldn’t accept this. You would never accept this reality. You would do whatever it takes, even if that means going against your better judgment and acting on emotion, something you had a habit of doing. You don’t care what Mikey says nor have you ever listened when he told you not to do something. You don’t care that you’re risking your life by getting involved. You snatch the phone from your pocket before dialing a number.
“Naoto, I need your help.”
You didn’t know what to expect but it surely wasn’t almost succeeding in the take down of Bonten. Unfortunately, both you and Naoto missed a key detail to your plans which resulted in Bonten being free of the attention from the police. It didn’t help that some of the government officials involved were traitors to the force, having helped the criminal organization in secret.
Thick smoke polluted the building as a radiating heat caused you to sweat. You cough as your arm covers your mouth and nose, eyes squint as you see through the burning room. The alarms screeched as a warning to anyone near that a fire had been started. You heard the impact of whatever caused the flames, knowing a bomb had been planted somewhere inside which caused an explosion. You’re surprised that you’re still alive, along with some of the others who crawl and struggle towards the nearest exit, maneuvering through the limp bodies lying on the ground.
You search for your partner as you walk past broken furniture and office equipment, passing the body parts separated from the corpses who suffered the worst from the eruption. Unfortunately, you were hurt considering your limp, and the ringing in your ears definitely didn’t help. Your hearing has been out since you woke up. You search the police department, watching out for anyone familiar as you yell out, “Naoto!”
You continue through the damage, dodging any object that falls as you walk around the flames. An abrupt pressure on your back caused you to fall to the ground with a grunt, your hearing coming back just as you made impact with the floor. The platform of the bottom of someone’s shoe pushes you back to the ground when you try to pick yourself up.
The man behind you grabs a carton from out of his pocket, lifting the top before pulling a cigarette out. He set the box back in his suit’s jacket pocket before using a nearby flame to light it as he stretched his arm out. He brought the butt of the stick to his lips and sucked in as the remaining flame went out on the end of the cigarette. The man rubs the sweat off of his forehead using the sleeve of his suit, a strand of blonde hair swaying over his face as he drops the arm. He blew the smoke out as he gazed at your figure.
“I warned him about letting you go.” You could recognize that voice anywhere.
“Kazutora?” He takes another hit of his cigarette, holding his breath as he ashed it before blowing the smoke out of his mouth once more. A smirk grew on his face.
“You know, Y/n… I never took you for a snitch.”
“I never took you as a coward, but here we are. You kill people to feel a sense of control yet you’re always following someone else’s orders, seeking approval by anyone who’ll give it to you.” You state, irritated by the heat and the foot on your back.
The grin on his lips fell as he took another hit before leaning over and pressing the burning end of the cigarette against your neck. You gasp before releasing a shriek of pain, tears burning at the corners of your eyes. He holds it there for a moment as he stares down at you with a blank expression. He lifts himself back to a normal position once he removes the cigarette from your skin. A fresh bruise formed in the abused spot.
“Why did you guys become such fucking assholes?” You cry out.
“Come on, don’t start crying on me now Doll…” He chuckled, “…gotta save that for later when Mikey gets his hands on you.”
Before you could fight him off, his fingers squeezed firm against your pressure point. Your vision blurs before your head drops as you sink into darkness.
Your eyes flutter open as a spotlight shines on you. Attempting to lick your lips, you find yourself with a gag secured around your mouth. The red ball stretches your lips uncomfortably as they yearn to be moisturized. Your arms are cuffed above your head as your body is spread out completely nude on the bed. Your shrieks are muffled as the light dims, your knees pressed together as you attempt to cover yourself when you look down and eye the seven figures sitting out on a slightly lower platform, as if you’re on a small stage.
Marijuana and alcohol fills the air, along with the smell of tobacco as you watch the smoke fumes form above a few of the men. Your eyebrows furrow as your toes curl, embarrassment causing a warm face as you shut your eyes tightly, wishing to escape this moment as you’re sprawled out for a bunch of dangerous men. You hear footsteps in the quiet room, someone walking towards the bed.
Mikey appears in your vision as he looks down at you from the side. Your eyes water as you glare at him, disbelief from the fact that your own brother set you up like this. The boy you grew up with who inspired you to go past your own limits. The boy who wanted to make a new era for delinquents. No, you couldn’t believe this.
His fingers slowly traced over your stomach as they moved towards your chest, grazing around the outlining of your breasts. You couldn’t help the whimper of desperation spilling out through the gag, your body beginning to tremble as you realized the gravity of this vulnerable situation. You wanted this to stop. You wanted it all to stop before there’s no return.
“I left you alone…” His fingers dragged themselves across the middle of your breasts, slow and delicate with his touch. “…I warned you, Y/n.”
He slightly leans over as his hand moves to your lower stomach, rubbing the lining nearest to your pubis. Your breath hitched as you gaze at him with wide teary eyes.
“You’ve never been one to listen, have you?” The small smile that formed as he said the statement vanished as quickly as it came. Your stomach sucked in as he used his fingers to lightly glide back up to your chest before circling his hand around your neck, his index finger tapping your face twice. He leaned forward until he hovered right over your face.
“You’ll learn.” You release a shriek as your eyes shut tight, his fingers digging into the burnt skin against your neck, adding a painful pressure to the wound as the tears streamed down your face. When you open your eyes to a squint, his gaze is relaxed. His eyes made him look dead. He released you before walking to the end of the stage and turning to face the crowd, his hands behind his back.
“From now on you belong to me.” He turns his upper body to face you. “You’ll only get to eat, sleep, and breathe because of me. You will do as I say.” A taller figure began to walk on the stage, a familiar pair of purple eyes gazing down at your figure with his signature sly smile. The tall short haired man held a baton that rests on his shoulder as he stops next to the bed, closer to your lower body.
“You deemed yourself a traitor so you will be held accountable. Sister or not.”
You fidget with discomfort as you eye the weapon Ran holds with a concerned expression. He only gives you a mischievous smile in return as he drops his arm, awaiting instructions from his boss.
“If you disobey me…” His eyes switch to Ran before the taller man brings his other hand to the object, fingers adjusting as he lifts his arms. Your eyes widen once more as you hysterically pull against your restraints, legs moving as you attempt to move your body to the side to no avail.
You release a blood curdling scream as your eyes shut tight, the impact causing a loud smack to echo in the room as the end of the baton makes contact with the skin on your thigh. The pain is broad, big. So intense that your whole leg numbs out as your body attempts to protect you. Blood immediately makes its way through your skin as an ugly bruise begins formation. You sob in agony as your head falls back on the bed. You shake your head as you bite the gag.
A cold chill is brought to your body as heat overcomes you, sweat dripping down your forehead as Mikey walks closer to you, staring down at you with the same blank expression. Sanzu watches the display with gleaming eyes, a wide smile on his face as he licks his bottom lip, biting it after as he’s mesmerized by the show in front of him. It was a gorgeous sight, you sprawled out on the bed naked in front of them under Mikey’s control. Your face is so wet with tears and an expression of fear and distress. So vulnerable and fragile. Your skin breaking with ease as the blood dripping down made him want to lick it up. He couldn’t wait to get a hold of you. After all, he’s waited for so long under Mikey’s command. His failed attempt at protecting you. Someone so resilient and yet so weak.
Kazutora is leaned back in his seat with a leg crossed over, his hair pulled back in a messy ponytail as he eyes you with no emotion. He ignored the erection forming in his pants as you’re forced into submission, bound by the cuffs as your beautiful voice blesses the room with your cries. A red hue forms on his face as he watches Ran hit you again in a different spot on the same thigh. His cock twitched when he heard your loud scream, the gag doing you no justice. He crossed his arms as he shifted in his seat to a more comfortable position.
Takeomi sat with a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth as he glared at the scene. He never really knew you so he couldn’t care less of your position. He just finds it hilarious to watch the rest of the men simp over Mikey’s infamous cute, bratty little sister. He’s surprised you hadn’t been killed on the spot for becoming a traitor. The leeway his boss is giving you is impeccable. Otherwise you’d be torn apart limb from limb, slaughtered and violated from the inside out. Long gone. This is nothing. He’ll admit that seeing your bitchy ass getting it in is a very sweet sight to see.
Kokonoi sighed as he turned away from the scene. Having remembered you from their delinquent days made this situation all the more sickening. He still couldn’t deny the view of you laid out the way you are having an effect on the cock sitting in his pants. It was uncomfortable, especially since he deems himself as sick as someone like Sanzu or the Haitani brothers for getting turned on by this in the first place.
Kakucho’s eyes followed Ran’s fingers, swiping some of the blood off of your leg before bringing it to his lips. You lay there, sobbing as Mikey caressed both sides of your face. He knew something like this would occur as soon as he began gaining information from the dirty cops about you involving yourself. Although he felt bad for you, he knew that you had it coming. You were warned and now you must deal with the consequences. He palmed himself before squeezing slightly to ease himself as he shifts in his seat, rock hard as he chews on his lip.
“Should I hit the other thigh, boss?” Ran’s smooth voice filled the room as he gently rubbed his thumb along the untouched thigh. You shook your head as you pleaded through the ball gag. You were so focused on switching your gaze between Mikey and Ran that you completely missed the third presence making his way to the foot of the bed.
Drool accidentally fell out of your mouth as you continued to cry and beg for Mikey to let you go and to not hurt you again. It was humiliating but you were in too much pain to care. You had to get out of there. You regret not listening. You regret not leaving him alone. You just want to escape. You just want to go home and hug yourself while you cry. You wanted to see your friends again, your sister Emma. You missed Shinichiro, Baji, your grandpa, Draken, Mitsuya, and everyone else. You missed them all and you wanted a big hug from them.
You wanted to feel safe, to feel loved again. You didn’t like this cold darkness that’s dragging you to a hell you never thought you’d experience. You wish you hadn’t been so stubborn. You just missed your brother, your friends who disappeared. Thumbs drape under your eyes as the tears are wiped away only for more to stream down your cheeks. You feel the ball gag unhook around your mouth as your chapped lips connect, licking them desperately as you continue to sob and pant.
“P-please let me go! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry Mikey I-I’ll listen! I’ll leave you alone just please…!” You rambled your apologies as he continued to gaze at you with the onyx orbs that felt as though they were forcing you to drown in his own darkness. Dragging you under with him into the void everyone so desperately tries to fill or escape from.
“I-I just wanted my big brother! I-I needed you to be who you were! I was wrong…” You sob, “…so fucking wrong. You’re too far gone!” Your hands turned to fists as your breath hitched as he climbed on top of you.
“You’re right. I am no longer your Mikey.”
Your hands tremble as you watch him reach into his pants to pull out his throbbing cock.
“No… no, no, no! Y-you can’t!” You plead as you realize what’s about to happen.
The younger Haitani grabs your ankle as he picks your leg up, along with the older brother who holds up your bruised leg. Mikey adjusts himself in between your legs as he spreads his own knees against the mattress.
“M-Mikey this is so fucked up! P-please! You fucking asshole!” You could only feel rage and despair as you watched him spit in his hand and rub his cock, moisturizing it nowhere near enough for it to easily slip through you.
“Oh shit.” Sanzu breathes out in excitement as the rest of the executives mentally sit on the edge of their seats. They watched the display, some with arousal and excitement while others with slight guilt and arousal. The air was thick in the room as Rin’s grip tightened on your ankle while moving his other hand to the bottom of your foot.
“You’ll learn.” Mikey whispers near your ear before he finally pushes in slowly. Your head falls back with your mouth wide open, nails digging in your own palms as the girth stretches you painfully. Your eyebrows furrow as you clench your teeth. He released a breathy moan as his mouth hangs open, head falling to your shoulder as your pussy squeezed him tightly. You both grunt when he finally bottoms out, base and testicles pressed firmly against you as he shifts his arms under you to hold the back of your neck with both hands.
He eyed the girl with a blank expression as she stood with her hand wrapped in Grandpa Sano’s. Even at his young age he could tell that she had been through quite a lot by the look in her eyes.
“It’s okay, Y/n.” He says as he pats your eight year old head. You sat with tears streaming down your face with your arms crossed as you pouted angrily at the fact that you lost against your fight with Baji who would help you practice your skills along with Mikey.
“You’ll learn.” He said with a smile as he gazed down at you.
You gasp as you feel his thick length pulling out of you, rubbing against the lining of your walls before he bucks his hips against you with a firmer thrust causing you to grunt in pain.
“You belong to me.” The teen growled.
“Kazutora is my friend! I’m gonna visit him whether you like it or not.” You glare at your brother before stomping away from the shrine.
Truth be told he didn’t like the way you made him feel. So out of control. So out of the loop. He knows that he’s your inspiration. He loves how worthy you deem him to be. He loves that you follow him around all the time like you're his little companion. His little sister. His.
If only you knew how hard it was to allow you on your own. To allow you to make your own decisions. To have abandoned you when he knew you were still vulnerable from everything you both went through. You don’t know how hard it is being the big brother of someone who’s just so fucking stubborn. He was afraid that he would lose you in the midst of his corruption, the dark impulse taking over day by day, so he left you.
“Fuck.” He breathes out as his pace accelerates, hips pulled back before thrusting against you as his grip tightens. His cock slides in and out of your pussy as the juice slickens the erection, making it easier to access as he presses deeper and deeper. The bed rocks as the thrusts become faster and firmer, the smacking echoing throughout the room as it becomes harder to hold back your grunts and moans.
You whimpered as you felt a pressure form against the ankle held by Rin. You make eye contact with him as his lips curl into a mischievous smile. You felt goosebumps form as the butterflies in your stomach fluttered, an impending sense of doom coming over you just as Mikey’s cock aimed for your erogenous zone, pounding your g-spot once you reacted with a shriek.
Mikey walks to the car sitting outside the club he had you meet him at after your conversation was finished. Five of his executives stood outside as he turned his attention to Kakucho.
“Watch her every move.”
He had a feeling you’d try something though he didn’t expect for you to involve the cops. Especially the detective that’s always on his ass.
“You. *Thrust* Belong. *Thrust* To me.” Mikey uses a hand to squeeze your chin, forcing your eyes to meet as you pant and sob.
All of the executives watch with dazed expressions as Mikey bitched you out. Some biting their own lips while others palmed their covered erections. Mikey eyed your face as it morphed while the pit in your stomach builds, indicating the nearing of your orgasm. He used one hand to balance himself against the headboard as he grabbed the leg Ran was holding to gain better access. He thrusts against you as his cock rubbed the inner lining of your vaginal walls, slick oozing out of your hole, a mixture of his semen and your juices forming.
The pain in your leg throbs as he pushes your leg up, causing you to whimper. You tried to hold in your moans, the feeling of the head of his cock hitting your cervix was overwhelming. Instead, grunts replaced the moans with each firm thrust against your ass. The hand on your leg tightens as you watch his eyes narrow down at you with his lips apart.
“This pussy is mine. Your cum is mine. Everything about you…” a thrust with a loud smack against your ass caused a moan to slip through his throat. “…is mine.”
Your head is pressed against the mattress as you feel the pit in your stomach release, the chemical reaction causing your mouth to open as a silent scream leaves your throat, eyes rolled back as he continues to beat into your pussy.
“Ah…” Mikey breathes, “…that’s fucking right, cum on this cock.” He said before using his fingers to press onto your wound made by the baton. You scream out in agony. The chains jingle as you pull against the restraints.
“You’ll learn. You’re gonna learn to listen to me.” He breathes out before switching his eyes to Rin.
“M-Mikey pl-!” You whimper, pleading for him to stop as you’re overstimulated, though his cock keeps its pace, assaulting your pussy as it slides through harder. Blood runs down your wrists, coming from the split skin caused by your nails. You accidentally glance at Ran who stares down at you hungrily. You could see the lust in his intense gaze, causing you to turn away.
“I don’t care how close you were or even the little crush you have on her. You will ask before touching her, got it?”
“Yes, boss.” Both Kazutora and Sanzu respond with stern expressions.
“N-No! What are you…?!” A loud crack fills the air amongst the sound of the rocking bed as your eyes shut tight, a monstrous scream escaped your lips as the pressure on your ankle created a numbing yet sharp pain that swam up your leg to your knee. You shakily look down to see your limp leg in Rin’s hand, ankle bent out of place as your foot hangs there. A swelling started to form as the skin tingled. It was surely broken.
“GET OFF OF ME! GET OFF OF ME RIGHT NOW!” You’re hysterical. The pain, overstimulation, and heat. The betrayal, sickness, and depression. The sorrow, despair, and downright filthy situation. All of the eyes on you. It was all just too much.
“I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!” His forehead meets yours as his hands grab the sides of your face. His eyes shut as he thrusts hard, accelerating his speed before a breathy, drawn out moan escapes his mouth, just as Rin grabbed your other ankle.
Kazutora and Sanzu sit with discomfort as they angrily eye the Haitani brothers, realizing it should’ve been them holding your legs and punishing you. After all, they’ve known you the longest. They were closer to you. They were there for everything. Their erections become tighter as you thrash around and scream. Your rage fulfills them in an unexplainable way. They never knew why your rebellion always struck them in the heart. Who knew they’d be this stuck over their friend’s little bratty sister.
“I’m cumming.” Mikey whispers with his head against yours as he breathes out a moan. He grinds out his orgasm just as another crack fills the room, followed by an appalling scream from you. You cry as he pulls himself out of you. The swelling from both legs tingle as you lie there in terrible pain. Agony comes from your neck and both of your legs. As well as your vagina. You couldn’t believe what your own brother just did.
“I hate you.” You sob. You wanted to curl into yourself but the restraints made it impossible.
“Awe don’t cry so much, cookie.” A thumb caressed your forehead as Ran stared you down. “All ya gotta do is be good, now.”
“Or else…” Rin chuckled as he slightly dangled one of your broken ankles. You only sob in response, ignoring them as you try to refrain from making eye contact. You wanted to disappear.
Before he climbs off of you, Mikey leans over to plant a kiss on your lips. You don’t push him back nor respond to the peck. He pulls his pants up as he walks toward the other executives.
“Do what you will, just have her cleaned and brought to my room after.”
“I’ll always be the one to protect you, Y/n. You belong to me.”
You look into the eyes of your older brother, tears in your own as you hug him tight. You both sat on the ground in front of Shinichiro’s grave.
“You’ll learn.”
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